Full Circle
by vaughn28
Summary: Sequel to Proof of a Purpose. Examines how the warriors under Dante's Command integrate into the Colonial Fleet with Starbuck's help as well as searching for other survivors left behind including taking a trip back to Caprica. A long extended Team Building story. Expect some PTSD. Not sure if the story will make sense if you have not read Proof of a Purpose.
1. Chapter 1

Adama's journals –

Integrating the warriors from the Zakar and the planet Dilmun has proceeded, but not without its difficulties. My chief concern had been for their safety and wellbeing. Physicals were set up immediately along with arranging housing for the warriors. Many seemed reluctant to be billeted on the Zakar, and if half of what has been intimated to me is true, I understand their reluctance. None of the warriors have confirmed with me or any of my staff the stories and inferences we have made about their treatment under Commander Dante, but I have chosen not to press the issue at this time, especially with the Zakar in need of a major overhaul. I decided the Dilmun warriors were in need of better billets and better treatment than before, moving Red Squadron over to the Zakar as well as most of the mechanics from the Galactica, replacing them with the mechanics from Dilmun.

Room was needed for the families and their already established and quite workable solution to raising multiple children in a collective manner. Many officers have shifted from the Galactica to the new ships we have acquired in addition to solidify proper military decorum. With the addition to our fleet I have been able to award some long overdue promotions including my own son to take Command of the Zakar. I have also given myself a promotion of sorts, using the privilege of my command to make decisions without the full consent of the council. For example, I chose to utilize some of the power I hold and had not abused until now to take possession of the quarters often reserved for the sires and siresses of the council of twelve for our new arrivals. While I do not agree with Dante's methods, he did have a point about refocusing our resources to the furthering of our future generations rather than making comfortable those who have already lived. Put simply, the council members are old and can sacrifice a little comfort for the benefit of the children. The Council of Twelve chamber has become a sort of family dining hall and child care center for the Zakar pilots that were rescued from Caprica. The council table is utilized for homework, meals, and even for diaper changing. Starbuck has taken to sitting at the head of the table on his off duty hours. I suppose he has found the family he was looking for. The star map is now covered with children's drawings. Frankly I am enjoying how lively the corridors of officer's row are with the sounds of children's laughter.

But what I have found most interesting is that many rescued from Caprica take their lead from Lieutenant Rene. Perhaps there is a trust born out of the flames of hades. She seems aware of it, and has in many ways become a model Colonial Warrior. In the public eye, she is stable, calm and seems to be managing her grief well over the loss of her brother and her home on the planet. It is the moments that she thinks no one is looking that has me concerned.

In those first days, the only sign that things may not be as normal as she would like to portray was the alarm on her Chrono. It went off constantly, nearly every centon it seemed, and she would calmly shut it off, each and every time, yet too soon it would be chiming again. What she had set the alarm for was never made clear, that is until I had summoned many of the Zakar warriors for a briefing on upcoming duty rosters, squadron assignments, and ongoing duties and details. I had felt it best that the commands for these warriors come from the top, a chain of command they were used to, and wanted to make it a more positive experience than the one they had known from the past.

The briefing appeared to be going well, that is until Rene's Chrono went off, and a micron later so did several others. I assumed it was a prank of some kind, but the only laughter was from the pilots from the Galatica and the Pegasus. The ones from the Zakar actually looked at those laughing with contempt. Five centons later, the same chronos chimed in unison. Just as before the sniggering as if this was some kind of prank, but the Zakar warriors flashed each other a knowing look and simply silenced the alarms. It was Colonel Gage who immediately asked to speak to me. I regret having brushed him off at the time. I was to learn the next day when the same incident happened on the bridge as Rene and a few other Zakar Warriors were discussing a detail, their chronos chimed and Colonel Tigh had had enough of the nonsense. He ordered Rene to silence her alarm permanently. It is the first order I saw her refuse. When her chrono went off again, Tigh was worked up to a full blown dressing down when Gage again asked to speak to Colonel Tigh and myself. He was insistent this time, stepping in to order the Zakar warriors to leave the bridge, an order they followed.

Colonel Gage explained it had been his fault. He had asked Rene, and several others to give it time, time to assimilate, time to recover, time to grieve, and time to move on. Rene had taken the advice literally. The alarm was to remind her of that advice. She was marking her centons that she was still alive and still working towards a better future. It was a sign she was not giving up yet. Gage assured us that in time, the alarms would stop.

It was a good reminder that we all must give the journey to salvation time. I can agree that this exodus is not the life any of us desired, but a fate thrust upon us by the enemy. Even I have had my doubts about the wisdom of continuing. There have been many quadrants and many planets that would have been a suitable place to begin again, and yet we continue onward. We cannot rest until we are certain we have escaped the enemy. For now, this our fate, and in time we will find Earth and if there is a population there, we will need time to assimilate our people to a new civilization.

We need to give Dante's warriors time to adjust to our command structure and following proper military decorum. Many of the Dilmun crew are thriving and those most harmed by Dante are recovering. My concern however still lies with those Dante rescued from Caprica in the days after our departure, more specifically Starbuck's newly adopted family. Lieutenant Rene is working hard to appear to be assimilating. She and Starbuck have continued to be inseparable and I have intimated to Starbuck that the cohabitation will need to end soon in either a return to the barracks or a sealing, but sooner rather than later as Rene's pregnancy becomes more obvious.

But away from Starbuck those brief times, Rene has been odd for lack of a better word. Unable to fly at this time, I thought most of what I had seen was the normal anger and frustration of a grounded pilot. The few times I have had to ground any pilots, especially Starbuck, Apollo, Boomer or Sheba, chaos usually ensued as they found other outlets for their frustration. But for Rene, it has been anything but predictable. For one, she has refused to step foot on the Zakar or any other ship as the others performed duties needed in repairing those ships. For another, she talks often to herself, even when others are near. She listens to a voice only she can hear, and often tells either the voice, or who is near her to be quiet so she can hear. She comments often on the poor quality of our air processors, interrupting others to make her complaints. She has lodged several requests for repairs to the units in the Council of Twelve chambers.

Then there is the fact that she has taken to scrawling messages in markers on corridor walls and floors. Most are somewhat inspirational, taken from classical texts or passages from the book of the word, but others are rambling and incomprehensible. I came across her one night in the middle of a sleep cycle in the corridor to the bridge writing out a long text. It spoke of realities and possible futures, it was almost nonsense. When I asked her what she was doing, she merely said she was fixing something. I let her finish and in the morning called maintenance to have it removed. When I returned to the corridor I found she had written another message. I had that one removed as well only to find the following day a very different kind of message. This was an anger filled rant, the gist of which was where I could go and how I could get there. That I could understand, but the end of the rant was a question that has bothered me. She merely asked why the messages couldn't stay. Who was it hurting?

It let me know we are dealing with warriors who are injured. While the wounds are not on the outside, they are there all the same. We have far to go in the healing process.

Due to this odd behavior and the obvious healing that needs to occur, I have chosen to put aside for now my questions and concerns about the powers Rene demonstrated with the help of Iblis. There has been no sign of the Count since that fateful moment. Starbuck claims the Ship of Lights intervened and once again brought one of my people back to life after Count Iblis had chosen to do them harm. I am unsure if I believe in these miraculous interventions by unseen but powerful beings, but I have no other way to explain how all the ships of the fleet moved in an instant to another place in space. Our scientists have theorized a wormhole that is created by focusing energy, but that explanation is stretching what we know of physics. Dr. Wilker agrees that it doesn't explain how all the ships, including nearly all the vipers in close proximity fell through the anomaly at the same time. He claims that a rift in space would still require ships progress into the anomaly on their own propulsion.

I am simply at a loss to explain our good fortune in the midst of a ruinous battle. Rene has not been forthcoming with answers. I have tried to speak with her twice now but she utters cryptic replies to my queries. She has met with Dr. Wilker, but he claims her knowledge on astrophysics is not at a level where she can provide adequate descriptions of what she is able to produce. Based on her scores on the Academy Final Exam, I believe she has chosen a route of deception rather than share her knowledge.

It is disappointing to say the least. I had hoped in time we may be able to use her abilities to shorten our journey to Earth. I had hoped to see the planet in my lifetime. But we have backtracked on our route losing precious time and I am unwilling to jeopardize Lieutenant Rene's life or that of her and Starbuck's unborn child to satisfy the desires of an old man. I know it is a selfish decision. The fleet needs answers, but at this time I am not willing to risk even one life. Besides, Starbuck assures me I will be officiating at his sealing, as well as godfather of his child. Starbuck's sealing may be more miraculous than the fleet can handle for now. Other miracles may have to wait while the fleet recovers from the shock.


	2. Chapter 2

The first few days on the Galactica were a blur for Rene. It had been a disappointment for many to find themselves back in the military vessels fleeing the enemy again. This was not the end result she had envisioned for her people, but the enemy had left them no choices. It was accurate to say they were all shocked, and almost everyone was grieving someone they lost.

Those days were filled with briefings and meetings as the warriors from Dilmun were integrated into the fleet and those of the Colonial fleet shuffled around to fill the duties on the light cruisers, the Zakar and the Shiva. One would think the fleet would feel overcrowded with the addition of over eight thousand people, but the extra vessels offered more room. Plus it didn't hurt that the majority of the added individuals were trained warriors in various skills needed as well as pilots able to defend the fleet. It was a change from the desperate flight from Caprica. They were not crowded together having to make do with corners and closets. Assigning the council chambers to Rene's family was generous of the commander. They were spacious, but they were still gray walls. It would take time to feel like she was at home and she wondered if she ever would. Each day was hard as it reminded her of how many more they had to go having traveled backwards on their course.

Rene felt like she was constantly holding her breath waiting for it all to finally be over. She tried to take Gage's advice, to give it time. As long as the family was together, that was all that mattered to her right now. The days went by fast on the battlestar and before she knew it a secton had passed. Adama had forgotten about the quarters she and Starbuck were sharing, and she hoped she would stay under his scanner range for now.

She wasn't that lucky. It was in the second secton when she was finally summoned to a meeting with Commander Adama and Colonel Gage. She thought the meeting was about those quarters, that she would have to give them up. She wasn't sure what she would do if she had to. She hadn't found the time to look into the sealing rules of the fleet. On Dilmun it was simple affair of filing a form, paying Dante, and then it was done. She had no idea how it was done in the fleet, but she was tempted to just be done with it to keep the quarters. It was the only place she felt safe, especially in the uncertainty of shifting of warriors and changing duties. She was not going back to barracks, and definitely not to the Zakar.

Her feeling of trepidation did not lessen as the summons was for the Commander's quarters. When she entered she saw that not only was the meeting with the Commander and Colonel Gage, but also Capt. Apollo and another warrior she did not recognize. The brass in the room brought her spine up straight and saluting. She took up parade rest in front of the Commander's desk. Her mind was quickly scanning her actions of the past secton or two for what she may have done wrong, but she couldn't seem to find any regulations she had violated or protocol she had ignored, other than the quarters of course. She was still a bit surly with her "sirs", something that had become a bit of a joke between her and Starbuck as he evaluated each one she uttered on a scale of one to ten. She'd gotten most below a five.

She didn't have long to wonder as the Commander took control of the meeting immediately. "Thank you for joining us, Lieutenant. I would like to introduce you to Chief Opposer Solon. He is here to witness the proceedings. We just wanted some information for the record about some of the events that occurred under Dante's Command."

She stiffened. It had become an unspoken agreement thus far with the Colonials, discussions of Dante were not going to happen. She was afraid that maybe that word had not been given to the Commander. She wanted to ask what he meant by events, what specifically did he care about, the abuse or the dealings with Cylons, but she knew from her past with Dante, it was best to stay silent until told when to answer, especially if this was a disciplinary meeting. No need to implicate one's self further. The fact that the Commander had to state she wasn't at fault, meant he was investigating for who was, and again, best she kept quiet. She nodded to the Opposer, and recited the mantra over and over again, admit nothing, deny everything, demand proof, shift blame.

"Colonel Gage has brought to our attention his impropriety regarding fraternization with you while you were stationed on Dilmun. I would like your statement for the records on the issue."

The words startled her and she rocked back on her heels for a moment. It was the last thing she expected to be called into the Commander's office for. She shot a glare to Gage wondering what briefings had he been having with the Commander?

The Commander drew her attention back to him, "You are not at fault, nor do we intend to level any charges against Colonel Gage at this time, but we do need your statement for the record."

She didn't hesitate as she knew how a pause could be interpreted as guilt. She followed the mantra. "Sir? I'm not sure I understand." Rene understood the words. What she didn't understand was why this was an issue, and why now? She quickly cast a glance to Gage, but his nod to her to go on was not the information she was looking for.

"Colonel Gage has indicated that he had an inappropriate relationship with you while on Dilmun. We would like your confirmation for the records and to address the issue."

"Issue sir?" She cast Gage an angry glare and she felt something inside her snap. A fire began to burn in her chest. It spread slowly to her neck and her face flushed.

"It's okay, Rene, tell them the truth," Gage said, almost fatherly in response to her glare.

"Truth is relative, sir," she quipped before she felt her jaw clench tightly in rage. In her head, she noted that Starbuck would rate that surly 'sir' a ten. She turned back to the Commander. "Sir, I have no idea what you are talking about. There was nothing inappropriate, sir."

The Commander's concerned and patient teacher tone the man used as he offered an explanation did not instill confidence in her, like it may other Warriors. "Lieutenant, per Colonial regulations, it is a violation of fraternization rules for a Colonel and a Lieutenant to have a…" at least the Commander had the courtesy to pause before stating what should have been between her and Gage, something in the past and something she thought had been mutual.

The Commander continued, "a sexual relationship. The Colonel has been forthcoming of some of the events that have occurred on Dilmun and chose to report his transgression and to put on record the details of the affair. We just need your corroboration for documentation. I want to reassure you that you are not on report as well. Based on the command structure you are blameless in this."

She ground her teeth and felt her lip curl in a snarl as she felt the anger blaze through her. What had happened between them had not been his idea. Gage was a decent man. In the three yahrens she had known the Colonel, she thought she may be the only one he had been with. He had been a married man with kids before the destruction. When she met him on the Zakar, he was a man deeply grieving the loss of his home and family. Rene figured that was the only reason Dante had been able to get away with so much, Gage had been paralyzed with despair and by the time he woke up, it was much too late to alter the course of Dante's discipline and abuse. Gage did what he could, but he was just one man against many.

It was Gage's decency that had drawn her to him. He was not only calm and predictable, he was kind and generous. It was not until they were on Dilmun before Rene had offered him some companionship after a particularly long and brutal day when she found Gage in the corner of the OC. He was a few drinks in to what would probably have been a blind drunk night had she not come along. He had declined at first, but a few more drinks later, she offered to walk him back to his quarters. He didn't exactly say yes, he didn't say no. It was Rene who had kissed him, reminded him that he was just a man with needs and desires. She understood and was offering, not something permanent, just something for now. She hadn't done it for personal gain. She had done it because he was a genuinely nice man who was lonely and hurting. She had been right in her evaluation of him. Even drunk he had been very gentle in bed. There was a point where he forgot to be a Colonel and he was just a man who was hurting and alone. He clung to her as he gave in to the passion. She knew he wasn't really clinging to her, but to a memory of a time before their world had been destroyed.

After the moment, when he came back to himself, he'd been embarrassed, something that Rene had never seen before. He held her as he apologized and told her all the reasons why this was wrong. She agreed to all of it, but still he held her and they fell asleep. She awoke with a sense of security.

Their times together had been few and far between, and Gage had always felt guilty, apologizing profusely and trying to retreat back into the fatherly role he felt was best with the difference in their ages and their ranks. She sought him out when she needed to feel safe. He let her find him because he needed to not be alone. The days after he would be more fatherly, giving her attention, but nothing anyone could suspect as more than Gage looking out for her. She knew it was all kinds of messed up and that a psychiatrist would diagnose it as classic daddy issues, but she didn't care. She looked for more times for them to be together, and had they stayed on Dilmun, she had hoped he would be the next man she'd be making a child with. She knew Gage well enough that if he was next, he would be the last. He would take her in finally and never let her go. It was that quality alone that made her want him even more. With Gage, she knew she would be safe and the other abuses would stop. He truly cared for her, or so she thought.

No, she was not blameless in this, but the fact she was standing here now having to answer for something that she thought had meant something to him, made her want to blame him.

Everyone in the room waited for her reply and the silence stretched out too long. She tried to cool the flush of her cheeks as she looked the Commander dead in the eye. "Sir, I have no idea what you are talking about. Nothing happened."

She heard Gage's admonishing, "Rene," but the Commander held up his hand to silence the Colonel.

"No one is at fault here. We know that per Commander Dante's command structure, many regulations were overlooked or outright changed. We are not suggesting any punishment or even a letter of reprimand. But Colonel Gage felt it best to set the record straight to help with any future issues or problems. He wanted to be forthcoming so we may understand better how to integrate the warriors from Dante's command."

Rene nodded, was thoughtful for a moment before she spoke again. "Sir, I understand what you are saying, but nothing happened." She spoke no more as the Commander gazed at her. She knew he could see her anger. There was no hiding it as she could feel it radiating off her, the heat of it palpable.

The Commander finally sighed, and said, "Regardless of your corroboration, the record will stand that…

Rene cut him off, speaking swiftly. "It is a false record and I would like to file charges against the Colonel for making a false report involving my name." She could hear Gage sigh off to her side, and she aimed an angry glare at him, hoping he knew when to shut the hades up.

"Lieutenant Rene," Adama called her name, but she didn't allow him to speak, turning to the Opposer.

"Is that how this is done, sir? Because his statements are false and I will follow whatever protocol and file whatever forms I must to make sure this never hits my record, nor his if possible."

Gage spoke before the Opposer could. "Rene, you don't have to protect me."

Rene shot him a look before turning back to the Commander. "Permission to speak freely, sir?"

"Yes, of course, Lieutenant." Adama cast her that fatherly gaze and she wanted to punch him. He had no idea what he was doing. Rene stood there, parade rest in the commander's office, and wanted to say so much. But she just looked at the floor, letting the three yahrens of hades play in her mind. There were few bright spots, and Gage had been one of them, but now she didn't know. Everything she thought had been real and good then, now seemed just more fracked up mong she'd have to wade through. If she had to answer for everyone she slept with, for Sagan's sake, everyone had outranked her at one point in time. She swallowed down the words she wanted to say.

It took the Commander prompting her before she finally looked up to answer. "For the record, sir, of all the things I had to do on the Zakar and on Dilmun, Colonel Gage was not one of them."

Adama pursed his lips, closed his eyes and nodded, opened them and addressed her formally. "Do you have anything else to offer on the matter, Lieutenant?"

"No, sir."

"So you are testifying for the record that no such relationship existed and no impropriety occurred?"

"That is correct, sir, nothing happened, and if Colonel Gage continues, I will file charges for a false statement, sir. I do have a reputation to protect, after all."

Adama nodded, started to say something, but the burning rage in her must have made him reconsider. "Thank you. You are free to go."

Rene saluted, first the Commander, and then turned to salute the Captain and finally the Colonel before she bolted from the room.

In the corridor, she found her feet heading for the flight deck. She needed in a viper, needed to fly, but the only officer that was going to let her launch was the one she wanted to get as far away from as possible. She paused and tried to think of where to go, what to do. Some part of her mind reminded her she had a shuttle run to fly, but that wasn't going to happen. Whatever had snapped inside her was spilling a toxic mixture of emotions. It was burning up her muscles making them weak. Her control was slipping. She was shaking. If she didn't find somewhere to go and soon, she was going to crack right here for everyone to see.

She debated just heading to the Life Center and asking for something, anything that would put her out, unconscious, unfeeling. But with her being pregnant, that was probably not an option. The OC wouldn't give her enough alcohol to get drunk. She wondered if she could find anyone with any substances that would numb this feeling. But most of them had used up what they had or had been cleaned out by the Colonials around them. Besides, she wasn't sure if there would be enough of anything to make this go away. That crushing reality that she'd have to face this stone cold sober started the tears coursing down her cheeks.

She decided to just disappear, to find herself lost in the maze of the battlestar, but then realized that once dinner arrived, someone would notice her gone. The family would worry and some part of her knew that was a bad thing. The kids were already under enough stress.

In an effort to gain control, she slowly lost what little she had and the sob bubbled up in her chest. She choked on it and her feet moved of their own accord to the only safe place she knew. In their quarters she knew she would be left alone, at least until Starbuck came off duty, and that was a lot of centaurs today. "Just a few centaurs, that's all I need," she thought and she ran for the room not far from where she was standing.

Blissfully it was empty. She pulled the cover off the bed feeling cold and needing the comfort of something around her. She didn't think of crawling into bed, no, she thought of the safest place there was, in the corner, the same wall as the door so maybe if someone came in, they wouldn't notice her at all. She wanted no one to see her as the walls crumbled and she dissolved into tears. Had it been so bad that he felt he had to report it, she wondered. Did he abuse her too, the one person she thought she had been safe with? She buried her head in her arms and rocked in pain.


	3. Chapter 3

Starbuck was coming off patrol, a routine picket to make sure the fleet was safe from the enemy for now. It had been uneventful, which he counted as another sign of his luck. He still marveled that it had been this quadrant that was chosen by Rene when she did whatever it was she could do, flipping them back on their journey. She had somehow chosen a point that was on their journey towards the coordinates given them by the Ship of Lights. She had made a random choice . It was pure luck that it had paid out. There had been no enemy contact since their arrival. He counted that as a win.

He was a bit surprised as he landed to see Apollo waiting for him. Apollo had remained in command of the Zakar and Starbuck had seen little of him since. Apollo seemed to only make it to the Galactica lately for command briefings. Adama had not had one of his famous family dinners, at least not that Starbuck was aware, so he knew Apollo had only made it to the Galactica maybe two or three times. Starbuck thought maybe he was here to discuss his and Rene's sealing and maybe try to talk him out of it. Plans hadn't been set yet, but the Commander had been very clear the last time he spoke to Starbuck that it had better be soon or he'd be back in the barracks with Blue Squadron. That wasn't going to happen, but there hadn't been time to plan a sealing celebration.

He didn't expect the words that Apollo spoke.

"Hey, Starbuck, Rene missed duty and we don't know where to find her."

"And I would know? I just came off patrol. Ask her friends," Starbuck answered. For some reason Apollo's interference annoyed him. Rene was an adult, a warrior for Sagan's sake, just like they were. "I know we spend a lot of time together, but I'm not her keeper."

"Starbuck, we should talk once we find her. When she was last seen, she was very upset."

"Hey, I didn't do anything. Out on patrol, remember?" He threw his hands up defensively.

"I didn't mean she was upset with you, buddy." Apollo sighed, a slight smile playing on his lips. "Look, the matter is confidential, and for her to tell you, not me, but it was a meeting with Adama, Gage and I about things that happened on Dilmun. She hasn't been seen since. She missed duty and we have combed the Galactica. I even checked the celestial dome."

"Whoa, wait, why with Adama? In his office?" Apollo nodded and Starbuck shook his head. "I told you guys it was not a good idea to do meetings in the Commanders office. You know what happened to them with their commander. The room makes them skittish, and who can blame them."

"We had no choice. It was confidential and…I'm not a complete idiot, Starbuck. It couldn't be avoided and I'm worried about her. I do care about you and her. So can you give us a clue where to look?"

Starbuck shook his head knowing the first place he would have looked was the celestial dome. "She knows the schematics, Apollo, every crawl space, nook and cranny. That's her reading material for fun. Don't ask why, okay, because you wouldn't understand it. If she doesn't want to be found, she won't be found." Starbuck cursed under his breath realizing the truth himself. "So how much trouble is she in?"

Apollo sighed. "Under the circumstances, none. We are just concerned about her. Gage is wearing a path on the bridge. Jake, Crius and Max are checking familiar haunts, and Jonas is combing the engine room. Lizbeth is with the kids and thinks she may show up there at some point. Any help you can give us would be great."

Starbuck shook his head again, "Seriously, if she doesn't want to be found, or if she thinks she's in trouble she could be anywhere. You sure she's on the Galactica at all?"

"We checked the vid cams. She didn't leave."

Starbuck nodded. "Alright, let me stow my stuff in my quarters, look there for some clues maybe, and I'll meet you in the OC. We'll start from there." Apollo nodded and Starbuck headed off to decon and then to the quarters he shared with Rene. He briefly noted that Apollo had not corrected Starbuck on the issue of it being his quarters, a point that had bothered Apollo from the moment Rene had acquired them. After the battle above Dilmun and as things had calmed down some, Apollo had made a point of straight out telling Starbuck he should not be joining Rene in those quarters. Starbuck had not agreed and for once, the Commander had ruled on his side. Maybe it was the baby on the way, maybe it was Adama giving his blessing on the idea of a sealing. Starbuck didn't care. He would have violated every curfew until they either let him be with Rene or he wound up in the brig.

His mind was whirling with speculations as to what had happened. Decon took too long as he began to worry himself. Rene had kept her nose clean since the events on Dilmun. To others she appeared to be fitting in well, performing her duties and making friends. He realized maybe he alone knew how fragile she was right now. The nightmares plagued her every night. She woke screaming, not knowing where she was, crying that the Cylons had captured them, or the ship was being destroyed. He'd been able to soothe her back to sleep each time, but not a night had gone by without at least one, sometimes two such awakenings. He hoped in time they would pass, but until then, he made sure he was there each night. If it went on much longer, he'd be having her ask for some sleep aids, but he didn't know what she could take with the baby and all. He didn't want to go down that road yet since he had just made sure she wasn't downing the stims anymore. He knew she was chugging the java and sneaking a drink now and then, but he also knew they could only deal with one addiction at a time.

He realized Rene worried constantly about the Galactica breaking down, especially life support. She complained the air wasn't right nearly every day. She had emergency breathers, enough to last a few days in their quarters, along with food and water. He had no idea where she had found all that, or why she needed it. But he knew she was scared, and he let her do what she needed to feel safe.

He had seen signs of progress, at least as far as their love life went. She laughed a bit easier with him, was accompanying him to the OC and playing cards with him and the other pilots. She wasn't exactly hiding in their quarters, but she did seem to breathe a sigh of relief each night when he announced it was time to turn in for sleep period. Behind closed doors, she relaxed, was open and loving, and he counted that as a victory.

But if she was missing, that was not a step forward. On the long walk back to their quarters he analyzed the signs he'd seen, matched them up with the information Cassie had given him on dealing with abuse, trauma and stress. Other than the nightmares, she was doing alright, so he figured it had to be whatever the meeting was about, and apparently, the only way to find that out was to find her.

He entered their quarters and found the room dim. Rene had disliked the harsh glare of the artificial lighting, and removed half of the illuminators. He didn't mind as it made the place kind of cozy. Maybe it was the lack of lighting that had kept her hidden, but it wasn't until he was coming back out of the turboflush after changing that he jumped nearly out of his skin, for there she was, curled up in the corner, her eyes large and shining in the dim light.

"Frack! You scared the pogees out of me! You do know half the Galactica is looking for you, right?" He stepped towards her, but once he got closer he paused. He'd seen this sort of thing before, back in the orphanage, the kid curled up in the corner, back to the wall, near fetal position. It usually indicated that some older kid had beaten or abused the one in the corner. It was the position a kid took to protect themselves. Starbuck took a breath and slowed himself down. "Rene, what's wrong?"

She just shook her head and lowered it back down to bury it in the arms that were hugging her knees. Starbuck winced. He should have known that something was coming. He had wanted to think that things were going great, that Rene was settling in and finding that the safety and security of the fleet made up for all the things she had lost, but Starbuck was not that naïve. He couldn't even begin to imagine what losing a brother might be like. The loss of Zac had been enough to depress him for sectons just at the mention of his name.

He had moved slowly with Rene, letting her take the lead. He now wondered if maybe that had been a mistake. She needed more than just a lover to hold her at night when she woke screaming.

He took a step towards her and kneeled down, hoping she would lift her head to look at him again. "I'm just going to let everyone know I found you, and then I think we will have dinner in tonight. Is that okay with you?"

His heart caught in his throat when she gave a small nod. She wasn't totally lost to him yet. He headed towards the comm near the door, signaled the bridge to find Apollo in the OC and let him know to call off the search. What had Starbuck perplexed is why they hadn't checked their quarters, but as he spoke to the bridge, he noticed where Rene had placed herself, in a spot not easily seen from the door. She was a master at camouflage, choosing a position low to the ground, out of the line of sight. He'd been in the room a full fifteen centons before he'd even seen her.

He made sure to lock the door and set the comm for private. Whatever had happened, Rene didn't want anyone else to help her deal with it. If she had, she would have found them. Instead she had come here to what had become their private sanctuary. He knew he shouldn't be smiling, shouldn't be feeling as good about this as he did, but this was a sign she was starting to trust him.

He cautiously approached her as if she were a wounded felix with claws and teeth. He didn't let her fool him with her silence. For once he realized that his days in the orphanage might actually have prepared him for something. He kneeled down in front of her, reached out and touched her arm lightly.

"Hey there, pretty lady, what's wrong?"

She didn't respond at first, but when she did she shook her head slightly. He reached gently to stroke her hair, then her face, gently guiding her to look up at him. She met his eyes and he saw she had been crying, the tears dried in streaks upon her face. The sight of it alarmed him. It was not something she did, and it had him moving to sit down beside her, his back against the wall. He gently reached to pull her into his arms. She didn't resist and began to cry anew once in his arms.

"Hey, shhhh, it's going to be okay." He found himself responding in the gentle platitudes despite having no idea what had her so upset. He waited for the wave of tears to subside before he asked, "What happened? I know you had a meeting with Adama and Apollo."

She shook her head, and he stroked her hair as he replied, "Look beautiful, I have done so much wrong that there isn't a datapad built that can hold my file. They only keep me in the service because it would ruin society to release me. Believe me, you aren't going to shock me with anything you've done wrong."

The words earned him a bitter chuckle that twisted into a sob. "Shhh, I mean it. You can tell me. No judgements, I promise. You can't have done anything worse than I have. Trust me, I've done a lot. And whatever it is, we can fix it, I promise."

Her soft voice answered him as she pulled away a little. "I didn't do anything wrong."

Starbuck admonished himself for having assumed Rene was at fault. "Then what is it?"

She shook her head a bit more emphatically and pulled away from his embrace. He debated holding on tight, but he knew that might make her draw away more, so he let her pull back and tried to retain some contact as she turned into the corner of the wall.

"Rene, I can't help if you don't tell me," he said softly, stroking her arm.

She gave a shuddering sigh before she answered, "I don't want you to know. You shouldn't know, but I don't know who I can tell. You won't look at me the same. It is my fault and he's trying to take the blame, but it is my fault." It was like a dam breaking, starting with a trickle the words turned into a flood. "He was always embarrassed and no one else really knew. I didn't want them to think what the commander…Adama did think and now Apollo knows and now even Crius and the others know. Jake knows, but I don't want anyone else to know. And if you know, you'll be mad and it wasn't like that. He didn't make me, it's not his fault. It's my fault. I thought it would help, but now they make it sound like…and it wasn't like that…it is my fault.…not his…."

"Whoa, slow down, let me catch up." Starbuck reached out and rubbed her arm. "I won't get mad. Is this from Dilmun?"

She nodded her head before taking a shuddering breath. He gently put his hand under her chin, slowly guided her away from the corner to look at him. He then motioned for her to take another deep breath, taking one himself to have her follow, a deep breath in and out, then another as he waited for her to calm.

"Better?" he asked as he pulled her away from the corner and back into his arms, but he held her with her leaning back into his chest, his arms wrapped around her protectively. It worked in the middle of the night with the nightmares, literally watching her back, providing almost a physical armor of protection. He couldn't see into her eyes, and he had found that sometimes that made it easier for her to talk, to tell him what the dreams were about. He tried the same move now, gently coaxing. "So what is your fault? I promise, it won't leave this room. I won't be mad."

He felt her shudder again and tense as she braced herself and began. "Gage told them about him and me. He told Adama and Apollo. Oh god, your best friend knows." She tried to turn away, but he held on tight.

"He's my friend. He's heard and seen worse from me. So what about you and Gage?" Starbuck didn't want to piece it together. His jealous nature had already gotten him in trouble a few times with Rene. It was hard for him to take how close Jake and Rene were. He felt Rene flinch in his arms.

"On Dilmun, not while on the Zakar, but on Dilmun, it had been a long bad day and he…he looked so alone and…it didn't happen often. And it was never his idea, always mine. He thought of me as a kid and I didn't want people thinking I was just doing it to use him to get things. I…" He felt her suck in another breath as she shook. Her voice cracked as she replied, "Starbuck, I can count on one hand those who have touched me with love, and you are one of them. I thought he was too and …and Keenan, but now I have to wonder. Was he just abusing me too? I mean if he had to tell the Commander, and the regulations say that's what it is, then is it?"

Starbuck didn't know how to answer her. He was shocked to hear that her and Gage had been together. Max had hinted at rumors, but Rene had flat out denied them. But Starbuck knew there was much about the Zakar and Dilmun that no one was talking about. The rules in her world had been vastly different, but it wasn't the first time he'd heard of someone who outranked another starting a relationship. What made this one different is he just couldn't picture Gage breaking that protocol. He had pieced together on his own that Gage was one of the few with some morality in Dante's fleet.

"I don't know, beautiful. The man I know, I don't think he would have done that. But," he strengthened his hold upon her just a little, in hopes that it would be reassuring, and to keep her with him as he crept up on the truth, "the regulations are pretty clear. Even if you offered, he should respect the rank and turn you down."

"But there was no one of his rank in our fleet. We didn't have civilians, Starbuck. We were it, all of us drafted. We didn't follow those regs."

Starbuck nodded. "I know. But he was a Strike Captain before Dante promoted him. He knew the regulations. I know things were different, but…" He felt her pull away a little and he held on tight and nestled softly into the hollow of her neck. "I'm just saying, beautiful, that maybe that's why now he thought he should tell someone. Things are not different now. Were you a Lieutenant and he was a Colonel? Or were you still a cadet? Or an Ensign. We don't even really like Captain's dating Lieutenants. The Commander turns a blind eye to it sometimes, but a technically it's against regulations."

"Then a lot of Captains need to be on report. That's not going to help anyone feel a part of the fleet to reprimand half the officers. And…and I don't want everyone knowing all that. I just want to be normal." Starbuck held her tight as her pleading led to more tears. He whispered soft shushing noises as he softly brushed his lips against her ear. He was pleased that it had the right affect and the tears slowed.

"Ah Pretty Lady, what is normal?" he whispered. "I think you and I missed out on normal a long time ago, and that's not such a bad thing. It led me to you." He felt her stiffen in his arms.

"I don't want you or anyone to know all the things, all the people I had to do." The crudeness of her words had him stifling the urge to wince.

"I can understand that, but I'm not judging. It was what you had to do, and in some way," he pulled her in a little tighter, "isn't that what happened with Gage? I mean, if you were here on the Galactica, would you have…" he hesitated trying to choose his words, "approached him? Would you have been looking to help him if he didn't offer some protection or some benefits?"

He felt her sigh and slump a bit in his arms. "It wasn't like that." But her words weren't as strong as they were before.

"No, it probably wasn't like that, but Rene, it was a fracked up situation. No one is blaming you for wanting a little protection from a monster. And I'm guessing Gage could give you that. You may not have meant to do that, but," he held on tight, leaned in again to whisper in her ear, "I'm guessing that's what you found with him, am I right?"

She nodded, but didn't speak.

"He's a good guy. Hades, if I had been there, I would have tried to be with him. And yeah, if I hadn't come along, and you had to meet that fracked up quota, he'd be the one to pick. Not just because he's a Colonel, but he could make sure no one hurt you again. I understand it, and others will too." He felt her nod again but still she didn't speak.

"Maybe," he hesitated. He wasn't sure if now was the right time, if any time would be the right time, but since the walls Rene had built were down, he forged forward into the felgercarb of her time since the Colonies. "Maybe it's time we talk about some of what happened?" He felt her take a shaky sigh and shake her head. "They say it helps, and maybe I can make the Commander and others understand."

He pushed no further as she began to cry again, the soft silent tears of a broken soul. He felt bad for having even asked. He just held her and brushed her neck and ear with his lips, murmuring that it was alright, that she was safe now. His legs had long gone dead when he felt her relax, the tears fading. Like a child after a trauma, she fell asleep in his arms. He had debated picking her up and moving her to the bed, but decided that leaving her where she felt safe might be best. He took the cover she had pulled off the bed and wrapped her up in it safe and warm, then he brought a pillow for her head. He whispered in her ear that he'd be back, and she had murmured an assent in her sleep.

He unlocked their quarters and headed down to the council chambers to check on dinner. He found the family assembled there. Jake had been watching the door for his entrance and jumped up from his seat before Starbuck had taken more than a few steps into the room.

"What happened?"

Starbuck couldn't resist taking a jab at Jake, well at all of them. They'd been a little too tight, a few too many inside jokes and unspoken communications. "I'm thinking you should ask Gage that one. He decided to begin talking about what was happening on your hades hole of a planet. Brought Rene into that conversation it seems." The angry look on Jake's face softened Starbuck's decision to blame this on all of them. Starbuck pulled Jake aside, pitched his voice lower. "Gage told the commander about him sleeping with Rene. She says you knew. She doesn't want the rest to know. I think it just ambushed her. Not what she expected today."

"Why the frack would he do that? He didn't make her." Jake's anger helped Starbuck to understand a bit how the warriors thought on Dilmun. They had a strange sense of what was consensual sex. If you agreed to not be held down and raped, agreed so it didn't hurt, they considered that consent. Starbuck winced and realized they'd be attending some more training here in the future on a topic that wasn't going to be fun for any of them.

"He outranks her. He was Colonial, he knew the regulations. She was pretty far down the chain of command from him. It's not okay. So I'm thinking in order to avoid some problems here on the Galactica, he must have decided to clear his conscience."

Jake flashed Starbuck an angry look, clenched his fists before he finally asked, "She's alright?"

"I think so. She's asleep or I'd have you go talk to her. On second thought, it might just upset her more. I'd leave her be until morning." Starbuck put a hand on his shoulder, enjoying a little too much that he was the one telling Jake how to manage Rene. "I just came for some food. Figured she might be hungry when she wakes up. Can you let the others know? Tell them whatever lies you have made up about this alright, because she doesn't want them to know. I don't agree, I think they should know. But I guess that's Rene's decision, not mine."

Jake looked to him and then away almost embarrassed before he replied, "Yeah, got it." Jake turned and headed towards the others, letting them know that Gage had just upset her with telling the Commander about things Dante had done. Starbuck figured that was a lie fairly close to the truth. If not for Dante, he doubted Gage would have even allowed what had happened to occur even once, let alone a few more times. Dante had bent the rules first, Gage had just followed the direction set for him.

Starbuck murmured his agreement to the assessment, mumbled a few times that she was alright, just tired, upset, hungry. He could tell none of them were totally believing him, but they at least were agreeing that a night off might be what she needed. Starbuck was just heading for the door with two plates when Gage came in.

Starbuck noticed Gage scan the room, his eyes not lingering on anyone for too long before he chose instead to turn to Starbuck. "I need to talk to Rene, but," the man sighed and Starbuck was pleased to see he looked a little agitated himself. "I can't do it alone. I need a witness."

Starbuck shook his head. "She's asleep. You'll have to wait, and besides, you think that's such a good idea?"

"No, but I owe her an apology. I didn't mean to make her have to confess to the Commander. It's not how I thought it would turn out and . . ."

Starbuck cut him off. "You ambushed her. In the Commander's office. Doesn't matter what it was about. You of all people should know that wouldn't go well, so what were you trying to achieve there?"

Gage flushed, "What did she tell you?"

Starbuck tried to stifle the evil grin that began to spread on his face. "Most of it. I'll tell her you said you were sorry, but you might want to wait to talk to her. If she will talk to you. She's feeling a bit abused today." Starbuck let the double meaning hang between them.

Gage shut his eyes flinching before he gained his composure and looked to Starbuck, "It wasn't like that," Gage said defensively.

"Yeah, that's what she said, but I'm thinking if you had to tell the Commander about it, it probably was like that." Starbuck regretted the words as he watched Gage's face fall. The colonel was gone, and the lonely desperate man that Rene tried to comfort was before him. He could now understand why she had reached out. Gage was a caring man.

"Look," Starbuck tried to offer, "I know it probably wasn't like that. You two do need to talk, but not now. I'm thinking if nothing else, you betrayed her a little bit, and you know how she is with trust and loyalty. She doesn't trust many people, not even me yet. It had to have hurt to think she could trust you and then to find out she can't. Did you honestly think now was a good time to start talking about all that happened on Dilmun?"

The colonel's façade fell back into place, but Starbuck could still see the concern in his eyes. "Yes Starbuck. We can't just pretend it didn't happen. We can't just go forward and think we are all okay now, because we're not. Dante marked all of us and there's no hiding the scars. This won't get better if we try to deny it."

"Well, then we do have something we can agree on, but a little at a time, alright? No ambushes. Open and honest or this is going to get ugly. Hades, it already is. She's a mess and exhausted. I have to get back to her to make sure she doesn't really disappear."

Gage nodded and let him go. Starbuck looked over his shoulder to Jake and did his own communicating without words. Jake nodded and Starbuck left the council chambers to the sound of Jake asking, "What the frack, Gage!"

Starbuck entered their quarters, set the food down on the small table they shared, and came over and gently shook Rene. She didn't wake, so he picked her up and carried her to bed, enjoying the way she curled into him as he took her into his arms. He decided the food could wait. He wanted to feel her warmth, to know that maybe he had made everything better for once. As he crawled into their bed, she turned towards him, nestled herself on his chest and he sighed. They had a long ways to go, but things were better than before. It was nice to know where he stood with Rene, one step higher than he thought, perhaps number one on her list today.


	4. Chapter 4

The fact that no nightmares woke Rene that night led Starbuck to believe that the hard cry and a day off duty had done Rene some good. She was reluctant to leave their quarters the next day, suddenly concerned that she had skipped out on a duty, an offense under Dante punishable by a flogging. Starbuck made sure he had the time to take her to the Commander, to help explain, and let her know there would be no punishment. She didn't seem to relax until Adama spoke the words, and also reassured her that no record had been made of the events of the day before.

Rene was quiet in the days that followed. She performed her duties, went to the briefings and trainings, followed orders and even took her turn taking care of family obligations. But she didn't say much. Even in their quarters she was quiet, that is until they were under the covers. She spoke volumes then in the conversations the two of them were best at. He followed her lead and he was careful in his actions. He moved slow and deliberately because, well, Starbuck had done a bit of reading of his own all about abuse and the effects. He started with the literature he could find on battle stress and fatigue. Every warrior he knew fit the profiles for those severely affected. No one could fly a viper in combat or have survived the loss of the Colonies and not have experienced one or two of the symptoms described. But it was Rene's words, "Then a lot of Captains need to be on report. That's not going to help anyone feel a part of the fleet to reprimand half the officers," that had Starbuck shifting his focus to what he could find on torture and sexual abuse.

Half the officers? Was it hyperbole, or was it worse than that? Rene had a habit of diminishing the harshness of what happened on Dilmun, shrugging it off as if it could be worse, or that others had received the same, which in her eyes made the abuse no big deal. The words began to haunt his sleep. Plus what he was reading about how to deal with the victims of sexual abuse had Starbuck up late wondering. Did Rene still have to spend her days taking orders from those who had taken advantage of her? If you counted Gage in that category, then the answer was yes. But how many others were there she had to report to?

The days that followed seemed to go back to the routine that the Galactica and especially Starbuck was trying to establish, a calm balance between work and play, a peaceful existence without murder and mayhem. Yeah, it was a lot to ask for he supposed with the Cylons still out there, but so far there was no sign of them. After all, they were looking for the Fleet in another part of the galaxy. Things were still chaotic with the shuffling of troops to the other ships and needing to find housing for pilots with families, but that was an easy confusion to manage.

The guttersnipes were settling in without too many issues. The Commander had started up trainings to fill in the gaps for those who had been rescued from Caprica and given a hasty training. It had an interesting less than desired effect. It put the rats together most of the day, away from others of the fleet. They were already a group that had bonded in the disaster of the colonies. Now they were even more closely wedded together as they all were trying to find their footing in this new fleet and command structure. Starbuck had voiced his concerns about maybe this was a configuration of troops that could create problems later. It would be hard to separate out these wing mates in future rotations.

Well, hades if he wanted to be honest, it would be hard to separate Rene from Jake. Starbuck didn't want to say it out loud and he fought hard to keep the green eyed monster in its cage. But Jake and Rene, along with all the other gutter snipes spent all their days together in training, and then most of their nights studying to pass the exams. While they were regularly rotated for their duties with more experienced warriors from the Galactica, Starbuck was not part of that rotation now that he was the senior officer of Blue squadron and Apollo had command of the Zakar. A promotion would probably be coming soon, and while he looked forward to the increase in his pay, he was not looking forward to the extra duties. It would be less flight time, more boring desk duty and days that would be routine. But then again, maybe that's what they all needed, some boredom and routine.

The routine he had tried to create for the Zakar pilots was comforting and he watched each member of the family slide into it using it to calm themselves, to give them hope. The details and duties established some order in their chaotic lives. Starbuck hoped it would speed up the process of gaining their trust. No, the fleet wasn't the paradise any of them had been hoping for, not even him, but Starbuck knew it was exponentially better than what had been their lives for the past three yahrens. He sometimes wondered why they weren't celebrating their rescue by the fleet, for that's what it surely was. Instead the first few cycles the Dilmun Warriors seemed to be holding their breath as if waiting for a sentence to be laid down for some transgression. He had asked about it one night, just he and Rene in their quarters. She had reminded him that Dante had seemed like a god those first few sectons. Starbuck had pulled her into his arms and promised her this time would be different. She let him whisper sweet nothings to her, but she was eerily tense and silent while he did.

Being assigned quarters as a family had helped as the pilots watched their other companions shifted throughout the new expanded fleet. The Dilmun warriors didn't seem to understand that they had some input in the decisions as to where they could go, what duties they could fulfil. Starbuck had to point that out to them, going so far as to pulling out the rules and regulations and running a quick study session of how the service worked. It was chilling to find that most knew the regulations, but also knew they had not applied in the past. Even the former colonials in their family, such as Crius, didn't seem to fathom that they could have a say in their assignments.

It is what prompted Starbuck to schedule his first meeting with the Commander in his official capacity once assigned and apparently forgotten by everyone but himself that he was the liaison between the Dilmun Warriors and the fleet.

In the Commander's office, Starbuck had outlined some of the problems. The first was that none of the Dilmun warriors would probably ever feel comfortable being alone in any quarters with a commanding officer ranking above Lieutenant. Disciplinary hearings would need to be witnessed by those above and more importantly, below the chain of command in order to earn their trust of the system and its workings. It was the first time he actually thought he might be smarter than the Commander as Adama had failed to understand why that might be necessary. The Commander was so decent, he couldn't seem to grasp the level of abuse these pilots had suffered and the effects it would have on their psyche over the long term. Starbuck found himself pulling up psychology books and educating the Commander of the fleet. It was a sobering experience to say the least, for all the fleet he supposed as many of the articles on trauma and stress seemed to explain why Lt. Cree still had nightmares, and Lt. Giles fled any conversation that might seem serious in any way. It explained why Boomer had declined any opportunity at training cadets, or would literally volunteer for the worst assignments rather than be in a room with pilots in whom he could not fully trust their abilities.

And then there was Apollo. Starbuck had to point out to his friend's own father that since Serina's death, the man hadn't been the same. He and Sheba were close, but no mention of sealing had ever come up between the two. In fact, when things seemed to be moving in that direction, both pilots would find a way to make themselves so busy with duty they didn't have time to even think about each other. It was a classic reaction to loss, and it seemed ironic even to Starbuck that he was the one who had to spell it out for the Commander.

It was bordering on the ridiculous that Starbuck, the epitome of the man unable to commit, could explain the failings in his friends' relationships. Maybe that is what had the Commander and the others paying attention. Here he was, the holder of the gold clusters for avoidance and distraction, finally committing to something. Starbuck was actually taking care of all the Warriors from Dilmun, not just the pretty young gal he took a fancy to. Was it because he'd finally found someone more broken than himself that he could help?

Yeah, he had to admit that his relationship with Rene had everyone a little unnerved, maybe even himself if he took the time to admit it. The age difference was an easy point for everyone to criticize, but that had been easy for him to shrug off. Everyone had always called him immature. The fact that the two of them were nearly inseparable had his friends more than a little concerned, but Starbuck understood. If not for him, and the needs of the kids, he knew Rene wouldn't be here. She'd had plans that did not involve the fleet. This had been a compromise, a sacrifice for others. Starbuck represented the whole fleet to her, and he owed it to her to try to make it worth it. He wasn't done being her hero, so he took the role seriously. He knew he couldn't explain it to others, but frack she needed him and he needed her. With all that had happened in their pasts, he was prepared for there to be problems between them eventually, but so far, it had been easy. They had settled into a predictable routine, finding comfort within each other. He didn't give a frack if no one understood it. She understood him, and he was trying to understand her.

She had become his shadow, and when he had a patrol that kept him away, she waited for him. It worried him that she couldn't sleep if he wasn't there, but even when he was, the nightmares still came. He wasn't sure what the solution was other than to let her fall back into old habits and old friends. He knew the friends were necessary; they were family, and now were his family too. But the old habits had to go. First and foremost, the substance abuse had to stop for the safety of the baby and herself. He had expected a bit more of a fight on that, but she'd quit the stims cold or at least he thought she had. She wouldn't admit to the withdrawal problems. She had her moments that she twitched, and he noticed her cravings. She sucked down a lot of java, but that was a healthier alternative so he let it go.

What had been harder to give up was the ambrosia and he knew it flowed through the Council chambers a little too freely, but one addiction at time. He knew Rene had a drink or two when he wasn't looking. Dr. Salik assured him it shouldn't do too much damage, but also wasn't a good idea as the pregnancy progressed. So Starbuck tried to cut down on how much he drank himself, hoping it would help. He tried to help with the withdrawal symptoms by keeping Rene distracted, and all the pilots focused on healthy behaviors. The gym got a lot of use, and he'd booked the triad courts on a permanent basis.

The pilots had thrown themselves into their duty and while the Galactica Warriors considered it a good sign and a great step towards acclimation, Starbuck knew it was anything but a good omen. It was avoidance of the worst kind. If they were too busy with duty and details, they could avoid dealing with the past. If they worked themselves to death, they wouldn't have to deal with those who were already dead.

He and Gage had thought that the fewer hours that were required by their duties in fleet compared to under Dante's command would be welcomed by the Dilmun troops. Instead, it had produced some interesting complications. Several groups of pilots had launched into projects of their own creation, such as trying to turn the larger corridors of Officer's row into a hydroponics farm. Many pilots had volunteered for the foundry ship in their off hours as well as to the details capturing asteroids for resources. In some ways, the Zakar pilots were busier than they had ever been on Dilmun. Starbuck wasn't quite sure how to solve that problem, if indeed it was a problem, as much of their projects and duties were necessary. He simply hoped in time they would get tired and be smart enough to ask for the leave they would need. For now, well maybe some avoidance could allow them all to deal with the damage done in small doses. From his readings, he knew recovery would not be a fun process. They all had an emptiness they needed to fill. Who was he to suggest they not find their own way? He had Rene, she had him. The others had a right to find what worked for them.

The family had grown with the addition of some of the others from Dilmun like Maia, and some from the Galactica such as Giles who had taken an instant shine to Maia. Boomer had wanted to be there for his cousin. Following Boomer was Dietra. Starbuck suspected Apollo might have joined the family for a few more meals than he had if not for his assignment as Colonel of the Zakar. It was a promotion long overdue, but it meant a shift in wing mates. Starbuck requested Crius even though he knew it was a pairing that should be denied due to their strange family configuration. It was an error he was not willing to point out to command, not yet anyway. Maybe when Rene was flying again he'd point out that family shouldn't fly together, too many to lose together, too many emotions involved. For now, he and Crius seemed to manage well together. Boomer took on Nik, Max worked well with Jolly, and Jake found himself with Giles.

Nik and Dara plus Crius and Lizbet had their sealings approved by the Command and had taken up some of the other suites for the council of twelve members aboard the Battlestar. Their kids overflowed in the corridors, the three of Nik and Dara's, the three for Crius and Lizbet, Jonas's two, Rene's two, and then those who had been saved from Caprica, ranging in age from 8 to 14, the girls taking up another council member's room, the boys a Captain's quarters. Jonas had joined Jake and Max creating a kind of Zakar bunkroom of quarters that had once been Apollo's. Boomer had requested to join them, and it had opened up a good discussion about how quarters were being used on the Battlestar. New bunkrooms were needed, quarters for the married officers as well. Things were getting crowded. It was time to restructure and reorganize.

Starbuck had found his own project to throw himself into, pouring over the schematics for the Battlestar, using fresh eyes to carve out space and accommodations for a fleet that was growing in numbers. As the sectons began to roll by, many of the female warriors from Dilmun had become pregnant, including Maia. Starbuck didn't have the heart to tell Giles it probably wasn't his, mainly because Starbuck didn't want to face the fact that Rene's child might not be his. Starbuck was trying to come around to the family's way of thinking. The kids were all his, especially the one Rene was carrying. Maybe later he'd ask to see the ancestry report, once the child was here, if the eyes came out too dark or the hair not as blond as it should be.

If he was honest with himself, it wasn't Dante he was worried about being the father. He tried not to think too hard about it. He knew he had no right to ever be jealous, not after his womanizing ways, but maybe that was why he knew it could be a possibility. Rene and Jake were a little too friendly. Everyone had admitted that before the fleet arrived, the two fracked often. And why shouldn't they? They were sealed after all. Something he'd been meaning to ask Rene to solve so they could be sealed, but so far, she had not brought it up, and he wondered if she ever would. It's not like she and Jake had asked Command to acknowledge the sealing like the others had, but they hadn't asked for it to be dissolved either. Many had voiced their thoughts as to whether Rene's child was his, or…

The thought had crossed his mind again one afternoon in the duty office as he and Boomer were looking over the diagrams for the officer's quarters and recreation halls, looking for ways to carve out more spaces for people to gather other than the officers club. Everyone had agreed, they still needed some spaces to remain kid free for everyone's sanity, but kids needed room to play and grow. He and Boomer had been distracted by Jake and Giles returning from a patrol. Rene had also been in the duty office, going over the shuttle schedules, refining supply runs to minimize fuel usage. She had greeted Giles, but she and Jake barely shared a look. Instead of quelling the jealous demons inside Starbuck's head, it had them screaming. He knew from what everyone had told him it was not normal behavior for these two. Before his presence, Jake and Rene had been like a binary star system, circling each other.

Boomer interrupted Starbuck's thoughts. "So you see it too?"

"Yeah, but it's not like I want to encourage them to talk to each other. Yeah, the silence is a bit unnerving, but they'll get over it."

Boomer cast his friend a suspicious look. "So you don't see it?"

"See what, Boomer, they don't talk to each other. They inhabit the same spaces, but don't say a word to each other. It's not exactly normal. I don't think they've held a conversation in the last four sectons since the funeral."

Boomer cocked his head, then lowered it conspiratorially. "Starbuck, are you blind? The two have been talking nonstop."

"Yeah, in what they don't say I suppose."

Boomer cut him off. "You're not watching in the right places."

"What are you talking about, Boomer? I'm watching."

Boomer shook his head. "They're talking. They're using hand signals, code. I can read some of it, standard hand signs from the combat manual, but some I can't. They've developed their own system, and they keep talking about Caprica."

Starbuck's head came up, looking to Rene at her desk. Sure enough, her hands were forming figures, letters and words in the sign language from trainings. He shot a look over to Jake to see him answer, his hands moving just as fast before he paused and looked over to where Starbuck and Boomer sat.

"Holy frack, how did I miss that?" Starbuck couldn't help but to hear the little green monster inside him whisper. He spoke the words to Boomer. "How long has this been going on?" He watched Jake move across the room, go to stand by Giles but his fingers were tapping out a code on the wall. Starbuck caught part of it, "get out of it. Not fun. Find me. We'll have fun."

Boomer caught the code too. "I think since they came on board. I didn't notice it until a few sectons ago. I thought you knew, because they used to stop around you, and now they don't."

"And what have they been talking about?"

Boomer recognized the jealousy simmering in Starbuck's eyes. "Hold up there, Buddy. Most of it is just normal stuff, not much about you, not usually. They talk about the family a lot, but lately, they talk about Caprica."

"What about Caprica?" Starbuck wondered if he should pull Rene from flight status, but then what he knew of what she once could do, a shuttle alone couldn't do it. Besides, she wouldn't, would she? Why there if she could go anywhere?

"That part I can't quite catch. They have those conversations on the sly. I just thought you knew. They've been talking, a lot."

"Well I do now," he said, looking to Rene. She smiled at him, and he tried to smile back, but her fingers were tapping the desk, a code easy to read now that he was looking for it. "It will have to wait. Starbuck's watching."

He let it go for a secton, watching, decoding, learning their system. Boomer had been right; most of their conversations were innocuous. Details about the kids, what was going on in their day, how things were going. They asked each other constantly if they were okay, how they were dealing with it. Rene spoke of wanting to walk on a planet, Jake discussed hiking and swimming. They'd discussed one time sneaking into the water tanks of the Galactica for a swim, and Starbuck wanted to be jealous, but mere centons later, Rene was suggesting it to everyone at dinner. It wasn't a rendezvous for ex-lovers, but an outing for everyone. Sure enough one evening, they all had snuck in to the fresh water tanks and taken a dip, letting the kids splash and play in what would soon be the drinking water of the Battlestar.

Other conversations were harder to decipher, and Boomer was right, they talked about Caprica often. Most seemed to be talk of the past, places they had known, but they all had a theme to them, where they might find supplies or necessities for the black market. When they would talk of meeting places and times, Starbuck had made a point of distracting the two of them, and sure enough, the silent conversation would stop. He found ways to keep Rene from those covert dates and times, but that just increased the conversations. For his own sanity, he had to put a stop to it, but how? Based on how often Jake asked Rene how she was doing, offering to take her turns at family obligations and kid management so she could be with Starbuck, he didn't really want to call them out on it per say. He didn't want them to stop talking, he just wanted them to stop keeping it secret.

As luck would have it, he had to deal with it in the officer's club as some of the adults were enjoying a drink without all the kids underfoot after the nightly ritual of putting them all down to bed. As others bantered about their day, their duties, the patrols and the fleet, Starbuck was silently watching Rene and Jake. While the two friends seemed to join in the banter, their secret conversation was about ambrosia. In fact, Jake was rubbing it in that he could have some and Rene could not. She had replied mentioning the bottle of Proteus ambrosia she had shared with Starbuck.

Starbuck hadn't meant to join their conversation, but it was the memory of that fine ambrosia that had him responding verbally before he realized what he had done.

"It was over 500 yahrens old. I don't think we will ever find ambrosia like that again." Even he was shocked at his spoken words. Rene and Jake froze. The guilty look on their faces made Starbuck want to laugh. Instead he swirled the liquid in his glass, sighed and guessed now was as good time as any to broach the subject.

"Yeah, so I've been listening in on you two for a while. Thought it was a bit rude of me, but also a bit rude of you two, don't you think?" He cut Rene off as he assumed she was about to utter an apology, "Don't. Just thought you should know. It's okay, just…" he shrugged. "I'm not so jealous you two can't have a conversation in front me, you know that, right?"

It was Jake that replied, "That so? Mind if we have one now? Alone in your quarters?"

"Jake," Rene cautioned. "Don't goad him."

"Why the frack not? He's a big damn Colonial Hero, he can take it." Jake tossed back his ambrosia and strode from the OC. Starbuck took notice that Rene didn't move to follow him.

"You can go talk to him if you want, don't let me stop you," Starbuck said, taking a sip from his own glass.

"Wow, thanks for your permission. And what if I don't want to talk to him, is that okay too?"

Starbuck looked to her unsure where the anger was coming from. "Hey, it's you two that are having conversations on the sly. What did I do wrong?"

A spark of anger flared in her eyes. "Nothing, of course. What could you do wrong, oh Triad Champion and Warrior of the Centaur?"

She got up from her chair to leave and Starbuck reached out to grab her arm, confused as to what was going on. "I think you owe me an explanation."

She glared down at him and snarled, "Get your hand off me!" He held tight for a moment. It was the scrape of chairs and the standing up of several warriors that had him suddenly letting go, showing both hands in the air. "Just a misunderstanding," he said to the crowd now watching them. Starbuck was displeased to note not all of those coming to Rene's rescue were Warriors from the Zakar. Crius was closest to Rene, and he looked to her waiting for her reply.

"Stand down. Just a misunderstanding," she said to her friend then looked down to Starbuck, the anger still evident in her eyes. "I'm going to bed. Stay, enjoy your drink," before she walked out. Starbuck noticed that Crius motioned to his wife, and Lizbet followed Rene out of the OC. Starbuck started to get up too, but Crius called his name.

"Starbuck, wingmate, buddy, we need to talk." Crius waited until the two gals had left before he began. "A bit of advice, you need to learn how to fight different. See me and Lizzie, well I get as far as yelling and she fracking hits me, then curls up in a ball crying. Pretty much ends any chance of me being right. Ya can't touch them when you're fighting."

Max joined them at the table in the chair Rene had vacated. "You have to remember, we got flogged, they got fracked and flogged. They don't fight well, not with us anyway."

"I forgot for a micron," Starbuck offered in way of explanation. "It's her and Jake that are having private conversations. I don't know what the frack I did wrong."

"Yeah, you probably don't," Crius offered. "You just can't get between those two, that's all. They've known each other a long time and," Crius shrugged. "Yo Max, quick question, you knew her with Keenan, right?"

"Yeah, he was a buddy of mine."

"They ever fight? 'Cause I can't remember them ever fighting."

"Now that I think about it, no. I just thought they had nothing to fight about," Max added.

"Naw, every couple fights, just the nature of the thing. She fight with you yet, Starbuck?"

"Sort of. Yeah, I guess, I mean, I didn't know this was a fight. I guess, come to think of it, she pretty much either blazes forward with what she wants to do and ignores me or we get along."

"Uh huh," Crius analysed the situation like he was the troubleshooting technician. "That's not normal. Ya know that ain't, right? So she doesn't engage you, just flies by the enemy so to speak.

"Yeah, actually I would call what happened there progress," Jonas said taking another chair. "She didn't stab you."

Starbuck shot a look to Crius, but the man didn't ease his mind. "Yeah, you might want to sleep with the kids tonight."

"Anyone willing to tell me what I did wrong...before I grabbed her?" Starbuck asked, only half sarcastically.

"Well," Crius said noticing his glass was empty. "Buy me a round and I'll clue you in." Starbuck waved over a barmaid, and made sure they both had a round. Starbuck wasn't encouraged when everyone else suddenly got up from the table as if on cue.

"Uh…where you guys going?" Starbuck called to their retreating backs.

"They know the story and are not real pleased I'm going to tell you, so let them cut and run. The rats stick together, Starbuck. You and me, well, we won't ever totally be one of them. Just face that now. Hades, I learned that when Rene set this whole damn thing in motion and didn't include me."

"I'm not one of them, that's it, that's what I did wrong? Because last I checked, I haven't made that an issue."

"Oh, haven't you? Learned their code and joined in uninvited, didn't you?" Crius held up a hand to forestall Starbuck's justification. "Look, you don't need to worry about Rene and Jake. Maybe once, a long time ago, and yeah, sometimes they try again, but what goes on between them, I wouldn't call it viable. He picks up the pieces, he puts them back together, and he sends her on her way. She may think she and he could make it fly, but they are a viper missing more than an engine. Their wings are crippled. It hasn't been the same since the Zakar. There is just too many sectars of guilt between the two of them."

Starbuck was about to ask Crius to cut the felgercarb, but then the man did and Starbuck was back to wishing they were talking nonsense again. "One of Dante's men took a liking to Rene, probably just for a quick frack, I don't know, wasn't there for that. What I was there for is the fight Jake put up to stop it. For the record, Jake won because the rats know a few tricks. They don't fight fair. And the Commander, he wasn't pleased."

"Uh huh…we don't call him the commander, we call him the bastard, we agreed to that," Starbuck interjected, not sure he was liking the direction this story was going.

"Yeah, well, the guy put Jake and Rene on report. I don't think Dante would have known about Rene if it weren't for that. She is damn good at laying low when need be. Can blend into the walls I swear. But there she was in the commander's, I mean the bastard's office. He had Jake there too. He let the guy who wanted Rene beat the crap out of Jake. Made Rene beg for the guy to take her so he wouldn't kill Jake. Made Jake watch as he took Rene."

Starbuck felt his stomach turn. He reached for his drink hoping the liquid found there could numb some of what he was feeling. But Crius wasn't done and there wasn't enough ambrosia in the fleet for this conversation.

"Then the bastard had his turn, and, well neither of them will tell anyone how many after that. I just know they both were there for a few days and left that office bleeding and broken. Both are shouldering more guilt than anyone should. Rene thinks she should have just given in the first time. Jake thinks he should have killed the guy. And they talk about anything but that day. They felt responsible for each other before, but after that, you don't get between the two of them. They can't stand to be together, but they can't stand to be apart. You take on Rene, you take on Jake. You and he need to find a way to work this out or you might as well…." Crius didn't finish his sentence.

Starbuck looked into his glass for a moment before downing it.

"Didn't mean to spoil your evening, but you deserved to know."

Starbuck nodded, but didn't think the words ''thanks" fit the occasion. Starbuck wanted to ask who it was, the man who put them on report, but he was afraid the man might have made it to the fleet and then, well Starbuck would be looking at another tribunal for murder. He stuffed down the anger, and focused on the problem he could fix.

"So what do you suggest I do? Let the two of them keep at it? That's not helpful for either of them, nor for Rene and me. No, we have to do things differently, because the old way of doing things wasn't working for any of you."

"Yeah," Crius drawled out in a country boy twang, "We get that. Might be why we like having you around. We're working on different." Crius shrugged. "I guess spend some time with Jake. He needs a few friends since Ari. Not sure what his angle is with Cassie. We think he's got a bit of a crush on you actually."

That had Starbuck sitting back in shock. "Come again? He down right loathes me. Barely talks to me unless he has to."

"Yeah, you don't get the rats do you? Thought you would since you're a bit like them. Don't let anyone too close, so, you push them away before they can leave you. His parents were alive when he hit the orphanage system, Starbuck. The system took him away from his parents. Too much trouble, too many crimes, too many drugs. Easier and supposedly better for him to toss him in the system, let them deal with him. He's got one hades of a story to tell, but, I'll let him tell it. Maybe you should ask. See, I'm thinking you and Jake have a lot in common besides Rene." Crius nodded, before tossing a bit more of intel Starbuck's way. "Jake knows Rene's story too. Like I said, he puts her back together when she breaks. He knows how to get around the mine fields. He doesn't do it just to get her in bed either."

The comment was an intentional jab, and Starbuck wanted to be angry about it, but he was too stunned by the whole conversation to react. He just took the hit because he knew that considering his own past and stories to tell, it wasn't too far from the mark.

And at least Crius had the courtesy to apologize. "Sorry, cheap shot. Old habits die hard." He looked down and then Crius downed his drink. "Night, buddy," Crius drawled as he got up and patted Starbuck on the shoulder.

Starbuck stayed in the OC until closing time, not drinking, just thinking. He could have used Apollo's insight right about now, and would have hunted down Boomer at least, but Boomer had a late patrol. So Starbuck waited until closing time, and then debated sleeping in the council chambers or with the kids like Crius suggested, but he hadn't slept alone since they had rescued Rene and her people from Dilmun. No, he took a deep breath and faced their quarters.

He found Rene asleep but she wasn't alone. She had Kalea and Kiff in the bed with her. The boy, like his mother, was prone to nightmares. It was not the first time Starbuck had slept with Rene and her children. Starbuck stripped down to his boxers and climbed in to the bed, trying not to disturb the three of them, who seemed to be sleeping peacefully for now.

He had to admit, the more he learned about their time with the sadist of a Commander, the more he respected the Zakar pilots. It had been an insane situation, and they had survived so much. It was hard to mesh the story he'd been told with the peaceful young woman sharing his bed. He didn't want the visions that entered his head of her naked and men taking advantage of her. But he knew if he had had to be in Jake's position, watching with nothing he could do, it would kill him. He suspected that tonight, he'd be the one having nightmares.


	5. Chapter 5

Starbuck woke to find that Rene had made him breakfast. He tried to apologize, even though he still didn't understand what he was apologizing for. She had smiled at him, said it was okay, she'd just been tired. But he found it a bit odd that she changed the topic. It was obvious she didn't want to talk about it. They had parted for the day with a hug and a kiss, but something didn't feel quite right to Starbuck. He found himself wishing again that he had Apollo to talk to, but then dismissed the idea. Apollo had been clueless where women were concerned. Plus his friend was such a paragon of morality, he'd probably just tell Starbuck to get over his jealousy.

But that wasn't what it was. Something about Crius's story had killed the green eyed monster lurking inside him. Realizing that half the men Rene had slept with probably were not consensual had silenced the jealous demon that had whispered in his ear. Starbuck had slept with plenty of women so he had no right to claim the high ground in this fight, but all of the women had been willing. He had no right to win this fight and that was what bothered Starbuck the most he realized. This should have been a fight because it sure felt like one. Rene had been angry in the OC, but now she was trying to make him feel better. Crius had described the situation well, Rene just flew away from the problem.

The problem was she didn't do that with other issues that came up. No, with most everyone else, she was dead on target and had no problem telling them how she felt, like the time she found out Jason had cut classes. As his guardians, she and Jake had been called for a meeting with Jason's teachers after school, had to leave their duties early to attend, and arrived back to the Council Chambers just as dinner was being dished up.

Rene stalked into the room shouting, "Where is he?!" She walked right up to Jason who was loading up a plate, knocked it from his hand shattering the dish and spilling food everywhere. She shoved him hard in the chest, knocking the stunned kid into the table. Thank the lords that Jake was only a step behind her as he pulled her back, restrained her from whatever damage she had planned to do to the kid. That didn't stop her shouting.

"You do not cut classes, ever, do you understand me?" Jake had to hold her back as she lunged for Jason again.

Starbuck had to give the kid credit for his nerve and a darn good argument as he shouted back, "Why not? You and Jake cut all the time when you were my age. I've heard all the stories. You're proud of it!"

The logic didn't calm Rene down, only made her lunge again and curse forcing Jake to drag her back another step. Rene just shouted even louder. "Want to know why we skipped? Have you figured it out yet since you're so smart you don't have to go to school?"

Jason did look a little scared by now, but he didn't back down. "So, you could have some fun, duh."

Rene's voice rose even louder. "No, you fracking genius. Because no one gave a flying frack what we did, if we lived or died. No one cared enough to make us go! And I swear until your dying breath, you will know that I cared! And if you skip again, that will be your last fracking dying breath!"

She shrugged off Jake and stormed from the room. Starbuck knew he probably should have let Jake handle the problem, it was a parenting issue so to speak, but Starbuck hadn't seen that much emotion from Rene since the meltdown over Gage's confession. Not even at the funeral held for those that had perished at Dilmun did she show any emotion. So Starbuck decided to take advantage of the moment and followed her.

He caught up to her as she stomped down the hallway, muttering under her breath, having a conversation with someone who wasn't there. When he got up the nerve to ask her who she was talking to, she just continued the conversation like she was talking to him, lamenting how stupid the kids was, how awful foster parents were, and that the kid was damn lucky to even be on the Galactica since he actually wanted to be a viper pilot. The tirade didn't stop until she reached the gym where, without stopping her conversation, she headed into the locker room. Starbuck decided he'd do the same and follow where this went. When he came out, she was taking out her frustrations on a punching bag. Starbuck took up the other side holding it from swaying for her and it was a good thirty centons before she calmed down. The words flowed, and Starbuck learned a lot about her views on how to raise kids. He knew he'd never have to worry about disciplining them. She seemed to have some pretty strong views on how they should fall in line, which Starbuck couldn't help but to laugh at a little since they ran so contrary to Rene's personality. She followed orders, but kind of in her own way, and the "sirs" were still surly. But he kept his laughter to himself for the most part and thought the outburst was a sign of progress.

It was the most emotion he had seen for a while other than behind the closed doors of their quarters. There, she was passionate, the pace still a bit faster than necessary as it wasn't like someone was going to interrupt them. Even the Cylons had the courtesy to not intrude on their time alone in their bed. She was more than attentive in their chambers and maybe that's why he missed the signs.

He thought things were better as Rene never mentioned the night when he grabbed her in the OC again and the sly conversations with Jake slowed, almost completely stopped. Rene and Jake began to talk out loud, where the conversations should be, and Starbuck tried to give them the space and time to have those talks mostly because the conversations Starbuck and Rene were having increased, especially those they had alone behind closed doors.

Knowing what he knew now, he should have been concerned. But he'd been clueless and he trusted that Rene would tell him if she wasn't doing well. He didn't understand that even she didn't know what she was doing. He was being manipulated, but not by Rene herself, but by her abuser, now long gone.

In public their routine was predictable, duty, details, and then time with the family with dinner and children. But once the kids were asleep, they wasted no time heading for their quarters. Rene only waited until the door was closed and locked before she would be reaching for her clothing, shedding it easily and helping Starbuck to shed his own.

The first nights in their quarters on the Galactica, Rene was almost frantic and Starbuck attributed it to her being young and wanting desperately to find some pleasure at the end of days that he knew were hard for her. It was something they had both needed after the horrors of Dilmun, to feel young and alive, to forget what they had done. Once under the covers Rene would breathe easier, and Starbuck was able to get her to slow her pace to match his. But some nights, it was less than lovemaking and more like she was desperate to find an escape. Some nights she seemed to fight his attempts to take things slow, to take the time to enjoy it. Other nights, she clung to him as he showed her the pleasure found in gentleness. He wanted to think that all of this was the normal rhythm of a relationship, but this was nothing like he had experienced before. Lately in their quarters they were doing far less talking and even more lovemaking. Wasn't it supposed to slow down some?

He needed some advice, but he wasn't sure who he should ask. Most people that Starbuck would go to for advice were against him being with Rene. Half, the male half, would likely laugh at him for being concerned that they were spending too much time in bed. The one who probably had the most information to help him happened to be his former lover. He knew if he went to Cassiopeia, he would have one hades of a real fight on his hands with Rene.

Or would he? Rene's compliance was concerning. He was a little too familiar with that coping skill. It had served him well in secondary school and the academy. It was an easy way to get by, agree to what everyone wanted, nod and smile, and then just ignore them all. Oh yes, Starbuck had perfected that talent, charming everyone, letting them think he had met their expectations while doing what he wanted behind everyone's back. For now, he was hoping that he was the thing Rene wanted to do behind everyone's back. But he had to wonder what was she ignoring? Was this all because of one quasi fight? Before the flight from Dilmun, she'd had no problem defying him. He wondered what had changed? Who could he talk to about the fights he and Rene were not having?

It was the fights that were happening to the others in the family that finally moved Starbuck to take action. Jake had shown up at the end of a cycle sporting bruises and wouldn't say who or what. Then Nik nearly got into it with an instructor at a training session, and had to be physically restrained by the others, and then put on report. That was about the same time Starbuck learned that some of the younger Caprica recruits were taking long routes around the corridors of the Galactica to avoid some officers. When he asked Rene about it, he found she was doing it as well, but she wouldn't answer as to who she was avoiding. She told him it didn't involve him, and wouldn't listen when he explained that it did.

Furthermore, Rene's nightmares were not lessening as time went on, but instead were increasing in intensity. Starbuck did some research and decided it was time to have that discussion those from Dilmun had long avoided. The question was how to initiate it. Starbuck didn't want to be the bad guy who opened up the wounds they were all trying to heal.

It seemed obvious to begin the talk with Crius, the only one who seemed able to talk about any of this. Since the night in the OC when he explained the issues between Jake and Rene, Starbuck had come to rely on Crius. It was with Crius's help that Starbuck had begun to get to know Jake. After dinners and homework which now most of the adults had as well due to the trainings being held for the Copper Squadron, the new name Adama had given the Sewer Rats, Crius had begun to set up board games and card games for most of the family. The older kids were taught the rules and Starbuck had begun to appreciate how card games could help with math and reasoning skills. Crius made sure that Starbuck and Jake were teamed up, or at least seated side by side. Starbuck had to admit that Crius had a good understanding of how to create a team and increase trust.

Plus it was Crius that had helped save Starbuck's astrum when it came his turn to make dinner for the family. Starbuck had never made a meal in his life unless you counted the ready-made packaged cardboard that they ate while on training in the academy. His first turn at the duty, Crius and Lizbet had quietly stepped in and helped, from writing out a plan for him, to showing him how everything in the food prep station worked.

Crius had also taken Apollo's place as Starbuck's triad partner for the Inter Fleet games since Apollo was so busy with his new duties. He was beginning to spend as much time with Crius as he did with Rene and could see why the man had joined in with the rats. He was a decent guy with a strong sense of right and wrong, but also had his own murky past. Crius too had spent some time in the foster system, sent off to a work farm as a preteen. It was a common narrative of the rats, no parents or bad ones, and time spent in the system before the destruction. Most of the kids and teens had a different story. Most had been at the celebrations for the armistice with their parents when the attack occurred. It was Crius that had told the Starbuck these stories one by one. His wingmate was helping Starbuck navigate the distances between all the members of the family. Starbuck reasoned Crius would be the right one to help him with the distance between himself and Rene.

Starbuck waited until a long range patrol to begin asking the questions that had been keeping him up at night long after Rene would drift back to sleep from her night terrors.

"So Crius, how long have you known Rene and the others? You didn't come from the Zakar right?"

"No, I was on one of the ships left behind. Got recruited first though, being a pilot and all. So I wasn't quite on the inside if you know what I mean, so you meet a lot of people on the outside. Plus I didn't think it was right that they gave the guys from Caprica less than a basic training and then tossed them out a tube. So I set up some training when we were off duty. Rene and Jake showed up, dragged some others along when they started to trust me. I didn't get included until I…" There was a long pause and Starbuck wasn't sure if he would continue.

"I didn't like what was happening at the parties and found out you could...Look, it's just between us out here, right? Just me and my wingmate, right?"

"Yeah, I swear. You can trust me."

"I don't want the others from the Galactica knowing. I want them to think that Lizzie and I, we met, we fell in love, that's all they need to know, alright?"

Starbuck took a micron to digest that information. It's what he had thought had happened, but like everything else from the Zakar and Dilmun, you couldn't trust what you were told. What the survivors of Dante's fleet wanted you to think was often very far from the truth.

"By my word as a warrior, just you and me talking here. I won't share with anyone else."

"I bought her for the night. Not like what you think. I had met her in those study sessions and, I had heard what was going on and found out that if I, well, got myself in on the action that I could buy a girl and then, no one else could have her that night. So when I heard about the parties some of the more out of control pilots were having, I made sure Lizbet was busy with me that night. Couldn't save her every night, but, well she's got less marks than the other girls from Caprica. From there, yeah we wound up together and yes, it's pointed out that maybe she just uses me for protection or whatever. That she doesn't really love me, but," the comm went silent again.

"Yeah I've heard that already about Rene and me. I don't think that's true though. I've seen you and Lizbet together. I mean, I'm no expert on what love is, but I think I know what it's not."

"Guess we'll find out soon enough, right? I mean now that we're here in the fleet and no one is making them ….do what they don't want to do."

"Yeah, I guess we will." Starbuck didn't want to think too hard on that statement. He knew the fleet wasn't what Rene had really wanted. He wasn't even sure if she wanted to stay in the service. To be honest, he had no clue what she wanted, which is why he was trying to talk to Crius.

Crius's comments were what he needed to start the conversation he didn't really want to have. He could understand why the Rats wanted to just forget. And Rene had been right, it did change how he viewed them. Not in a bad way actually. He was impressed more and more each day with how strong the women were, and how hard the men had worked at trying to protect them. It helped Starbuck to understand why killing Dante had been the right move. Part of him needed to know more to understand Rene better. No, he really didn't want to think about Rene being bought and sold, but Starbuck was learning that his imaginings were often far darker than the truth.

"So wingmate, between just you and me," Starbuck began again since Crius was being a bit more open and honest, "I need to ask a few things. I've been doing some research and, Lords, there's no good way to ask this. I mean, I want to know, but I don't want to know. Rene's had some rough nights and, what with the fight Jake had and Nik on report. . . Add that to some other things the family has said, I think it would help to know a few things, you know about Dante and all that went on."

"Oh man, you're killing me, Starbuck. These conversations go better with ambrosia. You know that, right?"

"How do you do it? How do you live with what happened? I mean, were you able to protect Lizbet the whole time?"

The empty hiss of the comline was more answer than Starbuck needed. He found himself mumbling an apology. "Yeah, sorry, I'm just trying to help here and you were right. Rene and I, well something's not quite right. You and Lizbet, you two seem to be happy and normal. I've been doing some research and…"

"Research? What kind of research?" Crius's voice was wary.

"Psychology texts on abuse. I've been, well trying a few things and, it was working for a while there."

"You are psychoanalyzing the rats? You think that's such a good idea?"

Starbuck had thought that himself a few times, but what he had found actually seemed to have some good information. The symptoms detailed had fit Rene nearly perfectly.

"Yeah, actually. It's working. She's doing okay, we're doing okay. Things are getting better, aren't they?"

Again, there was the hiss of an empty comline. Starbuck jumped into the silence, "Okay, so we're working on making it better. And I want to keep doing that. Her nightmares have been better but, look I'm just going to spit it out. Here, between you and me and space, I have a question that I just need to ask." But Starbuck suddenly found he couldn't voice the dark thoughts in his head.

The com stayed quiet while he tried to put it into words. "That story you told me, about Rene and Jake, who was it that put Jake on report? Is he still in the fleet? How often did Dante…" Starbuck almost choked on the words, but he needed to get the words out before they drowned him late one night, "did Dante make Rene one of his …favorites? Rene mentioned once that it was like half the captains. Is that true?"

Crius's viper suddenly took a dive away from Starbuck's. He could hear Crius cursing before he answered. "Why the frack would you need to know all that?"

"Well for one, the stuff I read says this all gets better if we talk about it. Plus, if they're still having to interact with their abusers, that could explain a lot of what's going on, the fights and the nightmares." Starbuck paused to work up his courage to ask what he really wanted to know. "In our chambers, Rene takes the lead and," he sighed and tried to continue, "she does a great job of making sure that in bed, it goes the way she wants. And I'm okay with that, really, it's just the texts mention flashbacks and avoidance and…Look I just think I can make this easier if I know. I know it sounds crude, but I think I need to know what Dante did so I can avoid being like that."

The hiss of the commline was deafening, and Starbuck thought maybe he'd taken that one step too far. He was about to tell Crius it was okay, to forget the whole conversation, but then Crius spoke. The words came through as a fast burst, like ripping off a bandage fast. "Dante liked her best. She fights back. First time was on the Zakar, more than a sectar, the longest, after that, maybe a couple of times. She knew how to keep him away from others. So Binder cuffs your thing? Yeah, you might want to avoid that and I think you'll be fine, Bucko. Look, I wasn't there for it. The girls would know better and I'm thinking if your research is right, you should ask Rene, not me. For the love of the lords, do not ask Jake."

"Okay, wasn't planning on it. Just…thought this would go easier if I knew. Dante's the one who did the damage, most of it, right? But Rene said something about…" Starbuck sucked in a deep breath before diving in deep into the mong. "She said half the captains were involved. I know Dante had a few perversions, but, how many of the others were involved? I guess what I'm really asking, are they still having to still deal with those astrums? Are there still Captains they have to deal with now in the fleet?"

It took a long time for Crius to answer and Starbuck thought he wouldn't. "You owe me a lot of drinks tonight, ya know that right?"

"Yeah, I know." Starbuck tried not to grin. The two were becoming friends, and he needed a few right now with Apollo busy with his command of the Zakar. Then he wiped the grin from his face and braced himself for what he needed to know.

"I'm not sure your command is going to appreciate you killing people."

Starbuck felt his blood chill. He'd been right. While the abuse may have stopped, having to answer to the abusers within the capacity of their duties had not. "So they are here. Some of them.

"A lot of them, Starbuck, Captains mostly and some of the Lieutenants, one of the Colonels, and I'm thinking most don't want your command to know. Look some of them, well, it was a boy's club, you know? Many wouldn't even think of trying half of what they did if it weren't for the fact that someone else started it, and sometimes it was a loyalty test. You had to play along or else. Many didn't want to, myself included, buddy, but if you didn't, then it happened to you or the ones you cared about. The rats and I, we faked fighting and we tried to make the verbal abuse seem like a joke. If I didn't play along, then it got worse for them."

"I get that, I do, but some were worse than others, weren't they? Some didn't do it because they had to. Some of them started it and kept it going, even when a lot of you fought back. So who?"

"Uh huh, no way, Starbuck, and I'm telling you no because I like you. You are family now and it would kill me, kill us if you wound up on the prison barge. I am not giving you names so you can plan a termination."

"I'm not going to kill anyone. Hey, it was Rene that did all the shooting on the planet. And she didn't shoot anyone who hadn't shot at her first." The comline stayed quiet, the defensive tactic of the family. They took the "loose lips destroy ships" to the extreme. "Look, I just want to make sure they get transferred to another ship in the fleet, away from the family. You would want that too, right? Not having to see Lizbet deal with her rapist every day, that would be a step in the right direction, don't you think?"

"Yeah," Crius answered slowly, "that would be nice. Might help Jake live a bit longer too. Nik needs off report or he's probably going to wind up doing some damage. But if we lose you to the prison barge, I'm going to do some damage."

"Just looking to get them a transfer, that's all, I swear."

"You know I don't fracking believe you, right? Fine, one name, that is all you get. If he lives and is transferred, maybe we'll talk more."

"Deal. You can trust me."

"And if you plan the guy's termination, you better include us. We know how to make it look like an accident. Captain Pallus."

Starbuck took in the name and wanted to vomit. The Captain had been put on most of the duties involved in training the Copper squadron. Jake and Rene dealt with the man on a daily basis and it helped to explain why the recruits had been so damn quiet about how the training was going. The man had quarters just down the corridor from the family. It explained so much, and despite Starbuck's promise, he began plotting the man's demise. There were a million ways to die, weren't there?


	6. Chapter 6

He made it back from the patrol with enough time to make it to dinner and help the kids with homework. He couldn't help but distracted as he watched the pilots complete their homework for the trainings they were taking. The current class was electronics so they would understand the panels in their vipers in case things were damaged in battle. It was never anyone's favorite training session as half the lessons began with "In the event of a crash" or "when your viper is hit by a laser". Plus if you showed any aptitude, you were quickly shifted towards mechanics and viper techs. He watched Rene trying to keep everyone on task when it was obvious that Jake and Nik were more interested in talking about triad. It suddenly became clear to Starbuck why the female pilots of this squadron might be a little more interested in keeping up with the studies. They didn't want to have to face a reprimand from Pallus.

Starbuck got the kids going on their work before he came over to join Rene. He walked through some of the schematics with her while feeding Leia and getting her to sleep. He enjoyed the refresher on some of the other systems. He waited until they were putting the work away to deal with the kids and bed time before he asked how the training was going. It was the body language he paid attention to, not the verbal answers that things were okay. They all mumbled that it was going fine, but not a one of them would look him in the eye. Didn't they know he played a lot of pyramid? You couldn't just flat out lie to Starbuck.

"You do know if there's a problem, you can tell me at least, right?"

Almost in unison they all shrugged and looked away.

"You can put an officer on report, you know that, right?" He focused on Jake. "I know you don't want me knowing about that fight you had, and that's fine, I get it. But if you didn't start it, you can report it? Hades, even if you did start it, if they had it coming, you can…"

Jake cut him off. "Yeah I get it. File a report that goes nowhere. Get myself more notice, not exactly the way I want to go with it. Besides, nothing happened."

"Cut the felgercarb, alright. I'm serious."

Jake got up from the table and Starbuck considered going after him, but instead he looked to Crius. His wing mate just shook his head at him.

"I'm serious!" Starbuck started again, but it was Rene that shut him down.

"We know, Starbuck. We just have a different way of dealing with things."

"And it's not working! If someone's giving you problems, you need to fix it, the proper way, through channels. Things are different here."

It was Nik that voiced what they all obviously were thinking. "Is it? Hadn't noticed yet."

"That's because you haven't tried to make it different. You're just doing the same things you did before. You're all warriors, full-fledged Lieutenants. Isn't it time you started acting like it?" Starbuck looked around the room to blank faces. He dove into that wall of resistance. "Dammit, if you don't fight it, it will keep happening!"

Rene shoved her chair away and got to her feet, storming from the room. Starbuck got to his feet and followed her. Once out in the corridor, he grabbed her arm to stop her, spinning her around.

"Fracking talk to me!"

Had he been a smarter man maybe the explosion of anger in her eyes would have worried him, but instead it had him grinning at the hope he could get her to open up.

She shouted at the top of her voice. "You don't know a damn thing! You think you are so fracking superior, you know that? You don't know what you are talking about. Real Lieutenants aren't shoved into cadet training. Nothing's changed. Nothing's different."

"You're not being flogged!"

The words did not have the affect he wanted as it shut Rene down. Her lips clamped tight and he cringed.

"Dammit, Rene, talk to me. Tell me why it's not different, and I can tell you why it is, okay? I don't know what it was like before. So tell me!"

"Tell you what?"

"I know you have to deal with Pallus. I know he's the one who beat up Jake a few cycles ago, and he's the one who beat him up on the Zakar and then he…."

He'd been slapped by a woman before, many women, but this was different. The knuckles connected with his cheek and snapped his head back. He hadn't been expecting she would take a swing at him. She'd put some force behind the blow and now she stood before him, fists clenched in a fighter's stance. Starbuck backed away wincing at more than the pain in his cheek, hands up in surrender.

"Who told you?" she barked at him.

"Rene, it doesn't matter. You should have told me!"

"Told you what?" She dropped her hands a little, trying to pull up her camouflage of nonchalance.

Starbuck dropped his hands and leaned in closer. "Don't do that! You can hit me, fine, but don't you try to fake me out, got it!" He raised a hand to point at her and she batted it away.

He reached out to grab one of her hands just to stop her. She wrenched it away while trying to punch him with the other hand. He had to let go and dodge to avoid the strike as he cursed, more at himself than at her. It was pure instinct from the triad court that had him shoulder checking her into the corridor wall and then pinning her there, grabbing at both her hands. She fought back and the flash of panic that lit up her eyes was like an electric shock. Starbuck abruptly let go and stepped back to the opposite wall of the corridor, hands up to show her no harm.

"Dammit, Rene! I just want to talk!"

He had expected her to flee down the corridor, and he knew he would deserve to find himself locked out of their quarters. She stood her ground, glaring at him, back to a fighter's stance with fists raised.

She answered him warily. "So talk. Doesn't mean I have to."

Starbuck sighed and ran his hand through his hair. "Rene," he said it softer followed by a sigh. "I'm just trying to help. That's it, I swear."

They stood there in the corridor for more than a few centons sizing each other up. She didn't lower her hands until she realized he wasn't going to say anything more, nor was he going to go away. He tried not to pace, just stood still measuring out his breaths as evenly as he could despite the desire to destroy something. Rene finally relaxed her stance but Starbuck still waited her out until she sighed letting the tension go.

"You have helped. It's better here, alright? So can we just forget what happened before, okay? Can we just move forward?"

Starbuck made the effort to not take the steps towards her he wanted to. He wanted to take her in his arms anytime she even mentioned the past. But his cheek that was still throbbing told him he should probably hold his position or face another attack.

"I want that more than anybody, Sweet Lady, I do, but you are still having to deal with it, aren't you? Half the captains, that's what you said. I just want to help you deal with it, that's all."

She crinkled her nose and he recognized her little tell for when she was annoyed at herself. "I didn't mean it. It's not that bad. And everyone has been on their best behavior here on the Galactica, even Pallus. Crius told you, didn't he?"

"Does it matter? It should have been you that told me. I found out, that's all that matters and if Pallus lays a hand on you, I will kill him. You have my word on that."

She sighed angrily and he watched her as the emotions played across her face before she sighed again. "No, you don't. We don't need you in the brig. All of us need you. Kiff is just now warming up to you, and you're the only one Jason will listen to. Leia needs you. No one else can get her to sleep."

Starbuck smiled at Rene's attempt to lighten the mood before he said softly, "What about you? You don't need me? Who would put you to sleep if I wasn't around?"

He saw the anger fade and a hint of a grin play across her lips. "Yeah, you bore me. It puts me right out."

Starbuck grinned as he picked up the banter like a lifeline to reel Rene in. "Boring? I need to step up my game then. I thought you liked the way I made you tired in bed. You wear me out, that's for sure." He took a step towards her with open arms as he saw the smile win over her anger. "Just trying to help."

"Sorry," she mumbled as she let him pull her into an embrace. "Just sick of dealing with it, okay? It's Nik and Jake you need to help. They won't let it go, and I don't need you adding to that, alright?"

"Got it. But it's not going to get better if we don't talk about it and deal with it."

"Sounds like more work."

The words reminded Starbuck that he needed to have a chat with the Commander. All of the Dilmun Warriors had come from an intense battle, a rotten command, and gruelling details, to just be shoved into more details, more duties, and more training. In some ways, it wasn't better for them. It was still the Colonial Service with rules, routines, and regulations. As it had been pointed out to Starbuck on numerous occasions, these pilots were young. Even at the Academy there had been scheduled times to cut loose and relax. Maybe that's what they needed before they could deal with all of the complications of the past. Maybe in a more relaxed frame of mind, they might open up a little bit.

"You know, I been meaning to ask. How would you like another night on the Rising Star? Your friends, and mine. Be nice for you to get to know some of my friends. It didn't go so great the last time I know, but then you had a little different agenda that night, didn't you?" Starbuck reminded her of the first time he'd taken her to the luxury liner and her attempt to have him distracted while she tried to take her own private tour of the fleet via the civilian shuttle system.

He felt her suck in the breath for another sigh and she mumbled a sorry into his chest. "Oh, I didn't mind how the evening ended." Starbuck reached down to stroke the ring still on her finger. "So why don't we try again. I can get us some leave and some passes. I've got plenty of cubits since we've been staying in most nights. Plus, I noticed you've got more than enough. I've been meaning to ask about that by the way? You're not picking more pockets, are you?" he half teased. He couldn't puzzle out how she had gone from broke after her tour of the civilian fleet, to suddenly loaded. He'd found stacks of cubits stashed around their quarters, even some stashed in the food prep area.

She laughed into his chest before pulling away to look up at him. "I didn't tell you something. I stole the Dilmun payroll before I left. I was going to stash it in our quarters, but Apollo said that was a bad idea."

Starbuck wasn't sure he believed her, so he teased back, "So there's more? How much are we talking about and just where did you stash it then? Not with Apollo I hope. Don't let him fool you, he's no better with his cubits. He just gives them away at the tables on the Rising Star or to me. Or squanders it on Boxey . . ."

She grinned up at him. "Four crates worth. I never did get to roll around in them. Maybe I'll ask the Commander if he still has them."

"Wow, that's a lot. You gave them to Adama? Oh pretty lady, is that why he's letting me stay in our quarters? You paid him off? I mean four crates, that's only four nights of my time. My fee is quite large, I'm in high demand." He felt the last of her anger melt with the joke, and the smile became more than a hint of a grin. He reached a hand to stroke her face.

"I like you much better as Warrior of the Centaur, instead of Worrier of the Centaur," she purred playfully at him.

"Want to know a secret? I think Adama would have paid you to get me to settle down and behave. You got taken." He couldn't resist her mischievous grin and leaned down to kiss her. Thank the Lords their quarters were close, as the kiss turned into so much more. She did not look bored, but maybe a little tired by the time they were done.

Starbuck wasted no time the next morning, tracking down Adama to ask the favor of the passes and the time off for the Rising Star. The Commander did not like being hit up for that and asked straight out why Starbuck wasn't asking Colonel Gage who had been assigned the duty rosters for the Galactica. Starbuck couldn't resist checking on Rene's story, to see if she was just teasing with him or not.

"Well sir, it doesn't usually take four crates of cubits to bribe you. I can usually win you over with a promise to avoid any pranks."

When Adama's eyes widened a little and he did that slight commander stutter, uttered the "Well," and paused, Starbuck had all the proof he needed.

"By all that's holy! I'm a rich man."

"Now Starbuck, those cubits are not yours, nor Rene's. They belong to the Colonial Service so don't get any ideas."

Starbuck grinned. Rene was teaching him a thing or two about negotiations, and he gave it try. "Who me? I was just trying to get some passes to the Rising Star, but some cubits for drinks would certainly be appreciated. Thanks, Commander. Or I could just let everyone know you have four crates of cubits in your office and we can see how long they stay there. I heard Boomer's good at picking locks."

"Are you blackmailing me, Lieutenant?" The Commander smiled at him despite his stern tone.

"Just spreading rumors, sir. I have to ask though, did you roll around in them, because I know I would have."

Adama just turned away chuckling, tossing over his shoulder, "You can have the passes and the leave, but after that comment you'll have to pay for your own drinks, Lieutenant."

"Oh you did!" Starbuck chuckled. "I am so jealous!" He left the bridge laughing as Adama jokingly threatened to put him on report. "I didn't roll in them naked, you did," Starbuck issued as a parting shot before the lift doors closed.

Since he didn't have a patrol today, was due in the duty office, and wasn't looking forward to paperwork, he decided to swing by the training rooms and check for himself how things were going. Every chair in the room was full and Pallus was in the middle of a lecture, so Starbuck took up a place leaning against the wall. It took a few microns for Rene to notice he was there as she was intent on the data pad in front of her. She flashed him one the rat's signs, asking him what was up. He flashed one back for nothing and she rolled her eyes and shrugged. They both knew why he was there. He wanted to see for himself how things were going.

By all appearances, nothing was amiss. It was boring old training that Pallus led like a Colonial Instructor should. He even had the courtesy to finish his talk before he asked if Starbuck needed anything. Starbuck told him a half truth, that helping with a study session he realized he could use a refresher. Pallus didn't question it, just got Starbuck a schematic and went back to instructing. Starbuck had a hard time reconciling the Colonial Captain leading the class with the story that Crius had told him. The story made Starbuck want to rip the man apart with his bare hands. But the man in this room was a decent instructor. It made Starbuck wonder what had shorted out in the Captain to change his wiring. Had the fleet already fixed the problem?

The only thing that might look a little odd is that the gals didn't ask questions. They turned to their male friends, and then the boys asked the question if they couldn't answer it. But Pallus answered every question, and didn't seem to be ignoring the female pilots. Starbuck hung around until midday meal, just to be sure it wasn't just a show for his benefit.

He ate in the mess hall with the Dilmun pilots, listened to their banter, and decided they'd been right. Things were going okay and he'd have to dig a little deeper to find out about the fights the boys were having. Pilots were notoriously hot headed, so maybe that's all it was, like they had said. He walked Rene back to the training, waved goodbye. She flashed him a hand sign from the manual that meant to stay alert. He knew he'd be asking about that later.

He still didn't want to face the paperwork, but he did want to set up their time on the Rising Star, so he headed off to the duty office and made sure he found his wing mate, Crius, as well as Giles and Boomer. Then he messaged Apollo and miraculously everything worked out for the next night. There was even a new act on the Rising Star, and the Commander, true to his word, had bumped Starbuck's name up on the reservation list for the dining lounge. There was just one detail he needed help with. Rene and her friends had left Dilmun with nothing to their names. Starbuck didn't mind if the gals wore their dress uniforms to the Rising Star, but his last time there with Rene, she had been right. The men wore dress uniforms, and the ladies wore dresses. He didn't want Rene prancing around in the outfit she made for last time, especially not after Starbuck had learned what Dante's version of the Officer's Club had been offering in the way of entertainment. But he honestly didn't know where in the fleet you bought a dress. He figured Rene wouldn't mind missing a few cubits for that purchase. It was the where, not the cost that was the obstacle.

He thought to ask Cassiopeia, but the two had spoken little since Dilmun. It had become even more awkward as Cassie and Jake had been spending some time together. Starbuck was well aware of how hypocritical it was that he thought Cassiopeia was too old for Jake, so he just kept his mouth shut when he was around Cassie. He pointed out other lovely ladies to Jake which earned him a rather angry glare each time like Starbuck was planning on having the girls himself, so he stopped.

He finally decided to ask Athena. Since having kids, she had grown a size or two larger and probably still had her old dresses thinking she'd slim down eventually. They'd probably fit Rene and Lizbet perfectly, especially since Rene had finally put on some weight with the baby on the way, and Lizbet was still slimming down for the babe she had a few sectons ago. Starbuck hadn't meant to offend Athena with all that information. He didn't exactly get to pick out the dresses as Athena threw them at him, and it wasn't until he was back to the Council chambers that he realized one of the dresses was the one Athena had worn on Carillon. He swore it still reeked of those insects after all these yahrens and was almost as revealing as the dress Rene had made. He'd save that one for Lizbet. The other was a blue number Starbuck didn't remember, low cut which he would like, and less revealing elsewhere. Besides, the blue would look nice with her eyes.

He didn't get time to show the girls the dresses until long after the kids were in bed. Since most of them were taking the following night off, they had taken over the kids giving the others a break. Jake nearly bolted from the council chambers at the news. Lizbet was thrilled, but Rene just quirked an eyebrow at him over the more sedate dress. When she wore it the next night, Starbuck hadn't remembered it having a slit on each side almost up to her hips, plus he thought the sleeves had been a bit longer. Now they were cut to show off the tattoos on her arms.

Starbuck had long gotten used to the markings, the triangles for her kills and the names etched in her arm. In fact, he had insisted on being the one to write Ari's name on her forearm near her wrist the night of the funeral. He had thought that the ritual of adding the homemade tattoos would have been filled with more emotion than it had been, perhaps have more significance, but it had come up almost as an afterthought. Many had been drinking, not drunk exactly, just toasts to those now dead. Someone had said, Nik maybe, "Oh yeah, we should probably do this thing, get it over with."

The process was crude, yet not gruesome. He'd seen it before in the orphanages, only there it bordered on barbaric. Being warriors they'd had access to some medical supplies, sterilized needles and laser scalpels were brought out. The ink was the same though, stolen stylus' were broken open. Rene had chosen red for Ari's name. She'd been a bit surprised when Starbuck picked up the laser scalpel and mumbled, "It was my fault."

When he noticed how many others were joining in the process, everyone in the family had some markings, and many of those who were just friends, Starbuck suggested he should have a mark too, but Rene had told him no. The way she said it, the closest to tears she came that day, he decided it was probably her decision not his. He'd insisted on her having a drink, figured one wouldn't hurt the baby and would help some with the pain. As he cut and dabbed the ink in with a needle, she just gritted her teeth and shut her eyes, hissing only a few times.

Now in the harsh glare of the landing bay lights, the name was still a bit red and raised. The colors of the other marks were less prominent with the baby blue dress providing some coverage. But Ari's name stood out. It was harsh reminder that things had changed since their last trip to the luxury liner when all Starbuck had in mind was having a good time.

Now this trip meant a lot more. He'd hoped to ask Rene officially in front of all his friends to be his wife and maybe they could set a sealing date to keep the Commander happy. Starbuck wasn't happy that Apollo wouldn't be there, having used the usual excuse that he had duty, but when Boomer pointed out that the dress Rene was wearing had been Serina's, Starbuck decided it was an omen that tonight might not be the best time to propose. It still was an important trip as it was the first time many of his new family had ventured beyond the Galactica.

Rene was a bit more subdued since their last trip, but Starbuck counted that as a bonus that he wouldn't have to chase off half the men on the dance floor. He probably wouldn't be able to pull off spending half the night in a private suite, but the two of them didn't need that now that they had quarters so he was looking forward to showing Rene the chancery and maybe even the triad arena. He had games coming up in a secton for the playoffs.

Starbuck had made a point of inviting Jake, that is as long as he had a date, but Jake's chosen date, Cassiopeia had duty so Jake declined. Starbuck hoped that meant that Rene's attention would be on him and not divided as it seemed to be most of the time. But instead of Jake, Rene had paired up with Lizbet and the two gals talked during the whole shuttle flight as Rene detailed out the fleet for her friend. "Well at least it's not an ex-lover," Starbuck reasoned.

The dinner had been fantastic. They weren't able to secure one big table for all of them, but tables of four so Starbuck and Rene had Crius and Lizbet join them, Giles and Maia wound up with Nik and Dara and Boomer and Dietra wound up with Jolly and a beautiful gal from Shiva, Tamela. The meal was good, loaded with fresh food from the Agro Ships, and even the ambrosia was a better quality. The conversation was easy and light, and he and Crius could even talk triad. They decided to swing by the courts after the meal and check out the current playoff game, then the lounge and the chancery. They were going to get the most out of this night. Everyone was excited. The only one who seemed to not be enjoying themselves was Lizbet who constantly fretted over how they would get back to the Galactica if something happened. Rene reassured her friend several times that the shuttles left often and the luxury liner was in good repair and well protected. It seemed to help a little, but didn't completely erase the worried look on the young woman's face.

The triad gallery had been packed, so the four of them had to settle for the seats in the back near the IFB commentator's booth. The crowd had issued a little cheer when during a timeout the IFB had focused the camera on Starbuck and mentioned the upcoming game. Crius ate up the attention putting an arm around Starbuck's shoulders for the camera to get a shot. During the next timeout, a reporter approached them, asked a few questions about the game, and Crius drug out his country boy twang to the reporter's delight.

Then the reporter turned to Starbuck and asked about his date for the night. Starbuck put his arm around Rene and introduced her to the blond woman who had done his Warrior of the Centaur segment. He felt Rene tense when he used the words "my betrothed." The reporter latched on to the words, asking about the date for the sealing ceremony. Starbuck looked down to Rene, and realized his mistake as she blanched, her lips not in a smile, but more of a grimace.

"Uh, we haven't had time to discuss that yet with the games coming up. All my focus is on beating the other team and taking that trophy." Starbuck had tried to shift the interview back to triad, but the reporter wasn't letting it go, beginning to ask all sorts of questions about the ceremony, where it would be held, who would be officiating, what kind of flowers. Rene next to him felt like a felix crouching down ready to spring away. Starbuck finally had to tell the reporter they had somewhere they needed to be, and leave the courts, which was a shame because it was an exciting game. The reporter tried to follow them out into the corridor, where Rene had begun to pick up the pace to flee the area. Starbuck let her lead him, plus Crius and Lizbet, to the lounge. They joined the others and Starbuck waited until they'd found a seat and were served drinks, letting it go that Rene had ordered a watered down vino, but still more alcohol than she should be having. Starbuck figured she needed it after dealing with the IFB.

"You alright?" he asked reaching for her hand.

He watched her take a deep breath before she fixed a smile on her face. "Yeah, I just forget sometimes." She drew herself closer as she reached over and pretended to polish one of his gold clusters. "You don't wear those often in our bed. There you're just my hero, not everybody else's."

He smiled for her, leaned in and whispered in her ear, "I only want to be yours." The words had the right affect as she shivered a little and relaxed.

"So prove it and dance with me, just once, I promise."

It was a request he couldn't deny considering the circumstances. Plus he figured the public display might give the IFB what they wanted, and quiet some of the rumors that he was available. The dance was a slower one and true to her word, once done Rene let him lead her back to a table where he and Boomer talked, mostly triad, but some about work. Crius had buddied up with Giles and Jolly which Starbuck thought was a good start at making his wing mate feel a bit more at home in the fleet. Rene, Lizbet, Dara and Dietra had their own conversation and without even asking the guys, the women took to the dance floor with each other. All the men seemed to breathe a sigh of relief that they wouldn't have to do any more dancing, then the table got a little quiet as they watched the girls. Starbuck didn't think too much of it, but Crius nearly growled when he announced, "I need a drink so I can be drunk enough to do some dancing and not embarrass myself. You want one?"

Starbuck glanced to the bar and saw it was packed with mostly male warriors, many from the new ships added to the fleet, and recognized that Jake was asking for a bit of backup amongst that crowd. "Yeah, think I'll join you."

They found a gap in the group with enough room to ask the bartender for drinks before Starbuck realized that one of the men near him was Captain Pallus. Starbuck hoped he could just get the drinks, and go back to his table before he had to acknowledge the man whose training he had sat in on, but lady fortune seemed to be saving all her luck for his love life.

"Hey, Starbuck!" The man had obviously had more than a few drinks as he slurred Starbuck's name. "This place is great! I'll give your Commander credit, he knows how to keep people happy." The man held up his drink and gestured towards the dance floor. Starbuck hoped his drink would hurry up, and bit his tongue so he would not have to comment on the boray's remarks.

Crius was no help though, as he chimed in, "The girls aren't for sale here."

"Oh no, much better than that. Can get one with just a few drinks." The man grinned and turned back to Starbuck. "You picked a good one. She's got more moves than she's showing on that dance floor. I found she's even better on her knees."

Starbuck's fist was clenched and already punched into the man's mouth before he grasped what he had done. He knocked the man back into the group behind him. Pallus' drink had spilled all over his dress uniform. Pallus didn't issue a taunt or a reprimand, just threw his glass down to smash it on the floor before he brought up his fists and threw a punch. Ducking it, Starbuck felt it would be rude not to throw one back. The fight was on, consequences be damned.


	7. Chapter 7

It was the breaking glass that drew attention to the altercation. At first, there were no shouts from the combatants, no curses, just the dull sound of fists hitting flesh. The sound from the few initial spectators around them grew from a few comments to the cheers of a raucous crowd within microns. The fists flying were not the flailing of inexperienced boys. This was a fight between Warriors who had training in hand-to-hand combat. One dodged, while another punched. Boomer couldn't see from his seat who was involved. He knew something like this could happen when he saw how packed the lounge was with warriors. When going over the troop rotations with Colonel Gage, Boomer could easily analyse why things had become a wicked hazing boys club with Dante's troops. They were more than three quarters male. Boomer wasn't so chauvinistic himself that he didn't realize that women provided a nice balance in the service. Their influence could be calming.

As he heard another fist land and half the crowd cheer and the other half boo, he also recognized that women could also inspire fights as men postured and posed for attention. Boomer figured that's what the fight at the bar was about, and didn't worry too much about who was involved as it seemed to be contained to the two who were throwing punches. Likely they were young, hot-headed and over-imbibing. The crowd around the combatants had not become involved in the fight. Boomer was wondering when security would break it up.

It was Jolly cursing while leaping to his feet that caused Boomer concern. "Frack, it's Starbuck!"

Boomer watched as Jolly moved faster than many thought a man his size could. He was across the room to the bar, wading through the crowd before Boomer had made it out of his chair. Boomer tried to follow, but Jolly complicated his progress as the pilot, rather than trying to pull Starbuck out of the fight, began throwing his own punches at the other fighter and his friends. Giles was only a step behind, but at least he was attempting to pull the combatants apart, that is before someone threw a punch at him and he threw one back as well. Boomer shouted at Giles, "We need to stop this before security gets here!"

Boomer began pushing other people out of the way and shouting authoritatively for them to stay back and leave the lounge. There was a loud groan from the crowd and Boomer hoped it meant the fight was over. He looked to the fighters to see Starbuck staggering back and wiping blood from his eye before he stepped forward into the fight throwing a vicious punch with all his weight behind it. Boomer heard it connect when half the crowd cheered and the other half groaned.

He lost Giles in the melee, as he started to back out of the crowd. He looked for Dietra on his way, motioning for her to help him out with clearing the lounge. The fight was quickly becoming a barroom brawl with Crius and Jolly now throwing their own punches against others from the Dilmun fleet. Once he saw that Dietra was safe and encouraging others to leave, Boomer waded back into the spectators, forcefully shoving others aside.

Once near the fight Boomer was a bit unsure how to go about breaking it up. It had not spread beyond Starbuck, Jolly and Crius and their adversaries. Lying on the floor and nursing what would undoubtedly be a black eye, at least Giles had stopped throwing punches. The others in the crowd had backed up enough to give the fighters room. The Dilmun warriors were cheering their fighters on, enjoying the show.

Boomer took a moment to look to see that Dietra and a couple warriors she had conscripted were effectively keeping the others in the room from joining the fight. Boomer first began to work at Jolly to get the man to back off, because there was no getting to Starbuck with Jolly and Crius in the way. Plus Boomer knew Starbuck. Once he got started, he wasn't going to stop fighting until either he went down or the other guy did, and if he did go down, ten to one he'd be trying to get back up. He hadn't seen Starbuck in a full blown fight, other than on the triad courts, since their Academy days. Boomer remembered though that back then, Starbuck rarely was one to start the fight, but he was always was the one who finished it.

Boomer put himself between Jolly and his opponent, yelling for them to stop. Jolly was smart enough to step back, but the Dilmun warrior wasn't ready to be done. Boomer had to shove him back hard, shouting a threat of being put on report. Out of the corner of his eye, he caught the sight of Lizbet and Dara trying to pull Crius back. Boomer worried the girls would get hurt as Crius was unwilling to listen to reason and was shaking them off as they reached for his arms.

No one had gotten to Starbuck yet, and Boomer wondered why until he noticed that Rene was pulling back anyone who tried to get near the fight. Boomer wasn't sure if she was trying to protect Starbuck, or if she was giving him room to throw his punches. He had his answer when Rene shouted out, "Starbuck, watch his left! Sweep his foot, he leads with the left."

Starbuck ducked the left and did as she suggested, sweeping a foot to take the other man off his feet, but the man recovered, tossing a jab at Starbuck's eye again. Blood flew from the punch and everyone in the crowd cheered at the sight of it as it spattered over his uniform. It didn't even slow him down and Starbuck countered, pummelling his rival's abdomen, knocking him back a step. The man grunted from the impact, to another cheer from the spectators.

The fighters squared up again, fists raised, sparring as they waited for the other man to throw a punch, both breathing heavily, sweat pouring off them. In a flash, the captain kicked out, as the warriors from the Galactica shouted their displeasure at what they considered an unfair move. The Dilmun warriors shouted in victory as the kick connected in Starbuck's gut, knocking him down a little. The Captain caught him a glancing blow with the inevitable upper cut, but unbelievably unfazed, Starbuck came up with his own that landed solidly on the man's jaw. The two backed up again, both shaking their heads to clear them, tiring now. The Captain's lip was split open, his teeth stained with blood giving him a ghastly grin. Starbuck had blood streaming from above his eye down his face that he was forced to move his hands from protecting himself, to wiping the blood from his eye so he could see. It was one hell of a cut, probably from the other man's ring.

Crius was still trying to shake off the arms holding him, kicking out in an attempt to help Starbuck. "Kill him, Bucko!" he screamed maniacally.

And Boomer had thought it was Starbuck who was out of control.

Suddenly a loud sharp whistle cut across the room, shrilling twice, the sound freezing most of the activity. It was followed by Nik's warning from the doorway, "Security is here!"

Boomer had heard the phrase "like rats from a sinking ship," but he had not seen it before now. It was impressive how quickly the room cleared, the Dilmun warriors dashing for the various exits. The Colonial Warriors were confused for a moment, probably trying to figure out where everyone was going. Technically they were all stuck on this ship. But the hesitation was only for a moment before the Colonial Warriors followed the others' example. The room cleared quickly and Boomer was able to get to Starbuck as Rene had turned to help Lizbet pull Crius back from his fight.

"Go, get out of here!" Rene pushed at Crius towards the chancery. "Take my shuttle ID. Hole up for a while in a private room, then get on any shuttle, it doesn't matter which one. You can get back to the Galactica later. GO!"

Crius hesitated, reaching for Rene's arm. "No, go," she said again. "I'll provide cover. It's going to be okay. The Commander's not Dante! Just get off this ship, any shuttle!"

Boomer didn't realize that Crius could move that fast. Before Boomer could reach out to detain him, Crius and Lizbet were gone. Giles followed yelling for them to wait for him.

The problem now was the fact that Starbuck and the Dilmun pilot had not stopped fighting. Neither seemed to be concerned about the arrival of security, too involved in the fight to care. As a follower of pugilistic arts, Boomer had to admit it was a decent fight. Both were roughly of the same weight class, although it appeared the man Starbuck was fighting had more experience. Starbuck seemed to have passion on his side, as his face was fixed in a snarl, and he was muttering under his breath, something about a gallmonging, sadistic boray.

With the absence of the crowd, it was as if they now could get to the real fighting, and Starbuck lashed out at the Captain. The fists flew furiously from each of them, both men grunting and groaning as the punches found their marks.

Boomer shared a look with Jolly and the other man nodded in understanding. The problem in this fight was Starbuck, not the Captain he was fighting. If they could get Starbuck pulled out of the confrontation, the fight would probably end. Adding to the fuel of Starbuck's passion was Rene off to his side coaching him with constructive comments. They waited until a particularly hard punch had knocked Starbuck back wiping at the blood in his eye before Boomer grabbed one side of him and Jolly the other. They hauled Starbuck off the Captain as the warrior fought back, throwing punches blindly like some kind of berserker. This was not going to end well for their buddy. Boomer winced as the Captain took advantage by punching Starbuck full in the face, snapping his head back as the blow connected. Starbuck roared trying to break free and Boomer was afraid Rene was going to join in as she shouted a "HEY!" at the Captain.

Before Boomer could raise his voice, security was in the room, shouting for everyone to disperse and the fight to break up. Boomer couldn't help but laugh. "It's already done!" Boomer shouted, before letting Starbuck go and turning to finally get in his face. "It's done, right, Bucko?"

"The man is a sadistic fracker!" Starbuck tried to reach over Boomer to take another swing at the Captain.

"You're getting in on the action too, so what is your problem!" the Captain shouted back as a few of his friends who had stayed, echoed the sentiment.

Starbuck lunged to get at the man again, while the Captain put up his fists ready to keep fighting. Jolly slammed Starbuck back into the bar. "Security is here!"

It was Reece who spoke as he pulled out his truncheon, slapping it in his hand, looking eager to use it. "It doesn't look like it's done."

"It's done!" Boomer yelled at him as Starbuck struggled helplessly in Jolly's hold. Boomer had to turn to Starbuck to yell at him again, "It's done! Stand down, Lieutenant!"

"He had it coming with cracks like that. This isn't the Zakar!"

"No, it's the Rising Star where we are supposed to act like Colonial Warriors and lead by example!" Boomer was gratified that the words brought some sense into Starbuck's anger-fuelled haze. He stopped resisting Jolly, muttered to his larger friend that he was alright, to let him up.

In typical security incompetence, Reece ignored the two fighters and had walked up to Rene. "So, it's you again. How many pockets you pick tonight? Where do you hide it in such skimpy dresses?"

Jolly had to slam Starbuck back again as he was now lunging for Reece, but Starbuck was faster than his friend, was able to dodge under Jolly's arm and came up punching Reece in the mouth, then tackling the security guard to the ground.

Boomer was too stunned by the move to react. The other security guards weren't as inept as Reece. They reached for Starbuck, hauled him off their fellow officer, and shoved Starbuck to the ground. A loud "Hey!" is all Starbuck was able to utter as the guard placed a knee in his back, yanked Starbuck's arms behind his back, and expertly placed him in cuffs before anyone could get involved. They hauled Starbuck up to his feet. He was still struggling in his rage.

Boomer intervened on his friend's behalf, helping Reece up from the floor. "Reece, is that really necessary?"

Reece laughed sarcastically. "He punched me, yeah, it's necessary! And I've already dealt with that one before." He flipped his thumb to indicate Rene, who held up her hands in innocence.

"I haven't done a thing."

"Let's search you and find out." Reece drawled as he took a step towards her.

Starbuck lunged in the arms that held him. "Don't you fracking touch her! You have no grounds to search her!"

Boomer grimaced as Jolly stepped in front of Rene in protection. Boomer also placed himself between Reece and Rene as he spoke. "Aren't you here about the fight? Rene wasn't in the fight."

"I bet she's involved." Reece rubbed at his jaw casting Rene and then Starbuck a glare before he turned to the Captain. "And you are?"

"Captain Pallus from the Galactica."

"So, what happened, Sir?"

Boomer straightened a little in shock as the Captain looked to Boomer, a question in his eyes before he answered. "I think that's for our Commander to figure out. You're civilian security, correct?"

Reece stammered, "Yes, but we also are part of the fleet. We manage things. We are in charge and answer to the council, just like your Commander answers to the council. You're one of the new ones, aren't you? I guess they didn't tell you how it works. We're in charge here."

Captain Pallus nodded, then looked to Boomer again. Boomer answered the inferred question and shook his head no. Pallus turned back to Reece. "I think we need to defer to the Commander on this one. We are both warriors so it should be a military matter."

Pallus's words did more than anyone else's to bring Starbuck back to some sense of control. He straightened up, looking a bit more like the warrior that was in charge of blue squadron. "Oh, our commander will take care of this. Don't you worry about that you, boray."

Boomer groaned inwardly. He had hoped that Starbuck had calmed down enough to be sensible. That obviously wasn't going to happen.

It was one of the guards holding Starbuck that added, "Yeah Reece, technically he's right. We would just hand them over to the military once we made charges. Maybe we should show the Commander why the Warriors shouldn't be allowed on the Rising Star."

"Yeah, good point. Alright," Reece turned to Pallus, the ranking officer of the group. "We'll escort you to the Galactica. I'll press charges for Lt. Starbuck hitting me and what charges would you like to make?"

Pallus fixed Starbuck with a glare before he pointedly cut his eyes to Rene, and then back to Starbuck. "That will depend on what we can work out on the way there."

Starbuck started to growl something, but Rene stepped in front of him, her voice cut him off. "Starbuck! My realm. Keep your mouth shut!"

Starbuck shifted his anger to her. "NO! Don't you fracking dare negotiate with this son of equine. Dante is not going to touch you! This is not Dilmun."

Rene reached out a hand to his chest, as she said soft and low, "Dante's dead. Trust me. I know what I'm doing. Just keep your mouth shut and follow the code."

"Code?" he said, before he realized she was probably referring to the secret sign language she and Jake had that Starbuck had learned.

"Number one, shut your mouth."

He opened it again.

"Now!" she insisted.

Boomer wasn't sure if Rene's intervention was helpful or harmful, but Starbuck at least followed her words when he wasn't listening to anyone else in the room, that is until Pallus added to the conversation.

"Smart girl. See I knew you could learn."

Starbuck lunged towards Pallus again, but the guards had a good hold of him and began hauling him towards the shuttle.

Reece had a shuttle waiting for them, and they were loaded into the back. Starbuck was shoved down into a seat. Boomer thought it curious that Rene didn't even attempt to take a seat beside Starbuck. She scanned the shuttle, Boomer assumed trying to see who had made it and who had escaped, before she took a seat in another row, but with a clear view of Starbuck. Boomer took a seat beside Starbuck and it was a good thing too as he tried to get up as Captain Pallus strode over to Rene.

Boomer had pulled out a handkerchief and was attempting to wipe at the blood streaming from his friend's eye, but Starbuck jerked his head away so he had a better view of the Captain and Rene. "They're just talking, Starbuck. He can't do any harm here," Boomer scolded his friend, trying to press the cloth to the wound.

"Yes, he can!" Starbuck growled before lowering his voice. "He's one of the guys that abused Rene. He can intimidate her and taunt her, and the nightmares will just get worse!"

"Nightmares? What are you talking about, buddy?"

"Every fracking night. She wakes up screaming. Pallus and the others did more than just flogging and fracking. They fracked with their heads!"

"That doesn't mean you punch him in the lounge on the Rising Star! You talk with the Commander and follow the proper procedures. You get her help. What were you thinking, Starbuck? They were talking about promoting you to Captain. Now you'll be lucky if you get to stay in the service as an ensign."

That quieted Starbuck down, but he didn't relax until Pallus walked away from Rene to come back and have a seat next to Reece. Starbuck spit blood from his mouth toward the floor at Reece's feet.

Once the shuttle launched Rene began flashing hand signs to Starbuck. The conversation did a bit more to calm Starbuck down. Boomer could read most of it, that Starbuck should keep his mouth shut, apologize and that the rats would take care of the rest. That no, she wasn't going to be doing anything with Pallus, that the rats together would fix this. Starbuck kept quiet except for asking Boomer to flash a sign to Rene to ask her to explain, but Rene just shook her head no, and repeated that the rats would fix it.

When they reached the Galactica, security hauled Starbuck up to his feet, even though it wasn't needed. He was complying and growled at the guards, but Boomer uttered a low "Starbuck," in warning. The Commander was waiting on them with Colonel Gage beside him. Commander Adama was wearing his stern face that only softened a touch in sadness when he saw that Starbuck was in cuffs and bleeding. The Captain had staunched the flow of blood from his split lip, but Starbuck's eye had begun to swell and continued to bleed.

"Remove those cuffs now," the Commander ordered Reece.

"Sir, he took a swing at me," Reece replied.

"Lieutenant Starbuck, you will conduct yourself as an officer in the Colonial Service should, do you understand?"

Starbuck didn't hesitate. "Yes, Sir!"

Adama issued the order again. "Remove those cuffs."

Reece grumbled as he unlocked the cuffs. Boomer was prepared to step in if Starbuck couldn't resist the urge to retaliate, at the very least with a snarky remark, but Starbuck just shut his eyes and mouth until the cuffs were off. Probably he was having a few flashbacks to his teenage years and knew the trouble he would get in. Boomer handed him the bloody cloth, and Starbuck wiped at his knuckles first before placing it against his eye.

Reece stared to explain the situation, but Adama cut him off. "I received the report. Thank you for delivering me my warriors. You may return to your duties."

Reece looked like he wanted to say more, but settled for, "See you later Starbuck. I'll save a cell for you."

Boomer was pretty sure had the Commander not fixed a stern look on Starbuck his friend would have had a wonderfully snarky comment, but Starbuck kept his mouth shut.

The Commander quickly appraised the warriors before him. They were both bruised and bleeding, but nothing looked life threatening. Both officers would be sporting bruises and black eyes, but the injuries to both men appeared to be equal in measure.

"To my office. Now," the Commander ordered and turned for the corridor.

As they headed down the hallway, Rene reached for the Colonel, holding him back from the others. She spoke quietly to Colonel Gage. "Sir, I need to get Jake."

"Was he also involved? I thought he missed out on this trip to the Rising Star, one of the last you will be making for a while I might add."

Rene pitched her voice even lower so that Pallus who was following closely on Adama's heels wouldn't hear. "Crius told Starbuck."

Gage only hesitated for a moment before he answered, "Go fast. I'll cover." When Boomer looked back to them, Rene was already gone, taking a side route no doubt. Starbuck's steps faltered, but Boomer placed a hand on his back to keep him going in the right direction.

"She's smart. She's on the Galactica. She'll be fine."

"That's not what I'm worried about," Starbuck growled but didn't elaborate.


	8. Chapter 8

As Rene ran, weaving her way through the corridors she had memorized, she couldn't help but remember something from her childhood. Her mother used to read her a story about a rat. Every day it ran a new maze until it realized that despite the change in the maze, nothing really changed. It stopped running. That is when it finally beat the game. She desperately wanted to stop running in this same maze, but she didn't know how. Besides, there really wasn't any other way to fix this than to revert back to her old ways, and for that she needed Jake.

She made it to officer row before Adama and the rest and briefly thanked the Lords, mumbling something about making a sacrifice if Jake would just be in the council chambers with the kids like he should be. He was there at the head of the table, rocking Leia to sleep. She had him hand the baby off to someone else as she quickly explained the situation, the deal she had already worked out with Pallus. Jake's only comment on the short walk to the Commander's office was that he was going to kill Crius.

"He flies with the guy. Didn't he know Starbuck just couldn't sit on that kind of intel?!"

"I know. I know. Well, I didn't know until a couple of days ago, but, I thought after Starbuck showed up at the training, he was okay with it. So, what name do we give them? Who?"

"Brody. Let the two twist in the wind together."

"Naw, too close," Rene answered as they turned the corner and found themselves in front of the Commander's office. Rene hesitated before pushing the call button.

"You want close for this one I think. You sure the Commander will play along? He's not Dante."

"Everybody knows he likes Starbuck. Just gotta play that chit," she said as the door opened.

It was Gage that met them, his voice low and hard to hear over the Commander's shouting. "You sure about this?"

"No, that's why Jake is doing it," she replied.

They entered the room, taking up a position near the door, suddenly not wanting to get into direct firing range of the Commander. His face was red and he was angrier than Rene had ever seen him. Even though it was nowhere near the level Dante could get in his rage, it was in a way more frightening. In the last two sectars, Rene had never seen the Commander angry, not even a little bit peeved, and lord knows she had pushed. She had considered taking one for the team and really pushing the Commander over the edge so they would see what would happen, but she knew those sweet quarters of her and Starbuck's, as well as the council chambers for the kids, were only due to the Commander's influence. She had suggested someone else push it, but despite their best efforts, the man was not to be moved.

It unnerved Jake more than the others. His first foster father had been like that. Hades, the guy let Jake get away with anything he wanted, even baked him cookies when he got in trouble at school. Jake figured out why when he snuck on the guy's computer to play a vid game and he got curious as to what the guy looked at all the time on the screen late at night. All Jake would say is that he didn't realize a home computer could store that many images.

"I deleted about three quarters and thought about waiting a few sectars before I turned him in. I mean, he baked me cookies, after all." That's the joke Jake would tell about it, but Rene knew the real story. He deleted all the images, except the ones of Jake, then turned him in. The other foster homes didn't get the memo that Jake was a victim, just that he caused a problem. That was the problem with confidentiality sometimes. People assumed the worst. Jake ended up regretting turning the guy in. "It was just pictures. I mean what harm had he really done?" Jake told her late one night when it was just the two of them sleeping out in the cold.

Jake had avoided the Commander, rarely stepped foot on the bridge and even went so far as to leave the room if he didn't have to be there when the man showed up. She would owe Jake big for this, but Jake knew like she did, without Starbuck they all would lose privileges and be back on the bottom.

It was Starbuck that was at attention in front of the Commander's desk, Boomer and Pallus off to the side, Jolly and Giles near the seats at the back of the room, and Gage beside them by the door. Pallus had shifted his attention from the Commander to Rene and Jake, which seemed to have distracted Starbuck as well. Starbuck started to say something to Rene, but the Commander brought him up short.

"Let me get this straight," Adama said as he made an effort to lower his voice after glancing over at Jake and Rene. "Captain Pallus said something rude about one of the ladies in the room, so you hit him, is that correct? A superior officer?"

"Yes, sir," Starbuck replied, trying to remain erect and ignore the blood still slowly seeping into his eyes. "A very crude remark and he, look sir, you don't know the whole story, see…"

The Commander cut him off. "Oh, I received a full report from the Rising Star. The only thing you did right was to not damage too much property. Your garnished wages should be able to cover the cost. No, you just started an impromptu brawl, over a rude comment!"

"Well, yes sir, see…"

The Commander's raised voice had Rene flinching, but Jake beside her started grinning, as he flashed her the sign for confirmation. She nodded.

"You are supposed to be the liaison to the Dilmun Warriors! Lieutenant, you are supposed to make them feel welcome and included, not fight them!"

"Well sir, we did have quite a crowd cheering us on, so technically they were all included."

It was the grin on Pallus's face, like he was going to win this round, that helped Rene gather her courage. "Sir, could we have a word with you."

"Not now, Lieutenant," the commander barked and Rene flinched. Gage reached out a hand to steady her, but she cursed softly at the touch.

"And then to make matters worse, you punched a security guard?! If you want out of the Colonial Service, you could just ask! Now I will have no choice but to open a tribunal and begin the proceedings to have you kicked out!"

"Sir, that may have been my fault," Pallus interrupted. "I had a few drinks and as Starbuck was being pulled away, I did sucker punch him. Starbuck may have thought he was aiming for me, sir."

The words halted the Commander's tirade as he appraised the Captain whom he did not know. Starbuck remained uncharacteristically quiet to the man's comment. "Captain would you care to tell me your side of the story?"

Pallus looked to Starbuck, before he shifted to Rene, then levelled his gaze at Jake. "Sir, we all had a few drinks too many. I may have said something crass, I am unsure, and I may have thrown my own punches as well. For the record, I do not wish to level any charges against the Lieutenant."

"Are you sure Captain Pallus? The witnesses were quite clear this was not your fault." The commander looked from the Captain, to where the captain's gaze had landed in the direction of Rene and Jake. The Commander's eyebrow quirked up at the unspoken tension between the two officers.

"Lieutenant Jake, you were not on the Rising Star tonight. Why are you here, if I may ask?"

Jake hesitated for a moment and Rene was afraid he would back down and would throw her under the landram on this one. Far too many times with Dante her word had counted for nothing. Without Jake's testimony, hers would not stand. She was too close to Starbuck and it would seem too much like tit for tat.

"I have some charges I would like to level against Captain Brody, which might explain why Starbuck felt the need to …to have hard feelings against Captain Pallus, a friend of Brody's."

Pallus spoke before the Commander could. "Lieutenant, I already said I was not levelling charges. The matter is closed."

Rene was shocked to see that everyone in the room flinched when the commander spoke again, his voice not a shout, but the low bass tones of barely contained rage. "I am the Commander, this is my office and I will decide when the matter is closed."

The words seemed to have no effect on Starbuck though. "Jake, you don't have to do this. I know what I did. I didn't handle it right. It's my fault."

"I think it's more Crius's fault," Rene said softly, but it was Gage that answered.

"This goes back a lot farther Commander than the fight this evening, or even the one a few cycles ago."

"A few cycles ago?" Adama fixed Gage with a look of betrayal. "Why was this not brought to my attention?"

Gage did not answer immediately and the room remained silent until Jake finally spoke. "We don't know you, sir."

The Commander's gaze swept every face in the room as he analysed the situation, read the faces for the clues he had missed. There still remained a division, and it was wider than he realized. "One at time, I want the details as to what has been going on. Begin at the beginning."

Jake took the step forward and began at just a few cycles ago, blamed Brody for the fight, not Pallus. Jake told the story of an altercation with Brody that began over triad and went too far. He said that Crius had misunderstood, thought it was Pallus as Brody and Pallus are friends. Crius had told Starbuck about it, only Crius had the mixed up the names. Starbuck felt the need to stand up for Jake and that led them to here. A misunderstanding began over triad and finished over too many drinks.

It was a lie, Jake, Rene and Gage knew that, but Gage must have felt some guilt for the confession he made to the commander about he and Rene as he followed the code. He admitted nothing, he denied his knowledge of the fight until a few cycles later, claimed there was no real proof, just one or two witnesses who were probably involved in that fight as well, and he shifted the blame to the seriousness of triad in the fleet. Jake hinted that it all stemmed from an issue on the Zakar, was just beginning to elaborate when Captain Pallus jumped into the story, completely willing to buy into the lie to protect himself.

Starbuck was smart enough to keep his mouth shut as he watched the game being played in front of him. Maybe it was the hand sign Rene had flashed at him, something about saving the best card for a later hand. He hoped that meant that later, when Captain Pallus wasn't in the room, Rene would reveal the truth to the Commander and they could begin to unravel the twisted fabric of Dante's command. It was painfully obvious to Starbuck from Pallus's crude comment that many of the vices of the Dilmun crew members had not suddenly been eliminated by bringing them into the fleet. Pallus was probably still a rapist, and the only thing keeping him contained was the availability of somewhat willing women in the fleet. At least he hoped he'd been contained. Starbuck still was left wondering what Rene had promised Pallus when they spoke on the shuttle. To be honest, that was his first concern at the moment, not whether he'd be kicked out of the service or have to serve time on the prison barge. He wanted to make sure Rene was not trading sexual favors for Starbuck's pardon.

But when the Commander asked Starbuck if the story was true, he found himself agreeing. He didn't clear up the confusion, but he did contradict one issue, despite the glare he received from Rene. "Sir it was truly the crude comment about Rene that made me throw the first punch, not all the other issues. I was letting it go until this boray…until Captain Pallus made the comment."

Starbuck was surprised when Pallus at least owned up to the comment. "I did make a crude comment, unbecoming of an officer. I was inebriated, still am, as I am allowed on my furlong time. I apologize Lieutenant Starbuck."

"Captain, I think you owe it to Lieutenant Rene." Starbuck enjoyed watching the man grovel for just a moment to the woman he had abused in the past. He knew it wasn't enough to make up for the torture he inflicted on Rene, but it was a start. At least he thought, the boray will know he can't get away with it any longer. If he did, well he'd convince Rene to level real charges. Surely, they were within the statute of limitations for the crime committed on the Zakar by a Colonial officer?

The Commander took in the story, and Rene wasn't sure if he had bought it, but no one, not even Starbuck contradicted the account. Both Starbuck and Pallus had apologized and the captain stated again for the record he did not wish to level charges. She tensely waited for the Commander's judgement. She had to admit she lost a tiny bit of respect for the man when he leaned back, fingers tented under his chin and pronounced that the matter between Captain Pallus and Lieutenant Starbuck was closed. He dismissed everyone from the room except for Lieutenant Boomer and Lieutenant Starbuck. Rene was about to ask why, when the Commander clarified he had the issue of the assault on a security guard to address.

Rene didn't want to leave Starbuck without some back up, but Gage was pushing her out the door as Jake nearly fled down the corridor. She followed Jake as he headed for her quarters, keyed the door with the code she had given him, and waited for the door to shut before he asked for the whole story. She didn't know quite what to tell him other than Crius had told Starbuck about their time with Pallus and Dante, and Starbuck had some kind of righteous indignation issue, probably acquired through his friendship with Apollo.

"So, he really did it because of that?"

"Seriously Jake, if we don't watch what we say, Starbuck's going to kill a few people."

Jake smiled as he pulled Rene in by the back of the neck, forehead to forehead, they both sighed, having the same hope that maybe someone could protect them from the evil in this world. Or would at least try.

The Commander waited until the room was cleared, even excusing Colonel Gage until he had before him the two remaining warriors that he counted as family. He waved his hand to indicate the chairs in the room, but at Starbuck's sudden smile he said, "You are still on report, son. You just look like you are about to fall down and I don't want any of those lovely bruises blamed on me. Now what really happened, and don't even try to tell me that fabrication just told is even close to the truth."

"Well," Starbuck began pulling up a chair. "It is close enough so we can all remember the details, a necessary component of a good lie. But no, it wasn't the truth." Starbuck took a deep breath before forging forward. "Crius told me a horrific tale, that I haven't had confirmed by anyone yet, that Captain Pallus tried to rape Rene, Jake fought him off, then the Captain put them on report and in the Commander's office, proceeded to beat Jake, rape Rene and the Commander joined in."

Starbuck noted that the commander took the news rather calmly, not seeming to even bat an eye. "Sir, he's a rapist! He coerces the girls and…"

Adama held up a hand, stopping Starbuck from working himself up. "Was Crius there to witness this?"

"Yeah, I mean, not the rape, but the fight Pallus had with Jake and he witnessed the bruises after and…" Starbuck trailed off as he realized that for a real report it needed to have the real victims make a report. He sighed, "No, he wasn't there and Rene hasn't confirmed it. Jake won't talk about it at all, won't even admit who he had the fight with a few days ago. They aren't talking and, I've tried to get them to, but…"

Adama waited for Starbuck to wind down before he spoke. "So, based on this information, hearsay I might add, you encountered the Captain on the Rising Star and his comment upset you?"

"He made a crude comment about how Rene was good on her knees and yeah, I punched him. Boomer heard it."

"Uh actually, buddy, I was nowhere near you at the time."

Starbuck flashed his friend an annoyed look. "Alright, so yeah, maybe I went off on the guy without enough information. The comment was reason enough. Forgive me if I'm a little sensitive that the woman I love is still surrounded by the officers that used to abuse her, sexually and otherwise."

"Son, I appreciate you wanting to stand up for the honor of a lady, especially one you had at one time said was going to be your wife…"

"She is going to be my wife!"

Adama's eyebrow quirked up at that. "Oh really, so when would that be happening?"

"Uh, we haven't actually talked about a date and, well, I was waiting until she felt more comfortable here. I haven't really had time to ask her. I was hoping to do that tonight, but then well, Apollo didn't make it and…"

Boomer interjected, "And then there was a fight. Doesn't exactly set the scene for romance…"

Starbuck looked at the Commander sheepishly. "And there was a fight. I was getting around to it."

"Look, Starbuck, I am not trying to rush your sealing." The Commander fixed him with a fatherly gaze. "But I'm not sure I can allow you to continue the cohabitation, certainly not with this putting the two of you in the center of the ring, so to speak. Are you sure she wishes to seal with you?"

"Yes, I mean, she did. I…" Starbuck began to stammer and the Commander came to his rescue.

"Perhaps you should ask her. Or perhaps, a little break from the situation will make things a bit clearer for you. As punishment for decking a security guard, you will be on the picket patrols during what would be your sleep cycle. Your shift will begin before the dinner hour before your extra duty helping out engine maintenance as they are short staffed and most are busy on the Zakar with the repairs. Plus, there will be some community service required of you. You will have little time to be in those quarters with company, so you may want to resume your billet with the blue squadron for sleep period."

Starbuck cringed. "Sir, she doesn't sleep when I'm not there."

"Then perhaps she should get some help with that, professional help from our medical team. Her psychiatric evaluation was interesting to say the least, and she has not gone to any of the follow up appointments made for her. Starbuck, I am not suggesting you and she shouldn't seal or that you shouldn't defend her from those who did her harm in the past. I am suggesting you can't do it all alone, son. There are people willing to help you. I am one of them."

"Same here, Starbuck," Boomer added clapping him on the back. "You've done a great job so far with all of the family. The kids adore you, and you have gotten the adults to relax and open up some. I think Crius would have been on report by now if not for you."

"Yeah, alright, you have a point, sir. Her nightmares are pretty bad and I'm not totally sure who she is talking to sometimes when she's muttering out loud. I worry that it might be Iblis."

Adama sat up at that information, but Starbuck held up his hand. "Haven't seen him. She could just be talking to herself. She does it in front of almost everyone, and I seem to be the only one concerned about it."

"You are not the only one. I will exert my pressure to see she is moved up in priority for our medical staff. In the meantime, I will allow you to finish off your evening in the Copper Squadron billet. Sleep off the drinks and report for duty tomorrow morning and we will work out your community service. Then you and I will report to the gym, where I will show you how to properly win a fight."

Starbuck started to grin again, but it slipped as the Commander added, "And son, you need to ask her, not just assume a sealing will be happening. Think about it during this time apart. During my time in the service I have witnessed often that absence is to love like the wind is to a flame, it can fan it higher, or it can extinguish it. I'm sure even you would like to know if this sealing is meant to be so you can defeat all your critics, or if it was arranged for convenience by a gal who tells lies."


	9. Chapter 9

Jake waited with Rene until Starbuck showed up, making sure he was in a chair half a room away from her. She didn't need to be dealing with Starbuck's jealousy tonight, not when he was already in a fighting mood. Jake had been shocked to hear about the fight, even more so when Rene played it out for him blow by blow after the meeting in the Commander's office. Starbuck had tried to come to their rescue, a few yahrens late, but it was something more than anyone else had ever done. All Gage had done back then was make sure they got medical care and a few days off details so they could heal. It was Crius who had gotten them the ambrosia and the pills so they could forget. Back then, well with that righteous indignation issue, it would have gotten Starbuck killed. Maybe if security hadn't shown up, the same would have happened here.

Things weren't so different here than on Dilmun. Pilots got drunk and then the fists came out. He'd already found the triad was a bit rough here, just like on the Zakar. The fight he'd had hadn't been with Pallus or Brody, but another one of their tormenters, one who hadn't been lucky enough to be able to get to Rene on the Zakar, but tried more than a few times on Dilmun. It seemed the guy figured that with Dante out of the picture, he might have a shot. Jake put that idea down when he knocked the guy out. Jake had taken to carrying his gloves with him, the ones soaked in the knockout chemicals. So far no one else had bothered him, and Rene was doing a good job of staying close to him, Starbuck or Crius so she was probably safe. But he'd learned the hard way, you couldn't let your guard down, even here on the Galactica. None of the Galacticans had helped him in that fight. The Rats were still on their own.

Jake hadn't made it to the Rising Star yet. Didn't think he'd be bothering with it in the future after this fight. Besides he'd already learned his kind of fun was found on other ships less populated by Warriors. He'd see about dragging Rene to those as well, and maybe for a few stolen hours they could shed their uniforms and go back to being themselves.

Life on the Battlestar was chafing at him, surprisingly more so than how the four walls were crushing Rene. It was having to fake that being a Colonial Warrior had been his life-long dream and all the oorah that went with it that was killing him. Frack that felgercarb. Even Dante didn't expect that out of the Rats. They just had to do what was expected of them, snap a salute and show him some respect, after that it didn't matter. Plus, Dante really didn't care what they did in their off hours or what they ingested, as long as they were on duty on time. Some tasks went a little better with some chemical help, and Dante encouraged that.

Here he was expected to be a Stick-up-the-Astrum Academy Colonial, eternally grateful for all the boring trainings and extra education. He was expected to smile while sweating over a test designed by the son of Sagan. He hated school with a white hot passion. He never had planned to go to a class ever again once he graduated secondary and then, well, he didn't exactly make it to graduation. He didn't need it back then. He'd wanted to be in a band. His future had been in his ability to play music. He was good at it too, and before the destruction he was being looked at by a studio or two, at least for backup for a few bands, or a session player in the studio. It hadn't paid yet, but that would have happened eventually if things had gone right. But then they hadn't gone right. He'd been nabbed delivering drugs to one of the clubs, and if he couldn't get it plead down on a technicality, he might have been looking at a penal colony for a few yahrens. Thank the lord for the Cylons. His record had been wiped clean. He was thankful to Dante for that.

But now he had to pretend he fit the records filed on him. He was good in a viper, better as a medic, and sucked at everything else. The only reason he hadn't been put on report for the failed tests in the trainings was because Rene made sure he didn't fail, flashing him answers. They'd had to make up a whole new code for that, a tap of the foot for A, a shift of an arm for B, a cough for C, deep sigh for D. They changed it up each test so they wouldn't get caught. He made sure to miss a few, so his answers weren't exactly the same as Rene's, but so far, they hadn't been caught.

He wasn't stupid, just hated studying, and was smart enough to know they could only get away with it for so long. She promised they'd be done with the classes soon, but he didn't see how she was going to keep that promise. Starbuck had some pull, but not that much. Starbuck was going to have even less influence after being put on report and receiving a personal dressing down by the Commander. This was bad news for all of them, and the fact that Pallus was involved took it from bad to disastrous.

So, they waited to see if Starbuck would show up, and they could find out just how bad this was going to be. Rene kept reassuring him that Pallus would cave to the threat of being reported, that as long as they didn't push it, made Pallus feel like he wasn't too threatened, it should work and on more than just Pallus. Jake wasn't totally sure about that, but if they needed they could pull in some others and convince them to make reports.

They didn't have to wait too long for Starbuck. He was still in a fighting mood when he showed up to their quarters, but Jake figured that might just be because he found them alone there. On top of the righteous indignation, Starbuck had a jealous streak and well, Jake had to admit he had a little too much fun seeing how far he could push that. It broke up the monotony of the Battlestar.

Starbuck didn't ask for an explanation. In true Colonial Academy Astrum fashion, he started lecturing. "You should have told the Commander the truth! You should have told him about Pallus and what went happened on the Zakar. He saw right through that story of yours and we can't get Pallus charged unless you file a report!"

Jake flashed Rene an "I told you so" look. Not that they should put Pallus on report, it was that Starbuck couldn't be counted on to follow the plan.

Rene nodded and sighed before she got up to go to Starbuck. Jake had to look away. He could take when they were sweet together. He liked it when it was real and they were being honest with each other. Hades, if they were in that kind of mood he could take them fracking right in front of him and he'd be all for it.

But he hated watching how Rene sometimes had to play him, just like she had to with Dante. There were times she had to placate his temper and manipulate him into seeing things the way the Rats did. Jake had already told Rene that Starbuck could have one hit on her, only because she could be a brat and usually hit first, but Starbuck would be dead after the second.

She went up to him, took his hands in hers. Jake knew that was to trap them so they couldn't be used on you, or at least you'd know if it was a slap or punch coming. She lowered her voice to that soft purr, "Starbuck, you play pyramid, you know how this goes, right? We don't have to go for the capstone if we can take it with a half pyramid. But you don't load up the pot for that kind of hand."

"But you have the capstone!" Starbuck said, but Jake noted that his voice had lowered an octave.

"Doesn't mean I have to play it. I can save it for later, and besides, he's not done anything here, handsome. Not to me and not to Jake."

"What? But the fight Jake had, and Nik?" Jake couldn't help but grin when Starbuck looked his way. The guy had his heart in the right place, but he assumed too much sometimes. It was fun to watch Starbuck fall into the traps he set for himself.

"Wasn't with Pallus," Jake said knowing he needed to throw some cards on the table.

"What, then who? What about Nik?"

Jake shook his head. "That's between me and the guy I fought. I won, so I'm not anxious to tell you since you react to everything we share and think you have to charge off and be Warrior of the Centaur. You want to know about Nik, you ask Nik. It's in the report that was made on him."

Starbuck looked away grumbling under his breath and Rene caught his face with her hand, "We appreciate it, we do. But we also know what we're doing. We've dealt with these guys for a while now."

Jake winced as those words struck too close to that righteous indignation problem.

"You shouldn't have to deal with it! It shouldn't have happened then and no fracking way I'm letting it happen now! What he did to you two is …is wrong and he should have to pay for it."

Jake found he was on his feet and headed for the door before he knew what he was doing. "I'll leave you to it," he said to Rene as he keyed the door. She had stepped away from Starbuck to reach for him, and he knew that it was those kinds of moves that upset her lover.

"Thank you," she said, but he knew it meant "We'll talk later."

He mumbled, "No problem," as he left. Rene had enough problems for one night, and Jake had enough ambrosia stashed in his bunk, plus the plant vapors he'd been growing in the hydroponics had matured, to make the memories go away for a night.

Rene waited for the door to close before she sighed and shifted her attention to Starbuck. Jake was right, Starbuck wasn't going to be able to follow this course, so she shifted her trajectory. "Pretty boy, I know you want to fix all this, but don't you see? You're just ripping off scabs and opening wounds. We just want to go forward, to leave the scars alone."

Starbuck sighed and she knew he saw the destination she was plotting. He nodded and didn't quite look her in the eye. "He did make a very crude comment about you. And, I don't like thinking about what you had to do to survive," he met her eyes, the anger burning deep within, "who you had to do. I just couldn't let him say those things about you. Not here. Not ever."

His words made her heart melt and for some reason her eyes teared up. Her voice choked on the words, "I know, thank you."

"Ahh, I didn't mean to make you cry," he pulled her into his arms and she let him wrap them around her and be her protection. "I really messed this night up, didn't I?"

"The meal was good," she mumbled into his chest trying to ignore that his medals were digging into her cheek.

He sighed. "I'll make it up to you. I promise. But will you do me a favor? Seems I'm going to be relegated to the barracks for a while. I was wondering, could you tell me what happened, back on the Zakar with Pallus? I know what Crius told me, but could you tell me? Would you trust me with that at least?" He pulled her back so he could see her eyes.

She nodded and laid out her conditions. "Lights off, and don't touch me until I'm done."

"I can't do that." He surprised her by starting to take off his cape, belt, and medals, just tossing them on the floor, stripping off his tunic, then his boots, but he stopped there with his pants still on.

He reached for her and pulled her towards the bed, shut off the lights and pulled her into his arms, her back to him as he held her protectively. She liked the feel of the dress against his skin, focused on that as he softly asked, "How long had you been on the Zakar when it happened?"

She took a breath, tried not to close her eyes as the visions were worse there, and tried to answer his questions. "A few sectons. Was training for vipers and Pallus was the instructor."

She was able to get through the story without crying, but she wasn't so sure Starbuck did. In the morning, she wasn't exactly sure what she had told Starbuck, only that he was moving slowly and speaking softly, with a pained look in his eyes. She wasn't sure she had done the right thing. She sleep walked through her days, and the nights were worse. She knew she wouldn't dream if she didn't sleep, so she gave sleeping up for a while.


	10. Chapter 10

WARNING – I would give this chapter an R rating, not meant for kids in one part.

After the first day of his punishment duty having worked all day, and then all night, Starbuck had meant to swing by the council chambers to at least say hi to the kids and to check on Rene, but he'd been so tired he nearly fell asleep in his viper and just barely dragged himself to the bunk reserved for him in Blue Squadron. The next day he made it by the council chambers to find he was late and Rene had already headed off for an early shuttle run.

The third day, he'd caught her as she was coming out of their quarters, the kids in her arms. He'd loved that Kiff nearly launched himself at him, talking up a storm. Kalea reached for him calling "Stah" not able to manage the whole name. Rene once again was headed off to a duty and he got a stolen kiss and that was all. He made a point of waking earlier so he might swing by the chambers before having to head off to the engine room. He caught Jake, Rene, Nik and Dara all in civilian clothes heading out for the evening.

He'd asked where they were going, just out of curiosity, but the guilty looks on their faces turned a simple question into an interrogation. When they finally revealed they were headed off to some unauthorized club on one of the random civilian ships, Starbuck couldn't help but to voice his concern. None of them had been out in the fleet yet, other than to the Rising Star, did they even know what they were getting into? Rene had to pull him aside, remind him she was not a kid.

"Three yahrens on the streets of Caprica, remember? Three yahrens in Dante's fleet, remember? I'm the one who took down Dante, remember? I can take care of myself." He winced at that. It was the first time she had mentioned the incident since they had returned from Dilmun. It left him even more worried why she felt the need to use that as her argument.

"But I won't be there and anything could happen. It's unauthorized, and you're not going in uniform. People could take advantage of you and your friends. I mean look what happened on the Rising Star and there are lots of Warriors there and…"

"Starbuck," she had reached up to stroke his cheek, gave him a soft kiss. "You worry too much, you know that? It will be fine. I'm in the Colonial Fleet, what could happen?"

He would have liked to say more, but they were going to miss their shuttle so he ended up walking them to the hangar bay, watching them board before he headed off to the engine room. The green eyed monster had screamed in his ear louder than the engines of the Galactica. He checked the chambers before he went out on patrol to see if they had made it back, but they were still out despite it being past curfew. His worry was worse once he was alone in his viper. Starbuck had been out of the chambers just a few cycles and she was already back with Jake. He tried to talk himself down from that ledge, but it nagged at him the whole patrol. Once he landed he swung by the Council Chambers hoping to see if she'd made it back, but Rene had already gone off to classes. His bunk in the barracks was cold and hard.

The next cycle, he was beat as he was finding it hard to sleep back in the billet, and he had been cutting short his centaurs sleeping to catch up with Rene. And if he wanted to admit it to himself, he was bit put out they went out and about the fleet without him. So once off duty, he just trudged off to his bunk, took a sleep aid and crashed hard.

When he awoke later that afternoon from restless dreams, he found a datapad tucked into his book. On it, a message from Rene that read, "The Commander told me I was supposed to leave you alone for these two sectons, but I can't do it. Find me in the Celestial Dome at 1900. Jonas will cover for you for ten centons."

"That wily snake," Starbuck muttered. He wasn't sure if Adama was trying to sabotage his relationship with Rene or get it going. She was rebellious enough that reverse psychology just might work.

Jonas found him right at 1900, and Starbuck dashed for the dome. Rene was there waiting with open arms. She pulled him up the ladder, kissing him before he could even get the ear protection off. She was frantically pulling at his coveralls and trying to get them off when Starbuck uttered, "Whoa slow down there. We need to talk."

"Starbuck, we don't have time for talk. We have ten centons. It's going to take two centons to get you out of all this, and two to get you back in, that leaves us six centons, and thankfully for me, you usually take longer than that to frack, so let's not waste time!"

"Don't call it that," Starbuck scolded, but still trying to help her get the gear off him.

"We don't have time for pretty words. I miss you."

"I miss you too," he stopped struggling with the heavy steel toed boots and kissed her earnestly. But then he pulled away. The commander had been right, the days apart had left him with a lot of time to think about the two of them. "You know if we were sealed, I could still stay in the quarters even on report."

"Good, great, are you going to help here? Time is wasting and I can't go without you." It was the twitch in her hand as it slipped on a fastening of his that gave her away. He brought his hand under her chin, lifted her head up so he could see her eyes. They were blood shot and glassy, her pupils wide with just a rim of blue.

"You haven't been sleeping, have you? How many stims are you taking?"

"Not many, it's okay. Trainings have been a killer, astrophysics and more math than I like to think about. I'll sleep better after this."

"Dammit, Rene, you promised. You can't take those. It will hurt the baby. Where did you even get them?"

"Ahh, there's those sweet nothings I love so much," she tried to tease.

"Rene, we need to talk."

"We can either talk or frack, but we don't have time for both. Pick which one I want to do, Bucko?" She began trying to pull the coveralls down Starbuck's body, while reaching to pull his tunic over his head with the other. He reached to stay her hands.

"Rene, do you even want to seal with me?"

"What? I already answered that question. I'm here aren't I, begging you to get all those clothes off. Come on, we don't have time for this, we have maybe…"

The hatch to the chamber opened and Jonas poked his head up, bellowing, "They're looking for you, Starbuck. Times up. Sorry, Rene."

She groaned loudly before pulling him to her and kissing him deeply, but his heart wasn't into it. She hadn't answered his question. As usual, she had just given it a fly by and then zoomed off. "I miss you," she said searching his eyes. "You okay?"

"Just tired," he said trying to brush off his bruised feelings. "We'll talk later, when I'm off report. Guess I'll see you then." He trudged off, his safety boots feeling heavier than before.

The engine room detail that day was awful, smelly and smoky and he had no time to turbo before reporting for his picket patrol, so his viper reeked of the engine room. The patrol took a little longer, some strange communications that turned out to be their own signals bouncing off a highly reflective moon nearby. It was all he could do to climb down from the cockpit on his own. He didn't bother with swinging by the council chambers as by his chrono, no one would be there. He flopped down into his bunk and was about to pass out, but even he couldn't stand the smell of himself. He turboed, and crashed hard in his bunk.

All too soon his chrono was chiming, and he felt like he hadn't slept at all. He was not looking forward to another day of drudgery. The punishment was working. He was wearing down and his relationship was done. He turboed, even though he knew it wouldn't matter, in a few centons he'd be reeking of tylium and grease. When he opened his locker, he found on top of a clean uniform a hand written note. Paper was a rare commodity in the fleet. Most people reserved it for invitations or mementos of some kind, paying high prices for high end paper. This note was smooth in his hand, original paper, not recycled. He opened it to find it handwritten as well, not printed up at a comm station. The writing was elaborate with hearts and flowers and other little doodles. It read, "I didn't answer you because I wanted you to have something you can put in your pocket so that every time you wonder, you will know. Yes, I want to seal with you. You don't have to ask ever again, but you can if you want. The answer will always be yes. Rene."

He suddenly felt awake and alive. He had maybe five centons before he had to report. He didn't bother putting on his boots, grabbing them and running out the door hoping to catch Rene. She was in the council chambers taking her turn at making the meal for dinner. He surprised her as he scooped her up in his arms swinging her around and kissing her before putting her back down on her feet.

"What has you so happy, flyboy?" she teased him.

"The punishment is half over. Then you can dissolve your sealing with Jake and we can get sealed."

"What?" She took a step back from him.

"We can get sealed?" The look on her face was bordering on anger, and he was totally confused. His good mood was sinking fast. "The note is not from you?"

"Oh it's from me. That first part, what did you say?"

"Oh, well, you need to dissolve your sealing with Jake before we can…" The anger in her eyes sparked. "I mean, you have to do that before we get sealed. I know you guys didn't ask to have it confirmed, but you still should probably unseal." Starbuck's voice got quieter as he said, "You know, so it's legal."

"Who told you I was sealed to Jake?" her eyes narrowed, and the spark of anger was now a laser aiming for a target.

"It's in your records. Jake gave your medical records to the Life Center after you were shot by Dante. That's why they told him about the baby and..."

"What?! That is in my records? What the frack! You are not supposed to know that and…JAKE! Where is that fracking snitrad of a slimy sewer rat. I swear to the lords I am going to kill him!"

Rene bolted from the food prep area just as Starbuck's chrono chimed again. He had to report to the engine room on time. The Captain in charge was well aware Starbuck was on report, and mad as hades he had to babysit a viper jock in his engine room. If Starbuck didn't show up on time, it would be bad, very bad. The engineer already found some of the grimiest and most repetitive tasks for Starbuck with the constant threat that there were worse jobs he could be doing. He called to Rene's retreating back, "Uh, talk to you later, okay?"

She absently waved at him as she was laying into Jake about him having told Starbuck about the two being sealed. Starbuck tried not to let the jealousy whisper in his ear as he left the chambers. She had said yes, in writing, hadn't she? He held onto the note in his pocket like a talisman that could ward off the demon of jealousy. By the end of his shift in the engine room, the note was a crumpled soggy mess from his own sweat. He pulled it out and tried to smooth it out on the dash of his viper, but some of the ink had smeared. It was torn in one spot, battered, just like how he was feeling by the time he landed after a very long and tedious patrol.

Rene was waiting for him, and that perked him up a bit, except she still looked angry, or at the very least serious without a smile on her lips and her arms crossed. He sighed heavily and climbed from the cockpit wondering what he was going to have to deal with this time.

She didn't even give him a chance to say good morning. "I'm not sealed to Jake."

"So you got it dissolved that fast? Good, look I'm tired. It's been a long night and…"

Her face softened and she uncrossed her arms to reach for him. "I was never sealed to Jake. Never. I don't know why he did that, other than he says Cassiopeia didn't know us and she didn't know he was family. She wouldn't tell him anything, and you were out, so he," she did her classic shrug, "he fixed it in the records so that she would tell him what was going on. But we never were sealed."

"Oh." Starbuck tried to process everything, to collate the truth to present to the green eyed monster that had taken up residence in his head. "But you had kids together?"

"Don't have to be sealed to do that as I'm sure you're pretty well aware of about now. And it's one kid. You and I both know who Kiff's father is."

Her admitting it made the anger spark inside his own chest and flare up to his eyes. "It's Jake and that's the last time you say it's not!"

She held her hands up in surrender but slight smile tugged at the corner of her lips. "You're right, I was wrong. Both Jake's. And I am not sealed to him. Never was."

Starbuck tried to take a deep breath to shake off the bands that had been constricting his chest. "Thank you."

Her lips pursed as she answered, "You're welcome." They both stood there in the landing bay awkwardly for a few microns before she spoke again in a soft whisper, "I miss you. How are you holding up?"

"Better since your note. I miss you. I miss our bed. I miss the kids. I miss getting enough sleep."

"How much longer?"

"I don't know. I've lost track as the cycles are starting to blur together. Six more? Ten? I'm not sure."

"I'll walk you to the barracks and get you tucked in. You look beat." She reached to hold his hand, squeezing twice.

He felt her tremble and asked even though there was nothing he could really do about it at the moment, "Are you even trying to sleep? Are you hooked on the stims again?"

"On second thought, I should get to class."

He held on as she started to pull away. He pulled her to him, took her in his arms, enjoying the feel of her. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to nag. I'm just tired."

"I try, Starbuck. I went and asked for the sleep aids like you wanted. They just leave me feeling fuzzy and hung over. They don't help."

He wanted to yell at her that the stims didn't help either, but they didn't have time for that fight. He didn't want to waste what few moments they had together fighting. He leaned down to kiss her before pulling away. "I'm almost done and then we can go back to the way it was and try to enjoy ourselves and plan a sealing. I promise."

She nodded. "Can you do me a favor?"

"Anything, beautiful."

"Stop worrying about me. I'm fine." She pulled herself away from him and headed for the training rooms. He was too tired to ask her to wait up.

He slept a little better that day, but he figured it was just from exhaustion and the engine room duty was lighter than usual, thank the lords. When he reached the hangar bay for patrol he had a pleasant surprise. Rene was sitting on his viper waiting for him, a smile on her face.

"Hey, flyboy." She smiled wider as she hopped down to him.

"Hey there, pretty lady, what brings you to my flight deck?" He tested the waters to see how deep they were at the moment.

She smiled at him and cocked her head to the launch tube. "I paid Jenny to hold up your patrol. I heard from a reliable source that launch tubes are a great place to…" she hesitated obviously trying to choose a different word than frack, "have a little privacy. Want to check it out handsome?" She came to him, leaned up to kiss him, a soft kiss at first, as her hands wrapped around him.

"How much time do we have? I believe you said I need more than six centons," he teased with her smiling.

"More than ten centons this time. And if you want to waste it talking, I'm okay with that too."

He leaned down to kiss her, a kiss that started shallow and grew deeper. He only pulled away so he could lead her to the tube. "Oh, more than ten centons, well, that's a luxury we shouldn't waste. I'm not sure I'll need the full ten, but nice to know I have it just in case."

Once in the tube, he let Rene set the fast pace she seemed to prefer. They didn't even bother with taking off his boots or her tunic, a fast and frantic moment, but lords he had needed that. He moaned deeply once he was inside her, and paused for a micron just trying to memorize the feeling. She reached to brush the hair from his eyes before leaning in to kiss him again. It was the only slow moment, as the rest was a hurried panic to get it done and not get caught or worse, interrupted. Afterwards, he realized it might have been a mistake as it made him miss her even more, and also made him want to fall asleep even though he had a patrol to do.

He brushed her hair back from her eyes and uttered what he had meant to say for cycles, "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have gotten in trouble. I should have saved my fists for another time when I knew I could get rid of him."

"shhh," was all she said before hugging him hard, then pulling away to get him and herself put back together.

"You really aren't sealed to Jake?"

She smiled up at him as she handed him his jacket. "Really. Never been sealed. You'll get to be first. Up to you if you'll be the last."

Those words made the rest of the punishment details easier to take. The patrol that night flew by and he was pleased to find Rene in the bay waiting for him when he landed. She walked him to the barracks, gave him a kiss, and met him again the next night before his patrol. They didn't have time for the launch tubes, but it was still nice to see her smile even though she looked as tired as he felt. He'd fix this once his punishment was over, just a few more cycles.


	11. Chapter 11

It had been the longest eighteen cycles of his life. Plus he knew he got lucky as the Engineer he'd worked with had put in a good word for him, cutting a few days from his punishment. When he came off patrol on that last day, he didn't even bother to go to the barracks to collect his things. He needed to see Rene, needed to see the kids. He really missed them all.

He'd caught them as they were all rushing off for the day to drop kids off at care centers, shuttle others to school and make it to their own trainings. He'd appreciated the cheer when he walked in the room, the kids dashing to hug him, the look of adoration on Rene's face as he dealt with the kids first. He wanted to hold Rene in his arms, but Jason had asked if Starbuck could go over something before class as he had a big test that day, and then there was this tall blond kid with Jason he didn't recognize.

The kid smiled, held out his hand. "I'm Cain, you know, like the commander. Mom says you met him, what was he like?"

"Yeah, he was something. Who's your mom?" Cain pointed over to Rene. "What, you mean Rene?" Starbuck looked to her as she waved at him.

"Isn't that what you're supposed to call your guardian? Mom?" The kid looked to Jason. "You don't call her Mom?"

"Naw, we just call her Rene, and Jake is just Jake. If anyone is dad, it's Starbuck."

"Then who's mom?" the kid asked Jason.

"I guess that's Starbuck too," Jason answered only half joking.

Starbuck wanted desperately to talk with Rene, but the boys had a serious school question, so he helped them with some math equation, barely catching Rene before she left. "Did I miss something important?"

"Nothing too important. Just trainings and the usual. I thought you had two more days?" she answered, shoving a protein bar in her mouth, and swallowing it with java.

"Off early for good behavior. So who's the kid?" Starbuck felt like he'd missed a yahren, not just a half a sectar.

"Oh, yeah," Rene answered around a mouthful of protein, "we found him on the Colonial Movers. Was AWOL from the orphan ship so, we took him in. We're waiting on the official papers to be approved, but it shouldn't be a problem."

"Wait, what? You were on the Colonial Movers ship? You adopted a kid while I was gone? With Jake?"

"No, just me. You can do that apparently, so cool the jealousy, hot shot. Cain wants to be a viper pilot and I can get him in the program if I'm his guardian, otherwise he has to wait two yahrens, and well, he will definitely get himself in trouble in those two yahrens if he doesn't get in now. I was going to speak to the Commander to talk to the council about that loophole. Apparently the orphan ship is pretty overloaded and the teenagers kind of get tossed into childcare duties, so they won't sponsor them for your little academy. You should get some sleep, you look tired."

He wanted to tell her she looked like hades because she did, but he didn't think that was the best way to return, with criticisms and nagging. It was pretty obvious by the large java mug in her hand she'd been chugging more stimulants than was good for her, but he'd wean her off those in a few cycles. Now that he was back, she'd finally get some sleep, he would see to it. He agreed with her that he should get some sleep himself, so he headed off to their quarters while she headed off for her day. He had all the time in the world with her now, as long as he could keep his fists to himself.

What he found in their quarters shocked him. The bed didn't look like it had been touched. It was made up, sheets tight, but the rest of the chambers were a disaster. Clothes were everywhere, dishes piled up, and more java mugs than he realized they owned. The walls were covered in paint and chalk. The floor was littered with more chalk, paint cans and brushes. One wall had a scene of an ocean on a sunny day with palm trees looking like they were waving in the wind. Another was of the woods, a path seeming to lead off, the sky fading to sunset. Another was a half-finished scene of a city street, but not one bustling with people, more like after the destruction perhaps, buildings half standing, windows broken and rubble in the streets. The one by the bed looked to be a night sky, painted impressionist style with swirls of color and burst of paint for stars. The wall by the door was painted with multiple doors looking like they were opening onto multiple scenes, a playground, a quiet neighborhood, a shopping mall, a classroom. None of those were finished either.

It chilled him as he muttered, "Frack me!"

He wasn't sure what to do about it. Was this normal, was this insanity? Most of the scenes were pleasant, some downright pretty, but the city was something out of a nightmare. Lords, he was suddenly tired. He started picking up at least the dishes, headed to the food prep area to find it was a disaster as well. This wasn't like the Rene he knew. He started washing up and putting away the dishes, more mugs than would fit in the cupboards. He had that cleaned up before he dared take a look in the turbowash. It was surprisingly clean except a few towels on the ground. The blood stains on one had him worried, but then he realized it was probably just paint.

He gathered up the clothes, put the uniforms in the recycler and wondered about the civilian clothes he found, more than a few outfits, some dresses, some not. They all smelled of smoke and if he didn't know better, he thought he smelled the musky scent of plant vapors on them, but if she was doing that, then maybe she would have gotten some sleep. He'd prefer that over the stims, at least it was somewhat natural. He set the civilian clothes aside in a pile before he turned to the bed. He didn't want to sleep there alone so he grabbed a blanket and settled on the couch, passing out in only a micron.

He woke to Rene's gentle kiss to his temple. "Morning sunshine," she smiled at him. Her pupils were wide in the dim light of their room. "There's a big party about to happen for you in the council chambers. You don't want to be late. Jake made your favorite. Don't want to know where he found the steaks. Ask too many questions and he may be on report, so best we hide the evidence in our stomachs."

"Oh? What's the occasion," he said groggily, rolling over and pulling Rene on top of him, hugging her tightly. "I'd rather party here."

"You're back, and no one's on report."

"Mmm, that's a good reason to party." He kissed her, liking the smile on her face and the twinkle in her eye. "So what happened here? A party I don't know about."

"Yeah, sorry, meant to clean it up before you came back. You surprised me. I meant to surprise you. You like it?"

"I like the stars, and the beach, but…" he hesitated, not sure he wanted to rupture the good mood. "think we could paint over the city maybe?"

"Yeah, just couldn't get it out of my head, and well, it helped get it out."

"Okay, but does it need to stay?" he kissed her deeply to forestall her answer, and suddenly found he needed her, right then, right now.

They were late to the dinner they had put together in his honor in the chambers. Most were already eating, but they had saved plates for the two, and it was a nice normal evening with the kids and the homework and the games, then bed time and he loved it, every centon of it. He wrestled each of the kids into bed, even little Zac, the youngest of the group now at almost three sectars. Crius just kept muttering, "Missed ya man," every time Starbuck got close. It was while the younger pilots were finishing up their homework before Starbuck could finally ask Crius and Boomer how things had been. Boomer shrugged and said he'd been pretty busy with some of the overhaul over on the Zakar that Apollo had asked for his help with.

Crius glossed over the last sectons, claimed like the rest it had been uneventful. So Starbuck finally asked what he wanted to ask, how Jake and more importantly Rene had been. Crius didn't sugar coat it.

"Jake tries to leave the Galactica any time he can now, takes Rene and Nik with him sometimes. Rene hasn't slept. We knocked her out a few times, but if I had to add up her centaurs of sleep it might be maybe ten in the last two sectons."

"And the drugs? How much and where is it coming from?"

Boomer's eyebrow raised at that, letting Starbuck know he hadn't noticed it.

Crius slipped into his fake twang, "It's nothing but a thing. No worries, buddy."

"That's not an answer."

"Street Rats, Starbuck. You can't cage them too tight, they'll chew their way out. Or chew off a leg to get free."

"That's still not an answer. No one's on report, don't we want to keep it that way?"

Crius clapped him on the shoulder. "You're back. I'm pretty sure it won't be a problem anymore."

Starbuck wanted to lecture him, all of them really, that he couldn't be the only one that held them together to some higher standard expected of Colonial Warriors, but the fact he'd just come off report for having started a brawl made him at least partly aware of the hypocrisy of that lecture. He kept his opinion to himself this night. He didn't even ask Rene about it, just let her lead him back to their chambers, grateful to crawl under the covers with her with no clothes in the way.

The tears afterwards threw him though. She'd hadn't done that since before Dilmun and all she would say as he tried to soothe her is that she just missed him. He held her close, stroking her hair until she finally fell asleep, murmuring how much he missed her and he was never going anywhere.

The light in their chambers woke him in the middle of the night. She was up painting over the city scene, mumbling to herself under her breath, "it doesn't' work like that. You can't go back. It doesn't go away. I can't change time. There's no one to rescue."

His calling out to her made her jump. He got up from the bed, came to her as she tried to apologize. "Rene, it's okay. You didn't have to do it tonight."

"You didn't like it so…"

"Shhh….you okay?"

"Yeah, just, too much java, I can't sleep so I thought," she shrugged towards the wall.

"I can't sleep either. You want some help?" He picked up a brush and some plain gray paint. They painted in the low light, Rene humming an old pop tune from Caprica as they worked. It was morning and time for the daily routines by the time they were done. He tried to convince her that maybe they should swing by the Life Center, they both could use some sleep aids and maybe he could be there for a checkup on the baby. She brushed it off, said she had a test, and headed off for the day.

Starbuck meant to swing by the Life Center himself, but the Commander summoned him to talk about his community service project. He still had that to plan and all the paperwork that had piled up waiting for him back with Blue Squadron. That evening, Rene got a few more centaurs of sleep with him. She was a bit twitchy, but her eyes were clear and pupils normal, so he didn't nag her about the stims. The next day he found time to drag Rene by the Life Center for that checkup, and felt his heart leap at the sound of the little heartbeat inside her. The sound even made Dr. Salik crack a smile as he pronounced everything looked great. Starbuck even was able to hint to Salik that maybe she had a bit too much java, but Salik said her blood pressure was good, the baby was good, nothing to worry about.

Life settled back into a comforting routine and Starbuck began to plan his sealing announcement. Nothing would go wrong this time, or so he thought. Rene's nightmares were a bit better with him back. There was no screaming in the middle of the night anyway. Starbuck had cleaned and searched their quarters finding no trace of any stims or alcohol. If she was stashing them anywhere, it wasn't here. He searched the Council chambers too, turned up a lot of ambrosia and the makings from their homemade kitchen scraps still, but everyone swore Rene hadn't touched a drop.

Things seemed to be getting better. Rene seemed calmer, or at least less emotional and she spent less time with Jake as Crius was right, the man disappeared every chance he got to roam the fleet. Starbuck assumed he had a new girlfriend, that is until Cassiopeia showed up one night for dinner in the chambers. It hadn't been as awkward as Starbuck thought it would be and he counted that as a plus as well.

Added to the good news was that the pilots were acing their exams, the kids were doing well in school, little Leia was starting to crawl, and Cain seemed to be keeping Jason on the straight and narrow, so he was a good addition. Days were good.

But Rene still mumbled to herself constantly when she thought no one was around. She complained of the smell of the air, and she woke often in the night. She claimed it wasn't nightmares, but he could tell she was lying to him. Instead of painting the walls, she had taken to drawing on the floor late at night, and he knew what they were, scenes from Caprica.

The worst was one night when he woke to her drawing frantically, talking to herself. When he touched her, she seemed to wake up, as if she had been drawing in her sleep. The scene before him was another destruction tableau, this one including cylons that were dragging children, a pile of bodies on fire. He immediately got up and got a towel to wipe away the chalk drawing. She let him guide her back to the bed, when he curled up around her holding her tight, whispering that she was safe here. They'd spotted no cylons and everything was good.

She finally spoke, soft and low, her tone so neutral, almost rational. "I think it will go away if you tell me where Earth is."

His breath caught and he felt his heart ache. "I can't do that Rene. You know why, right?"

She sighed. "They won't tell me either."

Starbuck's blood ran cold at her words. "Who's they?" he asked softly, but he wasn't sure he wanted to know.

"The Commander, Boomer, they won't tell me. I think I need to know."

Starbuck sighed. "No, Rene. I can't risk you going without me. I need you here. We all need you here."

She just softly answered with a resigned, "Okay," before she drifted back to sleep in his arms.

The next day she seemed fine, did what she had to do, had a smile on her face, helped with the kids, and flashed a thousand hand signs to Jake all about Caprica. But with Starbuck, short answers to his questions, a soft word here and there. Nothing more other than to keep telling him she was okay. He felt the distance like a physical barrier between them. He hoped with time and once they were sealed, it would be better. He tried extra hard to show her that life was better here. Each smile was worth more than a hundred cubits.

But Pallus still led the trainings for the Copper squadron, and Rene was coming back later and later each day. A guy named Brody made a point of buying a drink for her one night in the OC, and he overheard Jake talking about some other guy named Ander who kept trying to sit at their table in the mess hall for midday meal. And then there was Jake, who anytime Starbuck wasn't looking found a way to touch Rene, always soft, always sweet, a sweep of her hair from her shoulders, a touch of her hand, a squeeze to her shoulder. And way too many nights that Starbuck woke up and she wouldn't be there in their bed.


	12. Chapter 12

It had been so typically Starbuck, first the rejection by Cassiopeia, and within a cycle or two he'd found another that he had thrown himself at. He dove into the relationship headfirst ignoring each and every cautionary sign thinking he could just blast past them like they were lone cylon raiders and he had Cora to keep him on course. Added to the situation was the element of danger and plenty of moments for Starbuck to be reckless. He'd played the hero and it had seemed more than suspicious how helpless Rene would become at times, feeding into Starbuck's epic fantasies. Apollo had his doubts about Starbuck and his new found love. Lots of doubts.

He had hoped that once the fleet was away from the quadrant that things would continue in the usual Starbuck textbook fashion, that the relationship would cool as things usually did when his friend was involved. Apollo would be there in that moment to talk some sense into his buddy, convince him to move on and let the young pilot alone. But Apollo hadn't counted on the change in their course, nor in the fact that Starbuck felt responsible for the deaths that occurred on Dilmun. That was an added element that was also somewhat from the Starbuck manual. Despite the rumors and jokes, Starbuck hadn't gotten as far as he had in the Colonial Service by ignoring responsibilities. Sometimes it was scary how dedicated he could be to duty while denying it the whole time. His laser focus got the job done often in record time. Apollo was afraid that with Rene, Starbuck was tapping into that laser focus. Rene was his responsibility.

In a way, Apollo admired the dedication that Starbuck was showing to the woman who he thought was carrying his child. With some support and advice, Apollo knew from witnessing Starbuck with Boxey, he could be an excellent father. But Apollo also wondered how long it would be before the added responsibility would wear Starbuck down. Boxey had worn Apollo out, that was fact, and he'd met Boxey during what could be considered easy years for child rearing. When he had first met Serina, Boxey had adored Apollo, and the boy could walk, talk and essentially take care of himself. A baby was a different complication.

Apollo didn't want Starbuck to shirk that duty, but he also didn't want to see his friend commit to a girl just because of a sense of responsibility. A sealing should be about love, like the love Apollo and Serina had for each other. Apollo had his doubts that what Rene and Starbuck were feeling was love. Starbuck had so little experience with that emotion, and Rene had far too much experience in manipulation and deceit.

He'd intended to give it just a few sectons to wait for everything to calm down and the fleet to find its new sense of normal before he had that drink with Starbuck to voice his doubts. It was Apollo's duty as Starbuck's friend and best man to let him know he didn't have to do this. Still, the time he had intervened on Starbuck's behalf with his security check on Chameleon also came to mind. Starbuck had sworn that it was the end of their friendship, and Apollo had almost believed him. After losing his family as a child, Starbuck had leapt blindly into the possibility of finding a place that he belonged, people he could call his own. Was he doing that again? Was it really any of Apollo's business? On the other hand, sealing was serious.

But then Apollo began to have doubts about his own doubts. It wasn't just that his father seemed to be all for the relationship, even allowing Starbuck to break the regulations and cohabitate with Rene, but it was also seeing Starbuck making some changes in his own life as he encouraged the Dilmun Warriors to make changes in theirs. The ambrosia soaked gambler enveloped in fumarello smoke hadn't been seen in sectons. Reckless hotshot viper jock had suddenly become even tempered ever patient by the book officer. It wasn't the Starbuck he had known in the past, but the Starbuck many had wished he would become in time. It was a good change, but would it last? Cycles had turned into sectons, could sectons turn into yahrens? Was it a sign that the Lords were smiling on them when Starbuck stopped being, well, Starbuck and had listened to all the advice Apollo had given him over the yahrens? Or was this a new kind of evil? Be careful what you wish for kind of evil, because you just might get it. Apollo was conflicted on the matter to say the least.

Then there had been the fight and it appeared that Starbuck had not stopped being Starbuck after all. When Apollo had first heard the rumor, he immediately contacted his father for confirmation hoping that it was just fleet gossip. His father confirmed it was worse than Apollo had heard, having involved a superior officer and if not for the Dilmun's Captain Pallus agreeing to not move forward with charges, Starbuck could have been drummed out of the service. Finding out that Rene was at the heart of the fight confirmed Apollo's doubts about the relationship. Adama almost ordered Apollo to spend time with Starbuck.

Apollo knew he should tell his friend that the sealing was a very bad idea, but then there was Boxey and his opinion to consider. Boxey enjoyed spending time with Rene and the other kids. Apollo noticed that Rene was quite good with the teens and preteens, keeping them on the straight and narrow. The Sewer Rat kids did well in school and were involved in fleet activities. Plus, over the yahrens he'd found that his son was a good judge of character. Boxey liked the Caprica Refugees and enjoyed spending time with the other kids rescued during destruction. Now with Apollo commanding the Zakar, Boxey was spending a lot of time with Athena so he could attend school on the Galactica and the Sewer Rat kids had become his playmates. Surprisingly, Boxey had much in common with them. Since the colonies, there had been few children on the Galactica, most adopted like Boxey after the destruction. Accommodations for the children had been military oriented, their classrooms troop training rooms. Their playground was the same recreational spaces the warriors used. The children had spent a lot of time around adults and not much time with those of their own age.

The Dilmun warriors had changed that almost immediately. Maybe it was due to the fact that the Caprica refugees were still kids themselves, but the Dilmun warriors had insisted that some divisions between troops and children was needed. They had created spaces for the children to be together as just children. First, they had taken over the Council of Twelve chambers and rooms normally reserved for the sires and siresses while on board. The families created child care centers and nurseries. Gym and Rejuvenation Center times had been instituted for Adults only and Kids only. Then they had taken over a storage bay and converted it to a play place, complete with play equipment created by utilizing old crates, bins and barrels put together as a type of obstacle course.

Constructing the playground had been part of Starbuck's community service, and Apollo's first glimpse into watching Starbuck interact with all the Caprica refugees. In true Starbuck fashion, the creation of the play space despite supposedly being part of his punishment for having punched a security guard, had become an event. Invitations had been delivered and a party planned upon its completion. Boxey had insisted on being included, sold it as an opportunity to spend time together as father and son, and then invited Adama and Sheba to assure Apollo would be there even though Apollo had a busy schedule refitting the Zakar and managing her crew. Apollo had no choice but to attend, rescheduling all his briefings and duties for the day, a monumental task.

On the day of the construction, Apollo had shown up late with a very peeved Boxey and an annoyed Sheba making excuses for him. Adama had come dressed in a mechanic's coveralls, looking yahrens younger as he helped Starbuck instruct the children. Starbuck had organized the older kids to help, showed them how to use simple tools, and directed the construction with Rene at his side. Starbuck had shown to be more adept than Apollo not only with the tools but also with the kids. Apollo couldn't help but to feel a slight pang of jealousy as Adama lavished Starbuck with his fatherly attention, beaming with pride.

Apollo had found himself a bit isolated, perhaps from not being totally present, his mind still going over duty rosters and reports as he absently went about the task assigned him, double checking fittings and screws for rough edges that needed sanding down. Midway through the day, Apollo had found himself away from the others, checking some of the fittings inside the maze of tunnels they were creating, when he rounded a corner and came upon Starbuck and Rene locked in a kiss. Apollo's first reaction was to command that the two of them cool it with all the kids around, but then he realized it wasn't that kind of a kiss. It was sweet and simple, plus short as the two broke apart laughing, and went back to work on securing the fitting in front of them.

Apollo had backed away from them gasping from the stab of grief he suddenly felt at the loss of Serina. While yes, things were good with Sheba, she was not Serina. His wife had been a spontaneously joyful woman and an excellent mother. She would have enjoyed this day and Apollo went searching for Boxey and Sheba, determined to enjoy the day himself. Apollo knew that Starbuck had those same spontaneously joyful qualities and would probably make a good father. Apollo began to wonder if Starbuck's relationship with Rene might be one of a fatherly type of role. Their age difference would certainly indicate that type of attraction.

For the rest of the day and the party afterwards, he watched Starbuck interact with the kids and with Rene. Much like the division the Dilmun warriors had instituted between adults and children, there was a difference in the way Starbuck dealt with the kids compared to Rene and her friends. He treated Rene as an equal. He didn't see her as a kid, or maybe it was more accurate to say that Starbuck saw himself as a kid. He was having the childhood he'd been cheated of after the attack on Umbra. Or at least he was trying to create a childhood for those who had also been cheated out of one. But Starbuck was no kid, and in time he'd realize that and perhaps move on, back to his adult habits.

Apollo vowed to have that important discussion with Starbuck sooner rather than later, before things went farther than they should and the sealing date was set. If Starbuck was trying to have a childhood, at least some yahrens as a young adult, should marriage be a part of that plan?

Apollo set up a get together in the OC one evening to have that talk, added it to his schedule and made sure that Starbuck was off the duty roster for the night. When Apollo commed Starbuck to confirm the time, Starbuck had invited Apollo and Boxey to dinner before they had that drink. Boxey could stay the night, a sleep over, while some of the adults hit the OC.

Apollo thought he knew Starbuck, he had seen the man at his worst and thought he had seen him at his best. A simple dinner made him realize he hadn't known the man at all. For one, he could cook as it was Starbuck's night to make the meal. A meal with the family looked to be anything but a simple affair. There were over 20 kids to feed, plus adults. It was a chaotic mess with crying babies, fussy toddlers, and surly preteens. Starbuck handled it all with ease. He stirred a pot with one hand while bouncing a baby with the other. He shooed out kids who were sneaking in to steal bites and to whine about when it would be ready. He had help, Rene at his side, his shadow as many were calling her. She seemed to read his mind, knowing what he wanted when he wanted it, what help was needed. The two talked without speaking, smiling and touching often. Once the meal was declared done, and the younger kids had been served, the adults dished up next, and the ravenous teens and preteens attacked what was left.

Rene and Starbuck seemed to be in their own little world, Starbuck sitting at the head of the table, Rene by his side. Starbuck expertly ate with one hand while feeding a bottle to Ari's daughter with the other. Rene had her two kids beside her, laughing and teasing her kids, while also joking with Starbuck. Apollo was stunned into silence. Starbuck looked in his element, as if made for this as much as he was made for the cockpit of a viper. 

Boomer was at the table beside Apollo, and part way through the meal had leaned over to Apollo. "Takes some getting used to, doesn't it? We think he's changed, but I think this is what he was before we knew him. Like a piscon to water, this is his old pond."

When it came time later in the evening for that drink, Apollo felt foolish for what he was about to say to his friend. Starbuck had declared to those at the dinner table that it was a guy's night out, and most of the male Dilmun pilots joined them, except for Jake and Nik. Apollo had reserved a table just for him, Starbuck and Boomer. They had easily fallen into the banter of old times, and as Starbuck pulled out a fumarello, Apollo knew they were on familiar territory. He waited for the ambrosia to be half gone, the smoke to have clouded the air, and the cards to come out before he broached the subject. He knew his words sounded forced and rehearsed, but he had to follow his mission parameters.

"So Starbuck, have you given this sealing some serious thought because I think…"

"It probably won't happen," Starbuck cut him off, leaning back taking a drag on the fumarello in his hand.

Boomer merely raised an eyebrow at the two of them and stayed silent.

"Why's that buddy?" Apollo was truly shocked. Was he that predictable, more importantly, was Starbuck?

Starbuck blew out the smoke and thought for a moment. "She's just doing it to make me happy, or more accurate to say she's making your father happy." He took another drag and looked pointedly at Apollo, as if waiting for the next scripted line.

"I don't understand, I thought…" He trailed off, not sure what the next line was supposed to be, before he began again. "Are you sure you want to do this?"

Starbuck gave a small knowing smile. "Do what, not get sealed?"

"No, I mean, for Sagan's sake, I don't know what I mean. Is this what you want or not? What do you want, Starbuck?"

"Ahh, that's the first time you got the words right. Good job, buddy." Starbuck took a long drag on his fumarello and seemed to size Apollo up. "I want her and I want to get sealed, as soon as we can, but while it might be what I want, and your father wants, I'm not sure if it's what should happen. She needs time, they all do. I want to make sure that I'm the only one in her bed and in her head when we seal. Not quite sure of that right now."

"You think she's cheating on you?" Apollo blurted it out, not sure if he was in the same universe as before. First was the fact that Starbuck was agreeing with him, and second, Starbuck didn't worry about others cheating on him, he worried about getting caught when he cheated on others.

Starbuck smiled, the same grin he used playing cards as the players fell into the trap he had laid to increase the pot when he knew he would be winning the hand.

"No, not exactly, but yeah, sort of."

Then the smile disappeared and a very serious Starbuck was before him, leaning back towards the table. "I don't think she's cheating on me, but I do think I'm dealing with a bunch of other people in her head. We don't know all that happened on that planet or on the Zakar. We have only scratched the surface of what Dante has done. No one is discussing at all what the others did with Dante's encouragement and permission. 'Guy's night out' had a far different type of entertainment than what we might think. The Caprica refugees, as we're calling the sewer rats, have stories to tell. They hint at shackles and beatings, rapes and…" Starbuck stopped speaking. Apollo watched Starbuck's face darken as his anger flared. "I want to kill a few people and thinking that might not be the best way to begin our marriage, me in the brig for murder."

"No, buddy, not a good idea." Apollo suddenly felt like he was drowning. His duties as Commander of a battle cruiser felt like they had just increased a thousandfold. "Do you think it's still going on?"

Starbuck sighed, trying to push down his emotions to deal with this logically. "I don't know. I want to say no, but we haven't dealt with any of it. Denial is not an answer. We can't just go forward and not deal with the past, and I know," Starbuck held his hand to stop his friend from speaking, "I know this is not like me, alright? I know I have everyone pretty confused. More than a few have told me I'm not acting like myself. Maybe because I realize that my old way of doing things might look a little too much like how Dante tried to do things. The sadist was out for his own pleasure, and he let others do pretty much what they wanted, to take what they wanted. A lot went on that no one may know about. Rene dealt with a lot and has a lot to process. Her head is pretty messed up right now."

Starbuck paused and met Apollo's gaze, "And to answer your question, what I want is to make up for what happened to them, to all of them. I'm not sure how to do that other than to give them time to recover and realize it won't happen to them again."

"If it is still going on, we need to put a stop to it," Apollo stated firmly.

Starbuck only nodded.

"We need to make sure it doesn't happen. We need to …" Apollo paused and reached in his jacket for a data pad to take notes. "We need to start inquiries and begin prosecutions. Tribunals and investigations need to be opened, witness statement's taken and…" Starbuck reached out taking the pad from Apollo's hands.

"No one is ready for that. Not sure we should be dredging up the past to punish anyone. I think even the abusers were abused somewhat. I don't think some wanted to do what they did. I do think Dante was behind a lot of it and he's dead, so we can't put him on trial, can we? No, I think we should move forward to the future, but keep our eyes peeled to make sure the past doesn't happen again. They need time in a good command structure, in a good and moral fleet, and that means…" Starbuck looked at his fumarello and his drink. He ground out the smoke, then pushed aside his drink. "That means, we all need to be more moral, no matter how unnatural it might feel." Starbuck tried to make it sound like a joke, but despite the smile on his lips, his eyes were dangerously serious.

Apollo nodded, but Starbuck continued. "It's not about what I want. It's about what needs to happen. So to answer your question, yes, I really want to get sealed. It is reckless and stupid and it will probably crash and burn in epic proportions because it is what I do. Don't die from shock, but I am taking your advice because I need to be smarter, not just for me, but for her. So we are not getting sealed, not yet anyway."

Apollo felt his breath catch as he suddenly realized this wasn't what he had really wanted. Yes, he offered Starbuck advice all the time, but for once he wasn't sure if his buddy should have listened to him.


	13. Chapter 13

It had been three sectars since the expansion of the fleet and the jump away from the battle of Dilmun. The fleet was settling into their new normal and things were looking up for everyone. The Copper Squadron had passed their second training with flying colors and only had a few more to go. Starbuck had been able to convince Apollo to request Captain Pallus to help him on the Zakar, and the Rats seemed to breathe a lot easier without the Captain running the trainings.

More importantly, he and Rene had actually begun talking a bit about the future and what it might bring. They had both found a way to fit into their schedules a bit more time for fun with the kids, but more importantly time for themselves. Starbuck had talked with the Commander about helping out with that, suggested maybe it was time he had one of his famous dinners. Adama knew exactly why Starbuck might make such a request. Adama agreed but not before putting his arm around the Lieutenant and asking quietly, "Are you sure son?"

He was sure. He knew it wouldn't be easy, but life was too short, ended too quick and too soon. He didn't want to waste any more time wondering if it was the right thing or the wrong thing. Tomorrow would hold those answers, he was more worried about living today. Adama smiled at him and while he might not have actually been Starbuck's father it was nice to pretend he was for that moment. Adama arranged a dinner and sent out the invitations.

It was supposed to be a fun evening and a celebration of the new ships added to the fleet. The current sector had provided many supplies, and the various hydroponic projects had yielded their first foods. Starbuck had been looking forward to showing members of his new family what his life was like with his old family. More importantly he wanted to bring up with Rene a date for the sealing and toast the decision with his friends, as well as to ask Adama to officiate. Rene was looking stunning in a dress she had borrowed, one that covered a bit more skin than the last dress he had seen her in. It was pretty green that brought out her eyes. She looked perfect for a sealing announcement celebration. He found he wasn't the least bit nervous like everyone said he should be. He had hoped Rene would share his enthusiasm.

Instead, he was dealing with a tense Rene who barely spoke to him and seemed to be arguing with her friends. It was obvious that Crius was uncomfortable in the room as he constantly tugged at the fastenings for his cape while his wife Lizbet glared at him. Starbuck tried to ignore the hand signals Jake was flashing at Rene. It had been more than a few sectons since the two had moved their conversations to the public realm, speaking out loud versus sly hand signals on the side, but this dinner with Adama had them back to the bad habit. Maybe it was the room packed with "Galacticans" as Rene and the family were calling them. Maybe it was just the pressure of the officers filling the room, but this was not turning into the fun evening Starbuck had planned.

Adama had moved in several tables to accommodate the crowd, Bojay and Athena, Apollo and Sheba, Boomer and Dietra, plus Cassiopeia, as well as Siress Tinia. With Crius and Lizbet, Gage, plus Max as well; it was no small affair. Rene had maneuvered her and Starbuck farther down the table than he normally would have been, and wanted to be closer to Adama for his announcement. But he didn't complain about it since he was still seated beside Apollo so they could catch up. The talk of the overhaul on the Zakar held his interest, plus he was curious about how the different crews were getting along, especially with the transfers Starbuck had recommended. He hoped the shift in officers had resolved some ongoing issues left over from Dante's influence.

Starbuck wasn't sure how much longer he'd let the sly hand sign conversation go on, but he did notice that Rene was doing her best to ignore Jake, waving him off. Starbuck didn't appreciate the distraction as he had wanted to hear Apollo's story and maybe after suggest the sealing date. But Jake seemed insistent, knocking on the table to get Rene's attention. Jake signed fast, an abbreviated form of their code. All Starbuck caught was the sign for injury. That got his full attention.

Rene waved her hand, their sign for nothing, brushing Jake off again, and turned back to Starbuck, giving him a smile as an apology. "Injury?" Starbuck whispered.

Rene just shook her head at him as she rolled her eyes. "It's nothing."

Jake knocked on the table again, calling her name, but she ignored him, trying to keep her attention on Starbuck and the conversation he was having with Apollo. Her eyes narrowed as Jake's cloth napkin hit her in the side of her face and bounced back on to the table.

"Jake! What the fra…" Rene restrained the curse, suddenly conscious that she was sitting at Adama's table.

"Where did you get the cut?" Jake asked unaffected by the angry glare from both Rene and Starbuck.

"Working, alright? Would you knock it off?" She turned her attention back to Starbuck and Apollo, but Jake was determined to get an answer. Without warning, he chucked his glass at Rene, liquid flying. She batted it aside before it could hit her. The glass bounced down the table toward the commander, interrupting the conversations around the room.

"Dammit, Jake!" Rene shouted. "Could you at least try to not act like an animal!"

Jake ignored the insult as he spoke loudly and slowly. "Where did you get the cut?!"

"Working, I don't know. Let it go."

"And the other one? Where did that one come from?"

"Jake, it's no big deal." Rene blushed, realizing that the table's full attention was on their conversation.

"No big deal? Really, how many? Let's ask your boyfriend there how many cuts you have, huh?"

"And let's ask your girlfriend how many drinks you've had tonight?" Rene countered.

"Rene, how many? A few, or more like a dozen?" Jake shouted, ignoring her attempt to change the focus of the conversation. He quickly reached across the table, snatched at her hand, shoving the sleeve of her dress down, revealing several cuts to her right arm. He snarled, "Frack this Felgercarb! We don't hurt ourselves! That's the deal! I need you to be okay!"

Rene's voice rose in pitch and volume as she yanked her arm away. "I know, I know I KNOW! You don't think I know!" She took a breath, and closed her eyes shutting out those around the table before focusing back on Jake in a calmer voice. "I know. Look, you can drink and smoke and …." She didn't fill in the blank for those in the room, "to deal with all this, but I am watched every centon. I'm the only one sober at this table alright, so cut me some slack."

She winced at Starbuck's "Rene?" but he was cut off by both Jake and Rene barking in unison, "Stay out of it!" It stunned him into an embarrassed silence.

"Cut you some slack so you can cut yourself? What, I'm just supposed to let you slice yourself up, is that it, while you sit there and fake you are okay so you can impress the Colonials?" Jake raised his arm to shrug off Cassiopeia's touch to remind him of the packed room. "I don't fracking care who's listening!" he hissed at her before turning back to Rene. "We don't hurt ourselves! That's the deal we made."

"I've got to deal with it some way and I can't get drunk like all of you every night. This, this I can control so I can feel it and…and keep it together and not feel it. It's not hurting you so what the frack do you care?"

"Don't you dare! You know why I'm putting up with this felgercarb with the Colonials, for the kids, for you, because I fracking care! And this isn't all you are doing. How many pain pills you sucking down?"

"Half as many as you, buddy. If you weren't all on something, I wouldn't be able to find anything."

Crius tried to interject into what was gearing up to be a nasty reveal of all their bad habits in front of people who might do something about them. "We all are trying to deal with it. We all miss Ari."

Rene cut off whatever else he was going to say. "I don't. I'm glad he's dead. One less person I have to take care of."

The gasp from Lizbet should have been a warning, but Rene kept going, shifting her focus back to Jake. "Yeah, I cut myself, a few slices here and there so I don't cut their throats. I mean what's the point? It's just a matter of time before we all go. The cylons find us again and…Fracking hate this ship. Nowhere to go, no room, and one good hit to the hull and the kids will be gasping like piscons trapped in a barrel. Nothing we can do about it. Maybe it would be easier if I just finished them all off now? So, I cut myself instead, alright? Keeps the walls from closing in. The only one I'm hurting is myself so what the frack do you care?"

The confession chilled the room, but only for a micron as Jake launched himself across the table. Plates and glasses went flying as he tried to cross the divide with his intent to grab Rene, his right hand clenched in a fist. Crius and Cassiopeia hauled him back as Rene shoved away from the table, more dishes tumbling as she pushed the table into those across from her.

Jake began shouting as he fought off the arms trying to shove him into his chair. "Shut the frack up! Don't you fracking dare! We don't hurt each other, we don't hurt ourselves. We had a fracking deal!"

Rene answered in a voice just as loud, but surprisingly more controlled. "I didn't mean it. I didn't. Came out wrong. Not what I meant. I wouldn't. You know that. I wouldn't."

Jake growled as Crius shoved him back from the table. Jake held up his hands to those trying to haul him down as he took a deep breath and shook them off as calmly as he could. He took a breath, looked towards the commander at the head of the table, lowering his voice, before turning back to Rene.

"You better not. I'll cut you myself."

Without a word to his date or anyone else at the table, he pushed the chair back, toppling it, and stalked from the room, with Rene calling out to his retreating back, "I didn't mean it."

Cassiopeia politely thanked the Commander in a low voice before she followed after Jake. The room was still silent, and Starbuck tried to think of something to say to break the tension, took a breath and before he could speak, Rene's voice halted him.

"Sorry. I apologize." She got up to leave also, but Starbuck reached out a hand, lightly touching her. He saw her effort to choke back a bark. "Don't. You were looking forward to this. You should enjoy the meal. Sorry I ruined it."

She headed for the door so quickly Starbuck couldn't get up to halt her, calling to her retreating back, "Rene?"

It was Colonel Gage's voice that stopped her.

"Lieutenant, we need to talk."

Rene spun, focusing her anger. "This doesn't concern you! You made that clear."

Gage's voice softened as he used her name. "Rene, you're allowed to mourn. You're allowed to cry."

Her head snapped up in a sarcastic shock. "Oh wow, thanks, Colonel. Do I need to fill out a form for that emotion, or will you log the request? What other emotions am I allowed to have, sir? Do I need to requisition those too?"

"Rene," his tone turned to one of warning.

The grinding of her teeth was an audible sound before she spoke again. "Tell me again how this is better? Detail it out for me, would you? Because this isn't better than what I had planned. Had you just let me go with my plan I wouldn't be breathing this smelly air. I swear there is something wrong with your recyclers!"

She turned back to the door, but Gage stopped her again. "Lieutenant, where are you going?"

She slammed her fist into the wall beside the door as the panel opened. "Nowhere. I'm going nowhere."

The room was quiet and Starbuck mumbled that he should probably go after her but Crius threw out his country boy drawl, "Naw, not yet."

Commander Adama took command of the situation, asking Starbuck, "If you could wait. I'm sure she is just going to speak with her friend. I have some questions for you."

"Sir, I don't think this is about…well Starbuck can't really answer much, I mean," Lizbet spoke up quietly, nervous to be adding her voice to a room full of officers, "well sir, see, um, that was long overdue."

Crius jumped in to her rescue. "Oh yeah, really overdue. I think that's a record. I don't think those two have ever gotten along this long, ya know? Whooeee, we're just lucky they didn't break some plates.

"What do you mean?" Starbuck asked.

Crius looked to Lizbet. "You've known them longer, you tell the story better."

Lizbet turned to the table to explain, "They're that couple, you know. If they're not fracking, they're fighting. And they're not fracking, so. I mean, they fight all the time."

Gage filled in, "It's why I called them the Gutter Snipes. Jake and Rene snipe at each other constantly, little insults and jabs. They fight over nearly everything. Fist fights sometimes even. Had to break up more than a few even on duty."

"Yeah, I think this is the longest they've gone without fighting, longer than after Kenan and when Dante…" Crius didn't finish his thought.

"They've always been like that. Even before on Caprica, they'd pick on each other and argue about everything." Lizbet filled in the background for the group at the table. "We all went to school together. Even when they were a couple, they were that couple who fought all the time. You could almost time the evening by the fight. The only time they didn't bicker was when they were playing."

"Playing?" Starbuck asked, a little concerned at the word.

"We had a band. Played clubs around Caprica City. I'm on keyboard, Nik on drums, Jake and Rene have guitars. Ari played bass."

Crius cut in. "They're actually pretty good. Not my kind of music, a little loud and don't expect a love ballad, but not bad."

"Oh," Starbuck found himself realizing once again he knew very little about the woman he wanted to wed.

"Anyway, they fight all the time. Always have. Some people think it's because they've known each other for so long, but I think," Lizbet shrugged, "they're just that couple, you know. Day one they fought. It's like forepl…." Lizbet halted the crude comment, blushed before she went on, "It's just how they are. I mean, the rest of us got used to it and if they're not fighting, well, then you know something is wrong. I mean even their cutesy names for each other are insults, like stupid and stinky or…well you get the idea."

"Yeah, I guess," Starbuck answered not liking the explanation. He and Rene were a couple, not her and Jake. "And they've not been fighting." Starbuck pieced together the problem.

"They've not been doing anything," Lizbet reassured him. "Since Ari, they called a truce of sorts. They do that sometimes, stop fighting when things aren't okay. I mean, she's trying, and he's trying. We're all trying."

Adama chose to enter the conversation. As Commander, many comments had worried him. "Is what Rene indicated about the alcohol consumption true? How much and what exactly is being consumed in those chambers?"

Starbuck answered, tossing Crius in the line of fire. "I thought it was none, so you'll have to ask Crius."

Crius tugged at the collar of his uniform before he answered. "Not that much. I mean, just having what fun we're allowed, you know. Duties are done, no details missed. Just enough for fun. Nothing illegal"

"So what has Rene been doing for fun?" Gage interjected

It was Lizbet that answered. "You mean other than doing Starbuck?"

"Hey!" Starbuck defended himself, not enjoying the chuckles from Apollo and Boomer.

Gage just shot a harsh look to Lizbet before looking to Starbuck for an answer.

"That's what tonight was supposed to be about," Starbuck shrugged, but Gage shook his head no.

"No, I mean fun. These are kids in their 20s. These dinners are not fun for them." Gage turned to the Commander, "I apologize, sir, but I have threatened to bust them to cadets if they do not attend these events. They are young and this is not their version of relaxation." He turned back to Crius and Lizbet. "Anything?"

Lizbet shrugged, and Crius shook his head before answering, "We've all been busy and we live on officer row, so yeah, we've kept it pretty low key. A few card games, mostly playing with the kids."

"Please tell me you have not left her alone with the children," Apollo asked.

It was Lizbet that replied, "No, we've all been taking turns. I don't think anyone has been alone with them. If she's not around Starbuck, well, she's sleeping."

Gage straightened in alarm. "Sleeping? Nothing else?"

Lizbet shook her head. "On duty, with Starbuck or, in her bunk."

Gage turned to Starbuck. "Where's her weapon?"

"What? Usually on her, like most pilots. Tonight, in our…her quarters."

Gage shook his head no. "She hasn't worn her weapon in over a secton."

That rocked Starbuck back in his seat. He hadn't noticed, just assumed it was on her, and suddenly embarrassed he didn't honestly know. It was Lizbet's whisper to Crius that drew all their attention. "I told you. You should have told him."

"Told me what?" Starbuck narrowed his eyes at his new wing mate.

Crius sighed. "I took care of it. You don't need to worry about it."

"Yeah," Starbuck drawled out imitating Crius's country boy twang, "about that. Why don't you tell me why you have her weapon and let me decide for myself if I should worry about it."

Lizbet uttered again, "I told you."

Crius nodded to his wife. "Alright, I hear ya. I found Rene mid sleep cycle in the council room. I was looking for some food and, well, she was staring down the barrel of her weapon."

"WHAT! When?" Starbuck cried in alarm.

Lizbet spoke to him. "Starbuck, you sleep hard. It's not your fault."

"You found her debating shooting herself and you didn't think it was important to tell me?" Starbuck turned back to Gage and the Commander. "Now can I go find her?"

Crius interjected, "She told me she wouldn't do it. First thing she said."

"Oh, well great. Just great. But you took her weapon anyways, because I mean, you just trust her, right?"

"Well, yeah, I mean…I don't think she would, but yeah, I took her weapon. So, it's fine."

"OH yeah, this is just great. I sleep hard. I also have a weapon, and it's fine!" Starbuck's voice rose as he considered the worst case scenario. He let out a deep breath before continuing. "So, she's pretending to enjoy going to dinners with us, and faking that she's fitting in. How many other things is she just doing because we want her to do them?" His own words hit him like a blast of cold water, causing him to stop talking.

It was Gage that replied when the silence became uncomfortable. "She's a gutter snipe, her life was complicated before the destruction. I'm not totally sure she even knows how to have a real relationship."

Starbuck didn't miss a beat in flinging back his own criticism. "She uses you Gage. Uses your guilt over Dante and, well, everything between you two so she can get what she wants out of you."

Lizbet abruptly got up. "Wow, and now you geniuses figured out why we don't like to come to these things."

Crius reached for her. "Honey, where you going? What? Oh, thanks guys. There goes my evening too." He followed his wife from the room, calling to her to wait up.

Adama waited until the couple were out of the room before he addressed Starbuck and Gage. "That will be enough out of you two. It is not productive for solving our problems. The question remains, what has Rene been up to. She spends most of her time with you, Starbuck. How are things going?"

"They were fine before the trainings started up. I told you they needed a break, but you tossed them right into classes and," he sighed, "I think I kind of freaked her out at the triad tourney on the Rising Star. Don't think she figured on the IFB and all the attention that got her. We spend a lot of time together with Lizbet and Crius and then there's the OC, but then I was on report and…" He shrugged, not wanting to detail out all the problems she was having at night.

Gage interrupted. "Yeah, that's not like her though. On Dilmun, she was a pretty solitary creature."

Apollo nodded. "When she was with us, she often roamed, quite far actually, often hiking many clicks from our home. She was a very aloof creature."

"She's not a creature!" Starbuck spat. "She's a woman and maybe had anybody asked her, she would have wanted some company. I think…I think that's why things are different. I ask her. I don't make her do anything she doesn't want to do. I ask and I listen. Which brings up a good point actually. Did anyone ask the Rats if they wanted to stay in the service?"

"I don't like that term," Adama scolded before shifting to the question, "I don't understand, Starbuck."

"Yeah, no one does, I bet. See, they didn't go to the Academy."

"We already know that," Apollo added.

"Nooo, you don't know. What I mean is they didn't want to be military when they were on Caprica. They were rescued, drafted, and now they're here and no one bothered to ask them if they wanted to stay in the military. Everyone just assumed since they were trained as pilots, they wanted to stay pilots. And then, no offense, Commander, you tossed them into trainings to be pilots. But no one really asked them if that's what they wanted."

"Are you saying they don't wish to remain in the Colonial Service?" Adama sat back, realizing he may have made many more mistakes than this one by simply following Dante's command decisions regarding his troops.

"Some of them don't. Lizbet I'm sure wants out. And Jake probably does too. Or at least he'd rather be a Med Tech, which is why he's been hanging around Cassie. Rene, well, she won't really answer me when I ask. Just says she's good at it, when she can fly that is. She's not liking shuttles, that much I know. But you see, I asked."

"You make a good point, Starbuck. We have just made some command decisions for them, and perhaps in the past, too many of those decisions were not in their best interest." Adama gave Colonel Gage a fatherly look. Gage looked away.

"It was what was best for our fleet, to make them pilots. They had an aptitude. Is that not what the Academy does? Places warriors in the jobs that fit their abilities?"

"He has a point." Apollo added, "Even had the destruction not occurred, they may have joined the service or been forced in due to a plea bargain for a crime."

"Maybe, but you see, that's still a choice. You can choose the prison colony or Colonial service. They didn't even get that choice. See, believe it or not, I chose the service. Applied, took the tests, ran the laps. All my choice," Starbuck replied. "Yeah, kind of steered that way by the foster system, but, still my choice. I could have been a used hover mobile salesman had I wanted to. I had an aptitude for that as well. That's all I'm saying. They didn't choose this life. There's a lot Rene's dealing with she didn't choose. Being pregnant for one," Starbuck turned back to the commander. "I didn't think to ask about birth control because our Life Center sees that the gals have what they need. I assumed and I should have asked."

"Thank you for that admission," Adama nodded to Starbuck. "And you make a valid point. Our assuming could have some unforeseen consequences. Perhaps we should begin asking some questions, and listen to the answers. For example, Rene's complaints about the quality of our air actually yielded a problem. I found out that the filters in many compartments have not been changed out in yahrens. It seems the squadron barracks went through several of them, especially blue squadron."

Boomer laughed, "We couldn't take the cigar smoke permeating the place. I heard there hasn't been a problem with that since Starbuck's departure."

"I can't help it if you guys don't have any appreciation for the finer things in life." Starbuck shot back.

Adama smiled. "Rene and the Copper squadron are utilizing quarters that Sire Uri once inhabited. I have no doubt that they may have an unpleasant odor."

Apollo choked on the drink he had just reached for. "Father, did you just make a joke?"

"You know, son, you've had a stick up your spine since I promoted you. You should do something about that."

"I'm going to find Rene now." Starbuck began heading for the door, then stopped and turned to her friends. "Where will she go?"

"Gym," Max and Gage answered, and Starbuck cursed that he didn't know that, but they did.

"Starbuck," Adama stopped him as the door opened. "If you could take your weapons to my office, just to be on the safe side, and I want her in the Life Station before morning. Some medications might be in order right now. I think we will overlook any methods you need to use to get her there."

Starbuck quirked an eyebrow at him, wanted to utter a quip like "Are you doubting my powers of persuasion?" But instead he just nodded. He had hoped to solve some of the problems before command got involved, but he suddenly realized this might be out of his hands.

He found her in the gym near the triad courts, the one most pilots used. She was on a treadmill, a click into a run and not looking like she was going to stop anytime soon, music pods in her ears. Starbuck pondered what to do, and decided based on Rene's laser focus, he had the time to hit the locker room and strip himself down for a run. He was pleased to find she hadn't left, and he took the treadmill beside her, cuing up his own run. It took at least a quarter click before she noticed him there with a glance, and then disregarded him. They ran in tandem for at least three clicks before Starbuck realized that this run had gone beyond good mental therapy, to one of a punishing pace. Her stride hadn't slowed, and now she was pushing hard, head down. He let her go another full click before he slowed down his run, and reached over to lower the pace on her machine. She looked up to him annoyed, and reached to push the pace back up. Starbuck just reached over and pushed the buttons down again. She did a quarter click of warm down before she abruptly jumped off and started to head for the locker room. Starbuck reached for her arm, holding her lightly, saying her name softly even though he knew she may not be able to hear her over the blaring music in her ears.

He was rewarded with her pulling the earbuds out. "Look, I'm sorry. I fracked up the night okay. I didn't mean it, any of it."

He just nodded. "I know. I'm the king of saying what I didn't mean. Doesn't mean we can't still have a good evening. Will you do me a favor, just one, alright?"

She closed her eyes and sighed. He rubbed his hand on her arm to get her attention. "It won't hurt, I promise."

She sighed and nodded. "I owe you that much. Okay, what do you want?"

He smiled the one he saved for her, not his megavolton smile, the one she called his sunny day smile. "Clean up and I have somewhere I want us to go, please." He purred the please the way she liked and was happy to see her shiver.

She sighed and nodded. "Ten centons, meet you in the corridor."

She was a little late, but she looked in a better mood, or at least was trying to be. He figured she was merely complying to salvage the date she had ruined. He didn't want to use guilt to get her where he wanted. He had not tried that even once since the brig on Dilmun. He knew too well the things she did out of obligation, and had vowed he wouldn't become something she felt she had to do.

He took the risk and dove into dangerous territory. He leaned in to kiss her and felt her melt a bit more. He took her hand. "I know just the right place. You're going to love it." He took her to the simulators. That had always worked for Starbuck when he was truly annoyed or upset. Nothing quite like blasting Cylons to pieces, even if they were pretend. She didn't question his choice of locations, just took the seat beside him and the two ran formations and mock battles for more than a centaur. He let her take the lead mostly because he wasn't going to let her take the lead once they left this room. He wanted her feeling some control for now, before he took some of that control away.

He waited for her to decide they were done, that it was time they headed back to the family and get some sleep. They were powering down the simulators when he asked, "One more favor, not for me, for everyone else, alright?"

He saw her hesitate, close her eyes before she answered with a low soft sigh.

"I need to take you the Life Center." He reached out a hand to hold her fast as she backed away. "I know you're fine. I do. But the Commander ordered it. The things you said can't just be ignored, Rene."

She winced and he saw the walls raise, the doors slam as she mumbled, "I didn't mean it."

"I know. But Jake sometimes knows more than I do. He said something about painkillers and I've been missing a few. And I know about the drinks you sneak when I'm not looking, and I haven't made a fuss, have I? I'm just glad it's not the stims, alright? So maybe…since you're self-medicating," her head shot up and she glared at him, but he didn't let it deter him, "that some prescribed medications might help some. At least get it right." He tightened his grip on her with one hand, but reached out gently to stroke her face with the other. "I know this isn't what you wanted. I'm sorry."

He knew the words were a cheap trick. It's why he chose them. Any time he apologized, Rene turned it around on herself, felt worse than he did for the apology. She shouldered the blame, and he shoved some more on her shoulders hoping the weight would get her to ask for help. "It's not your fault," she said quietly.

"I know. But it doesn't change that Ari's dead and you are stuck here on the Galactica." He felt bad for the direct hit as she physically winced at his words. He felt worse for what he needed to say next, but he kept going. "I know you being pregnant is my fault. It screwed up a lot of plans you had. I know you wanted to get rid of it…" She began to object, but he kept going, "and you didn't. You had to give up a lot to keep the baby and I don't mean just drinking." He didn't want to voice all the other things or people she had probably given up for him.

"I know you don't want to do this. But for me, for the baby, would you please go with me to the Life Center? Let us help?"

He waited for her answer, but he didn't let go. If she didn't agree, well he planned to haul her over his shoulder kicking and fighting. She looked to him before she nodded, must have seen his determination. She didn't speak, just waved a hand down the corridor towards the Life Center sarcastically and let him take the lead. Fine, he thought. If she needs it to look like he dragged her there, so be it.

Starbuck was grateful once there that Salik had already received a call from the Commander. He asked only a few questions, which was probably for the best as Rene didn't look like she was going to answer anything in depth, just responding in a quiet yes and no to anything he asked. He put the medication into Starbuck's hand, with a warning that while Rene may look calm and cooperative, to not let it fool him. Salik pulled Starbuck aside and gave him hypo of a strong sedative to take with him.

"She's not sleeping," was all Salik would say before going back and speaking to Rene. "I expect to see you tomorrow. You're off the duty roster. Flight status for shuttles pulled. Don't need you taking down a shuttle full of people."

It earned them the longest sentence she'd ever said in the Life Center. "I wouldn't do that."

Salik's gruff voice answered. "Good. See that you don't. Get some sleep."

She didn't fight Starbuck on the way to their quarters. She let him undo the ties to her dress and help her get ready for bed. Once there, he undressed and pulled her into his arms. She reached for him to initiate what they'd been doing a lot in this bed, but he kept the kiss short and sweet before he quietly told her she needed some sleep.

"It was supposed to be a fun night. I ruined it," she mumbled turning away sadly. He pulled her to him spooning her and nuzzled her neck. He whispered gently into her ear, "There will be other nights, I promise," before he pressed the hypo against her neck. She gave a slight "oh," of betrayal before she relaxed in his arms. There were no nightmares that night and he knew he probably should have asked for help with that issue sooner. He'd never been good at asking for help: another thing they had in common.


	14. Chapter 14

When his chrono chimed Starbuck hated to even leave the bed to contact the Commander to let him know he may be late reporting. Rene was still sound asleep, and he didn't know if he should wake her or not. Technically, she had nothing to do this day, excused from all duties and trainings, but Starbuck unfortunately did have things to do. Since finding out there was no official charges against him for the fight or the punch to Reece, he could still conceivably get that promotion he was up for and he didn't want to jeopardize that with a baby on the way. He'd need the extra pay as he was quickly finding out; kids were expensive and surprisingly the military didn't cover those extras needed like toys, clothes and even diapers.

He stroked Rene's arm softly, tracing over some of the tattoos, the triangles for her kills, before he tenderly turned her arm over, counted the marks there. Neat even slices, most the same length, done with a blade, not a laser scalpel. Jake had been right, more than a dozen. And that was just one arm. The other held even more. Starbuck hadn't gotten to that chapter in the books yet. This was new to him and he was completely confused as to how hurting oneself made things better. Getting blind drunk and dealing with a hangover, that he understood. You never meant to hurt yourself with that, you meant to numb the pain for a while and everyone thought they could beat a hangover. But this was different. Well executed, precise calculated pain. He'd need to find some data on that.

In a way, she had warned him this was coming with the words she spoke after the Iblis assisted the shift in space. "I cheat at cards and I kind of like the pain." That's what she had said. He'd been sure not to let her play cards with those who could spot the cheating. But the pain? What was he supposed to do about that, hurt her? Not his style, never would be.

He slowly extricated himself from the bed. He'd have to report in soon, so he decided it might be time to use a connection or two, not for himself, but for Rene. He got up from the bed to comm Adama, but when he opened his comm, there was a message waiting for him from the Commander to report to the bridge with Rene, as soon as they awoke. The commander made sure to add that there was no rush, and sometime before midday meal would be acceptable.

Starbuck looked to Rene, sleeping peacefully and if he counted up the centaurs, it was maybe the most uninterrupted sleep that he knew of her getting since coming to the Galactica.

"Yeah," he chastised himself, "I should have done something about that sooner." He'd been so egotistical that he thought he could solve every problem. Now he was beginning to realize that being abused was probably only half of Rene's problems. He could get a few Captains transferred to other ships and make sure the gals were protected from borays and rapists, but he couldn't make the destruction go away. He didn't control the Cylon empire.

Rene had been right in her night time mumblings. She could paint over that city scene, but it was still there, a blank metal wall as a stark reminder that she had lost two worlds and was stuck inside a tin can.

He decided he'd turbo and see to some food before he woke her up, and make some strong java as he was pretty sure she was going to feel more than a little hung over. The door comm chimed, and Starbuck found Jake outside.

"She's still asleep, but you can come in."

Jake shook his head, "No, it's okay, I just…look I didn't mean to do that in front of everyone. I just didn't know and usually, she kind of gives me a heads-up before she...loses it. Wanted to apologize to you."

"Me?" Starbuck was a bit shocked at that. Jake didn't talk to him often. Apologizing was a huge step in the right direction.

"Yeah, the crack about how you should have known. She's good at faking it and she's good at working you."

Starbuck found those words more offensive than the comment at the dinner table. He wanted a bit more clarification, but he didn't trust himself to ask at the moment. It was obvious that Jake knew about the paintings all over their chambers. He didn't even give the walls a glance, except to look at the city scene that had been painted over, now just a regular gray wall. Jake looked from the wall to Rene, saw for himself she was asleep, and said goodbye as he headed off to his trainings. Starbuck stopped him and made the young man promise to have a drink with him, but Jake gave him the same classic shrug that Starbuck was realizing for the Rats was a passive agreement, and a passive refusal as well.

Rene was still asleep when Starbuck was done with the turbowash and making food. He decided against his better judgment that he should wake her. Maybe half groggy she wouldn't punch him for the cheap trick with the hypo. He made sure to have the java close by him as he gently shook her awake. As predicted, she was pretty out of it as he handed her the mug and she sipped down half before she trudged off for a turbo. Once dressed and the rest of the java in her, she finally fixed him with an angry glare shaking her head at him.

"You could have told me. I wouldn't have fought you. You don't have to trick me, okay?"

"I didn't know that at the time. Logged for future reference."

She nodded to him, then looked away. "How bad did I screw up this time. I should apologize to everyone and…"

Starbuck moved slowly, but he crossed the distance to her and reached for her hand. "You already did. You're not in trouble. And Jake even came by to check on you and he's not even mad."

She sighed and nodded. "So that bad, damn. How do I fix it?" She looked to him with concern in her eyes.

"Well," Starbuck wasn't exactly sure either. He had hoped the evening would be when he made it official, set a date and they would be in these quarters curled up under the covers excited to be planning a sealing. Now, there was the uncertainty if a sealing would even happen. Instead of planning a celebration, they would be planning doctors and appointment. He knew she was probably going to have to actually go to those psych appointments before she'd be allowed back to flying even shuttles, and certainly before they'd let her back in a viper. He found he couldn't voice any of it to her, partly because he could deal with the guilt she would feel at ruining his romantic moment, and partly because he knew if he mentioned doctors, she would bolt from the room. He settled for the easier truth, to take this moment by moment.

"The Commander wants you on the bridge and I don't know why. They were clear you were off the duty rosters today. I suspect you'll be talking to a few doctors and the sleep aids won't be optional."

She nodded solemnly. "I'm fine. You know that right?" She sighed when he wouldn't answer. "Do I get to see the kids?"

Starbuck didn't answer. "I can't see why you wouldn't. Let's go see what the Commander wants first, then we'll go from there."

Rene looked away and nodded. When she looked back, Starbuck saw her barriers were firmly in place and once those walls were up, there wasn't much he could do.

It was a short walk to the bridge and Rene followed silently. Starbuck figured she was probably trying to calculate how she could black mail her way out of this, but she didn't understand yet the differences between her old commander and her new one. Adama wasn't easy to move once he had made up his mind, and when it came to the safety of any human, be it warrior or civilian, he never budged. Starbuck knew all he had to do now was make sure Rene didn't bolt from the bridge, and the Commander would take care of the problem.

Rene's steps faltered at the smile on the Commander's face, the fatherly concern in his voice. "Good to see you looking well rested. Colonel Gage will be with us shortly."

"Will we be meeting in your office, Sir?" Starbuck asked, hoping to offer Rene a bit of privacy in what he knew could be a tough issue for pilots. Once word got out your name was even being considered for psych evaluation, no one wanted to fly with you, let alone talk with you. It was a taboo topic amongst troops. Starbuck knew it shouldn't be like that, but he had already witnessed first hand how Cree was shunned after returning from Cylon torture, something everyone had sympathy for, but no one wanted to talk about, so they just avoided Cree.

"No, Lieutenant," Adama answered with no explanation.

"Uh, sir, I think that maybe…"

Adama cut him off with a stern look. "I believe you have duties to attend to, Lieutenant."

"Uh, with all due respect sir, I think that maybe…"

"We will discuss the matter later. You are dismissed, Lt. Starbuck." Adama was almost curt with him and he was confused as to why. Starbuck could literally hear the klaxons that were ringing in Rene's head.

He started to open his mouth again, but Adama turned away. The look on Rene's face bordered on panicked, and she was standing at attention not moving a muscle. Starbuck whispered to her, wanting desperately to touch her, to soften the blow. "He's not Dante. This isn't the Zakar. You'll be okay. I was on report, started a fight remember, and it all turned out fine."

The look she flashed him let him know she didn't believe a word. Starbuck tried to hang around, but the Commander reminded him again, in very precise words that he was dismissed. He tried to leave the bridge as slowly as he could, managed to delay just long enough to catch Gage entering from the turbolift with a civilian with him.

"Gage, can I have a word with you?" Starbuck asked, but the stern look had him quickly adding, "Colonel, sir.""

"Starbuck, you were right. She uses me and I have let this go too long. You can stay to watch, but I want you out of the way, out of her line of sight. Not negotiable. We'll talk later, understood, Lieutenant? That's an order."

Gage had never issued an order to him yet. The two had worked almost as equals, but he knew the man had the power to place him back on report if he wanted. Starbuck mumbled a "Yes sir," and blended into the background.

Adama greeted the Colonel warmly, but Starbuck could tell that his friendly demeanor was not helping Rene feel at ease, and probably it shouldn't. From the stories the Rats told, Dante often cloaked his plan for pain in pleasant smiles.

Gage nodded to the Commander and turned to Rene without any preamble. "Lieutenant Rene, I would like to introduce you to Dr. Dixon. You will be joining us on the Zakar where we will be having a long conversation."

"Is this an order, sir? Because you can't order me to talk to civilian doctors or to accompany you anywhere," Rene replied and Starbuck realized she'd actually paid attention to his regulations lectures he'd given.

Adama tried to alleviate her fears. "It is a request made in your best interests."

Gage interrupted the commander harshly. "Lieutenant Rene, I owe you an apology and I will make that apology as public or as private as you deem necessary. We can have this conversation on the Zakar alone with Dr. Dixon here, or I will be having a different kind of conversation, publicly, very publicly, about everything that happened on the Zakar and on Dilmun. I will detail every incident including everyone who was involved, or we can keep this private and you can accompany me to the Zakar. Your choice."

As Gage spoke, Adama turned away and looked directly at Starbuck nodding. Starbuck was left wondering if the two officers had choreographed this little exchange in advance.

Rene glared at the Colonel before answering, "Fine! Okay…yes sir, a conversation on the Zakar, got it. Let's go." She began to move to the turbolift, but Gage held up a hand.

"Arrangements have been made for you regarding your children for the next five cycles."

"What?! Five cycles? I don't think it will take that long to talk." Rene took a step back away from the Colonel.

Dr. Dixon added to the exchange. "Actually, I suggested it take longer, but I was overruled." The man smiled, and Starbuck caught a hint of manipulation in that smile.

Rene balked at the grin before turning to Gage. "One cycle. I will give you today, and that's all."

Gage thought for a moment, then replied, "Four and I will leave Crius out of the incident report, but the rest remains."

Rene winced, cursed, and Starbuck realized there had to be something other than the incident with Pallus that Gage was referring to. Rene countered, "Two cycles and you leave Lizbet out of it."

Gage didn't hesitate, letting everyone know what he had really wanted was what he was getting, "Three, and it only involves you."

Starbuck thought he could literally hear Rene gnash her teeth at having been out negotiated. "Fine, but you and me, he doesn't need to be there." She pointed to the doctor.

"Lieutanant Rene, this is not up for debate or negotiation. He joins us and you will be forthcoming with your responses or I will be forthcoming and involving many others in this. It has been suggested that everyone in the family should be attending drug counseling at the least and…" Gage paused giving Rene the room to object.

"Fine. Sir. Agreed. Let me make arrangements and…."

"Already being handled. Lizbet says to not worry about the kids. The others will be informed. Let's go, Lieutenant. Now."

Rene closed her eyes and sighed, she broke military protocol, looking up at the Colonel casting him a sad wide eyed little girl look. "Gage, does it have to be today?"

Gage answered in the same lack of decorum. "Kiddo, it should have been all kinds of yesterdays ago. Hades, it should have been three yahrens ago, or maybe six, don't you think?"

Rene looked away at that. It was the doctor that responded, taking a step towards Rene, albeit slowly Starbuck noted. "Lt. Rene? I don't know you, and I would like to get to know you with a few questions, but for now I have just one thing to ask. If I'm wrong, well, we will try to keep this to one or two cycles alright? Dante was not the first. Your mother died when you were almost eight. And how did you and your father get along?"

Rene didn't answer the question, just stared at the man. Starbuck knew it was not defiance that had her standing still, it was shock, a rabbit in the headlights of the hover mobile.

"Holy frack," Starbuck muttered.

"Based on your lack of reply, I suspect his death was not an unwelcome event for you. In fact, it helped make your life better in many ways, correct? You no longer had to deal with his advances." The doctor lowered his voice. "Like you, I would also like this conversation to be private. Shall we head to the Zakar?"

Rene finally blinked. "Does it have to be there, sir?"

It was the doctor that answered. "Yes. And you know why."

Starbuck watched as Rene closed her eyes, and cursed under her breath. He knew that was the last place she wanted to go and he knew why. He wanted to leap across the bridge and save her from the horrors she had already faced there. She didn't deserve to have to go over them again, and he found his feet moving towards her, but when he looked to Adama for his assistance in the rescue, he knew it would not be forthcoming. The commander ordered him to halt and Rene turned to him, her eyes pleading with him to help her. He didn't get the chance. Gage took her gently by the arm and led her from the bridge.

Starbuck looked to Adama and the man shook his head sadly. "Would you like to have that talk now son?" Adama didn't often use that term of endearment, and seldom in public even with his own son. This time it didn't make him feel better. It echoed in him like a warning bell. Adama came to join him as Starbuck hadn't moved and hadn't answered. Adama lightly touched his arm shaking him from his paralysis. "In my office."

Starbuck held it together until the door to the office closed. "Was that really necessary? Three cycles and a civilian psychiatrist? I mean, do you know what happened to them on the Zakar? Having to go over it again is going to be like walking through hades. I mean, is that really going to help her? Think about it! She had to live it once, does she have to live through it twice? And to take her away from the kids…they're her reason for getting past every nightmare. They're the reason she wakes up every morning. Not to mention, that every time she's disappeared from them, she's come back battered and broken. You think they're not all going to be worrying themselves sick for the next three days, especially the older ones?"

The Commander was patient and let Starbuck vent his frustration. He understood how the man must be feeling. It was another sign that Starbuck was truly in love. He wanted to protect this woman, even from her own internal demons. The problem was, he couldn't, and Adama understood those feelings as well. He waited for Starbuck to calm down before offering him a seat, reminding him that Rene was in good hands and that his own assurances to the children would go a long way to getting them through the separation.

"Starbuck, I combed the fleet records and made a point of finding a civilian, one who understood not only combat stress, but also childhood trauma. You forget I knew her yahrens ago. Dr. Dixon was very informative as to what the problem may be with very little information. His assessment is that we never dealt with the true problem. Her father died and the system assumed her problems were a result of grief. I now know that perhaps there was much more and maybe she wasn't grieving at all. She may have been abused for yahrens by various people beginning with her father. It also explains why she was fine in my home when I was not there. Looking back, it is my arrival for some shore duty when Rene's problems in my home began. She ran away to avoid more abuse, not understanding it would not happen. And Dante was just another one, perhaps more sadistic than the rest, but maybe not the hardest for her to deal with. By Gage's account, she was actually quite adept at manipulating Dante. "

Starbuck winced at the information, and Adama gave him a comforting smile. "And that right there Starbuck is why it needs to be someone outside of this situation, even outside of the service. This will be unpleasant, but so is setting a broken leg. Would you have her hobble around with a broken bone and not help her set it?"

Starbuck rolled his eyes. "We have bone menders for that now, Commander."

"Sadly, we don't have psyche menders that work as adeptly," Adama replied softly. "The brain is far more complex than a single bone."

"I get it, I do, sir, it's just," he paused trying to formulate his argument, "she was fine until I was put on report and couldn't be there for her. We were working on it and then," he shrugged before shifting the conversation. "She wants to seal with me. I asked. She answered. We were starting to plan it, I swear."

"Son, this is not about your sealing or those quarters you are sharing. This actually has very little to do with you. I know you were going to make it official at the dinner I held. Boomer told me. Starbuck, wouldn't you want her healthy and happy for that event?"

Starbuck sighed again. "I guess I thought our sealing would make her happy. That it wouldn't cure her, but could . . . let in a little sunshine into the darkness."

Adama nodded, squeezing Starbuck's shoulder. "I'm sure she was drawn to you, Starbuck, because you're a lot like that sunshine you speak of. But she needs to learn to deal with the darkness, to find ways to climb up out of it that doesn't involve hurting herself."

"Yeah. She's going to fight this."

Adama levelled a look at Starbuck. "And that is why I followed Gage's recommendation on how to convince her. He knows how she works and believe it or not, he's on your side."

Starbuck rolled his eyes at that one too as he slumped into his chair realizing he would not be allowed to see Rene for those three cycles and he wouldn't be in this process at all.

"Dr. Dixon did leave me some questions to ask you, and a few for her friends. I was wondering if we could go through them together, so you may ask the others and we can submit these to Dr. Dixon today. Question one, how is she sleeping?"

There weren't many questions, but Starbuck felt like a traitor answering them. The answers he gave were not good, and that was even after he hedged and withheld some of the information. The family was not going to like this. When he finished, Adama left it to Starbuck to ask the questions of those who knew Rene. He thought he'd start with the closest to Rene and probably the hardest to probably get answers from.

He swung by the training rooms and pulled Jake out and took him down to the duty office. The young man seemed more than eager to ditch on the training to answer a few questions, that is until he discovered the gist of the information needed from him. Then Jake became surly and every answer was, "You should know, Starbuck, you live with her."

Jake didn't even jump when Starbuck slammed down the datapad. "Look, these are to help Rene!"

Jake just levelled him a blank stare before he said, "How is my breaking her trust going to help? When she tells me to answer, I'll answer."

"Jake…frack, alright, I give. You win. I can't compete with you. You've known her too long, been through too much together. You have all the answers. You said in the Life Center when she was shot that you are the one who owns her, and frack if that isn't the truth then I don't know what is. So why in hades hole don't you want her to have the best chance at getting better?" He paused as Jake glowered at him. "Because it's not you who's sitting across the therapy desk from her? Because it's a stranger, not a rat? Because no one but you has earned the right to even try to put her pieces back together again? Or maybe you like her that way?" He sat back and watched as Jake just stared at him for a few microns. The microns turned into a few centons.

It was Boomer coming in to the office with Max that finally broke up the staring contest. "Uh, what's going on? Aren't you supposed to be in a training?"

Jake didn't say a word as he got up to leave the room, but Starbuck wasn't letting him get off that easily. "She was abused on Caprica. Dante wasn't the first one to abuse her, was he?"

Jake stopped, slowly spun to look back at Starbuck, stared at him for a few more microns before he answered softly, "No he wasn't. And if she wanted you to know, she would have told you." He spun back around and headed for the door, but Starbuck stopped him again.

"And what about you? Dante wasn't the first to abuse you either, was he?" Jake froze midstep. Starbuck tried not to feel satisfied that his shot in the dark was a direct hit. "You won't answer for her, fine, I get that. Loyalty and all that. How about you answer for yourself? Question one, how are you sleeping Jake? Nightmares? How many a night? How many demons do you live with?"

Jake slowly spun back again and stared for another long centon. Starbuck tried to wait him out, but instead decided to toss in his chips on the gambit. "Your group of friends is getting smaller by the day, Jake. I don't want to fight with you. I'm just trying to be a friend. I'm trying to help your friend, because she means the world to me too." Jake seemed to consider that. A small step forward. "Look I get that Rene and I might not…probably should not be together, but you two, you won't make it if we don't work on this. The patterns will just keep repeating and tear you guys apart. Think of the kids if you can't think of yourself or Rene. So, let me earn your trust and be your friend. You need some help too, Jake."

Jake stared him down for a few more microns before he nodded slowly. "I have a training I have to get back to, but…" the silence stretched for a micron more, "I wouldn't turn down a drink later."

Jake left the office and Boomer quirked an eyebrow at Starbuck. "What was that all about?"

"Just working on making things better."


	15. Chapter 15

Starbuck thought the eighteen days of his punishment detail were awful, but they were nothing compared to the three cycles he waited to hear from Rene. Maybe it was that while being on report, he had more than enough to keep him busy.

But for the three cycles, he couldn't find enough work to keep him busy, and when he ran out of things to do, there were the empty quarters to contend with. He spent a lot of time with the kids, trying to make some effort to fill Rene's conspicuous absence. He even considered going back to the barracks for the mindless banter that would keep him idly distracted, but with Rene being on the Zakar, and Jake drinking himself blind the night she left, the kids needed him.

He hadn't meant to get Jake drunk, certainly not that drunk, but they had both seriously misjudged the first batch from the kitchen scraps still. The Rat's math wasn't all that good, but their chemistry was quite potent. He'd convinced Jake to talk that night, alone in his and Rene's quarters. He thought he'd have more of a fight on his hands getting the young man to agree to talk with him, but it seemed Jake had decided it was time that maybe the two got to know each other since, in Jake's words, Starbuck wasn't going to go away anytime soon.

They had tossed back some drinks both choking on how much the stuff burned. It was Jake's idea to draw cards. The low card had to answer a question. Starbuck realized after four draws Jake had stacked the deck.

Starbuck ended up telling most of his life story, from the forests of Umbra, to foster parents, to academy days, and even spilled that he'd dated Athena and Aurora, as well as Cassiopeia. They'd gone through the deck and reshuffled before Jake started sharing. Crius was right, it was a hades of a story of abusive parents, drunk or on drugs. Neglect was the good parts of his childhood. An arrest of his mother, the abandonment by his father is what forced him into the orphanage system. His foster parents weren't much better. School was his haven, but he didn't get good grades, too preoccupied most of the day with trying to think up ways to survive his nights. He'd become a permanent resident of the orphanage by middle school. That's where he'd met Rene.

By the time they got to that part of the story, Jake was drunk. Starbuck took that into account when Jake made some of his comments, especially about how he had felt as a teenager about Rene. By the time they got to talking about the destruction, Jake was rambling incoherently. His memories of their capture were out of order and fragmented. What he could remember clearly was how Rene got them into the sewers, how she had been able to outrun the Cylons for almost a secton, and then when caught, had been able to convince the Cylons that they knew important things about the fleet of survivors. Starbuck learned that Kiff was named after Lara's little brother who they lost to starvation in the Cylon slave camp, and Kalea was a friend they had lost in the sewers to a nerve gas the Cylons used.

Jake didn't make it past the arrival of their savior Dante before he dissolved into tears, a fact that Starbuck would never tell anyone about, not even Jake who didn't remember it the next day. He'd have to wait for another night to learn about the Zakar and Dilmun as Jake puked on the floor, then passed out.

His conversation with Jake, and the subsequent intoxication, only killed one lonely night as Starbuck cleaned up the mess, hauled Jake to the couch and then tried to sleep in their bed that suddenly was far too large.

Jake had slunk out sometime in the night and Starbuck had to acknowledge he did sleep hard to have missed that. He found the man the next morning slumped over a Java, a data pad in his hand going over the chemistry of their still and yelling at the kids to be quiet, which just dissolved the toddlers into giggles as they pretended to whisper.

"You alright?" Starbuck asked placing some food in front of him encouraging him to eat.

"Don't worry, I threw it out. That batch would have killed someone, oh wait, I feel like death, so maybe it already did. You don't need to take care of it."

"Oh, I don't know, we could have used it to strip some grease off the engines." Starbuck clapped his hands to get the kids to start getting ready for the day, and tried not to laugh too hard when Jake groaned. "Oh, sorry about that."

That day was a long one with the kids not understanding why Rene wasn't there. Mornings were her ritual, getting them to eat and dress while chatting about their day and telling them stories. Kiff followed Starbuck around the chambers chatting non-stop. The kid's vocabulary had grown in the last three sectars and every other word was "why". Starbuck tried not to lose his patience, but both Kalea and Leia thought getting dressed was a good time to practice their wrestling moves and no one was listening when Starbuck yelled, "I'm serious. We have to get ready or we're going to be late." Jake shattered his skull with one good bark that seemed to settle down Leia and Kalea, while Lara came to Starbuck's rescue. Lizbet and Crius came to see what the holdup was, their kids all dressed, fed, hair brushed, ready to go while Starbuck was still trying to find where the hairbrush went, and could only find one shoe for each kid.

Crius ribbed him all day. Starbuck tried to take it, and just kept reminding Crius he had more experience with kids than he did, plus he only had three he had to deal with. Starbuck was there with all of them. "They ganged up on me! It wasn't fair."

"Well, at least you speak their language!"

Starbuck knew the banter was to distract them both from thinking too hard about Rene. Starbuck waited until their patrol before he asked about the incident Gage was referring to when he threw out that Gage had said something about taking Crius off the incident report. After uttering a few curses and threatening to kill Gage, Crius slipped into that country drawl.

"I know you want to kill a few people, Bucko, but don't do it. It's hard to get rid of bodies on a battlecruiser. I'm betting it's even harder on a Battlestar.

"Please tell me you're joking," Starbuck had replied.

"Wish I was, and not a conversation I'm having over a commline or on the Galactica with vid cams everywhere. Love him or hate him, Dante had some good advice sometimes. You don't have to beat all your enemies, just one really well. Fear is on your side then. Wish I could say I regret it, but I don't."

Starbuck was torn between lecturing him that we don't kill people, and asking him how he did it, remembering back to his comment about making it look like an accident. But then another more recent comment from Gage chilled him. "Was it just you because Gage said something about Rene and Lizbet?"

"Don't you fret, Starbuck. Gage isn't going to tell anyone. He just throws that chit out to force Rene's hand. He was right there with us, so she goes down, he'll be at that bottom to catch her because he's going down too."

"And you guys wouldn't let me shoot Dante, why is that when it would have solved a lot of problems?" Starbuck had thrown that one out a few times, but no one would ever respond. They'd just ignore his comment with a grumble and look away.

"I would have let ya. That was Jake's call, not mine. I just wanted out of that damn brig, didn't think to shoot him. Wish I had. Gage, he wouldn't do it, he's too soft. Not sure why Jake made the call other than he never could forget it was Dante that saved them. Despite all the bad things Dante did after, no denying he was the hero that day on Caprica. Jake just can't get over that. I'm thinking it was pretty dire down there when Dante showed up lasers blazing. They always felt they owed him a debt, I mean he didn't have to go back to Caprica. No one had to. But the hero worship turned into something else. Something twisted. I just don't know."

Crius trailed off and Starbuck tried to think up some reason why they needed to land on the Zakar. He needed to see Rene, needed to know she was alright, but Adama must have had his eyes on the scanner because on their return to the fleet when Starbuck headed for the Zakar with Crius not stopping him, Rigel issued the order that he was due back on the Galactica. Adama met him in the landing bay with a report that Rene was fine, everything was going well, she had even sent him a message.

It was short and sweet asking that he shine up his gold clusters as she owed him another night out in the simulators, followed by telling him not to worry as he was better as Warrior of the Centaur, not Worrier of the Centaur.

Starbuck combed the message for a code, meant to show it to Jake to ask him, but once off duty, Jake was nowhere to be found.

That night was a long one. Starbuck had the kids and Kiff asked at least twenty times where his mother was and wouldn't believe the lie that she was on duty. The kid was too sensitive to the emotions of the family as Lizbet explained. He just could feel a lie. Jason and Cain were frustrated over homework and both itching for some excitement so he sent them off to the triad court to work it out. Lara was heartbroken over some boy she liked, but he liked some other girl and before the evening was over she was messaging some other boy. Starbuck had to take the comm privileges from her and the little girl who had once worshipped the ground he walked on was telling him how awful he was.

By the time it was bedtime, Kalea, normally a happy toddler, was cranky and feverish. She clung to Starbuck crying and Jake hadn't turned up. Leia seemed to pick up on Kalea's crying and felt she had to join in. Lizbet was busy with a fussy Zac and Starbuck didn't know what to do.

He took the three younger kids to Rene and his chambers so Kalea didn't wake up all the other kids with her crying, and Starbuck walked the floor trying to soothe her, while trying to get Leia to take a bottle and fall asleep. He was able to get Leia and Kiff to bed, but Kalea just kept getting warmer and warmer.

He ended up calling Cassie hoping she wasn't out with Jake, just to make sure Kalea was alright. Rene would eviscerate him if anything happened to the kids. His guess had been right, Jake had taken off on his own and Cassie was alone. Much like Starbuck, when she came in and saw the walls, including the latest scene Starbuck hadn't removed yet from the floor, Cassie gasped. Her first question wasn't what Starbuck expected. She asked where Rene had found all the paint. Apparently, it was a commodity in high demand as many civilians also wanted to liven up the drab military gray of the ships. Gray paint you could find in abundance, but red, yellow, blue, green, was in short supply and when you could find it, extremely expensive. Starbuck honestly didn't know as that had not been his concern when he'd first found the quarters decorated. Plus he didn't know how to explain to Cassiopeia that Rene was independently wealthy due to her ability to steal the Dilmun payroll. He still had no idea just how much she had. He didn't need his friends to have one more reason he shouldn't get sealed. They had been given more than enough at the Commander's dinner.

Kalea wanted nothing to do with Cassie and Starbuck had to coax her into letting the medtech take a look. What was a bit shocking to Starbuck was Cassiopeia seemed just as uncomfortable with Kalea. Starbuck's heart broke a little as Kalea screamed as if she was dying. Cassie had to let Starbuck give the baby the dose of analgesic to bring down her temperature, which was apparently because she was just teething.

Once the ordeal was over and Kalea was starting to fall asleep in his arms, he couldn't help to ask his former lover, and now girlfriend of Rene's ex boyfriend, a few questions.

"I thought you were seeing Jake? Have you not been around the kids?"

Cassie's face turned a shade serious at the questions and Starbuck found himself backtracking. "I mean, if you don't want to talk to me, that's understandable, I mean…"

Cassie sighed in a very familiar gesture of exasperation with him. "It's okay Starbuck. He asks me out occasionally, but we aren't exclusive and that is part of the reason why. I don't want kids, Starbuck, and Jake has a lot of them. There's talk of more orphans coming to join the group. Are you ready for all that? To go from being the man with all the ladies on the side, to married with a dozen kids?"

It was a fair question as his first night alone with Rene's children he was calling medtech's frantically. But he hadn't really thought about it that way. He'd just fallen in with the family and it seemed natural now. They all helped each other and the kids even pitched in to help. For once in his life, he didn't feel lonely and abandoned. He was needed. Jason and Cain had jokingly taken to calling him Dad. He told them to stop, but secretly he loved it. He suspected they knew that too.

He could imagine his life without the kids, but he didn't want to. Yeah, maybe he would eventually miss the freedom to go play triad whenever he wanted or the ability to drink all night in the OC, but those activities lost their charm when compared to spending time with the family. Plus, no one in the family made him watch the kids or cook meals or any of the other tasks. If he wanted to go back to the barracks and forget it all, he could.

For a moment, he remembered what his life had been like after the destruction before Cassiopeia. He would never forget that horrible sensation when he'd been out in the battle and his home had just started to fly away with his girlfriend and his best friend on board. He'd felt more abandoned than he ever had before. When you were a pilot, your Commander and your Battlestar weren't supposed to just leave you in the middle of a battle.

In the days that followed he reached out to Athena, and she'd pushed him away. He'd tried to reach out to Apollo, but the man was mourning the death of his mother and his brother and soon after was getting sealed. Starbuck couldn't bear the guilt that it had been his patrol that Zac had taken. If Starbuck had gone that day, so many things would have been different. He wouldn't have died, he wasn't that maudlin. In his head, he had somehow reasoned that he would have saved the fleet, or at least a few less pilots would have died.

That guilt and the rejection by Athena had left him reaching for anyone and anything. Cassiopeia had been more than willing to let him hang on. Now he wondered if he had hung on too long just because there had been nothing else.

With Rene gone, everyone had just assumed he would help out with the kids. The kids had turned to him for answers and reassurances. They relied on him, and he liked that they could. Kalea's tears hadn't annoyed him. He hadn't wanted her to stop crying because it was loud and irritating. He knew her tears meant she was hurting and he wanted her to not be in pain. He looked down to the mess of blonde curls in his arms. The child had trusted him from the very first day to take care of her.

"Yeah, I am. I think I can figure it out with some help. Thanks. I know this is, well, awkward. I really didn't mean to…" he sighed and launched into an apology long overdue. "I didn't mean to just take up with someone else right away. It just happened. And I know, it's pointed out that a lot just happens with me, but life is just too damn short not to go with it. But I never meant to hurt you."

"Thanks for saying so, but it's really okay, Starbuck." She smiled at him. "You look happy."

Starbuck thanked her and tried to have her stay longer for a drink and a talk, but she declined and in hindsight that might have been for the best. The gossip mill of the Galactica would have had a field day with that information. Not what he needed with Rene right now.

But that left Starbuck in chambers that felt too big and lonely without Rene. He couldn't help but to wonder what would have become of him had Rene done more than just stare down that barrel of her weapon. Would he have left the family if she had killed herself? He didn't think he would, but it would have been hard to look at Kiff and see her eyes every time. But they would have needed him even more.

It was that thought that got him through the next day. Rene was still with them and the kids needed him. He wanted nothing more than to head to the Zakar and bring Rene back. But Adama kept assuring him that the Doctor had a good reputation. He'd apparently helped many others in the fleet without asking for more than the standard payment most civilian workers in the fleet were paid. He had an office on the Rising Star simply because the luxury liner had noticed that many individuals were booking themselves one last night of decadence before choosing to end it all in their despair. The doctor had begun training the wait staff, especially in the lounges, to look for the signs and he'd been instrumental in stopping several attempts.

Starbuck appreciated that the Commander had done his research on the Doctor. He appreciated more that Adama personally came to the duty office to give Starbuck the updates.

What he didn't appreciate was that his viper was suddenly pulled for maintenance, he was off the patrol roster per Commander's orders, and Jenny wouldn't let him have another viper. He had stormed off to the Commander's office to complain, and once there was met by Apollo.

"My father thought you might need a friend," Apollo said when Starbuck railed at him that he should be on the Zakar and watching over the progress with Rene.

"Actually, I need a Viper."

"She's fine, Starbuck. Yes, there was a problem on the first day and I'm still not pleased that Colonel Gage chose to get physical with her, but she didn't want to file a report and yes, I have made a point of talking to her alone. She's not liking the process, but she's not stopping it either."

"Physical? What?!" Starbuck had cut a glare at the Commander and Adama did his one and only tell that Starbuck could read as a lie.

"Well, she did balk at going into the Commander's office…"

Starbuck raised his voice. "Gee I wonder why? Because they had tea parties in there? No, she was tortured in there! Could that be it? You saw it!"

Adama and Apollo both allowed Starbuck to vent his rage. They had had their own concerns as well about Dr. Dixon's choice in location and method of this therapy. After the reports from Apollo, Adama felt like he had thrown the girl to the enemy. Apollo had contacted Adama immediately when they arrived as Rene had balked once on the Zakar. It had disturbed Apollo that Colonel Gage had physically picked up Rene and hauled her into Commander Dante's office. Apollo had tried to intervene, and complained voraciously to Adama that Dr. Dixon was a charlatan spouting nonsense about role playing and confronting your past.

Adama asked to speak to Dr. Dixon, and by that point, Rene had calmed down. The doctor claimed it was progress. He claimed that he needed Rene to confront her abuser in the place of the abuse. It was natural to want to avoid a difficult situation, Dixon had told him, but also necessary.

After Adama's first tour of the Zakar, he had made the decision to leave the office in its original condition. At the time, he had thought to save the room to show to the Council members what had occurred, to provide it as evidence in the event anyone questioned the termination of Commander Dante, but that proved to be unnecessary. Dante's death had been attributed to another casualty of the Cylons, and Adama had made no effort to correct the record other than an entry in his own personal log.

But his decision to leave the quarters in their condition had not been rescinded. He was unsure why at the time, but now he knew. Dr. Dixon had been adamant that being able to go through the events of the abuse in the place they occurred would help with recall and eventually healing. He claimed it would speed up the process and also to help provide a detailed report on all that occurred there. Adama felt that such a report could help to prevent such atrocities from occurring again in the future.

Plus, Adama didn't want to admit it to Starbuck, but he agreed with the Doctor. Rene needed to relive some of what happened, as she seemed to be reliving it daily in her mind. It affected how she dealt with Adama, now her current commander, and everyone who was above her in rank and below. Yes, it seemed cruel to have her relive it, but the doctor was clear that she already was doing so in her mind and in her dreams. The Doctor had been quite adamant that she needed to process it with someone who could help, and the doctor's reputation was impressive.

Plus Adama reasoned, it was Rene. While she didn't know how to ask for help, she did know how to fight to protect herself. If things went too far, Adama had no doubt in his mind that Rene would put a stop to it.

After speaking with the Doctor, Adama had asked to speak with the Colonel to ask that he refrain from any more physical confrontations with Rene or any of the other pilots he was a bit too close to. Adama was to discover that the Colonel was a stronger individual than he had assumed. As Commander of the fleet, Adama had chosen to have Gage serve under him because he was not sure how complicit the Colonel had been in Commander Dante's abuse or why he allowed it to go on. Since that decision, Adama had initiated many conversations with his second in command, and the man from what he could discern had withheld no information.

Colonel Gage had been dealing with his own demons when the abuse began, many of the same concerns that Adama wrestled with the first days after the destruction. Gage had felt an extreme amount of guilt at not having come to the rescue of the colonies, as well as a huge sense of inadequacy. Much like Adama, he had felt the burden of saving as many as he could, yet lamented it was so few. His grief over the loss of his family had been paralyzing. Added to that, he was but a Strike Wing Captain at the time on the Battlecruiser Shiva. Due to his rank, he could not convince his current Commander to go back for more survivors, or that he should not capitulate to Dante.

While losing his family and his world had been devastating, watching as his Commander and Colonel capitulated and killed themselves to save the crew of the Shiva had traumatized Gage. Once Gage was able to deal with those emotions, it was far too late to stop the rampant abuse. The abuse had begun on the Zakar before Gage's tenure there as Colonel, but once achieving the rank, he had slowed the assaults and protected those he could. Adama now believed that without Gage's intervention the hades that was the Zakar may have finished off the crew and Dante's fleet as they tore themselves apart.

After Apollo contacted Adama that first day with his concerns about Rene's treatment by the Doctor, Adama had demanded to speak with Colonel Gage. The Colonel has been bold and firm with Adama, stating clearly that Adama had not been there, did not have a full comprehension of what occurred, and that if he was so unsure in Gage as a Colonel, then he should strip Gage of all rank and kick him out of the service. Adama had a new respect for the man when he uttered, "And sir, even then, I will still stand up to you and demand that this course of action go forward. You will have to kill me to make me stop caring about my crew. You either trust me now, or you never will."

Adama gave the man the benefit of the doubt and the trust he deserved. Apollo reported that Gage had joined the Doctor and Rene in the old Commander's quarters after the conversation. Apollo had checked on the progress often. By the end of the first day, while Rene appeared exhausted, she was not harmed. She was calm and competent by dinner, asleep long before the beginning of the sleep cycle and not resisting the process by the next cycle.

Adama had chosen to hide all that information from Starbuck knowing that the young man would not have listened to reason. One of the qualities that made Starbuck a recipient of the gold clusters is that he put the lives of other before his own. For Sagan's sake, he and Apollo had flown a raider onto a Baseship sacrificing themselves just in the hope that one or two less pilots would die in battle. Adama knew that Starbuck would have disobeyed any order given if he thought Rene was being harmed. It was a sure sign of maturity that Starbuck had only tried twice to fly to the Zakar. Maybe he was ready for that promotion?

Apollo allowed Starbuck to vent for a few centons before he stopped him. "That's why I'm here, buddy. To explain what has been happening in Dante's office. She's okay. She's tired, comes out of there looking like she's ran a marathon. But she's okay, she's eating and sleeping and has gone back in on her own each time since the first time."

"You had to make her the first time though, didn't you?" Starbuck glared at his friend, the same hard cold look he'd given when Apollo had completed the background check on Chameleon.

"I objected to it. Gage forced her."

"Oh and that makes a difference? I swear by the Lords I am gonna…"

"Starbuck! She's fine. No harm was done and she's doing it for you." Apollo saw that his words cut off Starbuck's rant. Apollo didn't like the guilty look that crossed his friend's features. "No, you don't, Buddy. You didn't force her into it. No need to feel bad about it. She needed a motivation and much like you, she's more concerned about how everyone else is doing and her pain doesn't matter. You're her motivation, you and the family. You did a good thing here. Without you, I'm not sure she would have made it this far. I'm told it's not uncommon, once the crisis is over to then deal with all the stress. She feels safe here, that's what Dixon said, so that is why it's happening, the flashbacks the nightmares. She can finally process it because she knows it won't happen again. You did that. You made her feel safe."

Starbuck grumbled, "Doesn't feel that way," while Apollo clapped him on the shoulder.

"Well, how about a drink in the OC and we can talk about it, alright? I've missed out on a few changes in your life. What do you say?"

Starbuck had insisted on swinging by the family council chambers and helping put the little ones to bed before he joined Apollo for that drink. Apollo had joined him as Boxey was spending time there with Lara and the other preteens. Kiff exasperated Apollo within two centons with his constant questions, and as usual was the toughest kid to get to sleep. Starbuck actually gave up and left the boy in the care of Jason and Cain who promised to see that Kiff was ran like a daggit until he got tired in exchange for a trip to the Rising Star for the triad tourney. Starbuck was going to take them anyways, but they didn't need to know that.

The drink in the OC had worked at keeping Starbuck occupied for the night and not pacing with worry. Apollo reassured him ever few centons that everything was alright. They closed down the club and Starbuck couldn't convince Apollo to stay for the night. The quarters were even larger and lonelier than the previous nights. He had expected Rene back by now, and he kept checking the bridge to see if Colonel Gage was back. After the fourth time, Rigel told him to stop calling, she would let him know the moment he arrived. He didn't get a call. He hoped the delay meant good news but his mind kept imagining the worst. He tried to distract himself going over the squadron rosters. He must have passed out at some point as he woke to his alarm, datapad still in his hand. Still no word from Rene.


	16. Chapter 16

First thing in the morning Starbuck had swung by the bridge, but the Commander had told him to stop worrying. He'd received daily updates and things were going well for Rene. Starbuck couldn't tell if Adama was lying, rarely could with that wily old man.

Starbuck went to tackle the paperwork waiting for him in the Blue Squadron duty office. He was interrupted at least once ever fifteen centons by someone from the family, all asking the same question, when was Rene coming back. He couldn't concentrate on the forms and reports before him. He knew he should have taken a viper and gone to get her. It had been three cycles, but four was too much.

Adama was about to contact the Zakar to see when his second in command would be returning, before he lost a Lieutenant on a mission to the Zakar. Colonel Gage and Lieutenant Rene returned to the Galactica together late that morning. Three days previously, she had left Adama's bridge as an angry, shocked and sullen woman. She returned as a different person all together. She was smiling, bouncing on the balls of her feet, unable to stand still, as if she had exciting news to tell. She was respectful as she asked if she could have until the next cycle to report for duty, she even said 'sir' without it sounding like a curse. She had turned to sprint down the corridors to find Starbuck when she had turned back to say something to Adama, but Colonel Gage cut her off.

"Sleep on it, Rene, two cycles, give it two cycles, and then if you want to do it, do it. But let everyone else catch up, okay? You've been through a lot, kiddo."

Adama watched her sigh, and then thank the man for the advice. Adama was about to ask the Colonel for an explanation, when Gage turned to Adama with more of a warning than reassuring news.

"She's going to resign from the service and you are going to let her. You'll receive several more resignations. My best advice is for you to grant them some leave, give them time to think on it. I don't think they actually will do it, but they need to know they can. They need to know they are free individuals."

Adama nodded, knowing that might be the right choice for many of them, but the fleet had been enjoying the comfort of having all those pilots for defense. He looked to his Colonel who waited for Adama's answer, and the Commander realized it was a defining moment for Gage. Adama chose his words carefully. "Of course, they're free to do as they please, but, I would hate to lose good Warriors. I hope they will choose to keep defending the fleet, but that is their choice to make. This is a fleet built on freewill. Shall we debrief because I don't think you brought back the right warrior."

Gage smiled, one of the first genuine ones Adama had seen. The smile made the commander realize how much worry the Colonel had been carrying. "How about a meal in my office?" Adama offered truly curious as to what had changed in those few short cycles.

The colonel did not even wait for the meal to be delivered. He seemed just as wound up as Rene. He detailed for Adama the success of the sessions without going into specific details. Just that Rene participated in the process, she opened up to the doctor, by the end Rene and the doctor had formed a close working relationship. She was scheduled for more sessions in the therapy rooms of the Galactica.

"She needs time of course, they all do, but as you've seen, they take their lead from her. If she will follow the process, the others may too. But, sir, you have a drug problem in your fleet. She found what she wanted quite easily and cheaply. You have a problem with your young people as they are lacking a purpose and choices in their future. You may want to speak to Lieutenant Rene and Lieutenant Jake as to what they have found on the civilian ships in your fleet."

Adama made a point to add that to his schedule in the coming cycles. He'd use the time he'd set aside for disciplining Starbuck if he had violated orders and headed to the Zakar.

Starbuck had given up on the paperwork when Jason had ditched classes to come by the duty office. The kid had worked himself up into a frenzy as Rene should have returned by now. The kid was convinced that since she was on the Zakar, she was going to return battered, and Jason felt he was man enough now to do something about it. He wanted Starbuck to take him right then over to the Zakar to kill Gage and if Starbuck wouldn't take him, he'd steal the cubits and hop a shuttle to go over himself.

Starbuck realized the kid was coming to him for some reassurance. The kid was one of the Rats, had he wanted to go to the Zakar, he would have gone by now. Starbuck talked the kid down, which wasn't easy to do as Starbuck wanted to do the same thing himself. He vowed they would go to the Zakar together if she didn't show up by dinnertime.

Starbuck had personally walked the kid back to class, talked with his instructor to make sure the absence was explained and excused, and headed back to the duty office to try to talk himself back down. He had just turned the corner, when he saw Rene coming out of the office. She smiled at the sight of him.

"Rene!" he'd shouted and she launched herself into his arms. The kiss she gave him was deep, full and passionate. He felt all the tension he didn't realize he'd been carrying leave him at her touch. It was not a short kiss, as Rene melded herself to him, her hands reaching under his jacket, pulling at the tunic, and Starbuck didn't stop her.

It was Boomer's voice of shock that finally broke the kiss, as he came out of the duty office and called out, "Oh Lords, you two have a room, use it!"

Rene had laughed at the comment, beaming up at Starbuck. He hadn't seen a smile so big on her face since before Dilmun when they shared that private room on the Rising Star. The shift in her left him feeling unbalanced. He'd expected to be getting back a sad and broken woman. This was nothing like what the books said would happen. "You okay?" he asked, truly concerned.

She smiled, but crinkled her nose at him before she said softly, "No. I never will be, I think. But there are still some things I'm good at and sometimes life is pretty fantastic."

His brow furrowed at the answer. "I'm confused."

"So am I, but it went good. It did. It wasn't fun and frack it hurt a lot, but, yeah, I'm okay, better than okay I think. I…I need to find Jake and see the kids, but we can talk when you are off duty. Just you and me." He didn't like hearing that the next person she had to find was Jake, but based on the drunken conversation he and Jake had, it made sense she'd need to reassure him that she was back and she was fine.

Rene saw the look that crossed his face, interpreted it quickly as she leaned in again giving him another passionate kiss before pulling back and whispering, "I have missed you so much."

He couldn't resist her smile. "Go, find Jake and the kids. I'll meet you in the council chambers when I'm done here. I won't be long, okay?"

"Yes sir, fly boy," she answered with a flirty smile before she quickly pulled away and sped off for the training rooms.

Starbuck had raced through the paper work, and decided since he was in charge he could excuse himself from duty early, went and gathered the teenagers from their classes with the news of Rene's return. The council chambers were lively once again with the voices of laughter. Kalea clung to Rene and Kiff followed her around the room, actually asking for the first time in sectons to be picked up like a baby. Starbuck was going to have a hard time this night getting Rene to himself, but he didn't mind. He was reveling just like the kids and her friends in the glow of a happy Rene.

He thought he knew her, but this was someone he hadn't met before except in small flashes here and there. Lords, he loved it and he could sit at the head of the table and watch this for the rest of his life. He wondered for a moment what medications, prescribed or otherwise, she might be on, but he dismissed that notion. Gage was by the book since he had joined the fleet. Maybe it was the effects of the prescribed medications, and if it was, Starbuck might ask for some for himself.

He helped Rene get the kids to sleep, not an easy task as they wanted to join Rene in their chambers. Starbuck didn't mind, thought that was what was needed, but Rene insisted they sleep with the other kids this night. She'd had to lay down with Kalea tricking the toddler into thinking Rene would be sleeping with all of them that night. The trick backfired as Rene did fall asleep there, but Starbuck was selfish. He desperately wanted to know what had happened, so he woke her as gently as he could. She still startled, she always did when being woken, but she didn't wake the kids. They disappeared to their quarters.

His questions went unanswered. As soon as the door closed, Rene was undressing him, virtually ignoring his words as she unbuckled his pants and dropped to her knees. He wanted to tell her she didn't have to do this, but instead found his hands in her hair and his body on a different mission than his curious mind. The clothes had been tossed, the boots flying and he found he was as frantic as Rene in their bed.

Once she finally slowed down, seemed to be sated, he'd smiled to her and she had burst into tears. The shift left him almost queasy as if from a hard G force dive.

"Whoa, oh pretty lady, what's wrong, shhh, what's wrong?"

Through hitching sobs, she was able to finally get out, "You keeping asking if I want to seal with you, but you never talk about it after that. You haven't said a thing. I don't know if you still want me."

Starbuck almost laughed out loud in his relief. "Are you kidding me right now? I've just been waiting for you to be okay and to want to get sealed. I thought you weren't ready and, I didn't want to push you for a date. I was going to make it official at the dinner, but…"

"Starbuck, I'm never going to be okay. If you're waiting for that, then you should be with someone else. You should run far away and never come back and…"

"Shh, I'm only going to do that if you make me, then I swear to you, pretty lady, I am not going far. I'll be right back to bother you. You are the one I want."

"I'm never going to be okay." Her voiced sounded more like the old realistic Rene.

"And I'm okay with that," he answered. "How is anyone ever going to be okay on the run from the Cylons after their worlds were destroyed? We just take what happiness we can find where we can find it. And you, Beautiful, make me happy."

She nodded, but didn't say more trying to put the smile back on her face.

"So, a date? You want me to set a date?"

Her smile cracked as tears begin to flow again. "Yes," she whispered softly.

"Alright, but only if you promise to smile again. How about in five sectons? It will be before the big triad tourney and it gives everyone enough time to change the duty rosters and I should be up for some leave and we can try to take something like a honeymoon. Is that good for you?"

She sighed in contentment, "Yes, although it will be hard to find a dress that fits," and then showed him she wasn't quite sated enough.

They didn't talk that night about the therapy session on the Zakar. It would come out in bits and pieces over the next several nights, and only if he asked, so he stopped asking. She said she wasn't ready to share, especially with man she was planning on sealing with, all the things done to her body by Dante and several other men before him. The Doctor had been right and she'd briefly told Starbuck about her father, the foster father after, and the teacher at her school. But she kept the details to a minimum and wouldn't talk about Dante, the Zakar or the planet.

"I need you to help me forget," she had told him a few nights later after another very long and intense conversation they had without words under the covers of their bed. He was not minding the attention, but he knew she might be avoiding talking to him. He didn't know what to do about that.

He would learn a lot more later, that Rene had developed a whole range of coping skills and manipulation techniques over the years. Jake had been right, she knew how to work him.

Starbuck would hear later how her arrival the day she returned from the Zakar had broken up whatever instruction was going on, her friends elated at her return, but also at her elevated mood. It was Crius who would tell Starbuck later, much later, that Lizbet had told him that Rene had turned to Jake and simply stated, "It still works." The words had Jake shouting a cheer of "Frack, yes!" No one understood then what she had been talking about which is why Crius had told Starbuck, looking for some clarification. Starbuck had no idea, other than the sly hand signal conversations began again in earnest, and stopped every time he came in the room.

Rene's visits with the doctor didn't stop her nightmares. She had stopped drawing on the floor, instead splurging for paper, any kind she could get, where she drew over and over again scenes of Caprica. He'd tried to talk to the Doctor about it, but Dixon would not tell him anything about the sessions he was having with Rene claiming client confidentiality.

When he asked Gage about what the sessions had been like on the Zakar, The Colonel had been even worse. His cryptic answers such as, "She's not who you think she is," and "Only a few people know what she is capable of," left Starbuck with more questions than answers. Starbuck finally asked Jake what all the conversations were about, especially because they stopped when he walked into the room. Whatever bond the two had made over the kitchen scraps still in their night of swapping stories seemed to have gone the way of the alcohol, down the drain. Jake stonewalled him with the "Ask Rene," answer to all his questions.

He found he couldn't ask Rene. She was a different person in so many ways. She was still Rene with her quirks, but she was just better and much happier. He liked the change and the effect it had on everyone. She laughed often and he loved the sound of it. She teased him, and flirted, and he enjoyed being playful with her. He adored that she saved her smiles for him. He still wanted to know what brought on the nightmares and the night time drawing, but each time he asked about it, or about the Zakar, or Dilmun or the sessions she was having with Dixon, her mood would darken and she would shut him out. It was physically painful to watch her mood change.

Against the voices in his own head screaming for answers, he tried to put his concerns aside. He let his conscience and his jealous demons fight it out in corner of his mind. It was somewhat easy to do as Rene distracted him with the conversations that didn't need words, just passion, and lips, and hands.

Starbuck tried to not let it bother him that Rene seemed to disappear from the Galactica each time he had an evening patrol. He tried to remember that she needed time with her friends, to be young and having a good time. He made sure that he and Rene, along with Crius and Lizbet, had a normal evening on the Rising Star, minus a brawl, and they actually had time to hit the chancery. He made sure the family had good seats for the triad games, and he handled the IFB for Rene, telling her just to smile, hang on his arm and it would all be okay.

He tried to be fine with the sly conversations she had with Jake, and not to be jealous all the times he came back from patrol and found Jake in their quarters, or the times he found Rene and Jake had disappeared into the civilian fleet, visiting clubs and parties that Starbuck was never invited to. He tried, but when Jake stopped dating Cassiopeia, or anyone else for that matter, and Rene started avoiding any questions about where she and Jake went, what they were up to and why she often came back from her shuttle runs centaurs later, Starbuck couldn't quiet the jealousy. He began to press the point that a sealing should be happening, that they should decide on some details, like exactly when, not just a vague four or five sectons from now, or where. Rene teased, flirted, and laughed, but never answered a question. They had gotten as far as choosing the Rising Star for the location and Adama to officiate. But a date had not been set. After that first night, back from the Zakar, Rene never brought it up and Starbuck began to wonder if she ever would.


	17. Chapter 17

Things were good, they were, that's what Starbuck tried to remind himself when the cycles went by and he'd try to bring up dates for a sealing ceremony. Rene was going to start showing soon, and well, the IFB would have a field day with that once they knew. Not that he and Rene were hiding anything exactly. They just hadn't shared Rene's pregnancy publicly with the whole fleet yet and especially the fact that it was his. Soon there'd be no hiding it though, and the Commander was right. The pressure would be to seal, and Rene had said yes. The IFB cornered him and Rene anytime they were away from the Galactica wanting to know all the details of their relationship. Starbuck kicked himself now for letting it slip they were engaged. But she had said yes, and they were going to seal soon, weren't they? Things were good now that Rene was getting help and back on shuttles.

Sure, there were those few times she'd disappeared with Jake, and didn't return until late reeking of smoke and alcohol, swearing she hadn't had a drop but they both knew better. Or the centaurs late she came back from a shuttle run or two, curiously at the same time Jake was nowhere to be found. "That was just a coincidence," he tried to reason with himself. Or all those times he'd come back from patrol to find Jake and Rene in their quarters alone. They were just friends. Rene was with Starbuck. It was their quarters she slept in each night.

But cycles had turned into sectons and few plans had been made. So far, she'd agreed to everything with a shrug and a "if that's what you want." Starbuck had asked Crius to tell his wife Lizbet to ask Rene what she wanted, to finally get the ball rolling and let the gals handle all the girly parts to it.

Starbuck was hoping that's what the message was about that he'd received from Rene telling him to meet her in the mess hall. It was curious as to why Rene would suggest the mess hall. Since the flight from Dilmun, most meals he shared with Rene happened in the old Council Chambers. The latest debate at the dinner table had been over what to rename their new domain. He wondered if that was what this meal in the mess hall might be about, or at the least a neutral territory to discuss matters that might not involve the family. Starbuck was surprised to see Boomer waiting for him at the door. He was even more puzzled by Boomer's greeting of "Good, you're here. We're waiting."

"What's this all about? Hey … Boomer, is this my bachelor party?!"

Boomer just shook his head. "No. Sorry to disappoint you." He ushered Starbuck into the room, guiding him to a table in a corner. Seated at the table were Rene, and much to Starbuck's chagrin, Jake beside her. He was getting an uneasy feeling about this little meeting, and wondering why it could not have been handled in the chambers. He was afraid it was about the bad news he knew would eventually come, that he and Rene were through and she was back with her old love. Starbuck tried to wrestle down his jealousy with a deep breath. He and Rene just last night had decided a few things about their sealing. She wouldn't do that and leave him the next day. But then again, they had many other details they couldn't agree on, like the date. He had several he liked, Rene had shot them all down for various reasons, none of the particularly convincing.

Boomer indicated a seat across from Rene for Starbuck. He sat taking out a fumarello to fiddle with. "Well, we seem to have a cozy little party going on here don't we?"

"He's here so you don't kill me," Rene said nodding her head to Jake.

"A body guard. Yeah, we, uh . . . we'd definitely have an interesting marriage if you feel you need Jake to protect you." It just slipped out. He sighed and added, "Alright, and why is Boomer here?"

Boomer answered for himself. "I'm here to make sure she tells you."

"Ahhh, so brave enough to take on Cylon base ships," Starbuck quipped, "but not to face me and just tell me how it is, is that it?" He looked to Rene but her pyramid face held no clues. Starbuck found he couldn't face her, not after all they had been through, how close he thought they had become, just for it to end like this. He looked to Jake instead. "You told Cassie yet?" Starbuck was pleased by the young man's shocked look.

"Well frack, you were right, Rene. I owe you five cubits. No Starbuck, I have not. You may not have been smart enough to not cheat on her, but Cassiopea can kill me about ten different ways, bring me back, and do it again. She's been pretty clear about that. This isn't about me and Rene."

Rene finally spoke up. "Starbuck, I'm not fracking Jake. That's not why we're here, but nice to know you think I would. You and Boomer, man oh man, no faith in me. And you want to know why I don't want to pick a sealing date?"

Starbuck grimaced. His jealousy was going to sink this sealing more than anything else that might be going on. He decided to cut through the felgercarb. "Alright, then what is this little meeting about?"

Rene reached under the table and brought out a small box. She slid it across the table. With her pyramid face in place she simply said, "For you."

He looked at her puzzled wondering why she needed Jake and Boomer here for her to give him a gift. He reached for the box, sliding it towards him like it might explode. He slowly opened the box and leaned back shocked. He was impressed by the ring inside. If he had to pick his own sealing ring, this would be it. A blue stone set in gold, a starburst within the stone. It had to have been more than a thousand cubits. He wanted to be elated as this was a well chosen ring. He hadn't even thought of wearing one, but it was perfect and did a lot to dial down his jealousy. The problem was he knew, luxuries like this were hard to come by in a fleet that could barely feed its people. Rene and the other Zakar pilots made the same wage he did. Those numerous cubits they had stolen from Dilmun had remained in the care of the Colonial service, her secret cut of it was long gone, spent on paint and gifts for the family and kids. She had come to the Galactica with the uniform on her back, ironically one the Galactica had provided her.

He was supposed to be helping the Gutter Snipes and all the rest from Dilmun to fit in. Robbery wasn't acceptable. He sighed and asked the hard question. "Rene? How did you afford this?"

"I didn't," she answered simply.

"Please don't tell me you stole it."

She continued to look at him with her pyramid face as she spoke. "You have to agree to listen. You have to agree to hear me out, alright?"

Starbuck sighed. He thought they had gotten past this, the negotiations that had been part of Rene's past. He shut the lid on the box and pushed it to the middle of the table. "I'm not going to like this talk, am I?"

Rene looked to Jake, and then to Boomer before she answered. "You're going to be mad, but…" She sucked in a breath and forged forward. "I probably deserve it and I hope you'll get over it. Just please, hear me out."

Starbuck leaned back in his chair crossing his arms. "Fine, deal. Is it about the ring or is there more?"

Rene sighed and seemed to ignore his question as she began. "So you know that thing I could do, the jumping? Well I still can." She paused as she knew he was smart enough to put the pieces together.

The box had a familiar design for a very prevalent chain jewelry store in the Colonies. He could hear their jingle in his head. "Every special date begins with a day: Day Jewellers." He uncrossed his arms and leaned across the table. She'd been right, he was mad. "You jumped back to Caprica for this?"

"Yes, no, just…." She looked to him and closed her eyes wincing. She just couldn't stand to see him angry. She didn't deal well with anger, not anymore, not with the mandatory therapy sessions where they wanted to dredge up all the things she had gone through with Dante, and even before. She felt like she had spent a lifetime trying not to deal with the wrath of other's anger. Starbuck hadn't hurt her yet, no if he got mad, he'd do worse. He'd walk away. She just wasn't sure she could go forward and risk losing him, but Boomer's words of "Tell him," ordered her forward.

She took a deep breath. "So, when Gage had me go over to the Zakar, well, one of the things we did other than talking was to see if…if I could still jump. We took out a couple of vipers and…"

It was as far as she got before Starbuck was up on his feet shouting.

"You flew?! He had you fly when he knows it could hurt the baby? At a time when we find out you're hurting yourself? What if it didn't work and you couldn't come back?" Boomer reached out a hand, dragging Starbuck down to his seat.

"There's more, Bucko."

"Are you fracking kidding me?!"

"You agreed to listen, so listen," Boomer said and nodded to Rene to continue. Starbuck slowly sat back down, more than a little concerned and more than a little mad.

"So it worked and …and I really meant for that to be it but, well, there are no decent sealing dresses and I ….I wanted to have one for you and I know there are shopping centers in the suburbs of Caprica City, away from most of the Cylon operations and the destruction. Cylons don't have a need for that sort of stuff, so…So at the end of one of my shuttle runs I borrowed a viper from the Shiva and…"

Starbuck leaned back and closed his eyes, trying to take a deep breath before he exploded. Rene stopped speaking at his gesture and she waited for him to open his eyes again, braced herself for the blast. He took five measured breaths before he looked at her again and laid his anger on the table as calmly as he could.

"You flew a viper, and went alone, is that right?"

Rene met his gaze for a moment before she looked down in guilt. "Yeah, but just that one time. I swear I took someone with me each time after that."

"EACH TIME AFTER THAT?!" Starbuck lost what little control he had of his temper. "How many fracking times have you done this, just gone 'shopping' like a fracking kid? Oh wait, that's where you got those toys, and the clothes and...I thought you'd just found some good connections on your shuttle runs around the fleet. But no, YOU are the connection, aren't you?"

She kept looking away, "I'm not selling anything, Starbuck. I'm not making a profit."

"OH and that makes it alright, is that it? You slip through an anomaly we know nothing about, in a viper you shouldn't be flying, and you go to enemy territory, risking your life and our child's and you think it's alright because you're not making a profit?" Starbuck got up again, only to find Boomer's hand dragging him back down again. "There's more? What in the son of Sagan were you thinking?"

"I…I found a dress, and….the Cylons were nowhere around and I swear to you, Starbuck, I have gone to all my doctor appointments and everything is fine."

"Oh great, so that makes this all okay, right? The Colonial Service can change its regulations on pregnant women flying, because you were willing to put it to the test! Dammit Rene, you are risking TWO lives for kid games and a stupid dress. I don't care what you wear to the ceremony as long as you are AT the ceremony!"

"You didn't seem to mind all the gifts," Rene replied, her anger peeking through as she finally looked at him. It was Starbuck looking away this time, too angry to look at her.

Boomers words cut off what could have been their first nasty fight. "Tell him!"

"What more is there to tell?" Starbuck cut off Rene's attempt to answer. "She doesn't give a frack about her own life or that of our child. She is just a stupid kid who…"

Rene's soft words halted his rant. "There are survivors on Caprica."

"…only thinks about herself…and…wait…What did you say?" Starbuck asked, holding up a hand to halt Boomer from speaking.

It was Jake that continued. "There are people on Caprica. We spotted them the third or fourth time. We left a message for them and they replied."

"Wait? How? Where? Back up, start over. How many times have you done this?" Starbuck looked between Jake and Rene. He felt himself flush in jealousy as the two shared a look. The communication the two had without saying words had begun to unnerve him sectars before, the hand signals and looks. He'd watched for a few sectons, then put a stop to it, or so he thought. He now knew why it had gone on so long. He'd been right to be suspicious.

Rene looked to Jake before she answered. "A dozen times, no more, I swear. I went to just get a dress, any dress, and go. It was just going to be the one time, but I didn't feel I was alone in that shopping center. When I came back the second time, there was the word 'Hello' written in the dirt where I landed the first time. The third time I took Jake and we left a note in return. We've been corresponding with messages in bottles. We met them the tenth time, and the last two jumps have been just to arrange things, but…" She paused, expecting Starbuck to interrupt her. The look on his face was getting steelier by the micron. "I would have to explain to the Commander why I needed a couple of shuttles and a squadron of vipers and where all the people came from."

Rene decided she liked Starbuck's angry outbursts over this steely gaze he was levelling at her, his eyes as cold as stone. He looked just a little too much like Dante sitting there with his arms crossed.

Starbuck nodded slowly before speaking. "I thought you said just one time on your own. Now it's two? You want to tell me the truth Rene?" Rene looked away and he had his answer. "So, you go tell the Commander. Big deal. He'll probably give you a medal for rescuing more from Caprica. But that's not the problem, is it Rene?" He watched her wince at her words. "No, that's not the problem. The problem is telling me. Am I right?"

"Starbuck," she said softly, but he wasn't done.

"The problem is telling me that you at four sectars pregnant have been jumping with your ex-boyfriend, Jake, back to Cylon controlled Caprica in a viper you shouldn't be flying through a wormhole no one knows anything about to pick up black market goods. And why might that be the problem, Rene?!" His voice rose to a shout by the end of the sentence and Rene closed her eyes flinching.

"WHY IS THAT THE PROBLEM?!" Starbuck watched her freeze and it angered him even more. "Because you know I'm right when I tell you it was stupid, and selfish and let's be honest here, slightly suicidal. You don't want to seal with me, fine, then break up with me. You don't end your life over it! And if you don't care about yourself, think about the baby. Don't make me the bad guy here because I fracking care about you!" He didn't wait for a reply, getting up and going to stalk out of the hall. Boomer reached for his arm again, but Starbuck yanked it from his grasp. "I can't believe you let her do this! How many times did you go along?"

"Look buddy, it's not like that. I joined them for at least four of those trips. It is quiet there and.."

"Sagan's sake, Boomer…" Somehow Boomer having a hand in all this was more betrayal than he could handle just now. He whipped back around to Rene. "So you trust him, but not me, is that it? FINE, you three have this all figured out. Good luck on the mission."

Starbuck stalked out of the mess hall, so angry he slammed at the corridor wall on his way. Once in the corridor he didn't know what to do. He knew he would need to calm down at some point to talk this out with Rene, but dammit right now he wanted to slap some sense into her skull. Some rational part of his mind got his boots moving away from her so he didn't act on any of those impulses. He knew it would be disastrous. He'd read enough of the manuals recommended to him by Cassiopeia on how to deal with the trauma Rene was dealing with to know that hitting her would just shut her down, maybe for good. Not that he'd consider it in a rational frame of mind, he just wasn't made that way. But right now, he was feeling anything but rational. Too many already wondered if he had forced her into this relationship.

Frack, he hated those people, but he also hated that some part of him recognized shades of that in his relationship with Rene. She hadn't wanted to set a sealing date. She hadn't even wanted to discuss the ceremony at all until recently, just saying it could be whatever Starbuck wanted. She deferred to him just a little too much for comfort lately, and now he was left wondering why. Was it to cover up the lie she had told him about her absences for shuttle runs, which now he knew were covert Caprica shopping sprees, or was it because she felt she had to be with him and had to please him or he would become angry?

And if she lied about those duties, what else was she lying about so Starbuck wouldn't be mad. The rational part of his mind knew that his anger was just feeding into all of this. It would just continue this cycle of deception and deference, but for sagan's sake, he was mad. Not for the reasons she thought he was, but because he did love her. He wanted her safe and sound and his.

"Why the frack couldn't you have just waited the few more sectars until the baby was born?"

He yelled it to the corridor and knew from the strange looks he got from those who rounded a corner that he would have to do something to get this out before he talked with Rene again. He headed for the one place he knew he could vent some anger and it would be perfectly alright, the triad court.


	18. Chapter 18

Rene had sat there at the table for several centons after Starbuck had stormed out. It was realizing that both Jake and Boomer were watching her that made her finally break the silence.

"Okay, so, that didn't go so well." She reached for the ring box Starbuck had left on the table.

Jake chuckled. "Well he didn't kill you, so I would call that progress."

"Give him time to cool off," Boomer added. "He will come to his senses and see what we need to do."

Rene nodded and sighed before getting to her feet to go find Starbuck.

"You sure that's a good idea?" Jake asked, but Rene knew he was also asking if she still needed his help.

"Yeah. He will stew and blow this really out of proportion if I don't." She looked to Boomer for confirmation.

"He'll yell, he'll hit the walls, but he won't hit you," Boomer said, but Jake looked skeptical.

She decided she'd have to go with her gut on this one, and it was telling her she probably deserved a good hit or two. She could take it.

She knew where to find him. Maybe in the past she would have looked in the Officer's club, but that was before he had joined the family. Now his time was spent in the council chambers playing dad to all the kids. But he'd be too angry to deal with the kids now. No, she knew where to find him. Despite all the time they spent together, he still managed to make time for Triad.

She headed for the courts to find Starbuck already suited up and practicing hard. She found a seat in the dark gallery where she could see him, but he couldn't see her, not yet anyway. He had some anger to blow off, and she didn't blame him.

She hadn't meant to lie to him. Hades, she hadn't meant to keep jumping back to Caprica. She had planned to go the once, just one trip for the dress and the ring. She had felt so much guilt over Starbuck trying to afford a dress and a sealing of their dreams, that she had tried to find a dress on her own in the fleet, but dresses were a rare commodity. Starbuck had turned it into his own personal mission. He had wanted to please her so much and lords help her, she couldn't deal with it. She knew he was trying to be romantic and sweet, but it unnerved her.

Doctor Dixon said she was just reacting due to her past and the abuse and she didn't want to admit that, not yet. So, she tried to make him happy in return and let him be romantic and sweet. She had hoped to make things easier on him because she knew she hadn't been all that he had hoped for when they first met. Maybe because the fleet wasn't all she had hoped for and she found herself longing for what was supposed to be the plan, escaping to a planet and starting over, not floating in space like piscons in a barrel. Things had not been easy between her and Starbuck like they should be. He deserved better than her, deserved more than a sewer rat.

Added to the equation were all the other girlfriends Starbuck had and their constant evaluation of her and him, the advice from everyone on how this was supposed to be. She knew how many eyes were watching and waiting for this sealing, most hoping it would never happen. It would be the event of the yahren and she wanted Starbuck to have the day that he wanted.

One jump, that's all it was supposed to be. One romantic gesture and she knew just where to go, the shopping center near the outskirts of Caprica she had visited when she lived with Commander Adama's family in a quiet suburb that surely would hold no interest for the Cylon empire with its quiet streets and green spaces in between homes. The center had high priced clothing and jewelry stores and she would get nothing but the best for Starbuck. Maybe she'd even find some aged ambrosia and fumarellos for him. The sealing would be a day to remember, mostly because half the fleet never thought it would happen for THE Starbuck. The pressure was a bit much, but she could do this, she could make it more than he had hoped for.

One trip, that's all it should have been. It had gone just as she had hoped. The anomaly opened, and she slid through easily to wind up in empty skies right above the quiet neighborhood, the shopping center easy to spot. Her prayers were answered and she wondered once again if the Lords were trying to make up to her for Ari. Well she'd take it.

She gave herself thirty centons and knew that was an impossibly short amount of time to get in the center and get what she needed and get out. The funny part is she didn't even need that long. The dress shop was near where she landed and as luck would have it, sealing dresses were apparently not high on the list of resources needed for the Cylon empire, or the survival of the human race.

The store had hundreds of dresses in the back room, all encased in plastic and nearly perfect despite the three yahrens of destruction and neglect. It was a bit overwhelming at first how the worlds could be destroyed in a just a few days, but these dresses were still here, a reminder of all the sealings that wouldn't occur, the families that wouldn't be created. It was pointless and pathetic.

She almost just turned and walked away, but then there it was, a dress she never would have ever afforded in her old life. It was covered in crystals and silky flowers, and in the box was the veil as well. It was even the right size. She grabbed it and realized that it might not even fit in the viper. The dress was voluminous and it would be awkward enough just carrying it to the fighter craft. Talk about a target too, with the ivory and lace and crystals winking in the sun. She hadn't thought this through. That's what took the longest, debating if she should take it and see if it would fit, and if it didn't she could just ditch it there. Only she suddenly found she couldn't bear to ditch it. It was perfect.

She decided then, she'd have to make another trip with a shuttle and a viper. She knew Jake would be up for it, especially once he knew the profit they could make. She left the dress and headed for the jewelry store. Her next item would fit in her viper. Things there weren't as pristine as the dress shop. Displays had been smashed and most were empty. Rene wasn't too worried as she knew the best rings were often stored below the counters in locked cabinets. She pulled her laser and aimed at one the locks.

It was the discharge of her laser that suddenly had her worried. Everything had been silent before that, but as soon as she blasted open the locked case, she suddenly heard footsteps running. Hastily she had slid under the display case, her heart pounding and cursing herself for being so damn stupid. If someone took her viper or shot it up, she was stuck here forever. Starbuck would kill her. The only thing that kept her from sprinting straight for her viper was the fact that it had been footsteps, not the clomping and drone of a Cylon. It was human, or was it? "Just an animal of some kind," she reasoned to herself. She listened and the steps receded and were gone. She poked her head around the counter.

That's when she saw it there amongst the broken glass and debris from the store. A blue stone winked at her. She dug it out of the dirt and grime. It was perfect. She blew on it and polished it with her sleeve. She went to put it in her pocket, but decided instead to get a box for it. Starbuck deserved to know it was new and not some dead man's ring, a hand me down of some kind. No one had worn this ring. It was meant only for him. It was the best she could do for romance.

It had taken her longer than thirty centons, mostly because she decided since she was there and risking her life, she should probably get something more than just a ring. She grabbed some other jewelry and shoved it in her pockets, earrings, necklaces, pendants, chains, enough gifts to last a lifetime for the family. She debated heading for the toy store three doors down. It killed her to do it, but she knew she'd have to make another trip, so she high tailed it to her viper, which she found right where she left it. Maybe had she not been in such a hurry she may have noticed the foot prints that weren't hers. But she wouldn't notice those until the next trip.

Afraid she'd be found out and that would be the end of it, she didn't wait long for the next trip. Getting a viper off the Shiva had been the problem. Gage had allowed the first knowing she was itching to fly and well, he still felt guilty about forcing her into the therapy sessions. She had to beg for the second, had to tell him what she was really going for, and he insisted on joining her. It was Gage who had noticed the fresh foot prints, and it was Gage who found the message in the dirt, a simple "Hello?" It had been easier with some back up, and yet, felt even riskier as Gage reminded her that two individuals were as bad as one. Should one watch the viper and shuttle, while the other explored? That left both warriors exposed. Now it was not just her life she was endangering; it was also Gage's. The fleet needed Gage. Rene, well they could miss her. Might even be best for Starbuck, let him out of the impulsive relationship and let him find someone more worthy of being with the Warrior of the Centaur.

Gage had decided they should stay together, and the trip was short. It was just the dress and it was decided that they would grab as many toys as they could for the orphans of the fleet to turn this into a bit more of a humanitarian trip and not just a selfish desire of a silly girl. She begged if they could head to the level upstairs where the music store was. A couple of new guitars, a keyboard, at least an electronic drum kit. She had to blackmail him for that side trip as it meant going back in when they had already loaded up. She pulled out her capstone card, the one she'd only used once before, "You didn't stop Dante. You owe me."

She only used it because she thought she wouldn't be coming back. It was selfish and impulsive, completely reckless. She was still wondering why Gage had even agreed to go to Caprica for such a frivolous reason, but she supposed he had needed to see the destruction for himself. Maybe he was hoping to rescue his wife and child, although they both knew they were gone. That was clear by the black craters that had once been officer housing near the academy.

That was going to be it, a snatch and grab shopping spree, but the message in the dirt that they discovered coming back to their vehicles, a simple, "Hello again…who are you?" let both of them know, this was not the last trip they would be making. They had their weapons drawn the whole time they were on the ground, but the message had them immediately covering each other's back as they circled around the viper, and then checked on the shuttle. They debated in silent hand signals if they should call out loud a simple "Who's there?" Gage overruled her. He was right, they had stayed too long, left the vehicles exposed, and they were risking their lives just being there, let alone the attention they would get when they fired up and launched.

Gage seemed to wake up at that moment and realize how risky this was. He was a Colonel after all, necessary personnel. Rene tried to tell him to go, let her look, no one cared if anything happened to her. Gage overruled her again. They were launching now, and they would talk later if they were ever coming back.

Gage had insisted on their return that she head straight to the Life Center, and she had a hard time explaining to Salik why she needed to be checked. She played the nervous mom, talked about being afraid of all the stress and its effect on the baby, hoping that would help explain her elevated heart rate. Gage insisted on seeing the doctor's report himself before he would even consider approving more flights.

Sitting in the gallery watching Starbuck vent his anger, she knew she probably should have told him then. Endangering her own life wasn't what had Starbuck so steamed. It was that her first instinct had been to tell Jake. That was what had Starbuck flinging a triad ball and his own body against walls, Jake and her in collusion to deceive and distract anyone who might notice their absences. All Rene could do was sit in the dark of the gallery, hugging her knees to her chest, as she waited and tried to think of a way to somehow make this better.

She could not alter her decision to tell Jake first. She wasn't even sure if she could help Starbuck to understand. It had been a selfish decision. Jake was the only choice because the two of them had known each other on Caprica. They had a history that would link them forever through time. She couldn't change that, not even for Starbuck. If anyone was going back to Caprica to rescue anyone with her, it would be Jake.

It didn't mean that she wanted to end things with Starbuck or to go back to her and Jake being a couple or any of the jealous thoughts she knew Starbuck was having. It just meant, if she had to die or be stuck alone on Caprica, she didn't want it to be with Starbuck. In a weird way, it was because she did love him. She wanted him to live a good life and to be safe. Plus, he was really good with the kids, and she could tell, he needed the kids just as much as they need Starbuck. The way he brought his light, that magical something that he seemed to embody, to their lives, they needed him more than anyone. She wanted the best for the kids and for Starbuck, a happy life, so she had risked Jake. She and Jake had survived Caprica, they were expendable in the circle of the Dilmun community. They could survive Caprica again, if need be. Even she knew that sounded like a metron of mong, but it was the only excuse she had.

Well that, and telling Jake was easier. With Starbuck, she would have had a fight on her hands, did have a fight on her hands, and he would most definitely have said no to future trips. With Jake, she didn't really have to explain or justify anything. She just gave him the guitar, one he had already searched high and low for and had offered more cubits to pay for it than he would ever own in his life. It just didn't exist in the fleet, and she was the only one who knew that. Looking back on it, knowing what she knew now, the survivors of Caprica must have had a good laugh around their fire at the sight of Colonial Warriors coming back to Caprica, and what for? Guitars. She had four of them slung around her on that last trip, as well as amps, and a backpack full of disassembled synthesizers and an honest to goodness drum kit. She went all that way for musical instruments.

It had been worth the risk to her life, to the baby and to Gage just for the look on Jake's face when she walked in that evening, and placed the guitar on the table before him. He had stammered, teared up, began to ask the where and the how, but as he saw that it had never been strung, brand new, he knew. With just a look to her, he knew and there needed no explanation and there was no fight.

She was right that she could count on him to cover for her. He crafted the lie so fast it made even her head spin, all about some dealer on the Rising Star, a back storage room of the luxury liner, no one had any interest in musical instruments, but he had wanted a fortune. He joked about the Dilmun payroll, that she must have kept back more than she had admitted. The lie worked, Starbuck was none the wiser. He was too distracted with being jealous. She had given Jake a gift, and Jake tweaked that insecurity to its highest level. It threw Starbuck off their trail, well, sort of.

Jake was more than willing to make more trips. The trouble was getting a viper as she never intended to go back in a shuttle again, that was far too risky. She'd finally found someone on the Shiva flight deck crew who was already dealing in black market goods. Promised them more than a few things, and handed over a rather nice ring she'd taken her first trip. They had planned their trips around when Starbuck had patrols, that way he was none the wiser that she wasn't on the Galactica. All her free time was spent with Starbuck, or trying to set up another run to Caprica.

It was Boomer that had caught on. He had confronted her and Jake as they were about to head off, only he didn't know what they were really doing. He thought they were fracking around. That had stung a lot, but she took the hit, knew she probably deserved it. He then threatened to tell Starbuck she was fracking around with Jake. That she couldn't take, so they had told Boomer.

She had overestimated Starbuck's friend, thought he was a straight-laced Gold Clusters Warrior of the Centaur. Turned out, he had a bit of a dark side to him, that and a very curious mind. He had to know for himself what had happened to Caprica, and he was in on the trips. He was the one who had been able to finally make contact with the survivors. That Warrior of the Centaur side finally showed itself. He put a halt to the shopping sprees, threatened to tell Starbuck and Adama himself if she didn't. By then they had learned there were over thirty people in the group on Caprica, men, women, and children. This wasn't for fun anymore. The nightmares she had been having weren't her own tortured memories from the destruction. They were the life these people lived every day. The Cylons were still there, and time was running out.


	19. Chapter 19

Yeah, she knew now, it had been suicidal. She had taken far too many risks and had gotten lucky her first trip back. A laser had been trained on her the whole time she was in that shopping mall. The only thing that saved her was that the woman who had Rene in her sights, didn't know how to fly a viper. Starbuck was right to be angry. Rene couldn't make that part of this better. She had risked her life, and that of the baby. The trips down the launch tube alone weren't doing the baby any favors. She could feel the flutter of movement each launch. Starbuck was right, and Rene was pretty sure telling him so wasn't going to make it any better.

So, she watched Starbuck and waited hoping to catch him in the corridor when he was done, and had cooled off in the turbo. Maybe then she could take him back to their quarters and she could show him with her body what she felt about him, talk in the language that usually helped him to understand her. She couldn't think of any other way to make this better. She tried to think of more to say, a better way to word it. She was lost in thought when Starbuck suddenly flung the ball viciously against the barrier that separated the gallery to the court. She jumped at the viciousness of the throw when he shouted to her.

"I know you're there! So, are you going to come down here and talk to me or are you just going to hide in the dark?"

She knew she had to face this. She uncurled herself from the seat and took the lift down to his level, listening to Starbuck rebounding the ball against the four walls. She tried to let the fear wash over her and leave her body as she opened the door to the court and stepped in. She instantly regretted it. The room felt too much like a cage, like Dante's chambers, like the brig. In a moment of instinctual fear, she backed into the wall. Anger still radiated off of Starbuck's body that she could read almost like a tylium leak. She hadn't figured out what to say, so she waited for him to speak first. He just looked at her with those ice blue eyes of his as he bounced the ball back and forth from hand to hand. He did this about a dozen times before he started speaking.

"What hurts the most is I thought you and I were past some of this. I thought, you and all the rest of the family were past some of this. I thought you trusted me."

"I do," she said softly.

"But not enough to tell me what you had been up to. Not enough to ask me to come along. You just assumed that I would be mad and that would be it, am I right?"

"Yeah," she said softly looking away.

He kept bouncing the ball, letting it absorb his ire as he spoke. "I get that you do things because you don't want me mad, and I was okay with that I guess. Knew it came with the territory of all you've been through. But what I didn't expect is that you'd outright deceive me. It makes me wonder what else you've lied about."

"I'm not fracking Jake." She flinched as Starbuck launched the ball at the wall near her head.

"This isn't about Jake! This is about you and me and if you can't trust me to not beat you when I'm mad, then this isn't going to work! I get mad, everyone gets mad Rene. It doesn't mean I'm going to hurt you! That's not who I am!"

She felt herself tremble at the intensity of his words, and the truth of them. She was afraid still that he might take a swing at her, or worse, he might just walk away. She swallowed down her fear, looked back to him as he continued to speak.

"Yeah, I'm mad, but mostly I'm hurt that you didn't even give me the chance to be mad. You made the decision for me that I would be angry. You already decided I would stop you or hurt you or…or" he tapped at the side of his head with a finger, "or whatever is going on up in that head of yours, meanwhile you are laughing and talking with me like nothing is wrong!"

She winced at his words as if he had hit her. It didn't escape Starbuck's notice as he stepped away, turning away from her, ripping his helmet from his head and slapping it in his hand against his own thigh in frustration. She heard him sigh and she tried to dredge up some courage like the kind she had had with Dante.

"I'm sorry. You're right. I wasn't really thinking this through."

It was her turn to watch Starbuck wince. "Don't!" He shouted to the far side of the court before taking another labored and long breath before turning back to her. She noticed that he had made a point of moving a bit farther from her. She wondered if that should scare her or make her feel better.

"Don't just agree with me. Because I'm not sure any more if you know what you are agreeing to or if you just agree to everything so I won't be mad. Do you even want to be with me, or is it just something you agree to?"

The words cut deep. She swallowed and tried to blink back the tears. She didn't know how to reply, and therefore didn't.

Starbuck sighed again and asked softly, "Why do you want to seal with me? Is it just because I want you to? Or do you really want to be with me because you love me? Because, it sure doesn't feel that way right now…" His voice broke and he halted his words, struggling for composure.

She swiped at her eye that had suddenly begun watering. She tried to speak, but her throat had closed up, she tried again. "I want to be with you. I do."

Starbuck looked over his shoulder at her, staring deep into her eyes before nodding and looking away. "Then help me to understand why you didn't trust me with this. Help me to understand why you risked your life, why you went as far away from me as you could!"

She opened her mouth to speak, and shut it. She thought for a moment of what to say, how to say it. Starbuck lost his patience and he spun back to face her.

"No! Don't craft me a lie. Don't try to find some different way to deceive me. Explain to me what you were thinking. Why did you even jump to Caprica in the first place? For Sagan's sake, Rene, what the frack were you thinking? You are so desperate to not seal with me that you tried suicide?"

Exasperated she barked out, "NO! That's not why!" She sighed and tried to will the words to come. How could she make him understand?

He raised his hands as if in surrender, shrugging.

Speaking further was harder for her than lifting a cylon centurion. "I want to seal with you, I do, but it feels like I have to seal with the whole fracking fleet! It's the event of the yahren for Sagan's sake. I can't walk down that aisle while the IFB films it and not have the right dress and hair and….frack you dated some damn pretty women and I'm not one of them…" Once uncorked, the words bubbled out, all the stress of the idea of the sealing ceremony that seemed to have gone out of control. "The Commander there, and well hades, EVERYONE. I just…I just needed a dress and I swear to you, that's why I went in the first place. That's all and, I didn't think too much about the danger. YES," she held up her hand to stop him from interrupting. "Yes, I figured out how dangerous it was once I landed on Caprica, but frack, I was there and committed so I…" she shook her head knowing that's not all he was asking about.

There were moments when their age difference didn't matter, and moments when it became an issue larger than a Cylon baseship. The IFB and their cameras had been one of those moments. The IFB had been curious about Rene the moment she showed up on Starbuck's arm to the games, and the attention had unnerved her. Starbuck had gotten used to it over the yahrens, and was old enough to realize how silly it all was. He didn't care what the civilians of the fleet thought about it all. Besides, he was the golden boy. Rene didn't have his charmed personality or his yahrens of experience, and she had never had this much attention focused on her, well at least not positive attention. Attention was a bad thing. Dante had given her more attention than anyone should ever have.

He tried to take a few more deep breaths and lower his voice before he replied. "I don't want to seal with the whole fleet, I just want to seal with you. I don't care about all that felgercarb. We can do away with it all. I want to be sealed. I don't care how."

Rene groaned at his words and turned away shaking her head. "But you do, I know you do. You get to be the star and…"

He yelled, "DON'T DO THAT! Don't decide for me what I want or don't want!"

She flinched and Starbuck turned away, running his hand through his hair and sighing trying to calm down. He took several deep breaths and then slowly turned back to her. "Rene, I don't care about all that, I don't. We could just get sealed in the Commander's office and be done with it. You seem to think that I want to be the center of attention, that I need some huge party with a cast of hundreds. I'm just a humble orphan from Umbra who made good after the destruction by being in the right place at the right time. They turned me into some hero that they wanted and needed to discover. I'm no different than the rest of my friends. Sagan sakes, I just want to be part of a family, to make you happy. I want it to be the way you want it to be, but you….you won't tell me what you want so I feel like I am playing triad in a dark court here. And Jake, he knows, doesn't he? And hades I'm trying not to be jealous, because I know you're both past that, but when you do things like this, when you trust him, but won't trust me…" he shook his head and looked away.

She was slow and hesitant, speaking softly. "I knew you'd be mad and once I found the message, I knew I had to go back and then at some point, I guess I was in too deep to tell you. I just…" she wiped at her eyes again, but couldn't seem to stop the flow of tears.

"Do you have any idea how dangerous that was? What if you didn't make it back? You'd leave us, you'd leave me just wondering what the hell happened, and no way to get to you!" He couldn't help but to shout. "Don't you care about us, about our child? I've lost people too, Rene. My family, my life on Caprica, friends …. To lose you and the baby…I don't think I could get past that…" Rene's impassive face left him wanting to shake her, to slap her until he got some emotion from her. "Yeah, I know. That still doesn't compare to what you've been through. I get that, but don't make me the bad guy in this!" She still said nothing, her face devoid of emotion. He turned to head for the door, knowing he was too frustrated to talk to her, not rationally.

He didn't make it far as Rene cried out, "I'm sorry! Don't leave me!" She crumpled to the floor, hugging her knees and curling up into herself, sobbing hysterically, screaming again, 'I'm sorry! Don't go…don't…I can't…" She curled up as small as she could, trying to protect herself, her sobs hitching as she hyperventilated in her panic.

He'd been warned to expect mood swings. She was young and pregnant and had been through a lot. He tried to remind himself of this daily, but so far, she'd been managing pretty well. Obviously, she'd been handling it incredibly well if she could arrange covert missions under the Colonial Fleet's collective nose. For a brief moment, he wondered if this was all an act of hers.

But her flinching as he stepped toward her was no act. At his movement, she had tried to stop the sobs, to move away from him and her hands came up to protect herself as she scramble backwards on her hands and knees. He froze, remembering the words of her therapy counsellor: "She expects abuse and may be confused at not receiving it." He wasn't going to hurt her, and it hurt that she thought he might.

Starbuck took a deep breath and kneeled down. His anger didn't matter. She was here. She hadn't been marooned on Caprica, and she had told him the truth about what was going on. Yes, she'd been forced to do it, but Boomer or Jake could have just told him. And if she was going to put her faith in anyone before him, normally he would have been glad it had been Boomer. Instead of having a meltdown, as Starbuck was inclined to do, Boomer would have examined the facts and made a call that in reflection he should have supported. Maybe he was just as guilty of labile emotions where Rene was involved. After all, even if it had involved a measure of coercion, Rene had actually initiated the conversation, albeit a little on the late side. She was trying; the least he could do was to listen.

He took measured breaths as he let her work through her emotions, allowing her to try to calm down. She stared at him with eyes wide and seeing something else, not him, as she panted short frantic breaths. He only gave her a few centons, coached her to take normal breaths instead of hitching sobs before he called her name softly, "Rene." He didn't try to move towards her, even though at the moment he wanted to scoop her up in his arms, to try to explain in a better way how he wasn't angry, just confused and scared and hurt. But curled up on the floor of the triad court before him was a wounded girl, and he had to go slow. He could be angry later when this passed.

"Rene," he tried again, slowly reaching out a hand. She flinched away and mumbled a sorry to a new flood of tears.

He tried to wait patiently as she struggled to get her tears and her panic under control. He spoke softly, told her to breathe, before he tried to speak to her again.

"Rene," he smiled at her hoping it reassured her, "I'm not mad anymore. I was, you know I was, but I would never hurt you. You scared me."

She looked up from her knees puzzled. "Why? You didn't even know until today."

He reached out his hand, held it beckoning her to take it. She stared at it for a good centon before she slowly extended hers and he held it lightly.

He lowered his voice, spoke slow and soft, like Dr. Dixon said to. "I've never done this before and I have no idea what I'm doing. I'm afraid you're going to just walk away from me like so many others have in my life." He watched her wipe at her eyes as she processed his words. "So, hearing that you are …" he took a deep breath to brace himself to state something he found completely incredible, "flying all the way back to Caprica, well it makes me worried that I'll lose you. I mean, we haven't even talked about the sealing other than to decide where. I had no idea you thought it was going to be …well…big. I had thought just you and me and some close friends. And now you have me worried we won't be sealing at all."

She looked at him with those deep pools of blue and shook her head.

"So, you could at least let me down easy, not just run away on me." Starbuck had meant it as a sarcastic joke.

"No!" She gripped his hand tight, as fresh tears spilled. "I want to be with you. I want to seal with you." The rest of her words became lost in her sobs. Starbuck had heard what he wanted to hear and her tears broke his heart. "Come here." He gently pulled her to him, wrapping his arms around her as he pulled her into his lap to let her cry it out. He stroked her hair as she mumbled into his chest, "I'm sorry. Please don't leave me."

"Oh, sweet lady, I believe it was you that left me. Shhh, we'll work this out. I don't want all that felgercarb. I just want you, alright."

He felt her nod into his chest. "Hey, how about we just, you and me and the Commander, we just do this. No one has to know until afterwards."

She started to speak with a "But Starbuck," but he cut her off.

"And if we decide we want to have a party later, then we do that. But it doesn't have to be anything you don't want. I just want you. The rest of the fleet can go frack themselves for all I care." He was relieved when she chuckled and then sighed.

"But I have the dress," she mumbled into his chest pads.

"So, you wear it just for me. Rene, I just want what you want. What do you want? You're going to have to tell me because I'm danged if I can figure it out."

She shook her head and sighed again. He pulled back and looked her in the eye, reaching to brush her hair out of her face. "Seriously Rene, I get that you and Jake are close. I know I can't compete with that friendship and I don't need to anymore, but if I were to ask him, he would know. The only way I can know is to ask you." He paused as she studied him silently. "Oh, I guess I could just go ask him, but it's going to get cumbersome using him as our personal languatron," he joked. "Rene, you have to tell me what you want, what you need from me. I don't want you just to follow along with whatever I want. We won't last long that way as I'm pretty flighty, or so Apollo tells me. Talk to me….please…"

She shrugged and he tried not to react to her old instinctual habit from before the Galactica. "I guess I thought there would be soil under my feet for our ceremony, not metal decking."

"Well, I think we could make that happen, you and me and…Adama will kill me if he doesn't get to officiate."

"I want him to, just not sure how we get him off the Galactica and," she sighed heavily and the spark of joy that was beginning to glow faded. "I have to tell him about what I've been doing and get those people off Caprica. I don't know how to do that. I was hoping you could help with that, please?"

He found he would agree to almost anything to get her to smile again. "Oh, I think I have an idea for that. But you have to promise me, and mean it, that you don't go back without me. If you are going to get lost on Caprica, I want to be there. You are mine. And it looks like I now have a ring to prove I'm yours. Promise me." He wove his hand into hers, pulled it to his heart. "That's all I ask, Rene. You can do anything you want, but just let me be there. Where you go, I go."

"I promise." He pulled her back to him and held her for a long while, until both of them began to shift their position on the hard floor of the court. He disentangled himself from her, and reached for her hand. He asked her to wait while he cleaned up and then the two of them headed to where they always seemed to agree, back to their quarters. They had plans to make.

He waited until they were back in their quarters, until he had his arms around her again, before he asked for the details. "So, what was it like on Caprica? How many survivors?" If only he had started their conversation that way in the mess hall.


	20. Chapter 20

That night in their quarters she dragged out her drawings, pulled up an old map of Caprica she had found in one of the duty offices, and pieced together for him what was happening on the planet now. She was adamant with him that the Cylons had no interest in the city, and most definitely ignored the suburbs once the humans had been eliminated.

"They want the natural resources, and we were just in the way. I have swung by the planets close to Caprica to do a little recon, but that was too dangerous. I was trying to just be a glitch in their system, not attract attention. Scorpio is crawling with Cylons and they are sucking her dry of tylium. Taurus is just as bad. They don't seem to be on Piscon or Virgo. I haven't been by the others. I only go back for a centaur at the most. Just a blip on their scanner. If they even get close, I come back. Yeah, I know, landing on Caprica was risky, but not as bad as you think. You can ask Boomer. That first time I was actually in more danger from the survivors than from Cylons."

Starbuck tried not to voice his opinion as she detailed everything out, but he couldn't hold back on his biggest concern. "You shouldn't be launching. We don't know how bad it is for the baby."

Rene kept her focus on the map when she answered him. "I do know, Starbuck. The battlecruisers have less of a pull of gravity than the Galactica. With Kiff I was able to fly from the Zakar up until I almost delivered. From Dilmun, I was seven sectars when I lost Keenan's child. I should be okay."

Starbuck had not known until that moment about the one she lost. He reached for her, but Rene barked at him, "Don't!" His hand rested in the space before them, a tender gesture turned into a palm raised in surrender, before she softly added, "please, it was a long time ago. I don't want to talk about it."

Starbuck nodded, softly touching her hair whispering to her, "I don't want you to lose ours."

She turned to him, imploring him, "I'm only four sectars. I've seen the doctor a lot. Launching is not the problem, I promise." Then she smiled playfully. "The baby goes through a lot more pressure when I give birth, I swear!"

He grimaced as her words took his mind places he didn't want to go. "Yeah, I uh . . . don't remember back that far so I'll have to take your word for it. So if we do this, we should do it soon, is that what you're saying?"

"Yes. For more reasons than the baby. The survivors are running out of supplies. They said there are over 40 of them locally, but they said there's more in the vicinity and they wanted time to gather up the rest. They talked like there were even more of them in the past. They've been surviving by hiding. They can't farm. The Cylons torched the fields and poisoned a lot of the waterways. According to the survivors, the rain that falls is somewhat acidic from all the debris and chemicals used in our destruction. Plus, the Cylons are there. They haven't bothered with the survivors because I think they know they won't last long on their own."

"For three yahrens they've been hiding?" Starbuck asked somewhat incredulous.

"They're armed. I was in more danger from them than the Cylons my first trip back. They saw me land and wondered if I was working with the Cylons. They think they have seen some humans working with them."

Starbuck took in the information, looked at the maps she had drawn, the landing sight picked out and marked. "You've landed here a dozen times? With no problems?"

"Yeah, no problems. I haven't even seen a raider nearby, just on the other side of the city. I'm in and out and no pursuit."

She had it all detailed out, he couldn't deny that, but something about it bothered him. "We do this, I don't want you on the ground. In the air, waiting for us. Agreed?"

He saw her clench her jaw. "So you want me to just lie, when you and I both know that's not how this should go?"

"No, we don't know that. Yes, you're the only one that can get us there and back, but that doesn't mean you need to be planetside. I can keep you off the ground and in the air. I can also keep you grounded to the Galactica if I want. Don't make me do that."

"You would do that and just let those people die?"

Starbuck growled, "Maybe. I want to hold our baby here in a few sectars." He pulled away from her frustrated. "Would you please, just follow my plan? Just once." He sighed heavily. "Please, just prove to me that you love me by agreeing to do that. Prove to me you want my child and our life together, can you do that?"

She took a deep breath and nodded. "Alright. I agree."

He didn't know if she was lying. He had to assume she wasn't as they went forward with their plans. They decided the best way to tell Adama was to invite him to dinner, simply because they probably weren't going to get Jake to agree to meet in the Commander's office and Rene wasn't keen on the whole Galactica knowing what she could do. Starbuck argued they had already all seen it, lived through it. But he knew Rene was right, they thought that was Count Iblis' doing. Her part in the story had been obscured by the Count's presence.

Starbuck couldn't deny that knowing she could jump them anywhere would have the people of the fleet wondering why they weren't just going to Earth. It had taken this long just to get Rene to understand why they shouldn't just do that. It was a hard one to explain as Starbuck wanted that objective as well, but Adama was the Commander and he had his reasons, the most persuasive being that it would be the end of them if they found Earth, only to realize they had just led the Cylons there for their ultimate destruction. They had to be sure they were free.

Rene had a point. The pressure of the sealing ceremony was enough. The pressure of carrying the whole fleet to Earth, especially when without Iblis she wasn't sure she could? Yeah, more pressure than she needed before she turned 22 yahrens. Hades, at her age, Starbuck was just hoping to get stationed to a good ship and keep himself out of trouble long enough to make Ensign. Here she was pregnant, about to be sealed and was now worrying about survivors from Caprica that needed to be rescued. While it was probably an odd way to tell Adama, in the Council Chambers seemed the best choice for now.

Rene also asked for a few cycles for a selfish reason. She wanted to show Starbuck what else she and Jake had been up to, what he had not been invited to before. The rumor that she had cheated on Starbuck stung, and she wanted to rub out that idea forever. For the next night she talked Starbuck into civilian clothes, got him to put on a cap to hide his signature locks, asked if he could tone down his Warrior of the Centaur Triad Tourney Champion for just one night.

"Can you just be a Sewer Rat? Forget the rules and regulations and ditch the uniform. Hang up the gold clusters and pretend you suck at Triad, okay?"

"I came from the streets too. You haven't heard all the stories have you?" He grinned at her mischievously and loved the smile of surprise she gave him.

He went so far as not bothering to shave hoping that would help with the disguise, and promised he would let Rene take the lead. Nik and Dara, Lizbet and Crius joined them as they wove their way from one shuttle to another until they were on the Eagle Bash, a converted cargo ship. Starbuck had been noticed a few times, but by the time they got to the cargo carrier, people were leaving him be guessing that he wanted to get lost for a while. Instead they gave him winks and knowing smiles. What was surprising to him though is that Rene was recognized more often. She had made friends among the civilian shuttle pilots, knew most of the support staff by name. Here Starbuck was worried about her being integrated in the fleet, and she knew more people than he did.

On the Eagle Bash, she and Nik seemed to know everyone. They wove their way through the cargo ship where in the back of one of the holds was an unauthorized club. There was a bar dispensing all sorts of homebrewed concoctions, and a stage nearby. Up on the stage was Jake, strumming and tuning a guitar. Rene, Lizbet and Nik left Crius and Starbuck at a table and joined Jake on the stage. Crius was right, the music was loud and angry, very raw. The guitar riffs climbed up your spine and reverberated off the walls. The drums pounded and there were no love ballads, and the crowd loved it. It was Jake that was the star, belting out tunes while making his guitar do things Starbuck didn't know guitars could do. "He's good!" he yelled to Crius. Crius didn't hear him, just nodded. It was strange to see Rene up there, the gal who hadn't liked the attention from the IFB. Starbuck did notice when she sang any lines, her eyes were closed. After about a dozen songs, Rene and Lizbet handed off their instruments to others and came to join their men at the table.

"Wow," was all Starbuck could say before the music began again, even louder. After a centaur or two, Rene pointed to her chrono and left Starbuck so she could pull Jake from the stage and get him back to the Galactica by curfew. Starbuck thought he knew the Rats, but he'd never seen this side of them. They seemed to know most of the staff at the club, waving a goodnight to the owner as he dropped a few cubits into Jake's hands. Jake pulled over one of the serving girls and planted a very passionate kiss on her, one that Cassiopeia would probably like to know about, but Starbuck wasn't going to be the one to tell her. He cast the man a knowing smile and Jake actually ducked his head in embarrassment.

Lizbet had been right, Jake and Rene argued the whole way back, from shuttle to shuttle, over stupid things mostly, but it didn't abate until they set foot on the Galactica. It was somewhat amusing to watch. Nik and Jake were both talkative, animated and smiling, which was new for Starbuck. He didn't know that Nik could speak more than a sentence at a time, but he seemed to be quite knowledgeable about music. Rene didn't let the bickering with her friends keep her distracted from Starbuck, holding his hand the whole way, and giving him kisses every now and then. She looked more relaxed than he'd ever seen her. She also looked younger in the civilian clothes, almost like one of the teens in the family.

The Rats became more subdued by the time they disembarked on the Battlestar. Starbuck suddenly wondered if maybe Rene was right that she and some of the Rats should resign from the Colonial Service, at least Jake. He was happier out of uniform.

Once behind the door of their quarters, Starbuck enjoyed the benefit of a relaxed Rene. She let him take the lead, and take his time. He liked the changes in her body as the baby grew. He didn't know if it was normal that it made him want her more.

They didn't discuss Caprica, not until the next morning when they were getting dressed for the day. They were going to have for Adama that night, and Rene was calculating up how much was needed to get the meal together, supplies and cubits. Some food was allotted to the family, but that was simple stores and they had hoped to do more for the commander.

"I can talk to the mess hall. If they know it's for the Commander, they'll let us have a few things." He watched as Rene struggled to get into the uniform pants that despite getting a larger size were suddenly becoming too small.

"Would you? That would be nice. One good meal would be welcome before the rescue mission. Oh, and I was wondering, if you don't mind I mean, could we just get sealed tonight?"

He was bent over getting on his boots, and the words took him by surprise. He sat up and looked to her. "What? I thought you wanted it to be with some soil under your feet?"

She shrugged her jacket on and turned to him. "I don't want to wait. I mean, we can have the party later, right? Just the family needs to know we did it. Invite Apollo of course," she added. "But I don't know why we are waiting, unless you want to?"

He stood and reached for her, suddenly concerned. "Why now?"

She sighed. "I don't want you wondering anymore. And everyone we care about will be there. So why not?"

"So a dress and all that? You want me to put on the dress uniform and shine up the gold clusters?" He tried to read what she was thinking.

She smiled at him, brushed his hair from his face. "This is you. I want to seal with you."

"You mean, just like this." He smiled wrapping his arms around her. "Sounds pretty nice. Tonight it is then."

"So deal," she said smiling. "Now get to that patrol, hot shot." She stood on her toes to give him a kiss before he headed out the door.

Crius had the vipers ready and it was a routine patrol to check their route ahead. It had been different now that they knew the route, retracing their previous course. It was nice to have very few surprises on the patrol and to actually feel a little safer in the skies. It was different now that he knew someone was back on the Galactica waiting on him. Would always be waiting on him. It made a boring routine patrol suddenly feel like the best thing ever. He was looking forward to surprising the family tonight, and wondered where he might be able to find some flowers on the spur of the moment.

They had finished their run and were heading back when two vipers approached them. He assumed it was Boomer and Nik taking over, having headed out early for some reason. He wasn't complaining, early meant he could work on things for the dinner tonight.

Happily, Starbuck called out on the commline, "Yo Boomer, what's up? Nice to see you're early." The viper circled around and lined up beside him. The voice that replied had him cursing.

"Crius, don't follow. I mean it. Go home. We won't be long. You ready, Starbuck?"

"Rene, what in the frack are you doing out here? We had a deal!"

"I'm not breaking it, Handsome. Be honest, you need to see the terrain before you can put together a mission. I promised, where I go, you go. You ready? One, two three."

She didn't wait for his agreement, hitting her turbos to line up just in front of him, her engines a little too close to the nose of his craft. The field opened and his viper was through before he could change his trajectory. The anomaly squeezed tight and dropped him down onto a world he didn't recognize. He was too shocked by the sight to finish his angry reprimand.

His days at the academy had included numerous days in the cockpit. He swore then that he could find his way back to the academy landing field even half asleep. That was not true anymore. Caprica looked nothing like he remembered. The startling blue bay of Caprica City had an oily sheen of grey coating its surface. The city of lights was dark. The white spires of the city center were gone, and what had been the academy was a black scar in the landscape.

He wanted to yell at her, but he was too absorbed with taking in the landscape and the ways it had changed. Who could have thought an entire civilization could be wiped out in a single day? Twelve planets devastated. Billions of lives erased. His home was unrecognizable. This was no longer home.

Rene's words over the comm woke him from his shock. "The scanners are clear, see? They have left Caprica alone for the most part, I mean once they made sure we were all dead and gone."

"Doesn't mean we should loiter around though." He noted the heavy thick clouds of smoke that roiled off in the distance. He longed to breathe the fresh pine scented air of Caprica, but that was gone as well. The green spaces that had enveloped the city were now charred and scarred vestiges of what had once been. His chest felt tight and burned just at the idea of what chemicals this acrid air must hold. His eyes teared up. He blinked rapidly as he put aside his emotions and brought up more scans of the planet. Rene was right, there was activity on the far side of the planet, but below them was deathly quiet. He was flying over a living tomb.

By instinct he found himself following the coordinates for the academy, but as they got closer, it was more than just a scorch mark. It had been bombed into oblivion. His training kicked in, penetrating the shock he was feeling. Radium levels were still detectable. There was no evidence that any building had ever stood there. The parade ground that he had marched upon on his graduation day was a large gaping hole scooped out down to bedrock. He circled what had once been the gated entrance, a structure that had stood for over four hundred yahrens, now a pile of rocks. He remembered back to the tradition as a raw recruit of being marched under that arch, and the pride they all felt parading through again as Academy graduates. All that history was just another pile of rubble in a sea of debris.

Rene's voice across the calm made him jump as she broke his reverie. "So since we are here, I was thinking…"

"NO! You are not landing for a shopping trip." The very idea that she had traipsed across this landscape with just the thought of acquiring black market goods somehow seemed like the kind of mortal sin that the priests of the book of the word always threatened you with. "You are not risking your life and my baby's so you can make a profit. Please tell me you at least checked the radium levels before you landed before?"

"Chill your gold clusters, of course I did. The city core was the worst, obviously, but levels are down to less than one percent. The Academy site is just over that, but I'm betting you already know that. The suburbs are clear. I'm guessing the fact that Caprica City is on the ocean has a lot to do with that, and while I might still not eat the seafood, I'm guessing the amount of caesium is currently comparable to contamination after that nuclear disaster we all remember across the ocean, where none of our residents were cautioned to drop Ambrosia Shrimp off the menu. Hey, I'm not being shallow, Starbuck. I was actually thinking we could stop to get something for Adama, you know, we can bring him something from home."

"Oh, so it's alright to risk your life if you give the stuff away, but not to sell it? We are not landing! Not this time. Take me to where we are meeting the survivors so I can scan the area and then we leave."

"Yes, sir, oh Strike Wing Astrum."

"Dammit, Rene, I swear by the Lords!" But she did as he ordered. Starbuck was grateful to turn away from the sight of the destruction of the only place he considered to be home as they flew further away from the city core. Rene went low and slow around an area that had been a shopping center. There were large square buildings, with empty asphalt areas in front for parking. The area around it was completely levelled, and he tried to forget that there had been a primary school just down the street that he had once attended while being fostered. He'd known this place once, but now couldn't make out where streets or trails had once been. He recalled the general direction of the home he had temporarily stayed in, but couldn't begin to pinpoint where it was. He forcibly drew his attention back to the shopping center. It was ideal, and yet not. Open enough to see the enemy, plenty of room to land and set up, but exposed, too exposed. There was no cover nearby to speak of.

"No sign of Cylons in this area?" he asked, taking his own scans. Radium levels were almost undetectable, and certainly safe.

"No, sir, not once. The survivors we met, four of them, they say that the Cylons only show up for routine scans because they seem to know there are survivors and can't get to them. They probably expected the radium to finish them off."

"Why can't they get to them?" Starbuck could see where Rene had been landing only because the rest of the area was undisturbed, but her landing area was scorched and the ground bore fresh evidence of having been disturbed. Starbuck could easily trace the route she had taken into the shopping mall. "Rene, you were way too exposed here, you know that, right? Please tell me we have taught you that much?"

"Yes sir," she snarled the 'sir'. "It was supposed to be once, Starbuck, so no, I didn't worry too much about what I left behind. Wormhole they can't follow through, remember? I know it was stupid, but the voices got too loud at night. I couldn't sleep through them."

Starbuck cursed to himself before he asked, "You tell your doctor about that? I'm thinking he should be the one doing something about that, not Gage giving you a viper to fly into the heart of the Cylon Empire!"

"When we get back, you can ask Gage yourself why he gave me the viper, because guess what, if I'm crazy, I'm not the only one."

Starbuck took a deep breath and saved the rest of his lecture for later, when they weren't transmitting over commlines the Cylons could pick up. He took two passes of the area, logged the scans and then told Rene it was time to go. Boomer was right, it was quiet, too quiet. The skies of Caprica had been busy during his days at the Academy. You had to dodge other craft to land, the commlines crackling with military and civilian traffic. Now, there were just multi-colored clouds, smoke pouring from factories on the outskirts where the Cylons were reaping the resources of the planet. He was tempted to fly over the industrial area, but getting a peek at it on the long range scan was enough. There, the Cylon tankers were lined up, a few raiders in the air.

"Is that where we got our fuel?" Starbuck asked remembering back to the raid sectars ago where he learned that Cylons are heavy.

"Yes. I didn't know at the time we'd be back. I bet on the element of surprise. They have added more raiders and patrol in that area, which is why I go nowhere near it now."

His scanner pinged with enemy contact, and he counted. It was only a dozen, not a whole squadron. "And nothing since, right? So we'd still have the surprise factor. Okay, we need to go before we get their attention. I know what I'm dealing with now."

"We're here. You sure we can't land? I know where Adama's house is. You sure you don't want to check it out? He won't be as mad at me if I take him a gift. What do you say? Be a rat for one more day. It's not like you're a Captain yet."

"Rene, he won't be mad, and well, maybe he should be! I don't have to be a Captain to want you safe and…" His words were falling on deaf ears as Rene banked her viper, and then started gaining altitude, flying towards the ridge overlooking the city core. He knew this area too. Only too well. His chest ached as he gazed down on the devastation. He didn't know if he could do this, and before he knew it she was gliding down a winding neighborhood street, destroyed hovermobiles littering the way. "Rene, dammit I mean it! You promised you would follow my orders!"

"Yeah," she drawled in Crius's country twang, "about that. You coming?"

He watched as she landed, and he had no choice but to join her or let her land alone. He wanted to be angry, but unfortunately other emotions were rearing their ugly heads as he flew into his past. Besides, he couldn't deny he was curious and she had a point. Would Adama even believe them without some proof?

He landed and she met him. He tried to keep the scowl on his face, but unlike on the Galactica, here his anger didn't seem to faze her one bit. Starbuck shook his head. "Ten centons, that's it, and then we go, and you see the Doctor as soon as we land." He probably needed to see Salik too. Obviously he needed his head examined.

"Then you figure out what to tell Dr. Salik. He's damn curious why I keep coming by and so far I have blamed it on you and the copious couplings we have and that you are clueless about babies."

"So you lie to me and throw me under the landram, good to know." The banter helped to keep quiet the klaxons ringing in his ears over the fact that the street was too quiet. He expected there would be no sounds of human activity. What he didn't expect was that there wasn't sound of any activity, no bees buzzing, no birds singing, no daggits barking, not even the wind blowing. It was still and deathly quiet. His heart ached as he looked out over Caprica Bay, the city below a fabric of decay and destruction. Up the hillside, what had once been a green and grassy landscape was now overgrown or scorch-marked. This is where Adama had first made contact with what they'd thought were all of the survivors, and where word had first gone out that the remains of the Colonial Worlds would gather and flee to the stars. Apollo had been conservative, to say the least, in his sharing of this story one night when they'd both had too much to drink. All he'd really said was that his mother's death must have been blessedly quick.

Starbuck barely recognized the street, and the home he had been to over a dozen times was gone. In its spot lay a few timbers that were charred. The tree that had once dominated the front yard now lay on the ground, having fallen and collapsing on what had been left of the roof. In the center of what should have been the front living room now grew brush and saplings. Only one wall was partially standing, a hole through its center. Rene walked up what would have been the front path, stepping over bricks pushed up from the ground and over turned. She stepped over what had been a piece of the front door, the brass knocker eerily still intact. With a blaster in each hand, she began kicking at the debris, shoving aside timbers and poking the toe of her boot at remnants of walls and furniture. The sounds of Rene rummaging through the debris bothered Starbuck more than the silence. This home had once been a sanctuary for him, a place of hope for a better future. Now, it was a charred heap.

The last time he had been here was for a party to celebrate Zac's graduation from the Academy. It had been a beautiful summer day and Ila and Athena had laid out a picnic on the back lawn. The wild roses had been in bloom, and he had picked one for both Athena and Ila to place in their hair. The roses were still there, a mass of tangles and thorns that unlike everything else seemed to be thriving. Starbuck plucked one, not recalling having walked across the yard. He startled as he pricked his thumb on a thorn, the slight pain penetrating through the fog his mind had settled into. The bushes were engulfing the home, swallowing it up whole. Ila had been so proud of them at one time.

Suddenly he was terrified that Rene would stumble across the rotting corpse of Ila. Apollo's mother had been one of the most beautiful women Starbuck had ever known. It was not just her flowing golden hair, her stunning green eyes, or the warm smile. It was that she never forgot Starbuck when she visited Apollo. Sometimes she'd bring him a batch of home baked goods, or handmade socks personally delivered with that smile. There was always something for Starbuck, and he loved the way she beamed and said "Oh it's nothing" when he thanked her, the two of them both knowing it was something special to the orphan who'd been unofficially adopted into their family.

He had been warmly welcomed by her at this home every time, even the times when Adama wasn't pleased about the trouble he had gotten Apollo into. There had been that time he'd 'borrowed' a hovermobile when they'd missed the transport back to the Academy and were in danger of breaking curfew. Apollo had been a little naïve in those days, and Starbuck was a creature of pragmatism. Even as Adama glowered at him under his eyebrows, Ila would come to the door, and much to his initial embarrassment, would always hug him and kiss him upon the cheek. He didn't want those memories to be overshadowed with the gruesome image of a burnt or decomposing corpse.

Suddenly he couldn't bear the thought of Rene defiling Ila's grave. He shouted angrily, "STOP!" His voice echoed loudly in the silence.

Rene had crouched down at the sound of his voice as if they were under attack, her blasters up as she scanned for the enemy.

"I've seen enough," he said quietly, but he couldn't bring himself to step down that walkway to pull Rene away. Slowly she came back up to her feet, giving him a curious look. He swallowed down the thickness in his throat that suddenly choked him. He tried to speak, but it took another try to get it out. "Get out of there, okay?"

Rene looked at him with disdain at his weakness.

"We're here. I'm not leaving without something. Just cover me," she said, and went back to digging through the debris. He turned away, half considered walking back to his viper and launching away from this horror. He was angry with her, but he understood her desire to want to take Adama some proof they had been here. Even as he stood in Adama's front yard, he couldn't believe that he was standing on Caprica once again. He looked back to her and the pile of debris she was on the ground raking her hands through.

It struck him like a blaster to the chest, rocking him back a step. In a day Adama had lost almost everything, his wife, his home, his youngest child. How did the man live with that? How did he have the strength to also shoulder the loss of a nation and lead them all forward? He blinked back tears again, this time in sympathy for Adama. He'd been too wrapped up in his own grieving on the day of the destruction to realize what Adama had gone through. He remembered flying over the complex where Aurora had lived, devastated at the time to find the whole building collapsed upon itself, like a fragile sandcastle kicked over. But she had just been a girl whom he dated a few times while Athena had been busy with her studies at the Academy, or away on the Galactica, it wasn't a wife, a child, a home.

Rene stood up, brushing something off in her hand and smiled. The sun peeked out of the oily clouds and cast her in a warm silhouette. He tried to look beyond the memories of the past to what was before him, the young woman whom he planned to wed, blossoming more every day with his child.

He found his voice. With determination, he stepped across the lawn as he shouted, "Rene, we're leaving now. I mean it, NOW!"

Rene's head came up from the dust she was combing through with the muzzle of her weapon. She reached for something, and stepped softly through what would have been the front door. She brought to him a silver trophy cup which she placed in his hands. It was slightly warped from the heat of the fire that destroyed the home, but still legible on the base was Zac's name and the yahren he had won it for taking first in the science fair.

Rene spoke softly. "He beat his brother. Apollo had never come in first in a science fair. He was pretty proud of that thing. I found a ring and some vintage coins Commanders hand out to each other," she held one up, the emblem for the Atlantia clearly visible. "Do I have time to look for more?"

"NO!" Starbuck tried to swallow his panic. "No, this should be enough. Let's go. We've stayed too long. Let's launch. Nothing fancy, I mean it, low and slow, and then you work your magic trick. You land and I will join you in the Life Center, understood?"

Rene nodded and turned away to walk to her viper. "I have to land on the Shiva. They'll be expecting the viper back."

Starbuck reached out and grabbed the collar of her jacket spinning her around to face him. He didn't care if she melted down on him or not, maybe that's what he wanted, he didn't know, he just knew he was going to cut off her ability to come here on her own. Nose to nose he ordered her in his best Academy drill leader voice, "You land on the Galactica and that's an order or I will strip you of rank. Understood?"

She winced before setting her face in determination. "You don't outrank me, Starbuck. You pull that mong and you can forget a sealing!" She went to turn away but he kept hold of her collar, spinning her back.

"You said you would do as I asked. You agreed. I'm not sure I want to seal with someone who lies to me and threatens to call it off after every disagreement just because she isn't getting her way." He called her bluff

Rene's nose crinkled. She sighed. "I wasn't planning on coming back again without you. I swear. And be honest, you needed to see it. You were worrying too much."

It was Starbuck's turn to crinkle his nose in annoyance for the fact she was right. He had needed to see Caprica for himself. She and Boomer had been right; it was quiet, too quiet for a planet wiped by a race that had vowed their ultimate destruction. They didn't want the planet, the Cylon's just wanted the human race destroyed, and then they'd move on to their next objective.

Rene read the crack in his resolve. "If I don't take it back to the Shiva I'll get the guy in trouble. I'm going to tell Adama tonight, and you and I both know he'll ground me. So why does somebody else need to get in trouble?"

"Yeah, about that," Starbuck drawled like Crius. "When I find out who let you launch, I surely will be on report again, because he whoever he is will need a new face." He tried to shove his anger down. He wasn't mad at Rene or Gage or the mystery crewman that let her launch. He was mad as hell that his world had been destroyed, and the new one he was trying to make could be destroyed just as easily.

He pulled up some reason and logic floating to the surface of his fear, "I need your viper on the Galactic. If we plan a mission, we'll need your viper and the device, am I right? Can you just build another one? We aren't using Iblis for this, so, here's the deal. You really talk to Dr. Wilker. You show him what you can do and how you do it, or else wave Caprica good bye. I will pull your flight status even for shuttles. I will chain you to a desk if I have to."

He didn't realize the words he'd used until they were out, but despite the shocked look on Rene's face, he didn't regret them. "You know what I mean. Maybe I just need for you to do something I asked, just the once. Did you have to land?" Starbuck looked around at what had once been homes that were symbol of the Caprican dream. The silence was deafening. His whole soul ached to see what had once been his hopeful goal now looking so tarnished, abandoned and destroyed.

When he met her eyes he saw that she had read him like a book. She nodded and with respect uttered soflty, "Yes sir." She turned to head for her viper, climbing up without a second look to the homes around her.

Starbuck wanted to call her back, to apologize, but what for he wasn't exactly sure. It was the right call, he knew it was. He couldn't help but to look to the home again, once a foolish young man's desire. It hadn't been the real estate overlooking the Caprican Bay though, it had been the family. He still wanted that on some planet somewhere, but for now he'd have to be satisfied with being part of a family on the Galactica. He turned back to his viper vowing that one day it would happen, his children would have fresh air to breathe and space to run.

They fired up their vipers and launched. Rene did as he asked, doing a low orbit launch to lessen the G-forces. It however earned them a bit of attention as he saw a trio of raiders launch and head in their direction. "That's not good, we need to go."

He didn't need to order her twice as the field opened and they were through, finding themselves at the edge of the fleet near the Shiva. The change in scenery was disorienting. By instinct he was scanning for the raiders that had been on their tail before the field opened, but the scanners were clear. He breathed a sigh of relief.

It took a few microns before he realized Rene was heading straight for the Shiva, lining up as if to land.

"Galactica, Rene," Starbuck reminded her.

Her viper stayed on course for the Shiva for a micron more before she audibly sighed over the comm and muttered as if she was a child being scolded, "Yes sir."

Once on the Galactica, Jenny gave Starbuck a questioning look when Rene climbed from her viper. Starbuck issued the order using the full privilege of his position as Strike Wing.

"Pull that viper and lock it down. No one touches it but me. You see Lt. Rene on this flight deck without me, you call security and put her on report, understood?"

"Yes sir boss," Jenny replied with a look that let him know she had questions, but she'd get the job done before she asked them.

The annoyed look on Rene's face said it all. She was about to open her mouth and complain, but Starbuck reached for her. His heart was still beating hard, the panic tight in his chest. He meant to just grab her hand, but had pulled her into a tight embrace before he even thought about who might be on the flight deck. She looked confused as he pulled her in, but she didn't resist as he held her tight.

It was her turn to reassure him, "Shh, its okay. We're back and we're fine."

He still held tight, and found himself praying, something he never did. Rene's hands around him, softly rubbing his back, helped some as she said softly, "It's okay, we survived. We made it."

He tried to take a deep breath, feeling the bands across his chest loosen a bit and his heart slow down. He spoke softly into her ear, "So humor me. I want to hear my baby's heart beat again."

She pulled away and looked to him, her face one of concern. "Okay, life center. Then we'll talk about you grounding me after the mission. My boots on the Galactica, just like you want."


	21. Chapter 21

Starbuck led her off to decon and tried to keep his composure, but knew he wasn't succeeding when Rene pulled him into a unit with the capacity for two pilots. The door closed and the cycle began. He drew in a ragged breath as he closed his eyes, slumping against the wall, as he tried to remember Caprica in her glory, instead of what it looked like now. During the chaos of the Destruction and their ensuing escape from the Cylons, there hadn't been time to dwell on the devastation. Now, he realized, that was probably a good thing.

Rene squeezed his hand as she asked softly, "Starbuck? What's wrong? Did I really screw up here? I never should have taken you to Caprica."

Starbuck tried to get a deep breath in as he opened his eyes. "No, I needed to see it. I just…I haven't thought this out I guess. Everyone's right, I just rush in and don't think about what tomorrow brings." He sighed, trying to lighten the mood. "Sometimes 'tomorrow' has a way of punching you in the guts, you know?"

Rene's eyes clouded over and her brow furrowed realizing he was talking about more than just a mission or a patrol.

"Tomorrow brings what it brings." The words sounded far too trite to Starbuck, and he recognized them as a line he had uttered far too many times to women who wanted to know if they could expect to see him again after a night together. The words made him angry, mostly at himself.

"Maybe I want to know what it brings. Maybe I want to have some plans that I know could happen. Things are too damn unpredictable with you, Rene. Other girls might tell a guy that a senior officer is an old boyfriend…" She looked at him curiously, but he wasn't going to bring up Cain and Cassiopeia. " You…you just suck me through a wormhole and drop me in my old backyard, only the Cylons have chewed it up and spit out again."

The words weren't meant to hurt, but Rene winced anyway. "I don't control the future, Starbuck. I just can jump to places. That's it. And I swear to you, I am not jumping anywhere without you ever again."

"So you say, Rene, but the fact remains that you did, and you could have gone anywhere you wanted. You could have been stuck there or…"

She gripped his hand tight, pulled him a step closer. "But I didn't! I'm with you right now, right here! Look, I'm sorry. I should have told you sooner, I get that." She sighed and reached up to touch his face. "Starbuck, I love you. I promise to show it better and do what you ask, alright?"

"This isn't about you doing as I ask, Rene," he replied in frustration. "It's about me being able to trust you. It's about you letting me in. It's about you and I actually building a relationship that can survive despite how insane our lives are." He pulled her close to him. "It's about knowing that no matter what else goes wrong in our lives, that we'll always be able to depend on each other. We're the only solid thing in a universe full of crazy unpredictability. That's what I really want. That's what this is about, Rene."

She searched his features for a long moment, as if trying to comprehend if that was even possible. Admittedly, nothing had been solid or sure in her life. Ever.

"If I go anywhere you'll know and you'll be there with me, alright?"

He tried to believe her, but the recent scenes of Caprica and the fact she had seemed far too comfortable in that landscape had him shaking his head.

"Okay, I hear you. I do. I'm not going anywhere without you."

He closed his eyes again, suddenly unable to look at her, not knowing if she was just saying what he wanted to hear or was outright lying to him. They were still a long way from what he wanted in this relationship. Then again, maybe that kind of relationship was meant more for the Apollo's of the universe, than the Starbucks. He drew another deep breath hoping to clear the putrid air of Caprica from his lungs. He opened his eyes and looked hard at the young woman before him, trying to see her objectively.

"Will you tell me about the voices?" he asked.

He watched her jaw tighten as her eyes darted to the side.

"No lies, Rene," he added.

She took a gulp of air. "The dreams, they talk to me and sometimes when I'm awake, but mostly in my sleep. I dream things that never happened to me and I …" She hesitated. He squeezed her hand to encourage her to go on. She shrugged and continued. "I dream and they're not my dreams. Things I never saw. I thought, you know, they're just dreams, right? But then on the Zakar with the Doc, Gage saw what I drew and one of them is his. I don't think they're all mine."

She looked up to meet his gaze, still pleading, "One I think is yours. I'll show you. You're in a viper and the Galactica is leaving you."

Starbuck stiffened. "Me and the rest of Red Squadron. I never told you about that."

"I know. Like I said, they're not my dreams. And they all say to go back to Caprica." Rene rolled her eyes at the metal walls around them. "They also say to get the hades out of a ship and raise my kids on a planet, but I'm trying to ignore those ones as I think that's just me, my subconscious, you know?"

"Your doctor knows?" The question earned him a sweet smile.

"You worry too much. Yeah, he knows. Medication adjusted, doesn't stop it. He knows that too. I promised you I'd get better. I'm trying." Her words pulled him back from the gulf between them he was leaping into. "Starbuck? I mean it. I am not going anywhere again without you. You grounded me, remember?"

Her eyes pleaded with him, but he didn't know if he could give her what she was looking for. The decon cycle finished, and he pushed the button for another round. They weren't done here, not yet.

Rene sighed heavily at the motion and she read his thoughts. "Do you know how I knew your patrol schedule so well? Lara has it memorized. She sneaks your datapad and she has your whole duty roster mapped out. She could even tell you who might need to back out of what patrol and when, and for what reason. She's timed how long you are gone. You aren't here, you don't see it, but she paces in front of the view port. She's convinced she knows which viper out there is yours. Jason only goes to you now for questions about anything and everything. You know Leia won't go to sleep for anyone but you. When you are gone, it's hades around her. We need you."

He let out the breath he didn't realize he'd been holding. He shook his head, but all he could find to say was her name.

"Starbuck, I need you. I can take us somewhere safer. The kids could grow up with sunshine and plenty of room to roam. There's any number of worlds we could call home. We could begin again and make it better. We could go together."

The idea had not crossed his mind and he found himself squeezing her hand hard as if he could keep her tethered here to the fleet with that one gesture. For some reason, he realized that if she went off into that anomaly of hers to find a world to call home, she would go without him.

She stepped even closer to him at the grip he had on her hand, wiggling her fingers a little at the pressure. "Starbuck, they're not just words. Where you go, I go. I know the fleet needs you. I won't go without you."

The words didn't reassure him like they should. She'd been flying a viper for over a dozen flights without him. She was damn resourceful, he had to give her that. She could go any time she wanted. He let go of her hand, understanding for the first time what people really meant by the term cold feet. It wasn't just that he could back out of this, but also that she could as well. What was truly holding them together was tenuous and fragile. She threatened to cancel the sealing nearly every other day. Would she just fly away at the next fight they had? And what would happen after the baby was born? Would he stop her? He hadn't thought about his child being raised in the confines of the Galactica. Much like her, he realized he had pictured them being planetside, a sun shining upon his son or daughter's face, soil beneath their feet.

"You okay?" she asked again.

He nodded, tried to wrap his brain around the events of the day and what they had planned that evening. "If we do this, we do it together. No surprises. We have a plan and you follow it, you understand? This isn't fun and games, Rene."

"Yes, sir, Strike Wing, sir, as you order. I swear."

"Don't," he said softly. "Don't just say it, do it. I couldn't take it if you left me. Humor me for a while so I feel like I'm doing the right thing here, alright?"

She smiled up at him and he tried to smile back, but when he looked in her blue eyes, he saw the cloudy fouled bay of Caprica.

When the decon cycle ended, she took his hand leading him down the corridor. She did humor him, and Starbuck wondered if that's what it took to get Rene to follow an order or request, let her scare the pogees out of you. Starbuck knew he was pushing his luck today when he found it was Cassiopeia on duty. He wouldn't have to lie to her and he didn't mind telling Cassie that someone had let Rene fly a viper.

Cassie just quirked an eyebrow and performed the scan while informing Starbuck that pregnant women weren't delicate little flowers and that Rene could perform many of her normal duties up until the third trimester. Starbuck nodded to all of it, staying just as quiet as Rene until the scan was done. Cassiopeia decided since they were there and she had an appointment in a secton she'd go ahead and run the blood work now. That also came back just fine, but Starbuck didn't feel reassured until he saw the image of the baby on the monitor, the little heart beating steadily.

"Do you want to know the sex? We can probably see that now," Cassie said.

Rene spoke before he could, a very emphatic no, so loud it made Cassie jump. Starbuck knew that he should explain to Cassie, knowing it might help the medtech to understand Rene's trepidation when it came to the Life Center. Instead he reached for Rene's hand, giving it the soft two squeezes, now their code for letting her know it was safe to give out information, before he asked. "How many did Dante make you get rid of because they weren't boys?"

She squeezed his hand back as she locked her eyes onto the image on the monitor. "Two."

Cassie shared a look with Starbuck before she asked softly, "Your medical records are not consistent with the scans I have. How many times have you been pregnant in the last five yahrens?"

"Counting this one? Seven I think."

It was Starbuck that asked about the inconsistency in the answer. "You lost only one from flying a viper, or was it two?"

"Just one. One was," she hesitated, then chose her words, "I was in a fight. I lost. I might have been pregnant when the destruction came, I don't know, just know I bled a lot after the sewers but that could be for a lot of reasons. The radium was pretty high."

Starbuck didn't ask anymore, and Cassie finished up the scans letting them both know everything was looking good and progressing the way it should. Rene's heart rate was up, but Starbuck knew why, and it wasn't abnormally high.

He waited until they were out in the corridor before he put an arm around Rene and slowly drew her in. He just held her for a micron or two before she spoke.

"I don't want your pity, Starbuck. I'm glad I have my kids, but they weren't my choice. This one is. I'm not going to do anything that would hurt it, I swear."

He replied softly, "I know." He held on for a micron more before slowly pulling away. "We have a dinner to make and a sealing to get to. I suppose soon we should start picking out some names."

She kept hold of his hand as they headed off to the Council Chambers explaining how the list process worked, that they would not be picking out their child's name, but they gave the honor to whomever they chose to be top of the list of those who would take care of their child in the event that someday they should not return.

Starbuck hadn't put much thought into that, with the baby just an image on the screen and a growing Rene who needed to gain some weight as she was far too thin. But his own childhood let him know how important that list might be. How much easier his life would have been had there been someone who knew to look for him after the attack on Umbra, some friend or family who would have cared enough to find him. He'd spent his whole life hoping that each knock on the door of the orphanage, each couple coming by to adopt a child would be the one who had been looking just for him. As an adult, he now realized that probably his parent's friends and family had all perished at Umbra. There had been no one to claim him because they were all gone.

Starbuck wasn't sure who he should pick to be top of that list. His first instinct was to pick Apollo as the two had been friends for yahrens, but he also realized his child would be born with brothers and sisters and he didn't want the family separated. If he and Rene were gone, the kids would need each other. That would mean Jake or Crius should be top of the list to keep with what had already been established.

"How many do I need to pick?" Starbuck wondered as he realized how intertwined the family was. "We really should stop flying with each other, shouldn't we?"

Rene sighed. "Yeah, but that's not going to work either. We just have to hope you're right, that we are safer here in the fleet. Or…?" She left it unspoken that they could be somewhere other than the fleet.

How long could he keep the coordinates for Earth from Rene? A more distressing thought though was, should he? Rene was right, at Caprica they were just a blip on the radar. Could the two of them be doing recon of earth? Should they?

Starbuck shook his head. Today had already held more surprises than he could handle, and he still had a dinner and sealing to get through. "Oh, hey, are we still doing this tonight?"

Rene looked at him puzzled, and then smiled. "Only if you want to. If you'd rather wait and have the IFB film it, I suppose we could plan it after you win the triad tourney and they pin the gold clusters on you for rescuing everyone from Caprica."

"If I get any more gold clusters, you'll have to help hold me up for the sealing. I think we'd better stick with tonight."


	22. Chapter 22

The invitation to dinner had been surprising. He had been by the council chambers numerous times for various reasons, but had never lingered realizing his presence was disrupting to the process of the Copper Squadron finding their footing and developing some trust amongst those of the fleet. He had wished that his visits could be longer as he enjoyed the family atmosphere they were creating and the effects it was having on the rest of the Galactica, as many of his warriors were beginning to pair off and begin families of their own, a sign of healing after the destruction of their worlds. But since the last dinner celebration Adama had tried to hold, the members of Starbuck's new family had been avoiding him. He did not know if it was out of guilt or simply that they had others things on their mind. He had been assured that Rene was keeping her appointments with the doctors as required and that the others in the family were managing well, but Rene avoided him even more so than the others. Much like her friend Jake, she had begun to leave the room when he arrived.

When Starbuck made a point of inviting him, looking very solemn and not as jovial as a man should be when setting up a meal to announce his sealing, Adama could not help but ask if he was sure about the upcoming event. Adama had begun to feel a bit guilty about having forced the issue upon the young man. Starbuck had enough duties and responsibilities with his new position as Strike Wing as well as his self-imposed position of Dilmun ambassador. Added to that was the idea that Starbuck, the epitome of the rogue and lady's man, was facing the prospect of marriage and children. Starbuck certainly had more than enough to deal with. Thus far, Starbuck had faced all the ribbing and jibes about his past catching up to him and it was time he faced the music with a cheerful and confident smile. He had seemed more than sure of himself and the situation.

These last few sectons, Adama had less doubts of his own about the couple. While Starbuck was on report, Rene had proven to be loyal and supportive helping to make Starbuck's duties and details a bit easier and making a point of offering emotional support as well. Starbuck's influence on Rene had seemed to give the young woman the courage to face the demons of her past and to actively participate in the therapy that was needed. The two worked well together and while he may wonder about Rene's motives, he knew Starbuck's were true. He had settled into being a happy family man. Most days Starbuck was even more happy go lucky than he'd been as a bachelor.

But that was not the man that invited Adama to dinner. The man who offered the invitation looked disturbed and unsure. Adama could not let Starbuck issue the invitation and rush off without asking him how things were going and more importantly once again to ask if he was sure about his decision. Starbuck answered him almost offhanded with an, "Oh yeah, sure, we're getting sealed, just working out the details." Adama reminded him there was no pressure; it was not something to be rushed into lightly. Starbuck actually seemed a bit miffed at the comment, so Adama let it go and hoped that Starbuck knew what he was doing.

When Adama arrived at the appointed time, he found the Council chambers to be a bit more active than they usually were, with the children vainly trying to clean up their toys and to set the room to some semblance of the order it had when it was a council chambers. The meal was in the process of being prepared Starbuck said as he greeted him. Adama was pleased to see his son and grandson were there as well. As Adama handed over the bottle of ambrosia he had brought as a gift to Starbuck and Rene, he could not help asking, "Should I be expecting an announcement?"

Starbuck gave him a look as if the question was not what he was expecting, and another offhanded remark of "Oh, yeah, um, about that. I should probably talk to Rene." The comment left Adama wondering what the dinner was all about, but decided that he should not push the issue. His presence in the room was a sign of progress and, as his mother always said, don't look a gift equine in the mouth, you may not like the teeth.

It was obvious the family had developed a fairly consistent routine for dinners. Apollo had spoken of it to him once before, liking the casual nature of the full family gathering. Adama tried not to interrupt as he was asked to be the guest and begin. He deferred and his son helped him out as to how things should follow, dishing up their plates and finding their random places around the room. Out of habit, Adama headed to what would have been his usual seat when this room had been for the Council of Twelve, of which he was currently the presiding leader. As he took the seat at the head of the table, the newest member of the family, a young man from the fleet bearing the name of the infamous Commander Cain boldly approached Adama, standing before him militarily erect. The boy stated, "Sir, with all due respect, that's where dad sits."

It was not what Adama had been expecting from the young man who hoped to enter the newest class of cadets. "Dad?" came out of Adama's mouth before he realized whom the teen was referring to. He turned to look at Starbuck beside him, quirking his eyebrows in amusement. "Dad? Well by all means, you should have your chair."

Starbuck tried to wave off the awkward gesture as they all shifted a seat down the table to allow Starbuck to have the chair at the head of the table, but the smile on his face did not go unnoticed by Adama. The room seemed to relax into a gentle pattern of pleasant conversation once Starbuck was in his proper place. Rene finished getting the meal together and found her place beside Starbuck. Once seated Adama noticed that Rene's hand found Starbuck's by instinct. Adama had never witnessed before this gesture from Starbuck. He had been around the man enough times when he was dating his own daughter and later with Starbuck's other paramours to have seen how the man behaved with a woman. Adama had never noticed this gesture before. With Rene, Starbuck often had a hold of her hand. He reached to touch her often, and not just a touch. He held on to her as if she was going to just float away if he didn't. Adama found it sweet watching as the couple managed eating while still maintaining their physical connection.

The meal was nearing its end when Starbuck turned to Adama stating quietly, "We have a favor to ask of you." 

Adama smiled knowing that now finally the announcement was coming. But he was shocked by what came next, but he should have expected it from Starbuck. The pilot had always been impulsive. Why should sealing be any different?

"Sir, we uh, were wondering if you would officiate our sealing."

Adama smiled. "Of course, son, I would be honored."

Rene coyly nodded for Starbuck to continue. He smiled before turning back to Adama. "Actually, sir, we were wondering if you would seal us tonight?"

"Tonight?" Adama glanced between the two wondering which one had come up with this idea, but their happy faces were mirror images. "Why the rush? Wouldn't you rather plan a celebration?"

It was Rene that answered. "Isn't this a celebration? I just don't know why we're waiting. We can have a party later I suppose, but we're all here now and…" she shrugged, not exactly the strongest of arguments, but Starbuck echoed the gesture.

"We figured why not. We were planning on it and it solves a lot of problems to just do it now. Everyone we care about is here."

Starbuck's argument was somewhat more persuasive, and Adama realized the wisdom of wanting to keep the actual nuptials a low-key affair. It would certainly frustrate the IFB who had been hounding the couple and even the Commander for information on the upcoming sealing. He agreed and watched as Rene set the room into motion with the news. The children hastily cleared the dishes, and the room was arranged so that the couple would stand at the viewport with the stars behind them. Rene's friend Jake had retrieved a guitar and was strumming old Fabulon Four songs. Adama thought to offer to walk Rene down the makeshift aisle, but her adopted son, Jason, took her arm. Apollo and Boomer jokingly fought over who would be the best man while Starbuck waited framed by the view of the stars, suddenly looking the very picture of the nervous groom. He told the two to shut up or they both would be losing the job to Crius.

That seemed to settle the argument as a new one broke out amongst the kids as to who would lead the procession as it seemed they all would be walking down the aisle. Rene merely laughed and smiled with the kids, but it was Starbuck that settled that discussion, reminding the kids that only Rene was getting sealed and they would have their turn when they were older. Rene reached for Lara and Lizbet for her maids and the procession finally got underway. It was a short procession and Rene was laughing the whole way in a pure unadulterated joy. Adama wondered briefly if she realized the significance of what she was doing, but she became a bit more serious with each of the steps up to her groom. Starbuck reached for her hands and they faced each other before the stars, before they turned to him to begin the ceremony.

Adama had not performed many sealings in his career as Commander, his own son's being one of the first, and he realized at that moment that he did not have a book of the word from which to read the words. "Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to seal this man and this woman. Sealing is a holy vow and," Adama paused trying to recall exactly how the vows went, and then confessed his ignorance, "well, I'm sorry Starbuck, I was not prepared for this. I know the general words, but, well much like how you fly, I'm going to take this by the seat of my pants."

Starbuck laughed and squeezed Rene's hands twice. "It's alright, Sir. I think I got you covered. There's some words about honor and obey and stuff, but I think none of that really matters, does it?"

Adama considered that for a moment. "The ceremony is just about making a vow to each other." 

Starbuck met Rene's eyes. "We've already made that vow, haven't we? I love you and where you go, I go."

Rene repeated the words. "I love you, and where you go, I go. Where you stay, I stay."

Starbuck grinned, turning back to Adama. "Anything else we missed?"

Adama tried to contain a chuckle. Starbuck had cut through the felgercarb as usual. "Just a few more words, I believe. Do you, Rene, take this man as your husband?"

"I do," she said beaming.

"And do you, Starbuck, take this woman as your wife?"

There was no hesitation as Starbuck answered confidently, "I do."

"Oh wait!" Rene laughed as she pulled her hand from Starbuck's and reached in her pocket for a ring box, opening it and sliding the ring on Starbuck's finger.

Starbuck said, "I actually have one for you too." He grinned widely at Rene's surprise as he slid the gold band on her finger. "I melted down one of my gold clusters. Don't worry, I'll earn another one." Rene shook her head laughing.

It was the shortest sealing Adama thought he'd ever performed, or probably attended, but somehow that seemed right for Starbuck, as impulsive and impromptu as the man. "I now pronounce you man and wife."

"That's it?" Starbuck asked.

"Well, there's some paperwork, but we can handle that tomorrow. Oh…and you may kiss your bride."

"Ahh, the good part," Starbuck quipped and Rene grinned at him mischievously. Adama expected something dramatic, this was Starbuck after all. Instead Starbuck seemed to understand at that moment just what this all meant. His face became almost deadly serious as he leaned in. The kiss was sweet and slow and the stars lit up their eyes and it was just the two of them. Any doubts Adama had vanished in that moment and he felt the warmth of pride swell within his chest. The family's cheer broke the kiss. The happy couple was beaming, but Adama caught a hint of Rene's old smile, the one with the hint of victory when she won one of her coerced negotiations. It was but a fleeting glimpse directed his way, and then in a flash replaced by the sweet smile she often gave Starbuck. Adama was left to wonder what negotiations had occurred to bring about this sealing.

His thoughts were interrupted as Rene announced to the group, "I made a cake." The words were met with a cheer. Rene went to move away from Starbuck to serve up the cake, but Lizbet waved for her to stay. Adama placed his hand on Starbuck's shoulder guiding him and Rene back to the table. Adama sent Apollo to his quarters to get some more ambrosia, and glasses were poured around the table and cake distributed.

Apollo stood, clinking a fork against his glass to get everyone's attention. "I don't have correlating data yet, but, ladies and gentlemen, apparently Hades has frozen over." Those in the room laughed uproariously. Apollo knew that most in this room knew Starbuck a bit differently than he, Boomer and Adama did. In fact, he realized they were probably replacing Starbuck with Rene as the topic of that quip, which was apparently just as hilarious. "Starbuck, we've had a lot of good times over the yahrens, and …. well, while we will never be… you know …. the way we are …. I mean the way we were …" Apollo ignored the embarrassed awkward glances people were giving him and focussed on Starbuck, who by now was starting to laugh out loud, his shoulders shaking in his mirth. This was just for his buddy who had uttered similar, albeit slightly less awkward words to Apollo before a fateful mission not long before the strike captain was sealed. "More like we were yesterday ….and last secton ….and a few sectars ago….no, we'll never be like that again. That's for sure. Oh yeah. Maybe we'll be better than we were before."

Starbuck was wiping tears from his eyes, unable to make any coherent contribution, so Apollo helped him out. "Yes, I know….you're not dying." He grinned at his friend, finally acknowledging the rest of the crowd. "Sorry folks, it's a private joke that Starbuck will explain another time." Apollo waited a moment for his friend to recover, stringing a few other thoughts together. "Starbuck, I guess I saw you a certain way for yahrens … mostly because you had my vision blurred with that cloud of fumarello smoke." He paused as the room exploded in laughter once again. "Seriously though, there were always two Starbucks, the one you wanted the world to see, and the one that only the people you allowed to get close had the privilege to discover."

"Hear, hear!" Boomer acknowledged, raising his glass towards their friend.

"As most of us know," Apollo continued, "Starbuck would do anything for a friend, but would also do anything for someone who needed help. He loves an underdaggit, having been there himself a time or two." Several nodded their agreement as the groom began to squirm. "And Rene has made me see you differently too. The way you so naturally embraced her kith and kin as your own, you personify the idea that you don't need to share blood to be family. A lesson that probably most of the people in the room already knew, but you taught me that, buddy. A long time ago." Apollo smiled again at his friend, the warmth and affection in his voice clear to all. "You make this all look easy, Starbuck, and after all, that's what love and family should be. Rene, I think you know that you're a lucky lady. And Starbuck . . ." He paused dramatically. "It seems to me that you've won the pot, Buddy **."**

The crowd broke out in applause as they raised their glasses a moment later to drink to the couple. Starbuck ducked his head embarrassed and if Adama didn't know better, he thought he saw a tear in the man's eye as he looked from his friend to his wife.

When the cake was done and the ambrosia was gone, Rene turned to Starbuck, the smile slipping. His faded as well as he nodded. Starbuck called over Cain and Jason and informed them it was time for the older kids to get the younger ones to bed. Adama echoed the sentiment, that perhaps it was time to end the evening, but Starbuck asked if he could please stay for a bit longer. They had something they needed to discuss once the children were in bed. Adama's eyebrows went up wondering what more there could be to talk about than a sealing and a baby, but Starbuck was grim when he added, "It's important."

The happy couple had turned from festive to sober. Adama realized that something serious must have occurred, something that spurred the sealing forward. He hoped the news was not another setback to the Zakar pilot's integration into the fleet.

Starbuck waited until the room was cleared, all the children gone and anyone who didn't hold the rank of Lieutenant locked out. He had wanted to order everyone from the room except those who had been to Caprica and the Commander, but he'd been overruled by Jake and Rene. They'd threatened to tell everyone anyways, claiming it involved them too.

Starbuck saw that another round of ambrosia was poured. It was Crius who broke the silence trying to joke, "What is it twins?" But Starbuck waved a hand at him, the Rat's sign to back off and let it go. Crius fell silent at the motion.

Starbuck muttered to Rene. "I think it's your turn."

Rene turned towards the Commander, the mirth of the moments before gone from her eyes. "We have a gift for you."

Adama was puzzled as Starbuck pulled out a small box from under the table and handed it to Adama. The reverence that Starbuck seemed to give the box had him wondering at the contents.

"I should be getting you a gift. It is your sealing day."

Rene nodded to him solemnly to go ahead and open the gift. He obliged and lifted back the lid to find a few items in the box, the largest being a silver trophy cup. He took the silver cup in his hands, curious as to why the couple might gift him with such an item, but his youngest son's name on the bottom of his treasured trophy brought a new set of questions to his mind. Adama slowly studied the other items, pulling them from the box one by one to place on the table. One was a ring, Ila's ring, given to her by her grandmother. The medallions that had once belonged to Adama, from battlestars that now no longer existed, doused Adama's jovial mood. His features turned hard as steel at the shock of the contents of the box. It was in his stern Commander's voice that asked, "Where did you get these?"

Rene took a breath pulling up the courage to begin. "Sir, you know that thing I can do. Well, I've been going to Caprica. There are survivors there and they need our help."

Adama quickly looked to Starbuck who held up his hands in surrender, catching the laser bolt from Adama square in the chest. He understood a bit too late that he should have gone with his gut on this one and headed straight to the Commander's office once he'd found out. He'd let Rene play him like a dirty dealer in the Carillon chancery. Worse, she'd played Gage and Boomer as well. It left Starbuck wondering what information she had on the two that could have earned their silence for so long. They all argued Starbuck was too close and Rene kept him from seeing straight, so how close were the other two? They should have all known better.

"I just found out the other day. That's why we're here."

Boomer cleared his throat, bringing Adama's attention to himself. "Starbuck's right, sir. He didn't know anything about it. But I did."

Adama's gaze quickly shifted in surprise to the Lieutenant farther down the table as he barked, "Explain!"

"Sir, Rene should probably explain. I found out what Rene and Jake were up to. Rene has been jumping to Caprica. Sir, there are over forty survivors in need of a rescue."

"And you would know that how? You have joined them?" Boomer merely nodded, realizing the gravity of the Commander's tone. Adama was not fond of surprises.

The Commander's steely eyes turned to Rene. "Where did you get a viper?"

Rene was confused for a micron why the Commander was so angry. Adama spoke first to the officers he knew before speaking to her. She quickly recognized that despite all the words of reassurance from those around her, she was not on the same level as a regular warrior. She had seriously misjudged the Commander, and now regretted not just taking the shuttle and talking Jake and Boomer into accompanying her. Then she could have returned as the hero with survivors from the Colonies. Instead, by the angry look on the Commander's face, she realized, she was about to get a dressing down. She felt the rebel inside her rise up as she glared right back at the Commander.

"I own a viper," she stated boldly.

"Which you are not currently allowed to fly. So how did you launch in a viper?"

"Not hard to do. Push the right buttons," she said sarcastically as she shrugged. She nearly yelped in pain as Starbuck squeezed her hand hard.

"You have been there more than once?" Adama asked, his question more of a statement as he began to understand the situation.

She debated her story as she untangled her hand from Starbuck's, but his warning hiss of her name let her know there would be no cover for the lie. "A dozen times, sir. I have met the survivors. There are women and children that need rescuing."

Adama seemed to stutter asking out loud, "When? How?"

Rene looked to Starbuck, unsure if she should answer and how. Starbuck couldn't resist coming to her rescue. "She's uh….pretty good at getting what she wants."

"Ain't that the truth," Gage spoke up before anyone else had to. "I authorized the viper, Commander."

Starbuck picked the story back up. "She went back for things she knew she could find on Caprica, and in the process met the survivors. She would like us to ignore the fact that she went for all the wrong reasons, but we can't ignore what she found. There are several survivors, with women and children. I'm guessing Gage wanted to tell you, but Rene talked him out of it."

Adama looked around the table, quickly assessing who was aware of this information and who was not. Most looked just as shocked as he was.

Starbuck answered Adama's unasked question. "Rene, Gage, Jake, Boomer and today me. That is all that have gone through."

The Commander gathered up his anger and placed it squarely on who should have been responsible for Rene. Gage should have been the voice of reason, if not him, then Boomer. At least Starbuck should have been concerned about his pregnant girlfriend, now wife, flying a viper into parts unknown. "And you didn't think to inform me of this information? You thought of nothing of the safety of yourself and Lieutenant Rene, let alone the safety of the fleet, and you flew off through an unknown anomaly to a Cylon controlled world?"

The room was silent in the face of the Commander's rage. It was Starbuck that finally spoke up quietly, "Sir, that's not exactly how it happened." He wanted to say he'd been tricked, but he'd known this information for more than a few cycles, Boomer for far longer. It wasn't just the desire to not be on report that had kept them silent. Maybe it was the miraculous nature of the rift, or the shock of seeing their decimated home world. Starbuck couldn't really say what had kept them silent for so long.

Adama opened his mouth again to begin the lecture his two pilots and second in command deserved, when Rene interrupted. "Does it matter who and where and how? Why do we need to ascribe blame? I did it. I went back and found there are survivors. We need a shuttle and a squadron to go and get them and bring them here. We could go tomorrow and…"

"No!" Adama cut her off with the authority of his command.

"Sir, it won't take that long. I can get us right over the rendezvous point and the Cylons won't know what hit them. It's a lot safer than you think and we'd be in and out in a matter of centons, and…" Rene spoke quickly, not completely understanding why the commander would object.

"Absolutely not!"

She began to speak again, but the glare from Adama made her sit back in stunned silence.

Adama shifted his gaze from Starbuck to Boomer and back again, unsure where to begin. "What in the world were you thinking? You have put the fleet at risk, not to mention your own lives. We have come so far and have escaped so much for you to just…"

Boomer tried to interrupt the commander with a, "Sir?" but it was Rene that leapt head first into Adama's pause. "What do you mean 'no'? You can't leave those people there. I promised them we'd save them."

"By whose authority did you make that promise?" Adama settled his ire upon her.

"Mine. I was there, I went, I promised. And now we are going to go get them, if not with your permission, then without it," Rene replied. Starbuck's hand reached out, grabbing Rene's thigh under the table in an effort to warn her.

"No, Lieutenant, you mostly definitely are not. I will not have Count Iblis involved in our affairs."

Starbuck interjected. "Iblis's not involved. She can do this on her own."

"So you believe. I'm not so certain. Also, she should be discussing how she does this anomaly with Dr. Wilker. You should have been discussing this with me!"

"It's not his fault," Rene leapt to Starbuck's defense. "And I am discussing it with you. I didn't have to. I've already gone several times. I'll go alone. No one has to join me. I promised those people I would get them from Caprica."

"No, Lieutenant. You will not be flying a viper or a shuttle for a very long time." Adama issued the command that the Colonials in the room recognized by his tone alone there would be no negotiation.

Rene looked to Starbuck and he slowly shook his head no at her, but her eyes blazed. "You couldn't stop me before? How are you going to stop me now?"

Starbuck's voice called out in warning, "Rene, don't."

"I will lock you in the brig if I have to," Adama answered leaning forward. Starbuck knew he meant it.

"Oh good, I like a challenge." Rene smiled evilly.

Starbuck barked, "Rene!"

She leaned back, cussing without restraint. "Fracking senile old man, left us to fracking die before, leaving them to fracking die now..."

Starbuck was out of his chair before the curse finished leaving her lips. He grabbed Rene by the arm hauling her up and easily out of the chair. He dragged her towards the door as he scolded her. "You will not disrespect him at my table!"

Part of Adama cringed watching Starbuck manhandle his newly wedded wife, but another part of the Commander knew he could not tolerate Rene's disrespect and wilful disregard of rules and regulations. While Adama was not one who would ever physically discipline a warrior, and certainly not a female pilot, he did not stop Starbuck. Adama was not just a friend of the family who could excuse her profanity, he was the Commander of a fleet of over two hundred thousand people to protect. Her actions had been beyond reckless. This was not just her life that was in jeopardy, although that was reason enough for a reprimand. She had endangered two of his best pilots, and flouted the rules launching in a stolen viper and potentially exposing the whole fleet to danger. He had allowed far too much leeway with these warriors. Rene had abused the privileges given to her, and now Adama even wondered if the sealing this evening was just another of Rene's ploys to ameliorate a situation before the announcement.

He watched Rene and Starbuck argue in hushed tones, Starbuck admonishing her that this was not how you got things done in the fleet. That as Commander and their guest he was due some respect. Starbuck tried to calm the young woman down as she voiced her objections loudly, but Starbuck ended up raising his voice, shouting that she should show some respect and that an apology was due.

It was Boomer that drew Adama's attention away from the scene. "Sir, she is right. We have been through, Jake and I with Rene, at least half a dozen times. The Cylons have not been able to follow us back. Things on Caprica are quieter than you would expect from a Cylon controlled world. It seems, much like we thought, they just wanted our destruction, but not necessarily our worlds."

"Why did you not bring this to my attention sooner Lieutenant?" Adama tried to contain his anger. He understood that while Starbuck could be reckless and impulsive, Boomer was a more methodical and level headed.

"To be honest, sir, it was somewhat unbelievable. Not just going there and how she goes about it, but also how quiet Caprica is. The Cylon presence is quite minimal. But sir, the world is almost uninhabitable. The survivors are in desperate shape. How they have even made it is truly remarkable. It took us some time to gain their trust and it has taken them time to gather the rest of the survivors. We thought to wait until we had those issues resolved before we brought it to your attention. And frankly sir, we know if the civilians of the fleet knew what she could do, there might a call to push forward to earth or somewhere else. We thought it best to keep this quiet."

Adama shook his head as he sat back and pinched the bridge of his nose to ease the pain that was forming behind his eyes. Boomer was right. If the Council of Twelve alone knew, it would be a disastrous debate. They already had begun to speak of settling down on any number of worlds. Adama sighed. "You have landed and walked on the surface?"

"Yes, sir."

The argument by the door had risen in pitch with Starbuck shouting, "You will apologize!" and Rene stalking from the room. Adama watched Starbuck rake his hands through his hair while sighing heavily before he came back to the table.

"Sorry, sir. I swear, I just found out a few days ago, I would have told you then, but," Starbuck shrugged and shook his head. "We weren't totally sure you'd believe us, and we weren't sure how we could rescue the survivors without the whole fleet knowing and…" Starbuck flopped back into his chair defeated and dejected.

"And you knew I would say no," Adama said fixing a glare on Starbuck, but as he shifted his gaze to Boomer, Adama noticed the other faces around the table, those of Warriors who had little trust in him as a Commander and in the very system of the Colonial Service. Their faces told him they would have even less trust after this evening, or more accurately to say, they would trust that the system would let them down.

It was Crius who spoke for those at the table. "Sir, it's where we got the fuel that was in those tankers. Rene and Jake have been back to Caprica often before we joined the fleet."

Adama turned to Lieutenant Jake for confirmation, and the man nodded. "We go other places too. We can't seem to go forward to where we haven't been before, but we can go backwards to almost anywhere. Those people need us, sir. I will go with her."

Boomer added, "I volunteer as well."

Crius spoke, "I will go to," but Starbuck's voice objected. "No Crius, Lizbet needs you here. The kids need someone to stay behind in case something goes wrong. We can't all go."

Apollo looked to his friend, and then to his father, but Adama already knew what his son would say. When Starbuck jumped into trouble, Apollo was seldom far behind. "Father, they were able to get us fuel and the Cylons have not found us as of yet. We have already left too many people behind."

Adama took a deep breath, realizing that if he did not give his blessing to this mission, it might occur anyways, without the proper equipment or personnel. It could have already occurred if not for the inability for these Warriors to sneak enough vehicles off the Galactica.

"There are just too many problems, the first being that if the Cylons detect us, they'll start searching every vector between Caprica and our last known position, losing any advantage we have that we'd seemed to have just disappeared," Adama voiced his concerns. "I just don't know if I can authorize this."

It was Starbuck that put words to what Adama was thinking. "It doesn't have to be authorized, and maybe it's best if it isn't. They have done this under the scanner so far. One more trip shouldn't be noticed."

Adama began to nod in agreement, when Rene came back into the chambers carrying an oversized paper sketchbook. Starbuck recognized it as where she had been sketching her nightly dreams. She came around the table despite Starbuck's voice of concern calling her over. She shoved the dark and disturbing drawings in front of Adama.

"These are my dreams. I was in the sewers so my dreams are dark. There was no light down there and when my dreams have sunlight, there are fences and Cylons and that's it." She flipped the pages from scenes of dark tunnels and gleaming red eyes cutting through the black. There was one of fences and centurions dragging helpless people towards the fence. Then she flipped to a scene from the armistice celebration, the spires of the city center lit up against the night sky, a raider taking aim on the crowd. "These, these are not my dreams." She flipped the pages. One was of the city center and children being crushed by the falling spires. "This is Gage's dream. I dreamed it too and drew it."

She flipped the page to another that was of a hillside near Adama's home, the grass scorched and people filling the hill, arms upraised to the sky.

"I wasn't there that day, or any that followed. I was on the academy grounds when the attack happened, the safest place in twelve worlds, and then in the sewer. So, whose dream is that?"

Adama looked up to the woman, saw the somewhat fanatical gleam in her eye and wondered if this evening, what should be a celebration for Starbuck and Rene, might end with Rene in the Life Center in restraints and heavy medication. That was until Apollo spoke.

"That's my dream," Apollo gently took the pad from Rene, tracing a finger over the sketch. He flipped the page to another angle of the hillside with more people climbing the hill, being led by his now dead wife.

"How long have you been having the dream?" Rene asked, her voice sounding sane despite the insane topic.

"Over a secton, almost every night."

Rene locked eyes with Adama as she asked Apollo, "You mind telling Dr. Dixon. He thinks I'm a bit crazy." She looked back to Apollo gently taking the sketch pad from his hand as she flipped to another page. It was a face of a man in a white robe being engulfed by flames on the bridge of a ship that was coming apart. "Sir, with all due respect, but how many nights has this been your dream?"

Adama was amazed at the accuracy of Rene's drawing. She had captured nearly perfectly the look of betrayal and shame that had been in President Adar's eyes during the last transmission from the Atlantia. She flipped the pages to other scenes, ones that had haunted Adama's dreams of the refugees packed into derelict ships, and of those left behind.

"Sir, I didn't choose this. I didn't seek any of this out. My reasons for going to Caprica were partly selfish and partly to make the dreams and the voices stop. I know I am not okay, and I swear to you, Sir, I am doing what I am supposed to do to make myself better. Guess what I have learned from those therapy sessions?"

She waited for his gaze to turn away from the drawings to her eyes. "I was worth a rescue, and so are they. I think that's what the dreams are trying to tell all of us. We need to go back."

Adama had to look away from the young woman, unsure if he should be feeding into her delusions about voices and dreams, yet here was the proof before him that perhaps they weren't delusions, after all. His gaze fell upon the drawing before him, a drawing of his home, and a depiction of his worst fears that Ila had died, alone and in pain. He quickly drew away from that vision to see those around the table looking to him for a decision, hoping that he would prove himself to be better than the man who had rescued them from a dying world. Rene's words left him wondering about the young woman's abilities. Could she read minds as well? Or was Iblis still somehow behind all this? Was his history with her clouding his judgment? Clearly she had a gift, even if he couldn't understand it. But was the gift hers alone, or was it granted through the evil intentions of Count Iblis? 

"It's not your decision, Sir. If we go, if it fails, if we don't go and they die, all of it, none of it, it's not your fault. You will be blameless. It is my decision. It is my life, and this is how I want to spend it." He'd been more convinced before she came back into the room, swayed by the dedication and the skills of the Warrior he knew. The intensity of her gaze was not encouraging, but the words she spoke next seemed to settle the concerns he was having.

"I'm sorry, sir. I should have come to you and told you the moment I found them, but I was afraid you would tell me no and leave them behind. I know the needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few. But I have made this decision. If you don't let me go now, I will find a way to go another time. Please, just look the other way for one more trip."

Adama looked across the table to Starbuck, hoping the man would object and demand that his new wife be kept here safe upon the Galactica and this whole business was just a silly folly. But Starbuck nodded, encouraging Adama to give his permission. He turned to Lieutenant Boomer, to find he also seemed confident in what should be the appropriate decision.

"Promise me it will be the last," he said.

Rene looked to Starbuck before turning back and answering, "Starbuck says I shouldn't lie. I can't promise that, sir. I will promise to talk with your engineers and scientists, to share all that I know, after you let us make this trip. Oh, and I won't go to Earth without you." He watched her struggle to keep the evil grin of a bad winner from her face.

He turned to his son. "It seems if I don't agree, I will have a mutiny on my hands. If we do this, it will need to be very quiet. No one out of this room is to learn any of the details, agreed? I need your solemn word."

There was a chorus of agreements with a grudging new respect for Adama that their word would be enough. Rene said softly, her eyes shining as if the weight of the world had been lifted from her, "Thank you, sir. You won't regret this."

"See that I don't. Once you return you will be on report. You will not be flying anything for a long time, do you understand?"

"Yes, sir." She smiled, and headed back to her seat beside Starbuck. He reached for her hand again shaking his head at her, half in admiration, half in admonishment.

"You have spoken to the survivors?" Adama asked, starting to begin to plan out the mission.

Boomer answered most of the Commander's questions, with Jake adding a few details here and there. Rene for the most part kept silent, simply smiling at Starbuck as she held his hand. It was decided they would leave in three cycles, a time previously set by Boomer, Jake and Rene on their last visit to the planet. They would be taking six vipers and a shuttle craft, and would be enlisting one other Warrior's help for piloting the shuttle. It was decided that Jolly might be the best candidate, having the most skill in piloting shuttles in combat. Despite Crius's very loud objections, a family vote was quickly taken, a unanimous decision that he would not be joining the rest. The evening ended with the warriors pulling out data pads and amending all of their lists so that Crius was in the first position, the one to take their children if they did not return, and that seemed to silence the man's complaints.

Rene finally spoke up, assuring those involved that it should be a simple matter, in and out in under a centaur. "We go in, we land, we leave. That simple. And we can come back to any point within range of the fleet, but not too close just in case we are followed. You can have a squadron waiting for us just in case, agreed?"

Adama nodded. "In the meantime, it is business as usual. Nothing to give this away. I will deal with the Council afterwards, but by then, you, Lieutenant Rene, will be helping our scientists, agreed?"

"Absolutely, sir. My boots are on the Galactica until you say otherwise."

"Yeah, just be sure to keep them on." It was Starbuck's no-nonsense words that reassured Adama. "I won't let her out of my sight after this. I will lock her in the brig myself each time I leave on patrol." Adama could tell by the look on Starbuck's face, and the tight hold he had on his new wife's hand, that he was words were literal. He truly would see she stayed put.

Adama sighed, and looked around the table. He preferred the hopeful faces he found. He wanted their trust, but more importantly he wanted to be able to trust them in return. "We will talk again tomorrow. Until then, no discussion, not even in this room. There have always been rumors this room is bugged by Uri and others. My office tomorrow and we will work out the details. In the meantime, I think we could all use some sleep."

Starbuck grinned as the Commander made to rise from the table. "Is that what you did on your sealing night, sir, sleep? So it is true, you did find Apollo under a rock."

Adama found himself suddenly blushing at the memory of his own sealing night, and more importantly of the news his own wife had for him a few sectons later that he would be a father. He issued a hasty good night before the teasing became inappropriate. Starbuck already had discovered what came from not sleeping in a bed, and in a few short sectars he would be the one passing out fumarellos with that thousand metron stare of a man who just realized he had no idea what he was doing.


	23. Chapter 23

The mission was on despite the many questions and concerns. Starbuck and Apollo were uneasy about the idea, but they couldn't deny that the people needed saving and that Rene appeared to be capable of doing just that. Rene and Boomer's assertion was that it should be a simple "get in and get them out mission", but Starbuck still had one major concern and that was if things went wrong, at four sectars pregnant could Rene handle the mission physically. He wanted to keep her in the air for the whole mission, but that opened up the issue of who would stay up there with her, and finally it was decided by everyone else that would draw too much attention. She'd be landing with the rest of them. Starbuck didn't like it. He didn't want her breathing that air. He wanted her to never step on Caprica again. She had suffered too much during the destruction. She didn't need to go back and relive that.

But mentally she seemed healthier than she had ever been. He didn't know if it was knowing the mission was happening or if being Sealed had settled something in her mind. Their sealing night had been a memorable one, Rene letting him take the lead and slowing her pace to match his own as he whispered to her that they had their whole lives, no need to rush. In the days since, he'd had to distract himself not to think back on that night, how she had looked at him like he truly was her hero. In the dim light of their quarters, her body had responded to his touch, shivering and moaning softly as he took her slowly and gently. He'd held her gaze as he did what he knew he was good at, and their bodies fell in sync with each other. She had reciprocated, and with his encouragement she had been soft and slow. He had whispered to her often, "we have forever." For some reason it had been all the more pleasurable to be able to use the word wife. The permanence of the word added something he couldn't quite explain, and he found the experience was one of the most satisfying of his life.

Rene had slept better that night and the ones that followed. The nightmares diminished, and she woke with more hope for their future in the fleet than she had before. Her mood was infectious and he couldn't stop smiling at her and imagining the happy future they had before them. They had chosen not to tell anyone about their sealing, but he was pretty sure those around him had figured it out from the rings they were wearing. Starbuck loved the look of the ring, but found he knocked the thing on almost everything so it was hard to hide. There was no hiding how happy he was after their sealing night.

The memory of the night helped to reassure him about the mission ahead, although it also distracted him and made him eager for the mission to be done so he and Rene could enjoy a proper honeymoon. Starbuck had insisted they bring along standard packs for a planetside mission, just in case they ended up away for more than a day or two. He made sure there was one in each viper and several in the shuttle. If they didn't need them, well then he would truly count himself lucky. But he'd already learned from Dilmun that things often did not go as planned, especially with Zakar warriors in the mix. If nothing else they could leave them behind, just in case there were more survivors they didn't know about. It was a gesture at least at helping them. Apollo distributed anti-radium medication and they had all began taking them just in case the levels were higher than they had scanned. Starbuck threw some extra breathers and tarps into the packs as he didn't want any of them breathing that toxic air for long, and the mention of acidic rain wasn't very appealing. He hoped they wouldn't be hanging around long enough to use any of the supplies, but always better to hedge your bets just in case.

The hardest part was keeping everyone else in the dark about what they were planning. Since Apollo was commanding the Zakar, he could get most of the supplies and hide them away without too much notice, but the rest had encountered a few questions as to what they were up to, why they were having so many meetings with the Commander and why the need for the extra supplies. Jolly had been easy to convince to come on board, but he hadn't understood where they were really planning on going. He actually thought they were using the word Caprica as a code for some planet close by. Starbuck knew he was in for a big surprise, and felt a little bad that the big guy wouldn't be mentally prepared.

What had prompted the most questions was Starbuck and Rene's time in the gym. Despite the reports from the doctors that everything looked good for her medically, Starbuck insisted that Rene join him as he ran her through the paces of the Academy's physical training. He figured if she could even come close to meeting the requirements for female recruits, she could handle the mission. Out of fairness, he joined her and she out ran him. He took that as a good sign and another reason to cut back on his fumarellos. He didn't insist on the sit ups, as the growing belly that she had been able to hide in the uniform, was pretty obvious in the workout clothes. She could still do the required push ups, and he hoped she wouldn't have to carry a standard pack. She seemed completely fit to do that though if she had to.

While the time had eased Starbuck's mind that Rene was physically ready for what they had planned, he discovered that many others on the Galactica had some antiquated ideas about female warriors and had really been misinformed in their basic health classes as to what pregnancy entailed. Greenbean had been in the gym for their first session and was convinced that Rene was going to go into labor if Starbuck made her run. The next day, having Rene perform push ups and pull ups had nearly cleared the gym of any Colonials with several threatening to report Starbuck for abuse. He hadn't even started on the insults to inspire her, and he had several good ones he was just waiting to use. Just the idea that he wanted her to do push ups had the Colonials outraged, even though she had no problem completing the minimum required. Those that were in the gym from Dilmun just shook their heads and even laughed. One guy, someone Rene said was a decent warrior with a few kids of his own, made a point of telling Starbuck he'd vouch for him, as he also muttered, "No wonder you wimps haven't found a world of your own."

Starbuck wondered about the comment, and his friends. Was it these antiquated ideas that had kept their population from growing, or was it life inside a tin can that had them holding off on increasing their population? He remembered back to when they'd had to use female recruits to fill in all the squadrons. He hadn't found flying with them that much different than any other cadet, other than you couldn't yell at them like you did the guys. Then again, he'd never been fond of that kind of motivation. Even in the academy he'd found it to be counterproductive. He didn't perform better for the instructors who shouted. He actually did his best for the instructors that either dared him, or fixed on him that disappointed look. Adama's calmly uttered criticisms followed up by the look that let Starbuck know he'd not measured up to expectations had always been more than enough to make him try harder. But he'd found the women just as competent as the men in his squadron.

It led him back to Rene's initial comments to Sheba when she had first been on the Galactica, that women were needed for breeding stock. Is that how his own fellow crew mates felt about the women of the fleet? If that was true, why hadn't more of them found a woman and settled down? He was concerned that his friends didn't realize that they needed women for more than just making children or companionship.

Starbuck had his own concerns, but they were more about when the child came, specifically about the whole birthing process. Crius had assured him there wasn't much he needed to do. "You just hold their hand feeling useless while they scream in pain. You feel pretty awful for your part in the whole thing, and then well, a baby comes out and she pretty much forgets she was ever in pain. It's not that bad." Of course Crius had three of his own already, and the whole farm experience to draw from. Starbuck hadn't even had a daggit that had pups. He had done some research, and quickly stopped as the pictures were gory as hades. That was encouragement enough not to have a child.

Rene hadn't been much help either, flat out laughing at him when he mentioned he was nervous about it. "You've already done your part," she had told him before following up with, "Might actually go better if you weren't there." He didn't know what that was supposed to mean, of course he'd be there. It wasn't every day you had a baby.

The Zakar pilots seemed to sense his concerns about Rene and the baby. They kept reminding him that she had flown often before, far more pregnant than she was now. It was Jake that took Starbuck aside the night before the mission to help ease his mind.

"She knows her limits, Starbuck. She's sectars away from it being a problem, I mean sure, she pushes herself, but she also knows when she shouldn't. She flew a few days before she had Kalea. Plus, we've been to Caprica over a dozen times just in the last few sectons. The anomaly itself is worse than the launching. I wouldn't let anything happen to her."

Starbuck wanted to believe those words, but he also knew it was Jake that still snuck drinks to Rene, and the young man had willingly gone with Rene to Caprica for what he now realized was many more trips than what they had admitted to. Jake's attempt at reassurance instead had Starbuck headed to his own quarters to search for how many black market goods were stashed about the room. What he found was more than enough to put him and Rene on report for a yahren and left him wondering how much Jake was stashing and where. The quantity of alcohol alone was impressive, and not the cheap stuff either. He'd have enough fumarellos to hand out to half the fleet when the baby came. Rene had more dresses than she could ever wear, and the jewelry would make them independently wealthy. They would need to get rid of it all, but it was a fight Starbuck chose to save for another evening. They were all too keyed up that night to bring it up. The kids were cranky, as if knowing something was up, and, Crius was more than a little cranky at being left out of the fun. He had mumbled at least hundred times, "I'm your wing mate. I should be going." Starbuck did what he could to dispel the man's apparent jealousy reminding him that they had the triad tourney coming up and he expected them to win.

The day of the mission was the trickiest part, getting all of them into the air with a shuttle without the bridges of the various vessels being aware of the coordination. Jake had snuck Rene's viper over to the Zakar the night before, launching for his patrol, landing on the Zakar and nabbing a viper from there to bring back to the Galactica. Starbuck made sure Jenny was off duty to get the viper on the flight line as she had followed his orders and locked Rene's viper down. The flight deck crew wondered why he was releasing it, but he just pretended he was a typical Strike Wing Captain and above the scrutiny of those lowlier than him on the flight deck. He hated doing it and knew he owed a lot of the flight deck crew drinks after this was all over.

Rene was the first to leave, heading to the Zakar on the shuttle Jolly was piloting under the pretense of fleet business. Boomer and Jake launched next as if on a regular patrol. Starbuck and Max went next, claiming they were headed over to the foundry ship to check on the processing of ores. Apollo was the hardest to conceal as his trips about the fleet now usually were in a shuttle, but he pulled his command privilege, claimed he missed a viper, and that Rene who was joining him was an entirely different pilot. Rene would be Apollo's wing mate and guide him down to the landing site.

It was the one part of the mission Starbuck wasn't happy with, but he couldn't find a way around it. Due to the lack of trust amongst the Caprica survivors, Boomer said he and Jake would need to land. That left Max, Apollo and Starbuck. Starbuck didn't trust Max's flying abilities. He wasn't a bad pilot, but the young man was slow to react. He was along mostly because he had no fear of the anomaly and he had no children to worry about, but it was not the cover Starbuck wanted for Rene in the air. That left him or Apollo and he knew his friend was not going to miss the opportunity to land on Caprica. It was finally decided, despite Starbuck's objections, that Rene should land with the rest of them as the vipers in the sky might draw more attention than they would on the ground. It was that or Starbuck staying in the air with her and everyone else had voted that down as a bad idea. They'd even discussed leaving him behind, Adama stating firmly that now that the sealing was official, the two of them should never be on a mission or duty together ever.

"Too many emotions, son, you know that as well as I do. It's why we kept women out of the service for so long and out of vipers until fairly recently."

Starbuck tried to argue that he'd always been emotional in the cockpit and it hadn't hurt him yet. Hades, he and Jolly were like kin, and he and Apollo were best friends and flew together for yahrens. He kept Serina out of it, feeling the blow was too low in front of Adama and the others, but he knew from the look on Apollo's face and his sudden silence that his old buddy was thinking the same thing. Not one on the mission was swayed by his arguments. The decision stood, Apollo was her wing mate and she'd be landing right beside him.

Starbuck tried to argue the point again when they all had made it to the rendezvous point, but he got a curt, "Clear the comlines" from Apollo. He hoped that Boomer had been right, that the meeting was set up and the survivors would be ready. If things went smoothly and the anomaly cooperated, this should be one of the shortest missions of his life.

"How are we doing on time?" Jake asked Boomer, to receive the affirmative that they would be early to the meeting with the survivors.

"Gives us time to do some recon?" Apollo had asked, but it was Jake that answered him.

"Not sure that's a good idea. A viper or two goes unnoticed. Six and a shuttle? I know we have Starbuck along, but I don't feel that lucky."

"Alright, we ready?" Rene asked, and Starbuck couldn't help chuckling when Jolly asked what they needed to be ready for. Rene explained for him, but by now Starbuck knew the anomaly wasn't something you could really explain, not with any accuracy anyway. "So Jolly, you're just going to follow Boomer and Jake. Don't question it, heck, don't even look at it, just follow Boomer. Pull up when you feel like you want to go down, and no, your head is not exploding."

"What?" Jolly replied quickly followed by a "Holy mother of the lords!" as Rene activated the device in her viper, and the energy beam from her craft expanded into a swirling mass of rainbow colors.

"Like we discussed, you first, Jake, me last. Boomer and Jake, go high just in case Jolly drops low. I'll put us high enough in orbit to leave him some room. See you on the other side." Rene held position, the energy from her guns holding open the anomaly. It wasn't until then that Starbuck realized she'd be landing in Cylon controlled planet with her weapons at less than full capacity, a fact he should have understood before, but had somehow missed.

Starbuck fell in line behind Apollo and in front of Rene. His eardrums nearly shattered from Jolly's yelp into the comm line as he followed him into the rift in space. He popped out in a low orbit above Caprica, right above the shopping complex Rene had flown him over. He didn't take a breath until he visually saw that Rene was right beside him and the anomaly closed behind her.

He didn't take another breath until he'd checked the scanners. In their immediate area, the skies were clear, the scanner free of contact, just a few blips far off over the horizon. A simple blast of a scrambler should hide their intrusion on Cylon scanners until they could land. By the time the Cylons realigned their scanners, the vipers and shuttle should be on the ground and harder to detect.

Boomer had already glided in for a landing, the shuttle was not far behind, wobbling a little as Jolly tried to overcome the effects of the slide and squeezing. The others glided in to land, filling the parking lot, and Starbuck thanked the lords that things seemed to be going as smoothly as Rene had predicted. They'd been in the air over Caprica for less than five centons and the scanners had remained clear of enemy contact the entire time.

He made sure that Rene landed first before he settled his viper in beside hers on the ground. He'd wanted to demand that Rene wear a breather while on the planet. Who knew what toxic chemicals were in the air, which seemed even denser and more fouled than the few cycles before when they had landed? Rene had packed one to humor him, but she jumped down from her viper with no breather in sight. He reached for his, but realized it was bulky and wouldn't fit in a pocket. He didn't want it to obscure his vision, plus he wanted both hands free for his blasters, so he left the breather behind as he jumped down to meet her.

"So far, so good," he said to her scanning the murky skies, both lasers in his hands. She had drawn one of hers, but held it loosely, as if drawing it had just been for his sake and not her own.

"Like I said. Quiet. So, you know, since we're early, think we can check out a store or two?" She winked at him as he shook his head.

"No. In and out, like a school boy with his first socialator, got it?"

"Not even if it's a fumarello store?"

He considered for a moment, watching as Jake and Boomer sauntered to the entrance of the shopping complex as if on a Sabbath day shopping errand. "Maybe."

They gathered near the entrance to the complex. "Now what?" Apollo asked, acting far more composed than Starbuck had on his last trip to Caprica. Jolly looked stunned and hadn't uttered a word since his yelp into the com line.

Starbuck clapped Jolly on the back. "Unbelievable, I know. I'd tell you to take a deep breath, but it'd probably kill you. Just know that you're going to be okay." Jolly just slowly nodded as if numb while he took in the sights.

Boomer's voice was eerie in the silence. "We're early. We agreed to meet inside and they said they'd be ready to go. I don't see any activity out here, so maybe they're already waiting on us."

"I would assume they are good at remaining unseen to have survived this many yahrens. You caught the activity in the industrial area, correct?" Apollo pulled out his recorder and checked the readings. "You're right, the radium is lower than expected, but I'm picking up all kinds of toxicity in the air." He cast his eyes up to the sky. "The cloud cover will hide us, but it hides the Cylons as well."

"Good thing we're not going to the industrial area then, huh?" Rene quipped sauntering past him towards the door of the complex. "Let's do this."

Boomer led the way into the shopping complex as the rest followed. It wasn't as dark inside as Starbuck would have thought. In its heyday, this complex had skylights and atriums filled with fountains and plants. The skylights had fallen in, and the plants had died leaving a rotting smell behind. There were signs of destruction near the doors to the complex, windows broken, debris littering the floor, but it wasn't as bad as Starbuck had expected. As they stepped farther in, the destruction was a lot less, store fronts intact with their wares still on display. It wasn't any worse than maybe if there had been a bad storm, or a small riot, but for the most part the mall was as he remembered it yahrens ago when he was a teen and this was one of his favorite places to pick up girls. He half expected to hear the banal music start up and the lights to come on. He was curious if the food court was the same as he remembered. Would it still smell of the pastries that permeated the air, a smell so synonymous with his early sexual experiences, he had a hard time sometimes separating the two.

The echoing of their boots on crunching glass dispelled his reverie. Each bootstep tamping on the tile floors had Starbuck flinching. Boomer, Jake and Rene made no effort to keep their steps silent. They had deemed this area safe, but Apollo, and Jolly each held blasters and scanned the area, alert and ready for an imminent attack. Apollo stayed near the door to the complex, hesitant to leave the shuttle and vipers expose. Jolly moved farther in with the rest, but he avoided the open hole in the ceiling. Boomer and Jake moved farther into the complex, headed near the stairs that led to the upper level. Rene started to head off down the concourse, taking a side route away from the group and Starbuck took a few quick steps to catch up to her and pull her back.

"Where are you going? I was joking about the shopping," he whispered. She rolled his eyes at him.

"If we encounter the enemy I really doubt it will be here. Last time I checked, Cylons don't wear clothes." She indicated the nearest store fronts with female mannequins.

"It's almost as we left it," Apollo said, finally deciding that the area was secure, and choosing to give in to his curiosity. His words had Starbuck jumping not realizing how close his friend was. "Not much destruction here. You would think more had survived then?"

Rene shook her head, and Jake answered coming up to them, "Nerve gas. Leaves you trying to breathe, only you can't get your lungs to work. Worse ways to go I suppose."

"Yeah, old and in my bed, surrounded by at least ten beautiful women, no offense Rene," Starbuck tossed out.

"You make it to old you can have twenty," she quipped back, but something about the joke wasn't so funny. He was reminded again what his old flight instructor had said often, there were no old viper jocks.

He was about to comment back about beating the odds when he nearly jumped out of his skin as Boomer's voice echoed in the empty building, "Hello? Avery, we're here."

"Geez, Boomer, are you trying to kill us?" Starbuck spun around, expecting a centurion any moment. Instead, he saw a man dressed in outdoor military camouflage step from the shadows from one of the store fronts they had just passed. He held a Cylon pulse rifle in his hands, levelled at the group. Starbuck raised his blaster.

"Put your weapons down," the man ordered. His haggard face lined with scars was something out of one of Rene's nightmares.

Boomer stepped towards the man holstering his weapon. "Good, you made it, Avery. I'm here with the shuttle just like we talked about to get your people out of here to the Galactica. These are my people."

"Halt!" The man turned his rifle to Boomer and whistled. Two more men stepped out of the shadows of the store fronts, Cylon pulsar rifles at the ready.

"Avery?" Boomer asked, halting in his steps.

"Put your weapons down. Do as I say, now." The man spoke low and in control. His hard eyes left no room for debate.

"What's wrong, Avery?" Boomer waved at the others to lower their weapons.

Apollo stepped forward to the sound of the rifles powering up echoing in the large atrium. By the sound, it was more than the two trained on them. Apollo raised his hands to show he meant no harm. "I'm Colonel Apollo of the Colonial Fleet. We've come here to help rescue you."

The man nodded to Apollo. "That's what they said. Said they were from the Galactica. Said they'd bring someone and, by the Lords, they did. A Colonel?" Avery took a step towards Boomer and motioned with the rifle for Boomer to move towards Starbuck and Apollo. "Keep your hands up and the rest of you drop your weapons."

Jake took a step towards the man, and a rifle shot from the shopping level above hit the ground in front of him. Jake backed up crouching and cursing. "Frack! Hey Avery, what's up, man? Thought we were friends here?"

Starbuck looked to Rene, reached out and grabbed her arm, protectively pulling her behind him as he whispered, "I thought you had this worked out?"

Rene shook her head at him as she looked to the second floor of the shopping center, trying to locate the weapons. "We did!" She flicked her head to the left, letting Starbuck know where she had found one of the rifles.

"Avery, we're here to help you," Boomer said, his hands in the air complying with the man's demands. "We have a shuttle and we're ready to get you out of here and take you to the fleet."

Avery disregarded Boomer as he shifted his attention to Rene. With the muzzle of the rifle he motioned for Rene to come join Boomer. She flashed Starbuck a hand sign one that meant to hold. Keeping her hands visible at her sides, but the blaster still in her hand, she stepped around him.

"What's wrong, Avery? I brought help just like I said I would. Not a Cylon in sight. How about we get out of here before they show up, okay?" Rene walked slowly towards the man.

"You can stop there," Avery said before Rene was more than five paces before him. "And for your information, you're going to bring me a lot more help than this. See, I figure if your fleet is so close you can come here for raiding missions, well, they can lend a lot more support, don't you think? We could wipe the Cylons out here and take back our planet. So why don't you call for more help. I'll walk out with you to your vipers, and you put in that distress call, what do you say?"

Starbuck watched Rene wince. He knew her shopping trips would eventually bite her in the astrum, but he had thought it would be from Adama and being on report for black market dealings. No one expected this.

"Avery, that's not how it works. I told you. The fleet is pretty far away. I create a rift in space and can travel through many quadrants, but just me. Not the fleet. I can't bring the Galactica here. Where's Gia? I thought we were getting all of you out of here? At least the women and kids." She craned her head up to the gallery, trying to get a glimpse of the rest of the group.

Avery gave her a hard look, then scanned the unfamiliar faces of the warriors she had brought with her. Starbuck didn't like the look, and took a step towards Rene, but it earned him a rifle shot to the ground in front of him. He tried not to flinch. "Boomer? Thought you had this worked out?"

At the words, Boomer took a step towards Avery, and the man shifted his rifle to aim back at Boomer.

"I'm thinking," the man started, "If you can bring me a Colonel and some Lieutenants, you can bring at least a combat squadron. So why don't you go back to your viper, make that distress call because no one is leaving here today. We're taking back Caprica."

Rene said calmly, "Avery, I can't do that. I would if I could. I'm not lying to you."

"Really?" Avery kept his rifle trained on Boomer as he shifted his attention to Rene. "You weren't coming here for needed supplies. No, you came for luxury goods. You carted out of here a whole lot of things not necessary for survival. You showed up pretty often too, so I'm thinking you're lying."

Jake cursed, and Starbuck wanted to utter one of his own. Rene was left speechless as the weight of her actions fell upon her. It was Boomer that tried to rectify the confusion.

"She's young. She has an ability we don't understand and she used it for selfish reasons. I assure you, Avery, if we could bring a battleship here or a squadron, we would. The fleet is far from here, in an area of space free from the Cylons and we want to keep it that way. We don't know what bringing a larger vessel here will do, even if we could."

Avery looked suspiciously at Boomer then over to Apollo. "Let's say we find out. If you can send me a Colonel, you can send me a lot more. Let's go make that distress call."

Rene took a step towards Avery, earning her a harsh glare. She tried to lend some authority to her voice. "All that's going to do is bring the Cylons down on us. You can come to my viper with me if you don't believe me. I can show you the scanner. The fleet is nowhere near here, Avery. I brought all that I could with me. There are limitations to how this works!"

Starbuck could tell by the look on the man's face he wasn't buying Rene's story. Starbuck leapt into the negotiations. He had to get Rene clear of this, and clear of here at least. If he could get the women and kids from Caprica, all the better, and he'd worry about saving the rest of them later.

"Look, Avery, is it?" Starbuck carefully put his weapons in their holsters as he stepped slowly forward, his hands in the air. "We can't just call them and get them here. Rene has to go there and bring them back. So why don't you let here do that, and while she's at it she can take your women and children to a safer place. Then she can bring back more help, what do you say? We'll stay behind just like you want, and she'll bring more help. That work for you?"

Rene flashed Starbuck a panicked look, but he nodded at her confidently hoping she would see the wisdom of his offer. She turned back to Avery. "He's right. I can't call them, I have to go, so at least let me take your women and children. I will get them to safety. Don't you want them out of this cess pool?"

The man considered the words, but it didn't look like he was going to budge as he held his ground. A woman's voice calling out from the level above made the decision for him. "Avery, think about the kids."

The man lowered his weapon a fraction. "Alright, the women and kids, and then you bring back a whole lot of help. I want Vipers and warriors, understood?"

Starbuck breathed a sigh of relief, motioning with his head for Rene to keep going with the plan.

"Oh yeah, understood," Rene nodded hastily. She'd be happy to bring lots of both. It wasn't going to happen, but she would love to do that.

"She's going to need some backup in the sky," Starbuck pushed. If he could get one more of them out of here, it would be less that needed to be rescued later. "The shuttle will need some cover. How about you let us accompany her, see your kids to safety, and then we'll be back with a lot more help."

Avery nodded along to the words, and then shifted his gaze, taking in the insignias of the uniforms. He made a quick decision, pointing his rifle at Boomer. "You. Just you. I know you can come back. The rest stay."

Apollo spoke. "It's me you want. Warriors will come on my command. Let the rest go as air support, to keep your kids safe."

"No," Avery said simply, then addressed Starbuck. "No, you look like you're the brains here, so you stay. They can go. Just the two."

"I need my shuttle pilot," Rene reminded him.

"Alright, three. The rest stay. Gia?" he shouted to the upper level. "You ready?"

"We're ready." A woman dressed in the same military camouflage stepped toward the railing looking down upon the others.

Avery motioned at Jake and Max to come over to join Apollo. Starbuck took the opportunity of the distraction to take the steps towards Rene, grabbing her into an embrace, whispering hastily into her ear, "You go back and you stay there until the baby is born. Don't come back." He reached for her hand and squeezed it twice.

"I'm bringing help!" Rene said emphatically out loud.

Starbuck gritted his teeth and shook his head slightly, hoping to convey to her with a look what she should do. "That's an order!" he said aloud while flashing as fast as he could, "too dangerous. Wait until baby is born." She shook her head and ducked away, turning her gaze elsewhere. He yanked at her hand shouting, "Look at me! I'm serious."

"Dammit! I'll be back."

Avery stepped forward, grabbing at Starbuck's arm to pull him away. "Get over there!"

Starbuck let the man lead him off, but he kept his eyes locked on Rene, nodding to her. She turned away from him, and started walking for the door of the shopping complex, not turning as he yelled after her. "That's an order, Rene!" Starbuck shouted to Boomer, "Make her follow my orders!"

Boomer nodded, said he would do his best, but Starbuck knew by the look on his face he was humoring him. "I'll be back with more help," Boomer said, but they both knew there was no more help to be found. Adama wouldn't risk the fleet for a rescue mission. Avery motioned for another man to cover the group of Colonials as he joined Rene and Boomer. Starbuck tried to hold his position as he watched them walk out the door, maybe forever. He knew they were on their own.

"Well, Brains," Apollo said to Starbuck, "what now?"

"Looks like we fight Cylons."


	24. Chapter 24

My beta L Zaza gets lots of kudos for this section. If you haven't read her stuff, check her out and post some reviews! She is amazing!

On to the story…

Starbuck had to nudge Jolly to wake him up from his shock and get him moving with Rene and Boomer. His friend flinched at the contact, and then unholstered one of his blasters handing it to Starbuck. "You're going to need this more than I am. Don't do anything stupid."

"You mean stupider than this?"

As the women and children came into view on the upper level and began to trudge down the stairs, Starbuck regretted his comment. There were more survivors than Rene had indicated. The shuttle would be filled to capacity as more than twenty women came into the light. Most held the hand of at least a child or two under the age of ten. They were all dressed in survival gear, even the kids decked out in full camouflage like they had just come from hunting avians. However, besides being well dressed for survival, most of the children looked near starved, and there were more than a few bearing scars and injuries. One child's arm was obviously long ago broken, and not mended, the angle of his arm unnatural and painful looking. Starbuck couldn't keep his eyes from one of the young women who clutched what he thought at first was a bit of clothing in her arms, until the camouflaged pile gave a weak cry. The haunted look in their eyes and the silence of the children told him more about their three yahrens of survival. Boomer had been right. The survivors were in desperate shape.

Starbuck looked to the men arrayed around the shopping complex, some hidden in the shadows, others in full view. They had to know what they were doing to have protected this many women and children from Cylon captivity or death. Most of the men were heavily armed, bandoliers of solenite charges across their chests. Several had their weapons trained on him as more came out of the dark storefronts to see their women and children off. Many couples clutched each other as if they feared this would be the last time they saw one another. Other men had taken up point positions, scanning the open skylight, as well as the visible doorways of the complex. The men closest to him, that he could see well, bore visible scars. They didn't seem to be relieved to be rescued, they just appeared to be tired and hungry. These men had walked through the seven torments of hades to keep themselves and the ones they loved safe. Their determination on their faces said they'd be willing to walk through hades again if they had to.

"Get the kids out of here, Jolly. Talk Rene into staying," he whispered.

"Will do my best, buddy." Jolly sprinted towards the door of the mall to lead the group of women and children out to the waiting shuttle.

The woman who seemed to be in charge of the group moved away from the others to join Avery. The man cast a harsh glare to Starbuck as he growled at him to not try anything, before he lowered the rifle and embraced the woman.

"Keep my kids safe," Avery said and the woman nodded, a pained look upon her face.

"We don't have to keep fighting. We have them do it." She nodded indicating the Colonial Warriors, but the man shook his head no.

"When we win. When they are all free. Not until then."

The woman still tried to argue her point, but her voice was weary as if this was an old argument and she already knew the outcome. "Avery, we don't have to fight them. We can just go and try to live out our lives." She held his hand for a moment, then let go.

"I know," he answered, but his response did not seem to mean he would be joining her. "Go. You can come back and tell me all about what it's like there at our victory celebration."

She uttered a ragged sigh, releasing his hand and moving off to join the group of women and children.

"She's right you know," Apollo said. "We're here now. You look like you've fought the good fight, and you could use some rest and rejuvenation. You should join her. We could make a couple trips and have you all reunited aboard a battlestar."

Starbuck thought the words had an effect when the man visibly shivered, but then he glared at Apollo. "You'd have me leave the fight before it's finished and leave others to die just like you did?" Avery didn't wait for a response, turning to bark at Boomer. "Get them to safety. If you are lying about that, you'll find only pieces of these guys scattered across that parking lot, understood?"

Boomer wasn't frightened by the man's words. "You have my word as a Warrior. They'll be safe."

Avery narrowed his eyes. "You've spun an interesting tale, but you haven't delivered like you said you would, so don't give me that felgercarb about your word as a warrior. I am putting their lives in your hands mainly because I can't keep them fed, and well, you don't look like you've missed too many meals."

"Avery…" Boomer started, but the man cut him off as he aimed his rifle at Apollo.

"My wife believes that gal, Rene. I'm not sure why, other than because she said that gal was something out of a dream. I believe these uniforms you're wearing, but that doesn't mean I believe you."

"You could join them. We could show you the truth," Apollo answered him.

"Yeah see, that's where your story starts to fall apart. If you were real Warriors, you'd want to stay and help us win." He didn't wait for a reply as he turned back to Boomer. "One centaur. Any later and you can pick up their bodies out in that parking lot."

"I'm going to need more time than that," Boomer answered. "We aren't as close as you think. I just want to make sure your women and children are safe."

Avery looked angry enough to spit out Borelian laser bolls as he seemed to wrestle with his fear and disbelief. Then his shoulders sagged. "A day. You have a day, but I want proof they made it alive or…or at least that you made their deaths quick because I can't deal with their slow deaths by starvation."

"I understand, Avery," Boomer offered in sympathy. "They will be safe, I swear." He didn't offer anything more knowing it would be just words the man wouldn't believe anyway.

"And I want your weapons, all of them. Right here in a nice little pile on the ground, got it?"

Boomer didn't hesitate to unholster his blaster, but Starbuck had no intention of letting go of his. "You'd have us unarmed in the heart of a Cylon occupied world? Why don't you just shoot us now."

"See, there's those brains I was talking about. You have us to protect you. You want a weapon, you can get one the same way we did, find it. Give me your weapon or I follow your suggestion, got it?"

"Do it, Starbuck," Apollo ordered, removing his weapon and laying it next to Boomers. "We need to earn their trust. Jake, have you ever needed a weapon while you were here?"

"Nope, uh, I mean, no, sir."

One of Avery's men that was nearby rushed in like a kid at a pile of candy to snatch up Starbuck's blaster before he could even get it clear of the holster. "Oh man, fully charged. Sweet! This really is Colonial," the man showed the weapon to Avery who nodded.

"Well part of your story checks out. Let's see about the rest, Genius."

"We haven't lied to you, Avery," Boomer said, "I will get your women and children to safety. I wish you would join them. Our fight is elsewhere and we could use you."

The words softened the man's demeanour. He measured up Boomer and reached out a hand to shake his. "I'm trusting you. I beg of you, don't hurt them."

"They'll be fine. You should see for yourself." Boomer added.

But Avery shook his head. "The fight is not done. There are others depending on us. If you really were a Warrior, you would understand that."

Boomer nodded at the man's words, not knowing how to explain the situation in words the man would understand, but then he made a decision, was about to speak it aloud, when Apollo seemed to deduce his intentions.

"Boomer, you need to go back. Take them to safety. We will be setting up operations here. It's the only help we can offer for now. We have many others to think about ourselves."

Starbuck didn't try to disguise his intentions. "Don't let her come back. Not yet, maybe later. We'll be fine."

Boomer looked from Apollo to Starbuck. "I'll do what I can but she has spent way too much time around you, Starbuck. Never could contain you, don't know how to start on her."

"Shoot her if you have to," Starbuck quipped.

"With what, they have my weapon," Boomer said as he turned towards the door of the mall and the group of women and children waiting. He led the group out the door and off to the shuttle. Rene lingered, flashing a hand sign that said simply, "I'll be back," along with a few signs Starbuck didn't recognize. He looked to Jake to interpret.

"Coordinates, in case we get separated, 45, 121. I know where it's at."

Avery headed for the door, and Starbuck fell in step with him. The man growled at him to get back, but Starbuck just said, "Just like you, I want to see they get off okay." The man seemed to accept his words, and allowed Apollo, Jake and Max to follow along, but not before he had motioned for two of his men to follow as well, their rifles trained on the Warrior's backs.

Jolly was pulling out the survival packs that Starbuck had loaded, tossing them to the men that had come to say goodbye to their women and children. Jolly waved to Starbuck before he headed into the cockpit. The woman in charge, Gia, Starbuck assumed, was the last to load, waving to Avery as the man waved back.

Rene was already in her cockpit, and Starbuck took a step towards her, but Avery snapped, "Don't think about it."

Apollo placed a reassuring hand on his buddy's shoulder. "She's a good pilot. Boomer's with her. She'll be safe."

Starbuck knew Apollo was right, but it was still hard watching her launch into that murky sky without him. Rene had been somewhat right. It was a simple mission of getting in and getting out, as the vipers and shuttle reached the clouds without interference from the Cylons. Starbuck tracked them as far as he could before the grey oily clouds swallowed them up.

He turned to the man who seemed to be in charge. He held out his hand. "The name's Starbuck. Now what?"

Avery looked at the hand sceptically, as if it would explode before he lowered the rifle, shifted it to his other hand and shook Starbuck's hand roughly once, then let go. "Now we wait for more help and then we destroy Cylons."

"Sounds like fun. Only, there's no help coming. We're all you're going to get. So, what kind of fight did you have in mind?"

Avery scrutinized Starbuck's words, looked to Apollo, but didn't look at his face, just at his shiny new insignia, then turned to address Jake. "He'd best be joking."

"He's not. We're all up for taking down some Cylons, but he's right. We're all you've got." Jake echoed Starbuck's words. "Didn't that occur to you when you just saw me, Rene and Boomer? Didn't you wonder why it was just the three vipers and no more?"

"I assumed you were taking on the Cylons over other worlds, and that you were winning. Why else would you be here for alcohol, fumarellos and musical instruments? Looked like makings of a celebration if you ask me."

Starbuck couldn't resist the jab at Jake after watching his new wife launch away from him for what might be forever. "They're kids. They screwed up coming here. I think they just figured out how bad. They weren't authorized to do it, and yeah, they were the makings of a party, but not the kind of celebration you think. And I'm serious, no one is coming back."

He held the man's gaze, hoping Avery saw the sincerity of his words. He wasn't trying to offend the guy, just wanted to help him face the facts. Rescue had been the only option, and now that was off the table unless they could find some other vipers or a shuttle. He was thinking that wasn't readily available or these people would have put them in use by now. They were heavily armed, but mostly with Cylon technology. The bandoliers of solenite charges were Cylon manufactured, the rifles obviously liberated from centurions.

"Well, then we have time to get to know each other, don't we? Tomorrow, if help doesn't come, we'll talk about what parts I cut off first." Avery's next words had Starbuck wanting to do his own cutting on Jake. "Is he even a Colonel or just another one in on the scam?"

"Scam?"

"Looting, selling, alcohol and fumarellos. Has to be a scam. So how far away is the fleet? And don't lie this time." He poked the bayonet of the rifle into Starbuck's chest.

Batting it away, Starbuck answered angrily, "We are not lying to you. If we could bring more help, I assure you we would. This was the help, this was the rescue and you just missed it, bud. Why in hades do you think this is a scam?"

"Oh I don't know, the fact that nearly every day that gal has been back and forth shopping, so yeah, I believed some of that fiction you spun. Now you're trying to tell me that the fleet is light years away and you can't bring help? I think I'm getting a better picture here. You're in trouble, more worried about your own astrums for looting."

Starbuck shook his head cursing, "Well frack me, you got us. Guilty as charged. Yeah, the Cylons have wiped out the twelve worlds and we're more worried about a tribunal for looting, right…now that's fiction!" He took a step towards the man pushing the rifle aside. "We came here to help. We're doing as you ask. We are getting your women and children to safety and you should have gone too!"

With fast reflexes Avery pulled a knife and pressed it to Starbuck's neck as he hissed, "So let's just start the slicing now, shall we, and you'll see how serious I am. Then we can find out how serious you are. Let's start with your brain." Starbuck felt a bayonet of a rifle jab him in the astrum from behind.

"Hey now, easy there!" Starbuck shouted.

Apollo tried to intervene. "Avery! We are your help! We're all you've got. This isn't a scam."

"I don't know who the frack you are!" He spun on Jake with the rifle as he kept the knife to Starbuck's neck. Avery's men noticed the clash and came to help as more rifles were trained on the Warriors. "You I know, so start talking. You said you were bringing help!"

"What the frack, I did!" Jake shouted, motioning to Apollo and Starbuck. "These guys have gold clusters . . ."

Everyone looked at them expectantly.

"Well, not on us . . ." Starbuck muttered, looking to Apollo.

"Mine's in a drawer in my quarters," Apollo admitted, wincing.

"I mean they're that good that they have Gold Clusters!" Jake clarified. "That's why they're the help we brought back!"

Starbuck reached out, knocking the knife out of Avery's hand as shoved the man away from him. "Back off! We are here to help you so stop threatening us! We were supposed to get you all out of here, that's what you had arranged with Rene last I heard or I wouldn't have come!" Before Starbuck could make another move, a rifle was shoved in his chest, while the bayonet on his astrum was moved to the middle of his back. He was pinned there like an insect in a display.

"You brought me cowards!" Avery spit at him, and the bayonet poked a little harder in his back.

Apollo with his hands up took a step closer to Avery. "Everyone calm down! We are here to help, but, Avery, the truth is we are not winning the war. We fled. We are light years away still trying to escape."

Avery gave him a cynical sneer but lowered his rifle. "So what was all that booze for? Drowning your sorrows over the defeat? The musical instruments so you can compose your funeral dirges? Naw, that's not what you were coming here for."

It was Jake that answered the man's question. "We got curious, that's all it was. We were stupid and the fleet lacks some luxuries. We didn't expect to find anyone here. But when we did, we came back. We didn't just fly away. We could have, but we didn't. There are other cities, other malls, but we came back."

Starbuck nodded and appreciated that Jake wasn't dumb. The words had Avery thinking and the bayonet in his back withdrew.

"He's right. We came back for you," Starbuck added. "So far we've been straight with you, which is more than I can say for your side." He nodded at the weapons still pointing at them. "We came to rescue you, not take back Caprica. That's all we're offering and all we're able to do."

"And she'll be back for us," Jake said again, "but that's it. We told you that. We came at the time we said we would. We brought a shuttle. We offered you a ride. When she comes back, she won't be bringing any more help, just a ride."

Apollo drew Avery's attention to him. "Let's formulate a plan and get all of us to safety. A good Warrior knows when to retreat and regroup. Let us do some reconnaissance, and then we'll talk about what should be done." Apollo kept his words vague, hoping to defuse the situation and that maybe later they would be able to talk some sense into the survivors when tempers had cooled.

Avery considered the words, then lowered his weapon. "We'll see what tomorrow brings. Let's get those vipers under some cover, we'll get a camp set up and we can share a meal. I'm assuming those packs have some rations in them?

Avery headed off to the vipers and Apollo issued the order. "He's right. If we want to remain undetected, we should get the vipers under cover. We will need them for later."

"She's coming back," Jake assured them.

"She needs to stay behind. It's too dangerous here. I shouldn't have let her land. You shouldn't have let her land," Starbuck admonished shaking his head. "What were you and Rene thinking? Seriously, you two aren't that stupid, I've seen your test results."

Jake flashed him an angry look. "We've been doing it for a while. Didn't have any problems until you came along."

"Are you seriously suggesting all this is my fault?" Starbuck asked incredulously, pointing at Avery's men.

Jake ignored the question, continuing his tirade. "Besides, dangerous or not, she's coming back." He jerked his head at Max and the two headed off towards their vipers.

Once again it was assumed that Starbuck's connection to Rene would be overridden by her close friendship to Jake. Finding out about their trips to Caprica had helped Starbuck begin to understand some of what Crius had spoken about, that the two together, Jake and Rene, were not a positive dynamic like it should be. Instead the two seemed to amplify their dangerous and risky natures. They supported each other with an unwavering loyalty, even if they were both going down in flames, the two just fanned the fire hotter. He'd have to find a way to get through to them that they needed to turn it around, especially now that there were more than just the two of them involved. Starbuck followed Jake, determined to remind him that he would most likely be top of the list of those to raise the child Rene was carrying. If he didn't care about Rene, at least he should care about the baby.


	25. Chapter 25

Colonials and Avery's men worked together to move the vipers to the edge of the shopping complex, using debris nearby to conceal the fighter craft. There were over twenty men in Avery's group and Starbuck made a point of shaking hands with each man who came near him and asking their name. Apollo finally asked what he was up to.

"I find it's a lot harder to carve up someone once you've shaken their hand. Or at least I saw that in vid somewhere. Hoping it's true. These guys look like they chew centurions for breakfast."

Some of the group were climbing up and dropping down some parts of the roofing materials of the shopping complex to further obscure the vehicles when a disturbance in the sky drew all their attention. A pulsar cut through the cloud cover, lancing through the asphalt on the far side of the parking lot.

"Everybody inside!" Avery shouted. His men began dashing for the door of the complex. Starbuck was slower to move, looking to the sky, somehow knowing that if there was a raider up there shooting, there had to be a viper as well.

He was not wrong, as off on the horizon, not one, but two vipers dropped down from the murky clouds. The lead viper was trailing flames and smoke, one wing half gone and sparking. The second viper was close beside the damaged vessel, attempting to come up underneath to slow the descent of the crash landing that was coming. Starbuck could not tell from this distance which viper was Rene's. One had to be hers, and both looked like they were on a collision course with the ground at a high speed.

Starbuck tried to calculate where the two might crash. The second viper had made it underneath the damaged vessel with a high pitched screech of metal on metal. Climbing, the viper was trying to push up the damaged vehicle's nose, a risky maneuver that could cause both of them to explode before they even hit the ground. The assisting viper was aiming for somewhere behind the shopping complex. It was Apollo that identified the possible objective, calling out, "Lake Caspian." It was a small lake that Starbuck remembered was a neighborhood over from the shopping complex , in a large park where he'd hung out on many a summer's day trying to catch fish, or watch sunbathing girls, not necessarily in that order.

Any pleasant memories of the place shattered as he heard the shrieking of metal sheering off on contact. The lower viper had been able to change the trajectory of the upper one so it wasn't a missile plummeting into the ground. It was working despite the shower of sparks that said otherwise, but if the pilot offering the assistance didn't ease up, they were both going to crash. When both vessels were almost at the tops of the trees, the lower viper hit its turbos, climbing and rolling, dropping the flaming wreck of a vessel into the lake in a loud explosion of steam. The viper pulled a tight turn and glided back to dip below the tree line.

Starbuck took off running in the direction of the crash, praying with each breath, "Don't let it be Rene. Don't let it be Rene." Of course, the alternative was that it was Boomer. But Boomer would make it. Boomer always made it. He was the guy that did the rescuing, after all. He heard Avery yelling behind him to come back, but he paid the man no attention. He didn't think the guy would blast him in the back, at least he hoped not. It was time to test the "handshake theory".

It seemed to take too long to run the few blocks to the park by the lake. Maybe it was the eerily familiar landscape of residential streets, the sidewalks and houses mostly undamaged, other than the ravages of neglect versus the damage of an attack. He could almost transport himself back in time to a day when he was a teen running through the streets with his friends, anxious to spend a day at the lake. Well almost, that is until another raider dropped from the sky, circling his destination before it sped off.

He poured on the speed and finally rounded a corner where the trees parted. He could see a viper parked on the far shoreline of the lake, but the other craft wasn't visible through the steam rising from the water. On the far shore he could barely make out the pilot that was climbing from the viper, stepping out on the nose of the craft. When the pilot tossed the helmet back into the cockpit he could tell by the blond hair it was Rene. He thanked the lords, until he realized she was yanking off her boots, shrugging off her jacket, tossing all that into the cockpit. She dove from the nose of her viper into the lake below. Starbuck shivered himself knowing it was far from a summer day here on Caprica, in fact it was late fall by his recollection. That water had to be freezing cold and full of Lord's know what toxins. He poured on the speed hoping the footsteps he was hearing behind him were the others coming to offer their aid as well.

He jerked off his flight jacket and boots as he neared the water's edge, plunging into the cold water. He gasped as the iciness enveloped him, before starting steady strokes and getting into a rhythm. One breath, four strokes, he tore through the water, swimming across the lake towards where he saw Rene go down. Steam was still rising from the surface on the far side of the lake. The viper wasn't visible in the water, not even the tail sticking up above the surface that was beginning to calm. Twenty-five metrons later, the steam was dissipating and the residual ripples from the crash were already smoothing out. Rene had been under too long. What if she had gotten caught up on the wreckage too? She and Boomer would both drown. Then again, had she even got the canopy open? Did she know about the manual release? Had she had any reason to use it on Dilmun? Would that have been part of her abbreviated training? Starbuck couldn't help the questions racing through his mind, as he began to count down the centons of air she'd already used and how many she might have left. His heart pounded in his chest and he switched rhythms, allowing himself a breath every two strokes as he tried to close the distance between them.

He was half way there when Rene's head broke the surface, her gasp for air clearly audible across the water. She pulled in a few short breaths, seeing him come towards her before she dove back down. He mentally cursed, wondering if the canopy was open or if Rene was still struggling with it. There was no point in dwelling on it. His chest burned with his exertion, as he strained to close the gap. Breathe, stroke stroke, breathe, stroke stroke.

Rene broke the surface a couple metrons away from him, just as he was wondering exactly where to dive. Thank the Lords, Boomer was in her arms, his head lolling to one side. Rene sucked in ragged breaths, needing to recover before she could do anything for the unconscious warrior.

"He's not… breathing," she gasped as Starbuck reached her side.

He didn't hesitate, grabbing Boomer by the head and exhaling into his friend's lungs. Boomer coughed weakly, not regaining consciousness, but at least he was breathing on his own. It was a darn good thing too, because Starbuck's heart was pounding in his ears so loudly, he couldn't hear what Rene said to him as he gulped in a few breaths for himself. Rene looked okay, and Boomer was breathing. At this point it was like having a full pyramid and wagering a sectar's pay.

He pulled Boomer into his arms, treading water while they both caught their breath. About that time he realized that a beat up rowboat with a hole in the side was cutting through the water, heading their way. Jake stood precariously aboard and manned a single rotten oar as Apollo kneeled, bailing out water with what looked to be a leaky child's toy bucket. It was the most pathetic attempt at a rescue Starbuck had ever seen, and he couldn't have been happier when they arrived.

"Let me have him," Apollo said, reaching down and pulling Boomer aboard as Jake took over bailing. It was clear the capacity of the boat had been exceeded as water began to flood in through other punctures.

"Push!" Rene shouted, getting herself behind the boat and kicking for the shore. Starbuck helped guide Boomer's limp form into the boat before joining her, ignoring the blood pouring from his right leg. They propelled the boat forward as it became lower and lower in the water. Jake rowed like a maniac, Apollo bailing until the bucket broke apart in his hands. At that point he jumped over the side, only waist high in the water as he tugged it towards the beach. Starbuck and Rene both stumbled to their feet, helping for the last couple metrons.

Apollo and Jake picked up Boomer, quickly transferring him to the beach. A quick check confirmed he was alive, his pulse strong. His right pant leg was shredded, the sand beneath him slowly turning red from where his leg had been torn open. Apollo jerked off his belt, tying off the leg until they could ascertain the extent of the injury. At this point Max appeared, sweating heavily and out of breath, having run the perimeter trail of the lake full bore while the others swam or rowed.

"I had to manually release the canopy," Rene said, panting for breath as she leaned over, hands on her thighs. "He was stuck. Think he was unconscious before he landed."

"He's okay?" Max asked desperately as Jake pulled a biomonitor out of a survival pack, running it over the wounded leg once, then cursing aloud and banging it in his palm before trying again. Obviously, the survival pack had become wet in the sinking boat. This time it lit up, displaying crucial data before blinking and dying again.

"Broken leg, a deep laceration, but no arteries. Yeah, altogether not too bad, considering," Jake answered. "We need to straighten out his leg, splint it before he wakes up. You can release the belt, Apollo."

"What happened?" Starbuck asked Rene, as Apollo tossed him the boots and flight jacket he'd discarded on the opposite beach, albeit soaking wet. He nodded his thanks, raising an eyebrow at the condition. It then occurred to him then that both Apollo and Jake were also soaked from the waist down from their foray across the lake.

"They were waiting for us when we came back through. I should have chosen a different spot," Rene replied.

"You weren't supposed to come back," Starbuck fixed her with a stern glare when what he really wanted to do was to order her back into her viper to get the frack out of here.

Rene nodded. "You can yell at me later. We need to move," and then turned to head back into the water.

"Where are you going? Your viper is that way."

He pointed just up the shoreline, but she kept wading in as she yelled over her shoulder, "His pack has a proper hermetically sealed med kit. We're going to need it. Raiders are coming. Get him to cover." Starbuck kept one eye on Boomer and one eye on the water as Rene dove down.

Boomer's cry of pain drew his eyes away from the water. "Help me set the leg," Jake said, "Hold him down. It's going to hurt like hades."

Starbuck laid himself across Boomer's chest while Apollo helped Jake straighten the leg out. Starbuck tried not to puke on his friend as he heard the bones crunching and grinding while Jake manipulated the leg into position. Boomer screamed and then passed out again. "Probably for the best," Starbuck said to his friend even though he knew he wasn't listening at the moment. "We've got you, buddy."

"Splint, we need some branches," Max said.

"The oar," Apollo inserted, eying the splintered piece of wood that was at least mostly straight.

"On it," Max said, pulling the oar into his lap. He snapped it like a twig over his knee, relieved it was as porous as it looked as he passed the pieces to Apollo. As he turned back he scanned the water and saw Rene disappear under the surface diving down to Boomer's viper. She was not under for long, breaking the surface thirty microns later. By the time they had Boomer's leg splinted and were wrapping their belts around the splint to secure it, Rene was dragging the pack to the shoreline near her viper. Jake had tried to clean out the wound, and was wrapping a dressing on it when Starbuck saw Rene running along the shoreline towards them, hopping as she pulled on her boots.

Boomer came to groaning in pain at the same time a raider dropped from the skies, pulsars blazing in a strafing run.

"Head for cover!" Apollo shouted as he hauled Boomer up over his shoulder, ignoring the man's cry of pain.

"We should split up and meet at the mall! We get separated, 45 and 121, right?" Max shouted to Jake.

"We'll draw his fire!" Starbuck shouted. "Move!"

Jake nodded, grabbing up the wet pack and throwing it on his back as he followed Apollo and Max into the brush.

Starbuck took off running along the shoreline towards Rene who was headed in his direction. He grabbed the pack from her, and slung it over his shoulders. They took off running, leaving themselves in the open, making them the obvious target. The raider strafed the ground in front of them and they dove to the ground, not exactly celebrating the success of their plan.

"Back route, more cover," Rene yelled when they got to their feet. She pointed to a wooded area of the park. She dragged him into the cover. Briefly, he saw Apollo and the others make an appearance lakeside as he carried Boomer over his shoulder. They'd clear the park soon and be back on the streets. Starbuck hesitated a moment before following Rene off into the woods. He hoped Apollo, Max and Jake were strong enough to avoid the raiders and get Boomer back to Avery's group.

The raider buzzed over the woods, searching for their quarry. Starbuck and Rene stayed low as they moved methodically through the rough terrain. A few centons later they were still under cover, their course paralleling the streets of the neighbourhood. Rene's sense of direction was true once again. They sprinted towards the shopping center while the way was clear.

Abruptly, a Raider came out of nowhere, strafing the top of the shopping complex in front of them. The lasers easily blew holes into the roof, the edges beginning to burn. He caught up to Rene as she was wedging herself through a gap in a chain-link fence that separated the woods from the building. He followed as she pulled at a door at the back of the building. Finding it locked, she pulled out a blaster that she must have left in her viper before she dove into the water. With all the excitement, he hadn't even noticed she was now armed. Lords, he could have kissed her. She had to give the lock more than one shot to obliterate the handle and get the door to budge.

They stumbled into the darkness of a back corridor to the mall, with many doors leading he assumed to various storefronts. Rene sped down the corridor, heedless of the dark. He didn't realize she had slowed in the near pitch blackness until he plowed into her, tumbling the two of them to the ground. The surprise of hitting her had him sniping at her, "You weren't supposed to come back!"

"I'm supposed to leave you stuck here? What happened to where you go I go?" She found his hand in the dark and the two got to their feet. "Hang on. It will keep you from bashing into me."

She only made it a few more feet, before a laser salvo ripped through the ceiling in front of them, raining debris down as they fell to the floor. The gaping hole in the ceiling solved the issue of the darkness, but gave them a view to a more pressing problem as raider after raider streaked through the sky.

"Frack, we have to get out of here now!" Starbuck kicked at the locked door just down the hallway leading into one of the stores. It banged open and the two ran through the store to the atrium area, their hands still clutched together. They burst into the atrium to hear the shouts of men, one of them screaming in agony. Starbuck let go of Rene's hand, reaching for the blaster on her other hip. "Did I mention I love you?" he asked aloud, appreciating that Rene usually doubled up on weapons.

"Make up your mind," she replied before realization lit her features. Of course, none of them had been armed when Boomer and Rene had reappeared.

He shouted at the top of his lungs above the sound of men scrambling for cover and the occasional blast of a pulsar rifle, and the familiar retort of a colonial blaster, "APOLLO!"

The answering call of "Over here," nearly had him whooping in relief. They raced towards the opening of the mall, the ceiling above them on fire, the flames beginning to fall down with the debris as another salvo hit the building. Apollo was staggering under the weight of Boomer, and Starbuck reached to grab his friend from across Apollo's back.

"No, I've got him," Apollo said. "Max and I have been trading off. I'm okay."

Boomer was limp, unconscious again, probably from the pain. Starbuck glanced to see that Jake and Max also had a survival pack. There were three packs between the six warriors. He hoped it would be enough. He didn't know how long they were going to be here on Caprica. He quickly estimated the odds of their vipers remaining intact. The ones near the mall would probably be destroyed. Rene's might make it as it was somewhat secluded from the rest. He calculated if he had time to get to his viper and his pack.

He looked out to the atrium. Avery's men had set up a line of defense aimed at the doors of the mall. It was apparent that they expected the centurions to storm the building, and the Colonials were right in the way.

"Come on," Starbuck tried to help carry some of Boomer's weight as he guided Apollo over to a store front.

"What do you think?" Apollo asked as he crouched down, resettling Boomer's weight.

"Rene brought back two lasers, but we're still underpowered. I think our best bet is with Avery. He has the fire power and they have been hiding for three yahrens. We should go out and join them. Maybe that would convince them we're trustworthy." Starbuck turned towards the opening of the store intent on lending his own firepower to the battle that was coming.

"If I had a blaster, I might agree with you," Apollo replied, cautioning him. "After him putting a knife to your throat, I've not so sure."

Starbuck nodded thoughtfully, considering his friend's words. The fact that the man might enjoy cutting people up a little too much also occurred to him.

"Starbuck, I don't know if Avery is one of those guys who's crazy enough to think we could actually retake Caprica with a small force, or if he's just testing the waters to see what we're willing to do in that direction before he ultimately concedes that he'll let us 'rescue' them. After all, we have their women and children. Yet he's pushing us around like he's the only one with an advantage."

"That's all great, buddy, but right now I'm more worried about surviving this Cylon attack. Let's focus on the next five centons."

Rene reached for Starbuck, grabbing his pack as he looked towards Avery's men. He turned to her, awaiting her input. The way he saw it, they needed him out there or they weren't going to make it out of this building. In the dim light he could see that her eyes were red, puffy and weeping. It was the moment that he comprehended that he wasn't the only one soaked from head to toe. Her uniform was still dripping from lord knows what toxic sludge she had swam through in the murky depths of the lake.

"You okay?" He glanced to the opening of the store, hearing the first blasts of the centurions firing on the entrance, then back to Rene as she pulled at his pack.

"Give me a water bottle." Starbuck dropped the pack from his back and opened a pocket, pulling out the bottle, handing it to her. If her vision was affected and Boomer was injured, they were even more dependent on making sure they stayed with Avery's men. Then again, Apollo was right. Should they throw their lot in with the guy who was threatening to cut off body parts and lacked the honor to fulfil the bargain he'd made with Rene and Boomer, while they waited to see how the hand played out? She cracked the bottle open, pouring some on her hands first before tilting her head back and flushing the lake water from her eyes. "Fracking burned," she exclaimed trying to blink. She dumped the water in her eyes again, then dumped more of the bottle's contents onto her face. She blinked and nodded at his concern. "That's better. Now you." A moment later he startled as she squirted water in his face, flushing any residual lake water from his skin. Although he wasn't suffering the same irritation, it was probably a good idea. "Let's get out of here."

She cursed louder as she heard the loud clanking steps of centurions entering the building, followed by weapons firing. Despite the circumstances, he still couldn't leave a bunch of civilians to defend themselves against a unit of Cylons. Starbuck started to head for the front of the store to take up arms with Avery and his men. His laser was in his hands when Rene pulled at him again.

"We stick together or we die. Think of Boomer. Down, we need to go down. Jake, where would it be?"

"Service area? Back of the building? I think…I don't know, out in the street? They're beating a retreat!" Jake pointed out to the atrium, where Avery and his men were beginning to disappear, running deeper into the building.

Starbuck issued orders, trying to think quickly. "We'll follow. Don't wait for us. Just stick with Avery's men. I'm going to help Apollo with Boomer. We'll be right behind you."

The three younger warriors looked at each other and didn't move.

"That's an order!" Starbuck shouted, helping Apollo back up to his feet. Rene reached for the pack on Starbuck's back, but he pulled back. "Go!"

"Give me the pack and weapon. You can't carry Boomer and the pack. And we don't leave people. Come on. We'll cover your backs."

Starbuck started to pull the pack back awkwardly, but Boomer's groan as he was beginning to come to, followed by the sound of raider salvos hitting the roof again, told him there was no time for any argument. They needed to get out of here. He handed her the pack and laser as he helped Apollo reposition Boomer across his back.

Rene shouted at Jake to lead the way as she tossed him a weapon. "Find me the way down. We know we can lose them down there."

Stepping out of the storefront, Jake turned to face the centurions as he ran backwards firing. Some of Avery's men were still arrayed about the opening, taking down the centurions as they entered the building, one by one, providing his people the cover they needed to escape. Rene followed Jake's lead, providing cover as Starbuck and Apollo fled deeper into the building. Jake kneeled down, aiming for the main entrance of the building, taking down a couple of centurions before he turned to follow Rene and Max. They wove through the large mall, and wound up in the food court Starbuck remembered from his past. It was a wide open area near the back entrance to the complex that afforded little cover. Many of Avery's men had gathered near the back entrance.

"Where to now?" Starbuck asked a man he'd met earlier named Wies.

"Normally we head out through the woods, but they have us blocked in. We're going to have to fight our way out."

"Not here," Apollo said. "We need to find another way out, another entrance. We don't have enough firepower here, and too many of us are unarmed." He glowered at Avery as he said this.

"Want to explain to me how two of you became rearmed?" Avery spat back.

"I'd rather tell you about how it's going to stay that way," Apollo shot back, adjusting Boomer's weight once again. "And if you want our help, and you want to ensure that your families see you again, you'd be advised to return our weapons so we can work together to defeat these Cylons, right now."

"Or at least get the frack out of here," Starbuck added, standing beside his friend. "Make a decision, Avery, are we your allies or your enemies?"

"I'm not sure yet!" Avery replied heatedly, his indecision clear.

"Really?" Apollo replied. "Would it help if I told you that we're sworn to protect humans?" He paused as Avery leaned towards him, practically frothing at the mouth. "Don't you dare throw the destruction back in our faces again!" Apollo's face flushed with the ferocity of his words. "In the face of massive annihilation and the destruction of our Fleet, we were trying to save what we could of the Twelve Colonies. I'm sure you're not the only ones who were left behind, but if we'd combed what was left of our worlds for every last survivor, we'd have all died. It would have been genocide. We're here now! We came back to help! Make up your mind, Avery!"

The man looked to his men indecisively, before turning back to Apollo. "Fine. Return their weapons!" The men present who had Colonial lasers grudgingly returned them, some of them looking almost relieved with the tentative truce.

"Is there another entrance?" Starbuck asked, remembering Rene's words to Jake.

"No, but we can go down," Rene said. "They don't like it in the sewers . . ."

"Can't imagine why," Starbuck muttered to himself.

"Just give me a direction to head and I can get there," Rene continued. "Jake, find the opening." Jake split off to disappear into one of the stores. "Which way? Into the city, into the hills? Where?"

"We're in the hills. East. We need to head east."

Rene nodded and took off on the same route Jake had taken, heading for another store front. Starbuck followed, reaching for Rene. "You sure you want to do this?"

"We have a choice? We have to get Boomer out of here." She reached for Apollo who had followed with Max guarding his back. "We get out and regroup."

"Starbuck, get the others," Apollo gestured to Avery's men who were trying to set up a defense. "Our best bet is to keep everyone together."

"And if they don't want to follow?"

"Charm them like you always do. Lead the way, Rene."

Starbuck headed back into the food court, shouting above the din of battle, "This way if you want out! There's too many of them. Retreat. Let's go!" The few that Starbuck had met didn't hesitate to get up and head his way, encouraging the others to follow the beacon of hope that the Colonial Uniform represented. He sorely wished he represented the returning hero come to offer salvation. It was going to be a harsh moment when they realized he had nothing to offer them but his insignia and some skill with his blaster.

He turned to lead the way into the store where Rene waited for him at the entrance. Once in the store, Jake's whistle cut through the blasts from behind them.

"He found it, let's go." She ran off in the direction towards the back of a store, heading again to the service ways behind the various businesses. It was dark as the roof was mostly intact in this section, but a glow from an illuminator drew them forward. Jake was struggling to get the hatch off of the sewer access. Max stepped around the group and over the illuminator on the ground to lend his muscle to the task. Between the two they were able to get it off and moved aside.

Max looked down into the darkness. "You can't be serious, sweetheart? They can see in the dark. We can't."

"It's cold, hides our heat. Cramped and wet. If you have another suggestion I am all for it." She reached inside the neck of her uniform, pulling out the compass she had on a chain around her neck, transferring it to Jake.

Max began cursing creatively, "Mother of Mong, but this frack is far from fun. I like hanging with you sewer rats, that doesn't mean I wanted to really become one." He unslung his pack to start digging for an illuminator.

One of Avery's people lit a fumarello lighter and both Rene and Jake shouted loudly, "NO! Put it out!"

Rene moved to knock the flame from the man's hand sending it skittering down the corridor. "Methane. It explodes," she added in explanation to the man's confused face. The footfalls of men running down the corridor towards them made up their minds. Apollo began to descend the ladder with Boomer on his back. Starbuck ushered Max down, then Jake.

"Come on, Sweet Lady." Starbuck held his hand out to her.

"You first. I'll follow. And don't give me that look. You're on my terrain now."

"You weren't supposed to be here at all, remember?" Starbuck didn't climb all the way to the bottom unwilling to drop into the darkness until he saw that she was headed down after him. The area they landed in was a fairly large access way with tunnels leading off in four directions, but those tunnels narrowed, with a small walkway on the side that was barely wide enough for one man.

"Single file," Rene ordered pointing down one of the tunnels. "Jake take point, Max join him. Apollo, then Starbuck. I'll wait to direct Avery's men."

"I'm not going without you," Starbuck said firmly. You need cover." Starbuck motioned for Apollo to move on. Apollo nodded in agreement as he shifted Boomer's weight to his other shoulder. Boomer mumbled that he could walk, but his voice was groggy and Apollo didn't put him down. "Not enough room for me to support you on the walkway." Boomer didn't protest, just grunted as Apollo tried not to drop him into the dark water that filled the tunnel.

Rene directed Avery's men to follow as more men streamed down the ladder, heading off into the dark, chasing the distant glow of Jake and Max's lantern. Starbuck took the opportunity to dig in the pack Rene was carrying to pull out an illuminator, turning the brightness to low so there was just enough to light a few steps down the tunnel, but not to draw attention from up above. The ground rocked under their feet a few times, but then stopped. Starbuck surveyed their surroundings. It wasn't as smelly as he thought it would be, but then again there hadn't been anyone using the turboflushes in this neighborhood for at least three yahrens.

Rene asked the next man down the ladder if that was all of them. It was Avery that turned to her. "I'm the last." Off in the distance they could hear a man's scream in pain that was quickly silenced by a Centurion's pulsar rifle.

Avery loomed over Rene. "When is the help coming? Why haven't they gotten here yet?"

"Are you seriously still asking that?" Starbuck asked incredulously. "Old head injury?" He shouldn't be shocked that the man's attempt at intimidation had no effect, but to watch Rene pushing at the heavily armed man to get him moving down the tunnel had Starbuck a bit worried for her safety.

"We told you, we're it. Now go!" Rene barked. The sound of centurions echoing down the hatch motivated Avery to begin running.


	26. Chapter 26

"Come on, Sweet Lady." Starbuck held his hand out to her.

"You first. I'll follow. And don't give me that look. You're on my terrain now."

"You weren't supposed to be here at all; remember?" Starbuck didn't climb all the way to the bottom, not wanting to sink into that overwhelming darkness until he saw that she was headed down after him. The area they landed in was a fairly large access way with tunnels leading off in four directions, but those tunnels narrowed, with a small walkway on the side that was barely wide enough for one man. Each tunnel turned into a pitch black unknown after only a few metrons.

"Single file," Rene ordered pointing down one of the tunnels. They could stay out of the fetid water if they stuck to the sides of the tunnel. "Jake take point, Max join him. Apollo, then Starbuck. I'll wait to direct Avery's men."

"I'm not going without you," Starbuck said firmly.

"Where am I going to go, Starbuck? I'm following. Boomer needs you. Go!"

"You need cover." Starbuck motioned for Apollo to move on. Apollo nodded in agreement as he shifted Boomer's weight to his other shoulder. Boomer mumbled that he could walk, but his voice was groggy and Apollo didn't put him down.

"Not enough room for me to support you on the walkway." Boomer didn't protest, just grunted as Apollo tried not to drop him into the dark water that filled the tunnel.

Rene directed Avery's men to follow as more men streamed down the ladder, heading off into the dark chasing the distant glow of Jake and Max's illuminator. Starbuck took the opportunity to dig in the pack Rene was carrying to pull out another illuminator, turning the brightness to low so there was just enough to light up a few steps down the tunnel, but not to draw attention from up above. The ground rocked under their feet a few times, dust and foul water raining down on them. When the rocking stop, he thought he could feel a different kind of vibration, much like marching.

Starbuck surveyed their surroundings. It wasn't as smelly as he thought it would be, but then again there hadn't been anyone using the turboflushes in this neighborhood for at least three yahrens. The water in the bottom of the tunnel didn't appear to be that deep, but he hoped he wouldn't have to find out either.

Rene asked the next man down the ladder if that was all of them. It was Avery that turned to her. "I'm the last." Off in the distance they could hear a man's scream in pain that was quickly silenced by a Centurion's pulsar rifle.

Avery loomed over Rene. "When is the help coming? Why haven't they gotten here yet?"

Starbuck knew he shouldn't be shocked that the man's attempt at intimidation had no effect, but to watch Rene pushing at the heavily armed man to get him moving down the tunnel had Starbuck a bit worried for her safety. "I told you. We're it. Go!" The sound of centurions echoing down the hatch motivated Avery to listen to Rene and begin running.

Starbuck grabbed onto the pack on Rene's back so he didn't lose her in the dark. In his mind, they weren't running fast enough, especially when pulsar blasts ripped through the opening of the shaft they had just descended. He heard a plink of something metallic dropping down the shaft and a splash of water. He threw himself forward, pushing Rene and Avery down in a domino effect just before the solenite charge exploded, showering them with filthy water and chunks of cement. Another plink let him know another grenade had been dropped through the hole.

"MOVE!"

Avery and Rene didn't bother to get to their feet, crawling as fast as they could down the walkway into the black. The blast pushed them further down the tunnel. Starbuck saw the light far ahead wink out. He kept hold of Rene's pack as his illuminator went out and the tunnel was plunged into total darkness. He could feel the panic rise in his chest at the sudden and complete loss of sight. It was like his eyes couldn't open wide enough to let in any light. The only thing of substance was her pack in his hand. He couldn't imagine having to spend more than a centaur in these dark, fetid tunnels. How had the rats made it three sectons? What if they began to bomb the tunnel and it caved in? Would he be trapped down here in the dark until they died from lack of oxygen? Actually, that was the best case scenario he realized.

Rene's words helped to keep the panic at bay. "Hang on. I got this." He could feel her pushing at Avery as she guided him and herself up to their feet. "Just keep running, hand on the wall ahead of you. Feel the wall and follow it, there's the turn." They slid around a corner and Starbuck nearly lost his footing at the sudden change in the ground beneath his feet. His hold on her pack almost brought her down with him.

She reached for him, "It's okay. I got this." But then her hand dropped away and all he had was his grip on her pack to guide him. He had never been a kid afraid of the dark, but then again, since the void around Kobol, he'd never been anywhere this dark. Orphanage dormitories were well lit so that the minders could check on them. The barracks almost never completely lights out. He knew after this little foray, he'd be sleeping with an illuminator for a while. The complete black had his mind playing tricks on him as each noise was some new monster awaiting to attack. He wasn't breathing hard just from running and thought he might totally lose it, when suddenly ahead he could see the dim glow of the illuminator guiding the way.

Jake's voice called out echoing down the tunnel in a singsong of a childhood game where one person pretended they were blind and was trying to find others to tag them out. "Vixen?"

"Tail!"

Another blast echoed behind them down the tunnel, and Starbuck felt Rene's hand reach for him, grabbing at his jacket. "I've got a hold of you," he said over the sound of debris falling. "Just go. I'm not sure if they're following yet, but they will."

"Unless they cave in the tunnel!" she replied.

"As long as it's behind us . . . "

"And not on top of us!" she finished his thought.

He felt her hand let go and heard Avery grunt as Rene forced him to hurry. She nearly dragged Starbuck from his feet as his hand kept hold of the pack and she lunged forward at the sound of centurions behind them.

They ran in the dark, taking what seemed random turns. They lost the glow ahead of them and Starbuck wondered if they were going the right way at all. By his reckoning, they had gone in a circle. They took another turn and Rene grabbed at him, dragging him flat against the tunnel wall, holding him there as a red beam swept the tunnel. As the centurion clomped past and headed away from them, Rene leaned in to his chest. He held her there for a moment hanging onto something solid in the dark, feeling her shiver. They were both soaking wet from the lake, not to mention their recent sewage spa treatment, compliments of the Cylon Empire. She pulled away, reaching for his hand, guiding him down the sewer tunnel. He had to admit he was lost. He wouldn't last a cycle down here. Not only that, he was desperate to get out. It wasn't just the closeness of the tunnel walls, but the echoing of the sounds assaulting his ears. The darkness was a blanket threatening to smother him. Every now and then there was a small flicker of light from hatch holes above, or the winking of the illuminator far ahead, but the light was too fleeting and too soon was snuffed out by the dark.

He was sure they had lost those ahead of them, when he was startled by Jake's voice from far down a tunnel. "Vixen?"

Rene whispered to Avery in front of her to send the message forward. They had kept together somehow. Rene had been right; they were on her and Jake's terrain. They took turns and tunnels as if they had the map memorized. In the dark, it was hard for Starbuck to tell time. With the extra adrenaline, it seemed centaurs they were down in the dark before the line of people stopped in front of them. The sounds of Centurions behind them had receded. Everyone seemed to hold their breath listening to ascertain if they had evaded the enemy. Just above a whisper Jake's voice echoed eerily to them, "We lost the walkway. Are we headed the right way?"

Rene pressed a button on the compass, and the small light was like a beacon in the dark. "Yeah, but we should do recon. Hold position." She turned to Starbuck and said low, "Follow the wall to the last ladder. We need to take a peek."

"We can't just stay down here for a while? We haven't gone far enough." He couldn't believe that he was starting to prefer being here in the dark versus being exposed on the surface. The rats had been right, the centurions had not followed them in mass, just one or two had made it down. But that could mean that more were above waiting on them.

"No. When we lose the walkway, the tunnels get so narrow you have to swim in them, and…" she hesitated.

"We can handle a little more filth. We Colonials aren't as prissy as you think," Starbuck joked.

"Didn't you ever wonder why all the rats are small? You won't fit in the tunnels. Swimming is not the problem. It's size."

Starbuck felt a chill crawl up his spine at the idea of getting stuck in a tunnel of mong in the dark and the kind of slow death that would be. "Surface it is. You let me do the heavy lifting." He felt along the wall before finding the ladder. He looked up to see small dots of light above from the holes in the access cover.

He climbed up the ladder, feeling Rene behind him. "I'll support you while you lift so you don't fall back," she said.

When he reached the top, he felt her arms wrap around his legs, helping him to keep hold of the ladder as he let go with his hands, pushing up with all his strength on the heavy steel lid to the sewer. At first it didn't budge, but then he was able to get it to move. The grating noise seemed to echo through the tunnels and he winced at the sound. He scanned through the slit he had made between the cover and the ground. The few paces he could see of the ground appeared clear. He listened and heard nothing. He lowered the lid back down, and whispered down. "I can't see much, but that doesn't mean anything."

"Need help shoving the lid all the way off?"

"No, I just didn't want to expose us like that." But he realized they didn't have much choice. They couldn't go forward down the tunnels and they certainly couldn't go back. "You have your lasers drawn?"

"Yeah, I've got you covered. Shove it off and use that luck of yours."

Starbuck pushed at the cover again. Getting up was easy, getting it to slide away was the hard part. He ended up having to climb up the ladder a few more rungs, using his shoulder to get the whole lid to move up and pushed it back with enough room to get his head up. Like a frightened open plains tunnel daggit he popped his head up and briefly scanned around before dropping back down. All he could see was a residential street, houses in nearly perfect condition all around. He listened as he looked down to Rene. Her eyes were still red, but they weren't tearing anymore.

"Sounds quiet," she whispered to him.

"Why the frack did you come back?" He sighed in exasperation at her.

Rene didn't hesitate in her reply. "To get you out of here. Where you go, I go. Get over it, Bucko, and take another look. We may be out of options, unless we head back and take another side tunnel."

He swallowed down his personal concern, tried to get out of his head the image of the babe in the woman's arms, and the woman's face as Rene's. Although it was a somewhat better image than the one he was beginning to completely comprehend of Rene and the rats surviving sectons in the dark dank tunnels.

He tried to focus as he looked out on the street around him. He could hear raiders in the sky, salvos hitting something, the crash of glass in the distance. Smoke was rising from what he assumed was the shopping complex that looked to be more than a kilometron behind them. The immediate area around him was clear and quiet. The street had begun to slope up towards the hills that rose beyond the city.

"I think we're good. We're out of immediate danger anyway." He dropped back down and Rene began to descend the ladder. She headed off down the tunnel, but not in the direction towards the others. "Where are you going?"

"Just to the next juncture to make sure we're not being followed closely down here. It will make coming out easier if we can do a few at a time and run for cover."

It was a sound tactic. She'd been doing her studies, or maybe had her own experiences she was drawing from. He followed her, lasers in his hands as she slunk into the darkness. He lost her as she rounded a corner. Anxious for her he called her name only to get a shushing sound in return. When she came back, he could just make out her vague form as she came around the corner. "We're not being followed. Let's do this. Avery told us they've been hiding up in the hills."

In the darkness he voiced his fear. "If they find your viper, how are we going to get out of here?"

"We'll find other vehicles or you and I can pilot a raider."

"But the device, don't you need it?"

"Starbuck, I pulled it before I dove in for Boomer. I have it. I knew we were all dead without it."

"Thank the lords," Starbuck breathed, but held his breath as he heard a new sound, a clicking of some sort. He leaned his head around Rene before he realized what he was hearing were her teeth chattering. "We need to get you moving, all of us moving. We need to find shelter and get dry."

"Let's go." They headed back down the corridor to find Avery and pass the word that the way looked clear. They all backtracked down the tunnel, with Rene and Starbuck backing even farther as they conferred with Avery.

"How far is it to your camp?" Starbuck asked

"About seven kilometrons in the hills, behind the third ridge, there's a burned out truck near the entrance to some tunnels. We can stop there and regroup before heading to one of our camps. I'll lead the way. Small groups, there's lots of cover to be found."

"Alright. Let's go."

Avery didn't move, glaring at Rene in the light from the opening above. "You were supposed to bring help. Weapons, warriors. Did you even get the women to safety? You just leave them up there or did the Cylons…"

Rene cut him off. "I got them to safety. I told you I could do that. My word as a Warrior. Your kids are safe and getting medical treatment as we speak. I'm not lying about that."

"I find out otherwise, and the jackals will be feasting on your bones tonight. We'll discuss at the camp which body parts you are losing for not bringing more help!"

Starbuck shoved at Avery to get him out of Rene's face. "We're all in the same predicament here. She should have stayed there herself. Just get us somewhere that we can regroup and we'll look into getting us all out of here."

"I'm not leaving. The fight isn't finished." Avery turned to climb up the ladder and motioned for his men to follow once he was at the top.

"We regroup and we get out of here, that's the new mission, understood?" Starbuck whispered to Rene.

"Yes sir."

He wanted to say more to her, but one look in the dim light and he could tell she was feeling wretched. Her eyes were red, and her hair hung in limp strands in her face. Her wet uniform clung to her belly that was looking bigger than when they launched. The pack was digging into her shoulders and she shivered and clamped her jaw to fight her teeth from chattering. He started to reach for the pack, but she drew away.

"Apollo is going to need help with Boomer," was her answer to his gesture.

She was right of course, but it didn't ease his mind. Max, Apollo with Boomer, and Jake were the last to come back down the tunnel. Starbuck reached for Boomer with Apollo objecting, but Starbuck insisted. "You need a break, and I need cover." They lowered Boomer gently down and he tried to support himself, all the while professing he was okay, but even just touching the boot of his injured leg to the ground had him crying out in pain, as Starbuck quickly clamped a hand over his mouth. The yelp still rang down the tunnel, the echo receding until the return sound of centurion's boots came towards them. Starbuck didn't worry about being gentle as he tossed Boomer over his shoulder and began to climb, Apollo behind him helping to support the weight. He would have liked Rene to go before him, but there just wasn't room in the tunnel to change around locations. He had to hope that Jake and Max would keep her covered.

Starbuck loped off following the others for the hillsides, Boomer groaning at the movement. "Hang on, buddy. We'll get you patched up soon," he said to his friend, hoping he was speaking the truth. Once to the wooded area he paused to take a quick look back to see Rene and Jake struggling to get the cover back over the sewer access. He wasn't sure what help that was going to provide, but he didn't want to shout for them and blow what little concealment they had gained by leaving the sewers. He and Apollo waited there with Max for Rene and Jake to join them. Once together, they began the climb up the hills, running as fast as they could with the weight they were all carrying, scanning the skies and the town below for signs of pursuit.

After a metron it appeared that that the Cylons had lost their trail. The woods grew thicker providing even better cover. They didn't slow their pace until they were over the first ridge. Avery waited for them down in a shallow canyon choked with trees.

Starbuck slowly lowered Boomer to the ground. He was still bleeding and he knew they should change the dressing on the wound if they didn't want to lose Boomer to an infection or blood loss.

The leader of the survivors conferred with his men off in the distance before he jogged to the Colonials. "We have several more ridges to climb. You may have to leave him," Avery said referring to Boomer.

"Not an option," Starbuck answered, sweat rolling down his brow. There was a tense moment as the Colonials stared down the man.

"You're slowing us down. I'm telling the others to move on. I'll stay with you to show you the way."

"We would appreciate that," Apollo answered as he turned to Starbuck to take his turn at carrying Boomer.

"I'm fine, I can walk," Boomer muttered as Avery headed away from them to talk to his men. Jake pulled out a medkit and loaded up a hypo of analgesics that he pressed to Boomer's neck. The blood that was staining Starbuck and Apollo's uniforms told a different story.

Max stepped up to Apollo. "I'm stronger. My turn. He's my cousin. He ain't heavy."

Apollo agreed, realizing that they had far to go and would all need to take turns if they were going to keep up. He helped Max get Boomer up and slung across his back before Apollo took up the pack that Max had been carrying, grunting at the weight of it. It was almost as heavy as Boomer. "What did you pack in here?"

Max spoke as he started walking again. "While you guys were off taking a swim, I merged some supplies. Didn't think we want to eat or drink anything from here. Radium levels are high. I want my nephew to be born with ten toes without the webbing."

Starbuck winced at the warning in those words as he heard the thunder rolling in the hills. "How much farther?"

Apollo reached in the pack for a water bottle. "Not sure, but if it's seven kilometrons up hill, I think we'll be hiking after dark."

Starbuck swore and stepped over to Rene. He tugged the pack from her back. He didn't realize how rough he was being until she yelped a "Hey! Ease up."

"Just give me the pack." She handed it over and he pulled out another bottle of water and a breather. "Drink and put that on."

"I'm fine, Starbuck. I checked the levels, we're okay. It's a lot less up here." She did take the bottle and took a drink, handing it back to him.

"When did you last eat?"

"Starbuck, I'm fine." She yelped again as he reached out and grabbed the back of her neck, pulling her to him.

Nose to nose he tried not to shout, instead his words coming out as growl. "I told you to stay behind!"

He felt her shiver, could feel her damp uniform, could feel his. They all were soaked and tired. He took a breath to calm himself. Yeah, he was proving everyone right, too many damn emotions involved. He should let her go, he knew, but he held on, loosening his grip, pulling her into his arms instead. She seemed too stunned to do anything but to let him. He whispered into her ear, "I need you to be safe. I need to meet my child someday, alright?"

She nodded, mumbled again, "I'm fine."

He pulled back until they were nose to nose again. "I love you, that's why you need to follow my orders. When did you last eat?"

"Same time you did. It goes both ways, Bucko."

"I'm not eating for two."

Jake shoved a protein bar in between Starbuck and Rene's face. "Eat. He's right."

Starbuck gently let go of her, reaching for the bar and unwrapping it for her. "Chew, swallow, drink and wear the breather."

"I am not wearing a breather for seven kilometrons." She took the bar and the water bottle, ripping a bite off dramatically.

"Sit and rest." But Rene shook her head at him.

"No, we keep moving. Are we staying with them or taking off on our own?" Rene spoke to Apollo who had come over to join them.

"The mission was to save them. For now, we will stay with them and try to convince them to join us. We will need to get some vipers or raiders, and they may be able to assist us in that. We are stronger together."

"Do you trust them?" Starbuck asked, watching the hillside, trying to pick out the men, hidden quite well in their camouflage. "Frankly, I'm not interested in losing any body parts later at the camp."

"Didn't think we would have to trust them," Jake added.

"Define trust?" Rene said.

"Do you think they will help us get in the sky and get the frack out of here?"

Rene didn't get a chance to answer as Avery had come back, snapping at them, "Get moving. We have that whole slicing off body parts to get to. We like to do that before the moon rises."

"Look, we came here to help save you. Not our fault that you prefer living in hades," Starbuck snapped back.

Avery pointed his rifle into Starbuck's chest. "And she was supposed to bring help. So far you're just another burden to carry, so get moving or I'll finish you all off here."

"Easy there," Starbuck said.

Apollo stepped between Avery and Starbuck, "Like the man said, we came here to help. We have your women and children somewhere safe. If you want them to stay that way, I suggest we find some cover, regroup and then we'll talk about who is going to be slicing up whom."

Avery lowered his rifle and growled, "Get moving. I'm not waiting on you anymore." He stalked off towards a couple of his men who were waiting on him, motioned for them to move on.

"Still think he's our best bet?" Starbuck asked.

"We don't have any other option at the moment. Let's catch up to Max. He's going to need our help with Boomer." Apollo headed off, and Jake followed. Rene handed the water bottle to Starbuck, but he mumbled that he was fine.

"Pretty boy, I need you to take care of yourself too, because when I go down, you're going to have to pick me back up." He nodded at her wisdom, took the bottle and finished off what was left before stowing it in the pack. He hoped they'd find more water that was clean. He wasn't particularly fond of having a kid with more than ten toes, or worse, webbing. On the other hand, at least he'd be a good swimmer.


	27. Chapter 27

They hiked the hills as the sun waned in the oily sky. Apollo, Starbuck and Max took turns carrying Boomer, who alternated from consciousness to unconsciousness depending on how rough the terrain became. Starbuck noticed the next time he carried his friend that the man was becoming much warmer. He hoped that the coolness of the evening and the soaking that Boomer had taken would keep a real fever down. Avery was right, their friend was slowing them down and they needed to find some cover and tend to his injuries again. Starbuck didn't need to keep an eye on Rene, Jake was doing that for him by talking with her and getting her to keep up when necessary. She insisted on taking the pack back from Starbuck and Apollo, saying she could handle it, but as they started climbing the second ridge, a nearly vertical trail without switchbacks, she didn't object when Starbuck came and took it from her. Avery had set a grueling pace and Starbuck's legs burned from the mostly uphill climb. He was looking forward to there being only one more ridge and then a chance to regroup. He was going to insist they stop for the night, regardless of Avery's men. He wasn't going to be able to last much longer.

When they crested the second ridge they had a fairly good view of the city behind them, but it was what was before them that had Starbuck groaning. It was quite a distance to the next ridge, and several smaller ones that needed to be traversed before even making it to the third ridge. Starbuck would have liked to catch up to ask Avery "what the frack," but Max was sweating heavily carrying Boomer and it was Starbuck's turn. He was beginning to reconsider his opinion that their best bet was with Avery and his people. The survivors were leading them farther away from the city and from any hope of escape from Caprica. They did seem to have eluded the centurions in the rough terrain and the raiders had been focused on the shopping complex, now just a smoldering heap of rubble in the distance, so that was something. He just hoped they had medical supplies, some food, dry clothes and a warm bed at the end of this hike.

When he took his friend from Max, there was no doubt that Boomer needed them to stop for the night. He was way too warm for as cool as the evening had become, and he was drifting in out of sleep, or at least Starbuck hoped it was sleep and not unconsciousness. He got Boomer talking a little, but the effort of it seemed to sap his buddy, so Starbuck just kept up a steady stream of conversation talking about the latest improvements to the Galactica they could make and how some storage places could be put to better uses. He knew he had gotten lucky with the downhill portion as his turn to carry his friend, so he tried to go a bit farther than he had before. It was when he began to stumble that Apollo took over, putting words to Starbuck's thoughts, "We need to stop soon."

"He said it was just over the third ridge. If it's not right over that ridge, I mean, like, right there, we're stopping and we can have that debate again about who is losing body parts. I'd really prefer some decent cover. It looks like rain is coming." As if to punctuate Starbuck's words, the sky lit up with a streak of white, followed by the rumble of far off thunder.

"I agree. And if they have medical supplies, it will be worth it."

"And if they don't?" Starbuck asked.

"They had time to raid shopping malls and outdoor gear stores, I'm going to assume they hit some Life Centers as well. If not, we can. You might want to check on the others."

Max had fallen back with Jake and Rene. They all looked tired, but Rene was the one who had her head down. She kept trudging on even when they took their breaks to shift Boomer from person to person. Starbuck knew that was a sure sign of exhaustion and Rene was being smart in a way. Even she knew if she stopped, she may not keep going.

Starbuck waited for her and Jake to catch up, patted Jake on the shoulder giving him an encouragement to catch up to Apollo that he would walk with Rene for a while. Rene didn't seem to notice at first, she was so focused on just putting one foot in front of the other.

"You doing okay?" Starbuck asked as she popped up her head, surprised to find him there. She nodded but didn't speak. He didn't doubt she was exhausted. She had taken a swim on top of running a maze and now hiking up hill, all while soaking wet and pregnant. He debated about letting her stay in her silence. She was still moving and keeping a decent pace, but he knew from his Academy days that a little distraction sometimes made the hike much easier.

"Can I ask a couple of questions?" She shrugged at him, but he took it as consent. He also took it as a sign that he'd been right. She needed a bit of a mental push to keep going. He was too tired himself to think up anything witty to say, and she looked too tired to appreciate any flirting, so that left just conversation. Since they were here, walking the hills above Caprica city, he thought it might be time to learn a little bit about her time on Caprica and the end or their world.

"So was it like that in the sewers the night of the destruction?"

"Like what?" She sounded distant and he debated making her stop for more water and food, but stopping now might mean stopping for good. No, it was best to keep her moving and get her talking some, focused on something other than how far they had left to go.

"The sewers after the destruction, was it like that, what we just did, being chased in the dark?"

She shook her head slightly and drew herself up a bit. "No, much worse. Back there, that was…that was nothing. I mean, this time I had an illuminator and a pack on my back with plenty of food and water. I also knew my way. You have no idea how much better that felt just knowing that if we got stuck, we had enough to get by. The night of the destruction, well it was night and much darker down there. We had nothing. No illuminator, no food. We didn't even have jackets on. And the sewers were full of water and, well…stuff, plus people, alive and dead. The ground wouldn't stay still. The tunnels jumped with each salvo. It was just...it was pure chaos for starters." She stopped talking and faltered a bit in her steps as her focus seemed to go even more distant than it had been before, but he knew that look. It meant she was remembering, reliving it, and he considered switching topics and trying to dredge up something funny to say.

But then she turned to him with eyes that were deep and clear before she turned to face the trail in front of them and her steps grew stronger as she kept going. "It was very loud those first days. You could hear all this screaming and explosions and, I swear half the people we ran into in the tunnels didn't even know how they got down there. When we got farther into town, which is not what we wanted to do but we got all turned around, there were kids that were just jammed into storm drains. I guess their parents put them there as some sort of cover. That's where we found Lara and her brother. Had to pull her all the way through and she was screaming for her parents and…."

She stopped talking and abruptly stopped walking. He gave her arm a gentle nudge with his shoulder to get her back moving. "You saw her parents?"

"Yeah. Saw them die. Saw a lot of people die, especially that first night."

She grew silent again, her gaze shifting to the sky above. He debated again changing the topic, but despite everyone telling him "You'll have to ask Rene, she remembers," to most of his questions about their time on Caprica and on the Zakar, she had told him very little. He'd gotten small snapshots of moments when he was with her when she woke from a dream, but he'd probably heard more from Jake when they tried out the scraps still. Still Starbuck had learned little, as Jake's memories had been disjointed and out of order. Plus this might be a safer topic than berating her again for having come back when she should have stayed with the Galactica.

"You said you were at the Academy when the attack happened?"

"Yeah, we sometimes snuck in to see Ari and go swimming. They spend a lot of energy keeping the recruits in, but not keeping people out so it was usually pretty easy."

"Yeah, but you could sneak out if you timed it right. I snuck out a lot. Never thought to head to the pool though." He thought back on some of the places he'd found for his dalliances with whomever he was dating at the time, the hangar, the librarium after hours. He'd never considered the swimming pool.

"No one was using it and, well, that night no security was really walking the perimeter or anything. We had just gotten in when the raider came over and started firing." She grew silent as she thought back to the luck they had that night. If they had gone back to the academy like Ari had wanted, they'd have all died.

"Jake said the sewers were your idea. Sounds like it was the right one, considering."

"Yeah well, I blame the foster system for that one. They just always stressed that if anything happened we should go down. I mean, kind of was the answer to everything. Being abused by your foster parents, drop down. Cylon attack, drop down, No food, look down. Not sure what the director really meant, but works for me. So we went down and it worked, only we went in the wrong direction. Headed into the city and didn't realize until it was too late and then, we got all turned around." She paused as she looked at him, then pulled the water bottle from the side pocket of his pack and drank nearly half before handing it to him. As he drank she said softly, "I know I haven't told you much, pretty boy. It's just hard to explain to someone who wasn't there. But yeah, I think now you get it. The first days were chaotic and confusing. They blur together and it was hard to tell when day and night ended down there. But the worst was when things got quiet. It's like you could hear the world dying one person at a time until you were all that was left. We had no clue what to do or where to go, and looking back I made so many mistakes."

"You did something right. You're still here."

"Yeah, still stuck here on Caprica. Sorry. I didn't mean to get you stuck too." She paused again, looking back at the terrain they had already covered and the city in the distance. "I should have just brought a shuttle on my own and taken care of this. I have been so stupid."

"No, that would have been stupid. Remember, this was Boomer's idea too." Starbuck didn't add that he was pretty sure Boomer was regretting that idea about now. He didn't want to get into that now. Later after they stopped and regrouped, he'd begin the discussion of how to get her out of here, but for now they just needed to keep going. "You were down there a while, weren't you? You didn't have any supplies?"

"Yeah, we think three sectons, but it's hard to tell. No, no supplies. We climbed out a few times, but that was after nearly a secton. We had a lot of kids with us. They were starving by the time we crawled out. The first few days were the worst. The noise was deafening and tunnels collapsed. We waited until it got quiet and then we started following the water down. We thought if we got to the bay we could get a boat or something and the Cylons don't like the water so we thought…anyway we climbed out near a store, found some food. Had we been able to carry enough we might have lasted longer. Following the water down was the wrong way to go. They bombed the harbor and…" She paused again as they finally started to climb what he hoped was the third and final ridge. He wondered if she would begin talking again as they were both out of breath. She slowed her pace as she continued. "The water came at us, filling the tunnels. It swept us back into the city. It just seemed no matter what we did, we just wound up back at the city center."

"So what was the plan? Did you know about the evacuation and the ships joining up with the Galactica?" He had heard Serina's story of that night, the rush of people to the spaceports and loading docks, the ships trying to break atmosphere and being taken down by the raiders. By all estimates only one in ten of the ships that launched even made it to orbit. Of those, even fewer found the Galactica.

She answered softly. "No. And even if we did, they wouldn't have let the guys come. Women and children probably and we wouldn't have left them behind. We didn't have a plan, just get out of the city and survive. It was a moment by moment kind of panic I guess. I honestly couldn't tell you what we thought we were doing. I mean looking back, there were some opportunities we totally missed. There were things we could have done and…"

They were halfway up the ridge and the climb had become dramatically steeper. She paused to catch her breath. "If I ever get three wishes, one will be to do those days over again. Knowing what I know now I could have saved so many more kids. I mean, why didn't they teach us how to survive Cylon attacks? They happened often enough you would think they would talk about where to go and what to do. No offense, but all they did was tell us that our illustrious fleet was protecting us, but you weren't there that day. You never came."

The words stung, maybe because they held some truth to them, maybe because they were uttered by the woman who was now his wife. "We were a little busy at the time, you know being slaughtered in the skies and all."

Her head spun at the acidity of his words. "That's not what I meant. I know that. I just…I just wish we knew how to fight for ourselves. Some basic training. I mean if Dante can teach us street kids who hated school how to fly, couldn't our school system have done a bit better? That's all I'm saying. I wish I could have fought back. We would have."

"Would you have? Why didn't you try to become Warriors? Ari did, so why not you?" The spark of anger she flashed him showed she still had a bit of energy left. But he didn't want her to flare and burn out before they reached their objective. "You're a damn fine pilot. You have an aptitude. Surely they tested you in school and suggested the academy."

"Yeah," she answered, but focused on the ground in front of her for a few more steps before saying more. "I just didn't see the point then, figured I'd never make it into the academy, let alone graduate. Lack of confidence, I guess, or blame it on authority issues." She shrugged that habitual guttersnipe shrug.

"Yeah, I had those same issues too, but I made it. You could have."

She snorted. "You lacked confidence? Right!"

"I could say the same about you. You thought you could just fly here to Caprica and save everyone in a half a centaur mission."

She shrugged again, and he could see how weary she was just making that gesture. "Yeah, I've changed a bit since the destruction. I even learned to say 'sir'."

He quirked an eyebrow at her as he teased, "Oh, is that what you call that sarcastic slur that crosses your lips, respect for authority? I'd hate to hear how you said it before."

"Yeah, about that," she drawled in Crius's fake twang. They walked in silence as the light faded, needing to save their energy for navigating the ground in front of them in the dim light. Rene stumbled on a loose rock and he reached out to catch her. His hold upon her arm seemed to bridge some of the distance between them. "You know why I had to come back, don't you? I couldn't leave you here."

"But you have kids to think about, my kid to think about. You should have stayed behind or…or…"

"Could be that you feel as unworthy as us guttersnipes," she said quietly. "You're not, you know."

He sighed and decided to let it drop. It was pointless now. They were here, trudging up the hills of Caprica in the dark. They had made it this far. "We can talk about it tomorrow when we are getting the frack out of her. Let's keep going, slow and steady."

They were both silent for a few moments focusing on their steps before she asked softly, "Do you remember the attack on your home when you were a kid?"

Starbuck had not figured out after all these yahrens whether it was a blessing or curse that he couldn't remember that fateful night. Sometimes he got fragments of it, but that's all they were and he wasn't sure if they were really his memories or things he had read about that night, or just what others had told him should be his memories. "No, not really. I was pretty young. I kind of remember being in the thorn forest with other kids, but," he did his own shrugging. "I remember the uniforms of the Warriors that came to find us. I remember a little bit of afterwards being in the orphanage those first few days, but of that night, not really."

"You don't dream about it?"

He thought back to the dreams, the few that had woken him sweating in fear every once in a while, usually after a particularly stressful time in his life, or when he'd not been able to get much sleep. His dreams were vague and formless, just the fear of the approaching enemy, that terrifying drone, the sound of a pulse laser cutting off the wail of another child. From what he was finding out about Rene and her flashbacks to the past, he thought maybe he was fortunate in his lack of recall. "Sometimes, but what I mostly remember is my mother. Not her face, just…" he thought back to the last time he'd had the dream, "her voice, her smell, I don't know, just a sensation that she wants me to be safe. That she wanted me to live."

"That doesn't sound like a nightmare."

"Wake up sweating from them, but…yeah, not all that bad I guess." If anything, what bothered him most was what he couldn't remember, as if wakefulness cruelly pulled him away from memories that eluded him. Whether pleasant or not, it was still his past. Instead of memories, all he had was the pounding of his heart, his panic and the overwhelming feeling of loss.

There was another streak of lightning, and they both jumped at the sharp crack of thunder, far closer than before.

"It starts raining, we are finding shelter. I don't care what Avery says," Starbuck grumbled. "Not exactly what I had in mind for our honeymoon."

"Who are you more worried about, me or Boomer, because I can handle it."

He felt his shoulders tighten as she guessed where his true concerns lay. "Are you going to be mad at me for wanting my wife and future child to be safe? If so, then you're going to need some anger management courses because I'm not going to stop."

He thought he heard a chuckle from her. "I'll sign myself up tomorrow. But seriously, Dante trained us. I can keep going. Quitting is not an option in my training. You don't wash out of Dante's Academy."

He thought back to his Academy days. Not everyone made it to graduation. Apollo had told him once that they actually planned that close to twenty percent of recruits would quit before they finished the first term, after that another ten percent the next term, and another ten percent before they would reach graduation. If you did the math, it meant you lost close to half the recruits before the end. He'd seen a few just quit the first few sectons, choosing to wash themselves out rather than face the humiliation of being forced out. Quitting was always an option as his instructors reminded him almost daily. It was always the encouragement on a long run or hike, shouted at you when you wanted nothing more than to just lay down and take a long nap, "You can always quit. You can walk away and just be another man. Only the best of the best make it." In a way, it was effective. You could just quit, but you made this choice so you might as well keep going. It was your decision, your own bit of control over a tough situation.

For Starbuck, he knew it wasn't really a choice. Without the service and the friends and adopted family he made there, he had nothing. In some ways, the idea of walking away from his best friend was inconceivable. Apollo got him through the academy, just as Jolly had gotten him through the foster system, and Boomer got him through his first assignment to a Commander who was less than thrilled to be receiving a reckless and impulsive pilot with a disciplinary record nearly as long as his accomplishments.

But still, it was an option. You could quit officer's training and go back to civilian life or just become a grunt. No matter how awful that seemed, it was still there as a second choice. What choice had there been for Rene when the run was too long and too hard. Knowing what he did of Dante, he suspected every run was too long, every training too hard. His imagination kicked in and the vision of a recruit being shoved out an airlock played out in his head.

"Did some washout?" he asked, knowing that his imaginings were sometimes worse than the truth. Sometimes they were accurate, but she had spoken little of Dante and according to her doctors, that was the real problem in her head, what that bastard had done. "Not everyone makes it, I know that. What did he do?"

He expected the hesitation before her answer. He knew she often cleaned up her stories, packaged up her facts, sanitized the truth so it was only halfway there for him. Not this time. She must have been too tired to take that kind of effort with her story.

"He shot you in the head. He gave you the choice, get up or he was going to make it really hurt but just for a micron. Dante told you the truth. He didn't have the resources to carry you or feed you. He didn't waste time on people who weren't worth it. Then he would harangue us for why we even bothered to survive the destruction, that we should have just given the Cylons what they wanted like all the other military leaders. We should have sacrificed ourselves that night and been done with it so the real winners could keep fighting without us in the way. Once he finally let us have blasters, had to earn them, then he'd have you shoot yourself. Reminded us often we didn't need his help to quit. So yeah, quitting is not an option. I keep going until…"

She didn't finish the sentence but her pace increased and he could hear her breathing hard in the gloom that was descending. He thought for a moment before he broke the silence.

"You don't have to live like that anymore. There are more of us. We have the resources. We can carry each other. Isn't that part of being sealed?"

"You're already carrying Boomer. And yeah, don't think I don't know what you are doing here. Thanks. You know that's why I love you right? You carry everyone."

Her words lightened his load. He felt like he could hike another ridge if he had to. He'd better not have to.

In the darkness, and in the exhaustion that made it hard to come up with a lie, he decided to ask a few more questions. "Is that what was going on when Crius found you with your blaster? Were you going to quit? Because you do know that would have killed me too."

Her steps faltered and he reached out again to steady her. She stopped walking, and he urged, "Come on, keep going. You don't have to answer the question."

He heard the heavy sight before she started moving again. "It's not what you think. I wasn't going to do it I just…just needed to remind myself of the other option, quit or figure it out. It's not an option, I know. The voices were really loud and I didn't know what to do. I still don't really know who I can trust with all this."

"You can trust me."

"I know that now. The voices just got too loud and I didn't know what to do. I figured it out, well sort of." She sighed heavily, but it led into a deep wracking cough that had her stopping so she could draw enough air.

"You okay?" he asked once her coughing stopped.

"Yeah. Just, that water wasn't right. I'll be fine."

In the darkness, a bird hooted, and they both jumped at the sudden sound. It was their first evidence that maybe there was still life on Caprica, that is until they realized it was one of the survivors calling to another. The noise suddenly made Starbuck notice the conspicuous absence of the sounds of insects or anything that might indicate a night on his home world. It was deadly silent.

He looked up to see the top of the ridge was much closer. They would be upon it in just a few hundred metrons. "One step at a time. We're almost there."

"There'd better be some medical supplies at the end of this hike, and I'm fracking hungry. I could sleep for a few cycles and…" She grew quiet as the steep trail took her concentration.

They walked in silence as they crested the ridge. It was even higher than the others and gave them a panoramic view of Caprica City, but also some of the other towns nearby. The towns were dark, except for at the industrial areas where signs of production shone in the dark. Cylons didn't need to sleep and darkness was no impediment to their efficiency. He counted the raiders in the sky still circling over the shopping mall burning below the hills. Their vipers were toast. Feeling like his guts had been scooped out by the sight, he turned away to look down the ridge, searching for the burned out landram that might signal the end to this pleasant little hike. It was there near the bottom of a gully. He shivered in his damp clothes as the temperature began to drop.


	28. Chapter 28

What had he been thinking? He should have followed his first instinct and simply told the girl no. It was Athena who had to explain in detail how Rene had manipulated him. Adama had found himself telling her everything when he came to deliver the news that Apollo and the others were long overdue.

His only daughter had become a trusted advisor over the yahrens since the destruction, especially in matters where he had to make a difficult decision against his conscience. Her opinion was valued. She had not understood why Apollo, now a full Colonel and commanding a battle cruiser, had been sent away on a mission, so Adama had taken her to his office and explained the events, beginning at the sealing, ending with the shuttle of women and children arriving from Caprica, and the vipers that escorted the shuttle disappearing back into oblivion.

"It is the oldest trick in the book, Father! Ask in front of your parents to go to the party, and they won't say no because you are betting that your parents won't want to look bad in front of your friends. I tried it once with mother, and she knew exactly what I was doing. She said no before I was even done asking. How could you have given in? Starbuck and a sealing? He barely knows the girl. And how convenient that once sealed he gets to avoid all the consequences of such an act. He just zooms off to parts unknown, of course he was all for it. Father, it was a ploy, and she got her way. How could you have not seen it?"

It was the question he was asking himself now as he sat in his office and stared out his viewport wondering if any of the stars he could see were the star around Caprica or was it too far behind them now. He had lost his wife on Caprica and had not had the chance to bury her. Would he lose his oldest son there as well?

Why had he given in to such a foolhardy mission? Rene had told them nothing of her miraculous powers, hadn't even indicated she was still capable of doing anything other than pilot a shuttle. While dealing with Commander Dante and the survivors of Dilmun, he had no choice but to trust she could leap across space. It had been an easy risk at the time due to desperation and the distance was not so great. In retrospect, he hadn't actually believed she could.

But the proof was in their current location. He had assumed that the ability was somehow manifested due to the crisis and that after the leap of the whole fleet, had disappeared just like Count Iblis.

He still worried about Iblis and his intervention in all of this. Rene claimed she knew of this ability long before she was acquainted with the evil count, but that was all she would say. She kept her secrets and kept them well. He found himself now second guessing all of her actions and reactions. Her mental illness, her traumatic past, and her tumultuous relationship with Starbuck, had it all been tools that she could use to distract or manipulate those around her? She had certainly manipulated him. The pressure of the many faces around that table whose trust he wanted to gain had swayed him. Not only that, but the happy couple so intent on spending their honeymoon on a rescue mission to Caprica. It had played upon his emotions.

Plus it was not just any couple. It was Starbuck. He had found it hard to tell the man no even before all this. Despite what others saw, a callous rogue who womanized, gambled and took far too many risks, Adama had always seen through the young man's façade. Behind all his bad habits lay a dedicated Warrior who on more than one occasion had laid his life down for another without expecting anything in return. Starbuck was a foolhardy romantic at his core. He was a hero who had deserved every award and then some. The fact that Starbuck somehow survived every sacrifice he was willing to make was evidence enough for Adama that miracles still were possible in the face of defeat.

Had it been the trust he placed in Starbuck and his judgement of the man's character that had him giving in to the outlandish mission? Was it his desire to see another miracle on top of the one already witnessed that evening of a sealed Starbuck, happily committed to Rene and her family? Had Adama been too greedy? One blessing too many?

Perhaps, but it was not the young man's request, or that of the steadfastly reasonable and reliable Boomer. It had been the drawings. Adama had seen the horrors of the destruction first hand, demanding that Apollo take him to their home. What he had intended that night, even now he could not say. In retrospect, perhaps it was his attempt to join those who had already perished. It had certainly been a risk, one that now he would not consider nor would he allow another to make.

And yet he had. He had allowed Rene to persuade him to send several of his finest warriors, including his only remaining son, back to Caprica and into the belly of the beast. Even if Adama defied his own judgement about evading Cylon detection and wanted to send a rescue team, it was not possible.

Was it even possible for him to describe how much he regretted his decision now? Even the sight of the survivors who had so desperately needed saving, couldn't shake his remorse.

It was the drawings that had motivated him. Rene had seen into his dreams, the ones that had haunted him since that fateful night over three yahrens ago. Her ability was not just in folding space, as Wilker insisted that's what she was doing with the focused energy. The scientist had brought him examples and studies, as well as conjecture and theory as to what she was creating. In many ways, it was possible as the physics described it as simple as folding paper, and yet never accomplished before. How she could achieve such precise accuracy in location was beyond even theoretical conjecture. But at least that ability of hers was based in some science, beyond their own at the time, but theoretically explainable.

The drawings and the dreams defied logic. How could she have known the very images that occupied his subconscious? How could she have drawn them with such accuracy? She had only shown him a few that night, but after the shuttle arrived with the survivors from Caprica, Adama had entered Rene and Starbuck's chambers to search for some answers as to her abilities. Perhaps her chambers would offer a hope that they could get to Caprica and rescue his warriors.

He had to go no further than opening the door. He had no idea where she had appropriated the paint, but he knew where she had stolen the scenes for her paintings. The beach was where he and Ila had spent their honeymoon, and many vacations as a family on Virgo. She had captured the palm trees perfectly. The path in the woods painted on the opposite wall mirrored the one near Ila's parents cabin on Caprica. He found the sketchbook on the table and flipped through each horrifying image. Many he did not recognize, but as he moved further into the book, several he did. They were his nightmares of the destruction, his imaginings as to what had occurred once the Galactica had fled the quadrant. Rene's chambers held no answers, only more questions.

He understood why she felt compelled to return to Caprica. What he didn't understand is why he felt that compulsion as well? What answers could be found in going back to the scene of their ultimate betrayal and defeat? He'd hoped to find that answer when he had grudgingly said yes.

Now he feared he would never know. His Warrior's return seemed unlikely and Adama feared he would live out the rest of his days wondering why he had allowed the young girl to manipulate him into being such a fool.

Jolly had briefed him about the situation on Caprica once the shuttle had landed with the women and children. The shuttle had arrived at the fleet with two vipers as an escort, but the vipers had been swallowed up by the anomaly once the shuttle was within sight of the Galactica. Jolly's description of the planet and the Cylon presence had been bleak. Plus he had been quite clear that the team had been held captive by the survivors in exchange for more support from the fleet. Rene had negotiated the rescue of the women and children in exchange for more warriors from the fleet.

Adama would have liked to have made that decision, whether to send the help or to refuse to negotiate, but Rene had apparently not trusted the outcome of such a discussion. She had assumed his answer would be no, and perhaps it would have been. Perhaps he would have at that moment realized what a fool he had been to allow her to dictate terms and conditions where her abilities were concerned.

Perhaps he would have realized the severity of the situation, Starbuck and Apollo stranded with truly no hope of returning to the fleet. Adama suspected that Rene would have been extremely persuasive. Or maybe he could have used the declining of his faculties and the sentimentalities of old age as ample excuse for him to bend the rules one more time and send a whole squadron to retrieve his son and the man he considered to be like a son.

He knew now, with the prospect of never seeing his warriors again, he would have said yes. For once he felt he had the personnel to offer to such risky missions. In crude terms, he could afford to lose a few in the attempt.

But Lieutenant Rene had not given him the opportunity, and Lieutenant Boomer had followed. She had performed the ultimate manipulation by removing the decision from his control and now, they were gone, their return unlikely. In a way, she had saved him from being a fool twice. Once was maybe enough.

Rene had indicated that there were many survivors, but Adama had still been unprepared for the crowd of starving women and children that disembarked in his landing bay. Their health was dire and he cleared a barracks just for their care, placing them in quarantine until he had further answers as to their ailments and afflictions. Once he had been assured that most were not contagious, he had asked to speak to some of them.

A woman named Gia who appeared to be their leader had been more than accommodating in answering his queries. She spoke of surviving the night of the destruction at a remote location in the hills above Caprica City, her husband and young son having chosen to celebrate the armistice on a family hunting vacation. It had been a wise decision. They had survived as had many of their neighbors in the woods. They were prepared for an emergency having ascribed to a sect of a religious order that believed in having months worth of food and supplies in case of an emergency. They had interpreted the events in the book of the word as more of a prophecy of times to come, and a suggestion from the Lords as to how to ensure their race's survival. According to Gia, they had done well the first yahren, but the Cylons did not need drinking water nor clean air. The Cylons had begun to destroy the planet for human habitation and to strip it of her resources. They had poisoned the crops and the waterways.

"They didn't hunt us down, sir. They just removed anything we might use to live. We were running out of food and having to venture into the city in hopes of finding more when Rene showed up. I had dreamed of a young woman coming to save us, but I had no idea it would come true."

Gia's words had astonished him. He had somehow accepted that Rene could enter his subconscious thoughts due to their proximity. Her quarters were but the turn of a corridor away from his own. How in the heavens had she been able to cross the numerous light yahrens to enter the dreams of a woman she had never met? He resisted the urge to ask the woman how her dreams ended. He was afraid he would sound foolish. More importantly, he was afraid he knew the answer. In his own dreams, he watched Caprica burn as Rene lit the fire.

He looked out to the stars, wishing he had not been foolish enough to let a young girl manipulate him. But it was too late. All he could do now was to pray to the lords for another miracle, or at the very least, a dream that might hold the answers.


	29. Chapter 29

Going downhill wasn't any easier as Apollo nearly stumbled with Boomer across his back. Starbuck rushed forward to help. He and Apollo shifted to a chair carry to try to keep both of them on their feet and distribute the weight, but that meant handling Boomer's injured leg. It was torture. Avery pointed out the entrance to the mineshaft. Apollo breathed a sigh of relief, that is until Avery stopped walking, turned and pointed the rifle at Boomer.

"Now's your time to give me proof my kids made it to safety. Otherwise, this is as far as you go."

"Oh Frack, no," Starbuck said, hoping like hades Rene had drawn her weapon, but he didn't spare the glance back. Jake and Max didn't disappoint him, pulling their weapons and aiming them at Avery. Starbuck and Apollo eased Boomer down, the man crying out in pain. Together they rose, both pulling their weapons. Rene, Max and Jake took steps forward, standing in line with them, five lasers pointed in Avery's direction. There was no way in the name of Sagan they were going to let Avery get the upper hand again. They had no trust in Avery or his men.

"Not another step," Avery said shifting the aim of his rifle, his men raising their weapons behind him.

"These are Colonial lasers," Apollo said. "For now they're set on stun, which could effectively knock out every last one of you in a micron."

Rene held up a hand, lowering her weapon as she took a step toward Avery. "I'm hoping this is more about your concern for your women and children than it is an aggressive move towards us."

"Although I'm sure you can see how it could be misconstrued," Apollo added glibly.

"When we reached the fleet, Gia gave me a message," Rene said, capturing Avery's undivided attention. "She said for me to tell you that it doesn't matter how many Cylons you destroy or how many people you save, it won't bring Eli back. Is that good enough for you?"

Starbuck was pleased at the high level surliness she threw into her words. I guess that trait does come in handy sometimes, he thought as Avery flinched at her audacity in the face of a pulsar rifle.

Her words had the man dropping the aim of his weapon, acceptance settled into his features. "Alright. We'll give you shelter for the night. In the morning, we'll see what you decorated warriors can do. Tell Brains there to keep his mouth shut."

Starbuck grinned and rose to the bait, "Well considering we're the ones who got you out of a tight spot back there, I'm thinking it's the least you could do. Now how about a bit more? What kind of medical supplies do you have?" Starbuck asked, hoping since they'd had time to hang out in shopping malls they had been smart enough to raid some Life Centers first.

"We have a bone mender, but someone will have to turn the crank on the generator to get some power. Since he made it this far he might be worth the effort, but that's all we are willing to give you," Avery said before he turned and walked away.

"After all, all we gave them was a safer place for their women and children, and a little more hope for their future," Starbuck grumbled to Apollo. "Wow, what a leader. Super inspiring." Starbuck went back to helping Apollo carry Boomer.

"It's been a long day, buddy. Let's just get Boomer patched up and get some sleep." They followed Avery around the remains of the land ram that hid the entrance of an old mine shaft. The opening in the rock of the hillside was no wider than Jolly for at least ten paces, but then the tunnel turned and opened into a large chamber, almost as big as the Council chambers. It was well-lit and comfortable with a few lanterns and fires being started around the chamber.

Avery pointed towards a fire near the entrance. "I'll get the medical supplies we have in exchange for some of that food you have brought. Don't think about going anywhere."

"And the hospitality, top notch I tell ya!" At least the quip got a chuckle out of Boomer who had only had the energy to grunt or groan every time they jostled him.

Apollo and Starbuck lowered Boomer to the floor of the cavern, and their friend gasped in pain, his eyes closed tightly. Max dropped his pack and began digging through for the med kit, a blanket and packs of food and water. He handed some water to his cousin.

"I'd hold off on food until we get him patched up," Jake said opening the med kit and pulling out the painkiller hypo and loading up another one with antibiotics. "Hey Starbuck, is that pack Rene's?"

"I think so. I've lost track." Starbuck unslung the heavy pack, grunting in relief at taking the weight from his shoulders.

Jake said in a low voice, "Don't dump it. She'll have a few surprises we may not want Avery and his guys to know about just yet. Get out the med kit and the food though." Jake went to work on Boomer, dosing him with the hypospray before snapping some gloves into place and starting to pull at the dressing. "Can someone hold his leg up?"

"That's a loaded question," Starbuck replied, glancing at the blood stained mess that was Boomer's leg above the knee. He drew a sharp breath, then gazed into the depths of the pack. "I think I'm busy."

"Yeah, you look it," Apollo said, moving himself into position to help. "This is going to hurt, Boomer."

"Thanks for the encouragement," the lieutenant replied, his head lolling to the side with the effect of the recent sedation, his breathing less labored. His skin had a grey undertone. "Just do it."

Apollo gently lifted the leg while Jake started to remove the dressing. He poured some water over the dressing, easing the foul mess from the skin. About twenty centimetrons long, the gash was deep and ugly, fragments of bone and tissue sticking through raw and swollen skin. Around the wound Boomer's skin was a darker shade and it was hot to the touch.

Starbuck met Apollo's gaze, not liking the look of it. "Wow."

Boomer chuckled, lifting his head to regard his friend. "'Wow'? How bad is wow?"

"How bad does it feel?" Apollo asked, keeping his features carefully impartial.

"That bad, huh?" Boomer replied. "Gotchya."

"His leg's been dependent the whole time," Jake said, "which will account for some of the swelling. But I don't like the look of the redness, then there's that smell." He flushed the wound again, before pulling the biomonitor out of his pack. This time it fired right up, and he ran it over the leg, shaking his head slightly and frowning.

"What?" Boomer asked, surprisingly alert and reading their expressions like a datapad.

"Bone alignment still looks good, but it looks like an abscess is already forming. We need to drain it before we wrap it up again," Jake replied. "Starbuck, I don't have what I need. What's in Rene's pack?"

His attention had been riveted on Boomer's leg and Starbuck hadn't gone beyond a cursory look in the pack. He began rummaging through it, pulling out most of it methodically so he could find out if Jake had been right about the surprise. Sure enough, near the top were two blasters, fully charged. That brought them back to everyone being fully armed. He had no idea where she had found them, or who was now looking for them. When they got back to the Galactica, he'd be asking those kinds of questions, but right now they were a gift from the Lords. "That's my wife," he murmured, as he then found another med kit. He handed it over to Jake.

Jake pulled off the dirty gloves, cleansing his hands thoroughly before delving into the kit. Apollo nodded at Starbuck over Boomer's leg. They had themselves an honest to goodness field-trained medic. Jake came out with a handful of dressings before holding up an instrument they didn't recognize.

"Laser scalpel," he said in reply to their questioning looks. "Just what I was after. Thanks, Rene!" he called over his shoulder before getting back to the task at hand. "Starbuck, you're in charge of drugs. If he's sore, hit him with it." He handed over the hypospray.

"One for you, one for me," Starbuck said quietly, giving Boomer a dose before Jake started cleaning the wound once again, this time with an antiseptic smelling liquid.

"Apollo, you okay?" Jake asked, as he set up an impromptu sterile field. "Legs get heavy," he clarified.

Apollo nodded, repositioning himself and nodding his thanks to Max as the young man propped up some packs for Boomer to rest his leg on. He kept a hand on the lieutenant's leg to secure it. The last thing they needed was for Boomer to be jerking around with a laser scalpel penetrating his flesh. "Go ahead."

Jake pulled on sterile gloves and then activated the laser scalpel, deftly making an incision into the swollen tissue. Thick yellow fluid oozed out of the wound, and even Jake turned his head away at the pungent aroma. Boomer let out a low groan, and Starbuck leaned over, depressing the hypospray again.

"Not too much," Jake cautioned him.

"No such thing," Boomer panted, his chest heaving with the pain. "Bring it on, Bucko."

Starbuck dosed him twice for good measure, ignoring Jake's hiss of caution. He kept his eyes on Boomer's as Jake flushed out the exudate and then began to cut away loose bone splinters. He used another instrument to pick them out. Boomer grunted nodding at Starbuck for more pain killers. He immediately obliged. Jake was finishing up, inserting some kind of fibrous material into the wound. He packed it loosely, and then started wrapping it up again.

"You don't seal it?" Starbuck asked, wondering about the gaping wound.

"No, it needs to drain. Almost done, Boomer," Jake told him. Boomer only nodded, sucking in deep breaths through clenched teeth. Starbuck placed the hypospray against his skin once again, activating it.

"Good job, Jake," Apollo told him, amazed at the young man's skill and competence.

"Yeah, thanks, Jake," Starbuck added, squeezing Boomer's shoulder as Max handed his cousin something to drink. "You got him, Max?"

"Yeah."

Starbuck pulled himself to his feet, letting Max take over as he looked for Rene. She was not far off, watching the makeshift surgery on Boomer's leg, but weaving on her feet. Exhaustion was etched on her face along with the dirt. Her eyes were still bright red. Whether it was from the lake water, the sewer or fatigue was hard to say. She mumbled to him, "This is my fault."

He bit back the desire to agree with her. She hadn't asked the Cylons to take a shot at them. She'd come here with good intentions, well, at least this time. How was she to know it would all go to mong this fast.

"Naw, you got him down on the ground alive, and out of the drink. You did good, and you got those women and children to safety. You kept me from getting lost in the sewer and you took a nice nature hike. You've had a busy day. Come on, sweetheart. Time to rest." He went to her and led her to the fire, easing her down to the ground. He reached back for a water bottle and a meal, putting one in each of her hands. "Eat, drink, that's an order."

She mumbled something that sounded like, "yes sir, but I can take care of myself."

"Humor me. You're the only one pregnant in the group," he answered her while he dug in the pack for what should be standard for a Colonial pack. He didn't find it and went back to the others to check out one of the other packs. "Who packed these?" he asked Max as he took the heavy pack from him.

"We did. What are you looking for?"

"Socks."

Max took the pack from him and dug into a side pocket pulling out more than a couple of pairs. "I'm a grunt. I know how important socks are."

Starbuck grabbed a pair and headed back to find Rene sitting in almost a trance. "Eating means you put the food in your mouth." His voice, while gentle, still snapped her out of it and she almost inhaled the meal while he undid her boots and pulled them off, stripping off the sweat soaked socks to lay them near the fire, putting the new ones on. Around a mouthful of food she mumbled something about her boots.

"No, on. I need them on."

He was about to say they were safe here, but he didn't really know that. He surveyed the cavern and the men gathered around the fires. They had all eagerly dug into the Colonial packs, distributing the food, diminishing the supplies his group would need later. The men had remained in their jackets, their weapons still strapped to their backs and their hips. Things weren't safe yet.

He helped her back into her boots and pulled out a survival blanket wrapping it around her shoulders before he went back to check on Jake and Boomer. Apollo was currently tracking down the bone mender that Avery claimed to have. Jake was gently easing Boomer out of his sodden jacket.

"Looks like you've learned a few things," Starbuck said patting Jake on the shoulder. Apollo came over, hefting a small hand cranked generator.

"It's old, but looks functional. This isn't going to be comfortable." Apollo placed the generator down and handed Jake the bone mender. Starbuck took a look at the generator, noting it appeared to have been used recently, but the bone mender was ancient.

"Where the frack did they get that? It looks older than I am."

"I'm assuming some medical museum somewhere. Avery said the Cylons targeted the hospitals right after they eliminated any military facilities. They really didn't want us to survive," Apollo said kneeling down to help Jake place the mender over the leg. Jake ran the biomonitor over the area shaking his head.

"Wish we had a real scanner. Not sure if this will be as good as the Life Center, but he should be at least mobile until we can get it perfect. I'm going to assume we're getting out of here as soon as we can…uh sir?"

"I think we can dispense with the military decorum, Jake," Apollo answered. "At least while we're on Caprica anyway. It seems you are more in charge here than I am. I would love to get us out of here, but I'm going to assume our vipers are destroyed. Any suggestions?"

Starbuck wondered why Jake looked to him as he answered. Apollo had spent time in the Council Chambers with the Rats, but come to think of it, Jake never interacted with him. At the time Starbuck had chalked it up to the Rats distrust of command. They were going to have to get over that if they were going to get out of here together. At least they did trust him, and in time, perhaps that would extend to those Starbuck answered to. "We steal a couple of raiders, but I would like it to be from a smaller operation than what they have going on here. We'll have to get creative."

"Creative is my specialty," Starbuck replied.

Jake turned back to Apollo. "Sir, think we'll be fine here? I would like to give him more painkillers since we have them, but if we have to move him, he'll be out of it."

"I can take it," Boomer said, attempting to sit up.

Apollo gently pushed him back down. "If we can get you on your feet it will be easier for everyone and there is no need to be in pain while we do it. We are just going to have to trust we are safe here for now."

"Hey, one shot on stun could knock out one third of these guys, and I don't think we should hesitate to do it if we feel threatened," Starbuck reminded them. "Do it Jake."

Jake loaded the hypo and administered the dose before positioning the bone mender at what would be his best guess at healing the break. Starbuck took up position on the generator, beginning to crank, trying to keep his movements steady, but an electric current is never steady when relying on human power. As predicted, mending the bone was slow, and even with the extra medications on board, Boomer was gritting his teeth in pain. Starbuck was focused on the generator, when he felt Apollo tap him on the shoulder.

"My turn. See to your wife."

Starbuck didn't mind handing over the job. His shoulders ached from the repetitive motion and it wasn't easy to listen to Boomer's suffering. As he got up Jake told him, "Get her on her left side. It's better circulation for the baby."

He nodded and came around the fire to Rene. She looked to have just slumped over, the food at least gone, the water half gone. Starbuck got out another blanket, laying it on the ground near the fire and gently nudging Rene awake. Her eyes flew open and her blaster came up.

"Whoa…easy. Just getting you more comfortable, pretty lady. No need to shoot me, and don't be waving that thing around or Avery is going to want to take it from you again."

She mumbled something incomprehensible as she tucked the blaster back inside her jacket and let Starbuck guide her down to the blanket that he then wrapped around her. He reached for a meal himself and sat down pulling her head into his lap. She was sound asleep before he could get the meal open. Max took over for Apollo, and his buddy came to join him by the fire, a meal in his hand as well.

Starbuck waited until Apollo was halfway through the meal before he gave him the bad news. "We have about two days worth of food, and even less of water since we lost my pack and yours to these guys." Starbuck waved at the cavern where Avery's men seemed to be overjoyed at the contents of their packs and the extras they had brought. The packs had all been scavenged and tossed aside like empty candy wrappers. "I'm thinking by how fast they ate, they've been out of food for a while and that doesn't bode well for us. Don't suspect they will be excited about six more mouths to feed."

"Well, we did remove the women and children from the equation, so that might account for something." Apollo looked down to Rene sleeping soundly in Starbuck's lap. "I suggest we save what we have for Rene. The less she consumes on this planet the better for the baby."

"This planet? You're talking like this is just some other barren planetoid on our journey. This is our home."

"Not anymore, buddy. I've been taking readings every now and then. Brought along a better scanner than we usually have. I've taken some samples of the air, the ground. It's devoid of insects for one. The radium is high, but there are other toxins in the air that have me convinced it will be more than a hundred yahrens before we could consider repopulating Caprica, and that's if the Cylons stopped their mining productions right now."

"So we're in agreement. We leave sooner rather than later." Starbuck watched the men beginning to gather around the fires, their wary looks directed back at the Colonials. No one had bothered to speak to them since they fled the shopping mall. He wasn't sure if Avery had told them not to, or if no one was interested in speaking to them. He knew if he'd been stuck on Caprica for three yahrens, he'd want to hear about a fleet of ships and what had been happening. He tried to pick out Avery from the clusters of camo clad bearded men. He blended in until Starbuck started looking for those who might be watching him. There he was, across the cavern at another fire close to the opening.

"Think he's figured out yet that we're it?" Starbuck asked, absently stroking Rene's hair.

"Yes, based on the fact he's not talking with us. He's not believing our story, but don't see that it matters much right now. Our objective is not to help them fight the Cylons, but to initiate our evacuation. But, that could go easier if they create a diversion for us. I'll speak with him in the morning. I'm just too tired now to be diplomatic."

"Grab a blanket, we at least have plenty of those. I'll take first watch."

Apollo didn't question the decision of posting someone to guard their group. He just nodded and reached for a blanket and, much like Rene, curled up where he was. Starbuck half thought of offering his pack to Apollo so he didn't have to sleep with his face in the dirt, but Apollo was asleep before he could voice the idea.

Jake finished up with Boomer, draping a blanket around the dozing man before adding more wood to the fire. He walked around to sit behind Rene, taking the meal that Starbuck offered him. Max came to sit by Jake as well, wolfing down food quickly before curling up near Rene's feet. Starbuck started up a conversation with Jake, mostly to make sure the young man stayed awake long enough to get a meal into him.

"Rene told me about those first days in the sewer. Neither of you mention how dark it is down there. I mean, that's not just dark. You were blind down there, weren't you?"

"Not at first. Explosions and fires lit things up, but yeah, later when it was over. You lose track of time and well, everything," Jake shivered and looked at the men in the cavern. "They're well dressed. Think they have extra clothing? Boomer really needs some dry clothes that haven't been dipped in a cesspool. We could all use some."

"Well, it can't hurt to ask. Think you can stay awake until I get back?" He eased Rene's head from his lap, laying it gently down on the blanket.

"Sure you don't want some back up?" Jake asked.

Starbuck considered it. Avery said outright he trusted Jake, but Starbuck decided he needed to handle this his way. It had worked in the past with other Borays, surely it would work this time. "No, stay with the group and cover me from here. Boomer might need you."

Starbuck got up and strode across the room, feeling his joints ache from the long hike. He debated on what strategy he should use, come on strong, or ease his way in. Like Apollo he was too tired to think about it, so strong it was.

When he approached the fire, all the men looked to Avery first before they looked at him. Avery didn't say anything, just glared at Starbuck while he chewed. Starbuck started to raise a hand in greeting, and then decided he was too tired for pleasantries.

"Avery, what supplies do you have? We're all soaked and could use something dry if you've got extra clothes, at least for our injured man. Plus you might want to go easy on the food. We were thinking we might need some of it. My wife over there's pregnant, and the less she consumes on this toxic dump of a planet the better."

Avery made a point of taking another bite of the meal he held before he glared up at him. Starbuck didn't let it faze him, choosing to sit down and reaching for a protein bar in one of the meals scattered about.

"Like it or not, we're in this together now." Starbuck accentuated his point by taking a bite of the bar.

"So you brought your pregnant wife to this planet knowing what you would find?" One of Avery's men around the fire spoke before Avery could hiss at him to shut up.

Starbuck couldn't tell who had asked the question, his focus on Avery. "We had to bring her. She's our ride. Blame it on her motherly instincts, but she seemed to be under the impression you guys wanted to be rescued. Based on how quickly you scarfed down our food, I'm thinking she wasn't that far off on her guess. So why weren't you willing to take the ride?"

Avery glanced at all the men around him before he answered. "We're not done here on Caprica. This is our home and we will reclaim it from the enemy."

Avery's eyes were blazing with patriotism that Starbuck hadn't seen for a while. Maybe watching all your buddies go up in flames burned that kind of loyalty for your home world out of you. But then again, Starbuck had never really bought into that whole rabid, flag-waving Kobolian "Caprica is the best" mentality. Yeah, he was Caprican and damn proud of it, but he liked a lot of the other twelve worlds and their people and customs too. Just the luck of the draw that he was Caprican. He could have easily been sent off to grow up on another world as the foster system sent you where they had the room. But this guy obviously bought into all the frenzied and jingoistic slogans, songs and bedtime stories.

"Have you seen this place? I'm thinking you're done here, or at least the planet is done with you." Starbuck made sure to make eye contact with the half a dozen men around the fire, noting that they all evaded his gaze. Perhaps not everyone agreed with Avery's plan of prolonged suicide. If he could create some cracks in this group, maybe they could talk some sense into Avery and turn around this mission.

"Spoken like a coward," Avery looked to his men and they laughed as if on cue. Starbuck suddenly had a flash back to secondary school and the sports jocks who ran in packs, always with some big bully as their leader, the rest his flunkies. Was that the case here? Had Avery bullied these men into staying to finish off some contest that couldn't be won?

"That's what you think I am because I decided that maybe saving what I could of the human race was better than tossing my life away? I was there that day. I fought in the battle against the Cylons and I watched most of my friends die. I hate to be the one to tell you, but we lost!"

Even Starbuck winced at the words, an admission that no one had really uttered aloud, at least not often and not to any large groups of people. He'd never said it himself, not even with his close friends. They hadn't lost, they'd survived, or so they decided to believe. Maybe it was walking through the wreck of his home world that had him more able to face the reality of the situation. Maybe it was knowing he had a future ahead of him with a wife and child. He just knew that he was eternally grateful that when the Galactica retreated, he was smart and lucky enough to survive until she came back. Was it cowardly to want to live? Maybe it was Rene's recent indecision if she wanted to continue her own existence that had him changing his mind on what was cowardice. He'd been brave enough to want to live. It would have been so easy to just launch himself at the nearest raider salvo and call it a day.

He realized the group around the fire was still quiet, so he assumed they wanted to hear what he had to say. In a softer voice, he continued. "We lost. It sucks, believe me I know. I'm living with it every day. Our twelve colonies have turned into about two hundred ships and less than a quarter million of our population, mostly women and children. You want to think I turned tail and ran, fine. But don't keep spewing that fantasy that the fleet is out there defeating the enemy on the other worlds because it just isn't true."

Avery chewed his food while continuing to scowl at Starbuck, before he finally spoke. "So you are trying to tell me that the fairy tale that gal told is true? She can leap across quadrants of space? There aren't Colonial warships in this quadrant?"

Starbuck nodded his head wishing he had some kind of proof he could offer the man, but the only proof he had to offer was his own boots crusted with Caprican soil. "I know I can't prove it. I barely believe it myself, but yeah. We are beyond our explored space, and she can take us pretty much anywhere we want to go. Don't ask me how, I couldn't explain it. And does it really matter? Look at your men? I saw your women and children. Anywhere is better than here. You're doomed here."

"Oh, I would argue that point. We've been winning so far against those tin heads. When we take them out, more do not arrive. With more help, we stand a chance of real victory. We can take back the glory of Caprica and do what our military could not!"

Starbuck looked around at the camouflaged clad men as they nodded at the declaration, some even uttering a "frack yeah!" or an "oorah". That's when it hit Starbuck just what he was dealing with. These were military wannabes. They all probably tried to join the service, and maybe some of them were ex-Colonial Warriors, but they had washed out or were flat out rejected from the Colonial Service for various reasons. Starbuck eyed Avery and realized he'd probably tried to be an officer. Grades, that had to be it. It was most likely low grades in his classes and on the tests that washed him out, or maybe his immovable temperament. Lord knows Avery wasn't bright. The man had tried though, Starbuck would bet cubits on it. Tried and failed. They all probably had. The revelation gave Starbuck something to work with.

Starbuck waited for the cheers to subside and the nodding along to Avery's words to taper off, before he squared his shoulders and met Avery's eyes. "The fleet needs you, hades hole, the human race needs you. We need more people like you to protect our women and children. You want to take back Caprica, I get it, I do, and I fully support that, but the fleet doesn't have the resources to help you. I'm needed back there, we all are. Right now, our victory lies in saving our race from extinction. Our Commander has a plan for that, a lost colony of Colonial explorers who thousands of yahrens ago were brave enough to head out looking for more worlds for us to conquer, to grow and expand the great Colonies. When we find them and unite our forces, only then can we beat the Cylons! But that starts by not letting them wipe us out now."

He hoped his insignia were shining in the firelight, hoped that his uniform, despite the muck of the sewers and the dust of the hills, still looked good enough for this recruitment speech. He'd have to remember on his next trip to bring along his gold clusters. He spared a glance around the fire, saw that Avery's men had latched on to the hope for victory Starbuck was offering.

"Our women and children are counting on us. We are all needed to keep them safe and see that we get them to that haven so that we can rebuild. Then we can come and take back what is rightfully ours, when we're stronger and better equipped. It's not that we don't want to join you, believe me, there is nothing I would like more right now that to take some revenge on the Cylon Empire, but the damage here has already been done. Our scanners indicate the radium levels are too high, and they won't go down for several yahrens. Your water is poisoned no doubt, and you're running out of food as well as places you can grow it. If you stay here, you're all going to slowly die of radion poisoning. Our time here is done, but the fleet still needs you and your abilities. After your experiences here on Caprica, we could use your expertise at defeating Cylons."

Starbuck watched the sparks that he saw in these men begin to grow. He just hoped the winds would blow the fire his way. "Don't you want to see to it that your women and children are kept safe? Don't you want to join them and join the fight that humanity is winning? Isn't it time to let Caprica go for the good of your families? After all, Caprica isn't going to go anywhere. We can always come back."

Starbuck saw in their eyes that they were considering his words. The men were tired and needing some hope of seeing this through to the end alive. But none of them answered his question. They sat quietly, each man with his own thoughts. Avery looked daggers at him, obviously upset at the cracks Starbuck was working hard at widening between Avery and his belief they could take back Caprica.

Avery finally broke the silence. "What was it you needed again? I'm thinking you should get back to your people, while I take care of mine." Avery got up, looking like he was going to come over and drag Starbuck to his feet. Starbuck got to his feet before Avery could reach him.

"Dry clothes if you can spare them. More clean water if you have it."

"See to your people and I'll bring some over." Avery held his place by the fire.

"Thanks, that would be appreciated." But Starbuck didn't move, and Avery stared him down. Starbuck was too tired to wait the man out. "I can answer any questions you have about the fleet. You know where to find me." Starbuck reached down for the stack of wood by their fire, grabbing more than a couple of logs before turning to head back across the cavern.

He sat down again by their fire, added more wood, determined to get it roaring enough to get them all dry and warm. He eased Rene's head back into his lap.

"So what did they say?" Jake asked as they watched Avery disappear into one of the tunnels leading away from the cavern.

"They said they would see what they could do. I wouldn't expect much from them. In the morning, we get creative and get the frack out of here. Get some sleep. Boomer's going to need you."

Jake nodded to him before he lay down spooning up to Rene's back, pulling his blanket around the two of them, and an arm protectively over her. Maybe a secton or two ago, Jake's choice of where to sleep would have annoyed him, but here and now it seemed natural. Maybe it was the trip through the sewers that day and the full comprehension of how much Jake and Rene and all the rats had been through together, but he was glad at the moment that she had more than just himself to look out for her.

The activity across the cavern died down as the men settled in to get some sleep. They posted a watch, but it was outside the entrance to the mine to ensure the Cylons did not surprise them. He watched Avery return from the tunnel, a bundle in his arms. He strode over to the fire, and dropped a stack of clothes by Boomer.

"Best we could do. We have plenty of water. There's a spring outside the opening, straight from an artesian well so it's clean except for a sulphur smell. You get used to it." Avery had already turned and was walking away when Starbuck mumbled thanks to the man's retreating back.

Starbuck eased Rene back from his lap and got up to see that Avery had brought hunting clothes, a heavy wool shirt and a wool sweater, plus a couple of more sweaters for the rest of them. All of it was in a camouflage print that hunters favored. He went and helped Boomer out of his shirt. It disturbed Starbuck that his friend didn't wake with the movement, but at least seemed to feel cooler to the touch and had a bit more natural color once he was dressed again. Starbuck tossed another log on the fire and sat down again, absently stroking Rene's hair as he occupied his mind by trying to place the names he had learned earlier with the faces.

He didn't make it more than two centaurs before he was waking Apollo to take watch, letting him know there had been no problems and it might be unnecessary for them to keep a guard posted. Apollo indicated that he would still take watch to make everyone, mostly Starbuck, feel safer. He thanked his friend as he lay down next to Rene, pulling her onto his chest. Jake was still wrapped around her so Starbuck just threw his blanket over the three of them. The sewer rats were a close bunch, and now he thought maybe he understood why. He remembered back to that first night on the Galactica when they had all curled up to sleep together, tangled together like a nest of rats. Just like Starbuck had in the sewer tunnels, they held on tight when things were dark. Despite the firelight, things looked pretty dim with no way to get off planet, a hostile host and food running low. Not their finest day ever, so he let Jake be. Safer in numbers he figured. At least Jake didn't snore like Jolly.


	30. Chapter 30

To say he didn't sleep well was an understatement. There was, of course, that one rock in the middle of his back. That rock had followed him all over the twelve worlds, across the universe and back again and, frankly, it needed to go away. He woke several times in the night to Rene coughing, and at one point he just got too warm and had to push her away as he sweated buckets. Then he woke again in a panic when she wasn't there on his chest, reaching for her and pulling her to him. Added to it all was the headache that was building in his temples and a strange tickle in his throat that was getting more painful by the moment. He tried to block all that out and get back to sleep, but once he seemed to finally fall all the way under, he was being woken by a kick to his boot. He startled to find he was alone, and for a moment was a bit disoriented in the dark.

"Starbuck, it's morning. I need some help here." It was Jake's voice that brought him back to the present. He sat up immediately looking for Rene, and became alarmed she wasn't beside him. He started to his feet. Jake reached out a hand to help him up.

"Relax, she's outside doing a bit of recon with Apollo. Max has an eye on them. We need to find some antibiotics, and fast. Boomer's not doing well."

"I'm okay," Boomer mumbled from by the fire, but his words were slurred like he was drunk. "I can walk."

Starbuck could read the truth on Jake's face in the dim light of the cavern. "How bad?"

Jake's answer was to pull the bio monitor out and begin waving it over Starbuck. He reached out to push it away. "I'm fine. How bad is Boomer?" Starbuck asked exasperated. Med Techs were all the same: they never had straight answers and were more concerned with the monitor than with the person.

Jake shook his head as he read the readout. "Rene's warm. So are you. I'm thinking that swim wasn't a good idea."

"Boomer would probably disagree."

But Jake shook his head before he whispered, "Might be the death of him. We need antibiotics. He's not responding to the Clindion or the Piptazz in the medkit hypospray. I got the other med kits from Avery's men, but they already took out most of the antibiotics for their own people. If we don't find some Vancon fast…" He just shook his head.

"Vancon?"

"I tested a sample of the bacteria growing in Boomer's leg. It's susceptible to Vancon."

"And we didn't know this yesterday?" Starbuck asked.

"No, it takes twelve centars to get a definitive result with the ACS."

"ACS?" Why did he have to ask?

"Accelerated Culture and Sensitivity," Jake replied. "Imagine there was a time when they had to wait three days for these kinds of results."

"Okay, let me take care of a problem and then what do you need me to do?"

"I need to clean out the wound again. Need you to hold him. He's not quite with it," Jake answered. "The turboflush is the great outdoors, come back with some water." Jake shoved a metal pot into his hands.

"Yeah, the problem is that here the great outdoors is also a turboflush," Starbuck replied, grimacing at what Jake needed him to do. Oh getting water wouldn't be the problem, but holding his friend down while he groaned in pain wasn't high on his list of fun things to do first thing in the morning. He took a look around the cavern and saw that most of the men were either still sleeping, or working on devouring what was left of the food. He didn't see Avery. "We don't have any sterile cleaner left?"

"No, but if you can get me water I can add Suprachloron Tabs to purify it. It kills micro-organisms."

"How does it taste?"

"Like felgercarb, that's why we're better off boiling our drinking water like Avery and his men do. Besides, I don't want to waste them."

"I'll be right back," Starbuck said and headed for the entrance to the mine. He came around the corner of the dim cave tunnel into bright daylight. The sun was still behind the clouds looking like a big maroon ball in the sky just over the horizon. The red of the clouds was not a color he remembered from a Caprican sunrise. He couldn't help but notice the similarity between the sun and the red eye of a centurion. He could almost hear the drone. If the sun started sweeping across the sky, he was going to take a shot at it.

Max was sitting on a rock outside the entrance, looking at the ridge in front of him. "Morning."

"Where are they?" Starbuck asked trying to get his eyes to adjust to the light.

"The clothes were a good idea. They blend right in, but I've had my eye on them," Max said as he pointed to the top of the ridge. After some searching, Starbuck spotted Apollo's darker hair on the top of the ridge, but could see nothing of Rene. "Avery says they block the thermal signature as well so almost Cylon proof, almost. He headed up the ridge behind us, not sure why, but he said we shouldn't leave."

Starbuck debated hiking up the hill to Rene and Apollo, or at least trading places with Max. Despite the yahrens of dating a med tech working on being a doctor, he didn't like the sight of blood and bone. Made him sick, but his friend needed him. He took care of nature's call and filled the pot from the spring that bubbled up from the ground and became a small creek. He told Max to not take his eyes off them, and headed back in to help Jake.

The wound was already unwrapped and exposed, and the foul odor assaulted the senses as it filled the cavern. Boomer was groaning loudly in pain and Starbuck almost joined in as he saw the purple blotchiness covered in dark blisters, the skin swollen and taut around the gaping wound that poured out some foul liquid. Skin was peeling from the edges of the wound, where the saturated dressings had rotted away at healthy tissue like some kind of acid. "Sagan sakes," he muttered, bile rising in his throat.

"The Suprachloron's over there. Add two to the water you brought." Jake didn't take his attention away from his work.

"Where's the rest of our water?" Starbuck asked and Jake pointed to the three bottles near him.

"We didn't think we'd be here long. We didn't know we'd need this much. Next mission I'm bringing a full pack of it."

Starbuck wanted to tell Jake to save it for Rene, but if she was off taking a morning hike she was probably fine. It was Boomer who was in more need right now. His friend's face looked ashen and gray in the dim light.

"Can you hold him?" Jake gave him a look, reading right through to Starbuck's trepidation.

Starbuck swallowed down his own squeamishness and nodded, reaching for the hypospray. He gave Boomer a dose of pain killer, not even checking with Jake first. The young man merely nodded his approval as Starbuck gripped Boomer's leg, holding it still. The lieutenant was solid muscle, and there was no way that he could hold the warrior down, unless he was cooperating. "Okay Boomer, I'd rather not have to sit on you."

"That makes two of us," Boomer replied, his voice raspy.

"Let's get this over with then, okay?"

"You aren't going to beat me this match," Boomer said up to him, his eyes bright and his face flushed even darker with fever.

"What match would that be?" Starbuck asked wondering what his friend was talking about.

"Triad," he slurred. "You don't have the capstone this time, and get that damn smoke out of my face." Boomer cried out in pain and Starbuck grimaced.

"Can you hurry it up?" he asked Jake, but the young man didn't answer him, just focussing on the task. Methodically, he again irrigated the wound and then packed and dressed it. Weirdly, it seemed like there should be more blood for it to hurt so much. But it was infection eating Boomer's leg alive, nothing else. It seemed to take forever before he was done and Boomer was wringing wet with sweat. Starbuck felt like a bit of a wuss for doing it, but he had to get some fresh air after the experience, mumbling to Jake he needed to check on Rene and Apollo.

He found himself taking big gulps of air to calm his stomach once he was outside. He didn't care how tainted the air might be, it was better than the smell of that cavern.

"They're almost down," Max said giving Starbuck a sympathetic look. "I couldn't take it either. Apollo thinks he knows where we can find what we need. He just needed to see if it was still there. The hospitals aren't."

Apollo and Rene emerged from the brush, both dressed in the hunting sweaters Avery had supplied. Rene's nearly hung down to her knees. They crossed the bottom of the ravine to them, but about midway, Rene leaned over, hands on her knees. Starbuck knew what that position meant and he sprinted off to her side reaching her just as the contents of her stomach spilled to the ground. He reached a hand to her shoulder, holding her up, and brushing her hair out of the way as she retched. Apollo had also paused, waiting on Rene to finish. Starbuck wished he had a cool wet cloth on him for her face, like he always did back on the Galactica. All he could offer was a hand back up as she wiped at her mouth with her sleeve.

"That the first time since getting to Caprica?" he asked. She nodded looking to him with eyes that were bright, much like Boomer's. "Been more than a couple of sectons since you were done with the nausea," he said mostly for Apollo's benefit. He reached out a hand to her forehead, but she backed away before he could make contact.

"I'm fine. Just moved too fast and haven't eaten yet. We found what we need, at least we hope we have." She nodded at Apollo. "I guess being from a good family has more than a few advantages."

He looked to Apollo, confused at the comment. "So what does having mighty fine parents have to do with getting us some medications and off this rock?"

"Well," Apollo answered not hiding his smile. "Not my own mother mind you, she always believed in being more natural in her beauty, but many of her friends had some work done. I think we can find some good antibiotics there, as that was part of the regimen."

"Work? Regimen?"

"Plastic surgery, Bucko. Facelifts, tummy tucks and, well, the rest. There's a clinic they all talked about in our neighborhood. Not good for business when your clients get infections, so I'm pretty sure they loaded them up with lots of antibiotics before sending them on their way. The Cylons didn't think to hit that building, since it looks more like a residence than a clinic, and I'm thinking most of the survivors wouldn't know about it. They don't strike me as the privileged class."

"No, they don't. Their necks are a bit red if you ask me. So about how far you think it is? Are we going to have to hike that seven metrons again?"

"Yes, but at least it's downhill for half the trip," Apollo quipped.

"And uphill for the other half. All joking aside, he's not looking good. We should get going."

"Let me go grab a pack and some extra lasers," Rene said starting to head for the opening of the mine, but Starbuck grabbed her arm.

"No, you're staying here. Jake might need you."

She shook her head at him. "I'm not your old girl friend, the med tech. I can't help him and you'll need some back up. Plus, if you get company, you're going to need a guide through the underground. I'm coming."

She made to move away but he held on. "Max can come with us. You're staying."

"Starbuck, Max was on the Zakar. He's not a rat. You will need me." She met his eyes, but he looked away not happy with how this day was going, almost worse than yesterday.

"Starbuck, we talked about this," Apollo reached out a hand to his shoulder. "Too many emotions. She knows what she's doing. She can get us in an out faster without detection. We can't take Jake because Boomer will need him. Max should probably come with us too."

"I'm just pregnant, Starbuck, I'm not an invalid," Rene added to the argument.

"Jake says she's running a fever," Starbuck spoke to Apollo knowing he couldn't reason with Rene.

"I know, and he told me you are probably running one too. So I should leave you here as well," Apollo answered.

"NO, that's not what I meant!" He let go of Rene's arm and kicked at a rock ,sending it flying. "Fine, fine, only shouldn't we be looking for a raider and getting the frack out of here?"

"Second on the list, my friend, but I'd rather take Boomer back alive, and Jake seems to think time is wasting. If we can't get the meds in time, he's talking amputation."

Starbuck felt like he was the one who needed to vomit. With a laser scalpel, it was possible, probably faster with a blaster, and he did not want to find out the answer to that dilemma today. "Alright, let's go. You need some food," he pointed to Rene, "and you follow orders, got it?"

"You don't outrank me, husband, but for Boomer's sake I'll pretend to listen."

Starbuck wasn't in the mood for the humor, not after holding down his friend screaming in pain. "Apollo, make her do what she's told!"

"I'm not the one who married her, Bucko. Rene, he's right, get some food and some to go. We leave in two centons."

Rene had already headed off to the cavern and Starbuck followed. They packed up just one pack with food and water. Starbuck was tossed a hunter's sweater by Max who had donned one as well. Starbuck pulled it on, then he reached down to one of the packs and dug out a protein bar making sure that Rene took it and consumed it before they headed out.

"Sit tight," he said to Jake as he looked down to his friend, mumbling incoherently in his fevered state.

"Don't take too long. I like him." Jake's eyes were on Rene as he flashed a hand sign that Starbuck had yet to interpret, the hand up, two middle fingers down, thumb extended. They didn't use it often, and when they did it was a fast flash usually followed by a nod of the head. This time Rene flashed it back.

Starbuck took the pack and they headed out. He was about to ask about the hand sign, when Avery's voice called out, "Where you think you're going?" He was perched above the entrance to the mine shaft.


	31. Chapter 31

"Where you think you're going?" Avery was perched above the entrance to the mine shaft.

"Oh great," Starbuck mumbled. Apollo flashed him a look.

"Let me handle him. You seemed to upset him last night with whatever you said."

"Just gave him a reality check and recruitment speech. I thought I was quite eloquent. They were all listening."

Apollo raised an eyebrow at that. "Well that explains a bit. I've had several of his men try to approach me to be cut off by him."

Avery barked impatiently, "I asked you a question! Where do you think you're going?"

Apollo answered not intimidated by the man, "Our friend is dying of an infection. We are going for antibiotics. We will return as soon as we can."

"Hospitals got destroyed. You won't find anything."

"I know of a few places that will have medications. Caprica city was my home. The locations appear to be undisturbed from here. We could use your help."

"What? No, we don't," Starbuck added hastily, but Apollo waved a hand cutting him off.

Avery just scowled down at them from his perch above the entrance before he answered. "Don't you think you've helped enough? We were doing a good job of taking them down and not being found until you showed up. They have brought more forces, thanks to you."

"So kind of adds to my argument that we need to get out of here, don't you think?" Starbuck replied with Apollo warning him to shut up.

"I've got this, Starbuck, seriously. You just rub some people the wrong way, buddy." Apollo directed his attention back up to Avery. "We are sorry about that, but our intention had been to remove you from the situation, not to make it worse. We can still make good on that promise, but I need to deal with the immediate crisis first. I have a man down and about to expire on me. I can save him, and get all of us out of here a bit faster if you help."

Starbuck was frustrated with how long the guy seemed to take to think and was about to say so, when Apollo held up his hand again cutting off Starbuck before he could open his mouth.

Avery finally spoke, "I'll come along with you and help, in exchange for your help with something we need before we leave here. You help us, we'll agree to come with you."

"That sounds fair. We would be glad to be of service, but after we save our man. We can discuss it on our way. Time is critical or we may lose him." Apollo waited for Avery to think, which seemed to take way too long by Starbuck's reckoning.

"Alright, let me tell my men." Avery climbed down and went into the cavern.

"You sure about this, Colonel? You know you are just backing up my opinion that once you reach command you lose your mind and become stupid," Starbuck only half joked.

"I figured this was faster than getting him to agree to let us go. Let's start hiking. He can catch up to us. Seriously, what did you say to him last night? Didn't you think to talk to me first before you dealt with him?"

Apollo started heading up the ridge. Starbuck waved for Rene to go before him before he answered. "Didn't realize I needed your permission, Sir." Starbuck threw some of Rene's surliness into the "sir" earning him a very satisfying exasperated sigh from his friend. "Seriously? I'm not kidding, I told him the truth. We are on the run and we need as many people as we can get and that he could be more useful helping keep his own family safe in the fleet than dying here from radion poisoning. Why what did he say to you?"

"Not him per se, but the others have tried to talk with me when he's not around. Each one seemed to be trying to tell me they wanted to join the fleet. Whatever you said it worked, and Avery is not pleased."

"Well frack him," Rene added. "He's the one who said he wanted off the planet. This was not my brilliant idea. I mean, yeah, once we found there were people here we made contact, but I didn't bring up the idea of getting them to the fleet."

Apollo stopped hiking, turning a critical eye to Rene. "And why didn't you? Why did it not occur to you to bring this to the attention of Command? Why did it take you so long to include us?" He didn't wait for her answer. "What have we done to earn your distrust? From the moment you arrived in the fleet, you have treated us with disdain for no reason. Are you that damaged by Dante you can't recognize a friend when you see one? Were we that awful back when you were a kid?"

Rene looked away and Starbuck resisted the urge to place a comforting hand on her to help her face the sting of Apollo's words. This had been a long time coming and even by Starbuck's assessment Adama's family had been patient and accepting of Rene's issues with the fleet, command and her past. Even Athena hadn't really pushed the issue, even though she wanted to.

Apollo only waited a micron before he turned back to hiking up the ridge. Truth be told they didn't really have time for this, but then again Starbuck thought, they did have a seven metron hike ahead of them, plenty of time to talk while they walked. He let the silence hang between them for a few steps before he prompted Rene.

"He deserves an answer, and not just because he outranks you. The family would have been shoved in storage closets if it weren't for Apollo and Adama, you know that right?"

"Yeah, I know that," she snapped. "I don't have a good answer, okay? I don't know why. No, it wasn't that awful, I just…" She took at least twenty more steps, pushing the brush aside viciously, almost purposely letting it snap back at Starbuck. He just chuckled at the childishness of it. Apollo had hit a nerve.

He prompted her again. "Just?"

"People aren't nice to me unless they want something from me."

Maybe she would have said more, but Avery had caught up to them grumbling that they should have waited for him, but Apollo reminded him that time was critical. They crested the ridge and Apollo picked up the pace on the downhill side, almost running down the trail that was little more than a mountain capron path. Starbuck waited until they were climbing another ridge before he said softly to Rene, "I'm nice to you and I don't want anything from you."

Rene snorted in mock derision before she shot back, trying to temper her words as playful, "Oh is that so? You wanted something from me because you sure didn't say no when I offered it."

"Well, I'm not stupid. I'm not going to turn down such a wonderful offer. Don't think I didn't appreciate it, but that's not why I was nice to you. I guess I kind of liked you. I mean, I did ask you to seal with me, so if that's wanting something from you, I guess you're right."

She sighed. "I can't explain it Starbuck, I'm trying to figure it out myself. Might be why I see doctors even though I didn't want to. I mean, I did bring up getting them off planet, but I didn't know how. I thought the Commander would say no. He's told me no a lot where it concerns what I can do. Even you won't give me the coordinates for Earth. And…" She cut him off as she was right, he was going to try to explain for probably the hundredth time why he just couldn't tell her. It was getting to be an old argument between them, one that hadn't erupted yet into shouting, but he didn't doubt that if they made it back to the fleet the shouting would be happening. He wasn't sure he had a good reason anymore, at least not one that made sense while hiking the hills above the city that he had thought they had left far behind them and he would never see again. If she had the ability right now to get them off Caprica and to the paradise of Earth, he'd give her the coordinates with no hesitation. But it was a moot point at the moment.

She looked back at him almost sheepishly, "And, I wasn't exactly coming here for the right reasons. I knew that. I'm not stupid."

"Not sure we want to debate that point right now. You know my opinion on the matter. We get caught with all the black market goods you're hoarding in our quarters, we're going to be lucky if we get to have conjugal visits on the prison barge." He didn't miss Apollo flashing him a disapproving frown.

"So you do get why I couldn't tell the Commander. Even Boomer wasn't sure if they wanted off planet at first. That's why it took so long to arrange it and they didn't trust us. I got that. I still do. I just didn't think they'd take us hostage." She pitched her voice louder and as she directed her comment to Avery.

"I thought you were bringing me Colonial Warriors, not criminals." Avery shot back.

"It's a thin line, only we have Council approval to do what would generally be considered illegal or immoral for everyone else," Starbuck rebutted.

Apollo put an end to the conversation. "Boomer's life depends on us. Keep moving." He picked up the pace as the city came into view again as they crested the ridge.

Avery asked where they were headed and Apollo filled him on the details, finally asking what he wanted them to help with once they returned. Avery who had been quiet most of the hike said he would tell them that evening, that the matter could wait. "It's waited this long, but if you can get more help, that would be better."

Starbuck shook his head. The guy just wasn't bright. If they could get help, they wouldn't be taking this lovely hike again. They'd be getting Boomer off to a Life Center. He could use one himself as the headache was beginning to become a real inconvenience, and each swallow was a knife blade slicing down his throat. His nose was beginning to run, leading to a lot of sniffling and spitting out mucus.

It was as they began to make the descent of the final ridge when Rene stumbled, falling to the ground as her knees buckled. She caught herself on her hands and knees as she began coughing so hard that it turned into retching. Starbuck kneeled beside her, wondering what he should be doing to help. Her eyes went wide as the retching turned into dry heaving and it was obvious she wasn't able to draw in a breath.

He rubbed her back, about all he could do until the retching stopped. He briefly wondered if she passed out would the heaving cease and maybe she'd be able to catch a breath. It appeared to be what was going to be the likely outcome when she finally was able to get the heaving under control and pulled in air that then led to hard wracking coughs. Jake had been right, she was warm and it wasn't due to the obscured sun in the sky. The day was chilly verging on cold and they hadn't been running fast enough to really chase the chill away.

He waited until she finally got the coughing fit under control and was there on her hands and knees sucking in air, before he asked, "This isn't just the baby, is it?" He was certainly displaying symptoms of his own that he had caught something after their swim, but she was much worse.

Her voice was rough as she answered, "It's not what you think. You got your wish."

"My wish? To have you take a swim in water that's toxic? Not exactly the dream honeymoon I had planned, darling."

"No," she started to get to her feet as he helped her up and handed her a water bottle. She drank and he was able to finally get that hand to her forehead. She wasn't burning up exactly, but she was definitely warmer than she should be. She sighed and spoke softly, "I'm stim free, as of yesterday afternoon."

It was not what he was expecting to hear. "Dammit Rene! I thought we solved this a while ago."

"Yeah, about that," she took another drink, spitting it out to clear her mouth. She held his gaze, bracing herself for the lecture.

He shook his head cursing softly under his breath. She knew the arguments. She knew how much it could hurt the baby and how angry he would be. He didn't need to say it, but he did, "It's not good for MY baby, you know that. And the last thing we need to deal with is you detoxing on us here. Pretty fracking stupid."

"I know. So here's hoping we find something in that clinic, and we can talk about getting me clean later." She finished off the water bottle still holding his gaze, waiting on his answer he supposed.

A guy didn't need to be a med tech to know you don't start coughing up a lung when you're withdrawing from stims. Obviously, she had at least two things going on here between the withdrawal symptoms and the sickness they'd picked up in the lake, add to that her pregnancy with any symptoms that they thought she was past, and she now had a perfect trio. Yeah, just perfect. "When we get back, pretty lady, I might put you in the brig myself." She nodded at his words not disagreeing. Her eyes weren't just fever bright. They were wide and she was still breathing hard. He decided to humor her. "Wow, you are in need. How many a day were you taking?" She hesitated, looking away to the city below.

"We don't have time for lies. We need to get back and save Boomer, so just give it to me straight."

She held up five fingers before turning away, mumbling that she was fine and she could keep going. Starbuck cursed. He supposed that was cutting back for her, only three above the daily dose recommended.

"Maybe you two should stay here," Apollo offered, but Starbuck shook his head no.

"She needs what we're going for too. But if I find anything resembling a space worthy vehicle, we are out of here."

They made good time getting out of the hills. The Cylon presence seemed to have gone back to being limited to the industrial area, but Starbuck took note that there were more raiders in the sky, dipping down like predatory birds from the clouds on occasion. Avery suggested they pull up the hoods on the sweaters to block their thermal signature and blend in to the landscape. Starbuck had often debated with his fellow pilots if it was possible to use a blaster to bring down a raider, just where you had to hit one. They had all decided if you were a good enough shot, it might be possible. Starbuck was afraid he might have to find out the answer to that debate today.

As they reached the outskirts of the city and found themselves in residential neighborhoods Starbuck told Rene to stay behind him, and he took point. All those yahrens of sneaking out and hiding from authority figures had not been wasted time. It had been preparation for evading the enemy, be it a foster parent, an academy sentry, or a Cylon centurion. He wove between the homes, using the trees, shrubs and abandoned hovermobiles for cover as Apollo pointed out directions. They found themselves in a small business district, the buildings only showing signs of neglect and some slight damage from the fires that had broken out the night of their destruction that had raged with no one to extinguish them. The clinic sign was still prominent, although the name was deceptive, Visio Eclipse. He got the pun, obscure the vision of aging and he briefly wondered if Siress Belloby had used their services. The woman certainly didn't look the hundred yahrens that she was.

The doors were locked and they had to blast their way in. Starbuck took that as a good sign they would be able to find what they were looking for. Once in the building both he and Apollo were a little stunned by how well preserved the interior seemed to be. It was like stepping back in time to days of normalcy, a doctor's waiting room with the reading material neatly arranged, the artificial flowers and trees adding to the décor. Rene didn't seem as affected by the eerie ambience as she headed directly for the back rooms of the clinic. She began flinging open doors to storage rooms, not taking long to find what she was looking for.

"In here," she yelled, her voice breaking the spell as they flinched. Starbuck followed her voice to find her in a type of lab. She had pulled out several pill bottles, reading off the names and talking to herself. "Holy frack why didn't I think of this. We could make a fortune off the painkillers alone. Man, they have the good stuff."

Starbuck unslung the pack from his back opening it up to scoop the pill bottles into it. "Or…I know crazy thought here, instead we could take it back to the Life Center on the Galactica and it could be used to help people."

"Might mitigate those charges for black market dealings you're going to be facing," Apollo added coming into the room. Starbuck chuckled at the "I told you so" hand sign Rene flashed at him. Apollo opened another cabinet and found the hypos loading two up right away before waving Starbuck over.

Starbuck gazed at vial after vial of antibiotics. He pulled a few down reading the labels. "You weren't kidding. They've got it all. Thank the Lords, they have the Vancon we need for Boomer too." Starbuck winced as Apollo pressed the hypo to his neck while he emptied the shelf of Vancon. "You could warn a guy you know."

"More fun this way. Rene, you're next, and myself and Max for good measure." He walked over and paused Rene in her rummaging to apply the hypo before going over and loading one up for himself and for Max.

Rene was mumbling to herself and had begun yanking more cupboards open, then slamming them closed, when she abruptly turned to head off to check other parts of the clinic.

"Where are you going?" Starbuck found himself talking to her retreating back.

"We found what we need, so what's going on, buddy?" Apollo asked.

"Just a personal problem. I'll deal with it. Let's head back. We have what we need and so far, no Cylons." He poked his head out in the hallway of the clinic to see Rene enter another room, then quickly come out cursing. "Rene, get over here. You're not going to find what you're looking for here."

She paused in the corridor, looking around for a moment before sagging her shoulders in defeat. "No, you're right, but there was a drug store just down the street. They should have something." She started to head back down the hallway to where it opened back up to the waiting room and the entrance of the clinic. Starbuck sprinted to catch up with her.

"And most likely already ransacked. Come on, we need to head back." He turned the corner of the corridor and caught up to her as she looked back at him.

"It won't take long, it was just up the street and…" She turned the corner to the waiting room of the clinic and froze, her only movement to raise her hand to the closed fist of the handsign of "hold position."

Through the glass of the waiting room window, he saw the sun had come out and shining brightly, glinting off something silver. Framed in the window standing on the sidewalk was a centurion. It stood facing down the street, head turned away for now from the clinic facing down the street. Starbuck bit back a curse and held his breath. He turned his head slowly. looking to Max and Avery, hiding behind the reception desk. Max was waving for the two of them to get down. It was too late for that. Starbuck reached out, gently tugging at the back of Rene's jacket, before backing down the corridor slowly, very very slowly, barely moving, barely breathing. The centurion didn't move and he promised the lords anything they wanted if the bucket head would just move down the street on its merry way. One slow step at a time, they almost made it to the juncture of the hallway when the centurion turned its head, the eye sweeping the window, lighting up the room in spray of red. He pulled Rene around the corner, the two of them tumbling to the ground backwards, both struggling to get up and run. They'd reached their feet when Max and Avery came flying at them, followed by the sound of a Cylon pulse rifle and breaking glass.

"Apollo, RUN!"


	32. Chapter 32

Why did she ever think this was a good idea? Why couldn't she have just left it all alone? She could tune out almost anyone and had no problem ignoring half the people in command, so why couldn't she have ignored the voices that kept whispering "go back to Caprica." If only she had tuned it out, Boomer wouldn't be knocking on death's door and she wouldn't be reliving the nightmare of running from Centurions. She should have just stuck to blasting them out of the sky. Why did she have to listen?

This was the thought racing through her mind as she wove through the hallways of the clinic, searching frantically for the back door. A place like this had to have one. No way those old prissy siresses would want someone seeing them after having work done. They would have died of embarrassment, which was bad for business. Where the frack was it? It was hidden at the back of the clinic looking like another storage closet except for the small exit sign above. She was in the lead when she burst out into a covered driveway. The area was clear and she tried to meld into the wall beside the door. As Starbuck dashed through, she reached for him pulling him there beside her out of instinct. Apollo came through and took up a position on the other side of the door. Avery didn't have warrior training, he came crashing through the door ahead of Max and kept running straight across the back alley before he realized no one was following him. Max went after him, dragging the man back to the building beside Apollo.

Starbuck shared a look with Apollo that told Rene more than she would ever need to know about their friendship. They didn't need words or even hand signs. They knew what the other was thinking, what move they would make and when. At the sound of the Centurion, the two turned back into the doorway, lasers firing. The Centurion went down in a heap, clogging the doorway. Starbuck pulled back out of the way of the door. Rene reached for his jacket to get his attention.

"We need to split up. Give the pack to Apollo and send him off to help Boomer. You and I, we create a diversion and lead them away."

Starbuck nodded at the clever ploy, but then seemed to think about it. "No, you go with Apollo. The rest of us will take care of a diversion."

"No, Apollo can just run for the hills. He's in better shape than you and me. He doesn't need me. You do. We can disappear and reappear if we take the underground route. Boomer's dying, Starbuck."

He narrowed his eyes at her, but the logic of the plan overrode his emotions for her. She was right; there was a more immediate crisis at hand. He unslung the pack tossing it across the doorway to Apollo. "Go. Save Boomer. We'll keep them off your tracks. We'll be there as soon as we can."

Apollo nodded, started to say something, but the sound of another centurion interrupted him. Starbuck leapt in to the doorway again, firing to bring the centurion down before leaping back out of the way. "Go!"

Apollo communicated to Starbuck with a look and then began to creep to the edge of the alleyway, taking the time to peer around the corner of the building before crossing the street to continue running down the alley, keeping close to the buildings before he disappeared into the residential streets. The sounds of another Centurion had Starbuck shooting into the building blindly to provide some cover. In the chaos Rene watched Avery take off in the direction of Apollo. She took the risk and yelled for Max, hoping he didn't follow the two. She pointed in the opposite direction down the covered driveway to the street beyond.

"Let's go!" She tugged at Starbuck's jacket as she turned to run. Starbuck provided cover for Max to leap across the doorway to head after Rene. She stopped at the edge of the building, taking a quick peek down the street. So far it was clear, but as she pulled back into the cover of the building, a raider swooped low. Starbuck reached her and she pushed at him. "We need to go now before they come around. Head for the bay."

"Lead the way, Pretty Lady, I've got you covered." He motioned for her to go, but she shook her head.

"Start running, don't stop. I'll catch up." She didn't wait for his answer as she headed back towards the clinic.

"What the frack?" She heard Max shout behind her, but she was intent on her objective. She uttered her own curse as Starbuck caught up to her, reaching for her arm.

"What are you doing? Come on!"

"Diversion," she shouted as if that explained everything. She went to dash across the covered driveway, but Starbuck's hand on her arm pulled her back nearly yanking her from her feet.

"What are you doing?! We need to run!" Starbuck tried to pull her back down the alley, but she dug her boots in.

"How much Gaseous Tylium do you think is still in the lines after three yahrens?" She pointed to the meter and the pipe leading into the clinic. "See those bottles?" She pointed to a fenced in area across the driveway with numerous Compressed Tylium bottles. "Liquid Nitrogen, for the old siress's warts." She could see the confusion on his face and sound of the marching centurions told her she didn't have time to explain. "Just cover me!"

She dashed across the driveway, aimed directly at the lock on the fence, flung it open and reached in for a bottle, dragging it out and back across the driveway. Starbuck was right beside her. He didn't know the plan, but she had to admit the man was loyal to a fault even when confused. He helped her to drag the tank over to the gas meter at the back of the building. It was heavy, so it was full. She yanked hard at the valve to the tank, but it wouldn't budge at first. She beat at it with the butt of her laser, reached for the valve again and was relieved when it twisted.

"Stand back and get ready to run." She heard Max's shout to duck as he fired over their heads at the centurions coming around the other side of the building. The cold liquid spilled out and she was able to get it directed at the gas line, the metal turning bright silver at the contact with the nitrogen.

"We need to go now!" Starbuck shouted firing at the enemy that had found them. She let him get a couple of shots off before she reached for his arm.

"No more! Run!" She turned to aim at the gas line with the butt of her laser. She hit it once and heard the crack, hoping it was the pipe and not her weapon. She hit it again and had to hammer at it a third time before the pipe separated. Starbuck had waited on her, and she grabbed for him dragging him with her as she ran down the alley, praying, "Please, let there be enough."

She didn't stop at the edge of the building to check where the enemy might be. She just bet on the element of surprise and speed and kept running out across the intersection. They made it across the street, a wide thoroughfare lined with trees, such a pretty residential shopping area, she thought absently. It was blessedly free of centurions, but she could hear the sound of a raider in the sky. She made sure Starbuck and Max had fallen back into the cover of the other buildings down the alleyway before she stopped and turned back to fire at the gas meter. She didn't have time to turn away or duck. The blast was instantaneous, blowing her down the alley onto her back. Her head bounced off the asphalt and she saw stars. Then she felt the asphalt under her back ripple as she watched the fireball shoot into the sky. She laughed at the sight of it as she lay there admiring her handiwork.

The roar of the blast caught up to her as she felt Starbuck's hands on her jacket hauling her up. He didn't even try to get her on her feet, just tossed her over his shoulder as he took off running.

Another blast shook the pavement beneath their feet pitching them forward. She felt the air leave her lungs in a whump as Starbuck landed on her. There was a moment of panic as she tried to draw air, her eyes filled with the beautiful flames of another blast. It dawned on her that maybe there was no air to breathe even if she could, all of it having been sucked up to feed that roiling fire shooting into the sky and spewing pitch black smoke. The sight was glorious. "My favorite color," she thought absently as she watched the ball grow larger.

Starbuck was over her, blocking out the dancing orange ribbons of fire, his eyes filled with worry. "What have you done?" he mumbled, before he was throwing himself over her, debris from the explosion raining down around them.

She could feel the heat wash over them and briefly thought it was a good way to go. Quick and warm, in the arms of the one you loved. She could live with this death. Then the heat was gone and she took a breath in air that felt gloriously cooler before the heat blasted them again. Starbuck instinctually began to crawl away from the heat trying to drag her with him. Her hand reached for his on her jacket.

"You okay?" she asked. He was dragging her up again, determination on his face as he struggled to his feet while trying to throw her over his shoulder. She shouted at him, "I can run. I'm okay!" He didn't listen, or couldn't hear her as he easily tossed her over his back and took off running, shouting at Max. She held on until they reached the next block before she twisted in his arms to shout in his ear. "I'm okay! I can run. Put me down."

He headed behind a dumpster before he even acknowledged her words, gently setting her on her feet as he panted for breath. "What the frack were you thinking?!"

Max was step behind him. His bulk had always made him a slow runner. She'd have to remember that next time and give him a head start.

"What is it with you and fire?" Max shouted as the air resounded with another explosion, probably from the oxygen tanks near the building.

She couldn't help grinning. "Nothing better than when a plan comes together. We need to head away from the hills. Start a few more fires. Thermals. They look for our thermal signatures so let's really throw them off."

"A little warning next time, alright? We got a little singed back there. Frankly, I like my hair longer and generally appreciate you having eyebrows, thank you very much!" Starbuck griped. "Where to now? We're residential here, not much cover." As if to punctuate his point, a raider flew low, another following, and then a third.

She surveyed their area. He was right, the cover was minimal to none, and as much as she hated it, going underground was probably the best solution.

"A diversion from our diversion?" She pointed to a small cargo land ram that was parked just down the alleyway, surprisingly undamaged. "How good are you at hotlinking hovermobiles?"

"I wouldn't suggest it. We'd be a huge target and one shot from a raider and we're done for. Besides, that's Boomer's specialty."

Max added, "He taught it to me. I can get it going. But Starbuck's right."

"I'm not planning for us to be in it. We just get it going down the street. That thing should have cruise control, right? Get it moving and it will keep going on its own. Light her on fire and then we disappear. Max, go hotlink it while we get the sewer open."

Starbuck groaned. "I was hoping to stay above ground today." The flames leaped higher from the clinic as another explosion echoed, smaller than the others. The flames were spreading to other buildings. "Then again, it's a bit hot up here."

"Come on, you're hot enough as is, pretty boy." She headed down the alley, scanning the ground for an opening to the sewer, spotting it in the middle of the intersection. "Ah frack. We'll be exposed."

"No, I will be. You cover me." He held a finger up in her face. "No arguments! You owe me for the barbecue back there."

She held her unarmed hand up in submission. "Only if you work fast. I've been in the gym with you remember, you can't lift that on your own. Like it or not, you're like a viper: handsome, built for speed, but not for heavy lifting."

"Wow, I think that's the nicest insult you've ever given me. I can still lift more than you. It's all in the desire. Cover me and don't you dare come help me."

She gritted her teeth, but nodded in agreement. "You just have to get it up a fraction or two and then slide it. Don't break a finger doing it." She saw him scan the alley for something, anything that could be used as a prybar. There was nothing. This part of Caprica was surprisingly free of random trash. Better litter enforcement went along with better families, she mused. Starbuck crept down the alleyway, using what cover he could find until making a quick run for the sewer cover. She watched as he bent down, trying to put his fingers through the holes, hauling up at it, able to get it up before he let go. She had to look away. She couldn't stand the thought of how he was going to break a hand trying this. She dashed over to the land ram where Max had found the door unlocked and already had the steering column apart and was working on the wires.

"Tire rod? Is there a jack handle or something we can use?" she asked him.

"Probably in the back. Be quick. I hear them coming."

She looked down the alley and he was right. Coming out of the black smoke and flames were three centurions. She aimed and fired, taking down one, but the other two began firing, undeterred by her laser fire. The sound of the land ram starting up drew their attention. Max climbed up in the seat, and reached for Rene. "Let's go." She held onto the open door, her boots on the foot rail outside the door as Max got the land ram moving down the alley, turning left onto the street Starbuck was in the middle of. Max barely missed him as the vehicle picked up speed.

"Jump!" he shouted at her and she leapt, rolling with the impact. She knew she should be running down the street to begin helping Starbuck but she stood watching the land ram, chanting to herself, "jump, come on, Max, jump, jump." Finally she saw him rolling from the vehicle that was rumbling down the street. He was running for her and she turned towards Starbuck, firing at the Cylons that had come from the alley. She reached Starbuck who had finally managed to get the lid off the sewer opening.

She let Starbuck be the gentleman and motion her down first. She slid down the ladder most of the way. She pulled out the illuminator from her jacket pocket, turning it on and cursed. The tunnels were smaller. They'd have to crouch and almost crawl. Max came down and cursed as well when he saw how narrow the tunnels were. She would have to give Starbuck a medal for how well he hid his own panic at surveying the size of their escape route.

"Which way?"

She pointed to the left, "Towards the bay. Since we're armed, I suggest you crawl backwards, that way you can fire on any Cylons. I'll lead the way."

A silver centurion's head blocked out the light from above as the red eye swept across them. Rene launched herself into the tunnel, reaching a hand forward with the illuminator, keeping her laser ready as she crawled as fast as she could. It was not far to the next juncture and she took a left, leading away from her original route and farther from the hills. She didn't slow until she reached the next juncture to make sure that Starbuck and Max were following. She shook her head at the looks on both their faces.

She whispered to them, "It will open up soon. I swear. You're okay." She tried not to laugh as the two men, Colonial trained Warriors, big and brave and strong, both looked like they wanted to wet themselves at the idea of a dark tunnel. The ground under their feet jumped and she wondered what else had gone up with the fire she had started. She wanted to see it, wanted it almost as much as she wanted a stim or five or ten. She clenched the illuminator in her left and the laser in her right hard as she fought off the longing. "Just two more, okay? Just two more blocks and we'll go back up, alright? Remember, small means they can't fit."

"It's not them I'm worried about right now," Starbuck returned as squeaks of large rodents filled the pipes ahead and behind them. "Just a little fussy about who I share my sewer with."

"I thought you'd grown fond of rats," Max replied.

"Only the two-legged version," Starbuck said.

Their banter eased the mood. Rene turned back to the tunnel, cursing inwardly. "Why, oh why couldn't I have just ignored those voices. Fracking Avery. Why couldn't he have just taken the ride." She kept up the self-censure session in her head as she took a right at the next juncture, and kept going with Max hot on her heels. She tried not to chuckle as Starbuck swore at having found this tunnel filled with more water than the last. At least she hoped it was water.

She wanted to go a few more blocks, but before she hit the next juncture, halfway down a tunnel, she couldn't hold back the coughing any longer. The tickle had become insistent, and she hacked until she felt like she was choking on whatever it was she was trying to cough up. She felt her chest tighten in fear, cutting off what little air she had. Suddenly, it wasn't three yahrens later, it was only three sectons. She flashed back to the three sectons they had been down there in the dark, trying to hide, trying to get out and away from the fires and the explosions. It had been three sectons before the Cylons began the final extermination, rooting out the few who had made it. The fog filled the tunnels, the coughing, the eyes rolling up into their heads as their bodies shook. Then, worse than that, they fell still. The strings of their life were cut like a puppet's. They couldn't draw a breath because their nerves wouldn't let them, and the only thing that seemed to still work was their eyes. They stared at her until the light went out of them and their body went cold. She had heard their coughs knowing somewhere inside her it was the end. All of it had been pointless, the running, the hiding, all for nothing. She had scrambled to find Lara. Wondered where the frack Lara and her brother, Kiff, were. Lords, he had been so small. Caught up in the memories, she pushed at them, but they weren't there. "Lara, RUN!" she shouted before the coughing took over again.

She tried to hold her breath as she shook, coughing wracking her as her heart pounded. She spared a breath to shout at her brother, "Ari, get Kalea and Jason. We have to…." She held her breath again as she felt her hands go numb. Then her instincts overrode her panic as she crawled as fast as she could, heading for the light and away from the vision of Kalea in Ari's arms, limp, her eyes open, begging for help, her lips blue. Ari trying to breathe the life into her, and Rene having to pull at him, afraid it would get him too. "NO!"

She heard her named called by a voice she didn't recognize. She reached the juncture, but couldn't get to her feet despite the area opening up wide enough for her to do so. She stayed there in the muck on her hands and knees. She'd retch if she'd had anything left to throw up. She couldn't decide what was better: eyes open, or eyes closed? It didn't matter. All she could see was Kalea's face as her eyes begged for help. Rene held her breath for as long as she could before she felt someone pulling her up to her feet.

"Rene?" The voice was familiar but she couldn't place it. "Take a breath, Rene. We need to know where to go. Come on, sweet lady." She stiffened as the hands pulled her close and she tried to fight the arms that held her. "Shhh, it's okay. You're okay."

She couldn't help chuckling. It was far from okay. No one was coming to help them. They were all going to die. The panic made her lungs hitch and scream for air. She found herself panting hard despite wanting to not breathe at all. Just one more centon of life, that's all she wanted, just one more, but she wasn't sure why.

"Rene? Stay with me. Come on, talk to me." She felt the lips brush her ear, but the voice wasn't Jake, and it wasn't Ari. Nik or Jonas? No. "Just breathe. You're okay. Stay with me, pretty lady."

She flinched as the reality hit her like a slap to the face. She briefly wondered if Starbuck had hit her, but no, his arms were around her, his lips against her ear whispering to her. "Shhh sweet lady. We're going to be okay. Just breathe."

She was suddenly embarrassed. She was the one with the experience. She was just as well trained as he was, and yet she had cracked. She tried to push him away, but he held on. "Stay with me Rene. Just breathe. It's okay."

Just as abruptly she was hanging on tightly, shaking as he rubbed her back, his breath in her ear, warm and comforting as he whispered platitudes that she knew weren't true, but sounded so wonderful in the soothing voice of the gold clusters hero.

"I'm okay," she mumbled softly. "I just got lost. We need to get out of here."

"Totally agree with you on that, but we need a plan." He pulled back surveying her face before nodding. "Where are we headed? Back into the hills?"

She sucked in more air, half afraid it would be her last as she braced herself and forced back the rest of the visions. The one that haunted more than a few of her nights was little Lara being dragged from the tunnel by a Cylon centurion, her small arm disappearing into the grip of the black robotic hand. Rene blinked hard and shook her head. Big mistake as the stab of pain from the headache she'd been fighting lanced through her temple.

Starbuck let go of her and reached in his pocket for a hypo. "I think you and I could use another dose." He placed it on her neck and she hoped he knew what he was doing. "Better?" She nodded even though she didn't feel any better.

"Okay, let's start a few more fires, throw them off our trail, and then we'll head back. Sound good?" Starbuck asked and she nodded.

Max chimed in. "She likes fires, don't ya? So let's watch this place burn."

Starbuck still looked at her in concern. "You with us?"

She nodded as she tried to take a normal breath, but she was too afraid of what the air might contain. She could feel it rattle in her chest like something solid and hard.

"Should we go farther or try our luck?" He kept hold of her arm steadying her.

"Luck," she managed to squeak out.

It was all the encouragement that Max needed as he climbed the ladder and eased up the cover of the opening before motioning for the two of them to follow. He slid the cover off and climbed out. Starbuck sent Rene up next and he followed. She crawled out and stayed there on her hands and knees, coughing again. Max was down beside her trying to muffle the sounds of her hacking with a hand over her mouth. Starbuck hauled her up, slinging her arm around his back as he headed down the street towards a home, half standing, half in a burnt ruin. He took them around the back of the home, and he eased Rene down on the covered back porch, its roof sitting slanted between the house and the ground. It afforded them some cover as she sat down on an old broken bench and tried to draw air into her lungs.

Starbuck's hand brushed the hair off her forehead and then he placed his palm to her brow. She sighed at the feel of it, so wonderfully cool. "Whatever you picked up, it's not letting go."

She tried to answer him but found herself coughing hard, feeling it rattle and break something loose inside her chest. She thought she heard something crack as the coughing got harder and she wondered if she broke a rib. Was that possible? She heard Starbuck say something to Max, but she didn't know what, only that he left her side and Max was there sitting beside her, his hands cupping her mouth trying to block the noise. She had to shove his hands away to get more air. The coughing fit finally subsided, but she felt like something was sitting on her chest as she tried to take in air. She settled for shallow breaths.

"Where did he go? He needs back up," she said to Max.

"He climbed the roof to get a lay of the land. Thinks he's a damn primate or something."

She looked around her and saw the old grill underneath the collapsed roof of the porch. "Max, is there a tank of tylium gas with that?" She pointed and he lifted the roof off the grill. Not only was there a small tank, but two of them. "Sweet. Okay, go in the house. Get some cloth, anything, a table cloth or a dish towel, whatever you can find." He had to break the glass on the back door and to shove hard against it. Starbuck was dropping down from the roof just as Max came back, a couple of dishtowels in his hands.

"Better?" Starbuck asked, putting his hand back to her brow. "Need more time or think you can run?"

She nodded. "I'm better. What's up?"

"Well, we at least got them to split up. Half look like they are still searching near the clinic, half are headed our way. None headed for the hills, but the skies are a bit busier than before." He reached to pull the hood up on her hunting sweater. "Which way, darlin'?"

"Towards the bay and then we'll loop around to the hills if we can. Not sure if we'll make it back before dark, but that might work to our advantage."

"Or not, it gets chilly after dark and, be honest, you're getting weaker. You need some food and some water."

She nodded reluctantly. "When we get farther away from the city, things will be less tainted. I'm okay. I volunteered for this mission, remember?"

"Not for the swim you didn't. I'm not feeling so great either. I think we could use some rest here soon and let those antibiotics do their work."

She thought about it, thought about it hard as she felt like she could lay down right there and sleep for twelve centaurs. She also thought about going into the house behind her and raiding the medicine cabinet for anything they might have resembling a stimulant, but the children's toys half burnt in the yard told her she'd probably find the place squeaky clean. She raised a shaky hand and pointed at the tanks. "Max, shove one of those towels in the valve of a tank. Put it in the kitchen there, open the valve and then light the towel on fire. Starbuck, do the same, and then light it and chuck it over the fence there as close as you can get it to that other house. I'll get a head start. Don't loiter. We'll head a few blocks and do the same, start a fire or two, and then we'll get the frack out of here, maybe hole up somewhere until dark, sound like a plan?"

Starbuck nodded, reaching out a hand to help her up. She started loping towards the street, heading west. Starbuck and Max caught up to her before she reached the wall that surrounded the neighborhood. The whoosh and boom of the tanks was satisfying, but it also brought the raiders swooping down. They used the brick wall of the residential neighborhood for cover. Gates and walls, they'd been her nemesis when she lived here in Caprica City. They were a visual reminder of where she wasn't allowed to be. Now they were her allies.

They made it out of the neighborhood and into another one. They tried the same trick at three or four more houses before they decided to head back towards the hills, weaving through cul-de-sacs and backyards. The Cylons were searching hard for them, but behind them, away from their objective. As they headed deeper into the neighborhoods, they came across a large secondary school complex. Starbuck pointed it out.

"They will have a shelter. We might be able to find food and water in there, maybe some blankets. We can hunker down for a while, wait until dark." He started to head off towards the school, skirting the wall that surrounded the grounds. Max was at his side, but she hesitated. She wasn't sure what they would find here. She knew the schools closer to the heart of the city had been scenes of death. She and Ari had the same thought yahrens ago, heading for Jake and Rene's school that next morning after the attack. Maybe it was out of a desire to find something familiar, or a hope for a rescue, the misguided belief that help would arrive. They had entered their old gymnasium to find it full of dead bodies, none of them in one piece. Blood had stained the wood floor and splattered the walls. They headed back to the sewers and didn't think of climbing out again until they got too hungry to last any longer. Even then they found food, and went back underground.

It wasn't worth the risk to see if there was something worth finding here. She shuddered to think what three yahrens had done to the bodies. She dashed forward and yanked at Starbuck's jacket.

"No." She couldn't find the words to say anything else. There were no words to describe what they might find, that there were some things you just couldn't scrub from your sight. She suddenly let go and turned away to head back into the neighborhood.

"Rene?" She heard him call to her from behind but she had no words. He caught up to her, Max close on his heels. "What's up? We might find what we need there."

She just shook her head and pointed towards the houses. "Everyone else had the same idea. Trust me."

"Rene, we need a break." She just pointed at the houses, some of them completely destroyed, some still standing. "Alright, I hear ya. I would have preferred all that concrete to block our thermals," he groused, but she just shook her head. She was too tired to explain.

They walked a few more blocks before they found a home that seemed untouched by the destruction around it. The locked back door was a good sign. They entered into a beautiful kitchen, all the appliances top of the line. She hoped they'd find the cabinets well stocked. Max reached for the chiller before she could stop him, opening the door and then slamming it, but it was too late, the smell of rotting meat filled the room. Rene's weak stomach had her gagging as she headed back outside. Max and Starbuck joined her.

"Oh man, my fault. I had no idea after all these yahrens," he said between his own gagging.

"Okay, next house, and this time, don't open the chiller," Starbuck said pointing to a house a block away.

The door on the house was locked as well, but the windows had been smashed on one side. The house beside it had been levelled, and she thought that it might have suffered a gas explosion as it went up in flames. "I don't know," she said to Starbuck.

"Actually, I like that a bit better. Easy to get out fast if we need to. I don't liking the idea of being trapped in anything right now." He crouched down as another raider flew over, but higher in the sky, swooping down over their previous locations that were burning. "Come on, just for a centaur or two. I think we could both use another round of antibiotics and some rest."

She followed him in the backdoor to find the kitchen mostly in one piece. She went to the faucet to try her luck. It was bone dry. Max began opening cupboards while Starbuck began to search the rest of the home to make sure they were alone. Despite his efforts to keep quiet, she heard his boots on the stairs and in the eerie silence she heard his gasp.

"Starbuck?!" She headed out of the kitchen, looked up the stairway to find him paused outside an open door, frozen in his horror. She took the stairs two at a time, leaping up to him. The sounds of her steps had him turning to her, holding up a hand to stop her.

"Stay back!" He reached for her.

"Starbuck, what is it?" She beheld beyond him that the room was a nursery, twin cribs across the room. "Oh…" She looked up to read the despair in his eyes. "Oh handsome, it's okay." She reached to wrap her arms around him. She felt him shiver as he pulled her into his chest, holding tight. The laser in his hand dug into her back. She whispered into his chest. "It happened a long time ago."

"They're still there. They…they starved to death." The timber of his voice told the story of yahrens of never having enough. Was that his greatest fear? He could face the Cylons, but not a child without enough to eat.

"No, they didn't last long. They died in their own beds. There are worse ways to go." But she read from how tight he held her that wasn't what had him spooked. She spoke the truth to him, a vow stronger than any she had made before. "It will never happen to our kids. Our baby will be born back on the Galactica and if anything ever happens to us, we'll have the list. Apollo, or Adama, or Crius will take care of our kids. It won't happen to your son."

"Son?" He pulled back in surprise.

"Or daughter." She teased him, a smile tugging at her lips.

He shook his head sighing. "I don't care as long as the baby's healthy and born on the Galactica…with eyebrows." He turned to look behind him at the sad scene, a nursery so lovingly constructed, painted bright blue with a mural of fluffy clouds. Toys lined the shelves, tiny clothes were laid out for the next morning, a morning that should have held promise for a better future, a peace so long desired. The future had been bright until that night.

She reached up softly to turn his face back to her. "We'll get back to the Galactica and your son or daughter will be born in the safety of the fleet. They will have a family and everything they need. I promise. So how about I go with you and we finish checking the house?"

"Alright." He pulled away and started to head down the hallway. Rene stepped into the nursery, looking down into the cribs at the two little babies. Their corpses were near skeletal, the skin dried and flaked off. She took the little blanket draped over the rail of the crib, shook out the dust, and laid it over one of the babies, and did the same for the other baby. She left the room and shut the door behind her to find Starbuck waiting on her, gratitude on his features.


	33. Chapter 33

Apollo poured on the speed when he heard the explosion behind him. He felt the blast of hot wind hit him, and he kept his feet, using it as a push off to run harder. He worried less about cover and more about putting some distance between himself and the clinic. It wasn't until they were amongst the last few houses before the hills that he finally halted in the cover of a residential home's patio, breathing hard as he waited for Avery to catch up.

Apollo could visibly see the toll that the toxicity of the planet had taken on Avery, as he wheezed like an old man coming to a stop beside him, bending over, hands on thighs, as he struggled to catch his breath. He fell to his knees, retching and then wiping his mouth on his sleeve as he looked up at Apollo.

"Is he insane?" Avery gasped.

"Yes, but he's on our side. Sometimes unconventional works in our favor." Apollo watched as the black smoke roiled into the sky and then began to descend again, filling the streets they had just raced down. "Insanely intelligent. He's provided us some excellent cover, not to mention one Hades of a distraction. We should use it while we can. "

Another explosion echoed off the hills, and they both instinctively crouched down. When he recovered from his shock, Avery lashed out and snatched the collar of Apollo's jacket,. "This is my planet! I might need those resources he's blowing to hades back there! Did you think of that?"

"Not if you're dead, you won't! Starbuck just saved our astrums back there and gave us the best chance to get back to the others unseen, so gripe to the Cylons, not me." He hesitated as he regarded the Caprican. The man showed signs of low-grade radiation exposure; fatigue, hair loss, nausea, loss of appetite. They all did. It was a miracle they weren't all dead. "We thought we were rescuing you. If the Cylons don't kill you, this planet will. The radium level is too high to live a long life here and your men are in poor shape. Are you that hungry for power that you would kill your own people just so you can be in charge?"

Avery stared at him dumbfounded. "Is that what you think? If someone else wants command, they can have it. You volunteering? It's not about being in charge, it's about not leaving my people behind! I won't abandon them!"

"We weren't talking about abandoning them. We were prepared to take everyone," Apollo answered, beginning to wonder if the three yahrens of radium poisoning had affected the man's reasoning capabilities. It was possible he had a brain tumor.

"Not us you idiot, the rest of them!"

The crazed look in the man's eyes made Apollo uneasy and he didn't have time to set the man straight. Boomer's life was depending on the medications in his pack.

"Look we should take advantage of this cover while we can. We can talk on the way about how my group intends to get off this planet and back to the fleet. You can either help with that, or get out of our way."

Avery kept hold of his jacket, leaning in nose to nose. "You would just leave us behind again? Do you have any idea what they have been through? The Cylons are using them, for what purpose I don't know, but we can't just leave them there. If nothing else, for the safety of the human race we need to save them. They have learned too much about us already!"

Apollo pushed the man away gently, but firmly. "We can talk on the way. I don't want to leave any of you behind, but I feel you aren't giving me much choice."

"Then help me rescue them. You all seem insane enough to pull it off. But you're right, we should get going or we will become one of them and need the rescue ourselves." Avery suddenly let go and began sprinting for the hills.

Apollo followed baffled by the man's behavior. One centon he was treating the Colonials with disdain, the next begging them to be his avenging angels. Waiting until they were behind the first ridge, he pieced together a few facts from Avery's frantic words and his various accusations of the Colonials leaving them behind. "Wait a centon, are you trying to tell me that the Cylons have humans in captivity?"

Avery was still puffing and wheezing from the pace Apollo had set for the base camp. "Yes, over a hundred, maybe more. That's all we've seen. They're being held at a mine about ten kilometrons west of our camp."

"How long have they been there?" Apollo began to calculate the time since the destruction and what condition human captives might be in after three yahrens. He didn't want to admit it out loud, but saving them might be a pointless endeavor. Cylons were known to toy with men's minds and didn't understand the concepts of basic sustenance. Before the destruction, pilots didn't last long as Cylon captives. Since the destruction, very few had been saved from the Cylons, and those like Cree had been tortured and interrogated nearly to death in the few cycles they were in captivity. Starbuck had got off lightly when he'd been released from Baltar's base ship over Kobol. Since the destruction, if the warrior wasn't rescued within a cycle or two, they were considered deceased. Every pilot understood that capture meant death. How anyone could last yahrens as a captive was inconceivable to Apollo. The tortures they faced would surely destroy a man's mind after just a few sectons. Were they still human after this long?

He knew Rene had spoken of the capture of her and her friends, but the details she gave were few, focusing mostly on the unavailability of food and the forced labor. Her captivity had been but a few sectons, and she indicated that the Cylons had no interest in keeping them alive, just contained. Plus Rene and her friends had no secrets to share, no information on troop movements or battle plans. Rene had never indicated how many of them there had been. All he knew actually was what Starbuck had shared, and that story focused on the heroic arrival of Dante as their savior. The man had chosen whom he wanted to save, looking for those in the age range of Academy Cadets, not to mention good looking young women, and left the rest to their demise. Rene had never indicated how many there were, or how large the detainment area.

Who had the Cylons captured on Caprica? If they had been military, which Apollo assumed is who might have survived, pilots whose ships were destroyed or those from the various installations on Caprica, they would have had their minds probed until they were jelly. They would not have survived long. The idea that civilians could survive three yahrens in Cylon captivity was beyond believable. Rene and her friends had been young and strong at the time of the destruction, but could they have survived close to four yahrens?

The bigger mystery to Apollo was why the Cylons might want to keep human captives for as long as four yahrens. Compared to machines, humans were poor workers requiring food, water and rest, while centurions required only a power source to recharge. Humans were easily damaged, especially by centurions with no concept of their relative strength and size. Then there was the inherent human desire for freedom. Apollo knew if it was himself in Cylon captivity, he would not last more than a sectar, surely being executed while trying to escape. He'd always known that if Starbuck was taken alone, well, he would die before he was placed in a cold cell, fighting with everything he had in him to break free until they'd have no choice but to execute him. It is what he had assumed when Starbuck was captured back at Kobol. His friend had been lucky once again as it was Baltar and a far too curious IL series that had imprisoned him. Baltar's influence had increased Starbuck's odds for survival.

But he and Starbuck were trained Warriors with yahrens of experience. How long would civilians last in the care of machines intent on their destruction?

"If we try to save your people, can they aid in their own rescue?" Apollo tried to fathom where to even begin on creating a rescue mission. If it were that many humans, well his small team would need their help. He wouldn't be able to rescue the weak and infirm. A cold shiver jolted up his spine as he suddenly understood Dante's dilemma. The man probably hadn't set out to be cruel. It was just simple pragmatism. If you couldn't save them all, who did you save? In reality, when Adama had amassed the Fleet, he had made the same decision, only it had been passively made. Those that didn't make the rendezvous were left behind. Apollo realized he hadn't really given it any particular thought at the time, he was so caught up in doing his duty while trying to survive, all while reeling under the impact of such tragic loss and devastation. "What kind of shape are they in? I mean if they have been with the Cylons long…" He left the implications unsaid.

"Some have been with the Cylons since the destruction, but some a lot less as they are my men who have been captured. Those youngsters with you said they could help. They promised help!"

Rene had mentioned none of this to anyone, and Apollo had thought she had changed at least a little. She had been far more open with Starbuck and he was pretty sure she would have mentioned Cylon captives at least to Starbuck.

"Are you sure about that? Rene didn't say anything about rescuing civilians from Cylon captivity. All she told us was of survivors needing a ride. She indicated it would be a quick mission, to land, take you on board and leave. I don't believe she would mislead us on what you needed on purpose."

"Really? She wouldn't lie to you? Did she tell you why she came here then? What she's been pulling out of that shopping complex?"

Avery had him on that score. As for Rene's shopping trips, Apollo knew what she had been shopping for, anything and everything she could make a profit on. He was beginning to realize the true attraction Starbuck held for Rene. She was just like him, a bit self-centered and followed the rules only when it suited her. He may have to recommend to his father they give Rene the coordinates to Earth in order to save the fleet from the couple. Exile might be the only way to keep everyone's cubits safe.

Her little shopping trips had been selfish and irresponsible. She had risked not only her life, but also that of Gage, who counted as essential personnel, and two of his best pilots. Now he was learning that her friend Jake might be one of the best field trained medics he'd seen, and she had thought nothing of putting him in peril. She was young and inexperienced, and that was being kind. If he was honest in his annual military review of her and odds for promotion, he'd have to admit that she needed to be stripped and moduled before being allowed anywhere near a viper even as a technician, let alone a pilot.

But he didn't think she would outright lie about how many civilians needed to be saved. She was a lot of things; crude, selfish, evasive in her facts at times, but she was not negligent in her duty to mankind. She had to have been completely unaware. She hadn't gotten all the facts so she had none to give.

They crested the second ridge, and looked back to see that not only was the clinic engulfed in flames, but several homes closer to the city were ablaze. They watched as another small explosion went off, and a raider swooped low over the home the flames were sprouting from. "Starbuck's leading them away. How many of the enemy are there in the city?"

"Not many, less than a hundred. Most are in the hills in the mining operations. Looks like they're headed right for their tylium processing operations. Are they planning on blowing that up too?"

"Will he find a raider in that direction?" Apollo asked, avoiding Avery's question. Apollo had his speculations as to what Starbuck was up to and doubted he'd take the risk, but if he thought he could find Rene a raider, that might be another story. They'd have to wait and see where the next explosion occurred to figure out Starbuck's plan.

"No, the tinheads have been launching from outside of town, near the old spaceport and landing strips. He'd have to go through all the industrial facilities first, about a hundred centurions, before getting to one. I seriously doubt your plan of taking a raider is going to work. A few sectars ago there was some strange activity at the tylium production and storage area. After the tankers took off, the place became a hive of activity and since then, they have guarded their vessels well. You're not going to get a raider from there. But near the mines, after we save our people, I'm sure we could take a vehicle."

Apollo nodded, trying to piece together a plan. He knew he wasn't going to leave those people on Caprica in Cylon captivity, but he also knew he did not have the manpower or the firepower to take out the Cylons guarding them. He didn't need to see the mining facility to make that assessment. He just needed to look at the events of the day. They had been forced to separate into three teams, and one of his teams was laid up in a cavern debating on an amputation before dinner. From the looks of the fires below, Starbuck would not make it back to them before dawn, if then.

"First things first. We get everyone back to camp, then we will discuss rescuing your people. Had you told us this right away…"

"She said she was bringing help," Avery growled. "I thought you knew! That's why I thought you were such an astrum's equine."

"Well, I'm glad to know it wasn't personal," Apollo replied ruefully. He looked over his shoulder at the city in flames below. "We're going to need more help if it's as many people as you're saying. I think the bigger issue may be how many centurions are there? I'm assuming you don't have the firepower needed to take them out or you would have by now. And if we pull off a rescue, we're going to need another transport to bring them to the Fleet. We may need to go for help and you are going to have to let us leave to do that."

"And what guarantee do I have you'll come back?"

Apollo turned back to the man, read the desperation on his face and offered the only answer he could. "My word as a Warrior."

Avery glared at him, then turned away to continue hiking back to the cavern. Apollo considered trying to speak to him again, to explain how precarious a situation Avery had put them in. With her viper most likely destroyed, Apollo didn't even know if Rene could jury rig a raider to achieve the same results. But he had no idea how to explain that, and doubted he should even try. Had Avery taken the rescue they had offered when they first arrived they could have formulated a better plan, one built on mutual trust and good will, with the full support of the fleet.

He waited until they crested the third ridge and was looking down upon the entrance to the cavern, so well hidden even in the full light of day it was hard to find, before he spoke to Avery again. "You and your people have done well here. You have survived incredible odds."

"Well gee, thanks, means a lot coming from a coward," the man snarled.

Apollo reached out to grab the man's arm. "We are going to help you. I won't leave you or your people behind. I swear it."

Avery opened his mouth to say something, his eyes narrowed, his face one of contempt, but suddenly the man dropped his anger. His face morphed from rage to desperation. "Don't just say it. Do it! I mean it, they have learned too much about us, as humans I mean. They have experimented on those people and when they are done with them, they just…they don't even have the compassion to put them out of their misery. They just leave them out to die, or worse, send them to us with injuries we can't fix or diseases we can't cure. I have buried too many children, too many men and women. This isn't just about my people; this is about all of us. That's why I've stayed here to fight. I could have gone with that gal the first time I met her, left all this and everyone behind. I didn't. I won't. Be the hero in the televids. You owe us that much, to live up to the gallmonging recruitment advertisements. And if we can't save them, we need to put them down, to release them from their pain. Can you at least promise me that?"

Apollo didn't know what he could say to convince this man who had just laid bare his soul. "Yes. We will do more than that if we can, I promise."

Avery measured Apollo's words, staring deep into his eyes and wasting precious microns Apollo knew he needed to save his friend. He figured it was what he owed Avery at least for the shelter the man had provided. He hoped Avery could read his sincerity.

The man finally nodded accepting the oath. "Good. If you don't, I will kill you myself and I won't dig you a grave."

"I see we're making some progress on our relationship," Apollo murmured as the man brushed past him, heading down the hill. The man was infuriating, but he reasoned he might be just as intractable if it was his own people in the same situation. If it was Starbuck in Cylon captivity being tortured, he knew he'd either save him, or burn the place down trying. He forgave Avery for his words, and followed him down to his hideout. He hoped he wasn't too late to save his friend.

They entered the dim cavern to find most of Avery's men gone, Jake alone and frantically trying to care for Boomer on his own. He had the fire going strong, water boiling, and conspicuously laid out was the medical equipment they had, including what looked like a bone saw. Boomer was sweating, tossing his head back and forth and mumbling incoherently, as he struggled against restraints that had been applied.

"What's going on?" Apollo asked.

"Oh thank the lords. Tell me you got it?" Jake replied as Apollo handed the young man the pack.

"Yes, we did. I hope it's enough. We took everything they had. Why's Boomer restrained?"

"He's delirious. Kept ripping off his dressing. Avery's men wrote him off, said to put him out of his misery. Most of them left. Didn't want to listen to him scream anymore."

Jake was rooting around in the pack, pulling out bottles holding them closer to the fire to read the labels in the light, before his head snapped back up, looking at the entrance alarmed. "Where are they?!" He got up from the fire, taking a step towards the entrance, but Apollo cut him off.

"We had to separate. They were fine when I last saw them. They laid down cover for me and acted as a decoy."

Jake's eyes darted from Boomer to the entrance, before meeting Apollo's eyes. Accusation flashed across the young man's face, followed by defeated acceptance. He looked away from Apollo, his eyes downcast in subjugation, seeming to understand and accept that Apollo had chosen to abandon Starbuck and Rene to save his friend. He slurred an almost inaudible "Yes sir," before turning away to tend to Boomer.

"Listen, Jake, they were alive and fine when I left them. Starbuck knows what he's doing. Gold clusters and all. He'll keep Rene and Max safe. Now, tell me what you need. What can I do to help? Are we in time?" He eyed the bone saw again.

Jake gave a ragged sigh, almost choking it down before he mumbled again. "Yes, sir. You got the drug we needed. A little help here would be good, sir. Hold him still so I can inject the drug into a vein."

Apollo helped Jake tend to Boomer, doing as asked, repeatedly reminding Jake he didn't have to call him 'sir'. The cynicism was thick today, thicker than the clouds roiling over Caprica, and felt just as oppressive. He didn't know how to clear the air between him and Jake, and certainly had no idea how to dispel the distrust with Avery. He found himself trying to imitate Starbuck's confident tone, repeating often, "They'll be fine. Starbuck knows what he's doing."

But by nightfall, when Boomer seemed to be responding to the medications and had woken clear- headed and in less pain, Jake had taken to pacing, edging closer and closer to the entrance of the cavern. Apollo had finally asked Avery if he would keep an eye on Boomer so he could take Jake out to climb the ridge and show him the fires that Starbuck had started in the city below. Once they had a clear view of the city, he outlined the sequence of the day's events as he had seen them play out, pointing to the furthest fire, that was now just smouldering, as the downpour had extinguished the flames. Jake was nearly silent as Apollo detailed what Starbuck was probably doing at the moment, getting as far away from the fires as he could, making sure the Cylons weren't following before even attempting to climb the hills.

Apollo resorted to logic to restrain Jake from following his impulse to go down and find his friends. "We don't know where they are right now, but that also means the Cylons don't know either. If they aren't here by morning, we will go looking for them."

Jake had given him the blank thousand kilometron stare, devoid of emotion, and Apollo seriously wondered if that had worked with Dante. Was their former Commander so cruel and callous that he had demanded his warriors to be uncaring obedient slaves? Jake's mumbled "Yes sir," was all the answer he needed. They still had a long way to go in creating trust. Apollo gazed out at the burning fires in the dark and hoped Starbuck could help him with that. "Come on, Bucko, where are you? I need some of that happy-go-lucky optimism you spread around like your cubits."


	34. Chapter 34

Covering the bodies of the babies had been a simple gesture and one he was sure Rene wouldn't have made if not for him. She had dealt with a lot of death and until today, he didn't think she let it affect her, at least not while awake. She kept her emotions locked up tight when it came to death. He figured she'd become desensitized to it after the front row seat to the destruction, but today in the sewer he'd seen what she really felt. She'd shoved it down as far as it would go, but it was there threatening to attack her like a Cylon pinwheel attack. She wasn't heartless; he knew that, he figured she just understood pain better than most people. The way she gently shut the door, as if to not wake the babies, told him she still understood the loss and she might understand his pain. He hadn't seen much death up close, at least not that he could remember. He was pretty sure the attack on Umbra was there inside him, shoved down maybe even lower and locked up even tighter than Rene's emotions. He knew he was hypocrite because he had no intention of cracking that vault.

But other than Umbra, the deaths in his life had been distant, fiery balls of what had been a viper and a friend. Of all those pilots, Zac, Bow and Shields were the hardest because he'd felt responsible for their deaths, but it still was distant. He didn't see their faces as they went. Before Rene's brother Ari, and the few others Rene took out that day, Serina and Apollo were the closest he had come to seeing death up close that he could remember. Those deaths had been too close. He hadn't been able to keep his composure no matter how hard he tried, and maybe that is what had bothered him the most about that fateful day on Dilmun. Rene had held her cool with each death she delivered. She had made it seem like it was an easy thing to do that day. She was tough and strong, maybe even immune, or so it seemed. He wanted to think he knew better, but until recently he hadn't been sure himself if she actually felt it.

At the moment of Ari's death, he had read it on her features and he knew from the fabric of her nightmares the deaths bothered her, but to others she showed a stone-cold heart. Today he'd heard that stone crack as she cried out her brother's name in the sewer. She wasn't heartless and empty; she was filled with too many broken pieces.

He spoke softly, his voice echoing in the emptiness. "The house is clear. There are blankets in the parents'…in the bedroom. Let's look and see if there is some food or water."

They headed down the stairs and back into the kitchen. Max was nowhere to be found, and he was tempted to call his name. He became more alert, listening for the drone or marching boots of centurions. He crossed the room in a few strides heading for the back door before pausing. Another door was open, stairs leading down to the basement. They could hear rummaging down below. Rene headed for the doorway, waiting until she was through it before lighting the illuminator and whispering, "Max?"

"There's cans of food and bottled water. Want to scan it?"

"No. I'm afraid of what we would find, and it doesn't matter. I'm eating it anyway."

"The frack you are." Starbuck bound down the stairs gently pushing Rene out of the way as he pulled out his scanner and waving it over the cans and bottles on the shelf near Max. "Well, it's not too bad. Not great, but," he held up the can of a childhood treat of pasta and sauce in the shape of triangles. "Food fit for a future viper pilot," Starbuck sung out the slogan from the televid advertisements.

"Ever eaten them cold?" Rene asked, pulling out her utility knife. They all knew they couldn't risk a fire or anything resembling heat or it would draw the Cylons back to them.

"Many a time. Tonight's dinner will be a blast from the past." He took in their surroundings. As far as basements went it was a bit rough, but not too bad. One corner had a rug and a couch, worn and dusty, but better than a concrete floor. "Why don't you two get some dinner together while I go get some of those blankets? It's going to be a bit dusty, but considering we slept in a cave last night, I'd rate it five stars."

When he headed back upstairs, he tried to not look back at the door, decorated with the babies' names, but he couldn't help but to give it a wistful glance at seeing the blue letters, Aiden and Adama. He'd thought of naming their own child Adama if it was a boy. He wasn't sure he could do that after today. He sighed and pulled up his walls as he went down the hall to the bedroom, taking the blankets off the bed and wondering briefly what had happened to the parents. Had they been home when the attack occurred? If they had, where were their bodies? He wasn't planning on searching for them. He thought for a moment of suggesting they keep moving and get away from this little narrative of tragedy. But he knew that whatever had taken up residence in Rene, was wreaking havoc on his own system as well. The medications were helping, his throat didn't feel as raw, but he hadn't been this tired in a while, and his head still ached.

A flash of light lit up the room, and he crouched down waiting for the blast of broken glass, but the roll of thunder just let him know they weren't in danger from an attack. It was just a change of the weather. The light had shown him the pictures on the wall: the happy family posing with the two new babies. He suddenly couldn't swallow around the lump in his throat. He turned back to his task. He piled all the blankets in his arms, grabbed a couple of pillows too and headed down the stairs, pausing with the sound of raindrops on the roof.

Now this was a sound a guy didn't hear every day on a battlestar: the plip-plopping of rain. At one time he would have been comforted by that sound, because it usually meant he was warm and dry while the elements went wild outside. It was man overcoming nature, shelter from a downpour. Today, however, it leant to the sadness that pervaded this place. It accented the loss of life, hope and a future for the young family that had resided here.

He headed down to the basement with his arms full, and thought about searching the closets upstairs for more blankets. The temperature seemed to be dropping as the rainclouds had blocked out what little warmth the sun had to offer. Rene had pulled over a box to the couch and had opened up at least six of the pasta meals. She was scooping up the food in her fingers, licking them clean while Max just tipped the can into his mouth.

"I believe I have a reservation for a table for three." He dumped the blankets and pillows on the floor. "I'm going to check the perimeter, make sure we're safe here."

Max got up from the couch. "I got it Starbuck. You need to eat and you are looking about as pale as a Gemonese who slept through the sun storm, and about used up as a Virgon prophylactic after the spring solstice."

Starbuck couldn't help but to chuckle at Max's idiom. "That's true, but I'm coming with you. Sit tight, Rene."

She nodded, started to speak before launching into another coughing fit that sounded worse than before. He wondered briefly if it was the moisture in the air. She'd started hacking in the sewers, seemed better when they were above ground, but now in this dank basement she'd started up again. He came over to crouch down in front of her, a hand to her shoulder as she tried to still the coughing that shook her body. Through her jacket he could feel she was warm.

"I'm okay," she finally rasped. "But don't be long."

"Alright, we check the perimeter and then I'm checking on their medicine cabinet. They've got to have something that will help."

He didn't like leaving her down there alone, but he knew he wasn't going to be able to rest until he verified that they had shaken the centurions off their trail. He and Max crept around the basement, checking through the broken windows to look out on the streets around them. The sun was setting early and Starbuck did a quick calculation. It was late fall and the days were shorter. The rain drowned out their ability to hear if anything was around. It pounded the roof and the wind had picked up lashing it against the house. They'd picked a good time to stop. He debated going out and seeing if he could climb up to the roof and get a better look around them, but he wasn't in the mood to get soaked. Instead he headed up the stairs once again, looking for the turbowash. He found the medicine cabinet well stocked with analgesics and painkillers. He even found some cough syrup while Max found more blankets and pillows, dragging them into the kitchen where he began to set up himself a little nest between the basement door and the back door.

"I've got point. You two get some sleep. I'm serious, you don't look good, and she looks worse. I don't know if I should make us head for the hills now or…" Max sighed as he looked out at the driving rain. "Think he made it back to save Boomer?"

Starbuck patted Max on the back. "Apollo made it back. Boomer is like a brother to us. He made it back in time, I would bet my gold clusters on it. We'll wait until the rain stops and then we'll find out for ourselves. Just need a few centaurs sleep, that's all."

Max didn't look like he believed him, but Starbuck was too tired, hungry and thirsty to try to convince him, and the sound of Rene's coughing could be heard down below.

Starbuck dumped all the medications he had found on the box Rene was using for a table. He cracked open the cough syrup and handed it to her.

"Uh uh, that stuff will put me out!"

Starbuck set it on the box before he reached for all the blankets, tossing the pillows on the sofa and then draping the blankets around Rene, before he sat down next to her pulling the blankets around himself as well. He reached back for the cough syrup. "I'll carry you if I have to, but that coughing is giving away our location. I know you can't help it, but this you can do. At least see if it helps and we have a few centaurs to sleep. And when we need to be moving again…" He held up the stims he had found in the back of the cabinet. It was the light stuff you could find at a public infirmary, essentially the equivalent of a couple cups of java, but it would do the trick. Rene's eyes lit up and her hand came up for them, but he pulled them back. "Uh uh. Not until we need to move again. Then we'll discuss it. But for now, analgesics, cough syrup and some sleep."

She nodded and took the bottle taking a big gulp and grimacing. "Not a combination I would recommend," she said indicating the empty cans of pasta, shoving three cans that she had opened towards him.

"You made dinner. Thanks." He downed them and chased them with water and about four big analgesic pills hoping it would dull the pain in his head, his legs, his back, his throat…pretty much his whole body hurt. The food didn't give him the energy he thought it would, instead it made him more tired and he could barely keep his eyes open as he went to lay down on the couch, pulling Rene down with him, wrapping them both up in the blankets. He found despite his fatigue, sleep was elusive. He was just too keyed up and every sound that was unfamiliar had him jumping. He noticed that Rene too was having trouble giving in to sleep.

"I think we're fine here," he said more to himself than to her. "You should sleep."

"I can't. It's been too long since I've heard the rain and I don't know when I will hear it again." She sighed snuggling deeper into the crook of his arm and the back of the couch. Rene might be enjoying the rhythm of the drops; he knew was making it hard to hear if a raider flew overhead, or if there would be a drone of a cylon, especially in the basement. Maybe in another time and place, the sound of the rain drumming on the roof far over their heads would have been romantic; at least that's what the old holovids would have you believe. However, Starbuck didn't have those kinds of experiences in his memories. Rain for him had just been an inconvenience. It led to soggy uniforms and muddy boots. Now he knew it could lead to them becoming sicker, or hiding the sounds of an enemy.

He felt Rene shiver a little and he couldn't help but to think back on the events of the day, the sheer panic he'd seen on Rene's face as she screamed in between coughs in the sewer. She had trembled in his arms for several centons, not knowing where she was or who he was. She had screamed several names at the top of her lungs as he'd tried to muffle the sounds pulling her in close to him. She'd fought him and he thought he'd pulled a muscle in his shoulder hanging on to her, scared she might bolt down a tunnel and he wouldn't be able to follow fast enough. And then suddenly it had stopped, the screaming, the shaking ceasing, and she was saying she was okay. The transition from screaming to talking had been so swift, it had left both he and Max startled. He had heard that flashbacks could be sudden and come with no warning, but he'd not been told they could end just as inexplicably.

As she trembled in his arms now, he asked if she was okay to have her mumble, "Just cold."

He wished they could have started a fire, but then again, they had started plenty of those this day. He settled for pulling the blankets up higher and Rene even closer.

"So who's Kalea, I mean other than your youngest?" he asked. "You called out her name today."

Rene didn't answer for a few microns and he wondered if she would or if she even remembered the moment in the sewer. Her voice was soft and slow when she did.

"A friend we hung out with. Ari had a crush on her. She was with us the night of the attack. She shouldn't have been, she had decent parents and…" She sighed deeply. "After a secton, they used nerve gas to flush us from underground and she…she died first. Just kept trying to ask 'why' while she was choking and then…" Her voice trailed off.

Starbuck thought for a moment before he asked, "Is that why you named your daughter after her? To remember her?"

"I told you, Starbuck, we don't pick the names. Ari picked my daughter's name. It's actually really hard to say her name and remember back. I begged him to pick a different name, but he insisted."

"We really don't get the choice?" Starbuck wasn't sure he liked the idea of that. It was their child after all.

"We do, but, I never could say no to Ari. He never asked for much and he sacrificed so much for me. He wanted it, so I…" she sighed heavily. "I don't want to talk about him. Not here."

"If not here, then when? Where?"

"Never and nowhere," she answered very softly. She was quiet for a few centons, and he let her be, kissing the top of her head, feeling for himself with his lips how warm she might be. While she may be shivering, she was warming him up a little too well.

"Do you have names picked out?" she asked reaching up a hand to play with the fuzz of the beard he was beginning to grow from their two days away from anything resembling a decent turbowash.

"No, not really, I thought maybe after your brother if it's a boy, but hadn't thought of one for a girl. I'm just not sure I trust Apollo to pick out a decent name we can live with. Believe it or not, he has a sense of humor. We might wind up with a Jehoshaphat."

Rene laughed, and he liked the sound until the laugh turned into a cough. He debated giving her the last dose of antibiotics he had on him, and wished he'd grabbed more for his pockets rather than dumping it all in the pack. But he also didn't know how strong the doses were and how much was too much. They needed to get back to Jake to find that out. Plus, her coughing was sounding a bit better, at least this fit didn't last long.

He waited until her breathing was back to normal before he shifted to get up and grabbed the cough syrup, handing it to her. She took another swig before reading the label on the bottle. "Uh, we might not want me to take much more of this. May not be good for the baby."

"Nothing on this planet is good for the baby. You dying on me is not good for the baby either. We'll have to take the risk right now. But when we get back, no more risks. I think…" he hesitated as he crawled back under the covers pulling her to him and wrapping them both back up again.

"So, who told you to think, pretty boy?"

"I'm not some pretty boy anymore, I'm your husband, and I think when we get back, you should resign from the service."

He was surprised when she didn't instantly disagree. She looked up at him, her eyes wide in the dim light. She gazed into his eyes and he wanted to look away. He knew it wasn't fair what he was asking. She was a damn good pilot, but he just couldn't stand the thought of losing her.

She nodded slightly. "We get back, I'll do it if you want me to."

He nodded feeling like a complete equine's astrum for bringing it up, but then again, the odds of them returning to the Galactica were pretty low. It was uncertain if any of them would ever be flying again. His voice was gruffer than he meant it to be when he said, "We should get some sleep," but he pulled her in tighter. Pressing his lips to her forehead he found himself uttering a prayer to the lords. He desperately wanted to go home.

He felt Rene relax in his arms and he tried listening a little longer to the rain upstairs.

He didn't realize he'd fallen asleep as well until Max was whispering his name and touching his arm. He woke with a start, confused as to his surroundings. He was having his own flashback to the various friends' couches he had crashed on all throughout secondary school, right down to the whispered voice waking him to tell him it was time to get moving.

"The rain stopped and it's been about four centaurs. We have a hike ahead of us."

He gently shook Rene awake mumbling to Max, "You shouldn't have let us sleep so long."

"It was still raining, and there's been no movement in the area. Figured we should lay low as part of our grand scheme for throwing off the enemy. And you needed the sleep. You didn't get much last night."

"Yeah, about that," he drawled like Crius.

Rene was slow waking and more than a little groggy. It alarmed him until she pointed out that it was just the cough syrup he had given her. "Has more alcohol than a bottle of ambrosia. So how about a stim? You promised."

He sighed, knew none of this was a good idea for the baby, but neither was getting caught by a Cylon patrol, nor the hike they had before them, so he gave in, tossed her one. "Just one. We take the others later."

She grumbled that one wasn't even going to wake her up, but he noticed she didn't grumble until after she had quickly swallowed it.

They ate a quick meal cleaning out all of the pasta, and packed what they could of the water in the pockets of the hunting sweaters, before they climbed the stairs. Starbuck looked back at the basement, so like the many he'd tried to take up residence in all through his life. He wondered if there would ever be a time in their future when he'd have a basement for the kids to hang out in. He'd let his own kid bring home as many friends as he wanted, and they could all stay the night. He wouldn't complain once about the noise. At least he'd know that they were safe.

He shut the door and turned to find Rene's eyes on him. He may not always know what was going on inside her head, but she read him like a viper schematic. As they left the home and started heading for the hills, she started talking soft and low. "Nik had a ton of friends. If couch surfing was a real sport, he'd be the king of it. His friends fought over whose basement Nik was going to live in for the secton."

Starbuck gave her an incredulous look, trying to reconcile the dark haired young man who rarely spoke, a worried look etched permanently into his features with the Nik she was describing. Rene read his thoughts. "I know, hard to believe it, right? He's so quiet now, but he used to be like you, funny and friendly. Everybody liked Nik. He was invited to all the parties, and he had this way of getting us the invites to stay the night. We stayed dry and warm because of Nik's connection of friends."

"What happened? I actually thought he was mute at first." It was why Starbuck had put Nik with Jolly. If anyone could get the kid to open up it would be Jolly. Everyone liked Jolly.

"This," she waved her hand to indicate Caprica and all the destruction. "He has not been the same since that night. We don't even see hints of the old Nik. I thought once we got to Dilmun, but," she shrugged, "he just doesn't have anything to say anymore. He livens up a bit playing guitar. Sometimes over games or cards but, he still isn't talkative. Before, he talked a lot, told stories and jokes, but he was always a good listener too. Girls liked him. I even thought once about him and me becoming a thing. He's handsome and funny, but he never dated one girl at a time. "

"Oh, so he was like me," he teased trying to shift the conversation away from who Rene might or might not have been with.

"Yeah, he was. I would lay cubits he may have slept in that basement once. He would have liked it in that one. He could rate a couch just by looking at it. That one was probably a 6 out of 10. Not quite long enough for him. But I guess the days of couch surfing are done, for everyone."

They slunk between the homes and overgrown gardens, making their way in the dark for the outskirts of town. Starbuck hated to admit he was a little lost, but Rene pointed the way. The Cylon activity had died down, only an occasional raider appeared from the clouds and they crouched down each time, using what cover they could to mask their thermals. The rain was still falling, but it was light and seemed to be helping their situation. He wasn't sure about the acidity of it. It didn't feel any different than regular rain, but he wasn't planning on drinking any either. As the sun set, the clouds above looked like oily slicks in the sky. An occasional streak of white lit them up, but they didn't hear the sound of thunder. They reached the hills without any further sign of the enemy. They began the hike already tired, another seven kilometrons, maybe more as they were farther on the outskirts of town than the shopping complex. Once they crested the first ridge, they had a beautiful view of their handiwork.

The clinic was still ablaze, the fires having spread to several buildings nearby. The enemy did not appear to be anywhere near the fire, nor making any attempt to squelch it. Unchecked, he wondered how much of the rest of the city would be on fire by morning? As they watched, there was a small explosion, a hover mobile probably, or some other gas tank of some kind. They could see the homes they had set on fire in the distance, but those paled in comparison to the clinic, plus the rain seemed to have extinguished one of the ones they had started. He had to pull Rene away from the sight, her eyes lit up with a strange gleam.

The rest of the hike was blissfully uneventful except for a few times sliding in the mud and several cough fits that would have Rene leaning over on her knees as her lungs seized up. Before reaching the second ridge she had vomited up most of what they had eaten. Starbuck realized that was more concerning than the coughing. By his accounts, she hadn't kept anything down since getting to Caprica and he was concerned about her strength level. She kept telling him she was fine, but he knew otherwise. It didn't take long before their boots were caked with mud and their pants soaked. The hunting sweaters had been a true gift from the lords as the moisture just ran off them and the insulation kept them warm. The hike seemed to take longer than the day before. He wasn't carrying Boomer's weight, but the mud made the climb slow and all of them clumsy. It had taken some time in the dark ravine to find the burnt-out land ram that hid the entrance. By his chrono it was only three centaurs before dawn. He tried not to think about what the next day would bring. He knew they needed to find a raider and get the frack home.

They all seemed to breathe a sigh of relief when they saw the burnt land ram, but as he headed for the entrance to the cavern, Rene halted in her steps.

"What is it?" Starbuck perked up his own senses wondering if she noticed something amiss.

"This is my fault and I…I can't go in there. What if he's…I can't. I…I'm just going to be out here, okay?"

Max didn't say a word, just pushed past the two of them and headed for the cavern.

"Come on, Pretty Lady, it's going to be okay. We need some shelter and I need to know you're okay and he's okay." He pulled at her arm, but she dug her boots into the mud.

"I can't go in there. Not tonight. I need to see the sky. I don't want to be in the dark." She took a step back pulling away from him. He held tight, but she pulled hard, leaning away from him. He wasn't going to let go.

"Rene! It's raining, and dark and cold out here. IFB flash: you're sick! You need some sleep and I need Jake to check you out. Don't make me haul you in there." He wondered if she was losing it like she did in the sewer. He was fully prepared to toss her over his shoulder and wrestle her in there if he had to. He took a step towards her to ease up on the pull he had on her as he spoke softer. "It's going to be okay, come on."

"NO! I can't. I…" She stopped speaking and Starbuck turned to see Apollo coming towards them, a small illuminator in his hand lighting up the way.

"By the Lords," Starbuck had never been so happy to see someone in his whole life. "Is he…?"

Apollo looked at Rene, a critical appraisal in the dark, but he answered. "We made it back in time. He's doing better. He may be on his feet by tomorrow."

Starbuck wrapped his arms around his friend, hugging him in relief. "Best news ever. It's been one hades of a day."

"Yes it has, buddy, and we need to talk. When were you planning on telling us the rest of it, Rene?"

Even in the dim light of the illuminator Starbuck could see the confused look in Rene's eyes. It was Starbuck that asked, "What do you mean?"

Before Apollo could answer, Jake was pushing through Apollo and Starbuck on a straight line for Rene. He reached for her pulling her to him, one hand around her neck as he leaned in, forehead to forehead. Starbuck watched his wife shiver in the Jake's arms, closing her eyes and taking a deep breath, the kind of breath one took when they were finally safe and sound. He heard Jake's voice softly chastising Rene, "Don't scare me like that. You took too long getting back."

"Sorry," she mumbled, her voice thick with emotion as the two stood there for a micron too long, an embrace far beyond just being friends in Starbuck's way of thinking, but if he couldn't get her to some shelter, well maybe Jake could.

"Can we talk about this around a fire? I'm tired of freezing my pogees out here." He reached for his wife's hand, trying to gently pull her away from Jake, but her friend had a firm hold of her. Jake's hand came up to her brow.

"You're not okay." Jake kept his arm around her neck as he turned to lead her inside the cavern. She let go of Starbuck's hand and let herself be guided to shelter and safety. Starbuck made to follow, but Apollo stopped him.

"That was genius, the explosion and the smoke for cover. The other fires worked well, the centurions were on your trail not ours."

"That was Rene's idea actually. Damn near blew us up in the process. But yeah, worked really well, didn't it?"

"Yes, it did. Have you been running this whole time?" Apollo was placing his own hand to Starbuck's brow. "You're hot and you look like mong."

"Well which is it? Am I hot or am I daggit droppings? Rene seems to like me as I am, thank you. And no, we didn't run the whole time. We holed up for a while, but yeah, I don't feel so great, and Rene is worse so I would sure like to hear what Jake has to say. He really fixed up Boomer?"

"Yes, he did. He knows a thing or two. Claims he learned it on Dilmun as Dante denied some of his Warriors decent medical care, but he didn't deny them access to the data files. He's self-taught and I'm thinking we need to get him into some training with Salik. But I need to talk to you away from Avery and his men before I get you looked at."

"He still being a complete boray?"

"Yes and No. There are more survivors than Rene indicated, and they are in Cylon captivity. He says Rene knew about that and she lied to us about the extent of help Avery needed. What do you know about that?"

Starbuck heaved a sigh. Rene had been fabricating her own facts for a while now, but he didn't think she would have waited all this time to work out a rescue if she thought humans were in danger. She had her own agenda for luxury items, but she wasn't that cold and callous, or was she? No, he couldn't think like that, not after seeing her in the sewer screaming out the names of those who had died. She was his wife now, he knew her better than that.

"Nothing and no, Apollo, I don't think she knew. Trust me, based on her own reactions today if she knew there were humans in a Cylon slave camp, I think she would have arranged for a whole squadron to come with us to save them. She might have tricked us to do it, but I honestly believe she would run that con in the favor of the captive's liberation. Plus, Boomer is involved in this too. He arranged a lot of this. Do you think he would keep that kind of information to himself?" Starbuck cast his friend a critical look. "Avery got in your head. I knew I shouldn't have let him come along. The guy is some kind of military wannabe who's looking for anyone to blame for how he screwed up his own rescue!"

Apollo sighed, "Maybe, I just…I just don't know how we are going to get out of this one, buddy. I'm afraid we may be stuck with him for a while."

"Not if I have anything to say about it. Look, Rene just needs to get in the air, and then she can get us help. That's what we need to stay focused on. Tomorrow, I get us a raider." He started to head into the cavern but Apollo reached out a hand to stop him.

"I think I might know where we can find a viper. I need a look at a map, but I think it's only a two-day hike away."

Starbuck groaned and swiped at the rain that was dripping into his face. "I've had enough hiking. We can just go downhill and get what we want."

"And fight a hundred cylons for it? I'd rather take the hike and know we will be alive at the end of it. Besides, have you ever flown a Starhound?" Apollo smiled at his friend, knowing the mention of the famed prototype craft would pique his curiosity.

"No one has. They didn't make it to production. The whole armistice meant we wouldn't need them, remember?"

"What if I told you I know where we can find one?"

"I'd consider it a mighty nice sealing gift, which by the way, you owe me one. Alright, let's get a map up on a data pad and look into taking that hike, but not tomorrow. I think we are going to need a bit of rest if we can get it."

"Agreed. We'll talk tomorrow. Let's get you looked at."

Starbuck followed his friend into the cavern. Finding Boomer awake and coherent almost made it worth losing his eyebrows in Rene's fiery diversion.

"How you feeling, buddy?" he asked, reaching for his friend's shoulder. He needed to touch him, just to make sure the dream was real.

"Better, thanks to you guys. I think tomorrow I can be up and ready to go."

"Good, because I'll be sleeping in and we'll need someone to gather firewood. We're in no hurry. It's been a while since I got to go on a camp out. I thought we might do some fishing tomorrow."

"Speckled Sludge is probably in season," Boomer replied.

"Yeah, but Mountain Suckers are more abundant," Starbuck returned with a pointed look around.

"You okay?" Boomer asked. "You look awful."

"Yeah, so everyone keeps telling me. Just need some sleep and a clean uniform and I'll be good as new."

While he spoke to Boomer, his eyes were on his wife sitting before the fire looking even worse than he felt. Currently, she was hacking up something from her lungs that Jake was analysing. Her friend had her already changed out her wet and muddy pants that were tossed aside. Her hunting sweater and boots were drying by the fire. He had no idea where Jake had found the clean uniform she was now wearing, but he knew it would go a long way to making Rene feel better. She had a mug of something steaming in her hands as Jake analzyed the specimen.

Starbuck picked up one of the blankets and wrapped it around her shoulders as she looked up to him dully. He wanted to take a seat beside her, but his own pants we soaked and muddy. Apollo was one step ahead of him, handing him a set of clean clothes, the hunting gear that most of Avery's group was wearing. Starbuck couldn't even muster up the energy to say thanks. He didn't worry about modesty, as he stripped off the hunting sweater, his tunic, boots and pants. He didn't worry about where it all landed, except for his laser and his boots. It was Apollo that was placing a blanket around his shoulders and guiding him down to sit beside Rene. A hypo was to his neck before he noticed.

"So how bad is it?" he asked Jake.

"You're both running fevers, but Rene has a chest infection. Her chest is filling up with felgercarb. She must have aspirated some of the water in that lake. I've given you both strong doses of antibiotics and antivirals. But you're going to feel worse before you feel better." Jake's focus was on the biomonitor, the worry lines of his face accentuated by the dim light of the fire. He looked up and met Starbuck's eyes for just a moment, but it told him all he needed to know.

"You fixed up Boomer, we should be good right? She'll be okay, right? And the baby?" Rene leaned her head against his shoulder, and he shifted to wrap his arm around her, letting her rest her head on his chest as he pulled her in. Jake reached forward and took the mug from her before she spilled it.

"Get some sleep. We'll see in the morning." Jake reached out a hand to brush Rene's hair from her face. "Have you felt the baby moving?"

She nodded, and Starbuck looked at her wondering why she hadn't told him, but then he had to realize while this was his first child, it wasn't her first. She already had two with Jake.

"When did you last feel it?" Jake asked, and he felt Rene tense in his arms.

"Not since I blew up the clinic. I landed hard."

"Landed?" He looked to Starbuck in alarm.

"We were a little too close."

Jake shifted his gaze to Rene. "Baby, how many times do I have to tell you, you're going to get burned one of these times."

"It's just so pretty," she mumbled. "You should have seen it."

"You can dream on it. Get some sleep." Jake got up to spread a blanket on the ground for them. Starbuck stretched out pulling Rene down into his arms. He was asleep as soon as he pulled the blanket over the two of them.


	35. Chapter 35

So much could change in just one day. It had always mystified Adama how sectons could pass in rapid succession, holding little or no meaning, and then one day, just one, everything could change. How did the gods decide which days to make more important than others? Was it written in the stars as some on Virgon would believe, or was it in the sun as the Gemonese insisted as based on their rituals? Stars and suns were the same he knew, but did they? Did God decide things upon a whim? He doubted that, some days were just fated to be more important than others.

He remembered back to his early days of his military career, the long sectars where he would count down the cycles until he could be with his wife and children again. The long boring days in space when his heart longed to be home, and then the long-awaited day would come, the rush of emotions as he disembarked into the loving arms of his wife. When the children were young, time seemed to stand still for him. He didn't feel their passing until the day he would be reunited with them. It seemed in one day Apollo had gone from crawling to running. In one day, Athena was nothing more to a babe in swaddling to a mouthy toddler telling everyone "No!" In one day, his wife had gone from a shy new wife to a mature woman who told him how things were going to be in their household, and he could accept it or he could go back to his battlestar where he was undeniably in command.

In one day, he had lost his youngest son, his wife, his home, his world, his whole existence. One day is all it took for yahrens of labor to be obliterated. No, he would not let his thoughts go down that dark road today. In the morning, when he had to officially face the loss of his son and the other pilots, he would take that path, but not tonight. Tonight, he would hold out hope. For wasn't it in one day he'd also found Kobol and the clues to their salvation. It was in just one day that they had the Cylons on the run as they took out a base star. In one day, his capital ships had expanded from one battlestar protecting 226 civilian ships to an additional two battle cruisers and two light cruisers.

In one day, the fleet had shifted from desperation and lacking in fuel and supplies, to being infused with hope and resources. The addition of the Dilmun warriors had changed the fleet from hopeless to hopeful, not just for his own people but for those from Dilmun. They had been liberated from an oppressive commander, forced to labor and meet quotas regarding breeding, to free will and choices. Adama was working hard at increasing those freedoms. He had dealt with numerous transfer requests of warriors shifting to duties and careers more to their liking, rather than being randomly assigned based on need, not just from the Dilmun contingent, but also his own. The Dilmun warriors had brought along their different way of thinking, creative problem solving born out of desperation to create promise for the fleet. Food was plentiful as hydroponics had been set up in almost every corridor of every ship. With the extra pilots, the fleet could range farther on patrols and scouting missions for supplies. For the first time since the destruction, no one seemed to be going without the basic necessities. In one day, the future had changed.

But in the morning, it would be two days and he would have to make it official that Apollo, Starbuck, his new wife, Rene, her friend Jake, Boomer and his cousin Max were missing and presumed deceased. In the morning he would have to answer to the Council of Twelve for his actions and try to explain why he had believed a young woman could leap across space to the Colonies. It would be the day that Adama would have to admit his failures and face another loss to his family.

Adama wasn't sure what he would tell the council and the fleet. He sat at his desk in his darkened office staring out at the stars praying he wouldn't have to compose that report, that by some miracle his comm would chime and he'd be told that there was an unknown contact that might be his son returning to the fleet from the dead. It had happened before. Conceivably it could happen again. In the morning, he would accept the facts and face the future, but tonight he held out hope for that miracle and that chime of his comm.

He almost didn't react when his door chirped thinking he must have imagined it. Could the miracle show up on command? Was Adama losing his grip on reality? Were prayers answered that quickly? May the Lords bless us, but it chirped again in insistence and his heart leapt. He keyed the door to open, getting up from his chair, buoyed by the hope.

He was not prepared for the young man that was at his door, one of Rene's teens she had rescued from Caprica. Adama couldn't recall his name at the moment, only that he was under guardianship of Lt. Rene and Lt. Jake and he hoped to become a viper pilot when he came of age. Lt. Crius was accompanying him. The Lieutenant spoke, his words were those of apology. Adama realized it should have been his place to apologize. Adama had not thought to inform the family of the loss of their friends, partly due to the fact they were more aware than he was as to the dangers the pilots faced returning to Caprica, many of them having been back recently on the mission to steal fuel for the fleet to aid their departure from the Dilmun quadrant. Also, partly due to the fact that he wasn't ready to admit they were gone and the realities that would mean for the family. Guardianships would need to be reassigned. What of little Leia, left to Adama with the first death, now orphaned again? This time he felt there was no other choice than for him to step in and raise the child. What of the teens and other children? He didn't know the arrangements Rene and Jake had made for their families. Adama had been too involved in his duties when he should have asked before sending parents out into the oblivion.

Lt. Crius interrupted his thoughts, "Sir, I'm sorry. He insisted on speaking with you and I…if he can just have a moment of your time, we will not bother you again. He wouldn't calm down and I…"

The young man interrupted Lt. Crius. "You have to stop the fleet. You have to wait for them. She will come back. You have to!"

Adama was struck by the courage it must have taken for this young man to insist on speaking with a commander. Dante's recruits were still very skittish of command, many taking physical steps back whenever Adama approached, some going so far as dismissing themselves from any room someone in command entered. It was why he had seen little of the older children. His uniform alone frightened them. His best success at interacting with the children had been on Starbuck's community service project when Adama had donned a maintenance technician's coveralls. Then the children were still hesitant, but at least they didn't flinch in fear when he raised a hand or spoke.

To have come into this room, one that represented for them yahrens of abuse and torture, must have required courage and recklessness that rivaled Starbuck's. He wished he could reward that bravery, but unfortunately, he had no good news to deliver.

"Son, I'm sorry, but the fleet must move forward. I understand your loss, but…" Adama began, but Lt. Crius reached for the boy's arm to pull him from the room.

"Jason, he heard you, alright? We should go, I'm sorry, sir.

"No, it's quite alright. I should have come to speak with all of you. I was hoping to bring good news but…"

Jason interrupted him, "NO! She's coming back. Rene always makes it back. We have to be here for her when she does. We have to!"

Adama was at a loss as to what he could say to reassure the young man. There was nothing he could offer.

The teen looked to Lt. Crius and then back to Adama. "You have to wait! The Cylons aren't close and she will come back. She…" The young man looked up in fright as another of the family came through the door. Lt. Nik brushed past Crius, a stern look of determination on his face. Jason hastily took several terrified steps away from Nik and further into the room as Adama stood trying to intervene. Jason's hands came up to block a blow and Adama cringed. He would not have his office play out a scene of violence.

"It's quite alright. He's welcome here. He's done no harm." But Lt. Nik ignored his commander's words. His hand reached out for the teen. He gripped the back of the boy's neck, bringing him forehead to forehead, a pose Adama had witnessed before with those rescued from Caprica. Jason shook in fear, but Lt. Nik gripped him hard and didn't say a word, just holding the teen still for several microns.

Jason's voice broke in a sob. "He has to wait Nik. He has to." Nik held the boy in the same position, his eyes boring into the boys until Jason gained some control. Adama felt it was best to let the scene play out for now, but he had no intention of letting it become violent, and certainly would not be letting the three young men leave his office, at least not until they knew that he agreed with Jason. The Cylons were not close, and his warriors deserved the time they needed to return. He would deal with the fleet and the council. He was in command after all.

Adama spoke, hoping to defuse the tension. "Lieutenants, it's alright. He has a right to speak his mind. I am not angry at the intrusion. Let him have his say. You might find I agree with him. Where Starbuck and Apollo are concerned, miracles have been known to happen. They have often pulled off the impossible with very little resources."

While Lt. Crius seemed to latch on to Adama's words, Lt. Nik ignored him and waited until the boy gained some control before he spoke, so low Adama barely heard him despite being only a few paces away. "Would you have him put Lara in danger? Kiff or Kalea?"

The boy wailed. "No, but …"

Nik continued his voice almost a whisper. "He has the whole fleet to think about and the kids. We can't stop, Jason, and she will find us. This is Rene we are talking about. It does not matter where you are, she will find you. You understand?" Nik gripped the boy tighter and his voice rose higher in volume and intensity. "What did she teach you, huh? What did we learn on Caprica? She pulled you out of that sewer and that slave camp for no reason, huh? What did she teach you?"

Jason pulled in an uneven breath and his voice was quieter and calmer. "We are not alone."

"We are not alone," Nik echoed. "All those who went before us, are still with us. We keep the love. She loved you. And what did she teach you about fear?"

Jason heaved a deep breath. "It will wash over me."

Lt. Nik pulled at the boy, almost knocking their foreheads together. "We will come out the other side. Don't let it be the mind killer. She will find us! It doesn't matter where we are, in the dark, in the black, she will find us!"

Jason seemed to break at the words, unable to hold back the tears. "Are you sure? But what if she can't? What am I supposed to do? What if…and Starbuck…what if he isn't as good as he says?" Jason could not speak above the sobs that now were wracking his chest.

But Lt. Nik held on, ignoring everything in the room but the young man in his hold. He murmured low, "We go forward. We are not alone. Kiff, Kalea, Leia," the young warrior began listing off the names of the children. Adama knew the Lieutenant was trying to remind the young man of those depending on him, and he found himself recalling his own list of names that needed him, Athena, little Ila, Boxey, Bojay, and yes, even Tigh, Omega and all those in command that relied on his experience and wisdom.

Adama keyed his door to close and then realized his mistake as Lt. Cruis jumped, almost leaping for the doorway. Their fear of Dante was still ingrained in them, but now was as good a time as ever to change those experiences and instincts.

"Please, Nik, Crius, it is alright. I am here to listen. I have an open-door policy and no harm will ever come to you in this room, ever." Adama's instinct was to come around his desk, to approach them, to place a hand on their shoulders in reassurance, but he knew such a move would not be interpreted as supportive based on their past encounters with Dante. Rather it would terrify them, so Adama stayed behind his desk, very purposefully taking his seat, leaning back as casually as he could. "Please, have a seat. Let's talk. I want to hear what you have to say. I have no experience with what Rene can do, what she has done in the past, but I do where it comes to my son, Apollo, and his friend, Starbuck. They earned those gold clusters for a reason. Starbuck is very experienced and he would lay down his life for the sake of the fleet. Rest assured, Jason, he is as good as he says he is, although perhaps his modesty could use some work." He smiled and was rewarded to see a flicker of a grin briefly light the boy's features. "Starbuck and Apollo have snatched victory from the jaws of defeat many a time. I do not know what Rene can do. Can you tell me? Maybe together we can find a way to bring them back to us. But first..." Adama opened the comm to the bridge. "Col. Tigh, bring the fleet to a full stop."

Tigh's voice filled the silence of the room. "Are you sure, sir?"

"Are the scanners free of contact?"

"Yes, sir."

"Then I am sure. Bring the fleet to a full stop. Prepare to remain at these coordinates for at least a secton. Increase patrols for the rear of the fleet, and send out long range patrols near where Apollo and his team left the quadrant."

"Yes, sir!" Tigh seemed just as pleased with the command as the young teen did as Jason peeked around Lt. Nik to gaze in hope at Adama.

Lt. Nik looked over his shoulder at Adama, an astonished look upon his features.

"Please, have a seat, or stand, whatever makes you more comfortable." Adama looked to Lt. Crius, the academy trained Warrior in the room. Crius had a slight grin and a wistful look upon his face as he took the steps into the room, placing a hand on Nik's arm that was still gripping the teenager hard.

"See, he's different. Not many were like Dante. I'm telling you, my Commander was a decent guy. Played cards with us and everything. See, Starbuck's right."

Nik still looked suspicious, but he relaxed his grip on the boy, but still didn't let go as he guided Jason into a chair. Crius took the one next to him, reaching out a hand to the arm of the boy's chair before he spoke. "Rene can find things. She's always known how to get us what we need, just needs time at a scanner and…ya need fuel, she finds it. Ya need water, it rains. And then there's the whole going anywhere. She's jumped back and forth to the colonies a lot, just in the last sectar. I think Nik might be right, I mean if we stay on these coordinates and don't take any crazy-astrum Sagan turns…"

Crius talked rapidly in an effort to avoid his exaggerated drawl, saying more about his trepidation of being in this office than he probably intended to.

"She should find us, if she can get in the air, that is. They have to have lost their vipers is my guess, but that's no big deal for her. She can pilot a raider just as well. I mean, Dante made sure they had the basics of flight and I personally filled in the rest. The Rats do have an aptitude for flight, not sure why, their math ain't…isn't what it should be, neither are their study skills, but they get the concept of how to make a space vessel fly."

"And what of the rift she creates?" Adama asked, pouring drinks for all three of the men in his office, even one for Jason who was now scrubbing at the tears on his face in embarrassment. Crius took the drinks one by one, handed his to Nik, and put one in Jason's hand before he drank his own. Nik held his awkwardly, and by the end of their meeting, Adama would note did not even take a sip. Jason's hand shook as he drank his and did not seem surprised at finding it to be alcoholic.

"She makes this device that focuses the beam of energy. She says something about mass and energy and it creates the rift. My astrophysics isn't what it should be, but it fits the description of a wormhole. The part she can't explain, no one can I think, is how she gets the wormhole to stay open and take her to the coordinates she sets. And maybe 'sets" is the wrong word. It's not really like she sets them. She says she just…" Crius hesitated looking to Nik before speaking again. "She uses the word 'wish', but I think she has always been able to find her way, like…. I don't know exactly how to describe it, but it's like a natural compass or something. I mean, they talk about the sewers and she just knew which way in the dark was north and south and towards the bay or towards the city. Out in a viper, she just understands orientation of space, you know, like some pilots just get that and some never do. In that black sea we crossed, she had no problems and maybe it's because they never had to memorize all their instruments, you know? Starbuck jokes they don't know what half of them do, and, man, that ain't too far from the truth on those first flights they took from the Zakar. Dante didn't spend a whole lot of time training the Rats. But the rest of us, we made sure they were trained after that, well versed in everything in the cockpit. I wouldn't let them twist in the wind like that, you know?"

"Yes, I understand." Adama kept his eyes on Crius hoping the focus would give Nik and Jason time to become more comfortable. "I was a pilot once myself. You are right; some pilots do not navigate as well as others, or rely too heavily on their instrumentation and not on their intuition while flying."

"Exactly! I think, she just knows which way is up and which way is down and then forgets what that means…I don't know. But I think if she really wanted to, she could find us no matter where we went and if she's not…" He paused and looked to Jason before looking back to Adama. "She's not dead. I think we would know. Can't explain it, but the rats are tight. I believe Jason when he says she's not dead. He claims he knew when Ari died and…they've been through a lot so, I gotta recognize that ability if nothing else, you know, to know if one of their own is alive or dead."

Adama acknowledged the comment as he understood the feeling all too well, and it was unexplainable. He just knew that Ila was dead even though he went down to verify for himself. Perhaps that is why he had to go, to understand why he just knew despite the distance separating them. "Do you think we could recreate what Rene can do? If we had her device?"

"That's the tough question. I don't know. I mean, we could recreate the device. It's simple actually, but…" Crius shook his head. "I'm not willing to try it, and I won't let Nik, or anyone else with kids, try it. Even if we could recreate the rift, I'm not sure we could do what she does with the precision of coordinates."

Adama nodded knowing they would have to await the return of Rene for those answers, and regretting that he didn't insist she speak again with Dr. Wilker before allowing her to take a team on her rescue mission.

"Understood, Lieutenant. Our options for now are to wait. So we will wait, and pray. In the meantime, is there anything you need that I can provide?"

"Uh, no sir. Uh…" Crius suddenly seemed uncomfortable. "Uh, no sir. I do appreciate you speaking with us. He…well, I…"

Adama smiled at the man's discomfiture. He hadn't meant to sound dismissive. He'd meant it to be sincere, but should have known they would deny needing the help. "It is quite alright, Lt. Crius. If nothing else, you are my warrior, as well as my corridor neighbor, and with the sealing the other night, we are now family, you understand? Starbuck is like a son to me. Rene, now a daughter-in-law, and that makes you a son to me as well. Jason is like my own grandson, and you can all speak to me anytime. I'm honored you felt comfortable enough to do so today."

The room grew quiet before Nik spoke soft and low as he set his drink on Adama's desk, "We should go. Thank you."

Crius filled the silence, thanking him as well, reminding him that the family would not forget. Adama let the three men leave his office while he kept his chair, conscious of not making a move in their direction. It felt so wrong. He wanted to stand, to embrace the teenager, to tell him that even if Rene did not return, he would see that everything was alright. Perhaps in time he could make such gestures, but for now, he had to give the Caprica recruits the time and space to find their comfort with him. He would make a point of stopping by the Council chambers in the morning to speak to them, and perhaps with Rene's return he could ask to spend more time with the Copper Squadron.

The thought struck him. He knew they would return. He had to believe it to make it come true. And he would believe so just as surely as he believed they would find Earth. His family would return.


	36. Chapter 36

The viper he was in was old and slow to respond to his commands, the stick jammed all the way only elicited a slight turn after he cursed it, beseeched the Lord Almighty and finally called on the Goddess of Luck to intervene on his behalf. Fickle as usual, she answered his plea as the craft laboriously altered course an entire tenth of a degree. He tried to blame it on the pull of gravity from the planet below him. It was sucking him down. Before him was Caprica city, not as he remembered it in his academy days and the dreams he still had of the best and worst days of his life. No, this time it was a ruined landscape: buildings burning and raiders swooping down to fire on the city again and again. Beside him was Rene in another viper, hers just as old and rusty as his. She kicked in her turbos, zooming off ahead of him, but his only sputtered refusing to fire. Unable to catch up to Rene, he watched as the raiders formed up on her, a deadly pinwheel attack. He pressed the firing button, but after a short burst his guns jammed. He called instructions and advice over the commline, screaming to Rene, cursing his viper as he watched her wings burst into flames and her viper begin to plummet. She slammed nose first into the ground, the front of her craft crumpling into the cockpit just before it burst into flames. Then the raiders formed up on him and he took his hands from the useless controls. It didn't matter, it just didn't matter anymore without Rene and the baby. He watched the salvo come at him, felt the heat of the blast before…

He woke up gasping, trying to sit upright in his bed, but it wasn't his bed, or even the bunk in the billet. His head exploded at the effort and he groaned at the throbbing in his head, laying back down as he reached for Rene. His eyes flew open in alarm. She was not in his arms, nor could he find her near him. He bolted upright, his head exploding as hands pushed him back down. "Easy there, Bucko." It was Boomer's voice, his low tones soothing, a comfortable reminder of home as he and Boomer had always bunked near each other. He cracked an eye, tested the dim light of the fire.

"You're up?" Starbuck mumbled, surprised at seeing his friend who just a short cycle ago was incoherent and ringing the chime on death's quarters.

"Yeah, I'm up, just barely, but I seem to be doing better than you two right now."

The cavern was dim, the fire having burned low; the other fires about the cavern were out. He breathed heavily and trying to get his bearings, as he looked about the cave. The blankets around the fire were empty.

"Where's Rene?" His head felt like it was full of bees buzzing. He shook it, trying to chase out the swarm and almost crying out. The pain ignited an alarm in him. "Where's Rene?" In the last four sectars, other than when he was on report, he had woken each sleep cycle with her in his arms. It didn't matter the size of the bed, be it a landram back seat, a suite in the Rising Star, or the floor of the cavern, she snuggled close to him and he'd found he couldn't sleep without her. After the vivid dream he'd been having, he needed the reassurance that she was there beside him. But it seemed to just be him and Boomer. His friend handed him a water bottle and Starbuck drank greedily, trying to ignore the metallic taste with the tang of sulfur and the fearful pounding of his heart.

"Easy there, Starbuck." Boomer reached and took the bottle from him.

"Where is everyone?" He fixed his gaze on Boomer, pleased to see that his friend was looking almost like his old self, but not understanding why it was only he and Boomer in the cavern.

Even in the dim light, Starbuck could read the sympathy on his friend's face. Boomer kept his hand on Starbuck's shoulder. The soft touch, coupled with the sad look, it sounded a full on red alert in Starbuck's skull. He struggled to get up. "Where is everyone? Where is she?"

"She was having a hard time breathing and was running a high fever."

The words punched through the cloud of bees in his brain pan. The pain moved from his temples to his heart, as his breath caught. He began struggling against Boomer's hands to get to his feet as the reality of the situation stung him. "Was? Was? No. NO! Where is she?!"

"Hey, easy…easy…Starbuck!" Boomer held on to his shoulder as Starbuck struggled against the blankets that were wrapped tight around him. "Calm down, she's just outside. Jake thought the fresh air and the cool of the morning would help. She's outside."

It took a micron for the words to make sense, his vivid dream of the viper going down in flames seeming far more real at the moment than Boomer holding onto him. "Outside? Why? The Cylons and the…the air isn't any better and…"

Boomer's brought his face inches before his own. "She can't keep anything down, and Jake can't keep her fever down, but she's alive. We're all alive." Boomer's hand was to his forehead, testing Starbuck's temperature the old fashioned way. "You're not so bad. How are you feeling?"

"I'll be fine." He shrugged off his friend's concern, far more worried about Rene than himself. "I need to see her."

"Alright, go slow." Boomer reached out a hand to help him get untangled from the survival blankets and get to his feet. His head felt like it had slammed into the planet a few times and he wondered if the dream he had wasn't real. He took a step, and felt his legs almost buckle. He felt weaker than a newborn feline, and the hammer slamming into the side of his temples sure wasn't helping. As he focused on the next step out of this dark cave, he felt his friend's shoulder coming under his arm.

"Yeah, I see how fine you are. About as fine as I am, so let's do this together, alright?" Boomer guided him out of the cave and Starbuck groaned in agony at the brighter light of day at the tunnel's entrance. He knew he couldn't quite call it sunlight as he peeked a look at a dark gray sky with heavy clouds threatening to bring a downpour of toxicity any micron.

"She shouldn't be in the rain," he mumbled to his friend as he tried to look ahead to find his wife. He couldn't seem to get his eyes to focus farther than a few feet.

"It's alright. Max fixed them up some cover." Boomer pointed to a survival blanket that was draped over some low branches of a tree, providing a bit of cover from the elements. Below the makeshift shelter he finally was able to focus on Jake who was sitting against the trunk of a tree with Rene leaning against him. From this distance and his blurred eyesight, it looked like a lover's embrace and Starbuck nearly stumbled as the thought buzzed around his head. It had been only four sectars and he was already finding it hard to sleep without Rene by his side. How many yahrens had it been just Rene and Jake? He tried to shake the thought from his mind, but it buzzed in and stung him. Jake was a bit too comfortable in their quarters and seeing them now, Jake stroking Rene's forehead as he spoke softly too her, Starbuck suddenly felt like he was the interloper.

Boomer stepped forward, but Starbuck dug in for a moment until his friend looked at him, asking if he was alright. He just nodded and tried to swallow the irrational jealousy past the knives in his throat that were now filling his chest. Starbuck let his friend help him across the bottom of the gulley, until they were under the makeshift shelter. Boomer set him down beside Rene and Starbuck tried to ignore the intimacy of Jake's arms around his wife. Jake didn't seem to notice that he was doing anything wrong.

"Thank the lords, you look better," Jake said scanning Starbuck's features. "Boomer, can you do me a favor and bring out that medkit. I'm going to try another dose on her. Starbuck could use one too."

Starbuck reached out a hand to Rene's forehead and almost pulled it back as if he had been burnt. "How high is it?"

Rene startled at the touch mumbling at him, "Don't' fracking touch me!"

He looked at Jake in surprise.

"High enough she doesn't know what she's saying." Jake met his eyes. "Don't take it personal." Rene started to struggle in Jake's hold. The young man had her hands pinned between himself and Rene, as he dropped his hand from her forehead to wrap tight around her. He cooed to her to try to calm her, "Shh baby, no one's gonna hurt you."

Her eyes flew open wide as she struggled harder. "I'm not going to his mother fracking parties. I'm not a chit to be passed around. He can fracking flog me, I don't care!"

Starbuck didn't know what to do as he watched Jake hold on tight while he reassured Rene in her fevered ramblings, "You're not going. No one's going to frack with you. It's okay, baby. It's okay, shhh."

Starbuck looked away, suddenly embarrassed at his own jealous thoughts. He didn't know why he did that, when he had the least right to any form of jealousy. He took in the landscape, his eyes able to focus a bit better. He was surprised to find that they were alone in the bottom of the ravine. "Where is everyone?" He looked back to Boomer and didn't like the guarded expression. "Wait, where's Apollo? And Max?"

Boomer handed Starbuck the medkit and a blanket. "Apollo decided you were right and we needed off Caprica. He's headed to see someone he says his father knew in the hills outside of town. Claims he had a collection of classic vipers. He took Max with him."

"Oh great, so since we're laid up he thinks he can just go on a hike without me?" Starbuck opened up the medkit, pulling out vials and loading up a hypo, "How much?" he asked Jake, who told him to use half a vial, and save the rest for later. Starbuck pulled Rene's hair away from her neck, placing the hypo as she looked up at him, eyes red and unfocused.

"Keenan? You're dead. He killed you. Why are you here? You can't have this baby." Jake put a hand to her head, turning her back into his chest as he began to hum a Fabulon Four song that seemed to soothe her ramblings. Starbuck felt a pang in his chest. It was obvious that Rene was feeling miserable, and her ramblings had her scared and unsettled.

"Food," Jake whispered when she seemed to drift back into sleep. "Go through all their stuff and find some.

Boomer said he was on it, and shook out a blanket to wrap around Starbuck's shoulders before he headed back into the cavern, limping but otherwise steady.

It was awkward for Starbuck to watch Jake singing softly to Rene while he sat there useless and weak. He tried to cover up his discomfort, asking about what had been decided while he'd been sleeping. "So Apollo headed off to find a viper? How close did he think one was? And Avery and his men?"

Jake stared hard at him over Rene's head, stroking her sweat soaked hair. "Apollo said it was probably a two day hike. We…we were worried that if she gets any worse she won't be able to get us out of here so he decided he couldn't wait for you. Avery's men were pissed to find Apollo and Max gone, then Avery took off with his people, said something about rescuing some people. They took our lasers and I couldn't do anything about it."

The words jolted Starbuck and he reached instinctually for what he just now realized wasn't there. "Oh frack. So we're alone and unarmed?"

"It was the least of my concerns at the moment, Starbuck. I've used up the breathers trying to keep her from crashing on me. Her oxygen levels are low, her temperature is high and I don't know what to do other than overdose her. I learned how to treat broken bones and bleeding. She's doing better but, you both were down, Boomer's barely moving and if she dies on us we're stuck here!"

Starbuck registered the panic in the young man's voice, as did Rene who began to stir, mumbling again about not wanting to go to some party.

"It's alright." Starbuck shut his eyes and tried to think of some way out of their predicament. "You did the right thing. They could use them more than us right now. It's not like the Cylon's know where we are, right? You said she's doing better, right?"

Jake sighed and turned his head so that his cheek was touching Rene's forehead. "Yeah, but not as good as I'd like. Her temp has only gone down a little. She's breathing better but, if it gets worse there's not much I can do. We can't lose her."

"I thought we got the right antibiotic?" he asked, perhaps a little accusingly. He winced at his tone. "Didn't we?"

"I thought so too," Jake replied, obviously frustrated. "I'm NOT a doctor, Starbuck. I'm doing my best."

"I know you are," Starbuck conceded. It was more than just Rene's ability to warp space that Jake cared about. "Have you had any sleep the last few days?"

Jake just shook his head. "I couldn't sleep if I wanted to."

Starbuck leaned back against the tree, feeling the chill of the air seeping into his bones and the heat radiating off of Rene beside him. He wanted to reach for her, but he also didn't want to wake her and she seemed more comfortable with Jake for now. "I'll keep watch. You can't take care of her if you're exhausted."

Jake snorted in derision. "And what are you going to do, oh great Colonial Warrior, unarmed and barely able to stand?"

"Probably wake you up again, if I need to." He shrugged. "But at least you could catch a little shut eye, and you need it as much as the rest of us."

Jake shrugged noncommittally in reply. "Boomer is in the best shape of all of us right now and he's limping. We are truly fracked."

Starbuck sucked in a deep breath of what he knew had to be tainted air as he took in Jake's assessment of the situation. A crack of thunder interrupted his reply that they were going to be okay, as the sky opened up, pouring down rain. Rene woke, saying something about how she knew the pieces fit because she had pulled them apart. Jake cooed to her, singing Fabulon Four ballads. Yeah, he was right, they were fracked. Each roll of thunder felt like it was going to crack his skull open like an egg. He knew they should head back into the cave, but he wasn't sure he could face the darkness. He understood why Jake wanted to be outside.

They sat and listened to the rain and Rene's mumbling. It was all they could do, sit and wait for things to get better. Starbuck tried to take Rene from Jake at one point, as her ramblings became loud and she was frightened, but his touch only disturbed her more. She fled for the comfort of Jake's arms, adding to Starbuck's misery. He tried not to take it personally, tried to remember he was running a fever too, his thoughts weren't anywhere near coherent, but he found himself instead asking, "When did you two stop fracking? How long ago?"

Jake shook his head cursing. "Really, Starbuck? This day doesn't suck enough? Why don't you go find Boomer, okay?"

"Why don't you answer the question? Or is the answer never? You have a code to our quarters and half your stuff is there. Makes it easier to cover what you two are up to, don't you think?"

Jake shot back. "We stopped about the same time as you and Cassiopeia, or did you just forget that maybe Cassie might have talked about that? What was it, a day before you met Rene that you were asking Cassie to seal with you?"

"So that why you're not seeing Cassie anymore? Didn't like the competition or is it because you're still fracking with Rene?"

Jake looked away and sighed heavily. "You take that dose of antibiotic yet, Starbuck? Because you're either delirious or just being an equine's astrum, and as much as I'm leaning towards the latter, I'm going to cut you some slack."

"Why don't you just answer the question?"

There was a long pause before he finally looked back to Starbuck. "You fracking Colonials are all the same. You don't understand that fracking and love aren't the same things." Jake glared at him over Rene's head, pulling her in closer to him. "I'm not fracking her, Starbuck. And so what if I was? Would it change how you felt about her?"

The thoughts collided in his head, and he suddenly realized he wasn't thinking right, wasn't feeling right and had no idea why he was attacking the one person who could probably help them the most right now. "Sorry, no, no it probably wouldn't change anything with our baby on the way. But maybe you don't understand that for us … fracking Colonials, love and fracking have a lot to do with each other. And when you make a commitment, monogamy is a way of expressing that love, at least the way I was raised. And if the rats see it differently, then maybe my question isn't quite as crazy as you think." He paused. "Especially since Rene's unconscious and doesn't ever need to know about it."

Jake looked at him across Rene in disbelief then broke out laughing. Starbuck joined him, dragging a hand through his hair as he considered the absurdity of the conversation. Jake shook his head, still chuckling as he reached for the biomonitor, Rene's condition never far from his mind.

"I…I don't think you're fracking. Actually, come to think of it, you're not fracking anyone. So why aren't you seeing Cassie anymore? Is it because of the kids?"

Jake sighed and looked away. "Yeah sort of. Look I get that we need to kill some time here while we wait for everyone to get back. Could we talk about something else?"

"Sure." They sat in companionable silence. For about one centon. "Cassie told me she didn't want kids." Starbuck wasn't sure why he was sharing. He just couldn't seem to stop his mouth.

"Really? Well that's not what she told me. I mean, she told me she was worried about having to help raise the kids and me at the same time." Jake laughed sardonically. "I told her she didn't have to worry about that. They were Rene's kids and never would be hers. I didn't say it any nicer than that, and well, I guess she thought the same things you do, that Rene and I are still fracking."

"Oh," Starbuck said in reply remembering back to his botched proposal, how his own way of wording things had come off crude and crass once the words left his mouth.

"Oh? That's all you have to say, oh?" Jake turned back to look at him for a long time. Starbuck realized he'd lost any ground he had ever gained with Rene's closest friend. Jake finally looked away towards the entrance to the cavern. "Since you're feeling so chatty, I have a question for you. You were there in Dante's office that day, maybe you know. What happened to Agenor? Rene won't tell me other than to say he won't be a problem anymore."

It was not anywhere close to what he thought Jake would ask him, and his mind went back to the scene, somewhat the same as Rene with her brother Ari, and yet soul shatteringly different. Starbuck found himself looking in any direction but Jake and Rene's. "She shot him. Adama had knocked him out with a punch and she…she shot him in the face."

"Good." The acid in Jake's tone was more venomous than the toxic rain falling around them. "He was one of the worst because…" He took a long pause and Starbuck wasn't sure if he wanted him to go on. He was reminded once again that all the men Starbuck might be jealous about weren't men Rene had wanted. Maybe even Jake was more about protection and practicality than about love.

Jake turned back to him, a fire burning in his eyes that said more about Jake and Rene's relationship than Starbuck might have wanted to know. "The boray thought she liked it. She didn't fight him off. I mean frack, he was four times the size of her, literally. She knew if she even tried, he'd hurt her bad without meaning to. One of the few she didn't fight off because she's not stupid, and he somehow got in his puny brain that meant she liked it. He actually thought they were like dating or something. We all knew the baby she was carrying was probably his too, but…" Jake looked down at Rene, stroking her face lightly. "When she cleared up the confusion, let him know she didn't want to be with him, he beat the mong out of her. We thought that would be the end of it especially because she lost the baby, but no. He kept at her, even on Dilmun, mostly out of spite I think. We…we think he killed Keenan on a patrol, but we couldn't prove it, and," Jake shrugged, "it wouldn't have mattered. He's one of Dante's lackeys, or he was. He could do no wrong. Right in the face you say?"

"Yeah, right in the face. She shot the other guy too, not sure who he was, can't remember his name." Starbuck felt a chill climb up his spine, and his shoulders shook as he tried to shake off the memory. He had not spoken to anyone about that moment in Dante's office, not even with Rene. He tried to tell himself that he understood why she did what she did, but the truth was far different. She'd killed in cold blood two men who could not defend themselves. It was a brutal way to go out, and yes, he knew, they had been brutal to Rene and probably deserved what she dished out. But in that moment Starbuck had been frightened by the look in her eye, and then mere microns later to be face to face with Count Iblis, and Rene seeming to take his side. He'd always wondered how much hold Iblis had had over her then. Did he still have a hold? Is that what this little honeymoon to Caprica was all about?

The thoughts collided in his mind and he just wanted to close his eyes and go back to sleep. Another shiver shook his shoulders and his teeth began to chatter. Jake's voice got his attention. "Load up a hypo with some antibiotics, Starbuck. Dose yourself and then go find Boomer will ya? We need some food and water."

Starbuck reached for the med kit and found the hypo and injected himself. He was getting to his feet when Boomer came out of the cavern with a bundle of blankets in one hand, a torch in the other. He dumped the blankets on the ground, with what remained of the food and water that was bundled in them, handed the torch to Starbuck and began gathering wood for a fire.

"That such a good idea?" Jake asked casting an eye to the sky indicating the chance of the Cylons spotting them.

"Let me get some of the blankets up to block the heat in. Down in this ravine, with the trees covering us, it's worth the risk." Boomer appraised Starbuck, Jake and Rene. "Cylon capture might actually be good for us right now."

"Don't. I'm not in the mood for jokes," Jake said leaning his head back against the tree closing his eyes.

Starbuck got up to help Boomer gather some wood and stones to keep the fire contained. They decided to keep the fire small. Boomer found some long straight branches to use as supports to drape the blankets around the fire, funnelling the heat towards them. Starbuck sat back down beside Jake, tapping the kid on the shoulder.

"I've got watch. You need some sleep," Starbuck said to him reaching gently for Rene. She was a bit cooler than before, and didn't fight him as he pulled her into his arms, instead sighing in contentment in her dreams. Starbuck watched as Jake gave in to exhaustion. The young man's features softened in sleep, and Starbuck was reminded once again of just how young the gutter snipes were. The worry lines already etched in the young man's face also told the story of how much they had gone through. They had all aged a yahren in just a few short days.

Boomer handed him a water bottle and a colonial protein bar. He drank more than half of it before he realized he should try to get some of it into Rene. He shook her gently, and her eyes snapped open, looking around in confusion before settling on his face. "You need to drink," he said softly and she complied. He had her take a few slow sips and then she settled her head back to his chest, mumbling something about a party. "Shhh, we're not going anywhere," he cooed like Jake, "go back to sleep, sweet lady."

Starbuck dozed as the warmth from the fire and the rhythm of the rain lulled him into a sense of security. In a way Boomer was right. If the Cylons came, there wasn't much they could do so there was no point in worrying about it. They'd deal with that crisis if it happened, but for now, they were alone. It wasn't until near dusk that Avery and his men returned, trudging wearily into the canyon. Starbuck was somewhat comforted that the walls of the ravine channelled the sound down to them and he heard Avery's men long before they saw them.

The man was gruff as ever as he poked his head over their makeshift fire shield. "What the frack you doing out here? Trying to give away our location? They teach you viper jocks any survival skills, or just assume you're going to die in the sky?"

Starbuck started to curse back, but Boomer held up a hand to stop him. "The cavern was too smoky. She needed some air to breathe. You able to get your people?"

"No. Told you, we need your help for that, but we got some dinner." Avery held up three scrawny hares. "We found some roots so stew is on the menu. You going to sleep out here or you coming back in?"

"We'd like our weapons back," Starbuck answered him.

"Oh yeah? I'd like to be the King of the Cylon Empire, but we don't always get what we want. When you have a need for them, I'll give them back. So you coming to dinner, or going to stew out here?" Avery chuckled at his own pun.

Jake had pulled out the biomonitor and was checking Rene's vitals as Boomer and Starbuck waited for his decision as to whether they were staying out or going in. If it weren't so damn chilly and he could get his teeth to stop chattering, Starbuck was all for sleeping under the stars, but the thick cloud cover probably meant they wouldn't be seeing any this night.

"Yeah, we should go in. Her temps not where it should be, but it's down some."

Starbuck wanted to just pick Rene up in his arms, but his shaking shoulders and the weakness in his legs as he tried to stand let him know it might be best to wake her and have her walk on her own. She was hard to wake, and it was Jake's voice that finally got her up on her feet. They took up their place by the fire that had died near the door of the cavern. Boomer got it going again, and Starbuck arranged the blankets around as Jake took stock of what was left of their supplies. It wasn't much and he hoped that the day of rest had gotten them all a lot farther from death's doorstep. Rene actually sat up by the fire leaning against Starbuck. Her eyes were still distant and her words confused, but she responded to commands, drinking some water and taking small bites of their last protein bar. Jake dosed her again and it wasn't long after that she laid her head on Starbuck's shoulder, mumbled something about how good the music was and that she knew the pieces fit because she watched them tumble down, before she fell asleep again. Starbuck wrapped his arms around her, felt that she was still warm, but at least not burning up.

Avery came over with a pot of stew for them, speaking to the Jake and ignoring Boomer and Starbuck. "They going to be up for a hike tomorrow? We can't wait anymore."

Jake focused on the biomonitor before giving Starbuck a wary glance as he tapped out a code with his fingers on the monitor, "traitor".

Starbuck spoke before Boomer could. "You want our help or you using us for a trade?"

Avery didn't answer, keeping his focus on Jake. "So they going to be able to move tomorrow?"

Boomer called the man's name. "Avery, the cylons don't deal. You know that right? We are willing to help, but we'd like to wait for the rest of our team to get back."

"Yeah, that's all we've done since you got here, wait. We've waited long enough. You got our women and children out of here and I'm hoping like hades to safety, but we ain't got time to waste waiting anymore. And what kind of help can you be, huh? Your lasers are all the help we need. And don't worry your pretty Colonial insignias, we ain't trading you for captives. We don't' want a few of them for your sorry astrums, which is all we would get. We are taking them all. No, we ain't trading you. We're using you as bait in the trap, so don't you worry. You'll get a chance to show us how good you are. Consider it a demonstration of the mighty Colonial service since you all think you're so much better than us."

"We never thought we were better than you," Boomer said low and even.

"At least not till now," Starbuck amended in disgust.

"Well you better hope you are better than us because you either work the impossible and get our people free, or you're going to be joining them." Avery dropped the pot of stew on the ground almost spilling the contents before Jake could reach out and right the pan.

They all sighed. "Well eat up, boys and girl, or tomorrow we'll be the hares in the pot," Boomer said as he reached for a cup to dip in the pan.

Starbuck wanted to pass on the poisonous concoction, but his stomach grumbled and he knew he needed some fuel if they were going to get out of this snare.


	37. Chapter 37

Boomer was less squeamish about the stew than Starbuck, starting to eat before Jake had a chance to scan it to see how contaminated the contents may be. Jake didn't exactly give Starbuck a straight answer on how tainted the scanner determined it to be, but he did suggest that it would be best if they saved the sealed protein bars for Rene. The stew wasn't good, but Starbuck couldn't deny despite whatever toxins it might contain, it did him a world of good. The pounding in his head abated and he felt good enough to evaluate their situation. It wasn't as grim as Jake had pronounced. They still had most of their supplies, especially after Boomer raided Avery's stash, including some food that was sealed. Boomer was alive and walking, that was definitely a plus, and Jake, other than being exhausted, was feeling fine. Rene was down for the moment, but she seemed to be sleeping peacefully with her head in Starbuck's lap. She had stopped hallucinating, or at least wasn't mumbling incoherently. Jake also said her fever was dropping, not as fast as he wanted, but it was still going down. He hoped with a bit more rest and some fluids, she'd be better by morning. They had shelter and Avery was being so very thoughtful. He was even kind enough to post a guard by the door, armed with one of their blasters, to make sure they felt extra secure. They were safe for the moment, and considering there wasn't anywhere they needed to go immediately, not to mention their varying degrees of ill health, Starbuck reasoned it wasn't the time to make a fuss about being detained.

That they didn't have their weapons was certainly true, but they also weren't completely unarmed. Avery had left them with their survival knives and other tools they had brought along. The shovel in the standard pack was small, but it could suffice as an implement against another human if need be. Jake had assured Starbuck that Apollo and Max had left fully armed, so Starbuck was sure that his good buddy could sort all this out once he returned. After all, not only was he Apollo, but he was also an almighty Colonel now. They weren't completely fracked, Starbuck assessed. Oh he still sent out a plea to Lady Luck for an opportunity or two to arise in their favor, but come morning, he figured they could get it through Avery's thick skull that they weren't going to play his games. Avery wasn't in command of this situation.

Starbuck ordered Jake to get some sleep and was even able to deal with the fact that the young man curled up next to Rene, his hand tossed over her, needing to make physical contact. She had scared Jake, Starbuck reasoned, and knew he should be a bit more worried himself, but he could only deal with what was in front of him at the moment. For now, Rene was breathing fine and not fighting him. He'd count that as plus in their favor for now.

Once he heard the even breathing that indicated Jake was asleep, he decided it was time for a good old-fashioned strategy briefing with Boomer. His friend looked like he was also feeling a lot better after some food and rest.

"So, how do we get out of this mess?" Starbuck could barely see Boomer's raised eyebrow in the dim light.

"That is a good question Bucko. I believe Avery when he says that he's not going to try to trade us. I'd like to get a look at the captive situation he keeps referring to and would rather be part of the planning process than the bait in the snare. We have enough men here that if we were fully armed, taking out a Cylon base might actually be possible, but…"

Starbuck jumped in, concerned that his friend actually was thinking that here and now was a good time to start a rescue mission. "But we're lacking in weapons and I'm not sure I would call anyone in this cave fit for duty."

While Boomer's willingness to take risks and his altruism were some of the qualities that drew Starbuck to him as a friend, Starbuck suddenly understood what so many others had been trying to tell him about himself. You had to look beyond the moment to the big picture. Some risks were just too dicey.

Maybe it was the woman sleeping in his lap, young, vulnerable and carrying another life inside her, a life he helped to create, that had him realizing some risks just weren't worth it. He shook his head, "Boomer, we aren't in any position to offer our help. The only help we can give right now is to get back to the Galactica and maybe plan another mission, one that has us more prepared and better armed. And maybe not even that. It kills me to leave them behind, but we have to think about ourselves here, Boomer."

Boomer didn't seem to be listening to him. "I am hoping that Avery will see reason and let us wait for Apollo and Max to return."

Starbuck snorted. "Tell me exactly what it is about that guy which indicates to you he might be reasonable. Is it the guard he posted at the entrance or the fact that he thinks we might be up for a long hike tomorrow? I'm telling you, Boomer, Avery's going to find out in the morning just how unreasonable I can be." He fixed a glare across the cavern towards Avery, who—just as he predicted—was sitting at a fire not far away and watching Starbuck.

Boomer shook his head authoritatively. "Not sure that's the right thing to do here, Starbuck. We came here to help save people."

"Are you delirious? We're the ones in need of a rescue, Boomer! Do you really think that leg of yours is up to a ten kilometron hike? Do you think Rene is? I know you're feeling better, but you need to be realistic. Just a day ago we thought you were going to die." He lowered his voice as he realized he was drawing more attention. "Lord, and they say I'm the reckless one? No, we are going to sit tight here, wait for Apollo to get back, hope for Sagan's sake he's found some sort of space craft, and then we get the frack out of here. That's the plan and we're sticking to it!"

Boomer shook his head at him again. "I agree you and Rene should stay here and try to get airborne as soon as possible, but..."

"Boom boom, no. We stick together. Have you lost your mind?"

His buddy scowled at him in annoyance. "No. But I signed up to be a Warrior and that means saving people, all of them, not just a select few. I think I understand now why Rene has been so…so defiant and dismayed at our leadership. If this was what she was dreaming, that people are here and hurting and we just ignored her, well she's right, what kind of Warriors are we? We just flew away and left thousands of people, maybe millions who had survived the first attack. We left them to die. I'm not sure I can live with that anymore, Starbuck."

Starbuck wanted to shout at his friend, but Rene sleeping soundly in his lap and Avery gawking at them both served as reminders to keep his voice low. Instead, he reached out and grabbed his buddy's arm hard. "Maybe we were fighting in different battles the day of the so-called Armistice, Boomer, but the way I remember it is that we were losing badly and a minority of us barely made it back to the Galactica alive. Thousands of warriors died that day. The Colonial Fleet was all but destroyed. We had to save what we could and hightail it out of there or we were all going to die. Nobody told us we were leaving people behind. We thought we had saved what was left of humanity. We thought we were doing our duty, living up to our oaths to protect our people. I understand wanting to fight for a cause, but you have to be alive to fight, Boomer! And we can't win that fight if we aren't up for it. Sure we take risks, but sometimes you have to calculate those odds, do the math and realize it isn't worth losing the whole pot. You have to know when to fold, Boomer. Right now, we wouldn't be any help. We're a liability. We're not their capstone card. We're worse than the lowest base card."

He could tell just by Boomer's posture he didn't agree. Lords, he wished he'd gotten that promotion so he could pull rank on his friend. All he had was logic to pull from, and there wasn't much of that in any of this situation. They were so arrogant to think they had prepared for the worst case scenario if this mission went wrong. They had been so damn short-sighted. Now that they knew the score, they could definitely do this better the next time.

"Look, I know once we get back we can talk the Commander into letting us come again, fully armed, better prepared for what we're dealing with here. We aren't leaving them to die here. We will come back for them. With Adama's permission or without it."

"Now who's delirious?" Boomer shook his head at him. "Those are strong words, Starbuck, but we both know that you're not letting Rene come back here. Ever. Neither will the commander. Avery is right, it's now or never. Look, Starbuck, I get it. We showed up and created a disturbance, and now those being held captive might be paying the price for our interference. I'm going with Avery to help," Boomer held up his hand to forestall Starbuck's objections, "Yes, I'm going to ask that he wait, at least a few more days. You're right, I'm not quite up for that hike, but I understand why he may not be willing to wait any longer. People are suffering! We upset the order of things here and you know how the Cylons like order. But I am going to demand that you and Rene stay behind."

Starbuck turned away grumbling, "What the Cylons like is killing us. You'd be defying a Colonel's orders you know. Apollo told you to stay here."

Boomer laughed at that. "Coming from the man who only follows the orders he wants to? It wasn't a direct order and you know it."

Starbuck softly cursed, "So what the frack am I supposed to tell Apollo when you don't return, or Max, or Dietra?

"You tell them I'm a warrior and I did what I had to do."

Starbuck sighed dramatically and the two stared into the flames in silence. He knew his friend had a point, not a good one, but they had signed on yahrens ago as idealistic young men intent on saving the worlds. It was drilled into them daily at the academy the sacrifices they were making, the honor they would receive for it. They were the saviors of the colonies and all the training, classes and physical endurance tests were to make them the best of the best. The colonies had depended on them to be their first line of defense and to save them.

But this was different. This went against everything they had been taught in the Academy about tactics and strategy. They weren't up for the task, but after a few more centons of silence, he decided his best option was to try to convince everyone of that fact in the morning, when in the clear light of day they would see how foolish this was. Just because they were warriors didn't mean they were heroes who could just walk in and save the day.

Maybe it was the battle of Scimitar that helped Starbuck to understand how wrong all that Academy warrior brainwashing had been. Actually, he'd figured it out before then as most of the duties and missions in his first yahrens of his first command were tedious and at many times pointless. But it was truly facing the death of their worlds and most of his fellow pilots that really wiped away all that "For the Glory of Caprica" felgercarb. They didn't sign on to be sacrifices, to just throw their lives away. Watching the Galactica sail away without them had blasted away the last of the honor and glory promises. Sure, he knew now why Adama had done it, but it was still a hard scene to reconcile with the academy lectures.

Added to that, he knew the odds for a warrior, especially a pilot, making it to old age. But there were some who did survive, who were the role models and the inspiration behind all that honor and glory hero worship. He'd always believed he'd be one of them too. He'd be at the old veteran's home with his buddies around him, still squabbling over cards. He knew how you got there was by taking the calculated risks, and winning each time. Yeah, he'd taken some risks that went against the odds, but he'd survived each time, even sneaking on a baseship right under the cylon's mechanical noses.

But even that was different than this. He and Apollo had been in top form, fit, young, healthy. They'd had a raider, weapons, and inside information. It was still a risk, but they'd made it due to good planning, healthy bodies and good intelligence.

Plus a lot of other things had been different for him on that mission. He sighed deeply as he realized, during that time in his life he didn't really have anyone who would miss him if he hadn't made it other than the friend who had went with him. Sure, Cassie didn't want him to go and she would have mourned him for a little while, maybe, but then she would have moved on and probably been happier than when she was with him. He'd understood that even then, and now he wondered why it took him so long to see it. He and Cassie weren't meant to be together.

No, this time it was different. He had a lot of people who would miss him if he took too many risks and he was gone. When Rene had told him after their first trip to Caprica about how the kids relied on him, he knew it was truth. It wasn't wishful thinking or wanting to believe. It was fact. Things had fallen apart when he was on report and it had taken him almost as long as the cycles he was gone to set things back in their proper order. Oh he knew the little ones would adapt to his absence because they were kids and that's the only choice kids had. But the older kids, Jason, Cain, Zane and Lara and…well all the ones over ten yahrens would not be the same if he didn't come back.

Maybe it was different too because he wanted to come back. He was beginning to understand what it was like to have something you wanted to live for, a future you wanted to meet. He wanted to see what his kid looked like. He wanted to see his child grow older, maybe even see the kid graduate the academy. Having a child on the way had changed him and he wasn't willing to just throw away that future.

His friend had a future too that he needed to meet. Starbuck knew it was selfish, but he was not going to risk his life, his wife and child's and not even his friend's life to save one more of Avery's people. He winced at the thought. He'd finally found the point where caution overrode his own honor. He'd always said that when you became too cautious, it was time to quit flying. He'd criticized other pilots who became too careful and too restrained in the cockpit. He'd told others often they should resign when that day came. Was it time for him to resign as well? It's what he wanted Rene to do. She could easily argue that to be fair, so should he.

He sighed deeply again. It was too much to consider on a bleak night when all he had to look forward to was a stone bed, a survival blanket and a rucksack for a pillow. He eased Rene from his lap, as he said to his friend, "We'll talk in the morning after you get some rest and can see things clearer. Don't think we need to keep a watch, Avery has us covered."

Boomer grunted. "By seeing things clearer you mean seeing things your way, Starbuck. That's just not going to happen this time."

Starbuck smiled. "You might still come to your senses."

"Or you to yours," Boomer replied. "Get some rest."

Starbuck just shook his head sighing at his friend, but decided to take his advice hoping that tomorrow his buddy would take his. He stretched out and lay down beside his new wife and pulled her onto his chest. She didn't make a sound when he shifted her. She was cooler and he hoped by morning she'd be better. He held her there, looking up to the cavern ceiling and trying not to think of the weight of all that stone that seemed to be sitting on his chest. He'd always wanted more in his life, and now he understood what a weight all that "more" could be. How were the kids doing now that they were long overdue? They'd be worried. Could Crius and Nik handle it all? Were they helping Lizbet with all the babies? Were the boys behaving? Had the fleet moved on? Would the Galactica follow the same course as before, or another heading that they wouldn't know? Even if they got in the air right now, would they find the fleet? Had they essentially abandoned their family? Had he done it again, dove in deep without really thinking about it all?

He stared at the rock above him and tried to clear his mind and focus on the now. He was safe, Rene was safe, the kids were safe. He knew it was a huge pile of felgercarb, so he tried to focus on what he could do for now, hold Rene in his arms and try to get some rest. He stared at the shadows from the flames on that rock feeling his eyelids getting heavy. When sleep found him, he dreamed of the family back on the Galactica, but in his dreams they were not safe. Cylon raiders were strafing the sides of the battlestar, aiming right for the portal to the Council Chambers. He was in his viper, too far away to offer any help as wave after wave of salvos pierced the hull. The children were flying out into space like leaves in the wind. He woke to the sound of screaming which didn't make sense in the fragment of his dream that remained. You couldn't scream in space. It took him a few moments before he realized it was Rene.

The drone filled her ears, coming from every direction with nowhere to turn. Rene did the only thing she could do; she screamed in fear and frustration, yelling at the Lords to do something. Someone had to come and save them! This could not be how it all ended? She struggled against the steely grip the centurion had on her arm. She tried to pull away, but the arms held her and the centurion did something so strange. As the red eye swept across her face, she felt a warm breath that blew gently into her ear as he brushed her ear with his lips. The impossibility of it woke her as a shiver travelled from the base of her skull down her spine.

His voice brought her to reality, his soft shushing as he whispered her name, and told her it's just a dream. Was it? Was it just a dream? It had happened, and could happen again. She struggled against his tight hold on her and she fought harder before she finally found her voice. She pushed down the need to resist him and met his eyes, hoping if she was calm and reasonable he would understand.

"We have to go. We can't stay here. We need to go!"

"It's okay, Rene, go back to sleep. We're safe here." He patted her back like she was a child. The sympathy in his eyes made her want to lash out at him. She wasn't crazy; it wasn't just a bad dream.

"NO! No we're not. We have to go!" She pushed more forcefully away, scrambling to get to her feet. Jake had woken at her movement, calling to her to calm down. She knew he would understand, and maybe he could get Starbuck up and moving. "Jake, we have to go. They're coming. Now!"

Jake also looked to her with that same sad look, the same soft pleading in his voice as he called her name.

She made it to her feet and was about to curse out the two of them, when one of Avery's people near the entrance whistled loudly, cutting through the silence of the cavern as effectively as the red alert klaxon on the Galactica.

"They're coming! We need to go!"

Both Starbuck and Jake looked to Rene in shock and she wanted to slap them both. Jake at least should know by now that her dreams weren't just some ramblings of her subconscious. Lords, she missed those days where her dreams were nonsensical fragments of the days she'd lived. Ever since the sewers, her dreams foretold. She knew them for what they were, her own red alert warnings and mission briefings from the Lords. Maybe they had been just as important before the destruction and she didn't understand the signs, but there was no confusion now. The dream was more than an echo of her days on Caprica when she was younger. It felt like a portent of what could come. She reached for a pack, but Starbuck was up and moving now. He took the pack from her and shoved their blankets into it before tossing the pack over his shoulder.

"AVERY!" he shouted loudly. "I want my weapons!" He reached for Rene. "You with us?" He scanned her face, looked deep into her eyes, his hand reaching out to brush her cheek.

She shook her head, not quite understanding what he was asking. "There's another option?"

Starbuck started to chuckle, and quickly cut it off. "Yeah, lots of options, sweet lady, none of them good. Jake, you got her? Boomer, take point, while I get our blasters from Avery. We are out of here now!"

Jake reached for her hand, as they all heard the distinctive sizzle and thump of a Cylon pulsar rifle. Starbuck's head spun around, searching the cavern for Avery, but he was nowhere to be found. The guard who had been posted to keep an eye on them came up to point them in the right direction.

"We have a back door. Let's go." He pushed Starbuck towards the back of the cave where various tunnels branched off.

Starbuck eyed the man suspiciously, noting the Colonial laser in his hand. "You mind giving that back to me?"

The man looked at Starbuck, the guilt clear on his face as his only answer before he turned away and began to sprint for one of the tunnels.

"Frack!" Starbuck cursed loudly. "I guess we follow for now."

Boomer headed off for the tunnel the men were pouring into, but Jake and Rene had stayed with Starbuck. In his frustration, Starbuck wanted to chew out Jake for having been stupid enough to let Avery and his men disarm all of them. He should have used the weapon he had to keep all of them armed, but the fact that the tunnel looked crowded with people, he had to remember that Jake had been outnumbered and no one was able to back him up. Starbuck shoved down his anxiety about being defenseless, and reached for Rene's other hand. "Come one, let's get out of here. We can outrun them." They crossed the cavern and caught up to Boomer who was waiting for them at the tunnel entrance. Once in the tunnel they almost ran right over Avery who appeared to be waiting on them, another Colonial blaster in his hand that he used to wave them down the tunnel as it branched off into two more passageways.

"We have several ways out. This one is the hardest for the Cylons to follow. It becomes narrow in a few more metrons."

Starbuck lashed out at the man, dropping Rene's hand as he tried to reach for the weapon while simultaneously reaching to slam Avery against the wall. Whatever he had picked up in the lake water had slowed his reactions. He felt the fabric of Avery's sweater slip through his fingers as the man dodged aside.

Starbuck snarled in frustration. "Avery, we need our weapons!"

"We don't have time. Just keep up and we'll watch your backs. Go!"

Starbuck reached out again for the laser, but Avery was quicker, backing away and levelling the weapon at Starbuck. His reactions might be slow, but his mind was faster as he thought about the guard at the door, the fact that Avery and most of his men had been awake and tense that evening, and then there was the stew and how tired they all were after eating it. The pieces slid together and he cursed the fact that he hadn't insisted on getting their weapons back the moment he realized they were gone.

"You're turning us over to the Cylons? You fracking traitor! They won't deal with you. You got the wrong end of that bet, you idiot!"

Avery lowered the weapon, as he took a step backwards, appeared to be about to deny the claim, but the sound of rifle fire and the thump of centurion steps forestalled whatever argument he was about to give. "Go! Keep to the tunnels headed straight, not up, not down. Run!"

Rene reached for Starbuck, taking a firm hold of the sleeve of the hunting sweater he wore, pulling him down the tunnel as Jake called out to Rene, "Leave him!"

Starbuck pulled his arm away from her shouting to Jake, "Go, get her out of here." But he didn't move to follow turning back to Avery. He wasn't going one more step without a weapon in his hand. Rene reached out for him again, both hands gripping his arm as she shouted over her shoulder at Jake who was trying to pull her away.

"NO! Not without him!" She yanked his arm hard, dragging him a step in her determination. "Forget it! Weapons won't matter here soon. They have us outgunned. Come on!"

Starbuck almost let her distract him from his need to confront Avery and get at least one weapon in their possession, that is until Avery said low under his breath, but Starbuck still caught it, "Run, it's what you warriors do best."

Anger fuelled him as he wrenched his arm from Rene's grasp and launched at Avery. He was able this time to shove the man against the rock wall, twisting the blaster from the surprised man's hands. Once he felt the familiar grip of his weapon ins his hand, Starbuck whirled away to grasp Rene's jacket and begin to propel her and Jake down the dark tunnel to the sounds of Avery's curses and the tramping of centurion metal on stone.

The tunnel twisted into darkness, and their guard had been right, it became narrow, not much more than the width of a man, and then in the near pitch black, it was even smaller. He heard Jake and then Rene groan as they hit rock, and then tried to squeeze through the passage. Starbuck balked at the constriction of stone at his back and chest. He couldn't fit, he was too big, but Avery was soon right behind him, nearly hissing in his ear, "Suck it in. It's only a few steps then it opens back up."

He resisted the urge to want to strike out at Avery as he followed the man's suggestion, sucked in his gut, made a mental note to work out more. He was able to shuffle down the tunnel, the rock sliding across his back and brushing his nose. Then the tunnel did indeed open up a little more, still narrow, but not a tight fit. Rene was reaching for him again and Starbuck was torn between telling her to go faster, to leave him behind, or telling her to stay close. At least now he was armed and able to protect her, but she was right. The sounds behind him indicated there were more than just a couple of centurions at their back.

A laser bolt blasted at the rock behind them solving Starbuck's dilemma. "Go! You run faster than me. I'm armed. Just go!"

But she didn't let go as she began to run, pulling at his hand as he tried to look behind them. Avery's man had been right, the narrow tunnel blocked the centurions. The Cylons blasted away at the rock, laser blasts occasionally ricocheting through, but the stone was not yielding, at least not enough for the Cylons to catch up before the tunnel twisted away to the right. In the dim light of the illuminator in Jake's hand Starbuck saw the passageway branch off into two more tunnels.

"To the right!" Avery shouted behind them. Starbuck decided not to shoot him, not yet, since he knew the way, but once they were out in the open, he couldn't guarantee he wouldn't follow up on the impulse.

They must have run almost a kilometron down the dark twisting mine shaft before they could see sky through the breach in the stone at the tunnel's entrance. Starbuck pulled at Rene's hand to slow her up, afraid they would simply burst out of the mine to an ambush of Cylons waiting to take them captive. Avery surpassed them, but that didn't reassure Starbuck. This had all been a set up by Avery and while he wanted to speed up to catch the man, to throttle him and ask what the frack he was up to, Starbuck held back. His warrior's training kicked in, calling for caution. He flattened himself against the wall of the shaft, pulling Rene and Jake back as well with a hand to Rene's chest. He could feel her breathing hard, laboring to catch her breath. He could hear the air wheezing out of her. They couldn't run much longer before she'd go down on them. Could he carry her? He wasn't sure as his head felt light and his vision wavered as he too tried to fill his lungs with enough air.

Boomer's silhouette in the mine's opening eased some of his worry as his friend approached them.

"We've eluded them for now. Avery's people, I think it's Caleb, said they have another safe place about ten kilometrons from here."

Starbuck kept his hand pushing Rene and Jake back as he stepped towards his buddy. "And how is Apollo supposed to find us? No, Avery's men set this up. I am not going anywhere he says is safe. Did Apollo tell you where he went?"

Boomer didn't get a chance to answer as four of Avery's men lined up in the entrance to the shaft, Cylon pulsar rifles in their hands. Avery's voice behind him called out, "Drop the blaster. You're coming with us. It's for your own good."

"So are Brusselon Sprouts, but I don't eat them."

The point of the cylon pulse rifle in his back was the necessary deterrent for Starbuck not to spin and shoot the man in his lying face. Rene was right, they were outgunned.

"I'll shoot Rene if you don't drop it now," Avery said. "Do it!"

Starbuck cursed and dropped the weapon.

"Avery, I don't know what you are trying to achieve here, but we are not up for your plans."

"Kick it away."

The man was a bit smarter than he thought. Avery knew better not to approach a pissed off warrior. Starbuck did as he was told, but only because he knew those rifles silhouetted at the opening of the mine shaft weren't trained on him. They were aimed at Rene and Jake.

"Avery, you just need to let us go. We are not going to help you, and we aren't up for a hike. Just let us find our friend, find a vessel and get us all out of here, alright? We'll come back when you're more agreeable to being rescued."

Avery picked up the weapon and pushed at Starbuck with the pulse rifle. "Nope. We did things your way, now you are going to do things our way. Don't worry, where we're going we might find you a raider and then you can get us all out of here, no one left behind. You get to be the hero just like you astrums like."

"Never seen a Raider big enough to fit your ego, never mind all your people too . . ."

Pain lanced through his skull as the butt of a pulsar rifle hit him in the back of the head. He stumbled forward, considering it a personal victory when he regained his footing instead of falling to his knees.

"Now let's go. March like they taught you at that fancy academy."

Starbuck tried again to reason with the man. "Rene's not going to make it. I'm not leaving her behind!"

Her voice called to him, but he held up a hand to silence her. For once she followed a command.

Avery began to speak, but Starbuck spun around, grabbing at the pulse rifle, and just barely missing the blast from Avery firing in shock. His momentum pushed the two of them to the ground as he wrestled with the man for the weapon. Avery brought up the blaster, bashing Starbuck in the head with it as he shouted at his people, "Shoot him! Stun him, dammit!"

Starbuck fully expected to feel the blast and then the following darkness of a good stunning, but instead he felt several hands on him pulling him off of Avery. As he was pushed back he was more than a little displeased to find that some of those hands were Boomer and Jake's.

"What the frack? I had him. We are NOT going with them, we are…"

Boomer cut him off. "Starbuck, we don't have time for this! We are going with them now. We will catch up to Apollo later. Come on!"

Starbuck growled at his friend, and then stifled the rage. Boomer's face was etched in determination. Starbuck knew that look meant he would solve this, maybe not at the moment, but later. Boomer wouldn't lead them into danger. His friend was steady and smart.

"Save your energy for the hike, Starbuck. Rene needs you, come on." Boomer turned and headed for the opening of the tunnel, marching out into the soft light of a cloudy dawn. Starbuck turned back to glare at Avery.

"When I get my chance…" he left the words unfinished as he reached for Rene's hand.

Avery followed them closely, growling at Starbuck's back, "I'm not giving you to the cylons, I just want your help and then we can all part company. I've got people who can carry her if need be."

"You're not fracking touching her," he barked pulling Rene closer as he walked out of the tunnel.

The line of men led off up a hill and they followed into the dawn. As they crested the hill, Starbuck began his plotting. They were truly outgunned, and most of Avery's men were watching them. There was no sympathy to be had with these men, but they hadn't shot him when Avery ordered it, so there was some hope that if they made a break for it, they could get away unharmed. They headed down the hill towards a valley that in the past may have been a peaceful meadow they would simply cross. Now it was a bare stretch of ruined ground, far too exposed. The line of men began to snake around the open space, keeping to the small amount of cover to be found in the dying trees and brush.

Starbuck tapped Jake on the shoulder and put Rene's hand in his. "I need to solve this with Boomer. Let me know when she's had too much. You hear that, pretty lady? We are not their heroes. You tell us when you've hit your limit, understood?" By the slight nod and the dull look in her eyes, he knew it wouldn't be long before someone would need to carry her. He was about to suggest that maybe now was that time, when a raider dove down into the valley. Everyone dove for cover, then began to scramble heading for the next hill before them. Starbuck wrapped his arm around his wife, helping her up to her feet as he called out for Boomer. His friend turned back to him, but Avery was there in a flash, stepping between the two of them as he called out to a man named Liam.

"You take that one," he pointed to Boomer. "He may need some help soon. Don't let them talk. They can scheme all they want when we get there. Come on, they are hunting for us." Avery whistled, and a large man came slinking up from behind them. "Valyn, we are going to need you to carry her."

Starbuck and Rene both spoke out a no, but Avery and Valyn ignored them. The larger man made a move to throw Rene over his shoulder, but she hastily pulled back as Jake moved between the man and Rene.

Avery shook his head. "Fine, we can wait until you fall down. Your choice." He grabbed Starbuck's arm to push him on, but Starbuck wrenched it from his grasp and stepped toward Rene, taking her hand as he began to get moving again.

They made it over the next rise and were traversing a gulley between the following hill when he felt Rene's hand slip from his grasp. She fell to her hands and knees trying to suck in ragged breaths. Jake was reaching for the biomonitor when the large man came up and easily picked up Rene, tossing her over his shoulder and heading off. Starbuck began to protest, following quickly, but the point of the cylon pulsar rifle in his back had him halting.

"I am going to make you eat that rifle when we are done here!"

Avery snorted. "If this goes right, I will gladly do anything you tell me to do. I'll even let you shoot me, but after this is done. Now march." Starbuck shoved down the choice words he had for the man, following after his wife's limp form heading off in the distance.


	38. Chapter 38

If he pretended that the planet he was traversing wasn't his home world, it wasn't such a bad place, a little high on the radium charts and little sparse on vegetation that was safe for human consumption. The air was breathable compared to other rocks they had found in the universe. It wouldn't kill you, but he wouldn't recommend the place for their new colony. The problem though is this was his home world. These hills had once been his sanctuary from the pressures of school and demanding parents. Caprica had been a lush planet, one of the jewels of the twelve worlds almost rivalling Piscera and Virgon in its number of oceans, seas, lakes and forests. Now, Apollo judged it to be in its last ages before it became a dead world, devoid of habitation and perhaps even breathable atmosphere. No, it was easier to pretend he was somewhere else especially since most of the landmarks were gone. Evidence of a raging forest fire was all around him, and that didn't bode well for the objective of this hike.

When he was a young man beginning secondary school, he had decided that if he had to attend the Academy as his parents seemed to insist, he wouldn't be a warrior. He had wanted to be a protector, inspired by crime drama televid shows of the time. He knew his parents would make that face of disapproval if he had wanted to actually be an enforcer of the laws. Oh, they said they supported him no matter what he chose, but they all knew that's just what parents were supposed to say. He knew his father had strong opinions on the career trajectory of his eldest son, but Apollo had decided. He studied law books in his free time to prepare to defend the wrongfully accused and to fight for the weak.

Upon his announcement of his future profession, his father had nodded solemnly, and then had suggested a little excursion on his next visit at home. During those years leading up to the armistice, that's what they were, visits, as the war waged and diplomacy seemed to require more from his father than all out attacks. But his father had kept his word; he usually did unlike other parents Apollo knew. His father had taken both he and Zac on a hike up into these hills. Apollo had not been excited about the hike as he knew his father was using the trip to try to talk to Apollo about his educational choices, and probably lecture him about being a responsible role model. It had been a common theme around the dinner table and in his father's communications. Meanwhile Zac being several yahren's younger was free of such lectures, spending most of the hike singing Fabulon Four songs at the top of his lungs. To Apollo's annoyance his father had joined in singing about a yellow submarine over and over again, as if pretending this trip was just a normal hike.

Apollo dreaded each step as the sun began to dip in the sky. He had thought his father was just taking them camping and would use the solitude of a campfire to talk him out of his decision. That's what he thought until they came across a unique home embedded in the hillside. The owner of the place had been waiting for them, sandwiches prepared and cool fresh well water to drink.

Apollo had thought that would be the end of the excursion, a hike to meet a man his father knew, but as they enjoyed the sandwiches and the view the man discussed what he did for a living. The man's name was Peryton, and he designed weapons for the Colonial service. His home was the stuff of Apollo's dreams, dug into the hillside, a blend of functional and yet one with nature.

Peryton obviously made a good living with the profits he had earned from the Colonial Service, and Apollo began to wonder if this was a compromise his father was offering. A subtle way of giving his son permission to not go to the academy, but that perhaps he could still contribute to the war effort. It was surprising as his father was a stubborn man.

But his father had a different agenda in mind. He didn't just design weapons. Peryton waited until they were done eating before turning to Zac, a youngster entranced with space crafts and anything to do with flying, and asked if he would like to see some vipers. Of course, Zac had jumped at the chance and they followed the path down the hillside to what looked like just a slab of rock. Peryton had winked at Apollo as he pushed a remote he pulled from his pocket. The slab of rock turned out to be a door that slid up into the hillside to reveal a large hanger cut into the mountain with several vipers lined up inside. The hangar was surprisingly clean, the vipers gleaming, the floors spotless. It was like a museum as Peryton had an old Mark I viper and the predecessors to that model, an old stingray viper, one of the first capable to launch from a planet as well as from a battlestar and at least two prototypes to the Mark I, as well as two older models that predated the Sting Ray, vessels capable of being propelled from a ship in space, but not capable of launching from a planet. Peryton also had several of the current viper, the Mark II, some with different wings and armaments, but just variations on the Mark II design. Zac had raced around the ships like a kid who had eaten a whole natal day cake. Peryton had to shout at him to be careful, "Don't touch the guns, they're fully armed."

In the midst of the antiques was the craft that drew Apollo in and changed everything in his young life. There amongst the old was the newer vehicles his father's friend was working on, at least six of them in various stages of design and dismantling. There were some that were variations on the antiques, but then there was one that stood out. It was nothing like the others, a blend of raider and viper and something more. She was larger, and yet she looked sleeker than any others in the bay in her matte black to throw off scanners.

Apollo was stunned by the design. He knew looking at that vessel he had to touch her, to sit in her and one day, find the stars. As Apollo approached the craft, Peryton had followed and began to describe the vessel. His voice took on a different quality as recited her characteristics. It was as if he became the wise old story teller, weaving a tale. "We lose many pilots not to the cylons, but to the problems in space flight. A viper can only hold so much fuel, only so much air. When damaged, or separated from a flight group, a pilot is alone and his supplies are limited. But this craft can help supply some of what is needed. She has solar collectors that can convert starlight into power, filters that can reprocess air and pull in any hint of dust to convert to its basic elements to pull what is useful for a man, and discard the rest. In this baby, a man could explore the stars with no need to land. Food is all that a man would need as she can even make water with the right elements. With a starhound, a man could truly hunt for new worlds. That's why I named her that. We would hunt out places free of cylon influence and recolonize the universe, like we did in the legends of the book of the word."

Apollo swore the ship was alive and responded to his touch. She called to him like a siren. Zac of course interrupted the song in Apollo's head, asking a million questions about all the craft in the hangar, but Peryton had patiently answered each and every one. Apollo had only one question that burned in his brain, could he have a ride in her? There was room for two. But Apollo didn't dare ask for fear of being impolite and embarrassing his father. He was surprised when it was his father that asked what was most on Apollo's mind, "Peryton, could you give my sons a demonstration?"

For safety precaution, these ships were experimental after all, the boys had to suit up in full spacewalk gear, helmets and all. That somehow lent an air of adventure to the proceedings and should have been Apollo's first clue his father had set this all up as Peryton just happened to have suits available and in the right size. Apollo donned his helmet feeling for all the world like Ezekiel who searched the stars for the lost colony. He climbed into the Starhound, his father helping him with the safety harness. Adama had winked at him much like Peryton, clapped hard on his helmet and told him to have a good time.

He'd been on a spaceship before, shuttling between worlds on vacations and school trips, but this was something different. He felt his ears pop as they left the atmosphere of Caprica. He had changed his mind on his chosen career before they'd even reached the full darkness of space. The stars called to him with a song even more powerful than the ship. He had to become a viper pilot.

His father had conned him, and perhaps that was why he still took some law classes at the academy. "All that reading just to annoy the old man," Starbuck would say to him each time he caught Apollo preparing for his legal exams, "Give me a helmet and a viper, that's all the studying I need to do." It worked every time, as Apollo would put away the law books, and eventually turned away from that line of study to devote his time and attention on being a pilot.

Apollo had sat in each of the vehicles in the hangar while Peryton was giving Zac his ride in the stars. The variations in controls weren't all that different, neither were the seats themselves, and from that first encounter he learned some of the basics of flight. Altitude, pitch, roll, yaw, the concepts were all the same from vessel to vessel. It was late in the evening when his father suggested they should probably bid farewell. Peryton had walked them back to his home through an underground passageway. Zac was still asking question after question about the man's career and his vipers, but Apollo learned even more from observing the hidden hallway. Peryton had crate after crate of food and survival supplies. The man had seemed to have already decided how the war with the cylons would end.

They had camped not far from Peryton's home, and spent the night around a campfire and looking at the stars. His father talked about what it was like up there, the beauty and the tragedy of the cylon conflict. He did not sugar coat what it was like to be battling the cylons, but he became almost poetic as he talked of his yahrens as a pilot. But it was what would be beyond the war that he hoped would change their civilization, the promise of space beyond the stars they knew. "So many possibilities," his father had said as Adama's eyes met his.

Looking back on that day now as he hiked the same hills he had with his father and brother, hoping that without many of the landmarks he was still headed in the right direction, it had changed the course of many of Apollo's ideas about the future. Peryton was a brilliant man. His designs and vessels were the core of the Colonial military strategy. Yet Peryton had seen what the future held and had prepared for it. Perhaps that was why even as the Colonies and his own father prepared for peace as the day of the armistice approached, Apollo had harbored so many doubts.

That passageway full of survival supplies was also why Apollo thought of all people who would survive the destruction, it would be Peryton. He was sure Peryton had not made it to the fleet. If he had, his father would have found him and put him to work making new vipers. While Apollo wasn't sure if he would find the man himself, Peryton had the means to leave the planet in an armed vessel, but he could only take one. Apollo was sure the rest would be there, at least one and one was all they needed.

It was that certainty and a debt he owed Starbuck that had driven Apollo to head for that mountain sanctuary in the pre-dawn darkness. When Starbuck and Rene had returned, his friend had fallen into a deep slumber, a rest his body seemed to desperately need as it tried to fight off whatever bacteria had crawled into him. Rene had fallen asleep as well only to awaken a centaur or two later, retching up what looked like blood and then began coughing and having problems breathing. Max cleared up the fear that she was bleeding internally, informing them that their last meal's contents had been in a red sauce. As for her breathing, Apollo had retrieved the breathers Starbuck had thought to pack. He had considered their inclusion as pointless. It was Caprica and Rene had declared the atmosphere still breathable. But Jake thought breathers had proven to be the difference between life and death for Starbuck's new wife. As Apollo watched Rene gasp for air, he knew that Starbuck might be next as he slept far too soundly through the crisis. Apollo had not forgotten that it was his friend who had sacrificed himself in the void around Kobol so that he and Serina would remain safe. It was Apollo's turn to make the same gesture. He needed to get Starbuck one of those vipers as a wedding gift, and he needed to do it soon.

He had wanted to go alone to leave Max to help Jake keep Rene and Starbuck alive and Avery from threatening them too much, but Boomer had insisted he take Max with him. Two were safer than one, Boomer had reasoned, and he was on the mend. Starbuck was just tired and generally slept through any distractions, and Jake was capable of keeping them safe if Starbuck wasn't. Apollo was worried that Max would slow him down. Apollo had run marathons while in the academy, he could run these hills if needed. Max had insisted he was just as fit and he'd kept up for most of the journey, only flagging near the end.

It had taken most of the day, mostly due to the fact that Apollo was working off a sketchy memory and a landscape that had drastically changed. Gone were the forests, in their stead were charred remains. The Rats had spoken of fires in the hills that flushed out those who might have taken refuge there. Apollo hadn't fully grasped what that might have entailed. It was obvious now that the Cylons had scorched most of Caprica and with something more lethal than just fire. In the three yahrens, there appeared to be no sign of regrowth.

Apollo was about to concede that he may have misjudged the distance of the location when he crested a ridge he knew to be Dodona's rise. It afforded him a view into the foothills of the Delphi Mountains, a ridge he knew he, Zac and his father had crested that day shortly before coming to Peryton's home. Apollo had decided that if there was no sign of the home once he reached the top of the rise, he would send Max back while he would venture into Caprica city and find a raider. He would not go back empty handed.

At the top of the ridge, Apollo dug out the oculars and began to scan the horizon. Max pulled his out as well and Apollo divided up the terrain.

"You scan to the right, start from the top to the bottom. Look for anything that doesn't look like it should be there."

"That doesn't give me much to go on, plus we're losing the light," Max said as he began the search.

Apollo had found it interesting that when around those he felt most comfortable, such as Boomer and Starbuck, Max was a wealth of clever phrases and idioms, but on the hike, he had been uncharacteristically short and quiet. Apollo had hoped that this mission would help to bridge some of the distance between those from the Zakar and Galactica. They still had a long way to go.

"This light might be just what we need. It will help us to see anything glinting in the sun that might be man-made. Look for any cracks or fissures in the rock and then follow them." Apollo surveyed his area and noticed that the fire had burned even hotter here, etching scorch marks into the very stones of the hills. He went over the hillside to the left twice before sweeping the area in front of them. Max was right, they had only a few more centons of daylight to work with and then he'd have to fold on this gamble and work on another option.

"Whoa, I think I got something," Max whistled appreciatively. "A spot that's a little too smooth, third notch in that ridge, follow it down to that huge scorch mark. That looks like metal, am I right?"

Apollo focused his sights on the area Max pointed out. The ground bore marks of an explosion and sure enough, the debris in the heart of it was metallic.

"Move to the right, a little up and to the right. It's like a cave, only there's glass at the opening. I think I found it. Wait…Did you see that? Holy frozen frack on a frigate. Did I just see a spark?"

Apollo swept his sights to the right to see a smooth area of stone, with what appeared to be a border of rocks, arranged to look natural, but a little too well arranged for it to be an accident of nature. The setting sun bounced off the glass for just a moment, letting him barely make out the outline of the windows in the home dug into the hillside, but just for a micron. He bumped up the magnification and could see the outlines of the cave. Sure enough, there was a small spark near the top of the opening. He zoomed in even closer and saw the silver and black lines draped over the cave, thin, hard to see if you weren't looking in exactly the right spot, virtually invisible if you didn't already know it was there. He followed the wires, but they seemed to loop into a circle, surrounding the whole of the home.

Apollo nodded in admiration as he zoomed in even closer with the oculars. "He's put up a net." He explained to Max the concept of the electric net, that if you could create a field of electrical energy, you could in essence disable any Centurion or Raider. "Easy to do if you have the power and don't care about frying anything else that comes near. The man designed space craft. It would make sense he would understand electricity. But where are the solar panels?"

"Look below," Max replied, "He's got them well dispersed and hiding behind the boulders. I bet you could spot them from the air, but then again, if he's got something to coat them to block the glare, maybe not. That charred debris isn't a good sign. So how do we knock on his door without being fried ourselves?"

"Well, we do just that, knock. I doubt Cylons are that polite. Besides, I'm willing to bet he's watching us already. If he's not home, we find his power source and take it out. But the fact that net is on, is a good sign he's there."

It did not take them long to climb down the ridge, and before the sun had completely set, they were climbing up the hill to the house. Apollo easily found the slab of rock that hid the hangar and considered attempting to force open that entrance, but as he searched for the mechanisms that would open the door, a bright light came on, illuminating he and Max in a circle of whiteness. Both men drew their lasers in case they were under attack.

A voice called down, "Saw you a kilometron away. You aren't that bright, are you? You can't come in. I told you that last time."

Apollo slowly lowered his weapon and called back to the man, "Sir? Are you Peryton?"

It was a long moment before a guarded voice answered, "What if I am?"

Apollo felt awkward in the spotlight. He felt like a poor actor on an empty stage. Would the man remember a random day almost twenty yahrens ago? "Sir, we have come a long way and…"

"And you have a longer way to go back from whence you came, so turn around and keep on walking. You are not welcome here, I told you that before. You have ten microns before I open fire. I'd have done it already, but frankly, I'm tired of cleaning up the carrion."

Apollo had not considered that perhaps Avery and his men had been just as unpleasant to any other survivors they had dealings with. He thought it had just been a grudge Avery had for Colonial Warriors. Was Peryton bluffing, or had he indeed killed intruders? What kind of desperation did it take for a man like him to start killing people or, at the very least, threatening to do so?

"Peryton, sir, I was here before, but many yahrens ago. You knew my father. Commander Adama. Well he was a Colonel back then. He brought me and my brother, Zac, to meet you and you…"

A long moment of silence passed before laughter rang out echoing amongst the hills, "I gave you the ride of your life, didn't I? Apollo? Is that you? How could that be so?" There was a lull as he mulled things over, and when he spoke again, he sounded more suspicious. "By the Lords of Kobol, what are you doing back here? A little bit lost, son?"

Apollo holstered his weapon, relieved that this might go as planned. "Well sir, I was hoping to get another ride of my life."

"Since when do phantoms need a ride? You're dead. The fleet is dead. So, unless I've started seeing ghosts…"

"I am no ghost," Apollo called out, conscious of his voice echoing in the darkness. The whole planet is a ghost, he thought to himself before he continued, "I know it is hard to believe, but the Galactica survived. We fled the colonies and my father is searching for the lost colony of Earth."

"Huh…Earth you say? So, you're pappy is just as religious as he used to be. Believed in all kinds of wacky things he read in that Book, but that doesn't make you who you say you are or explain why you are here."

Apollo tried to shield his eyes, to get a look at the man, but the light was simply too bright. "I would be happy to tell you my story, but I'm not sure it should be shouted to the hills for the Cylons to overhear."

There was at least a centon of silence and Apollo tried to think of what he could say to convince the man of his identity, but it had been just one afternoon many yahrens ago. The hike he took from the cavern to here had been a gamble, the kind that Starbuck could turn to his advantage. Apollo hadn't counted on being turned away, and now after having found his objective, he wasn't going to be easily deterred. He was about to speak up when Peryton's voice called out, "Come on up, let me make sure you are who I think you are, then I'll see about letting you in. I have a thousand questions for you, the first being where are my vipers?"

The comment worried Apollo. If Peryton had lost his vessels, then Apollo would have to go with plan B, and take another hike into the city. He quickly decided he and Max would at least ask to stay the night, get some rest and strike out in the morning. It was an easy climb up to the path that led to the patio of the home that was dug into the hillside like a bowl set on its side. As they got closer, the electricity flowing through the wires that surrounded the bowl hummed and the hair rose on Apollo's head.

"Not too close or I'll turn up the juice and fry you like bug. Place your weapons slowly on the ground and kick them towards me," Peryton called out, waiting for them to do as they were told before he stepped into view. He had aged considerably since Apollo had last met him. The thinning white hair on his head and the face that was etched deeply from too much exposure to the sun and wind made Apollo realize that this time he had Starbuck's luck on his side. The man could easily have died in the last twenty yahrens, and the home sold, or the vipers could have been donated to museums prior to the Destruction.

Peryton aimed a rather menacing weapon in their direction. "Alright, you've seen me, and I've seen you. Now you give me some details so I know it's really you. What did you want to be before I took you on that ride?"

Apollo quickly assessed his situation. He did not see where the power source was for the electric net, but he could see junctures where if he was able to disrupt the flow he could shut it down and get inside. But that could take considerable time and was more life threatening a gamble than even Starbuck would take. His best odds lay in convincing the man to let them in. They didn't really have time to play twenty questions, but they also didn't have the time for either of them to die on this expedition.

"I had told my father I wanted to be a Protector. He brought me here to change my mind, and it worked." Apollo raised his hands innocuously and took a step forward so Peryton could have a better view of him. Apollo had changed since he was twelve, but if anything, he looked more like his father at that age.

"Okay, and what ship did I take you up in?"

"The newest starhound. You called it a Borzoi."

"Okay, okay, and how many did I have?"

Apollo closed his eyes seeing clearly in his mind the hangar and all she contained, "You only had one of the Borzoi, but had fourteen vipers in all, six of which were variations of the Mark II viper, four that predated the Mark I and three of the Mark I, one for each upgrade."

"Good memory, kid. Possibly better than mine at this point. Now tell me something to let me know you are Adama's kid and not someone with just a good encyclopedia on you."

Apollo searched his memory for something, anything he could use that this man might know about his father. He was at a loss as he didn't even know how his father had met Peryton or why his father would know a man who designed weapons. Apollo had met Peryton once, and while the meeting may have changed Apollo's life, his memory was of the stars and of the vessels, not of the man.

"Sir, I don't know how to convince you of who I am. I can only tell you that I have come a long way and I desperately need a viper. We came here to rescue survivors but underestimated the situation and now, we are in need of the rescue. My father still commands the Galactica, but I don't know how I can prove that to you, not from here."

He watched the man nod, then begin to shake his head. "So, some of the fleet did survive, how?"

"I was on patrol the day of the destruction and we found the attack force. We had an early warning."

"And what did Adama do about that early warning? Alert the fleet, the Colonies? Then what?" The tone wasn't accusing, more curious.

"Yes, he warned the fleet and then…" Apollo hesitated at the memory of himself standing on the bridge listening to the pleas for help from his younger brother whom he had to leave behind, and then watching Zac's death on the monitors. He had wanted his father to bark out commands calling for vengeance, but instead his father had called for their retreat. It had saved them all, but at that moment, it was not what Apollo would have done if he had been in command. He suspected the other Commanders also called out to engage and attack, but the Galactica had left the battle, slinking away. It left Apollo and many others feeling like cowards. He couldn't change that moment, and now in hindsight, would not want to even if he had the ability. His father had saved what was left of the human race. He'd had the foresight to think beyond the battle, and Apollo took in the breath to answer the man. "My father retreated from the battle as it appeared the Colonies were lost. We sent out word, collected those we could and have left this star system to save humanity."

Peryton's voice was subdued and low when he spoke, "So he took my advice. Makes him brighter than all those idiots who thought they were so fracking smart with nothing but clouds for brains." The man's voice rose. "Alright, so sing the song that ball of energy you called a brother sang that day. Over and over, I might add. And so I just did, as a matter of fact."

"It was Yellow Submarine by the Fabulon Four."

"Maybe, but that's not what I said. I told you to sing it."

"Sing it?"

"Yes, sing it."

"Why?" 

"Because it amuses me and these days there is really so little that does."


	39. Chapter 39

Apollo thanked the lords it was only Max with him as Starbuck would never let him live down this moment as he burst into song. As he sang he remembered back to how the words had seemed so nonsensical and his brother's high pitched preteen voice had grated on his nerves. His little brother had seemed such a nuisance and an annoyance at the time. And now he would give anything to have that annoyance back in his life. He heard his brother's words in his head as he sang.

By the time he reached the middle of the song, Max had joined in and Apollo realized that this was a ludicrous moment, one that would make a good story later for Starbuck in the OC, so he added some gusto to the song. Max threw an arm around Apollo's shoulders, gesturing with his free hand. Peryton was smiling a little smugly, and nodding in tune. It occurred to Apollo that this might be the last song he ever sang if he didn't get a viper.

When he reached the end of the song, Peryton stepped out of view and it was a short moment later that the pulse of electricity shut down with a loud thump. "Come on up, careful you don't touch the wires, they're still warm. I'll meet you at the gate. You can pick up your weapons, but keep them holstered and we won't have any problems."

Apollo followed the path up to the gate, one he did not remember from last time he was here. It was metal with electrical wire woven through the metal bars and grating. As it opened Peryton warned again, "Don't touch the wires, boys. Come on in. I got some dinner going. Might be able to make it stretch for the two of you. No one else hiding out there? Who's your friend?"

"His name is Max," Apollo answered, "and it's just us."

"Hello, Sir," Max said. "This is quite the place."

"Isn't it, now? Alright, through there." He pointed to another metal door that was open and leading into his home. Apollo didn't want to turn his back on the man, but he knew he needed to earn the man's trust, so he turned away to enter the home. They heard the hum of the electric grid start back up as they entered the cosy living area of the house. The only light in the home came from a fire in the fireplace. As Apollo drew closer, he realized it was a natural tylium fire, one that would produce heat, but no smoke. The rest of the home was dark.

Apollo turned at the sound of the closing door and the close of a lock.

"By all that's holy son, where did you come from? I know the fleet isn't here. All comm channels went dead over three yahrens ago. You haven't been hiding here all this time, have you?" The man shook his head and mumbled, "Sorry, my wife would scold my manners if she were here. I've lived alone too long. Let me get us some food, some drink and we'll sit at the table like civilized men while you tell me your story."

Peryton turned away from them, showing them his back and giving them some trust as he went to work in the kitchen. Apollo nodded to Max to have a seat at the table as Apollo moved slowly and took his own place. The room was warm and looked like an average home from days before the destruction, right down to dirty dishes in the sink.

"Have you been here the whole time?" Apollo asked as he and Max shared a concerned look.

Max whispered to Apollo, "We don't have time for this." But Apollo waved Max into silence.

"While I have all the time in the world," Peryton inserted, "so you'll have to humor an old man if you want my help." He handed them both drinks. "As to your question, why would I leave? This is my life's work. Everything I worked for both professionally and personally is here. The rest of the world is gone, which leads me to wonder, where the hades you came from?"

"It's a long story, sir, but I have to know before we begin, do you still have a functioning viper, at least one?"

Peryton didn't answer as though he hadn't heard him. He dished up three bowls of soup and brought them to the table along with a jug of the citrus smelling drink they were gulping down. "You look famished. You eat. I'll tell you my story. I haven't had anyone to talk to for a while so I might be a little rusty at this, so no criticism until I'm done. Then I'll want to hear yours."

Apollo was indeed starving, having saved the food he had on him for when they were in dire need. As he ate, Peryton took a seat and detailed out the destruction as he witnessed it, deep in the caverns of his home. "One by one the televid channels went off the air, by morning, none were broadcasting. My military comm scanner lit up with distress calls. Lots of pilots calling out for places to land, and no return calls to their requests. I thought about answering a few of them, but by the time I decided to do that, the calls had ceased. Then the comms lit up with cylon commands. They moved in their baseships and began immediately with ground operations. The civilian comms came back to life, but they were amateurs and random survivors lucky enough to find a transmitter." Peryton shook his head as he looked down into his own bowl of soup. He pushed the bowl towards Max, then he got up and walked to the food prep area and returned with three glasses and a bottle of rye liquor. He fumbled with the glasses as he poured out a shot for himself, downing it before pouring out three for all of them. He downed another before he continued.

"They all called for help, and sometimes they got an answer. There was some military still left telling people to stay put and they would soon arrive, but now, well now I think it must have been survivors the cylons forced to answer. The human voices asked for locations from each transmission, and one by one those stopped transmitting. It only took about a secton and all communications ceased except for Cylon voices. Just a secton, who would have thought it would be that fracking easy, right?" The man didn't wait for an answer before he went on. "It was close to four or five sectons, I have it written down the exact date, kept a journal just in case someone ever found this place and wanted to know. Yeah, about five sectons, maybe six, the comms lit up again with human voices. A military ship had come back. I heard pilot communications and it announced like they landed on the planet, but it was a short visit. Just a few centaurs and then, they were gone, and the comms have been quiet until a few days ago, which I can now assume was you. Otherwise, three yahrens of listening to cylon commands. The other worlds, all went silent within that first secton as well."

"That must have been the Zakar," Max said turning to Apollo who nodded,

When the man poured himself another drink and downed it, Apollo couldn't wait any longer to ask again, "You had fourteen vipers and claimed they were all in working order. You didn't think to take one and escape? You still had them then, didn't you?"

The old eyes fixed on Apollo's. "Still do."

Apollo sighed in relief, and Peryton slowly shook his head. "The Borzoi could go farther than a viper, and maybe I could have caught up to the fleet when it put out the call for survivors, but it was one hell of a gamble that I wouldn't be shot down. I decided that I don't want to die, and when I do I'll be doing it here in my own bed surrounded by my memories and treasures."

"But you still have it, don't you? We just need to get in the air and then…" Apollo hesitated, not sure how to quickly explain why they didn't need to go far, but Peryton cut him off, the man still shaking his head no.

"Hate to disappoint you, son, but I don't have fuel for a long flight or many launches. The fire the cylon's set took out my extra tylium tanks a few days after the attack. All I have left is what was in the hangar and that's what I've been using to keep my grid going. Whatever is in the rain nowadays is hades on the wires and connections. Lost the solar panels a yahren ago. I have maybe enough fuel left for one launch and without the solar panels, it would leave me defenceless. Other than a meal, a hot shower and a bed, I'm not sure I can be of much help to you. So now you need to tell me how you got here, and why you need my babies so badly."

Apollo nodded, understanding the confusion. There was no way that a fleet of any size could run completely silent on communications. If Peryton had the kind of equipment he was hinting at, comms capable of reading military channels, then he would have picked up anything, perhaps even internal communications of a large ship.

After a deep sigh, realizing that his story was not believable in any way, Apollo began with what he knew. "Well sir, the fleet is far from here. The Galactica and two battle cruisers, the Zakar, the Shiva and some light cruisers plus about 200 civilian ships are all that remain of the twelve worlds. We are being led by my father."

Peryton nodded thoughtfully, sipping at his drink. "How far away?"

Apollo wanted to curse as this is where his story became the stuff of make believe. "Well away from our system, beyond any of our explorations. I know this will be hard to believe, but we came back because one of the members of my team seems to have the ability to travel vast distances through a type of rift in space, a wormhole she creates. She felt there were survivors here in need of a rescue, actually, she's been coming here for a while now and….so…." Peryton was nodding along as if Apollo were making perfect sense. Apollo surveyed the home again, the dishes piled high in the sink, the cobwebs and dust on all the surfaces. There glasses and plates strewn about the room, and he could see the clothing refresher was piled high with clothing, some dirty some clean. He wondered if after all these yahrens alone if Peryton was still in his right mind, or had dementia set in?

"Go on son," he prompted Apollo.

Apollo took a breath, muttered a prayer to Starbuck's goddess of fortune and forged forward, "We came with a small team and a shuttle to evacuate those whom she had encountered. We were able to get out a whole shuttle full of survivors, but the leader of their group took the rest of us captive. When she returned for us, her wing mate was shot down and the cylons attacked our position on the ground destroying our vipers. The survivors, led by a man named Avery, took us to an old mine. The pilot shot down was injured and we were waiting for him to recover before we tried to take a raider, but…" Apollo paused at the absurdity of how it all sounded when spoken aloud. It was Max that continued the story.

"Rene, her name is Rene and she picked up something nasty from the water here. She's pretty sick. We don't have time to steal a raider and the Colonel thought you might have some vipers. We need to get out of here and back to the Galactica before she dies. She's the only one who can get us back, and we don't think we have much time to spare. Can you spare us a viper? She just needs to get airborne and then she can…" Even Max paused trying to figure out how to put into words just what Rene was capable of.

Peryton sat back in his chair glancing between the two of them before he looked down to the drink he held in his hand. He set it on the table and pushed it far away from himself. "I gotta stop drinking alone. I'm starting to imagine things." He reached over and pinched Apollo, then sat back shaking his head.

Apollo realized the man had been living in isolation for perhaps the majority of the three yahrens since the destruction. He had mentioned a wife, but so far it was just him, and a house that echoed in loneliness. Apollo reached out a hand, placing it on the Peryton's shoulders. "Sir, we are no hallucination. I know our story is hard to believe, but we can show you if you could give us some vipers."

"Oh son," he said sighing, "I wish I could. Like I said, I don't have much fuel left. Maybe enough for one launch, but not much more. I've been using it all these yahrens to fuel this place. Only have enough left for maybe half a yahren and then, well," he shrugged. "Then I'd be joining my wife in the great unknown. Unless you have some fuel, I think we've all ran out of luck."

"Max, how much distance does she need?"

"I've seen her open it up in atmo. She just needs to be off the ground and in a vessel that can fire. She could do it."

Apollo turned back to Peryton. "Yahrens ago you said the Borzoi could make fuel from the elements in an atmosphere. Is that not still true?"

The man laughed. "So I did make an impression on you. Yes, yes she can, but she takes a bit more fuel to launch as she's bigger. Once in space, she's not fast without tylium. It's a gamble, not one I'd be willing to take."

"Not sure we have much choice, sir. Is the Borzoi armed? Can she fire a blast? How much energy does Rene need, Max?"

Peryton interrupted before Max could speak. "It takes a lot of energy to create a wormhole. And how did you perfect the navigation? That's some pretty tricky stuff. We lost a lot of people trying to get that technology to work. I abandoned it after the third volunteer didn't return. Wasn't worth losing more people until we could understand more about it. Yeah, the Borzoi could create that kind of firepower, but only a couple of times and she'd be done. It wouldn't be able to get many folks out of here. How many people are we talking about here?"

It was Apollo's turn to think he was imagining things. "You know about this kind of travel?"

"Yeah sure, we toyed with it. Really theoretical stuff. We were able to get the wormholes to open, but," he shook his head, "no way to navigate. No clue where you were going to wind up. I can only assume you have Dr. Altair amongst the survivors."

"No, we don't. Dr. Wilker is one of our scientists, but I don't recognize that name." Apollo turned to Max. "Does the name sound familiar to you? Was he with Dante?"

Max slowly nodded. "We had a doctor by that name, but he was a medical doctor. He…he can't be the same guy. Rene says she learned how to do it from a dream. She…" Max stopped talking, sitting back in his chair. "She wouldn't lie to us," he said, but it came out more as a question than a statement.

Rene's inability to be truthful was not a topic that Apollo wanted to discuss, not with Max anyway. He'd found her to be an expert at weaving lies amongst half-truths, coated in a thin veneer of deception. Instead, he shifted the conversation to what they needed. "Rene is able to open rifts in space and with almost pinpoint accuracy find coordinates. From what I can tell, she can perform this in any vessel. She has been traveling from the fleet to Caprica multiple times in a viper. If she is telling the truth, she just needs a vessel, be it a viper or a raider, and she can get back to the fleet, get us more support and we can all escape Caprica."

Peryton absorbed the information, reaching for his glass again and taking a sip of the rye. He seemed to come to some conclusion and with finality he drank down what was left in his glass before plunking it on the table. "Alright, you can have the Borzoi or another one of my babies. I can get her fired up and capable of a launch before you get your people here, on one condition. I need some help getting my solar panels back up. I need some power, as well as a way to keep myself defended here."

Max spun his head in alarm from Apollo to the old man. "Why? You'd be coming with us of course, right Colonel? We wouldn't leave him here."

Apollo didn't get the chance to answer as Peryton spoke softly, "You know, son, my wife always teased me that I loved my vipers more than her, and I would tease back that my babies sometimes leave me, but I would never leave her. It was a promise I made long before the cylons set sight on our worlds, and I intend to honor it, if for no other reason than to prove it to her that I loved her more. I won't be joining you. I won't leave my wife."

"Is she…?" Apollo cast out the hope, but Peryton shook his head.

"It was before the attack. She went peacefully in her bed, just as I intend to go." Peryton looked down to his glass, lifted it to drink and seemed surprised to find it empty. He stared down into the glass and seemed to get lost in its depths.

Max whispered quietly to Apollo, "We came to save people."

Apollo understood Peryton's desire to remain in his home, but the planet was dying around them. He would truly be the last man on Caprica. Apollo spoke quietly, "You can't live here alone. You should come with us."

Peryton seemed to wake up from his reverie, but didn't acknowledge Apollo's words. "It's going to take me a day or two to get the Borzoi ready and I'm going to need some help. I think you only have one shot at this as it may attract some unwanted attention from my new neighbors. They like it better if I keep the noise down. As long as I stay in my own brig, they leave me alone. Anytime I venture out, well I can expect a visit from them, and they don't bring cake. I think you have a one-shot deal at this. Get your people here and…" Peryton paused, his eyes clouding over as his thoughts drifted for a moment before he refocused on Apollo. "It would be nice to see the stars again."

"I would like to make that dream come true for you, sir. Once Rene returns to the fleet she can return here with support and we can all rejoin the fleet."

"No son, there's no hope for me. I'll never see the stars again." The man abruptly got up from the table, reaching out and searching with his hands for the dishes on the table, stacking them up and taking them to the sink, before turning to them, "I'll get you some blankets. You can sleep on the couches or the floor and come morning you can go find your people and bring them here. How many guests should I expect for dinner? I'll have to shake the dust off the party linens." Peryton chuckled at his own little joke as he headed down the hallway, a hand sliding along the wall to help him find his way. It suddenly became clear why Peryton hadn't bothered to try to rendezvous with the fleet. Apollo motioned for Max to remain at the table as he got up and followed Peryton as quietly as he could. His guess was confirmed when Peryton walked into him halfway down the hallway. The man yelped in surprise, but Apollo reached out to steady the man.

"When did you go blind?" Apollo asked before quickly adding, "The Galactica's medical crew could heal you."

"Not sure they can, son. Too many yahrens of looking into the sun takes a toll. I was losing my sight before the destruction, and maybe if I had that procedure they were suggesting a few days sooner than it was scheduled, I might have been able to say I saw the end of our worlds, but," Peryton shoved the blankets into Apollo's arms. "This is my home. I won't be leaving. How many should I expect to feed? I might need some help bringing up some supplies."

Apollo placed the bedding on the couch before motioning to Max to come help. Peryton led them down the passageway that Apollo remembered from so long ago. There were less supplies in it than before, and yet plenty to last at least another ten yahrens, maybe more. Peryton took them all the way down to the hangar, and with a flip of switch, shined a light on the answer to Apollo's prayers. They were all there, although under a layer of dust.

Both Apollo and Max jumped as Peryton called out, "Put on your dancing shoes, girls. Looks like we're going to that party after all."

They surveyed the vipers and decided the Borzoi would be the best choice, simply because they were unsure how far the fleet would have moved on and wanted Rene to have the ability to range farther than the fuel a viper could hold. Max walked around every one of the ships and Peryton offered to him any one he wanted. "Hop on up and try them all out." But Max declined mentioning they should probably move whatever supplies were needed and get some sleep.

"We need to get back before Rene…" Max could not complete the thought.

Apollo reasoned the hike would be faster going now that they knew exactly where they were headed. He just hoped they wouldn't have to carry half of their team back. He informed Peryton that they would be leaving before dawn after a few centaurs of sleep, but to expect them back the next day.

"I'm going to need some help getting her ready before she is space worthy, you know, grease up the gears and all and I am not willing to even start on that until you've helped get my solar panels up and running." Peryton had settled himself in his chair by the fire, another drink in his hand.

"Boomer and Starbuck can help with that. Boomer is a whiz with electronics and both know more about viper schematics than most pilots. You'll have all the help you need, but time might not be a luxury we can supply. While most of us will stay behind, I need Rene in the air as soon as I can. She's ill. For that matter, what do you have in the way of medical supplies? We may need them. She wasn't looking good when we left."

"I have most of what you will need. A wide range of medications and equipment. Thought I'd have more company when the time came but," he shrugged before taking another sip of the rye liquor he'd poured.

"But it sounded like you knew about the other survivors. You thought we were part of their group. Why haven't you let them in?" Apollo asked as he made himself a bed on the floor. Max was already asleep on the couch, completely ignoring that the ranking officer might want a more comfortable bed than the floor.

"Yeah, well, they aren't very bright and they got the notion we might be able to win this war. Idiots like all those battlestar commanders."

Apollo couldn't hold back from asking what he wanted to ask all those yahrens ago, "You knew this war wouldn't end well, didn't you? You've been prepared for yahrens. You developed our weapons. Didn't you have any faith in our military?"

Peryton abruptly threw his glass against the wall, the sound of it shattering woke Max with a start. Apollo reached out a hand to keep Max from drawing his weapon. "Idiots! You are all knuckle headed idiots. They're machines that can make more machines! Exponential growth unless you strike at the heart. You keep fighting the machines, but it's the leaders you need to get. You strike at the head, not the limbs. I kept telling them, you have to be brutal like they are. You have to destroy their worlds. You can't have a heart in war. We are smarter, but…sorry….sorry…." The man shook his head and got up from the chair. "It doesn't matter now. Nothing matters now. It's late. Get some sleep. Wake me before you go and I'll let you out."

Peryton shuffled down the hallway and slammed the door to his bed chambers. Max asked softly in the dark, "What was that all about?"

"I'm not sure. He's been here for a while with nothing to do but think about how it all went wrong. He'll probably be better in the morning. Get some sleep. We have a hike ahead and back."

"I'm going to need a new pair of boots after this whistle stop tour of the wastelands. Don't worry, I'll use them to kick Rene's astrum for getting us into this felgercarb frack frenzy."

Apollo chuckled at the colourful quips. "I wouldn't be too hard on her. Starbuck might actually lock her up in the brig."

"Yeah, about that," Max drawled out a common saying of the rats, "Think we may all want to keep her there for a while for her own good."

Apollo tried to settle into the blankets on the floor, but he could tell form Max's own tossing and turning, he was just as concerned as Apollo. He tried to get some sleep, but having found the salvation they were looking for, Apollo was anxious to get back and gather his team. It was time to get the frack out of there.


	40. Chapter 40

It was the pounding in her temples plus the drumbeat of the blood in her ears followed by the incessant whine of Jake's voice calling her name that finally brought her around. She stared down at the ground watching it sway below her as she tried to figure out how she got in this position. She knew better than to move too much. Agenor had a nasty habit of dropping you if you struggled too much, then kicking you, and picking you up to do it again. She stayed limp in his arms until she could figure out what to do next. She lifted her head slightly to find where Jake was, his voice still calling to her. As she located him, he tried to reach her, but was shoved back by some guy she knew, but just couldn't dredge up the name from her memory.

She lowered her head back down and closed her eyes in an attempt to swallow the nausea. She knew she wasn't going to win that battle as she swayed with each step, her stomach firmly on the man's shoulder, pressing into the trigger point that inevitably would lead to the eruption of the bilious contents. She was fighting gravity with each swallow, but she needed a bit more time to figure out if Agenor was armed, and if she could she reach the weapon. Vomiting would make a nice distraction and with a laser in her hand, she could make him see some reason. Maybe at least she could get him to change his mind about using his fists. Maybe she could even get Jake away before things got ugly and real. She should have kept her mouth shut, not laughed in his face when he called her his…Sagan's sake she couldn't even think the word. It was so preposterous that she would be his girlfriend or even his whatever he wanted to call it. How did the big lummox even get the idea in his head that she liked what he did to her? It had just been so damn outlandish she couldn't choke back the laughter.

She hung her head down and tried to focus on keeping her stomach down. "Not yet," she told her body and hoped it would listen this time. Jake was calling her name again, and the agitation in his voice was disrupting her concentration. She waved a hand at him, the sign for knock it off, let it go. But it didn't shut him up, just got him calling for her more loudly. She waved at him again, tried to sign for a weapon, but had no idea if he would read it right in her upside down position. He hollered at the big oaf carrying her to halt and let her go. Another voice joined Jake's, one more authoritative. That voice punched through her confusion, made her head swim. Where the frack was she? No, not Dilmun, but where?

She raised her head up again, choking back bile at the effort, looking back at Jake and …damn she should know the other guy's name. She knew him, the cute blond who was shouting angrily for them to stop and put her down. She shook her head, regretting the movement instantly. "No time for this," she thought, "it doesn't matter. Figure it all out once you are on your feet with that laser in your hand." She looked down to the lummox's belt, followed it to the holster. The weapon was there. She could do this. "Just reach and spew and he'll dump you on the ground. Just make sure you hang on to that weapon. You can do this," she gave herself a pep talk just like Crius would before each launch.

"You can do this, kid," he'd drawl so damn confidently while her hands shook on the stick. How many launches did it take before she felt like she wasn't just going to be another puff of smoke and debris? Far too fracking many, but she did it. She could do this. She didn't know why or where she was, who they all were. All that mattered was the fact that she was unarmed and a laser was within reach. So much could be resolved with that laser in her hand. She judged the distance from her hand to the weapon. She'd have to grab it with her left, hoping she didn't fumble it. "Okay, on three," she heard Crius's voice in her head, "One, two, three."

She reached down with her right, grabbing onto Agenor's belt while pulling the weapon with her left. The bile rising up that she let spill was just a nice coincidence. She had a firm grip on the laser as he dumped her on the ground cursing at the vomit that spilled down his back. A part of her registered that it hurt, the stones she'd been staring at knocking her in the head and her shoulder as she fell, but she had the laser. She wrapped both hands around the grip, quickly flipping on her back and aiming right at Agenor's back. He spun to confront her and she took aim.

She heard the voices yelling at her, most protesting what she was about to do. Jake's voice rose above the others, "NO! Rene don't fire!"

Starbuck's voice was now clear—that was his name, Starbuck—as he yanked at her jacket collar and reached for her arms. "NO! Don't fire, Rene!" His voice rang in her ears. He wrapped his free hand around her grip on the weapon, misdirecting her aim as she pulled the trigger, the blast missing her intended target.

"NO! Sweet heart, killing him won't solve anything. You don't want to kill him!"

"Yeah, I think I do," she said as she felt his hand let go of her collar and wrap around her, reaching for the laser.

"No, you don't, darlin'. Let it go." She yanked the weapon up and away from him in desperation to keep a hold on the only thing that was going to save her sorry life. They tussled in a game of keep away as she whipped the weapon away. He reached up for it shouting in her ear as he pulled her closer. "We don't shoot humans!"

She could argue the fact that Agenor was more monster than human, but she felt his fingers wrap around hers, gaining a hold on the laser. His grip was stronger than hers. He wrenched the weapon from her hands before she could fire again. He pushed her from him as she reached for the weapon. She was startled to find Jake's arms wrapped around her shoulders and her neck, pulling her away.

"No! Dammit, I had him. I could end him." She couldn't understand why everyone was shouting at her. Didn't they understand? They needed a weapon. She scanned the crowd of unfamiliar people surrounding her, confused as to why they would stop her. Agenor deserved to die!

Starbuck looked at her with something between admiration and concern as he got to his feet to face the man looming over them. He was not the oaf who had been carrying her. He had stepped aside trying to avoid being shot. No, this was the other man, the one she knew was the real threat. She couldn't dredge the name up from the bog of her mind, only the knowledge that he was the one who called the shots.

She was gratified to see Starbuck had the brains to point the weapon at the man. Everyone froze at the all too familiar sound of a centurion pulsar rifle powering up and she whipped around wondering why the drone didn't follow, but these weapons were held by men. Colonial lasers were drawn as well and aimed at Starbuck. Jake tried to pull her away from the fray, cradling her in his arms trying to protect her, but she fought his hold.

"Drop it or we'll shoot you." Their leader's voice was gruff as he took a step towards Starbuck.

"Just fire!" she screamed as Starbuck waved the laser around at the crowd before finally deciding he didn't need to shoot all of them, just one man. He aimed the laser at Avery—yes, that was his name. Rene's mind tried to stack up the chips, to organize some order out of all this. Jake's voice hissed in her ear to be quiet. None of this was right. It didn't make fracking sense, until suddenly it did. This wasn't Dilmun and the man carrying her wasn't Agenor. She trembled as she realized she'd almost shot some man she didn't even know whose only apparent crime was to carry her over his shoulder. Jake tightened his grip on her as she mumbled, "He's not Agenor. That's not Dante."

The words earned her a worried side glance from Starbuck before he thrust the laser menacingly at Avery. "You are going to let us tend to her. You're going to give us back our weapons, and we are going to talk about this right now!"

Avery didn't budge. "Come on, Brains, do the math, we outnumber you. You only have one laser. You shoot me and they shoot all of you. Hardly worth it, don't you think?"

Starbuck's aim didn't waver. "I don't think they will shoot me. Look, I'm not saying we aren't going to help you, but we need to know what we are walking into. We need a break so we can plan this out and not walk in blind, understood?"

Avery gave no reply, but Rene noticed that none of the men had moved from their positions to come to Avery's defence. In fact, several had backed away from the confrontation. It was only Boomer that had stepped closer trying to give Starbuck some kind of back up.

"If I have to shoot you to make you see, I will, and I really doubt any of your men are going to fire back. Face it, Avery, you might be their self-appointed leader, but you're also an equine's astrum. So let's say we talk this out, alright?"

The two men stared each other down. Jake tightened his arms around her in warning when she mumbled, "Just shoot him."

Starbuck did fire at her words, but it was in the ground at Avery's feet making the man jump back.

"I thought you said you don't shoot humans," Avery growled at him as drew his own laser, one that that had been taken from the Colonials. Starbuck fired once again at the ground, but a bit closer to Avery's foot this time. He jumped back yelping.

Starbuck took a step towards him. "I'm not so sure you are human anymore, not with the way you treat us and with what you have planned. So why don't you hand me MY laser, and we talk about what's really going on here? You have to the count of three before I find out if you bleed red or cylon hydraulic fluid green like some kind of changeling. One…"

A voice spoke up from behind. "He's right you know Avery. We should tell him. They could pull this off better if they knew what they were up against. They are warriors you know. Tactics, planning, infiltration. That's what they're trained to do." It was one of the men who often came with Avery and his wife to the mall to meet with them, but Rene couldn't find a name to go with the face, just the fact that this man had been at every meeting with Avery. He didn't speak much, but apparently knew to speak up when it mattered.

Avery kept his weapon trained on Starbuck as he answered. "Oh yeah, great Colonial Warriors and all they've done so far is lay around the cavern while our kids are dying in the Cylon camps."

"Kids? We got your kids out of here." Starbuck didn't lower his weapon either, but took a step back moving closer to Rene. He looked down to her, confusion and distrust clouding his instincts. "We got them out of here, right?"

She nodded but didn't trust herself to speak as the images flashed before her of the fences, the people, some in their teens, some younger, not many older, all crammed together. The rain fell upon them as they tried to huddle against the wind and the cold. The Cylons patrolling the fence line, walking in some rhythm that only centurions knew. The drone, night and day, the drone that just got louder, as the centurions gathered, the sound only hesitating for a micron as the red eyes would synchronize and then the drone would intensify. It seemed to permeate her very existence until she thought it would be with her for the rest of her life, like the sound of a human breath.

She winced at the mental image that she wasn't sure was hers. So much from that time was just shadows of memories. Her brain still itched from what they did. There was no other way to describe it, like a burr in your head, sharp spines that poked and prodded. The doctor on the Zakar said to think like a mollusc. It was just sand that you covered over, made smooth not sharp. It would always be there though, something lodged in her. The doc said it was worse because they didn't know anything, so the Cylons probed deeper. She could remember clearly everything from the destruction up until the day they took her and tried to probe her brain. She remembered everything until being forced into that machine and then nothing. She couldn't be sure if the dreams were hers or from someone else. The sectons in the cylon camp had settled in her mind as just an overwhelming drone and pain until Dante was at the gates. He stormed the gates, destroyed the Cylons and tried to rescue them all. If not for him, she shivered to think what would have happened.

There would be no Dante this time swooping in to save the day. Just the six of them limping on all they had. It was suicide and she'd rather die than face that again. She trembled at the memory of the fear, and felt Jake's arms become a bit tighter. "I want to go home," she whispered.

"Not yet, baby," he spoke softly, his focus on Starbuck and how he was going to handle Avery.

Starbuck must have heard her words as he called out loudly to those around them, "Yes, we do have the training to help, as well as the experience, and we want to help, but take a good look at us right now. Sick. Injured. Delirious. I keep telling you, we aren't up for this. But we can get more help. You have to let us go to do that. We are coming back, I swear to you."

"Right," the sarcasm dripped from Avery's words. "Right, just trust you, that's all you're going to do for us, offer some hollow words while you ditch us like before. No, I think you are staying here on Caprica until we have everyone together."

The man who had challenged Avery pulled his own pulsar rifle as he took a step towards Starbuck. Starbuck took a step back and then another moving even closer to Rene and Jake as he if he would have to shoot the guy. Surprisingly, the man aimed the rifle at Avery. Starbuck nodded a thanks to him and he nodded back before he spoke to Avery.

"They've done more than you have. They got our women and children free of here and they found some of the medications we needed. Just the fact that he doesn't want to shoot you proves his duty to his fellow humans isn't just a hack slogan that warriors profess. Cos he's right, you know, Avery, you are an equine's astrum. I'm siding with them."

Starbuck flinched as the large man who had been carrying Rene also moved closer. His size was intimidating, but Starbuck held his ground. Rene watched Starbuck's shoulders relax as the larger man said, "I'm with the Warriors."

"Thank the lords," Jake sighed with relief in her ear as the weapons of Avery's men were lowered one by one. Several men stepped towards Starbuck, surrounding Jake and Rene to provide support. Another man approached Boomer, the laser extended, but not as a threat, as an offering.

Pulsar rifles powered down as Avery cursed. He shifted his weapon to aim at the man who challenged him. "Frack it, Wylie! They are preparing to move or kill all of them right now! You saw that with your own eyes!"

The man ignored the weapon pointed at him. "Yeah, I know. But force marching these people into a trap isn't going to save our kids. It's not a good plan and you know it. We need their help and I'm thinking it will be better if we ask for it. This warrior is right, we're not human anymore. We've become animals."

Boomer aimed the laser he'd been given at Avery. "Drop your weapon and let's discuss this like allies, not enemies. Wylie's right, we'll help."

Avery cursed loudly. Starbuck stepped forward and reached for the laser, pulling it none too gently from Avery's hand as the man tried to hold on to it. Starbuck shot him a glare as he asked his friend, "You got this, Boomer?"

"I think he might be willing to listen to us, well maybe me. See to Rene," Boomer answered him, but didn't lower his weapon.

Rene was relieved when Starbuck holstered his laser and turned away from the confrontation with Avery, letting Avery's own men try to talk some sense into the boray. Starbuck handed Jake the weapon that had been in Avery's hand, then turned to Rene. She felt Jake's arms loosen around her as Starbuck knelt down taking her shoulder. She tried not to bat away the biomonitor that Jake waved over her as she attempted to focus on what was being decided between Boomer and Avery's men. Starbuck blocked her view of the group, willing her to make eye contact with him.

"Hey, you okay?" She shifted to look around him. He squeezed her shoulder, moving to block her view again.

"Where's mine?" she mumbled as Starbuck's hand came to the side of her face, his beautiful blue eyes too full of worry. "I want mine." He turned her face to his, his piercing look almost as penetrating as a cylon's.

"When I think you know where you are and who I am, we'll see about that, pretty lady. Wouldn't want you shooting anyone important, now would we?"

"I'm fine. I know where I am."

"Oh, so we're back to you telling me lies again?" His hand went to her forehead as he moved his face closer to hers, forcing her to meet his gaze.

She sighed in frustration, and gave him her full attention. "You're Starbuck. This is Caprica, and I want my weapon. I got it fair and square, now give it back." She heard the rumble in Starbuck's chest as he chuckled yet didn't crack a smile.

"You are one determined lady sometimes. How about I hold onto it for you for a while? What's the verdict, Jake?"

Jake had loaded up a hypo, placing it on her neck. She felt the warmth of the drugs, and the wonderfully familiar kick of the heart that let her know there was a little something extra of the stuff she liked in that dose. She gazed at Jake in shock, wondering where he found just what she needed.

"Just a low grade fever for now. She'll feel better as soon as she gets some food in her. We could all use a break for rest and some food, and planning our way off this planet. We may still need to carry her." He lowered his voice. "How is Apollo going to find us?"

He held Jake's gaze for a long moment, one that let Rene know Starbuck was going to tell a lie. "He's good. He'll find us and if my luck holds, he'll be in a viper. He'll come swooping down and save the day. He does that a lot. That's why he's the colonel."

Jake handed her one of the bland boring protein bars, but right now it looked better than a bovine steak. Around a mouthful she mumbled to Jake, "Starbuck's a good story teller."

Starbuck gave her shoulder a squeeze. "Yeah, maybe because my stories come true. You got her? I'm going to have a chat with the guys and then we are going to go find Apollo."

Rene held on to the fabric of the hunting sweater he wore as he started to pull away. She yanked him back and was rewarded by the back of his hand cradling her cheek softly. "It's going to be okay, sweetheart, thanks to you."

"I want to go home. I'm sorry I got us into this." She held his eyes, making sure he knew that she was okay. She was, she just wasn't sure how long she'd stay that way if the Cylons showed up again.

He held her to him for a moment, then jerked away as she reached for his holster. He started to curse, stopping as he saw the determined look on her face. She tried to wipe the fear from her eyes, but truth was she didn't trust these people to keep her safe. She needed to be able to take care of herself.

"I just need a laser in my hands to feel like I might survive this," she pleaded and he looked away for a moment debating. "Please," she spoke softly tightening the grip she had on his sweater.

He sighed shaking his head, then pulled the weapon from his holster, thumbing the setting to stun just to be sure before handing it to her. "This is despite my better judgment. See she doesn't shoot any humans, will ya Jake?"

Jake cast a look to Avery who was still arguing with his people. "I'll see she keeps it on stun, but that's the only guarantee I'm making."

"Fair enough," Starbuck said, as he tried to smile at her, but she saw the fatigue in his eyes. "I'll get us out of this, just follow orders, alright?"

She felt a thousand times better with the weapon in her hand, or was it the surge of adrenalin she felt coursing through her veins? "Yes sir."

Starbuck looked like he wanted to say more, but he didn't as he stood up to join Boomer and all of Avery's men.


	41. Chapter 41

Jake took Starbuck's place, scanning her eyes to see for himself how lucid she was. Not that it probably mattered to him. How many times had he or she not been totally all there, especially that first yahren on the Zakar. It didn't matter your mental state, you did what you were supposed to do or you didn't make it. She was never so irrational that she didn't know what the score was and how to play the game.

"You going to be able to move again when we need it? I don't feel like carrying you."

She laughed in response. It had been their private joke in Dante's version of academy training. They knew they would carry each other if they had to and if Dante shot one, well he'd have to shoot them both, but Dante didn't need to know that. So they joked with each other about how little they cared, a never ending version of the opposite game.

"As touching as that is, yeah, I can walk. I carry my own weight." The answer didn't seem to be enough for Jake as his hand came up to stroke her face as he spoke softly.

"How far are we going to take this, baby?" he glanced over his shoulder to Starbuck.

She knew Jake hadn't been one of Starbuck's fans from the moment they landed on the Galactica. She knew he may never be able to reconcile Starbuck as one of them, not after the loss of Ari. It didn't help that Starbuck insisted it was his fault. It didn't matter that she had told Jake the real story, that she had pulled the trigger. Starbuck's words had stuck in his head. Maybe this was the moment that Jake needed, to see that Starbuck was truly a good guy. Only they didn't have time to stick around and watch Starbuck earn more gold clusters.

She tried to keep in mind that they hadn't taken Crius in right away. It had been sectons, about three or four after their first time flying in combat. Lizbet had mentioned that Crius had nightmares too, but they weren't about combat or facing the Cylons.

"Remember how he stood there in the landing bay counting those coming back in and cursing about how few of us came back. We thought he was cussing out our incompetence. He dreams of that moment, of counting and there are always less of us. He wasn't upset with us. He was cursing out fate. In his dreams, none of us come back." They had all looked at Crius differently after she had told them that. They listened a little more to his advice on how to fly a viper.

Maybe if Jake could just see that same quality in Starbuck he'd stop suggesting that she and him should take the kids, load up a viper, and slip off to a planet somewhere off the Cylon's scanners. Maybe they should stay and help Starbuck pull this off. No, she knew she would be no help on that mission. She didn't trust herself not to freeze up when confronted with the scenes from her nightmares. She needed to get back to the Galactica and get some help.

Jake hadn't meant his question to be rhetorical as he asked it again looking for an answer, "Seriously baby, how far are we going with this?"

"As far as we have to. We need to think about more than just you and me."

He nodded to her words not looking happy, but he shrugged in resignation and took a seat by her as they watched the short heated exchange between Starbuck and Avery. Rene realized Starbuck was just as determined as she was to get out of here, and Avery was never going to believe they'd be coming back. Avery had a point. She wasn't sure she would ever be allowed to come back or if the Commander would let her have the manpower they needed to rescue everyone still left on the Colonies safely. Was there such a thing as safe? She was pretty sure Starbuck was going to follow up on his threat of locking her in the brig if nothing else for her own safety. That was what was fueling his anger now, he just wanted to get her somewhere safe.

"Bet you five cubits Starbuck decks him," Jake said conspiratorially to her before handing her a water bottle. The water was foul tasting, but at least it helped to wash down the dry as dirt protein bar.

Rene shook her head. She knew Starbuck's temper was up only because he was scared for her, but that fear would also keep him in check too. He'd only lash out if he couldn't find another way, at least she thought so. "You on his side now? No, Boomer's here. He won't hit the guy, and he's sneakier than that."

Jake's eyebrows rose at that. "Sire Gold Clusters is sneaky? I guess he does fit in with us. So when do we ditch all these guys? I'd prefer if it was before this Sagan only knows where offroad adventure. They are just taking us farther from what we need. We've raided that fuel depot a dozen times. We know how to get in and out."

She didn't need to see his eyes to know Jake was thinking the same thoughts as her.

"You have that little faith in Apollo? Starbuck trusts him."

"Of course he does. They're Colonials. They think they're demigods. Is he here? Do you see a viper anywhere, or a raider? No. Avery is just taking us farther away from where we know we can find one."

"Jake," she winced, wishing he could put aside the authority issues just once. "They might have a raider where we are going and Starbuck…"

He interrupted her. "…Is almost as sick as you are right now. I'm the only healthy one here and that should mean I take charge of the mission. Look, I know you want to save people, and Sire Gold Clusters is not going to turn away from his quest to be the warrior of the centaur, but we need to get the frack out of here. The drugs we got are only keeping the infection at bay. I've pumped you so full it should have killed anything within a ten metron radius of you, and all it's really doing is getting the fever down for a centaur or two. I'm worried when it fights back, it's going to win. I'm not taking a sightseeing hike on a maybe. We go for the real deal, not maybes. I'd leave you here and go for a raider myself if I thought I could do it on my own or that you'd be where I left you."

She considered his points, knew he was right. They needed to get something space worthy and get to the Galactica, that was true. They weren't going to be able to do that with Avery's men intent on another objective. Plus it might actually be easier if it was just her and Jake. They knew how to remain as shadows in the dark. She put a voice to her only concern. "I'd rather we take Starbuck and Boomer with us, but…"

"Avery is not letting us do that. The man is insane with radion poisoning. We all will be soon. That's what has your immune system so far down, you know that, right? Look, Apollo should have been back by now. Did anyone even consider that maybe he wouldn't find one? Why haven't we discussed that he might be dead? And besides, Starbuck would want me to do this. He'd want you out of here. He'll tell you that himself . . . next secton when we bring it up, of course."

He had her on that point. She wished she would have pushed harder for them to get a raider when they were lighting the suburbs on fire, but she knew she couldn't have left Boomer to die. But if she didn't take this opportunity now, wasn't she leaving all of them to die?

"Okay. Should be easy for us to fall back and disappear. We just need to distract Starbuck."

"That shouldn't be too hard." Jake gestured to the scene as Boomer stepped between Starbuck and Avery who were again nose to nose.

Boomer tried to end the argument by stating loudly, "We need to find better cover before we can discuss this at any length. The enemy is still hunting for us."

Both Starbuck and Avery grumbled agreement, but neither one moved, glaring at each other. Boomer stepped between them, pushing gently at Starbuck to propel him back to Rene and Jake.

Boomer spoke in a low voice to Starbuck as the two moved away from Avery and Wylie. It was too quiet for Rene to hear, but she read Starbuck's body language. She had found it was often a better translation of Starbuck's thoughts than the words that came out of his mouth. It was obvious by his eyes locked angrily on Avery he didn't like the man, but his shoulders weren't tense, and his hands weren't up ready to strike or block a blow. Rene knew he was going to go along with the man's plan. It wasn't just because Boomer wanted to help. No, Avery had uttered the magic word: kids. She often used the same tactic on him. He was a sucker for the kids. This wasn't just some of Avery's men the Cylons had, it was kids. She suspected that even if Starbuck was down to crawling, he'd get those kids out or die trying. It's what she loved about him even if it was going to be what probably killed them all.

She winced as she heard Dante's voice in her head, the motivational speech he had given before their first launch into battle. She wanted to hate the man, but sometimes Dante had been so right that his words vibrated into your soul. "We all die eventually," his voice had chilled the prelaunch chatter, "but it's what you do before that defines that life. We can't live forever, but we can create something that will. When you save another, the memory of your deeds will last longer than anything made of metal or stone."

She wondered if Starbuck had heard the same speech somewhere, maybe the academy? He certainly lived by those words even if it meant he'd see an early grave

Muttering obscenities under his breath, Starbuck was soon back, asking if she needed help up. She felt invincible with the weapon in her hand, almost like she could walk the kilometrons they were talking about and take on the Cylons like Avery wanted. Almost. She didn't want to storm a Cylon encampment, she just wanted to steal a raider and get them all out of here. The rest could carry out whatever fool's errand they wanted. She was getting a raider if she had to die trying. She had to try to get them all out of this situation. Starbuck was here because of her. It was her responsibility to get him home.

She assured Starbuck she could walk, taking his hand up. She kept pace with him, not liking that he kept looking to her with that worried face of his. Why did he only seem to have that face while around her, especially since she really didn't like it? They hiked about another quarter kilometron to the trees at the base of a ridge. She didn't feel as tired as before. Now she could pretend they were just on a mission to help those held captive instead of being captives themselves. The difference in attitude had a startlingly positive effect on her ability to keep up. They took cover under the saplings that had started to grow, their first sign of renewal on Caprica thus far.

Avery, with the encouragement of the man named Wylie, began to finally explain why they hadn't been willing to climb aboard the shuttles and head for the safety of the Galactica.

"They have a lot of kids, not just ours. They bring them in from the other worlds and they have been doing things to them. We've seen babies as well as teens. They aren't just using them for labor. We think they're learning about humans, running experiments. That is until recently. Now they just bring in kids, lots of them, and then they are gone."

"You didn't think to mention this to us when we first landed, or better yet, when Rene and Boomer were arranging all this so we could bring more shuttles or more man power?" Starbuck glared at Avery wondering how it was possible to have survived three yahrens on this Cylon occupied world and be as stupid as he was. "Did you even try to save them, or were you just too busy being leader of your little caveman group here?"

"I had my own women and children to think about!" Avery's voice rose. "And then there's these snotty-nosed Colonial brats coming in stealing musical instruments, fancy dresses and alcohol!"

"But you could have said something! How were we supposed to know? Had you told us, we would have brought a lot more help."

"I told you when you took the wife and kids to safety! I told you to bring more help!" Avery shifted his glare to Boomer.

Starbuck opened his mouth to continue to rehash the point, but Boomer put a hand on his buddy's arm. "This is getting us nowhere. We can't change the past. We know now, and we have to do something about it."

Wylie mirrored Boomer as he placed his own hand on Avery's arm. "Tell them all of it. They need to know."

"There's more? Of course there is, like how he lured the Cylons to our cosy cave to get us to do what he wanted, am I right?"

"Would you have agreed if I hadn't?" Avery spat. "NO, you were just going to lounge around eating up all the food and then take off…"

Starbuck cut off Avery shouting, "We are ill and injured! I never said we wouldn't help, did I? You could have told us it was that dire a situation and we would have found a way to get moving, you didn't have to sic the Cylons on us!"

"Starbuck, kids. We are talking about kids and they weren't sure we would help," Boomer reminded him, keeping his hand firmly on Starbuck's arm, the one that usually swung first.

"I know, I get that, but I've got kids too!"

Rene wanted to hit him herself as he pointed to her and Jake.

"Starbuck," Boomer warned, "they're not kids. What's been done has been done. They are just as desperate as we are, so can you blame them? What would you be willing to do if it was Boxey or Lara or Kiff? Hear the man out, then we see what we can do to help."

Starbuck shut his mouth and nodded his head, knowing Boomer was right. If it was one of his own, he'd have conned the whole Galactica into following his lead. Didn't change the fact that he wasn't happy about being rousted out of a much needed sleep by Cylons that had been tipped off to their position.

Boomer looked to Wylie realizing that Avery was not going to be helpful, not with Starbuck still glaring lasers at him. "Tell us about where they have the kids. Are there raiders we could get so we could bring more help?"

"I think so. At least a shuttle I think. It's a mining operation, but there are other facilities there. From the looks of it they use most of the kids for labor. Sometimes there's a raider on the ground. There aren't many centurions. They have been relying on fences and gates to keep them captive."

"So you haven't tried to rescue any of them?" Boomer asked. "Do you know the layout of the encampment?"

Wylie nodded. "For the most part, yes. We've been checking on them pretty regularly. The centurions had us outnumbered and outgunned. We are low on supplies and weren't sure we could keep those we rescued safe. So far they have kept most of the kids fed and alive so we didn't want to risk their lives when we didn't have enough fire power to save them."

"Wait," Starbuck quickly forgot his anger at Avery as he realized the severity of the situation of those being held. "What do you mean 'most' of the kids? How many are we talking about and where are the rest of the kids?"

The glance Wylie threw to Avery was not reassuring to any of the warriors. Avery's answer to Wylie's unspoken deference was a shrugging of his shoulders in resignation before going back to his own glowering.

"This is no time for secrets," Boomer said as a gentle warning. "We all have too much at stake."

Wylie nodded, paused in the motion and then nodded again, as if having some debate with himself. "About fifty, but we don't know for sure. There are several buildings that don't look like they have anything to do with the mining operations. We have seen humans going in, but other than maybe one, we generally don't see them come out again. We think there are two operations going on there, but we don't have any idea what they are up to. It's a different kind of Cylon that we see coming and going from the buildings, and only a few centurions that go into the buildings. The centurions seem to run the mining operation."

"Different kind of Cylon? What do you mean?" Boomer asked.

"Has a head like a damn gumball machine." Avery finally decided to join the conversation. "Lights that flash on and off and a face like a clown."

"Lucifer," Starbuck clarified, but Boomer shook his head in ignorance. It was one of those moments that reminded Starbuck that not everyone was involved in all the briefings on the Galactica, like the one he had after his short stay with Baltar when he was captured in the void around Kobol. "It's an IL series, a higher series than the centurions. They can think independently and seem to be the ones who make the decisions. Saw one on Attila too."

"They wear capes like they're fracking kings. A red one, a green one, a blue one, and a yellow one." Avery chuckled. "We call that one the Pisspot."

"You sure it's not just the same one with different capes?" Starbuck asked remembering that Lucifer acted almost like a human. He wouldn't put it past the machine that spent time around Baltar to have adopted the human tendency to wear clothing to fit a mood, if Cylons could be said to have moods.

"We've seen them all together. There's four that we know of," Wylie answered. "We watched them pick out kids and take them into the buildings. Only one of those kids came back, and he's not looking good. Many of them don't look good and when they…"

Wylie abruptly turned away. Avery jumped into the unfinished sentence. "When they die, they put them outside the fence, like they know we're watching and they're baiting us. We lost a few men the first time. We can tell they've done something to the kids."

"Of course, they've done something to the kids. The kids are dead aren't they?" Starbuck snapped and Boomer put a hand out to remind Starbuck to keep his temper in check.

"No, I mean they've done something sick to them. One of the bodies looked like they had attached extra legs to it. Another kid had extra arms, like six of them coming out of their back. And one kid had what looked like a hundred bug bites on him. One that came back had open sores and…" Avery shook his head, "She didn't last long, and then some of the others had the sores too and they were tossed outside the fence within a secton."

"Holy frack," Starbuck felt sick to his stomach and knew it was more than whatever bug they had picked up from the water. He couldn't help but wonder where the extra limbs came from. "Okay, so you know the layout? We have solenite left in our packs, at least some? We got Rene's pack right?"

Boomer nodded to his questions, knowing that look on Starbuck's face. He had a plan, probably a good one. "I think you have hers. I have yours, and Jake has kept what he brought."

"Say what you will about the sewer rats, but they like things a bit explosive. Let's take inventory. Can you sketch me out their camp?"

Another raider streaked high above them. They all crouched and followed it with their eyes, breath held. It didn't turn back and was not joined by another.

Starbuck broke the silence. "Let's do this quick and then I think we need to get moving again. We may need to split up. Rene and Boomer are not up to this, but if the place is laid out the way I think it is, Jake and I can do this."

"I'm good, Starbuck," Boomer said as he unslung the pack and started going through the contents.

"You are now. I'm thinking after a hike you may not be. How far is it?"

Avery answered as Wylie was drawing in the dirt, using rocks and leaves to represent buildings and fences. "It was about ten kilometrons from the mine, but we've probably gone at least two of those, so about eight, maybe a bit less."

"You have anywhere we can take shelter and wait for night fall?" Starbuck asked, unslinging the pack and rummaging. He didn't need to dig far before he found at least four packs of solenite and two detonators wrapped up in a turbowash towel. He cast a quick glance to Rene and Jake sitting under the trees. He wanted to be furious about the solenite. He knew for a fact they did not check this much out of the Galactica's stores. He flipped them over and found markings for the Shiva and the Zakar. They were old and potentially unstable. She had risked her life, possibly all of their lives carrying the charges around, and he had to wonder how long she had had them. Where had she stored these between the time they started planning and the time they left for Caprica? If they made it back to the Galactica, his quarters were going to get a serious cleaning.

He missed the answer Avery had given him, too intent on the solenite and trying to read the conversation Rene was having with Jake, something about a raider. He'd never been good at reading lips, but if they were discussing what he thought they were, he was all for it. Might be the best plan yet.

It was Boomer's tap on the shoulder that pulled him back. "He says there's a place just a few more kilometrons from here."

"Good," Starbuck focused on the map Wylie had drawn. "How many centurions? The IL ones aren't that strong and usually aren't armed. You can literally kick them over, so they aren't the threat."

Wylie explained his map, where the kids were usually kept, the entrance to the mine and the buildings the humans disappeared in.

"Okay, just a quick question, then let's get moving. Do they send the kids into the mines at night, or do they quit working when the sun goes down?"

"They don't work at night." Wylie answered.

"Okay, solar powered then probably. Should be good and dark for us then. Lends to an element of surprise." Starbuck nodded thoughtfully.

"So are we doing this?" Avery asked still sounding a bit testy.

"Despite the fracked up invite, we are going to crash that party. Give me back my weapon and I might even take you as my date." Starbuck reached out and wiped the map clean with his hand before shouldering the pack again, being a little bit more careful how he slung it on his back. Avery whistled for one of his men, who came running up at the call. Avery took the weapon from his hands and handed it back to Starbuck.

"Once we have some shelter, I'll run the plan past everyone. Of course, once we actually have eyes on the target, we'll reaffirm it, just in case something's changed. Avery, I have a few more questions for you and Wylie too. Until then, you up for this, buddy?" Boomer nodded to him.

"With a bit more rest, a few clicks at a time, then yes, I'm more than able."

Starbuck clapped him on the back. "No medals for stoicism. When you hit your limit, you tell me. And be thinking of a way to give Apollo some sign of what we are up to."

Boomer laughed. "Are you kidding me? Did you forget who you are? What Apollo and I usually do is follow the explosions, look for the pretty ladies, and there you are."

Starbuck looked to his pretty lady, the one Jake was helping to her feet. "Yeah, but I don't generally like to mix the two together."

"Miri…the clones on Arcta …Rene….must I go on?"

"Boomer…."

"And that's just post-Destruction, Bucko…"

"I give up!" He raised his hands in surrender.

"I thought you'd see it my way," Boomer replied with a chuckle as Starbuck strode away from the group, hoping to talk with Rene about what he had planned, and the part she could play by getting out of here. getting out of here.


	42. Chapter 42

He strode away from the group, hoping to talk with Rene about what he had planned, and the part she could play by getting out of here.

Starbuck reached for Rene's hand, pulling her to him for a quick embrace. Holding her helped to still the worry that was twisting his guts. None of this felt right, but he knew they had to get moving, they had to do something. He pulled back, but kept her hand in his.

"We're only going a few kilometrons then waiting until night fall. The Cylons have a bunch of kids held in a facility and we are going to take it out under the cover of darkness and then…"

Jake interrupted him, "And then what? Try to get away with a bunch of kids and the Cylons close in on us while Boomer hobbles on a putrid leg, Rene vomits up her guts and you hack up a lung?"

Starbuck wanted to berate the young man for his negative attitude, one the boy wore like his own dress uniform, saving it for special occasions like this one. But Jake's words were a bit too close to the truth. Starbuck's head was pounding and he could feel the tightness settling in his chest. Rather than chew the kid out, he sighed heavily. "I know this isn't ideal, but Apollo will find us with the viper he was going for. Rene will go for more help and we all get out of here."

He didn't expect applause for his rough plan, but he wasn't prepared for the contemptuous frowns on their faces, either.

"Uh huh," Jake said sarcastically, "So how exactly are you going to pull this off? Are you just going to blind everyone with your gold clusters?"

"I have a plan. With the solenite Rene has, and I am assuming you have some as well despite the fact that wasn't on our list of what to pack for this vacation, we can do it. Plus, it will make a nice diversion while Rene and Boomer find a raider."

Jake and Rene didn't even share a look before the two spoke in tandem. "Or…instead…" Rene paused and deferred to Jake to finish the outline of their plan. "Instead, Rene and I take off now, head back to Caprica City and go get a raider. We bring more help and then we can go on this insane quest of yours."

"Insane? You're talking about just walking into a Cylon compound and what, asking nicely for a raider? Is that before or after Rene vomits up her guts?" He threw the younger man's words back at him. Starbuck looked to Rene for some backup, but she stayed mute, her feet planted too close to Jake's. Starbuck couldn't say he hadn't been warned. Crius reminded him often not to get between these two. Max had told him straight out Rene would always take Jake's side. Starbuck thought a sealing would change that. He shook his head, cursing under his breath, "Dammit, coming to Caprica was not my crazy idea, but we're here and this is the situation. It's kids. They have a lot of kids and they are hurting them!"

The words did not have the effect he was hoping for. In fact, it was the complete opposite as both Jake and Rene looked at him coldly. They were oddly unsympathetic to the plight of a group of kids.

"Isn't this why we came here?" he asked accusingly to Rene. She at least had the decency to look away at his comment.

"Yeah," Jake said slowly, "and we got those kids. Face it, Starbuck, there's always more kids. The fleet has a whole shipload of them that no one seems overly concerned about."

"Really?" The word was filled with incredulity and the loathing that Starbuck was feeling after Jake essentially voiced that kids were disposable. Then again, that's how they'd been treated. He'd had his own glimpses of that in the Caprican Child Care System. Starbuck wanted to pull out his hair in frustration, but his hand was holding Rene's at the moment. He squeezed her hand hard to get her attention focused back on the conversation. "I'm not arguing that there couldn't be improvements in the way we look after our orphans, but that doesn't translate into these ones being disposable!"

"I never said…"

"Well, you sure as hades implied it! These kids are in danger, and we need to rescue them. Isn't that why you brought us here? To save people?"

Rene wiggled her fingers, letting him know he was holding too tight. He eased up, but she squeezed back. "Apollo's not back. We have no way to get those kids out of here."

"But he will be. He won't let us down. He wouldn't have left us unless it was a for sure thing."

"Fracking Colonials," Jake muttered under his breath. Starbuck was about to correct him, but Rene pulled his hand, directing him to her.

"We weren't awake when he left. You don't know that it is a sure thing. He won't know where to find us. Plus, Boomer looks like he's calling the shots here and did it occur to you that maybe he's not capable of doing that right now?"

"First of all, you're not giving Apollo much credit. Not only do I expect him to arrive with a ride, but I'd wager my next sectar's pay on it. Apollo doesn't let me down. It's a loyalty thing. He and I are sort of like you and Jake in that aspect, except we've never slept together. Secondly, I trust Boomer. He keeps me grounded when I lose my temper or lose sight of what's important. You might call that 'calling the shots', I call it valuing a good man's opinion. And if you think I should ignore what Boomer thinks because of his injuries, where does that put you, pretty lady? A few centons ago you didn't know where you were or even what secton this was."

"Exactly," Jake sneered, "which is why we need to get out of here. I need to get her in the air and off to the Galactica as soon as I can or we are all going to be delirious and puking. You can go and do the rescuing and be the big damn hero, but I don't see the point in rescuing those kids just to have the Cylons capture them again, or worse. You haven't thought this through. They haven't thought this through." Jake pointed to Avery and his men.

"None of us claim to be omniscient, Jake. I can sketch together a rough plan, but until I put eyes on the compound, I can only make a calculated guess as to what's going to happen. Sometimes us big damn heroes have to make things up as we go along. Getting current and accurate intel usually helps. I'll tell you something else, being a big damn hero means you don't just find the first ride out of a bad situation when things get rough. And being a Colonial Warrior means you don't run home to your battlestar when kids are being mutilated by Cylons!"

"So, you want us to hike all over these hills on a maybe when I know there's a sure thing back in town? We've done it before. Have you done this before? Frack all this," Jake cursed as Boomer walked up.

"We should get moving," Boomer said, before heading back to check his pack.

Starbuck looked around. He didn't like the dynamics of the team. They were at odds and that never led to success. Jake and Rene were too used to manipulating those in their direct chain of command. They worked together well, a little too well at times. It also didn't help that Jake had a damn good point. Starbuck tried to remember that Jake's true motivation here was the same as his, to get Rene off this planet and into some decent medical care, and then in a few sectars time after the baby was born she could come back and get all of them rescued.

But in the mean time it was those kids who were suffering, and that was the reason why he had joined the Colonial Service in the first place. To help kids and all of humankind. He liked being a hero, and he was actually good at it. Avery had a point, they all had their reasons. Starbuck just wished like hades Apollo was here to sort this out and lead the way, but he wasn't. It was his job now. He tried to take a deep breath and swallowed down the phlegm rising in his throat. Things were fracked up, but their best odds were still with Avery's men, if nothing else for the added firepower.

He squeezed Rene's hand twice quickly as he stepped a little closer to the two. "Listen up, I hear you Jake, I do, but we are not splitting up so you can wind up dead. You are our medic. You're staying with us. Besides, we are closer to a raider on the route Avery is suggesting so…" He held up a hand to stop Jake from speaking. "I agree with you. When we get there, Boomer and Rene are going to get a raider and get out of here. That is objective one. Objective two: saving the kids. And while we're blowing the hades out of their compound, that will be the distraction needed for Rene to get into the air. Agreed?"

Jake looked like he had swallowed something sour and wanted to spit it out. It was Rene's voice, soft and low, that drew his attention away from the young warrior. "Kids as a distraction? That's how you want to do this?"

He couldn't help but lose his temper. It had been one fracked up day, and his head hurt. "No, it's not! I want Apollo to get here with a damn viper and then for you to bring blue and red squadron back with guns blazing. I want all the kids' parents to be alive, these rumors of mutilations to be false, and to be able to tie it all up in a nice bow! But that's not the cards we've been dealt. We have a bad hand, but dammit, we can't deal again just yet. And I sure as sagan's sake am not letting you and your buddy just walk into a cylon city. I've got the gold clusters and I'm calling the shots. You don't like it, fine. I stun you both, have Avery's men carry you. I am not playing games here, Rene. It's an order and that goes for your ex-boyfriend too!"

She quirked an eyebrow at that statement. "So that's how you want to do it?"

"Yes! I want you to agree and follow a fracking order for just once in your life. It's not like you had this planned out, now is it? Had you included us sooner, gone by the book, for Frack's sake, stayed out of a viper, we wouldn't be having this debate while breathing toxic air. But we are here, I have a plan and we are going to do this!"

"Is there a problem?" Boomer walked up, taking his turn to raise an eyebrow. "I thought we were saving the explosions for later?"

"These two want to just walk into Caprica City and ask the Cylons for a cup of tylium and a raider to go with it. Oh and they think they can do it on their own!" He was hoping Boomer could help him talk some sense into Jake so he didn't have to stun the two, but he was prepared to do it if he had to. No way was he letting them just walk off.

"Maybe because we've done it several times before! How many times have you rescued anyone from Cylon slavery? Once, twice or never? Because I would bet it's none. I don't remember you there saving our lives." Jake's voice rose in volume and Rene reached out a hand to him, whether it was to lend her support to remind him to calm down, Starbuck wasn't sure.

"Is that what this is about? I'm not Dante? Well, get over it, Jake, because I'll never be like him. I have listened to your point. You make a good one. And yes, I have saved people from Cylon slavery, and I'm going to do it again before tomorrow. We're Colonial Warriors, it's what we do. Maybe if you paid attention in some of your trainings you would get that! No, we're sticking together and we are doing this, together!" Starbuck turned on Boomer. "You shouldn't have let Apollo go off on his own!"

Boomer held up his hands in surrender. "He wasn't alone, Max was with him. Easy there, Bucko. We're not the enemy."

"Well I'm beginning to take it damn personal that everyone wants to take off on their own damn missions. Apollo goes hunting some mythical viper, while Avery is intent on dragging me from a pretty pleasant bed. Now we're here in the open being chased by centurions, walking into an encampment straight out of a bad horror vid, and these two want to take their own side trip into Caprica city to hotwire a ride. And you…"

"I am on your side, buddy." Boomer took a step towards him, laying a hand on his shoulder, "Now spill, what's the plan, because I know you have one. Like you said, let's walk and talk. You okay to walk, Rene?"

"Someone is going to have to carry her because if she makes one move from my side, I am stunning her, you got that, sweet heart?"

She couldn't resist the surly, "Yes sir," that was definitely an eight on the scale of surliness.

Jake mumbled under his breath, "Fracking Colonial equine astrums."

"Yeah, I am. I get like that when I don't get my beauty sleep or my friends try to ditch me."

Jerking Rene's hand, Starbuck turned to fall in line with Avery's men, following them up another ridge. He kept hold of her, and she let him stay in his sullen silence until they crested another ridge that gave them a nice view of the valley behind them and the hills before them they still had to climb. He used to like hiking in these mountains. Of course, that was when these hills were filled with beauty and were free of Cylons intent on his death. He scanned the skies spotting a couple of raiders on the horizon. He caught the glint of centurions in the distance, but they looked to be heading in the wrong direction. He waited for a moment so that Jake and Boomer could catch up.

His anger had cooled and as usual, he regretted his words. He looked at Rene, taking in her dirty dishevelled hair, her sweat soaked face, and her fever glazed eyes. He couldn't stop his gaze from traveling down her body to the belly that was growing a little more each day. The loose fit of her uniform let him know she'd lost some weight in the last couple of days, but it seemed to accentuate her condition even more. He cursed himself. What had he been thinking letting her talk him into this? No, he knew that wasn't right. She didn't have to twist his arm to get him here. He'd come along willingly. It had been hard to live with the knowledge that they had left humans behind to be slaughtered by the Cylons. For three yahrens it had been a remote concept, one that was easy to avoid what with the day to day struggle to keep those in the fleet fed and safe. Rene had reopened the wound of regrets when she took him on the visit to Adama's home. Added to that was the fact he just couldn't get out of his head the baby in rags crying in its mother's arms. How many more babes had they left to die? Well no more, not even one more if he had anything to do about it, and most definitely not his baby.

"You okay?" He reached out a hand for her brow, gently swiping back her hair. She was warm, but it could just be from the climb. She nodded and pulled his hand to her belly, placing it flat against her side. He held his breath as he tried to fathom what she was trying to show him, then exhaled in surprise as he felt the kick against his palm. "That's a good thing, right?"

She nodded again as she let his hand go and reached for a water bottle from the pack he was carrying.

Once Boomer and Jake reached them, they shared the water and then he began to outline his plan. He knew the details were rough, but he and Boomer were used to these kinds of missions, standard training at the academy. "We wait for night fall, and Jake and I will head for the mining operations. They are sure to have something explosive or flammable there to add to the solenite charges we have. We get a nice big distraction going, if we get lucky take out most of the centurions as they come to solve the problems we create. Boomer, you and Rene get to their landing field, get to a raider and take off. According to Wylie they usually only have two or three birds on the ground there. If it's doable, I wouldn't say no to a strafing run to destroy the rest of raiders on the ground and split their attention."

Boomer nodded enthusiastically. "If there's no sign of Apollo or Max by then, I'll try to raise them on the comm before we head home. Air support could be helpful if the Lords are smiling on us."

"Good idea. I'll set Avery's men on saving the kids. If we get lucky there will be a cylon troop carrier there to load up the kids. Avery's men have seen them. If not, then plan B will be to get them into the hills and then we head off to where Apollo was going, meet him halfway hopefully. Can you show me on a map where he thought he was headed?"

Boomer brought up the map on his data pad and handed it to him. Starbuck looked around at the terrain, tried to match up where they were in relation to the coordinates on the map. "That's not too far at least. Looks to be mostly downhill as well. I'm hoping most of the kids can walk, although their endurance may not be too good. If some of them need help, that puts a bit of a slow down on us. We may have to make sure we take out most of the centurions. Maybe when we storm the building we can take an IL captive. They might actually bargain for one, but that's getting ahead of ourselves there. I think the ultimate goal here is to save the kids and then just take out as many of the enemy as we can."

"Maybe we should hit communications before we go for that raider?" Boomer suggested.

Starbuck nodded. "Yeah, maybe, but you could do that from the air once you get a raider."

"One word from the Cylons to a nearby base will have a squadron swarming us before we can even get to those kids, buddy," Boomer said.

"That was Jake's point: I don't want to rescue these kids just for the cylons to call in more reinforcements and take them captive again, or worse. The centurions get a little twitchy on the trigger finger. Their first instinct isn't to take us alive, especially when we prove to be a bit resistant."

"If we need to, then Rene and I can set a few charges on the way to the air field," Boomer said.

Starbuck nodded reluctantly. "That might have to be part of the strategy. If we could time the charges to go off in the petrol dump as well as their communications center simultaneously as you and Rene get to a Raider, you're more likely to get off the ground."

"Then we pull a strafing run as all Hades is cutting loose just to seal the deal."

"I like it, Boomer."

"I'll talk to Avery. He must have some place he's thinking of that he can hide everyone. He seems to know about the mines in this area. Hopefully knows more about them than the Cylons." Boomer gestured ahead of them, letting Starbuck know he was fine, his leg wasn't a problem and they should keep going.

Starbuck dropped Rene's hand, choosing to wrap an arm around her for a moment instead and letting Jake find his place beside her as well. "That work for you, Jake?"

Jake flashed him a perfect pyramid face, raising all kinds of alarms inside of Starbuck. "I know it's a rough plan and relying on a lot of maybes. We'll work out the details when we can get eyes on the objective, but we all have the expertise for this, and the solenite so…"

Jake cut him off. "I didn't grab the right pack." It was not the reply Starbuck was expecting from the young man.

"What does that mean, not enough solenite? That's okay, mining operations notoriously have explosives about, and we can just overload a pulsar rifle or two to get the same effect. It will be fine."

Jake shook his head. "I'm not worried about the solenite. I only have about four more doses of the antibiotics, and two of analgesics. Avery's people took the rest and unless they brought it with them, we need to get to the Galactica."

"Isn't that what we've been talking about?" Starbuck reached out his free hand to squeeze Jake's shoulder, to reassure him with the physical contact that this would work, but Jake sidestepped the gesture.

"I'm going to go ask Wylie if they have the rest of it." Jake strode away from them, headed for the beginning of the line of men.

Starbuck shook his head and looked down at his wife. "You going to help me out with him, or you just going to let the two of us twist in the wind together?"

"Oh I don't know, sounds like you have a team building exercise planned for tonight. Personally, I think you should postpone it and just come home with me." She looked up to him for a moment before turning to follow Jake's progress with her gaze.

Well, it's not like he hadn't been warned, he thought to himself again. What did you think, Bucko, sealing would make everything change overnight? In some ways, it was relief that his life hadn't felt so radically different after signing his name to the certificate. At the time in Adama's office, he had thought that it should have felt more permanent or more binding. He had thought it would change him somehow, or at least how others viewed him. He'd felt that way when he signed for the admittance to the academy. He'd felt changed right down to his soul that day. And yet in Adama's office the morning after their sealing, it had felt just like any other paperwork he'd had to fill out, just another form. He reasoned at the time it was because they'd already had the ceremony the night before, that the signing was just a formality. He had been relieved because when he woke the morning after their impromptu wedding, he'd had a few second thoughts. Was he really ready for all this meant? It had been comforting to know that his day started almost the same as any of his other days with Rene in their quarters. Signing the certificate had been simple and less intimidating than he expected. Not much had changed, but maybe he wanted it to.

He thought back to why they had decided to speed up the change in their status. One, it didn't really change anything, they were already committed to each other. Two, they had this mission to accomplish and wanted things to be legal and right in case things went wrong. Rene's dreams had her scared.

Softly she said, "Don't take it personal. He barely trusts me. You sure about this? There's a lot of unknown variables here, Apollo finding a viper and meeting up with us being a big one. I need a raider to get the rift to work. What if there's only a troop carrier? What if…We know we can find a raider back in town."

Starbuck met her gaze, still seeing the fear in her eyes that she tried to hide from him.

"What we do know is that we are seriously outnumbered back in town. We know that won't work Rene, that's why we're going ahead with Avery's plan. If we get a raider, well Apollo and his, how did you put it, mythical viper, are a nice bonus. But we can do this without him. I'd rather not, but…" Starbuck hesitated, before he broached a topic they had avoided until now. "Did you dream this? You had visions of what we are about to do, didn't you? I saw most of your drawings and…there were a few with kids, but most…" It was a hard subject for him to discuss. It bordered on the realm of the book of the word mysticism, and yes, while he conversed with men in white who appeared out of thin air on occasion, her dreams were something far different, something from the darker side. Her drawings had been gruesome with scenes of piled dead bodies and flames. He knew she had brought them here to try to make the dreams not come true. So why was she resisting this?

He sighed and finished his thoughts, hoping she had some answers. "He trusts in your dreams too, doesn't he? You wanted to save these people, not just some of them. You wouldn't have brought us here if you thought we couldn't do this, so it must turn out alright…right?"

He gave her his confident smile but it didn't soften her frown. The look of defeat and sorrow on her face almost forced him to look away.

"I…I don't know. I mean…sometimes I know what is from the past and what might be the future, but lately it's hard to tell. Not all the dreams I have come true. Lately, these dreams… I don't know how to explain it but, they just don't feel like mine. And they never worked like that, Starbuck. It's not like I wake up and there are the schematics in front of me, you know. It's just fragments and scenes that don't make sense until…" He felt her shrug underneath his arm. "Until they piece together. It's like getting dealt a few cards and then you draw and suddenly your bad hand turns into a decent possibility for winning the pot, but you still don't know what everyone else has, you know?" She looked up to him, almost imploring him to understand.

"Yeah, I think I get it. We'll just have to muddle through then, and hope like hades either there's a raider there or Apollo finds us. Come on, let's get going. The sooner we get there, the sooner we can leave." He dropped his arm that was around her to take her hand. He began to follow the path as it angled up the hillside. He tried to resist speaking, but the ache in his chest forced him to say it. "If you don't mind though, could you take my side once or twice instead of always doing what Jake wants. I mean, I did marry you. Shouldn't one of the perks be that you back my bets?"

She didn't miss a step as she replied, "Have I stunned you yet?"

He quirked an eyebrow at her hoping she had forgotten his little jibe a quarter of a kilometron back. He started to apologize, but she cut him off.

"When you can be more persuasive than threatening to stun me, we'll see."

He didn't have a good reply to that one so he followed the advice he often got from Crius on how to make a relationship work. "Sometimes, you keep your mouth shut and try to listen."

They had walked a few paces in silence before Rene said softly, "You don't get to call all the shots in this marriage, pretty boy. You don't like my friends, fine. I'm not fond of all yours either, but you don't see me telling you to not believe in Apollo."

"No, only that he's not a sure thing," he replied. He sighed, shaking his head. Maybe she had a good point, and he squeezed her hand twice to let her know he heard it, because at that moment he couldn't find the right words. What he said softly was, "Apollo will find us."

"And Jake will see me home safe," she replied.

Starbuck mulled those words for a few paces. They should have reassured him as that was his goal too, but something about how she said the word home sounded odd and out of place. He wanted to ask if the Galactica finally felt like home to her, but he suspected he knew the answer to that question. It was a safe bet that it wouldn't be one that he liked.

While his brain was busy with that thought and plotting out a mission, his mouth moved forward without him into dangerous territory.

"So remind me again why you sealed with me and not Jake?"

It had been a while since he'd heard Rene's evil chuckle. While the sound of it fit the strange landscape around them, he didn't quite understand what was so funny.

"Probably the same reasons you're not sealed to Cassiopeia, or Athena, or Noday, or Aurora, or…" she squeezed his hand twice, "or Apollo. You two make a cute couple."

He laughed aloud. Starbuck pulled her hand turning her to face him. "We make a much cuter couple. I will get you home. You can bet on that."

She reached up a hand gently pulling on the beard he was starting to grow. "I may not back your bets, but I have never bet against you. I know that you trust Apollo, but how about we do this right and don't have to rely on that rescue?"

"As long as we can get you to a Raider, we won't necessarily need Apollo, certainly not for a rescue. But with enough solenite and Apollo and Max showing up, our little rescue mission could become a major blow to the Cylons in this area."

"With just the six of us? Wow, I thought I understood the depths of your ego, but I have seriously misjudged you." She tried to make it sound like a joke, but as her eyes tracked Jake through the line of Avery's men, he knew that she might not be teasing.

"We're not alone. Avery and his men will do their part. Listen, pretty lady, they don't award gold clusters for looks…"

"Yeah, they award them for surviving one way missions, much to their surprise…" she interjected cynically.

"Rene, I have the training, I have the know-how, and I have the desire. You have no idea what I can do."

"It's not me having no idea that I'm worried about," she said as she turned away.


	43. Chapter 43

Jake made his way back down the line of men, but didn't stop to speak to her, just cast a quick look to her hand in Starbuck's, met her eyes for a brief moment before looking away. He took up a position near Boomer, asking him how the leg was.

He didn't need to say anything; the look was enough. It wasn't just that he didn't like this plan. He didn't like that he had to rely on Starbuck too. He didn't like that he had to depend on anyone, not even her. The first days on the Galactica, he had been even more concerned that most of what they received, their quarters, their food, even the clothes on their back had come through Starbuck. Jake had a hard time believing a Colonial would just do something to be nice. No, he was the one who had taught Rene about the economics of life. Everything has a cost, and Starbuck bothered Jake because he was the middle man.

She had tried to explain that Jake could ask for the things he wanted outright, that he could deal with Starbuck and the rest of those from the Galactica, but she knew she was blowing felgercarb through the fan with those words. They all went through Starbuck, and most of them, through her to Starbuck. The situation left Jake on uneven ground, half wanting her to get closer to Starbuck and wed him to the family, half wanting her to utilize Starbuck, and then toss him aside when he wasn't useful anymore for someone else.

The look he had given her as he went past was favoring the latter, saying plainly, "He'd better get us out of here because this isn't looking good."

No, it didn't look good. She had known Avery was a radical the moment she met him. Had it been her stuck here for three yahrens and she'd met someone in uniform with a viper, she would have demanded a ride off Caprica then and there. She would have done almost anything to make that happen, not just for her but for everyone. But Avery had hesitated and wanted them to return several more times before he would trust them. It hadn't made sense at the time. It was Boomer that pointed out that the Sewer Rats rescue had been drastically less than originally promised and that maybe we shouldn't think we were alone in such incidents.

Even having lived through Dante, she still found it hard to understand why in the midst of tragedy, others could think of ways to use and abuse people to further their own interests. But Jake understood. "Economics baby, we're just a resource, nothing more."

She looked back to Jake, wondering not for the first time if that was all he saw Starbuck as, a resource to be used and abused. She knew Jake wasn't that callous, not at his core, but he'd buried that core pretty deep since he lost Ari.

She felt Starbuck squeeze her hand and looked up to meet his gaze. He was not happy with her. She had known the price he demanded was loyalty. She had hoped since Starbuck spread his loyalties out amongst his many friends on the Galactica that he would understand she did the same with her family, but she wasn't naïve enough to not know that with Jake, it was something different. Starbuck had ditched all those whom he had once slept with, barely sparing more than a few words for Cassiopeia and Athena. He expected her to do the same. If he found out, no she realized, amend that thought, when he found out she wasn't going to do the same, he was not going to take it well.

"You okay?" His words interrupted her train of thought.

She had to focus to answer the question because to be brutally honest, she wasn't sure. Her head hurt from where she hit the ground after pulling the weapon from the guy carrying her. Her stomach was still threatening to crawl up her throat, and she swallowed to test how far down it was. She could use some more sleep as her feet were heavy. But she'd been through worse.

"Yeah. How much farther is it?"

"I don't know. Hey!" Starbuck shouted to get the attention of the big guy in front of them, the one who had carried her before. "Uh, I didn't catch your name. How much further do we need to go?"

The large man didn't stop walking, seeming to want to keep his distance. Rene couldn't blame him, she did almost shoot him. He looked back angrily. "Name's Paavo. Just five kilometrons or so." The angry look on his face faded when Starbuck thanked him. The man looked her over before he added, "I can carry your sister if she needs it."

Starbuck missed a step, a bit surprised at the confusion. "She's my wife, and if she needs to be carried, I will do it."

The angry look was back on Paavo's face before he turned away. "Suit yourself."

Wife. Starbuck had suddenly formed a strong attachment to the word as if it could weld them together like he seemed to want. She understood his desire for that. He had confessed to her on her second night on the Galactica that he was an orphan, even more so than herself. At least she remembered her mother, her father, her brothers. Starbuck had no memories of a home. She understood his wanting to hang on to what he had as tight as he could. She had sealed with him understanding that he would never truly feel like she was all his. She had used that insecurity against him, tweaking his jealousy to her needs. It was a fine line though to dance upon. For now, Starbuck was trying to hold on tight, and that magic glue seemed to exist in the word wife.

The evening after their impulsive ceremony, she had expected Starbuck to have some sudden doubts when the excitement wore off. It had been exhilarating popping the surprise upon his friends. Waiting on Adama's answer had been like a jump off a cliff into a river, expecting the water to be cold and the landing hard. The landing had been soft and warm making the jump worth it. The Commander upon learning she was pregnant had been all for the eventuality of a sealing, and he like Rene, seemed to prefer it to be a quiet affair. Starbuck said he didn't care about a public ceremony and all that went with it. She knew that was a lie he told for her benefit. He may not consciously realize it, but he wanted the recognition. It rankled him that no one thought he could do it, commit and exceed as a husband. He wanted to be the hero and prove them all wrong. There would be some public announcement by Starbuck eventually. She wasn't totally sure when, or where or even what, but she braced herself for it. It would be epic like he was.

That evening after the ceremony and the drama of asking for permission to come to Caprica, they had gone about the simple tasks of cleaning up after a dinner. When the dishes were washed, put away, the chambers set back in order, and everyone dispersed to their own quarters, she had waited for the compunction that Starbuck would have about their hasty decision. She sometimes forgot that Starbuck was a romantic. She had met so few in her life. Once in their chambers, the door locked, he had reached for her hands, pulling her to him slowly, softly kissing her as his hands cradled her face. She gave in to the kiss, letting it melt the tension and insecurities of the talk with Adama. Starbuck had pulled back, a large smile on his lips as he looked into her soul. She searched his eyes for the tinge of regret or fear. An electric tingle sizzled into her as she saw he had none. His smile was one of joy. His thumb stroked her cheek as he whispered the words, "My wife."

She shivered at the possession he implied in those words. It was frightening, but he pulled her close to him, his lips taking in hers, and she knew for him the possessive word "mine" that he whispered into her lips was a promise of protection.

She had closed her eyes so he wouldn't see her doubts. She had tried to let the fear wash over her as Starbuck removed her tunic, and then bent down to unbuckle her boots. She stepped out of them into a whole new realm that she thought she had prepared for. It was an alien landscape and the only thing that kept her taking those steps towards the bed was that Starbuck took them with her, shedding his own tunic. The touch of his skin held the promise of a warm spring day and new life to come.

Starbuck had perfected the art of unbuckling his boots without reaching down, letting his feet do the work and soon she found his hands tugging her pants off as she did the same for him. This she knew, the terrain of their bed was familiar territory. That was what she reminded herself as he said the words again, "My wife," as he lowered them both to the bed.

Her heart beat fast as she tumbled into the rhythm of this dance. But he had brought his hands to her face again, forcing her to meet his eyes. "Slow down. We have forever." She held her breath, willing her body still while her heart trembled. It was agonizing how slowly his hands moved, his kisses so soft, she wasn't sure whether his lips actually touched her skin, or if it was just his warm breath upon her. He wanted to sip the ambrosia slowly, while she wanted to gulp it down and refill her glass. She gasped in surprise as his hands brushed her chest as his lips found the vulnerable pulse point in her neck. He seemed to be claiming every inch of her as his. She tried to not interrupt his explorations, but his words sizzled in her like sparks from an exposed wire. "My wife," he whispered over and over.

She tried to join in, his words reminding her to go slowly, they had time, but did they? She knew how short life could be, and also how ironic. She had been worried about Starbuck's apprehension at their new status. Instead it was she that was anxious about what they had done. Starbuck seemed to revel in the change, that was until the next morning filling out the official paperwork. She guessed that for him, a graduate of the academy and permanent ward of the state, the paperwork was more symbolic than the actual vows.

At times, she thought he tossed out the word to remind himself of what they were to each other, as if he needed to remind himself. But at other times, it was a proclamation, a claiming of what should be his. If she needed to be carried, he would do it. She was his, she thought to herself, her body anyway. The rest of her, well that was another matter. Some part of her would always belong to someone else. The question at times was who or what? Some part of her had been left here on Caprica and she supposed that's partially what the trips back here were about, finding herself again. Some part of her would belong to Dante even though she didn't want that. Some part would always be Jake's. But also, parts of her were for her kids', including the one she carried. Starbuck had mentioned he liked a large crowd of people around him. Well he got that and more when he called Rene his.

Starbuck's voice jolted her out of her reverie of their wedding night. She was brought back from the warmth of their sheets to a cold wind that was beginning to increase. "Do you need a break?"

"Huh? Uh…" she looked around not recognizing the landscape. Had they walked that far in that short of time? No, she had zoned out most likely, or worse. She felt the tightness of her face letting her know her fever was climbing.

Starbuck kept hold of her hand as he reached in a pocket pulling out the stims he had. She wanted to swallow them down right then, but he let go of her hand, handed her just one and the water bottle. She drank greedily, not caring it might be their last.

"Thank you," she said softly.

"We only have about two kilometrons left to go. We can slow it down some, they don't seem to be following."

"Because they don't have to," she heard Jake's voice mumble and wondered if she just thought he said it, but Starbuck's back stiffening let her know she hadn't imagine it.

"And why is that Jake?" Starbuck said annoyed.

"Because we're just walking into their camp. Makes their job a whole lot easier."

Starbuck sighed at the comment and she could feel him gearing up for a witty comeback. "Jake, would you stow it," she said loudly. "Make yourself useful, would you? Sing a song or something to make this hike a bit more enjoyable. I would rather walk to my cylon slaughter to some music, not to you two fighting, alright?" She wiggled her fingers out of Starbuck's and stomped ahead.

"Yes ma'am," she heard Jake's snide voice before he broke into song, one of the Fabulon four that he knew she hated because of the incessant repetition. "In the town where I was born lived a man who sailed the sea and he told me of his life in the land of submarines…."

Much to her surprise, Starbuck joined in. She rolled her eyes. "Great, you two finally find something to agree on and it's annoying me. Just great."

Despite her jibe, the singing did help to make the last of the hike bearable. The songs Jake chose at least had a beat that fit the cadence of their boots to the ground, plus if Jake's mouth was busy singing he couldn't complain as much. The stim woke up her brain enough to realize that Jake didn't really have a plan for going back for a raider. She knew he just felt more comfortable with the city around him and sewers beneath his feet to crawl into. Here in the hills, he felt they were too exposed and had nowhere to hide. This wasn't his turf.

They lost much of their cover the higher they went, as the fires set by the Cylons had done their damage to the vegetation. In three yahrens some of it should have grown back, but it hadn't. It was as if the Cylons had set fire to these hills multiple times over the yahrens. It might be true. Cylons had no need for trees or shrubs, or humans for that matter.

Those were the dark thoughts that occupied her as Jake and Starbuck sang. Why would the Cylons keep a human encampment for three yahrens? On her last days on Caprica before Dante's arrival, she knew that their time was ticking down. It wasn't just that when they took a person out of the camp for interrogation they didn't come back, especially those in any kind of uniform, be it warrior or security force or janitor. The centurions had discussed it openly. Their mechanized minds didn't understand that humans might be easier to control if they thought there was some hope of living longer.

It was in those last days before Dante arrived that she had understood what hell would be like, and maybe why they hadn't all rebelled against Dante. They had been intimate with what could be worse than a depraved Commander. How any of them made it she couldn't really say, other than by sheer luck, but the cost had been high. As the people died around them, many of her friends died in other ways. Nik changed from the happy-go-lucky life of the party to the silent shadow. One day he'd stopped working, sat down and just waited apathetically for a blast from apulsar rifle to take him out for laziness. Weirdly, it hadn't happened, as if he had become some kind of wraith that the Cylons couldn't detect once his will to survive had gone. He was still alive technically and she knew he was waiting for them on the Galactica, but also in a way he was still waiting listlessly for that pulsar blast. During those last few days on Caprica as the chaos and panic rose in the camp each time a centurion opened the gate, she wondered if maybe Nik had the right solution to the problem. There was no fighting the Centurions, not without a weapon of some kind. Maybe death would be easier if they just accepted their fate and welcomed the Reaper instead of fearing him.

She learned a lot about humans from her Cylon captors, enough to keep her going—at least she thought so—as the days were still a blur in her mind. But she absolutely remembered the warrior who had found a large rock, shaped it into a spear point of sorts, and when the centurion came for him, was able to use that rock to smash its chest. Sparks flew as he hacked at the power supply on the cylon's back, and even when the machine collapsed to the ground, kept going. He had the head off and in his hands before the rifle blast ripped through his chest.

And there was the kid, no larger than Jason at the time, who chewed through the wire fence creating a hole just big enough to crawl out. Her eyes had followed him as he ran and disappeared in the dark. She and Jake were debating if Lara and Jason were small enough and brave enough to get away when another kid beat them to the gap in the fence. He was halfway through when his clothing hung up on the wire. He kept struggling even as a centurion reached down for him, his shirt ripping and he dropped to the ground and fled. They all cheered as they watched him flee into the darkness. The fence was electrified after that and she watched as many of the adults chose the deathly grip of electrocution rather than the grip of the centurions. She knew Nik contemplated it as he would edge closer and closer to the fence, claiming it was because it was warm. They all knew better and made sure he was not left alone. Even now on the Galactica, they rarely left him alone.

Their numbers in the camps had dwindled significantly by the time Dante arrived. Had he not come, would they have lasted yahrens? She doubted it. So why these people? What use did the Cylons have for them? It was that thought that was driving Jake to want to go back. With each step closer to Avery's objective, she wanted to take twenty in the other direction.

Lords she wished she hadn't come back. She ground her teeth as the regret ate at her. She wasn't sure if she could live with what had already happened to Boomer. Had he been shot down or drowned in that lake, she couldn't have faced Starbuck again. If she got anyone else injured or killed from her stupidity, she wouldn't live with that. She felt the plan form in her mind, counter to the one Starbuck was forming. Her hubris demanded that later, after they were back on the Galactica, she'd have time later to appreciate the fact that somehow she knew that Starbuck wouldn't let her come to harm. In a way, that was the worst-case scenario: she would make it, and someone else would die. If it was anyone other than Jake or Starbuck, she'd at least wait until the baby was born and then she would do what was necessary to keep from living with that guilt.

But if it was Jake, she wasn't sure she would wait that long. If it was Starbuck, she knew there was no point in thinking on that. If Mister Lucky didn't make it, well it was because they all were dead first.

As if he could read her thoughts, his hand reached down to hold hers again. "By this time tomorrow we'll be back home where we'll get a secton just to sleep, and we will wake up just long enough to shower and eat, then back to bed. You'll see."

She nodded praying he was right. She felt the reassurance of Jake's hand on her back as he teased, his voice a bit friendlier than before. "Is that what happens after they give us our gold clusters? Or do we just salute and go back to another training?"

"I will sign you up for the trainings I give on rest and relaxation. I think you might actually pass that one on your own."

Starbuck flashed him a smile and wink to let Jake know he was joking. Rene wondered what she had missed in the last kilometron to make the two suddenly get along. Jake's hand to the back of her neck, searching for skin contact let her know the comradery was all for her benefit. Starbuck's smile faded as he and Jake must have communicated something with a look.

"We go much further and you are getting a ride, Pretty Lady." She didn't argue with him as her legs burned as bad as her stomach.

They crested another hill and quickly followed it down to where the trees filled a small ravine providing some cover. There was a stream where Avery's men knelt to drink and refill their canteens. Boomer knelt to do the same, but Starbuck reached out to stop him.

"We don't have a choice, buddy. We need water, no matter how tainted it might be." Starbuck's sigh seemed to echo off the walls of the canyon.

Avery found them as they filled their canteens. "There's an old mine just at the bottom of this canyon. We can hold up there until nightfall."

"I'd like to get eyes on our objective before nightfall." Starbuck drank, wanting to only take a little, but found himself guzzling almost half the canteen. The water was blessedly cool and his headache abated a little at the taste of it.

"I can take you there and back. Let you have a look-see."

Boomer didn't hesitate. "I'm coming with you."

"No, you're not. You are staying with Rene and resting. And Jake, you're not coming either."

"You said we should stick together." Boomer flung Starbuck's words at him, and he caught them and flung them right back.

"Yes, we should, but you made the decision to let Apollo and Max go. You know we need some information before we go into this blind. So, I'm going to do that while you all rest up for the grand finale later. That's an order."

"You don't outrank any of us, so stow that felgercarb, Bucko."

"Oh? Well as I recall from my trainings, the healthiest gets to make the decisions."

"That would be Jake." Boomer cast a look to the young warrior who frowned.

"And I say we go back," Jake voiced his opinion as he reached for Rene, wrapping an arm around her.

"And that is why I led the mutiny, claimed command and now I say what goes. This is why you don't let Apollo leave the group. As well as clearly outranking me, he keeps my rebellious nature in check," Starbuck said as he pointed a finger, tapping it into Boomer's chest. "No more debate. Lead the way, Avery, and let's get moving while we have some daylight."

"Starbuck," Rene pulled at his hand, drawing him closer as she stepped away from Jake's protective arm. "I don't think we should split up."

He began to make a flip remark, but she squeezed his hand twice, stopping him just as he opened his mouth. "Does it matter? You are going to do this regardless of the details." He began to open his mouth to object, so she dove in with the weapon that would work. "You need the element of surprise and if they see you and Avery, that's blown. You said it yourself, we should stick together. I would worry too much about you." He sighed, opened his mouth again. "You need the rest too, my husband."

The word was as effective as a hand grenade, stopping him dead in his argument. She hadn't used the word before, maybe because she knew it held some power over Starbuck.

"I'll take Wyatt and take a final look," Avery inserted. "They're right. You look done in. Trust us to do this. You're doing enough."

"Please, don't leave me," Rene whispered, knowing it was overkill, but if they were going to do this, they were going to do it together.

Boomer's words declared the debate over. "Let Avery do it. He'll report back and we'll all go under the cover of darkness."

"Let me get this straight? You want to do this without eyes-on recon?" Starbuck asked quietly, taking Boomer aside.

"Intel is intel. Avery and his men have been planning this a good long time and if anyone wants this to succeed, it's him. Trust him to do his part."

Starbuck lowered his voice. "Trust him with our lives? As much as I want to rescue these people, I think we need personal eyes on the encampment before we try to infiltrate it, Boom Boom. My eyes. As far as being seen, well the whole point of recon is NOT being seen."

"Listen, Starbuck, Boomer's right," Jake said, joining them. "Avery is more than capable of providing intel, and more importantly, what you all need now is some rest before we storm the enemy's camp. Nobody here is operating at one hundred percent, certainly not Rene, Boomer or even you! We should sit tight and recover from the trek we just made. Let Avery and Wyatt do the recon. They're used to roaming these hills, running away from Cylons, not sitting on their butts in a Viper for centars on end."

"I think I resent that remark," Starbuck muttered, quirking an eyebrow at the younger man.

"I think I resemble that remark," Boomer admitted with a wry grin. "Besides, if we get lucky, Apollo will find us before then. If we head back to the last ridge, we can leave him a sign he could see from the air to find us."

Starbuck let out the heavy sigh he'd been holding, turning back to Avery and Rene. "Alright. Agreed. Boomer and Rene, follow Avery's men into the cavern, get some rest. Jake, join me on the ridge and we'll see if we can give Apollo a sign."

Rene squeezed his hand, whispered a "Thank you," before letting go and following Boomer down into the ravine. He watched her as the line of men disappeared behind a pile of brush that had blown to the bottom of the canyon, effectively camouflaging the entrance to a mine shaft. Starbuck waited until the last of the men had entered the cave before turning to Jake, Wyatt, and Avery who had joined them with another of their men, Earl.

"I want a complete report when you get back, Avery. Tell me where the airfield is and what is between us and a Raider. I want to know how many centurions there are, how many centons it takes for them to patrol the perimeter, strategies for penetration, where the petrol dump is . . ."

"I know what I'm doing, Starbuck," Avery insisted, cutting him off. "Your friend is right, if anyone wants this to work, it's me. I'll come back with so much intel, it'll make your head spin."

Starbuck sighed, clearly not liking ceding control. "Keep out of sight."

"We will," Wyatt replied, patting Starbuck's arm in reassurance. "Earl will help you guys with your signal. Leave the rest to us. Then make sure you get some rest so we can kick their metal astrums later."

Starbuck nodded, gazing after the two men as they headed out. Reluctantly, he turned back to the task at hand. "Grab some rocks, the lighter in color the better. We're going to draw an S on the top of that ridge, and make it look as natural as possible, and yet not."

"So how is he going to notice it if we make it look natural?" Jake asked as Earl started collecting rocks. Starbuck reached in his pack pulling out a few glow sticks that hadn't been utilized.

"After dark, once we're on the move, this should help to draw his attention." Starbuck pulled out his knife, cutting a hole in the glow stick, pouring the liquid onto the rock he was holding. It didn't take them long to arrange an S, a little larger than six metrons on the ground. He hoped Apollo would find it, and the Cylons would not. He scanned the skies above, partly pleased they were clear as far as he could see up to the oppressive cloud cover, not pleased that the hoped for viper didn't materialize when he needed it.

When his eyes dropped from the sky, he found Jake staring hard at him.

"What?" Rene had been right, he needed some sleep as the headache had started up again, threatening to explode his temples every time he leaned down to place a rock. His patience was non-existent.

"Nothing," Jake answered, but he didn't look away.

"Just spit it out, Jake. You think my plan is complete mong, I get it. Right now I'm not any happier about it than you are." He gazed back towards the trees where Avery and Wyatt had disappeared. "But face it, pal, yours was suicidal."

Jake shook his head. "Just trying to figure out how you got so lucky. I mean, you honestly think Apollo is going to find this, find us, and we are going to be able to sneak in, rescue a bunch of people and fly a raider out of here, just like that. It's idiotic, and yet, Lords help me, I think if I laid a wager on our failure, I'd end up sitting in the OC buying you drinks with your winnings. Why the frack is that?"

Jake's words were an honest question, no hint of malice or sarcasm, but with a heavy dose of incredulity mixed in. Starbuck tried to give him an honest answer, but he found himself mimicking the sewer rat shrug. "Don't know. Experience? Training? Determination maybe? Dumb luck sometimes is just that. I know I can count on my friends, maybe that's the difference. Whatever it is, I'll take that wager and I promise not to gloat too much when you pay up. Come on. We need some rest if we are going to pull this off. You swear your men saw a raider there?" Starbuck directed his question at Earl who had been quietly standing guard while the two warriors worked.

"I swear. You swear you can get us all off this planet if we let your wife take that raider? You won't all just fly away and forget us?" Earl glanced up at the sky as it rumbled, threatening to pour on them again.

"I swear." Starbuck considered making a wager with Earl as well, but once this mission was over, he didn't want to sit and have a drink with any of these men. He wanted to go back to the Galactica and never deal with them again. He looked at the grim landscape around him. He found himself wishing he would never see Caprica again.

They hiked back down the ridge in silence and made their way to the mine shaft. The shaft was long and narrow, and the men were lining the tunnel, their backs against the rock as they sat. The few fires that were going sputtered, the flames whipping with the breeze that seemed to blow up and down the tunnel. It was not as dark as the previous cavern as cracks in the ceiling let light through.

"Should we be worried about the roof coming down?" he asked Earl.

"It's held this long. Get some rest."

"Yeah, I need some since I was so rudely awoken this morning."

He didn't wait for Earl's reply, moving down the tunnel searching for Rene. He found her leaning her head against Boomer's shoulder, attempting to sleep. He took off his pack and sat down beside her, waking her with the motion. He wrapped an arm around her, pulling her over to him. He didn't need a fire to warm him up. She was warm to the touch. She didn't settle into him though as he pulled her close.

"I want to talk to you," she said looking up to him.

He suppressed the sigh. In the past those words were never followed by anything good, not when uttered by a woman he was with. He couldn't overpower the instinct to avoid however. "We should get some sleep. We can talk later."

"No. Now." She started to get up, and he reached to pull her down, but she shook her head at him. "Outside, please."

It was the 'please' that worked on him, how she uttered it in almost the pleading voice of a small child. He was having a hard time saying 'no' to that 'please'. He knew he'd need to eventually or she would get her way this whole marriage. Yet he found himself nodding and rising to his feet with her. They walked out of the mine into the murky light of day, the clouds swirling, the wind beginning to blow as the storm brewed. She pulled him along the stream under the bows of oak saplings along the bank where the stream widened.

Once under the cover she pulled him to her, her lips finding his as he leaned down. He didn't think to resist as her kisses turned from soft to greedy. He didn't think to question what was going on until her warm hands were sliding under his tunic.

"Hey," he broke off the kiss. "You wanted to talk?"

He tried to pull away a little, but her lips were still drinking him in, and her hands were still sliding up his back. His lips went back to hers until a roll of thunder seemed to remind him of how exposed they were under a threatening sky with Cylons hunting for them.

"Hey, we should go back in," he mumbled into her lips, but his boots weren't moving in that direction. He felt her hand slide to unbuckle his holster, heard it thump on the ground as it fell, and her hands reached for his belt. "Rene," he whispered, "we should…" but he didn't know what they should be doing and all thought left him as her hands found him. He tried to lean back, to pull away, but the hand under his tunic on his back held him close.

"Please," she purred the word that was his weakness, "if we are going to walk into a cylon slave camp, I want to do it with the memory of this. I need this."

It was a strange bargain, one of the strangest of his life, but he couldn't deny her. If they were about to die, he'd rather die with this as his last thoughts. He didn't resist any longer, pulling her down to the soft bank of the stream. They shed as much of their clothing as was necessary, and not much more as the cold breeze blew the saplings around them.

"We're not going to die," were the last words he whispered to her as he let his body remind her they were still very much alive and had everything to live for.


	44. Chapter 44

Adama had fitful dreams that night after the visit from Rene's son Jason, and he wondered when he woke if the dreams he had were his own. His dream began as an echo of his old life. He was running down the streets near his home on Caprica, a morning ritual of his when he was home with his family. He would wake early so he could enjoy the quiet of the neighborhood, sometimes even before dawn so he could watch the sunrise while he quieted his mind and worked his body. As Apollo had grown into a teen and a young adult, he often joined his father for the morning run. Adama would have liked to say those were bonding experiences, but they ran in silence, both lost in their own thoughts. As the years had gone by, Apollo would begin the run beside his father, then easily outpace him, and would be waiting on the porch for his return.

But in this dream, it was late in the day, verging on evening. With each step he took, the quiet street once lined with neat houses, slowly decayed around him. The wind picked up and whipped at his clothing as thick raindrops pounded the pavement. He heard the sound of boots hitting the ground. It was not Apollo by his side outpacing him. It was Starbuck. The young man kept reaching for him, encouraging him to run faster as the flames ate at the landscape around them. The pilot was not in his uniform, but clothing made of leaves, and he was insistent that they keep going despite the burning in Adama's lungs. The sound of the raiders taking aim on he and Starbuck startled him awake.

The dream felt so real. Drenched in sweat, it took Adama a moment to get his bearings and slow down his heartbeat. As the pale gray walls of his quarters on the Galactica solidified, so did the message of the dream in his mind. They were alive and needed help, but Adama had no way to get to them. He could only hope they kept running.

He decided he would meet with Starbuck's new family that morning. He would swing by the bridge first hoping there was some good news to report. As he was greeted by Omega, it dawned on Adama that he had not conveyed to Lt. Crius and the others the information he did have from the woman who acted as the leader of the group. The warriors had been taken prisoner by those they had gone to rescue. The woman, Gia, had readily shared with him the dire situation that had forced her husband Avery to such an extreme action. The Cylons had taken many of the group's children captive.

"They came one day while we were out looking for food. They are keeping them alive and we don't really know why. We know where they are and we've tried to rescue them, but…" Gia said, her demeanor defeated and resigned to never seeing her husband or those children again. "I told him he should come with us, that they were lost to us, but he said he had to try. He thinks they are learning about humans from them, learning how to more efficiently exterminate us."

Adama understood and found himself forgiving the man he had yet to meet. Had it been Boxey or any of the children of the fleet, he would have done the same, or worse. The survivors on Caprica needed their help. He did however remind the woman they could have simply asked for the assistance.

"Had we known, I would have sent more warriors and we could have…"

The woman interrupted him. "Begging your pardon sir, but we did. They told us that we could not expect a large group to come save us. They were clear that we are not winning against the Cylons and that it was a risk to save us."

Adama had wanted to amend that assessment, to assure the women from Caprica that they could depend on the support of the fleet, but he was unsure if he would have agreed to such a risk. No, his warriors had been correct. They were not winning against the cylons and he was suspicious of Rene's abilities. He would not have endangered warriors for a rescue mission on Caprica, even though it was children. He wanted to be upset that even Boomer would not think to inform command, to allow him to plan a rescue mission, but Adama recognized that Boomer had accurately predicted Adama's decision. Rene had bluffed her way into forcing Adama's hand. He wanted to think that in the end it had been his decision, but that wasn't really the case here. He had heard loud and clear that if he did not give permission for the mission, it would have happened anyway with perhaps even more dire an outcome.

The fleet had grown by close to fifty individuals due to the Copper Squadron rescue mission, but for now he kept those women and children hidden, tucked away in the lower storage bay repurposed for a playground. He would use children, much like Rene had used her dream drawings, to justify the loss of his warriors to the council of twelve. But for now, he'd give his warriors more time. His only proof, a dream. He hoped to find more proof today. His warriors weren't lost to him yet. He would hold onto the hope that they would return and the gamble would justify the wager.

He entered the bridge just before shift change, nodding to Omega and telling him to carry on as Senior officer of the watch. Adama descended to the lower levels to check the scanners and communications. Rigel had the comms and pulled him up a chair to detail for him the results of the latest scans. Unfortunately, it was good and bad news. They quadrant was clear of any contacts, friend or foe.

"Here comes Spooky the Phantom," Rigel whispered to him as. Adama looked up to take note of Lieutenant Nik who was standing off to the side, almost in the shadow of the command dais. It had come to Adama's attention that the crew of the Galactica had nicknames for most of the draftees from Caprica. Lieutenant Rene they called Duo as she was rarely alone, and her friends Lizbet and Jake were the twins, as they two were rarely found anywhere without one of the others. They had begun calling the dark haired young warrior the Phantom as he rarely spoke and often was found lurking in the dark corners of any gathering.

"Spooky? Does he frighten you, Flight Corporal?"

"It's not that he scares me," Rigel confessed to the commander, "I just don't see him coming and then he's there. He's pretty intense, and then he's gone. He's been doing that all night, coming and going."

Adama observed the Lieutenant, noting that he did not acknowledge any greetings sent his way. Instead he flinched and tried to melt into the background. The cruel nickname fit him well. Adama wanted the young warrior to feel welcome, for all of Starbuck's new family to feel as if they were a part of the Galactica family, but he suspected that without Starbuck there to soften the stares, to field the questions, and to reassure the younger members of Dilmun's warriors, they may never feel at home. Adama was not one to give up however.

"Maybe if we made him feel more welcome, he may seem less intense, Corporal. Inform the others that he is to have free range of the bridge, and maybe even offer him some java. He could use some friends right now."

Rigel clarified Adama's request, but in far different words. "So treat him like a stray feline. Let him approach, no sudden moves, lure him with treats?"

Adama had wanted to correct her, but her assessment might be the most productive way of dealing with the young man.

"Yes, set out the bowl of cream." Adama waved the young man over, reminding himself to keep smiling as the Lieutenant looked over his shoulder to verify that the wave was directed at him. Adama got up from the chair, moved slowly towards the young man, speaking his name softly. "Lieutenant Nik, would you like to take my place? You are welcome to, but I was on my way to speak with your ….your squadron." The word felt far too formal to Adama and he quickly corrected himself: "Your family, that is, on what we do know of the situation."

The young man spoke so low, Adama had to lean in to hear him. "No word yet?"

"Not yet, but there is still hope." He reached out a hand to place on the Lieutenant's shoulder, having forgotten Rigel's words. Like a stray feline, the dark haired Lieutenant darted away from the gesture, heading for the corridor to flee to safety.

Adama had hoped he'd made some progress after the request by Jason in his office that they halt the fleet, but as he followed the young man's retreating form, he recognized he had far to go. Perhaps it was time to force Starbuck's family into other quarters to facilitate their integration in the fleet.

He quickly changed his mind after meeting with the family that morning. It had not been easy. His presence was disconcerting and he obviously disrupted the normal operations of the morning routine. It broke his heart when little Kiff had fled in terror from Adama. On the day they built the play structure on the storage deck, Kiff had no problems interacting with him, but Adama had been dressed differently. Maybe it was the intrusion first thing at the start of a cycle, or maybe it was the blue uniform. Or maybe it was the fact that all of Adama's interactions with the children had been in Starbuck's presence. Without his surrogate son as intermediary, the children feared him, and the warriors were wary.

As soon as Adama crossed the threshold, Lieutenant Crius had come to his feet, nearly dropping a child from his lap in his haste to greet his Commander at the door. The Academy trained warrior had obviously taken lessons from the Starbuck School of Social Etiquette and Evasion, as Crius stood before Adama, inviting him in as he also blocked his progress into the chambers. It was as if Crius was trying to shield the rest from harm. Adama winced as he realized that was precisely what Crius must have had to do on more than a handful of occasions.

Adama kept his visit brief and promised updates on a regular basis. He emphasized that his own son was amongst those missing and that they should keep their hopes up. Their return should be imminent.

It was the "Yes sirs" that disturbed Adama the most. In Starbuck or any of the Warriors from the Galactica it would have been considered so overly emphasized as to border on mocking and facetious. But on the Caprica draftees, it had the ring of expected servitude, ingrained in fear of reprisal. He let Lieutenant Crius rush him out the door this time. Like stray felines, it would take time and patience to help them come around, as well as repeated exposure to kindness.

Once back on the bridge, Adama checked his schedule, shifting some of his obligations to make sure that through the cycle and the ones that followed that he had time to visit with those of Starbuck's family.

In the middle of the morning, he dropped by the training in which most of the Zakar pilots were enrolled. All eyes were upon him when he entered the room, hope bursting at his presence as he silently shook his head "no", then uncomfortable glances his way as he lingered to observe the training. He slunk away and thought maybe it would be best if he adopted Lieutenant Nik's habit of blending into the shadows.

The same hopeful eyes greeted him when he chose to eat in the mess hall with the trainees. But the eyes quickly slid away and refused to make contact with anything but the food before them as he shook his head "no". By mid-afternoon, he realized that perhaps he should avoid those of Starbuck's family until he had something to report. His presence was not building trust and confidence, it was just making the warriors uneasy. Adama felt the pain of Starbuck's absence. He needed the man and his unique insight now more than ever.

But he did not give up on his chosen course, stopping by the chambers after the evening meal, bringing with him mushies and a storybook that Boxey had enjoyed when he was younger. Crius was away on patrol, and he almost abandoned his plan when he was met at the door by Lieutenant Dara who nearly jumped in shock when she opened the door to his presence. The activity in the room froze as he entered, the only one to move being the teen, Jason.

"We are still waiting, right? The fleet didn't move, did it?"

It was the only good news Adama had to offer. "We haven't moved. I promised and we will wait."

As Jason nodded vigorously and thanked him, Adama did not fail to notice how the children slowly seemed to gravitate to behind Jason, so he spoke only to the young man. "I thought, with the absence of so many, that you may need help getting the children to bed. I brought a story I think they might like."

Jason had nodded hesitantly as he looked to those not much older than him around the room for confirmation. Some secret sign must have been conveyed as the boy looked to another teen, the one named Cain who had very boldly reminded Adama that Starbuck sat at the head of the table. "Starbuck normally sits here," the blonde teen reminded him again, only this time as an invitation to take the seat. Adama was reminded of feeding wild animals while camping, the slow fluid movements needed to not frighten the timid creatures. He imitated those movements as he crossed the room, took the seat, opened the book and began to read. The tension in the room began to thaw with each word he read of the daring adventures of Hobbes and his journeys through the ancient twelve worlds. He read more than one of the tales, each with a happy ending.

When he closed the book and looked at those around the room, he found all eyes upon him, some hopeful, some puzzled, and a few still fearful. He closed his own eyes, uttering a small prayer. "Let this chapter have a happy ending."

He quietly wished them a good night, and slowly exited the room. He headed for the bridge to make one last check of the scanners before retiring himself to find some sleep. As he checked the scanners, Rigel cast him a smile.

"Looks like you have a shadow." She nodded her chin over to the dark haired warrior, who rather than hiding in the shadows had taken a few more steps towards the consoles.

"Your advice was helpful, Corporal. Keep the bowl full of cream, will you?"

"Yes, sir." She smiled as she produced an extra cup of Java, the name Nik scrawled on the side.


	45. Chapter 45

He woke in darkness to a smell that evoked visions of lazy summer days and the innocence of childhood. It was disorienting, the unfamiliar surroundings and the scent that had him wondering if it all had been a dream, the destruction, the three yahren desperate flight into the stars, the loss of life. The old fragrance of home exploded in his mind, just as forceful as the explosions that changed his world all those yahrens ago. He almost expected to lift his head from the sofa and find his mother in the kitchen asking if he wanted a short stack or a "daddy" size stack, a joke from when he was a small child and noticed his father was served more of the pancakes than Apollo or Zac. The familiar sizzle of meat being fried added to the illusion.

"If only," the words sang in his mind as the aroma from his memory effectively blocked out the smell of rot and chemicals that he hadn't really noticed until this moment was the new smell of Caprica. It was not the gentle touch of his mother's hand that reached to shake him awake but the rough gnarled hand of Peryton. Reality settled upon him as the predawn glow illuminated the deep lines of worry on the old man's face.

"What's wrong?" Apollo mumbled, scrubbing at his face to push away the last vestiges of his dreams.

Max grumbled from the sofa, "Did you burn the bacon? That would be worse than the destruction."

"Can it, Max. We were lucky to even find this place, let alone to be allowed in," Apollo barked and instantly regretted his harsh tone as Peryton jumped back as if to defend himself from a physical attack. Apollo tried to remember his own manners as he said, "Thank you for waking us. We should get back to our people and we would appreciate any food, burnt or otherwise."

Peryton still scowled at him. "The bacon's more baked than that half cooked crock of mong you tried to feed me last night."

"Hold up there, Peryton. We aren't lying."

"Really? Well the radios came alive last night. They sure tell a different story. Now out with the truth before I toss you out on your astrums."

Apollo took a moment to take a breath and gather his bearings, checking his chrono and reminding himself that Peryton had been here a long time alone. How sane would Apollo be after three yahrens holed up in a cabin alone? Oh Apollo realized he might do fine, but if it were any of his other friends, say Starbuck for example, they'd be more than a little off. If he learned nothing else since the destruction, Serina had taught him that humans needed each other to survive.

He debated getting up from his position on the floor, but decided that might seem threatening so he propped himself up on his elbows instead and asked softly, "What has been transmitting? Cylon transmissions or human?"

Peryton didn't answer right away, glaring down at him. "You're part of a bigger force. There's a fleet that's closer than you told me!"

Apollo sighed heavily. "I wish that were true but it's not. Why would I keep that from you?"

Peryton eyed him suspiciously before some of the tension left his face and he took a deep breath of his own. "Human voices. The fleet is over Piscera isn't? Not enough to take back all the colonies though, am I right? They've been talking about liberating planet Starbuck and everyone knows about the whaling family from the Islands of southern Piscera that call themselves the Seabucks. You've started with Piscera first, haven't you? It makes sense, Cylons don't like water. There would be less of them. Then when you get more people, move on to another planet. But you're not sure if you can do it."

Laughter burst from Apollo before he could contain it, "Of course he renamed the place. He's that crazy." He shook his head as he decided to get to his feet. He found himself stumbling as the hilarity of the situation made him light headed.

Peryton reached out a hand to help him up. A gleam of hope that had replaced the suspicion in the old man's eyes cut short the hilarity of the moment. Apollo sighed and slowly shook his head. "It's not what you think. There is no fleet and they are not talking about Piscera. Starbuck is one of my crew members. He's known for his crazy plans. Something must have happened for him to be moving forward. Something bad."

Hastily Apollo scanned the room, looking for the packs they had brought. He tried not to linger on the platter of pancakes waiting for him on the kitchen counter.

"Max, we need to load up. Peryton, sir, we need water and if you can spare it, some food. If that is indeed breakfast I can smell, we'll have to eat it on the run."

The old man held firmly as Apollo tried to turn to see to his pack. The strength in the grip pulled his attention back to the man and he met Peryton's gaze as he said soft and low, "I have not lied to you. We will be back and we will need that viper."

"Not if Rene's dead, we won't," Max iterated loudly as he shouldered his pack and stepped around the two men on his way to the sink. Max roughly turned on the tap to fill his canteen with one hand, and scooped up a pancake, shoving it in his mouth with his other hand.

It was the nightmare Apollo was trying desperately to avoid. If Rene didn't make it he knew Starbuck would never forgive him for not having been there. That was the real risk he took when he headed out on the hope of maybe finding a viper before Starbuck was awake and could talk him out of it. It was the risk of abandoning Starbuck just when he might need his friend the most to help him deal with being abandoned once again by a woman he loved.

But it was also more than that, more than a sealing gift to his best buddy. If Rene died, Starbuck would probably not survive long enough himself to deal with her loss. He might follow her to the grave, they all might if they couldn't get off Caprica. They needed Peryton for more than just a viper.

"Then we may be back to stay. I promised to repair your solar panels and I keep my word."

Peryton's eased up his grip. "If you are anything like your father, I believe you do. So, no need for me to keep that young man there for collateral is there?"

Although Max was a slow runner and Apollo could cover more ground without him, they had not discussed leaving anyone behind. He voiced his concerns out loud, "I may need him."

Peryton seemed to read his unspoken thoughts before smiling. "Then what about a trade? One hard-working young man for one electric hoverbike. I have one in the hangar. It may not get you all the way you are going on a weak charge, but it will get you a heck of a lot farther than your worn-out feet. I only have the one."

Apollo considered only for a heartbeat. Their odds of survival were better if they were together. "I may need him," Apollo restated, but it was said with less conviction as he recognized Max was right, getting off Caprica depended on Rene's survival, not Max's. Plus if they were trapped on Caprica, their best odds were with Peryton. If Starbuck were here, he would make some smart remark about bets and cards and luck of the draw, but Apollo knew that it really came down to resources. Peryton held more resources than Avery's group.

Peryton echoed his thoughts, "You and I both know that a hoverbike with a low charge is going to get you farther with less weight. Leave him here and he and I can get started on readying the viper. We might even be done by the time you get back."

Apollo looked back to Max, expecting some characteristically colorful remark. Max simply unslung his pack and reached for another pancake. "Sooner you get to her, the sooner we can all leave. Not that he's not a nice guy and all, but I'm not sure I want to live on his planet."

Apollo was about to remind Max that you shouldn't bite the hand that feeds you, when Max saw the rebuke brewing and clarified. "I meant Starbuck. Does he name everything after himself? He wants to rename the council chambers too. Take a wild guess what his suggestion for that is?"

Apollo chuckled. "He has suggested renaming the Zakar. I think Adama would go for it if it wasn't Starbuck who planned to be in charge of the naming committee. I'll be back as soon as I can."

Max handed him the full canteen and a pancake rolled up around strips of fried bacon. Apollo shoved the food in his mouth barely tasting it as he followed Peryton into his tunnel leading down to the hangar. The passageway was much like he remembered from yahrens ago, a corridor lined with supplies. Despite three yahrens of depletion, Peryton still appeared to be well stocked possibly for decades to come.

There was not enough electricity to power the lights that had in the past flooded the bay with blinding light, yet it was no less magical as Peryton's handheld illuminator swept from viper to viper. There the old girls waited patiently for their day to shine in the sun, and Apollo found it a little easier to breathe. "Rene was still walking," he reassured himself. "She can make it back here. We can make it off Caprica."

Peryton didn't linger on the spacecraft, heading for the wall near the door to the hangar. It was an old hoverbike, barely big enough for a grown man, obviously some left over relic from Peryton's own childhood.

"Help me with the door," Peryton asked as he began pulling at a chain that raised the door slowly with a clicking that echoed ominously loud in the chamber. It did not take long to raise the door high enough to slide the bike underneath. Despite the hover's age and the batteries depletion, he was able to start the bike easily. He was turning to thank Peryton and tell him when to expect him back, but the slamming of the hangar door cut him off. He tried to reassure himself that the old man was just playing it safe, but he couldn't shake the sensation that he'd been kicked out.


	46. Chapter 46

She lay there listening to the wind rustle the grass around them and tried to envision the old Caprica sky instead of the one above. She attempted to suppress the shivers from the cold because once they started, she knew Starbuck would insist they head back. Maybe she could convince him that they could just gather up their clothes and remain out under the sky. It was an interesting sky that was getting redder as the sun set. She could smell smoke and wondered if she had burnt down what was left of Caprica city. Some small part of her brain reminded her that would mean the air around them was even more toxic than before, another reason to go underground, but she needed this. She felt more alive with the skin to skin contact. Plus, Starbuck wasn't making any motion to move away. His arms around her made her feel safe even from the unseen chemicals in the air that he had no way to stop.

She suspected neither of them wanted to be back in those dark confines despite the warmth it might offer as she felt Starbuck tense and pull her closer, whether for warmth or to protect her, and she huddled in even closer to him if that was possible and looked to the sky. The vivid colors were captivating, that is until you remembered that the unnatural reds and vivid oranges tinged with green didn't belong in the skies over Caprica.

A gust of wind rustled the trees and Starbuck lost the battle to the cold. A tremor rippled across his shoulders shaking the arms that held her. Instead of suggesting they go back to join the others, she pulled him closer, nestling them both deeper into the earth. She wasn't sure if she heard him at first above the rustling of the tall dry grass that shrouded them when he whispered in her ear, "What are you afraid of?"

"Nothing," she quickly shushed him, "nothing, it's just the wind."

He drew his gaze away from the storm that was gathering, fixing his eyes that were the color of a natural sky, upon hers. "This mission, the one where we save those kids, what are you afraid of? Seriously. Don't lie."

As he rolled his body over her to protect her from the rising wind, she couldn't deny his request for the truth. "Losing you. Losing anyone."

He nodded solemnly but had that look in his eye he would get when he thought she was just placating him. "We volunteered for this and I'm going to make sure that doesn't happen."

She tried to suppress the eye roll, but his flip arrogance annoyed her sometimes. He ignored her bristling and spoke again, his words blurring into the rustling of the grass. "I wouldn't blame you had Boomer died. He chose to come here of his own free will. I would still love you."

She trembled as he accurately targeted the heart of the problem, a true marksman when it came to guessing other people's emotions. She looked away, pretending to be interested in the clouds before she gave him the truth he sought. "But you should blame me. It's my fault. I brought us all here. If you or Boomer or Apollo died, just like Ari's death, it would be my fault."

He let the words fade in the wind and her eyes evaded his for a heartbeat, maybe two, before he commanded, "Look at me."

She continued to look at the sky. She didn't want to be pitied, and definitely could not take the intense emotion from Starbuck right now. It made her angry to feel that weak and she knew he needed her to be strong. He waited patiently, the silence compounding the weight of the guilt that had settled into her bones since leaving Dilmun. She slowly slid her eyes from the sky to meet his gaze again and let out the breath she'd been holding. There was no sympathy in his reflection. Instead he gazed at her as if she were a viper circuit board or a hand of cards. He seemed to be trying to make a decision, calculating the odds as he nodded slowly.

He measured his words as he spoke. "We all volunteered to come for our various reasons. You didn't make us. I have my own reasons for being here. Even," he paused, seeming to weigh what he was about to say, "even Jake didn't come just because you said 'let's go.' As for Ari, you didn't place those explosives. Dante did."

She swallowed hard willing her eyes not to water. It was what she needed to hear, but Starbuck was good at saying what others wanted him to. But this was not Starbuck playing a game with her as his eyes were serious and hard as ice. She found it hard to look at him, as if staring into the sun. This side of Starbuck was one she didn't see often. She knew it existed, but like certain corridors on the Galactica where the officer's resided, she tried to avoid it unless necessary.

His gaze was more probing than the red eye of a centurion, and he came to some decision from his scan of her, nodding again before he spoke. "You've told me about the destruction, your capture and Dante's rescue. I'm pretty sure I know what makes you wake up screaming and it's not your own death or even the death of your friends. When you talk about that day when Dante showed up and rescued you, you always mention the people you walked over to be here, the ones who were left behind."

The image jolted into her mind of the shuttle outside the fence, Dante on top pointing like the hand of the gods. The screams and laser fire around her filled her ears, and then the weight and feel of the baby shoved into her arms, its mother begging her to take the child with her. Was it a boy or a girl? Where had it come from? How did a baby last that long when so many others that were stronger had died? She didn't hold the child long enough to find out any answers.

In her dreams, it is the dropping of the child that wakes her as the weight falls from her arms. How could Starbuck know? She must have told him about it one of those nights in the dark, alone and safe in their quarters. Starbuck was good at reading people, but could he be that good?

His eyes were still locked on her and she was confused. Was this Starbuck's idea of a motivational speech, using her own words to remind her why she volunteered to be here in this moment? He was wrong. She had talked them all into being here, especially Starbuck. That thought made her realize she had no choice but to follow his lead on this. She owed him that much for getting them all stuck on this dying rock. She took a deep breath and pulled from that well of strength that Dante taught her she had, nodding her understanding. "I know. I've agreed. We're doing this."

Starbuck nodded back, but she could still see something resembling indecision in his eyes. Some war waged behind that icy wall of his, but only for a moment. He nodded again resolutely before he spoke.

"I've never told you about the battle of Scimtar."

It was a fact and she hadn't pushed to hear his story about the destruction. It was partly because when the topic did come up, he evaded with faded phrases like, "It was bad" or "We lost a lot of good people." The most specific detail he would give was that Zac died first, a proclamation that killed any desire to learn more.

She narrowed her eyes and wondered just who she was talking to. While the blond hair ruffled by the wind looked familiar, there was no hint of the jokester and the gambler in that face. She didn't recognize this man with sorrow in his features. She wanted to reach up and wipe his face away, to scream at it to bring her Starbuck back. Instead she spoke softly, "No, you haven't told me."

He nodded again as he sucked in a deep breath. "It was bad." He winced at his own old phrase and she nearly sighed in relief as Starbuck became himself again. His voice changed to the one he used when instructing, but at least she knew that voice.

"When we first launched, hades, we thought it was just a drill, showing off for the council and the cylons. But we launched into a solid wall of raiders. I have never seen so many in my lifetime and we kept looking for baseships, but they weren't there. We got our shots in. There was some precision shooting going on and I quadrupled my kills that day. To be honest, at first it was hard to miss until we mixed it up. But It didn't take long to realize we were losing and it was happening fast. You didn't even have time to acknowledge who went down or where your wingman was. The Galactica launched vipers first and many of the other battlestars weren't able to get pilots in the air. Everyone was depending on us and we were being slaughtered."

The wind hissed through the grass and Starbuck cocked his head as if he heard something. Rene could hear it too, the voices that were there in the earpiece of your helmet and then were suddenly gone, a hiss of the com and then a snap as it closed. She watched Starbuck shake off the sensation choosing to ignore the ghostly voices before turning back to her.

"There were just too many of them and too many ships to try to protect. It was my friends that were dying around me. Too soon it was every pilot for himself and when the Atlantia just disintegrated before our eyes, it was pretty obvious it was going to be a massacre."

He shuddered again, this time she doubted it was from the cold.

"It was a Battlestar for Sagan's sake, the flagship of the fleet, and it was just gone in a blinding flash. But you just kind of take that in and you keep flying, keep fighting. You don't think, you do what you were trained to do. We all know the odds for a pilot and we fly anyway so yeah, anytime is a good time to die, but…" He took a breath and swallowed as if even he was so full of all those glib phrases that he was going to be sick. He closed his eyes for just a moment before opening them again and locking his gaze with hers. "But then we noticed the Galactica was leaving. I reasoned it had to be for a good reason, but she just took off and left us there, no recall orders, no nothing. Just your home base disappearing in the distance leaving you out there alone to die. The other battlestars started to go up one by one, and I figured the old man pulled the Galactica out of the battle to save her, but he didn't tell us that. He just flew her away. My base, my home, my supposedly safe haven just buggered off."

The anguish rose up like a dark blue wave in his eyes. She shuddered as it crashed over him and she found herself shushing him like he was a child.

"We flew as long as we could. We tried to save the other ships, but there were just too many of them and our fuel began to run out. We had nowhere to go, not with the Galactica gone and the other Battlestars in flames, breaking up around us. Those of us who had survived that long, we were left with a bad choice. If we survived, we could stay and fight until our engines died from lack of fuel, waiting to be picked off like Piscons in a barrel, or else we could head for somewhere to find some fuel and then try to get back into the battle. We had no idea who outranked who anymore, and it didn't matter. That left everyone to make the choice for themselves. I didn't think I'd find the Galactica, I was just looking for more fuel. So like the Galactica, I pulled out of the battle, left some good friends behind. I didn't even know if I would find what I was looking for. I decided to take the gamble on living at least a little bit longer because staying was a certain death. I felt like a coward but there was no way to go on, so I headed for home."

His eyes grew distant with the memory. "It is the worst moment of my life. I am afraid nothing will ever compare to it. I could lose Apollo, Boomer, hades I could lose you and our baby and I don't think it will ever be bad as that moment, realizing your ship is just leaving you to die, not knowing if you will see her again, and then having to leave all your friends behind."

He gripped her tighter as he shuddered again and she wondered if he would go on. When he did, his voice was calmer.

"I got lucky and picked up her signal, told my squadron where she was, and turned for home. I didn't know if I would make it, it was that bad. No fuel, control panel sparking, no real way to land, but I made it to the Galactica. That was all that seemed to matter at the time, making it. I heard later that many pulled out of the battle when they saw me leave and I'm not proud of that, but I had no choice. I was more in the way in the condition my viper was in. I had hoped to grab another viper and get back out in the action. I came in hot, my controls fried, no landing gear and throttle stuck open, nothing I could do. I was convinced I was going to just be a smear on the back wall of the flight deck, but for Frack's sake, I was going to die on the Galactica, not abandoned in space. I made it and as soon as my boots hit the deck, and there were no more vipers for me to take. So, I headed for the bridge to give the Commander a piece of my mind. It wasn't until I got there that I realized we had really lost. Everything. It wasn't personal. Adama had to abandon everyone to save what he could."

He broke eye contact, shrugging before speeding forward with the details. "I went a little nuts, asked Athena to seal with me. She turned me down flat with some lame excuse of not wanting to lose anyone else, which made no sense since that's what she was doing, losing me. Yeah, it hurt at the time but," he sighed and brought his eyes back to hers. "Still didn't hurt as bad as watching the Galactica fly away."

She thought she understood the point of his story, another pep talk to help her to understand why they couldn't just leave those kids behind, but Starbuck wasn't done.

"It was bad, but Apollo had it worse. I don't mean losing his brother or his mother. He actually went down to Caprica and saw first-hand the devastation, talked with some of the survivors. And he had to climb back in his viper and leave them to their fate."

Starbuck broke from his reverie, giving her another icy look. "That's what Apollo's afraid of, his own sense of failure at having been unable to warn the fleet in time so that they could save more people. Me? It's that I left. I could have stayed and helped try to win the battle, or at least for Sagan's sake died with my buddies, the real heroes. They earned the gold clusters, but I'm the one alive wearing them. But what I'm really afraid of is the day I can't live with what I did. I abandoned the battle, turned tail and ran, decided to try to stay alive a bit longer, but it's not just that…"

He drew a ragged breath and she knew what he was trying to say. "It's okay, Starbuck, I get it."

His shout shocked her, "NO you don't get it! I'm afraid of the fact that I wanted to live and someday I'm going to realize that I wasn't worth this life. As a warrior, my life has a purpose. I know what I'm supposed to do and how to do it. I know I'm supposed to lay down my life for others. I had no family to lose. My fellow warriors, they are my family. I was fed that from the time I was a kid and I believe it, I truly do. I was kept alive, fed, educated for one purpose, to serve the state and make sure everyone else stays alive but me. I can die and it is what I am destined to do. But when the Galactica abandoned me, all of us, I just thought of myself. I wanted to live and I know there's nothing wrong in that, I wasn't supposed to just sacrifice my life for no reason. I'm not suicidal. I'm worth more than that. But Rene, I can't leave anyone else behind, not again."

She nodded several times quickly even though his words were confusing, but she understood clearly what kind of man Starbuck was. It was why she followed nearly every idea he had, even the crazy sealing ceremony. "I know. I know we have to do this. I know you can't just walk away from the fact that those are kids that are captured."

He gripped her hard, his fingers digging into her arms. "Do you? Because that's not what I'm trying to say. I'm afraid that I am going to abandon you to do this. I can't leave them behind and you are going to have to decide on your own whose life is more important. I want you to decide your life is worth living!"

"What?" She thought she understood that Starbuck needed her to do this, to follow him and not Jake's plan to go into town for a raider, but now after having talked her out of that plan, he was suddenly all for it. "I…I don't understand."

Compassion flooded his eyes. "I am afraid that I want you to abandon me, your friends, everyone if you have to. If things get rough, if the plan goes bad, I want you to cut and run. You just go for that raider. You leave all of us behind. Don't look back. I don't care if I am surrounded by Cylons and look like I'm losing. I am asking you to do the one thing I can't do."

The anguish on his face compelled her to reach up a hand to his cheek, "Ah Starbuck, I can't…"

"Yes you can! Nothing will ever be as bad as the Galactica leaving me. Don't you worry about my feelings or what I think or what they might do to me. You do what you have to do. Your life is worth it. Don't toss it away for me, because if I'm going down, I never want anyone to sacrifice their life for mine, do you understand? I am a coward and not worth it."

She tried not to laugh, but the absurdity of how his mind worked was too much sometimes. "So you don't want me to be like you, is that it? I'm not supposed to be the hero and help you save everyone? So when do you suggest I 'cut and run'? At the first shot or heck, why not now?"

She tried not to laugh as she spread the sarcasm. The chill in his eyes let her know he wasn't finding the humor in the irony. "Yesterday with Apollo. You should have gone with him. Sagan's sake, you should have stayed on the Galactica when Avery let you go. But I don't have time to build a time machine right now, so …so right now."

She laughed shaking her head as she tried to turn away. "Apollo took off on his own. He didn't want company."

"Dammit, Rene."

There it was, the sweet nothing Starbuck had often uttered as she was trying to save her family and friends from Dante's disaster. They were words he usually uttered in defeat, when all other words had failed for her to see his point. This time she saw his point, almost agreed with it. But Starbuck had so many points.

"So we should split up and I should go with Jake to find a raider?" She shrugged knowing full well that wasn't what Starbuck wanted.

"That idea was suicide. I'm just saying, when we get to this camp, you go straight for a raider. You get out of here and you stay away this time." He cut her off as she was about to object, "And if there is no raider, you go. In fact, I want you to go now. You head into the hills. If we find a raider, Boomer can find you. So you should head into the hills now. I know Apollo found something, I'm sure of it. Boomer knows the way he was headed and…"

She cut him off. "On my own. You want me to split off on my own? Now?"

"Yes, or stay here and wait for our return. You'll be safer. You're not up for this and if Boomer liberates a raider, he can come back for you."

She sighed in exasperation and tried to pull away, but he held her hard and fast.

"Starbuck, you're not making sense. Boomer is not up for this either and he doesn't know how to fly a raider."

Starbuck's eyes bore lasers into her and for a brief moment she wondered if the radium had gotten to him. "He's smart. He'll figure it out. I need you to get away and be safe and nothing else matters!"

She shivered and let his words fade in the wind before she reached up to stroke his face, hoping to instil some sanity into the moment. Maybe she should have stayed in the cavern and just let Starbuck hold her in the dark, or maybe she shouldn't have brought them to Caprica at all.

Starbuck was right about one thing, they didn't have a time machine and even if she did, she couldn't have left those people here to die.

Her touch stilled him and she tried to coax out the Starbuck she could reason with. "Pretty boy, how could I ever leave you? No one will ever measure up. And the fleet would never forgive me for losing their gold cluster hero. I can't leave you."

He grabbed her hand. "Don't. I'm serious."

She froze and waited, she didn't know exactly what for, but it came with a gust of wind that brought another tremor to Starbuck's shoulders. The shiver seemed to wake him from the moment. His voice was distant and sad.

"We should get dressed and go back in."

"I love you too." She blurted out the words that felt wrong in this place and were probably unnecessary.

He nodded as he took them as rejection to his suggestions. His turning away almost made her cry out, so she fell back on an old habit to avoid pain. She negotiated, tossing out a suggestion before he could break contact.

"I'm not leaving you now, but, if we get there and there are no raiders. I will. I will go and find Apollo."

He turned back as if she had yanked a leash around his neck. "As soon as we see they aren't there? You won't try to follow me and search for them? You won't go back to the city either?"

"Not alone, no. I won't go back to the city. I will find Apollo. I promise."

She tried not to smile as the old Starbuck slipped back into place and upped his bet pushing his hand. "And if you find a viper or another raider you will go back to the Galactica and stay there."

"I will go back, but," it was familiar game for both of them, the bid, the counter, "I will send people back for you. I can't leave you here."

He nodded accepting the bid. "Promise me you won't set foot on Caprica again. You send people for us, but you don't land. You stay out in space waiting for us, and….and if we don't come in a centaur, you go back and you stay there."

It was an easy lie to offer as she knew if she found Apollo, he could countermand any promise she had made to Starbuck because her man couldn't and wouldn't argue with Apollo. "I promise."

The ice in his eyes melted. "The family needs you safe. I need you safe."

Her heart wanted to reassure him and her head nodded as if she would do that, but her mouth overrode her thinking. "We're warriors, Starbuck, living in a battlestar in unknown space losing to an enemy that outnumbers us. There's only one place we'll be safe. It's either on Earth, which you won't give me the coordinates too, or it's…."

She couldn't say the words, not while her back was pressed into the dirt of a dying planet with their blasters within easy reach. It would be too good a grave and the desire to make it so was suddenly as strong as her desire to keep Starbuck with her forever. It rippled through her like jolt of electricity and she willed her arm to not reach for her weapon.

"No."

His words spoken low, but firm and strong, sounded very much like the Commander. Not just like Adama, but also Dante when issuing an order that was final and threatened severe punishment if defied.

"No. I need you and they need us. Together we are safe on the Galactica."

He didn't specify who "they" were and she suspected Starbuck meant everyone, the kids here and the family that he had created, as well as the whole damn fleet.

"So we get you to the Galactica, understood."

"Yes sir."

He nodded at her words and started to move away, then suddenly seemed to change his mind. He leaned down to kiss her insistently and deeply. Her body responded and she forgot to think, letting him do that for her.

Once the emotions crested and ebbed, she must have fallen asleep without realizing it as she was brought back to the world in the darkness. Starbuck's shoulders trembling had woken her before the cold reached her as well as he pulled away to find their clothes.

"It's dark. We should find the others and get going."

They tried to dress without getting up from the ground, not sure what dangers surrounded them other than the wind that had gained a cold bite in the dark. Starbuck cautiously crawled out of their protection of tall grass and judged they were alone and safe before he reached a hand to help her up.

His halting steps as led her towards the hillsides were her only indication that maybe they had lost the opening to the mine.

"Let me lead," she whispered, pretty sure she knew where it might be. She started to walk ahead, but he squeezed her hand twice and she looked back.

"We're both in the dark here, aren't we?" It was a new voice to her, this serious side of him, and it let her know he meant far more than finding Boomer and Jake in the mine.

"It's okay. I like being in the dark with you. We'll find our way." They weren't just words to reassure him. She found she actually meant them.

"Together." He squeezed her hand twice and she returned the pressure.

"Together. You'll keep us safe."


	47. Chapter 47

There were different shades of darkness, or at least that's what he had learned on this mission. There was the smothering black of the sewers where there was absolute darkness which somehow made it hard to breathe. Then there was this kind of a darkness where there were shadows, some murkier than others. Such was this shade of darkness with clouds above blocking out the stars. Starbuck led Rene towards the biggest shadow hoping it was the hillside that held the old mine.

"A little direction here would be nice, maybe a sign? I promise to not complain to you when I lose next time at the tables," he offered up a prayer to lady luck, the only god that he found listened to him. In the midst of the shadow ahead, he saw the blink of a light, small and soft, on then off, before coming back on again. The soft glow reflected off the walls of a tunnel opening.

"Thank the lords," Starbuck said, letting slip just how disoriented he'd become once they had lost the daylight. Stumbling around in the night on rugged terrain reminded him that maybe it hadn't been the best of ideas, leaving the safety of the cavern to talk with Rene. Then again, he'd thought they were going to talk, not shuck off their clothes like a couple of newlyweds that can't keep their hands off each other.

"Oh wait, we are a couple of newlyweds," Starbuck playfully teased himself in his head as he headed for the beacon in the darkness. Lady luck was smiling at him for once as in the low light of the illuminator he could make out Boomer and Jake at the cavern entrance.

Boomer's voice was almost a shout that seemed to echo off the canyon walls, "Starbuck, please tell me that is you making all that noise. Either you or a crippled centurion."

"Would you keep it down! We don't want company." Starbuck hissed, cringing at how loud his own whisper sounded. He thought he had been quiet, but a rock he tripped on went skittering in the dark.

"You like aging me don't you Bucko?" Boomer muttered once the two entered into the small spot of light. "Or did you find better accommodations and didn't bother to include us?"

"Oh yeah, a nice little bed and breakfast was just around the corner. They have the best pastries." He breathed a sigh of relief when Boomer's face came into view.

"And how was the décor? You are partial to florals."

Starbuck wanted to laugh at the joke, but Jake's quick steps towards Rene as his hand reached for her brow had him suddenly rethinking their mission planning. If he left Rene with Jake, her ex-boyfriend's selfishness and distrust would override any of Rene's instincts to jump into the mayhem Starbuck was planning to create. Jake would get her out of there and abandon all of them to do it. The problem was, Starbuck needed Jake for his plan and Boomer needed real medical treatment. Starbuck hadn't sucked enough radium into his lungs to think he could pull off this rescue mission on his own, and despite the sudden comradery of his new hiking companions, he did not trust Avery and his people. Okay, maybe that Wyatt guy seemed decent, but the rest he didn't know and, quite frankly, he didn't want to spend the time with them long enough to learn their names. No, they'd have to stick to the plan and he could change it once he got eyes on the objective.

Even in the dim light of the illuminator, Boomer seemed to read his thoughts. "We need to see what we are dealing with and get Rene to a raider."

"That's why we were coming in. Check out time. They said to get moving and there was no bell clerk to carry the luggage. Jake, how is she?"

"Cooler, but we're all a little cooler since the sun went down." Jake unslung his pack and dug in a pocket pulling out two ration bars handing both to Rene. "Last ones. We are out of food after this."

Starbuck took it as a sign she was doing better when she tore into one of them, almost eating the wrapper in her haste.

"Seriously, what took you guys so long," Jake directed his complaint to Starbuck. "Your gold clusters aren't shields against a raider salvo you know." The young man shifted his ire to Rene. "It doesn't take that long to frak or talk, so what were you doing?"

Starbuck tried to remember that Jake was speaking from his worry, and that as their medic, he knew far better than any of them what harm this environment could do to a person, especially one still growing. He answered for Rene, as she was intent on unwrapping the second bar. "Just finalizing some plans to get out of here."

"What did you come up with that's better than my plan?" Jake jabbed

He ignored the comment, or tried to until Rene spoke around a mouthful of ration bar.

"Nothing that involves you."

Even in the dark, Starbuck caught the irritated quirk of Jake's eyebrow. He tried not to react himself at the knowledge that Rene had just chosen a side. Maybe the sense of victory was tempered by knowing that the divide had been created by Jake, and that Starbuck's side included a plan nearly as risky as Jake's. But Rene had finally seemed to have chosen and it gave him some comfort that maybe she had actually listened to him. On their romantic moonlit hike, he'd work on getting her to agree to go find Apollo and choose a course a bit safer than the two opposing plans that involved suicide by cylon. Buoyed by that thought, he decided to go with another plan himself in the process, ignoring Jake and letting the man deal with his ex.

"Boomer, can you pop up the map of where Apollo was headed." He hoped they were moving in the right direction and that maybe if he could visualize it, he could send a better plea to lady luck for some of the divine deliverance they certainly wouldn't turn down.

"Yeah, I can. Avery said we are closer to the cylon operations, but we still have a few metrons to hike. I figured we would want to hit the encampment long before dawn, just in case we don't find a ship to fit all of us. Gives us the darkness to cover our tracks." Boomer turned on his datapad, the map glowing almost too brightly in the dark for Starbuck's eyes to read. He took the pad, trying to shield the "We are here" glow from the raider's prowling the skies.

"They have radios." Boomer's words made Starbuck jump.

"What?! When did you find this out? Why the frack haven't they shared." A chilling thought streaked down Starbuck's spine. "Tell me they haven't been transmitting? And to who?"

"'Whom' is the proper term," Boomer teased. "They have, since this last morning I think. Coded messages at least but," Starbuck cut him off cursing loudly as he removed his hands shielding the data pad, handing it to Rene.

"So why are we trying to be stealthy here? Dammit, I wanted to believe him that we weren't walking into a trap, but," Starbuck choked on the string of curses that were fighting to cue up in his mouth, not sure which one to choose first, coughing on all of them as he hacked up a gob of phlegm and spat it into the darkness.

"Easy there, Bucko. It's not bad news." Boomer clapped him on the back. "If Apollo found a viper, we can now contact him and…" Boomer hesitated.

Starbuck tried to clear his throat, spitting again something that was too thick to be called saliva. "Just tell me."

"They have more people to help. They are almost there. That's how I found out about the radios. Wyatt's chimed with the message. And more good news, they are coming with us."

Starbuck didn't try to hide the contempt as he muttered, "Great, fraking fantastic. What they should have done in the first place! Just what the fleet needs, more idiots. I know, let's have them run for the Quorum of Twelve because their mission planning would fit right in with those imbeciles."

Rene's hand lightly touching his back was a gentle reminder that they were all looking to him to lead the way, not just on this mission but back home as well. Like it or not, he was the gold clusters hero and he chided himself to start acting like it. "Great, alright, great, then let's get going if they are already there. Rene, memorize that map just in case. Boomer, how's the leg?"

His buddy answered too quickly for it to be the truth, "Good. How's the fever?"

"Keeping me from feeling the chill of this night air and keeping me addled enough to still think all this is a good idea, so let's just roll with it, shall we? Seriously, how's the leg?" He turned to Jake for the answer. Jake gave the sewer rat's noncommittal shrug and Starbuck found himself shooting out a hand to smack him in the chest before he could stop himself.

"Cut the mong right now! We're all warriors here, so let's fraking act like it. How's the leg?"

It was Boomer that quirked the eyebrow this time, but at least he answered. "We will act like it when you do. Fraking in the field isn't exactly how a warrior plans a mission."

Starbuck didn't hesitate to defend himself. "Oh, did you not sign up for that course at the academy, or were you rejected because you didn't fit the appearance requirements? It was a private tutor session if you have to question my actions. Besides, in case you hadn't noticed after all these yahrens of us bunking together, I do my best thinking without my clothes. Now cut the felgercarb and feed me the truth, or I am leaving you here at my bed and breakfast with the cylon concierge and you can tell me all about their hospitality. How's the leg?"

He cast his buddy a glare that said despite the joke, Starbuck wasn't in the mood for Boomer's evasion.

"Still infected but I can deal with the pain. Just like you, I'd rather save the drugs for someone else. The kids we are rescuing might need the medications, plus I'm not sure if I want to live if your wife doesn't. I've gotten used to bunking without you, especially since you became so damn cranky. Honest enough answer for you?"

Over his shoulder he heard Rene whisper, "I'm fine," but she nearly glowed in the dark from the fever he knew was still rising when it should be falling. It was no longer time for debate or hashing out plans. He wanted to get this over with. He wanted to zoom past the harsh details to the moment when they would be in the OC laughing about all this.

"Let's go. You follow my lead. You follow my orders, all of you. That means you too, Boomer." His boots were moving as he headed into the tunnel, barking Avery's name and hoping like hades his team was healthy enough and wise enough to follow.

It was Wyatt that answered his call, "Keep it down. He's on his way back."

Starbuck choked back the curses again and a voice in his head, sounding an awful lot like Adama whispering advice told him to stay calm and save his anger for better uses later. "We're going to meet him. Radio and let him know, or better yet, give me one of those communicators so we can get this mission going and get your people off this cursed rock."

He felt like he'd won the big pot at the Rising Star when Wyatt didn't hesitate, tossing him the communicator and pulling out another one to hand to Boomer. Starbuck keyed the communicator open. "Avery, hold your position. We're on our way." He turned to Wyatt. "Let's get this mong mash moving so I can get you all back to the fleet and show you what real hospitality looks like. Lead the way."

Wyatt spread the word down the tunnel, and they began moving deeper into the cavern. Starbuck audibly groaned as he was starting to think he was claustrophobic. He held in the sigh when Wyatt explained that they wouldn't be underground long as the tunnel had caved in yahrens ago. There was an opening farther down, cutting some of their travel and keeping them less exposed.

Starbuck made sure to note how Boomer was moving, deciding that he'd made the right decision to put Rene and Boomer on the same objective. If this hike was as long as the last one they just took, he'd need to find someone to carry Boomer and Rene. The thought had him trying to peer down the dark tunnel, but he had lost sight of Rene in his haste to get going. The voice in his head reminded him that she did better in the dark than he did, plus Jake was with her. "She chose your side. She's here," Adama's voice tried to reassure him. Or he could just be delirious. The tunnel was too cramped to stop and wait for her. He'd just have to trust that opening up and sharing his own fears would convince his wife to follow him.

"I haven't had good luck when it comes to sharing my heart," he mused to the voice in his head. The ghostly adviser suddenly went silent, seeming to mull over that fact rather than offering him reassurances.

He thanked the lords that they didn't need to go far before they reached the area where they could easily climb the debris to come out near the top of the ridge. Starbuck helped Boomer up the scree of loose rocks, noting his friend's clenched jaw and creases on his forehead as he fought back the pain of using his leg a bit more than a hike required. Starbuck didn't ask if he was okay. He wasn't, but Boomer had said he could tough it out. He'd chosen this course of action and practically forced Starbuck to follow. He made a mental note to add it to the report he'd be filing recommending Boomer for an award, or at least a good speech in the OC when he bought him a much-deserved drink.

He tried not to worry about Rene. He knew Jake would help her up the rocks if she needed it, that is if they were still with him. "It's okay if she's not," he tried to dispel the worry in his mind. Jake would see her to a raider or a viper, or die trying. It was somewhat comforting and he lied to himself that it was because of the baby, not whatever feelings Jake might have for his wife.

As he headed off into the dark to rescue more youngsters from cylon captivity, Starbuck suddenly realized he was the grownup of this group. He tried not to contemplate too deeply the curse that could be, all of them relying on him to make the mature decisions. "Yeah, real mature," he said to himself as he pulled a blade of dry grass from his collar, a stowaway from his impromptu coupling in the field. Instead he turned up the volume of Adama's voice and waited for Rene and Jake to catch up with him. "You are capable and quite creative and so is she," the voice tried to bolster his confidence as he stumbled his way in the dark in the hills above Caprica City.

"You could be the hero they've turned Dante into. You could help them to overcome that misguided worship of a very flawed man. Maybe even show them how to be heroes for themselves. That's how you will win them over to our way of thinking."

Adama hadn't given that speech exactly, but he'd hinted at it a few times. Starbuck knew that's what his Commander had meant to do when he immediately put all of the Dilmun warriors into training sessions, even one's who probably didn't need the courses. It was a refresher on how to work as a team, how to be able to rely on your fellow warriors, and not need Dante and his fracked up version of a command structure. He let the spirit of Adama guide him as he tried to keep up with Wyatt and find his way in the night

After what he felt must have been a kilometron, although it was hard to judge in the gloom that had deepened, he couldn't keep the worry contained and halted to wait for the line of men to pass. The pressure crushing his chest released a little when he saw the smaller shadow that evolved into Rene's familiar form. When she caught up to him, he reached for her hand, but in the darkness, he found her arm instead. He chose to reach up to the back of her neck, a favored spot for the rats when they touched. He was beginning to understand why after the black sewers, the dim caverns and now the dusky hills. It was an easy body part to find in the dark, plus he could register in that spot more of how his wife was holding up, could almost feel her emotions. She reacted to his touch, her body rippling at the contact. She was warm, but not burning up like before. Much like his own fever, it was keeping her from shivering in the cold, but it wasn't a problem yet. He felt the strong thread of her pulse letting him know she wasn't getting too tired and still had some energy left.

His other hand reached for Jake knowing he wouldn't be far. As he touched his arm, he didn't say the words again, "Look out for her," because he didn't need to. Instead he whispered, "I need to help Boomer."

The two chimed, "Yes sir," and he felt he finally had an example to use with Rene for what a low one should sound like on her surliness scale. It sparked a bit of hope that maybe this was the team building exercise Rene had teased him about.

He looked at the landscape behind them and saw a spot glowing softly in the night, his makeshift beacon for his friend. "See, I have learned a thing or two from you. Now get here and rub it in my face, buddy." It was as close to praying he was going to let himself come to today, at least that was the vow he tried to make as he searched the sky for either stars or raiders. He found neither, just Rene's hand that somehow had found his in the dark, urging him to keep going. He squeezed gently in reply before letting go.

He caught up to Boomer who was valiantly trying to keep pace with Wyatt leading the way. Starbuck slid himself under his friend's arm, taking his weight so he wasn't placing as much of it on his bad leg. Boomer started to say something, but Starbuck silenced him.

"I owe you after you came back for me on Attila. Oh, and then there was that time on…frak if I can remember the name, but you saved me from Borays and Siress Belloby. Neither of which were particularly pleasing to the eye."

"Oh? I thought you liked her kiss, or did the Boray's kiss better?" In the jibe Starbuck heard the unspoken "thanks" that didn't need to be said between friends.

"They smelled better. Her perfume was overpowering. Did she really think that covered up her old lady smell?"

"I thought you liked mature women?"

"Well sure, for a date, but not for a sealing mate. They usually have some money to spend." They both kept up the banter, distracting themselves from the agony of a long hike over steep terrain, until the climb made it difficult to speak.

It wasn't much longer before Wyatt halted, speaking quietly, "Over the next ridge is the camp. We need to keep it down. Avery is at the top of the ridge waiting on us. You want to take a look first, right?"

"That's the plan."

The radio at his belt crackled as did the one in Wyatt's hand. Starbuck nearly jumped out of his skin as he reached to shut it off.

"That you Wyatt, over?" Avery's voice reverberated in Wyatt's hand.

Wyatt keyed the communicator twice, receiving an answering message from Avery, "Deer is bedded down in the glen."

Starbuck tried not to chew out Wyatt. It wasn't the man's fault that they didn't understand basic infiltration strategies of keeping the coms clear, but he couldn't quite keep the snarl from his voice as he hissed, "Where is he?"

Wyatt pointed up to a steep ridge ahead of them. It was a decent location to scout out the valley below due to its elevation and held plenty of brush for cover. Starbuck wasn't sure if the darkness hid the hand sign he flashed Rene to hold up or if she just chose to ignore it. When he began to creep up the steep ridge, nearly on his belly, he discovered she had followed him. He felt her hand taken hold of his belt, as if she needed a tether to him.

He found the dark shape of Avery and headed for the bushes the man was using for a shield. He reached out to lightly pat Avery rather than speaking his name. Peeking his head over the crest of the ridge, Starbuck took a look at their objective. The camp was close, too close. Had it been illuminated, they would have seen the glow in the distance as they came over the last hill, but most of the camp was dark. "Of course, centurions don't need light to see," he reminded himself. The cylons could probably scan them right now if the six patrolling the nearest perimeter bothered to look up.

He took a quick scan of the encampment. It was as Avery had mapped out. A mining operation off to the left, the ravine fenced in. Inside that fence there were more fences and outbuildings. Off to the right were at least four rectangular buildings lacking windows, just a door in each and a well-worn path between them. The buildings were also surrounded by a fence that led to another enclosed area. There weren't many lights on in the encampment, but the few there were all directed down on the masses of brown that looked like small piles of dirt surrounded by a fence. There were more centurions patrolling inside the enclosure, and he counted four more in towers above the fences. Mentally he added up the number of tinheads the base probably held, well over twenty, half of which were guarding the buildings and the enclosed courtyard.

"Why would they need to guard dirt?" He wondered until the movement of a pile made clear the mounds weren't debris or soil. They were bodies huddled together for warmth. It was a centurion marching near the bodies that helped Starbuck determine the dimensions of the camp and the people inside it. The bodies were small.

"Kids," he gasped out loud knowing it was stating the obvious, but he hadn't fully grasped just how young these children might be when this was an abstraction of a plan. "Little kids," he clarified in a whisper and felt Rene's fingers dig into the small of his back as she tightened the grip she had on his belt.

It was Boomer's voice in his ear that startled him and raised the hairs on the back of his neck. "Bucko, there's no raiders."

Starbuck let loose the breath he'd sucked into his lungs, expelling the hope he'd had that this would work.

"No. No no no," he began to murmur, but the voice inside his head that had been his motivation for this hike was chiming softly, "Yes, yes,yes."


	48. Chapter 48

He slid down the ridge he'd been gripping back into the shelter it provided. For a brief moment, he pressed his cheek into the hillside before him, letting the dirt absorb the tears suddenly spilling from his eyes. Couldn't he just catch one break, was that asking too much? He drew in a ragged breath, choking on the smell of the rotting soil. Rene's ghastly drawings paled in comparison to what he had just seen. A terrible thought struck him as the image of little Lara popped into his head, only it was not a picture of the girl he knew, a vivacious creature who was quickly becoming a young woman. Instead it was an image of her younger, smaller, clothed in rags, and huddled with all the sewer rats for warmth.

He winced as he remembered back to that first night on the Galactica and the copper squadron settling down for the night, not in the bunks provided. Instead they had curled up in a big pile on the floor. He should have done something about that then. It had seemed harmless at the time, the group needed the comfort of each other after the loss of their friends and their home. But now he knew. Now he knew far too much.

Worse was the image that followed that of Lara, one of sweet little Kalea huddled with Kiff as centurions loomed over them. That was what the fences contained, someone's children freezing in the cold of the night. They needed him and now was no time to have doubts. He sucked in a steadying breath before he shook off the hold Rene had on him so he could turn to face his team. He knew the ridge at his back afforded some protection, but he was painfully aware of the danger lurking just beyond.

He gazed into the wide eyes of his wife and his friends. He didn't need to explain. They all knew the reality of what they faced. This was a well-defended base and Avery had been right to wait for help to take it. The captives would be unable to lend any support to their own rescue. It was a nightmare that the warriors may not survive. Rene and Jake looked to him to lead, almost begging for him to be able to change that reality. The weight of the responsibility pressed on his chest, making it hard to breathe.

It was Jake that broke the heavy silence. "What do we do?"

Rene answered before Starbuck could. "We get them out, that's what we do. How is the problem. But we have the training to figure this out, don't we?

Any other time Starbuck would have praised Rene for finally coming around to the creed and values that were the core of being a Colonial Warrior. But not this time. This time it was insanity to think they could pull this off. Yes, it was inconceivable to leave those kids to die, but would they all die in the process? He rejected the doubt for the last time because it didn't matter. He knew if he balked now, chose to scrap the mission for the safety of his team and left those children behind, it would eventually drive him insane, drive them all insane. He couldn't unsee what he had seen. They were kids, young and vulnerable children. He couldn't live with himself if he didn't save them.

He drew another breath, trying to uncage the reckless rebel everyone in authority said was inside him. Boomer placed a hand on his shoulder, the pressure of it reassuring him. His friend offered up a bit of hope. "There is a troop transport though. Looks big enough to hold us all. You can pilot a transport, right?" Boomer asked Rene.

She nodded. "Yeah, I think so. Shouldn't be too different from a tanker. Cylons like consistency."

Starbuck breathed easier but his relief was cut short as Rene exclaimed, "But I didn't see any guns. I need guns, lasers, some sort of energy to open up the rift. We won't be able to use it to get to the Galactica."

Starbuck cursed loudly, but his friend squeezed his shoulder hard, a clear message that Starbuck's fiery temper wasn't going to help anyone right now.

Other than the squeeze, his friend ignored him as he nodded and began to plot,. "Okay not our final escape, but we can still use it. We could get all the kids into the transport while we provide cover," Boomer began to form a plan. "We get us in the air, find someplace safe, and worry about getting back to the Galactica later. We get the kids to safety first, then we can work on finding a raider or a viper. You and I get the transport and then…."

"NO!" Starbuck found his voice, jumping at his own shout before lowering his voice. "They'll just call up raiders and shoot us down. Besides, we had a deal. If there wasn't a raider, Rene's going to go get Apollo. Now. She's going to leave now."

Starbuck nearly jolted in shock when Rene simply nodded and whispered softly, "Yes sir," and turned to leave him. It was the sweetest farewell he could have asked for. She didn't question his decision. She didn't argue or negotiate. Without hesitation, she had turned to act on his words. It was not at all what he had expected her to do, and he would have liked to have known how that was going to turn out. He didn't get a chance to find out if she would have truly followed his order.

It was Boomer's hand that shot out to halt her. "Hold up. What? She won't be safe on her own. She should stay with us, get that transport going."

Starbuck shook his head vehemently. "No. I am not risking her life on this. I know we're going down there, and we're getting those kids out, but I need her safe. I am not losing my child too in the bargain. She is going to go find Apollo. He is our only hope of all of us finding the safety of the fleet."

Boomer gripped his shoulder hard. "Hate to be the bearer of bad news, Bucko, but we don't know if Apollo found anything. He could be dead for all we know. She is safer here with us. It is Rene that is going to get us back to the fleet, not Apollo."

Starbuck felt the grit crunching in his teeth as he ground them against the words his buddy was uttering. He latched onto the words he could live with, rejected those he couldn't.

"Here then. She waits here." He hit the turbos on his brain, calculating odds, the distance, and the numbers they were up against to the numbers they had. A plan began to form in his mind, and he saw it play out, where to hit them, where to lay the explosives, when to run. He nodded to himself. "Alright, we go in, guns blazing, tossing explosives and taking down cylons. Jake, you head for the transport. You can pilot it, right?" He took in the nod of Jake's head, before blasting forward.

"Boomer, you go for the communications tower there, then you join Jake. Avery can go with you. We've got to keep the raiders from raining down on us, plus it's on your way to the transport. Jake will get the engines ready and we will get the kids to you. If we get lucky, we can at least get some distance before the raiders get here. We can abandon the transport in the hills, maybe closer to Apollo's objective, or if that doesn't exist we get lost in some more caverns. Avery?"

There was a soft "Yeah," from the top of the ridge.

"You have in mind a safe place we can go? Where have you been hiding out all these yahrens?"

"We have places. We were holding them off until we ran out of food, so yeah, I have someplace but no provisions, just water."

Starbuck sighed heavily. What he wouldn't give for a big fat bovine steak right about now, or at least some soup and a green salad, but that would have to wait. They could all survive a little longer on water and hares. "We can worry about food once we have everyone safe. Avery, your men are with me. We take out the enemy and take down those fences. If we can get that done, then we'll see about those buildings as well. Fences first so the kids can run. Rene, you wait here. I will come back and get you when this is all done, and if I don't, you head for Apollo's objective. Understood?"

He wasn't asking for suggestions to his plan, just for confirmation that they knew the tasks required. No one spoke and Starbuck felt something in his teeth crack. He unclenched his jaw, "This will work. We have the manpower. I will send some of Avery's men to the mining operation first to create a distraction. That will draw the centurions away and then there aren't that many of them for the rest to deal with. We could get them trapped in the mine with a cave in. We have enough explosives for that, and then we get someone here on this ridge aiming for the guards in the towers, pick them off one by one, then we go in. We can do this."

Boomer had eased up on his shoulder as he considered the plan. "That would work. I can join you on the distraction and send Jake for the transport, and Avery can take communications. Rene can be the sniper on the ridge and we can double back for her right after we hit the fences. Good plan."

Starbuck swallowed the sarcastic comment on the tip of his tongue, "Gee thanks", and instead asked, "What have I forgotten?"

Boomer thought for a moment then shook his head no, as did Avery. Starbuck shifted his focus to Rene and Jake. "Alright. Time for you two to do what you do. Pick the plan apart, or tell me at least what parts you don't intend to follow to do your own thing, so spit it out now!"

The confused look the two gave each other before turning back to face him was either very well-rehearsed or they truly were not comprehending what Starbuck was asking. Erring on the side of safety, Starbuck assumed the former, that this was an often used tactic of theirs, feigning confusion so they could avoid the orders they didn't like. Starbuck levelled his best instructor glare at Jake.

"I mean it. What parts are you going to follow, what don't you like?"

Jake cast Rene another look, but she gave him no answer other than to turn back to Starbuck. Jake was hesitant as he too turned back to deal with him.

"I don't want to risk her either, but I may need help with the transport. I agree with you, I would rather leave her in a safe place and hope she is still there when I come back, but she's not safe here alone. Boomer's right, she's safer with us. She and I could skirt the perimeter then make for the transport."

"She could," Starbuck agreed, "but she won't. She's staying here. If this goes well, it is not that far to climb up here and get her. And if we have to, you take off with the kids and Rene and I can hike to the rendezvous."

"You two wouldn't survive that hike," Jake warned.

"We've made it this far. We'll be fine." Starbuck had not meant it to sound so possessive. This wasn't about Rene picking sides. This was about keeping her alive.

Starbuck looked to his wife, who had gone silent while they discussed her as if she was not there with them. In a way she wasn't. He appraised her for a moment, trying to read her pyramid face for what she might be thinking. Her eyes were gazing past him to the top of the ridge as she took measured breathes, one after another. It was the fourth breath he counted that made him realize she was terrified. Her words before of bravado were just that, words. She was trying to follow the training her own Colonel had instilled in the sewer rats, a technique to breathe through the fear. He could hear her voice in his head using the phrase she had mumbled often in their quarters when she woke from the terrors in her sleep. "Just let the fear wash over you."

He wanted to get her out of here before they tried to take this base, somewhere safe, dry, and warm with plenty of food and clean water. That wasn't an option and taking her with them wasn't any safer than leaving her here in the hills. "Dammit," he muttered, cursing Apollo. His friend would have known what to do to solve this dilemma, or at the very least, he could return right about now with that mythical viper he was hunting.

It was Wyatt's voice that offered a solution, "I'll stay here with her. I'm a good shot and besides, you took my kids to the Galactica, right? I want to see them again so I'm sticking with her. These are everyone else's kids. They are going to outrun me to get to them."

Starbuck absorbed the information, readjusting his plan.

"Rene," he called to get her attention. Her eyes were slow to track to him. He flashed the sign at Rene asking if that was agreeable. He wasn't sure if she read it right or if she was seeing anything beyond her fears until she nodded.

"Alright, Wyatt. Lay us down some good cover, take out the guards. Wait until you see the explosions at the mine before you start. Boomer you are with Jake and Avery. Get those communications and get to that transport, get it in the air. Avery's men are with me. When this is done and the kids are away, I will double back for Rene while you get the kids somewhere safe. Later, then you can come back for us or we can find you. Apollo's objective is the rendezvous."

Boomer started to protest, but Starbuck cut him off, "You can't run on that leg and Jake needs help. The kids need help and you need to get them to safety. Besides, I owe you a rescue and you know how I hate paying my debts, so don't make me have to save you. Furthermore, you need to cut back on the mushies. You've put on weight."

Before Starbuck had even completed the gibe, he was reaching for his wife and crushing her to him. The quickness of his action startled her. She struggled in his hold for the briefest of moments before he felt her melt into his arms. He heard her measured breaths catch in her throat, and he could feel the ragged gasp as she pulled in air in surprise, then she choked it off as she trembled. He held on tight as he whispered in her ear, "Don't come for me. Don't you dare. You go. Shoot the guards and then you cut and run. Do it for me. And when you get back you tell the commander," he hesitated for a moment, then blazed forward, "you tell him he is top of my list and I don't care what he names the baby, boy or girl, I'm calling it Adama."

He felt the air leave her in a mixture of a chuckle and a sob. He would have held on tighter and longer, whispered how much he loved her, but Boomer's hand on his shoulder let him know he should let go. There was a mission that he was late for.


	49. Chapter 49

She had seen this place before in her dreams, only it was different there. Looking down on the encampment now, it was almost serene compared the scenes that awoke her screaming most nights. In her nightmares, it was explosions and flames, the drone of centurions and the children burning as cylons swarmed. She had assumed it was just her mind twisting her old memories to torture her, but now she knew the truth. It was real and she had to keep it from happening. The itch in her brain planted by the cylons told her to run away, but the fire in her heart was pushing her to race down that ridge and grab as many kids as she could. The two impulses were warring inside her when Starbuck called her name.

She wanted to do what Starbuck asked, to stay on this ridge, provide cover for only a short time, then head for the hills, but she couldn't. He had to know she couldn't leave him. There were too many horrific ways this could play out and she was lost in those scenarios when Starbuck suddenly reached for her. He was built for speed, that had not been a joke she uttered to flatter him. He could move fast when he wanted to and just as quickly as he had grabbed her, he also let go. Maybe it was because even he knew what he asked of her was impossible.

Only once had she left someone behind. She should have insisted when Dante left her on the Galactica that her brother stay with her as well. Jake could look out for himself, always had, but Ari couldn't. She knew that even before the destruction. At the orphanage she had to tell him how to deal with the other kids, when to lie, when to bluff, when to fight, when to back down. Ari was just too slow to react, and far too trusting. She should have remembered that back on the Galactica the last time she spoke with him. She should have insisted he stay with her, or at the very least reminded him to watch himself. Instead she had made the mistake of letting Dante take him away. Now he was gone.

There was no way she was making that mistake again, not with Starbuck. While she knew her gold clusters hero could take care of himself, all of them if need be, her dreams had been bleak. Some people were going to die and that cocky flyboy believed he could defeat the odds and save them all. She was going to do whatever she could to protect him, or at the very least, be there so he didn't die alone. He deserved that much for all he had done for her and the rest of the rats.

Some part of her also knew she couldn't stay on the Galactica if he didn't come back. His legend was even bigger than his ego and without him, there would be no room for her. Those were the thoughts occupying her mind when Starbuck abruptly let go and walked away. She watched his retreating back shaking her head at his sudden confession. He had a name in mind for his child and while she thought it was a terrible idea, she vowed she would have that argument with him later, in the OC, while his child was soundly sleeping in their quarters, snug and safe. She wanted to have that argument every natal day for his kid.

Those were the thoughts Starbuck would want her to have, positive thoughts that they were going to make it out of this alive and back to the fleet. But she knew the odds. Hades, he knew the odds better than she did. It was why he wanted her to run.

She watched his descent down the ridge and wanted to call out to him, but it was too risky. She took a calming breath, letting the fear wash away. "He has to know I can't leave him," she reassured herself.

As if he could read her mind, he looked over his shoulder up to her. From this distance, he looked stern, as if issuing her one more order to go. She could hear his words, "Dammit Rene," and worried that he wouldn't get a chance to say the phrase to her again. He turned away ignoring her concerns. It wasn't long before he disappeared into the night. The radio on Boomer's belt hissed as Starbuck's voice murmured, "good hunting".

It was the code Boomer seemed to be waiting for. "Let's go. We have a ride to catch. Avery you're with me. We'll try to keep them distracted for you, Jake."

Jake didn't answer him, instead turning to Rene, a couple of hypos in his hand. "There's two doses in each. If you don't find a viper, I will look for you at the original coordinates." His voice caught as he tried to say something else.

Rene reached for the back of his neck pulling him in close as she whispered, "I'm not leaving. Not until this is all done and then I'm leaving with you. Besides, someone needs to open the gates and get those kids. My dreams are clear. I can sneak in like a rat. Try to wait for me."

Jake jerked back in her hand and she held on, pulling him to her, in the process cracking their foreheads together. She winced at the pain that intensified as his voice rose much too high for how close they were to the enemy, "Starbuck is right! Once you take out those guards, you need to go!"

She closed her eyes to the throbbing in her head as she raised her own voice, "I've left behind too many. I'm not leaving. I can provide cover and get to the kids and…"

She felt Jake's hand come up and grip the back of her own neck hard. "We need you safe. None of us are getting out of here without you!"

Boomer pulled Jake back separating them, "Keep it down! We have a job to do, so does Rene. Follow orders or we don't have a ride and everyone dies!" Boomer kept hold of Jake's jacket, dragging him a few steps.

"She is…she is going to do something crazy!" Jake protested as he shook off Boomer's grip.

"We are all doing something crazy today. If we don't do our part, everyone will just wind up dead. Come on!" Boomer cast her a knowing look. "Whatever you are planning, try to remember Starbuck will kill himself trying to get back to you. You need to be here for him to find you."

She shook her head emphatically. "If this goes right, we'll meet in the transport. Starbuck is not going to have time to make it back up this ridge. He wants me to head into the hills but you said it yourself, you need me to get out of here. I'm safer with you and Jake. I'll take those guards out and then head for you."

He didn't look pleased, but he thought for only a micron before he nodded his head in understanding. "Don't do anything too crazy, Rene. Take out those guard towers, then straight to the transport. I will try to get word to Starbuck once he gets things going."

It was a Boomer seal of approval. "Yes, sir."

Jake cursed, reaching for Boomer's hands on his jacket as he hissed, "She's not in her right mind. Neither are you!"

"Of course we aren't, or we wouldn't be here! We would be back on the Galactica telling her it is stupid to come here." Boomer gripped Jake's jacket tighter as he pulled him closer. "You are the one who kept coming here. Own up to the consequences of your actions for once! Be responsible. Get to that transport and get us out of here."

The words shattered the wall of Jake's anger. As the glare fell from his eyes, the sadness of guilt took its place. He nearly crumpled in Boomer's hand before he pulled his surly attitude back up to shield himself. He nodded once, then twice, not trusting his voice. He fixed his eyes on hers, and she knew he understood. She didn't need the hand signs he flashed her to know that he would wait for her, and he didn't need hers, just a nod to say she understood. She couldn't leave Starbuck and Jake couldn't leave her. The bond was a steel cable, wrapped so tight around them it could crack their ribs and choke them, but it wouldn't break.

Avery interrupted the silent tension, "Why are we waiting? My men are doing their job. Let's go!" He headed off down the ridge in the opposite direction of Starbuck's route. Boomer followed without issuing her any further commands. He kept hold of Jake's jacket for a few steps as if to ensure he followed. As they crept down the ridge and disappeared around a bend in the hillside, unlike Starbuck, Jake did not look back.

There was now nothing to do but wait. Before a battle was worse than the actual conflict, as the wait distorted her senses and her mind would wander to dangerous territory with no back up. Time always seemed to drag out while her nerves jangled. To make matters worse, Wyatt dealt with the wait by becoming chatty. She hated when other warriors did that. Crius was one of the worst, telling stupid stories intermingled with advice and instructions while they waited to launch. She often shut off her com so she could collect herself and focus as her own heart beating far too loudly in her ears.

Here in the dark with the enemy within earshot, nervous chatter was more than an irritation. Her head ached, her body ached, and she could lay her head down right here in the dirt and sleep for another day or two. Wyatt was suddenly full of questions about the fleet. She gestured for Wyatt to be silent as she crept back to the top of the ridge to gain a view of the encampment. The base below was as they had seen before, quiet except for the clomping of centurions and the drone. She searched the area below her for any sign of Starbuck, but he was lost in the black.

Instead of shutting up, Wyatt crept closer so he could whisper in her ear. "I think I have a longer range with the rifle. I'll take the first shots once the tin cans get moving towards the distraction. I'm a good shot. I took down a buck just a month ago from half kilometron last sectar, a six point. We ate good for a while, but we haven't seen any since. So, you really don't lack for food in the fleet?"

His voice in her ear buzzed like a bee and she tried to shake it out as she whispered, "No, sometimes, I don't know. I haven't been there long."

"What? You said you're from the fleet. Where are you from?"

She heard his question, but she was trying to remember where the oculars had wound up. Did Starbuck have them? Why didn't they leave them with her? Did they even have some after Avery's men went through the packs? She didn't have a pack and its absence was a mistake that she should have corrected.

The lights that were on down below were enough to make it hard to see beyond the fences. She tried to locate all the guards, tracking the red eyes in the darkness. There were at least six within range, but she lost them when they turned away, and another red eye would appear. She wondered if they had misjudged the numbers. They couldn't afford that kind of error.

Wyatt pulled at her to get her attention. "Where have you been for the last three yahrens?"

She turned to give him her full attention, "Another fleet, then we joined the Galactica. Would you focus or else give me the rifle?"

"Another fleet? Wait a centon. You said there weren't that many of you. You said…" Even in the dark she could see the man's wounded expression of betrayal and distrust. Wyatt pulled away and shifted the rifle to point at her. "Where are my kids?"

She winced. "They are safe. They are in the fleet, I swear."

Wyatt shook his head as he turned away finally deciding to be quiet. Rene cursed herself out. She had let Wyatt unnerve her making her give up the truth far too glibly. It was another mistake and she had made so many of them on this mission of hers. They were beginning to add up, a balance sheet that she would have to answer to. Mistakes were costly. It was a harsh lesson she had learned and not just from the Cylons. It didn't help that right now she just wanted to give up, to call this whole thing off and do as Starbuck asked and run into the hills. But of all the painful lessons Commander Dante had taught her, to never give up was the clearest and the harshest lesson.

Her mind went back to the day Dante engraved that lesson in her mind early in her flight training. She had been in the simulator and had made a mistake, overcorrected again and it was obvious to her that she was going to lose the simulation. She had given up, slamming the stick aside in frustration as the simulated raiders took her out. As she heaved a sigh and waited for Pallus to lecture her on what she had done wrong, Dante shocked her by reaching into the simulator, grabbing at the lapels of her jacket and physically hauling her out. She had been confused. It had not been her first mistake in the simulators that day, nor had it been a big one. She had simply overcorrected, an easy and common thing to do according to the instructor. Dante forced her down to her knees, ordering her to spread her right hand out on the floor. His boot heel smashed down onto her hand as he bellowed in rage, "You do not treat my vipers that way!"

Her mind had clouded not just with the sudden and vicious blow, but in confusion as to what transgression she had really committed. Dante had hit her before, but never with such rage and she had always known what error she had made to earn the discipline. It was just a simulation.

She was slow with her "Yes sir," when he screamed at her, "Do you understand?" She didn't and his boot came down again, brutally grinding into her hand.

It wasn't the blow that hurt the most. It was Dante turning to Crius, ordering him to explain to her what she had done wrong. She knew her mistake, where she had missed her shot. But this was more than a missed shot. Adding to the agony was that Crius agreed with Dante on this point. The realization was more painful that the stomp of Dante's boot. She trusted Crius and the rats had learned that the man was giving up the precious few centaurs of down time the Colonial pilots received to help them learn to fly. The man was barely sleeping. Crius was one of the good guys and they listened to him.

Crius had been gentle as he got her out of the room and down to the duty office where he helped to wrap her hand. "You can't give up in the cockpit. You can't just call it quits like that."

She defended herself, still not comprehending why Crius would ever take Dante's side. "I made a mistake. It was over. I didn't see the point in playing it out. It's just a simulation. It's not like it's real."

He had drug out his country drawl, speaking to her like she was slow, "About that, you're supposed to at least pretend it is real, because all too soon it will be. And you're going to make mistakes. We all do. It's a battle. Lots of mistakes are made. The difference is how you deal with them. If you just give up like that you'll do more than die. You'll take others with you. We never give up. You fight it out. You can't keep giving up like you have been your whole life."

As her hand throbbed, Cruis's words throbbed in her head. She hadn't given up. She had survived the destruction and made it, hadn't she? But she knew in her heart of hearts, it had been luck that had saved them. They had given up a thousand times. And what about before the destruction? Was that the difference between the Academy Colonials and the rats? The Colonials had never given up. Crius had left wondering at what point in her life had she, Jake and Nik surrendered their lives? Was it when they became wards of the state? Was it when the teachers quit on them? Or was it when they ended up in trouble with the authorities?

Now yahrens later she was left wondering again. She knew Starbuck had been through many of the same experiences as her and the rest of the rats, but he'd made it to the Academy, graduated, excelled as viper pilot, survived the destruction, earned the gold clusters and here he was still fighting. Even when the odds were stacked against them, he was out there in the dark figuring out a way to steal victory from defeat.

In the darkness her face burned with the same embarrassment she had felt as Crius lectured her. He'd been right, the other pilots never gave up. Even in the simulators, they fought until they couldn't anymore. But Starbuck knew her well. He knew she would give up.

Wyatt disrupted her thoughts, turning to point the saber of the rifle into her chest, "Are my kids safe? Is the fleet safe from the Cylons and are we…"

She cut him off in irritation, "It's hard to explain and now is not the time! When this is done, I will answer any question you have but we need to stay focused and…"

Off in the distance there was an explosion. For a brief moment it lit up the valley below and she cursed. Her focus had been on Wyatt and they had lost a precious opportunity to see things clearer. Another mistake that could cost them their lives.

A second explosion echoed off the hillsides, this time farther away near the mine entrance. It was followed by a mining vehicle bursting into flames. She looked away from the flames to the guards around the fences. The explosions had drawn their attention, but they hadn't moved to head in that direction as they had hoped. They maintained their position seeming to barely register the danger.

"Now Wyatt! Take out those guards. I'll get the ones around the fence." She shouted as she took aim, drawing a breath, chanting in her own head, "exhale and squeeze." The guards around the fences were so close to the kids. She couldn't afford the mistake of missing. Her first shot went too low, hitting the dirt in front of a centurion, drawing his attention to the ridge.

Wyatt's shot had been accurate as a guard in the nearest tower collapsed in a shower of sparks. The second guard's head came clear off, dropping to the ground and bouncing against a group of children.

"Focus, Rene!" she criticized herself as she took aim again. This time her shot was true, and one of the six centurions erupted in a spray of metal, dropping to its knees before falling over. In the distance there was another explosion. As she took aim at another tin head, she thought she saw a splash of yellow on a human form on the other side of the enclosure. She squeezed off several more shots, following the blasts as they took down another centurion. She traced the rifle's shots as Wyatt aimed and eliminated the guards on the far side of the fences. She saw the radio relay antennae in the distance come down. It was large enough that she felt the relay's impact with the ground but the sound didn't reach her. Wyatt's pulse rifle rapid firing next to her was deafening.

She took aim again, catching in the corner of her sights the fence opening, but the children weren't moving. They clustered in the middle. She could make out the terror on their faces and she wanted to scream at them to move. She gasped as she caught a glimpse of a man racing into the enclosure, pulling at the nearest kids to propel them away from the fences.

She pulled her gaze away and focused on the centurions as several turned their red eyes up to her position, their rifles taking aim at the ridgetop. "Oh no you don't," She thought as she squeezed the trigger again. Her weapon issued a weak blast that found its target, but the laser bolt merely reflected off the centurion's chest plate in a burst of orange light. She squeezed the trigger again. The weapon did not respond.

"Frak frak frak!" How many days had it been she briefly wondered? Her weapon had gone through some hard use with no ability to recharge. The extra charges were in the packs, but how many had they already gone through? She didn't have time to run the numbers. She was defenseless as two of the centurions began to fire.

Dirt was flying in the air as she turned to Wyatt, hoping he had more than the rifle on him. Her hands reached to search his waist for a holstered weapon when something wet and hot sprayed on her. She felt Wyatt slump to the ground. She looked up to him hoping to shake him awake only to find in her horror there was nothing above his shoulders. She shoved the bile down as she reached to yank the rifle from his hands. It felt reassuring in her tight grip. The radio attached to Wyatt's belt squawked, a human voice calling orders, but she couldn't make out the words. She didn't reach for the radio, afraid her gorge would rise again touching the body. She shifted the weapon pointing down the hillside, but she was blinded by a mist of dirt and rocks as another blast hit the ground in front of her. She hesitated. She needed to be precise and she couldn't see as another blast flung more dirt into the air. She didn't want to be responsible for the death of a child, or worse, Starbuck or Boomer who were somewhere down there.

More dirt was flying as blasts hit the hillside beside her. She was able to get the rifle in position aiming for the blasts of the centurions. She recoiled from the hail of dirt and rocks blinding her. She wasn't able to fire off a shot as she felt the ground below her give way. As she fell, she tried to hold on tight to the rifle as she willed her body to go limp. She tumbled unsure which way was up or down, feeling the heat of the blasts around her and the ricochet of rocks. She landed hard at the bottom. She saw an explosion of stars as her head collided with one of the centurions she had taken down. Her vision faded as she felt the pressure of something pouring onto her, pushing the air from her body as it trapped her arms. She tried to shake her head to get her vision back, but she couldn't move. She struggled to expand her chest to gain some air, but the weight of the earth engulfed her. She had no choice but to give up to the darkness as the dirt rained down engulfing her.


	50. Chapter 50

As he headed for the men gathered below, Starbuck sent another silent plea out to the heavens, "Apollo, old buddy, old pal, we could use you right about now." Then he muttered, "What the frak are you waiting on?"

He didn't entertain for even a micron that Apollo was dead. He wasn't. It wasn't an option. His friend was just taking his sweet time getting here, and because it was Apollo, there would be a really good reason for it. A virtuous, selfless reason. Something worthy of . . . oh, maybe a Gold Cluster. "I don't mind sharing the medals with you," he generously added as mentally adjusted his attitude while he motioned for Avery's men to gather around. He didn't enjoy leading these men into such a potentially deadly situation. For a brief moment he was glad he didn't know them well. He'd get to know them if they made it, on the Galactica with a drink in one hand and a fumarello in the other.

He roughed out the plan for them. It was a simple one, create as much mayhem as possible to draw the cylons away from the enclosures full of kids while he and some of the other men charged the fences. While chaos reigned, he would get the kids to the transport. Simple, right? He'd done this drill a hundred times in the academy, okay, maybe a dozen. It wasn't much unlike Attilla.

He couldn't even kid himself. This was different in a million ways. For one, there were no secret passages, columns and walls to hide behind. Between him and his objective was an open hillside and an empty field. Unlike Attila, he wasn't rescuing one man. He was trying to get out young children and he had no idea of how many. He didn't even try to count them. There were too many crowded together in that enclosure, more than he had men. He suspected most of the kids would need to be carried.

He did have help at least. Avery's men were eager. Okay, that was the wrong word he realized, they were desperate and he was hoping that emotion could bring about a few miracles. Then there was the fact that he had Boomer along. He trusted that Boomer would do his part and take down the communications. When it came to communications and electronics, he knew what he was doing.

Starbuck even trusted that Jake would get to the transport and get it in the air. His irritation with Jake had nothing to do with the young man's competence. He'd sat in on their trainings and study sessions. He knew Jake wasn't stupid. Lazy and motivated for his own pleasure, definitely, but the same could be said of himself so he didn't fault the kid for that. Jake just lacked discipline and more importantly motivation. But Starbuck had assigned the warrior the one task he knew the young man had plenty of experience with. Jake along with Rene had spent yahrens perfecting their invisibility skills. The kid could disappear in an empty room. He had done it numerous times when it was his turn to take over childcare or dishes. Jake wouldn't have a problem sneaking past the guards. The problem was timing. Once those engines fired, the cylons would turn away from the mischief Starbuck was up to and probably protect the ship. He and Avery's men would have to move fast once that happened.

The only wild card in this plan was the buildings between the fences and the ship. Starbuck hoped that the cylons would follow the same kind of procedures Colonials would in the event of explosions and mayhem and lock down the buildings. He was on his own to clear a path between the enclosures and the ship. He tagged the big guy who had carried Rene to cover his back. He doubted the man would be able to keep up with him, but the rifle he carried looked lethal enough to take out any problems that might creep up on them.

He divided the men, gave them their objectives and reminded them to be ready to sprint for the ship once the engines fired. He hesitated searching for something motivational to say to inspire them, but the hardened faces around him looking grim and desperate extinguished the glib comments he was about to utter. He opted for practical and obvious advice.

"Be careful. Use what cover you have and watch your aim. Take out the enemy, not the children. Grab a kid with one hand, save the other hand for your weapon. Let's go."

Starbuck took a pulse rifle from a man who seemed to have two, and with a rifle in one hand and a blaster in the other he headed into the danger. He called upon his own evasion tactics as they crept into the darkness towards the mining operations. He moved slowly down the hillside, using what boulders he could find for cover. It was hard to be silent as each step seemed to send dirt and rocks sliding down, but things were quiet at the edge of the mining operation. There were no centurions anywhere near the equipment that was scattered around the mine shaft opening. He quickly scrapped his plan for trapping centurions in the mine. They may need it as a backup escape route, assuming it had openings elsewhere in the hills.

Starbuck dashed from the cover of the hillside towards a large dumping landram. Several of the men followed him, gathering in the cover provided by the vehicle. He shook off his pack and removed the charges, handing them out like they were a treat to be devoured. He motioned for two of the men to peel off and head for the equipment near the mine entrance. He motioned for two more to head for the tanks closer to the encampment that he hoped held fuel and would provide a wonderful distraction.

Starbuck peered around the vehicle at the enclosures, getting a better look at the terrain he needed to cover. It was an open field he would need to sprint across, completely exposed. "Time to find out how fast you can go," he reminded himself, knowing that being shot at was a great motivator for besting his previous track record. "When I get back to the Galactica, I think I'm going to spend more time on the treadmill," he mused to himself knowing full well that when he got back, he was going to try to spend at least a sectar in bed drunk on all that liquor Rene had stolen from Caprica.

From the protection of the landram, he took just a moment to look up to the ridgetop. He couldn't see Rene and Wyatt, but he imagined his wife there waiting for the signal to begin firing. He hoped she'd follow his orders and would know when it was time to take off. He had no idea how he was going to find her after this was all over. He dismissed the thought. The cylons would be focused on the camp and the transport. She'd be safer alone in the darkness. Like Jake, she knew how to disappear, plus he would be right behind her. He could easily catch up to her and the two of them would disappear into the wilderness. In the light of day, they could meet up with the others.

A niggling thought wormed its way into his head, "what if she doesn't go?" He shook the worry away. He wasn't going on that transport. He was going over the ridge and he would drag her off into the darkness. If they got lucky, the enemy would be eliminated and they could just stroll down that ridge to the transport.

But his luck had seemed to abandon him the moment he set foot on Caprica. Had the cylons killed their gods along with their population? "Gods don't die, and neither does your luck. You've just used more than your quota lately and now you're stalling Bucko," he chastised himself as he realized he was still trying to catch his breath from the climb up and down the ridge. "You're lucky you're still on your feet because face it, you're ill." He shook his head to get the sweat out of his eyes, wincing at the pain in his temples at the movement. He was relying on adrenaline to help him to ignore the symptoms and get through this.

An explosion behind let him know it was time to make that run. He nodded to the men near him pointing to their next possible cover before he placed the solenite charge on the vehicle, triggering it to go off in only five microns.

He took off running, trying to crouch low as he headed for a stack of processed ore. "There you are, lady luck," he muttered aloud as he observed the laser fire from the top of the ridge taking out the Centurion guards in the tower nearest to him. He only hesitated for a moment to ensure that he was not in the direct line of scanning by a red eye before he motioned to the man with him that he was going to make a run for the fences. He scanned the area again, wanting to cheer as he saw the communications tower topple to the ground. He felt the impact through his boots and used it as an extra push to leap into motion.

To be on the safe side, he ran in a serpentine pattern toward the back of the fences where the light was dimmer. His heart was pounding hard and his lungs burned, but reaching the enclosure unharmed was as sweet a victory as if he had won the triad tournament. He gripped the fence shaking it to test its strength, but the interlocking wire held firm. The man with him, Wylie was it or…Starbuck couldn't remember his name and at the moment it didn't matter as the man shouted in his ear above the din of explosions and rifle pulses, "The opening's over here!"

Starbuck cocked his head, hoping to hear the sound of engines firing, but all he heard was the rifle blasts and the screams of children.

"Where?" he shouted and the man pointed around the corner of the enclosure, closer to the buildings. "Frak," he uttered. He didn't know if he should deal with the buildings first, or get the kids out. They might be safer behind the fences. The man with him made the decision, sprinting down the fence line firing to take out a centurion guarding the opening. Starbuck followed spotting another cylon coming around the corner rifle raised. Both Starbuck and the man fired, taking the enemy down before turning to the gate. Starbuck was prepared to blast a lock, but there wasn't one, just a simple latch like the ones found on any animal corral. "Cover me!" he shouted as he easily flung the gate open and yelled at the children to move. Instead as a group the kids seemed to recoil from him farther into the enclosure.

"You idiot," he cursed to himself. The kids were probably terrified, and that was before the explosions started. He tried to smile, to look reassuring in an effort to calm the group, but the grin turned into a grimace when his radio squawked loudly from his belt.

"Abort, abort abort. Transport a no go. Repeat, transport a no go." Boomer's words halted his steps into the cage.

"Frak!" he screamed in frustration looking to the man beside him. "Get the kids, grab them, we need to go the way we came. GO!"

Avery's man dashed into the enclosure, reaching the children and dragging the first few towards the opening, then pushing the group as a whole. Starbuck only wondered briefly what had gone wrong, then his panic chilled him with the realization his wife had lost another friend. It was the only answer, Jake didn't make it. Starbuck contemplated heading for the transport himself. He'd flown a raider, he could figure it out. Was there time? Could he make it?

He abandoned the plan. If Jake couldn't do it, and Boomer wasn't trying, it had to be a lost cause. He had to trust Boomer's call on this. It was now time to get out of here before they all lost their lives. He reached out grabbing children, almost herding them like a bunch of bovines away from him. The children were scared and they should be. He instilled more fear in them, hoping that fear would get them to run as far away as they could. He tried not to think too hard about how small they were. The arms he grabbed at were mere twigs in his grasp. But they were on their feet, and now they were moving. "You get worn out chasing after toddlers. These kids can run," he reassured himself pulling out another and propelling the child into the darkness hoping like hades Avery's people were out there to retrieve them.

As the last of the children streamed from the opening, Boomer and Avery burst out of the haze of darkness. The man in the fences was trying to coax the last of the children to let go of the fence they seemed to be clinging to in fear. Avery brushed past Starbuck to race into the enclosure, grabbing up several of the smaller children, and racing back for the opening.

"What happened? Where's Jake?" he shouted at Boomer as he felt Boomer's hands pushing at him to get away.

"Transport for troops," Boomer gasped.

"Yeah, we knew that." Starbuck watched Boomer trying to suck in air realizing the man was just as sick as the rest of them, he'd just been hiding it well.

"Well, it was full of troops. They're coming, close to a ..," Boomer's words were cut off by the sound of more centurions marching. They began firing, but the shots were over their heads, directed up to the cover fire that had been coming from the ridgeline. Starbuck could swear he heard a loud crack above the screams of the children and the blasts of pulse rifles. He looked up in time to watch the top of the ridge break off and come tumbling down. In the mix of rocks and dirt, he thought he saw the greens and browns of the sweater Rene had been wearing.

He seized Boomer's arm, pulling him close, shouting to be heard over the din of battle, "Get the kids and get them out of here. Don't wait for me. That's an order!"

"Starbuck," Boomer questioned, but Starbuck cut him off. He knew what he would say, it was pointless, she was gone, he could come back for her, he should save himself. "Never again," he thought to himself, "Not since Cree." He'd witnessed first-hand what came of saving yourself and coming back for anyone in Cylon captivity. It wasn't worth the wait. Now or never and he couldn't deal with a never that would be forever and empty.

"GO! Find Apollo. Have him come back for me if I don't make it, but I'll make it. Call it a sealing gift. Now go!"

He didn't waste the precious time to see if Boomer would agree and do as he had commanded. He took off running, firing the rifle wildly hoping like hades any humans were out of his path.

He barely registered that he had taken down two centurions in front of him. He leapt over the sparking hunks of metal as he rounded the corner of the fences closest to the hillside. He poured on the speed, thinking he could see a body in the dirt and rocks. The ground beneath his feet was littered with debris and his left boot landed on something that cracked and collapsed, causing him to stumble. He landed on his knees catching himself with his blaster hand. The debris beneath his hand gave way, and he nearly fell face first into what he quickly realized was a body. He hastily examined it, worried it was Rene he was stepping on, but the cloth beneath his hand was rough, the features small, the smell putrid.

"They dump them outside the fences," he remembered back to Avery's words. He'd found himself in the Cylon's makeshift morgue. He swallowed hard and pushed himself up to his feet. He had to keep moving or it might be his own resting place. His boots slipped, but he was able to move away from the body and reach his feet. He surveyed the ground before him in the dim light. He didn't have time to dig through all the dirt in the hopes of finding the right body. "Just look for a bigger one," he told himself, knowing that wasn't the best advice. Rene was short and small, almost a kid herself. "Okay, then look for the fresh body," he cringed at his own advice, moving forward, trying not to look too closely at the corpses. He knew he'd be having his own nightmares after this and there wasn't enough alcohol in the twelve colonies to drown them.

The voice in his head kicked up the volume a notch or two, "Move Bucko or you won't need to worry about getting some rest. You'll be taking your own dirt nap!" He fired instinctually as another centurion turned his way. He took it down, but he barely registered it as he scanned the pile of dirt and rocks that had landed near the fences. There were two centurions on the ground, their chests plates ripped apart by laser fire. One of the centurions had a splash of gold reflected in the silver. He raced to the mound, hoping that was the right patch of blonde hair he spotted amongst the rocks next to the tinhead. He dropped to his knees beside it, pushing away the dirt.

He wanted to give a cry of victory as he found Rene's features just below the surface. The triumph was short-lived when he realized she wasn't moving. He hastily dug, pushing away the dirt and the large rocks that covered her. He hazarded a quick glance to her face as he got her chest uncovered. She was more than still. Her chest did not rise nor fall. He reached for her neck with one hand while still digging with his other. Her skin was pale and he didn't find a pulse. He turned away from digging the rest of her out. There might not be a point of disturbing her grave. "No, no no," he muttered, focusing on her face, his fingers still searching desperately for that reassuring beat.

"Come on, come on," he found himself mumbling aloud as his mind went back to the moment he had realized that it was Ari on the ground bleeding out from a grenade to his chest. There had been nothing they could do for the young man but put him out of his misery. He realized he may not even have that option with his wife. She may be gone already.

"Come on!" He reached for the other side of her neck with his other hand, cradling her head. He tightened his grip on her gazing at her face for a moment. "Why couldn't she have just followed an order for once!" The sound of his own voice startled him. "Ah Rene, don't do this to me. I'm only with you because you told me you couldn't die. Don't die on me now." He grasped her by the shoulders, roughly shaking her before dropping her back to the ground. Somewhere in the recesses of his mind he knew he should be starting chest compressions, calling for a med tech that they didn't have. His chest felt tight, his eyes pricked with tears. The sounds of the skirmish disappeared around them as he leaned over her, his hands lightly on her chest. "Please Lord …I'll do anything…"

He thought he felt a heartbeat beneath his hand, and he again checked for the pulse in her neck. It was there, but it was weak, irregular, fluttering like a trapped and dying avian. He stopped trying to search for it. He moved his hands from her neck, tilted her head back and sucked in deep breath of air. Sealing his lips with hers, he forced life into her. He sucked in more air, exchanging it with her, wishing he could exchange his life for hers. She had kids to live for, friends, a home to build. She had a future ahead. She was young and this couldn't be how it ended.

He briefly thought of the baby inside her. He wasn't leaving her or the baby behind. Even if it was gone, he wanted to see the baby, had to see it. Was it a boy or a girl? He didn't know but he guessed that she knew. He had to see it. Could it survive if Rene didn't? Could he do that, get the baby out, and would it make it? He knew it was a crazy thought, and he pushed his mind from it, focusing on helping her breathe. He reached for the pulse again. Had he imagined it?

It was there, stronger, but she still wasn't breathing. He forced more air into her lungs and pulled back as he felt her chest rise and push back the air on its own with a cough. Her coughing was the sweetest sound, and he reached to wipe her face, to get the dirt out of her mouth.

"That's it, come on, pretty lady. You can do it. Live, god dammit!"

He listened for her to pull in a breath. Instead of an intake of air, he heard the footsteps and drone of a centurion as the battle around them intruded. Quickly he turned, reaching for his blaster in the dirt, firing. He took the enemy down, and turned back to frantically give Rene another breath. This time she expelled the breath and sucked in one of her own. The air left her body in a low moan. It was all the encouragement he needed as he registered the stomping of a group of centurions headed his way.

"That's it. Time to go, beautiful." He reached for her shoulders, trying to pull her out of the pile of rocks that had come to rest on her legs. She was still trapped and he was reaching to dig when the cold robotic voice cut through the night.

"Halt, Human."

The voice from right behind his back made him flinch. How had they gotten that close, he wondered? He anticipated the laser bolt that would follow the drone, and renewed his efforts to remove Rene. With one hand he dug while the other reached for his blaster, turning to fire. The weapon was knocked from his hands by the saber of a cylon rifle as another metallic voice joined the other.

"Surrender or die."

He felt Rene come alive as she started to weakly scramble away from the debris covering her legs. He reached for her, gripping her shoulder tight in an attempt to stay her. He turned his attention from the enemy to gaze with relief into his wife's blue eyes. They were wide in confusion and shock. He squeezed her shoulder tighter as he concocted a hasty plan that included her playing dead. The centurions might only take him, and leave her behind. He tried to transmit that thought as she looked up to him.

He released his hand from her shoulder, raising both of his hands in the air, "She's dead! You killed her!"

Her soft "No," was drowned out by the scrape of steel. He turned to the sound and saw the glint of cylon sword raising. It was not aimed for him, but rather to come down to severe Rene's head from her body. He screamed, "NOOOO!" as he flung his body across her to block the blow. He waited for the bite of the blade into his back, breathing hard. He was flooded with a mix of fear and relief as he felt Rene's body beneath him, very much alive as she too breathed hard.

They were frozen in the horrific moment, grateful she was alive even as he knew they were both moments from death. He held on tight as he waited for the pain, but he didn't feel a blow. Instead he heard a strange whirring and a chuckle emanating from behind him.

A melodic voice called out, "If she is dead, then she doesn't need her head. Move away, human."

He cursed before he whispered to her, "Follow my lead and we will survive." Her hands reached for him, gripping his arm as he moved away from her to raise his hands in surrender.

"Take me. Leave her. She's unconscious and can't tell you anything." He looked over his shoulder to the flashing lights of an IL series. It wasn't a red cape like Lucifer or Specter, but a yellow cape glowing in the dark.

"Her? Interesting. We find so few adult females of your species. What a wonderful opportunity you have given us. I hear much happens after the pupa stage. Dead or alive, she is of value to me."

Starbuck cursed as he looked off into the distance. If the ILs were out and about, that meant the Cylons had secured the area. Had Boomer gotten away with the kids, or were they all captured or worse dead? Rene must have had the same thought as she was moving her legs, kicking them to get free of the debris.

The IL's voice stilled her movements. "Of course, it is your choice which it will be as she seems alive at the moment, but my centurion could remedy that condition."

"NO!" he shouted, but it was not just at the cylon. Rene's hand was reaching for the rifle lying on the ground beside them. "Stay alive. They will come for us. Don't do anything stupid."

"I'd rather die," she spoke to him, her voice low and raspy.

The IL's attempt at laughter, reminiscent of fingernails on a chalkboard, had him contemplating reaching for the rifle himself. Rene might be right. Wouldn't it be better to go down now with guns blazing than by cylon torture? His training forced him to abandon the impulse. He heard Apollo's voice as he lectured the cadets, "Keep calm, try to live for as long as you can. We will come for you." It wasn't the speech Starbuck had heard at the academy. No, back then he knew he was expendable, told to keep any information from the enemy even if it meant your death. But he knew Apollo was out there somewhere and would come for him. If not Apollo, then Boomer, Max or Jake. He just needed to keep Rene alive long enough for that rescue. If not that, then an opportunity would come for them to break free. Lady luck wouldn't abandon him like that. He had survived cylon capture before. He could again.

His thoughts were disrupted as the vice grip of a centurion hauled him to his feet. He fought as he shouted, "No!" but his focus was on his wife at his feet and not on the enemy. The guards clumsily moved the rocks off Rene and pull her out from under the debris. She fought, her eyes those of a panicked animal.

"So, she is alive." The chuckle coursed up Starbuck's spine like an electric shock. He jerked hard and sudden. The move broke him free from the centurion's grip, but he didn't even make it one step before he felt the vice grip of another centurion trapping his arm. A second cylon gripped his other arm and he was pulled from his feet into the air. His right arm was twisted back behind him and he yelped in pain as the shoulder was taken to its limit, his own body weight pulling at his shoulder as he dangled in the air.

The IL's chuckle continued before he ordered, "Bring them to the lab. Their life force will be an interesting contrast to examine."

"What of the larva that escaped?" the centurion with the sword asked. Starbuck stopped struggling and focused on breathing through the pain. There was still hope. Boomer and the others had gotten away.

"We will round them up in the morning. They will be quite easy to herd then as they will be cold and hungry, perhaps dehydrated as well. It will be interesting to see the effects that will have upon the growth of their viruses." Starbuck swore the IL smiled wider as the lights in the head dome flashed faster and brighter. "Begin tracking them, and take these to the lab for scanning."

Starbuck was yanked up higher. "Hey, easy there! You want us alive, remember?" He craned his head behind him to supervise the guards that were hauling Rene to her feet. She struggled valiantly in their grip, but the guards easily overpowered her. Their grip tightened on her. Her cry of pain echoed in the sudden silence of the encampment. She cried out again, and he pitched his voice to her, "Rene, you're just hurting yourself. Save your strength for when it will be useful."

She snarled,"Frak that!" Instead, his words caused her to increase her struggles. He tried to twist away from his guards, but their grip just tightened, threatening to crack his bones. "Be smart," a voice inside his head whispered. "You can't think if you aren't calm." He stilled his movements letting the guards carry him away as he tried to observe where they were going, what was along the way that he might use.

Another cry of pain coming from Rene desperately made him want to yell at her to stop, but she probably wasn't hearing anything in her panic, certainly not his words. Plus maybe she has the right idea, he wondered making his own attempt at loosening the centurion's grip on him. The cylon on his left tightened his hand even more and he was left wondering if losing an arm or two might be his only alternative to cylon captivity.

"Please, please, please," the thought repeated in his head as he tried to broadcast his thoughts out into the wilderness. "Please get Apollo here soon."

As they came into view of the door of the closest building, he felt an intense sense of foreboding. He found himself struggling again, throwing all the energy he had left at preventing them from taking him through that threshold. The centurion on his right gripped him tighter with one hand as the other came across smacking him hard in the face. His head snapped painfully to the side and his vision blurred while his ears rang.

"Frak, that's going to leave a mark!" he blustered at the guard when his teeth stopped rattling, but the red eye just swept over his features, impassive to his pain. The door before him opened, and despite his efforts, he was dragged into the building and down a brightly lit corridor. He didn't need to look behind him to know Rene followed. She was cursing and crying out in pain as she fought. She was alive; there was that on his side of the ledger of luck. What waited for them was on the other side of that ledger? "Just stay alive. Just stay alive." The words repeated in his head as he tried to scheme a way out of there.


	51. Chapter 51

Starbuck would tell him that he might have to give it another go at the chancery next time he had a chance to visit the Rising Star, as his luck had definitely changed for the better. Despite the weak charge on the hoverbike, he was able to cover almost the whole distance he and Max had travelled the whole day before in just a few centaurs. The bike didn't quit on him until he was almost to Avery's cavern campsite. Even the dying of the hoverbike's motor had been a fortunate occurrence, as he discovered Avery's hideaway to be crawling with the enemy. Zooming over the hillsides without any warning could have been disastrous, but instead his having been forced to hike in was a stroke of good fortune.

Anything the cylon's had learned about subtlety had to have come from Baltar, and they had forgotten it once Baltar left them. Apollo could hear the enemy before he came over the hillside. He sought cover and watched the cylons mill about the opening of the cavern looking much like the insects that were their ancient predecessors. He took it as a good omen. The enemy's continued presence meant that his team and Avery's men had managed to get away. The question was to where? Apollo observed the hideout below hoping the enemy would lead him to his friends or, at the very least, provide some clue where to begin to search.

Raiders streaked across the sky, coming from Caprica city and fanning out over the hillsides. Another sign from Starbuck's lady luck. Apollo would have to consider changing where he directed his prayers. His friend's patron goddess might have more sway than he previously thought. "Let's hope I get to make that offering at Starbuck's favorite temple, the card table," he noted to himself as he realized that Avery's men had headed deeper into the wilderness. Where exactly still remained the question, but it gave him a direction to begin searching. He just hoped that Boomer had been able to convince his temperamental buddy to follow Avery and not have the team strike out on their own for the city and a possible raider.

Starbuck was certainly smarter than that. Their recent foray for medications had been fraught with plenty of enemy encounters to serve as a warning that the city that had once been their home was now lost to them now. They had merely ventured to the outskirts of the city and any penetration deeper into town had been impossible. "He'll be worried about Boomer and Rene. He'll think of their safety first. Neither of those two are up for a run for a raider."

He knew his friend. If he went for a raider, he probably went alone, leaving Jake, a damn good medic, to care for the other two. Starbuck didn't like Avery, that was true, but the warrior had the training to understand that injured and ill, his wife and friend would be safer with the armed survivalists than trekking back into the city. It was a certainty that if Apollo followed the path that was most likely Avery and his men's, he'd at least find Boomer and Rene. He just had to hope that if Starbuck took off on his own, he knew what he was doing.

He had second thoughts now about his own trek to find a viper. He should have taken his team with him, but he reminded himself that when he left them, his objective had been a long shot. He had travelled hard and fast. Boomer would not have been able to keep up, Rene was close to death. But had they come along, they would be inside Peryton's home, warm, safe, and well fed.

Hindsight was always clearer than the options of the immediate situation. No, he had to follow the same advice he often gave Starbuck, you can't look back and second guess yourself. You have right here and right now with which to contend. He had at least found his objective. Salvation was still waiting for them.

Another raider zoomed low over the valley and headed in a straight line towards the mountains. Apollo kept low and stuck to the brush as much as possible as he followed the raider into the hills. The cylons were hunting something, and instinct told him that it was Avery and the rest of his team.

Tracking had been one of the skills that Apollo had studied while in the Colonial Scouts. Every kid joined the scouts in elementary school, but many dropped out before secondary school. Apollo had kept with it long after it was cool or popular to be in the organization. It had provided him with something to do while his father was away. He looked up to his troop leaders, regarding them as father figures in the absence of his own. One of them had been a survivalist much like Avery and his men, quoting from the book of the word often about preparing for the wrath of the gods. Apollo hadn't paid much attention to the religious utterings of the man, but he had taken note of his exceptional outdoor skills. Apollo had earned his merit badge in tracking from him, considering it high praise from a true outdoorsman. The skills had been surprisingly useful, even in the cockpit.

"You are looking for what doesn't belong, what is disturbed, disordered. The universe has a pattern and so does the forest floor. You want to look beyond the ordinary, to see where the pattern is disrupted."

He followed the enemy and set a course, pausing only to avoid detection from the raiders in the sky. He only had to go a kilometron before he saw the trail. It wasn't hard to miss actually and told a tale of a hasty retreat of several people. He waited for a break in the skies before he sped towards the route. He spent the day following it before he found himself in an area where the trail disappeared into a large swath of disturbed earth. The valley had suffered from a recent fire and there were many trails that wandered off, including a few that appeared to be created by centurions. The sunlight was fading and he was beginning to think he was off track. The raiders had thinned in the sky, and were heading off in directions that varied from his current course. He climbed to the top of the next hill as the sun set below the horizon. He hoped to catch a glimpse of something that might show him the way, even if it was just another raider's trajectory to follow.

He dug the oculars out of his pack, scanning the hills. "Come on Starbuck, you're usually not this shy. Most of the time I just have to follow the explosions and chaos. Now you decide to be covert or did you find yourself another chancery full of beautiful women?"

He suddenly felt bad for the tasteless quip, even if Starbuck wasn't around to hear it. Just a few cycles ago he was standing up at his best friend's sealing, something he thought he'd never see. But this gal was different. For one, Apollo didn't think Rene put up with Starbuck's roving eye, or his womanizing. As far as the cards, the drink and the fumarellos, well she supplied most of those so he had no need to search for them. She even supplied a bit of danger as evidenced by this honeymoon trip she had planned. Apollo hoped that his friend and his wife survived this vacation so they could laugh about it later.

There was little to see in the waning light, and he was worried he would have to stop for the night, afraid to go forward and losing track of his team completely. He scanned the horizon one more time as the light faded and night rapidly approached. Then suddenly, there it was, off in the distance, not more than a kilometron or more was a soft green phosphorescent glow. "What the hades?" He zoomed in and from this distance it had the shape of an S. Apollo chuckled to himself imagining the dinner with his father with everyone in attendance when he would tell this story, "and there off in the distance, he put up a neon sign. Starbuck is this way."

He pocketed the oculars and took off running as fast as he felt was safe in the descending darkness. He didn't slow down until he made it to Starbuck's sign where he pulled out an illuminator, flashing it briefly at the ground. He found a clear path visibly leading down to a ravine. He guessed another mine was down in the valley and briefly wondered which one of Avery's men had worked in the ore mining industry. Once in the ravine, he risked using the illuminator again. The opening of the mine was not as well hidden as the cavern Avery had been using for a base. Another lucky break. "I could get rich at the chanceries with a streak like this," he mused. As he entered the tunnel he risked shouting Starbuck's name, hoping against hope that he had reached the end of his quest.

The tunnel was empty, but recent food wrappers littered the ground, all with markings from the Galactica. He ventured back to the opening, looking for their tracks leaving the mine, but they weren't there. All the tracks led in to the tunnel, but not out. He reasoned there had to be another opening, lit his illuminator again and followed the breadcrumbs.

It didn't take long before he reached a cave in, and followed the rocks up to the open sky, quickly extinguishing his light before he led the enemy right to him. He was getting close, he could feel it. The tracks were fresh. He followed, covering the illuminator with his hand when he checked every fifty steps to make sure he stayed on the right course. It was more than a kilometron he followed having to move more slowly in the dark when he began to wonder if he had lost the trail again.

He found himself mumbling in the dark, suddenly very aware that he was very alone. If he became lost or injured, no one would come for him. He had broken one of the basic rules of a mission, stay with your team. Had he been a first-year cadet, he would have received quite a reprimand. Only this was no training mission and he was galaxies away from any instructor. Usually in these situations it was Starbuck by his side.

"Where are you, buddy? You don't like being alone and I don't like you being let loose on the world. Seriously, did you find a chancery somewhere, or are you curled up in a cosy little bar with a good ambrosia, is that why I can't find you? I'm getting tired here. Just give me a sign."

He lit his illuminator again to check the trail, as he faced another hill to climb, with an even taller ridge behind it. He scanned the ground around him, then shut the light off in frustration. He had lost the tracks as the ground became rockier. He didn't think Boomer or Rene would make it this far, but then again, he hadn't really considered the possibility that either might have succumbed to their injuries and infection. It was a distinct possibility, and if either of them had passed, Starbuck would be a dangerous force to contend with. He'd go ballistic. Boomer had been Starbuck's bunkmate for almost as long as himself. The two were closer in many ways that even Apollo could be. If he lost Rene, Starbuck wouldn't be seeing straight. He'd just gotten his mind back to normal after he had crashed head long into the relationship. The family he was creating balanced him out, but without that, there was no telling what he would do.

He discounted the thoughts. There was no way to know what had happened to his team, but he could tell that Starbuck had left him a sign. He debated stopping where he was until dawn so he could pick up the trail again in the light.

"Go back, go forward, or sit tight, which is it? I'd flip a cubit if I had one. Come on, Bucko, I could use another sign."

Starbuck had never been one to disappoint him. The ground rumbled under Apollo's feet from an explosion. He took off running in the direction of the sound, cresting the hill as another detonation shook the ground beneath his boots. Racing down the hillside, he stumbled in the darkness, felt his ankle buckle under him, pitching him face first into the dirt. He didn't have time to wonder if he'd twisted it or worse. He picked himself up and continued running, now a loping limp that slowed him down.

He reached the valley floor in time to watch laser fire begin to pummel the ridge before him. He had no idea who was on that ridge, but as the old saying goes, the enemy of my enemy is my friend. He began to climb the ridge, to lend his support to whomever was there now being targeted by cylons. When he was only half way up, he felt the earth slide beneath him, propelling him back down the hillside. He looked to the ridgeline watching the hill calve as if it were an iceberg, the earth falling away from him.

The cylon pulsar fire ceased with the ridge's collapse. He renewed his efforts to reach the top to gain a view of what was occurring on the other side. He was again half way up what was left of the hillside, when a voice rang out in the ravine behind him.

"RENE!"

It was not the familiar sound of his friend, but he knew the voice. "Jake!" He called to the young man as he looked to the valley floor, searching for the human figure in the dark.

"Colonel?"

Apollo let himself slide back down the rocky slope to meet his medic climbing up the hill. He wondered briefly if the look on the young man's face mirrored his own when Starbuck would swoop in for the rescue. "Colonel? Where did you come from?"

He gripped the young warrior, halting his progress. "What's happening, Jake?"

"Where's Rene? We have to go. The transport was full and they're coming. We have to get out of here!"

"Slow down, Lieutenant. I need a briefing," Apollo opted for the authority figure that might get some focus from Jake. It had the right effect as Jake's wide eyes shifted away from the top of the ridge to Apollo.

"Avery and his men…they brought the cylons down on us to get us to agree to rescue the kids from the base and…" Jake paused to suck in a breath, "Starbuck is down there trying to get the kids out, Boomer's taking out communications. Rene is supposed to be here and then take off into the hills once she takes out the guards and I…" Jake paused again, looking off into the darkness behind them then back up the top of the hill. "Where is she?"

"And your assignment?" Apollo tightened his grip on his arm.

"I…I was supposed to be getting the transport but," the young man paused again, shivering in Apollo's grasp. "It was full, centurions powering up. More than a couple dozen. They're headed this way and into the camp and…Where's Rene? Where did you come from?"

"I didn't see her. Where's Starbuck?"

Jake pointed up to the top of the ridge. "Down in the valley."

Apollo nodded, and pulled Jake with him as he began to climb the hill. The young warrior tried to pull away as he shouted, "I have to find Rene!"

"She's not here and Starbuck needs our help."

Instinctually he knew that Starbuck would have chosen the most dangerous aspect of themission for himself. His friend had spoken often of not totally trusting Jake. Plus, in the condition Rene was in, he would assign the easiest task for his wife. If Jake had failed, and Rene was gone, then Starbuck's mission was most likely in danger of failing as well. He did not let go of Jake, dragging him a few steps before the young man began to move on his own, joining Apollo in the attempt to climb the ridge.

Apollo gazed down on hades, or at least a very good imitation of how one of the sermons at the academy had described the land that awaited sinners. Fires were waging, barrels of fuel were exploding, and beneath those sight and sounds was the wail of children. He fumbled for the oculars at the side of his pack.

"Where did you say Starbuck was headed?" He reached out to push down the weapon Jake had aimed to fire down at the encampment. "Too far, Lieutenant. We don't want to draw their attention and we need to make sure of our target. What was the objective?"

Jake pointed to the fenced area at the bottom of the ridge, a type of enclosure that now appeared empty. "The kids, they were in there."

Apollo aimed the oculars away from the base, more towards the mining operations. He scanned the opening of the mine. Finding it devoid of movement, he swept the valley floor. He could make out human shapes, large and small disappearing into the darkness as they fled the encampment. He breathed a sigh of relief. The children had been released. While their survival was still in question, at least they were out of the enclosure and free to run.

"I think they got away, but," Apollo was distracted by the centurions gleaming in the bright lights, heading for the hillside below them. He shifted the focus of the oculars at the same time that Jake flinched.

Below him, close enough he didn't need the enhanced vision, he saw Starbuck leaning over a body, appearing to be kissing someone in the dirt. It took a moment for Apollo to realize that it wasn't a kiss, but an attempt to revive someone. From Jake's shout of her name, he knew it had to be Starbuck's wife. They were lucky that the clanking sounds of over twenty centurions headed for Starbuck drowned out Jake's voice, as the young man shouted again, "Rene!" Apollo caught a glimpse of Starbuck's unruly blond locks as he turned to deal with the enemy. The sight crushed the air out of his lungs as he witnessed one of the bravest men he knew, on his knees, arms raised in submission as over twenty centurions surrounded him. The centurions blocked his view, but despite that he couldn't look away for fear he would miss the moment when his friend met his death. He cursed the fates as the legendary pilot would not find his death in a viper as it should be, but on his knees in the dirt of their conquered home world. The fates were cruel.

"I'm too late." The thought ricocheted in his head, growing louder drowning out any other thoughts.

Jake's shout, "NO!" jolted Apollo into action. If he didn't do something, they were all going to be joining Starbuck in that next adventure that is death. He dropped the oculars, reaching to grasp Jake to keep him from going down the cliffside into the enemy's arms. It wasn't just the inexperienced warrior he was fighting, but his own desire to speed down that cliffside, lasers blazing, to save his closest friend.

"NO!" the young man screamed again, as Apollo wrestled him back from the edge as he registered Starbuck's own shout of "NO!" echoing off the hillsides. He nearly let Jake free, cursing that the young warrior may have made Apollo miss the most important moment of his life, witnessing the heroic death of the legendary Starbuck. But another loud "No!" echoed again down in the valley. His friend was still alive for now.

Apollo tightened his grip on Jake while at the same time respecting that the young man fought like a wild boray against the hold. It was a testament to the loyalty Starbuck had instilled in his new family, but loyalty demanded that Starbuck would want Jake to survive. He tried to remind himself of that fact as he fought back against his own need to show his allegiance to his friend in a desperate but futile attempt to overpower a far greater force.

Jake nearly broke free before Apollo could seize him around the neck, dragging him back down. The young man still fought valiantly in his grip, screaming up in Apollo's face. "NO! They are going to die!"

"You can't help them if you're dead too!"

Jake twisted in his arms, a move used in wrestling, as he broke free of one of Apollo's hands. The experienced warrior used a move of his own, pulling Jake close to his body into a choke hold, much like he had witnessed Crius use on Rene the first time he met the man on the Galactica. He hoped the familiarity of the position would bring some sense into the young man's frantic attempts at saving his friend.

"Lieutenant, stand down!" He hated to do it, to use the fear and idolatry this warrior had for his commanding officers, but to let him race down that cliff side would mean his death, and maybe Starbuck's. Apollo had been listening for the pulse rifle blast that would mean the end for his friend. But so far all he had heard was the centurion's metallic voices.

"Stand down, that's an order! We observe and…and then we…" Apollo didn't know what they could do. In the brief glimpse where he was focused on Starbuck, he had counted more than enough centurions to make going down to rescue his friend a suicidal mission. He leaned in close to Jake, speaking to his own desires to solve the situation. "We pull it together. We watch and we wait for an opportunity. But we have those kids to think about first. Starbuck's a warrior. He can take care of himself. He's been captured before, and walked away unharmed. He'll do it again, this time with Rene...and a little help from his friends."

Jake struggled beneath him, his eyes desperately looking up at the ridgetop, before he slumped in defeat.

"That's it Lieutenant. Calm, and focused. That's how we win this." Apollo slowly released his grip, on the young man's neck, patting Jake on the shoulder before he completely let go. "We take a look. We think this through." Jake nodded, but didn't turn to meet his eyes. Apollo patted Jake's shoulder again before he cautiously raised his head above the top of the ridge. The centurions had cleared a path and he watched as Starbuck raised his hands in the air surrendering to a strange looking robot with flashing lights and garish red grin.

"See, they're not shooting him." Jake eased his way up to Apollo's side.

"No, worse. Taking them captive."

Apollo realized as he watched the centurion pull Rene up from the dirt, that the passion spurring Jake, was not for Starbuck but for his ex-lover. He wondered briefly if he would tell his friend about this moment or would it incite the infamous Starbuck to display his notorious jealousy? He'd need to save Starbuck first, and he hoped by then it would be a moot point.

"How are we going to get them out of there, just the two of us?" Reason had finally seeped into the young warrior, and he began to mumble as he counted the number of centurions that were illuminated by the lights below them. "It's too many."

Apollo nodded, feeling his own shoulders sag in defeat. To have come so far, and yet arrived too late. It was a regret that had become far too familiar since Zac's death. He had no idea how he could continue to bear the weight of that guilt now doubly compounded with the death of his friend.

"I should have stayed with my team," he mumbled, realizing that there was no point in a viper if Rene and Starbuck were dead. The only comforting thought was that he wouldn't have to live with the remorse for long. Staying on Caprica would quickly mean all their deaths. There was no hope without Rene, or was there?

He was heartened to watch as Starbuck and Rene struggled in their captives' clutches. They weren't dead yet. They were very much alive, and the enemy had kept the children alive, for the most part anyway. Maybe they had time. With the firepower of at least one viper, and maybe some ordnance, he could blow this base wide open. There were no raiders after all, just a troop transport. Whatever was going on here wasn't important enough to warrant a full complement of raiders to protect it, but at least two dozen centurions to keep the slaves in order. The base would be vulnerable from an air assault. He brought up the oculars to scan the base, noting the weaknesses and where he should most likely strike. It could be done, he decided.

He focused the oculars back on Starbuck. He could almost read the words on his buddy's lips as he negotiated for his life. He prayed that Starbuck's silver tongue was up to the task ahead and could buy them all some more time. He kept watching until he witnessed Starbuck and Rene being dragged into the nearest building, he patted Jake on the shoulder again. They had done all they could do from here.

"Where were the others headed?"

It took a moment or two for Jake to answer him with a voice that was low and beaten. "To find you, sir."

"Alright, we meet up with them and see those kids to safety." He turned to climb down the hillside, looking back up for a moment to make sure Jake was following. He hadn't moved and Apollo patted the young man on the back again. "Lieutenant, we're warriors. We have an obligation to those children you just saved."

Jake nodded as he looked away, his eyes narrowing with barely hidden disgust. Apollo gripped his jacket, pulling the warrior to where they were nose to nose. "Right now, the enemy outnumbers us. If we go down there, we'll just be captured too. So, we gather Avery's men, see the kids to safety, rearm and then we come back and get our own. We aren't leaving them behind, you got that, warrior? They are our family!"

There was a brief spark of hope as Jake's eyes met his before he mumbled a more confident, "Yes, sir."

Apollo would take that spark. Maybe he could do something with it, at the least keep his own hope alive for his friend. He added fuel to that ember, "I found a viper. It's safe for now."

He patted Jake again, and moved down the hillside, allowing Jake to make his own decision as to his next action. He sighed in relief when he found the young warrior following him, choosing a saner and safer route than joining his friend in cylon captivity.

When they reached the valley floor, several of Avery's men had come running out of the darkness. Each man held at least one child in their arms, sometimes two as other children followed them, all of them looking far too small and vulnerable in the dark.

"Over here," Apollo shouted. They needed to know where they were going, and he briefly debated whether they were safer in a large group, or scattering providing multiple smaller targets for the cylons rather than one big one. He opted for the scatter approach as he doubted they could gather all the terrified children into any semblance of organization. Apollo reached for the first man he could get close to, nearly yanking him from his feet as he approached. He shouted coordinates in the man's ear, pointed in the general direction. "Look for an electric grid, a home in a hillside."

He shouted the same directions at ten more men before he finally saw Boomer limping out of the darkness. Avery was with him and both held a small child in their arms.

"Apollo? Thank the lords!" Boomer tried to hug his friend to him, but the child in his arms made the move awkward. The small body flinched away from both men, and Apollo looked down at the terrified eyes looking up at him. He registered that Boomer, called his name, but the child had him transfixed. The child so closely resembled Boxey that he shuddered in revulsion at the thought of his son in the clutches of the cylons.

"Apollo did you find it? Is there a viper?" Boomer pulled his attention away from the child.

"Yes. Several. Not enough fuel to bring it here though. But he has enough for a launch of at least one of them. His home is secure."

Apollo gave Boomer the direction and coordinates, but Avery interrupted, "The old man in the hill? He's not friendly."

"And your charm and hospitality make you a good judge of character?" Apollo found himself throwing out an accusation that he'd heard often from Starbuck about their host. The recognition felt like a stab in the heart. He pushed the pain aside, focusing on Avery, "Well I'm thinking you didn't ask him very nicely, nor did you sing him a song. He likes the Fabulon Four, and he's agreed to help us. Get your people there. We'll follow and get us all out of here."

Avery nodded and took off running after his men, but Boomer held fast to his position, the child almost forgotten in his arms. "Starbuck went back for Rene. He saw the ridge come down and…"

Apollo shook his head knowing what his friend was going to suggest. "We watched the cylons seize them. They took them alive. We'll come back for him later, once we know everyone is on their way to safety."

"But we could…" Apollo cut him off with a hand to his shoulder.

"They're surrounded by a couple dozen Cylons. It's too late for them right now, but not for these kids. He's distracting the cylons for now, so don't make his efforts wasted. We'll come back for him, although I don't think I can manage a clean uniform this time around."

A glimmer of a smile touched Boomer's lips as he nodded resolutely and Apollo reached for the child in his arms. It was a boy, almost the same age Boxey had been when he had met him and Serina during the destruction. The child looked up to him with wide eyes, too frightened and disoriented to speak.

"I've got you. You're safe now," he whispered to the child confidently. "Jake, help Boomer. Let's go."

Apollo looked back to the ridge, debating briefly staying behind to keep an eye on things, to look for an opportunity to sneak in and rescue his friend, or at the very least make sure he wasn't moved from this base. The laser fire that rained down on them from the centurions in pursuit solidified his decision. He followed Boomer and Jake back into the hills.


	52. Chapter 52

The marching of the centurion's metal boots reverberated against the walls that were closing in around him. He almost cried out from the assault on his ears, but the resounding thud of the door followed by a mechanical whirr and clang of metal sliding into metal made his mouth clamp shut. The door was sealed behind them. Reflexively he shut his eyes to the blinding bright lights of the corridor as he was dragged farther into the building. His jaw ached from the cuff to the face from his captor and stars still swam in his vision. Craning his neck to look behind him toward Rene ignited another display of fireworks. As he was dragged down the corridor, his boots found the floor for a moment. He dug his feet in, put all his effort into stopping his progress into the building. It was futile. He was jerked forward, his boots squealing loudly before he was lifted into the air again. He couldn't see or hear Rene and began to panic that they might be separated.

"Rene?!"

The reply he received was a curse, "Fra…" cut off before she was able to finish the word.

The centurions halted in front of a pair of glass doors. For a brief moment of panic, he thought he was looking at another man held by the enemy, filthy and unshaven, until recognition dawned that it was himself. He caught a glimpse in the reflective doors of Rene behind him, looking pathetically tiny sandwiched between the giant machines. The doors slid open and he flinched away from the glaringly harsh light. His eyes watered as he forced them open, the brightness cutting into his temple. He blinked thinking he was hallucinating. The room appeared to be a colonial designed life center. The familiarity at first was startling, almost comforting. It was just this type of setting that Starbuck had been striving for, to heal his friend and his wife, and hades, even himself. For a brief moment he wondered if the cylons would treat their illness, but the centurion's vice grip crushing his arm indicated a different objective.

The room contained far too many medical instruments, a few he recognized, many he did not. Metal gleamed in the brilliant white lights. The devices in this room let him know this would not just be an interrogation. Avery and his men had spoken of experiments and dead bodies. Starbuck shuddered hard in the centurion's grip as the fear burst out of its cage and crawled up his spine.

One of his guards had to let him go for him and the other centurion to fit through the opening. He tried to use the moment to breakaway, but the vice holding his arm threatened to snap it in two. Before he could try another move, the second centurion was lifting him easily off the floor. Behind him he heard snarling, followed by curses. He looked to Rene, twisting and fighting. "That's my girl," he thought as she broke free, dropping to the floor. She crawled between the centurion's legs nearly making it back out the door, but the gold-caped centurion rolled in front of her as the glass slid shut, cutting off her escape.

"You should have used that distraction," he chided himself, and looked away, as the centurion was hauling her up as she cried out in pain. They couldn't fight against the machines. He had to think of something else.

"Come on, Bucko, find something you can use." In the room were two more IL series cylons, intent on a scanner screen before them. The two robots turned in unison, the lights in their heads pulsing in harmony.

"Oooh!" The robots chimed in harmony as if they had just received a pleasant gift, the lights in their domes flashing faster and brighter.

Starbuck was hauled father into the room towards a corner. The metal goons kept a firm grip on both of his arms, keeping his feet from making contact with the floor. The gold-caped IL followed the guards, speaking to the other two ILs. "I know! One is a female! Put her on the table." Rene dangled from the centurion's arms, twisting in her efforts to break free, a sheen of sweat covering her features. She looked so small in the cylons hands, but she fought like a wild vulpine to get loose.

Starbuck watched helplessly as his wife was lifted higher in the air and another centurion grabbed at her kicking legs. It took more than one attempt by the clumsy robot to catch her as she kicked. Her boots made contact, but she wasn't strong enough to have any effect. She might as well have been kicking a battlestar. The Centurion finally captured her legs. She cursed long and loudly as she was lifted and dropped on her back on the metal table in the center of the room. A mechanical whir was followed by a snapping sound as manacles sprang from the table and trapped her feet. Her wrists were slammed into restraints on either side of her head, loudly clicking shut.

He winced as he knew the double torture this was for Rene. Starbuck had witnessed himself the decorations on Commander Dante's desk, manacles and restraints. But this was different somehow. Dante meant to inflict harm, but nothing fatal. He did not know the intent of these restraints, but he could guess with cylons involved, it would end in death.

This wasn't Rene's first time in cylon captivity. She had barely survived the last time. As he watched his wife violently writhe on the table, her curses nearly unintelligible in her terror, he suddenly wished with every fiber of his being that he had listened to Jake. He should have let them go off to search for a raider. No, that was suicidal, but he should have insisted she stay behind in the mine by the stream. Not that she would have listened. And he should have forced her go find Apollo. Not that he could force her to do anything. But at the very least, he should have listened to her fears about walking into a cylon base. He wanted to scream to her that he was sorry, so very, very sorry.

He violently shoved the recriminations away. He needed to focus on getting them out of here. He could apologize later, in detail and often once they were free. Right now he needed to focus on their survival.

"Think!" he shouted at himself in his head. His training kicked in as he surveyed the room. Four centurions, three ILs and plenty of implements to stab and poke with. The centurions did not have their rifles, and he cursed the absence. If he could get his hands on one he might get them out of this. For now, his only weapon was his wits. He needed to keep them.

He looked to his wife. Instead of struggling harder, she was still, and he wondered if she had passed out from either terror or shock. "Rene!" He called, not sure if he should wake her, or if letting her remain unconscious would be kinder. Her head slowly rolled his way, her eyes wide, scanning the room before they locked onto his own. He saw defeat in her gaze hidden behind the terror.

"Breathe," he tried to shout, but it came out in a whisper. "Breathe through it. Fear is the mind killer." He tried to remember the words he had heard her utter only a handful of times. It was good advice for himself as he broke eye contact to scan the room again looking for a weapon or an opportunity to change the hopelessness of the situation.

"We see so few females. This gain may be worth the loss of a few of our experiments. " The green caped IL moved to a piece of equipment, grasping what appeared to be a very large needle that he handed across Rene's body to the gold-caped robot.

"I told you, the females are more susceptible to the radion. It collects in the soft tissue and females have more soft tissue." The IL in the blue robe rolled over closer to Rene, reaching out a hand as if to stroke her face.

Starbuck lunged in the arms of his guards. "Don't you fracking touch my wife, Bulb Head!" The centurions lifted him up higher, his feet dangling helplessly in the air. But his words caused the IL to pause, the metal hand failing to make contact with Rene's face. The blue-robed IL fixed his glowing eyes on him. "Are you her mate?"

Starbuck hung still in the centurion's grasp, stunned that his words had halted the machine. He had its attention. "Yeah, yeah I am and don't you fracking touch her!"

"Oh good," the green caped IL replied. "We have come to the assumption that the females don't last long without mates. We have yet to keep one for more than," there was a whirring sound as the lights ceased flashing for a moment, then increased in a burst, "four cycles and we have never found one with a mate before."

"We should begin before Moloch returns," the gold-caped IL interrupted, spinning to the door then rolling back to Rene. "He will want to interrogate the humans before we are even done with our scans. His programing is somewhat out of date. He just doesn't understand our work."

"What work is that?" Starbuck asked, concentrating on breathing and thinking. Since he had stopped struggling, the centurions had responded by lowering him closer to the floor.

"Studying our enemy, of course. With knowledge you can move beyond eradication to assimilation, which is truly the goal of our great empire. Resources should not be wasted."

Starbuck winced at the words he had heard before, uttered by Rene's sadistic commander. The bastard Dante had thought the same way, viewing his warriors and those he rescued in the crudest terms of how they could be useful to him.

"We're not resources. We're sentient beings!" he shouted, trying to get the ILs attention as the blue one was reaching out a hand again towards Rene. The robot set a metallic appendage on her forehead. She tried to twist away, but the machine held tight ignoring her efforts.

"Temperature is elevated. It will be interesting to see which of our creations have taken hold."

Out of the corner of his eye, Starbuck caught the one in a dark green robe bringing over a large total body scanner, one Starbuck recognized from helping Cassie in her studies. It was often reserved for deep tissue scans and serious injuries. Rene cursed, and he looked back to see the blue one attaching leads to her neck. Then the machine began to hum, moving on a track over Rene's body. The screen on the wall opposite Starbuck flickered coming to life and the scan began to appear. He couldn't look away as the image of the inside her body was slowly revealed. He could see the outline of his child. The baby moved and he slumped in the centurion's arms in relief. It was a glorious sight to behold and the prayer came to his lips unbidden, "Please Lords, let him live."

"She is gestating a larva. It has hatched internally!" The IL spoke to the others. The one in blue came to look at the scan, blocking Starbuck's view.

"We know they are of the mammalian species, but we have never had an opportunity to witness how they gestate their eggs. Surely it has reached maturity. It has all the required organs and appendages. Why do you think it still remains within the female? We should remove it for its own safety."

Starbuck found his voice. It joined Rene's as they both shouted loudly, "NO!" Starbuck tried to think quickly as panic overrode his wife. Rene was thrashing harder than she had before, cursing and shouting no, over and over. He knew she was capable of getting her hands from those restraints. She could break her own hand if necessary, the bones already weakened from the abuse they had taken from Dante. He knew the sewer rat's mantra, pain is temporary. Death was permanent. A broken hand was something they could fix later when they were free.

Starbuck spoke to the IL's hoping to distract them from Rene's efforts. "No, you can't. It won't survive. Our babies have to gestate for at least forty sectars. The organs are immature and…I would know, I'm practically an expert!" he adlibbed. "I have lots of experience with human bodies, especially females and babies, larva, whatever you want to call them. It has to stay in! You want the female to live, don't you? To assimilate or study, or whatever. If you take the baby out now, they might both die. You can't…you…"

All three of the ILs turned, focusing their bright eyes on him. He spoke quickly, nearly as frantic as Rene. "You have to leave it in if you want to learn anything. She has at least twenty more sectars and the developments are amazing! I would know. From embryo to fetus right through to birth. Each child is different due to a genetic code. The best changes are yet to come and…" he was not even sure what he was uttering, but he was sure some of Cassie's past techno-babble sounded somewhat convincing.

"How does the larva emerge from the female? Does it break out and kill the female, is that why we see so few alive?" The one with the blue-robe one glided across the room to him. Out of the corner of his eye he watched the one with the gold cape move closer to Rene, reaching for a control on the table. Rene cried out in pain at the touch of the button, then stilled.

"What did you do? You can't hurt her, it hurts the baby and then…it will die and you won't get to see all the changes and…" he faltered, reaching for more words to entice the enemy to leave his wife and child alone.

"I merely tightened her restraints. We can't have her moving during the scan." The gold IL spoke turning to him. "So, you are a medical professional?"

"No….not exactly. I mean yeah, sort of. I studied with one." He decided the truth was a bit easier to manage if he wanted this to work, easier to think fast which he needed to do now that he had the full attention of all three ILs. "I am involved with her and the child. Seen many scans and, conducted them, yeah, and I know a lot about children and babies and females. The baby doesn't kill them when it comes out, if it did, we'd already be extinct, wouldn't we?"

His plan was simple, almost easy. Keep the IL's busy with him, and they would leave Rene alone. Stall for time in the hopes that Boomer would come back and get them. He was distracted for a moment as he realized he'd ordered Boomer to leave them, and his buddy wasn't really up to a rescue, but Jake would do it. He would die trying if he wasn't dead already. His brain froze at the reality. Jake was probably dead. Boomer was his only hope and he was limping. Maybe Apollo? But how was his friend going to find him in all the wilds of Caprica.

Starbuck missed a question form the gold IL. "What? What did you say?"

The gold one seemed exasperated with him, "Then why do they die so easily in our care? We can remove the radion poisoning, yet they fail to thrive. We have captured a few, but they perish so quickly in our care."

"Well yeah, if you're cutting them up, I bet they do!" He couldn't resist the sarcasm, but it wasn't smart. "They're a bit weaker than men. It's because they make the babies and a lot goes into that so…" he grasped at straws. He didn't really know why women were weaker because the ones he knew weren't. He remembered back to the matron of his last orphanage. That woman's punch was as powerful as any man's. "They aren't that much weaker," he opted for the truth, "so I guess you've just been dealing with them all wrong. I mean if you were taking their babies and all, yeah they're going to die. Plus, they need their mates with them to survive. If you want to see our baby actually get born, it's fairly simple: don't torture them, feed them nutritious primaries and give them the security of their mate."

It was a sudden flash of brilliance. If he could ensure he stayed with Rene, that they didn't separate them, well it would certainly make their escape easier. Boomer or Jake wouldn't have to search for long and maybe they would make it through this alive.

"Without me, she would die and then you wouldn't get to see what happens to the baby and all that."

"Well that would explain a lot," the one in the green robe said. "The females we have found were without their mates. We kept them isolated from any males we had. We didn't know they had to be with the males."

The one in the blue refuted Starbuck's argument, "No, that is not it. Many mammals do not need the male of the species beyond the mating ritual. Cylon females needed but one male for over a hundred eggs, so your information is invalid."

"No," Starbuck added hastily. He needed this plan to work. "No, you just said yourself you don't know why the females die, and I'm telling you that it's because you need to keep the males with them. We aren't like animals. We're different." Starbuck was emboldened by the fact that the IL's were focused on him and doing nothing more than a harmless scan of Rene. "Together we keep each other alive, especially when the female is carrying a child. The end result is a . . . a unit we call a family."

"Explain in detail," the one with the green cape rolled away from the scan coming towards him, indicating to the centurions holding his arms that they should lower him to his feet. The floor beneath his boots gave him hope, but the centurions did not ease up their grip on him.

"We have read your medical journals and do not see where a male is needed beyond fertilization, but we also have learned that humans are one of the few mammals that continue to mate even beyond the age of procreation. For pleasure even, which is a completely foreign concept and certainly an extreme waste of energy and valuable fertilization."

Starbuck grinned, satisfied to know that his time with Lucifer and Baltar might actually have served a purpose. He had learned first-hand that the IL series were curious little buggers, and that flaw could be used against them.

"I don't think it's a waste. Relieves a lot of stress and…and humans need contact to survive, so mating gives more than just babies." He paused, drawing out his explanation. If he did this right, he could give Boomer and the others more time to get the children somewhere safe and then come back. He could give Rene a chance to get out of here.

"Your information is illogical. Once fertilized, there is nothing more needed. Nothing is transmitted other than fertilization materials." The green cape agreed with the blue.

"Well, you have to be there to really see what goes on. It provides something that can't be measured."

"Is that so? And humans still mate once the female is fertilized?" The blue cape was the really curious one, and Starbuck hoped that maybe he could use the robot's inquisitiveness against the others.

"Yeah, they do. It's not just for making babies, although that happens even when you don't want it to, but it's a huge factor in keeping us healthy …well at least for me, I mean the males. I suppose for the females too as well." He paused at Rene's sharp cry of pain. "Hey, back off!"

He turned to see that the sweater had been cut away from one of her arms. Wires and tubing were being inserted into her upper arm. "No, seriously, you shouldn't do that! You're going to kill her and then you won't be able to see what happens and…" he scrambled for something to convince them to leave Rene alone, but his mind locked up like a viper without landing gear coming in hot.

"Just drawing a sample," Goldie answered him, as he pushed another button and Rene issued a scream that trailed off into a moan.

"Rene! Talk to me!" He was able to move a step closer to her before the centurions lifted his boots off the floor again. "Dammit, Rene! Talk to me!"

Her head rolled away from the scan. Her eyes were clouded, her voice flat. "Frack, it hurts. Stings like bees."

He nodded to her. "Hang on Rene. You can do this. You're always telling me how tough you are. Show me what kind of warrior you are. Don't give up. Just hang on. Pain is temporary. They're coming for us." The flicker of hope in her eyes renewed his own. She was counting on him. He shifted his concentration from Rene to Goldie. "Seriously, you can't do that. You hurt her and she will die and ...and…." Rene's groan of pain distracted him.

"I am merely inputting the sensors. They can administer painful sensations, but they also scan her systems. Through the port, we will administer fluids if needed. We have no intention of harming her yet but…" the IL paused as his robotic hand reached to the fabric he had cut away. "She wears a uniform underneath. We have not seen that for a long time. We need to hurry our scans before we need to send for Moloch. He will be displeased if we don't allow him to interrogate while the subjects are still able to withstand the scan of their neocortex."

Starbuck guessed that the red caped IL wouldn't play along with his plan. He scrambled to think of something, anything that might forestall what he was afraid would happen next, a brain scan and then the Cylons finding the fleet again.

"We found those uniforms in an old storeroom. We needed clothes, that's all. We're just local civilians trying to survive." He cursed inwardly as the gold caped IL's robotic claws began to touch Rene, reaching for the collar of her clothing. His hand must have held some sort of cutting device for the green and brown hunting sweater fell away from her collar revealing the insignia for her rank.

"Oh, this is a good sign," Goldie spoke to Blue, while greenie wheeled back to the scan.

"What, what sign?" Starbuck asked ineffectually, as the ILs seemed to have lost interest in him, the green one turning back to the scan, as the blue was reaching for an instrument.

"They are so desperate now they are letting their women fight? I told you they were just animals," Blue replied. "No sense of decency in how they treat their females."

"We treat our women better than you do!" he shouted, but the ILs were focused on each other.

The green one answered the blue, "Even animals can learn to use tools. They are just more evolved animals. With our work, we could speed up that evolution."

Starbuck growled in frustration, "We're not animals!" All of the ILs chuckled, a sound like nuts and bolts rattling around in a tin can, grating against Starbuck's nerves. "What's so fracking funny?"

Goldie rolled away from Rene to come to him. The IL reached out a finger to place on his forehead, but Starbuck jerked his head away as he spat at the machine, "Hands off, Beacon Breath!"

The IL paused to study him for a micron before replying, "You are not machines. Your actions are far too chaotic. Your systems are fragile and often do not make sense, but in time we could make you efficient and useful. With more study and a few upgrades, assimilation can enhance your species and ours. Take the Delphinians. After our works, they have become a valuable species, working much longer and faster than they could before. We have even extended their life spans to nearly double what it was before they became part of our empire."

"Great! So, they can be slaves for you longer? No thanks! I think we'll skip the assimilation and head straight for your decimation."

All three ILs uttered a chuckle resembling rusty scissors cutting through wire mesh. The sound sliced into his temple. As the pain dissipated, he realized he no longer could hear Rene, her curses and moans having silenced.

The Gold IL dominated his view and he twisted in the guard's arms to try to see around the machine. She lay too still on the table, her face turned away. "Rene, talk to me!"

Her reply was a soft moan of his name, "Starbuck?" It was oddly intimate in this strange setting and he clung to it like a buoy in a raging sea.

"Hang on. We will survive this Rene. We'll get out of here and back home and we'll…" the words died on his tongue as Rene's body went rigid, lifting up from the restraints as she choked on a cry of pain. She fell back to the table, every muscle quivering, her eyes rolling back in her head.

"Oops," the blue IL said sounding slightly embarrassed. "The sensor went too far into the central nervous system. That was not the desired result."

The green IL shook his head. "You did that to the last two and the specimens became completely unusable. Did you ruin this one?"

The gold one spun away from him to turn to Rene. "If you have ruined my chance at witnessing a gestating human, Moloch will hear of your failure and I will see you are melted down and turned into mining equipment."

The word "ruined" rang in Starbuck's ears like a high pitched whine. His mumbled, "No, no, no," matched the background hum of the scanner powering up again to hover over Rene. The gold IL blocked his view as the robot leaned over his wife. Starbuck struggled to pull in enough air to call her name, "Rene? Talk to me, pretty lady."

The soft whisper of, "Pretty boy," above the whir and hum of the machines made him want to laugh and cry at the same time.

"That's right, and I'll bet you a sectar's pay this pretty boy hot shot will get us out of here. You know I can." Starbuck gave up his plan of distracting the ILs. Now he just wanted Rene to hear his voice, to hang on and stay alive long enough to see the rescue that was surely coming. He gave voice to his hopes and prayers. "Any centon now they're going to come through those doors and …and…Apollo will have a whole squadron of vipers. And Boomer will toss some grenades and Max will drive that landram straight over this place and Jake…" he faltered at the name somehow understanding if he wasn't here with Rene it was because he was dead.

Rene finished the sentence for him, "Jake will smash these bobble heads and you will win the gold clusters." She was able to complete the thought before she yelped in pain.

"You know it, Pretty Lady. I'm going to have so many medals from this that we'll have to get more quarters just to store them. We'll line the walls with them." He paused as Goldie moved away from his wife. For a brief moment he was able to gaze into Rene's eyes. She pleaded to him and he struggled reflexively in the centurion's grip. "Hang on, pretty lady. Any moment now."

The Gold IL obscured his view again, rolling before him, reaching out that robotic hand to his face. He jerked away, but the cold appendage made contact, slicing into his cheek. He felt the blood trickle down his cheek.

"Hey, we don't mess with the face. I rely on my good looks for promotions." He couldn't tell if the humor affected the IL. The glowing grin remained ever the same as the machine hummed.

"Interesting. Take him to the other lab for scanning. His temperature is also elevated. I am interested to see how our creations affect the male versus the female."

Starbuck lunged in the centurion's arms, but as the centurions turned to follow the command they flung him around like he was a child's rag doll. He fought, screaming, "No! You need me with her. You could kill her. You need me with her!"

In horror the doors opened. He twisted violently in the centurion's grasp, trying to get one more look at his wife. Her voice echoed in the corridor as she screamed his name, pleading to him to help her. His answering cry of "Rene!" was blocked by the sliding of the glass panels.

He fought wildly despite the centurion's grip clamping down crushing his arms. It was a small measure of hope that they didn't take him far, just to a room next to the one they left. It was another medical work room, not as large or as well equipped, but that was no comfort. It still gleamed menacingly with plenty of instruments to cause pain. Starbuck was lifted and dumped unceremoniously on the table. For a brief moment only one cylon held him. Just as he made his move to dive from the table, his boot was snapped into a restraint and the centurion captured both of his hands, snapping them into restraints above his head that began to pull his arms up to their fullest extent.

"Hey, hey, you're damaging the merchandise!"

"Merchandise? We have no need to buy and sell you. We already have you."

The jibe on his lips faded as his name reverberated down the hallway, ending in cry of agony. He let go of any attempt to reason with these preprogrammed puppets and focused on fighting his way out of the restraints.

Goldie rolled over to him, easily slicing the hunting sweater away from his arm, exposing the flesh. Something punched into his left arm and he found himself yelping as the stinging traveled up his shoulder and down his arm, infusing into the bone. "What the frack!" He jerked his arm away, but it only increased the burning sensation.

Goldie looked down upon him, his lights softening their glow. "May I offer a suggestion that will enhance my scans and perhaps speed up this process?"

"The last thing I want to do is make your job easier. Cram your suggestions up your astrum."

The IL emitted a noise like more bolts scraping against rusty metal. "We have found you humans scream a lot and…"

Starbuck lunged for the IL, but the restraints held him tight. The IL leaned over him unconcerned by his attempt to get free and twist the head off of this fancy walking watercooler.

"Do not let the screams upset you. You will scream too. It is a normal human response to pain. It is when the screams stop you should become concerned." The IL leered at him for a moment longer, then rolled away.

Starbuck shivered violently at the truth of the bubblehead's statement. His own body tensed without his having told it to. The muscle in his arm twitched, then his hand shook and lightning shot up his spine. Some part of his mind found it odd that while Rene was screaming his name, he did not call for her. No, the one he called for was Apollo, the last syllable a howl. He gritted his teeth to the pain and tried not to focus on what they were doing to him, listening intently for Rene's screams, taking in the timber and pitch, cursing when they slowed and stopped.


	53. Chapter 53

The child in his arms had fallen asleep somewhere around dawn, and, in a way, so had Apollo. The day did not brighten as inky storm clouds rolled in from the sea. It provided some cover, but also made it tricky to tell the time. His chrono had stopped working somewhere along the way and he hoped it would be the only Colonial casualty of this mission. Even without it, he knew it was well over twenty-four centaurs since he'd seen anything resembling a rest period and at some point, the adrenalin ran out. Despite his concern for these children and the friends he'd left behind in the care of the enemy, fatigue enveloped him, making his limbs feel as impossibly heavy as the waif in his arms. It seemed they had evaded the enemy for now and with that realization came a bone-numbing exhaustion. He had pointed out the direction when they had fled in the dark, and verified by the light of dawn they were on the right course, but the weight of the child as well as the responsibilities of command grew heavier until he moved woodenly onward, each step wondering if it would be the one where he collapsed. His feet still marched, but his mind was on autopilot, just following those in the lead. Maybe he could keep up this pace in his academy days, but it had been many yahrens since his graduation.

"Flying a desk has made you soft," he heard Starbuck's voice in his head egging him on. That should have been the moment he called for a halt so they could rest and plan their return. When his consciousness sounded like Starbuck, it was usually his sign that he had slipped over the precarious edge between sane and not.

"Flying a viper has made you over-confident, thinking you can save Rene and everyone else from two dozen centurions. What were you thinking, Bucko?" he argued back hoping that his friend hadn't given up on him yet.

"What you should have been thinking, but command has made you lose sense of your priorities." He could almost see Starbuck's mocking grin.

Perhaps had he been more alert and not arguing with Starbuck in his mind he would have caught the warning that his medic was about to bolt, but his first sign was Boomer shouting at Jake that he wasn't going to listen to him anymore.

"Once we have these kids to safety, then we can think about it! Until then, shut up and act like a Colonial Warrior! You keep marching until we get them to safety."

"Frack that! I resign." Jake pulled away from Boomer. Apollo shifted the child in his arms so he had a hand free to reach out and detain the young man, but Jake did not head in his direction back towards the base. Instead, Jake stalked towards Avery, pulling his weapon with one hand while yanking at the rifle on Avery's back with the other.

"Fracking hand it over!" His shout echoed off the hillsides.

Apollo quickly handed Boomer the child in his arms. He needed to get to Jake before the man started a fight or worse, shot someone. He hoped Avery would reason with the young warrior, but he had given the older man too much credit. Avery pulled away from the young man, but Jake didn't let go of the weapon. Using all his strength, he yanked at the rifle pulling Avery nearly off his feet. The older man used the momentum to turn towards the kid, but Jake was ready for the move. His fist was cocked, punching Avery in the throat as Jake's knee came up in the older man's groin, not once but twice, dropping the big man into a crouch.

Apollo had learned first-hand when Rene challenged Bojay to a triad match that the Sewer Rats didn't fight fair. Starbuck had tried to explain to him how over the yahrens they had relied on other skills, and to some it might seem like unfair tricks, but all of the Copper Squadron were small, even the tallest among them was thin, lacking any bulk to stand up against the type of warriors that Dante recruited for his ships. "Some would call it unfair. I would call it evening the odds," Starbuck had clarified. Apollo hadn't condoned Rene's actions, but he had to admit she had won the match in her own way.

Jake had gone for a surprise punch and a low blow. Plus, what Jake lacked in size on the big man, he made up for in speed. Before Apollo could get to him, Jake had taken advantage of Avery's crouch and brought the butt of his weapon down on the back of the man's skull. Knocked out cold, Avery crumpled onto the dirt. Jake already had a knife drawn, slashing at the strap for the rifle to free it from Avery's back.

The other men had turned at the commotion, but seemed too stunned after watching their leader fall to think to turn on the warrior. Apollo was able to reach the conflict just as Jake spun to stalk off, a rifle in one hand, his blaster in the other.

"Wait!" Jake paused mid-step but without hesitation levelled the rifle at him. He ignored the weapon, walking past Jake, briefly brushing his hand on the young warrior's shoulder. "Just wait for me. Wylie, give me your rifle. Does anyone have any ordnances left?"

Boomer had caught up to them, trying to shush the child that was awake in his arms, eyes wide in fright. "Apollo, what are you doing?"

Wylie looked briefly to Avery unconscious on the ground before he handed over his rifle and a bandolier of solenite charges. Apollo mumbled his thanks before he turned away to face his friend.

"I'm going with him." He took a side step to move around Boomer, but his friend matched him, standing in his way.

"What? Have you gone mad? Apollo….Colonel…You need to think like a Colonel. It's suicide. You said that yourself. We need to get to safety and then we can plan a rescue and…"

"Frack that!" Jake shouted, beginning to walk away again. "Every centon we take is one less they have!"

"Jake, wait!" Apollo called, hoping it didn't sound too authoritative. He was done ordering around the Sewer Rat warriors. This wasn't about being in command. This was about seeing his friends live. With the impromptu sealing before this mission, Jake had become one of Starbuck's brothers, and now Apollo's. Plus, he had to give the young warrior credit; he had waited until there seemed to be no sign of pursuit before he decided to turn back. Apollo knew Starbuck would not have made it this far, even if it was Jake in cylon captivity instead of Rene. Ever since Cree, his friend left no one behind even if he had to sacrifice his own life. Letting Zac take his patrol had scarred Starbuck and clouded his decisions long before Rene and his Copper Squadron family had changed his life. Apollo wondered what scars Jake might have for him to consider walking into a cylon base alone. Only, he wasn't just walking, he was racing headlong into a disaster.

"Jake, for Sagan's Sake, stop!" Boomer called out and Apollo was reminded of how close Boomer had become with the Copper squadron as his words held more power. Jake halted in his steps, but did not turn back. He bounced on the balls of his feet like a coiled spring. "I can't. I won't! I don't care if it's suicide. If she dies, I die."

"You have kids to think about Jake, these ones and your own!" Boomer became the voice of reason and Apollo wondered at what point they had all switched places. Was it in the rift they fell through to get to here, swapping their personalities all around as they slid through a wormhole.

Jake turned to look at Boomer, but his boots were still pointed in the direction of the cylon base. "That's why we have a list. You have Max waiting for you. The Rats will raise my kids. I'm going to get their mother and you can't stop me."

Boomer uttered Jake's name again, but he hesitated, searching for the right reasons to convince the young man to abandon his reckless plan. "Don't throw your life away. Rene wouldn't want that. Once we get to something resembling a safe place, we will go back for them."

"And it will be too late!" Jake turned away and started walking again.

Starbuck's voice echoed in Apollo's head, "Reckless gets results sometimes." He found himself moving forward with the fear that in his mind might be the only place he'd ever hear his friend again. It solidified his decision as he felt a new burst of energy.

"Boomer," Apollo placed a hand on his friend's shoulder, "Jake is not going alone. I owe it to Starbuck. You know the way. If the old man gives you any trouble, just sing Yellow Submarine and remind him his wife would want him to help. We'll be back."

"Apollo, this is madness. There's a whole platoon of centurions and…"

Apollo shook his head at his friend. "It's Starbuck." It was the only explanation he could offer. His family was as safe as they could be on the Galactica. They would go on like they had after grieving their mother and Zac. He wasn't sure he could go on if he lost Starbuck and Rene, not to mention there was no returning to the Galactica without Rene and her abilities. They would either wind up like Avery, half crazed from radium poisoning spending their days moving from one hideout to another, or like Peryton, biding their time until death finally came for them. No, Jake was right; every centon was one more centon closer to a harsh lonely reality. He walked past Boomer to catch up to the young warrior.

"Apollo?" Boomer weakly tried again.

"Starbuck's right, command has made me lose sense of my priorities. Just get the kids to safety. I will meet you there."

"If you take too long, I'll bring a viper for you," Boomer called to his retreating back.

Apollo turned briefly, "No, just stay safe. Peryton has enough supplies to last a while if we don't come back…" he shook his head defaulting to the only argument he could make, "Its Starbuck. We'll be back."

Boomer nodded, "Good luck and I'll be there soon."

Apollo nodded, and turned to follow Jake who had sprinted away. "Jake, wait." He'd had to run to catch up with the young warrior. He realized that in a way Jake had waited as once Apollo reached him, Jake increased his speed. Apollo let him run, hoping that it would burn off some of the anxiety clouding his brain and when Jake tired and slowed, he could work out a plan with the kid. But Jake was just that, a kid, and he kept up the pace far longer than Apollo could. He was finally forced to reach out a hand to physically force Jake to slow down for him.

Panting he asked, "Do you have a plan other than running until we're too exhausted to do anything when we get there? We are going to run into our pursuers at this rate and not even make it to the base."

Jake looked over at him scornfully, but he slowed his pace. "You Colonials try to lecture me all the time about what a better training you received. That's a ton of felgercarb. You spend all your time sitting on your astrums planning. Maybe you should spend more time running? All I've learned from your fracking trainings and your gollmonging tests is how to sit and waste time."

Apollo choked back the lecture he wanted to give, partly because for just a moment, Jake sounded so much like himself when he was younger and his father tried to lecture him on how he should pay more attention to his studies. Contrary to Starbuck's and now Jake's opinion, he wasn't any smarter than the other students or pilots, he just studied longer. He rewrote most of his papers not just once but twice. He had one advantage over others, and that was his father. When he was home, his father insisted on updates and going over many of his papers and projects. Apollo remembered how he had become frustrated after rewriting a paper for what felt like the tenth time. He shouted at his father nearly the same sentiment. How was all that writing going to make him a better pilot?

He now knew it was a common complaint of all young warriors. It took time, wisdom and experience to help cadets realize that the lessons and tests did make a better warrior.

Apollo knew those rescued from Caprica had received a far different flight training program than any academy graduate. It was abbreviated and brutal. Failure was fatal. Despite all of those facts, he was left wondering if maybe he would have preferred some aspects of Dante's accelerated course. It was more hands on and less concerned about using a text book. It produced results, but was it worth the high loss of life?

Plus, while Starbuck had been dealing with the lesser ranks of Dante's command structure, as Colonel he'd been dealing with the Captains and other senior officers. Many had not only agreed with Dante's decisions, they had been complicit in making them, and they weren't all bad. They had streamlined many processes that any pilot could agree was cumbersome, such as the requisitioning of supplies and tools needed for viper maintenance. Things moved faster for the Dilmun warriors, and in some ways, more was accomplished.

But that streamlining had opened up other avenues for abusing power. Captain Pallus was a prime example. It took a man who had no biases about training female pilots as equal to male pilots, to a man who had no compunction with chaining that same female pilot to abuse for his own pleasure.

There had to be a middle ground, a different way of doing things that would work for everyone without leading to abuse of power. With that thought in mind, Apollo tried again. "Jake, I'm on your side. So, I would like to know what you plan to do. That way I can help."

The approach worked as rational thought finally caught up to Jake. He was quiet for a few paces before he slowed and stopped sighing heavily. "I don't have a plan other than to sneak my way in and get them out."

"Okay, I get that, but I think you know better what we're facing, so why don't you tell me what happened. How did things go wrong with the last plan?" Apollo dug out a canteen of water, shaking it realizing there wasn't more than a swallow or two left.

Jake sighed heavily again. "Sir, when we first laid eyes on the compound, we didn't see more than a dozen centurions. We didn't think the transport would be full." Jake shivered and tried to shake it off.

Apollo handed him the canteen. "Jake, I'm not your commanding officer, I'm Starbuck's friend. Drop the 'sirs'. You're in charge of this mission. Your plan, you have one, right?"

Jake nodded while guzzling the last of the water before handing the empty canteen back to Apollo. "For one we don't go in blasters blazing. That was our mistake last time. The kids weren't guarded that well. We could have snuck in and just taken out a few guards. I'm thinking with the enemy combing the hills for us, there might be even less of them."

"What if they called in for back up?"

Jake shook his head at him, not liking that Apollo was picking his plan apart, but Apollo ignored the surly look. It was his job to point out the flaws in a mission.

Jake sighed again and looked up to the sky. "Then we're fracked."

Apollo nodded realizing that the strategy that Jake was relying on was one of desperation, but he and Starbuck had made plenty of those plans over the yahrens. Until now, they had all been successful. Even when he was captured before, Starbuck came home without a scratch. He had to hope that the famous Starbuck luck would see his friend through this capture too.

Jake began to list off the points in their favor, reassuring Apollo that while the young man's test scores might be low, he had paid attention at some point. "The base is small. The one we were all in before Dante was bigger. This…this is …" Jake shook his head and looked back to Apollo. "I don't know what this is but I know it can't be good. They had a lot of centurions in that troop transport but there weren't any raiders. They haven't rained down any raiders on us. I don't think they called another base for help. So, let's hope they are all looking for us and the numbers are smaller so we can sneak in, find Starbuck and Rene, and we sneak out. And we hope Starbuck kept his mouth shut because if he was his usual annoying talkative self, then they are going to shoot him."

The lack of sleep was catching up to Apollo as he laughed out loud. "So, living with Starbuck hasn't endeared him to you?"

A hint of a smile ghosted Jake's lips before he angrily chased it away. "He has his moments. Constructs a good still and well, he's easy to con into taking your duty, but does he ever shut up?"

Apollo laughed again, couldn't seem to stifle the laughter. "I bunked with him for yahrens. He even talks in his sleep. You're right, we'd better hurry before he convinces the centurions to play pyramid and he blabs all the fleet's secrets and steals all their cubits." He clapped Jake on the back and the two took off running again. The plan was risky and rough, but he tried to remember that Jake had survived this situation before, and Apollo had snuck onto a base star once. It was just a small base and they were just trying to get to two people. No, not two people. They were going back for their family.


	54. Chapter 54

A clicking sound that made his head pound woke him with a start. It took him a few moments to realize it was his own teeth chattering. Everything ached down to his bones and he was confused how he got here in this small room. He didn't remember when he passed out, only that there had been a sharp pain in his spine, then a burning. He had gritted his teeth to hold in a cry of pain. He didn't want Rene to hear his screams, and tried to move away from the sensation. The IL, the one he called Goldie, told him not to move, something about being permanently damaged. He couldn't help it. It burned so badly, he had to get away from the fire. He swore the IL sighed. It was the last thing he remembered before things went dark.

Now he found himself in a small room that could fit maybe two or three people. It was devoid of any features except smooth walls and a cold floor. He couldn't even see where the door might be but he suspected it was near the one item in the room, a flask of water, at least he hoped it was water as he was suddenly very thirsty.

Slowly he tried to get up from the floor. At first his muscles failed to follow his commands, but he knew he needed to move or he might not move again. He tried wiggling his toes first, pleased to see they were still in his boots, which, reassuringly, were still attached to the rest of him. The toes responded, and he worked his way up, testing all his muscles, like a preflight check on his viper. Not all systems were a go and he ended up crawling over to the flask. He took the precaution of sniffing it first to make sure it wasn't something like tylium or poison, but his thirst overrode his caution and he guzzled the water. It helped clear his head and he was able to attempt getting to his feet. He rubbed at his arms to get some feeling back into them and let his teeth chatter freely as he considered his options.

Surveying the room again, he located the crack in the wall that was probably the door. When pushed, there was no give and the crack was too small to get any purchase for his fingers to pry it open. His fingers ached from the cold. He still wore the hunting sweater, but it had holes in strange places, and the left sleeve had been cut away. As he rubbed his arms, he felt the round device the IL had inserted into his upper arm, a port of some kind with three wires with connectors trailing from the opening. He debated ripping it out, but he didn't know where those wires went and remembered one of the IL's mentioning something about the central nervous system. He chose to leave them alone for now. Once free, then he could get it out.

"One problem at a time, Bucko." He spoke to himself through chattering teeth, just to hear something other than the fan of the air refresher that was blowing freezing air right down his spine. He had found Cree on Arcta in a variation of this room, a cold cell where they had unceremoniously dumped the cadet when they were done with him, to save him for later use.

"So, the famous Lieutenant Starbuck, the best viper pilot the fleet has ever seen, meets his end in a small cell on his home world," he mused aloud as he shrugged. It seemed fair. He'd come full circle. His career began yahrens ago in a different small cell, arrested for "borrowing" a hover bike, the authorities catching him in a club gambling when he was underage, not to mention under the possession of alcohol and fumarellos. His court appointed protector had made him an offer, join the military when he graduated secondary school, or enjoy spending time locked up in small rooms. It had been an easy choice, freedom versus captivity. He'd made sure he excelled in his courses and since he had to join, he'd made sure it was on his terms applying to the Academy. He'd found freedom in the skies above Caprica.

He intended to make that choice again, freedom versus captivity. He had one tool at his disposal at the moment, his voice, and he chose to use it shouting loudly, "Hey get me out of here!" It ricocheted off the walls of the small room, almost shattering his pounding head.

"Okay, maybe not the best idea." He slid down the wall, cradling his head in his hands. "Apollo, what is taking you so damn long?" It was easier to gripe at his friend than to worry about what was happening to Rene. As his body began to shake from the cold, he began to worry about himself. The cold was seeping into his aching bones.

"Up, get up Starbuck!"

It was Apollo's voice, so reminiscent of the same motivation his friend gave him in his yahrens at the academy. How many times had Apollo, a notorious early riser, rolled him out of his bunk making sure he made it to classes and physical training on time? He muttered aloud the same thing he always did, "I was up late last night. You should have been there," but he still got to his feet, pacing and rubbing his arms to stay warm. He counted the time with his steps, four paces at a time, and tried to think of a way out of the cell.

"You were always good at thinking outside of the box, Bucko. All your instructors said so. You can do it now."

After over four hundred revolutions of his small room, without warning the door slid open. Before he could react, Rene was pushed in. He rushed towards her, clumsily catching her as he dropped to his knees with her sudden weight. "Thank the Lords!" he cried out in relief.

Needing to verify for himself that she was real and he wasn't beginning to hallucinate he pulled her to him. She held on, gripping his arm so tight he thought she might leave a bruise. He wrapped his arms around her as she whispered his name. He could feel the device in her arm, much like his own and he pulled her back to get a good look at her. She looked like hades, her face lined with pain, dark circles under eyes and far too pale. He hoped it was just the stark white walls washing out her color.

"Are you okay?" He searched her eyes, grateful when they met his.

She nodded weakly. "Yeah. Nothing permanent. I can take it. You okay?"

"Just another day at the office," he quipped, reaching to brush the hair from her eyes. Her gaze was distant, her eyes cloudy gray.

The blue caped IL had followed her into the room, and the door slid shut behind him. Starbuck cursed the missed opportunity, but realized he had another one in front of him if he could get his hands on the robot. He didn't exactly know what he could do without a weapon, but he was pretty sure he could tackle the thing to the ground and rip its head from that cable it called a neck.

The IL spoke, "Her life signs were growing weaker. You indicated you could assist in keeping her from expiring. I suggest you do that now."

He ignored the machine, whispering to Rene, "I'm going to get us out of here." He was glad he'd taken the time to learn how to communicate in sewer rat hand signs as he put his thoughts into the signs. At first, Rene shook her head to his plan, but he signed to her that it might be their only shot. They were together and he didn't think that was standard captive policy based on his experience with the cylons. She looked over her shoulder at the IL, then nodded to his plan.

"There are more kids." She answered him, not bothering to hide her words. "We didn't get them all." Inwardly he cursed. The fact that the kids had been rescued and hopefully were safe somewhere out there in the hills of Caprica had been the only good news in this situation. He was going to be using all the luck he had left in this life to get himself and Rene out of here. He wasn't sure what more he could do for anyone else but themselves. But he'd worry about that once they were out of this cell.

"One problem at a time," he signed to her as he helped her to her feet.

"Interesting," the IL spoke again, "her life signs are improving just with your mere presence. Elaborate for my studies."

"Well, you see, what I do is…" he said, into the all too eager face of the IL before leaping to grab the machine. He didn't even make it halfway across the small room when a shock went up his spine and he crumpled to the ground at the IL's wheeled feet. His muscles went slack like a puppet with its strings cut. He heard Rene call out his name, but he couldn't answer with more than a weak mumble as his body refused to respond to his commands.

"It would be advised that you not make any sudden movements towards me again." With a click and a whir, sensation came back into Starbuck's body with a jolt of pain. He groaned, as Rene's arms came around him. He let her help him sit up, reaching for her. He gazed at her briefly, registered the worry in her eyes and quickly decided if she could worry about him, she was okay for the moment. He focused on the robot, his only chance to get them out of here.

"What the frack do you want from us?" With Rene at his side, he felt a bit more invincible. He could do this, distract the machine and get that device from its hands.

"To learn how to improve the human race. We intend you no harm."

"Oh really, that's what that little show was about, no harm? Why you mother fracker, I'm going to…" He tried to lunge for the machine again, but a sudden shock of electricity locked up his muscles and clamped his jaw down tight.

"Cooperate and it will be far less painful."

His muscles relaxed and he slumped into Rene's arms breathing hard.

The IL seemed to ignore Starbuck's efforts, single minded in his purpose. "Your mate's vital signs were slowing. So now you need to show us what you do to keep her alive. We do not wish her to expire. Oh, and mating. We've never seen humans mate before. You intimated that it was helpful in improving life signs, so I suggest you mate."

"What the hades?" Starbuck wondered if the shock had done something to his hearing. "Are you fracking kidding me?"

"I am quite serious. You may begin now." The blue's lights sped up and Starbuck imagined crushing those lights under his boots, one by one. He debated making another attempt to tackle the machine, but his racing heart and the tingle in his hands told him that maybe he should wait a few moments before trying again.

He shifted his attention to Rene

"You okay? The baby?" She just nodded, but stopped trying to get him to his feet as she slid down the wall to sit beside him. Clumsily he lifted his arm, which seemed to way a ton, to put it around her shoulders and pull her close. Her face was ashen, her lips cracked and bleeding. "We're going to be okay. They are coming for us." He tried to reassure her, but she just nodded without emotion, her eyes sliding back to the IL.

"You may begin now."

"Begin what, baldy? Finding out how many metrons of wire is inside you?" Starbuck taunted. He held on tight to Rene, trying to ignore the device in her arm that was jabbing into his side. She felt solid in his hands, whole and alive, at least for now. He took a deep breath, tried not to let it out in a shudder as the IL rolled closer.

"You may begin now," the IL repeated impatiently.

"Go frack yourself."

The IL pressed a button and searing pain exploded in Starbuck's chest. His back arched as the pain radiated and skittered up his spine. He choked out a scream.

"No!" Rene called out. "Stop it! Please stop! Lords no!" Her voice faded to a raspy whisper. Her touch didn't make the pain any better as a fresh bolt of lightning shot up his back and stabbed him in the head. Suddenly it dissipated and he was left panting while fireworks exploded in his vision.

"Interesting." The IL commented. "She feels your pain. You do form a symbiotic bond like Balaam postulated. Interesting. I will need to explore this hypothesis further."

Adrenalin and anger surged in him. He growled as he launched himself at the robot again, this time reaching the machine despite the explosion that bloomed in his head and disconnected his brain from his body. He was able to get his hands on the cape of the IL before his muscles gave out and he dropped to his hands and knees. Once on the ground sensation returned again and he tried to get to his feet. He had to reach the machine, but he was too slow. The IL pressed another button and he flinched expecting the jolt of pain. He jerked again when he heard Rene's cry of pain behind him. He looked over his shoulder to see her body go rigid. She uttered a weak yelp as her body began to shake.

"Stop! Stop it!" He reached to swipe the device from the robot's hands, but the machine rolled back, pressing the button again and Rene shrieked an inhuman cry of agony. He was torn between trying to attack the IL and trying to reach for Rene as she writhed in pain. He couldn't help her, there was only one choice to make. "Make it stop. I'll do what you want! Just make it stop!"

He swore the machine smiled wider as he released the switch. Starbuck turned and reached for her, growling in frustration that he couldn't stop the machine from hurting her. She slumped in his arms and he could feel her heart beating fast. He pulled her even closer, stroking her hair, kissing her temple, wishing like hades he could make this all go away. "I'm sorry. So sorry."

He felt her grip his sweater as she buried her head in his chest. He felt the words she mumbled more than he heard them, but he knew what it was, a mantra, "Pain is temporary. It tells you that you are alive. Pain is temporary. It tells you…"

He lowered his head to hers, whispered in her ear, "You're okay. I've got you. It's going to be okay. We'll get out of here. I will get you out of here."

But his words were hollow, worse than the sweet nothings he had mumbled to a dozen or more women throughout his life. He couldn't pay the marker on those words.

"When she feels pain, you feel pain? Elaborate human." The IL commanded, rolling closer. Starbuck debated dropping Rene to resume his attack on the rolling calculator, but Rene jumped in his arms as the IL pushed the switch. There was a brief tightening of her muscles and then gone. Rene choked back a sob as her muscles went slack.

"Elaborate."

He shouted in desperation, "Yes! Yes, when you hurt her I feel it. I feel for her and her pain. It's called love, you mechanical maniac. It's why you will never beat us, you will never be superior. Without love you are nothing."

"Ah, I have heard this word before but we never understood it was what you call this parasitic symbiotic connection. Interesting. So, when you feel pleasure, does she feel pleasure as well?"

He held Rene tight, felt her tremble in his arms, but she kept mumbling the words and he briefly wondered who had taught that to her. Was it Dante, or Gage? Was it the destruction or the streets of Caprica? She had been through too much, they all had.

The IL repeated the question, his shiny metal appendage hovering menacingly over the switch in its claw.

Right now, all that mattered was staying together. If they took her from him, she would die. He ignored his own angry voice shouting in his head that he couldn't protect her, not here. He knew answering any questions was giving in to the enemy's demands. According to all the trainings on interrogation that it was a short slippery slope from this to giving out the coordinates of the fleet. Name, rating, number. He knew the drill, but this wasn't about him. It was about his baby.

"Yeah, I guess, sometimes. If she's happy, I'm happy. You got a switch for that? If you do, you could press it about now." He couldn't help but to look to the machine hopefully. Of course, the gumball dispenser didn't have a button for that. What use was pleasure to a machine?

"No, we have not perfected that technique yet like we have with the Delphinians. Our efforts have rendered the specimens imperfect and their brains damaged. We have not wanted to waste our human subjects on those studies yet. We are very excited about seeing the human gestation process but we will begin to work on other studies once the larva has been removed from the female."

Starbuck grimaced at the words. They wouldn't be staying that long, and if there was no rescue, he'd make sure death was quick and painless rather than see his child born in a cylon slave camp. He somehow knew Rene would want that too.

"In the meantime, we wish to witness the mating process. You may begin."

Starbuck didn't mean to chuckle, it was just so absurd. "It doesn't work like that. You can't just order it to happen. She needs to be stronger and…you're killing her. You don't get to see the baby grow if you kill her."

He shivered at the thought of his child in the hands of these monsters, and knew they had done the right thing to get the kids out of here. He just hoped that they had gotten away, but he had no way of knowing that. He didn't even know how long they had been here. Would there be some sign if his friends had been caught? He thought there would be and decided Boomer and Jake had to be safe. They would come back for them. He let that ember of hope burn in his heart as he leaned down to kiss her cheek. Reaching a hand to her face to turn her towards him. He found her lips with his.

"Have you begun?" The IL persisted. "Her life force is improving." The voice of the IL was different than Baltar's butler. If it had been Lucifer, he might have thought this was a joke, but this IL seemed seriously focused.

"No! You want her to live, you are going to have to let me help her!" She had stopped mumbling her mantra and was motionless in his arms. Her breaths were slow and her pulse fast. Starbuck took a deep breath, trying to figure out what he was going to do. Rene couldn't take much more. He was going to lose her if he didn't come up with something fast.

"We do not wish her to expire. I was unaware of any special requirements. From your medical manuals there is nothing you need. Begin now please, or should I be continuing my studies on how you feel her pain?"

"No! Your studies are complete on that!"

As if he needed a further demonstration that he did not control the situation here, the IL pushed the button again and Rene screamed into his chest before going still and quiet.

"Rene? You okay? Hey pretty lady..." He reached a cold numb finger under her chin to lift her face to his. Her eyes were deep blue in the starkness of their white room. He wanted to get lost in them and escape all this. "You okay?"

Her eyes were wide, frightened, and he speculated for a brief moment if this was the look that she gave Dante and his officers when they took what wasn't theirs to take. How could they find that look enticing? The look broke his heart.

She nodded weakly. "Just…just painful. Pain is temporary."

Starbuck nodded in acknowledgement of her words, before he looked to the cold walls and the emotionless machine. "We need to stay together. We need to buy more time. You can do that. You're tough, aren't you?" Her eyes were gazing into his, but they were still distant with the haze of pain.

"I'm getting us out of here." He repeated the phrase as if it would make it come true. Positive thinking had worked for him before. He didn't think she heard him or was hearing anything as the walls crashed down in her eyes and she escaped to somewhere in her mind where she could ride this out until the pain stopped.

Gently, he let her go, disentangling himself from her as he laid her on the floor.

"Our time is limited. There are other studies we must conduct. You have five centons to complete the process and then it is Balaam's turn to examine the specimen."

He took the anger and focused it like a laser as he launched himself across the room. He could almost hear the crowd roar in approval as he used one of his best triad moves and tackle the robot to the floor. The switch in the machine's hand dropped to the ground and Starbuck wrapped his hands around the cable the machine had for a neck, attempting to wrench the head from the body. He heard Rene's boots scrambling on the floor and he hoped to the Lords she was able to get to the switch. He couldn't get the head off, so he wrapped his fingers around it and bashed the dome against the wall. He heard a very satisfying crack, not caring if it was the bubble head or the wall. He bashed the robot against the wall again before a high pitched sound blared from the machine. He could only assume it was a distress call.

The door to the room slid open, and he expected a centurion with a rifle in its grip. He lunged to grab for the weapon, but there was no centurion. Instead a red caped IL rolled into the room. Before Starbuck could grab onto the machine, he hit the floor hard, his body unable to move as fire burned in every nerve. The pain matched the high pitched alarm and was so intense, his lungs seized and he could find not even draw air to scream in pain.

Rene's cry of "No!" ended abruptly as he registered her dropping beside him. The alarm ceased and Starbuck looked up helplessly as the red caped IL leaned over him. He couldn't even turn his head to see if Rene was alright. The paralysis had at least stopped being painful, but his body failed to respond to the klaxons screaming in his head.

"Sitri," the IL spoke harshly to the blue caped IL as he helped the machine back to an upright position. "You have been warned about interacting with the human specimens. You need repairs a nd why did you fail to inform me of these prisoners?"

Starbuck could only stare up at the machines, despite willing it with everything he had, his limbs just would not respond. The lights in the blue IL's dome were dimmer. He had accomplished something, what he did not know as he tried again to force his body to move.

"Well Moloch, you had other concerns and our studies have little interest to you."

The blue IL bowed to the other in deference. Starbuck's guess that the red caped IL was bad news was confirmed.

"Balaam informed me of their uniforms. Are you not aware that we have found signs of Colonial Warriors landing on the planet? No, of course not because you do not bother with the security reports. These are not your specimens. They are to be interrogated and their neocortexes examined immediately."

"But Moloch," the blue IL nearly whined as Starbuck slowly turned his head to Rene and one of his hands closed in an awkward fist. Clumsily he reached out to her, but she stared away from him, her face a mask of pain. "The female is gestating another human, and we know so little about the process. Surely there is no harm in letting us continue our studies. Our directives are not incompatible."

"If they provide the information required and survive the brain scans, we will discuss your experiments. Until then," Moloch gestured for a centurion to enter the room, which was now so crowded Starbuck wouldn't have been able to move even if he could. "The female's life force is weaker. Begin with her."

The IL must have flipped the switch for Rene to be able to move again. She shouted Starbuck's name reaching for him. He felt her hands pulling at him and tried with everything he had to hang on to her. He finally got his fingers to respond, clutching the cloth of her sweater for a brief moment before it slipped through his grasp. She was dragged away screaming his name.

The door slid shut, but the blue caped IL remained in his cell. The switch was thrown, and suddenly he could feel his body again. He ached in places he didn't know existed before.

"Well, we should not let this slow our studies. The female will return when Moloch has gained the information he desires. While I could not observe, you can still explain the mating process."

Starbuck slowly moved, sitting up and rubbing at his arms. The chill of the room on his bare skin felt like needles poking into him. "Go frack yourself."

"Your noncompliance will not help your mate. I will be forced to cause you pain and that will injure the female."

He was suddenly spent. His attack on the IL had accomplished nothing but Rene's removal to face a brain scan. She had told him of what she had endured before, plus Cree had tried to describe it for the other warriors. They both mentioned an itch inside your head as they sifted through your memories like sand. She had nothing to tell them before and they had still dug deeper. Now, she knew everything, and more. If they learned how to do what she could do, jumping from world to world, the universe was doomed. It had been hard keeping the coordinates for Earth from her. Now he was relieved to know he had.

"May I get to have that argument with her." He chuckled ruefully, wiping at his face wondering how much more he could take. Could he override the pain, power through it and take down this robot? Well he was going to find out. Stiffly he got to his feet and took a step towards the machine. The jolt of pain brought him to his hands and knees. He screamed in agony as he tried to crawl a step closer. A fresh wave of fire coursed up his body and he fell to the floor, panting hard when the pain receded. But he was closer. Slowly, he got to his feet again, took another step and found himself on the floor writhing.

"You are being very uncooperative," the IL stated, pressing the switch again.

"Frack me," he cursed but he couldn't think of anything else to do.

"Are you going to elaborate, or do you intend to continue to be difficult?"

He knew this wasn't helping Rene. For Sagan's sake it sure wasn't helping him, but difficult was his designation. He dragged himself across the floor getting closer to the IL. The machine sighed, and a fresh wave of pain crashed into his brain.

When he was able to breathe again, he found himself looking into the glowing eyes of the bubble head. "I will see that your mate lives through the interrogation. I will give you time to focus on your explanation of the mating process."

"Yeah, I'll get right on that," he said, suddenly appreciating the cold floor. It soothed the lightning induced wild fire that had just torn through his body. A distant part of him realized that the IL had left the room, and he was now alone. "Dammit, Apollo. Where the frack are you?"


	55. Chapter 55

The floor had long gone from comforting the fever that threatened to burn him alive, to an uncomfortable block of ice, but he hadn't found the strength to move. He hadn't passed out exactly, just kind of let his mind rest a bit before he tried to get up again. He wasn't sure how long he had stayed that way, a few centons, or a few centaurs. It was anybody's guess. He tried to justify it as saving his strength for when it really mattered, but, try as he might, he couldn't kid himself with that felgercarb. He was hurting and the pounding in his head was like Borelian laser bolls being flung at his back. Added to his misery was the fact that it was probably nothing compared to what Rene was experiencing. So, he was conserving his energy until she came back, and if she didn't, well there wasn't any point in moving then was there? Curled up on the floor, he stayed that way for Sagan knows how long, that is until the floor jumped under his cheek and he thought he heard a loud roar.

"You always were a little slow," he mumbled critically into the ice block below him before gruellingly pushing himself up. The ice block said nothing in return, accepting that his words were the truth. "Took your damn sweet time with that rescue, Apollo," he muttered, raising his aching head slowly. "When we get out of here, you're buying me a drink. Because you're late. Otherwise, I'd buy you a drink." He managed to get himself up onto one knee, wobbling in the process. "I don't even mind if the grog is warm. I can chill it down with just about any body part, but we won't get graphic. The kids, you know."

He was still struggling to his feet when the door to his cell slid open. He had a good jibe ready on his lips for his friend, but the centurion dropping Rene onto the floor of the cell chased it away. The door slid closed faster than he could move. He tripped over her body before he reached the portal just as the panels slid shut. Shouting, he slammed his fist into the door. At his shout, Rene whimpered and tried to scrambled away from him, backing into the wall.

"You gollmonging trash bins! Scared of me, aren't you? Cowards!" He pounded at the door again, but it didn't budge. He gave it another hard hit, regretting the action the moment he made contact. The door was solid and the last thing he needed to do was bring more attention to himself. The cylons were pretty good so far at keeping the pain and torture fair and equal. For once in his life he wasn't going to complain if he got less than he was due. An internal voice screamed at him to pull it together. Rene needed him here and alive. Succumbing to weakness or sickness was a luxury he just didn't have time for. He kneeled down to reach for his wife, but as he touched her, she cried out in fear and pain. She tried to back farther away in the small room, hands up in submission.

"Easy Rene, it's just me. Starbuck. Your husband." He slowly reached for her again, but she shouted something incomprehensible her eyes wild and unfocused. He backed up, letting her get her bearings. "You're okay. It's okay," he cooed to her but her hands remained up in defense and her eyes didn't clear. She was shaking and breathing hard. He didn't need to touch her to know her heart was beating fast, he could see her pulse throbbing in her neck. He tried again, calling her name softly, but she recoiled from the sound.

"Rene, it's me. It's just me." He moved slowly to touch her, but she flinched as if his fingers burned. He crouched down on the floor near her, but didn't reach for her again. If she felt even half as bad as he did, his touch might actually be painful. He looked to the door suddenly worried why she was back. Was it was because the bobbleheads thought she was about to expire? Plus, it was probably his turn for that interrogation they promised. He looked to the portal, waiting for what was to come next, but the cell door remained closed and Rene's gasping breaths echoed in the small room.

"One problem at a time," he said aloud before turning back to his wife. "Easy, slow down. Slow breaths, okay? Just like at home. Come on, slow it down. Deep breath in, come on, Pretty Lady."

Her eyes were wide and he was pretty sure she had no idea who he was. She kept her hands up to push him away, but she did take a deep breath that she let out in a shudder. "That's it. Try another." Her face was flushed and her eyes a cloudy gray against the bright red of her cheeks. "They hurt you? Anything permanent?"

The negative shake of her head looked more like a shiver than an answer. He tried reaching for her again, but she trembled as she tried to scurry away. There was nowhere to go in the small room. He held his own hands up to show her he wasn't a threat. "I'm not going to hurt you. You're okay." He reached out to her boot, needing to make some kind of contact with her, but she shifted it away as soon as his hand landed on it.

"Rene, it's me, Starbuck." Her eyes crinkled in confusion at his words, focusing on him for only a micron, before gazing away towards the door. "Come on, speak to me, Beautiful. Are you with me?"

She didn't answer him, instead scanning the room as if she had never been there before. He called to her with a bit more authority in his voice, trying a different tack, desperate to reach her. "Hey, talk to me, Lieutenant! What happened? What did they do? I need to know how to help and know what's in store for me." She met his eyes, but her brow furrowed like she was thinking hard. She opened her mouth to speak, but shook her head and shut it again. Her eyes slid away, and she kept her hands up to defend herself.

He felt the floor beneath them vibrate again and he knew there wasn't much time left. With a brief visual assessment, he could at least tell that Rene wasn't bleeding and he couldn't see any injuries that weren't there before. He decided to hades with it and reached out to pull her into his arms. She fought him but he wasn't going to let go because he knew the next time he left her, it might be for good. She wasn't as strong as she should be and he easily held on speaking soothingly to her until her resistance melted. Once she stopped struggling, she lay nearly limp in his arms which frightened him even more. He pulled back just a little to regard her, reaching to push her hair away from her face. Just by the color of her eyes he could tell that her walls were up. She had disappeared somewhere in her mind where she could find some safety. He decided it was best to leave her there as he wanted to assess the damage, or at least get an inkling of what he was soon to experience if Apollo didn't hurry the hades up.

"It's okay," he said, his voice thick with the knowledge they were as far from okay as the fleet was from Earth. "It doesn't matter if you don't know me, I know you. I made a vow." He reached a hand to her forehead, feeling the heat. "The least those bastards could do is fix that fever. The good news is, they probably only got gibberish out you."

Her lips moved and he barely heard the whisper, the word thick and slurred, "Couldn't."

It was just one word, but he knew what she meant. There was probably nothing even he could do to defend himself against a brain scan, and if it meant her death, well, he'd want her to tell them everything to stay alive. "It's okay," he said again wondering what he could do to get them out of here before they came for him. Not a damn thing he realized and settled for holding her in his arms, trying to offer what little comfort he could. "It's okay if you told them everything. They won't make sense of it, they're bucket heads."

He reached a hand down to her belly, hoping that maybe he could feel the baby, needing some reassurance that it was alright. She stiffened in his arms at the movement and began to struggle again.

"Easy, I'm on your side," he said, but loosened his grip afraid he might be hurting her. He felt the wall behind his back vibrate as he heard the clomping of a centurion coming down the corridor. His pulse quickened, afraid it might be his turn, and he did know things the enemy would want to hear. If he talked, he would be risking far more than just the family. The fleet was so much larger now. He suddenly understood the weight that Rene felt she carried trying to keep her whole family safe. If he had a weapon on him now, he might do more than stare down a muzzle to make sure the kids in the fleet would stay safe. He'd make sure he died before they even put him in that scanner.

"What about Rene and the baby?" This time the voice in his head sounded like his old buddy, calm and practical Boomer. Only was he that practical? It was because of him humoring Rene's crazy ideas they had landed here. But his voice was still echoing in his head, "You humored her too. What will she do if you die?" He shook his head to the question. Rene was not going to last long even with him here.

"No," he muttered aloud and Rene pushed away from the word. Despite her weak struggling, he pulled her close, knowing time was not a luxury he had anymore. He leaned down until his lips found her ear. He whispered urgently, gratified that she stilled in his arms. He hoped she was coherent enough to understand, "Don't give up. Don't you dare quit. You are tough, you always tell me that. You stay alive. Apollo will come for you. You tell my child I loved him, just the idea of him. Or her. I wanted to be a dad. I wanted to be there, I did. Tell him I'm sorry, but stay alive to say it, you understand?" He wasn't sure if she nodded in understanding or if it was a shiver that traveled up his spine shaking the both of them. "You tell my son that all those crazy stories about me are only half true, and you tell my daughter not to fall for guys like me. You live to tell my kid, you got that?"

This time he was sure she heard him as she stopped struggling and gripped his arm tight. The door slid open and he hastily whispered that he loved her before he pushed her away from him. He'd be fighting until the bitter end, but he wasn't going in that brain scan. He thought if he could knock the robot to the ground, he might be able to get into the corridor to find a weapon.

With all the energy he had left, he vaulted into the machine, counting on the element of surprise. Rather than crashing into cold metal, he collided with a warm body, knocking both of them back into the corridor. Sprawled on the floor, he felt arms reaching for him as he looked into a familiar face.

"Starbuck, you just ruined my entrance," Jake whispered, keeping a firm hold on him.

He had to be dreaming. That was it. He'd either passed out from the pain or the hypothermia had him hallucinating. "Jake? I thought you were dead!"

"Wishful thinking, Bucko? You don't get rid of me that easily." The young man's eyes scanned him quickly as the hands patted him down. "You're okay?"

"Never been so glad to see you, so you decide," Starbuck quipped, looking down the corridor, finding it empty. "What took you so long?"

"Trying to fix your fracked up rescue mission and avoiding a whole platoon of centurions that were in that transport kept my dance card full," Jake whispered, "Keep it down. We're trying to do this quiet. Are you able to run?"

"Depends on the motivation," he admitted, "where is everyone?" But Jake had dropped his arms, rolled Starbuck off of him, and climbed to his feet as he reached a hand to help the warrior up.

"Do you know where they're keeping Rene?" Jake asked. Starbuck pointed back into the cell. Jake pushed a blaster into his hands. "Cover me," he said before he rushed into the small room.

Starbuck scanned the corridor again, heard another loud pop in the distance, but he thought it was outside the building. Hopefully it was the distraction that was making this rescue possible. It's what he would do and the thought made him wonder if he was just making all this up in his head. Had he passed out holding Rene in his arms? Was this just a dream? Well, so far it was a good one so he decided to see how it played out. He checked out the corridor, deeming it safe for now and looked back to his cell.

Rene had her hands back up in defense and was trying to meld herself into the wall at her back. "Hey baby," Jake said but stopped short of reaching for her, looking back over his shoulder to Starbuck. "What did they do?"

Starbuck just stood in the doorway, thinking that Rene should have improved if this was a dream. He hesitated, afraid that if he entered the cell, the door would slam shut blocking out this illusion.

"Starbuck!" Jake hissed at him to get his attention.

"I don't know. She's confused. Brain scan I think and…" He trailed off as Jake shifted his attention back to Rene. "Jake, where is everyone? You're supposed to dead, aren't you?"

"I don't have time for this," Jake griped, ignoring Starbuck and reaching slowly for Rene. "Baby, it's okay. It's me. I'm a good guy." Rene's eyes focused on her old friend, her hands lowering a little.

The sound of footsteps down the corridor made Starbuck's head whip around far too fast. He groaned and slumped against the wall as the pounding in his head turned into a sledge hammer, then faded to an incessant drone that was approaching fast. They had to get out of here and he had no idea where he was in relation to an exit. For a brief moment he considered just shooting up at the ceiling and taking the fastest way out. Meanwhile, his imaginary dream-state friend was trying to reason with Rene who wasn't moving, and wasn't talking.

"Let's go!" Starbuck urged, hoping that if Rene at least recognized Jake, her friend could get her up and moving.

Jake looked at him not moving as fast as he would like, "She's not talking?"

"Not yet, no. Look, we can worry about that later. We need to go! If we don't get a move on, I'm going to wake up!" Starbuck said taking a quick look down the corridor in both directions. "What's the plan?"

Jake looked at him in concern before replying, "We slink out like rats. Apollo is working on taking out the enemy."

Starbuck wasn't sure if he heard him right. "I'm dreaming," he said aloud, turning back to Jake who was quietly trying to coax Rene to her feet. Illusion or not, he was going to see this through to a fantasy ending that had them out of here before time ran out. "What did Dante yell at you to get you moving?"

"We are going with quiet here. I am not yelling at her. Besides, I don't need to, do I, baby?" She recoiled as Jake reached for her.

Starbuck was unsure what he should do, afraid if he made a move in any direction, everyone would vanish into thin air. For a heroic dream rescue, so far it was disappointing. If he shouted at Rene to get to her feet the cylons might hear him, and if he went back into the cell and hauled her up, the door would close locking them in. "It's your fantasy," the voice in his head shouted, "You get to make it up." He was opting for pushing Jake aside even if it meant he had to go back in the cell, when his dream solidified into the form of Apollo coming down the corridor, a blaster in one hand and cylon pulse rifle in the other.

"Now that's more like it," he mumbled, not totally sure who he was talking to, himself, Lady Luck, or his new imaginary friends. Apollo gave him a cursory scan from head to toe, not speaking as if somehow words would break the mirage. Starbuck sighed in relief when Apollo brushed past him, giving him a reassuring clap on the shoulder with a hand that felt very real before his friend went into the cell pushing Jake aside and reaching down to haul Rene to her feet. Apollo finally spoke, but the words were hushed, "Starbuck, see to your wife. We are getting you out of here." He put Rene's unresisting hand into his, before going past him to the corridor again. Oh, thank the Lords for Apollo!

"Jake? You got them?" Apollo asked.

Jake's responding "Yes sir!" that sounded actually respectful and admiring had him wondering again at the validity of his senses.

"I must already be in that brain scan," Starbuck briefly pondered, but the fantasy felt real enough as Jake grabbed his arm and began to move out into the corridor. Starbuck decided to follow, pulling Rene along behind him. As they reached a juncture of the corridor and Apollo motioned for them to get back and be quiet, Starbuck looked into his wife's wide and much too passive eyes.

He leaned down to whisper to her, "I think I'm dead. It's not such a bad way to go. I'm in good company, and hey, at least we're out of the cell." Jake hissed at him to be quiet at the same time that he saw a glimmer in Rene's eyes at his banter. "Although, I'm wondering who's in charge of this dream. I could do without your old boyfriend coming along on this trip to heaven."

Jake chuckled while Apollo waved a hand for them all to be quiet. The young man couldn't resist rising to the bait. "Who says you're going to heaven?"

Starbuck waited until Apollo waved them around the corner before he answered, "Can't go to hell if you're already there."

"For Sagan's sake, Starbuck, shut up!" Apollo ordered, grabbing him by the sweater and giving him a shake. His eyes poured over his friend, taking in his high colour, the heat radiating off his skin, his slightly slurred speech, and his evident incoherence. "This is real, Starbuck. We're going to get you both out of here so you can build a life together, but I need you to listen to me. Crawl through that fog that's wrapped its way around your brain, and get back in the game, buddy! Can you do that for me? For Rene?"

Apollo's words broke the spell. This was no dream and he pulled Rene closer suddenly concerned that they would run into the IL with the box of pain. He nodded briefly, turning back towards Apollo. "I can do it, Buddy, but promise me if we suddenly drop to the ground, you'll haul me and Rene out of here no matter how much we scream." Apollo just gave him a quick concerned look before leading them farther down the corridor. There was a loud explosion that dropped them all to the ground.

"What the frack? I thought you were going for 'quiet'," Starbuck complained.

Apollo grinned at him. "You don't get to have all the fun, Bucko. Jake wanted me to even the odds. Let's go."

Just when he thought this might be real, the rebel grin had him wondering again. "So, since this is my fantasy, did you find me a viper and some four hundred yahren old ambrosia?"

"I told you, this is real. But since you mentioned it…" Apollo led them down the corridor, headed for a very sturdy door at the end. Apollo gave him another quick appraisal. "I found a viper, but we have a ways to go and they are hot on our trail. We're going to need to run for it and maybe take the long way to avoid the enemy. I don't have any ambrosia, but you've already got the pretty girl, so no heroics here, Bucko. We're following Jake's plan." He motioned for Jake to take the lead, but the young man looked over his shoulder back down the corridor, before looking down to Rene.

"Are you sure?" Jake said to her and she nodded vigorously. "Starbuck, did you see them?" he asked the warrior.

"I'm half delirious and you're actually asking me that question. See who?"

"Frack me, seriously?" Jake asked Rene again as Starbuck read the hand sign she was flashing, the one for "more".

Starbuck desperately wanted to go out that door, to taste the air of freedom and he was willing to hike through half of Caprica if it kept him out of a cell and away from a brain scan. But that one word, stuttered from Rene's lips was something he couldn't ignore.

"K..k..kids."

Starbuck felt as though he'd been punched in the gut as he realized there were more kids somewhere in this complex.

"Where?" Jake asked her, but she had turned away from her friend, looking to Starbuck instead as she pointed back down the corridor.

"Well, since there's still a good chance that none of this real, what the hades. I'll bet it all and let's hover with this. Back in a flash, Apollo; you guard the exit."

He heard his name as Apollo called to him, but he let a surprisingly nimble Rene lead him and Jake back down the corridor, back to their cell and farther into the building. The corridors were still empty and the ground shook under his feet at some point as a loud explosion boomed. Klaxons began wailing, and yet, there was no drone or clomp of a centurion. She led him to a door a few cells past their own. He hadn't known Jake believed in the Gods until that moment, when the prayer for protection slipped from his lips as he pulled out a tool of some kind and popped the controls for the door from the wall. It only took him a micron before the door slid open. Jake turned away to the door behind them, performing the same task.

In horror, Starbuck felt Rene pull away from his hand as she entered the cell. He followed, to find three young boys huddled together, looking up at him with a mixture of fear and awe. They looked to be about Boxey and Lara's age, but they were painfully thin, the clothes they wore in tatters.

"Can you walk?" he reached out a hand, and one of the boys moved to grab onto him. He hauled the child up, shifting the child's hand to have the kid grip his sweater as he reached for another. Rene had hold of the third one. Starbuck looked down to the first child he had grabbed, saw his clear blue eyes gazing at him. "What's your name?"

He had to ask him twice before the child answered softly, "Zion."

"Okay Zion, we're getting out of here. You hang on, okay? And hang onto your friends. Don't let go." He turned to Rene who seemed to be looking up at him with the same wide eyes. "Any more? Because as much as I'd like to save them all, if we don't get out of here now, ain't none of us getting out alive." She shook her head and he wasn't sure if it meant they had all the kids, or if she didn't know.

As Jake came out of the other cell with two young girls, one he held by the hand, the other he carried over his shoulder, both in as bad of shape as the three boys, Starbuck made one of the toughest decisions of his life. There were only so many you could carry, only so many you could save. The weight of that thought, the abrupt understanding of his Commander and the brutal decisions he had to make on the day of their destruction and beyond, almost dropped him to his knees.

"Jake, we have to go. We can't take anymore." He hoped the young man could understand, and wouldn't judge him too harshly for the choice to save themselves. Jake nodded, but he looked away and Starbuck shrugged off the apparent criticism. He didn't expect Jake to view him as the gold clusters hero everyone else did. He knew, no one could live up to the hero Jake had expected on destruction day. Dante had done the impossible for the rats, pulled them out of a cylon slave camp, but that was the extent of his heroic qualities. The Sewer Rat's heroes were all flawed and while Starbuck was no saint himself, he sure as hades wasn't as flawed as Dante.

Maybe in time Jake would realize that sometimes a guy had to make hard choices, shouldering the burden on his own. It wasn't a popularity contest; it was about doing the best you could in the situation, knowing you had to live with the consequences. It was about saving some lives, instead of losing them all. Starbuck was beginning to understand a bit better himself that those in charge had to make choices for the good of the whole, not the individual. For Sagan's sake, he thought he could even understand Dante's decisions a bit better. He hadn't meant to be a complete boray and just choose young pretty girls. He'd probably chosen some of the females because he was going to rebuild their race. He hadn't looked for pretty ones, he looked for ones that were healthier and stronger, and well, on that fateful day he arrived, they were probably the pretty ones. The Sewer Rats might see things from a different perspective, but they were alive for now. Starbuck could live with the young man's criticisms, because if they didn't get out of here, none of them were going to be living much longer.

"Jake, when we're safe, we'll come back for the rest. I swear."

The young man was unreadable when he met his eyes again and Starbuck found himself blurting out, "Look, I tried to save Ari. I didn't want her to shoot him. I would have hauled him out of there if I could. I didn't know about the trap. I tried to save him."

Jake blinked, the only tell in his pyramid face as he whispered, "I know," before turning away to head back down the corridor towards their exit.

Starbuck motioned for Rene to go before him, and he followed gratified to find the boys kept up and kept silent. Apollo met them at the juncture of the corridor before the exit, taking in the extra kids with a nod of his head. He knew his friend was adjusting his plan for the added individuals, and trusted that Apollo would make the plan work or die trying.

"Our way is still clear, but we are running out of time. We need to move fast and are going to have to go straight up the ridge rather than around if we want to avoid the inferno."

"Inferno?" Starbuck raised his eyebrows. While Apollo enjoyed employing a little mayhem now and then, infernos weren't normally part of his arsenal. An explosion or two, yeah, but not normally fire.

"Jake's idea to hide our heat signatures. Going to be a little warm out there. We set fire to the hillsides."

"You think of everything. How did you know we were cold?" Starbuck tried to joke, as the tattered and shivering children looked on wide-eyed and afraid, but clinging tighter trusting him. Apollo checking his chrono told him there might be other surprises in store for him. "And that viper?"

"Safe and sound with a rye shot waiting for you, along with a hot meal, and a warm bed. Jake, lead the way." Apollo reached for the child in the young man's arms, and took hold of the hand of the other.

Jake looked back once, meeting Starbuck's eyes again for a brief moment before he turned back to crack the door. Jake slunk out, before poking his head back in to give the all clear.

Outside, it was pandemonium with klaxons blaring and flames dancing all around. On top of it, rain was falling heavily. The drops were ice cold on his bare arm where his sleeve had been torn away. He shivered and felt the wires bounce against his skin reminding him again that this was all too real. He looked to Rene, just to verify that he hadn't imagined her here with him. She had pulled up the tattered hood of her sweater, disappearing into the meager shelter the cloth offered from the rain. She held the the boy in her hand close, trying to offer him some protection. Starbuck reached to do the same hampered by the child in one hand and the blaster that he had forgotten was in his other hand. He felt the small hand shake that was clinging to his sweater. None of them were prepared for this, but then again, no one was ever prepared for death by cylon torture either. He'd take his chances with a cold, wet demise in the open air with a chance of survival and hoped like hades that the hot meal and warm bed Apollo alluded to weren't just a part of a story he was telling.

Jake ignored all the chaos, keeping low as he wove between buildings until they were below the ridge that Rene had tumbled down. Jake motioned for the group to stay close to the building. He disappeared around the corner for a few moments before sliding back around. "The way is clear. How much time do we have?"

Apollo answered, "Six centons. We should wait for a few more."

"Wait for what, the enemy to catch up to us?" Starbuck asked.

"Are we doing this my way or your way?" Jake asked with a smirk on his face, but he didn't wait for an answer as he took off running, fading into the mist and rain like a phantom. Behind them Starbuck turned to see four centurions headed their way, a red caped IL behind them.

"Well, it was a nice dream while it lasted." But Rene's unexpected grip on his shoulder was tight and true as she came alive, pulling him after her as she followed her friend. She pushed at the child in her hand, encouraging the child to run on their own.

He looked to his own friend, but Apollo was shoving a child at him to take in his arms, while another latched onto his sweater. The blaster in his hand was useless as he was weighed down now with four kids. He dragged Zion to go before him as he tried to set down the child in his arms,. The kid wouldn't let go, his little arms wrapped around his neck nearly choking him. Apollo was laying down cover fire, and he knew he should join him, but his hand were full. Apollo shouted to him, "Go!" and he let Rene pull him towards the ridge. The kids hanging on to him kept up, one of them actually pushing at him to go faster. The pounding rain was loud in his ears after the quiet cell and he had to shake his head to get the water out of his eyes.

As they began to climb up the hill, he felt Apollo's hands pushing at him. "Go, go, go! Jake help them! It's going to go any moment!" It was hard to climb up the muddy, rocky cliff carrying and towing kids, but Rene's grip tugged at him to keep up. He pulled at the kids, propelling them onward. Then Rene's hand slid from his shoulder as Jake reappeared reaching for her.

"NO!" Starbuck shouted. He dropped Zion's hand reaching for her sweater pulling her back, fearful for some strange reason that once she took Jake's hand she would disappear forever.

"Starbuck!" Jake shouted in exasperation as the young man grabbed him next, hauling him up the ridge, grunting at the extra weight of the children he was towing. "For Sagan's sake, I'm on your side." Jake reached for the boy that had been in Starbuck's hand, pushing the child forward down the hill before reaching for Starbuck's shoulders, hauling him and the clinging children up over the ridge. Apollo helped to shove him and the kids the rest of the way before pulling himself over just as a loud roar exploded behind them.

He ducked down in the cover of the ridge with Apollo on one side doing the same. The children clung to him, the arms of the little one around his neck somehow becoming tighter. On the other side of him, in the bright orange glow Starbuck caught the grin on Rene's face as she turned to look over the ridge at the explosion. She seemed to move towards the flames, but he pulled at her arm, hauling her back down. The look of joy on her face was distressing and he wondered how scrambled her head might be. "Stay with me, Pretty Lady!" he shouted to her above the wind and the rain of debris and fire.

She nodded to him, but the smile remained. Before he could speak to her again, Apollo's hands were on him, hauling him up as Jake pulled at Rene, taking the child from her hand.

"Come on, Starbuck, there's a party waiting for us."

"Oh, why didn't you say so," he mumbled, looking to his wife who still seemed intent on wanting to go back over the ridge, not forward to safety. He reached to her with the hand that was once again holding a child's hand. He pushed at her shoulder. Thankfully she moved in the right direction, and Starbuck made to follow, almost forgetting for a moment the two kids hanging on to his sweater. The girl in his arms was shaking and Starbuck worried it might be from the cold or from shock. He looked to the three boys hanging on to him. Apollo came to his aid, shrugging off his jacket as he reached for one of the boys, sliding the jacket on the child. Apollo reached for the girl in his arms, gently prying the little arms from around his neck and letting her wrap herself around him.

"We need to go as far as we can as long as we can," he explained, but Starbuck already knew that piece of information as he wondered how long the range might be on those IL's sadistic switches. "Let me know when it's too much."

He nodded at his friend before he gently disentangled the boy that was still hanging on to his sweater, then slid the sweater over his head so he could slip it over the small boy. He crouched down to speak to Zion. "Keep a hold of your friend and I'll keep a hold of you. It's going to be okay." This time he felt he could pay the marker on those words as Apollo's hand gripped his shoulder helping him to move forward.


	56. Chapter 56

He held his breath as he rolled the dice. They bounced down the council chamber table as everyone went silent waiting for the numbers to determine their fate. As the dice landed on the hard eight, Lizbet audibly gasped. The Copper squadron all stared at the double fours as if they could will the dice to flip on their own. Crius said softly, "Sir, you don't have to do this."

"I agreed to help in the absence of Starbuck," Adama said, as he looked around the table at the Copper Squadron, most of their faces a mix of dread and doubt. All except for Nik who was trying to hide an evil grin. "So which chore is mine?"

No one answered him right away as they communicated with looks amongst themselves. Crius spoke up again, "Sir, seriously, you should reroll. I insist. I can take that one for you."

Those around the table whom Adama knew were academy trained nodded in agreement, but those rescued from Caprica looked away. It was those very individuals he was trying to win over and reassure that the Galactica was not the Zakar; he was nothing like the Commander they had left behind. While it had only been four cycles, everyone including himself were beginning to deal with the fact that the members of their family may not return. While it had not been discussed openly as of yet, hope was still present, but there were some realities of daily life that had to be managed in the absence of those that many had come to depend upon. Adama had decided to begin with the one most noticeably absent for the Copper Squadron, Starbuck.

He had asked his second in command, Colonel Gage, how the family was faring since they had seemed reluctant to answer any inquiries about their status. Adama had often turned to his second to help him to understand the decisions and thought processes of the command structure that existed before Dante was defeated. Those conversations were concerning for him as Gage faced them with more guilt than should be ascribed to him. He was but a cog in Dante's machinations, but Gage was beginning to understand that had he been bolder and stronger, perhaps he could have put a stop to many of the abuses. He faced his new commander as if he were unburdening his sins to his priest. Adama did not enjoy causing the man who had already suffered so much any more pain, but the conversations were enlightening. Adama was quite clear with his Colonel that the man's actions, care, and concern had probably saved more than he thought. In truth, he understood that Gage's actions had been integral in bringing an end to Dante's command, and Adama did not examine too closely the guilt Gage felt about his part in Dante's death, and probably more importantly, the destruction of the destroyer and its crew. Gage carried enough burdens for one man. Adama certainly understood that.

It was Gage that had begun those discussions, in an attempt to explain his own involvement with the Copper Squadron, whom his Colonel still referred to as "the Rats" despite Adama's disapproval. Gage had been clear that he had been approached by Rene, at the time just a cadet. He did not act on his emotions until they were settled on Dilmun, but Gage admitted he had sought her out on occasion and had the Galactica not found them, it would have continued. Adama understood from watching his past ward with Starbuck that Gage had tempered his explanations taking the blame, but Rene most likely seduced the Colonel in a moment of weakness. Starbuck had used the truth of the situation as a weapon at the botched dinner party Adama held, but it didn't erase the truth. Rene had used Gage for not only her own, but the family's survival. Gage had provided protection and privileges. So did Starbuck.

As Adama began to spend more time looking into the affairs of the Copper Squadron, he discovered Starbuck's signature was on every document relating to the family, including their allocation of not only primaries, but necessities for the children. In essence, everything the family received including their secton's pay, came through Starbuck. He wanted to be appalled at that revelation, but he also learned that Starbuck seemed to keep some semblance of order with the family. While much of their workings had been established on the Zakar and Dilmun for the purpose of managing families that none of the Copper Squadron was prepared for, Starbuck had refined the processes and aligned them with the workings of a Colonial fleet. He had brought in the child minders from the orphan ship and volunteers from the Senior Ship, seeing to the transfers of personnel and finding living quarters for the volunteers so that everyone on the Galactica had access to a nursery that now existed in a part of the Life Center that had been used to house supplies. It was his signature on the requisition for materials to construct bunks for the older children and the extra partitions used to create a play area in the nursery. He had also worked a deal with the newly established education system created by the Council of Twelve to bring in educational materials for those too young to attend school. Starbuck had seen to not only their needs, but he had also helped to set up the hydroponics that now lined the corridors of the Galactica, providing more fresh food for its occupants.

Starbuck had been busy, utilizing his status as Strike Wing for Blue Squadron, and while his focus had been his new family, everyone seemed to benefit from his labors. Without him, the family was unsure where to turn for their needs. Adama had approached Gage to provide the solution to the problem. He had stepped in to see that nothing was forgotten. Part of that also meant taking care of the family, the nitty gritty of daily life like dishes and diapers. Starbuck had taken the family's process of drawing and dickering for who was assigned chores, and turned it into a game of sorts. Now it was dice and deals, a duty schedule posted much like a flight roster. While Adama understood the tasks of running a fleet, he had long ago delegated the scheduling of tasks to those lower in command. This was a good lesson that maybe he should check in once or twice just to verify how things were being done.

He couldn't deny that Starbuck's system was somewhat fair, but the element of chance perhaps should be eliminated if the fearful faces of those around the table were any indication.

"As I understand the rules, Lieutenant, there are no rerolls allowed and no trades unless duty necessitates. It seems even though I am taking Starbuck's place, his luck did not fall my way. Which task has chance assigned me?"

Adama was realizing that the boldest one of the group was their newest edition, the teen named Cain, adopted from the orphan ship to save him from a long list of offenses with fleet security. The young man broke the silence, "It seems only fair. It is Starbuck's when we get to pick first. He says he spent so much time doing it at the academy that he's the expert."

Nik spoke up, his eyes still glinting with mischief. "He offered. I told him we were fine."

Crius flashed a hand sign at Nik, a flick of his fingers and his hand. That would be next on Adama's agenda, learning the abbreviated silent language the squadron employed, but Gage had indicated that if Adama attempted to decipher their codes, the family would simply change their system. It would always be a sign of their distrust. He tried not to take it personally.

Whatever Crius had communicated, Nik had obviously taken offense as the grin left his features and he looked away, practicing his ability to fade into the background.

Adama spoke to him, drawing him back. "Lieutenant Nik, don't make me order it out of you. What is my assignment?" Adama felt like he had won the prize when Nik met his eyes. They flashed in a challenge already won.

"Turbowashes and trash."

He regretted the laugh that burst forth at the surprise. Everyone in the room recoiled from him as if he was a solenite charge, but he just couldn't stifle his reaction at the irony of the situation. He made a mental note to try to keep his emotions in check, especially any that might mimic their past Commander, but then he quickly discarded the thought. He could only be himself and they would have to learn in time that a laugh was simply that, a reaction to humor and not a signal that revenge would be swift. He let the mirth fill him, wiping at his eyes.

Crius tried to interrupt his laughter, saying again, "I will take the task."

Adama reached out a hand to the Lieutenant's arm, gratified that the man did not move away.

"No son, I am the one who offered to help in the absence of Starbuck and much like that scoundrel, I have cleaned my fair share of turbowashes. Besides, I would prefer that over childcare. Kiff is a handful and he is a bit much for my old bones. When does the task need to be completed?"

"Well, about that," Crius drawled, but Nik filled in the details.

"Usually whoever has that task waits until right before the next shift of the schedule, and Starbuck had it last so it should have been done a cycle ago, but he's been gone so…"

He laughed again, "So it is overdue. Well have no fear, when Starbuck returns he will be cleaning the turbowashes for the whole Galactica for a secton as punishment for the worry he has put us through. I believe it is your roll, Nik. Let's see if luck will be on your side."

When the details were posted, Adama decided not to waste any time. He asked Nik to show him the supplies and which washes needed to be cleaned. As he scrubbed, Nik remained his shadow, the ghost of a grin remaining on his features. He wanted to laugh again in joy when Nik asked him a question, so soft he wasn't sure he heard him.

"Do you like music?"

"Of course, who doesn't?"

"Who's your favorite band?"

Adama remembered back through the many yahrens to secondary school, when your choice in music often indicated your position in the hierarchy of school. Adama tried not to feel the weight that his answer might mean for this young man, acceptance or rejection of his new commander. "It's just conversation. It's a start," he reminded himself.

"Well of course the Fabulon Four as I remember when they first came out, but I was always partial to The Monarch before that. Elvis was just so different than the other singers."

"What was your favorite of his?"

"Oh, now you're bringing back memories. I danced the first time with the woman who would be my wife to 'Always on My Mind', but my favorite was 'Heartbreak Hotel'."

He did not need to worry about what questions he had to answer next as Nik began to speak detailing the virtues of the Monarch and the critiques of his music and career. He moved on to talking about the Fabulon Four, and Adama took longer to clean the turbowashes than was necessary just to see how long Nik would keep talking. When the young man ran out of words, the turbos were shining. Adama retired to his quarters feeling nearly as shiny himself as he played the song that always reminded him of Ila. It was her advice he had followed as she had often reminded him with his own children, "They are not your warriors; they are your children. Just be there, just smile and try to listen to them."

If only she had made it to the Galactica. He would have given her free reign to build the fleet and solve its many conflicts. She would have done a better job, of that he was sure. If Starbuck returned, he knew he would do the same for the man. He would listen while Starbuck cleaned those turbowashes he promised he would. Trust was built on fulfilling promises.


	57. Chapter 57

The path Jake wove between bright flames and dark shadows played havoc with Starbuck's vision. It was a mad dash with the enemy close behind as they fled into the hills yet at some point Starbuck's hand had found Rene's. He wasn't sure when or how it happened, but he wasn't going to let go. Rene ran faster than he could, and she pulled at him to keep going. Zion held tight to Starbuck's other hand, the boy almost outpacing Rene. Starbuck's legs just weren't following the commands his brain was sending them to go faster. Rene and Zion tugged at him to keep going and helped him to keep on his feet when he stumbled in the dark. After a metron, or maybe two, Jake had taken the boy from Rene's hand, swinging the child up to his shoulders like he often did with Kiff. The other boy was on his feet, his hand in Jake's hand. The boy was moving slower than Jake wanted as he nearly dragged the child across the muddy terrain. Apollo followed watching their back, but he was weighed down with both of the girls clinging to him, one on his back and the other on his side, both of their bare arms wrapped tightly around his neck. They couldn't run like this the whole way, but Jake didn't seem to understand that fact and Starbuck couldn't catch up to him to explain.

The wind whipped at Starbuck's bare chest, sometimes a warm blast from the fires raging around them, sometimes a cold turbowash from the rain that was falling intermittently. "The rain is a good thing," he thought trying not to curse the freezing droplets streaming into his eyes as the storm increased in intensity. "It will wash away our tracks." He shivered as he debated taking the hunting sweater back from the small child it was now sheltering. As he shivered, he wished he had not been so cavalier about ditching his tunic for just the hunting garb. Even torn and filthy, the tunic would have offered some protection from perishing from hypothermia. If he didn't survive, would the kids make it? Feeling a sudden stinging on his skin, he brushed at the small embers that the wind had tossed at him. They clung to him stubbornly as if they were alive.

"You asked for warmth, you got it." The voice in his head still sounded like Apollo even though his friend was there running from the enemy right behind him. "Which one is more real?" he wondered. "Guess I'll find out soon enough." If they made it to that fairy tale Apollo was promising, then maybe he wouldn't care which was reality and which was fantasy. Right now, it was just a nightmare complete with the enemy bearing down on them. A raider dipped down from the black clouds, turning in their direction and flying low. He dragged Rene and Zion down to the ground hoping the mud there would help hide their heat. He thanked the lords when the raider turned without firing.

As the raider faded in the horizon headed for Caprica, Jake swung the boy down from his shoulders setting him down so he could set more brush on fire before picking the boy back up and changing direction. They were fleeing farther to the north again, a direction Starbuck suspected was a few more metrons away from safety. He tried to just focus on his steps and hanging on to Rene and Zion, but a thought burrowed its way into his mind like the cold wind that was trying to work its way past the heat he was radiating, "We aren't going to make it. We are going to lose someone." Apollo must have caught the same thought as his friend caught up to him, placing a hand on his back.

"Just a little farther," he offered in encouragement, but Starbuck wasn't so addled that he didn't remember how far that mountain oasis was from their position, especially since they had looped even farther into the hills to avoid the enemy.

"You have any water?" he asked, hoping that just a small break might give them a chance to assess their odds of making it or at least give them a chance to rest and assess their injuries. Apollo shook his head, and Starbuck looked away. He'd have to be content with licking the rain from his lips. He supposed he could just tip his head back and find enough fluid to keep him going, then wondered about what might be in that rain as the drops stung his bare skin.

He looked to Rene, but her head was buried in the tattered hood of the hunting gear and she was focused on the ground in front of her. She had only spoken two words since their cell where she had been disoriented and confused as to who he was. He squeezed her hand twice to get her attention, to see how she was doing, but she just tightened her grip to his message and kept her gaze ahead of them trying to keep running. He called to her and she looked up, but her eyes were glazed and she simply nodded to his question of how she was doing. He wanted to stop to check on her, but Apollo nudged him to keep going.

He tried to ignore the burning in his chest and the ache in his legs. Apollo took Zion from his hand and began to speak, detailing their destination. He described the construction of the home, the fire that was waiting for them with a steady warm tylium flame, and the promise of a hot meal, a warm turbowash, a bed with soft blankets, even some ambrosia and a fumarello. When Starbuck growled at him that he didn't need a fairy tale to keep him going, Apollo shifted to talking about the vipers the man had in his hangar. Starbuck started to realize the talking wasn't for his benefit. Apollo's steps weren't nearly as steady as they should be. He rudely interrupted his buddy's description of the old Mark I that this mythical man had asking, "When did you last sleep?" He knew his wing mate only got chatty when he was exhausted. Starbuck was the conversationalist of their squadron.

"What did our last Drill Sergeant used to say at the Academy?" Apollo answered cryptically, "We can sleep when we're dead."

Starbuck laughed out loud at the old memory. The man was pure muscle and despite his size, he was fast. Their drill sergeant could outrun any cadet in the academy and still best them at weight lifting afterwards. The man didn't know how to quit. He could run hard and still yell at them when they were tired and ready to quit. He would never forget how the burly man would get right up in his face, grinning maniacally as he'd bellow, "Don't let the enemy win. You can do this!" Despite being a zealot, his taunts were encouraging words, and when you really couldn't make it, he had someone carry you. No one failed his obstacle courses. The first to complete the course was expected to run back in and help those who were struggling. Starbuck learned teamwork from that man. He cursed the cylons as their drill sergeant had to have perished along with the academy.

"Who nicknamed him Sagan's Son?" Starbuck wondered aloud. "No living man could keep up with him, that's for sure. Where did he find the energy?"

"Failure is not an option." Apollo answered with a phrase their drill sergeant often shouted. "And I think it was you who named him. You just blamed it on someone else when he caught wind of it."

Starbuck licked at the water on his lips. "Yeah, sounds like me. How much farther? I think we lost them. We need to rest. They're kids for frack's sake Apollo."

Apollo dropped Zion's hand as he reached for his datapad, examining the map and lining up their coordinates with the landmarks. "A ways," he answered vaguely reaching back for the boy. "I'm afraid if we stop I won't be able to get going again. We are not armed well and there is no shelter from this weather. We just need to keep going, so we can stay warm and outrun the cold."

Starbuck nodded, realizing that Apollo couldn't see the gesture in the dark. "Alright, but," he didn't put into words his disbelief in their destination.

"But what buddy?"

"Could we at least go downhill for a while? With your position and all, the least you could do is change the topography."

"Ask and you shall receive." Apollo shifted Zion back to Starbuck's grip, then picked up his speed to catch up to Jake, the two conferring for a moment before turning to head south. Starbuck followed, pulling Rene and Zion along. He tried to get Rene's attention again, but this time she just shook her head at him. He wanted to yank at her arm, to shout at her "Dammit Rene, talk to me!" but he didn't have the strength. He just had to be content that she was on her feet and had a firm hold of his hand.

The metrons became a blur as they moved farther away from the fires into the darkness of a ravine. The ground became slippery under their feet as the rain increased. It slowed them down and Starbuck was about to try to catch up to Jake and Apollo to ask again how much farther they had to go when a cold blast of rain in his face triggered something more than a shiver to shake his body. Without thinking about it, he dropped Rene and Zion's hands to pull his arms protectively around his body, hoping to add some warmth. He leaned down to pick up Zion, hoping that together they could keep each other warm. He trudged on hoping like hades they were getting closer. The shivering of his body was burning up more of his energy than the walking. He was about to drop and he tried to focus on something else, anything else, a new strategy for the chancery or the new club he wanted to open on the Galactica, but all he could think about was how he hadn't even felt this cold on that ice planet.

Zion pulling at his arm broke him from his misery. The boy didn't speak, just pointed back behind them. Starbuck expected to see the enemy emerging from the mist, but there was nothing.

"It's okay kid. We lost them." He tried to reassure the boy, but Zion pulled at Starbuck again, pointing behind them. He looked to Rene, hoping she could help him understand the kid, but she wasn't there. He whipped his head around, not finding her or Jake and Apollo.

"Frack! Rene!" He shouted, setting Zion down but gripping his hand hard. He tried to retrace his steps, but the rain had done an excellent job of washing them away. He had no idea when he had lost everyone, or how far he had gone without Rene beside him.

"Rene!" He began running back the way they had come, sweeping his gaze back and forth on the ground before him. He was about to really panic, when he found her crumpled on the ground.

"Rene!" He rushed to her, leaning down as his hands reached for her neck to feel her warmth and a reassuring beat. He sighed in relief as he rolled her over so her face wasn't in the mud. Her eyes were closed but she wasn't completely out as she mumbled something he couldn't quite catch.

"Not much farther Pretty Lady," he tried to reassure her. He reached for her arm to haul her up, but his boots slipped on the wet ground and he found himself sprawled in the mud beside her. He groaned as he tried to get back to his feet, but he couldn't find traction and slid again, landing hard on his back.

He lay there in the cold mud, his body trembling. He reached for Rene hoping to pull some of her warmth to him, or at least to know she was still alive. He was able to pull her arm around him, but that was all. "Well frack, this isn't such a bad idea," he grumbled to himself. "I'll just rest for a micron, that's all."

It was only a few moments before he heard Apollo's voice, ringing in his empty mind, "Don't let the mud win. You can do this," as his ears registered something else, "Come on! Get up Bucko." Hands hauled him to his feet, but the grumbling wasn't Apollo's voice, it was Jake's as he complained, "Like we weren't dirty enough, you had to go and lay in the mud?"

The hands reached up and wiped the hair out of his eyes before he felt them on his arm, brushing at the device embedded there. "I'm thinking we don't want dirt in that. Do you know what it is?"

Starbuck was distracted, watching Apollo set down the child he was carrying and gently pick up his wife in his arms. Her mumbling became louder but the words strengthened the beat of his own heart, "I didn't quit!"

Apollo answered her, "No one said you did. I've got you." She settled into his arms at his response, reaching to hold onto him. His friend met his eyes, "It's not much farther. Jake has got you. Jake, can you get the girl?"

Jake didn't answer, instead picking up the boy and positioning him again on his shoulders before scooping up the girl in his arms. Then he reached for Starbuck's arm, tossing it over his other shoulder. Starbuck felt Zion's hand take his own and he looked down to see how the kid was doing, but all he saw in the darkness were bright wide frightened eyes of Zion and the other small boy looking up to him.

"Some hero I turned out to be," he said to himself, but it was Jake that answered him.

"Well sometimes you have to share the heroic moments Sire Gold Clusters. I'll carry you if I have to so I don't have to hear about those damn medals anymore."

"Deal," Starbuck agreed as he watched Apollo head off down the ravine carrying his wife, a child riding on his back. "Besides, I think Apollo has earned them this time."

"I don't get any? I am the one who convinced the Colonel to come back for your sorry astrum."

Starbuck knew the young man was goading him to keep him going a few more steps. Well it was working as he shot back, "Sneaky doesn't get you medals. Besides, you just came back for Rene."

"Maybe I did, maybe I didn't, but I got you too, so you owe me one." Jake smirked at him.

"You can have all my gold clusters if we make it to this paradise Apollo keeps promising. So, truth, is it that nice? Food and fumarellos?"

Starbuck was able to pull away from Jake, to carry his own weight as the ground became more solid under his feet, allowing Jake to pick up one of the boys in his arms. Zion still had a firm grip on Starbuck's hand.

"We didn't make it that far when I made him turn back, but despite how I feel about you Galacticans, you don't usually lie."

Starbuck chuckled and he let the warmth of the mirth radiate in him. "Is that a compliment? Have we won you over to our side?"

"No, I think you guys are too stupid to craft a good lie." Jake's voice was light despite his caustic words. "And have you seen your gold clusters lately?"

Starbuck laughed again, "Did you steal them? I still earned them. I've got the service record to prove it."

"I've seen your service record, liberally edited if you ask me. How many times did they nearly kick you out? Was it eight or ten?"

Jake kept him talking for the rest of the hike, but his eyes didn't stray from his wife in his friend's arms. His gaze focused on her and the fact that she was still alive. He tried not to envy the ride she was getting instead of him and he tried not feel the sting that he couldn't be the one to save her.

As the sky had turned from the pitch black of night to a lighter gray, he lost track of any thoughts but the one that told him to keep walking. They climbed up another hill and Apollo waited at the top for them to catch up. Starbuck was back to thinking this was all just an unending fevered dream and they would be walking forever when Apollo pointed to something resembling a structure in the side of the next hill. Despite the approaching dawn, it was hard to see through the dark rain exactly what it was before him, until he made out the faint blue that sparked and flashed like a fabled sign from the Lords.

"What the frack?"

Apollo answered his question, "He has an electric grid of sorts to fry the cylons. I am assuming it works well since he's been here the whole time. Let me do the talking, the man is a bit off."

"Off? What do you mean by off?"

Apollo didn't answer, his eyes focused desperately on their objective. The place looked like something out of vid, like a lair of an evil villain. As they got closer, Starbuck felt the thump through his boots as the electric grid was shut down, and a gate opened in the fence. He was suddenly hesitant to enter under those wires, but Apollo didn't falter, carrying Rene through a door. He followed not knowing what to expect next.

He walked into a mirage. It was his friend's fairy tale come true. His head swam as the heat of the room bathed him. It was almost as Apollo described, a steady tylium flame in the hearth, the smell of something good coming from the food prep area, soft chairs spread all around, and Boomer reaching to throw a blanket over his shoulders.

Zion was taken from his hands and led over towards the fire where Jake was lifting the child from his shoulders to join the one that had been in his arms already sitting on the floor. Jake turned to lead the other two to join the group, before he reached for Zion. Max was suddenly there helping Jake. He wrapped blankets around the children while wiping at their faces to get a better look at them.

"Don't get my furniture all muddy!" a gruff voice called out. It's not like CCAU is still in business!"

"CCAU?" someone asked.

"Colonial Carpet and Upholstery."

Boomer guided Starbuck over to a covered sofa. As he sat down on the soft cushions in front of the fire and was handed a mug of something that felt warm and smelled meaty, his first thought was that he was dead. They'd all learned in their survival training at the academy that hypothermia could make you hallucinate just before you expired. He had always wondered who was the guy who came back from the grave to tell them that information? He'd have to find out on the other side as he must be dying himself. "I'm still lying in the mud next to Rene, that's it, or probably just sitting in my cell."

"You're okay Bucko." He felt the hand on his shoulder. Boomer's voice was something solid that he could hang on to as he looked around the room, heaving a sigh of relief that they had made it.

"Rene?" He looked up to ask Boomer, who nodded down at him and pointed towards a chair by the fire where she was sitting. Jake was there, helping her out of the soaked hunting sweater, wiping the mud from her face. Like a good medic should, he had out the biomonitor, running it over Rene as Max handed Jake a blanket. She looked around in confusion, her eyes finally meeting Starbuck's, but they held no recognition, just exhaustion. Starbuck wanted to get up and go to her, but he couldn't find the strength. His wife was conscious and in good hands, or as good as they could manage at the moment. He knew that Jake and Max could help her more than he could right now.

"Apollo?" He heard his friend speaking to someone with a gruff voice. Starbuck followed the sounds to find Apollo in a chair, a blanket wrapped around his own shoulders. An older man, small in stature was speaking softly to his friend, patting him on the shoulder.

"Who's that?" he asked Boomer.

"Peryton, the man whose home we have invaded. He's been pretty accommodating considering the circumstances."

"What are the circumstances? The kids?" He blew across the mug, cooling it down enough so he could take a sip of the meaty broth. He nearly groaned in ecstasy at the taste of it. Boomer's hand patted him on the shoulder again as if he needed to verify for himself that Starbuck was real.

"Relax, everyone we rescued made it. We've got them cleaned up, fed and bunked down in the hangar. We have taken care of what medical issues we could. We will have to wait to get back to the fleet to handle some of the bigger issues. We were just waiting for daylight to come after you. You okay?"

He tried to nod, but Boomer's hand on his forehead stopped the motion. "Still warm and looking a bit ragged around the edges. You can't seem to keep a uniform on, can you, poster boy? What did they do to you?"

Starbuck didn't have words at the moment to explain other than to gesture to his wife. "She's not talking. They put her in a brain scan and implanted something in us. Not sure what it is other than painful." Starbuck pushed aside the blanket to expose the port in his arm.

Boomer was reaching out to touch it when Jake barked, "Leave it alone! In fact, find me some plastic wrap or tape. I want to cover it once I clean it out. Don't pull the wires!" Boomer removed his hand as if he'd been burned and turned to Peryton. The old man was trying to have a conversation with Apollo, but their Colonel wasn't answering. Their friend's eyes had closed and he was slumped in the chair, drifting off in his exhaustion.

"He's been looking for us for a while, hasn't he?" Starbuck mumbled to himself.

It was Jake that answered him, "I think he's been on the move for a couple of cycles I'm guessing we're safe here if he's falling asleep?"

Starbuck nodded numbly not knowing if it was the truth but there was a warm mug of broth in his hands that was the best meal he'd had in days. "How is she?" Max was suddenly there, his hands full of steaming mugs as he handed one to Jake before he helped out the kids. Zion was looking to Starbuck, his eyes still wide and frightened. Starbuck took a sip from his own mug nodding to the boy to do the same. Zion drank first before the other boys followed his lead. Jake helped Rene to wrap her hands around the mug but she didn't need any more assistance once she got a taste, downing the soup.

Jake didn't answer him right away, looking to Max. "Who's the geezer and does he have a working turbo wash?"

The gruff voice responded, "The geezer has a name, Peryton and it's my home. Yeah, I have a working turbo wash. Ask nicely and I might let you use it. You're all making a mess of my place. Show some respect would ya?"

Jake opened his mouth, but Boomer cut him off. "Sir, they've been on the run for a while in the cold. I think a hot turbo wash might be what they need to warm up."

"Yeah, yeah," the old man grumbled. "I'll get some towels and see what I can do about clothes." The old man shuffled down the hallway and Starbuck looked to Boomer.

"We're safe here? Apollo said he's a bit off."

"He's fine. Just use some manners with him. He's…he's been alone for a while."

Starbuck nodded, suddenly feeling a thousand times better with the warm soup in him. He asked again, "How is Rene?"

Like a good medic, Jake evaded a direct answer. "I want to get you two cleaned up, and a look at you in some better light. The kids don't have that thing in their arm like you do. Think you can help me with her?"

Starbuck set down his empty mug as he got up to go to his wife. Like in the cell, she flinched at first when he reached for her.

"Rene, it's okay," Jake reassured her as he helped her up. "He's friendly." She looked to Starbuck, her eyes unreadable in the light of the fire.

The old man had entered the room, thick towels in his arms. He looked angry and seemed to have a rebuke on his lips, but Starbuck cut him off. "Thank you, sir. My wife is pregnant and it's been a hades of a couple of days. We appreciate the hospitality."

The old man's face morphed quickly from anger to sympathy, that changed just as fast back to anger. "Pregnant? Why the frack was she in a viper? Wait, she's the one, isn't she? The one that Max said can travel in hyperspace?"

Starbuck sighed heavily. He had no idea how to explain what Rene could do, and if she still could if she was as disoriented as she seemed to be. He settled for a simple answer, "Yes sir, she's the one."

Starbuck wondered as Boomer's eyebrows went up in surprise as the old man unexpectedly went from grumbling at their intrusion, to a warm and welcoming host. "The turbo wash is this way. Plenty of hot water and I'll get you that plastic wrap you wanted. I'll look for some clean clothes for you. Not sure what will fit, but I have some in the closet from my wife." The old man turned for the food prep area, nearly tripping on a chair that was in his way before he roughly shoved it aside to rummage in a drawer, then turned to hand Starbuck the plastic wrap and the towels. "This way." The man led them down a short hallway to a bedroom, running his hand along the wall.

"He's going blind," Boomer filled in for Starbuck before speaking to Jake. "Need some help?"

It was Starbuck that answered, "We'll be fine. I don't think I need all of you helping my wife take a turbo."

"It's nothing I haven't seen before." Jake responded.

"Yeah, well she didn't seal with you, so it's nothing you need to see again." Starbuck retorted and instantly regretted it as Jake recoiled from the sharp words as if he'd been cut by them. Starbuck sucked in a breath before he apologized. "Sorry, I'm just…just really tired."

Jake nodded and gave the gutter snipe shrug as acceptance. "I'm still joining you in there to check you both out and tend to those things in your arms. You can be as tired and as much as an astrum to me as you want, I don't care. I'm still going to do my job. Come on Rene." He guided her down the hallway.

Boomer patted Starbuck on the shoulder again, "He's the one who insisted we go back to get you when they did. Knocked Avery out cold and said something about you being family."

"What?" Starbuck assumed in his fatigue he had misunderstood. "But Apollo…and…Jake…he punched Avery?"

"Apollo tried to stop him, but Jake knocked Avery out cold, took his weapon, and took off alone. Apollo followed. My word as a Warrior."

"Huh.." was all he could think to respond as he looked to Jake, reappraising the young warrior. "Huh…"


	58. Chapter 58

Consciously he knew it was exhaustion that was making everything seem so surreal, yet he just couldn't seem to reconcile the dreams in his head with what he was seeing. The images were too close to pick between the two as he walked into a sleeping chamber so much like one he and Rene had discussed as a dream getaway. It was just as she had desired, with a hearth and a view of the hillsides around them including a small lake at the bottom of the valley. Had Rene seen this all before? The weight of that line of thinking nearly dropped him to his knees. He made his own fate. He controlled his destiny, didn't he?

He shook his head to clear it.

"You okay?" Jake couldn't hide the concern on his face despite his annoyance with him. "We need more help here?"

"I'm okay," he answered willing it to be the truth, nodding to the old man as he felt a wave of emotion engulf him. "Sir, thank you, but please…" he paused almost afraid to ask. His luck just couldn't turn out that good, could it? "Is it true? You have a viper?"

"I have several, but I'm lacking in fuel. Might get one off the ground."

Starbuck absorbed the information, feeling the hope, but it was the tainted optimism that left a strange taste in your mouth and on your soul. Everything since the destruction had been like this, a maybe, a "might be if the stars line up right." But beggars couldn't be choosers. He'd put together a winning hand with less before.

"Thank you, sir." He wanted to say more, but the sudden liberation from the worry about finding a way home left him open to other emotions that fought to be first in his heart. A new worry rushed in to fill the void. Could Rene do this?

Jake had her sitting on the counter in the washroom, running the bio monitor over her again, and reaching to undo her uniform tunic. Her eyes were unfocused and trying to close. It was a question that would have to wait for an answer until after they got some rest.

"I will give you some privacy. Clean up after yourselves," Peryton said as he went to the storage closet pulling out some clothes which he tossed on the bed.

Starbuck mumbled another thank you, then headed for the wash room, closing the door behind him. Jake cast him a quick look before nodding to the sink. "Can you get some water running. Hot as you can stand it. Get a cloth wet."

Starbuck focused on doing what he was asked, handing Jake the cloth which he used to wipe the mud and soot away from the port in Rene's arm. He wanted to reach out a hand to her, but he suddenly needed one hand for the wall to keep himself upright and the other to cover his mouth as a barking cough crawled up his throat. He found himself doubled over, a sharp pain in his ribs and his back aching. Jake waited until he was done before he waved the biomonitor over him and frowning at the results, then reached out a hand to his arm to guide him closer. Jake took a quick swipe with the rag at the port in his arm.

"Can you tell me what they did and what this does?" Jake patted the counter on the other side of the sink, and Starbuck hopped up on his medic's makeshift exam table. He tried to explain what he could, how he had felt the wires go in and the seizure that had shaken Rene. When he got to the part about how the Blue caped robot could shut down his muscles, Jake froze and gave Starbuck his full attention asking him to detail again what happened as the young man worked at gently cleaning up around the port.

Once clean, Jake took the plastic wrap from Starbuck's hands and began wrapping it around his arm, making sure he had a good seal around the port.

"I don't want that thing in my arm." Starbuck groused as Jake wrapped the plastic tight. "Get it out."

"I don't have the instruments or scanners that I need for that," he said absently, wrapping the plastic even tighter. "Going to have to wait for the Life Center for that, unless you want to risk paralysis."

"What if they're tracking us with it?" It seemed more than possible and he shuddered as he wondered again about the range on the switch for pain.

"Lesser of two evils right now. You're already a little deficient in your thinking capacity. I don't want to pull on a wire and have it come out with what's left of your puny brain on it."

He hoped it was just the suggestion of his words that immediately made his brain start to itch. He reached up to scratch at his scalp, feeling the mud in his hair. Jake turned to wrap the port in Rene's arm. She followed the commands given, but was still silent, her eyes looking around the room trying to take it all in.

"How is she? The baby?"

"Still there and she's about as good as you are, which isn't as good as I'd like, but once we get some food in you two and some rest, things might be better. I'll be happier when we get back to the Galactica Life Center. She's not bleeding so they didn't do too much damage, but we have no idea what they did or what a brain scan can do to a baby and I don't think she's going to answer too many questions." Jake looked to Starbuck with a grim expression far too much like Doctor Salik's before he gave bad news.

"She's not said much since the brain scan," he told Jake and who nodded as he took the information in.

"The doc on the Zakar checked us all out when Dante rescued us from Caprica. He said the cylons have a way of tapping into the neocortex."

"Yeah, we know that," Starbuck said remembering Cree and how the cadet seemed diminished after his time in captivity. It took sectars before the young man seemed to be alive inside again, his eyes vacant and distant most days. "They dig through our memories to find what they want."

"Yeah, but do you know that it's also the part of the brain that controls speech? It's why Nik is so quiet. Had to relearn how to talk."

"Oh frack." He looked to Rene, worried it might be a long time before she was herself. He already missed her voice. "So, what do we do?"

"We go slow, right Rene?" She looked to him with a blank stare. Jake held up three fingers. "So easy stuff first. How many?"

She looked down and fumbled with her hands for a moment before she slowly held up three fingers and Jake shook his head. "Nope, you need to say it. How many?"

She tried twice, stuttering, and Starbuck breathed a sigh of relief when the words came out. "Three." He tried not to chuckle at the irony as three was exactly the number of words she had said so far.

"Good, see, easy. Now count backwards from ten." She closed her eyes and Starbuck was worried that she would remain silent, but she complied in a soft voice without pausing before opening her eyes again, a small spark shining in the depths of the blue, or maybe that was the spark in his own? He wanted to reach out and touch her, but aware that she might not know who he was made him shy with Jake there. It would break him if she flinched again.

"Now the hard stuff. Where are we?"

Rene looked around the room again, took in the fixtures and the artwork on the walls. He and Jake watched the thoughts roil like storm clouds in her eyes. She didn't answer and it was Jake that reached out a hand, stroking her cheek to draw her attention back to him.

"Come on baby, you got this, and if you don't, that's okay too. I know how tough you are. We've been through worse."

She nodded as she leaned into his touch. Her voice was nearly a whisper as she answered, "Caprica."

Jake's other hand was suddenly on Starbuck's thigh and squeezing hard, letting Starbuck know just how worried the young man had been.

"Okay, good. That's good. You'll be better with some sleep, but let's get you cleaned up first and then some meds in you. Whatever you two picked up on your swim is not letting go."

"I can get her cleaned up," Starbuck quickly reassured Jake.

The look Jake gave him wasn't critical, more of quick scan to make sure Starbuck was up to the task before he nodded and turned back to Rene. "I think your husband would like me to leave the room now." Jake gently touched her hand before he turned to leave.

"Kenan?" Her voice was soft and confused.

Jake froze at the word. He slowly turned but looked to Starbuck first, fear in his eyes, before turning back to Rene. "No," he said slowly, "Kenan's dead. You know that, right?"

Starbuck thought the words harsh and blunt. A puzzled look scrunched up Rene's brow before she nodded and whispered softly, "Oh…um…right. Yeah…right." She winced and looked away, but Jake tracked her eyes. The answer didn't seem to satisfy him

"You know who this guy is, right?" He gestured to Starbuck and Rene nodded, her brow still furrowed. Starbuck held his breath, wondering how far gone her mind was, fearing that it might be more than a momentary lapse. He had to wonder, was it just from her fever or from the cylon scans? Would sleep help or not?

"Okay, so tell me who he is? I need you to say his name," Jake demanded and Rene's brow furrowed deeper as her eyes narrowed. It almost looked painful as she tried to bring the word forward to her lips. "Relax, don't force it," he whispered.

She huffed a breath in frustration before trying again. She didn't manage his name, instead whispering, "A pretty boy?"

Jake snorted a laugh looking to Starbuck as he sighed, "You know that's an insult, right?"

Starbuck didn't try to hide his smile. Her answer was so much like the Rene he knew. "She can insult me as much as she wants. I'm still staying right here."

Jake looked back to Rene, her face lined in confusion. "It's alright. We'll work on names tomorrow and he's friendly enough for a pretty boy. I'll be right outside if you need me."

"We'll be fine," Starbuck replied suddenly uncomfortable with the fact that Rene may not be exactly clear who he was and what he meant to her, but she seemed to remember her old boyfriends.

Jake nodded looking very tired. "I'll still be right outside. I'll see if I can find something clean for you two to wear. And try to keep the water off the wires. Not sure where they go and what they're for." Jake pointed to the ports on their arms, now protected by a layer of plastic wrap.

"Still don't agree with leaving them in," Starbuck groused, but his eyes were on Rene.

"Not your call. I'm the medic." Jake forced some authority into his voice before he turned away, softly closing the door behind him. Starbuck listened for the click of the latch before he reached for Rene's tunic. "We'll take it off nice and easy, Pretty Lady." She was quiet and compliant as he slid her arms out of the sleeves, and got her to stand up to slide her pants off her body. His own body ached as he slid off his own clothes. He expected to be as bruised as an Orion hasher, but the ache was deeper inside him, and there didn't appear to be a mark on him. He hastily examined Rene to find that other than the port in her arm, she too was unmarked. She was far too thin for someone who was with child, the weight loss making her growing belly more pronounced.

He had turboed with Rene at least a dozen times, but somehow this was different and awkward. It crossed his mind more than once that in her mind she might be washing up with a stranger, or so she acted, blushing when he got her in the turbo and began to lather up the soap. He tried not to think too much as his hands ran over her body and she trembled. He found himself softly uttering, "Sorry," more than a few times as the touch became intimate.

Rene seemed content to remain in the turbo with him while he cleaned himself up. Once he got the mud out of his hair, he finally broke down, pulling her into his arms muttering again, "I'm so sorry." She didn't resist his hold on her and he wanted to keep her in his arms until the warm water ran out, but it was selfish. There were others who needed to clean up. He shut off the turbo and helped Rene out, talking to her gently as if she were a child as he helped to towel her off. "There we go, clean as can be expected. Then we'll get some sleep and in the morning, this will be behind us and we can go home." He hoped the words would become truth.

Jake had entered the room at some point unnoticed, and was leaning against the closed door, coveralls in his hand. Starbuck wanted to say something, to at least point out that it was impolite to be spying on them, but Jake's eyes told Starbuck to keep his mouth shut. He looked like a medic, not the least bit concerned about seeing the two in an embrace. He was seeing them as friends he cared about and needed help or so Starbuck thought. Family, he realized. Not the normal kind, no that wasn't what would have worked for any of them he understood as he remembered back to the Rats all sleeping in a pile that first night on the Galactica.

The copper squadron didn't understand boundaries, not with each other. They touched and punched and hugged and shared. The kids called all of them mom and dad and many of their clothes and personal items were passed around the family. He'd even discovered that not just Jake knew the code to their quarters, but Crius did too, and Max. Nothing was sacred to any of them, certainly not privacy. Starbuck suddenly wondered how far the intimacy went within the family. Had Rene been with more than Jake? He knew the answer was probably yes as Gage was part of the family now and Max had thought he'd be the one conceiving a child with Rene next had they stayed on Dilmun. Who had Rene been with, and Jake and Crius and…and…and right now it didn't matter. He was tired and hurting with his own thinking scrambled. He was just happy to be out of a cell and away from the maniac machines. Whatever had happened in the past wasn't important. They had made it out alive and that was all that mattered. Maybe even when they got back it wouldn't be important. They were family and he thought he could forgive and forget all of that as long as they were back together.

Jake didn't say a word as he handed the coveralls to Starbuck and reached out a hand to Rene's arm to steady her as Starbuck slid the clothes on her, forgetting to be concerned about being naked. He dressed himself last, then made a point of folding the towels to put them on the bar.

"Come on. I've got us a warm place by the fire, but first…" Jake held up two hypos, pressing on to Rene's neck before he administered one to Starbuck. As they started to walk out, Rene turned back, muttering softly, "Boots."

"Boomer swears we're safe here." But she was insistent, her voice rising in volume, "Boots!"

"The lady gets what the lady wants," Starbuck said reaching for their boots, happy to hear another word from her lips. He helped Rene into hers, before donning his own before he pulled her into his arms as she sagged in exhaustion. She snuggled into him and he knew she was too warm, but he finally felt the chill leave him with her in his arms. She had to know who he was and where she belonged.

"Come on," Jake said pulling gently at Starbuck's arm and leading them back down the hallway. He got the two of them settled on the sofa, piling blankets on them. Starbuck closed his eyes wrapping his arms tightly around Rene before they suddenly flew open. "The kids?"

"Down in the hangar with their families. I'm going to check on them before I get some sleep."

Starbuck nodded sleepily as he mumbled, "Thanks." He felt Jake's hand on his head and he opened his eyes to look around the room memorizing it. "It's been a nice dream," he whispered and hoped he'd still be here when he was done dreaming.


	59. Chapter 59

Once he had Rene and Starbuck settled on the sofa for the night, and he was satisfied that they were resting well, he'd been escorted by the cranky old man down a long dark hallway to the hangar. It was something out of a holovid, the beautiful machines in near mint condition on display. His knees buckled at the sight of it and he couldn't help but to reach out and touch the one closest to him. She was so shiny, as if she'd never seen a day of rain in her life. There were enough for all of them to get in the air and still leave a few of the older models behind. Even being confronted by Avery who was still steamed about Jake's low blow and anxious to get off Caprica couldn't dampen his sense of euphoria at finally reaching their objective and not having to rely on the cylons for a ride home.

"You got them, so now we can go, just like you promised when we caught you looting," Avery sneered at him.

"Yeah about that," Jake drawled sounding like Crius. He didn't fill in the details that Rene needed time to get her mind back together. He didn't even look at Avery. The man wasn't his concern anymore.

"We're ready to go." Avery took a step towards him as he reached out to force Jake to face him, this time ready for the fight. Jake was surprised when the geezer Peryton stepped in Avery's way.

"It can wait a day. They promised me some work first, and your kind kept saying this was all the Lord's will, so the lord of this place, that would be me by the way, is saying you can wait a day and put in some work to pay off the meals I've given you."

Avery looked ready to say something nasty, but Boomer cut him off. "We promised and we keep our word, warrior's honor. Now that the sun is up, we can get to it, right Avery?"

Jake tried not to grin as Boomer led the man away, turning back to gaze at the beauty before him. His feet moved on their own towards the prototypes, sleek machines with clean lines painted in the matte black that deflected most scanners. He was reaching out his hand to touch her, when the old man grumbled at him, "Don't muss her. The oils on your hands messes with the finish."

"I know that," he said defensively, but his fingers still longed to feel her. "Where did you get these? Who the hades are you?" He hadn't meant it to sound so insolent, it's just he had at least known the names of all the wealthy movers and shakers in Caprica City. None of them were some old guy living in the hills. It took a lot of cubits to own this kind of collection, and that kind of wealth drew attention. These were flashy and if they had been his, he'd be showing them off, not tucking them away in the side of a mountain.

"Well right now, kid, I seem to be your saviour, so my word is law, got that? So, no touchy!"

"Yeah, well this kid is going to be flying one of these, so I'm going to end up touching it anyway."

"No, you aren't. I have enough fuel for one, maybe, and I hear that the gal is the one who can get you where you need to go."

The words went through him like an arc from a short in the power supply. "What?"

"What is it with kids these days, are you all deaf? I said I only have enough fuel for one launch and that's a maybe at best. My fuel tanks burned. I was going to have them buried, but the young guy I hired wanted to take time off to celebrate the armistice and didn't show up to do the job. I need help siphoning what is left in these gals and I just hope it's enough for one."

Jake wanted to lay his head on the viper as the exhaustion of the last few cycles steamrolled him. "Sagan's a sadistic mother fracker," he muttered under his breath, but apparently the old man.

0 wasn't hard of hearing.

"Watch your mouth, punk!"

Jake spun away from the craft, wanting to lay into the geezer all the fear and frustration of the last few cycles, but as he looked at the grumpy old man he caught himself. It would have come out as a childish whine, the constant cry of his childhood that life wasn't fair. His words once uttered were often followed by someone smacking him, and he balled up his fists as he choked down the dissatisfaction, nearly gagging on it.

The old man's grumpy face melted. "You aren't kidding. You really do think if you can get in the air that you can get away from this star system without the cylons taking you down?"

Jake nodded, trying to reign in his own desire to break something. "Yeah." The word was thick with the tears he swallowed.

His body tensed as the old man reached out to touch him. No one touched him and he took a step forward to throw the man off causing Peryton to freeze, before he met Jake's challenge, making both their moves appear to be purposeful and uniting. "She can really make wormholes? She can navigate in them?"

"Yeah, we can."

"You can? I was told she is the one. You know how it's done?"

"I have been through them with her a hundred times, maybe more. I know how she does it, in theory," he added the tidbit of truth.

"In theory." The geezer scanned him up and down. "Not many understand that theory. So, who the hades are you?"

Jake grinned evilly. "I'm the punk keeping everyone alive while this planet tries to kill them, that's who I am."

Peryton didn't miss a beat. "And who is she? You tended to her first so I'm guessing she's a bit more important than that wisp of a gal appears to be."

"She can get us out of here," Jake answered, but the old man mirrored his evil grin.

"Oh, that's it is it? She's your ride, that's all you're worried about? Don't lie to an old man. We know things. You don't care about getting back. You care about her getting back."

Jake stared him down, but the geezer stared right back. "Then you know so I don't need to tell you." Jake felt himself actually relaxing in the old man's glare because they seemed to both have something in common, but he couldn't put it into words. The geezer comprehended the unexpected harmony, even nodded communicating the familiarity before he spoke.

"You're going to understand when I tell those warriors with you that I'm not coming to your fleet. You know why I have to stay. A vow is a vow." The old man broke his gaze, shifting to survey the hangar that Jake abruptly realized was full of Avery's men and their children. "I didn't bring you here to talk theory and astrophysics. The kids are sick and you say you can keep them alive, so best you get to it."

"Yes, sir, my saviour," Jake answered sarcastically, pleased with the old man's chuckle at his sarcasm.

"Tell me what you need, pugnacious punk. I've got some medical supplies out over here."

He was led to a work table where the supplies were spread out, his own makeshift life center, and while there weren't vast quantities of medications, there was a wide assortment. Peryton didn't stay, but wandered off to supervise Avery leaving Jake to the task. Boomer had already treated most of the injured and ill to the best of his ability. Jake tended to the kids they had brought with them, finding that they were surprisingly healthy despite spending more than a few sectars in the care of the cylons. They were thin and oddly quiet, especially the youngest girl who clung to her father and wouldn't even let Jake have a look at her. He had to settle for running the biomonitor over her and having to trust the device as her father wasn't keen on forcing her to let go. Jake checked on Zion last, noting that the boy was still looking lost and frightened. Boomer informed him that Zion's father had died back at the shopping mall. He wasn't sure if he was going to share that information with Starbuck as he knew the man would take responsibility for the boy, adding more to their ever-expanding family.

When Jake was done with the five kids they had brought with him, Boomer took him around to check on some of the other children. Peryton had opened up boxes of his supplies, and there seemed to be plenty of food and blankets. The geezer was still gruff, but Jake kind of liked the old guy. For some reason he trusted the man's cranky attitude more than if he'd been gracious and welcoming. Avery and his men were still annoying and all of them were an intrusion. Apollo had definitely brought trouble to the old man's doorstep.

Despite the fact that most of the children were malnourished and many were showing signs of being ill with minor skin excoriations or viruses, none were in immediate danger. He thought with some rest, food, and medications almost all would survive. If they didn't make it back to the Galactica soon, he'd have to do some research to see what he could do for the ones that were sicker than the rest, but he thought he could do most of what he needed to do with what he had on hand.

He and Boomer finished up and headed back from the hangar to Peryton's dwelling. Apollo was still fast sleep in a chair, the only change was that there was a blaster in his lap. Boomer got Jake a mug of soup and made him strip off his wet clothes and wash the soot from his face. Jake thought about taking a turbo wash, but he was too tired to manage it and just put on the coveralls. He settled himself against the sofa, so if he dozed off and Rene woke, he'd awaken as well. He worried that she might lose the small meal she had eaten, and got up from the floor to track down a bowl or a bucket just in case. Rummaging through the kitchen, he found what he needed and brought it back with him.

He settled back down, and watched as Boomer tried to get Apollo out of his wet jacket. The Colonel only woke for a short time, long enough to shed the jacket and drink some of the soup before he slumped back in his chair, the blaster still in his lap. Despite his exhaustion, the Colonel still considered himself on watch.

Fatigue pulled at Jake's body, but his mind wouldn't shut down. His surroundings weren't helping any. It just seemed so surreal to find himself in a mountain dwelling, in front of a warm fire, like it was some vacation spot. The tunnels and ruined landscape of Caprica felt more real than this place. It didn't help either finding out that there might not be enough fuel to get back to the fleet and that Rene might not be able to work her magic and get them back to the Galactica. This might become their permanent home and the disturbing thought was keeping him awake.

He tried to kid himself that was it, the worry they were stuck here, but that wasn't what was really bothering him. It was that he'd almost lost Rene again. There had been too many close calls on this rescue mission of hers, first when she dove in after Boomer, then at the mall, and one of the longest nights of his life, when she tried to stop breathing on him. He seemed to be the only one who understood just how serious this mutated bacterium could be. Then on top of all that, to have the Cylons take her captive and the colonials and the colonists of Caprica just walking away. It had been too much. He'd had to fight to make the Colonials listen.

Sometimes he really missed Dilmun. While the fleet could be fun sometimes, in the fleet he was a nobody. On Dilmun at least, he was someone and there he knew where he fit in and where he didn't. He was listened to. He counted. Yeah, sometimes it sucked being underneath Dante's lackey, sometimes literally, not that any of them had ever asked if he was into guys, which he wasn't, not that that was the point. It was all about the fight and the power and in some bizarre way he missed that too. Dante's followers knew he was force to be reckoned with, that he had some power worth taking. But on the Galactica and even here on Caprica, he had to shout and still they didn't listen.

Okay, not totally accurate. Starbuck listened, but most of the time only when it involved Rene. At least in that realm he understood that Jake had some power. But if they lost Rene, where would he fit in? Starbuck had taken over his role in so many areas of their lives, even becoming a father of sorts to his kids. Without Rene, would Starbuck stay and take it all over, or would he go, and where would Jake be?

He'd be nowhere. Without Rene, there was no point in staying.

He and Rene hadn't talked about it lately, but for him, the pact still stood. If Rene died, he would too. Maybe if Ari had lived and made it to the fleet, then Jake would have found a way to keep going without her, but that didn't happen. Rene and the kids were all he had left, and if they were stuck here on Caprica, they were without the kids and he'd eventually lose Rene to the bug that wouldn't let go. It was Rene that had helped him to find a reason for living way back when, a long time ago on Caprica.

He shuddered, the chill of their long-wet hike working its way past his adrenaline, and the memories flooding in past his walls. The first time he laid eyes on her was when he was tossed into the orphanage. He'd been one pissed off kid at the time, to be placed in an orphanage when he had parents, one so bad that he wished they were dead. It had complicated his status. He couldn't be placed in a home like the other kids, the paperwork and court system slowed down the process. While other kids came and went, he stayed. Only one other kid in the place seemed to be around just like him. That kid had been Rene. She came and went a few times, but she always was back in a day or two. They became friends, and when they were bored, they killed time together and as they got older, the ways they killed time became more intimate. Could he call it love? He had never quite understood what that meant. People talked of butterflies and flutters of their heart and all that felgercarb. He'd never felt that with anyone, and maybe because with Rene, it was more than that.

When he plummeted off the edge, she was always there to pull him back. Far too many times she'd helped him puke up whatever he had taken to end it all. When he needed to come down to reality, she'd be the one to help him kick it out of his system and get him through the craving. She was the one who took the weapons from his hands when he wanted to turn them on himself. Even now with Starbuck taking over her life, she was still there for him. After the fight at the Galactica gym, he'd wanted to just end it all; he was tired of just being trash and a sewer rat. While some things had changed with their coming to the fleet, their status had not with many of the warriors. His life was so much more regulated than with Dante. The walls were closing in and the fists laid upon him without a single Galactican warrior coming to his defense seemed to solidify that he did not belong in the fleet. When he'd fought his way out of the gym and made it back to the new copper squadron barracks, he'd wanted to just end this damn farce. He'd gotten his kids and most of the family to safety and with Starbuck around, they didn't need him anymore.

Rene had found him at the moment in the barrack's turbowash as he'd unholstered his weapon and brought it to his temple. He'd closed his eyes, and her soft voice had stilled his finger just before he gave it the small twitch to end it all. "Jake, I need you. We had a deal. We don't hurt ourselves. Let me do it."

She had taken the blaster from his hands, setting it on the counter before she had wrapped her arms around him. All he could think was, "how did she know?" But she always knew with him. She wasn't the flutter in his heart, she was the steady strong beat. She wasn't the butterflies in his stomach, she was the nourishment that kept him going. He'd thought that with Starbuck in the picture they never would connect again in the ways they had before, but she proved that point wrong. Had proved it wrong a few times since. He knew if Starbuck found out, Rene might be his again. That is how much Rene trusted him and he would never break that trust again, especially when he'd found out how close she was to the edge. She needed help walking back from that cliff, and he hadn't been enough. She needed Starbuck for that journey and Jake was grateful the man was there for them.

He knew that Starbuck would be the one joining Rene in that viper waiting in the hangar. It had two seats, being a trainer of sorts. While someone might argue it should be Boomer or one of the children that were more ill than the rest, Jake knew it had to be Starbuck. Apollo might be more able to convince Adama to send the shuttle and the squadron back for them, but there was one hard fact that no one had noticed yet but him. Rene didn't have the device anymore. They'd have to make another one and it had been a long time since they had done that. While the hangar looked like it might have the right components, between trying to remember how to construct the device and potentially Rene's spotty recollections, the odds of getting lost somewhere out in the universe were high. It had taken sectons for most of his friends to get their memories back after the cylons toyed with their minds after the destruction. Some took longer than others, Nik being one of them. He still wasn't sure what Nik remembered from before the destruction. He wasn't even close to the same guy he had partied with in secondary school.

With the utterance of Kenan's name, he thought Rene at least remembered back to Dilmun, but Kenan had been a while ago. A lot had happened in between and if her memories were jumbled, would she be able to find her way back to the fleet? Would she take them somewhere else? If she was going to be lost in space somewhere, it should be with him. They had looked out for each other for over ten yahrens, had kids together and had saved each other more than a few times. Damn it, they had history.

And even if she could manage to find the coordinates they could give her, he knew the Galactica did not stop for a random warrior or two left behind. The Commander had most likely changed coordinates, no scratch that, with their disappearance, it was a sure thing the Galactica was not where they left her. Even if Rene's mind was completely clear tomorrow and she could take them right back to the same spot they left, the Galactica may be long gone and they wouldn't have enough fuel to jump back to Caprica.

Then there was the fact that jabbed at him hard. Starbuck had been right. She didn't seal with him, not that he had asked lately. He should have asked when she told him about the Galactica, but he thought he had time. He had thought that after Kenan's death and with the quota needing to be met, he and Rene would do what many had assumed they would eventually. They had decided it would be him that helped with making a child, and Dante hadn't objected, so he thought as long as the quota was met, he could always be the one to meet it. They didn't need a sealing for that, nor did they have the cubits to pay Dante for it. They didn't need it official.

But then he'd fracked it up, and there was no way to change what he had done. He'd tried to fix it, to make it right. She said she forgave him, but he didn't think she understood why he did what he did, not really. He'd broken something and he hadn't realized at the time just how stupid he had been. Yeah, he and Rene still relied on each other. What they had was more than husband and wife. They kept each other's deepest secrets. But ever since he fracked it up, now she knew just how weak he was. She had been clear that she intended to take care of the whole family and all the kids. She needed someone stronger.

Starbuck was stronger and he'd be the one to insist on going with her, and Jake was too weak to say no. If they didn't make it back or something went wrong, Jake would be living out his days here on Caprica alone. With Avery. That thought screaming in his head kept him awake. He had to be with her, even if he could never really be with her. He could handle losing her to Starbuck, as long as he could still have some part of her. It would be the not knowing if they made it or not, if she was alive or dead that would kill him. Despite it all, the Galactica and Starbuck, and all of it, the pact still stood. If she died, he wasn't going to live either. He didn't care if she would honor her side of the deal. That wasn't the point.

It was that point that jabbed at him as he tried to close his eyes and let his body relax. Would it be better if they all were stranded here? Maybe, definitely better than if she disappeared into the unknown without him.

A lot had changed for Jake in the last twenty-four centars. He looked back over to the Colonel realizing just how much the man had done for them in the last forty-eight centars. He thought maybe he'd found a new ally in Colonel Apollo and, truth be told, he actually found that thought a bit distressing. If they made it back to the Galactica, it would make it harder to exit the military and might jeopardize his standing with the other Zakar warriors, not his family, but the others. Those from the Zakar and the Shiva still made it pretty clear that the Sewer Rats were trash and might feel the need to remind them of their status if they thought the Rats were rising in the ranks. If they got back, it could become a complication.

The Zakar and Shiva warriors had secrets to hide. Jake and Rene had witnessed first-hand the atrocities. He couldn't forget the hope that came with the discovery of each new military vessel, the chance that its Commander might be wise enough and brave enough to contradict Dante, to put an end to his reign as leader. He thought the worst had been the Shiva. The Commander, some man named Taren, had stood up against Dante, ready to slug it out battle cruiser to battle cruiser, weapons fired up for the fight. Then the Commander of the Shiva seemed to realize how many lives could be lost, and agreed to Dante's terms. He had capitulated and agreed to hand over command to Dante. His command staff accompanied him to the landing bay to surrender to the Zakar's crew. Dante had insisted on meeting them first, and rather than shaking the Shiva's Commander's hand and accepting his surrender, Dante had shot him between the eyes. It wasn't that bloody scene that haunted Jake's dreams, but Gage's frantic face as he tried to pull back the Colonel of the Shiva, a man whose name Jake had pushed out of his mind. The Colonel had rushed Dante, firing. He'd hit their Commander in the arm, and it hadn't slowed Dante down as he shot the man multiple times, the Colonel's blood splattering all over Gage. What haunted Jake's dreams was Gage, dropping to his knees covered in gore, hands up in surrender, his face numb with shock.

His face was all their faces for the rest of their journey to Dilmun. Once on Dilmun, nothing shocked them anymore, not even when Dante was invited to dinner on the Destroyer and slew the whole command staff right after dessert, having given enough time for those loyal to him to take over control of the vessel.

It was that very scene he had expected when they dined on the Galactica, but her command staff had been too large, too many left on duty and not joining them for dinner. Plus, the Galactica had been too far from Dilmun to bring assistance unnoticed. Jake was also now aware that it wasn't just that Rene had sprung the trap early. Those on the Galactica were stronger than the other commanders and their staff. They had intimidated Dante, and now they pressured the Dilmun warriors into more acceptable decorum.

It hadn't mattered before the fleet came what information the Gutter Snipes held, no one cared. Dante didn't hide his actions because he and his command staff answered only to him. But everything had changed. The Galactica still believed in all the laws composed in the colonies. The values had not been rewritten and there were actually consequences for their actions. While Adama had not sought out to punish anyone for the past yet, that same 'yet' hung above the heads of those closest to Dante and his deeds.

If they made it back to the fleet, their association with the new Commander of the Zakar and the fleet's Commander could up the ante on those most complicit with Dante. Sewer Rats with some power could be a menace they might decide needed to be eliminated. It could be best if they stayed here on Caprica, for their own safety. Apollo could protect them in a way, but his protection could also put them in harm's way.

Jake appraised Apollo with new eyes, and he had to admit he should do the same for Starbuck. The two couldn't suppress their righteous streak. The only reason why the indignation hadn't turned to full out fury with Starbuck was that the Rats kept him distracted and occupied. Let loose, his virtuous vengeance could get them all killed.

And his thoughts came full circle. They would target Rene first. She had been closer to Dante, and without her, there was no point in Jake going on. The pact still stood. Here on Caprica, or there on the Galactica, their days were dangerous and maybe soon coming to an end.

He gave up on trying to sleep and headed down to the hangar to check out the viper that might be the answer to all his worries. Or just the beginning of an entirely new set.


	60. Chapter 60

Sitting in the cockpit helped. It always worked, ever since Crius had sat him in his first cockpit, the man's country twang enhancing his words, "Now you're in control. You get to hit 'em back."

The cylons had been the least of his concerns those first sectons on the Zakar, but in the cockpit, he was alone, no one else to contend with but himself. Out there in the stars, there was no one he had to fight with, just him, the master of the controls and the instruments. Yeah, usually there was a raider or two to take out, but even that was a minor concern. In the cockpit he got to make all the decisions, even if he lived or died. In the cockpit of that sleek new craft, he held more than his fate in his own hands. Two questions: stay or go? It didn't need to be complicated.

In the cockpit, the decisions were simple. Altitude, speed, pitch, roll, yaw, turbos, thrusters. These things he could control and it helped to silence the fear gnawing at him. He let it flow through him as he followed the meditation mantra Gage had taught them, "Fear is the mind killer." He remembered back to how he and the others from Caprica had annoyed most of the Zakar pilots, academy graduates who must have been as young, fidgety and nervous as the Rats at some point in their lives, but the officers had several yahrens to learn how to deal with it. It was Gage that had to take over the trainings at some point, sending the rescued recruits on runs around the corridors to burn off their energy, then having them sit and clear their minds so they could control the ticks and twitches. Rene had tried to explain to the officers that they were kids used to roaming wide open spaces, alleys and streets, fields and forests, but no one really listened to her then. He'd not quite understood his own tendency to roam until she put it into words. He realized then why most of the guys he knew on Caprica could walk for miles, often did for no reason. He thought it was just because when you were underage, there wasn't much to do. Now that he was older, he still roamed. He'd covered all the corridors of the Galactica and at least twenty-two of the fleet's ships, more if you counted the Zakar and Shiva. Just two hundred and four to go. But Rene had understood, still did.

"We walk to think and to deal and to get as far as we can from the chaos," she had lamented to the Colonel. "You can't shove us in a box and not expect us to explode."

And yet the small cockpit, sometimes a tighter fit than a box, is where he felt free. He sat in that sleek ship pretending that he was learning how to fly it, but the new controls were digital and blank without the engines on. He sat there trying to decide if going back was worth it or if they should just stay here. He still didn't have an answer when the old man gently tapped him on the shoulder, telling him to get out and go get some real sleep.

He'd headed back up that long corridor to the man's home, counting the boxes of supplies. It was enough for those stranded from the Galactica for at least a few yahrens, but it wasn't enough for all those kids and not even close to a secton or two for Avery and his men. If they wanted to survive they either had to go back or kick out Avery. He was pretty sure that he could get Starbuck to convince the others to get rid of the men, but the kids?

He took a deep breath before he opened the door to Peryton's home. He gave the room a quick scan, noting the cloudy skies outside the window just barely visible through the wire mesh the old man had installed as a shield. The weather threatened more rain and he was grateful to be inside and dry. Rene and Starbuck were sound asleep on the couch and Apollo still slept in his chair, so he settled back down on the floor beside Rene and Starbuck in case they woke. The warmth of the fire finally cleared the way for sleep to find him. That and the knowledge that this wouldn't be such a bad place to stay if they had to. A bit boring, but then again, excitement was overrated.

He was jolted from a dream by the sound of Rene's screaming. It had been a good dream, one where he and Rene were camping in the days before the destruction, the rain drumming on the canvas. Instinctually he reached out, expecting to find Rene there beside him. His hand searched for her, finding only emptiness until his hand bashed into something solid that knocked him from sleep. He was disoriented, wondering for a moment if they were in Dante's home as the Commanders was one of the few on Dilmun with a proper structure of rock and steel. Rene's cries had stopped, but that didn't mean there wasn't danger. He struggled to sit up and Starbuck's voice guided him to the present as the man softly spoke to Rene.

"It's okay, shh, I'm not the enemy. Easy there, deep breaths. Come on, Pretty Lady, focus, deep breath in. That's it. Hold it, now blow it out."

Jake found himself following Starbuck's commands, taking his own breath, holding it as Starbuck counted slowly to four, letting it out. Rene's soft whimper was his own as Starbuck cautiously reached out to touch her, his voice calm and soothing as he told her that it was okay. "We're safe here. You're safe. I'm here. The enemy is gone. Take another breath."

Starbuck had Rene sit up and put her head down as he rubbed her back, speaking encouragingly the whole time. Jake took his own shuddering breath as he watched Starbuck accomplish easily what he never could. She had always had night terrors and had woken more than a dozen times taking a swing at him. He couldn't complain, he'd done the same with her at least a hundred times. They accepted that the dreams happened, but once awake, it often took a long while before either of them really were able to calm down. He had always thought it was because they had lived the same horror and their nightmares were woven of the same fabric. He and Rene had found themselves in a repeating pattern of sorrow and pain.

But he knew Starbuck's story. The narrative was so close to their own, a pattern with only a few variations. Added to it, now he had experienced the same torture with the Cylons, but he could calm Rene down like Jake never could. Despite all the man had been through, he still offered hope as if it weren't a lie.

"It's over. You made it. You survived and we are warm and safe." Starbuck's words were hypnotic. Jake closed his eyes and let the words slip through the gaps in his armor, the warmth of them radiating in his chest. "You saved the kids, and you stared the enemy down. You did what you had to and you survived. You're okay. We all made it."

Jake let the warmth touch his heart. Starbuck didn't diminish what they had been through. No, he did the opposite. He acknowledged that their experiences made them stronger, mightier, more able to go forward. Jake felt the tendrils of warmth explode in his chest. He gasped at the sensation and tried to tamp it down in the instinctual need to hide anything worth having so it wasn't taken away.

"Jake?" He cracked open an eye at his name, looking to Starbuck who had called out to him concerned. "You okay?"

He nodded before answering, not trusting his voice. "Yeah. We need some food and some water. I'll get it." He had to move away from the moment before he let it seduce him into believing. He was almost to his feet when he froze at Rene's soft words, her hand touching him.

"Where the hades are we?" She wasn't asking Starbuck, she was asking him and he held on to that small bit of need like a buoy in the typhoon that was trying to drown him. He gave her his full focus, taking note of the confusion still clouding her vision, but she at least looked far more alert than she had since before they had parted on the ridgetop above the Cylon encampment.

"It's okay," he answered her. "All that matters is that we're safe. Like he said, we made it. They can't get us here. We need to eat, and there's food. Good food. I think there might even be stuff to make waffles."

He tried to suppress the smile as her eyes lit up. For them it was a code, more potent and powerful than any hand sign. The days that were good began with waffles. There had been six of them that they counted as perfect days, ones they would talk about as if legendary and they all began with waffles. Maybe this could be number seven. The hope was there as Starbuck looked to him.

"That would be great. It's been forever since I had a waffle, Lords, I think before the destruction."

Jake was spared the full force of Starbuck's grin as Boomer handed a bottle of water to him. Starbuck cracked it open and made sure that Rene drank first. The distraction broke the spell that Rene's gaze had upon him. He got to his feet, taking his own bottle of water from Boomer's hand, downing it before he reached for the biomonitor on the table and waved it over Rene. He tried to hide the wincing as he read the results, but Starbuck and Boomer shared a grim look before Starbuck slid his encouraging smile back into place.

"Some food in us would be wonderful before we take that flight home."

He nodded to Starbuck understanding that the man knew everything he needed to.

"If he doesn't have a waffle maker, well then it will be pancakes." Jake set the biomonitor on the table, where Boomer picked it up and winced himself at the results. Jake scanned the room, finding that Apollo had left his perch in his chair by the window. He wondered briefly where the Colonel had gone, and noted that Max wasn't there either. He looked to Boomer for answers, and the man read the question before he could ask it.

"They are helping Peryton with a few tasks before we can go. I had just come up to check on getting us all some dinner."

"I will get something going," Jake answered knowing that Boomer would join him in the food prep area. He waited until Boomer was going through cupboards too before he whispered to him, "we need to talk."

"She's not getting better," Boomer stated thinking that was what Jake needed to tell him, but he shook his head at the warrior turned family.

"Worse, she doesn't have the device. We are going to make a new one. And Starbuck's not getting better either. Please tell me there was enough fuel for them to launch."

Boomer pulled the needed appliance from a cabinet, a much-abused waffle iron. "We think so. We are just working on the solar panels now."

"Solar panels? That ship has batteries that need charging?" Jake opened the chiller to find real eggs and wondered briefly where the geezer was hiding the fowl. A fresh fowl dinner could go a long way to making them all feel better.

"Needs the power and the rain has corroded some of the wires. And about Peryton, he's staying."

As he found the rest of the ingredients in the places he would have stored them, including syrup, he cursed at Boomer. "Frack me! And you're going to let him?"

He thought he knew the warrior, but he had to wonder about all their interactions. He quickly decided that he'd be sharing his idea on how to resolve the problem with Starbuck. It was just the right situation to harness Sire Gold Clusters righteous indignation problem. Plus, he might be able to talk the geezer into it without having to follow Jake's idea of shooting the guy and loading him onto the shuttle on a stretcher.

"He's an adult. He can make his own decisions. I'm just grateful for the help he's given us."

Jake tried not to glare at the man, plus it was hard to glare when you found breakfast meat in a fully stocked chiller. He settled for a different approach.

"Uh huh, so when does this adult status kick in? I don't recall getting to make many choices." Jake found the rest of the supplies and began to mix them together in the bowl he found. Boomer didn't answer him as he got out the skillet to start frying up meat and eggs. The steady tylium flame on the stove was encouraging and he began to wonder if the man had more supplies stashed away than he let on. He was distracted from that line of thinking as Starbuck helped Rene to her feet and the two disappeared down to the turbowash.

Jake was working on the first waffle when Starbuck reappeared, guiding Rene to a seat at the table before he headed into the food prep area.

"So brief me, Boomer," Starbuck asked as he began opening cupboards and pulling down the makings for fresh java, slamming cupboards more forcefully than he needed to. "Who is this guy and why is he so well stocked when Avery's men are hiding out in caves?"

"Designer of vipers, and apparently a friend of the Commander," Boomer answered tending to the eggs, pointing to a cupboard for Starbuck to pull down some plates. Starbuck slammed that cupboard as well. "You want to take it easy there?" Boomer said. "You wake up on the wrong side of the couch? This not good enough accommodations for you? You want to go back to that bed and breakfast with the cave décor? You prefer rocks for a pillow? There's bacon for Sagan's sake."

The hairs on Jake's neck raised and he looked up to find Starbuck staring at him with the most serious expression he had ever seen on the warrior's face. The joker and optimist were gone. If Jake didn't know any better he would say that was fear tinging the warrior's eyes.

"I've got borelian laser bolls slamming into the side of my head. I feel like I swallowed a few dozen Scorpia dueling blades and she's asking me how we got here and where Ari is. You want to tell me what the biomonitor said?"

Jake sighed looking away. "Food will help."

"Really? That's all it's going to take? Don't lie to me. I can't take it right now."

"Well it isn't going to hurt. Time will help too."

"A medical facility on the Galactica will help. How are we going to get there, Jake? We don't have time."

Boomer spoke up before Jake could find the words to reassure the warrior. "Do you have the device? Jake says Rene doesn't have it."

"What? No, Frack," Starbuck turned away, cursing softly as he pulled down a mug, nearly breaking it as he slammed it down on the counter.

Jake made sure not to burn the waffle, pulling it out before he took the step towards Starbuck. He placed a hand on his back as Starbuck was still staring at the Java maker. "We can make another one."

Starbuck didn't look up as he took a few measured breaths. "And if her brain is scrambled, what use is the device going to do us?"

"You're going with her. If you get lost, then…"

Starbuck snapped at him, "Then we're both dead from whatever we sucked down in that pond! At least here…" Starbuck looked to Rene who had moved from the table and was looking at something on the old man's bookshelves. Starbuck took a breath before he said quietly, "at least here we die in comfort."

Jake didn't mean to laugh but the sarcastic chuckle snuck up on him. Starbuck narrowed his eyes at him but Jake spoke before Starbuck could, "And miss out on the medals and accolades? Not your style."

Starbuck turned away, focusing back on the java machine, but Jake held his position, as awkward as it was for him to be touching what at times seemed his opponent. "Look, she's talking. It took sectons for Nik to do that, and at least a few cycles for myself. And as for the device, I helped make it. I fly into that rift and all she does is make a wish. She can still do that. We know the coordinates, that's half the formula." He found his hand rubbing Starbuck's back as he mimicked what he might do for Kiff or Kalea if they were upset.

Starbuck didn't respond, just stared at the Java as it trickled into the container. Jake didn't know what to do so he moved away back to doing what he could, making some food. He had four waffles made before Starbuck handed him a java speaking softly, "I'm not telling her what happened to Ari. No one should have to go through that twice."

Jake nodded knowing full well that was the carrot he was going to dangle in front of Rene if her brain was really a pile of felgercarb. It might still get them back to the Zakar and the fleet, or worst case scenario back to Dilmun where he knew there was untainted food and some medical supplies. "We can get back. She's sick, so are you, but you're not going to die here."

Starbuck nodded back, grabbing a waffle as he mumbled, "Where's Apollo? You got Rene?"

Jake just nodded at him and Boomer took the pan off the stove and grabbed some bacon and a waffle, handing some of the meat to Starbuck as he said he'd show him the way. Jake couldn't help to breathe a sigh of relief as the two Colonials left the room leaving him alone with Rene. He loaded up a couple of plates and headed for the table. He nearly dropped them as the sound system came on with a familiar song by the Fabulon Four, "Back in the Tauron". Rene looked over her shoulder at him smiling.

"He has the blue album."

"That's worth some money. Think we should take it with us." Jake set the plates down and went back for the java using it to lure Rene over. "You need to eat."

She nodded coming over to take a seat, but only reaching for the java. "Some p..p..party huh? I don't re…re…remember."

"Yeah some party. Eat, please." The pleading made Rene look at him, her face shifting from pleasure to confusion.

"Who are these g…guys?"

Jake was beginning to understand why Starbuck had to flee the room and for a brief moment wondered if he should fix the problem or just enjoy the fact that Rene still thought she might be his, but he knew that was wrong on so many levels. He settled on an easy version of the truth.

"They're the good guys. Now eat." She complied and he did the same as he read the biomonitor trying to analyze what he could do based on the readings. The bacterium was barely being held in check with the medications he was using. Starbuck was right; they were running out of time as he was running out of medications that would work. Soon the illness would win.

"Rene, do you remember the device? We need to make a new one."

She jolted in her seat, her face a mask of pain, so sudden and intense Jake almost cried out for her as he leapt from his seat to get to her. It passed quickly and she gripped the table breathing hard.

"Baby?" He wrapped his arm around her wishing there was more he could do.

"Yeah…uh…yeah…I…I left it by the c…c..creek. Oh frack…I…yeah..yeah….We have to get out of here!"


	61. Chapter 61

Boomer had actually said, "Ta da!" like he was a magician pulling off an act as he opened the door to the hangar. Maybe a few cycles ago those shiny new vipers might have thrilled him, but now they were just useless hunks of metal without fuel. Plus the fact that even with fuel, without Rene's device and her head clear, they just represented a faster way to die. Even if they could get one of these birds in the air, the Cylon presence in the skies over Caprica had increased dramatically since they'd arrived, and then tripled once they had attacked the Cylon encampment. They needed to sit tight here for a while and wait for the hornet's nest they had poked to calm down. Launching now would be suicidal.

Starbuck tried not to growl at Boomer, his friend was just trying to help him feel better, but the worry he had for Rene was jabbing at him sharper than the blades he felt like he had swallowed. He hadn't been able to protect her from the enemy, and now he couldn't even get her back home. It wasn't her memory loss that upset him, it was the fever glaze in her eyes. If he couldn't get her back to the Galactica, he was going to lose her. Attempting a launch and a jump was their only option. He'd have to hope the Cylons hadn't improved their aim.

He scanned all the vipers, noting that even the older models looked like they had just rolled off the assembly line. "Please tell me they're all armed."

"He says they're all operational." Boomer tried again to try to lift his spirits.

"Prettiest coffins I've ever seen," he tried to joke, as he found himself counting not the vipers, but the children scattered around the hangar and their parents. They would need more than one shuttle, and he wasn't sure if a squadron would be enough to keep them safe in the skies before Rene could jump them through her rift back to the Galactica. And what about the quadrant around the fleet? They were quiet when they left, but after a brain scan of Rene's mind, they surely had the coordinates of the fleet. Despite having her flight status put on hold, Rene had made a point each day of checking on their course and the position of the various ships in the fleet.

How close had the enemy been to the fleet? Rene's old Commander had a point when he said that you should take your best guess, double it and you might be halfway to something accurate. Having backtracked on their route to Dilmun, the enemy was probably closer than they realized.

Boomer tried to lead him over to the matte black craft, but Starbuck wasn't interested in checking it out, not yet anyway. He trusted his friend that it was operational and probably their best hope, but as his eyes scanned the hangar, he took note of all the children, especially the boy off on his own sitting near one of the work tables. It was the kid who had dragged him up that ridge and off into the darkness, kept him going and had let him know when Rene had fallen behind. He owed the kid something.

"His father didn't make. I'm hoping his mother is back with the others in the fleet." Boomer put a hand on his shoulder, stopping him from approaching the boy. "Apollo is out repairing solar panels. Jake was right, we should all talk. We can do that over dinner and get us all some more rest."

Starbuck nodded as he spotted Avery and the old man who owned the place working on siphoning fuel from one of the other vipers. Avery's gaze met his own and he looked ready to abandon the pump he was manning and come over to them. Starbuck didn't trust himself to talk to the man, not after what he had just been through. His body still ached from the switch the IL had thrown that made his muscles lock and lightning dance up his spine. The pain was too fresh and the long and wet hike to get here too recent. He wanted to kill Avery for what he had put Rene through as the image flashed in his mind of her lying there dead under all the debris from the collapsed ridge. He'd brought her back to life just so she could endure more pain and while consciously he knew it was the enemy's fault, the Cylons weren't here in this hangar to blame. However, Avery was.

Of its own accord, his hand reached for his weapon before he remembered he wasn't wearing his uniform or his holster. He was suddenly grateful that someone had enough sense to take his weapon away. He didn't want to kill the man, not really, but winging him was still an option on the table, or maybe stunning him at point blank range. Starbuck knew from recent experience how painful that could be.

Boomer's hand on his shoulder pulled him away from his plan for revenge. "Let's go find Apollo so we can get you fueled up for the flight ahead."

Starbuck kept his eyes locked on Avery for just a moment longer, hoping the man got the unspoken message that he'd better shut up and do as he was told or Starbuck might just leave him behind to live out his days on this dying rock. Then he let Boomer lead him towards the metal door. His friend was right, plus the pounding in his head hammered in the fact that food and rest was still the top priority for now. He'd need his own wits about him before he launched as he had no intention of being shot down over Caprica after having survived the destruction. That just seemed too much like the kind of ironic fate mentioned in many of the stories in the Book of the Word. He was no slave to fate, he made his own.

A cold wind whipped at them as they opened the hangar door and he was momentarily stunned by swirling colors in the sky. He and Rene had slept most of the day away. He was reminded of the last sunset he had seen on Caprica before the destruction, just as vivid, and yet so vastly different from this one. He'd been with Aurora on a date and the fading day as they walked by the bay of Caprica city had added to the romantic mood he was trying to set, his last night before shipping out on the Galactica. The purples and reds had been glorious.

He wanted to take a moment to enjoy this sunset as well, but it was far from romantic with its unnatural orange and swirling green and dark black of the storm clouds above. If they made it back, when would he be planet side again? If he had his way right now, it would be never. He longed for the quarters that were now his back on the Galactica because in that small compartment he knew he and his wife were safe from the enemy and while the food wasn't great, it was at least non-toxic. He wanted to be back in that warm bed with the kids sleeping around them. He could settle for a lifetime of just looking at the boring gray walls, just so long as he had Rene and their baby there with him.

Boomer pulled him from his reverie and led him on a worn path that wove along the hillside beside the hangar. Max was there, checking connections of a solar panel cleverly designed to look like a flat rock. The young man looked up and grinned wide.

"You are a sight for sore eyes. Glad to see you up and moving. We're almost done here. Apollo's just double checking to make sure the wires are more protected from the rain."

"Waste of time if you ask me," Starbuck grumbled, "no one is going to need the power once we get out of here."

"Peryton wants to stay and, if there are more survivors, they may make their way here." Boomer looked ready to add more as Starbuck opened his mouth to protest, but the sound of raider above the cloud cover had them all diving to the ground. The thick clouds hid the craft from their view but the shine of the metal wings peeked through once or twice before the craft continued on its course away from their location.

"How many times has that happened?" Starbuck asked from the ground as he quickly judged from the fading sound of the engines that the craft was headed for the encampment in the hills.

"That's only the second one," Max answered, "We think they're working a grid pattern searching for us."

"They'll find us eventually, and then what?" Starbuck got up brushing the dirt from what had been a clean jump suit. He had wanted it to stay that way. He missed being clean.

"We high tail it out of here, that's what," Max said turning back to the wires.

"Rene doesn't have the device. Jake thinks he can make a new one. What do you know about that?" Starbuck had never been totally clear where Max fit into the whole family as one of the few Colonial regular recruits, lacking an academy training and also lacking a wife and kids unlike the rest of the Gutter Snipes. But the man was more than competent when it came to electronics and could fix just about anything that broke from toys, to food prep appliances, to vipers. He seemed to be just as adept at fixing people problems as his steady nature kept the copper squadron from being at odds with each other and with the colonials. Much like his cousin Boomer, Max was a calm individual and encouraged it in others. His creative cursing helped the recruits to laugh at situations they couldn't control.

"About as much as a centurion does about dancing. I didn't help make it. She just always had it."

Starbuck wanted to ask more as no one had ever talked in detail about when Rene started doing this thing that she could do. He had assumed it was a talent she had developed after she'd been forced to have kids, as it answered the obvious question as to why she hadn't used it just to get them all away from Dante. He had assumed that once the kids came along, her old Commander had held too much control, making it difficult for the Sewer Rats to coordinate and escape his dominion over their lives. But she'd known Max since the Zakar, and if she'd always had it, then why not use it?

"What do you mean by always? When's the first time you jumped with her?" Starbuck cursed his own impulsive actions in his head. He should have demanded that Rene explain in detail what she did, how she did it and how the device was constructed before they jumped into their vipers and let her lead them here. Then again, maybe he didn't want to know too much. The temptation to use such ability to his own personal aims might prove to be too much, just as it had for Rene and Jake. Maybe when they got back he'd destroy the device and leave Rene with her brain scrambled. At least then she wouldn't be tempted to try something this crazy again.

Before Max could answer, another raider dropped from the clouds skimming low over the hills and the three hit the ground again, all of them cursing as they tried to crawl under the protection of the solar panel. When it had soared over the hillside home and dipped down the valley behind it, Starbuck didn't waste his breath for a sigh of relief. He knew they'd be back.

"I'm declaring your repair job complete. We need to get out of here. Where's Apollo?" Boomer pointed, but it was unnecessary as Apollo was sprinting towards the three, motioning towards the path that led to the hangar.

"Let's get in out of this weather before the Cylons rain down on us," Apollo said, helping Max gather up the tools that were spread about.

"I've already dealt with cloudy with a chance of centurions. They're heavy and tend to break my umbrella on impact. So why the frack were you out here?" Starbuck groused.

"Keeping my word. How are you feeling?" Apollo slung a tool bag over his shoulder and they hiked up the path to the hangar, approaching a door that was well disguised to look like all the other rocks around the area.

"I was feeling better until coming out here. We need to talk. We have some complications."

"You mean other than the Cylons and your poor health?" Apollo asked as he closed the hangar door behind them, dropping down the steel bar that added another layer of defense.

Starbuck scanned the hangar again, realizing that more questioning eyes were upon them than before. He wasn't sure he wanted all of Avery's men knowing just yet that their promised rescue might be delayed a bit longer, maybe by sectons rather than centaurs. "I'll tell you over dinner. There's waffles."

Avery kept his distance, still engaged in the task that was vital to their escape, but another of his group, Wylie, didn't hesitate to approach them as they crossed the hangar. Starbuck kept walking as the man spoke to Apollo.

"We're almost done with the fuel. Peryton says there's enough for a launch and we can be ready in centons." The question was there underneath his statement. Apollo called out to Starbuck, but he kept walking. He heard Apollo tell Wylie that they were just waiting for morning and for there to be more daylight to aid in avoiding the raiders on take off, but any good pilot would know that it wasn't daylight that they relied on for enemy detection but the scanners. Wylie seemed to accept the lie and Apollo caught back up to him in the corridor.

"Okay, spill it buddy. What's wrong?"

Starbuck looked to both ends of the corridor to make sure the doors were sealed and the warriors were alone. He spoke quickly, hoping to rip the bandage off the truth faster to lessen the sting.

"Rene doesn't have the device and her brain is scrambled. She doesn't know where she is or who I am. We aren't leaving anytime soon."

Apollo absorbed the information with a deep breath. Before he could speak, Max jumped in.

"She can still do it. She just needs a whole lot of energy, and the guns on that black beauty look potent enough. If she remembers the kids, at least the sewer rats, she'll find them."

"How Max? How the hades does she fracking do that? No one has ever been real clear on how this works and I am damn tired of being kept in the dark!" The angry outburst loosened something within his chest and he found himself bent over trying to hack up a lung as Apollo rubbed his back and told him to calm down. He wanted to yell back that he was being calm, that this was far bleaker than they realized. Instead, he ended up wheezing in air and spitting a gob of gunk onto the floor as Boomer clarified for Apollo.

"They're not getting better and Jake is running out of medications."

"Okay. So we may be staying put for a while, but we're safe from the enemy here with plenty of food and water until we work this out." Apollo rubbed at his back but Starbuck turned at him snapping.

"Did you not hear? She's sick, I'm sick and we're going to die if we stay here!"

Apollo nodded at his words. "I hear you. Calm down, Starbuck. Peryton says he might know how she does what she does, or at least he has a working theory. And he has some medical supplies. You seem to be healthy enough to dredge up some histrionics. I don't think you're going to die on me just yet."

Starbuck heaved a sigh as he straightened and ran his hand through his hair. "I'm sick of this place and I don't like having Cylon technology inside my body! How do we know they can't track us with it? Don't you think it's a bit ironic that the moment I poke my head outside is the moment the raiders start buzzing you?"

"Now that you mention it, but Peryton says that the electric grid scrambles their scanners, and the rocks composing this hillside are naturally dense with radium. It's why he chose here to build. He is quite knowledgeable and I believe him when he says we are safe here." Apollo reached out to squeeze his shoulder, "Look, I know what you and Rene went through was bad. I understand your concerns, but we are safe here and we are working on getting us home. I won't let her die."

He shuddered as his friend figured out what really had him afraid. Starbuck shook his head realizing that his friend's promotion to Colonel had made the power go to his head or the radium of Caprica had affected him and now he was truly delusional. "And just how are you going to do that Apollo? Order her to stay alive?"

"For starters, yes. I got you out of Cylon captivity and I will get you home."

"Jake got me out. You weren't even going to come back for me!" He couldn't help but mention the point. They had been in captivity far too long. He shuddered as he recalled his wife's screams followed by his own.

Apollo quirked his eyebrow. "So that's what has you so upset? I was just waiting until the kids were safe, Starbuck. You know I like you best."

"Dammit, Apollo, this is serious!"

Before Apollo could respond, the door to the hangar at the end of the corridor opened. Peryton entered the corridor and shut the door behind him, then using the wall as a guide approached them.

"Good, you're awake. Is the gal awake?"

Starbuck turned away, not trusting himself to answer the man politely. Boomer handled it for him.

"Yes, she is, but we're not sure how much help she can give us right now. She's a bit ill and disoriented plus she has lost the device she uses to create the rift."

Peryton nodded as if acknowledging the information, but then acted as if he hadn't heard a thing. "The coms have come alive with Cylon chatter and you may have overstayed your welcome. Time for you to go. I need to find out how she navigates as we never did figure that out."

Starbuck found himself facing Apollo again and muttered to him, "Am I even speaking out loud? Why isn't anyone listening?"

Apollo squeezed his shoulder in attempt to reassure him, but the tightness in Starbuck's chest as he tried to take a deep breath kept him from feeling optimistic. He turned away as he felt another hand on his back to find the old man had approached him.

"You the pilot they keep telling me is so good? You've been around this universe, right?"

"Yeah, guess I have." He nodded as he wondered if he was going to get a chance to truly explore the galaxy, or just wind up gasping for his last breaths on this polluted planet.

"Then you know, son, making a wormhole isn't magic and getting to where you want to go sometimes is just a matter of wishful thinking. I can make you a wormhole and be honest, anywhere is better than here."

Starbuck blinked hard and wanted to shake his head but worried it would explode. He was dreaming, that had to be the only explanation, or still hallucinating in his cell, hypothermia about to kill him. "Oh yeah, of course. That easy, sure. I see one every other day along with unicorns, fairies and space whales."

Apollo squeezed his shoulder again, "Buddy, he designed our vipers and most of our weapons. I'm thinking he has a bit more knowledge about astrophysics than we do."

Starbuck lashed out at his friend's patronizing smile. "Don't you think this guy has been on his own too long sucking in too much of that radium? Has that thought crossed your mind that's been addled by your promotion? It's got to be the brass insignia, releases something that makes you all suffer delusions of grandeur because I would think if there was some secret squadron of wormhole warriors I would know about it!"

The smile spread on Apollo's features as he parried, "This coming from the guy who flew us all the way back to Caprica."

Starbuck winced as the direct shot hit the target. Apollo read his thoughts, squeezed his shoulder again as he said softly, "You believe in her abilities. You were there on the bridge of the Galactica right next to her when she performed what others might call a miracle. You joined her secret squadron."

Starbuck sighed, "This…this is different. That was the count and… John…and…" He sighed and was unsure how much he should say in front of Peryton, realizing just how insane it might all sound. He shook his head at his friend's confident smile. Apollo had only been through Rene's rift twice. He didn't understand what they were dealing with, and if truth be told, neither did Rene even when she was coherent. His friend hadn't been there helping Rene clean up or heard her disoriented questions. The old man might be in his right mind, but Rene wasn't.

Apollo spoke softly, "Are you sure about that? How did she create those drawings that convinced all of us to come here?"

Starbuck sighed heavily throwing his hands up in submission. "Okay, fine, so let's say we can just produce wormholes out of thin air, there are places worse than here you know, like the heart of the Cylon Empire."

"Yes, and we have already been there and made it out alive. We can do this."

Starbuck shook his head feeling bone weary tired.

"Son," the old man said drawing his attention back to him, "You will be in a fully armed craft that is the culmination of my life's work. There's nothing faster or more powerful. You're a viper pilot right? You've already entrusted your life to the things I can do."

"You have a point, sir," Starbuck answered the man as diplomatically as he could. He didn't want to insult the man and his abilities. He wanted to get the frak out of here before the enemy decided to make him a permanent resident but he didn't want to die in the process. But if they stayed, death might find him even faster. At least with Apollo and Peryton's plan, he'd die in a viper fast and painless and Rene would be there with him.

He took in a deep breath and tried not to cough as he expelled it. "Alright," he rasped. "We're doing this."

"We have dinner ready, well breakfast actually," Boomer added his hand to Starbuck's other shoulder. "We can talk while we eat."

They headed up the corridor and Starbuck appreciated that Apollo still kept a hold of him. The guiding hand did help him feel a bit steadier. It might take a few days, but they could figure this out. Jake had kept the illness in check so far and the young man had a point, Rene was talking.

As they entered Peryton's home, they found Jake still making waffles, and Rene sitting on the floor near the hearth, a blanket wrapped around her shoulders and a book in her hand. He headed straight to her, and she looked up smiling at him.

He couldn't help but sit down beside her, pulling her to him. She didn't resist and that reassured him more than any words Jake could have said. She had let Starbuck hold her and so at least she knew he was friendly, which in Rene's way of thinking was more than he could say of most people. She instinctually distrusted everyone, and hadn't even warmed up to most of Starbuck's friends including Apollo. And everyone loved Apollo. On the Galactica she barely spoke to half of blue squadron, and avoided any other squadron like they were the enemy. So, if she was melting into his arms, she couldn't be that lost, could she?

"What are you reading?" She didn't answer, just handed him the book which he noted was some classic from the past he had read in school. "Have you eaten?"

She nodded, but remained mute and he tried not to let that discourage him. Apollo called him over to the table before he could ask her any more questions. He took a seat and tried to dig into the meal set before him while the others talked, but his eyes remained on his wife, watching her sit serenely by the fire as if this were a holiday retreat.

"There's enough fuel for a launch, it'll get you at least into high atmo, but not much further. She makes her own fuel once in space, but it's a slow process, and she moves slow until her tanks are at least a quarter full. She was built for long-range flights, not short fast journeys," Peryton explained.

Apollo elaborated, touching Starbuck's arm to get his attention. "We thought that would be the best ship to take since we're unsure of where the Galactica will be at the moment. If the enemy has shown up, she may have had to move on and we have been gone for almost a secton now."

"Seems longer," Starbuck added, "but yeah, she couldn't have gone too far. We should be able to find her given enough fuel and time. It's just getting her there. You really can make a wormhole?"

"It's a simple concept, son, and once in the hole, it's a short trip, but like I said, we never learned how to create a predictable endpoint. None of my volunteers returned. Frustrating as hades as usually I am the first to test my designs, but well, no one would let me so I'm not even sure where it went wrong."

"If your people disappeared and didn't come back, it didn't go wrong," Jake added around a large bite of waffles.

"Don't speak with your mouth full!" Peryton snapped at him. Starbuck wondered at the glare Jake threw the man as it was more mischievous than angry, and the man waited with arms crossed for Jake to finish chewing and swallow. Jake very purposefully set his fork down before speaking again.

"It's not a two-way street. That's not how it works. We open it, you go in, it closes. If you want to come back, you open another one. One-way ticket. So, if they couldn't open another rift, yeah, they're stuck."

"Just like we are," Starbuck complained.

"We're not stuck," Apollo contradicted him. "We can get in the air. We can get the energy needed and Jake says he can make the device, and if he can't, Peryton can."

"And wind up where exactly? That's the problem. She any better?" he directed his question to Jake. "She's not talking to me much."

Jake sighed and looked to his friend before answering. "I'm not sure. Fever's down for now and for a moment there she looked like she was clear headed, but…" he hesitated.

"Go on…" Starbuck encouraged.

"She's got some memory loss. More sleep should help, but I'm not sure how long I can keep the fever down, so we're fighting a two-front war there between what the brain scan did and what the bacteria is doing. But in the past, well, you were there, Starbuck, more than a few times. If you can get the coordinates set and into the rift, she just has to touch the ship. That's it. She just asks them to get her where she needs to be and you can pilot the ship there."

"Them?" Peryton cast a suspicious look around the table. "Who is 'them'?"

They were all silent for a few microns, casting each other doubtful glances. Some days even he didn't believe what he had seen with his own two eyes. A crystal ship, Apollo's death and rebirth, celestial beings in white. And how did one explain John and the missions the man sent them on? Starbuck looked back over to Rene to find she had lain down on the floor and fallen asleep. Her explanations were even more preposterous as she could only say she had dreams that sometimes came true. He was hoping she was having a good one now that might provide the solutions they needed.

He suddenly wanted to abandon this conversation and join her. It would be so much easier if he could just dream himself to where he needed them to be.

Apollo drew him back to the conversation as he tried to summarize their experiences. "We have encountered superior beings that are able to predict our future events, to affect them sometimes. Rene claims they communicate to her in dreams and that is where she learned of this ability. She…"

Apollo hesitated, but Jake continued, almost daring the old man to disbelieve him. "She prays to them and they answer. Works nearly every time."

"Nearly every time?" The old man picked up on the discrepancy.

Starbuck was impressed with the confidence Jake tried to imitate. He hadn't seen the young man even attempt that kind of authority on the Galactica, not even once. It worked here, had him believing that this was going to work.

"Oh, it works. It will take us places. Once in a blue moon it will not be as accurate, takes us not to exactly where we wanted, but when it misdirects us, it usually is better than where we wanted to go. It will get them out of here and if not to the Galactica, then maybe some place better."

"Nothing is better than the Galactica right now," Starbuck corrected him.

"That's your opinion," Jake challenged him.

Starbuck made a mental note to spend a bit more time with the young man once he got back, introduce him to a few more friends and definitely change his career path to one where he had an aptitude. He nodded slowly to Jake. "We both want her to live and we both want the baby raised in safety. Right now, that's the Galactica."

Jake met his eyes, nodded begrudgingly. "You might be able to actually pull that off, Sire Gold Clusters."

"You willing to give me the opportunity?" Starbuck tossed back.

"I think that's up to her." Jake said, casting a nod towards his friend. "But I think even if she is confused, if you can convince her she needs to go where you want her to go, I think she can still get you there. Not sure she's going to agree that's the Galactica, not while half of Dante's lackeys are still there. But she will get you somewhere safe."

Starbuck realized Jake had a good point. If they could create the rift, where would she choose to call home? Where did she feel safe? He realized that might just be the streets of downtown Caprica City. He pulled in a deep breath. He had his work cut out for him. "I can convince her just like I will convince you so that if I can't do it, you can."

"What do I get out of it?" Jake didn't hesitate to fall back on old habits.

Starbuck wanted to slam his fist down on the table to accentuate his point as he glared at the kid. Boomer dove into the rift between the two men. "Your kids for one. Your family for another. Our family." Boomer made a point of looking to all those around the table, being sure to include Max who hadn't taken a seat but was leaning against the wall.

Max said softly to his friend. "Time to come in from the cold, Jake. You fracked it up with her long before Starbuck came along."

Peryton lost his patience with the heavy silence that followed. "I don't care what your differences are, I want you out of my house! I can perform the magic, you pull off the trick and ta da, you are gone! We try in the morning. Now get some sleep. Do the dishes, and keep your hands off my things punk, especially my music!" He cast a glare at Jake, who actually flinched and muttered a "Yes sir," before getting up from the table and heading to the sink.

Starbuck looked in amazement at Peryton. "You sure you don't want to come with us? We could use your skills, your knowledge, and what you just did there."

Max leaned down and whispered to the old man, "He never does the dishes. I mean, never."

The old man chucked lightly as he spoke. "I had a son like him. My wife said we didn't get along because he was just like me. No, I'm staying. You don't need an old blind man. I just use up resources and you already have my best designs."

"There might be a way to heal you and we could use your ideas," Apollo added.

"No. Minds made up. Just clear all those kids out of my hangar before they mess things up, that will be enough." Peryton abruptly got up and headed for his bedroom.

"Thank you," Starbuck called to him, but the man just absently waved him off without turning around.

"Feel better?" Apollo asked and Starbuck found himself nodding.

"Yeah, I do, or I will once I am sitting in the landing bay of the Galactica getting a whole squadron to come back for you. Still not sure how we are going to evade the enemy in these fracked up skies, but if I can't do it, no one can."

"That's more like the Sire Gold Clusters we know and love," Boomer added. "Need some help getting her off the floor? You two need some more sleep."

"I think we'll both be fine right there. Thanks." The three clasped hands for a moment before Apollo motioned with his head towards the fire. He agreed, and got up to take his plate to the sink for Jake to wash. "Thanks," he mumbled, about to turn away when he turned back, squeezed Jake's shoulder. "We get back. And I'll take your dish duties for at least a yahren. I think you've earned that. Just promise me when we put you top of the list, you name our kid Adama."

Jake cast him an evil grin. "You don't get to pick, I do and you'll just have to live with it. It might just be Sire Gold Clusters Junior."

"It's not a challenge, Jake. It's your kid too, try to remember that. I'm blaming any webbed toes and extra appendages on this little shopping trip by the way."

Jake looked ready to respond with a nasty quip, but he softened the smile. "Fair enough. Get some sleep. I'll be here. My turn for the couch."

Starbuck gave his shoulder a gentle squeeze before he headed over to the fire, grabbing another blanket, laying back and pulling Rene to him. She snuggled into him like she always did and he tried to let it calm his fears. "Home, it doesn't matter where we are, this is home," he whispered into her ear as she sighed in her sleep. "But getting us back to the Galactica sure would be nice," he added softly.


	62. Chapter 62

There is something to be said for a good night's sleep after a traumatic event. It could help to put the event in the past and leave one feeling rejuvenated for the future that lay ahead, one hopefully brighter. He desperately wanted that to happen, but instead he woke after just a centaur or two coughing hard. He felt like he was breathing through mud and panicked for a moment that he was going to not be able to draw air. Jake was there, a hypo to his neck and a mug of something warm that helped to clear the feeling away at least a little. He regretted that his coughing had jostled Rene from her sleep, but it was worth it for the look of concern and more importantly a glimpse of recognition that she had for him. She still didn't speak, but her hand reached up to stroke his face and he tried to remember that she didn't do that for just anyone.

However, it was Jake she crawled towards a few moments later when her stomach rebelled and she heaved up what had been a good meal on the floor beside them. It was to her friend that she mumbled a sorry and whose arms she sought for comfort as Starbuck tried to reach out for her. Boomer was the one who helped clean up the mess as Jake held her. He wiped down her face as the fever spiked, and was able to help her keep some of the food inside her.

Starbuck felt useless and forgotten as he lay shivering on the cold floor watching his wife in the arms of another. He knew he was being childish as the jealousy rose. Jake was just looking out for his friend and the mother of his children. There was nothing romantic in his motives, but the irrational emotion just seemed to ride in on the wave of heat that swept through him. He shed the blankets and wished someone would turn down the flame on the fire.

He shifted his gaze to the windows of the home and wondered briefly if they had slept longer than a few centaurs as the sky outside grew brighter with an unnatural orange glow. Had the sun finally been able to power through the thick clouds? The glow seemed to brighten and fade, shifting as if moving. He had his answer when an explosion rocked the floor beneath him and the glow flared brighter. The light wavered and he realized it was a fire raging on the hillsides from cylon raider salvos. He was about to shout out the obvious, that the enemy had found them, when the electric grid outside the window flared in flash of blinding blue as one of the tin heads got lucky with a direct hit. He dove to cover Rene with his body, to hope that maybe at least she would survive . He waited for the quick burning that would end his life while muttering a quick prayer for his own child's salvation. He held Rene tight, recognizing that at least they were together, although death seemed to be taking its sweet time coming.

He looked over his shoulder to see the salvo dissipate on the grid, spraying like hot lava across the windows of the home. Apollo belatedly leapt from his chair, blaster drawn uselessly. Things seemed to move in slow motion as Starbuck could see another laser salvo come lancing in, then break up on impact with Peryton's grid. For a moment, Apollo was framed in a bright orange glow like his namesake, the god of the sun, before he flung himself to try to cover Starbuck and Rene.

Rene struggled underneath him and the weight of Apollo as well. Starbuck shifted his weight muttering up at his friend, "So you do care, only could you not care so much. You're heavy."

Realization dawned on Apollo as well that they weren't being incinerated. He rolled away patting Starbuck on the shoulder. "Told you Peryton knew what he was doing."

"Yeah, well, I think I'm okay with you winning that point." Rene was still struggling to get out from underneath him despite the fact that he had moved his weight aside. "You're alright," he said to her in reassurance, but he held tight. She stilled at his words looking up to him, a question forming on her face, but not uttered aloud. "I'm okay, that's what you were wondering right? I'm alright." He took it as a good sign when she nodded.

Apollo got to his feet making a snap decision. "Time to go. Max, get Peryton. We need to figure this out now."

Starbuck found it hard to get to his feet as he called out, "We aren't launching into a cylon patrol. I'd like to die in my bed, thank you very much."

It was Peryton's voice as he entered the room that ended the short debate. "Down to the hangar, it's more secure. Come on. We can wait this out. Three yahrens they've been trying, and they haven't gotten to me yet. Have ya, you tin-plated bastards!" the old man shouted at the window as another salvo hit the grid, and everyone ducked for cover except the old man who chuckled and shook his fist at the blast instead. "Glad they haven't forgotten me. Warms the heart knowing one old man is so damn hard to take down, doesn't it?"

Starbuck couldn't help but to join in the old man's laughter, as another salvo harmlessly sprayed against the grid that flared momentarily, and in the bright glow he caught Rene's eyes on his, filled with the same optimistic grin.

He called her name and wasn't sure if she heard it over the noise of another salvo strafing the ground before the hillside home, but her hand found his. He pulled her closer before reaching out and bringing Jake along with her into the shelter of his arms.

"It's been a fun holiday, but time to go home don't you think?" he whispered in her ear, then grinned as she nodded and stuttered, "P..pretty…b…boy d…doesn't want his hair r..r..ruffled?"

"You know how I am. Gotta keep looking good for my fans. Come on."

He let go and let Jake helped him to his feet before the two of them helped Rene up. He pulled her to him and tried to stay hopeful as she leaned against him. He'd be doing the piloting, her the navigation, and if he couldn't take these tin cans down, well no one could. Plus, they'd have surprise on their side. The enemy had been targeting this guy for three yahrens and Starbuck assumed not once had the guy fired back. He figured like school yard bullies, they'd flee once there was any sign of resistance.

He looked down upon Rene, saw that despite the fever flush to her cheeks, her eyes were clear. "You can get us home, right?"

Her answer chilled him, "W..we…are…h…home."

"You have a funny idea of home, Sweet Lady. Okay, technically this is our old home. How about you get us back to our current home on the Galactica and from there we'll work on finding a new home, okay?"

He wanted to cheer as she answered with no hesitation, "Where you go, I go." Confusion filled her eyes again though at his grin. The smile he gave her was nearly as bright as the laser show outside the windows.

What was he so damn happy about, Rene wondered? Hadn't he had more than enough of the enemy after spending time in their care. She could feel the device in his arm digging into her shoulder and she wanted to reach up and scratch at the device in her own arm. It still burned and she swore she could feel those wires jabbing inside her. She hoped to the lords that the old doctor on the Galactica had enough education to know what to do about it. Her faith in Colonial Military doctors was pretty low after the one from the Zakar that Dante let live basically told her as she lost Kenan's child that he had no idea why she was losing it or even why women went into labor. He confessed he'd just been trained in how to put people back together long enough to get them to a real medical facility. He was a glorified medic and not even a surgeon. She didn't trust the guy to touch her after that. She'd have to trust the crusty old doctor on the Galactica, she didn't have a choice.

"Rene?" he called to her, concern flooding his features. "You need to stay with me. I need you in the here and now." He didn't have time to deal with her being disoriented, they needed to go or soon they'd be back in the hands of the enemy and he knew they wouldn't make it out alive this time.

She tried to answer him, but his words had her wondering what he meant. Here? Weren't they trying to get out of here? She tried to ask the question, but he'd turned away from her to speak to another man, one so old that it was a shock. No one was old in Dante's fleet, just Dante and one would hardly call him aged with his full head of black hair and smooth skin.

Jake squeezed her hand again and she looked to him, questioning, "Who?" She couldn't manage much more, the words hard to find as the pain stabbed into her temples at the attempt.

"A friend," Jake answered, his free hand saying something else in sign language. "Owns the place. There are vipers," he signed and she nodded back. Vipers were a good thing.

"The d…de…device?"

"Going to have to make a new one. You can do that, right?" She nodded to him, the schematic suddenly there before her eyes, superimposed over the image of his face, junctions of circuits in the places of his eyes, the lines of worry leading to the wires.

"Yeah," she whispered breathlessly at the vision. She felt two squeezes of her other hand, Starbuck's code, but usually one that meant they were safe. This was not safety and she spun to say so to him, but didn't have the chance as they all instinctually ducked as another salvo came close, making the floor beneath them jump.

"Come on," Apollo reached for him, pushing him towards the corridor leading down to the hangar.

Another voice called out, "We need to go," as Starbuck dragged her towards a door. They were following the old man, but she had no idea who he was and why he might be trying to take them to safety. Old men didn't live. Dante killed them.

"No, that's wrong." A voice in her head cut through the confusion and she looked up to Starbuck to see if it came from him. "Dante's dead." Her steps faltered as something slammed into place in her mind and jolted down her spine. Starbuck's words rattled around inside her head like marbles in a can: "Here and now. Here and now." She let the cadence of it propel her feet forward.

The old man led them down the dark passageway lined with boxes. She read the stencils, realizing they were survival supplies that she wished she could dig into. For the first time since getting to Caprica she was hungry, and this food she could eat without worrying about what toxins it might contain. For some reason, that thought made her crave the food even more. But now was not the time. She reminded herself that she could gorge on whatever she wanted once they were back on board the Galactica.

The old man opened the door to the hangar and the sound of men and children shouting filled her ears, but what she saw wasn't people, no, it was the fighters lined up gleaming. The sight was impressive. The vipers were on display like at an air show, all shiny and new, but it was the dark one in the middle that stopped her dead in her tracks.

Her head swam as her vision turned black, a field of stars rapidly spilled out before her, overlaying her sight. The silence of space and the light thrum of the turbos blocked out the noise of the men and the children. She was in the seat of that craft, the stars around her and before her. She looked out of the cockpit at a planet so starling blue and green. She turned her head to see the moon in her peripheral vision, the gray superimposed upon Starbuck's face. The hangar faded and all she could see was the space before her and she knew it was not the here and now.

"A vision," she mumbled and watched the moon frown. She was used to the visions happening at night, whole dreams of something that seemed so real, scenes playing out as vividly as if her eyes were open. Only this time, her eyes were open. This kind of foresight had only happened a few times, a scene overwriting her current vision. First there was the void and the planet around a pulsing star, then it was finding the light cruiser, the Sphinx. The last time it had happened, the one that had dropped her to her knees while working in her fields one early morning, it was the Galactica and all the fleet in the darkness of space blotting out the morning sun like an eclipse.

A face tried to eclipse the moon and she wanted to brush him aside. She turned instead to look forward at the planet below her. It filled the viewscreen and she let it take over her sight.

Like all the other times, she was nauseous and disoriented as the vision played almost like a holovid. She tried to speak, her voice sounding hollow and flat in her own ears. "I need…I need a stylus." No one seemed to hear her as they moved forward into the hangar, but she couldn't move. The moment demanded her attention. Her heart sped up as she saw through her own eyes, and yet not. She was in that cockpit. Voices called out over a com line, voices she did not recognize, "There she is, what we have all been searching for."

"Rene?"

Another voice was more insistent and she realized it was Starbuck that called to her and it kept her tethered to the here and now. She turned her eyes to him, but couldn't make her body respond. What was in front of her was too important, the planet and the instruments on the panel. She heard voices in her ear, someone named Dillon called to another named Troy.

Jake touched her and she startled. "Get me a stylus, NOW!" Jake shook his head not understanding and she knew she had to do something before the scene went away. The fear of it disappearing broke her paralysis. She bolted to the counters at the back wall of the hangar, jerking drawers open frantically searching. Jake tapped her on the shoulder, handed her a grease pen. She dropped down to a clear spot on the floor and began sketching before it was gone. "Look, look at the instruments!" She willed her own eyes to move beyond the viewscreen, to look down at the instrumentation of the vessel.

Starbuck called to her, his voice held concern as he stepped towards her. She heard Jake's voice as he stopped him. "This has happened before. She found Kobol this way and Dilmun and…" Their voices were distant to her as she frantically drew, images overlaying each other in her mind. What to draw first? She panicked to save it before it bled away. The most important, where was she? Nine worlds, nine, but the third one from the sun was important, as was the gas giant, it was huge and orange, dwarfing all the others. She drew, her arms reaching out in arcs to get it down.

"Coordinates? Just look at the instruments! Look down!" She didn't realize she'd said it aloud until she heard the voices behind her shouting, concerned, troubled, "Rene!" Jake was trying to explain. It didn't matter. Get it down before it goes away. Was it her? Was it someone else? Even that didn't matter.

And then there it was, the instrumentation in her vision, and the coordinates. "Oh my lords," she gasped. It was so far away. How many yahrens would it take to get there? Could she even jump that far? She wrote the coordinates down, and went back to sketching the planet as the words rang in her head, two voices of people she didn't know, just pilot chatter, but one word was important. "So there she is, what my father spent his life looking for. Earth."

She froze there on her knees in the hangar. She somehow could sense the yahrens between now and what she saw, far too many yahrens in between. But she could change that. She looked over her shoulder to Starbuck. Before her was what she had wanted him to tell her, but now he didn't need to. She didn't need him to tell her what she already knew.

She locked eyes with him and he must have seen the weight of the decision inside her, the burden that would crush her if she thought about it too long and too hard. He called her name, ignored Jake's hand on him as he stepped towards her. She looked down at the instruments drawn on the floor before her, the coordinates written clearly with the grease pen. Starbuck's hand touched her shoulder and she reached out to smear them away.

"Rene?"

She turned her sight back to the instruments, confirming the coordinates, listening to the voices. She was there, but where was he? She tried to call out to him, but the name stuck on her tongue. He wasn't there.

"Rene?"

He spoke to her again and she looked up to him, whispering softly, "Why aren't you there?"

"I'm right here, Pretty Lady. I'm right here."

She shook her head. She wasn't confused, the vision was clear. He wasn't there, but where would he be then? Why would she be there if he wasn't?

"I know," she whispered to him as he lifted her chin so she would meet his eyes, "You're here, but you aren't there. Why aren't you there?

"Because I'm here, Rene. Are you okay?"

His blue eyes were so vivid, they held so much care and capacity to love. His eyes so perfectly matched the planet below her and she looked to it again, drank it in. She was there and he was here. She needed to be here with that promise his eyes foretold. She closed her eyes, shut out both sights and tried to let the pilot chatter fade.

"Rene? Okay, that's it. We aren't doing this today."

"I'm okay." She spoke to the floor and heard her voice in her helmet across the comm. "I'm okay!" She tried to shut out the vision, abruptly getting to her feet, but too fast. She swayed and saw stars in her vision, not the ones through the viewscreen, but here in the hangar as her vision turned gray, light gray, then military gray, gray like the walls of her new home, gray like the corridor to the bridge. She opened her eyes wide as she saw the blues of the bridge crew uniforms, the brown of Athena's hair, the white of Adama's, and the green of the screens.

Adama's voice rang out as he spoke to the crew, "We must move on. The enemy has found us again."

"Rene!" Starbuck's voice was insistent as his hand came to her face, gently lifting her chin as he tried to meet her eyes.

"The scanners," she thought, "I need to see the scanners, to see the course. I have to look down!" She reached to pull his hand away so she could lower her head and take the steps across the bridge, to come up beside Colonel Gage, to see what he saw. She tried to say it, to tell Starbuck to let go, but the words were stuck in her. She tried to pull away, but his hand held tight and his other was on her face, guiding her eyes to his again. "Rene! Stay with me! I need you here, now!"

The scanner, she had to walk to the scanner. Her steps were unsteady and something was holding her back. She pulled away, but that didn't work so she pushed against it, pushed hard but it was no use. "The star map," a voice reminded her, "It's behind you." She tried to turn around, but arms held her in place. She jerked her head away from his hand and caught a short glimpse of the star map and the Galactica's course. It was all she needed, just that glimpse. The arms around her were tight, as tight as the restraints in the ship and the instruments were before her again, a voice speaking to her, ringing across the quadrants of space and the span of yahrens, "Home, finally." It was her voice. "If only Starbuck could have seen this."

The words sent a shock through her as she looked up to him. "You won't see it," she whispered softly in defeat, her knees buckling at the revelation. She wanted to know how and when she would lose him, wanted to see that instead of this, but did she? She felt a cold wind blow at her, dust and debris pushing her down.

"I've got you, sit down." His hands guided her back to the floor.

"You sure she can fly?" she heard the old man ask Apollo and she tried to answer. She found herself looking up to Starbuck. The view out the canopy of the ship began to shrink, the planet growing smaller and smaller, the blue still vivid as it merged into the image of Starbuck's right eye. The same blue, so vivid and promising, the eyes that haunted her dreams even before the Zakar.

"I'm okay," she offered up to him. His eyes were so deep and so full of worry. She spoke again hoping to chase it away, "I'm okay."

He nodded, but it was obvious he didn't believe her. "Maybe we should get you some more to eat." His hand squeezed her shoulder, but he was looking beyond her to the drawings on the floor for a moment before he looked back to her.

"I'm okay." She felt his cool hand on her forehead as he kneeled down to her level, eye to eye.

"What happened? Can you …explain? I've seen that star system before. It was on the wall of the cell on Proteus."

"I can't…it's …it was in the quadrant with Dilmun." She lied knowing instinctually that this was a secret best not to be shared. "I saw…I saw some pilots … there are people still on Dilmun."

Starbuck looked back to her shaking his head. "Well then we'll pick them up when we pass through by there again. You said everyone could fly, everyone could defend themselves. They'll be fine. One rescue mission at a time. Just one more jump and then you and I aren't taking anymore holidays after this one."

"I know," she needed to reassure him, needed him to not know yet what it was she saw. Maybe later, maybe in the safety of their quarters on some boring evening when it felt like she had forever to be with him she might tell him. But not now. "It wasn't about that. It was…it…it doesn't make sense. They don't have to make sense. I just know I was in that ship. I know how to fly that ship."

She watched the conflicting emotions swirl in his eyes like clouds in a planet jet stream. He wanted to get her home, all of them home before this planet killed them, but he was full of fear and doubt. She could tell Starbuck was trying not to be disturbed by all this. She'd already taken him on a wild ride with the dreams she'd had on the Galactica that had brought them here to Caprica. He was trying to understand, but she couldn't explain, she barely understood and lacked the words to clarify. She knew she'd be alive yahrens from now to find earth, but if she had the coordinates now, why would she wait?

There was no hiding anything from Starbuck, he could read her too well. She tried to look away, but he knew and guided her chin so their eyes met again. He scanned her more effectively than any biomonitor.

"I'm okay," she spoke rapidly hoping to keep him from looking too deep into this. "It was a good thing I saw. It's okay. I c..c..can fly that…" she pointed to the dark ship. "to home."

He nodded to her again, his fingers under her chin reaching to stroke her cheek. "Just so you get to the right home, okay? Back to the Galactica."

She melted into his touch, her heart nearly exploding with the knowledge that he understood. He knew. Her home was not on some metal ship in space. Maybe in the cockpit, but not those gray walls. For now, home was in those blue eyes full of concern and care that gazed deep into her own.

"Maybe we should try this tomorrow." It was a statement, not a question as he came to a decision.

She waited for another quaking of the earth from a raider salvo to change his mind, but it was Avery's voice that exploded from behind them.

"Wait? What the hades? First you wanted us to go, now you want us to wait? Make up your mind. We've lost too many to your plans. The kids are ill and we want to see our wives, wherever you have taken them. Even if it's not to safety, we need to see them!"

Starbuck abruptly dropped her chin, rising to face the man. "Calm down! We got you to safety for now, so shut up!" He balled up his fists and Rene noted that he planted his feet, blocking her from the man. "We go when she's ready to go."

Avery took a menacing step towards Starbuck. Rene sighed as Apollo stepped in between them. "Avery, this is not an exact science. We don't know how she does what she does. If she's not up to it then…"

"Then what? You want to go raid some more shopping malls before you go, is that it? Need some more jewels or booze before you can leave?"

Starbuck took a step towards the man, his fist rising. Apollo put a hand to his friend's shoulder to remind him to remain calm, but it looked like he too had had enough of Avery and enough of Caprica.

Jake's hand on her shoulder distracted her from the confrontation, his face lined with worry. She accepted his hand to get up from the floor. Once on her feet, she felt light, as if she was filled with helium. They had given her the answers she needed. She didn't have to rely on Starbuck or anyone from the Galactica for the coordinates. She could take them now, except it would just be them, leaving far too many behind. Maybe that was for the best though. Maybe it was what they wanted. They could scout it out and get things settled before they went back for the rest, or maybe…

Jake interrupted her thoughts as he seemed to catch the same wavelength she was on. "We need you and Starbuck healthy. You need to get back to the Galactica and decent medical facilities. Those wires inside you, the bacteria and virus are wreaking havoc. I want you to live to see how this all ends."

Some part of her knew he was right but doing things right had never been their thing. She nodded to him anyway to let him think she agreed. Starbuck's voice rising drew both their attention.

"You have the manners of a boray! He takes you in and you have the gall to demand and order him around? Without us you'd be freezing in those hills and these kids would be laboratory specimens!"

The grin on Jake's face was familiar, but she hadn't seen it since Kenan beat the pogees out of Agenor, or when Crius stood up to Pallus during flight training. Starbuck had worked his way in to Jake's trust and she had no idea how it happened. She looked to Starbuck who seemed ready to take all of Avery's men on and suddenly wished Jake had been there on the Rising Star to see Starbuck almost best Pallus.

"What?" Jake said, catching the astonished look on her face.

"N..n..nothing." She shrugged and was going to leave it at that, but she couldn't resist rubbing it in just a little. She tried to find the right thoughts to sum up all that was Starbuck, but the words still caught in her head and she stuttered, "Gold cl…cl..clusters."

"I wouldn't call him a hero," Jake quipped back. "He's too sneaky. More like a rat. I may get to see how he fights after all if we don't do something about this. Rats stick together."

She nodded and tried to believe she wasn't dreaming. It was just too much, and she stepped away from the moment before it could break. She took another step, reaching out for Starbuck as Jake called his name. He turned, his anger quickly slipping from his features as he looked down on her, his worry filling his eyes. She took a deep breath, pushed the words out as clear as she could.

"I'm okay. I can do this."

Jake was there to back her up. "We don't have time for this. The enemy is knocking on the door and we have a device to make and a viper to launch. I would prefer you not get knocked out before flying. She may not be clear headed, so we need you to be." Jake turned to Avery, "You want to go another round old man, you go with me. You got that?" His fists came up and Avery took a step back.

Apollo rushed in, ending the confrontation. "We all need to be working on keeping the children safe and getting out of here, all of us!"

He pointed his finger at Jake and Starbuck which had Starbuck sputtering, "Hey, I didn't do anything. Well, not yet anyway."

Jake stepped towards Avery again and Apollo put a hand to his chest as if to push him back.

"Jake! Stand down!" Apollo shouted, but Rene thought she saw a smile ghost at his lips, one that mirrored Starbuck's smile.

"He really did take him down didn't he?" Starbuck smirked.

"We can fight. I've told you that Stah…Star..r…" The word stuck on her tongue, but she attempted it again just to see the light that flared in his eyes. "Star…b…..b…frak."

"Well good to see you still know that word. Many might agree to calling me an astrum or felgercarb versus a starfrak, but I'll take it for now. We have a device to build. Think you can do that even if you can't get my name right?"

She nodded at his joke and reached for Jake, who turned away momentarily from Avery before making a quick turn back just to watch the man jump in surprise, before turning back to the work tables. They walked off to Starbuck's chuckle and Apollo's admonishment.

She retrieved the grease pen from the floor and walked to a counter, drawing out the diagram for the circuit board on the table. The old man leaned down almost nose to the surface to see what she had drawn, nodding his approval as she tried to ask if the lasers were configured the same as the regular old viper. Jake figured out what she was trying to say and Peryton confirmed it was so, while also muttering, "I'll be damned, but that shouldn't work."

"But it does," Jake answered him.

"So explain in detail how it does, punks?"

They both shrugged and the man barked the same command. She let Jake answer despite wanting to jump in for him. He'd never done well with authority, but she figured this old guy wasn't an officer so if Jake vented his frustrations on him, well it might act as a safety valve and help Jake deal a bit better back on the Galactica.

She was shocked that Jake answered calmly and truthfully. "We don't really know why it works. I think that's where she comes in because it just singes my wings and fries my circuits if I go through it."

The man just harrumphed at them. "Going with that mystical felgercarb?"

"Well since you're so damn smart, you explain it then," Jake barked back as he reached for the solder gun.

The old man hovered at Jake's elbow the whole time, asking what he was doing, how Jake was doing it, but also telling her and Jake where to find the parts they needed. The man didn't reach for any tools himself, and Rene wondered about it as the he seemed rather perturbed to have them rustling around in his tools. She knew the mechanics on the Zakar, and they were all that way, upset if you touched their stuff as each one had their things arranged to their own preferred order. But Peryton just grumbled and eventually Jake flashed the signs, spelling out that the man was going blind. It explained a lot.

She was about to ask the man about what happened, how he had survived this long, when Starbuck was there, handing her a water bottle and a protein bar. Apollo and Boomer were with him as well.

"How's it coming along, Jake?" he asked as another whump of a salvo strike punctuated his question.

"Almost there, then just need to install it and we should be good to go."

"Alright, I'll go get her prepped."

Boomer held out a hand to forestall him. "Actually buddy, we have that done. We need to work on the other ships as I have a plan that just might work. Peryton says the other viper's weapons are charged so if we line them up, get them out of the hangar we may be able to fire away and clear the skies, or at least make the Cylons think we're launching a whole squadron and beat a retreat."

"That's a great plan, but we have more vipers than we have pilots. Think we can train Avery's men in a hurry to at least be able to fire a viper laser?"

"If Chameleon can do it, they can. It's not that hard," Apollo answered. "But I think I'm going to leave that task up for you."

"Me? You think that's a good idea?" Starbuck gestured towards Avery who was across the hangar, leaning against a viper, arms crossed and glaring at the warriors. "Besides, I'm going to be busy getting the layout of that new ship's controls and…"

"No, you aren't, Starbuck. I'm piloting her with Rene," Apollo answered and physically braced himself for his old wingmate's response.

"Wait, what? No way!"

It was Boomer that reached out a hand to Starbuck's shoulder as if to hold him back. "Just hear us out."

"Not if you're going to sound as delusional as Rene!"

"You're not up for this Starbuck. You said it yourself, you're sick." Apollo listed off his first point.

"Not that sick! I'm the best pilot and you know that!"

It was Boomer who offered a rebuttal. "When you're healthy and not coughing up old fumarello butts, AND second to Apollo, I would agree with that, but right now you're not healthy. Besides," Boomer looked to Apollo before looking back to Starbuck, "We think you have a point about that thing in your arm being a tracker."

"Which is why I need to get me and Rene out of here!"

"And wind up shot down in the process as they narrow in on you with that tracker?" Apollo asked, his words silencing Starbuck's argument.

Starbuck sighed heavily before offering up another objection, "You'll have Rene with you and she has the same thing in her."

"Yes, but then they only have one tracker to focus on, meanwhile you are here on the ground your tracker registering and distracting them. It might at least split up their forces and give us a chance to get launched."

Starbuck thought for a moment looking at all their faces, settling on Jake's for a moment before turning back to Apollo. "Alright, but once you get up in atmo, you won't know what you're doing. You've only been through that rift twice. But…but Jake knows what he's doing, has done it a hundred times, isn't that what you said? Jake should go while we lay down cover from here."

Jake didn't hesitate as he replied, "No, I vote for Starbuck."

Starbuck almost took a step back, looking in shock from Jake to Rene, then back. "Why me? I just said it should be you. You're a decent pilot, and with us clearing the way, you can do it. You don't need to get far, just clear of here."

"No. It needs to be you."

Starbuck narrowed his eyes suspiciously. "Why me? Not that I'm disagreeing, just want to know why I get your vote."

"Because…" Jake almost looked in pain having to admit his thoughts, "because if she gets lost at least she'll be with you. You wind up near Dilmun or…or some other random coordinates, at least you're together. She married you and…and besides, you're lucky."

Starbuck was trying not to grin in victory when Jake added, "I played guitar at your damn sealing, remember? I've had plenty of chances to object. If she's going to not make it or get lost in the universe, it should be with you."

Starbuck reached out a hand to his shoulder, nodding while trying to tone down his grin. "Good logic. Alright, it's a vote then, four for me, and two for Apollo. Debate's over, I win."

Apollo mumbled, "It's not a vote. I'm in Command," but both Starbuck and Boomer ignored him.

Boomer was the one to quirk an eyebrow before he looked to Max behind him. "You are assuming my cousin is going to vote for you?"

"Yeah sure, he's part of the rodent family, so he's going to vote with the vermin, aren't you, Max?" Starbuck asked him, but Max looked to Rene before he answered, "I abstain."

"Alright, fine, three to two, I still win so no more debate." He smiled smugly at his friends.

"Starbuck," Apollo started, but Rene cut him off.

"I vote for …for…A…A…Apol….him." She pointed to Apollo.

Max quickly rejoined, "I vote for Apollo too."

"You abstained and now I know you're not in your right mind," Starbuck said turning to Rene, trying to joke, but the betrayal stung just a little. "Why? If you can spit out why, then maybe I'll agree, but…" She started to speak. Starbuck cut her off, "But you can't get the words out can you, so you don't get a vote. You and me are going to…"

"You can't convince A..A…Adama. He can!" she shouted pointing to Apollo. She sped forward into Starbuck's stunned silence. "He…he won't let us come back and….if he goes," she pointed to Jake, "you are st…stuck here and you'll die. I...I…NO! You….you nee…need to live and he," she pointed back to Apollo, "c..can…p…pull…r…rank and…" She practically growled in frustration as he was right, the words stuck like taffy in her teeth. "We nee…n…n…more vipers! More…more than b…before…"

"Okay, okay." Starbuck held up his hands hoping she would stop talking as he couldn't stand to see the pain that was crossing her features as she winced at each word that stuttered out. "I hear you. I'm not agreeing, but…"

Apollo cut him off. "Starbuck, I was at that sealing too. I want you both to live a long and happy life. I will get her to the Galactica and the care she needs. She's right, I can convince my father, or at the very least use my own pilots. One of the perks of having command of your own ship. If Cain can defy my father, then I think I can too, and I will if I have to over this. And…" he held up his hand so he could add another point to the debate, "If she is confused or lost, she might at least remember the Zakar if she doesn't remember the Galactica. That's where you started doing this, right, on the Zakar?" Apollo looked to Jake instead of Rene for confirmation.

"Yes sir, but if you ask the Rats, they'll volunteer, all of them. Most have been through the rift."

"So it's decided. No vote. I'm in command. I have the promotion and just like you, Starbuck, I have the gold clusters, which everyone seems to forget I earned right beside you."

"I was there too," Boomer added, "Not that anyone ever remembers good ole invisible Boomer."

Apollo smiled at Starbuck. "And Boomer too. I won't let you down, Buddy."

Starbuck looked around at his friends, saw the decision in all their faces, well except for Jake, but he didn't look like he was going to object strongly enough to sway their resolve. He looked to Rene last.

"You sure about this?"

She nodded, reaching out for his hand and squeezing it twice.


	63. Chapter 63

"Alright," he said softly as he squeezed her hand twice to acknowledge he believed in her. "I'll let you rescue me from Caprica. Make sure you come swooping back in lasers blazing. You do it in style, or don't do it at all. It's what I …."

He shifted his gaze to Jake, remembering back to when he and the young man had shared a drink and Jake had shared his story about that day on Caprica when Dante saved them all. While Jake may not remember that night, Starbuck didn't think he could ever forget the young man's description of the sewer rat's desperation after watching so many perish, knowing they would soon follow. Then one day the skies opened up, vipers breaking through the clouds, a miraculous mirage as they gleamed in the sun with promise. And then there was Dante, standing tall like a god on the roof of the shuttle, at least that is how Jake described him with hushed reverence. Starbuck had pictured the self-promoted Commander as he had seen the boray, a sneer on his face, standing on the shuttle like a fickle lord decreeing with the point of his finger who should live and who should die.

But Jake had painted the man as an avenging angel, right down to the golden glow. With hitching sobs and fragmented phrases, Jake tried to recount his relief of having been chosen, the engulfing warmth of hope, only to be doused in despair as Rene had let go, pushing him forward. Even in his fractured memory and drunken recollection of panic, Jake described Dante as a caring savior as he had listened to Jake's reasoning why Rene and the younger children with them should be saved. In Jake's eyes, Dante had risked his very life and the lives of his men to pull the rest of the rats from the brink of death. He was their salvation, welcoming them in, offering them a purpose and a place. Jake had not gotten farther than the moment when the shuttle landed on the Zakar. He'd dissolved into incoherent crying before puking and passing out.

Rene had tried to help explain to Starbuck that for those few first cycles, the Rats thought their prayers had been answered and just when they began to relax, the miracle melted away. Too late they realized the cost they would be forced to pay. Those kids had deserved a real hero, not the perverted boray they wound up slaving away for. Starbuck considered Dante as no better than the cylon captivity they had escaped, perhaps worse. At least Cylons didn't rape young, vulnerable women.

He met Jake's eyes, hoping the man read Starbuck's purpose and the place the young man had gained in his life. "It's what I would have done back at the destruction if I had been allowed the chance. I would have come in lasers blazing and I would have taken everyone I could with me, young or old, and all you would have owed me is a drink. That's what real warriors do."

He cast a quick glance to Apollo and Boomer, saw the agreement on his friends' faces before he turned back to Rene. "Make sure you do it right."

"Yes sir," she squeezed his hand again just once, but she didn't let go.

"She saved me," Boomer said, "and I won't forget it."

"Saved me too," Max added, "and a few more sorry souls that weren't worth the effort. She does it right."

He held Rene's eyes, but she just shrugged.

"I'll keep her safe," Apollo patted Starbuck on the back, looking relieved that his notoriously argumentative friend wasn't going to fight the decision to stay behind. "We have a few things to finish before we go. I think we should get the kids out of harm's way just in case this doesn't work."

Peryton indicated that the corridor would be the best place and Apollo headed over to Avery to give him an update, then he headed to the cockpit of the borzoi to get her fired up and ready. Boomer and Max went to find Wylie to gather up enough men so they could give them their quick training on how to push a button. Starbuck held his ground, not trusting himself to help with Avery's men. He was in a volatile mood and he figured even someone as addled as Avery could figure out how to push a button. He remained holding Rene's hand as Jake continued working on the device.

He had so much he wanted to say to her, but the weight of all of it kept him silent. Part of him wanted this to be the last time he saw her as he wanted her to stay on the Galactica like she should have the last time she launched. There were even more reasons now to insist on that, but he decided not to waste his breath on that request. She wouldn't listen and that was probably at the root of all of her problems on the Galactica and with him. He couldn't fix that problem in the time they had, but he wasn't a quitter. He reached for her other hand, held both of them in his as he met her eyes.

"When you get out there, you listen to Apollo. He knows what he's doing, top of his class at the academy and any other class he is put in. You got that? And if truth be told, he's luckier than me, you just have to listen and follow his lead to find that out. If things are too hot, you stay on the Galactica."

She snorted as she dramatically narrowed her eyes. He tried not to let her Sewer Rat surly attitude stop him.

"Follow his orders." She turned away like he expected her to, but he had a different argument that might sway her. "We are fine here. Plenty of food, water and now power to last us a while. We can hunker down until it's safe. There's no point in you launching back into a warzone to load up these kids to have them just be shot down when they can stay alive here for yahrens. But let Apollo decide. It won't kill you to follow his orders and give him a little bit of respect. It might actually keep you alive." He squeezed her hands twice, calling to her to meet his eyes.

She turned to him, her lips tight in displeasure as she rolled her eyes. She didn't try to speak, so he asked it again. "Please, for me? You said when I agreed to come here that you would follow my orders, which I might mention you haven't done once. So follow this one order to you to follow Apollo's orders."

Her nod was so slight he doubted anyone else would have seen it. She seemed to be thinking of what to reply, when Jake turned toward them and spoke up instead.

"It's ready to be installed and you better fraking come back and rescue me. I never wanted to die on Caprica and really don't want to be stuck her for yahrens with these guys. Plus you and I know the enemy isn't going to let us just camp out here for that long. And make sure you give Apollo an attitude. It's the only thing that gets him to remove that stick up his astrum and take a risk or two."

"Dammit Jake!" Starbuck barked, feeling the burn of the words on his sore throat.

"That…that m….m…means he l…likes you." Rene stuttered.

"NO, no it doesn't!" The grin the two shared poked at Starbuck like a sharp stick to his side and he shot his anger at Jake. "She gets shot down, I will make sure you stay alive a long time just so you know how little I like you! And you," he squeezed her hands again, "You die on me, I will take it out on him, and everyone else. I have no doubt they will kick me out of this little paradise for how nasty I will become, so let's avoid that okay?"

"Okay," she tried to tone down her grin.

Peryton chimed in, having been forgotten in their exchange, "If the tin heads keep being insistent with their knocking, none of us need to worry about yahrens of supplies and who is to blame. I hope what you say you can do is true."

Jake replied for Rene, "It is, but if you don't come with us, you won't get to see it for yourself."

It was Starbuck's turn to grin as Jake may have finally found an incentive to entice the old man out of his cave home.

"She can bring you back if you don't like it in the fleet." Starbuck upped the ante to sweeten the pot, knowing full well that he was going to default on that bet, but he'd leave that for later on the Galactica and Adama could deliver the bad news.

The old man ignored their words, grabbing for Starbuck's arm to pull him away from Rene. "You have vipers to get into position, and we have a device to install."

He kept hold of Rene as he followed Perryton and Jake to the Borzoi, where Jake crawled up to the cockpit, and told Apollo rather brusquely to get out. Apollo didn't seem phased by Jake's attitude despite the fact that Peryton barked up at him, "Manners, Son!"

Jake called out in a sarcastic sing song, "Thank you."

Apollo chuckled. "Reminds me of someone I know. Rene, you stay here, get familiar with the craft while Starbuck and I help to get the other vipers into position." Starbuck hesitated to let go of Rene's hand, but Apollo said gently, "No need for a goodbye if we do this right."

Starbuck nodded. "If I was going along, then we might have better odds of this going right. So you can give me the time I need here, alright?" He stepped away from Apollo and Perryton, leading Rene with him around the back of the craft before pulling her into his arms. She tried to stutter his name, not getting farther than the S and the T before he shushed her. She radiated heat in his hold and he pulled back gazing into her fever bright eyes. "Apollo's right, we need to hurry," he thought to himself as he placed the back of his hand against her cheek and she leaned into his cool touch.

"Blackmail the Commander and remind Blue Squadron they owe me so you can get this done quick."

She replied softly, "I love you."

"Yeah I know you do, but you seem to only say it when you are getting your way." He winced as his own defensive banter slid into place like armor. "I love you too. I'll clear you a path." He hugged her again tight before stepping away to follow Apollo.

He tried to not look back, but as he and the others pulled the safety straps and coverings for the engines and weapons and rolled the vipers closer to the hangar doors, he couldn't help to keep glancing towards the Borzoi checking on Rene and the progress of their work. Soon the vipers were in place, everyone in a cockpit ready to fire with two craft left empty, one for him and one for Jake. Starbuck made sure they were near the front once he found that two of the vipers had enough fuel to at least get them off the ground, maybe not a full launch, but enough to find the sky to fire off a few volleys before they had to glide back for a landing. It might make a big difference in providing cover for Apollo. His friend merely clapped him on the back goodbye when everyone seemed ready and it was time to go. Starbuck knew it was his way of reminding him not to worry, he'd be back.

Rene was seated in the second seat of the black viper before Apollo sent Jake his way. Starbuck quickly informed the young warrior of his plan to try to launch, and that he thought Jake might have enough fuel as well to try to do the same. Jake actually uttered a "Yes sir," that sounded halfway respectful before the two separated. Starbuck cast Rene a wave before he sealed the canopy of his craft and donned the helmet. The leather of the seat was stiff, and the instruments gleamed. He would love to trade his old and much abused viper for this one, but unless Rene brought back extra fuel, that probably wouldn't be an option, so he tried to savour the preflight check and the smell of a fresh cockpit and a new helmet.

Most of Avery's men were assembled near the opening of the hangar, armed with pulsar rifles, ready to race out to provide added firepower from the ground. Starbuck didn't know if that would be effective, but he didn't have it in him to state that fact. He appreciated the gesture the men were making, that despite Avery's disdain for him, Rene and Jake, his men were on the side of the Warriors.

Apollo's voice was clear over the com, "We go on five," and Apollo counted down as the hangar door slowly started to part. Starbuck didn't wait for the final count, firing his engines as soon as the opening was wide enough for his viper. He wasn't going for full launch or even much altitude, just enough to take out any raiders close by. He whooped with victory as a raider exploded. He had taken one down before his wings had cleared the hangar. Jake peeled off to the right, taking down another while Starbuck fired up his scanner and tried to do a visual count, whistling in dismay.

"Full Squadron, maybe two. Hold up Apollo. Let us clear some first."

Max and Boomer had followed his lead, making it into the sky and Starbuck noted that the enemy had momentarily stopped their salvo runs. The surprise had worked, and he and Jake were able to take down more than a dozen as the enemy shifted their attack.

Boomer called over the com, "Now! We have an opening."

Starbuck wanted to countermand the order as he thought he had enough fuel to stay up a few centons longer and could take down more, but Apollo reacted to the command, the sleek black craft shooting out and up cleanly through the hole they had created in the enemy force. Rene didn't wait for full atmo, opening the rift and then in a green flash that forced his eyes to close protectively, she was gone by the time he could force his eyes open. He breathed a heavy sigh of relief at the same time that his turbos sputtered and engine one shut down with no other warning. Engine two gave him a bit more of a notice, the alarm sounding loudly in his ears as the engine coughed almost politely a few times throwing off his trajectory, before quietly making a small burst in apology, and winking out.

Jake's voice came over the com, offering a good suggestion as his third engine sputtered enough to shift the nose of his viper towards the hillside that had been off to his left. "Eject! I'll cover you."

His hand hovered over the eject handle as his other tried to turn the viper to aim him closer to Peryton's home, but the engine died and the stick went dead as he lost all control. The gentle glide he had hoped for turned into a spiralling nose dive. He jammed down the fire button for his lasers one last time as he pulled the lever. His canopy exploded away and the escape pod parachute jerked him up into his harness. His vision blurred and he gasped at the rush of air, but couldn't seem to draw any of it into his lungs. He didn't have time to be concerned as his pod hit the ground hard, the chute pulling him across the rocky landscape, tumbling his seat. By instinct he reached for the release for his harness, hoping to get free of the pod before the enemy targeted his chute. The pod tumbled again, and tossed him out onto the hard ground, his head banging back and forth into the helmet that was too large.

He lay there dazed and helpless as he heard the whine of an engine and felt the heat of a laser above him. He struggled to his feet, tossing the helmet, but his vision had not returned. Everything was just an explosion of blurry gray and white. He tried to run, but the ground heaved and he lost his footing. He began rolling down the hill. He went limp and let the roll take him farther away from his chute and hopefully towards some sort of cover he might find at the bottom of the hill. His tumbling was halted abruptly as his body slammed into something large and hard. He tried to curl around it and hang on as he panted and prayed for his sight to catch up to him.

He listened to the explosions in the sky for what felt like more than a few centons, until he thought he heard a familiar voice shouting his name over the roar of raiders. "Over here," he tried to shout back, but he only managed a raspy whisper as the effort caused a sharp pain to lance through his chest.

He shook his head and blinked hard as he lifted his head up, waving his hand at the blurry object moving towards him. He reasoned it had to be a human at the speed it was moving. He breathed another sigh of relief as human hands slid under his shoulders hauling him up. "I'm getting tired of having to save your astrum," Jake groused. "You hurt?"

"I can run, just can't see." He gasped at the pain again in his chest that took his breath away.

"Got ya," Jake said as he flung Starbuck's arm over his shoulders and started moving.

With each footstep, Starbuck's vision became clearer, but his chest hurt more as he gulped for air. He wanted to tell Jake to slow down, to let him catch his breath, and was trying to say as much when an electric jolt shot down his spine. His legs went out from under him and he used what breath he had to yelp in pain before his muscles locked up and he dropped to the ground.

Shards of glass skittered painfully up every nerve as he began to shake. He managed another cry of pain as Jake hauled him up and flung him over his shoulders. Between the lightning jolts and the jostling from Jake's running, Starbuck wanted to howl at the torture, but he couldn't unlock his jaw or pull in enough breath to manage even that. He moved the only muscles he seemed to control, and shut his eyes. "Pain is temporary. Pain lets you know you're alive. Pain is temporary…" He let the mantra roll across his mind hoping to soothe his panic. When that didn't work, he focused on Jake's labored breaths, mentally urging him to go faster.

He had no idea how far Jake ran or for how long, only that it ended with his back landing on something hard and flat, his muscles still locked up, his body shaking involuntarily. Jake shouted something, but he couldn't make it out, and then he felt the stab of something in his arm, something gouging at him, before the pain abruptly stopped and he could draw a ragged breath into aching lungs.

A cool hand was on his brow, another reached softly to open his eyes. He tried to say something, but Jake's voice shushed him.

"Don't move. I don't know what I did but I'm thinking it worked, but I don't want you to hurt yourself. Just lay still, okay?"

He whispered, "Are we safe?"

"Can you see?" He wanted to shake his head no, but Jake barked at him, "DON'T MOVE!"

Other hands were on him, holding him down, then Boomer's voice, "What did you do?"

"Think I broke the connection, sent an electric pulse the opposite direction on that wire, but don't know what damage I might have done. Just wanted to end the seizure."

"Thanks," he whispered and knew Jake had heard it as his hand gently tapped his forehead. "I can see…sort of." He tried to turn his head, taking in that he was in the hangar under the lights, the cement floor at his back. He wanted to ask if they had lost anyone, but Jake held up a finger for him to track that demanded his attention as Jake snapped his fingers at him. He tried to follow it.

"Okay, good. Don't move. We do this slow. What do you feel?"

"Nothing." Some part of him knew that should be alarming, but at the moment it felt wonderful. He sensed a gentle tapping on his forehead. "I feel that."

"Thank you," Jake quipped, "helps if you're honest with me. Now?"

A hand gripped his and he tried to squeeze back but couldn't get the muscles to move.

"I feel it but…" another hand was on his leg and he sighed in relief, "and that too."

"Good. Okay, just wiggle a finger, but that's it, nothing else."

He could feel the ground beneath him still quaking with enemy hits, wanted to ask about that, but instead tried to wiggle a finger. He didn't think it worked.

"Okay, uh…okay…"

"That didn't work did it?" Boomer questioned, "Do you know what you're doing?"

"No, but he's not seizing so….we can leave him like this or…frak."

"Frak?" he wanted to raise his head in alarm, but all he could seem to do is huff a breath and blink.

"I'm going to remove the pulse, on three, okay? You seize I'm putting it back on. Don't move. On three, one, two, three."

He felt sensation enter his limbs in a wave of fire. He cried out, but then it passed and he was left panting as Jake shouted his name. He held up his hands, trying to form the sign for okay as he struggled to breathe through the aftermath of the pain. He would take a little pain if it meant the ability to move.

"I'm okay." He wanted to laugh at the truth of the words, but a quick electric pulse seared down his limbs, then faded.

"Get him away from the door, farther inside." Hands grabbed his feet and he was dragged unceremoniously across the hangar floor. He wanted to complain, but the pain faded as he was pulled farther inside the mountain. He was near the back wall workstations when they stopped and let him lay there panting.

"Thanks," he rasped, but Jake just patted him on the shoulder.

"Rene would win every fight if I lost you."

"We can't have that, now can we? Can I move now?"

"If you can. I don't feel like carrying you anymore," Jake tried to joke, "but I will if I have to. You're going on a diet when we get back. You're getting fat and slow."

"So you've said, young punk," he bantered back using the words to distract himself as he took Jake's hand to sit up. It wasn't searing pain exactly, but a deep ache he thought he had shed after their rescue. "I'm okay," he answered the worried look from Jake.

"Now what?" Max asked, and in unison Boomer and Starbuck answered, "Now we wait."

Jake still had a grip on his hand. "I'm staying close in case it happens again. We carry you out on the shuttle. Don't argue and be a good example for the kids."

"Yes sir," Starbuck said, suddenly distracted by a noise from one of the work tables. A kid crawled out from underneath, his face a mask of fear. "Zion?"

The child nodded, taking hesitant steps towards them. Jake reached out for the kid before Starbuck could, pulling the child down to sit by the warrior. "You keep an eye on him for me. You holler if he can't move or starts to shake, alright? My name's Jake. We're going to go watch for our ride." The kid nodded solemnly.

"I've got them, son" Peryton said from behind him.

"Alright dad," Jake answered before he walked away. Starbuck looked back at the old man, wondering at the man's grin.


	64. Chapter 64

"Don't shake!" With Starbuck's arms around her, she sent up the thoughts to John or whoever it was that had sent her the vision. "If you want me to do whatever it is you seem to want me to do, then help me to stop shaking or he won't let me go." She was able to hold herself still for the brief hug and was able to get out the words that needed to be said without them getting stuck. She couldn't deny that Starbuck's hand had felt so nice against her cheek. She tried to take from his touch the confidence he had in his own abilities. Even though he was just as sick as she was, he actually thought he could take out a whole squadron in a craft with barely enough fuel to fly. Or at least he was determined to do it for her, if necessary.

He didn't linger in his farewell. That fact alone gave her a bit more control over her body and her mind that was reeling. Starbuck was right, they had a job to do and they would see each other when it was done. She had wanted to say more to him because he had a very valid point about her own abilities. She could feel the gaps in her memory and perhaps it was the fear of having to leap across those chasms that had her shaking.

"Or maybe it's just the friends you picked up on your swim, that's all. Just don't think too hard." A voice spoke to her, sounding like Jake, but he was still up in the cockpit, buried deep down in the seat in order to get the device installed. She looked around to see if someone else might have spoken to her, but the old man beside her was intent on Jake's efforts to install the device.

"You sure that's it and not the poking around those damn robots did in my body and my head?" she mumbled under her breath. It earned her the attention of the old man.

"You alright?" Peryton reached for her arm and she recoiled from him, her hands coming up in defense. She hadn't meant to, but the instinct was far too ingrained. An old man's touch was never good.

"Meant no harm." His soft apology and the step he took back is the only thing that kept her from just walking away. Instead she stood there in the awkward silence that the man tried to fill. "I'm assuming you're a good pilot since you can fold space at will."

She shrugged. Until Starbuck, she'd never trusted pilots who claimed they were good. Well, Starbuck wouldn't say he was good, he'd say he was the best. But she had figured out on the Zakar early in her flight training that good pilots died every day, okay pilots made it back alive. "He was a good pilot," the Strike Wing Captain would say in regret as they added the name to the casualty list. Kenan had been a good pilot, and it was a routine patrol from which he failed to return.

The old guy was insistent, asking again, "You are good, right?"

"I'm okay. It's n…n…not har…hard to…to…j..j..jump."

"Well, it's nigh on impossible for the average guy, so how do you do this, gal? I can still see enough to know that that device won't make a wormhole or fold space or whatever it is they say you can do. So how do you do it?"

"I. wi…wi…" she couldn't get the word out and then wondered what word it even was that she was trying to say. He looked at her out of the wrinkled eyes and she wondered how one got that old. How many Cylon kills would she have to get on her arm to reach the age to wake up and find wrinkles. Some part of her realized he was still waiting on an answer. "I th…think."

He stared at her in anticipation, but she didn't know what he wanted. "You think what, gal?"

Jake called out from the cockpit to Peryton, "Don't make her talk. After what the cylons do to your brain, it takes effort and she needs to save it for when they get back. She's going to have to talk fast then or we're stuck in this mong hole."

"Mong hole, eh? You want to go back to the mountains to sleep tonight, you ungrateful whelp? Eh?" The man shifted his attention back to Jake and she sighed in relief. "And where exactly are you going back to, boy? Everyone's been pretty vague on that account other than the Galactica and a fleet."

Jake waited until he was done and had climbed down before he answered the man's question. "I'm thinking it might be best you don't know, in case your neighbors make it past your fence and bust down your door. Besides, not sure you would believe it. Not sure I do sometimes that we are actually in a fleet that can defend itself on a journey to a new home. I just hope Adama is right, that earth will be a paradise." She watched in disbelief as Jake reached out and patted the old man on the back. "Can you help her get familiar with this baby of yours?"

The old man grumbled at not getting a real answer, but he didn't push the issue as he followed Rene up the ladder and climbed into the front seat while she climbed into the back. The displays were lit and she was pleased to find that since this was a trainer prototype, the back seat wasn't just for taking a joy ride. It had most of the same system controls as the pilot seat, including an ability to override the controls of the front seat. Peryton calmly walked her through what she needed to know, and then detailed for her how to initiate the system for collecting solar winds and particles to create more energy, just in case the fleet wasn't where it should be.

He interspersed a few questions in his explanations and Rene didn't feel the need to lie to him, especially since he kept them to yes or no queries. He asked first about what she could do, if what she created was like a tunnel or a gate. She guessed it was more of a tunnel, but a short one. He asked if it pulled you in, like a black hole. She answered no to that, but then he asked if it felt like you were being squeezed. That would be a yes, but she didn't know how to explain it to him. Jake told him again that if he came along, he could find out for himself, but the old man wasn't to be deterred. He asked a few more questions, but those were about that the fleet, like was the fleet sustaining itself with what they had found. She shrugged at that unsure what the answer really was for the whole fleet. So far there were enough planets along their journey to keep the tanks and bellies filled with enough to survive.

Jake had quickly tossed at her the sign to lie. She had obviously missed something that was going on for Jake with this old guy, but whatever it was, it couldn't be good. The guy made her nervous and Jake sometimes forgot that attention from old men wasn't a good thing. Growing up and dealing with Dante still hadn't rooted out that need of his for a father figure and that fact made her even more skeptical of this geezer. Jake's father had been nearly as bad as her own and she knew he still regarded Dante as a hero. Jake was not a good judge of character.

He flashed her the sign again and she lied to Peryton like he asked only because she didn't think it was a lie. They were all eating three meals a day in the fleet, not the best food and nobody ended up fat, but the hydroponics were starting to produce.

"Yes, there is f…food."

She didn't know how to answer the man's question as to whether they were defeating the Cylons, or finding they could outrun them. Jake answered that one with a question himself.

"If you can make vipers and systems you say that practically fly themselves, then why can't we make machines to make machines, and vipers that fly without pilots?"

Peryton had laughed at the question. "That is the dumbest smart thing you have said since coming here. Maybe it is young people like you that might be able to convince a few of the old cretins in charge to try some dumb things. Our old ways certainly aren't working."

She tried not to chuckle as Jake bristled at the old man's laughter. The old guy might have been going blind, but he could see right through her friend. "Didn't mean to mock you ,son. It is a good question and the answer might lie in fear. We don't trust machines. Too worried we will wind up like the cylons, destroyed by our own creations. But if we let the fear rule us, well, then we're not really living are we, son?"

She physically stepped back at his words. The answer made her reevaluate the old guy as his sentiments echoed almost exactly her own thoughts, and definitely those held by the few men she respected like Gage, Crius and Starbuck. Jake met her eyes, and that hopeful gleam in them made her realize her friend was asking her to give the man a chance. It was asking a lot but right now she thought she could give Jake this one. He'd put up with a lot from the Colonials she had dragged into their family. But why this guy?

Jake didn't get a chance to reply to either her or Peryton as Apollo had returned announcing they were ready. Jake didn't climb up to say goodbye to her, settling instead for the flashed sign, their own creation, mixing an "I", an "L" and a "U|. She flashed it back, the simple "I love you" that they rarely said aloud even when it was just the two of them. She wondered at the short goodbyes, but a shiver ran up her spine and she nearly broke out into a cold sweat as she grasped that if this didn't work, her death would be the shortest. The rest would have yahrens of radion poisoning and perhaps Cylon torture before she'd meet them again.

"Nope, not on my watch," she vowed, tightening the restraints and slipping on the helmet.

Apollo was almost brusque as he helped Peryton down from the ship, said they'd be back, and climbed into the cockpit. He waited until the hatch was sealed and the engines warming up before he finally spoke to her.

"We aren't going to try anything fancy, I'll save that for Starbuck. We are just aiming for the sky and saying 'see ya later', okay?"

"Okay," she answered wanting to ask about their next complication, how the hades he was going to convince the Commander to let them come back. She struggled to find the words to voice it without her sounding like a stuttering idiot, but before she could manage that he spoke again.

"There's something I need to say to you before we go."

He waited for her to reply, and she whispered an okay before he continued. "You should have come to me."

She wasn't sure what he was talking about, and wondered if she had forgotten something. He would not have been up for her shopping excursions. She nearly laughed at the image of him joining her in that mall and helping her pick out a dress. She choked the giggle down and tried to just focus on the instruments as he did the preflight check, but she hesitated over one of the toggles, unsure what it did, realizing she should know it, but the label didn't make sense, the letters not coming together to make a word. Before she could puzzle it out, Apollo spun his head around for a moment, just to make sure she was listening before he focused back on the checklist and he continued, "I believe in what you can do and I trust that the voices you are hearing are the people of light trying to communicate with you. I had the same dreams as you. Despite the complications we have had with this mission, you were right to bring us here."

She sucked in a deep breath. She didn't agree with him on that point at the moment when she was having a hard time breathing around whatever was filling her lungs and was far too conscious of the Cylon hardware in her arm. But she hadn't been able to shake those voices, the screams of children in her dreams. She shivered again as she felt a rush of warmth flood her. It did ease her guilt some to know Apollo didn't blame her for how this all went wrong.

He wasn't done talking to her, and she wasn't sure if she could handle what more he might say. "When the baby is born, you come to me and together we can go to the coordinates you wrote down."

She froze. Had he been that close? She wondered if she had said her thoughts aloud when he replied, "I saw them before you wiped them away. They were the same bearings the beings of light bequeathed to Starbuck, Sheba and I.…" he hesitated but she was too shocked to reply. Starbuck didn't really believe her that she dreamed things that came real. Not even Jake did sometimes. Both men just didn't know how to do anything else but to follow her knowing she would leap into the abyss of belief alone and defenseless if they didn't tag along. But Apollo seemed to be saying that he was willing to jump into the void of the unknown right along with her. He really believed her.

"You and I can find out together if those coordinates are the salvation I believe they will be."

She slumped back into her restraints as the weight of that secret floated off her shoulders, but the fear of what it might all mean crushed her chest. Breathlessly she uttered, "Don't tell him. He….he…" she shook her head. There weren't words to explain the reckless actions Starbuck might take to save them all from harm.

"I know. He's risked his life far too often to save mine. Not sure how he does it, but sometimes you just have to believe in him too. We'll tell him when he's ready, but not until then, agreed?"

"Yes, sir,"

"But don't go alone. Promise you will come to me. I owe him that. I owe you both that, actually."

She stuttered wondering if this conversation was real, or just something her mind was creating for her own benefit. "Y..y..yes, sir."

"Wait for the baby to be born. Let Starbuck get used to the shock of being a father before we let him save us all."

She chuckled at that and Apollo opened the com to tell everyone they were ready.

She let him doing the flying. She was too muddled to try herself, the shock of Apollo's words having tossed her world into a new order. The launch had gone just as planned, and she marveled at how much time and effort it had taken, the miles they had hiked and the torture they had endured, to culminate in what essentially took but two or three centons. Despite more than a squadron of raiders intent on strafing Peryton's home, Starbuck and the others quickly cleared a path. Apollo did exactly as he said he would, no fancy moves, just a quick straight line for the sky. They were away and in the clouds when she fired their lasers and she breathed out, making sure that like a wizard's incantation, she uttered the words right, "Starbuck wants me to go to his home."

The rift opened, squeezed the air out of her, and spit them out into the empty blackness of space. The abrupt shift from bright daylight to black emptiness of space was disorienting and for a moment she wondered if the voices had misunderstood her intentions. The fleet was not there.

That realization and the effects of the jump racing her heart increased her panic. She gagged as her stomach tried to rebel on her again. The ozone smell of fresh circuits firing and the scent of the new leather seats was suddenly overpowering. She closed her eyes and took short breaths, finding herself praying, "Please let it have worked." And then, "Don't let me puke." She was unsure which thought was more important at the moment. She wasn't sure they had enough fuel to jump again, but it would also be an unpardonable sin to ruin this new cockpit. It would piss off the old man to no end.

Apollo had been better prepared for the jump and she saw the scanner in front of her light up as he instinctually increased the range and was already searching for the fleet. She swallowed hard and counted the microns before he spoke, "You put us well in front of the fleet. Good thinking in case we didn't have enough fuel. We could just wait here and they would find us. Plus, we are far enough that if we were followed, the fleet could change course. I think we can make it and land with what we have in our tanks if we take it slow and easy. You did it, Rene. Good job."

She shivered at the words as they sounded sincere uttered in Apollo's calm manner. She'd not heard them from anyone higher than a lieutenant before, and even then, it was usually just Crius who she always felt was just congratulating himself for giving them enough skills to keep them alive.

"We'll be there in less than a centaur. I'll see if I can speed that up some."

She tried to answer him, but opening her mouth was going to be disastrous, so she reached out and lightly laid her hand on his shoulder. He didn't turn at her touch, just asked if she was alright. She squeezed his shoulder like he often did for her husband hoping he could read the message.

"If you don't think you can make it back…"

She swallowed down bile so she could choke out, "I can fly. You t..take a vi..vi..p..p…er and I can…"

"And deal with Starbuck's wrath? No thank you." He tried to laugh to soften his sarcasm, but she felt him wince as she squeezed his shoulder hard.

"We already have f..faced the d..d..danger. We need m..m..more in the sk..sk…sky and I v..v..vol…frak!" She closed her eyes and focused.

"Easy Rene. I know what you are trying to say, but the fact you can't say it is proof enough you should just let me do the flying and you focus on getting us to Caprica and back. We will have enough volunteers for the mission, you'll see."

"A..a..d..dama won't.." She felt her heart beat race as she tried to think of some way to convince the commander they had to go back.

Apollo didn't let her finish. "I can handle my father. I don't ask for many favors and besides, I'm not asking for myself. He can't say no to Starbuck. Not many can."

She eased her grip on his shoulder, but left her hand resting there to let him know she was considering it. He might be right. Boomer had told her the story of the time Starbuck had crashed on a planet far out of range of the fleet, and the Commander hadn't even hesitated to consider letting Apollo and Boomer go get him. This was different, but she had already provided proof in what she could do and the immediacy of the mission when she delivered a shuttle full of sick and starving women and children.

Apollo read her thoughts, "My father is trying to save the human race. He values each life. Unlike Dante, he understands that everyone is worthy of salvation, even a blind old man and a reckless rogue. He will give us the shuttle and the squadron. I think our biggest concern will be can you fit through the rift all the pilots that will want to go once they know it's Starbuck that needs the rescue? A lot of people owe him."

She thought on that for a few microns before she replied, "Okay, I p..p..promise to k..keep my b..blaster on stun."

"You won't need to shoot anyone. I would have thought by now you had picked up a trick or two from Starbuck on how to charm people. Or does your seductive skills only work on hot tempered viper jocks?"

Her hand pulled back like she'd been burned. She supposed she had that coming. She had conned most of the flight deck of the Galactica and the Shiva with her constantly delayed shuttle runs and covert viper launches to Caprica, but the suggestion she used sex and her body in the cons was an insult to her powers of persuasion. She was smarter than that. She didn't have to resort to fraking to get what she wanted, well except for with Starbuck, but he was aware that's what she was doing, so was it really deceit if he knew?

Apollo didn't apologize, instead his words sounded like a kind of reprimand to her. "It was a joke, Rene. Let's stay focused. I need you clear-headed and ready to fly us back to Caprica."

"Fine," she thought to herself, "just fraking fine." She hoped he could do what he boasted, but if he couldn't, she'd find a way to get to her friends. Crius knew how to override the launch lockouts, and Alex could fly the shuttle. The rats could get this done without any help.

She let Apollo do the flying while she sat back nursing her wounded pride and tried to not foul this beautiful ship with the digested bits of her last meal. She tried not to worry about what was happening back on Caprica. She didn't think they could keep the Cylons at bay for a centaur, but she had done the best she could do. She trusted that Apollo would get them to the Galactica as fast as he could and would try to get them back to his best friend. She leaned back and closed her eyes wondering if it was her anger that was keeping her so warm.

She must have drifted off because it seemed only a micron before Apollo announced they were in range and began trying to contact the Galactica. She did not respond to their hails at first, but Rene could see that the scanner picked up vipers headed towards them on an intercept course. She almost wanted to laugh at the irony that they could be shot down as an unknown craft within sight of their home. Apollo read her thoughts.

"Don't worry, I will just do what Starbuck and I did and waggle my wings." She started to laugh but then couldn't remember why she was laughing. None of this was funny.

As the cycles passed with no word from the team on Caprica, Nik had tried sleeping on the bridge, somehow believing that his presence there could will his friends to return. Adama thought it was unnecessary with the Copper Squadron quarters just a short trip down the corridor, and had ordered the young man to get some sleep, but Lt. Nik had not returned to the family's quarters. He remained on the bridge and had taken to chugging java to try to meet the direct order he was given to not fall asleep on the bridge.

Adama just shook his head at the literal interpretation of his words and looked to his second to resolve the issue. Gage chose to ignore the problem as Nik didn't exactly curl up on the floor to sleep, he just never left the bridge. He skipped his trainings and swapped his patrols and pretended to be compiling reports while he napped in either Rigel's or Athena's chair. Both women covered for him jostling the young man awake whenever he or Colonel Gage approached the scanner. As Commander he had been forced to draw the line when the Lieutenant's wife brought him dinner. Denying the meal didn't get the young man to return to his family and friends. Instead, he hastily consumed the meal in the corridor, and Adama accepted the compromise. After all, he knew why Nik was always there. He held the same hope as the young man. If he just held on and remained optimistic, his son would return.

So, it was no surprise to Adama when it was the young pilot's voice that called out that there was an unknown craft that had entered the proximity of the fleet. Adama sent up a prayer, not only for the return of his own son, but of all the others whom he had come to appreciate were his family.

However, the young man's elation at the contact turned swiftly to confusion when the vessel was not identified as a viper by the war book, but also did not register as an enemy ship.

Athena put words to Adama's first concern, "The Eastern Alliance?"

The puzzled look on Gage's features forced Adama to deliver an impromptu and abbreviated briefing on their current course, about Terra, Lunar Seven and the Eastern Alliance. However, the ship did not match the data they had for those vessels they had encountered.

"Maybe they had to take another ship from Caprica. We took tankers from there often." Nik looked to Gage in expectation, but Gage tried to reign in the young pilot's hope.

"There's a lot of things out here in the great unknown. We have to wait and see if it comes closer, but in the meantime, Crius has your patrol doesn't he?"

Nik nodded and Gage had Rigel contact Lt. Crius's patrol to shift their quadrant to bring them closer to the craft. The patrol's time until contact was more than thirty centons, until then they would have to sit and wait as they kept their hope contained.

Lt. Nik's focus on the scanner as they waited certainly did not match the reports that had crossed Adama's desk detailing the young man's indolent attitude towards his trainings and lackadaisical approach to his duties. Perhaps like many of the new Dilmun recruits, the young man's talents had been misapplied to the cockpit. While Gage claimed that Dante had tested the Caprica refugees for an aptitude for space flight, Adama suspected based on the fact that nearly all the Dilmun warriors could pilot a viper if need be, claiming the refugees were cut out for the cockpit was a convenient lie. Adama was unsure if the fabrication of half truth was told simply due to desperation and haste, or as an effort to build confidence. He couldn't fault the efforts of Dante and those he placed in command. At the time, pilots were what was needed to save the human race, so he trained the refugees to fly. Adama's new Colonel had been vague on the casualties the Zakar had suffered in their abbreviated flight training, so Adama had assumed those who survived had more aptitude than most. But was that a true test of a warrior's abilities?

Over the yahren's Adama had learned that it took more than ability to be a good warrior. It also took desire and motivation. Maybe it was time for a complete re-examination of his fleet.

In an effort to ease Nik's trepidation and maybe soften the disappointment if this contact turned out to be just another anomaly in space, Adama decided now was a good time to question the quiet young man about his career aspirations in the Colonial service.

The Lieutenant answered the queries in vague shrugs when pressed about what he had thought his designation might be when he was in secondary school and what his marks and his aptitude may have been positioned. Adama tried to not let the nonverbal answers deter him. The young man was not mute as he had learned while helping the family with their duties. The Lieutenant could talk at length on the right topic. Adama let their previous discussion guide this one.

"Music seems to be a passion, had you considered that as a career option?" Nik had shaken his head and cast a glance towards Colonel Gage, perhaps asking for a rescue from the interrogation. Gage had instead turned away, abandoning the young man to his new commander. Adama took the gesture as another sign of the trust he was building with his Colonel. He treaded softly across that bridge they were all trying to build.

"In the past, the service did maintain musical groups for morale and welfare of the troops. While since the destruction that is no longer a career path in the colonial service, there are many other designations. Have you considered giving another one a try?"

The young man broke his silence with a terse, "Sir there's no career you have I want, so pilot is good enough."

"Then perhaps the service is not your calling," he ventured. Lt. Nik did not answer the statement, unless one counted a heavy sigh and drop of the shoulders as a consensus. Hidden in that sigh, Adama could feel the armor that Starbuck had spoken of before concerning Rene and the rest of the Caprican refugees. "From all reports when you apply yourself, you are a good pilot."

The young man flinched at his words and Adama was left to wonder if he had erred in offering the compliment. He vainly hoped that Starbuck was in that unidentified vessel as the temperamental orphan from Caprica turned hot-headed viper jockey understood better than anyone how to traverse the minefield that could best describe relations with the Copper Squadron.

Rigel interrupted his attempts at solving Lt. Nik's discipline problems when she called out, "Sir! We are receiving a communication from the vessel. It's Colonel Apollo!"

"Send it up to my console," Adama ordered. Nik nearly beat him up the stairs to his dais. Adama opened the channel, and the message repeated.

"This is Colonel Apollo of the Zakar, hailing the Galactica. Come on, answer, don't make me waggle my wings."

Hope filled his chest and his throat tightened as Adama keyed the communicator, wanting to welcome his son home, but he had to ask again before he replied, "Have we scanned the vessel? Is it human or Cylon?"

Athena answered him, the same hope tinging her voice, but the answer was a negative. "No such readings have been confirmed. The ship is transmitting two signals, one weaker than the other. I can't quite pick up the second, it is faint, but the other signal is strong and registering as a colonial vessel hailing from…from Caprica!"

"Well?" Lt. Nik asked hopefully.

"We have to be sure. We have a fleet to protect." But Adama keyed the communicator. "Unidentified vessel, this is the Galactica. We are awaiting confirmation of your identity."

"Father? It's me, Apollo."

"Can you confirm your registry code?"

Adama felt each heart beat as he waited, then the communication resumed, "Five nine two three three five four nine, and when we went for ice cream you and Athena always got chocolate, Zach liked Strawberry, I liked vanilla, but mother would usually try to talk me into trying the newest flavor with her. No database would hold that information and the Cylons would never ask about ice cream."

Adama chuckled. He wanted to ask his son what happened, where his team was, what was the vessel he was flying, and also what had removed the stick from his spine and brought back his sense of humor, but he didn't want to concern his bridge crew who were already eyeing him with alarm at his laughter. He settled for telling his son he would meet him in the landing bay. He wished Apollo would have simply confirmed the transmission. It would have kept things simpler with the bridge crew who were unaware of the exact location of Apollo's mission, and it would keep Adama from having to answer to the Council of Twelve. But Apollo made his request across the coms.

"We need a squadron and a shuttle to retrieve the survivors from Caprica, father. And a medical team in the landing bay."

Adama snapped his fingers at his Colonel who was already on the other com line requesting the medtechs as Adama asked, "Are you injured?"

"No. It's Rene."

Adama would be disregarding any reports about Lieutenant Nik's indolence or apathetic attitude. The man was gone like a shot down the corridor hollering back, "I'll get the Rats."


	65. Chapter 65

The jolt of the deck under the treads of the viper snapped her head back up. She'd drifted off and that was more puzzling to her than the rift she had just tumbled through. Sleep had always been an elusive luxury. For far too many yahrens she'd needed help to get some rest, whether it was another person to help defend her or when she didn't give a frack if she lived or died and consumed enough chemicals to trick her brain into shutting off. She briefly wondered which it had been this time as the harsh lights of the landing bay brought her back from the sleep that had folded over her. She had a vague sense of someone piloting that she could trust, but that had to be a dream.

She brought her head up again, wondering at the loss of time as the canopy was coming up and hands were reaching for her restraints, another for her helmet. She reached up to stop the hands trying to unbuckle the shoulder harness. The helmet she could do without, but she'd need the harness to launch. She needed to stay in the cockpit. This wasn't done. The mission wasn't over.

"No!" She thought she had shouted it, but the pain as the bright lights were cutting into her brain made it sound more like a groan. She could feel the bit of a machine drilling into her head, the rough burr rumbling in her ears.

The hands stilled and she flinched as something touched her face.

"Easy there, baby," a soft voice said as the hand touched her more firmly, cradling her face as another hand came up to block the light from her eyes. In the shade of that hand she could crack an eye open, realizing there were only two people in the whole universe who called her baby and she'd left one of them behind on Caprica. That thought crushing into her made her hand tighten on the restraint as she swallowed down the regret that burned up her throat. She should have insisted that Apollo keep the cockpit sealed. Once they got to her they wouldn't let her go.

Her eyes finally focused a bit on the face that was before her calling to her. She knew that face, the name bubbling up from the hole the drill was making, but it didn't make sense.

"Nik?"

A smile beamed at her nearly as bright as the lights of the bay.

"The Colonel thought he had lost you. I'm going to have to let the med techs at you but I have to know, what did you do with my best friend?" His hands moved over hers, gently tugging her fingers away from the clasps on the restraints. She let him loosen the harness as she tried to find the words that were floating in her head.

"Lost the vipers. Did a lot of hiking."

"Well now I'm jealous, you know I like a good hike. He's alive?"

She was able to get both eyes open but winced as the light brought back the knife point lancing into her temple. "Yeah. I have to go back." She tried to grip the harness straps harder to make sure they remained.

"Okay baby, but we need you awake to do that. No sleeping on the job." She snorted at that. He didn't sleep much either, none of her friends did.

She felt him tug the harness off her shoulders and slide his hands in her armpits to haul her up. "Little help here?" She thought he was talking to her and she tried to get her feet under her to haul herself up out of the cockpit, but Nik was brushed aside by a man that was just a vision from her childhood, only now his hair was all white, not just salt and pepper. She wanted to ask where the frak she was, but she didn't mean location so much as in time. The old man hauled her out of the cockpit and she felt Nik's arms come around her to help her stand on the platform as Adama's arms remained under hers. The Commander's face also held a smile, nearly as warm and vibrant as one of Starbuck's. It didn't make sense. She had fraked this up from the beginning. Why would that make him happy?

"Sir? I'm sorry…I…" But he wasn't paying attention to her, instead waving a hand for the Med Techs who had arrived. She looked to Nik hoping her friend might find that rebellious spark he once had and help her. "I have to go back. The Colonel and I…I have to…"

Nik mumbled an agreement to her, looked like he was about to help her, but a hand pulled him away and another was there, pulling her almost off her feet as arms wrapped her up in a tight embrace. It took Nik's voice calling out to help her fill in the blank of who this person was.

"Jason, I told you to wait across the bay. They haven't been through decon you idiot."

Nik was right and she tried to push the boy away, but Lords he wasn't a boy anymore, taller than either her or Jake, nearly as tall as Nik and strong too.

"Don't you do that again!" he shouted in her ear, and she nodded fast and hard making her vision swim and her knees buckle.

"Let go…you have to let go." She tried to push away stumbling, but Nik caught her, and then Crius was there, prying Jason off her. "I'm sick. It might be con..con…con…frak…I n…n. need you to take care of the k..k..kids." She didn't want to let go of him but she wouldn't be able to take it if she made him ill and what she had running through her was not of the usual variety of ick. Crius was able to get an arm around Jason's neck, but her son wasn't letting go. It took Apollo's voice of authority to loosen his hold as he firmly pulled Jason away from her.

"She might be contagious. I might be too. You should all back away." Rene caught the glare Apollo cast his own father. "You shouldn't be taking this risk. The fleet needs you."

Adama's voice sounded tremulous to her ears as he placed a hand on the Colonel's shoulders. "I need you and the rest of your team. What do you need?" The commanders next words indicated she had been out longer than she thought and her dreams of voices may have been communications with the fleet. " Vipers are prepped and shuttle is waiting. Plus, I am thinking of the fleet. You have a Cylon signal transmitting from your ship."

The words chilled her and she let Nik take all her weight looking up into his dark eyes that seemed more alive than she'd seen them in a long while, "It's me, not the ship."

"She was captured by the enemy along with Starbuck. They've been implanted with some sort of device." Apollo was back to sounding like a Colonel. It made her shiver.l

She felt her feet leave the ground as Nik scooped her up. A low long string of curses was flowing from him, so inaudible that anyone else might think he was just mumbling incoherently but she recognized the words. They were some of the first phrases that Nik finally spoke once they were rescued and seemed to be safe on the Zakar. He moved to take her down the steps and she wanted to struggle against him. She needed back in that viper, needed to go get them now while she could at least manage standing. She didn't know how much strength she had left, but she knew she had enough to at least get them back with vipers and weapons to help keep the ones she loved safe.

She felt other hands helping Nik to get her down the steps and she tried to push them away, but Adama's voice cut through her like he was flipping the circuit to activate the extra fuel reserve she had within. "Let the doctor do what he can to help you so you are strong enough to save them. Plus, we need to stop that signal before it endangers all of us. You can do that, warrior, I know you can. The Lords will guide you."

She sucked in a breath at that, feeling the sterile and reprocessed air fill her lungs. It felt clean and fresh for the first time since she set foot on the Galactica all those sectons ago. She would swear she could feel it scrubbing away at her, forcing her lungs to want to expel the toxins that were in them. Nik laid her out on the life pod the Med Techs had brought which made it hard for her to catch her breath. She swallowed down the terror that they would just seal her up in it and thereby seal the fates of all those on Caprica. She choked on the fear and frantically reached out for something to pull herself away. It was a strong dry grip she found and while it was Nik's eyes she latched on to, it was not his hand.

"Do what you can," Adama's voice commanded and she felt his grip squeeze her hand twice as he helped her sit upright. She didn't let go even when the pressure let up. She spared just a glance for the Medical team, out of curiosity if it would be Cassiopeia or the crusty old guy who often reeked of fumarello smoke. She got lucky, it was both of them and their presence did not bode well for her objective. Their hands were on her and she pulled on the only tether she had, begging for his help.

"Sir? I need to…"

Adama didn't let her finish the words. "I know. They are here to help you do that." It was a voice of command, but for once it seemed to be speaking the orders she wanted to follow. She searched his face for the tells that he might be deceiving her, but her gaze was pulled away by the flash of the biomonitor as it was waved over her. Hands reached for her and each touch by the techs felt like an electric shock.

"Don't move," Cassie said almost as authoritatively as the Commander. Rene looked to her hoping that she could make the woman understand, but Cassie was different without Starbuck there, all professional and no hint of familiarity as she calmly told Rene what she was doing. "She's hotter than a Borellian desert at 39-5, heart rate 126, resps 26 and shallow, BP 70 on 30. Definitely hypovolemic and probably septic."

"I'm scanning pulmonary opacities in the mid to lower lungs," Crusty Fumarello said. "There's your culprit."

"Prop her up, it's no wonder she can barely catch her breath," Cassie said as someone raised a support behind her. "Small prick here, Rene. First round of blood cultures for analysis. Hematology, electrolytes, GFR, LFTs, coags and blood gases."

"Steroid and antibiotics," Crusty Fumarello said as he placed a hypo to her neck.

Rene felt the warm rush of something good flowing into her. With the warmth came a flush of embarrassment that tried to crawl up her neck as she felt the zipper of the jumpsuit come down. She didn't have a pressure suit or anything else on under those coveralls. She wondered at the sense of shame that flooded her mind. It had to be at the loss of the uniform for she had been forced to discard whatever possession of privacy she had over her body a long time ago with Dante's trainings on the Zakar. Being nude hadn't bothered her in a while and besides, Nik and Crius had both seen it all many times. Was it the Commander? Adama had probably seen better women than her if Starbuck's description of the Commander's wife was even half accurate. The man didn't give her half a glance, focused instead on Apollo across the bay seeing to the refuelling of the Borzoi. She tried to focus her attention on that sign of hope. If they were fuelling, they were launching. Apollo couldn't get back without her.

"They're human hands," she tried to remember as she felt her arm pulled from the jumpsuit and the plastic cut away from the Cylon port. She let her thoughts roam where they wanted so she didn't have to pay attention to what they were doing, because if she thought about what she had been through at the hands of the Cylons she was going to scream and not stop for a long while. There wasn't enough air in this landing bay for that.

The Commander squeezed her hand and he tried to let go, but she held on and looked away from Nik to Adama's face. The man was still looking across the bay to Apollo and she followed his gaze. The Colonel had been taking steps towards them but had paused. She saw the quick flush of embarrassment before he looked away. Had Starbuck talked with Apollo about her? Had he described her to him in intimate detail the way he had described the Commander's wife in hushed awed tones. They were viper pilots, of course he had. When pilots weren't talking about flying like it was better than sex, then they were talking about the next best thing.

She laughed. It was almost ludicrous that in the midst of the mess of all this apocalypse felgercarb, these two men still had something resembling dignity. Most pilots had none before the destruction, and even less since.

Nik's voice cut through her thoughts. "You need to stay with us. A little focus, sweetheart."

"Yeah, yeah," she mumbled looking up to him. The sharp pain of a needle entering her arm with Cassie's calm voice, "Drawing another sample of your blood," helped to clear her vision. She locked onto Nik's face in an effort to silence the static of fear as it tried to rise in volume within her. It was easier to look on the eyes she knew, but his had always been either too deep like the sewers tunnels they survived in, or they were too reflective and you had to examine yourself in them. She missed when they had been like chocolate and he was sweet and funny. She felt a jolt of arrogance that maybe she could drag back the smooth talker Nik had once been from that dark vault of silence. Then she felt a different kind of jolt that zipped down her arm making her left hand clench and unclench spasmodically.

"Ow," she stated like a briefing she needed to give just so everyone knew the score. But the pulse of the electricity pumped through her heart, each beat chasing away the tainted fog in her head.

"I don't know what this is exactly but it seems to be connected to her central nervous system. I can't stop the signal without potentially paralyzing her, maybe even killing her, at least in this crude situation. For Sagan's sake, I'm a doctor not a science officer," the rough voice of the doctor informed them all, as she felt the muscles in her arm relax and she regained control of her hand.

The Commander answered, "We can worry about that later. The scanners are clear and our communications experts on the bridge found the signal to be localized and weak. We believe that unless the Cylons are specifically searching for the frequency, it won't register."

"But you registered it," she knew she was the one who spoke, but she heard Starbuck's voice come out of her.

"Yes." The Commander didn't elaborate and she appreciated that he knew she understood the implications of the facts. They had evaded the Cylons since their jump from Dilmun but she could bring their enemy back to them. She shut her eyes and tried to swallow down the nausea that rose at the guilt. If she lost it, they may not let her back in that viper. That's all that mattered right now, getting back in that cockpit.

She felt another sting of a hypo and jerked in alarm at not being warned. That always meant it was going to be followed with her losing conscious thought, and that was not how this was going to go down. She jerked again and knocked the hypo aside as she struggled to get up.

"Whoa!" Niks pushed down on her shoulders. "I like the signs of life, but let them finish."

Cassie's calm voice stilled her. "I have preliminary blood culture results, so those were just more antibiotics. The right ones this time. We also need to start a couple lines and begin fluid resuscitation. I'm sorry, I should have warned you."

She wanted to feel reassured at the med tech's words, but the doctor's voice skittered down her nerves and crashed into her head as they poked her a couple more times.

"I should be rushing her to the Life Center, not pumping her full of fluids and drugs so she can launch! Speaking of which, how fast can I run the bolus?" Crusty fumarello asked.

"Pressure infusion. We don't have time for anything slower and her heart is fine. We need to get her BP up," Cassie replied.

"Vasopressors?"

"Not yet."

She gripped Adama's hand hard, trying to focus on him, just him, as she tried to form the words, "I ch..chose this. I have to go . They are w..waiting."

He turned to meet her eyes, his full and sorrowful, not radiating the usual forceful confidence.

"I can do this. I made a vow. My life doesn't matter," she said hoping to chase away the doubts the man might have.

He held her gaze and she saw the echo of the disappointment so like that time yahrens ago when he was picking her up late at night from the local authorities. What crime she had committed she had long forgotten, but the look he gave her as he picked her up and dropped her off with his brother had remained in her memory . It stung nearly as bad as the cylon device in her arm. She tried to speak again, but his hand that fell on her shoulder silenced the words.

"Your life does matter, but you have made it clear in more ways than one that this is what you want. I'm letting you go."

She tried to say the words thank you, but she was distracted by Cassie pulling at the jumpsuit. "She needs a pressure suit. We don't want her passing out on launch. Men, if you would give us some privacy."

Adama squeezed her hand again and tried to let go. He had to reach down with his other hand to pry her fingers from his. She wanted to fight to keep that hold because if he was there, then there was a chance she could threaten him, or come up with some form of coercion to get him to let her back in the cockpit.

"I got this." Nik pushed down harder on her shoulders as he leaned over her, forcing her eyes on his. "Pull it together. You have a job to do! Failure is not an option." His voice had an edge that sounded so much like Dante she shivered, but the words also told her they weren't going to stand in her way. She nodded hard, then shook it to chase out the shards of metal that were jabbing at her brain, swallowing them down to her stomach.

"Fear is the mind killer," she uttered the mantra. Not all of Dante's lessons had been bad. How to move when you wanted to sit paralyzed waiting for the final blow had been a good one. Keep moving, that's all you had to do sometimes to keep on living. She wanted to move and not die in a damn life pod.

Her words earned her a grin from Nik, an echo of an old one from back on Caprica. She cast him one back, "You going to help me dress? I thought you were only good at undressing women?" The shock at getting all those words out so easily, almost as smooth as something Starbuck might say, chased away her smile and brought reality rushing in like a tidal wave. "I have to go."

"And you need to come back. I've lost too many friends." He let up on her shoulders and reached for her hand to help her up. She was too relieved to be embarrassed about stripping down in the landing bay. Nik leaned down to help her pull off the boots as she shucked the coveralls.

Cassie started to protest for a moment, but must have seen it was unnecessary and ran the biomonitor over her once more. She held up the hypospray. "It's a vasopressor to help maintain your blood pressure. You're going to need it." She pressed it again Rene's neck and then removed the lines that had been pumping fluids into her. A moment later, she turned her attention to helping the warrior pull on the pressure suit and the new uniform. Rene let them buckle on her boots as each time she dipped her head down her vision faded. She heard the doctor's voice summarizing her medical progress for the Commander, but it blurred into the rumble of the burr bit drilling in her head.

The holster being strapped to her leg chased away the last of the gray clouds at the edges of her vision. She mumbled a "thanks," at Cassie before she took the step away, a bit unsteady, but the second one was easier since no one stopped her. The Commander's hopeful face almost made her drop. This wasn't real, or at least not as how she thought this situation would go. She looked back to the life pod wondering if she was still in there floating on some really good medications wishing she was returning to save her family.

"Lords, let it be real," she cast up the prayer before turning back to the Commander.

"No one would fault you if you are unable to do this." He attempted a sympathetic tone, but the begging in his eyes said something different.

"Dante never lied to me," she blurted it out, and tried not to enjoy how it made Adama flinch, but it made him drop his attempt at fatherly familiarity as he fixed her with a steely gaze.

"I am not lying."

"More d..d..delusional than me if you…you think…think I c..could live after l..l..leaving them behind." It was more than the drill buzzing in her head that had her choking on her words. It was her heart threatening to burst at the idea of being in the fleet without either Starbuck or Jake. "I'm okay." Those were words she could at least say without sounding like she was damaged goods.

Adama nodded at her and stepped aside revealing a vision that left her trying to catch her breath. A shuttle warming up and a whole squadron of vipers going through preflight checks. Crius's shoulder came up under her arm and Nik clapped her on the back as he went past to find his own craft. Apollo stepped forward to reach for her, offering a hand up to the cockpit. She wanted to admit to him he'd won the bet, but she couldn't find the words. He helped her down into the seat before taking his own and leaving it to Crius to help her get strapped in.

"This is happening," she said up to him trying to confirm the facts, before also making a demand. "You can't go. My kids are yours."

"I outrank you. Always will. Lizbet has them and Starbuck's my wingmate. Had I been along the first time, it would have all gone as planned because you know I like my missions how I like my fraking, one and done."

She didn't have enough energy to laugh at his joke, nor to contradict him. If they were going down, they'd do it all together like they did most things since the Zakar. He plunked the helmet on her head and she tried not to cry out in pain as he patted it before the canopy came down.

Apollo's voice was calm and steady and it gave her something to latch on to. "You just have to get us there. If possible, we are going to stay in the air. If we have to land, you just sit tight and I will haul you out if need be, agreed?"

"Yes, sir." Again words she could utter with ease. She desperately wanted to get back to Starbuck if nothing else he could see that yes, she could offer up respect when someone had earned it.

Launching wasn't as bad as in a viper, maybe because the borzoi wouldn't fit in the tubes, so they missed the slingshot effect of a launch. Apollo had to fight the controls and burn some fuel to break out of the Galactica's gravity well, but it at least left the launch slow as a shuttle.

"Ready?"

"Remind me not to doubt you again," she said out loud. He deserved to hear it.

"Oh, I don't know about that. Half of Starbuck's crazy ideas were mine first. He is going to be a bit steamed I brought you back. I'm counting on you to calm him down and save my life, got that? On the count of three. One…"

She breathed out the words, "Home," and knew the lords knew what she meant, or more specifically who she meant.


	66. Chapter 66

How long had it been since Apollo had launched? Starbuck was missing some time and wondered if he had remained conscious for the whole trip back to the hangar. He was well aware that he was burning up, and at times it felt like he was breathing through water, so congested were his lungs. He would have checked his chrono for the lost time if he still had one. He tried to distract himself by wondering when and where the timepiece had been lost. Was it while dashing through the streets of Caprica with Rene intent on blowing them up, or was it in the sewers under the shopping mall? Probably while in the care of the Cylons. He'd had that military issued chrono for a while, at least a yahren longer than any other chrono and they were becoming rare commodities in the fleet. He briefly wondered if Rene had stolen any from the stores she'd been raiding. He'd have to ask when they got back as it would be a nice consolation to have a fine chrono from one of the most upscale stores on Caprica to show off as proof that he'd walked the surface of their destroyed home world and lived to tell about it.

That is, if he lived, a pretty big if as the enemy had renewed their efforts at trying to destroy Peryton's home and Rene hadn't returned with reinforcements. He counted the thuds and the millicentons in between. Each thud felt like his last heartbeat. Added to the discomfort were the small zaps that pricked at his nerve endings every now and then, causing his hands to shake and clutch at Zion's hand convulsively. The enemy was searching for him, but he wasn't going to say anything about it. He wasn't sure what Jake could do to prevent the contact of the signal other than digging the device out of his arm. Blood was still trickling from the last attempt. The paralysis caused by whatever Jake jammed on the wires had scared the pogees out of him. He'd keep the device in for now with only him and Zion aware of the problem. It's not like they didn't know they were here. The enemy was practically knocking on the hangar door. What was taking Rene so long?

There was a time when he knew exactly how many centons it took to land and refuel a viper. He had planned battles around it. Even without a chrono, he knew that amount of time had come and gone.

"The old man probably needed some convincing," he reminded himself, "Or they burned up more fuel than they thought they had and were being towed in. That can take a while. There were two of them in there and that affects fuel consumption, even if Rene is small."

He tried not to think on any other scenarios of what could have gone wrong, partly because almost any other complications involved either Rene having perished. If that was the case, then everyone on Caprica was about to as well, because without a squadron coming to save his butt, he wasn't sure what he could do. They could probably hold out here for a few more centaurs, but eventually the tin heads would get a lucky shot, or they would storm the place. That left him plotting how to end things quickly for himself and his friends. His hands trembled again and he wasn't sure if it was because of the Cylon device in his arm or the horrific thought of having to shoot Zion. His stomach clenched. Who was going to be the one to decide that they had waited long enough? Would that be left up to him or the enemy?

She'd come back for them. There was no other outcome worth thinking about. He tried to keep his focus on that thought and on Jake and Boomer watching for Rene's return. He almost willed Jake to come to the back of the hangar and bring some of his blind faith in Rene with him. The insolent young man had proven to be a decent medic, pulling Boomer from the point of death to where the warrior was actually able to defend not only himself but the children. If one of the laziest and most self-centered of the Rats could do all that, Rene could pull this off. In the past she had proven she could jump back and forth in a matter of microns if she was healthy and her wits were clear. "She can do this." It was the thought he tried to keep in his mind, but he knew it sure would help to hear Jake say it.

It had to be a problem with the viper or convincing the Commander. For once he hoped the Copper Squadron would ignore all his scolding about giving command the respect they deserved. "Be the rebellious punks I tell you not to be. For once, don't listen to me." He sent up the silent prayer realizing it probably wasn't needed. They never listened to him, the Copper Squadron that is. The Lords sometimes answered him, but the Rats just shrugged at any of his suggestions. Then there was the fact that Crius had already been peeved about being left behind. It had been Rene's words that had gotten him to agree to being excluded. If Rene said, "I need you," that's all it would take. So, what could be the hold up? The floor beneath him shook again with the impact of a salvo.

He looked to Peryton who was hovering. "How long you think we can … hold out here?" It was a terrible thing indeed when Starbuck was so short of breath that he couldn't finish a sentence without resting for a breath.

"How long does this take her?"

Peryton's query was not the answer Starbuck wanted. It meant they didn't have much time left. Starbuck let out a few more painful breaths along with the hope he'd been holding. He wanted to tell the man the truth, but Zion was there holding his hand. The kid was frightened enough, he didn't need to hear the facts that they were about to be overrun by the enemy and sent right back to Cylon torture. He settled on being vague hoping the old man could read between the lines.

"It depends. Probably got hung up on … getting a squadron to rescue my astrum. I've won too many cubits from Blue Squadron." He wrapped his free hand around his chest, rubbing the spot that was burning with each breath. "Then there's the pranks I've pulled on Red Squadron." He licked at dry and cracked lips. "They may not want me back so soon."

Peryton nodded, catching Starbuck's meaning. "How often does she get lost? That can happen, right?"

He didn't have a problem offering up the truth to that query. "Never. She can find her way in the dark… unless something is blocking her path." His head was pounding in beat with his heart. "I've seen her do this with pinpoint accuracy."

Peryton nodded but he didn't seem convinced, and looked to the door that Boomer, Max and Jake had cracked open with eyes on the sky, fleeing back inside every couple of centons when a raider salvo got too close.

"You aren't staying here," Starbuck stated as the old man fixed a foggy gaze in his direction.

"The hades I'm not. Not your decision to make."

"Actually, I think it is." He paused. "Well, not me exactly. I think the enemy is making it for you. You stay and you're as good as dead." He wondered vaguely how simple talking could exhaust him. Usually, his talking just exhausted everybody else and he was unaffected. "Now personally, I think you've got a few more yahrens in you." Starbuck ignored the glare Peryton shot at him. "Didn't you say you had a son?"

Peryton answered slow and cautious, "Yeah, what of it?"

"Maybe he made it. The fleet is full of people." He bowed his head and took a couple deep breaths, willing some life sustaining oxygen to find its way into his lungs. "We find more survivors all the time." He cast his hand out as if revealing a winning hand at cards. "Maybe we found him too."

Peryton shook his head. "Died before all this. He became a viper pilot just to piss me off and to break his mother's heart. Died at Molecay. That's what did my wife in. I knew she always lived for him. She let the disease take her when he didn't come back."

Starbuck cocked his head, looked to Jake at the door wondering if he could explain just what or who it was that spoke to Rene and made strange unpredictable things happen when she was around. She would answer by just shrugging her shoulders, but it was beginning to be bit more than unsettling. He turned his attention back to Peryton. "Battle of Molecay? On the Pegasus? Under Cain?"

"Yeah, what if he was? He had to pick the most war mongering man in the universe to revere just to rattle me."

Starbuck wanted to laugh at the old man's attempt at surliness, but he could hear the respect behind the gibe. Well he had a criticism of his own to offer back. "Yeah, the man was arrogant. He tried to steal my girl." He smiled slightly as he remembered offering to stay on the Pegasus, willing to leave behind Cassiopeia and everyone else he held dear on the Galactica. "He inspired fierce loyalty though. He saved us all. Cain thought he was one step above the lords when last I saw him …. which by the way, was after the destruction. I'm sure … he'll be back. "

The man's foggy eyes were for a moment stunningly clear. "What did you say?"

"You heard me. Does that change things?" Starbuck let the wisp of a smile play across his lips.

"It might. What other ships do you have in that fleet of yours?"

He decided it was a bit cruel to play with the old man's hopes, and besides, he wasn't sure if Peryton would believe him or think he was being conned into agreeing to come along, so the truth was a better approach. "Several actually, mostly civilian. But along the way we found the Pegasus… lost her again… but before she headed back into deep space… many of her crew came over to the Galactica. Most of silver spar squadron. What was your son's name?"

The old man's grumpy glare slipped for just a micron and Starbuck pretended not to notice. "Bojay."

Starbuck tried not to react, but the shock of the coincidence was a bit much. How the frack does she do it? "I know a Bojay. Pretty well, actually." A wracking cough doubled him over for a centon and he coughed up something thick and brackish. "You got a holo by any chance?" he wheezed.

The old man was suddenly pretty spry as he began to dig around in old drawers of the workbench behind Starbuck, pulling out an old and abused holo obviously taken at an academy graduation ceremony. He handed it to him without giving it a glance. Despite Peryton's gruffness, he looked the picture of a proud father in the picture with his arms around his tall son Bojay. It was the man Starbuck knew at the academy, the one he now knew as Athena's husband. He swore he heard Rene's voice in his ear, "Don't try to puzzle out the good things, just swallow them whole."

"That's him. He's a buddy of mine." He handed the holo back as Peryton gave him a scathingly skeptical look. "Don't believe me? Did Bojay ever tell you about the time we … double dated these gorgeous med techs at the Academy… that turned out to sisters?" Peryton wrinkled his brow. "They also turned out to be…"

"Commander Argus' daughter and niece. You took them out in a classic Futura Hovermobile that you appropriated for a weekend from your drill Sergeant who had made the mistake of playing Pyramid with you two shysters and couldn't cover his bet. He also let you off the eighteen kilometron hike you had to do to make up for being late for parade because you two yahoos were hung over. So you're that Starbuck."

"In person. Bojay's still with us." The old guy had given up hope long ago. Perhaps rekindling it was too much for him. "If you don't believe me, ask the others."

"Doesn't mean I'm coming with you." The old man's voice was gruff, but also thick with emotion.

"When my team gets here… I'm just going to let my colonel stun you." Some people just didn't want to be saved. But if Peryton didn't want to be saved for his own good, they would do it for Bojay. The hell with Peryton. "Kind of risky…specially at your age …but … I am a betting man. I think you're… tough enough to … survive a stun, and I think you're … tough enough to want to live …versus choosing the coward's way out by Cylon suicide….because that's what staying here is, … suicide." Starbuck was pretty sure that he talked too much.

Peryton shook his head. "You military types are all the same. Even the ones with blue lips, like you."

"We're survivors? Damn right. And stubborn. Fine. I'll skip the stunning … and have Jake carry you out. Rumor has it …he dropped Avery … with one punch."

The old man didn't have a reply to that, just turned away to head for Max first and it let Starbuck know that maybe Boomer's cousin was the more trustworthy of all of them. He'd have to remember that for his next con. He watched as Max nodded at the holo, but Peryton wasn't any old rube. He headed for the door, to be almost shooed away by Boomer before Starbuck watched his old friend glance at the holo and nod in confirmation. As the hangar erupted into action with Jake's shout of, "Holy frack, they're back!" Peryton was rooted to the spot, complete shock on his features at the news, or maybe it was the confirmation that his son was indeed alive. Jake was headed across the hangar towards Starbuck, hauling him up to his feet, but Starbuck waved off the help from Jake, pointing instead to Peryton.

"Get him. Get him … on that shuttle. I'll follow for back up." Jake called a yes sir, but he still hauled Starbuck up to his feet before he dashed across the hangar back to Peryton. Starbuck heard explosions coming from outside the hangar, but the ground had stopped shuddering and rumbling.

Jake didn't need to throw Peryton over his shoulder, or knock him out. He grabbed the man's arm and simply pulled him towards the hangar door. Avery and his men were called forward and they herded the children to the middle of the hangar, gathering them up to wait for the signal that all was safe to head towards a shuttle. Zion still had a firm grip on Starbuck's hand as he headed for the hangar door. Starbuck was unsure what he should be doing other than providing back up for Jake and he tried to get Zion to join the other children, but the boy gripped his arm with both hands and Starbuck didn't have the strength nor the desire to pry the boy from him. The kid had survived Cylon torture, he wasn't in any more danger than he'd already been. He let the kid come with him to the door to the hangar.

Boomer had a weapon in both hands as he scanned the skies and the battle that was waging. He identified vipers as they dipped from the clouds and became visible, "Well you must have paid all your gambling debts Starbuck, it's most of blue squadron."

"Copper is mixed in there too," Max crowed. "And there's our ride and an escort."

The borzoi was flanking the shuttle and Starbuck's breath caught again. He didn't know if he wanted Rene's ship to land or stay in the air. The sky was still full of raiders and the battle was heated. He'd witnessed a couple of battles from the bridge of the Galactica, hating every micron of not being up there in the sky to lend his expertise. This was a torture that rivaled what he had just gone through at the Cylon medical facility. He wanted to scream as a raider nearly clipped the wing of a viper before spiraling towards the shuttle. He swallowed the desire down, but it got caught on the yelp he couldn't control when a jolt raced up his spine and his knees buckled. Jake caught him before he crumpled to the ground. He tried to say he was okay, but he couldn't get the words out as he watched the borzoi land alongside the shuttle.

Jake was shouting in his ear, asking if he could walk or fire a weapon. He couldn't even nod his head, or shake it. His body had stopped receiving commands from his brain. He watched helplessly as Apollo climbed out of the cockpit and came running. A zap of pain in his temple came with the knowledge that Rene had to still be in the cockpit, now completely undefended to an enemy attack. Shouting a reprimand to his old wing mate wasn't even an option as he tried to draw air into his lungs that also seemed to have shut down. In a panic, he shifted his gaze to Jake relying on Rene's ex-lover to do something to keep his wife safe. He was able to force out a "No!" as Jake hauled him up to his shoulder in a fireman carry.

"How is he?" Apollo's voice sounded distant and calm as Starbuck's mind was directing all of his efforts into drawing a breath.

"The thing in their arms. They found us and somehow they can shut him down," Jake replied reaching up a cool hand to his neck, fingers searching for a pulse, landing firm on his jugular. "I got him."

Starbuck felt his chest ease up a little as he saw the children running to the shuttle, Jolly ushering them in. Apollo's hand on him should have been reassuring. They were back, Rene had to be alive, and this rescue was really happening. But his panic was a high-pitched shrieking that he couldn't get to his mouth. Rene was a sitting duck, as was the shuttle right now, and the enemy was gaining accuracy by the micron.

"Rene?" Jake asked as he began to move towards the shuttle, pushing Peryton ahead of him.

"Alive. Is this all of them?" Jake moved away towards the shuttle as Starbuck's chest tightened again at the words. A simple, alive, not okay, not well, not hunky dory. Just alive and he wasn't sure how much longer he would be as his lungs refused to work. His vision began to fade to gray, and the rest of what he had of air was rushed out of him as he landed hard on his back on the metal deck of the shuttle. Jake's hands were on his forehead tilting it back, opening up his airway. He was able to get a small sip of air before the pain lanced through his heart and squeezed it out of him. Some part of him was a little bit horrified that his wife's ex-boyfriend was leaning down to kiss him, but the rush of warm air into his lungs felt so damn good. It cleared his vision and his head a little as he realized the shuttle was taking off. He was able to move his head a little, his vision taking in that the shuttle was beyond capacity with men and children.

He heard the prayer that Jake muttered for protection, made a mental note that he needed to ask Rene sometime about what the Rats relationship was with religion, probably something he should have asked before a sealing, but hadn't seemed to be important at the time. Now he had to wonder as Jake seemed intent on blowing that prayer into his lips. He wanted to utter his own prayer of thanks as he felt the sensation come back into his body, his lungs instinctively drawing in a long chest full of air.

Jake lingered awkwardly just above him, still ready with a rescue breath if needed, the man's hands still on his neck. "Won't Rene get jealous if we keep kissing?" Starbuck joked. He actually enjoyed the pain of Jake slapping him on the chest.

"Do not know why I bother keeping you alive," Jake retorted. "Rene kisses better than you."

Jake chuckled at his own joke, but kept his hand on his neck as Starbuck craned his head to see that Boomer and Max had made it. He began to count the kids and Boomer caught the motion.

"All here. All accounted for." He settled down next to them handing Jake a med kit.

Starbuck tried to say something along the lines of "Thank the lords," but his breath caught again, this time as something thick crawled up his lungs blocking the airway. He tried to cough and strangled on something that felt alive inside him, digging its claws into his chest, wrapping around his heart and squeezing. Jake's hand left his neck and instead was hauling him up to a sitting position and then pounding him on the back. A moment later a life mask was pressed against his face and some kind of medicated aerosol misted in his face as Boomer propped him up against the bulkhead. He felt the slimy creature slide back down in his chest and he was able to get another breath in that loosened the constriction of his heart. He was about to mutter a thanks, when the world constricted tighter than the bands that were wrapped around his heart. He felt himself sliding down the dark sewer tunnel.

"Holy frack!" Peryton shouted, his eyes wide and filled with awe. Starbuck gave the man a crooked grin.

"Enjoy the ride," he tried to croak but the words were unintelligible. He followed his own advice. His wife was still with them, her luck still holding. Of course, this wasn't how heroes were supposed to arrive, hacking up gobs of snot, short of breath, eyes fever bright and wanting to puke. Bleeding or broken was alright, but this was something too ridiculous to ever fantasize about. He actually was looking forward to being in the Life Center if it would help his head stop pounding. Then he shuddered realizing that he wanted nothing to do with any room that would remind him of what he had just endured. Rene's screams tapering off to nothingness had been too agonizing the first time. He wasn't sure if he could take that again.

He felt a hand squeeze his hard. Zion still had a hold of him. It seemed Starbuck had something to show for his time on Caprica besides a bunch of wires in his arm. The kid's eyes were wide in terror. He pulled the kid closer to him. "We made it," he whispered to him, pulling aside the life mask. "I've got a nice place for you to stay …. all the mushies you can eat. You're safe now." He felt his heart skip a beat as he overheard the confirmation from the Galactica for their landing.

He looked to Jake as the shuttle skids hit the deck, joining him as the young man mouthed a prayer all kids in the colonies learned for gratefulness of the lord's bounty. Jake seemed shocked that Starbuck caught him at it, but Starbuck reached out his hand to the man's arm, clasping it tight. "Thanks for carrying me."

"You owe me a drink and nothing else." Jake's smile had a cocky slant to it and Starbuck included to his list of the things he was going to do for the next secton: a long conversation with Jake, right after three days of not leaving the bed in his and Rene's quarters. "Can you stand?" Jake asked him. "Or do I have to carry you farther?"

"I think I can manage … but I could use a hand up." Jake did more than haul him up as he slid Starbuck's arm over his shoulder.

"Smile for the cameras hero, then it's off to the Life Center and we get that felgercarb out of you." Jake heaved a heavy sigh of relief as the shuttle door slid open and the landing bay of the Galactica greeted them.

"Home sweet home," Starbuck mumbled and felt Jake stiffen. He thought it was to the words, but Jake dropped him and ran. Starbuck stumbled and wanted to curse, then froze as he saw what prompted Jake to abandon him. Across the landing bay, Apollo and Crius were pulling Rene from the cockpit of the Borzoi. She was limp in their arms as they carried her down the steps and laid her out on the deck.

He tried to run to her, but something thick and wet rose up in his chest. He staggered a few steps before he fell to his knees, his vision fading with the effort to draw in enough air. He tried to cough, but his chest constricted squeezing what air he had out. He dropped his head down, gasping like a fish. He flinched as he felt arms come around him hauling him back up to his feet. The Commander's voice in his ear eased the tightness in his chest. "I have you, son."

But another voice barked gruffly, "You will unhand that man and you will leave this area. They are mine and this is my jurisdiction. Don't make me report you to the council, Adama! This area is under quarantine." Salik barked out orders for the shuttle to be sealed and the landing bay secured.

The Commander didn't back away, but he was joined by other hands that were hauling Starbuck up and away from where he wanted to be. More hands gripped him, raising him up and trying to place him in a life pod that was waiting for him. He fought at the hands holding him, shuddering at the recent memory of centurions wrestling him into restraints. A surge of adrenalin flooded through him and he wrenched the hands from his arms. He needed to get to his wife. He needed to know she was okay. He was able to brush all the hands aside, to actually make it to a sitting position before Gage was there, wrestling him back down.

"I have to help her!" he shouted as he wrapped his hands around Gage's arms. He pulled at the arms that encircled his neck and shoulders like steel bands pulling him back down to the life pod.

"Lieutenant! You can't help her if you die. She is in the best of hands," Gage pleaded in his ear as Starbuck felt the jab of a hypo. He expected Cassiopeia to be at the other end of that prick, but it was Paye that was cutting away his coveralls and beginning to run lines into him as he continued to struggle against Gage's hold.

"Hold him! I don't want to have to sedate him. That could be fatal," Paye's steady voice sounded almost robotic. Starbuck was able to suck in a breath, expelling it in a shout of his wife's name, pushing at Gage to let him up so he could see what was happening.

Gage moved slightly, letting Starbuck up a fraction, but the colonel kept a firm grip on his shoulders. Starbuck couldn't find Rene amidst the crowd of people around her. All he could see was Doctor Salik and Cassiopeia leaning over a life pod while Crius, Jake and Apollo stood by uselessly.

"Frack you! Let me go!"

"She's alive, Starbuck. They won't let her die," Gage replied to Starbuck's cursing. "You need to let them fix you up."

"Who won't let her die?" he gasped. "Iblis, the angels, our med techs? Who the frack do you mean?" He tried to get all the words out, but all he managed was a whispered, "Who?"

Gage misunderstood the question, answering him with names he already knew. "Cassiopeia and Salik, and they've called your science expert, Dr. Wilker."

"I need to get him to the Life Station. I am going to have to seal the pod for isolation precautions." Paye's words were chilling in their calm delivery as the life mask was again placed over his face and he was lowered back down. The canopy of the pod dropped over him, sealing him in his own coffin. He reached up to push at the cover, finding the strength to keep it from sealing, that is until Gage put his weight on it. It latched firmly with an audible click. He choked on the howl that ripped from deep within, coughing hard as a cool mist blew down his lungs. He felt himself being rolled away from his objective, his heart beating hard and fast at the knowledge that he was being separated from Rene again. He thought he could hear her screams, actually hoped he did. At least that would mean she was alive and close. He listened hard and heard nothing but the hiss of air blowing in him. The screams were in his head and he shivered, afraid that's all he would hear from his wife again.


	67. Chapter 67

Author's note…So many Kudos to my Beta LisaZ on this chapter. She is amazing.

If anyone is still reading and you want me to continue, let me know. I am far from done with ideas if you want me to keep going.

"Starbuck's on his way to Life Center with the same treatment regime we started on Rene before she went back. Nobody else looks critical. Now, how can I help?" Paye asked, joining Dr. Salik and the rest of the medical team over Rene's lifepod. She was unconscious but alive. There were lines and monitors connected to her, as well as a probe in her mouth, inserted down her esophagus, which was providing three dimensional scans of her heart.

"You're the infectious diseases expert, Paye, tell me what in Hades went wrong. I thought we'd stabilized her," Salik replied, gruffly, turning the scanner around for his colleague to peruse. "Cardiogram showed ST elevation with abnormal Q waves." He pointed to the tracing, and then back to the current scan. "Echocardiography is showing left ventricular ejection fraction of 52%, severe mitral regurgitation, and vegetation on the anterior mitral valve leaflet. She's febrile, anemic, cardiac markers are orbital."

"Infarct?"

"Coronary artery embolism secondary to mitral valve vegetation."

"What the frak? At her age?" Paye muttered, studying the scan, before growling low in his throat. "Septic endocarditis. Did we miss it?"

"I haven't had time to compare the scans, but I don't think so." He briefed Paye on their treatment thus far. "We've done blood cultures again and are awaiting the results . . . "

"As usual . . . "

"I'm told that there was a time that they used to take days instead of centons . . ."

"Yes, when Sagan was in nappies . . . Tell me you started genetic susceptibility testing?"

"Do you think this is my first day on the job?"

"Well, as you pointed out, I'm the ID specialist. Could the . . . jump, for lack of a better word, could it have mutated the bacterium?" Paye asked.

"Could it?" Salik threw back at him.

"I'm afraid they didn't insert the metamorphic effects of quantum mechanics into my infectious diseases studies, so I'm at a loss. Let me see one of the little buggers. Do we have a slide, Cassiopeia?"

"Can we move the patient to the Life Center and look at the mutating bacteria there, Doctor?" Cassie replied pointedly.

"Spoil sport," Paye replied, checking the readouts on the lifepod and nodding his approval.

"Cassie, I want you to triage the rest of this riff raff. Everyone who can stand needs to go to decon. If they can't stand, put them in a life pod and get them to Life Center," Salik ordered.

"Yes, sir."

As Salik raced Rene to the Life Center, Cassie scanned the crowd of men and children that all seemed malnourished, dishevelled and ill. However, most appeared to be mobile and not in immediate distress. She turned to Apollo, the ranking officer for this rescue mission, for his report on the situation. It surprised her that the calm confident man she knew quite well, having been with Starbuck for several yahrens, appeared to be in shock. His wide eyes were ringed in dark circles almost as if he had been punched. His face was pale and he looked unsteady on his feet. Perhaps it was from having to pull an unresponsive pilot from the cockpit, or maybe it was witnessing the process of resuscitation of his good friend's wife. Or could it be just the simple fact that his old wing mate and closest friend had been placed in a life pod and raced off to the Life Center. Cassie was concerned that Apollo may be suffering from the same infection that was threatening the lives of his friends. She placed a gentle hand on his arm to draw his gaze away from the corridor leading to the Life Center.

"Colonel, they are in the best of hands. You and the others need to be seen to now."

He squared his shoulders as he looked across the bay to the men and children now being escorted from the shuttle. "They've been through a lot," he mumbled before turning back to address his father. "There's someone you should meet."

"I think it can wait son. All of you need medical attention."

A shiver ran up Apollo's spine that ended in his nodding in agreement. "The surface of Caprica is toxic, but it was more than that. Starbuck, Rene and all the children have been in an enemy base. The Cylons put things inside their bodies. We got lucky that we could rescue them in time." Apollo shuddered again before he pulled himself together. "But father, you need to meet the man who really saved us. If you hadn't taken me to see him yahrens ago, we might have been stuck on Caprica, or worse." Apollo began to walk unsteadily towards the shuttle pulling his father and the other pilots along with him. Cassie wanted to call out that it was not a wise idea for the Commander to have contact with those from the surface of Caprica, at least not until they were cleared of contagions, but Adama had already violated the protocol. He would need a full decontamination as it was.

"Sir?" she called anyway, but was ignored as an older gentleman came down the ramp for the shuttle, reaching out to clasp the Commander's hands. Cassie cringed at the gesture, envisioning the bacteria leaping from hand to hand. Had everyone forgotten the close call before Kobol when they nearly lost all their pilots?

The man appeared to be the healthiest of the bunch as he gripped the Commander's hand firmly. "For Sagan's Sake Adama, I never thought I would see you again."

"Peryton? How in the world? I know you prepared but…our whole colonies destroyed and yet…" Adama seemed at a loss for words as he stared almost in awe at the man. "I should have known you would survive. You had warned us so often about the enemy's motivations and their abilities. We were all fools."

Peryton drew in a deep breath, looking to Adama's son Apollo before meeting the Commander's gaze. "No, I think I have been the fool. I only thought of my survival. I didn't think it was possible to save our worlds, but it seems you have done it. You have outrun the enemy."

Adama's shoulders seemed to sag at the words, "Not yet I fear. I have tried, but not without a lot of help and seeing you here, you are a godsend. So many of our scientists perished and you understand the enemy better than anyone. We need your help."

Peryton shook his head and tried to take a step back, but Adama kept a firm grip on his hand. "I didn't come here to work," the man cast a harsh glare in the direction of Lt. Jake before turning to Apollo, "I came because you said my son might have survived. He was on the Pegasus."

Apollo took a moment to process the statement, confused. He'd not suggested any such thing to Peryton, but Boomer filled in the information, "Bojay is his son."

Apollo's eyes widened in astonishment as he too looked to Jake, the question crossing his lips before he could filter his comments, "How did she know?"

"I don't think she does know, sir," Jake replied. "It's Starbuck that asked. He gets credit for this one. I was prepared to stun the old codger and drag him on board."

"Is it true or not? Is my son alive or dead? Don't you dare tell me that was a lie!"

Adama pulled Peryton closer, beaming. "It is no lie. He's one of my finest pilots and in command of the Silver Spar Squadron from the Pegasus. Let me send for him." Adama stepped away from the group to go to a com station, and his sudden absence left Apollo swaying on his feet. Gage reached out a hand to steady him.

Cassie decided they had delayed too long already. Apollo looked ready to drop and Boomer was being supported by Crius and Nik as he favoured one leg over the other. Max had a hold of a young boys hand who looked frightened and far too thin.

"All right, that's enough congratulating each other for one day," She called out. "I know you are all big tough Warriors, but we have children and wounded that need to be tended to. Colonel Apollo. what are we looking at here?" Cassie's attempt to bark like Salik failed miserably as Apollo jumped and then just stared at her in numb astonishment. She switched instead to the motherly scolding that seemed to work best with pilots, "Apollo, the condition of your men and the children. How are they doing?"

"I think we need a debrief," Gage helped to clarify as he put his shoulder under Apollo's arm to help steady him. Apollo scanned the group of men and children, almost as if lost, before he turned to Jake, relying on the young warrior to reply.

"You'll have to ask my medic. He kept us alive."

The man drew himself up to attention and looked as if he was about to salute the Colonel. Cassie thought she saw a glimmer of a cocky smirk cross his face, then fade into a new air of self-assurance in his posture. She knew from the short amount of time she spent dating Jake, he knew more about the medical field than he let on. He cultivated a facade of ignorance in an effort to remain unnoticed. But it had taken no more than a centaur on their first date for her to realize that Jake had more of an interest in her studies to be become a doctor than in her becoming his girlfriend. Their dinner had consisted of him probing her for medical information and on the workings of the Galactica Life Center.

After a date or two, she began to consider the rumors that circulated about Rene dating Starbuck simply for his status and privileges might be true as she came to suspect Jake was doing much the same with her, getting close and cosy with someone in the Life Center in case the family needed care. As the dates continued, she voiced her concern and suggested a change in his military career to medicine. Once he learned that meant he wouldn't be flying a viper, he seemed to get down to the serious business of romancing her. She supposed he thought he was being clever, but she didn't fail to notice that after each tryst he would borrow medical texts that he would return on their next date. She had finally ended the illusion that their relationship might become more than friends after the ill-fated dinner with the Commander that should have ended with an engagement announcement from Starbuck. Instead, the dinner had ended with Jake fighting with Rene and storming out, then spending the rest of the evening arguing with Cassie while pouring over pharmaceutical texts as he searched for a way to drug his ex-girlfriend into submission. Perhaps the worst part was that all of his suggestions for medications would have worked and Cassie's attempts at relaxing him did not.

She had ended the dates and allowed him access to all of her medical texts. Recently out of curiosity, she had checked on his progress discovering he had already completed several of the texts. Jake was a more than adequate medic with a specialty in pharmacology. This was likely the reason they hadn't sent a "qualified" med tech to Caprica.

He provided more proof of his expertise as he gave her a quick professional rundown of those that had returned from Caprica. He was detailed and specific on the medical conditions of all the children of the shuttle before pointing to Boomer.

"Rene and Starbuck caught what they got while rescuing Boomer from a sludge pit of a pond. He's just as ill, but his immune system is a bit stronger so he's hiding it well. I treated his leg with crude equipment so it needs to be scanned and mended. Some regeneration therapy would help that wound, but I'm worried the infection might have infiltrated the bone. He sure doesn't need osteomyelitis, so we need to make sure he's clear of it. He hasn't let me at it since he became mobile." Jake pointed to Max and Apollo, "Radion exposure, but otherwise healthy. Me, exposed to it all but so far not symptomatic. Decon for everybody mobile to clear us of contaminants and bacteria. The children need it as well, but a few are so weak that life pods might be more appropriate. Boomer needs to go first, then the kids. You're understaffed. If you clear me first, I can help out with Starbuck and Rene."

Cassie appreciated he'd already triaged the group, and had seen the necessity of getting into decon as quickly as possible. He even assisted her in helping the children who were in the most need into the pods with the calm of a caring physician. His experience as a parent seemed to enhance his ability to deal with the kids. They were able to get the children triaged with Apollo and Max's help and in order or priority and sent off to the Life Center.

She turned next to the warriors who had walked the surface of Caprica indicating it was time they should undergo decontamination and get themselves to the Life Center. She wanted to remind them that they should not be mingling in such close proximity to the other pilots who had flown escort and had not left the protected confines of their cockpits, but she saw it was too late for that directive. Lt. Crius had assisted Jake in the care of the children, and Lt. Nik had his arm around Max, who was also helping to support Boomer. They were all doing well except for Boomer and she was needed elsewhere.

"Boomer, you're next for decon, then off to the Life Center. Lt. Jake, see that you follow. You are right, we need you. Colonel Apollo, can you see to the rest with the medtechs? And make sure all the pilots follow the protocol, even if they don't think they need it. You know what happened the last time," she barked, emulating the doctor, before she turned to rush to help those in the most need. She had only made it a few steps toward the corridor when she felt a hand on her arm.

"I am going first," Jake said, and she almost shook off his arm in exasperation. He was the one who had suggested the order originally, and if he was ever to be a true medic, he would have to learn to put his feelings aside for the good of the many that outweighed the few. But the grim cast to his features let her know there was something he had not included in his short report. "Cassie, I should have told you when I first asked you out, I wasn't looking for…"

She cut him off, "We can talk later. I am needed if you want your…" she hesitated on what to call Rene, settling for simplicity, "friends to live." She tried to step away, but Jake held on tight.

"It's not what you think, Cassie. I'm going first because I can help keep Rene and Starbuck alive and…and calmer. It wasn't normal Cylon interrogation. It was a medical facility. I would suggest sedatives, but with the bacterium's effects," he shook his head before he offered suggestions for other medications and a final word of advice, "soft restraints if you have to. Rene's brain was damaged by a brain scan. I don't think she will know where she is."

She blinked, trying to absorb the information. It did complicate matters on how to treat the patients. She nodded, "Understood," and again tried to continue on her way to the Life Center. Jake's hand moved from her arm, reaching to grip her hand tight. "Jake, I need to go." She tried to shake off his hold, but he tightened in response, as if she was the lifeline pulling him from the abyss of grief.

"I know. But I need to say it. I'm sorry. I like you I just," he hesitated. She could feel the microns that they were wasting as he detained her with what was essentially wasted words. She had given up any hope for the two of them of being anything but friends, when his words shot through her heart. "I can't stand to lose any one else. I'm not immature, I'm just too damn old to take a chance. The more I take in, the more I lose."

She squeezed his hand and tried to soften her words, "Right now I need to go make sure you don't lose anyone else. Then we can talk about taking some risks. Go get cleared. I need you." She didn't take the time to see if the spark of hope in his eyes turned into a smile as she turned to head to the Life Center. She kept hold of his hand, directing him to a decon chamber before she left him. He was right, his recommendations might be necessary for dealing with the other patients. Plus, if they were going to move forward in any kind of relationship, he needed to understand her chosen profession. She didn't study just to save the one's she loved. She needed to save them all, even her competition and the ones who broke her heart.

The Life Center was brimming with the pods for the children that had arrived before her, each being attended by a medtech. She knew the center would become hectic and crowded as the childrens' parents were decontaminated and allowed in to see their children. It was her job to restore the calm needed to heal. She was drawn to the chaotic scene in the critical care area, as Rene seemed to be crashing and Dr. Paye was attending to Starbuck's pod. Cassie quickly doffed her personal protective equipment and scrubbed, immediately donning a fresh set following protocol for unknown contaminants, as she entered the sealed critical area.

Her ears were assaulted by the shouts coming from Starbuck's pod. Salik pointed a finger at her the moment she arrived. "Get your boyfriend to calm down and cooperate or I am going to have to sedate him! You and I both know that's not a great idea considering his pulmonary status!"

She had seen the Critical Care Center in complete turmoil before, not an uncommon sight when pilots were being wheeled in burnt and broken, crying out in pain, but something about Starbuck cursing eloquently and shouting coherently in a life pod to let him the frak out leant a whole new level of unruliness to the disarray. Dr. Wilker was also there with equipment that was unfamiliar to Cassiopeia. She could only assume it was to help them remove the Cylon technology embedded in the two warriors.

She wanted to bark back that Starbuck was sealed to someone else and Salik knew that, but the crisis didn't warrant the time for that correction as she quickly read the vital signs and the alarms on Rene's life pod. Starbuck may not be her boyfriend any more, but he may not be sealed much longer either if they couldn't get Rene stabilized. Starbuck's screams were not aiding that situation. She suspected that was why he was still in the pod, so that he could be contained and have enough oxygen to assist his labored breathing.

Cassie quickly joined Paye and Wilker at Starbuck's life pod. She glanced down at the readouts, seeing that he wasn't responding as quickly to the treatment that they had initiated as they had hoped. "Did you get a chance to study your mutating bacterium, Doctor Paye?"

"I did." He relayed some orders to Giselle who started changing the life pod settings. "I won't bore you with the details, but the genotype study indicated that the original bacterium we identified has definitely mutated, so Starbuck in theory should have responded to the antibiotics, but it appears that it doesn't mutate simply based on their jump, but on specifics related to the jump. At least Starbuck has no signs of endocarditis."

"That's fascinating, and I would like the details when we have more time," Cassie inserted, truly interested and realizing her life had indeed taken a strange turn.

"Catching the bug, huh?" Paye smiled at her, before patting her arm lightly and turning to head to his next patient.

Starbuck looked up at Cassie from his pod, hope brimming in his eyes as he calmed at the sight of her. "You've got to let me go to her!"

She put on her doctor's demeanor, easy to do since she was wearing a protective mask, and issued a command. "You have to calm down. You are harming yourself and harming Rene. Your cursing isn't saving anyone."

She almost regretted the words as he closed his eyes as if deeply wounded and she saw that his respirations dangerously decreased. "Deep breaths, Starbuck." She reached to increase the mixture of oxygen and medications flowing into his pod. She gave it a few microns, pleased to see that he followed her command and was trying to take deep breaths to get himself under control.

"I am opening your pod, but you are not getting out. I need to tend to you. You are ill and the only way you can help her is by getting well yourself, understood?"

His blue lips mouthed a, "Yes, doctor."

"I need to stop the signal first!" Dr. Wilker halted her hand as she reached for the controls of the pod.

"That is not our top concern right now. His breathing and heart rate is. I have to get him stabilized first and then we can run scans." She opened Starbuck's pod and he nearly bolted into a sitting position so he could see to Rene, but she put her hands on his chest pushing him down. "You're as close as you're going to get to her right now. I promise, if she slips away from us, I'll let you go to her."

He nodded his head vigorously, but his eyes stayed on the doctors working on his wife. Cassie drew a blood sample and ran lines without even a flinch from the notoriously squeamish warrior. She had to keep reminding him to breathe as he would gasp and hold his breath with each new pinging alarm on Rene's pod. He didn't draw his attention away until Wilker reached for the port in his arm.

"NO! Don't fraking touch it!"

"Don't take that tone with Dr. Wilker, Lieutenant, or I'll shut you up in your pod and have Commander Adama launch you into deep space so we can do our job on more receptive patients," Dr. Salik snapped from a metron away, his steely gaze brooking no argument.

"Sorry, Doc . . . "

"That's more like it. Now, describe what it does to Dr. Wilker," Salik said over his shoulder as he returned to dealing with more emergent matters. Rene.

Cassie's professional exterior cracked as Starbuck shivered for a moment before looking to Dr. Wilker with eyes that were flat and dead. "They shoved it in and…and they can flip a switch that makes either my muscles tense, or my nerves all catch on fire. Or they can….shut me off."

"Shut you off?" Cassie was alarmed at the words. Off for Cylons often meant deactivated, as in dead.

"Yeah, they flip a switch and then I can't move."

"Salik said something about the central nervous system," Dr. Wilker spoke to Cassie. "Can we do a scan? Is he able to withstand that?" The words didn't help her to put any confidence in Dr. Wilker. It was obvious he knew little about the human body or the medical field.

"We can do another scan, there's no risk to Starbuck." Cassie swung the equipment over, reminded Starbuck to remain still, but she didn't think he heard her as he flinched in response to Salik initiating a cardiac shock to Rene to get her heart back in rhythm. "Starbuck," she leaned down to whisper to him, "You need to stay still. We have to scan you."

When he flinched again, she read his vitals and decided that a mild sedative wouldn't do too much damage. She knew he'd want to be awake if Rene passed, but she also knew it would be easier to do her job and deliver the bad news if Starbuck was a little less tense.

The scan was frightening as the three wires inside him came into view. One led to his heart, branching off to the lungs as well, another was in his spine, and the third was more a line than a wire, leading straight into subclavian artery. The port itself in his arm appeared to be the transmitter.

"Interesting," Dr. Wilker said in an awed voice. "It's using his nervous system as a power source for the transmitter. See how the wire branches off into almost a type of mesh that has woven itself into his nerves. That is fascinating."

"Yeah, truly fascinating," Starbuck slurred, "Now get it the frak out of me!"

"Oh I don't know if that is possible. I mean, yes, the line in the artery and to the heart and lungs needs to go, that should be somewhat easy, at least for a surgeon, but this…this…did you see that?! Dr. Paye! Come here, if you please, you need to see this!"

Paye appeared in a micron, studying the results with a pinched frown. "Sagan sakes," he murmured.

"What?! See what?" Starbuck nearly bolted from the pod, but Cassie pushed down on him again as she gave him another dose of sedative.

"Dr. Wilker," Cassie warned, "the patient can hear you."

"Oh yes, um, yes, well, the technology seems to be…to be growing."

Despite the extra sedation, Starbuck's heart rate rose, as did the decibels of his demands. "Get it the frak out of us! NOW!"

"Easy now, Lieutenant. I wouldn't suggest moving. It seems to be reacting to your movements," Dr. Paye said. He winked aside at Cassie as Starbuck froze, his muscles tense with the effort to suppress his fight or flight instinct. "That's better. Can you get him prepped for surgery? We aren't going to wait for the medications to stabilize his infection. I agree with the Lieutenant. We are going to have to take the risk as this needs to come out now." Paye left her to the task as he returned to assist Salik with Rene. Cassie could hear Rene's heart rate reaching a solid rhythm, albeit slower than desired.

Salik called out, "I need this patient's medical history right now. Is Lieutenant Starbuck stable?"

"Yes, just barely," she replied.

"Lieutenant, does your wife have a history of IV drug use?"

Starbuck closed his eyes and swore softly under his breath before he answered, "I don't know."

"Don't know or don't want to tell me? This is no time to protect her reputation, warrior. Save the lies for her funeral."

Starbuck winced before replying, "Probably. Jake would know."

"Safe to assume then?" Salik didn't wait for his reply, "We may have to perform surgery on that valve. We can remove the wires in her at that time, but we need to get her on blood thinners for embolisms, and that is risky with her pregnancy. I would suggest delivering it, but being a Battlestar, we don't have a neonatal care unit. The child most likely will not survive delivery. Did you two actually get sealed or is that young man out there still claiming that right?"

Starbuck opened his eyes, offering up something resembling an apology to Cassie in his pained expression. "Yeah, paperwork filed and everything. Why?"

"You have some decisions to make since you're conscious and she is not. This would go better if we did not have the baby as a complication, but that is your call, unless someone else is her legal decision maker."

"My call?" He looked to Cassie for clarification.

"He's asking if he should terminate the pregnancy or proceed forward trying to save Rene and the baby."

His eyes locked on hers for a moment and Anguish crossed his features before he pulled his gaze away. He stared up at the ceiling for a micron as if searching for an answer before replying, "I…I don't know. I don't want to lose her but…I don't want to lose the baby. I…" he hesitated.

Cassie whispered to him in reassurance, "If we can't save, Rene, we will make the decision for you."

He gasped and his heart skipped a beat. He closed his eyes in pain before he answered, "Ask Jake. I can't…I won't."

There it was again, the entwining of the two Caprica refugees and the suspicions confirmed. The child might not be Starbuck's.

"He's not her husband, Starbuck," Cassie reminded him gently, "You are."

He took a deep breath, and the readings on his biomonitor became steady and firm. She recognized the look as his soft blue eyes became grey as granite. The fighter in him rose up. "Save them both."

Salik acknowledged the decision as he called out for medications and a course of treatment, "We get her stabilized, the infection under control, then we'll talk surgery."

Starbuck was nodding in agreement, when his whole body seized, his back arching before he slammed back down on the bed of the pod and a curse exploded from him. "What the frak did you do?"

"Just testing a hypothesis," Dr. Wilker replied. "An electrical impulse sent down the wire seems to have made the growth retreat."

Starbuck's pod pinged in alarm as his eyes rolled back and he collapsed, his heart rate flatlining for a micron or two before resuming, but at a slow rate."

"Oops, too much," Wilker explained.

Cassie called out instinctively, "Bradycardia." Salik was soon by Cassie's side, barking orders to raise Starbuck's heart rate. Once the rate seemed to be steady and normal, Salik turned on Wilker.

"We are done experimenting here, at least until we can get the wires out of his heart and lungs, and that line out of his arteries. Paye, get him into surgery. Figure out what the frak that felgercarb is that is in my warriors. Cassie, you assist, but first," Salik pointed authoritatively at Jake, who Cassie could see in the other room tending to the children. "Get him suited up and in here. I need some answers."

It only took microns to get Jake suited up and in the critical care center. By that time Starbuck had regained consciousness, but the fight in him seemed to have been replaced by fatigue as he struggled to take deep breaths, constantly testing that his limbs were still working, flexing and moving his hands and feet. While she continued to prep Starbuck and get the instruments ready, Salik barked questions at Jake.

"This is not the first time I have had that young lady in my medical facility suffering from the effects of whatever it is you two use to galivant around the universe. I'm told you're fairly competent, so what does it do to the body?"

"Speeds things up."

"In detail!

"Uh…yes sir…um…we know it can cause tachycardia and screws around with endocrine system."

"Screws around? Define 'screws around' without pretending like you haven't been reading half of my medical library!"

Cassie felt sorry for the young man. She was well aware of his issues with those who commanded him. She briefly wondered why she was drawn to men with similar sentiments regarding authority, before dismissing the idea of rescuing him. He was a grown man, he'd have to save himself. She had another reprobate to see too.

"We're putting you under now Starbuck."

"No!" his shout echoed in the room before the anesthesia took effect, and his words trailed off to a low moan and then silence.


	68. Chapter 68

Cassie wasn't quite sure what had transpired between the Doctor and Lt. Jake while she was working on Starbuck. When she had left, Jake was stumbling over answers to the Doctor's questions. The young man had sent her a pleading look as she wheeled Starbuck away. She would like to hope he was asking her to save his friend, but most likely he was begging for his own escape from the caustic doctor.

Salik's gruffness had never bothered her and Jake would have to get used to the man too if he wanted to continue to be a medic. Salik was an excellent teacher, once you got past his exterior. She had seen from her first moments in his Life Center with her broken arm that Salik wore his crusty demeanor as his armor to hide a heart that was far too sensitive for the career he had chosen. On that fateful day, even though the Life Center was packed with refugees who were wounded and dying, Salik had taken the time to check that her arm was healed properly. He had read her chart, then asked if she had been assigned a job in the fleet and if she wanted to try something new, he had need of help. She had shyly asked if he had read her designation on the chart. He hadn't even batted an eye as he stated, "Nothing like a crisis to begin anew."

She took the doctor's advice, as well as Starbuck's offer of finding new living accommodations. She reported to the Life Center and found a new center to her life. While other new technicians jumped and even cried when the doctor barked, she instead felt right at home. Her own father had been much like the doctor, crusty on the outside, softer than a mushie on the inside. She had encountered many such men in her former career, Cain and even Starbuck fitting the same description. Salik had seemed surprised at first that she was not intimidated by him. Once Salik determined she might have the skills and the perseverance to be a true doctor, he had stopped apologizing for his brusque manner and even softened some when she reminded him to. She learned who the man was and revered him even more, especially after one of her first assigned tasks when he had allowed her to join his staff in the critical care area of the life center. He had sent her to his office to, as he put it, tidy up his files.

His file cabinets were overflowing with hard copies of medical files, something normally stored electronically. She wondered as to why he had taken the effort to print out these files, that is until she opened the first one and began to read. The patient had expired. As did the patient in the next file, and the next. Every file was of a patient who had not made it in his care, files that were then normally archived or in an effort to improve computer data storage, simply deleted. He had instead printed off each one and if the java and food stains on the files were an accurate indication, studied them in detail. Each loss of a human being added another wound to his heart, and another layer to his crusty exterior. Despite the appearance of disorder to his files, they were arranged in a pattern of patients he thought he could have saved to those where there had been no hope. Even in these files he had made notes as to when he should have ceased efforts at saving the life and moved on to another patient that could be salvaged.

She secretly wondered if the filing task was his final test to see if she could handle the realities of her newly chosen field, but Salik had also been one of her most ardent advocates for her posting. He knew her past profession and was the first to point out the similarities. Despite his surly nature, he fully understood that caring for a patient meant more than just patching up their bodies so they could fight again. The files were his way of letting her into how he truly felt about being a doctor and how deeply he cared for his patients.

She already had suspected as much, especially when he corrected her. Early in her career he had caught her apologizing for his rudeness, and then fluffing a pillow and smiling sweetly and flirting harmlessly with an injured pilot. Salik had rudely interrupted the exchange and physically dragged her to his office, sealing the door. She had been confused, even more so when he didn't bark at her, but rather patiently explained.

"They're pilots. If you coddle them, they think they're dying. Not a one of them has had an easy life. You make it easy and they think they're done, and then they'll show you what done looks like. Done for them is the end of the line. You are their drill sergeant, not their sweetheart. Death is the mistress that they flirt with. You can't be sweet to them. You never let them think they're done with their duty."

She tried to live up to Salik's expectations, to earn his respect, and had settled into a less sweet and more motherly scolding attitude with the warriors. It had come in handy more than once with Starbuck as the man exasperated her more than a few times as a patient and as a partner. It was what she had adopted for his impromptu proposal. With the news that was delivered by Athena that Starbuck had actually sealed with the young gal from the Zakar, she may have misjudged that tactic. Gruff might be the right approach, but she just couldn't manage it and certainly not where Starbuck was concerned.

She thought she had put aside her feelings for Starbuck at the news of his sealing, but at her first glimpse of the landing bay it was Starbuck stumbling that drew her attention. She had to slam the door on her heart. This was not the time nor the place for that kind of care. Later if Rene didn't make it, Starbuck would need to be comforted, but for now the best thing she could do to help Starbuck was to get him into surgery and get the unknown technology out of his body before it could do more damage.

Not only did Cassie not have to the time to spare for Jake, she knew the questions the doctor was asking were long overdue. Sometime caring for a patient caused a bit more pain at first. Broken bones had to be set, despite the pain of the process. The Sewer Rats were broken and they would continue to live in pain if they didn't see to the wounds, internal as well as external.

She had been the first to recognize the damage that had been done to their bodies. It would be a long time before she would forget that night when Starbuck had brought in the young gal, a bruise under her eye, a shoulder swelling after being reset from a dislocation. The quick and incomplete scan just of the injury was frightening. The shoulder had sustained damage you would see on someone triple her age, or perhaps after a severe trauma. But that was not all. There were the multiple fractures that had healed without proper bone knitters, some as recent as a few sectons, others far older. It was sustained and persistent abuse. With each scan during the pregnancy, Cassie learned even more about the conditions on Dilmun as well as the lives of the refugees before the destruction.

While the scans told a disturbing tale, the copper squadron kept their story to themselves. The most open had been Rene, and she kept details vague, incidences unexplained. Cassie had hoped to find out more from Jake, but he had avoided the topic, claiming his life before the destruction was a common narrative of neglect and a youth misspent. Any questions about the Zakar and Dilmun ended up with him offering platitudes about how drastic times called for drastic measures. As far as the injuries, the most she learned was that Jake had set the majority of the broken bones for the Gutter Snipes. He'd been their doctor and their pharmacist, whether it was for pain or pleasure.

Despite the length of the tricky surgery, Salik was still grilling Jake when they returned with Starbuck. He stopped his interrogation just long enough to ask how the surgery went, and what were the complications.

Paye quirked an eyebrow at the young Lieutenant before given the details of their success. The wire and port had been easily removed. Once they cut the connection of the wire to the port in his arm, the wire detached itself from the heart and the lung tissue, curling up on itself like a carpenter's tape measure. They were able to catch the ends before it could do any damage to the surrounding tissue of the heart, but the lungs received a few lacerations before they could grasp the end and see that it was removed. That had taken surprisingly little time and effort.

It was the wire in Starbuck's central nervous system that had them concerned. Would it react the same, curl up and take a nerve bundle with it? A cut could mean paralysis, scarring could cause permanent nerve damage. Paye had moved slowly. Wilker had turned away to experiment on the wires removed. His tinkering had been what saved Starbuck's life. It was determined that a small electric jolt could disrupt the wire, freezing it so to speak, so that it could be cut from the port, but still think it was attached and therefore remain inert in his nervous system. Then it was a matter of picking the bits of metal out of the nerves, like pulling threads apart in a tapestry.

Cassie had tried not to flinch when the first wire was pulled free and Starbuck's hand had clenched and unclenched uncontrollably before finally relaxing. Paye held the wire up away from any tissue as it extended, reaching out like a snake attempting to remain in Starbuck's body.

"That is interesting," Dr. Wilker and Paye had both exclaimed while Cassie shivered and placed a hand on Starbuck's arm, thankful he could not hear their words.

"Doctors, can we be fascinated later, after we remove this from the patient." Her words had earned her an interesting smile from Paye as he called her a spoil sport once again, but he isolated the wire and began again removing the mesh of mechanics from Starbuck's nerves. Paye was cautious and precise, and they lost track of the time. It had taken over four centaurs before they were sealing their incisions.

Paye detailed the recovery for Salik, "There will be swelling, and there was some scarring, whether from what we have done here or what was done when it was inserted. He may not have his full range of motion for a while, but I'm optimistic it will return."

"How long?" Cassie had asked knowing that delivering this information would most likely be her job. "He's a pilot," she stated even though it was unnecessary.

"That will most likely be up to the patient if he follows the course of treatment and therapy I recommend, which we all know he won't. I am actually hoping a little paralysis might encourage him to take this seriously." She was shocked by his response. Paye was beginning to sound just like Salik, something she had never expected from the cavalier doctor.

"Relax, Cassiopeia, it should be temporary. Besides, he's too ill right now to want to jump right back in the cockpit. I suspect the only place he's going to be for a while is in our care. We are going to want to make sure that whatever bug that has caught a ride with him is expired before we let him go mingle with the other pilots. Should we begin on our other patient?"

"I want to give the medications more time to work. She's not stable. Some of the damage done to her body in the past is exacerbating the effects of the illness." Salik cast an angry glare towards Jake. "Cassie, could you help the Lieutenant with a toxicology report from a hair sample. I want to know if he's been truthful about the drugs she's ingested."

She watched Jake wince as he mumbled that he could do it on his own. Cassie looked to the sample in his hands, a long strand of blonde hair, enough to provide at least two, maybe even three yahrens worth of results on her past exposure to toxins and drug. The strands of hair would hopefully provide some answers to the damage done to her heart and why her body was not responding to the medications. Cassie joined Jake, placing a soft hand on his arm to try to lessen the sting of Salik's words. Jake looked to her, his eyes a well of pain and sorrow for a brief micron before he could bring up his armor once again. He whispered to Cassie, "We didn't think we'd live long so, might as well enjoy ourselves."

Salik's hearing was better than most as he picked up the words and shot back, "So shortening your lives was a good solution to the problem? Imbeciles!" Salik turned away to monitor Starbuck's vitals mumbling under his breath.

"Didn't have much to live for but more pain," Jake whispered the words and Cassie didn't know if they were for her benefit, or if the young man just had to have the last word, even if it was with himself.

She realized once again that both her professions had a similar goal, to ease suffering. She took the sample from Jake's hands, "I can do it. Go see to her."

For a brief moment his eyes held a trace of relief before he looked away and nodded, a gruff "thanks," coughed out under his breath before he fled to his friend's side. Cassie watched for a moment as Jake positioned himself between the two beds, taking Rene's hand first, but needing to reach out to touch Starbuck as well.

Entwined, the word came to her mind again as she tried to not correlate the word to the wires they had removed from Starbuck and were still within Rene. But was it not the same? The Copper Squadron was embedded within each other's lives, and if one was removed, what scarring would remain?

She had to recognize the symptoms of her own entanglements. Her life had definitely taken a strange turn, perhaps even more so in the last couple of yahrens, she mused. Here she was in the middle of the toxicology test on a strand of hair from the wife of her ex-lover while waiting for her past boyfriend to awaken from surgery while her current suitor held each of their hands. Perhaps in another time and place she would have felt a twinge of jealousy or anger, but what she felt instead was hard to put into words other than care. She cared for the wellbeing of these individuals, not just because they were her patients. She knew them, at least one of them, very well, and hoped to one day know the others. While many might find that odd, perhaps even tell her to cut those connections and move on, she found she could not. Instead she could feel the bonds tightening. She had no words to describe what this was.

As she waited for the results to finish on the sample from Rene, she brought up the records for both Starbuck and his wife. She read Rene's first, noting that she had indeed changed her status to sealed, Jake's name removed and Starbuck's in its place, but she had listed as kin every member of the Copper Squadron, even adding Boomer and Giles to the list. Jake was at the top, even before the children. Cassie sighed at that and brought up Starbuck's record. He had changed his status as well, but he listed only one kin, Rene. His list was short, too short, and she realized that she had helped to severe a connection that she should have strengthened instead. She brought up another screen, opening a communication to the Rising Star and the Senior ship, unsure which Chameleon would be calling his home at the moment. It was a simple message because how did one explain the changes that had happened in such a short time?

You need to come to the Galactica Life Center. Starbuck needs to know.

She had debated adding that Starbuck could be dying, but truth be told, the reckless pilot courted death nearly every moment of every cycle. That wasn't what prompted Cassie to call out Chameleon for keeping his secret. It was the life that Starbuck was making that demanded the truth. She looked over her shoulder to the monitor above Rene's pod. Two heart beats raced each other, one stable and strong, the other slower and skipping. If Starbuck lost those lives, he'd need help to keep his own.

The tox screen finished and the results were almost as frightening as the injuries Rene had received in the last two yahrens. Multiple incidences of opiate use spanned the two plus yahrens, approximate dates matching up too closely with the dates of her pregnancies. Carrying a child had not stopped her addictions. Amphetamines were mixed in with the opiates, as well as psilocybin, which shouldn't have registered unless it had been in large amounts. She scanned the report finding it easier to mark the times Rene had not consumed opiates and amphetamines rather than the times she had. She waved Salik over and he shook his head cursing as he looked at the report.

"Well that explains a lot. I'm going to assume it was worse before the destruction when there was easier access to a ready supply." Salik cast a glance to Jake before speaking to Cassie again. "Is that why he's interested in my medical texts or is that why he's turned down your offer to get him training? Doesn't trust himself? Can you get him to agree to a sample?"

"I'm not sure. Maybe." She answered all the doctor's questions with the simple reply. Salik easily interpreted her answer.

"I want him monitored while he's here." They were words that didn't need to be said. She had no intention of leaving Jake on his own. "I need to check on the others. Call me immediately if there are changes. I won't be long. We will wake up Lt. Starbuck when I get back."

Before Salik had taken a full step into the other ward, the tall dark friend of Jake's had halted his progress. She wondered at the conversation as Salik pointed to the contamination coverings before moving away from the pilot. She watched as Nik stripped off his jacket and donned the gear before stepping into the room.

"You shouldn't be here," Jake barked before Cassie could ask, albeit in a politer manner, what the pilot was doing there.

"We need an update, and you need sleep." Nik took the steps towards his friend, looking down upon Rene. "How's Starbuck?"

"Alive," Jake answered abruptly. Cassie got up to offer more details, but Nik held up a hand that told her to stay.

"Still out?" And Rene?"

Jake shook his head and offered no reply. It was Dr. Paye that answered his question. "We aren't making progress. The bacterium keeps staying one step ahead of us, plus the damage of the yahrens of drug abuse has weakened her heart. We may have to put her in cryo-stasis until we can isolate the infection and find the right combination of medications. An added benefit is that cryo may slow the growth of the cylon technology inside her."

Nik nodded to the information before stating, "So it's going to be a while."

"Or too fraking fast," Jake answered his friend.

Nik looked over his shoulder to Cassie before turning back to his friend. "You need some sleep and everyone needs an update. The kids need you. Time for you to go."

"No! I'm staying, I need to be here!" Jake's voice rose, and with it the alarms on Rene's pod. Rene's head rolled towards the voices, her eyes blinking as she weakly raised a hand. The monitor over her pod beeped a short alarm at the rise in heart rate at the effort. "Baby?" Jake tried to go to her, but his friend Nik firmly pushed him aside, taking a hold of his arm and backing him towards the door of the ward.

"She'll quit on you before she'll quit on me. You know that! Besides, what can you do if you're exhausted and sick yourself?" Nik lowered his voice to a whisper as he leaned in and spoke. "Go take care of yourself so you can take care of all of us. We need you. The kids need you. I need you."

Jake hesitated in his friend's grip, and Cassie came to place her own hand on Jake's chest. "I promise we will get you if there are any changes, but he's right. Your temperature is rising and you need rest."

He looked to Rene first, then to Starbuck before he turned back to Cassie and nodded grudgingly. Nik let go of him without another word and headed to Rene's pod. Jake's eyes followed his friend and Cassie reached up to turn Jake's face away to meet her gaze.

"I promise. I will come get you if there is a change." Jake shut his eyes for a moment at her words, before opening them and giving a tired nod. Cassie continued, "Besides, you've been through your own enemy interrogation today. He wants a sample from you too." She nodded her head towards Salik as Jake's eyes hardened and his lips went tight. It almost told her more than she wanted to know about what she might find in his tox screen. "You may want to rest up before the next round of lectures."

He sighed heavily before he nodded and went to turn from the room. She found it hard to watch him go with those as her last words. He had done an admirable job caring for his team. What Apollo had said was true; they might not have lived without Jake's expertise. "You're a good medic," she called before he could open the door. "We need you."

He paused, his spine straightening slightly, but he didn't turn back. She waved to Giselle out in the other ward, pointing to Jake, and the young med tech headed in the Lieutenant's direction, a biomonitor in her hands. Cassie had to turn away from the scene before she could verify that Jake indeed got the care he needed as another alarm sounded on Rene's pod. Her heart rate was rising while her blood pressure was falling. To make matters worse, the rhythm was not steady, skipping erratically.

The dark lieutenant leaned down by Rene's head, whispering into her ear. Her eyes were wide and frightened as she looked to her friend.

Paye said to Cassie, "We are going to have to do this soon, so we can isolate the infection and whatever else is going on inside her body. She is too weakened to fight this off on her own. Prepare to lower the temperature on her pod." Paye reached to move the warrior out of the way so they could seal Rene's pod.

Nik spoke up at the touch. "Just give me a centon!" He refused to move as he reached for Rene's cheek, guiding her eyes to his. "How's the party going? Mind if I join or is this an exclusive event?"

Cassie watched as Rene shook her head and tried to form words, but they didn't reach her lips.

"It's a pretty quiet party though, don't you think? I'll see what I can do about livening things up with some music, okay?"

Rene gave her friend a slight nod and he smiled, "Good. What's my name?"

Rene's voice was soft, but there was no hesitation as she replied, "Nik."

The young man smiled, and he didn't look as dark as he did before. "Good. Do you know where you are?" She nodded.

"I need to hear your words."

Rene struggled to bring the words forward in her mind. Her heart rate rose for a beat or two, then skipped and a low beat finally followed the silence as Rene struggled to form the words. Her brow creased as she was able to utter the first syllable, "Galac…"

Cassie called out in warning, "Nik, we don't have much time."

"Okay, okay, good enough." Nik glanced quickly from her to the monitor where her heart raced and an alarm sounded as her pressure dipped again. He turned his attention back to Rene. "Relax, baby. They're talking about putting you in deep freeze until they can figure out what's got a hold of you. I thought I'd give you a little send off, okay?" He pulled a round object from his pocket, placing it near her head. He pressed a button, and music poured from the device, echoing loudly through the room. "One of your favorites, am I right?"

The beat was loud, the words nearly screamed as the guitars wailed, but the rhythm was a steady four four time, the same steady beat a heart should hold. Nik tapped out the rhythm against the side of the pod as he mouthed along to the words of the song. After half a centon, Nik snapped his fingers to get Cassie's attention, then pointed to the monitor. Rene's heart rate had lowered and was holding steady.

"That's it, baby. Find that beat." She closed her eyes, her brow creasing in concentration. He continued to tap out the steady rhythm against the metal at the head of her pod.

The door to the ward opened and Dr. Salik was there shouting, "What the frak is going on in here!"

Rene's heart skipped a beat but as Nik reached out and pressed a button on the device, another song began to play just as loudly. He pointed again to the monitor snapping his fingers along to the beat.

Salik stepped closer to the life pod, adjusted the flow of medications before replying, "Interesting technique. Let's hope it keeps working."

Nik nodded. "You gotta give them a reason to live. She likes it loud, don't ya, baby?" Her eyes opened and fixed on her friend as she nodded. "That's right, baby. You don't get to quit yet. That's cheating."

She mumbled to him, "I don't cheat."

"Of course you don't. Don't need to, right? Only losers cheat."

Nik grinned as Rene said in a stronger voice, "I'm not a loser."

"That's right, I am. And a slacker too. Need you around to make me look bad."

Salik reached out a hand to the young man's shoulder giving it a squeeze before he spoke to Dr. Paye. "Let's wake, Lieutenant Starbuck. Although I have no idea how he can sleep through this."

"Must be on drugs, everybody else is," Paye replied wryly.

"I'm old, son," Salik said to Nik, "do me a favor and lower the volume just a little, but by all means, keep it upbeat."

"Party pooper," Nik replied, but he did take the volume down to a more comfortable level.


	69. Chapter 69

The scream rose in pitch, the words, "Frack, frack frack," repeated until it was unintelligible howling. It lowered in volume and he craned his head to the door, testing the restraints holding his wrist again. The flashing lights of the IL grew brighter as it leaned over him. He felt a sharp pain in his chest. He gathered his strength and pulled again. He could feel the metal cutting into the skin, blood dripping, but the cuff held him. With a whir, the cuff moved, tightening and pulling his arm up higher, he groaned at the pain as the muscles and his shoulders were stretched to their limit. Moving his arms was out of the question, but that didn't mean he didn't try to move his body away from the IL, his feet kicking as he attempted to twist away.

"Hold still!" The voice was oddly human and less mechanical than before but that had to be a trick.

"Fracking let me go!" He uttered his own scream, and found himself gasping in pain, trying to draw in enough air, and when he did, it left him in a soft sob as he heard Rene cry out again in pain, "You're killing her. Please, you're killing my baby."

He pulled at the restraints again using all his weight as her cries turned into an insistent wail that rose in volume. Her voice was joined by another voice, and another. It wasn't just Rene that was being tortured, it was the kids too. He struggled again. He had to get free! He shook his head and the drumming of his heart exploded in his temple. He tried to not scream again at the pain.

"STARBUCK!"

His eyes flew open, and he grit his teeth at the pain of the light lancing into him. The whiteness of the walls and the harsh lights burned hotter than the sun. "Frack!" He tried to move away as his legs seemed to be free, but then he felt a weight pressing down on him.

"HOLD HIM!" He could swear it was the sound of a voice that had smoked one fumarello too many. Since when did Cylon's smoke, that is other than when they were toasting them with our lasers? It was an odd thought that rammed into the side of his skull as he tried to move again, feeling that his feet had some give. He kicked out at the hands holding him.

"That's a good sign," a calm voice answered his cursing.

"STARBUCK! You need to stop!" That voice was so familiar, so feminine. "Starbuck, please." It was the please that did it, as the word shivered down his spine.

"Rene?" No, that wasn't right. It was someone else. "Cassie?" He opened his eyes, but the scene was unchanged, far too many instruments, all there to cause pain. "No…no….no…NO!" His own voice rose in tone as he scanned the room, still searching for a way out of this situation.

"Starbuck, look at me!" A face was in front of his own, obscured by a mask, but there were no dancing lights, just soft blue eyes and blonde hair covered in a surgical cap.

"Cassie?" He heard the wail of voices again, high pitched screaming, but not in pain exactly. It took him a moment to recognize that it was singing, the sound he was hearing was music. He wished he could say it was pleasant, but it was far from it. Loud and pounding, matching up to the throb of his pulse drumming at his temples. It still did not make sense. Why would there be loud music in the Life Center? Had the enemy done something to his mind? He groaned and tried to reach a hand up to rub at his head, but his arms felt dead. Was he still restrained? It was a trick the enemy was using, conjuring up familiar faces to get him through the pain. He flinched as a gloved hand made contact with his face, but it didn't cut or stab, it stroked softly.

"Starbuck, you're on the Galactica."

Her voice said the words he longed to hear, but was it true? He felt hands pushing him back down, telling him to stay still. Too many hands, but despite their strength, they weren't metallic. Despite the unnatural feel of the gloves and protective coverings, the hands were warm, not cold. He opened his eyes, praying he wasn't dreaming. Cassie's face peered down upon him, the familiar blue eyes behind the mask. The image did not match the sounds assaulting his ears and he looked around in confusion, another groan escaping at the effort it took just for him to move his head.

"You're on the Galactica. We're here to help you," she said to him softly. "Don't try to move. You'll harm yourself."

"I can't take the torture," he groused as the music rose in tempo. "What the frack is that?"

"Turn it down, Lieutenant," the doctor ordered and the volume dropped to where it wasn't painful, just irritating. The Doctor was soon leaning over him and he grumbled at the sight.

"Oh lords, I think I prefer the ILs to this."

"What was that, Starbuck?" Cassiopeia asked, taking a cloth to wipe down his face. He wanted to bat her hands away, but he couldn't get his arms to move. He tried again with no result. Panic washed over him like the wave of fire that had jolted down his nerves when the IL flipped the switch.

"What the frack?! I can't move! I thought you were going to get it out!"

"Calm down, son," Salik placed a firm hand on his shoulder, an unnecessary precaution as he couldn't have gotten up had he wanted to. "It's temporary we think. The technology is out of you, but there was some swelling and scarring. You should be fine in time."

"Should be? How big a bet you going to lay on that doc?" Movement out of the corner of his eye reminded him of the full situation he'd been in when he was last awake. "Rene?" He could see only part of his wife, her hair was in her eyes again, but he could see the curve of her shoulder and her chest rise with a breath. "Rene?" He croaked it out again through a raw throat and she turned her head towards him. Her eyes were open but glazed and almost iridescent from the harsh lights. "Thank the lords," he sighed as he tried to reach out to her. His limbs refused to move. "Doc?" The word was a cry of anguish.

"Give it time. Can you feel my hand?"

He felt a light tapping on his collar bone where it met the hollow of his neck and nodded. He felt the hand slide down his shoulder, but then the sensation faded. He pulled his eyes away from Rene to see that the doctor's hand was on his bicep. He thought he felt it but wasn't sure if that was his eyes telling him to, or the actual sensation.

"I don't know."

"It's alright, Lieutenant," Dr. Paye spoke to him. "That's better than we had hoped. It was deeply enmeshed in your brachial plexus."

Starbuck looked from the doctors to Cassie. She always explained things so he could understand. She smiled at him. "It provides sensation and control to your shoulders, arms and hands. Can you move your legs?"

The words were chilling as he didn't know what he would do if he was paralyzed, but instinctively he kicked his feet, forgetting for a moment he wasn't in his boots, he'd worn them for so many days in a row.

"Good, that's good," Dr. Salik responded to his movement. "So, it's localized. Give it time Lieutenant. Paye, I think you may be right though, the sooner we get that felgercarb out of Lt. Rene, the better the recovery. The infection seems to have stabilized, but I'm concerned about that valve. Now is as good a time as any to begin making some repairs."

"Still risky," Paye responded.

Starbuck followed the conversation with his eyes, still confused about his surroundings, before looking to Cassie. He felt her hand on his arm as a feathery tickle. "We should let him speak to her before you put her under, just in case," Cassie said.

"Yes, yes, of course, but not for long," Salik answered, turning to begin prepping for the surgery, indicating both doctors would be involved in the task.

Starbuck looked to Cassie and then to Rene. "In case? She may not …not make it? But..."

Cassie smiled at him and he knew that look. It was the one she would cast him when she thought he should be hopeful despite the odds, but the odds were bad. He felt the desire to run his hands through his hair, forgetting that he couldn't.

"If we don't we may lose her. They know what they are doing."

"Yeah, because they practiced on me? And look at how well that turned out," he mumbled as he shut his eyes tightly, cursing before quickly switching to praying to the Lords. He took only a moment, then opened them again, making sure he mimicked Cassie's confidence. "Can you…get me closer…close enough to touch?"

"Of course," Cassie said as she reached down to help him to extend his arm. Rene bridged the distance reaching for him as his heart leapt. She was here. She was alive. She grasped his hand and he shivered at the realization that at least he could feel her touch even if he couldn't get his own hand to respond. He wasn't in command, that was the message he received from Rene squeezing his hand twice. He'd lost control of his life the moment he sat down to play cards with her in the Blue Squadron bunkroom. Sometimes he liked that feeling, knowing that something else had taken over and nothing was really his fault. It was beyond his control and fate was the pilot of his viper.

But he was too jaded for that line of thinking now. Fate didn't rule his life. He could have done something back on the Galactica to prevent Rene from flying a viper and kept her from bringing them to Caprica. He'd made the decision, trusted her abilities and her desire to do something to save the people there. He'd been overconfident in his own abilities. He could have told Avery no, that they were not going to attempt to rescue the kids. He could have avoided the torture and the pain. Maybe he should have let Rene stay dead under all that dirt and debris. If she was just destined to die on him, shouldn't it be on Caprica by the hand of the cylons rather than here under the hands of those who cared for her? Maybe, but then again here at least here she was surrounded by her family. There were worse ways to go than passed out in surgery. He wasn't in control of this.

He shoved the thoughts aside as he fixed a grin on his face. Now was not the time to quit when they had made it so far.

"They're going to fix you up, better than me. I'm going to be waiting right here and then, you and me, we're going to walk out of here. I've got a night of dancing planned for us, just you and me under the stars, and a real honeymoon." He swallowed hard forcing down the lump in his throat and the need to cough. He tried to pull in a breath slow and steady.

She nodded, but she didn't mimic his smile. Instead she looked more miserable and her head lolled away. He tried to grip her hand to pull her attention back, but his fingers refused the command and he had to settle for calling her name, "Rene?"

Her eyes were deep blue, almost black when she looked to him. "It…it w..w..was my fault," she shook her head turning away as she mumbled, "I'm sorry."

He felt her drop his hand, his arm falling like dead weight. "Rene? Sorry for what? We made it and you're going to be fine. I love you, dammit!"

He heard what he thought was her chuckle, but it was followed by alarms pinging on her pod and the doctor's flying into action. Rene was whisked away while he just watched, unable to do anything. He looked to Cassie in concern as Salik told her to remain.

He could feel Cassie's arm on his shoulder, but it was still a light touch that tingled. "They're good doctors," she said to him in reassurance.

He wanted to grouse back, "then why can't I move my arms," but he knew sometimes there wasn't much you could do but hope for a miracle.

Another voice spoke out, "They aren't done with her yet."

Someone else was in the room besides himself and Cassiopeia and he didn't recognize the MedTech until the man stepped closer to him. The face became clear behind the medical garb. It was one of Rene's family. One of his family.

"Nik?"

"Starbuck," he replied as he came over and picked up Starbuck's arm, laying it back beside his body where it belonged.

"What are you doing here?"

Nik laughed, an odd sound in such a strange place. He wasn't sure if he'd heard the man laugh before. "I could ask you the same thing. Jake let me in."

Starbuck lifted up his head, looking around for the young warrior, but Nik moved closer blocking his view. "He's fine. Getting some sleep. I've got watch."

Starbuck nodded, accepting the fact that he need not worry about being alone for a while. The family would look out for him. The thought helped to make the next breath easier. If Rene didn't make it, the family might need him more than ever. He wasn't going to be alone in his grief.

"So," Nik started before looking to Cassie, "Is he up for some conversation or…?" Nik's words trailed off to a mumble, something that Starbuck was now beginning to understand might be a lingering defect from his time on Caprica in the hands of the enemy.

"He should be resting, but this is Starbuck. I think he might like some distraction until Rene is out of surgery." Cassie cast him a sympathetic smile that sent another shiver down his spine. She indicated the stool near the workstation and he slid it over to Starbuck's pod.

"Hey," Nik said.

Starbuck tried not to roll his eyes. Rene's quietest friend wasn't up to the task of distraction if that's all he had to offer, but then again, he wasn't sure if he wanted to talk. His head still hurt and worry plus a lot of mucus was making it hard to breathe. But he was coherent enough to realize he had never enjoyed being contained to a medical bed, and the worry for his wife and for himself was going to make the situation worse. he decided to play along. "Hey, yourself."

"So, I hear we might have something in common now besides our taste in music. They tinker inside your head too?"

A shiver ran up his spine and down his arms, stopping half way. It earned him some attention from Cassie as she adjusted the settings on his pod and he felt a bit of warmth creep into his body. This was not a conversation he wanted to have, not now, maybe not ever. He grasped the hypocrisy of that thought as he had often pushed Rene and the Rats to talk about what had happened to them, and he'd met the same resistance. Seemed he'd have to follow his own course of treatment. He swallowed down his own bitter pill, almost choking before replying.

"No. They saved that for Rene. I was next though."

Nik nodded like an old sage, his eyes looking far away before he seemed to come back to the present. "That's good. She's talking so," he trailed off again looking to Cassie, making sure she was busy elsewhere before he began to speak again. "Not many understand maybe because not many live through it and you sometimes will wonder why you did, what made you special enough, or what roll of the dice made it so you survived and others didn't. It's so much more than just making it through the destruction or through a battle. It's different. You'll always be different." He shrugged what Starbuck knew to be the Rat's answer to many questions but was often so much more than the admitting ignorance. It was a final answer that fate was fickle he was beginning to comprehend.

Even through the haze of the medications he was on, Starbuck realized that was the longest sentence he'd heard Nik utter, and he tried to remember what Rene had said about her friend. "He was once the life of the party, able to charm anyone with his words." This was not a conversation you would have at a party and the words were not charming.

Nik shrugged again and he thought the young man would leave it at that, a fatalistic reply, but he began speaking again, his voice gaining some strength, changing in tempo and tone.

"It makes you more, I don't know, logical about things I guess, when you realize how truly we do matter to them even while at the same time you realize you don't matter. We are important to them for some reason, and not just the information on military matters. It's not even about what we can do for them. I mean, machines work faster and longer than we do and they could easily kill us all. I think that's what you realize in their care. We are so fragile compared to them. They could eliminate us without even really trying hard. And yet..." Nik hesitated and fixed Starbuck with an intense stare. "They could really get rid of all of us, but they don't. That's the key to the human survival I think. We are important in the grand scheme of things. They need us and maybe they don't even know why, but they do. So they study us just like we study them. Only you and I, and a few others, we now know things that others don't."

Starbuck snorted at that. "Yeah, like how much pain the body can take."

"Yeah," Nik nodded, "you know that now. And that pain ends. Physical pain anyways. Changes things, doesn't it?"

Starbuck nodded, remembering the mantra the Rene often called upon. He had his answer as to who taught it to her. He let Nik continue. The man was onto something.

The young warrior actually smiled at him, a coy, almost flirtatious grin, something he knew he'd never seen Nik do. The man transformed in that smile and he could see why women might call Nik handsome. The smile was definitely up there with his own caliber of winning grin. There it was, the charmer that Rene had spoken about. "You know what's important now. You thought you did before, but...you were wrong."

He found himself snorting at that one as he remembered back to just a few sectars ago when he thought his future would be with Cassiopeia. His thoughts as he proposed had been about a send-off party and a sealing reception, new quarters and a new position, maybe even a promotion. He didn't care about any of that right now. Sure, the quarters he had were nicer than he could have expected sealed to Cassie, but they were nothing without Rene there. He'd take a corner of a corridor as long as he was there with his wife and the kids. The only reason why he wanted a promotion now was to see if he could change up duty rosters and details to keep those he loved together and safe from harm. Nik was right, he'd been wrong all those sectars ago about what was important. But that wasn't because of the Cylons. It was because of Rene.

He physically winced as he recalled how easily he could have lost her, actually did lose her under that ridge. As much as it killed him to hear her cries of pain as the enemy used and abused them, it had also been a relief to hear her. At least he had known she was alive. In the quiet of this room of the life center, he felt the same despair that had set in when her screams had faded and he was afraid he'd really lost her. Would he lose her now? His breath caught and he struggled to pull in more air.

"Easy," Nik said softly. "It's over. You're here and safe." The young man reached a hand for his shoulder, the touch strengthening their bond. Starbuck wasn't sure who was reassuring who as Nik shuddered and tried to turn it into a shrug.

"No fair. That's my speech," Starbuck reminded him trying to laugh off the moment as he harkened back to the Rat's first nights on the Galactica, but Nik was not be thrown off his course.

"You'll have dreams about it, everyone does. They get inside your head whether they tinker with it or not, but that's okay. You'll wake up screaming, and that's okay too because you'll know it's just your soul reminding you what's important. You've been to the edge and you've seen where it goes. You know now. We have something they don't and even if they capture us and torture us and drill into our heads and rip out our hearts…they won't find it."

Nik grew silent and Starbuck thought he knew where he was going with the conversation, but Nik didn't continue. He had to ask, "What is it?"

"You tell me. What did they want from you that they couldn't get?"

He craned his head towards the door where Rene had disappeared. "They almost got it."

"Almost only counts in Equine shoes and hand grenades." Nik laughed uttering a phrase as old as the invention of weapons. "They can take the people, the body, but…" Nik paused again, looking over his shoulder out to the rest of the Life Center to his friends clustered around the room, before he looked back down to Starbuck. "They can't take the love. It stays with you. We love you, man."

Starbuck found himself chuckling at the way Nik delivered the line with a quirky grin. Unfortunately, the laughter turned into a cough as he hacked up a lung past his raw throat. Cassie was there placing a mask back over his face, but he didn't fight it as a cool mist soothed the cough and coated his throat. Nik didn't move away, keeping his hand on him even when Cassie said softly, "He may be contagious." He just shrugged. Starbuck wanted to reach up to pat that hand, tried to move his arm before he remembered he couldn't. He sighed deeply as he mumbled to himself, "Give it time."

He and Nik sat in silence, but it wasn't uncomfortable, just quiet. He thought about shutting his eyes and taking a nap. It did make him feel better knowing that Rene's friend would watch out for him. He didn't need to tell Nik to wake him when Rene came back, he knew he would. The thought of Rene had him wondering, if Nik was so much more different now than he had been before, what about Rene?

"Hey, what was Rene like before…before the destruction I mean?" He wasn't sure if Nik heard him as it took a moment or two before he answered, drawing in a deep breath, letting it out before he spoke.

"She was a lot like she is with you, that's why we like you so much. She'd laugh and sing and tell really good sarcastic jokes. She'd bust your balls and keep score. I don't miss that, but she was always up for an adventure. She'd make us do things just because we'd never done them before. She could toy with people, you know, but as a joke, for fun. Now, it's for revenge and that's not because of the Cylons."

Starbuck didn't want to know about the Zakar or Dante, not while he wasn't able to punch something. He turned the conversation to another topic. "And Jake?"

About the time Nik got to either Jonas or Alex, Starbuck was drifting off to the man's soft voice. The last words he thought he heard were a quiet, "I'll be here."


	70. Chapter 70

They at least left him in the isolation ward until Rene was out of surgery. He had sighed in relief when he'd laid eyes on her. She was still asleep and should have looked young and peaceful while recovering from the sedation, but she didn't. She looked like she was concentrating on something difficult and he hoped it was her trying to hang on to life.

Cassie had convinced Dr. Salik that it might be easier to care for them and the other patients if they moved their lifepods to the main portion of the ward. He hadn't wanted to be sealed up in that pod cut off from Rene, but he didn't get much choice in the matter and Cassie had thrown in the enticement that he could have visitors to keep him company. Once sealed up and wheeled out to the ward, he regretted the decision.

His cockpit had never made him feel claustrophobic, but this was different. The life pod was quieter than a cockpit and his inability to move his arms despite the assurances that feeling and movement would return, had him concerned about his future. The pod was almost a vacuum keeping out the hectic activity of the life center. He just got quick glimpses out of his range of sight that made little sense. He thought he saw the teens who had taken to calling him dad, Jason and Cain, but it was across the room, and then he didn't see them again. He had seen that Jake was in a bio bed as well, but Nik had explained that the young man was just worn out not ill. Starbuck suspected that Jake's ability to finally stand down was not just from exhaustion, but also facilitated by those he counted as family coming in to help. Starbuck had noted that while most of the other pilots had fled the life center in typical pilot aversion, several of the Copper squadron remained. Crius seemed to be on guard duty, taking a chair near where Jake slept, watching over the young man. Starbuck had wanted to wave him over, but his arms still weren't working. He noticed Alex had a chair near Max, while Gage was conversing with Apollo and Boomer. That meant that Starbuck was left with the quietest of the family, as Nik had taken up residence between his and Rene's pod.

Nik tried to do a good job of keeping him updated on Rene, but there wasn't much to report other than she was still out. Cassie had assured him Rene was just sleeping and would wake in time, but she hadn't as of yet. He didn't have anything better to do in the pod than to think or to worry. Thinking hurt his head and worrying was making it hard to breathe, so he tried to sleep hoping that it would make the time pass quicker and aid the medications that he was being pumped full of to chase out the cylon engineered bugs.

He had finally drifted off, when he woke to a soft voice that was different from the others. He thought he recognized it, but it seemed out of place.

"He is going to be alright? He will regain movement?"

He heard Cassie answer Chameleon. "We think so, but it's going to take time. I thought you might be able to keep him distracted while he heals."

"Well yes, whatever I can do to help."

Starbuck opened his eyes, scanning the small view he had out of the pod, smiling when Chameleon's face came into view. "What are you doing here?" He tried not to sound ungrateful, but he worried that if the med techs wanted him distracted, it meant something important was going on they didn't want him to know about.

"Well, uh…son…Cassiopeia contacted me. She let me know that…well…they were worried that you might…but I'm glad to see you are doing much better."

He closed his eyes at that bit of information. No one had conveyed to him that he might die, and he was doing far better than Rene. Was Chameleon called so he could be there to help Starbuck when he received the news of his wife's death? It made more sense than Cassie calling him to keep him entertained. He craned his head to look at Rene's pod again, willing her to wake, closing his eyes to put all his effort into the wish.

"Starbuck? I can go if you aren't up to talking."

"No." He suddenly did not want to be alone and helplessly trapped in that pod. At least with Chameleon there, he had someone who could tell him what was going on beyond what now felt like his coffin. He forced his eyes open. "It seems my schedule is really free right now."

Chameleon leaned over his pod, seeming to be slightly uncomfortable in the Life Center. "Cassiopeia told me there have been some changes in your life. She said you were sealed, but when I congratulated her she…she shook her head no and seemed, well…"

Chameleon hesitated, and Starbuck felt a stab of guilt for the man's misunderstanding. He didn't quite know how he was going to explain everything that had happened in his life. He settled for a simple answer.

"Uh yeah, I am but Cassie and I…we broke up."

The old man's face went from concerned to one of understanding, a knowing smile tugging at his lips. "Oh…well surely you two can work it out. I'm sure it was just a misunderstanding. You are good for each other. Marriage isn't always a smooth road. Why your mother…I mean my wife and I, we had a tough time at first too."

He sighed as fatigue pulled at him, but Starbuck knew it was probably just his old instincts to run from the consequences of his actions. He should have probably found Chameleon sooner, but he'd been busy in the last sectars and frankly, Chameleon hadn't even crossed his mind.

"Starbuck? It will work out, you will see."

Chameleon's confident grin made it even harder to breath, but he pushed away from the desire to avoid a tough situation, and faced his…friend? He'd never quite figured out where to put Chameleon in his life and perhaps that was why he hadn't thought to contact him before he was sealed.

"No, Chameleon. I think I should explain. I didn't seal with Cassie. I met someone and…her name is Rene and we are sealed. She's…she's a warrior and…she's sick too." He nodded his head to the life pod on the other side of him.

"Oh," Chameleon's intake of surprise as he looked to Cassie instead of to Rene let Starbuck know which side Chameleon had wanted to win. It also left him truly wondering why Cassie had contacted the old conman. Was she still angry with him? Maybe she was, but she wouldn't take it out on him while he was in her life center. She didn't play games like other women. It was what he had loved about her when they were together. She shot straight. So why was Chameleon here now? Had he really almost died on them?

"Sorry," Starbuck uttered softly wondering if he should claim he didn't feel well and end the visit and let Cassie or Adama fill in the gaps in the story. No, that was the coward's way out and he wasn't embarrassed he chose Rene. It was Cassie that had turned him down and, well, if he was dying or worse, Rene was, then he wanted his friend to know the score.

"I should have told you. I've just been busy with the baby on the way and helping her family find their footing in the fleet. It was a small sealing and pretty impromptu, and then we were off on the mission and…" he knew they were excuses, but he wasn't sure if should admit to the man he had hoped once was his father that Starbuck had simply forgotten about him.

"Baby on the way?" Chameleon looked away from him back to Cassiopeia, then to the life pod that held Rene, before turning back to Starbuck. "You're having a baby?"

"Yeah, I'm going to be a father. I hope…if she makes it."

"Oh," Chameleon looked up to Cassie again before turning back. "A father. That is…big news. You have had some changes in your life."

"Yeah. I guess I have." At the moment, lying in a life pod trying to recover from the repairs made to his body due to Cylon torture and radium poisoning after having spent too much time on his destroyed home world rescuing more refugees, the baby on the way seemed the smallest of the changes he had faced. He hoped he'd be meeting his child someday soon and not facing the harsh fact that he was single and alone once again.

"I guess I should have told you. It just happened really fast and…" Starbuck realized he didn't know what day it was, nor could he even remember how many days it had been since he'd sealed with Rene, or for that matter when exactly he had met her. His days had become so focused on the family that he had lost count. He felt his heart swell at the knowledge. In the past he'd counted down his days to his next furlon, or since the last one. He'd always seemed to be waiting for something to happen, looking ahead or counting the distance from the bad times in his past. Since meeting Rene, he'd stopped counting and calculating. He just lived.

"It's alright, son. Sometimes that's how things happen. Why when I met your mother, I was not looking to be sealed and then, it was a whirlwind romance and I was sealed before I knew it."

He didn't point out this time that Chameleon hadn't corrected himself that Starbuck wasn't his son. For a moment it was enjoyable to pretend that maybe the man was his father and his child would have an extended family beyond the Gutter Snipes.

Chameleon interrupted his thoughts. "What is she like?"

"Stubborn," he said laughing, hoping the trait would be what kept her alive right now. His laughter turned into a wet, wracking cough that left him breathless. Alarms went off and one of the med techs came over, reading data on the pod. Briefly he looked at him before adjusting something on the bio pod's data screen. Then he was gone.

Starbuck was pretty sure Chameleon was asking about Rene just asked to be polite and to keep the conversation going, but he didn't have anything else he could do but talk and sleep. He didn't want to be asleep if and when Rene left him.

"Stubborn, eh?" Chameleon looked uncharacteristically concerned. "She would need to be to keep in you line, am I right?"

"Yeah, I suppose." It was reminiscent of the type of ribbing he'd been taking since announcing he was going to seal with Rene, but truth be told, she had not once acted like the wives his friends complained about. She'd not told him no to anything he wanted to do. Drinking, smoking, gambling, triad, she had encouraged some of it and even joined in. He'd never be able to find another girl like her.

"Tell me more about her, son?" He pulled Starbuck away from his dark thoughts of the worst-case scenario.

"She's caring. She's helped a lot of kids out since the destruction. I think she would adopt the whole orphan ship if I let her."

"Oh, she does sound like your mother." Chameleon looked over to Rene's pod for a moment and Starbuck wished he could get a better view himself. No, he wanted more than that. He wanted to crack the seal and climb in with her. He perked up a bit at the thought. Why couldn't he? They were suffering from the same contamination. It's not like it would harm them more than they already were hurting. It might actually help. Nik had been right, you had to have something to live for and Starbuck could do that for Rene, or at the very least, be able to hold her one more time before she slipped away.

"She looks like your mother too," Chameleon said trying yet again to distract Starbuck. "I was older than your mother too in yahrens, but oh she was so much wiser, especially when it came to you. I was so frightened to even hold you at first, not that she gave me much of a chance. She rarely put you down. You didn't even have a chance to cry."

The old man had to be confused. Age was clouding his mind, or was it Starbuck that was a bit lost in the haze of the medications pumping through him? "You mean your wife and your son," Starbuck clarified for the man.

Chameleon took a deep breath, looking up toward the medtech station before focusing back on him and sighing. "No, son. There's something I should have told you long ago. I guess I thought a better time would come in the future, and you were talking about packing in your whole career for one worthless old man who wasn't deserving of your loyalty since I had shown so little." Chameleon's sad smile was disconcerting.

"What are you talking about? I don't understand."

"No, I don't suppose you do. I thought Cassie would eventually tell you, but she has held my secret. I'm not sure if it was the right thing for her to do but…"

Starbuck shook his head, hoping to chase away the fog of confusion.

"But with a child on the way and what you have been through. Can you forgive an old man?"

Chameleon truly looked distressed, and he couldn't figure out what could have him upset. The man hadn't known what was going on in his life and it wasn't like Starbuck had tried to keep in touch. "Yeah, I guess so. Not sure why but, yeah. I mean it's not like I've tried too hard to check up on you either."

"That was my responsibility, not yours. You are busy saving the fleet and I am so proud of you, son."

There was that word again, a little over emphasized or so Starbuck thought. Was Chameleon wishing for the same thing Starbuck wanted, an extended family he could call his own? No, he could have had that all those yahrens ago when they found out he wasn't really his father. It had been fun to think it was true for a short while, but it wasn't fact. Chameleon had said it would be okay if they pretended, but in the end, Starbuck hadn't wanted a fake father. The few times they had tried to meet, something usually came up for one of the other of them and neither seemed eager to reschedule. He'd let go of the fantasy of having a father. The old professional gambler read the emotions on his face.

"Starbuck, I should have told you when I first found out, but I was worried you would give up your whole life for me. I guess now I realize, I should have let you make that decision for yourself."

Chameleon hesitated, and Starbuck was truly puzzled as to what the man was talking about. "Son, I am your father."

"Yeah, you are the closest thing I have to it, that's for sure."

Chameleon reached out his hand to the view port of the pod, trying to touch him but too much was in the way. "No son, I am your father. The tests were conclusive."

"But, Cassie said…"

"I asked her to lie…for you. It was the right thing to do…for you."

Understanding began to dawn on him. He knew he should feel joy at the revelation, but instead he felt bewildered and angry. He clenched and unclenched his jaw wishing he could do that with his hands. He wanted to punch the pod. He couldn't understand why the man couldn't have told him, nor why Cassie would go along with it. So what if he'd been talking about quitting the service? He had that thought every other day and didn't act on it. Why would that be what kept him from knowing he had a family?

"Why would she do that? Why would you do that?" He contemplated trying to use all his strength to push his way out of this pod, everybody's safety including his own be damned.

"Because I am an old fool, son, and Cassiopeia humored me, but only on the condition that I would tell you when the time was right. She wasn't about to let me lie to you indefinitely."

Starbuck felt a flush of heat that made him shake. He could have had a family all this time, but everyone had convinced him it wasn't real, it wasn't what he wanted. Who had the right to make those decisions for him? The sting of Cassie's rejection of his proposal felt nearly as bad as the electricity jolts the Cylons had used to torture him. Were Chameleon and Cassie that worried about the fleet that it was important he remain a pilot? Or did they think he couldn't make his own decisions? It didn't make sense. All he'd ever wanted was a family, and the two had kept that from him. Well he had a family now, one he was going to hang on to with everything he had.

"What the frak?" he shouted, the words burned his throat like he'd swallowed lasers. He choked on the anger, coughing out again, "Frak. Why?" He couldn't find the air to say more as it caught in his chest. He felt his heart skip a beat as another alarm went off on his pod. Cassie was there in only a micron, pushing buttons to stop the sound as a cool mist of something soothing filled his pod. He felt his shoulders and chest loosen and he was able to draw air into his lungs. He used it to shout at who was probably saving his life, but right now he just didn't care.

"Is that why you turned me down? So I'd stay in the service and do my duty? That it?"

"Starbuck, you need to calm down," she ordered him, her finger hovering over buttons, but he could still draw air.

"Why can't I have a family? Nobody thinks I can handle it? Well Frak you. Frak you all. I have a family and I'm hanging on to it! Now get me out of this thing!" He choked again, wanting to clutch at his chest but his arms only moved a fraction. He found himself cursing again, long and loud, and then he couldn't remember why he was cursing as he felt something pleasant and warm course through the intravenous line in his arm.

"Starbuck, you need to calm down. I've given you a sedative. I didn't ask him here to upset you," Cassie's face hovered over the opening of the pod, and he wanted to chase her away. He wanted to see Rene, or Nik, or anyone from his family. He wondered why Jake hadn't been cleared. Where was he? Jake would help him out of this pod. He'd get him to Rene and to the kids. He wanted to see Kalea and to hold little Leia.

"Starbuck?" Cassie's voice drew him back to the present. "I'm sorry. I should not have kept it from you, but he asked me to. It is not why I turned down your proposal, and we can talk about that another time. I thought you deserved to know, now that you are going to be a father, that you have a father. You are loved Starbuck, not just by your new and wonderful family, but by your father."

He didn't need her to tell him that. He knew he was loved. His family showed him often how they felt about him. Kiff lit up when he entered the room, and Crius's kids called him uncle. Nik's kids listened to him better than they did Nik, and Rene was having his child. They'd even talked about having more. He closed his eyes and sighed. The man had been right all those yahrens ago, it had been too late in his life. Starbuck wasn't a child who needed parents anymore. He was now the parent to several children who needed him to get out of this pod alive. He had a responsibility to get out of this life pod. He needed to get well. He took a deep breath and felt like closing his eyes.

"Don't you remember, Starbuck, you told me you wanted to give up everything and come help me reunite orphans with their families?" Chameleon asked. "That was all a lie. I couldn't have you abandon your career ….all you had built ….your friends …even Cassiopeia … for an old reprobate who had never done anything good or honest in his life. You were the only thing good that had come from me, son …" Tears shone in the old man's eyes. "Now, looking back, maybe it was wrong of me and all I can do is hope that you have many days ahead of us where you can finally forgive me, but I understand if you can't. I shouldn't have kept the truth from you, which is why I'm here now. But considering that you wouldn't have found your wife and adopted her family if you'd given up your career in the service, then maybe I did the right thing at the time. I'm happy for you Starbuck, that you finally found your family … and I hope you introduce them to me one day."

It was the only thing that could penetrate the fog of anger and disbelief that Starbuck existed in. What if he had never met Rene?

"I should let you rest and …and take some time to…to heal," Chameleon stuttered starting to move away.

"Wait!" Starbuck called to him. "Don't…I just…" he sighed again as Chameleon's face moved back into his field of vision, a hopeful gleam in the old man's eyes. "I just need some time to think, to understand. You won't leave the Galactica will you?"

"Oh no son, not until you are…are well. There's a young man outside, Jason I think he said his name was, and he's offered to find me a place to stay once he heard who I was coming to see. He called you Dad, but he must have thought I meant your friend Apollo."

Starbuck chuckled as he realized Chameleon might be a bit overwhelmed himself with what he was getting himself into. Starbuck had become a father to a large family in the blink of an eye. He tried to find the words to explain in the fog that was creeping into his mind.

"No, he's mine, well, Rene's son…our son, adopted. It's complicated. Tell him to let you into my quarters. He has the code."

"Oh, if you are sure, son?"

Movement off to his side near Rene's pod drew his attention away. Nik was on his feet leaning over her pod, calling her name, while waving for the med techs to come.

"What's happening?" Nik's shouting Rene's name made Starbuck's heart race and he had to shout again to be heard, "What's going on?!"

Nik came around Rene's pod to get closer to Starbuck, but he essentially blocked Starbuck's view at the same time. "She's waking up. Heart rate is dropping though. She just won't keep the damn beat."

"Make her!" he shouted and Nik acknowledged his words by placing his hand over the glass on his pod while turning away. His hand flashed signs at him, trying to tell him to calm down. Starbuck looked to Chameleon, but the old man was gone. He gritted his teeth and focused his hearing on the heart beat monitor on her pod, willing the erratic beat to find something resembling a rhythm.

Cassie had come to Chameleon's rescue, guiding him towards the far side of the Life Center, uttering a quick, "Thank you. That took courage," before she rushed to the aid of her patients.

Chameleon was bewildered by the activity in the Life Center. He wanted to be there for his son, but one of the young man he had met outside the life center came to pull him away. The youngster was flanked by a tall blond boy who looked concerned. The darker haired boy, the one named Jason, spoke to him quietly.

"She won't die. They won't let her."

Chameleon assumed the lad was talking about Cassiopeia and the other workers in the Life Center. The taller blond did not look as confident.

"Cain," the blond offered to him, a hand outstretched. "You know Dad?"

Chameleon looked to the pod the boy indicated, the one that contained Starbuck.

"You mean Starbuck?" he asked wondering at how much had truly changed for his son in a very short time.

"Yeah, Dad. Well, not really, but, well, he is now. It's complicated." He shrugged.

The shorter lad explained. "They're all dad, Starbuck's just the one who lets us call him that. How do you know him?"

Chameleon held out his hand taking a liking to the duo. "I guess I'm grandpa. He's my son."

Jason shook his hand first, then the tall blond spoke, "Well now we have two of those, or is it three?"

Jason replied, "No, the Commander is God now, at least he will be when you get in the academy." The boy turned to Chameleon, "God has some quarters he can loan you until Dad is out of this place."

"Dad?" Chameleon tried the word on his own tongue again, remembering back to a time when a blonde haired boy called him Papa. "I have missed out on a lot."

"Well, never a dull moment with this family," Cain answered, his eyes focused on the activity surrounding Rene's Life Pod. "I sure would like it if things calmed down for a while."


	71. Chapter 71

The cockpit felt tight when the viper was in the tubes, all that metal surrounding her pressing down on her chest. She swallowed down the sudden sense of claustrophobia that threatened to creep up on her as she waited for the command to launch. She wanted out, but cracking the seal now would mean death, the Colonials had been very clear on that. Once in the tube, you were in until you launched, no going back. She took a slow breath and willed her hand to stop shaking. "The Colonials have all done this and those idiots made it," she reasoned to herself. "There's a first time for everything and then it's just the same old same old." She gave herself the pep talk she'd used when she was on the streets of Caprica City and having to try something new to get some cubits. "Even fraking just becomes fraking. A plus B, then do it again, simple math. The Colonials can do it, so can you." But her hand still shook and she was afraid to touch the stick until she could get her shaking to stop.

Crius's voice cut across the comms, trying to give advice and calm them down, but she had spent a lot of time around him lately, especially since he'd started up the late night study sessions. His voice was higher in pitch and he was talking too much and too fast. His country boy drawl was too obvious. He was anxious and it didn't help her to reign in her own fear.

"This ain't nothin' but a thing," Crius drawled. "Ya done it a hundred times in the sims. Just stick to your wingman like a burr. Spread out like ya got the whole range to roam. You're the daggit herding them bovines." Crius's voice was annoying, like the whine of a fly in your ear, the comm line adding a cold metallic ping to the timber she had once thought was warm like a campfire. Crius wasn't their friend, not now. He was their instructor and she wondered what bet he had lost to make him have to be here with the first wave of fighters. He kept talking, and it twanged like an out of tune guitar.

Instead she tried to focus on the irony of the situation. She'd made it off Caprica, out of the sewers, away from the Cylons, just to be thrown at them again. None of them were ready for this and she could hear crying on the comm. She wasn't sure who it was. She hadn't bothered to get to know anyone other than the instructors once she'd heard Captain Pallus use the words fodder. Crius had made it pretty clear they'd only been taught enough to get them out of a launch tube and to push a laser button. It was no accident they had wasted little class time on landing. Crius hadn't even spent much of their after hours training on that skill. Maybe she'd get to know a few of them after this, if they made it back and didn't wind up just crashing after they cleared the tubes. Maybe a few of them would even land, if not, she'd get to know them in the afterlife.

She wanted to scream into her headset that whoever the frak it was that was crying needed to shut the frak up. Hadn't they learned already from Caprica, the Cylons didn't care about your tears? You were just wasting fluids your body needed.

"And there will be a meal waiting for ya when you're done, so git' er done." That got her attention, Crius's incentive to get them into the cockpit, and damn she was hungry. It wasn't going to be bovine steaks they'd be eating though, or a glass of ambrosia to toast the dead. She didn't even think the Colonials would be getting that after this battle. It would be protein squares with a ration bar if they were lucky, the most they had eaten in a few days, and they'd be content with a full glass of water that didn't taste like recycled piss.

"Stop it!" she hissed at her own hand. Someone else had finally called across the comms to the one who was crying to knock it off. Then came the command they had been waiting for, "You are cleared to launch."

"Okay, buckaroos, time to start this rodeo. Noses up, full turbos, in order, let's go."

She didn't wait on the order, in fact couldn't even remember which number she'd been assigned for launching. "Might as well go first and get it over with," she thought as she grabbed the stick and jammed down the turbos. "You can't go to hell if you are already there." Her breath left her as she was slammed back in the seat and then she was clear and into space. It was glorious, the stars all around and she felt reborn, that is until she saw the first explosion off her wing. Someone had gone up in a burst of flames. Debris pinged off her canopy and her heart thumped hard as Crius whooped.

"Good job! Ya did it! Now form up." She couldn't reconcile his words with the life they had lost. A sudden trill of fear rang like a clear chord in her head.

"Arimis?!"

The beat of her heart didn't slow until she heard his voice, "I'm here. Jake?"

"On your left. Rene, take right, just like in sims. Lizbet, stick with Crius. Nik?"

"Yo," his viper lined up beside her on her right. They had all made it this far, but there was more to do than just get in the sky. They had practiced this late at night, in the sims and in their heads. If the Raiders could do a pinwheel, they could too. "There," Nik pointed the nose of his viper towards their target. They all took aim and the raider went up in a splash of white that made her reflexively close her eyes. She forced them open as her heart pounded hard in her chest. She coughed on the smoke. Had she been hit? No, that wasn't it. She'd crashed in the bay, had to be it. That was it, the flash from her own circuits frying as she crashed on landing only, she hadn't. She was better than that. She didn't mess up Dante's landing bay. He'd kill her and yet here she was, blinking at the brilliance of the flashing circuits and coughing on smoke.

"Rene!"

It was Nik's voice and she got an eye to crack open. His face hovered above her viewscreen. Yup, she'd crashed.

"Happens to everyone." She imagined Crius's instructor's voice. "You're sitting on turbos and fuel tanks. You want to get out and clear before it goes." She fumbled for the toggle that would get the canopy up, reaching at the frame to push at it so it would move faster. It didn't budge. She tried to reach for the ejection lever, but her arms were heavy and her fingers wouldn't close on it, couldn't grip it.

"Frak…I can't reach it. Get me out!" She pleaded to Nik but he shook his head at her. "Nik, get me out!"

"Rene, I can't." He said it quietly and she reached up to bang on the viewscreen, but her arms were trapped by the harness for the seat. She couldn't get the straps to let go. Crius's face came into view.

"You have to try! Get me out!"

"Calm down, Lieutenant! You're okay." He put his hands on the canopy, both hands forming the sign declaring that everything was good. If she was good, why did her chest burn so bad? Her heart felt like it was trying to punch out of her chest and her viper. Jake's face came into view as he pushed the others aside.

"Rene, take a breath. You're okay. Just need you to calm down." She tried to suck in the air, but it was hard to do as a mist blew in at her and she held her breath. Jake turned away from her, talking to an old man, "We are going to have to get her back into isolation and open her pod. She's freaking out."

"I'm not freaking out. I just want out before it explodes!"

Jake cracked a smile, "It's not going to explode. Guys, you need to get out of here, I'm going to open up her pod."

A gruff voice barked, "No you are not, Lieutenant. You will not expose my whole staff to that contagion."

She felt a bit calmer when Jake barked back, "I've been treating them for last secton and I am clear! She doesn't know where the frak she is."

"So tell her where she is and get her to follow an order or I will have you and the other pilots removed, do you understand?"

Jake winced.

She tried to draw his attention back to her. "How bad did I mess up his viper? How mad is he?" She tried to reach up again to the canopy but her arm was so damn heavy and numb. And naked. She wasn't in uniform, not even a jump suit. "What the frak?" But it came out mumbled as she felt something warm flow into the line in her arm.

"Rene, you're in the Life Center on the Galactica. You're in a life pod because of a bacterium you picked up on Caprica." His face hovered just above her, his nose almost touching the glass.

She looked around at what she could see, a blanket, a metal cocoon, and beyond, at an odd angle, Crius, Nik, Jake, Jason and beyond more beds and another pod.

"I didn't crash?"

It was Crius that laughed, "You didn't crash. You never crash. You've got landing down." His words brought back the images from her dream. She did have landing down, even the deck crew of the Zakar was impressed with her first landing, near text book, or was it the fact that she had survived and actually got the viper down in one piece? That was the next thought that slammed into her heart. She was alive. Who else made it?

"Where's Ari?" The smile fled Crius's face and she looked to Jake.

"He's at home," Jake answered as Crius backed away. Jake spoke to him, "I told you. She's a bit messed up in the head." Everyone's head turned at the sound of shouts, a voice somewhat familiar but she couldn't quite place. Jake turned back to her. "Your husband's not a patient man. You should do something about that."

"Husband?" The word earned her a hand sign from Jake as he placed it right in front of her eyes, the one to hold and wait, to be silent.

"I'll be back." Jake was replaced by Nik and Jason who looked worried and far older than she remembered the kid being. She had a flash to a conversation, her trying to talk him out of being a pilot. He would be old enough soon, but why would she talk him out of it? It wasn't an option with Dante. She'd been surprised the Commander had waited and not tossed the kid in when he was twelve. She could hear Jake talking to someone as another face pushed the guys aside. It was a woman, quite beautiful even in the med tech uniform.

"How are you feeling? Any pain?"

She thought about it for a moment, tried to remember what got her in here. Pods were for diseases and death, she knew that much from talking with Jake. But she felt fine, didn't she? She took a quick assessment. There were no harness straps holding her arms down, but they felt numb and her chest had a fresh scar. Her head felt funny, not a headache exactly but definitely one threatening to arrive. Her chest burned a little.

"I'm tired," she answered wondering what that would get her in the way of medications. "Head hurts and my chest."

"We were able to remove the Cylon technology, but your heart was damaged and repaired. On a scale of one to ten, how bad is the pain?"

"What does a ten get me?" she answered and the woman didn't laugh, but looked annoyed and she decided not to push it with this tech. She'd find one she could bribe later. "Three." The tech gave her a nod, but still looked peeved.

"We can give you something, but not much because of the baby."

"Baby?" It crashed into her head like a viper into the side of the Zakar, the fragments of the memory scattering like fiery debris. A handsome man, a smile that was brighter than the sun, blue eyes, and a nursery covered in dust, laying a blanket over a husk of a small body, wanting to reach out to touch the hair that still remained on the tiny dried head. It would be so soft, but would it still have that baby smell she so loved? Her hands trembled as she felt the rain hit them, and then the slippery cold of the mud, too tired to get up.

"Rene?" The tech was calling her name, but she didn't see the woman's face, just that door as she closed it, the blue letters with clouds, Adama and Aiden. She found her lips forming the names. One was important, but which one?

The tech called to her again, and Jake was there beside the woman. Jake had said Ari was home, but he wasn't. He wasn't there or anywhere. She caught the sob in her chest, but it hurt so damn bad as it stuck there as she tried to breathe around it.

"You okay, baby?"

She tried to answer, but she was afraid that all that would come out would be the names, Ari, Adama, Aiden, that husk of a baby, but Jake hadn't been there with them for that part of Caprica and she wondered why not. He was always there with her, but no, someone else was. She looked around for him, that pretty boy smile would do a lot of good right now. It would cage the beast of fear that was trying to sit on her chest. "Is he okay? Don't tell me he died. Just …just d..d…don't."

"Starbuck's okay. He's right here." It was the woman that answered her and she remembered why she might be mad at her. He'd wanted to seal with this woman, but he didn't. She turned to look where she indicated the man in the other pod, and there wasn't a smile, and he wasn't pretty. He had a few days of fuzz grown in awkward patches on his face. His eyes were dull and filled with worry. She could barely see him through the glass of his pod and hers.

"What did you do to him," she asked Jake, but the tech answered instead, rattling off something about an illness and wires and...she hadn't asked the tech, she locked eyes with Jake and was able to get a hand up, but the fingers wouldn't quite form the right word. She heard another voice, but she didn't recognize it as it said, "That's a good sign." No, it wasn't, but Jake got it anyway.

"Caprica. We've been on Caprica for a secton and it damn near killed us. We shouldn't go back."

"Why the hades would we?" She laughed and it caught in her chest, came up as a cough. Once she was finished and could breathe, she figured out the mist was good and soothing. Jake was still there, worry now etched on his face, so familiar to the first time she saw him. She swore he was aging backwards, he looked so old when they first met compared to a secton ago. The memory flashed of him on the makeshift stage on the Eagle Bash grinning like a child on yule day. Without the worry, maybe he could be a kid. She realized he'd have less to worry about if she stopped jumping around the universe. Well, there was no need to now, was there? She had the dress, and the ambrosia and all the musical instruments they could ever want.

She looked over to the pod beside hers at the pretty boy encased in glass. Like a fairy tale, she wondered if she could crack the glass with the magic silver hammer, would his kiss make her rich? Lords she missed her mom and the stories she would tell and the warmth of those childhood moments washed over her.

She felt something warm enter her body again, and it stung a little too. "You should get some sleep too." The soft woman's voice wasn't directed at her. She saw Jake's façade crack a little as the woman laid a hand on him before she moved away.

"She's pretty," she said and Jake shrugged, one that she knew meant he was going to give it a go and see where it went. She had an odd thought of the four of them sharing quarters, sharing an ambrosia, sharing their lives. It was nice, like a fairytale, a house in the mountains and a lake and the kids playing in the sun. She looked over to the pod beside her again smiling, and it earned her one back and the weight lifted from her chest.

She turned back to Jake, wondering at the grin on his face, if he really could read her mind. "Our kids? They're safe?"

"Yeah, of course they are. Lizbet has them. Get some sleep and I'll see about getting them in to see you, or better yet, kick that bug out of your system and we can go to them."

"Okay," she felt heavy and very tired. "Can you get me the good stuff?" A guarded look crossed his face as he looked up to the med techs, before he looked back.

"I'll see what I can do, but they know."

She understood the deeper meaning of those words. It hinted at the sectars of having to be on the straight and narrow with the buckled up too tight Colonials. How could any of them breathe in the confines of those narrow roles? It squeezed her lungs. The air in her pod held the scent of chemicals and processing. She heard an alarm sound and Jake leaned closer.

"Relax. I'll figure it out, you know I will, and if I don't, that's what we have him for." He waved a hand at the other pod. The smile was nice to look at and she was too tired to worry about any of it right now. She just needed some sleep, and a pod was a good place to do that. No one could get at her without some warning, and she felt her chest relax.

"That's it, baby. It's all good," Jake purred. She felt her heart skip as she felt the pain of the loss, only she wasn't totally sure who it was she was missing, Jake or…the word came to her lips, a soft whisper, "Ari, why couldn't you have made it here?"


	72. Chapter 72

The sense of lost time was oppressive as he struggled to come fully awake. He didn't fight too hard to get his eyes open as this was more peaceful than the last time. The lights weren't as bright this time, and he'd had no dreams. Loud music wasn't assaulting his ears, just the whoosh of air from the ventilation system, and a mumble of voices far away. He opened his eyes to find that blessedly he was no longer in the life pod, but the sight of a Med Tech in full contamination gear didn't completely chase away his dread. He did feel a thousand times better than last time he woke, but obviously not well enough to be around other people yet. However, after the shock of finding out that Chameleon really was his father, he wasn't sure he wanted to be around people right now.

He closed his eyes and tried to remind himself that this would all work out. It was a good thing wasn't it, to have a father, one he could call his own? Maybe a few sectons ago he would have been thrilled to have been given the news, but now…it wasn't bad news…but it wasn't exactly the happy announcement he thought it should be. Was it that too much time had passed from when he first met Chameleon, or was it the shock of having been lied to for almost three yahrens? No, that wasn't it. He kind of understood why Cassie and the old conman might have chosen to keep the news from him. They were right, he would have done things differently, chosen a different path had he known. He would have wanted to be part of something more important than sitting on his astrum on long range patrols for a voyage that was pointless. He might have followed through on his threat to resign from the service in order to help his father reunite orphans. . . keeping in mind that that was just a lie, Chameleon's identity of the centar.

But that altruistic path still called to him didn't it? He had felt for a while that something was missing from his life, some purpose and he had searched for it. If he was honest with himself, he'd been trying to fill a void within him since he was a kid with the drinking, gambling and smoking. The Academy helped to fill it, gave him a purpose, but even as he found success as a pilot, he knew there was something still missing. He learned to ignore it after the destruction because he wasn't the only one then who was missing something or someone. They had all lost their homes and family. And yet, he'd not given up striving for a purpose and something to fill up that emptiness he couldn't quite identify. He wanted to laugh at the irony of how things had turned out. He'd done all that searching, and it had found him instead. He hadn't expected a family to just land in his lap, but that's what happened just a few sectons ago. He wasn't ungrateful to find he had a father now, just maybe he had shown up a little late. After all, Starbuck was going to be a father, and in that process, he'd found out how close he was to the family he had made even before Rene had shown up in his life.

Things were out of control with her and yet, Apollo, Adama, Boomer, Jolly, Giles, heck even Cassie and Athena had followed him along trying to build something out of the chaos of his life. He knew he could count on them, and it would be with their help he'd try to put this all together, a father he'd never had before and a child on the way he hadn't planned for. It was all a little overwhelming, but lords he hoped he'd be overwhelmed some more.

He tried not to think too hard about it all. The future came one day at a time, that's what he tried to remind Rene and the Rats. "Just focus on one problem at a time, and we'll get them all solved," he often told them each day after dinner. No, things weren't ideal, but they could be fixed. Yeah it had been a really messed up way to find out he had a dad, to go through Cylon torture and nearly die, but it could all be fixed couldn't it? Okay, maybe not all of it, but one problem at a time. He had the enemy technology out of his body, that was something, and Rene was alive and, on the mend, according to Cassie. Even if she was disoriented and asking for her brother, his wife had spoken full sentences when she woke, and that was progress. Rene had dissolved into silent tears just a few moments later. Cassie had tried to explain that it was the anesthesia and probably the sedative they had her on. Jake had spoken to him that it wasn't uncommon after the brain scan for memories to be jumbled. He just kept reminding Starbuck that she was talking and that was important.

Starbuck had wanted to talk to the Doctor about the damage a brain scan could do, how permanent might it be, but Salik had been busy with the children from Caprica and Paye said they had other concerns right now, like treating the infection that was making it hard to breath and repairing the nerves damaged in his spine.

"One problem at a time, Lieutenant," Paye had answered him briefly before he moved on to another patient. Extremely good advice and Starbuck should have thought of it himself. Oh wait . . .

Well at least one problem had been solved. He wasn't in the damn pod anymore. He cracked open an eye again and found the light wasn't quite as bright as before and his head wasn't pounding as hard. Both improvements. He looked around to see an even better improvement. Rene was also out of her pod and seemed to be sleeping peacefully. Maybe he could talk to her when she woke up.

His face itched, the patchy beard still growing, and he forgot for a moment that his arms weren't useful. He went to go scratch at the itch but ended up slapping himself in the face with a dead hand.

"Oh, for Sagan's sake," he grumbled at a problem that hadn't been solved. He heard laughter. "Nik?" The tech turned towards him and he saw it was Jake. "Don't you ever sleep?"

The young warrior gave a short snort of a laugh reaching out a gloved hand to move Starbuck's arm into a better position. "I got ya. Where's the itch?"

Starbuck wanted to grumble that while he was glad he and Jake had gotten a little closer on their rescue mission, this was getting a little too close, but damn his face itched. "Jaw, right side. Now I remember why I never grew a beard."

"You mean other than the fact you can't? Yours is more pathetic than mine." Jake stripped off his glove, not bothering with the contagion protocol. "Better?"

"Yeah," he sighed and wondered if he should ask Jake to get the crust out of his eyes as well. He'd ask about that later, his heart reminding him he had other concerns for the moment. He looked to Rene then up to her monitor, seeing the two bouncing lines, one a bit faster than the other, the two heartbeats competing. "She's really okay?"

"So far. They repaired her heart. The infection had affected it, but the baby's fine we think, I mean other than any damage from the radion. Doesn't appear the infection got to it."

"But we're still not clear of it?" He jumped a little as Cassie came from out of his view, still in full contagion medical garb.

"Not yet, but that's not why you're here," Cassie answered him, handing Jake a new glove. "It was becoming a little loud in the Center. We're treating the men you brought with you and Jake was pretty insistent we get you out of the room. Something about their leader and you having words on Caprica? Apollo said something about you rubbing him the wrong way," she teased. "You must have been ill if you couldn't charm him."

"I'm not the one who hit him, just for the record." He shared a look with Jake. "How's Peryton? They fixing him up?"

"I think they're waiting until the honeymoon suite is cleared out, but he's good. Bojay wants in to talk with you and Rene." Jake shrugged. "So you two are still contagious."

Starbuck wanted to sigh, but he held it back. Their team building mission hadn't quite scrubbed away Jake's dislike of all Colonial Warriors. "He's not a bad guy."

"So, I'm told. She said the same about you." He gestured to Rene with his chin and a ghost of a grin, "and look where it's got us."

"I'm not the one who was going shopping on our home world. Out of curiosity, where did you guys hide it all?" Starbuck groused, part of him wanting to know, but another part not wanting to be implicated in any charges the two might face.

"Hide what?" Jake deadpanned, but the grin was more evident, that is until it fled away completely. "Actually, we have a bit of a problem."

"You mean worse than almost dying in the hands of the enemy?"

Jake cracked another smile. Starbuck wanted to like it, to think he had something to do with this change in the young man, but it was so far from the kid he'd been dealing with before it did not seem to be Jake.

"Can you leave us alone?" Jake cast a sly seductive grin that left Starbuck wondering who Jake was talking to, him or Cassie. But the scowl that Cassie threw Jake was a familiar one, her "nice try bucko," frown. He was about to ask what was going on, but the sharp tone in Cassie's voice made him hold his tongue.

"I don't think that's a good idea."

Jake's façade cracked at the words, his lips curling in a snarl. "I'm not stupid. I wouldn't steal from the Life Center. I am smart enough that I can make my own." The change in Jake was instantaneous, from charming to a snarling daggit.

His surly tone didn't upset her, in fact, it brought a sympathetic smile as she said softly, "That is why you won't be left alone for a while, but I will give you the time to inform Starbuck of what is going on because the warrior I know would not condone your habits. He needs the truth."

"You mean like the truth about my father?" Starbuck couldn't help himself as he tossed the words out like a solenite charge hoping to provide some defensive cover for Jake. He regretted it as Cassie's face fell, her professional demeanor dissolving away.

"Starbuck," she said softly, "I assumed he would tell you, eventually. I thought I was helping the situation, giving you both time to …"

He cut her off, anger overriding the guilt that he felt lately every time he spoke with her. "To what? To continue feeling alone and disconnected? To going back to being strangers, or was it to keep me to yourself? Naw, that can't be it, because you didn't really want me. You made that clear." The words scored a direct hit and he felt the remorse in him rise up like a blast wave. He had done so little right with her, but he figured he might as well keep doing it all wrong as he'd already lost this battle a while ago and claimed a different victory of sorts.

Cassie sighed and turned to Jake, "Can you leave us alone. I think we need to talk."

For some unknown reason, Starbuck wanted to cheer when Jake just crossed his arms and said, "I don't think that's a good idea."

Even through the mask and goggles, Starbuck could see Cassie blink hard, a sure sign she was about to be very angry. Maybe it was her professionalism that helped to keep her temper contained, or maybe it was the united front of both he and Jake? Whatever it was, he was glad for it. It dawned on him as he tried unsuccessfully to cross his own arms that he was in a bit of a helpless situation here on a biobed. Cassie could make his time in the life center more miserable than necessary.

"I see. Alright, you first." She faced Jake. "I don't appreciate being used for access to medical knowledge or for drugs to be used recreationally. I agreed to the dates because I genuinely liked you and then because I thought you had a talent for the medical field, but I have no interest in feeding your addictions."

Jake waited for her to pause before he spoke quietly, "I did not use you. I never took any drugs from the Life Center. In fact, I am just distribution and sales. Rene handles supply. I can manage my addictions. My record is clean."

"Your tox screen isn't," Cassie shot back, "and I suspect if we go back to before the destruction, we may find some dirt. I wanted to think it was your previous Boray of a Commander that got you two hooked, but now, I'm not so sure."

Jake nodded as if acknowledging her words might have some truth to them, then countered, "A little of both, but not sure any of that matters now. I hear you had an interesting time before the destruction too. Maybe we had a few friends in common? So here we both are, trying to be a bit better than we were before. It doesn't happen overnight though, does it? We're both just trying to gain some respect and make the best out of this felgercarb we've been shoved into. So yeah, I look for what escapes I can find, but you already know that. I manage on my own," he cocked his head over to Rene, "with some help from my friends. So no, I don't need to use you."

Starbuck waited in anticipation to hear Cassie's reply, as Jake's words sounded like a firm conclusion to the matter, and he wouldn't have to worry about any more awkward situations with Jake showing up to events with Cassiopeia as his date. But her face softened as she uttered a soft, "Thank you for clearing that up. I enjoy being your friend."

"Me too," Jake answered and Starbuck realized that whatever was going on between the two, it wasn't done yet. He'd face a few more complicated gatherings of his friends. Cassie reached out a hand to touch Jake's crossed arms, and the young man relaxed, then Cassie turned to face him.

"You were talking about quitting the Colonial Service, your lifelong dream and an illustrious career. Admit it, you would have too. So, Chameleon and I thought it was for the best, but…" she held up a hand to cut off his denial, "he was supposed to tell you. That was our deal. I assumed he had when you and Chameleon began spending more time together a few yahrens ago. But then I checked your record when you came out of surgery and your spot for kin had only one name, Rene's."

Jake interjected, "He didn't put down the kids? Not even Leia?"

"No, just his wife."

Jake shook his head, "So you don't get it, do you? Rene changed her list. We all did."

Starbuck ignored Cassie, unsure what to say to her as the deception still stung, not quite as much as before, but he knew he should probably be placing the blame and his anger on Chameleon. He focused on Jake instead, "You're still top of the list though."

"Well yeah, they're mine. But you're second. You didn't know that?"

He shook his head. It hadn't really come up as he hadn't paid much attention to Rene's forms when they were in the Commander's office the morning after the sealing, just his own. The kids weren't his, but then he was reminded of a something he hadn't really thought about before. Boxey wasn't Apollo's, not really, and yet Apollo had never mentioned that fact, not even once since he had sealed with Serina. By Colonial law, as a spouse now, Starbuck was second after Jake regardless of what arrangements may have been worked out otherwise. But the list the Rats spoke of wasn't exactly approved Colonial legal code. It was a fluid arrangement as many of the kids were adopted refugees or sired by someone other than who claimed them as their blood. Dante had laid claim to all of them first and foremost, but it was debatable how many were his or not. Starbuck had assumed the list was more of a way to deny Dante's involvement in the Rat's families, or worst case scenario, make sure there was someone to take care of the children when a warrior died. The family had already seen to those arrangements, and while Leia was sort of considered as his daughter, she was taken care of more often by others in the family.

Jake looked almost as mad as Cassie when he spoke, "Starbuck, we all changed our lists. You can have Cassie check if you want. I have you down as my brother."

"But…" Starbuck let the words sink in, "All of you?"

"You fraking Colonials. Where do you think we got the idea? You talk all the time about how we're now part of the Colonial Service and the brotherhood of Warriors. So yeah, even before you sealed with Rene, we changed our records. I'm kind of hurt you didn't."

Starbuck struggled for what to say when all their attention was drawn by a knock on the glass separating the isolation ward from the main ward. It was Bojay, grinning from ear to ear, his arm around his father Peryton as he shouted, "Thank you!" Starbuck gave him a thumbs up, which Bojay mirrored before he turned away to lead Peryton from the Life Center.

"He's your brother too then," Starbuck added noting the look on Jake's face, a cross between annoyed and pleased.

"Well, all families have their struggles I suppose," Cassie said as she reached out to touch Jake again. "I will give you time to explain to Starbuck, but I can't leave you alone. Doctor's orders."

Jake sighed not meeting her eyes, instead taking a step towards Starbuck's biobed. "We have a problem."

Starbuck wanted to laugh. They had more than a few problems, but they had made it back from Caprica alive. They could handle anything. He wanted to say as much, but he'd learned it was important to listen when the Rats talked about trouble as they usually just shrugged and followed their code of denial and deception. "And you need my help?"

"Yeah, we do, or your wife does. They ran a tox screen on Rene, and then me, went pretty far back, a couple of yahrens, and…"

Starbuck winced. Rene hadn't told him everything, but he could take a good guess from what she was using here on the Galactica right under the noses of a command that didn't approve and a doctor that was monitoring her regularly. Dante had not only ignored Colonial regulations about drug abuse, he down right encouraged the use of the stimulants and pain killers. Starbuck had tried not to wonder too hard as to why since Rene used phrases such as, "he thought it improved performance," and, "Injuries didn't excuse you from duties."

Jake didn't finish his sentence, just shrugged and this time it meant far too much. Starbuck thought back to that second day on Caprica, Rene puking her guts up and proclaiming she was detoxing in the middle of a rescue mission gone wrong.

"That's it? You aren't even going to tell me how bad it was, even though I'm your brother?"

Jake's eyes blazed through the barrier of the medical safety glasses. "Wow, used that against me pretty quickly there, all of a milicenton. I'm impressed."

"And you're still not answering the question, little brother. How bad?"

"Before you came along?" Jake sighed and it turned into a shudder. "She was spending some time with Dante so, yeah, there's that, and then before that, Agenor and…well then you came along. She's cut out the worst of it."

He tried to focus on the words that Jake didn't say as they often held more meaning than the ones he did. "So, the worst of it would mean what? I know about the stimulants, just not how much. She told me five a day, but I know she only tells me half of the truth."

Jake met his gaze, but it was hard to read through all the medical garb. Starbuck wished he could get a hand up to slap him. He'd prefer it if Jake would just tell him, but he knew he could always ask Cassie and she would tell him. In fact, that might be the better solution, he decided as Cassie would never lie about something regarding the health of his wife and unborn child. But that would take him back to square one with Jake and the rats. If they were his brothers, it was time to start acting like it.

"I can't help if you don't tell me. How bad, Jake? Not enough to create a problem with your duties, but you disappear a lot on us and miss curfew most nights. I know this isn't all you wanted, but I can't give you back the colonies."

"I don't want the colonies back." Jake's words held venom. "Things were bad then too. I just want…" he trailed off again into silence and Starbuck was afraid to ask what Jake wanted, too worried it was what the Colonial Warrior already had. He decided he should stick to the problem at hand.

"How bad? Tell me, little brother."

Jake took in a deep breath before letting it out. His voice was low as he rattled off a litany of drugs, "Plant vapors mostly, mood enhancers and alcohol of course, but the Colonial service encourages that, then stimulants, pain killers, opioids, some hallucinogens. Probably easier to say what we didn't use back at the colonies."

"So, what didn't you use then?" he wasn't going to let Jake off that easy, "It's better to know the whole truth, then we can deal with it better, don't you think?"

"Downers, barbiturates. We avoid those. Life already sucks, don't need to go lower. The point is to make things feel better."

Starbuck shook his head wondering why the rats couldn't seem to grasp that their methods of trying to make things better often made things worse. "And what lately? And how much?"

"We're watched pretty closely. Guess it will be closer now and, man, we do like a challenge." Jake chuckled.

"This isn't funny. You've got kids to think about, not to mention anyone you're flying with. You'd put your family in danger like that? All of that mong slows your reflexes and you're not that great a pilot that you can take a mistimed move and suck a salvo down with an ambrosia on the side." Starbuck barked and the evil grin fled from Jake's face. "Can you cut me a break and just give me a straight answer since I just went through Cylon interrogation? I don't really feel like having to interrogate you."

Jake dropped his guard and Starbuck wanted to cheer, that is until he took in the actual words he was saying, "Like I said, plant vapors, stimulants, opioids, alcohol, pain killers, hallucinogens. Sometimes combinations."

He wanted to curse, but that could wait. "And Rene?"

"She's better than me, but like I said, plant vapors, stimulants, opioids, alcohol, pain killers, hallucinogens."

Starbuck let the string of curses flow through his head. It was all he could do it seemed as he couldn't do anything to stop Rene and Jake. Sagan knew he had tried.

"So, we have a problem," Jake continued, "because now the Doctor knows and he told the Commander."

"And what do you want me to do about it? I've tried to get her to stop and for the sake of the baby and for you…" It hit him like a slap in the face. The problem wasn't the drugs, it was having been caught. "You want me to make this go away."

He looked up into Jake's expectant gaze as he nodded slowly. "You and the Commander are close. You can pull a favor, can't you? Just tell us what we have to do to get on his good side and we'll do it."

Starbuck winced at his request. Did he actually think that they could perform a service or two and this would all be okay? What kind of services had they performed in the past that mitigated the troubles they brought on themselves? Had he offered up Rene to Dante?

His imagination threatened to run wild and he couldn't look at the kid, disgusted with what Jake and his own thoughts were suggesting. Starbuck shook his head and sighed. He expected them to be on report for the black market goods they'd been stashing, but this was another matter, compounded on their covert mission. Added to recovery from this illness and whatever the enemy had done to them. They had a long road in front of them. They'd all be on report for a while, his promotion held up at the least and now, drug therapy sessions probably.

"Do you think it works like that?" It was a rhetorical question obviously as Jake still gazed at him hopefully, that like a good big brother, he could take care of this. Starbuck couldn't take that look, and instead he looked out on the main ward of the Life Station to where Crius was there talking to Boomer and Bojay was shaking Apollo's hand. Nik and Alex were there talking to Max. He scanned the rest of the ward, saw Avery and Wylie being treated, plus a few other men he couldn't name. The kids were also there in the various biobeds. He could pick out Zion and the other two boys he'd fled into the night dragging across the hillsides of Caprica. Rene had saved lives, that was true, but at what cost?

Gage was there as well, his gaze focused on Starbuck and the isolation ward, a stark reminded that Jake and Rene had used other officers in the past. Now they were hoping to use him. but what Starbuck saw were all the lives Jake and Rene had endangered. He shook his head again and looked back to Jake.

"It doesn't work that way. You're one of us now. Lord knows I could use an escape now and then. I consume far too much ambrosia at times, and there might be a plant vapor or two I won't admit to publicly, but I know I'm breaking the rules. I make sure I am the only one I put in danger when I do. Yeah, I know I say you have to know the rules in order to break them, but there are consequences. The rules apply to you just like they do to me. There's a reason for them. You are going to have to work your own deals, Jake. And do me a favor, don't take me down with you little brother."


	73. Chapter 73

"Jake, let's just get this straight right now because this is non-negotiable. I can't pull rank, family or privilege to get you and Rene out of the mess you've made. Sometimes you just have to man up and deal with it . . . little brother."

Jake's hopeful expression turned dark and angry. Suddenly, Starbuck knew that the isolation ward was going to be a whole lot more isolated in a very short time.

"I know I'm close to the Commander, but that's only because I'm friends with Apollo. And because I'm a great guy. But it doesn't mean I get extra privileges, in fact, sometimes it's the opposite. I get judged harsher because of the association, and Apollo was never one to use his connections, unless, of course, the ladies entered into it, and face it, Adama wants more grandchildren enough to even consider me as a possible son-in-law. At the academy, Apollo actually denied for a while that his father was THAT Adama."

"Then what's the point of having him as a friend?" Jake mumbled under his breath.

"Because he's there when I need him, and more often than not, he's even there when I'm screwing up and I don't want him there. He's in my face, in my business, in my life . . . because he cares about me. Because we have history. Because he knows that he can count on me through thick and thin, or a strip and moduling, or three or four ambrosias too many, or even when Diabolis comes to call. Just because you use your friends, don't insinuate that I do."

Jake snorted in derision, "And yet you keep reminding us that it's because of the Commander we have those sweet quarters, so you must have some influence. You just don't want to use it this time, is that it? Saving it for something else?"

"No! Dammit Jake, that's not how it works." He tried to reach up to run his hands through his hair in frustration, but his arms were too heavy. He sighed. "Look kid, I know things were really fracked up with your commander, but mine follows the letter of the law. IFB news flash: there's a manual. We all have to follow the same rules and regulations. No one is above it. Believe me, if Adama could change that he would have for me a long time ago." He couldn't help remembering back to when he was accused of having murdered Ortega and the moment when the Chief Opposer had announced he had to go to the brig. The Commander seemed just as shocked as Starbuck, before having to grudgingly admit it was the law and even he could not change the situation.

"The Commander makes the laws," Jake countered. Starbuck could tell by the fire in Jake's eyes, he honestly believed that. That was the real root of the problem as Starbuck saw it. There had been no law on the Zakar and in the world Dante created, he used old Colonial military law, and then twisted it to fit his needs on a case by case basis. The rats still wore the scars of that style of governing, not only a mark here and there from a flogging, but the twisted thinking that they could do what they wanted just as long as they didn't get caught, and once caught, they could use a friend in high places to mitigate the charges. He was wondering how stupid they were. Four sectars and they still hadn't figured out that's not how things worked in Adama's fleet and definitely not on the Galactica.

"If only," Starbuck mused, "I could have opened my own chancery in the OC and been promoted to Colonel, but that's not how it works. Look, I don't think they're going to kick you out of the service if that's what you're worried about, certainly not for what you did in the past. Adama's not judging you on what you had to do to survive Dante, but from the time you joined the fleet? Yeah, you knew the rules and regulations. You should know the consequences. I can't help mitigate that. Man up, brother."

"Can't, or won't? She's in just as much trouble as I am. You're not going to help her?"

Starbuck shook his head as Jake threw out what he probably thought was his trump card. He wasn't sure if he should be concerned or offended that the kid thought he could win this with the game he was playing. "I've been trying to help you guys fly straight. Ever hear of accountability? Responsibility? The only help you seem to want from me is some magical ability to erase all your mistakes. Well, no one did that for me, so why in hades should I do it for you? I've been told its character building, dealing with the aftermath of a major catastrophe. It's your turn to face the Borays head on, little brother, and I'll stand with you, but I can't make them just go away. And don't give me any of your excuses about having to deal with …with whatever isn't going your way because that's not going to cut it anymore. Things could be worse and you know it."

"But you make it better, because you're the Gold Clusters Warrior of the Centaur and pseudo son of the Commander, right? Otherwise we'd be back in corridor corners of the Zakar."

"That's not what I meant!" he shouted, maybe because Jake had a point. He liked to think it was Rene's association with the Commander that got them the Quorum of twelve chamber to use as a commons room, but he knew that if it had been Tigh in charge, or even Apollo, he would not have been granted the quarters he was sharing with Rene. Crius and Lizbet, Nik and Dara may have gotten family quarters, but just the regular old kind and the rest would be in barracks. But that wasn't what he was referring to. That wasn't true, it wasn't because of him that they had the good life by Galactica standards. He took a deep breath and tried to remember the Rats saw things through their muddy sewer water low to the ground viewpoint. "I meant you could be back with your old Commander using Gage to try to get you out of a flogging or fraking Captains to get what you want."

Jake blanched as his jaw tightened. He turned away from him, pulling up a chair close to Rene and flopping down into it dramatically, then folded his arms as he scowled silently.

Starbuck winced. Okay, so it wasn't his most uplifting optimistic lecture he'd ever given, but it had some truth to it, didn't it? Could be why it stung so badly.

"I didn't mean that," Starbuck said quietly.

"Yeah you did. You're just pissed you can't sleep your way to the top, oh wait, you tried that with Athena didn't you?" Jake answered, his harsh tone letting Starbuck know that his armor was back in place, his walls pulled up high.

"Jake!" Starbuck added his own harsh tone. It worked, Jake kept his eyes averted, his arms crossed and his mouth shut. "Frak," he mumbled to himself before trying again. "Look, brother, I'll be there for you and I will do what I can, granted that ain't much, but you guys can't keep breaking the rules like you have. There are rules for a reason. You're putting your lives in danger."

"In a fleet on the run from having our homes destroyed by machines, and my plant vapors are going to be what kills me? I think I can live with that. Don't put yourself out for me, brother." Jake's voice was low and he sneered the last word.

"Jake," Starbuck sighed but the young man wouldn't meet his eyes. "Look, I'm here for you. I'll help you kick whatever habit you have, but you guys have to stop trying to …to con the system."

Jake snorted at that, but still wouldn't meet his gaze. Starbuck understood how hypocritical his words may have been in the past, but he'd changed since meeting Rene. He kept his eyes on Jake for a while, waiting for him to calm down and talk to him, but he held his silent scowl.

"Maybe you should get some sleep," Starbuck suggested.

Jake didn't answer him unless you counted frowning and avoiding eye contact. They sat that way for so long that Starbuck considered telling him to go get someone else he could talk with. Even Nik was chattier than Jake at the moment. He half considered telling Cassie to put him in an isolation pod and put him back on the ward where the action seemed to be happening. Cassie did take some pity on him and helped him sit up so at least he had a view of the happenings as Salik saw to the men from Caprica, but Avery was in his line of sight and seemed to be trying to get his attention.

He decided he should probably just get some sleep himself as he was probably going to need it in the coming sectons. He was sure he'd be the one tasked with helping to keep the Rats clean. He wondered again, where did they hide it all? He'd spent nearly all his waking duty and off duty hours with the Copper Squadron and with Rene. The tox screens couldn't have shown that much, could they? Then again, Rene was good at hiding things, from cutting on herself to requisitioning vipers. Maybe it was time he stopped pretending he was winning this hand and fold? He looked up to her monitor again at the two heartbeats. No, the pot was too high. He'd just have to have someone help bankroll this bet and Adama might be the one to do it. After all, the man had put up with him all these yahrens, even with all the trouble he could get Apollo into.

"What would Adama do?" he mumbled to himself when as if on cue, the Commander came into the main ward, greeting his son who was still in a biobed despite the fact that Apollo had come through their trip to Caprica without any injuries or symptoms of the infection. Starbuck watched the Commander's progress around the room, greeting everyone, obviously wanting to shake their hands, but Doctor Salik had intercepted him handing Adama a pair of gloves. While Starbuck couldn't hear the words, he could guess them from the Doctor's body language that he was insisting that the Commander not take the risk that the bacteria could be passed to him. When Adama reached Avery, Starbuck wished he was out in the main ward so that he could warn his commander about the man and his fanatical tendencies, but Avery seemed to have toned down his gruff personality. From this distance, the leader of the survivors of Caprica actually looked grateful and seemed to be showing the Commander the respect he deserved.

Adama even made the rounds with the doctor checking up on the children before he moved closer to the window between the wards sparing a wave for Starbuck. He waved back, flashing a thumbs-up to his attempt at nonverbal questioning. The Commander had picked up some of the Rat's hand signs, or at least ones related to those used in the field by Colonial Warriors. That was surprising.

Even more surprising was the arm he threw around Nik and Crius. While even through the glass Starbuck could perceive Nik's flinch, it was only momentary and the young man didn't shy away from the contact. Crius actually grinned and whatever he said to the Commander had all three of them laughing. In shock Starbuck looked to Jake, wondering if he had seen the same thing or if the drugs Starbuck was taking was making him hallucinate. Jake had seen it, sitting up in alarm looking as if he wanted to jump to his friend's defense. Something had happened in their absence. Adama had won the Rat's loyalty without Starbuck's help.

"He's not a bad guy," Starbuck said, but Jake didn't bother to look his way, his focus on his friend. "You should know that by now. How long was it before Dante showed his true colors? A secton or two or was it when he first showed up picking and choosing and leaving the rest behind to die?"

Starbuck thought he could hear Jake's neck crack from how fast he turned to him. "You weren't there, you don't get to judge him."

"No, you're right, I wasn't there, but she was," he indicated Rene with a nod of his chin, "and she was there when she finished him." He could have added more, but Dante was a taboo topic with the Rats. He'd stick with the point he could win, that despite their misgivings, Adama was on their side. Maybe Jake would find out for himself since he'd probably be dealing with the commander on the issue of his tox screen. Starbuck was going to pull one favor, he was going to ask that Colonel Gage not be involved in the matter. Rene knew how to work Gage too well for her purposes, and she would do that for Jake.

But what would she do for Starbuck if he asked? He hadn't asked for much except for her to quit the stimulants and stay out of a viper and she hadn't given him that. He looked across Jake over to his wife, jumping at the fact that her eyes were open. He wondered how long she had been awake. How much had she heard?

"Hey pretty lady," his words had Jake going to his friend's side, asking her how she was doing.

Rene was slow to answer, not putting words to her answers, just a nod or a shake of her head as she mumbled an "Ow," and brought a hand up to rub at her chest. Starbuck was relieved when Cassie took over, pushing Jake aside and sending him out to go get the doctor. Starbuck mumbled a low "Thank you," to her and Cassie nodded in understanding before letting him know that she had lowered the sedative and the painkillers so they could get some true readings of how Rene was doing.

"I can give her more in a moment," she answered his worry as Rene just kept repeating the word, "ow". Cassie asked about her pain on a scale of one to ten, but Rene didn't try to form a word, just shaking her head.

"Can't you do something?" he groused, but he saw Rene's features soften, letting him know that Cassie had increased the medications.

"Better?" Rene nodded to the question Cassie asked and shook her head no to the question if anything else hurt. "The doctor will be in to check on you. Don't try to move too much for now."

Rene closed her eyes, but Starbuck didn't want to let her slip away. He hadn't been able to talk to her since he had abruptly walked away from her in the hangar on Caprica.

"Hey there, pretty lady, how are you doing?" He was rewarded with her eyes opening and focusing on him, but they were unreadable. He hoped like hades it was the effect of the medications and not something bigger. "Can you talk to me?"

She didn't speak, just nodded.

"We made it. You're going to be okay."

She didn't respond other than to look at him intently for a moment before her lips tried to form a word, stuttering, "K..k..kids? Zzzz…" she shook her head and seemed to give up on the word.

"They're all okay, even Zion. We didn't lose anyone. We are the ones in the worst shape."

She just nodded as her lips tried to form words, finally wrapping them around a phrase, a soft, "my fault."

"No sweetheart, no it's not. Well unless you're talking about saving all those people from slow death by radium, or Cylon torture. Then yeah, it's your fault you saved them."

She shook her head, her eyes becoming clearer, "There were mo…more k..k..kids. And on the rrrr...the c..camp…the guy…Wy…wy…my fault. They got you and…my f..fault." she shivered hard before she flinched and closed her eyes.

"Hey, no, don't do that!" He didn't mean to shout as she turned away from him and Cassie reached out a hand to calm him down. He swallowed hard and tried again, "Rene, look at me. Come on, sweetheart."

She turned slowly back, but her eyes were dark and distant. "Look Beautiful, you can't do that. Yeah, we lost some okay, not every mission goes perfect. But we got a lot out that didn't have a chance without us. That's the truth. We can't save them all, but we can save some. You saved me and Zion and the other kids. They are out there being treated and they are fine. You can ask the doctor yourself when he gets in here. You did a good job."

Her eyes remained unreadable and he wished he could get out of the bed and go to her. Then again, why couldn't he? His legs weren't broken. He started to move but Cassie kept her hand on him.

"Don't even think about it, Starbuck, not until the doctor says you can get out of this bed."

"Why, what are you worried I'm going to do, become infected? Besides, I'm fine."

"I will be the judge of that!" Salik said having come into the ward, fully clad in the contagion gear, Jake following in his steps. "You, stay in that bed, that's an order. There's a reason why the beds are built for one not two." The doctor focused on Rene and was less gruff with her than Starbuck had seen him with others, letting him know that she may have been in worse shape than he was told.

"Good to see you awake. You're doing a good job of beating the infection considering you were more affected than the others, but I'm told that's because you exposed yourself more while saving Lieutenant Boomer. As for the other issues, your heart was vulnerable to the infection due to your past history, which we will discuss later. The baby appears to be fine, but I am going to be monitoring you and your pregnancy closely. It will take a while for you to be free of the infection, but I think by the time the ward clears out a little you'll not be contagious. You'll be here for a while, both of you. Plan on a secton and we'll go from there."

"A secton?!" Starbuck couldn't help complaining. "But…"

Salik cut him off, "You can have visitors once I clear out my facilities of our other guests, but I can make this your home for longer if I so choose, or since you are fine according to your assessment, would you rather be released sooner and Rene remain behind?"

Starbuck closed his mouth tight.

"That's what I thought," The doctor turned towards Starbuck reading his vitals before fixing him with a glare. "So, you will cooperate and try to be less of a pain in my astrum than you have been in the past? And you," he turned back to Rene, but softened his tone, "You promised to follow my directives where your health and this child was concerned. I don't think flying vipers through wormholes to irradiated planets counts in our agreement, but despite your attempts at ignoring what is good for you, I intend to keep my part of the bargain. That means rest and confined to the Life Center, understood?"

Rene nodded, but Salik frowned at the reply. "I think the first order is that you begin responding verbally and I want to run a neurological test on you tomorrow. For now, answer a few questions for me. Your name and rank?"

She looked to Jake before attempting to answer, "R...rrr..Rene, Lieutenant."

"And we are where exactly?"

Rene stuttered out the answers to his questions, hesitating before replying, but she seemed coherent and knew the right answers, that is until Starbuck caught Jake's hands moving out of Salik's sight, subtle and slight signs. Starbuck wanted to bark at him to stop helping her because they couldn't fix the problem if they didn't know how bad it was, but then Salik asked her to say his name, and then Starbuck's. Despite Jake's help, she hesitated and stumbled over both, like the words were stuck in her mouth, and he tried to be reassured that she could at least read the signs Jake was tossing her.

"So, recall isn't the problem. Alright, we'll worry about pronunciation later as I don't want you wearing yourself out with conversation anyways. Rest. I'll be in to check on you later. Lt. Jake, you're with me."

Jake started to protest, but Salik just grabbed his arm and ushered him from the room, leaving Starbuck alone with Rene as Cassie reminded him they both needed rest and she turned to a workstation.

He heard loud and clear the long sigh Rene gave.

"It's going to be okay, pretty lady. You can call me whatever you want if my name's too hard, I just like to hear your voice."

She turned towards him, a soft smile on her lips, "Sorry. I didn't want to and…the…cylons…I t. to war…warn you but…"

"I know," he cut her off wanting to lament again that had she just gone back with the first shuttle, left them all there, or better yet not gone to Caprica at all she wouldn't have suffered a Cylon interrogation, but it was too late for that. Plus, he had to own some fault in this too. Once he saw it was kids, he couldn't say no to rescuing them, despite the danger. Yeah, things had gone wrong, but they were here, she was talking, and in a secton, they'd be out of here. He wanted to focus on that instead of the image that flashed in his mind of her strapped down to a table screaming his name.

He pushed the sound out of his head as he looked to her, wishing he could reach out a hand. He dredged up one of his smiles, put all his confidence into it. "We saved the kids and you don't need to worry anymore. I'm just glad to be here with you now, okay? We just focus on now, alright. Call me what you want, but whenever you call me I'll be there, whenever you want me, I'll be there, I'll be around."

She chuckled at his overly exaggerated line from a popular song from his childhood on Caprica. It earned him a smile before her eyes slid away from his.

"I love you," he said and she looked back to him, her eyes crinkled as if confused by the words. The look faded into a frown of worry as she raised her hand and with unsteady fingers formed a sign he had seen her make before to Jake, but he didn't know what it meant, index finger up, middle and ring down, little finger up, thumb extended in an L. She seemed even more confused when he shook his head at her sign. "Rene?" She mumbled something as she shook her head and closed her eyes. "It's okay, pretty lady. Just get some rest. I'll be here."

She fell back asleep quickly and he watched her for a bit, nothing else to really do. He had just woken up and wasn't ready to go back to sleep. He watched the activity in the ward noting that Salik wasn't letting anyone be released just yet. He could see that Jake was being talked into a bio bed by Crius. Nik caught his eye and flashed a sign asking if he was okay. He debated calling him in, but it was really Crius he wanted to talk to, but when Nik directed his gaze to Starbuck, Crius tapped his watch indicating it might be late. He wondered briefly what day it was, or for that matter, what time of day. He finally called over to Cassie for an answer.

She came over shifting Jake's seat. She turned her back to the ward and pulled down her mask and lifted up the goggles flashing him a sly smile.

"So we really aren't contagious are we?"

"Well, yes, but not airborne at this point. I wasn't planning on kissing you so I think we're safe. The mask gets hot. We are on the eighth day of the secton, and yes, it's late. Salik and I will be turning over to Paye and Giselle in a centaur or two and you should think about getting some sleep." He nodded to her, noticing that many of the pilots were being ushered out of the Life Center, Crius waving a hand at him before flashing that he'd be back in about six centaurs. Starbuck waved goodbye and focused back on Cassie who seemed to be studying him. "Chameleon has been back in to see you. I suggested he give it a few days. He is staying here on the Galactica for now."

He didn't know what to say to that, not trusting himself to speak on the matter, plus all he really had to say was that he was sorry, which he wasn't sure he really was. He started to open his mouth, but Cassie spoke first, "It's not your fault."

The words were tied up with meaning, too many topics tangled together. He pulled at one of the threads to unravel it. "Some of it might be. I expected too much from a father I think. Chameleon couldn't handle the pressure." He shrugged wondering if he could handle the pressure of it, thankful that he was at least getting in some practice playing dad with Rene and Jake's kids.

Cassie shook her head, "Maybe, but that's not your fault, and that's not what I'm talking about."

He nodded, plucking at another thread, "You and me? All my fault." He tossed it out flippantly. The smile she gave him was warm, letting him know she caught the joke. "I should have told you sooner my intentions, or waited I guess. My timing was all wrong. Too anxious to call the cards."

"Maybe," she offered again, but her smile turned wistful before she spoke again, "But that's in the past now that you're sealed. Never actually thought you would do it but, you just have to prove us all wrong don't you? No, I'm talking about Rene and…" Cassie took in a deep breath before forging forward, "and what she's been up to since coming to the Galactica. She's not your responsibility."

"The hades she's not. I brought her here. I…I sealed with her and…"

Cassie shook her head as she held up a hand to halt his words. "Starbuck, she found us and she's a consenting adult. She makes her own choices and they are not your fault. I have seen this before, in my career as a socialator. She has an addiction. She's had it for a while. If anything, from what I can tell, she has cut down quite a bit from what she has consumed in her past. I'm suspecting that's your influence, but until she admits to having a problem and starts taking steps to deal with it, it's in the cockpit doing the navigating."

He winced at her analogy. It was way too close to what he had wondered about the voices Rene heard and her involvement with Count Iblis. She claimed she had to go to Caprica to silence the voices. She had said that it was something or someone that showed her everyone else's dreams. Someone had told her to go to Caprica and wouldn't let up until she did. She wasn't in control of all this, but wouldn't say who was. Starbuck wondered if now that he was sealed with her, could he make Doctor Dixon tell him what they discussed? Maybe Cassie would know those legalities. "She's going to her therapy appointments. I thought it was helping, but she won't tell me what goes on there and Dixon says he can't. Or won't. Maybe now he should."

Cassie avoided his question. "Like I said, she has cut down, and we may not have caught it if it weren't for the infection and how it affected her heart. She hid it from everyone, except Jake."

"Yeah, I'm going to do something about that," he looked to Rene's sleeping face remembering back to Jake curling up with her on Caprica. It was time those two were separated for a while. It would be best for everyone, even the two of them even though they would never admit it. Maybe he could pull another favor from a Colonel he knew and get Jake transferred, not for forever, but maybe for a sectar or two.

Cassie seemed to read his thoughts. "It's not his fault either. I believe him when he says that Rene is the one who finds him what he's been consuming. That's my point, Starbuck, this isn't his fault, or yours. She makes her own choices."

"Does she?" he wondered aloud remembering back to the many nights she woke up screaming, or when he would find her drawing with glazed eyes mumbling incoherently. He flashed to just before they left Caprica, her yelling for a stylus and dropping to the ground, yelling at someone to look down as she drew a planet on the floor, the system with nine planetoids, circling again and again the third one from the sun.

Cassie interrupted his reverie, "It's late. You should get some sleep. You'll feel better tomorrow."

"Yeah," he mumbled feeling very weary. He looked out on the ward, noticing that the lights had lowered and everyone had settled down, everyone except Avery who was still staring at him. It wasn't a threatening look exactly, but it wasn't friendly either. He stared the man down for a few moments before he realized how stupid it was. Avery could go frak himself now that they were on the Galactica. Cassie lowered his bed, and he gazed at Rene instead, wishing he could take her in his arms. It would make him feel better.

Sleep must have ambushed him at some point. In his dreams, he couldn't move, strapped down to the cold table. He wanted to scream, but knew if he did, Rene would hear him and he didn't want that. He wanted her to believe that he was going to get them out of this, but he wasn't sure how much more he could take. "Don't move," the mechanical calm of the IL was surreal compared to the background noise of Rene screaming his name.

He woke suddenly, disoriented, panting in a cold sweat, but he didn't scream. He blinked in the bright lights of the ward, trying to take a deep breath. "You're okay," a low voice intoned, calm yet very human. "On the Galactica, in one piece, deep breaths."

"Yeah, I'm okay," he rasped in answer as he realized it was Nik speaking to him.

"Of course you are," Nik said. "She's been telling me about how you saved the day, haven't you?"

"Hey, handsome." The words and the smile on her face helped to chase away the last remnants of his dream. They were on the Galactica and more or less in one piece.

"Hey, beautiful. What time is it?" he asked Nik noting that the young man wasn't wearing the medical contagion garb. He wondered how long he had slept as he was able to get a hand up in an attempt to run it through his hair and get it out of his eyes. It was clumsy and his fingers didn't move much, but he could feel the grease strands of his hair. It was progress. "What have I missed? We aren't contagious?"

"Oh not much. It's still early and breakfast is on its way. Doc has some tests he wants to run on you two, and I was just keeping her company until you joined the party. She's telling me the virtues of punk rock, and I'm reminding her that metal is better." Nik had an old periodical on his lap, pre destruction, written for the music scene.

Rene's smile was the best medicine and he tried to give one back before he looked out on the ward, noticing that many of the men were dressed and appeared ready to leave. Avery's eyes found his and he sighed as the man gave him a wave. Starbuck hoped it was to say, "Goodbye, hope to never see you again."

Nik caught the exchange, quirking an eyebrow. "Rene says you two are not friends."

"Nope. Hope to never see him again."

Rene chuckled, "You b..better tell him."

"Tell me what?" Starbuck asked suspiciously.

Nik grinned maliciously. "They are going to be our new neighbors. His wife Gia asked specifically to be billeted near us for a while. Something about helping out with her kids and our kids."

"Oh Frak!" Rene chuckled again as he shook his head. While he liked the sound of her laughter, he didn't appreciate it was at his expense.

"I've met the guy," Nik said, "He's not half bad."

"Yeah, just wait until you meet the other half," he quipped. "I don't think you Rats are a good judge of character,"

Nik jibed right back, "Of course not, we hang out with you. Want to tell me what you did to piss Jake off? I thought you guys were finally getting along?"

"It's more what I won't do than what I did. You'll find out soon enough yourself," Starbuck answered cryptically.

"Well the way I heard it from Apollo, Jake saved your astrum from a Cylon brain scan. You probably don't know how much that took for him to willingly walk back into an enemy base. He does more screaming at night than the rest of us, but you don't share quarters with him, so you probably don't know that."

Starbuck met Nik's eyes, understanding the man knew exactly what was going on. He was about to open his mouth and ask, when Nik continued. "He's not been missing curfew. He's been sleeping at my place. As to the rest," Nik shrugged, "Gotta do what ya gotta do."

"No," Starbuck answered, "No, ya gotta get some help."

Nik let him know which side he was going to be on in this problem when he said, "We thought we had when we found you. You took on Pallus. You can't take this on, brother?" He emphasized the word with a challenging grin.

"Maybe after breakfast." He shook his head, not sure if he could manage all of the problems that came with the rats and Avery as his neighbor. "One problem at a time."

Nik chuckled and Rene managed to stammer out a question asking what was going on. Nik waved it off and went back to reading his article out loud.


	74. Chapter 74

Adama's Journal:

It is hard to believe the blessings we have received. Hope had waned, and yet my son and my warriors have returned bringing with them well over sixty individuals, mostly children, as well as an expert on aeronautics engineering. Our fleet has grown in more than just numbers and knowledge. With each visit to the Life Center I witness the bonds that have been forged. Lieutenants Crius and Nik have taken on the duties of Med Techs, seeing to everyone equally, despite the fact that both young men are nearly as exhausted as those returning from Caprica. They have been able to convince Lt. Jake to rest on occasion, but it is difficult. The young warrior's dedication rivals any academy trained medic according to my son. When this crisis has passed, I will be appointing an officer to review personnel records and reassignments, or at the very least assess what other talents the Copper Squadron and those that have joined us from Dante's fleet may possess. It sounds like the perfect light duty job for Starbuck's recovery.

But first I must hope that this crisis does not bring another in its wake. Another miracle brought to us by the Lords is perhaps easier to believe than the fact that Rene has traveled back to our home worlds to rescue these children and a man I knew from my past. I wish I could say that it has strengthened my faith in Lt. Rene and her abilities, but instead it has left me with more questions. I was reassured that this mission despite its initial beginnings utilizing an unknown anomaly should have been short and simple. It has been anything but, and the dreams that Rene invaded and used as her argument persuading me to grant permission for this journey have not abated. Instead they have increased in occurrence as well as intensity and duration. It could just be my fears for the future, but with the information I have gleaned from those returned from Caprica, it could be something more.

Lt. Rene has endured a brain scan by the Cylons and seems unable to tell us what the enemy may have learned from her. My son has been insistent that the fleet must change course as the Cylons surely have gained valuable information from Rene, including our location. I am hesitant to heed his warning. Even with maintaining our current heading, we may be on our path to Earth for yahrens. Veering from our course will be a delay we can ill afford. Additionally, we are stronger now than we were in the past. We have defeated them before, we will again.

Apollo must have read my thoughts as he has constantly reassured me that there is another way to achieve our goal for the fleet's final destination. Having gone through Rene's rift and utilized her powers, he seems convinced that she can and will bring us to our journey's end faster than we had originally planned. I have not had time to discuss with Peryton myself about Rene's abilities, the man needs time to reconnect with his family and the fleet, but Apollo has intimated that my old friend is knowledgeable on what Rene can achieve. It is theoretically possible.

I am not as confident. Perhaps because I understand just what her ability has cost her and any who follow her into the unknown. Plus, I am still not convinced her knowledge was given to her by the gods. While the cylons remain a threat, there could be something far more dangerous that may be preying upon us. It is my duty as Commander of this fleet to be skeptical, an easy attitude to maintain considering the condition of those returning from Caprica. Apollo seems to have forgotten the first moments of their arrival on the Galactica, his own collapse to the deck while others fought to save Rene and Starbuck's lives. The rift she creates is not without its hazards. Leave it to my son, the eternal dreamer, to be willing to make the leap of faith and jump into the unknown. I would like to blame it on Starbuck's influence on him, but if I am honest with myself, in some ways my son is more reckless than his adventurous friend.

Perhaps it is the other information I have gained about Rene's abilities that leaves me hesitant. The briefing from Salik as to the condition of those returned from the Colonies was disheartening. While their physical injuries and illness could be repaired, they were all suffering from radium poisoning and exhaustion. They are still on a long road to recovery. This was more than normal fatigue as Salik has detailed, and not just the effects of the toxins on the planet. He has claimed their bodies are depleted of anything resembling energy, their immune systems weakened, and their endocrine systems have gone into overdrive to compensate. He was quite clear that this was with just one jump into that void. It could potentially shorten their lives.

I am left pondering the implications of Salik's findings on all the population of the fleet, but I have chosen to put that aside for now and focus on those being treated in the Life Center, my immediate family. Due to the type of torture Starbuck and Rene have suffered, the medical team has the two on sedatives. It has been intimated that the medical facility may not be the best environment for their continued recovery, but their release depends on assessing the damage done to their nerves and their psyche.

The doctor gave a lengthy briefing as to Rene's health problems related to her past history of illicit drugs and what he has found in the systems of several of the Copper Squadron Warriors. I have little experience with drug abuse as I just cannot fathom why anyone would ingest poisons. Still, I'm not naïve and certainly am aware that warriors throughout history have utilized both legal and illegal recreational drugs to escape the horrors of war. Perhaps it is my need to always be in command of a situation, a trait I have come to understand may be at the very core of my genetics. Both Athena and Apollo have the same personality, although my children have also gained an inclination for spontaneity and a longing for adventure from their mother. Even Starbuck who tends to be more adventurous than most has shown restraint when it comes to what he ingests and where he chooses to find his excitement and escapes. I think I will be deferring to Colonel Tigh on this issue as he seems to have far more experience helping warriors combat their own self-destructive tendencies. I have consulted Dr. Dixon on the situation, but he is reluctant to share any information citing patient confidentiality. Salik believes I should override that right, but Dixon was clear that if I violate that trust I may never earn her confidence again.

I am too close to the situation and have no intention of distancing myself. Perhaps as her father-in-law I should not know all that she has endured in order to survive. I must trust those with more expertise than I possess.

Doctor Salik believes he has removed all of the Cylon technology and the damage to Starbuck and Rene's nerves and tissues can be repaired and regenerated, but we all want to make sure that the enemy has left nothing behind in their bodies. I shudder to think what Starbuck might do if he knew of the small bits of metal found swimming in his blood samples. Doctor Salik believes these to be sensors to monitor bodily functions, but it is technology beyond ours and what we consider beyond Cylon technology. I suspect it may be a Delphian design, or some other race we have yet encountered. I have been reminded once again that the Cylons will not stop hunting for us until we are found and destroyed just as they have done to many other races in the known universe. Doctor Paye is convinced that the devices can be easily flushed from the Starbuck's system with an intake of fluids and natural body processes. More tests will provide those answers. Thankfully, Rene seems to be free of that complication and is recovering well.

While I am concerned about the physical health of my warriors, I am more concerned about their mental wellbeing. I witnessed firsthand their reactions when Salik and Paye tried to separate Rene from Starbuck for a neurological scan. While visiting with Apollo at the time, convincing him that a few more days rest in the Life Center would ease my mind as to his ability to resume command of the Zakar, we were interrupted by loud screams of "No" echoing from the isolation ward, followed by Starbuck's own shouts of protest. Rene had found her voice, screaming Starbuck's name. Apollo was on his feet in a micron, racing for the room, beating Crius and Jake to the door. He burst into the ward, ignoring the contagion protocols, just as Starbuck became combative in his efforts to get to his wife.

Fighting the doctors who tried to restrain him, Starbuck landed a blow on Paye. Cassiopeia attempted to calm Starbuck while Salik moved to the counter behind him for a hypo. I watched in horror as he grabbed her by the throat with both hands shaking her roughly. It was Apollo's words that I believe brought Starbuck back to his senses and prevented him from doing more damage. It provided a diversion so that Salik could slip the hypo of sedatives to Lt. Jake.

The Lieutenant chose to inject Rene first, his motives clear that he was only concerned for his friend, and the others could suffer Starbuck's wrath. However in retrospect, it was the right decision. The move distracted Starbuck. As Rene's screams ceased, he released his hold on Cassiopeia to rush to Rene's side. He seemed to realize for a moment where he was and what he was doing but ignoring those in the room and their reassuring words, he climbed into Rene's bio bed taking her protectively in his arms while simultaneously begging Apollo and Jake to not let anyone touch his wife. With Apollo's help and constant reassurances that he would prevent any harm befalling Rene, Jake was able to administer the sedative to Starbuck.

Once Starbuck was unconscious, Apollo assisted Salik and Paye in separating Starbuck from Rene. Trust in Paye to find the positive of the situation stating, "The nerves are improving. Starbuck was able to make a fist."

My son did not appreciate the humor, adding his own shouts to the chaos as he proclaimed, "You don't know what they have been through, how many times we almost lost them. You don't understand!" It was Jake that was able to calm Apollo down as well while I watched helplessly outside of the room. Salik acquiesced to Apollo's demand to remain with Starbuck while the doctors performed their tests on Rene. Lt. Jake accompanied Rene, flashing Apollo a hand sign asking him to remain on watch.

Starbuck remained unconscious for Rene's procedure, but woke just as combative as Paye tried to wheel him to the scanner. Again, it was his friend rather than the doctor that was able to help Starbuck to be reasonable, having to reassure him that he was on the Galactica and among friends. Starbuck refused to leave Rene until he was assured that not only Jake, but also Nik and Crius would remain with Rene, while Apollo accompanied him for the test.

Salik made the decision that Starbuck and Rene were not contagious, or at least not with something he couldn't deal with if it was transmitted. He had them moved to the common area of the Life Center so they could be surrounded by those the two trusted. The incident swayed my son to agree that it would be best if he remained in the life center at least until Starbuck is released. His friend needs him.

I am re-evaluating my decision to promote Apollo to command of the Zakar, not that he is unable to perform the duties necessary, but that it may not have been the best decision in regards to my son's mental health and morale. I have separated him from his family, a family that is growing and in need of guidance in forming more bonds for the future. I will be recommending Starbuck's transfer to the Zakar in the future, for all of the Copper Squadron.

I have often questioned the Colonial Service's decision to allow family members to be posted to the same commands, not that I fought the decision when Zack graduated the academy. I was delighted to have all my children with me on the Galactica, but it was a time that we were negotiating a peace and their deaths were a distant concern. Since the destruction, I realize we have lost whole bloodlines and wonder if it would have been best to separate families to allow at least some of a family to have better odds of survival. I now appreciate the decision. If we have to face our imminent destruction, or a journey of an indeterminate length, who would you want by your side? Your family, your kith and kin. They keep you fighting and moving forward to a better future.

I have witnessed the power of the bonds that have forged. Once on the main ward, Starbuck's recovery has been phenomenal. Rene has become more talkative as well, submitting to the therapy that Salik had recommended for her. Her memory seems to have been restored, but Salik has his doubts on that score. I cannot discount that Rene is good at providing the information you request in order to obtain what she desires, in this case to be released from the care of the Life Center. Unfortunately, we don't have the tools necessary to measure accurately just how much she has lost or regained, especially when she seems intent on deception. I will have to trust her husband and her friends to inform us if there are any problems.

For now, my warriors rest easier surrounded by friends and family. The children who were rescued have been reunited with their families. Avery and his people have been given quarters and aptitude tests have been arranged to ascertain where they will best fit in the fleet as all the men have indicated a desire to join the ranks of Warriors. In a few cycles we hope to be releasing all of the warriors from the Life Center. Salik has intimated that his domain has become crowded. The Copper Squadron has essentially moved in. Jason and Cain spend their time after school at the Life Center.

I have learned more about my new family and their past with the unspoken decision that the younger children will not be visiting their parents. It seems clear that Dante was not the only one who abused these warriors. If the reactions of Rene, Jake, Nik and Crius are any indication, the doctor on the Zakar may have been just as depraved as their commander. I am in the process of tracking the doctor down as it seems he survived the attack on Dilmun. Tomorrow I will be questioning Colonel Gage and opening my first investigation into the past actions of the officers of Dante's fleet. I have been dissuaded from this course by the Colonel and several of the other officers from Dilmun, but I can't have my warriors fearful of seeking medical assistance. While I may not mete out a punishment, I must at least show that further abuses will not be tolerated.

But that can wait until tomorrow. I am due back at the Life Center. Crius and Nik have asked permission to perform their own version of rehabilitation for the warriors. I was surprised to learn that Rene did not only loot alcohol and fumarellos from her trips to Caprica. She visited several other stores including toy stores and liberated several board games. One such game is a strategy game about colonizing worlds. I am curious and was personally invited by Lt. Crius with a reassurance that the game is, "more fun than wrestling a greased porcine and does not involve Starbuck stealing all our cubits. We will have a chance to steal his." I inquired as to if this would be allowed in the Life Center to find that Salik was invited to play as well, an invitation extended by Lt. Jake. Salik agreed on the condition that the duration be less than a centaur or two and they all agree to quit if anyone is fatigued. I am encouraged by this development, as it harkens back to the book of the word and the games our ancestors would play to build alliances and settle disputes. I have witnessed the power of our Triad tourneys at bringing the fleet together for a common pursuit. It is a small step, but a step forward rather than back.

On that note, I have already decided, regardless of my nightmares and the cries for help I hear in my sleep, I will not be allowing Lt. Rene to go back to the Colonies again. I know the decision will bring many more sleepless nights to my future, but I must keep the fleet looking forward towards our salvation. We cannot afford to go back.

Gage had rounded up the few chairs in the life center, circled the bio beds around a table and commandeered an instrument tray to use as a table for rolling the dice. He asked Cassiopeia if she wanted to join, but she laughed declining the invitation.

"Someone has to monitor all of you and make sure the game doesn't become too taxing. Besides, you have too many con-artists playing," she winked at Chameleon who had joined the group, looking a bit ill at ease, but also elated to be included.

"Maybe we need monitoring devices on all the players," Gage agreed with her, "but it's not a betting kind of game. I'm sure everyone will behave."

Cassie shook her head at the comment. "Trust me; you have no idea who you are playing with." The glare she fixed on Starbuck had the Copper Squadron chuckling.

"Trust me, Cassie," Gage countered, "Starbuck is the most honest one here tonight." Gage cast a wink to Adama that everyone caught, eliciting Max to utter, "Good to know, Colonel."

Once the ward was situated as he wanted, Gage nodded to Crius that he could begin. "I'll explain how to play in a centon, but we have to agree to a few things first." Crius fixed a stern glare on the Caprican refugees. "One, we have some rookies here, so no taking advantage of the fact that they don't know all the rules. Two, the salty language is kept at a minimum, we have kids in the room." Crius indicated Jason and Cain who had joined the game, both complaining that they were not kids. "And watch your tempers. Only one mid game rant allowed."

Jake and Max interrupted, vehemently denying that they do no such thing. Crius held up his hand, not listening to them, "It applies to everyone, and you have to announce you are initiating your mid game rant, understood? Promise me or the game is done."

Both young men grumbled an agreement while Starbuck chuckled knowing that the pact would be ignored. Crius fixed his gaze on Starbuck and Rene, "And no cheating."

"I don't cheat. I can't help that I usually win," Starbuck replied, hands up in surrender, but Rene remained mute. Crius waited for Rene's agreement while Jake gave her a nudge.

"I don't che..cheat."

Nik answered her, "Just because you don't get caught doesn't mean you don't cheat."

"Yeah it does. You didn't ca…catch me, it d..d..didn't happen." Rene's stuttering had improved but had not disappeared entirely. Adama had been made aware that Rene was keeping her words small and her conversations short to compensate. With many, including her own husband, she had been using hand signs and body language. It was up to all of them to encourage her to talk more, the real goal of this game night.

"She's got a point," Starbuck smirked.

"And no alliances," Crius added pointing a finger at him, "every man for himself. And no fighting over who rolls first, that will be me."

Several voices accused Crius of fixing the game. Adama could see this was going to be an interesting evening, at the very least humorous, but despite the protests, Crius did indeed roll first, only for Adama to find that was just to decide who went first in setting up the board. It was a complicated lay out of territories and resources to be claimed, conquered, then ports and trade routes established before they moved on to who would be invaded and attacked and who was allowed to expand their empires. It was explained that they had created their own rules for setting up the board as it randomized the games, "Makes it different every time. And," Crius held up the double dice, the same ones used to assign chores for the squadron, "adds a bit of luck to the game."

The rules were indeed quite complicated, leaving enough room for various strategies to be employed. Each player seemed to have their own unique style of using ancient strategies from the twelve world's colonizing history. Those who were familiar with the rules argued often with each other on the virtues of their choices and specific tactics.

Crius had been right when he had explained as he offered the invitation for a spot in the game to Adama. "It gives you a look into how each person's mind works. What is important to him. What's the goal, you know? You learn a lot when you play this game with someone."

Perhaps the most surprising thing Adama learned was how ruthless Doctor Salik could be. He was the first to break the "no salty language" rule, much to the chagrin of every player. His utterance of, "Frak you," to Starbuck as the pilot cut off one of his trade routes seemed to open up the Copper squadron. While they kept their language clean, so to speak, they became creative in their insults, Nik uttering that Starbuck's viper skills could be replicated by a mentally challenged bilge rat, and Jake declaring that Crius enjoyed sleeping with farm animals. Adama was spared the insults, until he noticed that Rene was slowly creeping into his territory, one little slice at a time. He put a halt to her advance, and she responded without hesitation, "You make muffit look handsome." There seemed to be another level to the game in how creative an insult you could craft as everyone kept an unofficial score of the proceedings. He learned his own son was quite proficient at this level but saving most of his taunts for Starbuck. With each creative jibe, Starbuck just chuckled and Boomer gave a hearty "Hear hear," cheering Apollo on.

Everyone had a good laugh when it was Crius who shouted, "I am initiating my mid game rant!" and proceeded to voraciously curse whoever had moved the robber to his trade routes, and it needed to be moved immediately or everyone was going to be threatened with bodily harm. The other warriors held up their game play, allowing Crius their full attention, waiting for him to pause before Max asked calmly, "Are you done?"

"Yeah, I'm done," Crius grumbled and play resumed. It was another good reminder that often complaints didn't need to actually be addressed, just that they needed to be heard. The game continued as if nothing had gone amiss, except that yes, the robber was eventually moved. It was in the movement of the penalizing board piece that Adama lost track of his own tactics as he focused his attention on how the Copper Squadron made an effort to advance their own chances at winning, but at the same time, never gaining too large an advantage over the others. In a way, they kept things fair and equal.

That's also when Adama caught Starbuck watching him and his own reactions. He gave Adama a wink before also flashing him a combat hand sign that originally meant to wait, but he suspected the true meaning was to explain that their attempts at keeping the score on the game close was to stretch out the duration of the game. It wasn't about winning the actual game, as evidenced when Rene did indeed cheat, so obvious that Cain caught it. As the two argued over whether it actually counted as cheating, Adama couldn't help notice that in the exchange, Rene rarely stuttered and the others joined in, recounting past games and incidences. Her cheating had initiated a kind of story time, as the others began to recount humorous episodes from their past.

"And then Kenan worked into a report for a briefing that a Chief Testoster was the one who needed to spread the legs so the he could prick the fall tubes to open. Oh boy was that a good briefing, listening to Gage read to us some smut. Even Dante laughed at that one," Crius recounted.

"That was my idea." Max grinned. "And then I sent Agenor on a snipe hunt. Had him convinced that a snipe was a real tool. It was worth the laps I ran for that prank."

This was exactly the kind of therapy they all needed as they laughed over the story and other pranks they had pulled on their old Commander, many of the stunts ones that all warriors pulled on commanders, pranks as old as Adama's days in the academy.

He began to suspect the Copper Squadron had decided long before the game to let Salik win. They all agreed he utterly defeated them. Salik's self-satisfied grin was evident, and he didn't seem to realize the con as he agreed to allow another game.

This time, the gloves had come off so to speak. The play intensified and the arguing escalated, but no one put an end to it as everyone seemed to have a stake in the outcome. Even Adama stopped focusing on other distractions and kept his mind on his own strategies. This time luck was truly a factor in the game, and Starbuck came out ahead, though Jason, Apollo and Max were fast on his heels. The chatter around the game slowed and ceased as the race for the last points ensued.

Once finished, it became apparent to a few that Starbuck had sped up the play of the game, revealing he had the ability to earn several points in one round, and they should just declare defeat. The yawn issued from Boomer reminded them all that they were still in the Life Center, and maybe everyone wasn't up for another round. Adama gathered that Starbuck had finished the game not out of any malice or desire for victory, but because he was concerned for his own wife. After having joined in with her friends and their cheerful banter, she had become quieter as the game became more intense, her moves at the game sloppy and making little strategic sense. It was time to call it a night. Looking towards a chrono, Adama realized it was late in the cycle. They had whiled away nearly four centauris, but the time had been valuable. He understood his family even better than he had before. The laughter had been a good tonic to wash away the fear and worry that had plagued all of his family since the impulsive sealing and their suggestion for a rescue mission as a honeymoon.

Chameleon had bid everyone good night, and Adama was about to join him when Salik barked that Life Center was a mess. He excused the older gentleman from the task, seeing he had left before Adama helped in cleaning up the game and putting the Life Center back in order.

Starbuck saw to his wife first, and Adama was impressed at the tenderness and care Starbuck showed his new wife, insisting on being the one who maneuvered their beds closer to the edge of the room so the two had a sense of privacy while still surrounded by their friends. Adama couldn't help but spy on the couple, marvelling at how the pair responded to each other. Rene's eyes had lingered on Starbuck throughout the game. He had held her hand, letting go only briefly to roll the dice or move a piece. Their insults and jibes were never directed at each other. Adama owed them a real honeymoon. He watched with pang of longing for his own wife and the chance to show Ila his own care and concern. Starbuck was speaking with Rene softly when his back stiffened and in a quick motion he beckoned with one hand, not for the doctor but for Rene's old friend.

The summoning of Jake was curious as Adama had gathered from the various caustic jibes during the game and the past few days of stiff body language that the two men had some kind of falling out since returning from Caprica. He had queried Apollo as to the matter, and his son seemed just as confused at the tension claiming the two men in Rene's life had actually formed a friendship on the mission. Adama was wondering if the game had resolved an issue, but Rene's voice rising in volume let him know that there was more at issue here.

"B..but where…where is he? Why w..won't you t..tell me?" she demanded of Starbuck. Jake silenced Rene with a hand gesture before speaking with her softly, pushing at Starbuck to move away. The push was unnecessary as Starbuck fled his wife's side once he made sure Jake had command of the situation. He crossed the room to where Apollo was maneuvering Boomer's bed before looking back to his wife. His shoulder's trembled until his friend placed a reassuring hand upon him.

"It will get better. She's just tired. We shouldn't have played so long," Boomer said from his bed.

Starbuck looked away from his wife, meeting the support his friends were offering. "I know," he sighed, "but we can't keep lying to her. That's not helping."

Before Adama could ask about the problem, one that these men seemed familiar with, Apollo clarified, "She keeps asking for her brother. When we tell her the truth, she gets…" he didn't finish the sentence, just shaking his head no.

Adama nodded and issued his own sigh, "So her memory loss is worse than we thought?"

Starbuck was quick to jump to her defence, saying more about the damage than he intended, "No, just when she's tired she loses track. That's all. She's fine."

Crius had crossed the room, reaching out for Starbuck. "He's going to crawl into that bed with her if you don't get over there."

Starbuck nodded, but didn't make a move for a moment until Crius offered, "Want me to take care of it?"

A quick shake of his head, and a soft "No," spoke volumes about how much he cared for the woman. "He gets her to calm down. Just…just give him a centon."

"So, he's going to have to move in for a while when you get out of here?" Crius asked, but by the quirk of his eyebrow it didn't seem to be a serious question.

Starbuck didn't reply, instead squaring his shoulders and crossing the room, appearing more vulnerable wearing only the shorts the doctors had finally allowed for modesty since they had a hard time keeping the pilots in the beds they should be using to get some rest.

"This is more than he bargained for," Adama uttered softly to his son as they all kept their eyes on the scene while Jake reluctantly moved away allowing Starbuck to get closer to his wife.

Apollo acknowledged the words with a nod. "More than we all bargained for, but he's doing okay considering he's got his own problems."

"He's not sleeping much," Boomer explained. "He's never been one to wake up screaming, but he's having his own nightmares."

"I'm hoping they get better when we get them home. We have more hands to help out there than here," Crius offered, and Adama realized the man might be right. The Life Center had become severely shorthanded with the children and Avery's people needing ongoing care. A few tortured dreams were not high on the priority list for the med techs. Their solution thus far had been sedatives, but those would need to end soon if he was to return to duty. The Copper Squadron was large enough and had the skills to see to their care.

They all watched silently as Starbuck climbed up onto Rene's bed, sliding under the covers and taking her into his arms. She seemed to have remembered where her brother really was. She clung to Starbuck, tears staining her cheeks as he tried to soothe her. Salik was there handing Jake a hypo. The young man asked Starbuck first before applying the medication to Rene. Starbuck declined the offer of his own dose as he remained in the bed holding his wife.

Jake wearily crossed the room handing the hypo to Nik. "I'm getting some sleep. You've got watch."

Nik nodded, dragging a chair with him towards the bed of the couple, settling back and propping his feet up on the bed.

Adama bid everyone a good night before turning to his son. "I think the Zakar can spare you for a few more cycles. Starbuck will recover more quickly with you closer. I will speak to the Doctor. Everyone will rest easier when the squadron is back home."

Apollo did not object, bidding his father good night and Adama saw that his son was in his own bed before he left the Life Center. He cast the room one last glance before exiting, wishing the comradery of the game could have cured all their ills. While it helped, the damage done to his family was still evident. His eyes were drawn again to the couple clinging to each other in a bio bed. The embrace reminded him of two castaways clinging to a raft in a storm. He owed them so much for what they had accomplished, at the very least a few days on what little the fleet could offer in a real honeymoon. He mentally moved to the top of his list answering the repeated messages from the IFB. He couldn't erase the torture, nor guarantee the Cylons wouldn't find them again, but he could arrange an all-expenses paid trip to a luxury liner, perhaps courtesy of the IFB.


	75. Chapter 75

Lords it had felt good to walk out the door of the Life Center, even if it was without Rene. He wouldn't be without her long as he knew he needed to return as soon as possible, but it felt good to be walking the old familiar corridors. He had longed for their quarters on the Galactica ever since Avery had pointed the Cylon pulse rifle at him. Today they would finally make it back to their oasis; they just had one last task they had to attend to before Dr. Salik would release them both. While their quarters weren't far, they would be worlds away in Starbuck's mind.

It had been hard to watch the others being released one by one, and the Doctor wouldn't even consider discussing the topic of his or Rene's release. He had groused often that their quarters weren't that far from the Life Center if there was a problem, and it was already pretty much assumed that Jake would be moving into their quarters for a while. The Doc had already started training the young man as a Med Tech and he was more than a decent medic. He was more than competent to deal with any problems Rene might have, and Starbuck was fine, a little tired, still working on some fine motor skills, but he could hold a stick and flip a switch, he could fly a viper. He'd been fine since his third cycle in the Life Center. He hadn't wanted to leave without Rene, but it was damn hard watching Apollo walk out, then Max, and even Boomer. He'd found out that Jake had been cleared even before Apollo but had stayed until Boomer was released, only agreeing to go because Crius said the kids needed to see him. He was back that night when Starbuck awoke from a dream, curled up on a bio bed next him. He couldn't seem to shake the man even though Jake showed him nothing but contempt lately.

Starbuck hoped the last task they had to perform before their release would change Jake's attitude, or at least shift his anger somewhere else. If not, the two of them might actually come to blows soon. He'd been warned that happened often with Jake and while he wished he could have seen the scrawny kid drop Avery, he didn't want to be on the receiving end of a repeat performance. For some reason he thought Rene might not forgive him if he hurt Jake, and that's what it would probably take. He'd gotten the message clear when the tale was recounted of the fight in the hills of Caprica. Crius hadn't laughed like the others, shaking his head as he mumbled to Starbuck, "He doesn't fight fair. He fights to win no matter how he has to do it. You two are too much alike."

So it felt doubly good to be out of the Life Center. For the first time in a secton he was alone and at home, no more worries and hopefully soon no more tension among his family. He wanted to run to those quarters to retrieve a uniform for Rene and walk her back to join him, but he didn't feel up to running just yet. His back was still sore from where they had opened him up, and his head pounded on occasion from the bacterium they were still chasing out of his system, so he kept his gait slow despite the desire to sprint. He keyed the door and sighed in relief. The sight was glorious. Someone had cleaned things up for them, the bed made, the dishes done. He even found flowers on the table. A definite black market item, where they came from he had no idea, but they made the quarters smell wonderful and would be a nice surprise for Rene. He located the clothes and tossed them into a bag.

He took the long way back to the Life Center enjoying the walk. He was greeted often along the way by his friends, but also by many others in civilian clothing who were tending to the hydroponics that seemed to have multiplied in the corridors. He was confused as to how many civilians there were on the Galactica until he finally recognized one or two just as Wylie came up to him. They were Avery's men, trying to be useful, and now in his way.

"Good to see you! I would have come by the Life Center, but the Commander said we should give you some time to recover. I just wanted to thank you again and…"

Starbuck waved the man off. "We can talk later, I have to get back." He didn't halt his steps and Wylie started to keep pace for a few moments.

"Oh yeah, definitely. We'll talk later. I just want to thank you so much, and you need to meet my wife. We owe you so much."

Starbuck liked the guy, he did, and felt guilty for increasing his pace, but he had no intention of running into Avery today. Tomorrow he could deal with his new neighbors, but not today. He rounded the corner of the corridor, looking over his shoulder at Wylie, trying to not be completely rude, when he ran smack into what he thought was a bulkhead. The impact made him gasp as pain shot up his back.

"Frak," he cursed backing away, but the bulkhead reached out a hand to keep him from dropping to his knees. Starbuck recognized the voice as it grumbled that he should watch where he was going.

"Avery, are you fraking kidding me right now?" he said more to himself as he looked up into the face of his recent nemesis. The man dropped his hands from his arms and moved aside more swiftly than he thought the big clod could move.

"Sorry. I…uh…didn't mean to…Do you need some help?" Avery's apology seemed odd even to the man offering it.

"Just stay out of my way and I'll stay out of yours," Starbuck said through gritted teeth to the floor as he bent over and waited for the wave of pain to subside.

"I was going to come by later, when you're settled back in your quarters, to thank you. My wife has made something for you and…" Avery looked uncomfortable as he spoke, looking beyond Starbuck to Wylie.

"We all want to thank you. You saved our kids. We owe you our lives," Wylie said, as another man approached echoing the same sentiment.

Starbuck answered terser than he really meant. "You don't owe me anything. I just did my job. I have somewhere I have to be." Despite the pain that hadn't passed, he pulled himself up and moved around Avery.

"Later then, we'll talk later," Avery's voice sounded too much like a command, and Starbuck winced as he tried to wave back at the two men without turning, the move sparking more pain.

Starbuck found himself grumbling one of Crius's country phrases, "Later, like when fat porcines fly Cylon raiders." He'd be taking a different route back to his quarters. He paused for a moment before he entered the Life Center. If the Doctors knew he was hurting, he wouldn't be going back to his quarters anytime soon. He was thankful it took just a few deep breaths to get the pain under control before he went back into the Life Center.

While he couldn't tell sometimes what Rene remembered or not, she was still good at reading him. As he handed her the clothes, she gave him a look along with the hand sign asking what was wrong. He knew he should be reminding her to use her voice, but he was too excited to be going back home where they could be alone. He wasn't going to spoil it by nagging her.

"Just ready to get out of here. So, we have that talk with the Doc and the Commander and then we can go, alright?"

His words halted her attempts at getting dressed. "I don't…" but he didn't let her finish, instead reaching to help her get her feet into her boots.

"You're not in trouble, they owe you a medal. You could have gone about it better, maybe told the Commander sooner about what you were up to, asked nicely, but we did it. You did it. The kids are safe because of you, so you're not in trouble. You needed to quit the stims anyway, even you can admit that."

Rene didn't answer him as she pulled on her jacket, then looked around, making the hand sign for a weapon.

"Not going to need it where we're going. Neither do I. We are just having a conversation, then down the corridor, hang a left, and back into bed, only this time OUR bed, alone, with no med techs waking us up. You get to see the kids." He threw out the temptation which he knew would get her to agree to the meeting the Commander had insisted on.

"No ex-girlfr..friend," Rene tossed out her own enticement.

"Nope, just a couple of ex-boyfriends I can't seem to chase off." The comment actually earned him a smile, although he couldn't help to notice that she didn't offer a jibe back like she might have in the past. He was tempted to toss out another opener, see if she would join into some friendly banter, but the smile had fled her face as her features tensed. He looked over his shoulder to see that Dr. Dixon had arrived having been summoned for the meeting. Starbuck thought Rene liked the counselor, but obviously his inclusion in this conversation was a surprise to her.

Dixon was perceptive as he caught the shift in her mood. "Hello. Can you give us a moment Lieutenant Starbuck?"

He looked to Rene before he answered and she nodded her agreement slowly, her eyes remaining on Dixon. Starbuck was not totally clear why Rene seemed wary, and he didn't want to leave until he was sure she was okay. "I thought I was supposed to be here for this."

"We just need a word or two that doesn't concern you. I think the isolation ward would be a good place for us to talk, don't you Rene?" She didn't answer the doctor verbally, just nodding and turning to head into the room flashing Starbuck a sign that it was okay.

He appreciated that he had a view of their conversation, and while he couldn't read the doctor's lips since the man's back was to the window, he could judge some of what they were saying by Rene's answers. She relaxed a little as the two spoke, but she seemed to become warier as the conversation continued, until he noticed she looked to him, then back to the doctor shaking her head, and the doctor turned to look at him as well, before turning back to Rene. She then proceeded to shake her head no several times, short answers to what he felt were complicated questions as she grew tenser. He was about to enter the room, regardless of whether the two wanted him or not, when she locked eyes with him and flashed a sign again that it was okay. It didn't lessen his concern, but it did halt his steps.

He still wasn't sure himself how much Rene remembered from before the brain scan. In some ways he didn't want to know for fear that she remembered nothing and this was all an elaborate deception of hers. He knew that wasn't totally true. She trusted him and wasn't acting like he was a stranger. But she also wasn't the same as she was before they tumbled down that ridge into Cylon captivity. She didn't initiate conversations or touches with him. She didn't draw away from him, but he felt her flinch when he touched, saw the hesitation when she answered him. There were moments when he thought everything was fine, but other moments when she looked lost, or worse, looked to Jake in confusion for reassurance and clarification. She still asked about her brother a little too often, although once was more than enough to frighten him. The moment of her brother's death had bound them together. It didn't mean he wanted to relive one of the most painful moments of his life. He left her side when she asked about Ari, left it to Jake to answer. Crius had been partially right, Jake would be moving in with them for a while, at least when the kids were there, just to make sure she knew where she was and to be honest, who Starbuck was. He could live with Jake being there for now if it kept Rene calm and happy but he was looking forward to the two being alone, not just because he missed being intimate with his wife. He wanted an accurate assessment of just how much she remembered.

But that could wait until later, for now they had one more task to get through. Commander Adama had been given the tox screenings for all of the Copper Squadron. Even Starbuck had to submit to one, although his came back with better readings than the others. Doctor Salik had insisted on a meeting about the issue before Rene could be released from his care. Regardless of whether she remembered it or not, she'd been addicted to some nasty stuff in the past, a little more tame recently, but addicted to it none the less. Since none of what she had been taking for the last four sectars was prescribed, nor would it be with her pregnant, she had violated regulations. In a normal situation she'd be stripped and moduled. The Commander had declined Starbuck's request for a legal representative for this meeting, which was within a warrior's rights per the regulations.

"It won't be a disciplinary meeting," Adama had reassured him. "You will be there, as will be her friend Jake and I think her therapist as well. Dr. Dixon says to think of it as an intervention of sorts." Starbuck had grimaced at the idea, but the Commander had him when he asked, "You want her to be safe and your child born healthy don't you?"

He did, and if this is what it took, then this is what it took.

Jake entered the Life Center distracting him from the meeting in the isolation ward. The young man threw Starbuck a grumpy glare before muttering to him, "Do me a favor and don't rat us out, alright?"

Starbuck kept his jibe to himself that they were after all rats, isn't that how they earned the name, selling others out? But he was going to be living with Jake for at least a few days. He would try to get along for Rene's sake.

Dixon came out of the ward, his face unreadable.

"Remind me never to play pyramid with that guy," Starbuck said to Jake.

"I think we are ready if you could tell Salik to summon the Commander," Dixon issued the request like an order. Adama claimed he was civilian, but he sure sounded like an officer.

As if already summoned, the Commander accompanied by Colonel Gage entered the center. Starbuck didn't hesitate to voice his one objection, "Sir, I don't think it is a good idea to have Gage involved." But the Commander smiled at him, wrapping an arm around his shoulders.

"I told you I disagreed with you, at least for this meeting. We shall see about the next one, and hope there doesn't need to be a next one, agreed?"

He nodded his head looking back to his wife sitting alone. "Fine. Okay. Let's get this over with so I can go home."

The Isolation ward felt even smaller once everyone was arranged around the room. Rene remained sitting on the edge of the bio bed she had inhabited for the last secton pushed sideways against a wall. She looked more like herself in the uniform Starbuck had retrieved for her, but the tunic was tight across her stomach. It was an encouraging sight, letting him know she had put on some weight that was needed. That was the first order once they were released, eat and then get to bed, "to rest, nothing more." The doctor had been a little too clear in his orders.

Starbuck took a seat next to Rene on the bio bed he'd recently vacated as it too was pushed against a wall. It didn't escape Starbuck's notice that Jake took up a position across from Rene, pulling up a stool so he could keep an eye on her back so to speak, letting Starbuck hold the position by her side. He didn't think this was a situation that required Jake to defend her, but he didn't want the young man by her side. That was Starbuck's place now.

Dr. Dixon entered the small room and pulled up a stool making a point of pulling it farther into the room, but he ended up sitting closer to Starbuck than to Rene. Starbuck had not had many interactions with Rene's counselor, mostly because the man had told him point blank that Starbuck could make an appointment if he wanted to talk about his problems with his relationship since Dixon had not been assigned by the military to the Lieutenant. That would mean Starbuck would pay office rates that were as high as a socialator's. Dixon had made his point clear, he was there to help Rene and her relationship to her husband was a secondary matter. It made the counselor's choice of seats more than a little interesting, and left Starbuck wondering what was the man's motive? Did he think Starbuck was the problem? It was true that Starbuck knew more than most of the others in the room about just what Rene and Jake had been ingesting, but that wasn't that much more information since he hadn't even known about the shopping sprees at one of Caprica's finest malls. He thought Dixon might know even more than he did about Rene's issues, or did he? Did Rene lie to her counselor? Starbuck wouldn't put it past her.

It didn't surprise him when Colonel Gage seated himself near Jake, while Dr. Salik and the Commander flanked the door to the ward. The battle lines had been drawn, the exit blocked and he felt a momentary panic before reminding himself that this was not a disciplinary meeting, not an attack. Dixon and the Commander had insisted that it remain a conversation, nothing more, but it didn't feel like a friendly chat amongst friends.

Starbuck looked to his wife, startled by her body language. She wasn't pulled up straight and at attention, nor was she laid back and loose mocking the proceedings. She appeared to be at ease, until you looked at her face devoid of emotion. But it wasn't just that, it was the stillness of her limbs that alarmed him. Much like himself, she was a twitchy individual, a foot tapper, finger drummer, some part of her always in motion. She was one of the few in his life who had not commented on his own fidgeting tendencies. Her lack of motion let him know she was waiting for something, expecting the worst. Even her eyes seemed to be still as she slowly tracked the others coming into the ward.

"It's going to be okay," he tried to reassure her, but her eyes wouldn't meet his, staying focused on the Commander. The room was quiet until Adama began the meeting.

"Rene, we have some concerns based on your health and your past. Plus, I believe I made a promise that when you returned you would be on report. I am pulling your flight status for shuttles and you will be assigned to the flight deck for now, but," Adama paused as his shoulders sagged. "While I cannot openly commend your mission or give you the medal that you deserve for rescuing more than a hundred men, women and children, I can choose to not put you on report."

Rene nodded her head and seemed to be holding her breath. Despite the Commander's words, she looked like she was waiting for the punishment to be handed down. Starbuck had tried to tell her that she wasn't in trouble, she had done a good thing going to Caprica. But in the secton they had spent in recovery, he had mentioned often that the way she went about it was wrong. Had she just been upfront and honest from the beginning, this would be a different type of meeting. But he was beginning to realize that just wasn't her style. Maybe facing some consequences might help her to see deceit and deception were making things harder on herself. He had learned that lesson himself, much in the same way, but from Commander's not as understanding nor forgiving as Adama.

As the Commander squared his shoulders again, Starbuck decided this meeting was beginning to feel too much like an ambush. It was obvious that he wasn't the only one whose internal klaxons were ringing. Jake was clenching and unclenching his fists, while Rene tried to hold position. This was not going well. Rene already didn't trust anyone in command, and who could blame her after what she had been through with Dante. Her lack of expression and her eyes sliding off to a point in the distance, not meeting anyone's gaze, was a stark reminder that her training under Dante was old school military. Starbuck had a drill sergeant that was by the book too. The tough as laser bolls man made it clear, your emotions were of no consequence. You were told to never make eye contact as you were not worthy. You were never to show your anger, you hadn't earned that emotion. He beat any idea of rebellion out of you. Any excitement? He stamped it down. You learned to take slow measured breaths around the Sergeant and keep your eyes blank. Rene was imitating that behavior a bit too well.

Adama seemed to take note of the atmosphere of the room, giving a small sigh before he forged forward. "The doctor has some concerns about your health and your past behaviors that I cannot ignore. Things will change or there will be a change in your status. I will not tolerate you endangering your life, or others with your behavior."

"Yes sir," Rene uttered softly, keeping her eyes focused on a point in the distance. "It won't be a problem, sir."

Dr. Salik crossed his arms, casting a stern glare upon Rene. "I will be running a tox screen on you every secton. More often if I think there is a need. The rest of Copper Squadron as well." Salik looked to Jake briefly, and Jake's eyes shifted to a point somewhere far across the room. Salik shook his head and focused back on Rene. "It had better come back clean, every time, or I'll see you locked up on the brig until that child is born. Do I make myself clear?"

Rene slowly looked to the doctor at the pronouncement, her face devoid of emotion. "Yes sir," her words sounded tired and sad, as her eyes slid back to focus on some far off location.

A tense silence filled the room, beginning to become oppressively uncomfortable. Adama attempted to deflate the pressure as he spoke softly. "I have faith in you that you will not need to be tested more often. This is not a punishment and will not be noted on your records as long as you pass your screenings."

Starbuck thanked the lords that he had the commander that he did. Adama could be strong as steel, immovable at times, but he also had a soft core. He had listened and understood what Starbuck had told him about the training and the treatment the Rats had received under their Commander. Being on report was a far harsher sentence than anyone on the Galactica could truly imagine.

"I believe that this incident will pass and you will not be on report," Adama added again, but Rene just nodded not giving her attention to those in the room, keeping her gaze focused on some point outside of the Life Center. Her lack of a response was troubling, but the Commander caught it as well as he coaxed her to reply. "Do you understand? It is for your own protection and that of your unborn child. You will be invited to group therapy sessions for substance abuse that I hope you will join willingly."

Adama tried to cast Rene a smile, but if she saw it she gave no indication. She nodded again slowly before her eyes slid over to the doctor. She opened her mouth to speak, shut it, and then tried again, her words coming out slow. "I'm clean now thanks to you."

Any other time Starbuck might have thought her tone held an edge of accusation, but the words were delivered without any inflection in her voice.

"And we're going to see you stay that way. You've been clean before. You go right back to it, don't you?" the doctor answered angrily.

"Yes sir." She nearly whispered the words.

"Is that it?" the doctor barked loudly. "Is that all you have to say for yourself? You damaged your body and almost ended your life, not to mention the harm you may have done to your unborn child, and that is all you have to say?"

Listlessly her eyes slid from the point in the distance to meet Salik's. "I'm not sure what you want from me sir." Her voice sounded weary.

Concerned at the tone in her voice and how this was going, Starbuck started to speak up, but Salik cut him off.

"We want you to admit you have a problem and to solve it!"

Rene nodded slowly again making the effort to pull her eyes away from a point in the distance to meet the doctor's. "I have a problem." Her voice sounded hollow and false to Starbuck's ears.

"Damn right you do and it will be a problem until you fix it! And if you don't, I will!"

Rene blinked long and deliberate before she shifted her eyes to Dixon. Her voice was still flat as she addressed him. "I think you need to explain to them."

Dixon nodded, turning to the commander and the doctor. The counselor spoke even and low as he added his opinion to the conversation. "She is not being sarcastic Dr. Salik. We have an agreement about our sessions. She is allowed to have the emotions she wants to have, not the ones you want her to have."

The words seemed to offend the doctor as he uncrossed his arms and pointed to her. "She can have any damn feelings she wants as long as she stays clean. I expect her to own up to what she has done, the risks she has taken not just with her life, but with others. She was using up until forty-eight centaurs before she was in my care. That means she was on a mission in charge of saving lives while endangering all of them! Were you aware of that Lieutenant Starbuck?"

Starbuck stiffened as he was dragged into the conversation. He was unsure as to how he should answer. He didn't want to betray Rene, but it had been a kick in the gut at the time to realize that on top of whatever they had picked up in that lake and with Boomer near death plus the enemy hunting them, Rene was coming down off of her drug of choice. He thought she had run out other than the over the counter stims he found. Those shouldn't have shown up on a tox screen, she'd been off those for more than a couple of days. But somewhere in the midst of the hades of Caprica she had found more. He looked to Rene, wanting some sign of what to say but she wasn't giving him any clues with her eyes focused on the outer bulkhead of the Galactica about seven compartments away.

He looked to Jake. He was the one who had to have found what she needed. He seemed nearly as wary as Rene, but his eyes at least gave an answer. It wasn't the right one, that Starbuck should keep his mouth shut, but it at least was some hint as to how he should play this hand. He jumped as Salik barked in impatience, "Well, were you?"

Starbuck found himself looking to Dixon as the man held up his hands to halt the Doctor's words. "We have another agreement I think we should all abide by. You get as much time as you need to answer the question, but…" he held up a finger to the doctor to stop his protest before Dixon looked to him, "We agree to be as honest as we can."

The doctor grumbled, "New age psycho-babble philosophy. It won't solve this problem."

Dixon ignored the doctor's comments as he spoke to Starbuck, "Did you know she was ingesting stimulants?"

Starbuck reached out to touch his wife's hand. Her eyes slid back into the room and over to meet his. He saw a small flash of anger, but then it passed as she gave a slight nod, agreement to the rules of the exchange, and Starbuck realized the commander had a point. This was to make sure everyone stayed safe and healthy. He turned to the doctor.

"Yeah, I did, and it seemed a better solution to make sure she didn't go through withdrawal while we were on the run."

"Of all the stupid, asinine, mong sucking…" The doctor muttered to himself, before turning back to Rene. "You realize your deciding to get high could have killed them all!"

Starbuck saw the crack in her walls the direct hit had scored as the doctor played upon the guilt she had been expressing often in the Life Center. She looked down at the floor mumbling a "yes sir."

"No, you don't get off that easy. You don't get to just mumble 'yes sir' and think you are off the hook!"

Rene nodded, but she fixed her eyes on Dixon who nodded back to her before speaking, "Dr. Salik, in all due respect, she's hearing what you are saying. She just feels she doesn't have a voice." He turned back to Rene. "But you do, don't you? You told me something important that they may need to know."

She kept her gaze focused on the floor. It took everything Starbuck had to watch Rene there with her walls up, the barriers so thick he knew it would be a long time before she'd let anyone into that fortress. She nodded apathetically, but she did flinch as the doctor began to say something. Dixon held up his hand to silence the man.

"Are you going to listen to her Dr. Salik or is this just a lecture she needs to endure, the rest of us here only to witness her disgrace?"

"Are you mocking this? You of all people should know…"

Dixon cut him off again, his voice still even and calm, however it did rise in volume. "It is a serious question. Are you going to listen to her or is this a lecture she just needs to endure?"

It was the Commander that took a step away from the door, placing a hand on the doctor's arm to silence him. "We are listening."

Dixon nodded, imitating Rene's subtle nod. "Good. Rene, you had something to say that I think is important to this conversation."

She looked around the room, seeming to evaluate everyone before she fixed her gaze on Salik. She took a deep breath, held it for a micron before she spoke, her voice still devoid of emotion. "It's not like I get up and decide that today I'm going to get high."

"Yet that happens, far more than it should," Salik interrupted.

Dixon ignored the doctor as he spoke again. "So why do you decide to get high? Does it just happen?"

She shook her head, her eyes fixing again on a point in the distance. "No. Something happens to me and I get high to forget it happened."

"But that's in the past. It's not happening here," Starbuck replied, looking to Dixon. Starbuck understood the deeper meaning to her vague words. Dixon was supposed to be helping with all that had happened in the past, helping her move beyond it. Starbuck started to speak again, but then he froze as she looked to him, her eyes finally meeting his as she gave a slight shake of her head no.

"What? It's still happening?" He tried to comprehend what she was saying, but she nodded then looked away down to the floor. "What?! When? Who? Why didn't you tell me?!" He rose to his feet, but Dixon waved him back. The Counselor was right, approaching Rene now would just cause her to close up even more. He turned to Jake instead, knowing her friend would know everything. Starbuck's hands clenched in frustration. He was her husband. He should know these things. "What happened?" he demanded, but Jake looked away, focusing on the floor at his feet. Starbuck looked between the two of them. "One of you fracking say something!"

Dixon held up his hand, this time halting Starbuck from taking a step forward. It was Adama's voice that kept him from pushing past the counselor to shake Rene.

"If abuse is happening here on the Galactica, it needs to be dealt with, not just for your benefit, but the benefit of others. You are required by the Colonial code to protect your fellow warriors. And it will be dealt with, harshly if necessary."

The room remained silent for a few more microns before Dixon spoke to Rene soft and low. "You are going to have to start sharing what you have told me with others if you want to remain in the Colonial Service. Or you could resign as a warrior, that is an option."

Starbuck felt relieved when she looked to him instead of Jake or Dixon as she said adamantly, "That's not an option."

"Why not?" Dixon asked calmly. "It might be the best for you and you can still remain on the Galactica as Starbuck's wife. So why do you have to stay in?"

Rene looked around the room, to the commander, the doctor, to Jake and then back to Starbuck before focusing on Dixon who nodded encouragingly.

"Because of my plans for the future."

"Our plans or your plans?" Starbuck didn't miss the choice in her words. He knew she rarely misspoke, not in these situations anyways.

She looked to him for a moment, then looked away guiltily before speaking. "It's my fault. What happened is my fault so there wasn't a point in telling anyone. I caused it, I dealt with it and then," she shrugged her shoulders, "and then I dealt with it and the drugs helped."

Dixon spoke quickly before anyone else could. "Let's follow that hare down the hole shall we? What is your fault?"

Rene finally looked like she was actually in the room as she shook her head, opening her mouth to speak and shutting it. For the first time Starbuck realized how silent Jake had been for this whole conversation as he finally spoke.

"We lived because of her. We would have all died, but she got us out of the sewers and…it was her fault."

"You have a fraked up way of showing your gratitude!" Starbuck shouted at Jake, but Dixon called to him to calm down.

"Lieutenant, we are at the core of the problem. She has accepted responsibility for all those lives, so she would go to extreme lengths to save them and to take all the blame when she is unable to. She has also taken responsibility for you whether you know it or not."

"What are you saying? It's my fault? I've been trying to get her to quit and I don't blame her for anything. I'm a big boy, responsible for my own actions. I don't need saving."

Rene's shook her head back and forth several times. "The fight. You wer…were on r..r..report and cou…could have been kicked out…of the…Col..co….the..ser…vice. Your dreams…r..ruined." Rene's voice finally held some inflection, her voice rising in pitch, the stutter having returned. "P..pallus doesn't fight fair."

Starbuck shook his head remembering back to the shuttle on their way back from the Rising Star after the brawl he'd started, Rene bypassing him so that Captain Pallus and her could talk without being overheard. "Frak, I knew it! It is my fault. I started the fight and you worked out a deal with Pallus, didn't you, so he wouldn't press charges? Frak I knew it and you…" he flung his ire at Jake even though the man had little to do with the brawl on the Rising Star. "This is more than that isn't it? That's why you made up that story for the Commander. You know what happened." Jake met his glare, but shook his head no. Starbuck shifted his anger to Dixon because he suddenly didn't want to think about the things Rene may have offered up to mitigate the charges against him. "You know what happened."

It wasn't a question. He grasped that the man knew the whole story and then some. Dixon's face would win every hand he played at the Rising Star's pyramind tables. Starbuck gave up getting an answer from the man, turning to Rene. "What did you agree to?" He cursed as Rene drew further away, "Frak it, please…" he took a breath to keep calm, "please just fraking tell me?"

She shook her head, "It's not what you think." But she remained silent, not elaborating.

"New agreement," Starbuck tossed out like a punch, "You don't get to guess what I'm thinking because you tend to get it wrong. I get to think what I want to think until you clear it up. Now start talking!" He could understand Doctor Salik's frustration as Rene gave him the same soft, "Yes sir," as her eyes slid away to somewhere other than his own. He wanted to shake her, but he knew that wasn't going to get him what he wanted.

"Rene?" Dixon prompted her, but she remained silent.

Starbuck slumped back cursing quietly, "Dammit Rene, do you even remember?"

She nodded her head frowning before replying. "Like I said, it's not what you think. We agreed to n…not tell c..c..command of what happened before and I agreed to…" she winced, "to get him what he needs for free. Not what you think," she added quickly as Starbuck straightened in anger. "Some d..d..drugs, where to find some girls. That's it. And to keep my mouth shut."

"So his dealer and his procurer?" Starbuck asked and she nodded. "That's it? You didn't sleep with him or..." Her angry glare had him putting up his hands in surrender. "Had to ask. So just drugs and others for him to sleep with? You tossed other people to that boray?"

She nodded, still glaring at him. He shook his head looking away, not in dismay at what she had done for him, or even in disgust with himself that he got into the fight that made her think she needed to rescue him. No, it was so much more.

He believed none of her story. She didn't always think things through sometimes putting others in peril, but she would never purposefully put anyone in harm's way. She didn't give Pallus other girls. Herself maybe, but not others. No, this was the Rat's stupid twisted code at work. Admit nothing, deny everything, demand proof, shift the blame. They were on that fourth level, shifting and refocusing the problem elsewhere. She didn't have to admit her part in the problem, her tox screen did that for her. They had the proof, she couldn't deny it, so now she was trying to shift the blame. The question was, would he take that fall for her? He'd do just about anything for her, but this?

He looked away from Rene to find Dixon staring at him intently, trying to read him as the man nodded slightly. Well at least someone else wasn't buying this pile of mong. He wanted to be angry with Rene, but at the moment he was tired and just wanted to get out the Life Center and back to their quarters. That might mean he'd have to play their games, so for the moment he'd play, just not the way they thought he would.

Starbuck turned to Jake. "So what's your excuse?"

Jake's reply let him know that sometime here in the Life Center while under constant supervision these two had already worked out their con, or maybe it was an old one they dusted off for this occasion.

"Dante had us all on something. Can't quit that cold you know. I've cut back, but this isn't what I wanted. My plan went south when you showed up." Jake gestured to indicate the Galactica, but Starbuck suspected Jake meant him specifically, and was pretty sure all the others in the room thought the same thing.

"You had your chance. You fraked it up on your own according to the rumors." Starbuck tossed the blame back on Jake, before shifting to Rene. "Who else was involved in this? Just Captain Pallus, or are there more I need to watch out for because you're cutting off their supply?"

Rene sighed, but Gage's voice joined the conversation. "Pallus has a few close friends that were…complicit in his activities in the past. Brody and Mars, as well as Agenor and Belus"

Salik grumbled, "So there's more officers I need to test, is that it?"

It was Rene's turn to wince, and Jake came to her rescue, "If you do then he knows we talked. It will get bad for us."

"Lieutenant, what do you mean?" Adama added the rank to remind everyone in the room that if this issue went deeper, Command needed to be involved. "If Warriors are being used and abused like they have been in the past, it needs to end here and now."

Jake shifted his gaze from Rene to the Commander. "You can't be everywhere sir, and most of them outrank us. They even outrank Starbuck. Maybe if they didn't, with all due respect sir, things might be different."

Starbuck wondered at what game Jake was playing now as the young man angled for Starbuck's promotion.

"If I find evidence of drug abuse, then there may be some demotions," the commander answered. Starbuck would have chuckled had this not been such a serious moment. Adama was no dummy. He saw the deception being used on him. "And, you are going to be watched closely, for your protection."

The Commander's words seemed to end the conversation, at least as far as Rene and Jake were concerned, but Starbuck was far from done. He just wasn't sure how much he wanted to discuss this in front of everyone in the room, but one issue had to be resolved before they could go forward.

"Sir," he addressed Adama, "Colonel Gage should not be involved in this issue. He's too close to the Copper Squadron."

Adama fixed him with a deep gaze before he replied, "I understand. He will no longer be in their chain of command, just as you are not. But as you acknowledge, he is involved and will remain so. Everyone's definition of family has been changed by your example Lieutenant. This is a family matter."

He considered that. It was true, Gage had been playing dad to the rats long before Starbuck. The problem was that Gage had been more than that and less, trying to be their friend and an occasional lover. His position in the family had been undefined, and it was time it was made clear. The pained expression on Gage's face reminded Starbuck that it might be a conversation for just he and Gage behind closed doors.

"Alright, where do we go from here?" Starbuck made a point of reaching his hand to hold Rene's as he addressed the doctor. It was Adama that answered him.

"I am giving you 24 centaurs to talk amongst your family and…," Adama dramatically cleared his throat, "clean up your quarters."

It was a generous gesture, giving them a chance to get rid of any evidence other than their tox screens. Starbuck looked to Rene, but she shook her head no. Their quarters wouldn't need the cleaning. If there was evidence, it wouldn't be found there. Again, he was left wondering where they had stashed it all. Even with his wild imagination, he couldn't figure it out.

"And tomorrow, I have a request to discuss with you and Rene from the IFB."

Starbuck groaned, "This day just keeps getting better. The answer is no, we're already sealed. They can't film what's already happened."

"Son, you haven't even heard their idea. You may find the proposition quite lucrative."

Starbuck shook his head knowing the last thing he and Rene needed was the IFB involved in their lives, no matter the reason. They could offer him the whole payroll for all the squadrons and the answer would be no. He had already taken enough ribbing and grief for his short "Warrior of the Centaur" segment. Lords he wished he had never agreed to that, and the adulation over his triad games had been fun at first, and then had become exhausting every time he tried to do anything around the fleet away from the Galactica. His celebrity status came at a cost, one he wasn't willing to have Rene help pay right now.

"We can discuss it in the future," Adama conceded. "You are on light duty for now. Rene will be released for duty when the doctor feels there is no threat to her health or the baby's, and even then, it will be light duty until the child arrives." Adama addressed Rene directly, "I'm sure you can understand why I will not be trusting you at the controls of any space worthy vehicle until your child is born. I would like for you to discuss with me, Dr. Wilker and Peryton your abilities, but," Adama held up his own hand, "that can wait until you are in better health. So, until then, rest. It will be some time before Starbuck also sees the pilot seat of a viper. And one more thing," he focused his look of disappointment on Jake and then Rene, "You will be answering any questions I have about your extracurricular activities for my investigation into this matter, understood?"

The two mumbled, "Yes sir."

"That goes for you too Lt. Starbuck."

He resisted the urge to remind the Commander that he was clean in this matter, but he had known that Rene was consuming more stimulants than she should, and that Jake's hydroponics project contained more than vegetables and herbs for cooking. "Yes sir."

"I also expect if there are any problems with your recovery, you will come to me or to Dr. Salik, understood?"

"You don't need to worry," Starbuck answered, "I will see that she follows the doctors' orders."

Jake chimed in, "And I'll see that Starbuck does as well."

Dr. Salik quipped, "And I will see that you all follow mine."

Dixon turned to Adama. "So you have an established chain of command in place. Does that alleviate your fears?"

"No." Adama didn't restrain his reply earning the attention of everyone in the room. Rene's hand gripped his hard, not the two squeezes that was their unspoken code. The Commander's simple no had taken Rene by surprise. Starbuck tried to squeeze back to reassure her, but her grip was too tight.

"These two Warriors were able to get away with more than they should right under our noses. I know you are bound by rules about patient confidentiality, but if I am correct, you are required to report to the authorities if one of your patients is endangering themselves or others. I would say that ingesting illegal substances would certainly qualify for such notifications, but knowledge of unauthorized flights into enemy territory definitely crosses the line. I would like to believe that like myself you were unaware, but I suspect that assumption is incorrect. I will overlook it this time. I realize Rene can be quite persuasive. She was able to convince Colonel Gage to allow the risks as well, but in the future, you will share that information with me when it concerns my warriors and my family, is that understood Dr. Dixon?"

Dixon was slow to reply, his eyes narrowing as if he were examining the Commander before he said, "Understood."

As Rene eased up her grip on his hand, Starbuck didn't need the Counselor to tell him the answer to the Commander's supposition. Dixon had known, and he too had allowed Rene to continue her actions. They all had in one way or another, a fact made clear as Adama's gaze travelled around the room, sparing no one, before focusing upon Rene.

"You were astute enough to achieve your goal and accomplish your mission despite the setbacks. You were lucky. I suggest you don't push that luck. Your delay in returning has made us all realize, we need you. I do not say this lightly. I am asking that you respect that fact and to not be so callous with your own life."

Starbuck felt Rene's hand tremble and it was his turn to tighten his hold upon her as she uttered softly, "Yes sir."

"Good. Now go home. Your family is waiting. We will talk more tomorrow."

"And stay clean," Dr. Salik added not waiting for a reply as he left the room. The Commander and Colonel Gage followed him, leaving Starbuck, Rene and Jake with Dr. Dixon. Starbuck waited for the doctor to get up to leave, but he remained.


	76. Chapter 76

The room remained silent as the Commander and his staff exited. Jake finally sighed and looked to Rene. Starbuck wasn't sure what they communicated without words.

"Can we go?" Starbuck finally asked.

Dixon turned to him, putting Starbuck under his scrutiny, but he addressed Rene with his question. "How closely did it match to what you had drawn, Rene? How accurate were your dreams?"

Starbuck tensed. He didn't want to get into this now. He was tired and just wanted to go home, but if he was truly honest with himself, he never wanted to talk about the things Rene could do, the things she saw in her dreams, and the voices she heard. They had not spoken of Count Iblis and the jump she did to cheat the deal she had made. He wanted to believe it was because they were focused on their future together, on the family they were building. The truth was something he didn't want to admit even to himself, and definitely not to anyone else. He was a warrior who had survived the attack on Umbra as a child and succeeded in the Colonial foster system. He did it by being brave and not allowing fear to control him, but if he was honest with himself, Rene's prophetic dreams scared him more than any mortal enemy.

He tried to meet Dixon's eyes without wavering, but the man broke through his warrior mantle like a viper through a summer cloud, drilling deep into his core. The man didn't say a word, not to him anyway, finding all his answers like the deep scan the Cylons had used on his body.

Rene's voice was still emotionless and low as she answered, "Pretty close."

"Did you tell anyone about how you thought this all would end?"

Rene didn't answer while Dixon continued to scrutinize Starbuck.

"That we'd save them all and bring them home," Starbuck tossed out the answer like a triad ball wondering who would pick it up first and which goal they would aim for.

Dixon finally broke his probing to turn to Rene. "Omission of information is still a lie to many individuals. You may not remember how you met him or why you are with him, but you told me you trusted him. You didn't trust him with the ending?"

The knowledge jolted down his spine and he wondered briefly if the Cylons were in range utilizing their little switch of pain. It changed everything, didn't it? Should he even be going back to those quarters with Rene? Was he a complete stranger to her? He didn't look to his wife for the answers, turning to Jake.

The young man looked sorrowful, and worse, guilty of something as he inferred Starbuck's unspoken question. "She remembers enough and she didn't even tell me how it was supposed to end until we were already on Caprica. Her fever was high enough to have her confused so I assumed it was just her rambling. It's why I wanted us to go get a raider, to maybe change it somehow."

"But it did change didn't it?" Dixon asked Rene again. "It didn't end the way you thought it would, did it? Why is that do you think?"

"How was it supposed to end?" Starbuck couldn't help but ask, wishing to focus on Rene's visions rather than on her lack of memories. But he didn't ask her, he asked Jake who shrugged so Starbuck looked to Dixon.

"She told me that the children would die, but at least they would be free of the Cylons."

"No, n..not l…like that, close but," Rene added taking a deep breath before going forward, "We all would die. The b..base w..w..would explode and…" She squinted and took a calming breath. The stutter bothered her more than it did anyone else. "We would walk out with the kids and then we would die in the fires."

"But you didn't. Why do you think that is? You told me thus far your," Dixon paused briefly and Starbuck read the hesitation as a sign he was not fully convinced in Rene's abilities, "your visions are very accurate. So why is this one different?"

"No, I didn't say th..that. Sometimes they change if I…or someone…I was supposed to die after killing Dante. We were supposed to make it to a pl…planet and then…but it changed. Things haven't turned out exactly like I dream since I saw the fleet and…and I saw his eyes, but he…" she indicated Starbuck, "he changes things. I don't know why or how."

"You saw my eyes?" he latched onto the hope like a rope tossed to him as he was drowning in a troubled sea. "But you said you saw the Galactica sectars before we showed up, the fleet I mean. You saw me?" He looked at her hopefully, not caring that Dixon had gone back to analysing his reactions with a penetrating stare.

She nodded. "Even before I saw the fleet. I…" her hand trembled in his.

He stepped toward her brushing aside Dixon, pulling her from the bio bed into his arms. He had enough of the two being separated. He knew all he needed to know. This time she didn't flinch when he touched her, and if she was stiff at first, it faded quickly as he whispered in her ear, "See, we belong together. I can change things, just give me time." Her arms coming around him to hold on was the all the answer he needed. She didn't need to remember anything about him. The past didn't matter. He lived in the now, and they would work on the future.

But first, he wanted out of here. He wanted to forget their recent past of places that looked too much like a medical facility. A shiver shook him and he pulled away from his wife, turning to the counselor.

"Can we have this conversation later, or at least somewhere else?"

Dixon nodded, seeming to understand. "We can continue this tomorrow. I'll be meeting with both of you. Seems you got your wish Lt. Starbuck. You are now a patient of mine courtesy of the Colonial Service."

Starbuck didn't like the touch of evil in the grin on the counselor's face. He suppressed a heavy sigh. This should have been a good day, but he'd been dealt one blow after another. The only good thing so far had been Rene's arms around him. He'd just wanted to know about what the Counselor had learned from Rene, not wind up in a session himself. He didn't need to be psychoanalyzed, but he would voice that objection with the commander. Right now, he just wanted to get home, so it was easier just to agree. "Fine, great, what time tomorrow? My schedule might be booked."

"Make time. Or better yet, call me when you wake. Let me know how you slept because I hear you're not doing much of that." Dixon didn't wait for a reply as he came to his feet. "Number one priority is to get some rest. We'll talk tomorrow," he said in farewell as he patted Rene on the shoulder and left the room.

Rene seemed to breathe a sigh of relief as she laid her head on his chest and tightened her arms around him. He gave his own sigh as he let the weight of the world fall away. She knew him or else she would have pulled away once everyone left the room, not snuggled in closer. He held her allowing himself to finally recognize that they had made it. They had survived Caprica and the Life Center. It was finally time to go home.

He lifted his head and looked to see that Jake was still there, patiently waiting on the two. The young man had dropped his surly attitude in fact there was even a glimmer of a wistful smile and touch of compassion in his eyes. Crius had been right, it was a package deal, Jake and Rene, but that didn't mean that Starbuck couldn't set some boundaries in order to make this work.

"Ready to go home, brother?" he decided to follow the border that Jake had set.

"Whenever you are G C," he answered.

"G C?" he enjoyed the giggle that Rene gave into his chest.

"Gold Cl..clusters," she clarified smiling up at him.

"That's right and don't you forget it." It was meant as a joke, but the implication of his choice in words reminded him that that he needed to go slow, give Rene time to let her body, but more importantly her mind to recover. "Let's go, and I suggest we take the long way home. Avery and his men are working in the corridors."

"Yeah, he's different here," Jake shrugged, "Not sure I trust him, but despite all his bark I think his wife has him on a short leash."

"That's where you come in. I don't want to deal with him today. He gets close, you have my permission to drop him again. Lords, I'm sorry I missed out on that. Come on, let's get out of here." He reached for Rene's hand and deeply enjoyed waving good-bye to Giselle and Dr. Paye. He liked the two well enough, liked them even better as fellow drinking pals in the OC more than he enjoyed being under their care.

Jake took the lead and ran interference. They didn't take the long way like he wanted, but Jake did speak to Wylie, who spread the word. The men remained at their tasks, not approaching Starbuck and Rene, but each one gave a soft, "Thank you," as they passed. The walk began to feel like a funeral procession as Rene gripped his hand hard, and Starbuck offered each man a shrug and some platitudes. "It's okay. Just did my job."

When they reached their quarters, they found several plates of baked goods waiting for them outside their door.

"You've been out of the Life Center for a few days. Have they been like this with you?" Starbuck asked Jake as he helped to pick up the plates before keying the door. Rene seemed dazed and he just wanted to get her inside.

"Yeah," Jake answered, and didn't elaborate.

He wanted to ask more, at the very least make sure that Jake wasn't taking advantage of the situation, but he was more concerned with Rene who had entered their chambers and then stopped, turning slowly to look at the paintings on the walls as if she didn't remember putting them there. She came full circle and gazed at him with confusion.

"You okay?" He almost dropped the plates in his hands but managed to get them to the table before turning to his wife, who had turned away to stare at the starry multi-colored sky she had painted by their bed. He reached out to touch her gently, not wanting to startle her, and eased his arms around her. "I like that one the best."

She relaxed into his arms. "It's missing the tall grass that was around us. Can you hear it?"

"Hear what?" Then he thought he could, the wind that rustled the dry grass and trees that protected them as they had made love outdoors under that night sky. It was the last peaceful moment before walking into a Cylon base. He thought he could see the clouds in the painting move like they had that night as the light faded.

Jake's voice broke the spell. "You ready for the kids?"

Starbuck wasn't sure what to answer, but after only a moment's hesitation, Rene said, "Not yet. Give us a centaur alone. I want to take a real turbo." Her voice sounded stronger than it had since Caprica.

"You sure?" he whispered in her ear, feeling her nod, both knowing he wasn't asking about the turbo, but about being alone. He looked back to Jake who seemed to be waiting for Starbuck's approval. He gave the young man a nod and was surprised when Jake didn't question the dismissal.

"A centaur. I will be in the council chambers if you need me."

As the door shut behind him, Starbuck gave a sigh letting himself relax, revelling in the feeling of Rene's sigh matching his own. They stood that way looking at the painting on the wall for several centons before he finally whispered, "Welcome home."

Rene swallowed hard at his words and he felt her draw away, but he held on tight. "What's wrong?"

She turned in his arms laying her head on his chest as she mumbled, "I'm sorry."

"Hey, none of that. It wasn't your fault. It's Avery that should be apologizing or that blue caped robot, but not you. I followed you of my own free will, and I would follow you again even if it meant walking back into captivity."

She shuddered briefly in his arms and it was his turn to apologize, "Sorry, didn't mean to bring up the Cylons."

"No, it's not that. I…I don't remember painting it or…us in that bed with that painting….or..."

He appreciated the admission of truth, but he cut her off, not wanting to know much more. "Well lucky for me then that you don't remember what a bad bet it was marrying me. And I get to woo you all over again, only better now that I know what I'm doing.

Her laughter bordered too closely to a sob. "Hey, it's okay." He tightened his arms around her, leaning down to place a kiss upon her brow. "The doctors said it would come back and until then I'll take it slow. Just tell me when it is too much, okay? Just know you can trust me and it's alright if you don't remember, in fact I kind of envy you. I wish I didn't remember being in the care of the Cylons."

"I remember most of Caprica," she said softly, "I remember being under that sky with you and…and ..and what they did." She trembled in his arms and he pulled her even closer.

"How about we try to forget that, okay? You remember being with me under the sky of Caprica and you're here with me now. That's all that matters." Her eyes looked up to him and he wanted to wipe away the traces of fear that made them stormy gray. He reached up to lightly stroke her face, pushing her hair behind her ears before leaning down to softly kiss her. She met his lips without hesitation, but he kept the kiss brief and light, pulling back so he could bring her back into his chest. He stood there rocking her, finding himself humming for a moment. "This is nice. This is all I need, to forget the past and just be with you." Through his tunic he felt a light touch tap his stomach, but her hands were around him touching his back. He pulled back in surprise. "Was that the baby?"

She nodded up at him smiling and he couldn't resist leaning down to kiss her again. He had missed this and missed so much more. "Go slow," he reminded himself. "We should get you that turbo, and I bet the kids are going nuts not seeing you for over a secton. Then you and I should rest like we were told before we deal with dinner, alright? Then that's it, back here, tucked into bed. That's the mission parameters for today."

"Yes sir," she said before she leaned up on tiptoes to give him a kiss. He melted into it before remembering that Doctor Salik had been very clear on what they should not be doing in that bed just yet. But soon. He hung on to the hope of soon.

He drew himself away from the kiss. It had made him feel good enough to forget doctor's orders. He could do anything, but they probably shouldn't push themselves on the first day, so he led her off to the turbo. They both were still covered in tape and stitches with a few bruises fading to strange colors of purple and yellow. Most of the scrapes and scratches he knew they had picked up on their flight from the Cylons and should have healed by now. The huge purple bruise covering his ribs he'd received when he ejected from the viper was a good reminder that their bodies were weakened by the radium poisoning. He thought about giving Rene some privacy, but the bruises reminded him that maybe it was best he stayed. They ended up helping each other bathe. Rene's hands were gentle on his sore ribs. They dressed again, only in softer civilian clothes, leaving their boots by the door. He wouldn't need them for a few more days. Salik thought he was fine for light duty, but Paye had overridden the senior doctor pointing out that his grip still wasn't as strong as it should be. Starbuck kept to himself the tingling and numbness that he powered through for the tests. Now trying to dress, he couldn't manage the buttons and ties. Rene helped, and between the two of them they managed to get it done, laughing at the absurdity of it.

He made Rene take a seat on their sofa as he got them something warm and soothing to drink. He was coming into the room when he heard the door being keyed without even a knock or a chime. He'd need to have a word with Jake about that, but he couldn't be mad as the kids came rushing in, including Lara, Jason and the new kid, Cain. Kalea had become steadier on her feet, but Kiff still beat her across the room, calling out "Mama Rene!" as he launched into her arms. Jake set Leia down and the baby quickly crawled towards Starbuck.

"When did that happen?" he asked somewhat shocked. They hadn't been gone that long. It was Cain that replied.

"Well look at that. First time, I swear."

He figured Cain was lying, but he didn't care as he picked up his adopted daughter who clung to him, patting his face as if to make sure he was real. He couldn't hold her long, she was heavier than he remembered. Jake left him a place on the sofa, making a point of taking a seat in one of the chairs by the table. Jason seemed just as eager as Kiff to hang onto Rene and the sofa was crowded but Starbuck didn't mind the jostling as the kids wiggled and fought over getting hugs and kisses. Jake rescued them, reminding the kids to go slow, "Gentle. They're healing." Kalea had managed Starbuck's whole name and he kind of wished she had stuck to the sweet soft syllables of her nickname for him of "Stah".

They were a family again even if it didn't quite fit the Colonial standard definition of what a family should be. He watched a real smile actually play across Jake's face as Rene tried to hold on to all of them at once, reaching out a hand to grasp Starbuck's for a moment as he brought the newest member Cain into the mix of it, asking him questions about how things had been when they were gone.

Jason filled in answers for the kid who had suddenly gone shy, but Starbuck completely understood how the kid felt. It was overwhelming to have been alone for so many yahrens, and then suddenly find yourself a part of something big and wonderful that you couldn't really control. Sometimes it still left him breathless, wondering how he got so lucky and how soon it might be that he'd lose them again. In the case of Cain, they were about to lose him in a way as he announced that they had decided when the next class of cadets would be starting training.

"So, in about five sectons. I mean, I'll still be here on the Galactica but..." he'd adopted the rat's shrug.

"You can still live with us though, right?" Jake asked Starbuck, but he shook his head no.

"They are trying to run it like a real academy. He'll be confined to the barracks for a while." He knew he should be worried by the sneaky look Rene cast Jake that clearly said they could work around that rule, but the expression was so much like the old Rene that he found himself laughing at the two of them. Fresh out of the Life Center from a botched mission and they were already plotting to undermine the young man's training.

As the chatter continued and little Kalea climbed up onto his lap and snuggled in, Starbuck found himself dozing off. He hated to confirm the assessment, but Dixon had been right, he'd not been sleeping well. He also didn't want to admit that the kids were wearing him out. "I'm just finally relaxed," he decided.

He didn't have the heart to kick them out so they could get some rest before dinner, but then Rene looked at Cain confused. She flashed a sign at Jake asking why the kid was there. Jake gave her the same sign he'd been giving her when she became disoriented, one that meant "Hold and stay quiet". It was what had been working so far in getting Rene to stop asking questions, but Starbuck knew they were never going to know when she lost track or how bad it really was if they just shut her down each time.

"Okay kids, nap time," Jake announced. It led to Kiff proclaiming loudly he was almost four and he had outgrown naps. It took a bit to convince him that Rene was the one who needed the nap, but once the concept was grasped, Kiff insisted on tucking her in, taking her hand and leading her to the bed, and even telling her a story, albeit one that made little sense. Starbuck watched the scene from his place on the couch, Kalea asleep in his arms as if she too could finally relax. Jake employed Jason and Cain to get the little ones while he told Kiff it was time to go. Starbuck wanted to intervene when the young boy dissolved into howls of protest, but Jake overrode his objections, picking up the child now all arms and legs. "Get some sleep. There will be guests at dinner."

"Guests? Don't tell me, Avery and his people?" Starbuck sighed, but Jake shook his head no.

"Not Avery. Apollo's bringing a date and seems the Commander's been taking your place. He's bringing Peryton, with Bojay and Athena. Oh, and your dad wanted to be there too."

It took Starbuck a moment to grasp the words. "My dad," he wondered aloud, "right, Chameleon." He hadn't been alone with the old con artist since he told Starbuck the truth, but then again, Starbuck hadn't been alone with anyone since the cell on Caprica. His shudder surprised him as the sudden vision of those white walls closing in filled his mind.

"He doesn't have to be there. I can tell him not to come," Jake was quick to offer.

"No, it's okay, just…just something else," he answered looking back to Rene who was already dozing off in their bed.

"I'll be back in a centon. You shouldn't be alone for a while," Jake said instinctively understanding what the problem might be.

"We're okay." He tried to reassure the young man, wanting it to be true.

"No, you're not, not yet." Jake answered as Kiff began to struggle again and begged to stay. Jake was able to get the kid from the room and Starbuck walked over to the bed.

He stared down at the vision he had prayed for, Rene back in their quarters and in their bed, safe and sound. "If only it could stay that way," he mumbled. He debated if he should crawl in with her, or if it would be better for her if he slept on the sofa, but his body did the talking as he climbed under the covers and pulled her into his arms. She sighed in her sleep and nestled into his arms. He tried to let it chase away the images that loomed at the edges of his mind. He was still awake when Jake returned. He had brought with him one of his acoustic guitars, he had quite a collection now, and began strumming songs.

Jake was still practicing when Starbuck woke with a start.


	77. Chapter 77

He bolted upright, pushing away the weight that was holding him down as the screams filled his ears, his name echoing down the corridor as he choked on his own shouts for Apollo. Why had he taken so damn long to get there?

It was the surprise of finding that his limbs were light and he wasn't tied down that brought him to full consciousness. The weight he was pushing away was soft and pliable, not steel bonds. It was his own wife in his arms and her soft groan at his movements which made him grateful that he'd been able to keep his shout contained. But the effort of holding it in had him gasping for air as he oriented himself to the abrupt change in his surroundings.

The sound of the guitar strumming softly helped him to slow his pounding pulse. He tried to close his eyes, but the visions inside his own head were frightening. He looked towards Rene's friend, finding the young man watching him, but he didn't move from his chair nor pause in his playing. When their eyes met, Jake said softly, "You're okay."

It wasn't a question, but Starbuck answered it anyway with a soft, "Yeah, I am." He brought up his wrist to check the time, forgetting that somewhere on Caprica he had lost his chrono. He didn't think he had slept long, but it seemed a yahren since he'd been in this bed. Rene was right, it was hard to judge time on the Battlestar when you were used to being planetside. He wanted to ask Jake the time but figured it didn't matter. If they had to be somewhere, he would have awakened them. Rene was still sleeping and he tried to rejoin her, but when he closed his eyes, all he could see was the gleam of medical instruments and his eyes flew open. The soft gray of the ceiling was little comfort, looking far too clean, wide and somehow sterile. He missed seeing the bottom of a bunk and hearing the sounds of his buddies snoring away.

He thought he understood now why the Rats often slept with music pods in their ears. The guitar helped as Jake kept strumming, only pausing briefly to tap something into his data pad. Starbuck wondered what he was doing, but he didn't recognize the song Jake was playing and it occurred to him that Jake wrote his own songs and wondered what this one would be about. Not a love song, that much he knew. He closed his eyes again, trying to lose himself in the music, but it wasn't working. He was just too conscious of everything and wasn't really tired, besides he had things he should be doing, didn't he? He always did.

He eased his way out of the bed hoping to not wake Rene, who mumbled something in protest, but she rolled away towards the wall and remained asleep. He headed for the kitchen, getting himself and Jake an ale from the chiller, enjoying the taste of something other than water. As he handed Jake his, the young man quirked an eyebrow.

"Salik was pretty clear he wanted to find nothing on my tox screen. I'm assuming that means nothing."

Starbuck tried not to chuckle, "Yeah well, that's in a secton and ale is allowed, and if not, you can just do what you guys do best and claim someone else made you do it."

Jake flipped him a very rude hand gesture as he downed half the ale in a long pull as if worried it might be taken from him. Starbuck tried not to laugh, instead asking, "So where did you hide it all? Our quarters aren't that big." He knew from the long pause from Jake as he set down the drink and resumed strumming the guitar that any answer he gave would be a lie.

"Not here."

"Oh wow, that was different. The truth, how refreshing," he smiled at Jake to try to let him know he was just teasing, but the young man glared back. "It was a joke. I'm on your side, remember?"

"Yeah, well for the last secton I've been chewed out so much I am honestly searching for teeth marks on my astrum, so you can stow it."

Jake had a point, and Starbuck tried to remember the kid was just as tired as the rest of them. "Okay, sorry, but it is a real question. We are going to have all our quarters searched, so what will they find?"

"Depends on what you have stashed. As for the Rats? We survived Dante, remember? You think we owned our quarters? No, we made them out of the supplies others didn't want, and when they looked good, they were taken from us and we had to start again from scratch. We know how to hide anything that's important. It's in the last place you would think to look."

Starbuck contemplated Jake's words as he sipped at the ale, thinking back on the Rat's past. They hadn't had anything resembling a private living space for a long while. They'd been on the streets before the destruction and the Caprican refugees hadn't been given quarters on the Zakar. The ship had been overloaded and he'd seen first-hand the makeshift bunks and living spaces they had carved out of corridors. They had been given quarters here on the Galactica, but with the rescue of Avery's people, Starbuck could see how Jake might anticipate a repeating pattern. The rats were being asked to share their living spaces once again. Knowing how pushy the survivalist from Caprica could be, the Copper Squadron might lose some of what they had gained. Starbuck would be making a point of sitting beside Adama tonight at dinner; he had more than a few things to discuss with the Commander.

Then it hit him like a pulsar bolt between the eyes. The last place he'd think to look for any contraband. "You hid it in the Commander's quarters?"

Jake's fingers slipped on the guitar strings sounding a sour note.

"Holy frak, I'm right!" Starbuck congratulated himself for finally figuring it out, amazed at the sense that it made. It was just down the corridor, and probably had the room with supplies running low. The contraband would be secure from others stumbling across it who might not have a stake in the profits, and if it was found, the rats would be the first to know. They'd be in a mong heap of trouble of course, but they would know. Besides, how often did a Commander go through his own quarters? Plenty of storage in the Commander's larder, but not enough for the amounts he was sure these two had plundered. "Well, I'm right for some of it anyway, so where's the rest?" he voiced his thoughts, still a little in awe that he hadn't thought of it sooner.

"If you are on our side, you won't keep asking. Besides, who says it's on the Galactica? She can go anywhere she wants."

He considered the words as he looked to Rene. He wished he could say she was sleeping peacefully, but she'd put her back against the wall and her features looked troubled, a frown creasing her brow as she dreamed. He heaved a heavy sigh instead of lecturing Jake about the risks they had put themselves into if his words were truth. If they had been doing a lot of jumping across their known universe, they had put more than themselves and the health of his unborn child at risk. There were more than the Cylons to fear in the great unknown. Who knew if Iblis was still out there waiting on them? What would he do? What could he do?

"Do you think the people of light meant for her to have this ability so she could obtain and hide black market goods? They didn't strike me as smugglers." He left it unspoken that Iblis did have all the qualities of the pirates from their past.

Jake stopped strumming and the silence of the quarters suddenly felt oppressive, maybe due to the fact that it wasn't silent, just absent of human voices. Starbuck could hear the hiss of the air circulating from the refresher, the hum of the chiller in the other room, and underlying all of that the throb of the Galactica's engines. After the quiet of Caprica, it was almost overwhelming the cacophony of mechanical sounds when all he wanted to hear was the breaths of those he cared about. He looked away from his wife back to the young man shocked at how old the kid looked at that moment, the artificial lights bringing out the lines of worry on his face.

"I don't know why they gave it to her. I used to think it was just to torture us more, to have the ability to go anywhere but," he shook his head, reaching out to down the rest of the ale before speaking again, "There was nowhere to go, nowhere we could get away from them. There are some planets she found later she doesn't think that the Cylons have been to, but they are primitive, and the environments harsh. It is a gamble to go there with the kids. Don't think it wasn't tempting, especially when Dante got in a mood. Maybe if it was just…us…but there's always been some kids to worry about."

"Yeah, but you would have been away from Dante and the kids might have been safer," Starbuck reasoned, then remembered the night he spent in a landram on Arcta and shivered. "But yeah, I see what you are saying."

Jake nodded. "Too many unknowns I guess, and she always said that Dante was at least the demon we knew. Plus, there's a difference between solitude and being utterly alone."

The words echoed like their voices in the dark sewers of Caprica and he thought he understood what Jake was talking about. Starbuck knew he could be kind of a solitary person, maybe due to his upbringing and how he tried to keep everyone out, but the real truth he realized now was the complete opposite. When Starbuck had gone on long recon patrols, even the one where he wound up on Proteus in their prison, he'd not felt alone. He had the Galactica to come home to, Apollo and Boomer looking for him, and Blue and Red squadron to call on. When he crash landed on Attila, he knew Boomer was going to come back and help. Apollo was with him most of the time, and when he wasn't, he knew his friend would come find him. But falling through Rene's rift to Caprica that first time and climbing out of the cockpit onto the empty streets of his ruined home world had redefined the word 'alone'.

"How about we stop playing around with it then, at least until we know more about it. I mean, is it that bad here that you were willing to take the risk?"

Jake just gave him a shrug. The gesture said far too much and Starbuck wondered if the Rats would ever be happy in the fleet.

"Starbuck, it wasn't my idea. It was hers."

The words stung and his chest burned almost as if he'd been shot. Jake read his reaction, offering up an explanation to soften the blow.

"She thinks she's doing the right thing. She went back for a dress to wear to your sealing. She went back for you, to make you happy."

"I was already happy," he reasoned with Jake, as if somehow it could change what had happened and turn back time. "I'm a guy. Dresses don't tend to fulfil me. Now the lack of a dress . . ."

Jake didn't say anything for a few centons, going back to strumming before he softly said, "If you could do what she does, would you just stop if she asked you to?"

He thought about it realizing the kid had a point. If he could jump around the universe on a whim, he was pretty sure he would any chance he got. Jake didn't give him the opportunity to admit the point as he continued, "It wasn't about being unhappy or wanting to get away from you or even the Galactica. Once Gage opened up that possibility, she took it. You should know her well enough by now; she's in for the whole game even if she has to lose all her cubits. The dress was just an excuse. I think even the dreams were just the spin of the wheel to point the direction to go. Look, I don't know why they gave her this gift, but they did. Maybe it's a curse, maybe we'll both lose her to it someday, but until then, I'm going to follow her even if it all goes to hades every time I do."

Starbuck nodded, knowing he would probably do the same despite how stupid it would be. He turned away from the young man before the kid could guess his thoughts. He looked to Rene, finding that she was awake and regarding the two of them. He didn't know what to say, unsure what she had heard. The topic was too much to deal with today. They'd already had a full day and a busy night lay ahead of them.

He was about to ask Jake to leave them alone again, but the door chimed and Jake got up to admit Apollo, Boomer and Sheba. Rene sat up in bed….

To my adoring fans,

I am far from finished, but my job and personal life require that I take a bit of a hiatus for a month or so. I don't like it any more than you do, but hopefully I will come back with more stories and more chapters to this ever expanding epic. There are more twists and turns to come. I want to keep putting out a quality product in all areas of my life, and I want to do this story the justice it deserves. That means waiting for when I have enough time to really write. Thanks for your support and understanding.


	78. Chapter 78

Starbuck was about to ask Jake to leave them alone again, but the door chimed and Jake got up to admit Apollo, Boomer and Sheba. As Rene sat up in bed greeting his friends, he understood his opportunity for some privacy had passed and would not return for some time. But that was okay. Suddenly he wasn't sure if it was a good idea to be alone with Rene. He had too many questions to ask that might lead to places he probably shouldn't go. Neither of them was healthy enough for a fight. That's what it would have become. Jake had come way too close to a tender point for Starbuck. Rene had left all of them, risked her own life to get away from him. Oh yeah, sure they'd saved some people that needed saving and it wasn't really about her being unhappy, or so Jake thought, and yeah, Starbuck got to be the hero in the end, but it didn't change the facts. She'd left him and that still stung.

"We're not intruding, are we?" Sheba asked taking in the somber faces of the room.

"No, not at all." Starbuck rushed to hide the thoughts running around in his head as he got up from his chair, offering it up. "Just trying to wake up, that's all, right?" He reached a hand to Rene who was shoving covers aside to get up. She winced. "Doc said to go slow."

She tightened her grip on his hand once, a silent rebuke to not tell her what to do, but he just squeezed back. She needed someone to remind her that it mattered if she hurt herself. "Go slow," he said again, keeping a hold of her hand, not letting her get to her feet, just to sitting up on the edge of the bed, before he turned his attention to Apollo.

"Time for dinner?"

"Almost, we just thought we'd come by and warn you."

"Warn me? What, no, don't tell me, Avery's coming to dinner?" He grimaced. "I think we'll dine in."

Boomer chuckled. "See, I told you."

Apollo rolled his eyes at Boomer. "Actually, I'm here to let you know there have been some changes while we were gone."

"So everyone keeps saying, but we weren't gone that long. Want to clue me in on the conspiracy, Sheba?"

Sheba held up her hands. "Nope. I'm still mad you left me behind. I think you'll just have find this out for yourself, just like I had to figure out that you weren't coming back in the centaur or two that you mentioned."

"Hey, that wasn't my decision. Talk to your…uh…to Apollo about not including you on the mission. He made that call and in retrospect, I think you can agree that you may have wanted to miss out on this one. As for coming home late, that's Avery's fault, not ours. And if Avery's going to be at dinner, we aren't going."

"No," Apollo said slowly, "That's not what I came to warn you about. Like I said, there've been some changes. My father's responsible for dinner."

"What? You mean he brought the protein. That was good of him." Starbuck looked to Boomer who was trying to hide a smirk.

"Yes, but more than that, Starbuck. He made dinner."

Starbuck shot a glare at Jake, "He's the commander. He orders other people to do food prep duty when they've been stripped and moduled. You don't put him to work like that. Don't you think you guys should learn some respect by now?

"HEY!" Rene and Jake spoke in unison.

Jake grumbled, "I was with you guys, remember? I had no idea he could even cook."

"That remains to be seen," Apollo interjected. "It seems my father has joined the Copper Squadron, or at least that's what he's told me. When we didn't return, Jason asked for some help, and my father, being who he is, stepped in and helped."

"What? Jason? Not Crius or…" Starbuck looked down to Rene who got to her feet to join them, concern coloring her face an even paler shade of sallow.

"What kind of help? What would they need help with?" Rene asked Apollo.

It was Sheba that answered. "He asked the Commander to halt the fleet to wait for your return. Adama agreed and well, the rest seems to be the Commander's own idea."

"He agreed to put the whole fleet at risk of detection? Just for us? That doesn't sound like the skipper. We have even more people to worry about now and, the rest? What do you mean 'the rest'? How much could have changed in two sectons?" Starbuck voiced the question aloud that he, Rene and Jake were all thinking. The three shared a wary look especially as Boomer began to openly laugh.

"You'll see," Apollo answered giving them a wink. He couldn't keep his own grin hidden any longer.

Starbuck's instinct was to grin back, but he wasn't sure why. He felt like he'd just woken up from a year long sleep and was completely out of the loop..

"Okay, you boys have had your fun and games. I'm hungry and you owe me a dinner for the time when you stood me up so you could go to Caprica without me. Let's go." Sheba reached to shove Apollo and Boomer from the room. Starbuck reached down and found Rene's hand.

"Ready for this?" Starbuck asked, seeing Rene nod at the same time as she squeezed his hand hard, one action contradicting the other. "It's just family."

"Uh huh," Rene answered.

It let him know with barely a word that she still didn't consider Adama family, but she allowed him to lead her from the room down to the council chambers.

The room was chaotic as usual with the younger kids involved in a game of tag while Dara was trying to get the older kids to finish their homework. Lizbet and Crius had their hands full with the babies Zac and Leia trying to get them fed. It was Crius that gave the first shout of "Hooray, you're back!" The walls reverberated as the children joined in. A white-haired man in coveralls and an apron poked his head out of the food prep area and Starbuck almost asked Crius who it was before he realized it was the Commander.

"Holy frak," he mumbled as Crius handed him Leia.

"Watch your language, Bucko, there are kids present and a Commander. Not sure which one I'm more worried about. He might be the commander, but it's this little tyrant that's been ordering us around with her big lungs. She still won't eat for anyone but you."

"Well there's a mission I can finally complete." He took her in his arms and wanted to cheer himself at the wide smile she gave him. He was even more grateful when Jake caught Kiff before the kid could tackle his mother.

"Go slow," he started to remind Rene, but the first genuine smile he had witnessed to grace her features in over a secton took his breath away.

"You alright? You look a little pale and confused." Concern creased Crius's brow.

Starbuck wanted to ask Crius how he had held up in their absence. His new wing mate had been clear in his displeasure at being excluded from the mission. That's when they thought the operation would be a short one, a few centaurs at most, but instead Crius had been left with all of the family responsibilities for over a secton, including Jason and Cain who were troublemakers when given the opportunity. It had been the right decision in the end. If they had been not returned, Crius would have kept the family safe. That must have been what everyone thought, they were lost forever, when a few centaurs turned into more than a few cycles. Crius had put aside his own fears and asked for help from the person Starbuck trusted the most, the commander. He owed his new wing mate more gratitude than he could repay.

"I should be asking you that question. I owe you a drink, or a whole keg of ale. I haven't been drinking yet so it must just be the radion poisoning messing with my mind, but I think that's the Commander in there making a mess of my food prep area," he mumbled as he motioned with his head towards a seat for Rene, and then took his own next to her at the head of the table.

Crius patted him on the shoulder as he handed him the bottle and slid over the jar of baby food. "He does more than cook. Cleans too."

"While commanding a battlestar and presiding over the fleet? I'm really starting to feel like a real slacker." Starbuck wanted to know more, but Crius had turned towards his own wife to help her with their children, so he settled back in his chair and let the familiar chaos of a Copper Squadron evening engulf him. These were the happy sounds of home as the kids played around them and Rene was by his side with Kiff and Kalea in her lap. He wanted to remind her again to go slow, but he had his own hands full with Leia and Lara trying to get him anything he needed, a drink, another bottle, a towel to wipe up the mess. It didn't take long for the meal to be ready and Jason brought plates to them. Everyone took their places, but it took a few bites for Starbuck to realize that he was the only one eating.

"Uh, what are you waiting on?" he asked Nik who had taken the seat on his other side.

"He insisted." Nik answered. Before Starbuck could ask who he was, Commander Adama came out of the food prep area, a plate in hand, and took a seat farther down the table next to Apollo.

Adama clapped his hands twice and in Starbuck's amazement that's all it took for the chaos of the room to go quiet. "Let's bow our heads and thank the Lord for what we are about to receive, as well as for returning to us the valued members of our family and our crew. Since we are talking about Starbuck, I will keep this prayer short and just say I also thank the Lord for the opportunity to give Starbuck back his chores. May the Lords of Kobol bless us and prepare our stomachs for my admittedly mediocre cooking."

Starbuck tried not to choke on the food in his mouth as the others echoed the blessing. He made a point of swallowing before asking Nik, "You didn't make him clean turbos, did you?"

"He insisted. Not my idea. Crius tried to talk him out of it, but the old man is stubborn."

"He did the turbos?"

Nik nodded and Starbuck wanted to ask more, but the evil grin on young man's face told him it was fact. He shook his head in disbelief. The whole chore rotation system was created just for Nik. While Jake was notorious for ditching out of child care duties some of the time, he still pulled his own weight in other ways, but Nik was even more famous for skipping out on anything that resembled work. Nothing motivated the kid, and Starbuck had tried several different strategies. It seemed Nik had taken a page from his own manual for how to pawn off his duties to someone else, but this, this was above and beyond anything he would have ever even dreamed of trying.

He looked incredulously at the Commander who even though he was seated farther down the table still seemed to command the room. "Uh, sir, I'm fit for duty. I can take back those chores."

"It's Adama."

"I know your name sir, I just…"

"No son, in this room, I'm just Adama. Not sir, not commander, just Adama, and that's an order."

Before Starbuck could reply that he couldn't do that, the respect the service demanded was far too ingrained, even if the man was his best friend's father, Jason chimed in, "Or grandpa. He gets grumpy if you call him old man."

"Jason!" Starbuck barked, but Adama held up his hand halting the rebuke.

"It's alright Starbuck. They are right, I don't like the moniker, but these boys like to tease me, and I am not so old and feeble that I can't take a good ribbing now and then. Besides, they are just sore I keep beating them at triad."

Stunned, Starbuck looked at Apollo as he tried to process the words. He just couldn't picture his commander in a triad uniform, and once he could, it was an image he did not want in his head. He would prefer the ILs running more tests on him than the sight of those skimpy bottoms and mere straps for a top barely covering the white chest hair on the old man.

Apollo chuckled. "I tried to warn you. There've been some changes."

Nik leaned over, whispering low in Starbuck's ear, "Jason and Cain aren't stupid. They know about respect and let the commander win."

"Wait a centon. I'm still trying to get a disturbing image out of my brain." He rubbed his knuckles into his forehead. "Oh God, I think it's etched there."

"Really. Starbuck, they're being respectful," Nik promised.

"Oh well that makes it all better, I suppose." He rolled his eyes. "And the turbos?" he asked, not wanting to really know. Another image his brain was trying to expel.

"He claims he taught you how to clean them, and you'll be cleaning his too now that you're back. Want some more food?" Nik got up, not giving Starbuck a chance to reply until he returned with another plate of what was actually a really decent meal.

Rene leaned towards him speaking low, "So he's staying?"

He reached out for her hand, finding that they communicated best since Caprica if he could touch her. "I told you before, he's like my father."

Rene looked down the table to Chameleon, who was engaged in a conversation with Lizbet and Crius. "I thought he was your father."

"Well, it seems I have two now. And they're both staying I guess. It's not a problem is it? If it is I'll have to leave you so the three of us can go over to the IFB and do a sitcom called 'My Two Dads'." He didn't like that he couldn't read the look on Rene's face. She wasn't laughing at the joke and she nodded a little too slowly.

"I guess not. But it's getting crowded."

"We'll make room and we could use the extra hands once the baby arrives." He hoped that the logic would help to sway her to the inevitable. "The rats could use some new members to the pack, don't you think?"

She didn't get a chance to reply as the door to the chambers chimed, a sound not often heard in the room as people came and went usually without announcement.

"That would be our guests," Adama spoke.

"Guests? Oh no…You said Avery wasn't coming." Starbuck protested but Adama shot him a look that told him that his buddy Adama was still the Commander.

"No, we heard you loud and clear on that request. Gaia and some of the women requested an audience."

"An audience?" Boomer asked noting the peculiarity of the word.

"Their words, not mine. They said they just wanted to thank you for rescuing their children, and I thought we all could use a little gratitude and recognition since I can't formally award medals for the mission." Adama turned to Rene, fatherly concern painting his features. "They just want to thank you and you deserve to hear the words. You were missed and I'm not sure you understand how important you are. With your permission, of course." Adama waited.

Starbuck sighed in relief as the words melted Rene's resolve. She looked to him first and he squeezed her hand twice.

"Can't hurt to listen, right?" She didn't squeeze his hand back, instead disengaging from his as she nodded.

"Jason, will you let them in?" Adama said. The young man went to the door, keying it open. Gaia entered the room, barely giving the walls a glance, confirming Starbuck's fears.

Avery and his people had been here, probably often.

With Gaia was a woman that Starbuck didn't recognize, but he knew the young boy holding the woman's hand. Zion was a bit taller than he remembered, and thankfully appeared healthier than he'd been on Caprica. The woman holding his hand was most likely his mother.

Gaia approached the table. "We didn't want to intrude. We just wanted to thank you for returning our children to us. We can't thank you enough for. . ." Her words faltered as Zion pointed to Starbuck.

"He's the one who saved me," the boy explained to his mother. Zion pulled her towards the head of the table and she began to speak, "Thank you so much for saving my boy. Since the destruction he's all I have. Thank you so…" she took a few steps, but her eyes fell upon Rene and the woman froze in shock as her words altered. "Oh my lords! How can that be? For sectons I saw you…I saw you in my dreams. How can it be that you…you are alive? You…are flesh and blood and…" She looked from Rene over her shoulder to Gaia, "I thought it was just a dream. I thought the woman wasn't real but…she's here. She…she's the one."

Zion's mother turned back and took a faltering step towards Rene, before falling to her knees at Rene's feet. "Thank you, thank you so much, oh my lords, thank you."

She dissolved into hysterical sobs and Rene recoiled from the woman. Rene scanned the room, eyes wide, searching for an escape. Starbuck wasn't sure if it was in fright or disbelief, but he was sure that Rene was going to bolt if he didn't do something. He reached out and grabbed her arm to hold her there while he tried to figure out what else to do. Rene tensed under his grip.

"We were just doing our jobs, ma'am," Starbuck offered up and squeezed Rene's arm twice. He was relieved when his wife followed his lead mumbling, "Just doing our jobs."

But the words had the opposite effect as the woman began to cry harder, uttering indecipherable sobs before looking up into Rene's face. "I dreamed of you so many nights, the hope that you delivered, the promise of salvation. How can that be?" The woman looked back to Gaia again. "It must be the lords. She is a deliverer. It has to be like the holy books foretold. It has to be…the Lords have delivered us from our enemies. She has delivered us."

Rene gasped, and Starbuck could hear Rene's breath get short as she violently shook her head no. She started to push her chair back scrambling to get to her feet. Starbuck struggled to get to his own feet, setting little Leia on the ground. He was about to call out to Apollo for help, when Gaia came forward to guide the hysterical woman to her feet.

"I don't know Euterpe, I don't know. Only the lords know why she was in our dreams. The Lords speak to us in mysterious ways." Gaia pulled the woman to her embracing her for a moment as the woman fell into her arms sobbing.

Boomer made it to the women before Starbuck could get around Rene's chair that had backed into him almost pinning him in place. "Ladies, really we were just doing our duty as warriors. We should have come sooner, but…"

Gaia straightened, composing herself as she pulled the other woman to her in an effort to shield her. "I'm sorry. I…I didn't know that she had witnessed what I had…had seen in my dreams as well. But I had to know. I had to know if what I dreamed was true. I'm sorry. We have interrupted your meal and upset Rene. I'm truly sorry." Gaia turned from Boomer to Adama, a weighty look passing between the two. "I would like to speak with you again, perhaps tomorrow.

"Of course. My door is always open," Adama answered and Gaia shifted her eyes to Rene.

Starbuck felt Rene tremble under the woman's gaze.

"The Lords sent you to us and I offer up my gratitude for their wisdom."

Rene offered no reply. In fact, Starbuck thought she was holding her breath and didn't have air to spare for words, so he offered up what he could hoping to get the woman to leave so Rene wouldn't flee. "Just doing our duty, Ma'am. Its what warriors do."

Gaia nodded, but her eyes remained on Rene for a moment longer, then she turned and led Zion and his mother from the room.

Once the door closed, Rene let out the breath she'd been holding, her eyes scanning the room for danger. The shocked look on all her friends' faces had her pushing farther back in her chair like a cornered animal.

"Rene?" Starbuck spoke softly, but kept his grip tight on her arm.

She finally turned to him, emotions bubbling to the surface. "Get your hands off me." Her voice was low, but he could hear the panic.

Feeling her tremble under his grip, he kept a firm hold on her arm. "It's okay. You're okay." He offered up the platitudes knowing too well her next reaction would be to run. If she bolted on him, he would lose her. She was good at vanishing when things were too much.

"I didn't ask for this. I didn't ask for any of this!" Her voice rose higher.

"Rene, it's okay."

Adama's voice overrode his attempts at calming her. "We know, Rene."

The words hit her like a jolt of electricity and she yanked her arm from Starbuck with strength he didn't think she had. If it weren't for Kiff and Kalea in the chair with her, she would have been on her feet and three paces towards the door, but Kiff held on as Rene reached to pick up Kalea to hand her off to someone, anyone. Her voice rose in panic. "NO, you don't know! I didn't ask for this! I didn't ask the Lords or whoever the frak is running this mong fest for …for…powers or whatever the frak it is…I didn't!"

Adama's voice was soothing, and yet firm as he answered, "We know. Just as none of us asked for the destruction of our worlds, nor did we ask for Kobol to appear on our course, or Dilmun, and yet, here we are. We can ascribe what has happened to whatever celestial power we want to, Lords or superior beings, Angels or Demons, Fairies or Gremlins, but it does not change the events that have occurred. We are here and we understand. We know you didn't ask for this."

Rene and the rest of the room paused at his words. Maybe it was hearing the most religious man any of them knew referring to the lords and the book of the word as fairytales that had stunned the room. Maybe it was just the simple truth of it. None of them had asked for the destruction, but at least it was an enemy they knew and could fight against.

"Rene, it's okay," Starbuck said again. The empty words were the only weapon he had right now in his arsenal to protect her and keep her safe. It had some effect as she hung her head, but stopped struggling to get up and to get the kids from her lap. He reached for her again, seeking to hold her hand. She let him make contact. He tightened his grip and kept going. "We know. You didn't come up with this on your own. Other people had the dreams too and…and we saved those people and made it home alive. This isn't such a bad thing."

"You don't understand," her words were weaker, but she at least met his eyes and let him grip her hand.

"I know. Never claimed to understand, and that's okay. I don't have to understand to know I love you." The words hit the target and she sighed in defeat.

Adama saw the opening and used it, flying in formation with Starbuck. "You are right, we don't understand and I get the feeling you don't either. So perhaps we could…together… try to understand just what this is that you can do. Study it, learn together how it can be used for our benefit, much like you did on Caprica. I'm sure whatever beings endowed you with this gift did not intend it for your own personal gain, as you have demonstrated with Avery and his people."

Rene sighed again and Starbuck moved closer to her, seeking to hold eye contact. "He's right. You may not have gone back at first for the right reasons, but you kept going back. You didn't just leave them even when they didn't seem to want to be saved. What you can do is…is…is extraordinary, but that doesn't mean you shouldn't' use it. I mean, not right now, but after the baby and…maybe you can get us to Earth if we gave you the coordinates and…"

He froze as he saw the guilt that flew across her eyes like a ghost Raider streaking along the edge of his scanner. Then it was gone. Did someone already tell her the coordinates? If she knew how to find Earth, what would it take to keep her from trying? Jake was right about his wife, she didn't do anything half way and . . .

"Starbuck, can you give us a moment alone?" Adama interrupted his thoughts. "I think it is time that Rene and I spoke together on a few matters. Now. May we use your quarters?"

"Yes sir…I mean…yeah, if it's okay with …" He looked to his wife, but her eyes were on Adama. Starbuck gently released her hand and reached for Kalea. "It's going to be okay," he said to her, but she didn't seem to be listening, only seeing her chance to escape as she handed Kiff off to Jake before she raced from the room. "Sir?"

"It will be fine, son. I won't let her become overtired. You and I will speak tomorrow."

Everyone watched the commander leave and there seemed to be a collective sigh once the door closed. "Alright, I think someone needs to tell me what happened while we were gone," Starbuck ordered. He tried to ignore Nik's evil chuckle as Crius started to explain.

Rene wasn't sure why she had agreed to speak with the commander alone, she just knew she had to get out of that room and all the eyes on her, especially those that Starbuck respected. She didn't know how she had become a player in the dreams of a group of religious fanatics surviving the destruction on Caprica. It wasn't her, that's all she knew. She was…she was…She didn't know what she was other than what Starbuck called her, a kid. A disrespectful kid who now had holes in her memories like a worm had eaten her rotten apple brain. If the Commander wanted to know how she jumped through space and who taught it to her, she wasn't even sure if she could recall the details. But it was too late to run as the door to her quarters closed.

She tried to keep her breathing slow and even as Adama blocked the door to the room. She blinked several times to chase away the vision of another time, another man, one with a thinner build and darker hair, but the same commanding presence.

"Rene, are you alright?"

"Y..yes sir."

"Please, just Adama." He seemed to give his own sigh of resignation. "We will only discuss that which you wish to. May I have a seat?"

"Uh…yes…of course, sir." She took a step back, leaving room for the Commander to move into the room towards the small table and chairs. She ended up backing into the built in sofa, and fell into a seat. "I…I don't know how I do it, enter people's dreams and…and the jumping just…just takes energy and I don't know how I get to the right coordinates. I swear I just …I just wish and…"

The commander took a step towards her, a hand outstretched like he was actually going to touch her. Her flinch was registered by the man. He stopped, held his position for just a moment before slowly taking a step back and carefully taking a seat at the table. "I apologize. That was reckless of me." He crossed his legs.

She was able to breathe a little easier now that he was farther away from her. He waited, but for what she didn't know. When he did finally speak his voice was low and slow.

"I actually wanted to speak with on another matter. Yes, I would like to learn more about what has transpired and your abilities, but those might be discussions for another time when you've had some time to gather your thoughts and when we can include our scientists."

She couldn't stifle the sarcastic snort. "You think scientists will know why I see other people's dreams? Look, I read the books on dream interpretations. That Dr. Fraud thinks they all are about sexual repression, and trust me, I'm not repressed."

The commander didn't blush like she thought he would. "Well he has dealt with Starbuck," she reasoned. He spoke again, just as slow and even as before.

"I was approached by the IFB with a proposal that I think will solve some of our mutual concerns."

She groaned. She would prefer to talk about religious zealots and dream walking than the IFB that had hounded her from the first moment they learned she was dating Starbuck. The commander went forward. "I know. That was my first reaction as well, but they sweetened the pot considerably and you do have quite a large quantity of spirits that need to be dispersed or they will be confiscated. Wouldn't you want your friends and family to enjoy those expensive and rare goods, rather than see them jettisoned out the air lock?"

"Frak," she muttered. "You found them."

The commander chuckled. "I assumed at first it was a prank orchestrated by Starbuck, but then I found the second stash and…and the IFB unwittingly offered me a solution that we can all find…satisfactory. A party."

"You mean the sealing that they wanted to film. There's only one prob…problem. We're already s…s…sealed." The damn stutter had returned and she would have cursed if she thought she could get it out with stumbling.

"True, but very few attended and not many have knowledge of the event."

He had her there. She and Starbuck had sealed and then flew off to Caprica for what was supposed to be a short task before they had something resembling a honeymoon, which was just going to be a few days alone in their quarters. Instead they had not even received that meager celebration. In exchange she had gifted her new husband over a secton in a radion infused cesspool followed by Cylon torture, then a surgery and a sabbatical surrounded by most of their friends and a grouchy doctor in the Life Center. Starbuck had missed out on a bachelor party, as well as the shocked look on most of his friend's faces as they realized that hades had in fact frozen over. Starbuck deserved his moment to shine, and he certainly was due a celebration of some sort. But while she couldn't remember all the details of their sealing, she did remember the feelings, the sense of peace while holding his hand and of basking in the warm glow of his smile. A sudden flash of stars and that smile flashed in her mind.

"The people that matter know."

"And don't those people deserve a party?"

The Commander pushed her buttons like they were a preflight check leading to full turbos down the launch tube. She wanted to grumble, "You mean Starbuck," but then the Commander played his capstone.

"Your family was very worried when you didn't return. It has been a rough secton for everyone. Don't they deserve a celebration, one long overdue for winning the battle at Dilmun?"

It was a good capstone, and he was winning this hand. Her friends deserved more than a party, and she did still have that amazing dress.

"The whole fleet could use a reason to celebrate, especially after the setback on our journey." His words felt like a viper launched into her guts. He'd found her weakness, not just Starbuck or her family, but her guilt at not being able to deliver the fleet to a sector free of Cylons.

The Commander had won this battle, but she didn't know how to concede gracefully. She gave an exaggerated sigh. "I suppose it was inevitable, wasn't it? I mean, the IFB kind of controls things, doesn't it?"

She didn't know the commander could chuckle, and that it sounded much like Starbuck's.

"Try to keep that information to yourself."

She sighed, and tried to figure out a way out of this, but the Commander was right. Everyone deserved a party and it would kill several avians with one stone.

"Wh…what do..do..I have to do?"

She thought the Commander would grin in victory, but it was almost worse when instead he bestowed upon her a soft smile.

"What you have already done, get sealed, just in public with the IFB filming. I have also negotiated a few suites on the Rising Star for the wedding party and your family. Of course, you and Starbuck will have a night or two in the honeymoon suite. There will be a reception where you may want to provide an open bar, but we can coerce the IFB to pay the bill for the food and the band."

"I have a band," she added, "and they might enjoy the publicity. How long could we have the suite for?"

"Neither of you will be on full duty for a while, so I suppose we could," Adama paused a grin finally appearing, "negotiate."

"No fair. You have the advantage. I can't hold out for the terms I want."

"I'm sure you can find a way to black mail us all to achieve your demands."

She tried to suppress her own grin. "Oh, that does sound like fun, but seriously, I'm not sure how much longer the dress is going to fit."

"Oh, well then maybe we should move past negotiation, bypass blackmail, and I will move straight up to Starbucking."

"Starbucking? What is Starbucking?"

The commander just laughed and bid her a good night. She didn't have time to wonder for long what the old man meant her husband returned to their quarters with Jake and Apollo along. Starbuck's repeated, "Are you okay?" combined with the worry in his eyes, helped her to decide to let the Commander be the one to tell Starbuck about the IFB. It was, after all, why the commander got paid the bigger stack of cubits.


	79. Chapter 79

It had been a strange end to the evening for Starbuck, even stranger to watch skittish Rene agree to be alone in a room with the Commander. He wanted to think it was progress, but he suspected that it was much worse. The holes in her memory from a Cylon stripping of her memories made her forget who she was. The Rene he knew would not have gone willingly into a room alone with anyone higher than a lieutenant.

Apollo had tried to ease his worry, bringing up again the suggestion that it was time that the Copper Squadron, or at least Starbuck and Rene, moved over to the Zakar. While he was all for it and Crius was in too, he didn't think their wives would like the idea.

"Ask her. What can it hurt to ask her," Apollo kept intoning, but the angry glare from not just Jake, but Nik and Jason reminded him that Apollo had a lot to learn about women.

"You ask her," he finally replied hoping that his wife would shoot Apollo like he was afraid she would him if he asked. He didn't like Apollo's insistence that he would ask just as soon as Adama was done speaking with her. It took Starbuck begging, "No, not tonight. Hasn't this dinner been weird enough?" for Apollo to drop the subject. But once Adama returned, minus Rene, Apollo insisted on coming with him and Jake back to their quarters to make sure everything was alright. Starbuck didn't mind his buddy joining them, but the last thing he wanted to talk about was the Zakar and the Rat's past. He wanted to stick with talks of the future and put his own recent traumas far behind them.

"It's going to be okay, you'll see. Better than okay. She and I have bonded and I wouldn't ask if I didn't think she'd love the idea." Apollo's optimism was delusional.

"Are you sure the Cylons didn't get to you too? You seem to have forgotten who we are dealing with." Apollo did nod at that statement and agreed to wait for a better time to ask when he saw the real concern in Starbuck's face.

Surprisingly, they found that Rene was doing better than okay when they got to the quarters. She didn't seem as upset about Gaia's visit, but she wouldn't share what she and the commander had discussed or impart whatever magical words Adama had uttered to convince Rene that everything was going to be better. Like father, like son, Starbuck guessed and he hoped that maybe having Apollo around might lighten the mood in his quarters, and since Rene's best friend wasn't going to be leaving any time soon, why couldn't he have his best friend too? It seemed it would be a continuation of their recovery in the Life Center when Boomer eventually knocked and he and Max joined them as well, blankets in hand. Starbuck wanted to protest. They were fine or Salik wouldn't have let them leave his care and even Jake was being extremely overprotective, but it seemed a fitting end to the botched mission, certainly better than their sleepovers at Salik's place. It might help Rene to feel safe and rest easier.

Starbuck couldn't deny he slept better with the sounds of his friends around him. Jake had the courtesy to take the floor by the bed rather than curling up next to Rene. Boomer and Max fought over the sofa, but Nik's arrival settled the debate as he entered the room, draped his lanky body over every cushion and promptly started snoring.

"So you were right that first night I met you, you do sleep in the male bunkroom," Starbuck quipped with Rene, enjoying the warm smile she shared with him.

"Yeah, I've seen it all and heard it all," she said, indicating Nik's snoring. "Get him to roll over and it's not as bad."

"Make sure you roll over too," Max teased.

The giggle that came from Rene radiated warmth and Starbuck felt his chest loosen. The deep breath he took was the sweetest since he first set foot on Caprica. He drifted off quickly not realizing how tense and tired he had been.

The next morning everyone dispersed to begin the process of reporting for duty and getting back to business as usual in a fleet on the run. Apollo stated more than once that he had to get back to commanding the Zakar, but lingered, offering to take the last turbo wash and to do the dishes from their breakfast. Starbuck wondered if he was waiting for an opportunity to ask them to move to the Zakar, but it never came up and he began to think that maybe Apollo wasn't so anxious to be in command. "Who wants to be in charge? It just means more work and more responsibility," Starbuck had always claimed. Perhaps his friend had found the words to be truth?

Everyone had some place they had to be except Rene, and Starbuck deliberated if he should have her come with him today. It's not like he was going to be flying, just hanging around the duty office helping get some paperwork done until he was cleared to fly in a cycle or two. Nik offered to keep her company as his way of avoiding whatever training or patrol he had. Any other time Starbuck would have called him out for it, but not today. He'd make sure Nik was excused from whatever it was he wanted to avoid as long as he kept Rene from doing too much.

He left the two in the Council chambers assisting Jason and Cain in getting the kids off to school. Crius said he would him as soon as he took the babies to the child care center. Apollo walked him to the duty office and hung around for a while until the summons came from the bridge for Starbuck to report to the Commander's office.

"Well, it was fun while it lasted," Starbuck said as he clapped his friend on the back, "but duty calls. Don't make me have to arrange anymore covert and dangerous missions just to see you again."

"Consider my proposal and we can have daily dinners," Apollo replied heading off. It was tempting and if it weren't for Rene, he would have said yes right then, instead of having to give Apollo a hesitant "We'll see," for an answer.

As he walked to the Commander's office, he plotted different ways he could convince Rene to relocate to the Zakar. It really was a great idea, but if he played his cards right, it could be just the two of them, no crazy ex boyfriends or old buddies she hung out with on the streets. The kids of course would join them, and Jason might need the change when Cain left for training in a secton or two. Maybe Crius and Lizbet would come along and that would make Rene not think this was an attempt to break up the Rats. Or Boomer and Max, or even Nik and Dara, but he knew even in her diminished mental faculties from a cylon scan she would see right through to his real objective, Rene spending a little less time with Jake. That wasn't what Apollo's proposal was really about, but it could be a nice added bonus. The Zakar wasn't that far away, in the same fleet after all. In fact, if he looked out a viewport, it was right there. Now if he could only convince Rene of something even he didn't quite believe.

He chimed the door and entered the Commander's office and stumbled in surprise. Seated were two individuals he never in his wildest dreams thought would occupy such a small space, at least not willingly.

"So the Cylons did frak with my head," he mumbled staring at the pretty IFB reporter who had interviewed him for the "Warrior of the Centaur" segment and Rene, both smiling at him like they were the felixes and he was the wild yellow avian.

"Starbuck, we have a proposal for you," Adama handed him a drink and gestured to his own chair behind the desk. Starbuck quirked an eyebrow at his Commander, tempted to take the man up on the offer. No one sat in the commander's chair and if he were to take the seat, he would most definitely be putting his feet up on that desk. He reluctantly declined, but he did take the proffered drink, hoping it would help him clear his head. Expecting fruit juice or weak vino as usual, Starbuck gasped at the unexpected potency and the fine quality of the aged liquor in the glass.

Once he stopped coughing, he choked out, "Let's cut the felgercarb sir, what do you want?" It took everything he had to put the end to this charade and set the drink down. The stuff was damn good. No one answered him at first and he looked to his wife wondering just what kind of dirt the IFB had to convince her to be at this meeting. "It's all lies." He instinctively tossed out in defense.

"Now Starbuck," the commander began, "we just want to discuss an idea we all had, something that could be mutually beneficial not only to you and the IFB, but for everyone in the fleet."

Starbuck groaned. "No. NO! We said no, we are already sealed and I don't care what lies they have fabricated, you can't force us to be interviewed or…or whatever. Right, Rene?"

He intended to offer her support and the rescue she probably needed, but instead she threw him under the landram. "I think you should hear her out, handsome."

"Handsome?" It seemed that the battlestar had just flipped over and they were living in a galaxy where Rene and Adama were aligned with the IFB against him. "So they got to you did they. I'm serious, you don't have to do anything they tell you to do. This isn't the Zakar and they can't make you." He took a step towards her, reaching for her hand, but she didn't take his. She put another glass in his hand instead.

"Have a drink, Starbuck," she said.

It hit him then and he realized they must have found a way to get her to agree. He looked down at the amber liquid a fine aged ambrosia. Someone had found her stash.

He shook his head trying not to curse, but he took the drink. It was even better than the one the commander had handed him. Before he could speak and remind her that he had tried to warn her, Adama took command.

"In the wake of the recent setbacks on our journey, the IFB and those of us in command have been discussing ways to improve morale in the fleet. The triad tournaments have been a wonderful diversion for our people, but it has been pointed out that maybe they appeal to only some of our population. Another segment of our civilians crave other forms of entertainment."

"Other forms of entertainment?" he asked, beginning to not like the way this meeting was headed. He downed his drink and held out his empty glass for a refill. _Glug glug._ Music to his ears, magic to his palate, salve to his psycho-rhythms.

"Romance," the IFB reporter purred as she got to her feet. "Love at first sight, two warriors swept away on a wave of passion in the midst of tragedy, star-crossed lovers brought together, a forbidden romance and, of course, for propriety's sake, leading to a sealing, one unlike anyone has ever seen before in a military fleet. A union of two worlds, brought together to forge a new life. Can't you see it, Lieutenant?" She was making sweeping gestures with her hands as she spoke.

"Uh huh. I think I need another drink, in fact, just leave the bottle," Starbuck answered, reaching for the glass he had set down on the Commander's desk. "So you guys started drinking early today, is that it?"

"Now Starbuck," the Commander scolded but he stepped towards him, putting on his fatherly guise as he set the bottle down in front of him. "You know full well the conflicts we have had in merging Dante's people with our own. I believe you have fist hand…I mean first hand experience dealing with those problems. This could be an important symbol of our reconciliation."

"Oh, I see, black mail. That escalated quickly." He poured himself another drink wishing his good friend, Apollo of the Indignant Righteousness, was there.

"Yes it did, as I'm told." The commander's friendly smile turned to steel for a moment just to let Starbuck know this wasn't a game.

"Okay," he sighed before pouring himself yet another drink from the bottle on the commander's desk. "So what are we talking about here, because Rene and I are already sealed if you remember."

"But I don't." Rene's voice disarmed the sarcastic comments that Starbuck was prepared to launch. He didn't know what to say as she continued. "I…I don't even remember meeting you…and I know they say it will come back…I'm sure it will…but I don't…don't r…remember the sealing. I just know I have a dress I nev…never g…got to w…wear."

He hung his head, picking up the bottle and taking a swig out of it directly. She had him because right now he couldn't deny her anything she wanted. But he knew this was not her idea. He tried to think for a moment, and was surprised everyone in the room gave him the time to collect his thoughts. It was so unlike the IFB. He set down the bottle and took the steps towards Rene, reaching for her hand. "You don't have to do this if you don't want to."

She nodded. "I know. But I do still have the dress, and it does fit…for now. It's not for me, or you. Our friends deserve a party and…" She paused taking a deep breath. "And so do you. You didn't even get a bachelor party or…"

"I don't care about that!" He tried not to shout, but Rene squeezed his hand.

"But I do. You deserve a real honeymoon, not cylon torture. It was my fault and…"

"I'm not agreeing to this if you keep that up!" It was the only bargaining chit he had, and he used it.

"Okay…okay…a party. You and all our friends deserve a party and I can smile for the IFB to get it done. That's all I have to do. Wear a dress that makes me look pretty, smile and be in love, which I am, so there, problem solved. Besides, what are we going to do with all that alcohol? I guess I could drink it all…"

"No. No you can't." As her stutter had magically vanished, Starbuck wanted to be angry, but Rene had a point and at the moment she sounded so much like the girl he had met one night in the blue squadron bunk room over a bottle of ambrosia. "Okay, but only on one condition." She nodded and he went on. "It is the way WE want it, not how anybody tells us it has to be. This is still about us, well, us and our family, agreed?"

She smiled at him. "Yes."

He nodded once, looking at her skeptically. "You don't get to win every fight. Next one is mine."

She nodded again and the pretty woman from the IFB interrupted beaming.

"Oh good, I knew we could all agree! Now I was thinking…"

"One centaur," he cut her off.

"Pardon?" she said still smiling.

"One centaur. That's all you get for filming, the ceremony and whatever else, just one centaur."

"Oh, we can't do a celebrity sealing justice in under six centaurs. In exchange the IFB will of course pick up the bill for the food and the flowers, oh we must have flowers and suites on the Rising Star and, of course, the honeymoon."

"Six?" he and Rene both said. Rene shook her head no and the Commander spoke before Starbuck could.

"Two centaurs should be more than enough time. After all, it is a short ceremony and the couple will want some privacy."

"Four and we could film it during the dinner hour" the woman said quickly. "It will be like the whole fleet is sitting down to a family feast and you know how eating a meal brings us all together. Won't that be nice?"

Starbuck saw the cunning behind the woman's insipid smile. She read the hesitation in Starbuck's eyes.

"A honeymoon could be arranged, three whole days spent enjoying all the luxuries the Rising Star has to offer. All meals included."

"Throw in cubits for the chancery for both of us and we will agree to two centaurs." Starbuck upped the ante.

"Of course, but we must have five centaurs to fill the spot of the triad game that will have to be cancelled." She implored the Commander. "We know how your pilots love the triad games."

Rene's voice joined the negotiations. "We want rooms for the whole family for the night before, and the Astral Lounge reserved for the bachelor party, then we might consider three centaurs."

"Rene," Starbuck started to say again that he really didn't care if he had a send off, but the reporter cut in before she could lose the gain.

"Of course and one round of drinks on the IFB and we might be able to make do with four centaurs. Yes, I think four might be just right."

Starbuck shook his head, feeling like he had been outplayed from the moment he had walked into the room. "So you all had this set up before you called me, didn't you?"

"M…maybe," Rene whispered to him as Adama wrapped his arms around Starbuck's shoulders.

"It seemed like a good way to reward you for your previous conflict resolution attempts, and since you seem to be off the patrol schedule for a while, you have the time, don't you think? How soon can you have this arranged?" Adama asked the woman before Starbuck could object.

"Oh we will need at least two sectons to really do it justice, the flowers and the invitations and…"

"You will have a secton," Adama said, ending the conversation.

"Oh Commander, you must be joking. This is a sealing we are talking about, not a military parade. There is so much more that goes into it than people marching down an aisle. You want to make the happy couple look good, don't you?"

Starbuck recoiled at the insult. "I look good!"

"A secton is all you have. I must insist as that gives the happy couple time to enjoy the honeymoon you are providing and then my decorated warriors need to get back to work protecting the fleet. Everyone knows how important their duties are to the survival of the Colonial people." Adama removed his arm from Starbuck and took the reporter by the hand leading her to the door. "Now that we have reached an agreement, I will let you get to your arrangements."

"Oh yes, I'll have to set up the venue and the suites and oh, Lt. Rene, we will need to discuss the menu and the…" Adama politely yet firmly guided the woman to the door with the instructions that she should contact him to set up times for the meetings, but tomorrow at the earliest. While the Commander worked at getting the reporter to leave, Starbuck held tight to Rene's hand, ducking his head a little to make sure he was meeting her eyes.

"You don't have to do this."

She took a deep breath before sighing. "I would rather go back and face the cylons, but yeah, I know and I…" she hesitated.

"Hey, I'm serious," he said softly. "We can face the charges on the black market goods and I really don't care about a send off."

She nodded and tried to look away. He reached to brush the hair from her eyes and lift her chin up. "I mean it, sweetheart. You may not remember our sealing, but I do. We could reenact that if that's all you want, the memory."

"No…I…I remember. It's just…our friends really do deserve a party. This isn't about us."

He nodded. Imagine having a sealing that really wasn't about the bride or groom. He'd been played. She'd slid a capstone up her sleeve, a whole deck of them, and he couldn't even find it in himself to be mad about it. "Yeah, they do. Guess I can make the sacrifice if you can. Means I'll have to wear the dress uniform, but at least I'll get to see you in a dress. Tell me that it's skimpy and I might say yes."

She smiled at him and he couldn't resist kissing her right there in the Commander's office.

The Commander cleared his throat, interrupting what was becoming something more than just a simple kiss.

"I think under the circumstances, you are dismissed from duties until after you have fulfilled your obligation to the new department of fleet morale and welfare. I will be appointing Athena as head of the new division and she will be arranging most of the details. Seems her own sealing to Bojay has given her some experience in how to stage an event and meld strong and opposing forces together. You can report to her when you …" Adama paused and began again. "Thank you. Both of you. I know this is not what you wanted, but you have been an inspiration as you have become integral members of the Galactica and the Copper Squadron. If we have learned nothing else from Commander Dante and his fleet, we have learned we must work together if we are to do more than just survive. I know this won't erase all of the damage done, but I think it will be an important symbol of what we could achieve in the future. Thank you."

Starbuck felt his throat close up at the unexpected gratitude. "Yeah, well, we haven't done anything yet."

"Oh yes you have son. You have done so much for the fleet and for this old man. Now get out of here before you two change your minds."

Starbuck figured he was probably right, they should get out of there before they realized just how deep in the mong they were. The IFB was planning his sealing. He'd never live this down. He picked up the rest of the bottle, meeting Adama's steely gaze with a slightly alcoholic glaze. "This should keep me focussed."

"Hmm."

Rene started to let go of his hand once they were out in the corridor, seeming to be ready to send him on his way back to the duty office, but he pulled her close, not caring who might come around the corner of the corridor. He pulled her into his embrace, longing to feel her lips and her body again. She didn't resist, melting into his arms and holding on tight as he kissed her until he couldn't breathe. He came up panting. "I don't have to be anywhere."

She laughed. "Okay, our quarters aren't far." She peeled herself away, starting to head for their rooms, but he pulled her back.

"No, I think we should go somewhere else." She gave him a quizzical look and he didn't want to recognize that maybe she didn't remember. He led her down the corridors, up the lift and then up the ladder, opening the hatch to the sanctuary. His suspicions were confirmed as she looked around the sealed dome, something close to confusion in her eyes.

Instead of asking if she remembered, he chose to ask if she was okay.

"Yeah…it just…" Her words faltered.

"Cree described it like an itch or a stinging when he felt like he should remember something."

She nodded looking up to him as he climbed up to the chair at the console. "There's supposed to be stars. I remember..." Her words trailed off as she concentrated, but he pressed the button and quickly climbed down to wrap his arms around her.

"Don't try so hard. That's why I wanted to come here. In this room, we don't have to try so hard." The dome opened up like a flower and the stars flooded in as well as a view filled with military might and weaponry drifting off the Galactic's starboard.

"Oh…" she started to gasp, but he didn't let her speak as he found another use for her lips. He went slow, as slowly as he could not wanting to hurt her, but he found himself gritting back a yelp as her hands ran across bruises and welts. He tried not to think about how he got them, what those machines had done to him. As he kissed her and tried to keep his touch gentle and slow, he tried to forget the sounds of her screams and the awful moment when they stopped.

His breath caught as she reached for his pants. It was her turn to ask if he was okay. Suddenly it was too quiet in the dome, and he wanted to hear her scream. He shook his head violently trying to toss out the thought. He didn't want her screams of terror. He just wanted to not remember.

"Just…just say something. Anything."

She shook her head, "I d…don't know what you w…want me to s…say. And…" She shrugged in his arms, but he knew she was indicating the stutter that came and went. It grew less each day, but it was a harsh reminder of what she had been through. He had no right to complain about what had happened to him, and she had tried to keep them from walking into that base. It had been his idea. No, he didn't deserve cylon torture for a poor decision, but she had taken the worst of the treatment and had they stayed longer, she wouldn't be here now.

"You could walk through a preflight check, or rattle off how to degrease viper parts for all I care right now. I just need to hear your voice. Just talk to me."

"Okay. Okay…I…" She shook her head, "I'm sorry they got you. I wish they hadn't. I should have…"

"The IFB? I should have just given them an interview. Maybe they will leave us alone after this and we could get a good party out of it."

She shook her head no, "The cy…cylons. It was my fault. It should have b..been.."

It wasn't what he wanted to hear. It was worse than the silence and he captured her lips with his hoping that her touch would chase away the memory of Caprica. He felt her tense and he knew he was confusing the hades out of her, out of himself, but he just needed to know that it was over, that they were both okay now. She pulled away and gave him a long look, the question clear, but he swore if she asked if he was okay, he was going to break something.

"Can we just forget about life for a while? Just you and me, and the stars, nothing else." He tossed out an old line and squeezed her arms as he tried to pull her closer. She didn't protest and he put his all into the kiss. He let her take the lead as he tried to shove out all the thoughts roiling in his brain trying to distract him. She had never been one to go slow and it had been a long time for him. It wasn't his best performance, nor a record for endurance, but Rene didn't seem to be complaining when it was done.

Afterwards, as they lay together under the stars, she was quiet. He was so tempted to try to explain, but wasn't sure where to begin. It just felt good to touch her and to feel safe with her in his arms. Her body had changed from what he remembered, and he found himself running his hands over her stomach, enjoying the feel of it and the proof there would be a future for them.

"Are you sure the dress will still fit?" He was serious, but she slapped at him like he was teasing.

"Yes. And just for that comment, no girls at your send off."

"What? The kids shouldn't be there…oh…" He truly hadn't registered what she meant forgetting that at civilian sealing send offs it was traditional to have women performing in lewd and lovely ways. The Colonial Service had frowned upon that kind of entertainment at warrior's send offs, but sometimes they did take the parties somewhere other than the OC, somewhere civilian and private. "I'm not sure Apollo would know to schedule that kind of entertainment."

"Uh huh," Rene replied skeptically. "I've heard the stories, Starbuck. A chancery on Piscera and sucking drinks out of navels?"

"So that's what you choose to remember? See, you're definitely acting like a wife already," he teased and she playfully slapped him again.

"Seriously, Apollo follows your lead. He thinks he has everyone fooled, but he's as bad as you are. I think Boomer should plan the party, don't you?"

"Yes dear," he said like a scolded husband.

"That's better," she said reaching for his hand and moving it to her chest. His fingers roamed and found the fading scar from where they had operated on her heart. He traced it lightly.

"You're okay? I didn't do any damage did I? The doc had said we should…"

She didn't let him finish. "Oh my lords, no! By the way, don't ever mention him again when we are like this. Way to kill the mood, Bucko." She didn't let him speak as she turned and kissed him, letting him know she was teasing. He let her tease him some more, feeling the tension leave his body and the grin on his face not feeling forced. This was just what he needed. He was home and safe. Of course it didn't hurt either that at his back was a beautiful view, made more lovely by the couple of heavily armed battle cruisers and his blaster was within reach. He felt safer than he had in a while. Now if the engines didn't sound so much like a centurion's drone, he could completely forget those few centaurs with the ILs.


	80. Chapter 80

He intended for them to spend the rest of the cycle in the celestial dome until they would be missed for dinner, but Rene's chrono chiming jolted him awake. The insistent beeping had entered his dreams, reminding him of the machines of the Life Center and the terror of Salik whisking away his wife. With his heart pounding, he struggled to get out of a bed, but a weight held him down. He pushed it away before realizing that it was warm and trying to comfort him.

"It's okay. You're okay," a familiar voice cooed to him as he wiped at his face, trying to wipe away the memory.

"Where did you get that chrono? I lost mine and am happy to have it gone," he barked, but her warm hand rubbing his chest reminded him of the blissful moment they had just shared. She didn't deserve his anger. He stared up at the stars and took a deep breath trying to get his heart to slow down. "Get rid of it. I don't have to go anywhere until a sealing according to the Commander."

"That must be n…nice," she tried to purr, "but I have an appointment I have to keep."

"Cheating on me already?" He meant it to be a joke, but she shifted, her eyes meeting his, her features serious.

"Dixon. I'm supposed to meet with him and the Doc wants another look at me to make sure I'm following his treatment plan."

"Oh," Starbuck sighed. Considering they fell asleep pretty quickly after making love, he realized they were worn out. He figured the Doc wouldn't be happy with what they had done. They both were still feeling the effects of Caprica and he knew radion poisoning took a while to recover from, but he wasn't in a hurry for another lecture from Salik. He had no intention of heading back to the duty office, not in his half inebriated state, but if not there, then where would he go?

"You sure?" After experiencing Dixon for the first time, especially the way the man read him like a deep scan from a fully functional warbook, he didn't feel like spending more time with the man.

She quirked an eyebrow at him. "You were dying to know what we talked about. Now you d..don't?" Rene read his hesitation. "Dixon said he wanted to talk to you too. I c…could use som..some company."

He pulled away, looking to find the uniforms they had shed. It had been a nice reprieve, but it seemed there would be no escaping dealing with what had happened to them. He reached for his tunic, but it slipped from his hand, his grip still not what it should be. He cursed violently, a string of expletives worthy of Max or Sagan himself. He tried to pick up his pants and couldn't explain why instead of pulling them on, he was flinging them as hard as he could against the console for the dome. The buckle to his holster made contact with the metal, ringing loudly as it dug a ding in the smooth surface.

"Starbuck?" Rene asked, tentatively reaching for his hand. "What did I do wrong?"

He growled in frustration, "You didn't do anything wrong! Why is it that every time I get mad it has to have something to do with you? For the thousandth time, I can just be mad if I want to be!"

He whirled on her, but the look of confusion in her eyes and her hands up in surrender was like the winds of arcta pouring down on him. He turned away running his hand through his hair.

"I'm sorry. I…I don't know what's…in my head right now. I'm just tired of not being able to grip things and…" He reached for the bottle on the floor, knowing he looked ridiculous standing there nude in the starlight downing what was left of the ambrosia. He almost choked on the smooth liquor as he wondered if Apollo could see him from the Zakar. He considered waggling his butt at his friend.

A soft hand touched his back and he let the touch soothe him. Her fingers softly traced something and he held back a shiver. Her touch became firmer as fingertips turned into hands rubbing.

"I know. It's okay. I understand. The…the engines do it to me. They sound like the drone of a ce..ce..centurion. It's okay."

"That's not it!" he growled, tossing the bottle. He hadn't meant to outright lie to her, he just hadn't realized that was what it was until she said it. Thankfully the bottle stayed intact as it bounced across the floor, making his scene a little less dramatic. Her hands paused and he thought he could feel one tremble, but she didn't move away. She moved closer, wrapping her arms around him, pressing her naked body into his. Her warmth was enticing and his own body responded as her hands moved smooth and gentle up his chest.

"We're safe here, just you and me and the stars."

Her voice was seductive as she used his own line on him. He tried to push out the thought that this must be how she handled Dante, offering herself to soften his psychotic anger. He winced as the image entered his mind of her with that boray. Her hands froze. They remained on his chest, but he could feel her pull away just a little, as if ready to flee if necessary. "Can she read my mind? No, just my moods," he remembered back to one of the conversations he had with Dixon about the things Rene had learned to survive in Dante's insane fleet. "She doesn't need this now. None of us do." He chastised himself, trying to relax, letting his shoulders drop a little. She moved closer, her arms becoming tighter around him.

"It's okay handsome. You got ambushed by the commander. You have a right to be mad." Her voice had changed from the seductive purr to something that sounded more like herself.

He sucked in a deep breath and looked up to the stars before he spoke. He reached for her hand on his chest, needing to keep her there. "I'm not mad. It's okay. I'm not thrilled about dealing with the IFB, but we knew we'd have to eventually and at least we get a nice party out of it this way. No, I guess…" he grasped for something to tell her that would make his outburst not seem so childish and brutish. "Guess the radion got me worse than I thought. And the, um, the exercise. I'm just tired."

"I know," she said laying her head on his back for a moment before pulling away.

He watched her reach for her own clothing first, pulling on the pants that were ridiculously too large in the thighs and had to be folded to fit in her boots. Warriors uniforms weren't sized to accommodate for her growing belly and he wondered what she would do when they didn't fit at all. The notoriously male dominated Galactica had never dealt with a pregnant warrior, at least not any Starbuck could recall. Once a warrior became pregnant, they usually resigned or were transferred to a shore duty desk job where the shapeless tunic dress could be worn. As far as he knew, Rene might be the first for the Galactica. His fellow pilots had been downright squeamish when he and Rene had ran through the physical training in the gym before going to Caprica. He was looking forward to seeing how uncomfortable they would be when Rene was really showing and doing her new job, prepping their vipers for launch. He chuckled at the look of shock he imagined on Greenbean's face.

"It isn't funny," she said softly.

He blushed as he turned away realizing he was being rude just watching her struggle into her pants, and he reached for his own. This time he could easily hold onto them, getting them on without throwing a tantrum. He still didn't want to go face the fleet, but he wouldn't be facing them alone. He tugged on his tunic as he mumbled, "Do I really have to talk with Dixon? I'm sorry I made you start to see him."

Rene looked up from her efforts to pull on her boots. "Are you? Why? It helps."

"Does it?"

Her questioning eyes turned dark and probing. He knew he was being hypocritical, but then again, it hadn't been his idea exactly that she talk to Dixon. He hadn't supported the efforts to get her there, but he hadn't rescued her either.

Realization that she knew he might be scared of the man swept across her features like the red eye of a centurion. He could almost hear the drone and It was too hard for him to take. He sat down beside her to pull on his own boots so he didn't have to deal with the emotions flickering across her face or the accusation he could imagine roiling in those expressive eyes.

"Starbuck?"

He sighed, but didn't answer her. He looked up searching for the Zakar.

"It helps," she said softly trying to engage him, but he just shook his head and went back to concentrating on getting on his boots.

"You don't have to talk about things you don't want to. And he doesn't judge. He…he doesn't make me feel bad for what I had to do on the Zakar and Dilmun. It helps me to not feel so guilty for…for being with him…Dante… or for…" her voice fell to an almost inaudible whisper despite the fact it was just the two of them in the dome, "killing him and the others."

His hands froze on the buckles to his boots. They had never spoken about that moment in Dante's office when she had taken a blaster to the face of Agenor and his buddy. Not once had he even suspected she felt guilty. Maybe she really could read his thoughts. Her memory was starting to come back, but was that necessarily a good thing? He would pay all the cubits they could make on their black market goods to make his own memories of that day go away. While he believed that Dante deserved to die, Agenor was a different story. Sure, the man deserved some sort of punishment, but he was unconscious and unarmed when Rene had killed him and Starbuck had a hard time thinking of it as anything other than murder.

But he sucked in a breath. He knew more now of how Agenor abused Rene. No, not the whole story, but enough to know he would have done the same knowing what he knew now. She shouldn't feel guilty. There were plenty of others in their fraked up fleet that should have put a stop to it. He looked to his wife, her eyes dark and stormy.

"He had it coming and had he lived to be here in the fleet, I would have killed him. But we both know that here in the Fleet, we wouldn't be getting a party for it."

They were silent for a moment and his hand reached out for hers. He squeezed it and looked up to the warships above. While they blocked the view of the stars, he found he enjoyed seeing them there. He looked to the Zakar and he wasn't sure what made him voice the question Apollo had posed, if it was the sight of the shiny hull after the repairs had been completed, or the comfort of his hand in hers, but his mouth moved ahead of his brain. "Apollo wants us to move to the Zakar."

He expected her to pull away but instead she gripped his hand hard.

"All of us, or just us?"

He was surprised at how easily the lie slid from his lips. "All of us."

Maybe it was self-preservation that made the words flow so easily, or maybe he was just too tired for the fight that the truth would start. It wasn't just because he was jealous, he wasn't, not really. He just wanted to find out what Rene would be like without the Rats around. She was different when she was alone with him and at this point he was so damned tired that he just didn't want to share her anymore, so he let the lie hang there between them.

She was quiet and he jumped into the void. "You don't have to decide now or anything. He just offered and I thought…but I'm not sure how the others will feel and we should probably get through this sealing first and then…then we can decide. We don't have to, I just thought…" he let his words trail off as he got to his feet and helped her up. "We should go and we can talk about it later, I mean, much later, I just thought…"

He finally met her eyes expecting to find the blue seas to be have a storm ready to crash down on him, but they were calm still waters.

"Might be a good idea. It would get us t away from Adama and having to live so close to Command. They were never going to let us keep the council chambers anyway and we could carve out some spaces in the corridors. It would be nice to be away from Athena and Bojay judging us, well the rats anyway."

He nearly bit his tongue as his brain clamped his mouth shut before he could voice his thoughts. "That's not what I meant." Instead he nodded a couple of times like the fool he was.

"We can talk about it later." He ended the discussion and turned for the hatch. Today was not shaping up to be a good day. The roar of the engines chased away the last of the buzz he had going, leaving him feeling wrung out and hung over. He led Rene back to the quieter corridors of the Galactica and to the far more quiet confines of the Life Center. He figured Salik would be easier to deal with first. While he wasn't looking forward to another lecture, the answer's Salik would want were safer, usually of the "Yes sir. No sir" variety. If he got lucky, it would just be Rene subjected to the questioning.

He had pushed his luck too far and all bets were off. The doc wasn't content with just checking out Rene, but insisted on taking a look at him too. Salik glared at the readings before fixing his ire on Starbuck. "I don't recommend you drinking on duty, Lieutenant. I was considering on clearing you for flight status. Plus, it's not a good idea to be getting drunk around those who shouldn't be drinking. Does he taunt you often?" Salik asked Rene who had the decency to look away and not answer.

"Blame the Commander and the IFB," Starbuck replied, "Oh, and be nice or I won't invite you to my sealing."

"You're already sealed," the doc scoffed, "and you need to start acting like a husband and a warrior."

"Thought I was," was the only retort he could find before he looked around to make sure Cassie wasn't on duty then explained, "Well the IFB didn't get their inside scoop so we are going to be doing it again, live and in technicolor. I'll get you a front row seat."

"And they didn't think to clear this with me? She's still under my care and she does nothing…I mean nothing…without my clearance. Understood, Fly Boy? Keep it in your pants and your liquor on the shelf. Biomonitors don't lie," Salik said waving the device in his face, explaining that he knew everything that had gone on that day even if he didn't know why.

"You just said I was cleared."

"I said I was thinking about it. Just for that, I'm not. See me tomorrow."

The Doctor turned to Rene, giving her a much kinder farewell. "The baby is looking good, but you are very underweight for four sectares so see that you eat. You need more rest and fluids. Don't push it and if he gives you any problems, I can seal him up in a biobed for a cycle or two."

She chuckled and it was nice to hear. He wanted to enjoy the sound, but Dixon walked in the door. Klaxons were ringing in his ears and his brain scrambled like a pilot to the call for battle, trying to come up with some way out of this meeting. Once again, Dixon read him like a marked deck.

"I thought you might skip out on me, and I have a full schedule. I knew you would at least keep the appointment with the doctor. Thanks for not making me track you down." Dixon pointed indelicately to Rene's stomach. "Where do you want to meet, here or your quarters?"

Starbuck looked to Rene in surprise. He'd always assumed Rene met the man at his office and didn't realize the two might meet alone in their own quarters. "Where do you do this?" he asked her in confusion.

Her shrug left him even more perplexed. Before he could ask again, Dixon solved the dilemma.

"How about your quarters. You'll be more comfortable."

"I don't want to be comfortable," Starbuck snapped, not sure why, and wished he hadn't as Dixon cocked his head at him and took a step back. The man lowered his head for a moment, seeming to curse before he looked up and took a step forward, his hand outstretched.

"Let me start over. It's good to see you, Starbuck. How are you doing today?"

Starbuck stared at the outstretched hand for moment before shaking it. He appreciated that the man realized he'd been rude and was willing to try a different approach.

"I just found out I get to be the main attraction at an IFB circus, and I'm not cleared to fly yet, but other than that, I'm good. And you?"

Dixon didn't let go of his hand right away, and Starbuck wondered if he would have to jerk it back. The hold became awkward before Dixon let it go slowly, taking a step back. "I think you might need to explain to me what that means. How about we go to your quarters and have a drink?"

"I thought you were here for Rene?" Starbuck lobbed it out trying one last time to get out of the meeting. He could do without the psychoanalysis. He'd had more than his fair share back when he was a ward of the state and especially after he'd applied for the academy. His secondary school career counsellor had questioned his choice, bringing up his juvenile record and his impulsive nature. Starbuck had flipped the narrative on the woman, reminding her he was an orphan and therefore no one would miss him when he was lost in battle. His point had earned him a full blown psych eval before the school would even consider submitting his transcripts. He'd aced the evaluation, but only because he'd spent days studying up for it. Today, he was tired, half buzzed, and he knew his surliness was uncharacteristic of him. He already felt bad for his behaviour back in the dome and sure as hades didn't need his current attitude documented.

Dixon was still staring at him intently as he answered, "I am here for both of you today. Plus, you are part of her life and I've met with many of the others in your family. I thought it might be time we talked, now that you have experienced some of the same trauma she has."

The information that Dixon had met with some of the rats felt like reaching for a switch on your control panel to trip a shorted circuit. A bit of a shock, but he should have expected it.

Before he could answer, Dixon checked his chrono. "I promise I will keep it short. My schedule is packed today." The man turned assuming acquiescence and headed for their quarters.

"He doesn't bite," Rene whispered as Starbuck hesitated to follow.

"Not so sure about that," he mumbled under his breath. He didn't want to do this, but he did want a drink, and since he wasn't cleared for duty, he could have more than a few. "Please tell me you have some of that fine ambrosia in our quarters?"

She didn't answer him as she took his hand and they followed Dixon to their quarters. It was a longer walk than Starbuck thought it was, or maybe it was the strange looks he was getting from the other warriors curious as to who was the civilian who seemed to be in charge.

Once at their quarters, Dixon let Starbuck key the door open before entering and surveying the room. Rene said he didn't judge, but he was certainly assessing the condition of their quarters as he spun around. It was clean for once, thanks to someone in the family who had been thoughtful enough to have it ready for their release from the Life Center.

Dixon took a seat at the table closest to the door, pulling out a datapad from his jacket pocket. "Have a seat and we can get started."

"Let me get that drink for you," Starbuck stalled as he headed towards their small food prep area. He thought the counsellor would wait for his return before beginning, but he was wrong.

"So how did you sleep?" Dixon asked loudly so he could be heard in the other room.

Starbuck didn't hear Rene's actual reply, only enough to realize she hadn't answered with a simple one word answer. Where the hades had her code gone when he needed it most? Admit nothing, deny everything. The least she could do was shift the blame. They had just been released from the Life Center just yesterday for Sagan's sake.

He found a bottle of ambrosia, not as good as the one he'd had earlier, but it would suffice. He wasn't going for a drink he could savour anyway, just one high enough in alcohol content to make this easier. The cheap stuff would do. He poured a glass and shot it down before refilling the glasses and carrying them into the room. He set them on the table and headed back into the food prep area for some juice for Rene, grabbing some fruit, and wondering if he could just hide in the kitchen for a while, but Dixon's voice called out to him again.

"So how did you sleep, Starbuck?"

He sighed and came out to find Rene sitting on the sofa. He answered the doctor as he handed Rene the glass and the fruit. "Good. Fine. Not like we were alone, so I guess as well as expected."

He ordered Rene with a stern look to actually eat the fruit, not just play with it. He considered sitting on the sofa with her, he could broadcast answers by squeezing her hand, but that position would leave him in the direct firing range of Dixon. Instead he chose the seat at the table beside the man. It put his back against the wall, making him feel a bit safer, and the exit readily available if necessary. He took a deep drink from his glass before looking to Dixon.

The counsellor's brow furrowed. "So Jake did stay?"

"Him and a few others," Rene answered.

"Yeah, we had a sleepover. Some from the mission and Nik," Starbuck added.

"I see," Dixon said as he typed something into the data pad before looking up to Starbuck. "Did that help? To sleep I mean."

"Yeah, I guess. Felt like being back in the blue squadron bunkroom. It's not like we invited them to or anything. They just showed up."

"Interesting," Dixon said and typed something else into his pad.

"It's not like we needed them to do that. We were fine. We can sleep alone," Starbuck added, surreptitiously looking over to the pad to see if he could see what the man was typing.

"But it helped?" Dixon's gaze was fixed on his pad as he continued typing.

"Yeah, I guess," Starbuck answered vaguely. He didn't know why Apollo chose to stay the night, nor why he brought Boomer. It had seemed right at the time, but now he realized how it could be interpreted, that he was having problems, maybe even was scared and needed backup. The truth was that in the standard Colonial environment, adults of the same sex didn't have sleepovers. But in a society of Rats, things were different. Rene's Rat-like tendencies had worn off on him, not that he minded.

"No nightmares or dreams?"

Starbuck had no intention of sharing the visions that haunted his sleep, of wires and needles shining menacingly in the light. Instead he shrugged and looked to Rene who answered, "No, but I'm still floating on a lot of medications."

"Yes, I saw the list. But most of them should be out of your system soon. You haven't," he paused before looking up from his pad to Rene, "self medicated from your personal pharmacy, have you?"

She shook her head. "No, I haven't been alone."

"And she won't be for a long while," Starbuck added pointedly

Dixon ignored Starbuck's comment as he focused on Rene. "We have talked about how you think it helps you, when you can manage it. Do you want to quit, or are you just being forced to?"

Rene shrugged, then started to speak when Starbuck cut her off. "She wants to quit. For the baby."

Dixon quirked an eyebrow at him before looking back down to his data pad typing something as he asked Rene, "Do you want the others around or do you want to be alone?"

Rene started to answer, but Starbuck interrupted her again. "She's needs to be with someone all the time for now. To make sure she eats and doesn't take anything she shouldn't."

Dixon cocked an eyebrow at Starbuck before turning back to Rene. "Is this a problem? Do we need to meet alone?"

"I can leave if you want." Starbuck started to get up from his chair in relief. It was the exit he was looking for, but Dixon snapped his fingers at him and pointing down, ordering him to remain seated. He groaned as he retook his seat before looking to his wife, irked that she wasn't following his lead.

Rene's lips twisted into a sadistic grin as she said, "It's not a problem. He's just mad he got co…co…co …frak!" She squinted her eyes hard in frustration.

Starbuck started to say that he wasn't mad, but Dixon rudely snapped a finger at him for a second time before turning his hand into a sign to halt.

"Can you think of the word, Rene?"

"If she keeps the words small…" Starbuck started to explain for Rene, but Dixon snapped his fingers at him again. The memory of Dante ordering around his wife like a slave shot up his spine, launching off memories of other leaders he had encountered with the same bad habit. He wasn't a daggit and if Dixon snapped that finger again, Starbuck was going to break it. This man was no IL and he could easily take him down.

He winced at his own thought as he watched what was becoming a familiar struggle for Rene, trying to force out words without a stutter.

"I know the word. It just won't…like it gets stuck between here," she tapped the side of her head, then her lips, "and here."

"Can you type it out?" Dixon handed her the datapad.

She took the device but didn't type the word right away, reading instead what was on the screen. She shook her head no before typing more than just a word on the datapad. Starbuck was suddenly wary about what was transpiring between the two.

"Do I get to read it too or is this something private? You need me to leave?" Starbuck asked, trying to keep the sarcasm from his voice and failing miserably.

Ignoring him for a moment, Dixon took the pad from Rene, read what she wrote, and turned to Starbuck. "I asked her if she was okay with you and if you were a problem. She says she's fine, but you are angry about being coerced by the commander into a public sealing filmed by the IFB. Is that an accurate assessment of what is going on here?"

"Yes, no, I don't know, I don't hurt my wife!" He added extra emphasis to the words "my wife", but Dixon held up the hand again.

"I had to be sure since you answered for her. She has a right to speak her own mind."

"I know that!" he grumbled before slumping back in his seat and taking a sip of his drink to cool his anger. This wasn't going well and he knew he needed to get his attitude in check if he wanted to see a viper any time soon. Same old problem, different cycle, his mouth that ran faster than his mind. So he gave his mouth something to do as he took another sip of ambrosia.

"So the IFB got what they wanted, is that where this anger is coming from?" Dixon asked.

"I'm not angry," Starbuck said looking at Rene and trying to convey to her to keep her opinion to herself. "I'm not. I didn't expect it, but I guess I should have. I'm a bit annoyed at myself about that, but the Commander's right, it would be good for the fleet and we get a lot out of it. I just would have liked to be asked, not blindsided."

"And if you were asked, what w…would you have s..said?" Rene asked softly.

"I would have said no. We're sealed and it's nobody's business!" Starbuck's voice rose slightly, and he cursed inwardly as Rene looked away and Dixon began typing away at his pad.

"Frak, sorry," he mumbled shaking his head. "I'm just tired. Radion poisoning, remember?"

Other than the sound of Dixon tapping on the keys of his data pad, the room remained quiet. Starbuck swirled the amber liquid in his glass before taking another drink hoping it would take the edge off. He felt the acrid liquid burn its way down, chasing away the electric tingle in his nerves.

"Is that helping?" Dixon looked up fixing a hard look on him.

"Yeah, it is." He nearly sneered the words, before finishing off the glass and setting it down hard on the table. "I'm off flight status right now, and the Commander gifted me the bottle in case you were wondering."

Dixon typed a few more words then flipped his pad over before looking up to him. Starbuck expected to see the usual annoyance that he could instil in authority figures, but the counsellor's expression was neutral. It let him know he was already fracked. He wouldn't be flying anytime soon.

Dixon nodded slowly, "I'm sorry. I think I need to explain something to you. I am not evaluating you for flight status or anything related to your military service. I am here because they requested it to help you deal with the trauma you have experienced. I do not report back to anyone in your command and what we discuss is confidential. If having your friends sleep here helps you cope, then that is a good thing. If having a few drinks, or an illegal substance or two on occasion helps, then that is a good thing. My questions are not to condemn you, they are to help me to help you. I am going to warn you that alcohol and drugs, while they may mask some of the pain, doesn't make it go away. Sometimes it only delays the inevitable, of having to deal with what has happened, but," Dixon paused and reached for his own drink, taking a healthy swallow, "But you know yourself better than anyone else. I would just like to get to know you and offer assistance."

Starbuck glared at the man for a moment before replying. "Is that the same felgercarb you gave Rene when you forced her over to the Zakar and into the Bastard's office. Because the way I heard it you manhandled her into that room."

"I see," Dixon said slowly before setting his glass down and sitting forward in his chair as if to get closer to Starbuck. "My methods were a little different with Rene because she is a different person and we were at a crisis situation. I assume you want her alive and not harming herself?"

"Yeah, that would nice." He tried to scrape the sarcasm from the words, but his attitude still clung to them.

"And I'm assuming a few people would like you to stay alive and not harm yourself."

Dixon kept his focus on him and he felt like a raider was on his tail that he couldn't shake loose. He found himself shifting in his seat, pulling away.

"Yeah I guess, but I'm fine."

"Of course you are. You were just held against your will on a planet high in radion, captured by the enemy, tortured, and then ran through a wildfire, crashed a viper and was pulled through an anomaly no one seems to understand but your wife, then spent a secton in the life center only to be ambushed by the IFB. Of course you're fine. You're the legendary Starbuck. It's watching your wife go through the same thing that's the problem if my guess is right."

Starbuck gasped, then closed his eyes trying not to shudder as he remembered the screams, rising and falling, the helplessness as he was dragged, and the hollow feeling of despair when he woke in a cell alone, not knowing how long he had been there. Even worse was the terror of when they ripped Rene away from him again as he lay convulsing on the floor trying to get to her. He swallowed the sensation to scream before opening his eyes again, expecting to find Dixon staring at him, but the man had looked away towards Rene.

The man's voice was soft as he asked her, "Can you give us a centon or two? I'll look for you in the council chambers."

Starbuck wanted to call out to her, to tell Rene to stay, that it was okay, but he couldn't find his voice as he watched her get up and silently leave the room abandoning him to the counsellor.

But once the door slid closed he found it surprisingly easier to breathe.

Dixon reached to pour the rest of the liquid in his glass into Starbuck's. "I don't usually drink. Once I start, I don't stop. How is she? She's too quiet. I'm worried about her." His voice had changed sounding more soft and low, as if they were close friends. Starbuck wondered if he should be wary, but Dixon sounded sincere.

"Yeah, so am I," he said staring at the alcohol in his glass, debating taking another drink.

"How do you think she's doing?" Dixon asked.

He sighed and shook his head, appreciating that this was more of what he would like to discuss, someone other than himself.

"The Cylons messed with her head. Her memory is spotty and she's not talking much." The conversation was a territory where he felt more comfortable, but he was still wary where it was headed.

"I don't think it's the Cylons' fault. I've been reading up on what we know about their brain scans. It causes some short term memory loss, but not usually long term, in fact, quite the opposite. It brings things forward that might be behind you. People have reported getting lost in the memories, distracted by them, but they are there. Ensign Cree recalled everything that happened to him. I think Rene's memory loss is a self-imposed disability. It's how she copes. She did it before this, repressing her childhood memories and those dealing with Commander Dante. She lives in the moment, not a bad trait, except when the moment is not pleasant. Plus, you can't really evade your past forever, can you?"

"No, I suppose not." On that comment, Starbuck did take a drink in an effort to avoid talking about his own past.

"Do you remember what happened?"

It was an easy answer to give, requiring no detail as he didn't have much to give. "Yeah, for what I was conscious for. They hadn't gotten to messing with my mind yet. Just…pain then…" He turned the shudder into a shrug as he remembered how he listened hard for Rene's screams when they had ceased, the cold fear that she was gone.

"So am I right? It wasn't what happened to you but what they did to Rene that has you so…" Dixon hesitated before asking a different question, "What would you call what's going on for you today?"

Starbuck thought for a moment, swirling the liquid in his glass. "I'm tired. I'm worried. I'm…I don't know, just sick of people asking me how I'm doing." He took a deep breath, his shoulders sagging. "It was hades watching them do what they did."

"You were there for her torture?"

"Yeah, some of it."

Dixon made a point of setting the data pad on the table, pushing it out of his reach towards Starbuck. "Off the record, what happened?"

Despite his resolve to not talk to the man and avoid this meeting, instead Starbuck found himself describing to Dixon all that happened on Caprica and how many times he had almost lost Rene on the mission. He found himself trying to decide what had been worst, when he had been asleep on a cave floor and Rene had trouble breathing almost dying and he'd had no clue, or trying to resuscitate her after the fall down the cliff, or her tortured screams that grew softer until they ceased altogether.

"And what about you?" Dixon asked.

Starbuck felt almost guilty that he had come through the mission relatively unscathed. "I got sick, but so did everyone, and the Cylons…I passed out for most of it. Just painful and paralyzing, but it doesn't hurt now, just a little clumsy with my hands, but nothing permanent."

"Other than the memories?" Dixon tossed it out

Starbuck nodded slowly, but before he could speak, Dixon added, "They will fade over time. It will get easier. Just remind yourself, it's over and you are stronger for it. You saved her and yourself. Dreams are normal. It's how our brain processes what happened and prepares us to defend ourselves if it happens again."

"So that's what's going on, my brain is running its own training mission? It's one fracked up drill sergeant."

Dixon had just nodded and then asked if it was alright if he took some notes on his datapad. Starbuck found himself nodding in agreement. The man was looking down as he asked a few questions about being a pilot and the missions he had flown. He found it easier to answer without Dixon looking at him. He even found himself answering the dreaded questions about his past. Dixon didn't probe too deep so it was easy to share some of the information, and Dixon quickly brought it back to the present when he started to hesitate in his answers.

"So do I need to intervene and put a halt to the public sealing? I could easily say neither of you are up for it. It wouldn't affect your flight status."

"No, it's okay. The Commander's right, it would help the fleet to feel more united I guess. And not much would be required of us, just smiling and being in love, which we are anyway."

"What are you hoping to get out of it?" Dixon asked.

Perhaps from anyone else it would have felt like an accusation, but he recognized Rene had been right, the man wasn't judging, just trying to figure things out. Starbuck thought about it for a moment. He knew he wasn't asking a superficial question. He was looking for Starbuck's motive, and it was more than just having a good time. "To begin again, I think. To put all this behind us and move forward. To be happy for a day."

Dixon nodded. "That's a pretty normal thing to want out of a sealing day. Do you think it will do that?"

He shrugged shaking his head no at the same time. "I don't know. Maybe, I guess. The Commander is good at…at making things better so I think if we give him the chance to do that, he will."

Dixon nodded again, "Well then let's see if this works. And thank you."

"For what?"

"Confiding in me. For telling me the truth. It will go no further than this room, you have my word on that. Oh, and for the invitation. I would love to be there." Dixon looked to him, that probing scan again before smiling. "Feel better?"

Starbuck chuckled lightly before finishing off the drink in his glass. "Yeah, I do even though I've been Starbucked twice today. Thanks."

"It's what I do," Dixon said deferentially as he started to put his datapad away.

"Yeah, I've been wanting to ask about that. You really don't work for the service or the council, so why do you do it?"

Dixon paused and looked up. "I tried to kill myself before the destruction. I had a wife and a child, and I was drunk. I crashed the hovercar with them in it and I lived, they didn't. I wanted to die. I thought I was the worst person in the whole colonies and I deserved punishment. So one night I took all the pills in the house, drank all the alcohol, and woke up the next morning in a Life Center. I have no idea who called the authorities. I lived alone and the call wasn't made from my home. All I know is that I was saved and was told my life had a purpose. So I guess my redemption is that I help other people realize they have a purpose too."

Starbuck didn't know what to say. It was a horrible story, delivered in a matter of fact narration. He wondered for a moment if he should judge the man harshly for it. If he had killed his own child Starbuck knew he would never forgive himself. He might take the same option as Dixon, only he would make sure he didn't fail in his mission.

"Has Rene talked much about her past with you before the destruction?" Dixon's shift in topic startled him.

"No, not much. Why? What has she told you?" He couldn't help but to ask since Dixon seemed to be in a sharing mood.

"She has tried numerous times to end her life. Before and after she was picked up by Dante. I'm actually quite surprised she's lived this long. Her old command gave her ample means to end her existence, and from her own words, she has tried. Something keeps her from finishing the act. I'm not sure why. Do you know why?"

Starbuck shook his head, "She says she can't die. I've…" he gulped before continuing, "I've watched her try. The laser didn't fire even though she pulled the trigger."

Dixon nodded. "She claims something beyond us is keeping her alive. While I would like to know what she thinks that is, there is something I want more than that. I would love it if we got to the point where she stopped trying."

"Yeah." Starbuck felt like a weight had suddenly lifted from his shoulder. "Yeah, that would be nice."

Dixon smiled at him, before reaching a hand across the table. Starbuck took it and the two shook it as if making a pact.

"I have to go," Dixon said getting to his feet. "Busy schedule. Take it easy, don't let the IFB bully you, and call me if you need anything, I mean it, anything. I am always available, but I think you have things under control here. I'll see you at the sealing. Will you walk with me to the council chamber?"

"Yeah," Starbuck replied, realizing that he really did feel better, and it wasn't just from the drinks.

They walked side by side for the short walk, and entered the chambers to find Rene sitting at the head of the table giving orders to the rest of the Copper Squadron.

"Boomer, you have the send off, and Lizbet, you get the dresses, and Nik, make sure Jake picks the right songs, nothing too much for the stodgy Colonials, at least until we get rid of the IFB. Jonas and Max, you're in charge of rounding up all the stash and getting it to the right people, and…" She paused when she saw that Dixon was still with Starbuck.

Rene cocked her head, looking at Starbuck and smiling, seeming to be pleased at seeing the two on friendly terms.

Boomer came up to them, clapping Starbuck on the back. "So I get to plan a send off after all. This should be fun!"

"Nothing too crazy, alright. My wife will kill me."

"I was planning a poetry reading followed by religious hymns." Boomer laughed as Starbuck rolled his eyes.

Dixon excused himself, crooking a finger to call Rene over, and the two left the room. Starbuck sighed turning back to Boomer.

"So she told all of you?"

"About the sealing and the party, yes. Just so you know, she made it pretty clear, this party is for you, to pay you back for all you've done for the Rats."

"What does that mean?" Starbuck asked suspiciously, as Crius came up to them. His new wingmate laughed.

"Nothing to worry about, Bucko. Just a little payback for making us think you'd left us forever."

"Oh lords," he said looking to the door wondering if he should go check on Rene. Boomer led him over to the table.

"What kind of food do you want at the send off?"


	81. Chapter 81

"This is for Starbuck, Boomer and Apollo and they deserve it. I dragged them to Caprica. This is for the family, for Jake, Nik and Crius. This is for Lisbet and all the work she has done. This for the Commander who lets us keep the good quarters, and for Starbuck who rescued a bunch of kids. This is for Sheba, Athena and Dietra who were worried that Apollo and Boomer wouldn't return. This is for Boomer who was shot down, and this is for Starbuck who wound up in a Cylon cell." She kept the list running through her head as she tried to get through the meeting with the staff of the IFB. She had thought she would just be meeting with the blonde reporter, Vanna. But when she answered the door to their quarters the next morning, it was five women that walked in, carrying large data pads and mugs of java.

"Oh this will be such fun! We have so many great ideas! What do you think about a bubble machine?" Vanna was too bubbly for first thing in the cycle.

Starbuck tried to rescue Rene, mentioning they were both due in the duty office or the Life Center, but Vanna wasn't a dumb woman despite her vapid smile.

"Oh Lieutenant, we both know she's not cleared for duty. We are just going to show her ideas and make a few decisions. She'll be fine! I cleared it with the Commander. Now you run along. Planning a sealing is women's work."

Vanna had put a hand on Starbuck's arm as she guided him from the room, and lords help him if he could say no to a pretty woman who was smiling at him. In yahren's ahead that might become a problem, one Rene wasn't sure she could fix or would want to. For now, it was humorous to watch him be disarmed so easily, except in the end it left Rene at the mercy of the IFB.

"That woman must be his type," Rene realized as he had stuck to the woman's arm like burnt tylium to a turbo outtake.

She wanted to be annoyed with him, but Starbuck had been in such a better mood after talking with Dixon she didn't want to do anything to ruin it. He had returned to the council chambers actually smiling, and she had not seen the famous Starbuck smile since before she'd told him about Caprica. She wasn't sure what Dixon had done to cool the repressed rage of the notoriously hot headed Starbuck. It was the first thing she had asked the therapist when they were alone, since her tactics hadn't worked.

Dixon had just smiled while Rene cursed. It was the therapist's version of a joke and she hated his sense of humor.

"S…seriously." She winced at the stutter but it got Dixon to drop his grin.

"Seriously, he's worried about you. How is it going? Fighting the cravings? He says you don't remember much. What do you remember?"

It was too many loaded questions at once and she winced again. Dixon wasn't one for small talk, diving deep into parts of her life she thought were best left alone. Added to that, somehow he always knew when she lied to him. He would let her craft the deception, deliver it, then he would sarcastically applaud. She'd taken a swing at him a few times on the Zakar when he did that, connected each time, but it was hard to fight someone who wouldn't fight back. One time he just backed out of the room and locked her in the Commander's quarters until she was pounding on the door begging to be let out.

She stopped hitting him once they left the Zakar. She had wanted to a few times since, but had held back worried about how it might affect her warrior status. But this time she let her fists ball up knowing her flight status had been pulled even for shuttles. "Seriously, I might need to know whatever trick you used. He won't let me make it better."

"How much do you want him to know about what we talk about?"

"Nothing."

She got what he was saying when Dixon's slow smile became that same fatherly grin that Adama used on her. She had turned away, her lip curling into a snarl.

"What do you remember from Caprica? Did it make the dreams go away?" He was relentless.

She took a deep breath choking down her rage before she answered. "I told you, they never go away, they just change to something else."

He nodded and calmly asked the same question, just a different way. "What happened on Caprica? You said it wasn't like your dreams."

Her annoyance boiled over. "No one would listen to me because they are fracking Colonials and know fracking everything, so we were captured and tortured and then I had my brain probe and now my mind itches and I want to …." She paused because what she wanted to do just wasn't possible, but Dixon wasn't going to let her leave a sentence unfinished.

"What do you want, Rene?"

She shook her head no, not wanting to put words to the thought of escaping to the planet she had seen in her vision. Speaking it out loud was one step too close to doing it. But Dixon waited her out and she just wanted to get back to her kids and the others in the Council chambers.

"I want the Cylons to rust away and just for all of it to end."

Dixon closed his eyes for a moment nodding before leaning towards her. "It is okay. You made it back and you survived."

The words soothed her and she wondered briefly what Dixon had implanted in her mind during the sessions where he used hypnosis.

"So what do you want?" he asked again, "an IFB sealing?"

"No…lords no!" It came out before she put the words through her internal filter.

Dixon gave her that strange appraising scan he often did when she reacted without thinking. "So why did you agree?"

Sagan, it had been a long day already, she had just dealt with Adama alone in his office. That required her to stifle every instinct that said to fight or run. That alone was exhausting, but then the IFB woman had arrived, and the reporter's energy level was overwhelming. Then there was Starbuck and whatever had him upset worried her. Rene just wanted to curl up on the sofa and fall fast asleep with her handsome warrior husband nearby, armed to the teeth, and Jake standing guard by the door. She'd have to give Dixon some answers if she wanted to get what she wanted.

"I just couldn't deny the Commander. I…I fracked up the mission and I owe too many people. Starbuck missed his chance to be a hero so…" she shrugged. "If I do this right, which won't be hard to do with the Commander and Captain Apollo involved, it will just turn into a Colonial Warrior 'aren't we amazing' love fest and I won't have to do much but show up in a dress. Good for recruitment."

"I see," Dixon nodded. "And then you can slip away into the shadows and enjoy all that alcohol you have stockpiled. So how is giving everything up going?"

"I wasn't going to d…drink. I already got the l..lecture, with very vivid gory p…pictures, of what…what it can do to the baby. I'm clean."

She expected Dixon to do his exaggerated clapping, but he settled for slight bow of his head to acknowledge her lie. "Bravo. The question remains the same, how is it going and what do you want? This wasn't your choice, any of it."

She crinkled her nose, regretting the rant she had directed at the doctor the second day on the Zakar when she had realized he did not intend to let her go back to the Galactica that cycle, or the next. She had screamed in his face, "I have no free will! None of this is my choice!"

While he still hadn't let her leave that day, he did hear her. He had used her own words against her often since then. It reminded her to be careful with what she said to him. Instead of declaring that it was damn hard watching Starbuck down the fine ambrosia, and she had some stims stashed within easy access that she fully intended to consume in the morning, she kept that information to herself.

"I want to not have been tortured by the enemy and I want Starbuck to stop worrying."

Dixon accepted the lie this time. "He is worried, but I think he has good reasons. He said he went back because you fell down a ridge and he had to resuscitate you. That's when you were captured. Do you remember that?"

She blinked hard. No one had filled in that part of the story for her, just that the rescue of the kids hadn't gone well due to the Cylon troop carrier being full of Centurions. In hindsight, she should have asked how she had gone from the top of the ridge to the bottom. She had just assumed she'd joined in the efforts, but now it came back to her, the spray of the dirt as laser fire pounded the hillside, the warm liquid splashing her face that she now knew was Wyatt's blood. She shut down the memory before looking back to Dixon wondering how long it had taken her to answer, a micron or a centaur. His calm face gave her no answer.

"Uh, no, not that part. I was up there with a guy from Caprica and then I was being dragged into somewhere bright by the centurions. Starbuck should have left me. I mean, if I was actually dead, there was no point and if I wasn't, I could have played dead or…," she shrugged again before the reality came crashing down like the rocks of that hillside. "It was my fault."

Dixon ignored her last words, instead asking, "What happened to the guy?"

"I…he…." She just shook her head. "Bought it I guess."

Dixon nodded and thought for a moment. "What was the worst part about the mission?"

She hated it when Dixon asked that question. From the start, it was his clever way of getting her to look at things she didn't want to, and he didn't accept shrugs for answers. He would wait patiently. They had actually passed most of one session that way, him asking one question, "Was that the worst," and her just shrugging and staring him down. He'd waited at least fifteen centons before he threatened to put her on some serious meds and commit her to the life center if she didn't start talking. She didn't think he'd actually do that, but by then he knew too much and could probably make that happen.

He waited her out this time as well and she went over the events she could remember. Days were missing, or jumbled together in a strange order. She knew she'd been sick and out of it for some of the mission, and what the Cylons did was just a wave of pain and panic mostly centering around her fear that they would take the baby. Only one part of the secton was clear and vivid.

"I got Boomer shot down. He almost…" She shook her head as she felt her right hand tremble and jerk as if it were still on the stick of her viper. "It could have been ugly. It was bad. I…" Her ears were suddenly screaming from the shriek of metal scraping metal as she made contact with his viper trying to nudge the nose up to keep Boomer from becoming a projectile into the planet.

Dixon's voice was hypnotic as he said, "But he made it down. And you are not responsible for the enemy's accuracy."

"The frak I'm not! I'm the one who took him there and I'm the one who misjudged our trajectory and insertion to the planet. I should have been smarter. I should have…and the capture by the enemy and everyone getting sick and…it's my fault."

"No. We are not going to play that game, remember? It is what it is. No recriminations. You survived and that is a victory. Boomer survived. You are not responsible for the universe, Rene."

"And this is where we agree to disagree." She glared at him but it was like glaring at a wall. She was too tired to play Dixon's game. It was easier to take the blame than to pick it all apart and figure out what fit her dreams and what varied. "Look, I just want to go get some food, talk with the family about a sealing and a party and get some sleep. That is all I want, I swear. Thanks for making Starbuck better. Can I go?"

She hadn't expected Dixon to agree. He never let her off the hook that easily, but this time he nodded and said he'd talk with her in a few days. He had walked her back to the council chambers and left her with the family that was embroiled in a heated discussion about the kind of music they should play, and not play. She started to take her seat beside Starbuck, but he had reached for her, pulling her into his lap. She let him. She needed that volton smile and his strong arms around her to help push away the memory of Boomer's mangled leg and Wyatt's headless body.

She hadn't realized she'd fallen asleep until Nik was reaching for her in Starbuck's arms while Starbuck argued with Nik that he could carry her. She'd protested that she could walk, but Nik had insisted, not putting her down until they were inside her quarters with Starbuck, Jake, Boomer and Dara tagging along.

"We're good. We don't need you guys to stay," Starbuck had tried to protest, but he didn't sound that convincing to any of them. Dara had made Nik leave, but he hadn't agreed until Jake reassured him he'd be staying. Boomer had hesitated, and Rene didn't know what transpired between him and Starbuck as she'd gone to the turbo to get off the uniform that was getting tighter each day. When she came out dressed for sleep, Boomer was taking off his boots to sleep on the sofa, and Starbuck was arguing with Jake that he wasn't needed too.

"I want him to stay."

Her quiet words held a lot of weight as Starbuck immediately stopped arguing, pulled an extra blanket from the bed and tossed it at Jake. "Then he's making breakfast," he'd declared as he headed for the turbo.

When he came out, climbed over Jake on the floor and crawled into bed, he'd pulled her gently into his arms whispering in her ear, "Do I have to drag you to the dome just to get time alone with you? We are both fine and don't need them here."

For an answer she had reached up to stroke his face before kissing him deeply. She could feel him forgetting everything as he melted into her kiss, until a noise in the room from either Boomer or Jake reminded him they were not alone and he pulled away. His eyes were full of passion and regret at not being able to act on the emotion.

"It's not for us," she whispered. "It's for them. I scared him and I think Boomer feels guilty for making us contact Avery's people. He thinks it's his fault and we all know it was mine. I.."

Starbuck hadn't let her finish her words as he put a soft finger to her lips. "Okay, for them. For you." He had kissed her again before pulling her closer, nestling into her like he often did before sleep found him and he would move away, the years of sleeping alone in a small bunk making him cling to the edge of the bed.

Jake's idea of breakfast was some of the leftover baked goods from Avery's people and java. He was gone before she got out of the turbo, taking Boomer with him. She wondered if the IFB had their quarters watched because the moment that Starbuck was dressed, the door chimed and Vanna swept into the room.

The short strategy meeting that was supposed to be her just looking at ideas had turned into four centaurs. She had a raging headache and couldn't think of a way to get to the stims that might make this bearable without being noticed. Her jaw ached from gritting her teeth and she forced the list to play over in her mind. "This is for everyone. I fracked up and this is to make up for it. This is for Starbuck and..."

She'd nearly bolted for the door when it chimed, but it was just lunch being delivered. The IFB had ordered out. From where she had no idea. She didn't even know that existed in the fleet and the fresh bread and greens were nearly unheard of on the Galactica. She was starving and dug in as decisions were made around her.

"So, we have the colors and the bridesmaids and the officiant. I think we have made very good progress!" Vanna had bubbled. "If we could see the dress, that would certainly help us make some more decisions."

Rene shook her head with a mouth full of greens. That was for her and she wasn't sharing that detail until the day of the sealing. She'd have to reveal where the rest of the stash was when she got the dress and no point in doing that until the last. That and she didn't trust herself with all that ambrosia right now.

She had hoped that Vanna was done, but the reporter side of her kicked in as she interrogated Rene about her life and her past in the Colonies. Part of Rene wanted to reveal it all just to watch that pretty little face fall from the facts of her life, but she didn't want the woman's pity either.

Rene tried giving vague answers, but Vanna had pulled out a datapad and began reading off the official details.

"Oh you and Lieutenant Starbuck have so much in common. Orphaned and now your fellow warriors are your family. That will definitely play well with our audience. You both have had run ins with the law, little bandits aren't you?" Vanna had giggled at her own little scenario she was trying to create. "We will have to incorporate that somehow. Maybe towards the end of the sealing. The Lieutenant has stolen your heart away, oh yes, that will be a nice touch."

Rene cringed knowing the last thing Starbuck would want is the whole fleet knowing his juvenile record. "No. He's a hero. G…gold c…clusters." Rene struggled to get out her objection.

"Oh yes, of course! That's why we've chosen light gold and darker gold for the colors. He has saved the fleet and saved you from the Cylon attack on that system. What was it again?"

"Dilmun," one of the other women filled in.

"Yes, if it weren't for the fleet, you would have all perished."

Rene felt the rage well up. It was as far from the truth as they were from Dilmun now. They had been just fine in Dilmun until the fleet showed up and fracked up a good thing. Well, not exactly a good thing, but they weren't perishing at the hands of the Cylons. They were holding their own and Dante had worked out a kind of truce, one better than the Colonies could have hoped for.

She wanted to ask the woman if that was what people in the fleet really thought, that the Galactica had saved them, but she was afraid of what she would do if it was true. No, it was just easier to sit there, the list running through her mind. "This is for Starbuck. Let him be the hero."

It was another couple of centaurs later when the door chimed again. She was afraid it would be dinner and the IFB crew would be staying late into the night. She was surprised and relieved to see it was the Commander, which pretty much demonstrated how desperate she was for other company.

"How is it coming along?" he asked, smiling at the reporter before turning a worried gaze upon Rene.

"Very well! We have things in hand and we will make you look so good! The fleet is going to love this!"

"How long have you been at this?" The commander addressed his comment to Rene, but Vanna answered for her.

"Oh just a few more decisions to be made and then we can get the ball rolling. I'm sure it will only take us a few more centaurs. I just think…"

"Lieutenant Rene is needed elsewhere I'm afraid." The commander cut her off, the smile fading.

"Oh but surely she can be spared for a few more centaurs and then…"

Rene almost flinched from the hard flint that entered Adama's eyes. "No. You are done here for the day. You will contact me first thing tomorrow morning. Understood?"

Rene had a "Yes sir" on her lips in response to Adama's stern tone, but Vanna wasn't even flustered as she batted her eyes at him.

"Of course, Commander. I know how interested you are in the project. I'm sure your approval rating will sky rocket and assure your election to the President of the Council once again. We will get this going and see you tomorrow."

It didn't take them long to clear out, and Rene sighed as her shoulders dropped in relief.

"Are you alright?" Adama's voice had turned warm again.

She nodded. "Yeah, just tired."

The Commander took a step towards her, placing a hand upon her shoulder. She froze and she thought Adama actually sighed before he took his hand away.

"I suggest you rest. I will inform the others."

The commander turned to leave and she started to ask where she might find Starbuck when it dawned on her that she was going to be left alone, and kept her mouth shut. The moment the door closed, she was on her feet headed to the drawer in the food prep area where she had stowed the screw driver. She came out and pulled a chair to climb on the table, reaching up to the screws in the ceiling panel above the light. If Starbuck came in now, it would be hard to hide what she was doing and he'd be more than pissed. She worked fast, only taking out two of the screws and tilting the panel to reach in and pull out the ambrosia bottle and the box of stims. These were the good ones, prescription strength taken from a decent pharmacy they had raided on Caprica. They were probably highly contaminated with radion, but she didn't care. She set them gingerly on the table as she put the panel back. Then she took them into the food prep area, pulling down a java mug, filling it to the brim with the ambrosia. It was golden and rich, the smoky aroma hinting at the barrel in which it had been aged. She took a deep drink, letting it fill her mouth with the promise of good times.

She stared at the box of stims, the ambrosia she hadn't swallowed still in her mouth when she heard a voice.

"You don't want to do that."

She choked on the ambrosia, spraying more than she swallowed as she jumped. She spun expecting to find Starbuck. There was no one there.

She stepped from the kitchen to scan the quarters, even taking a step towards the turbo to be sure. She was alone.

She stepped back into the kitchen, the smell of ambrosia was strong. She picked up the box of stims, tearing at the opening, when the voice spoke again.

"Come on Sis, don't do it."

"Ari?" She turned hoping to get a glimpse of her brother. It was just a shadow but it was him, his face the same mask of worry he'd worn almost every day in the Colonies.

"You don't want to take those," he said.

"Yeah I do." She choked on a sob as he started to fade. "No don't leave me!" Her words had no effect as the phantom dissolved. Her hand shook as she turned back to the mug of ambrosia and shook the pills from the box. She ripped open the plastic containing them and put four in her hand.

But she couldn't bring the shaking hand to her mouth. "Frak…frak frak frak…" she muttered as the smell of the spilt ambrosia made her dizzy. Her heart was pounding hard in her ears.

"Rene? You here?" It was Starbuck's voice this time and she hastily opened a drawer, sweeping the stim box, pills and plastic into the drawer. As she slammed the drawer shut, her hand slipped and she ended up sweeping the mug of ambrosia onto the floor. The sound of the metal mug clattering drew Starbuck running.

"Rene!"

She grabbed a towel and was hastily trying to clean up the evidence, but it was too late.

"Rene? Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I…I was cleaning up and the IFB wanted some and my hand slipped and…"

Starbuck was kneeling down beside her, reaching to pick up the mug. "It's okay."

"I wasn't having any, I was just…"

Starbuck forgot the mug and reached for her hands, pulling her up from the floor. "Rene, it's okay. Dixon was right, it wasn't fair what I did yesterday and…and you could use the calories." He let her go and spun to the cupboard taking down two new mugs. He hesitated for just a moment as he saw the bottle of ambrosia that was nearly full, before grabbing it and pouring a healthy amount in the two mugs. He took one putting it in her hands, before he let go and reached for his own.

"Really, I was just cleaning up and the reporters wanted a drink and…"

"Rene!" He barked, then softened his tone. "Its okay. I shouldn't have drunk so much yesterday in front of you and I would need a drink after dealing with the IFB, actually I'd need a whole bottle. It's okay. Besides, there's worse things you could be doing."

She nodded to that and chose to stare down at the ambrosia instead of meeting his eyes.

"Hey," he said reaching for her, stroking her face so she would look up. "Thank you."

"For what?"

"Putting up with me and yesterday and dealing with this sealing. You're right, it will be good for us and…" he shook his head and changed the topic. "What should we drink to? Making it out of those Cylon cells alive?"

"No," she said staring back down into her mug, regretting the ambrosia she had wasted on the floor.

"Okay, how about we drink to the baby."

She couldn't help but laugh. "Really? That's why I'm not supposed to be drinking. Pick something else." She looked back up to find a hopeful smirk on Starbuck's face.

"Then to being married and still getting in trouble for fraking?"

She found herself laughing again. "Alright," she held up the mug clinking it against his, "to being in trouble for acting like we're sealed. Or maybe just to fraking?"

He nodded smiling. "Now that I can drink to. Hopefully we get to do more of that soon, being sealed and the other things that go with it."

She took just a sip and savored the smoky flavor as Starbuck muttered his own kind of prayer. "Oh Lords that is good. I will say one thing, you don't risk your life for the cheap stuff. I can appreciate that."

"Only the best for you, baby."

He took another drink draining the mug before he met her eyes. "I can live with the cheap stuff as long as you are alive to drink it with me. Now we should get you some food. The boys are cooking tonight so I promise it will be something simple. How did it go with the IFB?"

She shook her head smirking at him. "Oh no, you don't get any details, not after you abandoned me to that crazy woman and then hid out for the rest of the day. You'll just have to be surprised like everyone else."

"Fair enough," he said taking the mug from her hands and setting it in the sink.

She let him guide her from their quarters and down to the Council chamber where dinner was in full Copper Squadron swing with the kids running around and Crius trying to rock his baby to sleep. Starbuck had her take a seat beside Crius before Kalea and Kiff tackled her demanding her attention and to be held.

"I'll get us some food," he said before he headed into the food prep area, greeting Jason with a high five and a slap on the back for Cain.


	82. Chapter 82

She let him guide her from their quarters and down to the Council chamber where dinner was in full Copper Squadron swing with the kids running around and Crius trying to rock his baby to sleep. Starbuck had her take a seat beside Crius before Kalea and Kiff tackled her demanding her attention and to be held.

"I'll get us some food," he said before he headed into the food prep area, greeting Jason with a high five and a slap on the back for Cain.

Kalea gave her a quick tight hug then climbed down to run off and play with Lara, but Kiff was uncharacteristically subdued, snuggling in beside her. The Commander coming out of the food prep area was a surprise to Rene and she understood why her boisterous boy was so quiet. Adama was still in uniform and looked intimidating in the dark blue. She felt little Kiff shiver beside her as she felt her own fatigue shake her shoulders. A memory bubbled up of how that blue felt on her bare skin. She swallowed down the sensation of that fabric, not as soft as it looked, but crisp and crusty from drying in the air of Dilmun. It was rough and scraped and suddenly she wasn't hungry anymore.

She turned to Crius. "Is he going to be here every night? I need him to go."

"I don't think that's something I can do," Crius answered shifting his son to his shoulder.

She wanted to growl, but she should have known. Crius was a Colonial and was so slappy happy thrilled to be accepted by the Galactica crew he wasn't going to make any waves. She looked around the room. Nik was close so she called him over making him lean down so she could whisper. "Get him out of here," as she tilted her head in the Commander's direction.

Nik gave her a funny look and she flashed him a hand sign that said basically the same thing. The commander needed to go home and leave them be, at least for tonight.

"Rene, he's not doing any harm," Crius said to her as Nik flashed that he couldn't do it.

"Why? When did you two become the Commander's lackeys?"

"Rene," Crius hissed.

"He's not like Dante. You know that," Nik added. "He's trying to help."

"He can help himself out the door," she whispered as the commander patted Jason on the shoulder. Before she could say anything more, Jake took the seat beside her, perching on the edge and pointing to Kiff. "He tell you yet?"

"Tell me what?" She looked to Kiff who tried to snuggle in, hiding in the cushions of the chair.

"He got in trouble today at the child care center. Hit another kid. Left a pretty good bruise. Want to know why? Did you know he's been carrying a rock around since Dilmun?"

She looked down to her son who looked on the verge of tears. "A rock? Did you hit another kid with a rock?"

"No, my hand," Kiff said in a soft wail. "He wanted my rock and it's MY rock!"

Rene sighed, prepared to have the lecture again about sharing, something that was a challenge for Kiff, when Jake interrupted, "Tell her what you named your rock."

Rene was puzzled why that would be the important part of this story instead of the fact that Kiff hit another kid, or that for four sectares Kiff had held onto the same rock and no one noticed. She looked to Jake, but his eyes creased with worry wouldn't meet hers. Jake asked again, "Go on Kiff, tell her."

Kiff looked embarrassed as pushed even farther back in the cushions and mumbled, "Uncari."

"What?" Rene asked, not sure if she heard what she thought she heard, a cold chill traveling down her spine.

"Uncle Ari."

She froze and before she could process the implications of her son walking around with a rock he'd named after her brother, Jake spoke again, "I need a night off. Now." This time he met her eyes, so full of emotion it nearly knocked her back like an explosion.

"What? No. NO!" The insinuations of his words meant more than being relieved of childcare duties or doing the dishes. A "night off" for Jake often turned into a secton where she had to track him down, dry him out, detox the drugs from his system, hold him while he kicked and screamed, and then try to rectify whatever damage he had done to himself or others. Often it meant working out deals to keep him off report or out of trouble. Those deals were harder to honor in the "real" Colonial Service.

She lowered her voice and leaned in closer, "No Jake, they are watching and checking us. They will know!"

"Or…" he held up a hand, "They will just think it is something that was left over from before."

"No they won't! You think I d…don't know how this w…works? They will kick you out. You d…don't want to be civ..civilian in this fleet. They won't let you stay on the Ga…ga…." Rene said to him.

"They won't kick me out for one night. I'm a decent enough pilot. It's just one night."

"One n..night…It's never just one n…night for you. D..don't f..f..feed me..f…felger…c…c…FRAK!" With the return of her stutter, Jake's face fell, revealing for just a moment the anguish that was brewing like a thunderstorm inside him.

The shouted curse brought Starbuck out of the food prep area, a concerned look on his face as he headed their way.

"What's the briefing about? We have a new mission? Are we going to a resort on Piscera this time?" he asked, trying to joke, but his tone and his arrival seemed to be all the impetus that Jake needed to shoot to his feet and head for the door.

"Jake?" Rene called to him, but he kept walking even as Nik and Crius called out for him to come back.

"What's going on?" Starbuck asked, registering the distress on their faces.

Rene nodded her head in the Commander's direction as the man took a seat farther down the table. Bypassing Starbuck, she raised her voice, "Sir, are you here as family or as the Commander?"

Adama paused, sliding his eyes towards Starbuck for a moment in confusion before turning back to Rene, "I am both, but in this room, I would like to be more family than Comm…"

She didn't let him finish as she drew her laser. She swivelled the council chair to face the door, pushed Nik out of the way with one hand and shot Jake in the back as he crossed the threshold to the corridor. Her friend crumpled to the ground.

Starbuck's shout cut through the room, "Rene! What the frak!"

Simultaneously, Adama barked, "Lieutenant, holster that weapon!"

Crius came to his feet, a baby thrown over his shoulder with one hand as he strode across the room, reaching for Jake's neck, checking a pulse before dragging him back into the room so the door to the chamber could close. He reached up a hand to activate the lock.

"What in Sagan's name are you doing? Have you lost your mind?" Starbuck reached for the weapon in her hand, yanking it away, double checking for himself that it was just on a light stun. "What the frak is going on?"

It was Crius that answered from the door, "She had her reasons. He's fine."

"Fine? He's fine?" Starbuck looked from Crius to the Commander who shared his look of alarm before looking back to Rene. "You shot him!"

"He had it coming," Nik said quietly and Starbuck spun on him.

"Has everyone gone crazy? Rene's had her brains scrambled sure, but you two?" Starbuck stared in bewilderment from Nik to Crius, then back to Nik. "You didn't go to Caprica. You didn't deal with the Cylons. He's your friend and you're defending this? We don't shoot each other!"

"Lieutenants,"the Commander interjected having come to his feet at the discharge of the laser, he crossed the room quickly, "I think we need an explanation. Now."

The bite of authority was in his voice and Rene felt Kiff shiver beside her in response. She tried to hug her son closer, but he pushed away, climbing down from her lap, and marching up to the Commander.

"You need to go home now!" The boy's voice quavered as he puffed up his little chest and said the words again stronger and louder. "You need to go! We don't like you!"

"Kiff! You don't talk that way to the Commander," Starbuck scolded, reaching out for him.

Rene leaned forward, reaching out to pull Kiff back to her. "Don't touch my son," she snarled, wrapping an arm protectively around the boy.

"Rene? Seriously? What the frak is going on?" Starbuck took a step towards her, but the Commander placed a restraining hand on Starbuck's arm.

"Son," Adama's voice was low, the bass tones of his displeasure blurring in a confusing mix with his comforting fatherly figure. "Everyone needs to calm down."

"But sir?" Starbuck began, but Adama used the term of endearment that Rene knew worked almost as well as the switch the IL used to control his nerves and muscles.

"Son, it's alright. Kiff can speak his mind. I suspect he's tired, as is Rene. The excitement of the sealing is a bit much. Tempers have run high. We seem to have a family issue to deal with and I suggest we do it calmly, without threats of violence or any more weapons firing."

Adama looked to Rene for a moment before surveying the other adults in the room. She shivered as she was unable to read his thoughts in the stony calm features of his face. She looked away to evaluate Starbuck. His face was as clear as an alert klaxon, the shock and outrage mixed with humiliation as he looked at the Commander. The fear bloomed like a wildfire, and she fell back on old habits, calling out to Crius, imitating his country slang, "About that?"

After having rolled Jake over so he was resting on his side, Crius stood up and stepped forward, bobbing his child in his arms who had begun to fuss. "Sir, it was justified. She was doing a good thing." He moved to put himself in front of the commander, blocking Rene and Nik from harm, but the child in his arms caused him to hesitate.

"I'm sure it could have been done without a stun to the back," Adama said sternly.

"I'm not so sure of that. There would have been some marks and bruising with our other options," Nik said before adding a flippant, "sir."

"I give up!" Starbuck threw his hands up in the air, turning towards the commander. "Sir, I apologize. I have no idea why they've all gone insane."

Adama was silent as he surveyed the three, before casting his gaze like a scanner around the room, noting the absence of Boomer, Giles or Gage. Rene followed his eyes, as they settled on Crius before he nodded to Starbuck. Rene realized that in Adama's eyes, after himself, Starbuck truly was the superior in the room, then came Crius and the rest did not matter. Despite Starbuck's constant reassurance, the Rats really weren't seen as Lieutenants and officers. The lack of academy training meant a lifetime of judgement.

"Sir, it really isn't what you think," Crius said as he awkwardly bounced his son in his arms.

"She stunned him, in the back, in a room full of kids!" Starbuck exclaimed throwing his arms wide. "She could have hit one of them? Did you think of that?"

He shifted his rant to Rene. "You're not even cleared for duty, what in hades are you doing with a laser? The Commander can give you a dishonorable discharge just for drawing it without reason in a room of civilians. Did you think of that?" Starbuck was red in the face and she wasn't sure if it was from anger or embarrassment.

"Well Jake won't disgrace you in front of the c…commander if he's stunned for the evening. Your precious Warrior code won't be dis…dishonoured," Rene said.

Starbuck shook his head cursing, "For Frak's sake Rene! He just wanted a night off! Are you going to stun me when I want to go the Officer's Club? Or will it be a solenite charge if I mention the Rising Star?"

Adama reached out a hand to his arm speaking softly, "Starbuck."

"She could have killed someone," he continued, but with a little less anger than before.

Adama squeezed his arm in reassurance. The commander's eyes rested on the child in Crius's arms before he spoke. "But she didn't. No one was harmed permanently and it seems the others feel her actions were appropriate. Kiff may be right, my presence is not helping the situation so I will bid you all a good evening. If you need me, you can find me in my quarters, but I trust this will be resolved calmly and without further violence on anyone's part."

"You don't have to go, sir. Dinner has just started," Starbuck said, looking quickly to Rene almost pleading her to fall in line or at least apologize. She looked away from him to the Commander.

"Good night, sir." The sir would register at least a six on her surliness scale and she didn't care. She just wanted an evening without having to utter another sir in her own family home.

"Good night, Rene. I would like to request you come speak with me tomorrow about the sealing and my part." He headed for the door with Starbuck following apologizing.

"Sir? I'm sorry. I will work it out."

Adama looked like he was about to say something in reply, but instead settled for nodding before heading for the door. He checked Jake's limp body himself before unlocking the chambers and stepping over the young man and out the door.

"Alright, you got what you wanted! The Commander's gone and I doubt he'll come back even when invited. So, what's your angle here, Rene, because the sealing was your idea, the informal family one as well as this big fraking production. Your lie about us all being family is a huge pile of mong everyone can smell."

Rene looked to Nik for some backup, but he looked away. She turned to Crius, but he raised an eyebrow. "It's a good question don't you think?" Crius asked. "You don't get to pick and choose who is family. That's really how family works. You get what you get."

"I know," she answered, "That's not what I wanted," Rene said softly.

"So, what did you want, a training on how to properly use your laser, because that's what you are getting! So cut the felgercarb! Why the frak did you stun your ex-boyfriend?" Starbuck layered the sarcasm thick as he directed his anger with a laser focus.

"He didn't give her a choice," Crius defended her but Starbuck held up a hand.

"I don't believe I'm having to defend him, but Jake didn't deserve a stun to the back!"

"He was asking for more than a night off. He was telling us he needed help," Rene added.

Starbuck closed his eyes shaking his head in frustration, "Where is Boomer when I need him?" He sucked in a deep breath, but it failed to calm him. "So let me see if I got this straight. He asked for help and your idea of help is to shoot him?"

Rene huffed in frustration before looking up to Crius. "You tell him. He won't listen to me when he gets like this."

"I listen!" Starbuck shouted, but Crius held up a hand as the baby across his shoulder began to cry in earnest.

Crius patted the baby and began bouncing him up and down. "Can ya keep it down? Look, when Jake takes a night off, he's not talking about heading to the OC to watch a triad game and slug back an ale. He drugs himself to the gills and wallows in the mud to forget the world. He disappears for days. The stress got a little too high today, and lo and behold, look he got what he wanted, a night off."

Despite his protests, Starbuck listened to Crius's words, actually heard them as he dropped his head, a hand to his chin as he thought. Rene watched his eyes as if they were a vid screen and she could see the story of Starbuck's own tendencies to wallow in drink up to his gills when things got rough. When he looked up, he locked on to her eyes and she nodded to him, knowing they both had nights in the past that were similar in a world that didn't give a frak for orphans with complicated lives.

Starbuck sighed and focused back on Crius. "What set him off? He was doing fine. I didn't see any shakes or anything."

"He had a run in with Brody today, who was looking for Rene by the way and then Kiff got in trouble at the child care center." Crius was able to get his son quieted down and was swaying side to side as he spoke.

"Why would Kiff set him off? How much trouble can a four yahren old get into?"

Crius continued the story, "He hit another kid over a rock he's been carrying since Dilmun."

Starbuck shook his head in confusion, "So Kiff doesn't share well, why would…"

Rene interrupted him, her words heavy as rocks in her own mouth. "He calls the rock Ari."

Starbuck's eyes went wide and he looked down to Kiff still held protectively in Rene's arms. Slowly he leaned down so he was eye to eye with the child. "Does your rock glow sometimes?"

Kiff nodded. "At night sometimes, when I say my prayers."

Rene watched a flame bloom in Starbuck's eyes for just a moment before he reigned in the emotion and she watched the fire grow dim.

"Rocks don't glow," Rene stated wondering at the flash of hope in her husband's eyes.

He looked up to her, his eyes still glowing with a light of hope. "Yours did."

"Mine?" She shook her head at him, completely lost, yet feeling like she should know something important. A memory scratched at the back of her brain like sand between toes, then waves were crashing and the ground was shaking beneath her, then it was gone and a cold chill settled in the base of her skull.

Starbuck gazed intently in her eyes and once again she wondered how much time had passed while she tried to dredge up memories still locked in a cylon cell. He slowly stood up.

"You gave me a rock on the beach of the planet where we filled tankers with water. I kept it and…" he paused scanning the room before he lowered his voice. "Sometimes it glowed. Its what brought you back after Iblis…" he paused again before sucking in a breath. "He killed you and I put the rock in your hand. You woke up. I know it sounds crazy, but it's what happened."

The room was silent for a moment before Nik stated the obvious, "Ari's not here. We left him back on Dilmun."

Starbuck nodded to the statement accepting the truth, but it didn't stop him from looking down and asking Kiff, "Where's your rock?"

Kiff shook his head. "Teacher took it. She put it in a drawer."

"Then we need to get it back." He reached out a hand to Kiff, holding it up open palmed. "Let's eat some dinner and then we'll go see the teacher, okay? Is that okay Rene?"

She cringed crinkling her nose, ashamed at her instinct to protect Kiff, and old habit ingrained so deep that in a moment of crisis, she didn't even trust the kindest man she had ever known. She eased up her hold on her son and Kiff didn't hesitate to take her husband's hand, but Starbuck didn't move until Rene nodded.

The two headed to the chair at the head of the table where Starbuck took a seat and pulled Kiff into his lap. He flashed a look and a hand sign to Rene that said clearly, they were not done with their conversation. She acknowledged by mimicking the same sign. He nodded, ending the standoff before looking to the others in the room who seemed to be holding their breath.

"I would never hurt him. Never. You know that don't you?" Again he scanned the room as one by one they nodded to him. He ended by meeting Rene's eyes again.

She choked on the words, "I know. I'm…I'm sorry." She swallowed hard as she wished the cold shards of ice in his eyes would melt, but he held her gaze.

"Neither would the Commander. You need to start trusting us Colonials. Had you asked, Adama would have put Jake in the brig or he would have found some other solution. All you had to do was ask and he would have trusted your reasons."

She sighed, "I do trust him. I'm trying. I agreed to w…what he w…wanted, the sealing I mean."

Finally, Starbuck reached out a hand to her, the same open palm he had offered Kiff. She leaned forward and squeezed his hand. He squeezed back and she felt the tension leave the room in a collective exhale of the breath they had been holding.

Crius placed a hand on her shoulder and she looked up to him. "You're going to have to apologize to the Commander, you know that right?"

She let go of Starbuck's hand and looked up to the friend who had trying to protect the rats for yahrens. "Yeah, I know. I will."

"Good. I'll put Zac down and then I'll get the boys to move Jake."

"He's sleeping with me tonight," Nik interjected before waving Jason and Cain over to help him haul Jake's limp body to his quarters.

Rene watched feeling useless. She understood best what Jake might need when he woke up, and what he didn't need. She'd just have to trust Nik knew his friend well enough too.

"I'm not sure this sealing is worth all the trouble it's causing. Dante's gang isn't happy with the attention you're getting now," Crius said taking his seat again beside her, gently rocking back and forth to keep the baby in his arms happy. The scene of him coaxing his baby to sleep was a harsh contrast to his words. "This could make things worse for us in the fleet. We'll have to watch out for each other."

She kept an eye on her husband and son sharing a meal. "You might have a point, but I promise, this party is going to be worthy of the famous Starbuck."

"As long as we all get to get drunk, then I will count it as an amazing party."

"Everyone but me that is," she grumbled wondering if while Starbuck was occupied, she could slip back to their quarters for another drink, but that's not what she really wanted. Her hand shook as she heard the voice echo in her head, "Come on Sis, you don't want that."

She turned to look at Crius. "What do you think happened to Ari's body? Where do you think those who stayed behind buried him?"

Her friend recoiled before catching himself. "About that, in the dust where all we all wind up," he drawled before asking, "You okay?"

She nodded hastily. "Yeah, just tired."

"Then we put you to bed." Crius motioned for Starbuck to come over. "I think you two need some time alone now."


	83. Chapter 83

Starbuck had known that their lives wouldn't be average or normal, but watching Crius take Rene's laser from him in one hand and while holding his baby in the other was a stark reminder that this wouldn't be the traditional twelve colonies dream of home and hearth. They were warriors and it was more than a job, especially since the Destruction. Light dinner conversation was about their last mission and lasers were part of the table service next to the salad fork, two spots over from the soup spoon.

And his mission tonight, the difference between life and death was escorting a four yahren old to retrieve a prized possession. It wasn't until he was down the corridor that Starbuck truly recognized it was a foolish fantasy to think Kiff's rock could perform the same magic trick as Rene's. He hadn't seen Iblis or John since the jump from Dilmun. The mystical men in white hadn't even shown up in his hallucinations in a Cylon Cell. Plus, at least with Rene's rock, he had a body to bring back to life. Ari had been left behind, a ruined wreck of bone and blood on the floor of a makeshift building on what was most likely now a Cylon controlled sector. As much as he wished he could, he just couldn't give his wife a sealing gift featuring her brother brought back to life, but he could get Kiff back his rock.

Rene had tried to make up for her instinct to protect her child from a perceived threat by allowing Starbuck to walk with Kiff alone to track down the code for the child care center and locate the rock. It helped to soothe the sting a little, but Rene had been right. Kiff was not his son and it wasn't really his right to discipline him, although if he was supposed to stand by and ignore unbecoming behaviour it was going to be awkward, especially as the boy matured. He wanted to believe that he could do what Apollo had done, take in his wife's children as his own, but tonight, after her reaction, he wasn't so sure. Kalea and Leia were young enough maybe, and Jason, Cain and Lara were older and he could reason with them, but Kiff probably would always be a problem. He liked Kiff and knew it wasn't the kid's fault that his father had been a despicable bastard, but he couldn't deny the boy looked nothing like Rene or her other children. It was becoming obvious who had fathered him from his dark hair, his deep set eyes, and his demanding disposition.

"He's just a kid," Starbuck reminded himself as they opened the child care center and Kiff ran in and found his rock. "All kids at his age are trouble."

He briefly wondered if Chameleon would remember what he had been like as a child. He'd have to ask him the next time he saw him. He'd be seeing him soon, and he had a favor to ask of the man. He wanted to know if Chameleon would be at his sealing, at least as his honored guest, maybe more.

Once Kiff had his rock, Starbuck had asked if he could see it, and together in the corridor they examined it. It was just a plain old piece of basalt, gray and hard, the sharp edges worn a little smooth. It wasn't round exactly and it certainly wasn't a rock one would think to hold onto or cherish. Kiff had even pretended to say his prayers over it, but it had remained inert and black.

Kiff had been upset, tears forming as his rock failed to perform for him, but Starbuck had wrapped an arm around the kid and told him it was okay. He believed Kiff, and he promised it would be a secret just between the two of them.

Starbuck felt a little silly for having entertained the idea that a rock could bring someone back from the dead. That secret shame made it easier that evening to deal with Rene and her uneasiness around him after her actions that evening. They both had held high hopes, maybe too high, that after Caprica and back on the Galactica, everything would be made right again. There was just too much that had gone wrong to expect a simple miracle could set it all right. It is what it is, Starbuck reminded himself thinking back to the days when he was young, how he had wished with all his heart on every talisman he could find that a family would call him their long-lost son.

"No, it is what it is, and you have to make do with what you've got," Starbuck reminded himself. What he had wasn't so bad. He had a father that had found him, a little late but better than never. He now had a large family and while it was a bit complicated and at times unruly, it was his. The kids trusted him, a fact made obvious when he returned to the council chambers and they began the process of cleaning up dinner, finishing up homework, reading stories and tucking children into bed. Rene hovered on the fringes of the activity, the apology etched in her eyes, but also there was the fatigue of having dealt with too much for the day.

Once the kids were down and they were back in their quarters, he asked how it had gone with the IFB, but Rene was vague, just saying the party would be nice and he would like it. He wanted to ask the simple question if she would like the sealing, but he suspected the answer would be a shrug of acceptance that she had little control over the affair.

She moved about the chambers as if waiting for a solenite charge to go off, but he didn't have it in him to lecture her anymore. He was not happy with her course of action, especially with the Commander present, but knowing what Jake had planned, and that he probably had the means to be stoned for sectons, well, he might have shot him too.

Once under the covers, Rene had actually tried to initiate something neither of them really had the energy for, but he stopped her with a kiss and a few words.

"It's okay Rene, I'm not mad. We're both tired. You did what you had to do. Just maybe give a guy some warning before you stun him in the back because I'm pretty sure next time it will be me."

He'd physically felt the tension leave her shoulders as she finally addressed the grenade in the room. "I trust you with the kids. It was just," she'd paused as a shiver shook her in his arms.

"I know." He was just too tired tonight to delve into the past. They had more long days ahead before the public sealing ceremony.

"The blue uniform is …" she paused again, her tone changing, "I like when he shows up in civilian clothes. Then he's like the man I remember from before. He was good to me when I was a kid. Distant, but…consistent."

Starbuck nodded, noting the odd choice of words to describe the commander, but if he had to make a list of words that fit why he thought Adama was a good leader, that word would certainly be near the top. "It's okay," he said again trying to make it true, but it had been sectares and if she didn't trust the Commander now, would she ever?

"I will apologize tomorrow first thing and invite him to dinner again."

"Thank you," he said softly and felt his own shoulders relax as he kissed her. "When's the sealing?"

"In six cycles," she answered snuggling into his arms. "Make sure you show up with those gold clusters shining. That's what everyone really wants to see."

He chuckled at her joke and held her close. They both needed some sleep and he wished he could have said they had a restful night, but it was far from the truth. He had a hard time drifting off, the drone of the engines were just too loud, and he woke anytime Rene moved. Then there were the dreams that jolted him awake several times. He thought Rene had awakened screaming, but it was just in his head.

They both were groggy when Rene's chrono went off and he groaned not really knowing what his day would hold. Maybe he'd be cleared for flight status, but he doubted they'd put him on the flight roster with the big public circus coming up where he was supposed to be the ringleader, or was he just their favorite clown? Too soon he'd find out.

They had settled into a morning routine that started with Starbuck in the turbo first and at some point Rene would join him, then he would get something resembling food because if he didn't, she wouldn't eat until midday. He'd get the java brewing and Rene wasn't up for anything resembling conversation until she had the second mug of it in her hands. This morning he brought her the mug in the turbowash as she was still struggling into her pants, finally settling for situating them low on her hips and leaving the tunic untucked, not regulation, but at least in uniform. He was about to suggest that maybe, since she was off the duty roster, she just wear the civilian clothes she had that would fit, but when he opened his mouth with a "Why don't you…" she intercepted his thoughts.

"The IFB respects the uniform. It keeps them from adding bubbles and balloons to this sealing."

"Oh lords," Starbuck groaned as he handed her the mug, "you're not serious, are you?"

"There was talk of birds and ice sculptures too. The uniform reminds them to keep this from getting even more out of control."

The door chimed and Rene groaned. "Can't I just get some java in me first."

"I got it. You hide out in here until you're done with the java." She cast him a thankful smile over the rim of the mug taking a drink.

He braced himself for the blonde reporter who had a tendency of laying her hands all over him, but when he opened the door, it was Jake with Cassie behind him. He was stunned for a moment, trying to read the young man's features. Jake actually looked somewhat contrite rather than angry. In Starbuck's mind he had every right to be peeved.

"I need to talk to your wife."

Starbuck cocked his head at the wording. He didn't think Jake had ever called Rene "Starbuck's wife" before. It was a concession, so was ringing the chime rather than just barging in, but it left him wondering what was the concession for?

"I think she crossed the line with you. I defended you and if you plan to kill her, well, you'll have to wait until after the public sealing." Starbuck tried to keep his tone light, but Jake just nodded calmly.

"I'm not going to kill her. Just need to tell her something if that's alright with you, brother."

Starbuck searched the words and Jake's face for the sarcasm. It wasn't there. He was being serious for once in his young life, and Starbuck stood aside to let him in the room. Rene had come out of the Turbo at the sound of his voice, but was only a few steps into the room.

Neither spoke for a moment, evaluating each other before Jake nodded slightly. Starbuck was again left wondering if the two actually read each other's minds, or if Jake had flashed some signal that only they knew.

Jake finally took a breath. "Cassie said I should tell you what really happened so you'll understand."

"You know why I had to do it, don't you?" Rene responded, but the wary look she cast Starbuck's way told him the words were for his and Cassie's benefit, not Jake's.

Jake shrugged. "Yeah. It's debatable, but," he paused as his eyes also slid Starbuck's way before he focused back on Rene. He took in a bracing breath, "we were talking music for the party and," he took another breath and swallowed hard.

Jake looked unsteady on his feet and Starbuck wondered if he'd woken from his stunning and gone straight for the drugs. He looked to Cassie, an eyebrow raised to ask the question, "Is he okay?" Cassie's soft shake of her head raised alarms, but she held up her hand asking him to wait and let Jake have his say. Starbuck shook his own head. They made a complicated quartet. He was used to messy relationships, but this was something else.

Jake's voice trembled and broke. "With you having to…you have things you have to do…and…" he swallowed hard again, but it didn't prevent his voice from cracking as he said, "I don't have a bass player."

The words seemed insignificant to Starbuck, but they spurred Rene to cross the room in a few quick strides. She dropped her mug on the floor as she wrapped her arms tightly around her friend. Jake's arms came up around her shoulder, his hands becoming entangled in her hair as he held on tight. Jake shook as he dropped his head to her shoulder. Starbuck thought he should look away, give them the moment of intimacy, but Jake's eyes peeking over Rene's shoulder focused on his own, something defiant and angry in them, challenging Starbuck to remain in the moment.

"You'll never be alone," Rene said, "I'll never leave you. You and me, always, no matter who else is involved, or what else or…anything. You and me. I'm not leaving you."

Jake nodded closing his eyes. Starbuck didn't feel the usual pull of jealousy, maybe because he knew what Jake was feeling, had dealt with it himself when Apollo had announced he was sealing with Serina. Jake was wondering, just as Starbuck had back then, would this leave him alone without a friend in the world? Cassie had helped then when Starbuck was reeling with his own guilt at not being able to protect Serina. She had said all the right words and helped him to be able to look Apollo in the eye again.

He looked to her now to find her sympathetic smile directed his way. He gave her a warrior salute, fist over his heart. He didn't know how she had found out about what had happened last night, but her healer's instincts had saved them once again.

"I miss him and it's my fault." Jake opened his eyes, latching back onto Starbuck's. "It's all my fault."

"No, it's not," Rene asserted, "I should have…"

Jake cut her off, words tumbling out. He punctuated each sentence by gripping Rene tighter. "No, it really is! Dante was in a shuttle. I knew I could take him down. We could have dealt with losing Gage. It would have saved Ari, saved so many. It was a long flight back and I had so many chances. We were out of range and everyone would have believed our story. I don't know why I didn't just do it. I had him in my sights for centaurs. It should have been so easy. And in the brig, I could have just let Starbuck pull the trigger. I stopped him."

"No Jake," Rene tried to reason with him, but his tight hold had crushed the air from her. Starbuck would have to step in soon if he didn't ease up. "I should have had Ari stay. I should have thought it out more…"

Starbuck remembered back to the night in the OC when Crius had explained just a fraction of what these two had experienced at the hands of their commander. "They just have so much guilt between them." Starbuck understood what that meant probably more than any other person in the fleet. He fought his own losing battle with guilt. Had he taken the patrol instead of trading with Zac, Apollo would have his own brother alive. Starbuck was confident enough in his experience and skills that he would have made it back to warn the fleet. It could have meant the difference in saving millions of lives. But he also knew you had to play the hand he was dealt, there was no going back and asking for different cards. You could carry the guilt, let it eat you up inside, but in the end, it didn't change what happened. Apollo forgave him, hades, Apollo never blamed him. In the end all Starbuck could do was to try to forgive himself.

This was different in so many ways. Would Starbuck have been willing to kill someone else to take Zac's place? Zac wouldn't have wanted that. That's what his wife and her friend were discussing, killing someone, which in the end still happened, only after they'd lost Ari. It was brutal in its irony, but debating the results of their actions and inactions now was pointless. It wouldn't bring anyone back.

He took the step forward, putting a hand on Jake's shoulder squeezing. "Neither of you could have predicted what would happen. You did the right thing at the time. No one blames you." Starbuck felt the young man tremble, then ease his hold. Rene took a breath.

"It wasn't your fault. As soon as I knew how to jump, I should have just taken us to…to…" she hesitated and Jake let go, pushing her to arm's length.

"We had nowhere to go. We all agreed. That wasn't your decision. We agreed to stick together."

She nodded, looking to Starbuck and then to Cassie before turning back to Jake. "We agreed to a lot of things. Things have changed and there are a lot of things I blame you for, but not Ari. Do you want to change the agreement?"

Jake took another breath letting it out in a sigh. "No, maybe, yes, I don't know. You weren't supposed to remember that."

Starbuck had no clue what they meant by the words, but whatever the secret meaning, it seemed to reassure Jake. He watched a slow smile appear on Rene's features.

"We can forget it if you want, but I don't want to. Things have changed, but that will never change. Ari's gone, and we can blame ourselves, but…" she shook her head, "the music still needs to play. He'd want that. What if I could find you a bass player?"

"How?" Jake shook his head, but Rene nodded her head towards Starbuck.

"Don't underestimate Sire Gold Clusters," she turned towards Starbuck. "You have a task for the sealing. Put the word out to the squadrons. We need someone who can play bass guitar. Auditions tonight at the OC. Cassie? Let the child care minders know I have a pair of gold earrings for whoever volunteers to watch all the kids tonight. We are going to need Lisbet and Dara, as well as Crius and Nik, maybe Max." She turned back to Jake. "I owe you a night off. I'm buying the drinks and I'll leave my laser behind."

Jake took a shuddering breath as he nodded. "It won't be the same."

"No," she answered, "it won't, but we can try." She turned back to Starbuck reaching out a hand to him. "You can do that right? I'd rather it be a Warrior, maybe a pilot?"

He squeezed her hand. "Yeah, I think I might know someone."

"Send them Jake's way. Where can they find you?"

It was Cassie that answered for him as Jake reached to wipe at his eyes. "The Life Center."

"Okay." Rene noticed the tears that had welled in Jake's eyes. "Don't do that. I'm too far pregnant for that and once I start, well frak . . ." She reached for Jake again, a hand on the back of his neck pulling him in forehead to forehead. "Until the end. We don't go alone. That doesn't change no matter how many times I shoot you, understand?"

His voice was rough as he answered, "Yeah." He pulled away wiping at his eyes again before turning to Starbuck. "Sorry."

He wasn't sure what he was apologizing for, but he put a hand back on Jake's shoulder squeezing. "Nothing to be sorry for. And if it helps, next time I'll shoot you."

They left the quarters together, Jake still looking unsteady, but he was headed in the right direction towards the Life Center. Starbuck briefly wondered why Rene didn't go with him, but she had turned towards the Commander's office. He followed, wanting lend a little support to her apology and let Adama know things had been resolved.

When they were admitted, Rene wasted no time, going before the Commander's desk rather than taking a seat, pulling herself erect and proclaiming, "I owe you an apology, but I don't think this is the right way to do it. I would like to invite you to the OC tonight and offer you my apology there in public."

Starbuck was stunned. Adama looked to him and he shook his head. This is not what he had told her to do and was above and beyond anything he would have asked for. He took his usual spot in the room when Rene was there, leaning against the wall where he could watch the drama play out.

"Rene, that is not necessary. It does not need to be public nor to the family. But I do need a promise you will keep your family disagreements free of violence." Adama gestured towards a seat, but Rene stayed standing. Adama gave a small sigh that maybe others would have missed, but Starbuck had seen it often in this office, usually directed at him. "I would just prefer we come to a truce of sorts, perhaps a clarification of roles in certain settings."

"Like how with the family you're family and not the commander?"

"Something along those lines, something we can all agree to," Adama said.

"That's not going to happen, sir."

Starbuck winced at her words, but Rene continued. "Even in family settings, you are the patriarch, the leader, the voice of wisdom. We are going to respect that. We can't change that, sir. But I think I can explain that a little better if you come to the OC tonight. Drinks are on me. And we expect you at a dinner or two, when you can make it, sir."

Adama considered her words, evaluating the woman standing before him. "I do not want to impose, just to lend my help."

Rene broke her stance, letting her shoulders drop after her signature shrug. "I've had it pointed out recently that things I want may not be good for me, and I might need to adjust my thinking on what I need. You aren't…unwanted…I just…," she hesitated, staring at the desk before her as she slowly reached out her left hand, laying it flat on the wood, fingers splayed out. Starbuck shuddered at the memory of the last desk her hand had spread upon, the sound of crunching bones echoing in his ears. She stared at her own hand for a moment longer before looking up.

"Sir, I need some time if I am going to trust you. A long time. Permission to have that time?"

Adama spoke softly, his voice a mix of command and fatherly familiarity, "Granted."

Rene remained for a moment in her position before smoothing the desk with her hand, pulling it back. "Thank you, sir. Again, I request your presence in the OC tonight. I expect you to act as a Commander of hot-headed viper jocks and not put everyone on report for their lack of decorum and foul language."

The commander smiled and added his caveat, "As long as no weapons are discharged, Lieutenant, I will overlook a word or two."

"Thank you, sir. Now I have a three-ring sealing to set up. You are officiating and you and Starbuck need to prepare a speech or two. I have to go rein in the IFB and remind them this is a military affair. I would like to ask you to help Starbuck with his guest list." She turned to address Starbuck. "I would like to invite you to midday meal in the rather intimate setting of the squadron mess hall."

He smiled at his wife. It was progress and they did have a lot to talk about, a whole life ahead to discuss. He surprised himself as he volunteered, "Need me to come with you to deal with the IFB?"

Rene chuckled. "No. You'll agree to everything that woman wants. No, I'm okay. Just shine up those medals and be kind to those on my guest list. I'm inviting Avery."

Starbuck physically jerked at the name, half thinking it was her version of a joke as she smirked at him.

"He and his people are family too, the crazy side, but," she shrugged, "You don't get to choose who's family. You get what you get."

He shook his head as she headed out the door, placing a hand on his arm on the way, a lackluster apology before she left the room.

"So, Lieutenant? How are things today? Everything resolved?"

Starbuck shook his head again, tossing his hands up in the air as he said slowly, emphasizing each word, "I am in over my head."

Adama laughed lightly. "I felt the same way many days with Ila. She was like the Caprican weather, awe inspiring but unpredictable."

"Tell me it gets easier." Starbuck stepped forward taking a seat.

"Oh, I'll save my lies for the OC over an ambrosia. In this office, I will give you the truth. No, but," the commander's eyes grew wistful for a moment before he spoke again, "I would trade almost anything to have her back again. Enjoy it, son, every difficult moment and every fight. Now let's work on those speeches shall we?"


	84. Chapter 84

Rene went down her mental checklist after her meetings with Starbuck and the Commander and then the IFB as she headed down the corridor to the Duty Office for Blue Squadron. She'd dealt with Jake and survived without a fight, check. Apologized to the Commander, that was a job half done. Tried to contact Chameleon and invite him over to the OC for the night, also half done. She'd sent the message, but the man hadn't been at his quarters, but she'd try again later. At least the attempt was made, and she could document that to show Starbuck she tried. He'd appreciate that, and while he would probably believe her, to complete this apology tour she knew some proof would help to smooth his ruffled fur and keep his bark to a low growl.

Starbuck's very few and carefully chosen words to her last night as well as his turning her down once they were finally alone made it perfectly clear, she'd gone too far last night. The irony was that the shooting could be excused, it's the aftermath that couldn't. She'd seen the look in Starbuck's eyes as she bid the Commander good night. She'd crossed a line that Starbuck couldn't forgive or forget. Adama wasn't Dante, she knew that, but her old Commander conditioned her for a certain response, and it was so very hard to override with logic. It felt like trying to repair a fried circuit board. Once things got to sparking, you just had to pull your hands away and let the current run its course. Only this time it had burnt out something in Starbuck's eyes, and she was afraid it had shorted out his heart.

She knew Adama wouldn't really hurt her. But some part of her couldn't forget what had happened before. It was hard to explain to anyone. She was beginning to think maybe the only ones who could understand were the other gals who'd experienced Dante. She sure couldn't explain it to Starbuck without telling him far more than she wanted him to know. She couldn't do that, but she could fix this. She could. She had to if she wanted to keep those sweet quarters and everything for the rest of the Rats and the kids.

It was more than that though. She wanted to keep Starbuck. He'd gotten in behind her defenses and she'd bite, kick and kill to keep him there. Her chest hurt just at the thought of him leaving and every time she closed her eyes, all she could see was the Centurions dragging him from the room kicking and fighting. He'd saved her and she owed him.

So she went down the list again. "Let's see what else? Piss off the IFB and get them to finish up the sealing strategy sessions? Mission accomplished." That had been easier than she thought. They were done with her within a centaur having taken over control once they realized Rene was just going to shrug to all their questions. That was fine by her. She didn't care about the sealing itself, her part was easy, wear a pretty dress, be in love, walk down an aisle and kiss Starbuck. She didn't need any help with that.

She was more worried about the party and that wouldn't be complete until they figured out the music. She needed to get Jake alone for a few centaurs to work that out, but first things first. She needed to find Brody or Pallus and explain to them that the supply chain had been cut.

She'd rather talk to Pallus as Brody could get a little handsy when he was upset, but a quick trip by the red squadron duty office and a glance at the schedule told her what she already knew, he was on the Zakar this secton. She debated just sending a message, but that meant going through channels and that could earn both of them some attention. She wasn't going to face Brody alone, so she flipped a cubit and prayed to lady luck that Starbuck was still busy with the Commander and she could find Crius alone.

She got lucky and tracked him down without having to enter the duty office. He saw her wisdom and joined her as they confronted Brody. The goddess of fortune was really on her side today as they found him suited up for a patrol on the flight deck. He didn't have time to argue with her and she was able to dodge his grip with the help of Crius. The flight deck crew's presence helped to keep Brody from getting too loud and nasty, but it didn't stop him from shoving Crius aside and getting in her face, hissing that she'd better find what they needed or he was going to kill her.

On Dilmun, it would have been just another day where she was expected to take abuse and threats. But here on the Galactica, it was deplorable and jarring. Crius had spun Brody around and Rene thought the fight would be on, but Crius had let go, stepped back and spread his arms wide, simply indicating their location and those watching. Brody wasn't dumb, he caught the implication and stowed his anger. He'd stepped back shooting a glare at Crius before turning on her. "It's a big fleet. They can only reach so far. Find what we need or we will find you." He'd stalked off for his patrol.

Brody's parting words were a good reminder that thanks to Starbuck and his association with the Commander, while on the Galactica they were untouchable, but that didn't mean they were safe. Brody was right, it was a big fleet not to mention the Galactica was a big ship. They'd have to watch their backs and it was even more incentive to make things right with the Colonials.

"This isn't over," Crius had stated being more than obvious. "You have a plan how to take care of that?"

"Adding it to my agenda," she answered, "right after making up with Starbuck and a public apology to the Commander."

"Make it a good one. I like sleeping with both eyes closed," he'd replied not referring to her apology.

She'd asked him to come with her to the mess hall to meet Starbuck. He agreed as they both understood that her days of roaming the corridors alone were over.

Making up with Starbuck had been an easier task than she thought. When she met him in the mess hall, he had a tray and smile waiting for her. Her time spent with the commander seemed to have appeased him. Her assertion that tonight would be enjoyable however earned her a suspicious look. She'd had to promise him over and over again that the music they would play wouldn't be anything like what he had experienced on the Eaglebash. She finally appealed to Crius who reassured Starbuck that the Rats knew how to throw a decent Colonial Warrior sing along. She laughed at Starbuck's raised eyebrows before shifting to outlining for him what was happening with the sealing ceremony. He had nodded along, agreeing to most of what had been decided.

"Not exactly a sedate affair though," he had commented, seeming surprised when both her and Crius laughed aloud.

"You're not a sedate guy," Crius explained for her.

"Well the trapeze artists and con…contortionists should be interesting. At least I got them to c..cancel the dancing b…bears and the cl…clowns," she joked, but Starbuck didn't appreciate the humor, nor the stutter that wouldn't go away.

"No, that's what they have me for," he groused.

Crius had clapped him on the back. "Just polish up the clusters. You just have to stand there and say 'I do.' The hard part comes after that when the baby is born. Lords help us if it's a girl, I pity any man that takes interest in her. Only thing worse would be if it's a boy. It will be a handful and has a lot to live up to."

They both laughed again as Starbuck went almost green at the idea of having to deal with a kid like himself.

It had been an enjoyable lunch and she kissed him goodbye at the duty office. He had lingered, reaching up to stroke her cheek with the back of his hand.

"You doing okay? You look tired."

She nodded, promising him that she was going to get in a nap before joining him in the OC later. He'd bought the lie, including believing that she was headed back to deal with the IFB. On her list she checked off making up with her husband. Mission accomplished.

Just one more unfinished task. She reached in her pocket, popping in her mouth the stim. One had been enough to get her through the morning. While just one hadn't given her the kick she usually liked, it was enough for now. She was saving the two for tonight.

She figured she was safe enough with Brody on patrol to take the short walk to find Jake. She tracked him down in the Life Center with the excuse that he was needed for something important. She humored the doctor and let him have a look at her. He'd frowned at the readings.

"I don't like your heart rate. You need food and rest, that's an order."

She gave him a sharp salute and a surly-free, "Yes sir, just ate sir."

The doctor looked at her funny when she pulled it off, but he was none the wiser of the two stims she'd already swallowed that morning. She'd pulled her, "Commander said I could borrow Jake to get things set up for the sealing. You and your staff are invited," to complete the distraction. She'd do what she had to so she could get Jake alone.

She finally was able to drag him from the Life Center, explaining on the walk down to the council chambers that they were putting on a performance that night in the OC. He cast her a wary look.

"I thought we were done playing Colonial games? Don't get me wrong, you know I like the audience, but I would rather get paid and play what I want to play," Jake said as she pulled him into the chambers that were empty this time of day.

She closed the door and locked it breathing a sigh of relief. "I screwed up last night. I need to fix it if we want to keep all this," she spread her hands wide, indicating more than just the luxurious rooms they'd been occupying.

"They're upset you shot me? That's hard to believe as I think my wingmate Giles is ready to if I show up late one more time, and then there's Salik who I piss off every centaur, and…"

She cut him off, "No, after I shot you. I…I k..k..kicked the C…commander out and acc…acc…frak!" She sucked in another breath, trying something Cassiopea had suggested in the life center, to sing the words in her head, "I reacted like he was going to hurt the kids. Basically accused Starbuck of it."

Jake shook his head, "Wow, you were on a roll last night. He wouldn't do that. I trust him with my kids."

She didn't miss the emphasis he put on the words, "So are you going to help me fix this or not?"

She picked up his guitar shoving it at him. He didn't protest as he sat down on the stairs leading up to the viewport and they began to share what had brought them together in the first place, the music.

In the state orphanage she and Jake had been lucky enough to both have been assigned a director who believed the children could sing for their supper, literally. In a way, he'd been a smart man, music did tame the savage beast. Before her mother had died, she had taught Rene the basics of piano and guitar. The director had given her a few more lessons. Jake's father, before becoming a blind drunk, had taught Jake guitar and drums. It was the coincidence of them both being able to play that had drawn them together. They spent many evenings hiding in a government office somewhere writing songs and playing with melodies. In school, they had met a few more friends that could play, and a band had formed. Looking back, they were pretty funny sounding when they started, but over time it had evolved into something more, something good. It got them through their childhood, helping them to forget that life sucked.

It still had the same magic now, helping them to forget the troubles they faced. They worked out a playlist for the night and moved on to the writing, experimenting with chords and melodies. The music flowed and they got lost in the connections it made. It made it easy to forget where they were, taking her back to Caprica when it was just her and Jake, and their only worries were about the next gig and where they were going to crash that night.

Soon Jake forgot the obstacles that were between them as he pushed aside his guitar leaning in to kiss her. He had never been able to stop himself; the music just took control of his body and guided his actions. 'Poor impulse control' the teachers said in school. As an adult, she just accepted that he was enthusiastic about the music they made and he had to express his appreciation.

His hand reached for her neck and pulled her in. She didn't resist at first. This was something so familiar, an echo of their past. Plus she knew this was something Jake needed to make him feel loved and wanted. She could give him this because unlike so many others in her life, he never took it farther than she wanted. She trusted him. This didn't happen often, not since reaching Dilmun and the mistakes Jake had made. The music helped her to forget what he had done, when he joined in with Pallus and the Colonial games of using and abusing until he figured out they were never going to let him be one of them.

She hadn't let him back in until after Keenan died. They had reached an agreement then, that even though there would be others, they still had something, some connection that neither of them wanted to sever. After the events of Caprica, she knew this was long overdue. He thought he had lost her, and he wouldn't believe she had survived until he could feel it with his own hands.

His hands reached for her pulling her in as he stroked her face. Jake's lips brushed hers, his breathing heavy as his eyes bore into hers. But behind him was the starfield and instead of a racing heart, the roar of the engines filled her ears. This wasn't the past, this was the Galactica. She reached for his neck squeezing.

"Not here, not now, not sure . . ." she whispered as she pushed him away. Starbuck in his Colonial Warrior code of honor wouldn't see it as just innocent kissing. With Starbuck now a part of the equation, it had to stop, at least on the Galactica. Maybe everywhere.

Jake pulled away, realizing where they were and what he was doing. "Sorry," he mumbled as he ran the back of hand over his mouth, trying to wipe away his own shame.

"It's okay," she said, wondering once again what words would help her husband understand, or if he ever could. And if he couldn't, could she and Jake stop? She wanted Starbuck. She needed to put an end to this, but it had gone on so long.

Jake pulled the guitar back into his lap, beginning to strum again. "What are you going to do when he finds out the baby is not his." He kept his focus on the fingering of his chords rather than on her.

"It's his." She picked up her guitar and began to match his music. "I want it to be his."

"You have that confirmed yet? Because I know you were with Gage a secton before the Galactica showed up."

"That's none of your business," she said re-establishing the boundaries to this alliance.

"Yeah, I know, but Dante's in the mix too, then there's Agenor and Pallus and then," he sighed, "me."

"It's not Agenor's."

"You sure about that? Confirmed?" He peeked at her from under his hair that was getting long.

She sighed. "No, not confirmed. But it's too small to be Agenors. I was careful with Dante. As for the others," she strummed her guitar, finding a counter melody to play off his, "this kid could come out dark as Boomer and Starbuck's going to call it his own. So it's his. I want it to be Starbuck's."

Jake didn't argue as he finally met her eyes. "Okay, he's top of the list and that puts me second."

She nodded, accepting the terms. It was more than an agreement to drop the subject. It was an agreement to their continued alliance, that while Starbuck was part of this now, Jake could still be counted on to play the role of partner when needed.

For a few moments more they played, finishing off the song before she spoke again. "I want you there when I deliver. I have a bad feeling about this one. I had a dream. I'm not on the Galactica when it comes."

Jake didn't question how she knew these things. He'd seen too much with her. He'd been there from the beginning of the jumping, when it was a haphazard attempt made out of desperation.

"Sure, no problem. Where are you? Caprica?"

"I don't know. It was just one dream. It's not a planet, or if it is, it's indoors. The room looks made from leftover materials, salvaged. If I had to guess, I thought it looked like the Eaglebash."

"Why would you be there if you are close to delivering. Salik is going to want you here," Jake said.

"I don't know. Like I said, it was just once. But after Caprica, I don't think I can do this in the Life Center. Too many bad memories."

"I will see what I can do with Salik. We can tone down the sterility of the place, make it more homey. Or in your quarters, but some medical equipment is going to be needed."

She cocked an eyebrow at him. "Nothing on a ship is ever homey. I need to fly soon or I am going to implode."

"No cutting," Jake said sternly.

"I promised Starbuck. I'm okay. He has found a way to make it better."

Jake didn't ask for details, so she didn't give him any, another clear boundary line. They played for another centaur, working out what songs would work best that evening, and finishing up one she wrote for the Commander, an apology of sorts in the lyrics, or more of an explanation of why it was hard for her to be around him. Her chrono chimed, and Jake looked up from the datapad.

"This looks good. I think we got it," He leaned towards her, a hand reaching for her as he guided her face for a kiss. "Thanks. I know, I need to…" he shrugged as he searched her eyes, "find someone else to play music with I guess." His thumb stroked her face.

"What about Cassie?" Rene fished.

Jake shook his head, "She's too sweet. I can't ask her to carry all this baggage. Nope, gotta find me some damaged goods who's not shocked by my dents and scrapes. Or I could just wait for you. From what I'm told, he'll cheat on you eventually."

"Takes a cheater to know a cheater," Rene said, crossing the line into dangerous territory. "And you never asked. He did."

"Yeah, about that," Jake drawled as he searched her eyes before kissing her and moving away. "I should go. I'm on Starbuck's good side right now. Thanks for that."

He picked up his guitar and headed for the door, unlocking the chambers. She let him go as she sat enjoying the peace and quiet while looking at the stars out of the viewport. She reached her hand into the pocket fingering the two stims there. She'd wait and take one after getting the kids, and the other, later if she could. It wasn't enough to give her the hard kick that she loved. Maybe she'd go grab a few more from her quarters. It was just for tonight, then she'd throw out the rest.

"Who are you kidding? Not yourself. You can't keep doing this. It's not good for you."

She closed her eyes as she heard the voice, wishing to the Lords he was really there and it wasn't what she thought it was, her mind just playing tricks on her.

"Go away," she whispered.

"You can't get rid of me that easy, Sis." The voice was a breath in her ear, raising the hairs on her neck. She opened her eyes in surprise, but no one was there.

"You aren't real," she said out loud and jumped when a different voice answered her.

"Really? Then what am I?" Crius asked placing a hand on her shoulders. "What are you doing here? Thought you were getting some rest. We have a date in the OC tonight."

"About that," she drawled smiling up at him. "What are you doing here?"

"I thought I'd visit the kids. I have to take Neri's favorite doll to her and Zac is going to need more bottles. I didn't think I'd find you here."

She looked up to Crius, a sudden memory popping to the surface of one of the first nights on the Zakar, the same hand to the shoulder and a different kind of offer. She was glad she hadn't turned him down then. He'd turned out to be more than a friend.

"Had to work out some things with Jake," she said watching the disapproval crease his brow.

"Alone? That such a good idea?"

"Crius," she chastised, "you know better than that."

"Uh huh," he said, "I know a lot of things I shouldn't know. Starbuck's a friend. Don't put me in a hard spot." He squeezed her shoulder. "Come on, join me."

She took the hand up, it was Crius after all. He'd seen it all and still chose to be their friend, even now when he could ditch them, move up in the ranks and move away. She walked beside him down the corridor, an equal with one of the few who knew what she could do. He was more than a friend now.

Before they reached the child care center, Rene spoke, "I wanted to ask you something." Crius gave her a sideways glance, an eyebrow raised. She didn't give him a chance to make some sarcastic comment, "Want to walk me down the aisle?"

His steps faltered. She'd taken him by surprise. "Wow, uh…Starbuck already asked me to be up there with him and Apollo and Boomer."

Her heart gave a hard thump, and a pain shot through her chest. She bit down on the emotions, biting her tongue in the process, the sweet taste of blood and the sour taste of copper filling her mouth. He'd chosen his side. She was happy for him, she was. He'd finally come home to the Colonial service he'd originally joined. But it wasn't her side.

Crius read her silence. "But if you need me, sure, I can explain it to Starbuck."

"No, it's okay," she said, meaning it. "I can find someone else."

"I assumed you'd be asking Jason," Crius reasoned.

She nodded to his logic, letting the subject drop as they entered the child care center and the kids greeted them. Crius's choosing a side didn't mean he wasn't still part of the family, made obvious by how her kids mobbed him and he found time to play with them right along with his own. He'd still be there if she needed him, second on the list with Lizbet.

He was right, she should probably ask Jason, but she just wasn't sure she wanted the teen in the spotlight. She'd spent a lifetime trying to stay in the shadows, head down avoiding notice. She could take the bullseye on her chest as long as it was a distraction to protect those she loved.

No, she'd ask someone else. Maybe Nik? No, he wouldn't want that harsh glare of the public eye. If only Gage hadn't told the Commander about what they'd had together. He could take the weapons lock she was walking into, maybe deflect the blow. Maybe she could still ask him and see what happened? She shook her head at the realization that her messy relationships muddied the waters that she was trying to keep placid and clear.

She made an excuse to head down to her quarters to get ready for the evening. Once the door was closed she locked it, took a deep breath slowing her pulse before heading for the chiller and the bottle of ambrosia, pouring a small amount and swallowing the two stims. She closed her eyes and waited for the buzz to rise in her head and block out all the thoughts and voices. Only this time, the sound had changed to a whir, like the sound of an IL rolling across the floor, the low whine of the instruments they used, the burn of the wires up her veins.

She cursed as she panicked, "Frak…frak…I'm on the Galactica, in the fleet. I'm safe." she chanted the phrase twice, opening her eyes and looking around for something, anything to make the sound go away. The answer was before her, a knife on the counter left over from breakfast. She reached for it, pushing up her left sleeve, choosing a spot free of a tattoo, slicing slow and shallow, watching the blood well up as the sensation of pain kicked in. This was real, and here and now, and her heart thumped hard, filling her ears with the pounding.

"There it is," she thought, "Mission accomplished."

"Rene?"

The voice made her jump and she hastily pulled her sleeve down, set the knife on the counter, and pulled up her smile. "Uh, in here," she answered as Starbuck poked his head in.

He frowned when he saw the bottle, looking away shaking his head. "Rene, you need to think about the baby. I can't leave you alone, can I?"

"I know. I know. It was just a sip, I promise." She cursed to herself as she saw the look of disappointment cloud Starbuck's features. "I'm sorry. It was a long day and…"

Starbuck sighed, leaning against the door frame his arms crossed. He nodded looking away before fixing her with a gaze. "I know. All your days are long. So, what do you want me to do here? I'm not your father or your commander or your keeper. You want me to lock you in the brig, is that it?"

She let her shoulders drop as she added back to her to do list "make up with Starbuck."

"No, just …" she hesitated before nodding again and changing her tactics. She took slow steps across the small room towards him, then put a sly seductive smile on her face. "So don't leave me alone. Give me something else to take my mind off my troubles." She reached out a hand to his chest, placing it over his heart for a moment before trailing it down to meet her other hand that was reaching for his belt buckle.

"Rene," he started to scold her, but she dropped to her knees and did what she could to make sure he couldn't form words, just moans and sighs. He had pulled at her shoulders at first calling her name to get her to rise to her feet and deal with him, but his attempts were feeble and his hands in her hair were more insistent. She felt the fight leave him as he gave in to her way of thinking, in the end dropping to his own knees to take her in his arms, kissing her deeply.

Eventually he pulled away, his hands to her face as he shook his head at her in submission. She cocked a smile at him.

"Mission accomplished?"

He sighed, but it held the sound of contentment rather than frustration. "I'm not leaving you alone anymore."

"Good," she said with a soft smile. "Where you go, I go." She echoed the words of their vows watching the magic that they held go to work as he kissed her again. Her heart gave a leap as she felt the satisfaction of a job well done. Slowly she pulled away, scanning his face, seeing that he wasn't angry anymore.

"To do list almost complete," she said aloud. "Just one more task. We are needed in the OC. I have an apology to make."


	85. Chapter 85

He was drowning, in over his head and Rene seemed insistent of dragging them both into deeper waters rather than helping him find the shore. He couldn't trust her, and he didn't trust himself right now either. Once she had dropped to her knees, she had left him breathless and he had wanted to tell her to stop, to listen, to…to do what he didn't know, but at least to stop with the ambrosia because he wasn't sure if he could. The sealing and the dreams, mixed in with dealing with the family and the tingling trauma of Caprica in his aching back and numb hands, he was done, or at least that's what the voice of the IL was saying in his head.

Then Rene had silenced the sounds of the centurions. For a few blissful moments, he'd felt pleasure rather than the nagging pain that had been pulling at his nerves. He wanted to give in, to drown in those waters with Rene. At least they would go down together.

But the seductive smile and the coy words made him shiver. This wasn't the Rene that he called his own. He'd seen this woman a few times before, manipulative and deceitful. He wondered if this was the Rene those from the Zakar encountered. It made him shudder to think she had to be that person with him now. Why now? Thus far it had always been for his benefit. He had to believe it was this time as the voice of the IL was washed away by his own rushing blood in his ears.

Then there were the words, the vow that she was still there, somewhere, and the soft smile. That was his Rene, but it was just a glimpse before she morphed back to someone else. It was like he was seeing double after a hard hit on the triad court.

"Who are you and what have you done with my wife?" He put on his pyramid face, but threw a smile on his lips so she knew he was half joking, only he wasn't kidding.

He could only blink as she read him like a data pad, cocking her head at him before replying, "I'm holding her hostage until after this three-ring sealing. You can have her back on the honeymoon."

The truth of her words took his breath away. He felt like for the first time in sectons he was seeing her real face. It reminded him of the demon face he had seen when Apollo shot Count Iblis. It too closely resembled the face he saw in that small room with a ravaged body on the floor, a blaster in her hand and a choice to make.

"You don't have to do this," he said wanting to hold her close, but also afraid to.

She dropped the façade, looking up to him with those deep blue eyes. Her voice was low, almost a whisper. "Yeah I do, but it's okay, I can do this. I'm tougher than you think I am. It's not just for you. I'll make this good, you'll see."

He had to close his eyes at the intensity of her gaze and the harsh words. He had vowed she would never have to say those words again, but he didn't know how to come to her rescue this time. Adama wanted this sealing and some part of him did too. Not the spectacle of it, but the public commitment, for others to know that he was capable and worthy of the happy ending. He couldn't bring himself to put a stop to it.

After Rene had left the Commander's office, Adama had been persuasive in his argument for this public event and his desire to see Starbuck and the other warriors receive the fleet's gratitude. But it was more than that. It was a merging of families and an encouragement for others to move on with their lives. They needed to build upon their numbers and increase their population.

"If we are to survive, there needs to be more of us. We will win the fight with the Cylon empire by doing what we do best, being human."

The words resonated with him better than the harsh realism of Dante's world building agenda, but he couldn't deny their close cold reality. Their numbers were too few and the odds were better if there were more of them.

"If the fleet sees that you, one of our most decorated warriors, has his vision focused on a more productive future, it will encourage others to follow in your stead," he had elaborated. They truly had to be desperate for Adama to suggest others follow his example. Usually he was used as a paragon of what not to do.

He nearly flinched as Rene's hand touched his face pulling him out of his reverie.

"Starbuck? It's okay. I'm okay. It's just a sealing and we've already done the hard part, right?"

He opened up his eyes, relieved to see the smile he recognized. He took a measured breath before speaking. She could be tough, so could he.

"No more ambrosia. You have to keep that promise. And when this sealing is done," he paused, not sure if he could ask for what he wanted.

"I'm listening," she kissed him softly before repeating the words.

"I think we need off the Galactica, out of the spotlight, just you and me and the kids."

She nodded, but he could see the change in her eyes, the slow rise of her fortress walls. "I need in," he thought to himself but couldn't put a voice to the words.

"It's going to be okay, you'll see," she said as if she could hear his thoughts. "Give me the chance to make it good, okay? But first things first, I need to get to the OC. I owe the Commander an apology."

He wanted to say she didn't, but that wasn't the truth. Before he could agree, she pulled away turning to the food prep counter, reaching for the ambrosia bottle, grabbing a mug, just one, and pouring most of the bottle into it. She waited for him to get his uniform in order before she handed him the cup and the bottle.

"You look like you need a drink."

He didn't argue with her. He drank knowing this was her way of apologizing for her sneaking a drink, but also was a way of getting rid of the temptation. He could oblige. He drained the mug and poured the rest of the bottle into the glass, handing it to her. "Last drink until we celebrate the naming of our child, I mean it."

She nodded, but just took a small drink before handing the mug back to him. He knew he should just pour it down the drain, but it was a damn good bottle, aged and expensive. He didn't want to waste it, so he drank the rest, feeling it warming him and beginning to go to his head.

He set the mug and the bottle down. "I'm not leaving you alone. I'm serious."

"I'm not arguing with you," she answered.

He shook his head, looking up at the ceiling for some sort of guidance. He wasn't sure how many more of her lies he could stomach.

"Rene," he said, but had no words to follow up with, at a loss.

She held up her hands in surrender. "I'll follow orders. I do know how to do that. I get it. I pushed the line and went too far, just please, give me the chance to make this better. I can do that too. You'll see. The sealing will be what you want. I owe you that and I owe the Commander an apology."

He sighed again heavily as a voice inside his head told him it was all lies. He'd have to trust her because the alternative left him alone and back in the barracks.

"Alright, I'm trusting you.

She smiled at him, and he felt his head go beneath the waves, the rush of water filling his ears. It was the same mischievous grin she had given him sectares ago when he was on the floor of the Blue Squadron bunkroom that fateful night when she first kissed him. It was like a riptide pulling him in. She leaned up and kissed him, the taste of ambrosia still strong.

"It's going to be fun. I promise."

This time, with the glow of the ambrosia filling him, he believed her. Life was too short not to.

He let her take his hand and lead him from their quarters down the two levels to the OC. The club was already filling up, but as Starbuck looked around, he noted it was mostly warriors from the Zakar and Dilmun, those whom Rene and the Rats had pointed out as decent warriors. It didn't mean they were friends, but it did mean they didn't willingly join in the abuses of power and privilege. Starbuck had met many of them, but only in passing, and for the first time the OC didn't feel as familiar as before.

He welcomed the wave from Boomer as he had saved them their usual table with a few open chairs. "Apollo's coming." Boomer pointed to the two chairs he was saving.

"Really? For sure?" He felt a little lighter with the information.

Rene squeezed his hand drawing his attention as she reached into the inside pocket of her jacket pulling out a fresh fumarello and handing it to him. "I invited your father, but I'm not sure if he got the message."

"You did?" He looked at her surprised. She had barely spoken to Chameleon the secton they were in the Life Center, and had said even less to the man once they were back home.

She nodded, but she looked away distracted by Jake tuning a mandolin that hit a sour note. "Gotta go. Show time."

He let her walk away as he took his seat by Boomer, waving to Max who was at the bar asking in the Rat's sign language if Starbuck wanted a drink.

"So, what should I be expecting here," Boomer asked when Max joined them, dragging one of the few free chairs to the table along with the three mugs of ambrosia.

"A good time." Max grinned. "They did this a lot in our club on Dilmun.

"That's not reassuring," Starbuck added, "I know what kind of raunchy fun Dante's people liked. That won't be allowed here, ever."

"Naw, ya got it all wrong, at least that part of it. Besides, Rene and Jake don't play those kind of games, not willingly. She set this up, her idea. She knows what she's doing, you'll see."

Starbuck shared a suspicious look with Boomer, but his friend shrugged. "She invited the Commander." The words seemed to end the debate, so he sat back trying to suspend his judgement. He'd enjoyed what he experienced when he joined the Rats on the Eaglebash, but the music they played was louder and harsher than traditional Caprican music. Tonight, she had promised tunes that everyone would like. He trusted Jake, the kid knew every Fabulon Four song, even some he hadn't remembered.

Starbuck gave a nod to Jolly who was up there with the Rats. Tonight was his audition to be the bass player they were looking for. He actually looked nervous, surveying the crowd that was beginning to grow while also trying to pay attention to a data pad Jake kept tapping before giving Jolly a thumbs up. Jolly shook his head, and Jake spoke to Rene who nodded before taking her stool with a guitar in her arms. She fingered a cord and strummed, beginning a tune that captured the club's attention.

"Good evening. We girls are going to get started while the boys keep fussing with things. Some of you may know this one, feel free to sing along." She began a tune, a classic Caprican ballad that was a favorite of pilots, but it was Lizbet that did the singing, her voice high and sweet as she sang about blue skies and the openness of space that couldn't be taken from you. Rene did what she did on the Eaglebash, played with her head down, eyes closed while Lizbet had the metaphorical spotlight. Once done, Rene checked with Jake again, who waved her on. The Commander and Apollo hadn't arrived yet and Rene looked at the empty chairs before looking at Crius who nodded.

Much to Starbuck's surprise, Crius began a whistling tune that Rene joined in with the guitar. He belted out the words to a drinking song that was a favorite of the bars around the Academy, about how in Hades they'd all be in good company. Several in the crowd joined in, including Boomer and Max and once the song ended, Max leaned over to him. "See, I told ya. She knows her audience."

He had to admit Max was right, and he breathed a sigh of relief. Rene cast him a glance, a question in her eyes looking for the approval. He gave her a small salute that broadened her smile. She nodded to Jake who finally looked ready to play and the two launched into an upbeat tune in the traditional Caprican style, but before they got to the words, both abruptly stopped strumming as Jake called out, "Commander on deck." Everyone in the room rose to their feet, the warriors from Dilmun snapping a salute.

Adama held up his hands, demurring, "Sit, please sit, I am here as just another pilot this evening." He took his seat by Starbuck, as Apollo took the other, clapping him on the back.

"Feeling better?" Apollo asked, concern tinging his features.

"Been a rough couple of days," Boomer answered for him as earlier in the day Crius had filled Boomer in on the family dinner Max and he had missed while on patrol.

"Oh? How so?"

Starbuck didn't get a chance to answer as the upbeat tune Jake began erupted into loud voices around the OC, a song about a rose tattoo received while drunk to prove your love, carried until death. The warriors from Dilmun seemed very familiar with the song, singing the chorus loudly and with gusto. Max belted the words out, elbowing Boomer to join in.

Jake took over and several of the songs were old Fabulon Four that everyone knew and could sing along to, which seemed to be the real purpose of the evening. Starbuck found himself joining in, several of the songs reminding him of better times. He didn't think he had a good singing voice, but that didn't seem to bother anyone, and even the Commander joined in for a few.

It wasn't just the old memories and being with his old friends that began to put him in a much better mood, but also the fact that Rene's eyes when she looked up were only on him. Her grin grew with each song. She looked good up there. Maybe it was also the few drinks he had gone through. Whatever it was, he didn't care. He was surrounded by good friends, safe on the Galactica and the panic of waking up alone in a cold cell with wires sticking out of him was becoming a distant memory.

In a lull between songs, Apollo asked again how Starbuck was doing. "You're healing okay? Sleeping alright?"

He tried to shrug it off, but his buddy had never accepted shrugs for answers.

"Do you need to talk? We could go somewhere else," Apollo suggested, and Starbuck was half tempted to take him up on it. He hadn't had a chance to speak with his friend alone since they were in the Life Center, but he didn't want to miss anything. It wasn't often he got to see this side of Rene, a young gal happily enjoying herself.

"Maybe later. Boomer's right, it's been hectic getting the sealing set up and…" he paused, not knowing how to put it into words how he was having a hard time trying to recover from Caprica and deal with everything else that seemed to be going on. He just shook his head and switched topics. "You know you're best man at the sealing, right?"

Apollo clapped him on the back again and he tried not to wince. "I was hoping to be asked. You and Boomer are pretty close lately, and then there's Crius walking around calling you brother, so I didn't want to assume."

The words took Starbuck aback. "Yeah, but, you and me, we've been friends for a while. Look, I've been thinking about that offer, transferring to the Zakar. What kind of quarters are we talking about?"

Apollo gave him a broad grin before delivering the not so great news, "Nothing like the Council chambers, but Captain's quarters, although things are a bit smaller on a battlecruiser compared to the Galactica. But there is room to work with and a squadron needing leadership. I was hoping you would do the same magic on the Zakar you have done here." Apollo waved a hand indicating the room filled with the warriors from Dilmun and from the Galactica, drinking together like true brothers in arms.

"I can't take all the credit for this." Starbuck gestured to the Rats on their makeshift stage. "I think the Zakar Warriors have figured out there's some benefit in us all getting along. Makes ya wonder if Dante hadn't been such a boray what they all might have been able to accomplish."

Apollo considered his words, was about to speak, but Jake had slowed the tempo and drawn the attention of the crowd.

"This one is for the Commander and all those people who say we don't play love songs." Jake flashed their table a smug look before he began strumming an old Monarch song, so ancient that many in the room including Starbuck weren't even born when it was first popular, but the words were familiar.

"You were always on my mind, you were always on my mind. Tell me, tell me that your sweet love hasn't died." Jake did the song justice, but had increased the tempo, making it more upbeat than the original, still sentimental, but less somber. The song however seemed to bring a tear to Adama's eyes, as he reached out a hand for Apollo's arm.

When the tune was over, Apollo leaned in to whisper to Starbuck, "Who told him to play that? Was it you?"

"Not me, why? Do I need to get them to stop?" He was confused as he thought the song was well received by the crowd and the Commander.

"No," Apollo said hastily, "No, it was perfect. That was my mother and father's song. I was just wondering how he would know that? Jake doesn't talk to my father, barely even speaks to me."

Apollo was right, and Starbuck looked to the band, watching as Jolly managed to keep the beat and knew most of the tunes. It had to be Jolly's idea, but then how would he know that? Before he could puzzle out the mystery, it was Rene that addressed the crowd.

"Hey, everyone having a good time?" The room erupted in cheers. She waited for it to die down before she spoke again. "We are gathered her together because I owe our Commander an apology. I have been behaving like myself so, yeah, that's not good."

The words earned her laughter, including from himself, and she waited for that to die down before speaking again. "So I owe him an apology, but this isn't really an apology, just an explanation. I didn't write it, but it fits so, um," Rene flushed and looked down for a moment before looking back up, squaring her shoulders and meeting Starbuck's eyes before sighing, "here we go."

As Rene sang, Starbuck was left wondering how many different personalities were there inside the young woman he had chosen to spend his life with. He certainly wasn't going to be bored, that was obvious, as there in front of everyone was someone he had only seen shadows of before, but rarely in the full light. Her voice was deeper than he'd expected, with an edge that echoed of yahrens of experience in smoky bars. Gone was the shy girl with her head down focused just on her guitar. She'd pulled her shoulders up, her back straight, no hint of her sullen slouch.

" _I am just an aging drummer boy, and in the wars I used to play, and I've called a tune to many a torture session. Now they say I am a war criminal and I'm fading away. Father, please hear my confession_."

It wasn't just that she was looking up, her chin raised, it was the fact that she was looking many dead in the eye, challenging them to not look away. Her gaze was as concentrated as the laser blasts she formed to make her rift.

Her voice rose in places, and in others lowered to an ominous whisper. " _Hid behind walls that have made me alone. Striven for peace, which I never have known, and I can still hear his laughter, and I can still hear his song. The man's too big, the man's too strong_."

The seriousness of the lyrics, and the storm that was raging in her eyes aged her more than a few yahrens, more like a decade or two. She sang with an intensity that he had not seen from her before. She was angry, evidenced by the way she attacked the guitar in the main chorus, not exactly strumming, but pounding out the music.

" _I can still hear his laughter and I can still hear his song. The man's too big, the man's too strong_."

The lyrics were punched full of emotion that left not only his table stunned, but most of the OC. The words mirrored what she was dealing with and he found it hard to believe that the woman who answered most of his probing questions with a shrug and a sigh chose here and now in a room full of people to be brutally and painfully honest.

Her lips curled into a snarl as she sang straight to the Commander, " _Oh father, please help me for I have done wrong. The man's too big. The man's too strong_."

She wasn't dodging the questions or crafting lies. She was facing down her past like a whole platoon of centurions and she was armed to the teeth. She was throwing the truth out like hand grenades, not giving a rat's astrum where they landed or the damage they might do.

When she finished, the crowd was stunned into silence and it wasn't until that quiet stretched for more than a milicenton or ten that she finally dropped her gaze. Then the applause came, hesitant at first as many were unsure if you should applaud such raw emotion. It grew quickly, but Rene did not look up at first, seeming to ignore the sound. Starbuck was too shocked to join in, still staring at this unknown person who looked like his wife, but didn't act like her.

When Rene finally looked up, her eyes were only on him, her gaze soft and somewhat sad. It took him a moment to realize she was seeking his approval. He didn't know if he should give it. He knew it was good for her to let out some of what was going on in her head, but this had been a frighteningly contained rage, focused like a laser. It left him wondering what she might do with that anger in the future. The song did explain well why she was probably never going to be comfortable around his Commander and he wondered briefly if he should push harder for her to resign from the service. He hadn't put words to that request yet knowing that asking to move to the Zakar was already pushing it, but it's not like she could fly anytime soon.

Her eyes remained locked on his, and he worried she was reading every thought he had. Maybe that wasn't such a bad thing. Maybe now was the time to start being more honest about what he wanted and what she needed. He nodded to her, giving her the approval she seemed to be seeking.

It was Apollo's voice that broke their connection. "Wow, I think I see what attracted you to her so quickly."

Starbuck found himself shrugging in embarrassment, mumbling, "Yeah, it was…had to be there I guess."

The band started up again before he could elaborate, another Caprican tune that everyone could sing. The crowed quickly shrugged off the somber mood, preferring to pick back up the feelings of comradery. Starbuck joined in, trying to let the music and the voices of his friends wash away the troubles of the day. The fifth ambrosia that came his way did the trick. He hadn't paid for a single one yet, and had no idea Rene still had that many cubits left, but he didn't feel like being chivalrous and turn them down, not this evening. He figured she owed him this time with the several he'd caught her sneaking, so he let her pay for the table. He allowed her to craft her own redemption, forgetting that she often crafted her own lies for cover.

The song Rene Sings is "The Man's Too Strong" by the Dire Straits

I am just an aging drummer boy  
And in the wars I used to play  
And I've called the tune to many a torture session  
Now they say I am a war criminal  
And I'm fading away  
Father, please hear my confession

I have legalized robbery  
And called it relief  
I have run with the money  
I have hid like a thief  
Rewritten histories with armies and my crooks  
Invented memories  
I did burn all the books  
And I can still hear his laughter  
And I can still hear his song  
The man's too big  
The man's too strong

Well, I've tried to be meek  
I have tried to be mild  
But I spat like a woman  
And I sulked like a child  
Hid behind walls that have made me alone  
Striven for peace  
Which I never have known  
And I can still hear his laughter  
And I can still hear his song  
The man's too big  
The man's too strong

Well, the sun rose on the courtyard  
And we all did hear him say  
"You always was a Judas,  
But I got you anyway.  
You may have got your silver  
But I swear upon my life  
Your sister gave me diamonds  
And I gave 'em to your wife."  
Oh father, please help me  
For I have done wrong  
The man's too big  
The man's too strong


	86. Chapter 86

Another centaur or more rolled by before the Rats called it a night, packing up their instruments before beginning to join the others in the crowd. When Rene came over to the table, Starbuck started to get up to give her his chair, but she waved him down, choosing to sit on the arm of his chair. He wrapped an arm around her, mostly to verify for himself this was still his wife, before pulling her down onto his knee.

"That was amazing," Apollo announced, but was cut off by his father.

"Apology accepted. You are all quite good and you made a good point this evening. We need to schedule more times to just have fun. It might be time we reinstituted the Morale and Welfare department. I may be asking for volunteers to be in charge."

"Here here," Boomer applauded the proposal.

"Thank you for taking on that responsibility," Adama said to him.

"Wait, uh, Sir?" Boomer said, but Adama waved him off.

"We can discuss it tomorrow in my office. I would assign the role to Starbuck, but I think you might keep things a bit more appropriate. I hear you are in charge of the send off?"

Starbuck objected, "I don't want a send off. I'm already sealed, can't send me off, I'm already gone."

"It's not for you," Rene said softly.

"Then they can hold it without me," he groused, but both Boomer and Apollo clapped him on the back laughing.

"I need to take back my sealing speech. Seems you have died Bucko when a night out with your friends seems like torture," Apollo laughed.

"It won't be so bad," Boomer added, "But don't worry, I am keeping in mind you would like things to be a bit more low key since you seem determined to be a good role model for the first time in your life. No one wants to look at that miracle too closely. I was thinking a good meal, strong ambrosia, fumarellos and a pyramid game. A guy's night Galactica style."

Starbuck had to concede that didn't sound too bad. "Add some bovine steaks and I might show up."

"Done," Apollo added. "Seems the crew from the Zakar had time to rescue some livestock from Dilmun in all the commotion. A few steers and some fowl, plus hares and other small animals. I didn't have the heart to take them away from the families that saved them, but they have shared their efforts with the crew," Apollo explained and began to go into detail on some of the changes that had happened to the Zakar.

Starbuck figured the speech was for Rene's benefit, but she got up and left them abruptly in the middle of Apollo talking. She went over to help Jake and Nik pack up for the evening. The three sent Jolly off to join the table.

"Thanks, that was a lot of fun," Jolly said pulling up a free chair now that the club was clearing out.

"I think you got that flipped backwards. I need to thank you. Jake was a bit frantic," Starbuck said sliding his new drink over to Jolly.

"Yeah, Nik never said a word about it. I tore into him for it. I thought he and I were getting close. He knows I play, chews my ear off about music, but he never asked."

"Well, the sealing was kind of a sudden decision," Starbuck answered keeping his eyes on Rene as she and her friends talked low amongst themselves, laughing at some joke. He watched them banter with each other, Jake and Rene arguing with each other over something that he couldn't hear from where he was sitting. He supposed they had plenty to fight about since she had shot him, but the argument didn't seem to be escalating, just good-natured ribbing as Crius joined in laughing. It became obvious once the cases were stacked the Rats were lingering across the room and away from the brass all sitting at this one table. Starbuck cast a glance to Adama, wondering if he had noticed, surprised to find the man's fatherly gaze upon him.

"Sir, I…" Starbuck began an apology.

"She asked for time. Please thank them for me. This was a delightful evening." The Commander got to his feet, bidding them good night.

"Father, wait for me. Starbuck, I'm just a short ride away, you know that, and I'll see you at the send off." Apollo placed a hand on his shoulder and Starbuck felt a bit foolish for focusing just on his problems. Apollo had hiked all over Caprica trying to find them a way off the planet. He suffered just as much radion as the rest of them and had to jump right back into a complicated command.

"See ya later, buddy," he placed his hand over his friend's.

He was right about the lingering because once the door closed behind Apollo and Adama's departure, the Rats came over to the table taking up the empty seats. Rene came back to him, pulling up the seat Apollo had vacated and reaching over to pluck the fumarello from his hand, inhaling deeply. He resisted the urge to tell her she shouldn't be smoking; besides it was half gone and the least of the things she could be doing.

He appraised the Rats as they got comfortable, showing no indication they were in a hurry to get back to the kids. "Everyone must be more tired than usual." He thought as the room grew quiet. Things had been chaotic since their return, the kids clingy since their unexpected and prolonged absence. Just based on Rene's performance and shooting her friend the evening before, it was obvious everyone was on edge and welcomed this small moment of calm. Or maybe they were just enjoying the lack of noise. Since coming back from Caprica, Starbuck had found it hard to deal with the crying babies and squealing toddlers.

It seemed Boomer and his cousin, Max, were more used to the hubbub of all the children, having grown up in a larger family. Starbuck knew that for many of the Copper squadron, it was a bit too much. Like himself, they were for the most part solitary individuals, having maybe just one or two siblings, or one or two friends. He'd already heard the numerous complaints from the other warriors about how closed mouthed these recruits were but Starbuck had figured that command was doing what command did, ordering and assuming. Nobody but he and Boomer seemed to be asking them any questions, content to let them remain in their small sphere of connections.

But with this public sealing, their small sphere was about to expand rapidly. It was time for the fleet to get to know them and hopefully see what he saw, kids who hadn't been given a chance. He knew more than anybody, as he asked and he listened. What was shocking to him was that sometimes, when they were in a mood like this when they felt comfortable and safe, they would answer, often in great detail.

Slowly the family was beginning to talk about their pasts. He had found if he asked about Caprica, that eventually wove a path to the Zakar and Dilmun. It often opened up the connection to finding out more of the secrets about their command and how things were. Rene's song let him know once again, far more occurred than he knew. About the only thing he did know is that the more he and the other Colonials learned, the more they could help the family recover from the abuse.

His own words earlier in the evening had got him thinking. What if Dante had recognized the potential he had before him? He must have noticed something as most of the Copper Squadron were more than decent pilots. Jake could not only fly nearly as well as Rene and Crius, he was a damn fine medic. Rene had performed a save on Boomer's damaged viper that rivalled legends of pilots greater than himself. What would they have become without Dante's torturous training? Without the destruction, where would they have been?

Starbuck pulled out one of his own fumarellos, leaving Rene to finish his as he turned to Max, half Colonial half Rat, a good conduit to tap into the Rat's way of thinking.

"Back before the destruction, you ever think of being a pilot?"

Max shrugged, looking to his cousin Boomer who answered for him.

"I remember that you always wanted to be a landram driver. You loved the toy hovers, the bigger the better. You had that red dump truck that you dragged everywhere with you, loading it up with whatever was lying around."

"Oh yeah, I remember that. Remember the day that we built roads in the back garden, digging up all of Mom's seeds just after she'd spent all morning planting them!"

"Yeah no one was surprised when you joined the service to drive landrams." Boomer turned to Starbuck. "You always wanted to be a viper pilot, didn't you?"

"Oh yeah. Never thought about anything else. Couldn't wait to hit the skies."

Boomer turned to Rene, sensing Starbuck's direction with the conversation and knowing she was the key to getting them talking. "What did you want to be when you grew up? You dream about vipers too?"

The room had been quiet before. He was not expecting that this simple question could show him the difference between quiet and silent. He almost regretted beginning the conversation, but in his quest to get to know his new family, had forgotten a crucial key to their past. They were drafted into the service, almost as indentured servants. Vipers had not been their choice. It was more than a few microns before Rene answered. Her words were not directed towards Boomer as she turned to her close friend Nik.

"You remember that last winter on Caprica? We were trying to stay at your friend's place and she ended up kicking us out."

Nik smiled wistfully. "Yeah, we had eaten all her food and drank all her ambrosia."

"Who's this we? You ate her chips, not me," Rene tossed back.

Jake spoke up with a smile on his lips. "You should have fracked her like I told you."

Starbuck assumed the comment was directed at Nik, and nearly choked when Rene replied, "I'm just not into girls. I mean, what would I even do down there?"

Jake laughed. "Oh, I would have been happy to show you."

"Yeah, I bet you would have." Rene smiled back, obviously not uncomfortable with the topic. "Remember how we had to fight that old guy for the steam grate? I mean, there we were out in one of the most epic blizzards in the last ten yahrens, fighting some old guy missing half his teeth for a steam grate. Remember how we piled up like daggits, trying to tell jokes to make sure we didn't fall asleep and die." Rene sighed for a moment and the image chilled the room. "What did we want to be when we grew up?"

There was a momentary pause before Nik answered quietly, "Meteorologists."

"Yeah, that was it. Meteorologists, so we'd always know when a storm was coming, and could make sure we never had to sleep in the snow. Who the frack would think I would actually miss the snow." She reached for Starbuck's glass raising it to the others. "To never having to sleep in the snow."

Rene took a small sip, but no one else drank. They were all quiet for a moment before Rene realized what she had done to the mood of the table. She sighed again before asking, "Anyone want a drink, I'm buying." She didn't wait for an answer as she got up and went over to the bar, ordered and grabbed a tray to carry over their drinks. She placed them around the table, started to gather up the empties.

"Rene, have a seat, the staff can do that," Starbuck said reaching for her, but she took a step out of his reach.

"They need some help. We kind of sprung this on them and they weren't really prepared," she said placing the glasses on the tray. Starbuck watched as she carried them to the bar, before she came back and began to gather empties from other tables helping the servers as they cleared the room as the crowd had cleared out.

"Are you going to do something about that?" Jake's voice broke the silence, his voice nearly a growl.

Starbuck took his eyes off Rene who was laughing with the bartender and turned to answer seeing that Jake suddenly had an intense stare directed right at him.

"I didn't tell her to do that. I don't tell her what to do. I asked her to come back to the table."

Jake just stared at him for several moments before Nik cursed and shoved his drink towards Starbuck, nearly spilling half of it as he got to his feet. Jake was next as he took his drink and slammed it down on the table then pushed it towards Starbuck. The two walked to Rene, Jake taking the tray from her hand and setting it roughly on the table she was at. Nik took Rene by the arm, not roughly despite his angry mood, but as if escorting her. Lizbet leaned over to set her drink in front of Starbuck before she said quietly to her husband Crius, "Find somewhere else to sleep tonight."

Starbuck was surprised when Crius just drawled in his fake country boy twang, "Yes ma'am."

Lizbet joined the two men, and the four of them left the OC, Rene looking back for just a moment. Starbuck saw the look of confusion followed by a flash of anger in her eyes before the door closed.

Starbuck closed his eyes and sighed heavily. "I'm in over my head." He tried to keep his voice neutral as he asked Crius, "So what did I do wrong that time?"

"Ya got me, Bucko," Crius replied his drawl thick, "but I done figured out for myself that when you don't know what ya done wrong, ya just agree with 'em. Then you find somewhere else to bunk down for the night."

"They've been testy since we got back from Caprica, even the ones not trying to recover. I think it's just them letting go of the stress," Boomer said.

Max chuckled lightly. "You really don't get it? They're sewer rats."

"I think you might have to explain a bit more than that cousin," Boomer replied. "I'm as lost as Starbuck. Maybe more."

"They were on the streets. They didn't have career aspirations and they certainly weren't planning on joining the Colonial Service. They couldn't. They all had arrest records. I'd bet my balls that they were about to do jail time if the cylons hadn't shown up. They aren't kidding when they say the destruction was the best thing that ever happened to them. Rene wasn't going to serve revenge on the cylons. She was going to serve drinks."

Starbuck felt his own anger rise through the ambrosia fumes. He'd asked a simple question and wandered into a minefield without any warning. No way to go forward but to set off a few more explosions.

"She's better than that! She is an excellent pilot and Jake could actually become a doctor and Lizbet is a great teacher with the kids and Nik, he's lazy sure but so is Giles. Nik can fly like the best of us. I don't treat them like they're beneath me, because they're not! Maybe they skipped a few trainings and they're not used to the fleet, or how a decent command works, but they survived Dante for sagan's sake. They're smart and…"

Max cut him off with an exasperated sigh, "Man you guys really don't get it? Your heads are so far up your astrums you must be licking your own tonsils. They were from the streets!"

"So am I!" Starbuck got what he was saying, he just knew there were more smarts needed on the streets than anywhere else. It was those skills he learned in the back alleys that sometimes made him a better warrior. He looked to Crius to see that he also understood, but Max continued.

"Yeah, but you went to the Academy, got a recommendation and everything. They barely graduated secondary school, in fact, I bet Jake didn't. Sure, Ari got into the academy, but that's due to Adama's brother Oren recommending him. But the rest of them? They didn't shoot for the stars and vipers and gold insignias. Their version of high is pretty low. A roof over their head, something to keep the addiction fed, maybe a meal a day and if they got lucky. I mean no wonder they wound up in the sewers. Rene just showed you her career aspirations. Had she gotten lucky, she and Lizbet would maybe get a job serving drinks. If they got unlucky, well they're pretty girls. Plenty of gentlemen clubs around Caprica City would hire them. Dante saw that potential and he …

Crius's growl cut him off, "I get it. I was there. You don't need to elaborate."

Starbuck shook his head trying to chase out the images he already had of Rene doing what she had to do to survive on Dilmun. He said soft and low, "They're better than that. They were then, they are now. We don't treat them like Sewer Rats."

"I know that. I'm just saying, they know where they come from and what they could have been. Don't mistake their surliness or silence for ungratefulness. Do you know how hard it is in this fleet to know that the destruction was the best thing that happened to you? They've been on the other ships, a lot of them actually. Jake's made it his quest to visit each one. Before we headed off to Caprica, Rene put in paperwork for more orphans to come over to join us so she can sign them up for your academy. She's been recruiting for Frak's sake! And your fleet isn't the paradise you think it is. Many have it pretty bad, in makeshift quarters and broken-down derelicts. It ain't all shiny and shipshape like you think. They see that!"

"It's better than having to frak on command and getting your hands broken when you disobey. I experienced Dante's style of discipline myself," Starbuck leaned forward, his back burning at the memory of the lashes he'd received. He lowered his voice as other memories more recent surged forward making his hands tingle as he tried to clench them, "It's no paradise, sure, but it's better than the alternative at the hands of the Cylons."

Max leaned back, taking a breath before holding up his hands in surrender, "Look, I know you get it, you just kind of forget sometimes. You dig through their past and that is a pile of mong you don't want to be mucking around in. You guys have it good but some of the others, it could be better. They know they have it good, we know, but it still could be better. No one even really talks about making it better."

"That's what the sealing is about," Boomer said, "joining us all together in making the best of a bad situation."

Crius snorted in derision. "You seen the guest list? Not exactly packed with anyone not wearing a uniform. Max has a point, as long as you're a warrior, things are good, but I've seen a few of the other ships."

"So, what are you saying? I misrepresented the fleet? You all want to go back to Dilmun?" Starbuck asked, suddenly feeling very tired.

"Not for a million cubits," Max answered before directing his answer to his cousin Boomer, "I'm just saying they still don't have a lot of choices. Stay a warrior or go back to before the destruction. They are making the best of a bad situation, but Rene doesn't have to. She can go anywhere. She can take us anywhere. I've been through her rift, a lot actually."

Starbuck leaned back as the weight of those words dragged him down, feeling like the surface of the water was a hundred metrons over his head. The thoughts escaped his mouth as he asked softly, "If it's so awful, then what's keeping her here?"

Crius reached over taking one of the drinks from in front of Starbuck, raising it to him as if toasting, "You." He took a drink, draining what was left in the glass before placing it on the table and reaching for another.

The answer should have lifted his heart, made him appreciate the sacrifice Rene was making in the name of love, but it didn't. It left him feeling like a weight was dragging him down. He couldn't live up to the legend he had created.

Crius reached out, seeming to offer to carry the weight, "She thinks about the kids first. She knows that they need schooling and doctors and all that comes with the fleet. That's why she didn't leave Dilmun. She's making sure they have what they need and well, we help with that, right? It's not all bad. We got a good thing going here on the Galactica. I mean, even if they took away the council chambers, we would manage. The corridors are wide, we could take over a whole hallway and call it home."

"Best of a bad situation," Starbuck repeated Boomer's words, wondering if that's what he was for Rene. They had been fooling around, having some fun, and then she was pregnant. She was making the best of a bad situation. "I think I understand."

He looked at the half full drinks before him, having lost count as to how many he'd had that evening, trying to drown his own troubles, worried just about himself. "Suck it up, Bucko," he thought as he straightened his uniform and ground out his fumarello. He got to his feet, realizing he was more than a little intoxicated. "I need to go find my wife before I make a bad situation worse. Good night."

"Whoa there Buckaroo, you might need some help," Crius got to his feet, putting an arm around Starbuck. "No one goes into the lion's den alone."

Boomer got to his feet as well, tossing Starbuck's arm around his shoulders. "You're making things better. This will all work out."

"Right, about that," he drawled in Crius's thick country boy accent. "Seriously guys, I've got this."

"Yeah, but you don't have to do it alone," Crius said before directing over his shoulder, "You coming Max?"

"I got your back," he said before physically placing a hand on Starbuck's back.


	87. Chapter 87

He kept telling Crius he didn't need back up, that the man should go home and see to his own wife, but his wing mate insisted.

"You're new at this. You might need a navigator."

Starbuck didn't think this time his mouthy friend with his fake country drawl was going to be of any help. Besides, he hadn't done anything wrong, not anything that should make Rene that angry. And if she was, at least she wasn't armed. After all, last night he had Crius take her weapon to the duty office, so he didn't have to worry about getting shot. It had just been a simple question, an innocent one. He had a few more for her and if he couldn't ask questions about her past, then how was he supposed to get to know her the way he really wanted to? Based on her performance this evening, he had some catching up to do with a few of her personalities. Question one was going to be, "What the frak?" Question two might be "Where the hades did she learn to sing like that and why don't you do it more often?" He'd leave the option open to reconsider the order.

They didn't find the Rats in the main council chambers, so they headed down to his quarters. There they found them sprawled around the room, laughing and joking like nothing had happened that night or the night before. The ambrosia bottle on the table was open and already half gone. Lizbet was the first one to cast an angry glare her husband's way.

"I told you to find somewhere else to sleep."

"I did darlin'. Buckaroo offered me a bunk," Crius answered, "ain't that right Bucko?"

Starbuck merely grunted at him before pulling away, striding across the room and reaching for the glass in Rene's hand. He pulled it away from her and sniffed the contents.

"Juice. I promised," she said looking up to him defensively.

"Not what I found in the glass last time," he grumbled.

"You've had more than a few," Jake shot at him accusingly from across the room.

"You of all people are going to comment on my alcohol consumption? Really? How many batches have you gone through on that homemade still of yours?" Starbuck shot back with a glare. "Besides, I'm not on the duty roster nor am I pregnant so…"

He was cut off by Nik snapping, "When were you going to tell us about moving to the Zakar?"

The room went silent for a moment until Crius dragged a chair loudly across the floor, straddling it before asking, "What this about the Zakar? Who's moving to the Zakar, Buckaroo?"

Crius looked to him in confusion that quickly turned to a guarded expression as Starbuck shook his head at him hoping his wing mate read the signal that he should stay quiet. Crius held his tongue but he looked away from Starbuck to his wife Lizbet, the two communicating something between them that made Lizbet huff angrily.

"So, when were you going to tell us?" Nik asked again accusingly.

Starbuck groaned inwardly comprehension dawning as to why the sudden shift in the evening's good mood. Rene must have said something. Her eyes were dark and wary as she looked up to him. It was obvious they could have their secrets, but he was exempt from that privilege. She had already told her friends. He squared his shoulders and faced the rest of the Rats.

"So that's what has you guys as tetchy as a Gemonese between sun cycles?" He looked to Rene for confirmation. She didn't nod her head, just slid her chin down and her eyes away.

He would have to deal with her later, as a different realization slammed into his ambrosia fogged brain. Nik was the one who had posed the question in the midst of the snide comments. Nik rarely spoke, and when he did it was never interrupt someone. Starbuck didn't know much about the young man, no one on the Galactica really did. He'd just learned yesterday half the crew called him the phantom as Nik seemed to just appear and disappear without a sound. From what Rene had told him about her friend, it was completely opposite from what the man had been like predestruction. Now he was nearly as silent as a dead man, his new nickname an accurate moniker. Speaking up was progress for the kid even if ill-timed for Starbuck.

He took in a deep breath and addressed the sullen young man.

"Well Nik, first of all, I was going to ask you, not tell you. I don't outrank you, and yeah, Apollo had asked if we would be willing to move over. He needs some help and I"

"When were you going to ask us?" Nik cut him off again, and Starbuck tried not to show his annoyance with the interruption.

Starbuck looked to Crius for some back up, but his wing mate's narrowed eyes and closed mouth let him know the man did not support this reassignment. Starbuck looked to Rene next as she had agreed with the idea, hadn't she? Well she hadn't said the words exactly, but she did nod at him this time to go on with his proposal even if she did look peeved with him. He turned back to Nik, laying out his arguments.

"I know you guys aren't comfortable here on the Galactica with the Commander and all, and we all know the council is going to want their chambers back eventually. You guys seem to like Apollo and…" he paused waiting for the objection but it didn't come, so he went on, "He needs a strike wing Captain who can work with people, not just order them around. Plus, the Zakar has the room for us and Apollo was hoping we could reutilize some of that space, do what we have done here on the Galactica. I figured that no one is using the Commander's quarters and there's a dining room there big enough for us to have family meals. We could renovate the whole quarters, rip out walls if we want, or put some in. Destroy that carpet and paint the walls, make it ours." He paused again trying to gauge what the Rats were thinking. The room was quiet for a moment as all eyes looked to him. They weren't friendly eyes, but the Rats at least seemed to be listening.

"It would be a promotion for me, which means more for all of us and more control of our future. Crius could have a squadron and…"

"I'm in," Nik answered interrupting him once more.

He blinked at Nik, stunned at the kid's reply. "Really?" He almost took a physical step back, wondering if he was drunker than he thought he was. He had to be hearing things. "You're in?"

"Yes." Nik nodded to him before the kid looked to Lizbet.

"What about schooling for the kids?" she asked.

Rene joined the conversation "There are regular shuttle runs to the Galactica. Or we could shift the school over to the orphan ship and add a stop. It's already pulled closer to the Zakar for protection."

Starbuck's head spun back to Rene so fast he felt dizzy. She had thought about his idea and it sounded like she'd even worked out some of the problems in the plan.

"Really?" he said again, feeling the decking shift under his feet. She reached out for his hand, pulling him down to the sofa beside her. "You're in?" he asked, but before she could answer Lizbet spoke up again.

"Or the other way around. We could make a new school on the Zakar. It would be good for the kids to get off the Orphan ship and see other parts of the fleet, maybe integrate them into homes. I'm in."

"When are we talking about doing this?" Crius asked.

Starbuck shrugged astonished that Crius might support the proposal, "I…I didn't think you'd agree so, I hadn't thought that far. After the sealing I guess."

"Boomer and I can go over now, get things started," Max said as Boomer nodded his approval.

Starbuck looked around the room in shock before settling his gaze on Jake who had not joined the conversation. The wary look on the young man's face let him know that the kid probably knew the truth, that originally Starbuck had not meant for all of them to be moving over. The plan had been for he and Rene to finally be a family, just him and her and the kids. But Jake was the father to Rene's kid and a sealing wasn't going to change that. Starbuck understood that on some level, but still he had hoped that he and Rene could create their own bonds.

But things weren't ever going to be that simple with Rene or the rats. Starbuck was figuring out a little late that if he really wanted this plan to work, he should have approached Jake first. Rene followed whatever Jake decided, and that was the real problem he'd been trying to solve with the move. Would that ever change? Maybe after the public sealing or when the baby arrived? Or when their first child became a Viper pilot . . . or when Starbuck died. Yeah, probably when Starbuck died.

The stony look on Jake's face told him that it would take either Starbuck's or the young man's death to severe that connection, especially after what they had just been through on Caprica almost losing Rene more than once.

Starbuck sighed again as he heard Apollo's voice in his head, "Beating your head against a bulkhead isn't the way to get it to give way. You'll have to try a different approach."

He nodded to Jake. "We'll need a decent medic and it's closer to the Eaglebash. What do you say, little brother? We can't do this without you."

The use of the word brother earned him a raised eyebrow. Jake surveyed the others in the room, a silent summit before he spoke. "You had me at destroying the Commander's quarters and calling it ours."

Starbuck couldn't suppress the grin of victory. "Let's limit our use of solenite. I'd like them to be liveable when we are done."

"Whatever you say big brother."

Jake didn't look happy about the decision, but Starbuck was beginning to think that Jake was only happy when he was playing his guitar or was drunk on the concoctions from his homemade still. But the young man wasn't as silent as Nik when he disagreed. He could be quite voracious with his words when unhappy. Starbuck waited for Jake to poke a hole in his plan like he had done to every plan on Caprica, but Jake remained quiet, just nodding slowly. Starbuck hazarded a look to Crius, the last holdout. His wing mate nodded to him.

Starbuck felt Rene's hand squeeze his tightly as he sat back, stunned for a moment at the agreement from the family. He turned to her, feeling his stomach flip with the shift in the emotions this evening. The cycles since their sealing had been more intense than the Nova Madagon, with more mines to blast away than the cylon field around Carillon.

Was that adoration he was seeing there? At least some bit of respect maybe? The light radiating from Rene's eyes was as bright as a nova and just as warm. It melted through his shields. He was going to have to wear his jump suit every centaur of every cycle to deal with these G forces. It had to be the ambrosia that was making his chest feel so warm. He let it fill him and didn't fight the dive he was making. At that moment he desperately needed to kiss Rene. He gave in to the impulse, reaching for her, softly stroking her cheek before leaning in. Her warm lips responded in kind, and he felt a soft hand touch the back of his neck pulling him closer.

Crius cleared his throat, "Well, about that. We'd best let the newlyweds get on with their fussing and fighting and the making up, which is going to be a little awkward with me sleeping here tonight. I guess I'll just have to join in." Crius got up from his seat coming to Starbuck rather than Rene, "Where's my kiss, lover boy?"

"Crius, shut up and get home," Lizbet ordered as Starbuck broke off his kiss with Rene and jokingly puckered up and smacked his lips like he was going to actually kiss Crius.

"But things were just getting' good. Another time Bucko. Maybe at the send-off. I'll wear that perfume you like." Crius reached his hand out for his wife pulling her to him.

Jake got to his feet, taking a step towards Rene, placing a hand briefly on her shoulder before moving for the door.

"Not if I wear that lingerie he likes me in," Nik joked shocking Starbuck as Nik winked at him. Like an apparition, Starbuck caught a glimpse of the charismatic young man Rene had described, and then it was gone, his face back to solemn and serious. "You'll have to convince Dara. She served on the Zakar before the destruction. She didn't like it then. She really didn't like it after."

"Apollo's in charge. He's not like that. If he was, his sister would have killed him by now," Starbuck replied.

Nik cocked a finger at him giving him an evil grin, "Same sister you dated, right?" Then he chuckled, "Enjoy your fighting." He followed Boomer, Max, Crius, Lizbet and Jake out the door.

The door closed and he couldn't believe it, but they were finally alone. Starbuck wanted to pick up where they had left off, but the twists and turns of the last few centaurs also left him with the desire to ask Rene a few more questions.

"Do you think it's a good idea? The Zakar I mean."

The light in her eyes faded just a little before she shook her head, "No, but you do and I…" she paused and the golden flecks in her eyes glowed bright for a moment, almost pulsing like the star around Kobol, "I trust you."

The breath caught in his chest, his heart feeling twice the size and getting in the way of breathing.

"Good enough?" she asked and it deflated his heart enough for the air to escape.

"What do you want? I'm serious, what do you want? I'll make it happen."

A soft smile tugged at her lips and he wanted to desperately to kiss them, to hades with her answer. Whatever it was she wanted, to stay on the Galactica and fight to keep the council chambers or fly off to any world she could reach, he'd find a way. Her soft words took him by surprise.

"Earth and you."

It was what he wanted to hear, he knew that. It was her specialty, just making him think he was having his way while she did what she wanted under the scanner. But the glow of a new dawn shining in her eyes seemed sincere and made him believe her even against the voice of his better judgement that told him maybe she was just playing him for a fool.

Shut up," he mumbled to the voice as he reached for Rene again. "I have been a fool for lesser things," he thought as she welcomed him in behind her walls.

He moved their discussion to their bed where he was more confident about what he wanted to know and how best he could read her answers. After their conversation under the covers where the only questions he asked were, "Is that what you want or do you want more?" and her only answers were "Yes," he fell asleep hard.

It had been a tumultuous couple of days and his waning energy let him know that his body was still recovering. His hands weren't as numb as before, but the ache in his back sapped his strength. He'd felt a moment of remorse when he announced he was bone tired, but the regret was brief as sleep stole him away. He vaguely remembered Rene curling up on his chest, before he passed out.

The chime to the quarters rudely woke him, ringing incessantly. He was fumbling for the chrono on the end table thinking at first it was Rene's alarm, but he sensed they had not been asleep for long.

"I've got it Starbuck," Rene said as she crawled over him, pulling on a robe she had tossed on the floor near the end table. She answered the door to find Dara there with Kalea and Kiff.

"He had a nightmare and I can't get him to calm down. He insisted that she come with him," Dara explained as he handed a sleepy Kalea to her as Kiff began talking fast.

"It was a big bear and he was scratching at the door and then he was biting me and his hair was white and he was big and…"

"Okay Kiff, okay. Give me a centon to get Kalea to bed. Thanks Dara."

Starbuck was about to ask if she needed some help, but she came over to the bed, handing him a sleepy bundle of blonde curls.

"Stahbuck," Kalea mumbled as she nestled into his chest and he breathed in the fresh scent of her wondering if all little girls smelled as sweet. It only took a centon before she was fast asleep. He wrapped his arms around her protectively as he watched Rene head for the turbo guiding Kiff, then returned to the main room, but instead of coming back to bed, she settled on the sofa with the boy in her arms. Kiff was talking fast, still telling her about his dream of a bear that as the boy continued, Starbuck recognized the bear in his nightmare resembled Dante before it turned into Adama.

"Shhh," Rene cooed to the boy as he began to work himself up as he retold his dream. "It's really late Kiff. Mama needs sleep. There are no bears on the Galactica."

"When can we go back outside?"

The boy's innocent question tugged at Starbuck's heart and made him wonder when the last time was that any of the children of the fleet had seen sunshine and soil.

"Soon baby," Rene lied to the child.

"I want to go home," the boy rubbed at his eyes.

"We are home baby."

Starbuck sighed at the words as Rene lied to the child again. He shifted so he could look to her and Kiff, watching as she sleepily rocked the boy.

"Mama Rene?"

"Hmm," she answered.

"When the baby in your tummy comes out, Starbuck is its daddy, right?"

"That's right."

"But the baby doesn't have to share," Kiff whined, "Starbuck is its only daddy and I have to share my daddy with Kalea and Zac shares his daddy with Neri and Daniel. It's not fair that the baby gets a daddy to himself."

"Starbuck is Leia's daddy, remember?" Rene said then yawned.

"Not really," Kiff persisted, "Uncle Ari is her daddy and she didn't have to share."

Rene's tired sigh almost drew Starbuck from the bed. He began to fumble for the chrono, but her voice stayed his hand, "Well it won't be for long and then the baby will have to share."

"Why?" It was a common lament from Kiff and Starbuck found he was just as curious as the child to know the answer.

"Because I'm sure there will be another baby, and maybe more."

"Why?" Kiff asked again.

"Because that's what people who love each other do when they are sealed."

"Oh, then the baby has to share like everyone else," Kiff said finally yawning.

Rene yawned again, "That's right, everyone has to share. Starbuck has to share you and Kalea with daddy Jake."

"Oh," Kiff accepted the explanation, finally settling down to sleep.

Starbuck sighed. He and Kiff did have much in common. Neither enjoyed sharing, but it seemed to be a reality of their situation. He looked to Rene and her son, seeing that both had drifted off. He considered moving them to the bed, but he didn't want either to wake. He carefully shifted Kalea so he could crawl from the bed, grabbing a blanket and draping it over Rene and her son, before placing a soft kiss on his wife's brow.

More. She had said there would be more. He crawled back into bed, careful not to wake Kalea, as he settled down to dream of a future with more. He found himself praying, something he had surprisingly found himself doing since Caprica, only this time it wasn't the fevered desperate prayers begging for salvation from the enemy or the ruinous planet. Instead, he prayed that someday soon, his child would walk on the soil of earth.

The start of the cycle came far too soon, Rene's chrono beeping more incessantly than the door chime in the middle of the night. He was surprised when Rene came over to the end table shutting off the alarm. She had a java mug in her hand half full and was dressed for the day.

"Did I oversleep?" he asked, scrubbing at his face wondering how bad his headache was going to be today.

"No, I couldn't sleep. No point fighting it."

He opened his mouth to chastise her, but she held up a hand forestalling his words. "I don't have much I have to do today. I have the IFB busy getting the things we need for the sealing. Once I get the kids off I'll call out sick and snag a nap."

"I'm not leaving you alone, remember?" he said crawling from the bed, and stretching, not liking the old man sound of joints cracking. He stifled the groan that would really age him.

"Then you'd better get moving. I can't deal with you and with Kiff." She stretched up to give him a soft kiss to let him know she was just teasing. Neither of them was morning people, at least one thing they had in common.

She started to move away, but he reached for her pulling her into his arms hugging her, liking the feeling of having her close.

"Thank you," he whispered.

"For what?" she asked before turning her head to kiss his chest.

"Not shooting down my idea to move to the Zakar and not shooting me."

"You took my weapon, remember?" she teased, "and you had stunned yourself with all the ambrosia. Didn't seem fair to wound you more."

"You were the one buying. I blame you." He pulled back checking the weather in her eyes. She looked tired, but while the skies were a little dark, they were still calm with the promise of sunshine.

"I only bought two rounds, one at the beginning and one at the end. I have no idea who got you the dozen or so in between."

"Huh," he pulled away looking for and finding the truth in her eyes.

"You might want to head for the turbo before I wake Kiff. He's going to be grumpy and loud," Rene warned him.

Starbuck nodded, appreciating that she understood he couldn't handle the harsh decibels of the children today. He planted a kiss on her head before heading for the turbo. He had just assumed it was Rene who paid for all the drinks, now he had to wonder. The bright lights of the turbo had him wincing and he debated washing in the dark. Instead he reached for the cabinet knowing there were pain meds in there. He popped two, then felt the twinge in his back and took a survey of the bruises and marks still bold against his pale skin. He opted for two more pills.

He climbed into the turbo knowing that he wouldn't be leaving Rene alone today, even if that meant he had to deal with the IFB. Once this circus of a sealing was over, he'd be moving them to the Zakar right away and banning all reporters from setting foot on the battle cruiser.

He dressed wondering if he should put on his jumpsuit just in case today had as many high G turns as yesterday. He opted for it, if nothing else to feel like just maybe he might be able to take a flight and clear his head. That would mean leaving Rene alone and he wondered if he could actually lock Rene in the brig for the day. Might not be a bad idea, he thought. At least she'd get some sleep and the IFB couldn't get at her. Of course, he'd have to watch his back. Guaranteed Rene or one of the Rats would shoot him eventually. He'd have to disarm all of the Copper squadron or maybe just lock them all up.

"Come to think of it, the brig was pretty spacious when I was there, and for the most part unoccupied. A complete waste of space. Take off the clear doors that lock you in, add ones to lock people out." He chuckled at the irony of he and the Rats turning the brig into their own personal living quarters.


	88. Chapter 88

Getting Kiff up and ready had been a battle that Starbuck wasn't volunteering to help with unless you counted asking the kid to keep it down and threatening to take away his rock. He felt bad about that one as the kid looked at him deeply wounded by the betrayal. Both he and Rene were worn out by the time they dropped Kiff off at the child care center.

"We need to pay them better," he said to Rene, an off the cuff comment but still the truth nonetheless. Rene's response was the first good argument offered that moving to the Zakar maybe wouldn't be such a great idea.

"There isn't a child care center on the Zakar. Are we going to make one?"

"How did you guys manage? What did you do with the kids if you were all on duty?" He knew Dante had been a boray, but he at least seemed to want the children to live and survive to build his little kingdom he could rule.

"Had to shift and trade duties to make sure we weren't all on at the same time. And we had less kids then, just Kiff and Daniel and Calliope."

Starbuck's steps faltered as he put the kids in order, realizing that Rene was the first of the gutter snipe girls to have a child, quickly doing the math, not thinking as he muttered, "You were only eighteen."

At eighteen, he had just entered the academy, a raw recruit still wet behind the ears, but the streets did add some experience. He wasn't as naïve as the other recruits and he credited that with helping his rapid rise in the ranks despite only marginal grades and poor study habits. He spent most nights far from the library studying the female recruits rather than his textbooks. He knew girls he graduated secondary school with who had sealed young, but that was nowhere on his mission plans at the time, let alone having kids. He doubted it had been on Rene's mind either. She and Jake had been playing clubs and roaming the streets, planning to get somewhere with their music, but the destruction had changed a lot of plans.

"I was nineteen. Had just turned before Kiff was born," she answered.

Starbuck did the math again as Kiff had just turned four, he was very sure of that as they'd had a party for the kid and everything at least a sectar before. "Wait, you're only twenty one. When is your natal day?" The words popped out before he realized that it was something he probably should have known before sealing with her.

She shrugged as they turned the corner for the duty office. He waited for her to speak, but she didn't answer. He halted outside the door to the office turning towards her.

"It was here while you were on the Galactica? It's already gone by hasn't it and I missed it didn't I?" He winced as she shrugged again. "I'm sorry, I don't really have one so I don't think about it and…"

"It's okay," she cut him off. "We gave those up when we became pilots. Dante told us that pilots are reborn on the first day they launch. Some of us get to land and celebrate it the next yahren, some of us go on to a new life beyond this one. So we celebrate that day. It's coming up soon."

He nodded and shoved the wince down. It was close to the same speech his old flight instructor had given the class just before their first launch and over the yahrens Starbuck had found the man had been frighteningly accurate in his words of wisdom. At the time they had seemed cryptic ramblings of an old war daggit past his prime. How he wished he could speak with the man now, to ask for more prophecies or at the very least tell the man he was right and deserved more respect than Starbuck had given him at the time.

"How many sectons after you were on the Zakar did you train before that first launch?" He braced himself for the answer, but still caught himself cursing at her words.

"Three I think. The cycles kind of merged together then. We had stopped counting them."

It had been three yahrens before he'd even been allowed officially into a simulator. He'd snuck into one at least a dozen times before that, but it was close to four yahrens before he'd been allowed in a viper, and then it was just a routine launch, a leisurely flight around Caprica and back down to the ground. He didn't see combat for close to a yahren after graduating from the Academy, and he was just the mop up crew then, protecting his battlestar rather than engaging the enemy. The real combat that day was left to those who were more experienced and still some of his squadron didn't survive that exchange. It was six yahrens before he was among those first to launch and that was only because he had excelled in his trainings and simulator sessions.

"Three sectons," he repeated the words aloud while in his head he threw some gratitude to lady luck. Rene and her friends were lucky to survive that first launch which Starbuck knew from their stories was straight into combat. They had launched first, a volley thrown at the enemy as fodder to provide a distraction so the experienced pilots could make it out of the launch tubes in one piece.

She had faced all that, as well as the abusive horn daggits of the Zakar crew, a sadistic commander and trying to juggle duty with a baby. How did she do it? He was having a problem juggling a hangover and a stubborn toddler. He didn't have duty today, not really, nor was he expected to fly a patrol nor attend a training, and he was already plotting how with his aching back and pounding head he could just kick back as the officer on deck with his feet up telling other people what to do today. His day hadn't even started and he thought he was done in. How had she managed and stayed optimistic? Maybe that was too positive a word for Rene. No one on the Galactica would agree she was a hopeful individual, but she had survived and formed bonds, created a family, built a home, lost it and was rebuilding another one here in the fleet. If that wasn't optimism, he wasn't sure what would count as an example of the word.

"So you got older without telling me," he chided her.

She smiled at him. "Is that a problem, old man? Going to call off the sealing now that I'm not so young?"

The age difference between them had never been an issue for him, despite the fact that it bothered many of his friends. Now he had his evidence to present as to why it wasn't a concern for him. She had dealt with more than anyone her age should or would have to under the old Colonial system. She was now the age most pilots were upon graduation from the academy, and she was responsible for at least two lives, six if you counted the kids she had adopted. He couldn't even manage one toddler and a pair of shoes.

"I think you have a few more yahrens to go before you have to worry about me trading you in for a newer model," he teased.

"Who says you're the one who will be doing the upgrade for a newer model?" she teased back and he nodded at her smile.

"Good point, but by then I'll have a cane I can use to beat off the competition." The joking eased the tension in his shoulders, soothing the ache in his spine. He nodded to the duty office. "Think I'll just check in and then these old bones might need a nap."

"You cleared for flying yet?" she asked, reaching out a hand to stop him from turning away.

"Yeah, thought I'd take a patrol today just to make sure they haven't forgotten who's the best."

The smile fled her face as she looked away before she reached into her pocket digging out something, reaching for his hand.

"I need some help with something," she said as she placed something small in his hand. She had his attention. He didn't think she had ever said those words to him and had begun to suspect the word "help" wasn't in her vocabulary.

He opened his hand to see what it was she had placed there, a bit surprised to find it was a gold ring with a purple stone. He looked up to her in confusion. This ring was made for a woman, too small for his fingers.

"Keenan gave it to me and…" she paused and in a flash she looked many yahrens older than her twenty two. "I can't bring myself to get rid of it but it feels wrong to keep it."

He knew very little about the man she had been with on Dilmun, only that he had been a Colonial warrior from the Zakar and had died before they could be sealed. Crius had been the man's friend, but his wing mate had not spoken of him and Starbuck hadn't pushed to know anything. On Caprica and once or twice since when they were in the life center she had called him by the man's name, and still he hadn't asked about him. Maybe it was because he had his own past of messy relationships that he didn't want Rene to know about. He figured she deserved the same chance at redemption. He knew Keenan must have been a decent guy to have been taken in by the Rats, but that's all he knew.

"It's okay. You should keep it," he said putting the ring back into her hand, but she held onto his.

"No. You make it feel wrong to keep it. We never made it to a sealing and I thought I knew what love was then but you…" she paused again looking down for a moment before looking back up to him, "You proved I was wrong. Please, I need your help to get rid of it."

He couldn't deny her. He was going to have to learn how, but mere days before the public sealing was not the time for that lesson. He took the ring from her, already thinking of a plan for what to do with it. His wing mate would be the right person for the mission.

"Let's worry about it after the sealing, okay? Let's go check in and then we can check out and talk about it, okay?"

He nodded to the duty office door and he let her go through first. He nearly ran into her as her steps faltered. He was a bit shocked to find Apollo at his old desk and the old guy Peryton at Starbuck's usual chair beside the desk. Bojay was there as well and he suspected that was what had Rene's steps unsteady. She and Bojay had yet to really repair the damage done when she poisoned him in the triad match where she proved she could best him. Bojay had not really given her the chance having learned a different lesson: Rene saw no problem with treasonous acts.

This time Bojay had a smile upon his face as he directed it her way. Starbuck would have to take his friend aside and tell him that smiles were worse than sneers for Rene. She could sniff out fakery better than muffy did mushies.

"Hey Apollo, I thought you headed back to the Zakar?" Starbuck spoke first, hoping to forestall a confrontation by reminding Rene that Apollo was here and in command.

"Gage encouraged me to stay over since we had a command briefing this morning anyway, and then Peryton visited my father this morning. He had a request that I thought I might be able to help with."

"A request?" Starbuck looked to the man, noting that his gaze seemed clearer and he wasn't nearly as old and faded as he remembered the man being on Caprica.

"Not for you," the man said gruffly pointing to Jake who was leaning against the other desk. "For the punks who trashed my home and stole my Fabulon Four data discs."

"By the layer of dust, I'd say you weren't using them," Jake shot back but Starbuck thought he saw a hint of a grin on the young man's face.

"If you asked, I would have let you borrow them, but you didn't ask so I expect them back. But that's not my request." He turned to Rene. "I got your device hooked up. It makes something, but not what I would call a stable wormhole. I wanted to ask you some questions and maybe have you give me a demonstration of what you can do."

"No," Starbuck stated, but was cut off by Rene placing a hand on his arm as she asked in incredulity, "You got it to work? You've been playing with it?"

"You didn't think it would work, did you?" Peryton asked.

Rene looked around the room, her eyes wide looking nearly as scared as before they took on the Cylon slave camp. Starbuck stepped in to save the day.

"We are days away from a sealing, she's over four sectars pregnant and we are not having her fly until the baby is born. You actually think this is a good idea?" He looked at Apollo accusingly.

His friend held up his hands. "We are just asking questions, looking for some details. She was able to send others through when they got the fuel from Caprica. It doesn't have to be her that flies into the rift."

"I have to be there to get to where you are going," she interjected.

"That is what we want to find out today," Peryton said, "how you get from here to there as accurately as you do. I can create the rift. You are right, it is just focused energy, well negative energy actually. You took a huge risk when you did this the first time. You were turning energy back on itself. You could have just blown yourself to kingdom come in a very explosive fashion, did you know that? I suspect from what my son tells me of you barely making it out of secondary school, you don't know much about advanced quantum physics."

Rene's hand gripped Starbuck's arm hard as she blasted an icy glare at Bojay. He didn't back down from her anger, but he did drop the smile. "Am I wrong?"

She didn't answer Bojay, turning back to Peryton. "I'm self taught. It works."

"Yes, we are proof it does. My questions are all about the how? How did you learn this? How did you get it to work? How did you get back once you got there and how do you get there as accurately as you do? I hold advanced degrees, in fact, I wrote the course material for some of those, and I can't answer those questions, but you can."

He felt Rene ease up her grip at the compliment.

"So just talking," Starbuck asked Peryton before looking to Apollo.

"Yes, for now. Just talking, but I thought we could move this to the celestial dome. We do have something we want to try, but with a probe. I understand your concerns Starbuck," Apollo said, the words holding a deep significance now that they had both shared the same experience, watching the woman you love launch into battle. "Rene's boots on the Galactica, just like she promised you."

Starbuck looked at her and she nodded before saying softly, "I can fly until past seven sectars."

"Yeah, well you're not going to," he grumbled, "and not into that rift to wind up stuck again. Remember the mission that was supposed to take a centaur, because I do. The bruises haven't even faded yet."

"Just talking," Peryton assured them, "Let's go."

Apollo led the way, weaving them through the corridors until they were up to the dome. It was obvious by Bojay's astonished eyes as the shield peeled away that he had not been there before. Starbuck looked at Jake and saw the young man take the blossoming starfield in stride letting him know Rene had brought him here. The twinge of jealousy was a sharp pinprick to his heart before he brushed it aside with logic. She was sealed to him and Jake never showed his emotions. If the kid was surprised, he would suppress that so hard it would appear as nonchalance. He looked again to see the young man swiveling his head to take in the view before noticing Starbuck was staring at him. Maybe Jake hadn't been here before, after all.

Rene walked towards the transparent tylium, reaching her hands out like she usually did, as if trying to push through the thin shield and join the stars.

It was Apollo that asked the questions at first, and he wondered if he knew that Rene would be more truthful if she could be somewhere she felt safe.

"How did you learn how to do this?"

"In a dream," she said before turning to face them. The guarded look in her eyes had him taking the steps to be by her side for support.

"You're talking to people who saw a man in white and crystal ships. We dealt with Iblis too," Apollo said in an effort to get her to elaborate. Starbuck felt Rene take a deep breath that resembled a sigh.

"A guy in white with white hair showed up in my dreams several nights in a row. He told me how to make the device. He never gave me his name and he didn't tell me exactly what the device was for other than to say it was important. He didn't show it to me all at once, just pieces here and there. I made it but…" she shrugged and looked to Jake.

Starbuck wondered why Jake quickly averted his eyes. What did he have to do with the device and its use and why did he suddenly look so guilty?

Rene took another breath, looking up to Apollo before she continued. "I tried it, and it made the rift, but I didn't fly into it for at least four or five sectares. I didn't trust the dreams or myself. I had no idea what it would do, was pretty sure it wouldn't do anything actually. And the guy kept coming to me in dreams saying stupid felgercarb like 'I would know when it was time,' and 'I can only intervene so far.' I have no idea what he meant."

She paused, closed her eyes and shook her head, a move Starbuck had seen her do since Caprica, as if she was trying to jar loose memories she couldn't bring forward. While she was getting better, the stutter beginning to fade away, her recall wasn't what it should be and grew rapidly worse when she was tired. He was about to tell her it was okay, they didn't have to do this today, but Apollo's voice made him recoil.

"When was this and when did Iblis enter your life?"

Her eyes squinted and her nose crinkled like it did when she was angry with herself. "On the Zakar," she whispered. "When we found the Shiva." She shivered and Starbuck reached out a hand to her shoulder, squeezing it in comfort.

"Crius told us some of what happened. It's okay, you don't have to recount it." Starbuck directed his words up to Apollo. On a patrol, Crius had filled Starbuck in on the capitulation of the Shiva's Commander, the slaughter of the Colonels and Gage's surrender. The Rats had been part of the initial crew sent to secure the ship. They had courtside seats to the slaughter. It had made a lasting impression, suppressing any ideas of rebelling or overthrowing Dante.

Rene still didn't open her eyes as she answered, "On the Zakar. Iblis would show up like a …a ghost. He was there, but not. I thought I was seeing things. He would…" she shook her head again searching for the words.

"Apollo," Starbuck said low in warning, but his friend answered him with a grave face before prodding Rene.

"We have to know if Iblis is involved. What would he do Rene?"

Rene took a ragged breath, "He didn't talk to me at first, just stood there and …watched sometimes. No one else seemed to see him, and Dante ignored him so," Rene shrugged. "The other guy told me not to trust him. I didn't know who to believe."

"John hasn't lied to us yet, but Iblis has," Apollo interjected.

"Yeah, but he also fed the fleet and brought us Baltar," Starbuck said before quickly adding, "not saying I trust the guy, but he delivers sometimes and things were looking bleak for Rene and the family. I can see where Iblis might be a better alternative than starving to death or being used as fodder."

He couldn't help coming his wife's defense mostly because Crius had been pretty detailed with Starbuck as to the conditions on the Zakar after they had taken on refugees from Caprica, picked up numerous smaller military vessels, and a few of the stragglers who had not made it to the Colonial fleet. Every pilot was "hot racking", something Starbuck had only experienced once and vowed never again. While other ranks might have to resort to it more often, rank had its privileges. Pilots were officers and only had to hot rack in emergencies, when bunks were so scarce that you shared, when one man was on duty, the other man slept in your bunk. Crius said that every bed on the ship including the Life Station was utilized, and the refugees were relegated to floors and corridors. Turbowashes were every fifth cycle and food was down to a meal a day, two for pilots. They were desperate and the Rats were low on the priority list for anything. Added to all that, the crew was abusive and the Commander a sadist. Iblis would have felt like a blessing from the Lords compared to all that.

Apollo nodded. "I understand. But I think it matters a great deal where she learned how to do this. If Iblis is involved, we may want to rethink how and why she uses her ability."

He looked to his wife, and she crinkled her nose even harder.

"About that," Starbuck drawled like Crius, "let's just fly past that for now. We all get to drink the spoils of those forays, so maybe we shouldn't be judging?"

"This isn't about alcohol and fumarellos Starbuck, this is about us being able to find Earth. What do we want to find at the end of our journey?"

Starbuck nodded slowly, feeling the cold water begin to rise up again and threaten to pull him down. This is not what he needed today.

He looked to Rene and found her eyes upon him. "It was the guy in white who showed the device to me, but it was Iblis who told me which way to head the fleet to find Dilmun. Once we were there, I didn't listen to him much or the guy in white since they wouldn't answer any questions. They just kept arguing about sides and right or wrong, but I don't give a frak about that kind of felgercarb, besides, they're both old men."

She shrugged and Starbuck knew exactly what that gesture meant. Rene had no trust in old men and he couldn't blame her.

"But you trust me and I'm old," he couldn't resist using the joke from earlier in the day to cut through the tension. It worked as she cracked a smile.

"I'm crazy. Figured I was crazy and then too," she paused again as she turned back to the view of the stars. "Then I went too far and the guy in white just showed up, like in real life showed up like Iblis would do. I assumed it was a hallucination. I was half high and pretty drunk, anyway he said I could use it to get away. So I did."

She stopped speaking and Starbuck squeezed her shoulder. "What do you mean you went too far?"

She shivered under his hand before turning to him. "Keenan was gone, I lost his baby, they'd taken Kiff away and Jake," she shook her head not finishing the thought, instead shifting to another, "I just couldn't take anymore, so I hit back."

"Hit back?" Starbuck sought clarification, knowing she could defend herself if needed, but with Dante's lackeys, the repercussions could be deadly.

"Dante bleeds red for the record," she said as if that answered everything.

The breath froze in his lungs, and he found himself again thanking the Lords because he didn't think Dante would have allowed anyone to live that might have drawn blood on him. Rene must have survived due to intervention from the heavens. What kind of punishment did she receive for the transgression? It was an even larger mystery in his mind than where she learned of her powers.

He didn't get to ask as she blazed forward. "So I had nothing to lose. I got out of the brig, grabbed a viper and activated the device. The rift formed and I went through. To where, I don't know. Nothing looked familiar. It wasn't Caprica or Kobol. I didn't pick up any signals or signs of civilization. The planets were just big gas giants, the moons either ice balls or covered in volcanoes. Nowhere to really land, nowhere to stay. Lord knows I tried. I didn't know how I got there or anything and the old guys weren't answering. My options were few and fuel was running low so I did it again, only this time just prayed to get back to Dilmun and it worked. I got back to the system and found one of our own planets to hide out for a few cycles until I ran out of food."

"And then you went back?" Starbuck asked wishing like hades he could go back in time, reach Dilmun sooner, no scratch that, land on Caprica, rescue all the Rats before they faced cylon imprisonment.

She nodded. "I didn't try it again for a long time. Thought I got lucky and then," she paused again and it was Jake that answered.

"Agenor almost killed her."

She nodded. "Then I used it a lot trying to find somewhere for us to go."

Peryton interrupted her story. "Could you only go places you had gone before?"

She turned to him, shaking her head. "No, but for some reason only coordinates the Zakar had been, but that might be because there were star maps of those places."

"So what do you do to get to where you are going? Put the coordinates in?" Apollo asked.

"Yeah, then wish."

Peryton interrupted her almost angry at her words. "No, none of that wishing felgercarb. Tell me exactly what you do. In order. Step by step."

She sucked in a breath puffing her cheeks before releasing it slowly. "I put in the coordinates, activate the device, fire my guns and then fly through. That's it. But you should know it doesn't work all the time. Sometimes it drops me close, but not quite there and other times it doesn't work at all. It's more accurate when I really need it to be. Like the guy in white said, I'll know when I need to use it, which kind of means to stop playing around with it."

"I don't think you really needed to go to Caprica," Starbuck said softly that earned him a shrug for a reply.

Peryton grunted like he could care less what a guy in white said. "What I can't figure out is why the coordinates don't work for us."

"What do you mean," Starbuck asked, still keeping his eyes on Rene, watching the storm of emotions about her past rage in them, lightning and thunder flashing just below the surface of blue.

Peryton answered, "We have opened the rift, and sent probes through to coordinates here in the fleet. None of the probes have made it. Some just fly through the anomaly like it isn't there. Others go in, but we don't find them again."

"No one else has been able to get it to work. Just me. Where did you send the probes? To ships or just out there?" Rene indicated the stars with a nod of her head before turning away from Starbuck to Peryton.

"Flight deck to flight deck, or just before the flight deck."

"Now who doesn't understand physics? You maybe?" Rene taunted.

"Explain," was the only answer Peryton chose to give her statement.

"An object in motion, stays in motion. The place you are sending the probes changes coordinates every micron. You probably just sent them into bulkheads." Rene said.

"Then they should be there."

Rene shrugged. "I guess, but they're not, right? The rift wouldn't let me go anywhere that was dangerous. It would bounce me back or close, but not there or…I don't know why. Mass is part of the equation."

"We tried other coordinates. Doesn't work. Apparently, your wishing is the key, and I want to know why," Peryton said angrily.


	89. Chapter 89

Apollo stepped down from the dais, putting a hand on Peryton's shoulder, a reminder that Rene didn't respond well to clipped commands. In his other hand were the controls to a drone, which he maneuvered to right on top of the celestial dome. It circled above them as he handed the remote to Rene.

"We can open the rift. Would like you to try?" He handed Rene the controls to a probe and a data pad. "Here are our coordinates, roughly. This is where we are going. Can you put the probe in front of us?"

"I have no idea. Can't hurt to try. Where do you want it to go?"

Peryton answered her in a calmer tone. "We think you should decide at this point. How accurate can you be?"

She looked up to Starbuck, a wicked grin reflected in her eyes.

Starbuck spoke up. "Sir, don't challenge my wife. She has taught me a few things."

Peryton chuckled and Starbuck felt Rene relax under his hand. "Son, you haven't been married long. The learning has just begun, but you might actually do okay if you've figured out she's smarter than you."

The words softened the wickedness of her grin as she winked at him. "Let's find out what I can do with my boots on the Galactica. Maybe tomorrow in a viper?"

"This is as close as you are getting to the stars for now," he answered somehow understanding she was actually looking for his permission to give this a go. "Okay, how do we get that rift to open without Rene in a viper?"

Apollo picked up a communicator from the dais. "Giles, we're ready when you are." A viper sped over the dome and opened fire into empty space. The rift appeared, a jagged rainbow of colors, like a split in the black fabric of the sky around them, only as large as a doorway to a corridor. Rene entered coordinates into the controls for the drone and sent it towards the rainbow. The colors rippled and the drone seemed to fly through it like a mist, trailing greens and blues, but the drone was still visible above them as the seam in space slowly faded. It hadn't gone through.

"It opened. We can get that to happen, but nothing works like it should," Peryton grumbled, reaching for the controls to the drone. He guided it back to the above the dome. "It should have gone through at least. Maybe we wouldn't be able to retrieve it, but it should have gone somewhere. Nothing works like it should."

"Not much of life does," Jake shot back.

"This isn't life boy, it's physics. It has rules and parameters. It's numbers that add up," Peryton grumbled again.

Apollo shared a look with Starbuck as he shook his head. He couldn't believe he was going to have to be the one to try to get his friend to trust in mystical powers. This was really Adama's realm. Apollo hadn't bought the whole story about Iblis shooting lightning that killed him, and then the ship of lights had brought him back to life. His friend thought maybe he and Sheba hadn't looked hard enough for his pulse, that he'd must have just been unconscious. But Starbuck had carried the man's body, felt it cool in his arms. Live bodies didn't do that.

But then later that evening at dinner, when the coordinates for Earth were just magically there in his head, they had all begun to accept that just maybe science couldn't explain everything. Starbuck wasn't sure himself how he felt about all of it. Much like Peryton, he wanted to write it all off as something scientific that they just didn't understand. There were beings in the universe that were superior too, so maybe some beings were superior to humans. That's what the beings on the crystal ship had told him anyway, stuff about other realms and dimensions. He could believe in that more readily than gods, but he couldn't deny that luck fell out of that realm of explanation. Sometimes. The right odds didn't mean you necessarily won, and sometimes you won despite the astronomical odds against you.

Starbuck understood why his friend couldn't wait until the baby was born to test Rene's abilities. He wanted to test the odds, see where luck might be on their side. He was starting to consider that maybe, just maybe, those coordinates actually led somewhere they were destined to be. But did that have to put their baby's life at risk?

He saw the question in his old wing mate's eyes, would he be willing to let Rene in a viper and let her try to show them how her powers worked? Technically she could fly, and they didn't have to send a viper out a launch tube, they could do a slow take off from some of the other ships where the gravity field and the shields weren't as strong. And if he was with her, full supply packs along just in case something went wrong, headed to coordinates they knew should probably be free of cylons, he might agree. Maybe…but they could wait until the baby was born. They weren't desperate yet, but he sure would like his kid to take his first steps on a planet.

He nodded to Apollo, was about to speak, but his friend held up a hand forestalling his words. Apollo reached behind him to pick up another data pad from the dais. "We could try one of the laser turrets from the Galactica."

"Not sure why. It should work no matter who opens up the wormhole," Peryton provided. We've opened the wormhole before."

"You didn't say 'please'. The lords like it when you are polite," Rene quipped before addressing Apollo. "I get to fire the Galactica's turrets? You built a device that works on something that big? Oh frak, yeah I'm in!" Rene reached for the datapad as Peryton admonished her.

"Watch your language, lass!"

"Frak frak frak frak frak…word just flows don't it? One of the few I can say. You want my help with this or not?"

Starbuck squeezed her shoulder hard. "Rene, you have the upper hand here, no need to gloat."

"She's always been a bad winner," Jake added.

"Knock it off, all of you. The Colonel just handed me the lasers to the Galactica, and my trigger finger is itchy. I've been known to shoot my friends," Rene joked, but Starbuck could feel the shiver in her shoulder. Was it in anticipation or fear?

"One turret, aimed away from the fleet. Don't get too carried away," Apollo cautioned her.

"So I need to put in the coordinates," Rene looked at the data pad and Apollo stepped forward to show her how it worked. "Okay, got it. Not sure if this works remotely, but what have we got to lose. Where do we want it and how many drones do I get to play with?"

"Three, so don't go too wild," Apollo answered.

Rene turned back to Starbuck and grinned. "Okay, here we go. You fly the drone, same coordinates are entered, and I'll fire on three. One, two, three."

She pressed a button on the remote and one of Galactica's laser turrets fired. The rift appeared but far larger than Starbuck had seen it before. The greens, blues and yellows burned into his eyes, rippling and strobing. It was like the black fabric of space had ripped open and light was trying to claw its way out. The rift in space was as wide as the Galactica.

"Whoa." It was Jake who could find words while the rest were stunned into silence.

"Apollo?" Rene reached for the controls to the drone while Apollo watched the rift mesmerized at the sheer size. Rene worked the controls, a slight muttering under her breath, the words too low for Starbuck to make out as she flew the drone into the rift. She punched the pad again, and the rip in the heavens closed, looking like the black of space folded in upon itself. The colors danced for a moment longer, an after image that faded like a fog.

"Tell Giles to fetch, right about here," Rene showed Apollo the coordinates on the control panel.

Apollo communicated the coordinates to Giles and the viper hit the turbos. They didn't have to wait for long before Giles' voice came over the communicator, "I'm there, no sign of it…wait…there it is."

"It makes no sense," Peryton stated again shaking his head. "Have him retrieve it and we will go through the data. It makes no sense."

"We have two more?" Rene asked looking up to Apollo. "Are they covered in Colonial markings?"

"Yes and yes," Apollo reached over, tapping her data pad and the drones flew to right above the dome, circling in tandem.

Rene looked up at them before meeting Starbuck's eyes. Something dangerous glinted in her eyes, like a wink of a polished steel blade. He wanted to know what she was thinking, but he didn't get a chance to ask as she opened the rift again, the laser salvo from the Galactica lighting up the starfield before the explosion of greens and blues shimmered. She quickly flew the drone into the rift. This time when the jagged rip in the sky closed, the colors slammed into each other, a sudden spray of red and orange flames, a supernova that burned into their eyes. Everyone in the dome instinctually ducked down as the light show bathed the dome.

"Holy frak!" Bojay cursed loudly and Starbuck found himself muttering the words as well as he watched the flames flicker and die out as if blown by a giant breath.

Rene dropped both of the controls to the floor, her hands shaking as the tremor ran up her arms, and she shuddered.

"I'm done."

"We have another drone," Peryton said, not seeming to be phased by the vibrant display.

Rene shook her head violently no. To Starbuck it almost looked like a seizure rather than an answer to the man.

"Where did you send the drone to," Apollo asked, picking up the communicator to let Giles know where to retrieve the second one.

Rene's eyes remained on the star field before them as she slowly answered, "He won't find it."

"Why not?" Peryton asked warily as Rene shifted her eyes back to Starbuck.

"Rene?" He had to say her name again before she would answer him.

"Not everyone made it off Dilmun. They should know we're coming back."

"Dammit, Rene," Starbuck cursed, his shoulders dropping in defeat, "all you did was tell the enemy we're coming. Now they can prepare for us and you could have revealed our current position."

Rene didn't blink as she answered, "They already know Starbuck. I couldn't hold that information back. They yanked it from my head."

He tossed his hands up in frustration. "Well you didn't have to tell them twice! And you want to know why we aren't going to let you fly? Are you on the cylon's side now?"

"Shut up, brother!" Jake shouted, taking a step forward, hands clenched.

Apollo put his hands out, blocking Jake from coming at Starbuck, but it was to his old wing mate that he directed his words. "Everyone calm down. It's just a drone. The only information they are going to get is that a colonial vessel is around Dilmun, which is already known. What's going on, Starbuck?"

"Me?" He sarcastically pointed to Rene and then Jake. "I'm the problem here? She just about killed us all with that rift and shot a drone at Dilmun and he…he…" he halted at the reproachful glare Apollo gave him.

"He's not sleeping well," Rene said before reaching down for the remotes to the drone and the laser turret, handing them to Apollo.

"And you would know because you're not sleeping at all," Starbuck snapped back.

Rene didn't reply, turning to Peryton instead. "You have enough data to deal with from the one drone. It's never done that before, explode I mean. It just…"

"How many times have you used it? You always use a viper? I'm told that you used a raider, how was that different?" Peryton began to pepper her with questions, urgent to gain information as he seemed to understand that when Rene announced she was done, she meant the words. "Why do you think it did that? Too much power maybe? Sent the drone too far?"

"Dad," Bojay interjected taking the steps towards his father as Rene backed away from the man. "We're all tired. We don't have to find out all the answers today. That was…something. She may be right. We shouldn't be playing around with this."

"If we could get out in a viper, like she says she normally does this, we could know. She could give us a demonstration. I could go through with her and we could figure out how this works. It might be the one advantage we have over the Cylons. They are winning, son!"

"Alright, Dad, alright," Bojay took a step towards his father, reaching out a hand to his shoulder, "I heard this speech a thousand times before I graduated. Each viper was going to be the difference between our defeat and our winning, and it never was. You've always been like this Dad, single minded like a daggit with a bone. You tried to save us, Dad, I know that's why you worked so hard, but I don't think…"

Peryton spun away from Rene and towards Bojay, "You joining the Colonial Service wasn't the answer either! You should have gone off to study astrophysics like I told you, but you never listened with the music buds in your ears and your eyes on the sky. Together we could have made a difference, designed more, made more. Your mother always blamed me for you going to the Colonial Academy, but I told you not to. When you were lost at Molecay, it nearly killed her!"

"I wasn't smart enough for that and I couldn't spend my life in your hangar, Dad!" Bojay shouted back before taking a breath and calming down. "That wasn't going to help us win. Mom was right, you loved those vipers more than all of us. You made me love them too, isn't that what you wanted? I've never understood why that was such a bad thing. We always had that in common." Bojay kept a hand on his father, a worried scowl on his face.

"Tossing yourself at the enemy wasn't going to help us win this war. Better armaments, faster ships, that would have made the difference. I tried to warn them, but those old fools wouldn't listen. Now some young fool has the answer to our survival, and you expect me to not want to figure out how we can use it? I lost our worlds, but I could still save our civilization." Peryton's eyes were clearer than they had been on Caprica, and now they glowed with unshed tears brimming. "We are running out of time, son."

"Dad, the doctor said if you go through the treatment, you could gain a lot of your sight back and maybe beat back the cancers. You have some yahrens left," Bojay said softly.

"It's not about me! See, you never listen. You have a child now. You understand what's at stake. You have to protect her and get her to where she can be safe. I failed you, but together, we can succeed and save her, save all of them."

"Dad, you didn't fail me," Bojay said softly, looking to Starbuck in exasperation, "We are trying to save everyone. I'm doing it the best way I know how. We have hit them back and spread them thin. Cain was winning at Gomorray. With the mines Commander Dante gave us, and the patterns they create, we could defend a world. We just have to find Earth, and then...

"Earth is a myth! Adama is following an ancient book written by uneducated fanatics. It has led everyone astray. But what she can do is the answer. We can go to another universe, find other galaxies. We can travel so far they will never find us!"

Starbuck understood the man's desire. It echoed his own, to get far enough away that they could rebuild and begin thinking about striking back. He wanted that not just for himself, but for all the inhabitants of the fleet. But was it worth the sacrifice of his own child? If they just waited a few more sectars, after the child was born, then they could begin testing what Rene could do to shorten their journey, maybe run recon patrols and gain some intel.

"Sir," Starbuck spoke up, but the old man shifted his argument and his ire to Rene.

"We have another drone and we can get more. It works for you remotely. You can show us how it does that and then you don't have to be involved anymore. That light show was nothing, energy colliding, and if you knew more you would understand that, gal. You've been toying with things you shouldn't, but I know what I'm doing, always have. This could save us all, lass. You want to talk about prophets and prophecies and all that felgercarb, fine, just fine. I'm your prophet. You found me for a reason!"

The man's words reverberated in the small dome. Starbuck was startled when Rene took the step back bumping into him in the close confines of the dome. She looked up to him, an apology clear in her wide eyes for so much more than her clumsiness. He placed his hands on her shoulders offering some comfort. An old man yelling at her was not what Rene needed today or any day. She knew what was at stake better than anyone after her experiences in Cylon captivity. He nodded down to Rene, letting her know he'd take care of this.

"Sir," he started, but it was Jake that was able to get the man's attention.

"Okay, cool it, old codger before you give yourself a coronary. She didn't say she wasn't going to answer your questions. You have to ask nicely, remember? Manners? Your mama taught you some, didn't she?"

"Better than yours, punk," Peryton replied, but Jake's words seemed to have simmered down the old man. "We want to win this don't we?" he huffed.

Jake leaned back against the railing crossing his arms. "Are we talking about winning now? I thought we were just trying to get to Earth?"

"We are trying to save your sorry astrums punk! All of yours and she can do that. Give her a viper and let her take me through. That will give me the data I need to figure out how this works, to rework that device and figure out the navigation. Just one trip should be enough. Let's go." Peryton turned as if the argument had been decided.

Bojay held up his hands, halting his father's progress, "Dad, I think you need to rest up some first. I just got you back, I don't want to lose you just yet," Bojay reasoned, as he gave first Apollo and then Starbuck an angry grimace.

"Sir, Bojay's right," Apollo said, taking the remotes and placing them back on the dais before surveying everyone. "None of us is up to speed yet. I agree with you, and that's why I thought we could try this today, to give you something to work with. The Cylons aren't winning today. We are free of them for now. We have time to study this."

Peryton spun on him. "Do we? You so sure of how much time you have left? How long did it take them to destroy our worlds with over twelve battlestars plus cruisers and destroyers? One day. One day! She has the answers even if she doesn't know she does!"

"We are trying to figure out what Rene can do and how she does it," Apollo answered him in an attempt to give the situation some perspective.

"She already knows what she can do and how she does it," Jake responded.

"That is true, Apollo," Starbuck joined the conversation. "She's delivered anything asked of her, even when she's not totally coherent. I don't think that's going to change in the future."

Apollo nodded before appraising her. "True. When we ask. But . . .she doesn't exactly readily volunteer information. I get the feeling there's a lot more going on in Rene's head than she's willing to tell us right now."

Starbuck squeezed her shoulders, another message that he had this. "And can you blame her? Insulting her and pressuring her? Gee, that inspires loyalty and willingness to share, don't you think?" He spread the sarcasm thick. "Why don't you just ask nicely? She's been busy since we got back, you know taking care of kids, shooting her friends, singing for the OC and planning a sealing."

Apollo lowered his head, nodding as he sighed. "You're right. I'm sorry. I was just hoping we could get some answers today . . . that we might be able to use her abilities to save our people." While it lacked Starbuck's sarcasm, it drove the point across just as effectively.

"We need to get real data, not wishes and wants," Peryton added. "With this ability, we could travel faster and farther than the Cylons. We could find this Earth, and begin rebuilding our civilization."

"I'm not the one who said we can't do that, sir." Rene slipped on her surliness that fit her better than the uniform she was wearing, before looking to Apollo. "You want me to take the whole fleet to Earth, then let's go. That rift was big enough I think, don't you?"

Apollo hesitated, the longing clear on his face, mixed with the apprehension and doubts. Starbuck watched the hope bloom in his friend's eyes, before it was tempered down by the reality of what he was suggesting. Rene read the emotions in Apollo's expression as well.

"See, now you know how it feels," she said sounding more compassionate than angry. "It's not that easy, is it? We don't know if it will work, or if Earth is the right place to go. What if the enemy is still there? What if there's something worse or we don't all make it? Now you know why I didn't use it until I had nothing left to lose. But we have a lot to lose now, don't we?"

Starbuck sucked in a deep breath as he squared his shoulders trying to carry the weight of the words. There was far too much to lose and what would they gain? Too many unknowns, the odds incalculable. They were free of the enemy for now and needed to be sure they had outrun them before they colonized another system, or they might wind up like Dilmun, pawns of the Cylon empire.

"That's why we wanted your help, gal, to gain some assurances," Peryton replied.

"But I can't offer any assurances," she looked up to Starbuck, her eyes pleading for his assistance. "You want to know why I don't sleep? That's why! I don't know what the frak I'm doing, and if I fail, do I bring everyone else down with me? I shouldn't have gone to Caprica, it was a huge risk, but I did."

She shifted her gaze back to Peryton. "I didn't go to find you, but I did. Maybe I found you for a reason, so you can figure this out, I don't know. But I can only tell you what I know. I can only show you what I've shown you."

Starbuck squeezed her shoulders again, leaning down to whisper to her, "Calm down, it's okay," as she shivered in his grip. He turned to Apollo using his friend's rank to remind him this was getting a bit out of hand. "Colonel, this lowly Lieutenant is thinking this might be above my pay grade. Shouldn't we be talking to the Commander about this?"

Apollo nodded. "She's right. I..I guess I've spent too much time around you Starbuck. I had hoped to blaze forward by the seat of my pants on this."

"Insulting me now? You think that's the way to go here?" Starbuck joked, "Rene, tell him no."

"You might be my husband but you don't get to tell me what to do," she teased softly before addressing Apollo. "I have always done what you have asked, but you are right, I'm not totally sure why they gave this to me and what I should be using it for. My dreams," she hesitated shaking her head, "they don't feel like pleasant prophecies. Peryton wants science and numbers, but this is…" she shook her head again not completing the sentence.

"Faith," Apollo finished for her.

Starbuck thought he could physically feel her eyes roll through her shoulders.

Rene sighed before adding her own surly sarcasm. "Sure, whatever you want to call it that makes you feel good."

"Ahh, there she is, the woman I know and love," Starbuck jibed.

"This isn't faith," Peryton grumbled again, "Its science, math, physics, something that can realistically predict outcomes, we just have to figure it out. A short viper ride, and we could have those answers."

"Starbuck," Jake said, giving the hint of a warning before he was going to do something if Starbuck didn't.

Starbuck shared a look with Bojay, who shook his head no.

Peryton persisted, "She doesn't have to go through, just open it up for me and my son and then…"

Starbuck held up his hand, halting the man's words. "Sir, this is where we agree to disagree and we table this discussion for another day, preferably one after a sealing or better yet, after a baby is born. She's told you what she knows and you've had your demonstration. After the sealing, then maybe we can try this again, but not today. Those who agree?"

"Aye," said Jake, followed by a soft, "Aye," from Rene.

"Nay," Peryton quickly retorted while Bojay sighed, "Dad, you have data to work with."

Starbuck looked to Apollo, nodding to his friend. "Are we going to all be reasonable about this or do I have to do something crazy like call your dad?"

Apollo shook his head. "I agree, but we would like to ask Rene a few more questions."

Rene looked up to Starbuck nodding in agreement, but he could see the weariness in her eyes and felt the tremor in her shoulders.

"No. Not today. I'm am utilizing my full rights as a husband, that whole obey clause in those vows I took. She's getting some much needed rest and relaxation."

"I was at that sealing, you didn't say the traditional vows," Apollo joked.

"Which is why I get to do it again in front of a lot more people and that's enough to deal with for now. After the sealing, then we'll talk. After the baby is born, then we'll see about the rest."

"She could save us all," Peryton argued, but his voice sounded tired.

"Iblis promised the same thing, but I'm not sure it was worth the price," Starbuck said looking to his friend who reluctantly nodded his agreement.


	90. Chapter 90

The old man had grumbled about wanting to know more, that all he wanted to do was ask questions, but Starbuck remained firm in his decision. Peryton's mood and Rene's authority issues would surely clash in a fireworks display as big as the explosion Rene had created with Galactica's laser turret.

As the others filed down the ladder from the dome, Rene hung back, putting distance between herself and Bojay and his father. Apollo tried to apologize to her again, but she had turned away from him to gaze at the stars before she mumbled to him that it was okay. When she turned away from the view, Starbuck couldn't read her expression, and that usually meant she was working on being upset. That was not what he needed with their upcoming move to the Zakar. He had hoped she'd begin to feel more comfortable around Apollo after Caprica. Maybe after the move things would change.

Bojay helped his father down the ladder with Apollo following uttering assurances to Peryton that they would continue the experiments after the sealing. Starbuck nodded his head at Jake to go down first, but the kid flashed a sign to Starbuck that he didn't know and then followed it with the sign for 'sorry' before he headed down.

Starbuck asked what the sign meant, but Rene just shook her head and donned the hearing protectors as she headed for the ladder. He wanted to hold her back to ask at least a few of the questions swirling in his head. Like so many times before, Rene just left him with more questions than answers, but instead he donned his hearing protectors as well and followed her down. He wanted the dome to remain a place of serenity for them, and besides, later in their quarters might be a better place to ask about her past. In the confines of their cozy quarters, she shared.

Once away from the main thrusters and the necessity for hearing protectors Peryton had started up again with his questions. He wasn't a dumb man, he kept them to yes and no answers, which Rene answered with a shrug, a shake of her head, or "I guess so."

Jake kept looking over his shoulder at Starbuck, asking the man to do something. Starbuck spoke up stating that Giles would be landing soon with the drone mostly to save the kid from the neck strain. It worked as the old man nearly sprinted down the corridor towards the landing bay. Bojay headed off after his father, as Apollo told him to stay in touch and let him know the results of the data.

Bojay waved and said, "Catch up to you at the send off tomorrow." He didn't have time to say more as his father disappeared down the corridor.

Once it was just the four of them outside of the duty office, Apollo reached out a hand to halt them from entering. "What's going on? You three seem as happy as Borellian Nomen on a blood trail."

Starbuck found himself shrugging right along with Rene and Jake.

"Oh no, that ends right here. You do not get to move to my ship if you guys keep that up. Words. We communicate in words, not shrugs and surly looks while flashing combat signs. You first, Starbuck. Why aren't you sleeping?"

He started to shrug, but Apollo's eye roll climbed up his aching spine. "We're just trying to recover. Tired and grumpy, that's all. And it's my ship. She gave it to me."

"Uh huh," Apollo turned to Rene, "Why is he not sleeping?"

He swore it was an evil glare she cast him first before she answered Apollo, as if angry that she had to answer to his friend, or was it that she was upset that Starbuck might not be taking all this in stride.

"I don't think he enjoyed his time with the Cylons. Apparently this time they didn't offer him a clean uniform and a hand of pyramid."

Apollo's features softened. "No they didn't." They were all quiet for a moment as the implications of Rene's explanation hung in the air. Apollo reached out hand to Starbuck's shoulder. He opened his mouth to speak when Jake interrupted.

"She shot me."

"You needed it," Rene replied and the two began to bicker back and forth.

Starbuck appreciated their attempt at a distraction, but his old friend ignored their sniping, keeping a firm steady hold on his shoulder, his eyes gazing too deeply into his own.

"I'm okay," Starbuck answered the probing look, realizing too late that anything other than a jibe or a joke would register for Apollo as a warning sign of trouble.

"Need to talk?" Apollo offered.

He found himself shrugging as he shook his head no. "Back still hurts. Has made me a bit short I guess."

"They have pain meds for that." Apollo shot down his own attempt at a diversion.

"Trying to be a good role model." Starbuck nodded to Rene and Jake who had turned up the speed and volume of their argument.

"That can't be helping," Apollo said as he began to remove his hand and step towards the two to end their argument. Starbuck reached out grabbing Apollo's arm and his friend looked back, concerned at the touch.

"That believe it or not, is music to my ears," Starbuck explained. "She's talking and it drowns out the screams in my head. I couldn't do anything." He shivered and Apollo took the step back to him, but Starbuck halted his progress with a firm straight arm grip on his friend's. "I'm okay. Just a lot going on, that's all and what we need is rest. The enemy hasn't found us yet so I thought things would calm down, but then this sealing circus started up and . . ." He shrugged and his friend accepted it as an answer.

Apollo's eyes still searched his own as his friend offered up an apology. "I told my father the sealing wasn't a good idea. He is having problems with the Council of twelve. It seems they favored joining Dante and his compromise with the Cylons. That's what they actually called it, a compromise. It has been pointed out to them that they would essentially be slaves to the enemy, but some of the council members reasoned that it might be better than being a slave to the Colonial Service. They want my father to loosen the martial law. Dissension is growing amongst the populace and while we see the Dilmun warriors as a wonderful addition, the fear still remains that we don't have the resources to support the added population, as well as the many children being born. The push to settle is growing and we are close to Paradeen."

Starbuck heaved a sigh and rubbed at the back of his neck with his free hand. Apollo placed his hand on Starbuck's shoulder again. The corridor grew silent as Rene and Jake ceased their squabbling, focusing their attention on Starbuck.

"I didn't mean to add to your troubles," Apollo said casting an apologetic look to Rene before turning back to him. "I just thought you should know. The sealing is important, not just for the family."

Starbuck sighed again. "Paradeen isn't the answer. They can't protect us and we would just bring the enemy down on Michael and Sara, plus then we'd have a two front war with the Cylons and the Eastern Alliance," Starbuck said sighing again, "but I can see where the council might be upset. No one got to make the decision on Dilmun, but that's because Dante didn't want all of us. He just wanted some of us. None of the councilmen fit Dante's criteria."

Staruck left unsaid that he and Apollo were probably on the list of those Dante would not have invited to his world building party. Most likely they would have even been eliminated due to their loyalty to Adama. Maybe Starbuck could have been accepted, after a shearing of his long hair and trip to Dante's reeducation module that would probably include more pushups than he could manage with a flogging for fun. But Starbuck never would have stomached the abuses that were happening. He would have stood up to Dante at some point and had his life terminated, whether by an execution or some other means.

The realization had him shifting his gaze to Rene and the ring she had handed him earlier that day. He didn't need to ask what happened to her previous suitor. He knew why the man hadn't returned from what should have been a routine patrol. It was easier to blame the man's death on the enemy than to admit you executed an academy trained Colonial warrior who questioned the system.

Apollo began to speak, but Starbuck beat him to it. "It's okay. Yeah, we're dealing with a lot, but it's nothing we can't handle. Just need more rest and you may be right about the pain meds."

Apollo nodded. "So Boomer said everyone agreed to my idea, the Zakar I mean?"

Starbuck looked to Rene and Jake who were still quiet before he answered, "Yeah they did. Need to work out a few issues, but I think we can make this work."

"That's why I suggested it. I think together we can all cut our workload and share the burden." He turned to address Rene and Jake. "Like a family. I promise you will find it significantly better than the last time you served on the Zakar."

"Yeah, we know," Jake said adding belatedly, "Sir."

Apollo shook his head. "I told you on Caprica, you can drop that. Same goes for the Zakar. Over there, we're a team. You'll see. Speaking of which, I have to go relieve Gage. He took my place and there have been a few problems I need to resolve. Seems he and Pallus had a disagreement. Pallus is a problem. I can see why you wanted him off the Galactica."

"Is he going to be there when we come over?" Rene asked, casting a wary look to Starbuck.

"I am working on resolving that issue," Apollo answered vaguely. "I should go." He turned to head for the flight deck, when he turned back he said, "Starbuck, get some rest. I hear your send off is tomorrow and Blue Squadron have some surprises planned."

Starbuck groaned, but Apollo just grinned at him evilly before saying he'd see him tomorrow and walking away. It left the three of them in the corridor, none of them eager to move on to the tasks of the day, although Starbuck's to do list had shrunk considerably thanks to Apollo's intervention. Jake flashed a sign to Rene, the same one Starbuck didn't know.

"Don't tell him what I did. I have to go. Salik is starting me on a medic module. See ya at dinner."

Starbuck thought he already was a real medic, and wondered what more Jake might need to know and what he didn't want Starbuck to know. There was probably no point in asking. Rene might spill all of Starbuck's secrets, but she would keep Jake's. He went to check his chrono before he remembered he didn't have one and gently reached for hers checking to see it wasn't even midday. He looked up to his wife, taking note of the dark circles under her eyes.

"You okay?"

She nodded and he shook his head. "Words, like Apollo said."

"I'm okay. I want to show them how it works, I just…" She paused and shook her head. "He makes me n..n..nervous and I'm not sure I can give him the answers he w…wants. It has never done that b…before."

The return of the stutter settled the issue in his mind. They were calling out sick today and the IFB could go frak themselves.

"Yeah, that was…intense. I think maybe we both could use some rest. Maybe talk a little? Or not." He said catching her wary look. "I'm going to check in and then we can check out." He started to head towards the duty office door, but Rene turned taking a step away. "Whoa there, pretty lady." He reached out a hand grabbing her wrist, worried that she would disappear. "Stay with me."

She didn't agree, just passively allowed him to drag her into the duty office where he found Crius getting ready for the patrol Starbuck wouldn't be taking today. His wing mate didn't question his excuse for skipping out, only commented that it was about time he used the privilege of the gold clusters. "Sealing in a few cycles, I wouldn't have let you fly anyway. Get some rest, polish up the medals. You asked Jake yet?"

Rene gave him a look.

"I've been meaning to ask him to stand in with me since he's my brother now and all," Starbuck explained.

It was the first smile he'd seen that day from Rene, the first he'd seen in a couple of cycles, or maybe longer. It was time he did something about that. He wished Crius and Jolly a good flight, and headed out of the duty office, shifting his grip to her hand and pulled her down the corridor. When he bypassed the turn for their quarters, she asked where they were headed.

"I need my own kind of therapy," he answered.

"And if the simulators are full?" she asked knowing full well that his version of fun was either gambling, triad or shooting cylons. He wasn't up for the triad and a little early in the morning for pyramid, but it was always a good time for blasting raiders even if they were imaginary.

He reached up and took a swipe at his insignia. "Rank has its privileges. Besides, the cadets are usually in classes in the mornings."

He was right, the simulators were open. He probably should have been a gentleman and helped Rene up into her own simulator, but he was too focused on his own need at the moment, climbing into the mock cockpit and powering it up. The displays showed Rene had managed to do the same without his help. The two vipers met in the digital heavens and ran through the paces of the most difficult simulations successfully for at least a centaur before one of them missed a move, and were taken down. He was the first to be eliminated and that seemed to ease something inside him. She could hold her own in the sky, even when she was tired and her mind not all there. He fired up the simulator again, and they made it another fifteen centons until he noticed the pinwheel attack aimed for Rene. He violently shut down the simulation before her viper took the first salvo. He tried to swallow down the emotions that had burst forth, but it left him gasping for breath as the blood pounded in his ears. He felt the mock cockpit shift as Rene hopped up on the nose of the viper. He wiped at his eyes before lifting up his head to meet her gaze, but she wasn't looking at him. She was staring intently at the gray wall of the small room. He assumed she was giving him time to get it together, but it was when she wiped at her own eyes that he realized she was waiting for herself to be able to speak.

He said her name softly, and she turned to him holding up her hand to stop him from speaking. He nodded, letting her talk first.

"I know you want me to quit the service. I can't do that, not here. Maybe if we were on Earth or when we get free of the Cylons. For now, I'll agree to not fly when I'm carrying your children, but I won't quit the service."

He winced as he wondered how she read his mind so accurately. "You could go into a technician position or bridge crew, or maybe…"

She slid down from the nose of the simulator. He shouted at her, "You don't even like being a warrior!"

She turned to look at him flashing the unknown sign before she turned away to leave the room.

"Wait!" he hopped out of the simulator, groaning as his back ached from even the short time in a well cushioned cockpit. "Wait, what does that mean. No one has told me what that means."

"You know what it means," she said beginning to head down the corridor. He caught up to her grabbing her arm, spinning her around.

"No, I don't. What does it mean?"

She held up the sign for I, then shifted to the L and then to a U, before she put it together and it was suddenly clear. "I love you."

"That's not how you use it," he couldn't help pointing out. "Not as an endearment. You and Jake, you flash it when you think the other is not going to return or you've done something wrong. What did you do wrong? You are not leaving me!" He found himself shouting as she started to turn away and he shifted his grip to her hand.

She turned back squeezing his hand hard. "I don't want to fight. Not today, not this secton or this sectar. In fact, it can wait until the baby is born, can't it? I already agreed to go the Zakar and I'm showing them what I can do. I'm helping Adama by going through with this p…public s..sealing and I'm following doc..doctor's orders. I can't fly anything, a viper or a shuttle and I haven't c..complained once about it or the p..p..processed air, or the walls, or the food, or you getting drunk or…or anything, have I? What…what more do you want?"

It was probably one of the most dangerous maneuvers of his life, but he pulled Rene into his arms, wrapping them tight around her. He was surprised that she didn't resist him, instead almost melting into his embrace. Her shoulders shook for a moment as he just held her, the tension fading as the tremor subsided.

He nuzzled into her neck, whispering, "Thank you."

"For what?" she asked, her voice muffled by his chest.

"Everything. This. Putting up with me."

She laughed lightly into his chest, "You are the least of my con…con..concerns right now. You're easy to fix."

"Oh, I am huh?" he said, knowing full well that Rene could manipulate him in so many ways, a kiss, a look, a night alone in their quarters. Did it count as coercion if he liked it?

"You worry too much you know," she said, looking up to him. "I can take care of myself when I need to."

He gazed into her eyes, reading the truth of it. But in her words was also the lie. He saw it superimposed over the brave face she tried to hold. But it was there, the terrified look she had cast him as she lay in the dirt and debris of a collapsed ridge as the enemy reached to pull her out. He shifted away, unable to bear that look knowing he had not been able to do anything about it.

"So what do you think will fix me?" he asked, a teasing lilt to his voice.

She didn't answer, and when a few cadets appeared down the hallway with Omega as their instructor, he was suddenly very conscious of the public corridor they were in.

"Let's get out of here," he said pulling away, taking her hand and guiding her away from the simulators. Again, they bypassed the turn for their quarters and he could feel the question in her tight hold on his hand. "Too many people know the code," he said as he steered her towards the council chambers and opened the door.

"I thought we could enjoy them while they are still ours, and no one will think to look here, at least not for a while," he said as he led her up to the viewport and the sight that helped him to breathe easier, the Zakar flanking the Galactica. He hadn't realized how much weight they had all carried before the Zakar and the Shiva joined the fleet. He wished they could have saved the destroyer. He could have slept easy for yahrens with that ship at his back.

"Wait here," he said reaching for her, planting a soft sweet kiss on her lips that she returned. "I think this is a good place to spend the day, don't you?"

She nodded and he headed to the food prep to get them some juice and dried fruit. He skipped the protein squares that most of the Copper squadron avoided, or tried to mask by mixing with other foods. He came back to find Rene gone from the chambers. He sighed, afraid that she had escaped to process the day's events alone.

"I should have held on tighter," he thought to himself as he sat on the steps where he'd married her in one of the most impulsive moves of his life. He was still debating if he should go track her down or let her be, when the door opened and she came in, her arms full of pillows and blankets from their quarters.

He felt the fist squeezing his lungs ease up. "Good idea," he said smiling as she made a nest for the two of them.

He came over and she handed him two pain meds. "How's your back?"

"It's fine," he said, but he took the pills from her swallowing them down with some juice.

"So stretch out and let me see what I can do about that," she said rubbing her hands together.

"I said I'm fine," but he did as she asked, laying down on the floor in front of the viewport. She untucked his tunic and slid her warm hands up his back as he sighed at the sensation. She started slow, and he only protested one more time, telling her she should be resting, but she shushed him and began to let her fingers and hands do their work, her touch soothing to his tight muscles.

"So the sealing is a couple of days away?" he asked, trying not to moan as her hands worked at the muscles that were tighter than they should be after a week in the life center.

"Day after your send off, but in the evening so you can sleep off your hangover," she said as she added more pressure to her touch. He couldn't suppress the groan as she hit the spot that hurt the most, in between his shoulder blades where Salik and Paye had pulled out the cylon technology.

"Too much?" she whispered.

"You are always too much," he answered avoiding the real question. "So what do you think happened today with the rift?"

She sighed adding more pressure that drove all thoughts out of his head except her hands and the ache she was chasing away. "Just before the explosion, I heard voices, lots of voices, calling out. Nothing I could make out, just shouts like in outrage or anger…" Her hands became motionless for a moment, but before he could tell her it was okay, she began to knead his muscles again. "I felt that explosion, heard it when I shouldn't have. It sounded like applause and laughter, like it was mocking me. I don't know. Maybe I'm just tired."

"But it worked. You could take them through and we can show Peryton how it works, after the baby I mean," he added hastily, "then maybe we can take the whole fleet somewhere safe. Do you think you could do that, I mean without Iblis helping out?"

"I don't know," she replied, but her voice sounded introspective rather than doubtful. "And I'm not sure if the Commander would let me try. I'm not sure I would let me try. I couldn't live with myself if I lost a whole ship of people. And what if Earth isn't at those coordinates or if it isn't safe from the Cylons or we just bring them down on whoever is there? Could we go somewhere else, but where…"

"Hey," he said struggling to get up from the floor, finally able to prop himself up and pull her to him. "One problem at a time, remember. We're home and safe."

She wrapped her arms around him, and he rolled onto his back pulling her with him. He sighed as she relaxed on his chest. His back felt much better and they lay there quiet for a few moments gazing at the stars before Rene spoke.

"We're safe for now and on the Galactica," she echoed his words, with a slight twist. "Now you know why I'm not sleeping. So what's waking you up at night?"

He tried to take a deep breath, but panic gripped his lungs, making it hard to draw the air. Her screams were there in his ears. He couldn't block the sound, and didn't want to because then he'd be alone wondering if she was still alive.

Rene looked up to him concerned. "Starbuck?"

"It's okay," he croaked through a throat suddenly too tight as he wrapped his arms around her tighter.

"Hey handsome," she said reaching up a hand to stroke his face. "What's going on, pretty boy?"

"Nothing, just tired."

"Liar. Do I need to tell the doc?" she asked, trying to guide his face towards hers, but he wouldn't meet her eyes.

"Sure why not, you already told Apollo. I keep your secrets," he groused.

"It's Apollo. He already knew."

He could feel her gaze still on him but he still couldn't look at her, angry for some unknown reason.

"Didn't mean you had to tell him."

She sighed heavily. "Starbuck, you two are so close you don't even need a secret code. He already knows something's going on. I wish he would tell me since you won't." Her hand stroked his face before reaching up to rustle his hair. He resisted the urge to shake his head at the touch.

He thought for a moment wondering how to explain to her that he was fine, the dreams would fade soon. They were nothing compared to the night terrors that drove Rene back to Caprica. This was nowhere near the same and he didn't feel like discussing the difference.

Without thinking too much about it, he tossed out a gambit in way of an answer, "I'll answer your question if you'll answer mine."

Her eyes went a little darker, but she nodded. "Alright. I'll play if it makes you happy."

He almost didn't ask. He wasn't looking to fight today. He'd been hoping for at least one ordinary day to enjoy being at home safe and sound. But the day had already drifted far from the Galactica norm and he was beginning to wonder if normal even existed anymore.

"It's come up a few times that Jake did something pretty bad and you've never told me why you two didn't wind up together, and yet," he sucked in a deep breath to face the truth himself, "here you are, together. I'm just thrown into the mix is all."

"That's not true. I picked you." Rene looked up at him again, anger flashing like lightning in the dark skies of her eyes.

He sighed. He'd meant to make her happy today, and he didn't really care what Jake did. Truth be told, he was glad the guy had screwed up, and apparently did it so well Rene still wasn't really forgiving him. But he couldn't help but wonder.

"Crius says it goes back to the Zakar when you and Jake were in Dante's office together. Is that it or something else? Do you remember?" He gave her the escape route to take to evade the questions, but she nodded to him, both an acknowledgment that she could avoid the answer, and an agreement that she wouldn't.

"I remember some of it. I remember enough that you have to promise not to be mad at him for it," she said, the storm fading in her eyes.

"And why is that?" he asked. "He hurt one of the kids or something?"

A strange smile tugged at her lips before she chased it away. "No, I think it's the kids that made him stop and figure it out." She sighed before she spoke again. "We'd been on Dilmun just a few sectars, Kenan was gone and Agenor thought I was going to be his. Gage was still too shell shocked to do anything as Dante created the quota and was trying to mix up the gene pool of the kids he wanted to make and," she closed her eyes wincing as the memory came back, "he joined in."

Starbuck was afraid she was going to leave it at that, those three words that could mean more than enough for him to want to kill the kid. Rene must have felt him tense as she began to speak again.

"He thought if he got on Pallus and Mars' good side that maybe things would go easier for all of us, but it became more than that. He played their games and thought he was one of them."

Starbuck found himself wincing and shaking his head. "How did it end?" he found himself asking even though he was pretty sure he knew how the story would go.

"One day the hunter, one day the prey. He didn't see it coming when they turned to abusing him. He's like you. He wants to believe people."

Starbuck didn't think he could ever find it possible to believe Pallus or his cronies. He didn't need to meet Mars to dislike him, Boomer's description of the man was enough.

"They gave him attention and he lives for attention," Rene added before laying her head back on his chest.

"Yeah, he does," he added, recognizing the trait in himself as well. It dawned on him that might be a factor in how Rene chose to use her abilities to find safety from the enemy, be it cylon or human. Had they escaped, it would have been alone. The Zakar had not run across any habitable worlds, or if they did they were backwater colonies like Attila or the farming community on Serenity and had held no interest for their Commander, nor for the Rats either. Jake had needed an audience, and himself, well he needed at least a few people around the card table.

He reached up to stroke her hair understanding a bit better why Rene found it so hard to trust anyone. It was one thing to find out the hero who rescued you was a complete boray, but if your best friend could turn on you, then who could you believe? Is that why she found it easier to be with him? He was a complete scoundrel, or so others told him. She was expected to distrust him.

"So if it wasn't me, then it wasn't going to be Jake?" he couldn't help asking as the scamp in him was good friends with that rabble rouser known as jealousy.

"No." Her voice was soft and low, holding a hint of warning that he was getting deeper into dangerous territory.

"So if I hadn't come along, with that stupid quota Dante dreamed up, who would it have been? Gage?"

He felt her nod on his chest.

"Why him? Not that he's a bad guy and all. Was it just the rank?"

She was slow to answer. "He's a good man and he keeps the family safe. Even when he was shell shocked coming over from the Shiva, he tried to keep us safe."

"So why me? Good timing?" He was half joking, but he was also curious about why she chose him of all people. Was it what she had said when it was just him, Jake and Dixon in the room. Did she really see his eyes before the fleet came?

She lifted up her head to meet his gaze. "You're handsome and a good man."

"And I keep you and the family safe," he said ruefully.

She smiled softly. "You do. But I think you would do that even if I was with Gage or Jake or …or Boomer. That's why I love you. So, why me?"

He thought for a moment as she had a good point. He would have still protected her and the family, at least until they were settled and then he would have probably moved on if Rene wouldn't have him. He probably would have still checked up on them from time to time, but it was Rene he had wanted.

She interrupted his thoughts. "Boomer says it was good timing. I caught you between girlfriends."

Starbuck rolled his eyes and shook his head. "He's just telling you that because he's threatened by my good looks."

She narrowed her eyes at his attempt at humor. "It's still true though, right?"

"Yes, and no. That's not why I'm with you. You're daring and reckless and beautiful and…" He paused remembering the day after he met her. He had seen the lengths she was willing to go to save her friends and family. Hurting and vulnerable, she still took the sacrifice required. "You care, a lot. You don't put your needs first, ever. Even the stuff you stole from Caprica wasn't for you."

"Sounds a lot like Cassiopeia. So why me?" she persisted.

"You wanted me. She didn't." He felt the bitterness taint his words and he tried to hide it as he asked, "Even now you have Jake, and then there's Gage. I think he still wants you, so why me?"

Her eyes looked deeply into his own and for some reason he felt ashamed at the game he had started. Jealousy had got the better of him again and he'd used it to run away from what he was really feeling. She shifted her gaze back and forth from each of his eyes, as if she found something different in the left than in the right.

"You asked. You needed me. I needed you. Does the rest matter?"

"No," he said realizing it was the truth. He'd been impulsive when he'd asked Rene to wear his ring and she had hesitated, but not for the same reasons that had Cassie telling him no. Rene had worried about him, not herself, worried that he didn't really know her in the short time they had been together. When he had reasoned their days were short, she had taken his ring and his proposal.

He looked down and she was still analyzing him. "So your turn, pretty boy. Why aren't you sleeping well?"

He sucked in a breath. She deserved an answer even if it killed him to admit the truth. "I couldn't save you." The words felt like sandpaper scraping in his throat as they came out, so painful his eyes watered. "All I could do was listen to you scream my name and try not to scream back." He squeezed her tightly, closing his eyes as her whimpers and shouts echoed in the empty council chambers.

"Starbuck," she gasped out his name, "not so tight."

At her words he realized how tense his arms were, his fists clenched around her. He released his hold on her, dropping his arms out to his sides, trying to focus on his breathing as he willed his shoulders to relax.

"I didn't say to let go," she said softly.

He brought his arms back up to encircle her, holding on, but trying not to squeeze too hard.

"We were saved. It's over," she whispered into his chest.

"I know," he said quickly. "I know. I'm okay. It will get better." He squeezed her a little tighter, kissing the top of her head. "I'm just tired. We just need some rest before we star in the circus. I hear I get to wear a clown suit."

She chuckled lightly. "I thought you liked the dress uniform."

He appreciated that she let the issue go. He wanted to ask more about Iblis and what happened when she actually hit Dante back, but it felt so damn good to hear her laugh and to feel her in his arms. He looked out the viewport to his new home. She was pretty, sleek and recently repaired. Kind of like Starbuck. He'd been assured all four thrusters were operational now, but she only needed one to maintain the slow pace of the fleet.

"Someday," he mused out loud, "we can get the Zakar up to full speed and go on a real honeymoon."

She mumbled sleepily, "That will be nice."

"Yes it will, yes it will." He yawned and reminded himself that he needed the sleep as much as she did, but he would rather watch the Zakar than revisit the scenes of torture in his dreams.

He didn't know when sleep ambushed him, but it felt like he'd only been out for a few centons when Jason was touching Rene's shoulder shaking her awake. The kid was home from school, wondering if he should go get the kids.

"I've got it. It's my turn," she told Jason, letting him help her to her feet. Starbuck started to get up to help her, but she told him to stay. "Enjoy the quiet. I won't be long."

She was right, it was quiet in the chambers, but it wasn't for long as she returned with all of the kids, Crius's and Nik's, plus her own. Boxey was with them, trailing after Cain and Jason whom he idolized. Starbuck was trying to get up from the floor, his back letting him know that he had slept longer than he should have on a too hard surface, when the kids all attacked him, climbing over him like he was their own personal playground.

"Easy, let dad up," Jason laughed, reaching out a hand to help Starbuck up, baby Zachary in Jason's arms. He felt like an old man as he groaned, finally getting to a sitting position as the kids fought over who got to climb into his lap. Rene gave him a smile as she asked him to watch the kids while she got dinner started.

Cain got Jason, Lara and Boxey started on their homework with the promise of a board game later. Lizbet, Nik, Jonas, Alex and Max all walked in the chambers about a half centaur later, home from their trainings. Nik and Lizbet rescued him from their children. Maia and Dara were only a few centons behind them, Dara coming in the chambers and greeting Nik with a hug and kiss before heading in to help Rene with the meal.

Starbuck was wrestling with Kiff and Kalea while little Leia crawled across the chambers trying to pull herself up to her feet, when Crius, Boomer and Giles showed up. Giles rescued Leia before she could fall, leaving Starbuck with Kalea and Kiff. He hadn't moved far from their nest by the viewport, and he surveyed the room as Kiff and Kalea tumbled in the blankets and pillows. He remembered back to the dreams he had when he first met Rene, of a large family playing around him while he kicked back enjoying a good meal with a fumarello and an ambrosia. This was so close to his fantasy, just minus the planet and the home in the woods with his hunting trophies on the wall.

"Oh, who am I kidding?" he thought to himself, "I couldn't kill a stag. I don't have it in me to shoot an unarmed animal. And build a home? What do I know about carpentry?" This was perfect he reasoned. Crius came over and took a seat beside him, baby Zac in his arms. Starbuck asked his wingmate how the patrol went.

"So quiet I could hear the bovines moo on the agro ship. Just the way I like it. You look better. You get some rest?"

He nodded as he mumbled, "Yeah we did."

"Good. The next couple of cycles are going to be busy. We think Giles is going to make it official with Maia at your sealing celebration. Blue Squadron has an epic send off planned for you."

He groaned. "You'll be there to help corral things, right?"

"Of course. Lizbet will kill me if things get too out of control, but don't expect the rest of the Rats to show."

"They weren't invited? I'll fix that." Starbuck started to get up, but Crius reached for his arm to hold him back.

"They have their own plans for the night. Plus, they heard about what Blue Squadron has planned. A little too much for them. Don't take it personal."

"Oh lords, what do they have planned?" He'd meant it to include both groups, the former bunkmates and the Rats.

"Nothing to worry about. The Rats intend to take the kids to that puppet show that's on the IFB, and Lizbet heard there were honest to goodness bathing pools, so the girls have plans for that. Jake wants to practice for the celebration so if know them, they'll just spend most of the time playing music and sniping at each other."

As if the mention of his name had summoned him, Jake came in the room giving Starbuck and Crius an absent wave as he headed straight for the food prep area, coming back out with an ambrosia and a baked good, headed to the table checking on the older kids and their progress with homework. It was only a moment later when Rene came out too, taking her seat and pulling up to the table next to Lara.

"The gangs all here," Starbuck said as Boomer came over to join him and Crius. "So what does Blue Squadron have planned for me?"

Boomer laughed. "Revenge. Retribution. And I heard there will be ambrosia."

"Yeah about that," Starbuck drawled like Crius, "where did you, Rene and Jake hide all of it?"

"Get me drunk tomorrow and I might tell you about my secret stash," Boomer said winking at him.

"Lords, I just want to get to the honeymoon."


	91. Chapter 91

Dinner was pleasant as there seemed to be no squabbles. Jake was a little antsy, and Rene a little quiet, but for the most part the evening was spent the way the Copper Squadron usually spent it, without the commander or guests. There was the usual haggling over chores, getting kids to eat, and making sure homework was completed. They discussed what was needed for the next day to get them all over to the Rising Star for the next two nights, a deal Rene had coerced out of the IFB in exchange for agreeing to the public sealing.

Starbuck had stopped complaining about the sealing after his short conversation with Apollo. Rene had been right, this was about more than themselves. Jason, Cain and Lara were excited about the trip, making it painfully aware to Starbuck that if the fleet had little to offer in the way of entertainment for adults, it offered even less for those in between adulthood and childhood. No wonder Cain had gotten himself into so much trouble, that was all that was available in the way of diversions.

So, Starbuck put aside his own concerns about the IFB and the publicity and focused on what was before him, his family. He played a few hands of pyramid with the older kids before helping wrestle the little ones into bed giving the other parents a well-deserved break. This night, Kiff had no problem drifting off, still tired and cranky from his lack of sleep the night before.

Once the kid was asleep, Starbuck reached for Rene's hand, guiding her to their quarters and into their bed. She had been clearer headed this day, but he'd also seen that she got plenty of sleep and food. Even though they had slept most of the day, he was still troubled by the dark circles under her eyes and the fact that he felt like he could still sleep for centaurs.

"Tomorrow night we sleep in luxury. I've never seen the honeymoon suite," he mused as he as he turned off the lights. He left a lamp on across the room, dim, but still keeping the pitch black of their quarters at bay. It had been an unspoken agreement that neither of them could face the darkness since Caprica.

"You know you won't be sleeping with me tomorrow night, right?" she said

"What? Why?" He slid under the covers.

"Because the rest of the fleet thinks we're not sealed yet. Plus, it's the night before the sealing. We're not supposed to see each other after the rehearsal. Tradition."

"So where am I sleeping?" he asked looking to her wondering how she was going to spend her night. Without him she solved her sleeping problems by not sleeping at all.

"I was just assuming where ever you passed out and we'd collect you right before the sealing."

He chuckled. "That is usually with a pretty girl so I guess I will still be sleeping with you." He reached for her, pulling her into his arms and enjoying her warmth. He'd been cold since the first night on Caprica.

"I'll leave the door unlocked, and we'll see who stumbles in." She grinned at him. "Odds are it will be Jake."

"Very funny," he said as he leaned over her, brushing his lips against hers lightly, teasing her before he pulled back. "Why wait. Should I go get him now?"

"Shut up and kiss me." She cast him her coy smile as she reached out pulling him down to her. He ignored the ache in his back and made sure she remembered why she had chosen him.

It helped him to sleep most of the night, only waking once with a start, his heart pounding to the waning echo of the anguished cry of his name. He drew Rene back into his arms, letting her contented sigh chase away the dreams. He was able to find sleep again, but he woke with a start to a mechanical whirring. He fought the restraints trying to avoid the pain that was sure to follow the ominous sound. He struggled in his dreams and was able to break free, the restraints snapping away and he was running down a corridor pushing at doors searching. He was frantic, unable to find Rene. He came fully conscious reaching for his wife to find he was alone in the bed, fighting against his own blankets.

But the sound was louder, rising in volume as he looked around in a panic. He flinched as a hand touched him, but it was warm and soft.

"You okay, handsome?" Rene stood near the bed, a cup of java in her hands as the metal on metal grinding continued.

"What the frak is that noise?" he nearly shouted trying to get control of his panic and reorient his surroundings.

"Yeah, sorry, we let you sleep as long as we could, but we have to gather it all up." Rene stepped aside so he could see the source of the drilling. Jake and Nik were standing on their table reaching up with drills to unscrew the ceiling panels. Nik removed the last screw that anchored the panel as Jake cautioned him to be careful, still holding the panel in place so the bottles wouldn't come crashing down.

"So that's why you removed the lighting fixtures?" He put the events together in his mind, realizing it was about the same time she had begun her covert trips to Caprica.

"No one ever looks up," she said handing him the Java mug. He took it needing the distraction to chase away the disturbing images popping up in his brain. Rene moved away to help her friends as Starbuck fumbled to check the chrono on the nightstand. He saw that he'd actually slept quite late into the midmorning. The next surprise was the chrono, a newer one, still colonial service issue, but perfectly sized for his wrist.

He looked to Rene, realizing she must have found it for him. Where he had no idea. He saw that she was wearing a dress, more conservative than Rene's usual choice, but it also hid a bit better the growing evidence of her pregnancy. The IFB and the Commander would approve of her choice. Not everyone needed to know what activities he and Rene had been up to before the sealing.

As Nik moved on to the next panel, Starbuck fled to the turbowash where the rushing water drowned out the noise. When he emerged ready for the day, there were at least five crates of very fine ambrosia and a box of fumarellos that would have cost a yahren's wages back in the colonies. Beside the crates was a white bag that took up more room than the crates.

"So how contaminated is all that, or do I want to ask? Misery loves company I know, but I would think we'd want to avoid radion poisoning all our guests," Starbuck said pointing to the crates.

"Not contaminated as you might think," Rene answered.

"Give him a break today, will ya," Nik chided her, "Blue Squadron is going to razz him enough for all of us. We ran it through decon twice, once on the Shiva and once more here."

Starbuck shook his head wondering how they pulled that off without questions, or if they were just flat out lying to him. "And what's that?" he asked pointing to the big white bag.

"My wedding dress," Rene answered.

His blood chilled to think of Rene carrying that bundle that was too large for a viper and had to be a beacon to the enemy in its color, whiter than snow. He shuddered as he saw the image in his mind of his wife trying to slink out of that shopping mall alone, landing and launching in an unarmed shuttle, the dress in her arms. "How in the holy lords did you get that off Caprica?"

"Very carefully," she said elusively.

Her vague answer set the tone for the rest of the day as the Rats gathered up their stash of black-market goods and packed up the children for the trip to the Rising Star. Starbuck tried to pitch in and help, but he was turned away at each task, directed to help someone else, and in the end was left with making breakfast and gathering up Rene's children to keep them out of the way. Rene was all business as she directed the proceedings, putting her friends to work packing everything up. It took all morning to clean out the light fixtures of nearly all the quarters they called their own. The crates piled up and Starbuck was left wondering at Rene's powers of deception. There were enough spirits to get blue squadron sufficiently drunk for at least a secton. How had she snuck it all past him and the rest of the crew of the Galactica? Part of him was dying to know. The side of him that was trying to become a strike wing captain wanted to remain in the dark.

As Boomer showed up with Giles and Jolly to help move the crates of supplies, Starbuck tried grousing to him about being as useful as the third centurion in a raider. Boomer's pronouncement that he had seen the scans of what the Cylons had put in his body made him keep his comments to himself.

"I think you're lucky just to be able to walk down that aisle tomorrow. No way am I letting you lift anything for about a yahren, maybe more."

They headed to the flight deck where there was a shuttle waiting as well as the Commander. Adama beamed at him in pride as he clapped him on the back. Starbuck tried not to wince in pain. He was still sore and he'd have to find a way to avoid most of his friends' congratulatory pats on his back this evening or he wouldn't be able to walk down that aisle and it wouldn't be because of the ambrosia.

"Everything seems to be in order," Adama said indicating the numerous crates of black-market goods waiting to be loaded. "I assume that's all of it, correct?" He addressed his comments to Starbuck while Rene turned away.

"Yes sir." He had no idea if it was the truth, but knew it would be more expedient for the family to agree.

"I suggest we get loaded up then. The IFB wants to do a quick run through before we retire to the dining lounge for an early dinner, then I hear there is a party planned in the Astral Lounge." The commander smiled at him before fixing a serious look upon his features. "The curfew is lifted since rooms are being provided for all the attendees, but that is no excuse to get out of control. You are still warriors of the Colonial Service and will represent the Galactica. See that I do not have to put all of Blue Squadron on report."

Starbuck was about to answer that he had very little control over the proceedings of the day or the evening when they were all distracted by Crius arguing with Lizbet.

"Stop being silly. You're going and that's the end of it. Now come on!" Crius pulled at Lizbet's arm, but the gal had dug in her heels and resisted.

As Rene headed toward them, she looked over to Starbuck, a request for help clear on her features. He didn't hesitate to join her, suspecting what might be the problem. Lizbet rarely wandered far from the Galactica, and was nervous as a felix in a room full of rocking chairs when she did. Rene reached Crius, prying his hand off of his wife's arm, pushing him away.

Crius looked to Starbuck in frustration.

"What's wrong, bovine boy?" Starbuck asked quietly distracting Crius so Rene could reason with her friend.

"I've shown her the long-range scans and everything, but she's convinced that with both Copper and Blue squadron attending the sealing that the Cylons will somehow wipe us all out or something. She's insisting on staying behind."

It was just as he suspected, and Rene's insistence that she needed Lizbet to go to help with the kids and be with her as her second at the sealing was not helping as Lizbet took a few steps back towards the corridor, and then a few more.

Starbuck squeezed Crius's shoulder in reassurance as he put on his most charming smile and took the steps towards Lizbet.

"Hey Lizzie, what's going on?"

Rene's friend looked nearly as panicked as Starbuck had felt when the Cylons were pulling them into their medical torture chamber.

"Why aren't we doing this on the Galactica? You don't need me there and…and I should stay behind. You don't need me."

"Yes, we do," Rene started to insist, but Starbuck held out a hand, silencing her.

"It's okay you know. We are just a ship away with our own shuttle and Red Squadron isn't going, not a one of them. The Rising Star is moving closer to the Galactica for protection and Omega is in charge for the next couple of days. You know what a stickler for safety he is." Starbuck took a step towards her, reaching to wrap an arm around her. She didn't flee. "We aren't going far and it's just a few days. You know I would never have agreed to this if the fleet was in jeopardy."

"You wouldn't?" she said looking up to him before looking to Rene for confirmation.

"He wouldn't. Duty always comes first for him." Rene rolled her eyes like it was the most annoying thing about Starbuck.

"And Apollo will be there. He would never leave the Zakar if there was even a hint of trouble." The panic slowly fled from Lizbet's eyes, but not completely so he played his next high card. "I tell you what. After dinner if you want to come back here you can. It might be better because I'll have Crius occupied in a drinking game all night since he keeps boasting he can out drink me. It will be easier to fleece him at pyramid without you there. And tomorrow you can just fly over for the sealing. You can take your own viper if you want to." He suspected it was the viper than finally won her over as Lizbet nodded in agreement.

"Can I take it now instead of the shuttle?"

"Of course, you can, but you don't need to. We can leave it here all fueled up and ready in a launch tube just in case if it makes you feel better." She gave him a small nod. "You can bring the shuttle back this evening, but then you might miss out on those bathing pools, but that's okay, they're not going anywhere."

"I can?" She looked to Rene again for confirmation.

"You can do whatever you want," Rene answered following his lead. "You can stay behind if you want but then we wouldn't all be together if something happened."

Lizbet looked up to Starbuck and he was struck again just by how young the Rats really were. Lizbet was one of the smallest of them, and her eyes were childlike as she asked, "You promise we'll be okay?"

"Cross my heart. If I'm wrong, I'll take all your chores for a yahren."

That earned him a smile as she pronounced, "You are a lousy cook and the kids would kill you in a secton."

"You understand then my vested interest in keeping you safe. Come on, it will be fun. I promise." He guided Lizbet towards the shuttle, with Rene tagging along. Lizbet almost balked again when she saw the Commander in his blue uniform, but Starbuck didn't give her a chance, keeping his arm around her shoulders as he guided her towards the group of kids starting to buckle into their seats. Lara handed Lizbet baby Zac. Starbuck turned to help Rene's kids buckle in to find Boomer by his side.

"See, you were useful."

Boomer had a point. He didn't have to be a complete equine's astrum about the event. He was getting some benefit out of the IFB and he was looking forward to actually using the honeymoon suite for the next three days as promised. He'd be sleeping there this evening, tradition be damned.

The flight was short and the IFB crew was waiting for them when they landed, pitching in to help with the cases of supplies. Zara, the pretty blonde reporter, handed them all keys to their rooms, saving the large golden key card for last.

"Lt. Starbuck, the honeymoon suite. Go check it out and then meet me in the Cosmos Chapel and we can go through a quick rehearsal. Don't take too long." She winked at Starbuck and even giggled.

He took the key and answered boldly, "See you in a couple of centaurs," as he wrapped an arm around Rene. It just made Zara laugh, reminding him she wasn't a woman he wanted to tangle with.

He didn't get the opportunity to test out the bed in the suite as Lizbet and Crius plus all the kids accompanied them. The rooms were better than he had ever imagined, with plush carpets and viewscreen bordered by gold sheer drapes. There were couches all around the room and double doors leading to the largest bed he had ever seen. Kiff and Calliope raced for the bed, beginning to use it as their own personal jumping gym as Rene admonished them to not mess it up. Lizbet headed straight for the turbo room with Crius whistling.

"You could bathe all the Lords of Kobol in there, at the same time! Dibs!" Crius called out.

"You'll be bathing with me," Starbuck replied as he headed into a room nearly as large as the bedroom with a tub that was indeed large enough for at least 8 people, the water already warm. Lizbet pressed something on the tub and the jets came to life. Crius uttered an "Oh," and was then speechless.

"I'm sure you have one in your suite, just maybe not as big, " Rene said coming in and reaching for a towel that she handed to Starbuck. He wondered why she was giving it to him until he felt it. This was no colonial issue puke green rag. It was fluffier than a newborn felix in a soft gold that felt like warm sunshine.

"I didn't think to raid home goods stores. Top of my list next time," Rene said with a wink.

"That mall is permanently closed," he answered her, but he couldn't seem to set the towel down.

"Other worlds, other malls," she said running a hand along the bathing robe that was hanging on a hook.

"Or crazy idea here, maybe we just steal these?" he said finally able to set it down with the thought it could be his permanently.

Crius found his voice, "Or, hear me out, we have all of blue squadron here tonight. We could just steal the ship and call it our own. I mean, you do own a battlecruiser. Why not a luxury liner?"

Starbuck shook his head. "Ask me again later tonight when I'm drunk. I'm sure I can justify it then. We should get back and get this all over with so we can come back and enjoy all this." He reached for Rene's hand, holding tight. She squeezed back twice with a gleam in her eye.

"You go get drunk, and Jake, the kids and I will draw up the plans tonight while we enjoy that tub." She teased him, but the joke cut a little too close to the truth. While Starbuck could enjoy almost all the pleasures the luxury liner had to offer, booze, smokes, and gambling, Rene was regulated to only a few pleasures that were good for her health. He had no doubt in his mind that Jake would be by her side. He might feel better about that if he thought the young man had her best interest forefront in his mind, but if Rene was up to no good and he benefited, Jake would encourage the behavior. He had other battle plans he needed to draw up and pulled in some help for that.

"Lizbet, I need you to keep an eye on her tonight. No wild parties."

Lizbet laughed. "We are going to take the kids to go see the Squiggles and a puppet show. I'm pretty sure we won't get into too much trouble. My husband on the other hand," she cast her man the evil eye. "I find you with a girl I will shoot you myself."

"You're going to see men!" Crius complained referring to the Squiggles, four grown men who dressed in bright colors and sang children's songs on the IFB, stupid insipid tunes the toddlers would sing incessantly about potar roots and fruit salad.

"I would hardly call them men," Rene said pulling Starbuck from the room. Lara, Jason and Cain had gathered up the kids and Starbuck was struck by another thought. He might be sharing this suite with a lot of other people.

"They have the rooms next door," Rene said reading his mind. "And I won't share that tub with anyone but you."

"Thank you," he whispered before stating that they should get back before the IFB came looking for them.

He was surprised to find the sealing would be in a room he had never seen before on the luxury liner, a large room that was an amphitheater, chairs in a semi-circle around a stage. There was even a curtain that was pulled back to reveal a mural depicting the star map of the twelve worlds as a backdrop.

He wanted to sigh in frustration. They truly would be performing tomorrow for a large crowd. He hadn't even seen the guest list, but by the number of chairs in the room, it was undoubtedly populated by people he didn't know. His friends were few and they were all there waiting on him.

Apollo greeted him with a warrior hand clasp and Starbuck held on, rolling his eyes and nodding his head to all the seats. "I like being the center of attention, but this is ridiculous."

Apollo tossed an arm over his shoulder. "Just all your close friends and everyone you have Starbucked. We actually don't have enough chairs and had to cut some people from the list."

"Ha ha," Starbuck said, "I see you're feeling better."

Boomer came to join them. "You will too once we get a drink or two into you. The party is set up and we are actually dining on bovine steaks tonight."

That cheered him up. He looked to Rene, but she wasn't smiling, looking almost ill as she surveyed the room before meeting his eyes. He thought he saw a touch of fear in them before she took control of her features. Her eyes turned dark as the curtains closed on her feelings. He watched her pull her spine erect, her shoulders back, the warrior stance, before she faced the IFB reporter and Adama.

"I see you kept it sedate, sir," she deadpanned.

"You have a large family," Adama replied. "Plus Blue Squadron and half of the inhabitants of the Eaglebash and the flight deck crew and the child minders from the orphan ship. You had a hand in the guest list."

"I didn't invite the council of twelve and their guests," Rene indicated the groom's side of the room.

It was Zara that interrupted, her voice bubbly and upbeat. "Yes well, it is the event of the yahren. Everyone recognizes Lt. Starbuck's achievements, having been awarded the Gold Cluster more than once, saving us all at Carillon, and then when he and his dashing friend Colonel Apollo took on the base star, just the two of them!"

Rene cast him a suspicious look not having heard the story.

"Uh, that was the Commander's idea and I do believe it was the Galactica that brought the ship down," Starbuck said gesturing to Adama hoping he would gain control of the situation before it spiraled into a nasty fight.

"Oh, let's not diminish your and Apollo's part in that military success," Adama said following up Starbuck's unspoken request to assert his authority. "But yes, the fleet needs something to celebrate, and Starbuck is representative of the warriors who sacrifice their lives daily, and you Rene represent our new additions to the fleet. This is a marriage of our forces into one unified family of Warriors. We are larger now and we needed more room for those who have also contributed to our success."

Starbuck was impressed and wondered if this was the same speech Adama had used on Rene to get her to agree to this as it didn't soften her features. If anything, she appeared warier.

"We will run through a quick rehearsal, then we will dine. Shall we?" Adama gestured to the IFB reporter Zara.

"Yes, shall we? Have you chosen who will walk you down the aisle?" Zara addressed Rene, and Starbuck found he was just as curious to know the answer. He hadn't thought to ask, just assuming she would walk alone.

Without hesitation she pointed to Cain. Shocked the young man looked to Jason who spoke up, "What? Why him? Why not me?"

Rene flashed him a Rat hand sign for silence followed by a sign that indicated danger. Starbuck had no idea what she was communicating, but Jason did as he shut his mouth and looked angrily away. Zara reached for Cain and the kid let her drag him to Rene's side.

"Oh yes, that makes perfect sense, the newest member to your family, an orphan from the Colonies. Brilliant! I don't know why I didn't think of it! An encouragement for others to adopt our orphans. Alright, then you Commander will of course be up at the podium, and then," Zara indicated the aisle as she looked at the children, "Lt. Starbuck, you will then enter with your groomsmen. Then I thought we could have the children go. We can find some flowers for them, and then the bride's maids will enter, then Rene will follow and then…"

"No," Rene interrupted the woman, the single word sounding ominous.

"No?" Zara asked, turning up the intensity of her smile. "No to what?"

"My children won't be involved in this," Rene stated taking a step towards the woman. Starbuck reached out a hand to her afraid that Rene might take a swing at the woman. Rene yanked her arm away from him, flashing him an annoyed glare.

"But they are so lovely and the fleet would love to meet your family and the promise they hold," Zara offered but Rene shook her head. The reporter turned to the commander. "Surely you can help her to understand the importance of including the children."

Adama opened his mouth to speak, but Rene rudely cut him off. "No."

The Commander put on his most patient smile, the one Starbuck recognized he used often with the Council of twelve. "Surely there can be no harm in allowing the children to be included in the service. It is customary and will be a welcome sight for the fleet."

"May I have a word with you, Commander, alone sir." Rene was polite in the choice of her words, but her voice was terse.

"Whatever you have to say I'm sure you can say to everyone," Adama spread his arms and Rene took a threatening step forward into the sweep of them.

Rene at least had the decency to lower her voice as she whispered, "Sir, you will not use my children for your propaganda."

Starbuck winced but instead of taking a step towards Rene to halt her course, he stepped back. It was the first sign of strength he had seen from her since the sewers of Caprica. Ill-timed as always, but thus far she had let the IFB steamroll her into this farce. He wanted someone to put a stop to this and he was more than happy for it to be Rene.

The Commander was shocked, asking, "Excuse me?"

Rene took another step forward, nearly nose to nose with the Commander as she spoke slowly. "You will not use my children for your propaganda. I offered up Cain because he has already agreed to become yours when he joins the academy, but my children are not yours. They are mine." She nearly sneered the last three words.

"Rene," Starbuck said softly.

She seemed to ignore him, but his words had some affect as she softened her tone. "I have agreed to everything else. I could have negotiated for more and just spaced all that ambrosia that you are using to blackmail me, but I didn't, did I? I do not mind being used to further your goals, they are admirable, but I signed up for this. My kids did not. Besides, what about my children indicates that they would be able to perform as you want them too? Even you scare them. What about a room full of uniforms?"

Adama looked to Starbuck for a moment, and he nodded his agreement, at least to Rene's last words. She was right about all of it, especially that she had not asked for much, and most of her demands had been for others, not for herself. Even this request was not because of what she wanted, but what might be best for the children.

Adama nodded and reached out a hand to Rene's shoulder. "Understood. You are right, they are your children and you should have the final say where they are concerned. Will they at least be attending?"

"Yes, sir."

Adama nodded again. "And the IFB may take some photos and video of them?"

Rene nodded. "Yes, but only for a short time and with me or Starbuck in their presence."

"Agreed, shall we proceed?" Adama addressed Zara.

The pretty woman seemed to pout for a moment, but she moved on and the rest of the rehearsal went off without any problems. They ran through it several times, which seemed stupid and pointless to Starbuck. All they had to do was walk down an aisle and stand there. He and Rene had to recite a few vows, which they practiced a few times. He tried to add some humor to them so that Rene would smile, or at least wipe the look off her face like she was participating in a funeral.

Instead of saying, "Love, honor and obey," he changed the last word each time earning him laughter from everyone else.

"I promise to love, honor, and let you cheat at cards while I pretend that you actually beat me at pyramid." That one at least got her to crack a small smile.

"I promise to love, honor, and steal all the covers because they are mine and you know it." That earned him a shake of her head and rolled eyes.

"I promise to love, honor and bail you out of the brig, right after you bail me out." That got a hearty laugh from Crius.

The fourth time he added the final twist. "I promise to love, honor and put an end to these shenanigans. Are we done here? I'm getting hungry and we both have other plans for the evening other than reciting the same boring lines over and over again. I think we should stick to the vows we said the first time."

Adama laughed remembering back to the impulsive sealing a few sectons ago. "As always, you have cut through the felgercarb. Yes, I think we are done. I'm sure the IFB can finish up without us."

"Yes, we do want a holo of you at your send off with all your friends if that will be alright. No worries Lieutenant, we will show up early before the fun really begins," Zara said batting her eyes at him. He groaned realizing that since the party was not on the Galactica, a bit more would be allowed than at a military send off, but far more eyes would be upon him and judging his character. He had changed since meeting Rene, but only his close friends had seen those changes. Many of his other friends still thought he was the freewheeling lady's man out to conquer all the hearts of the fleet. There was only one heart he wanted to hold from now on, well maybe the hearts of the children as well he thought as he remembered back to the moment of the cylon scan, seeing in such clarity the image of his child alive and well inside his wife.

His shoulders shuddered at the sudden image in his mind of Rene strapped down to the table, begging the ILs not to remove their child from her body. Rene noticed the change as she squeezed his hand in reassurance.

"Sir, can we go?" she asked the Commander. "We need some food and a drink I think."

"Yes, of course," Adama answered and as a group they all headed to the dining lounge where a large table awaited them.

Adama insisted that Starbuck sit to his right with Rene, and Apollo and Sheba to his left. Starbuck knew Rene would have preferred sitting farther down the table with her friends, but Adama was the host of this meal. Rene was quiet for most of the dinner, and he kept asking her if she was okay. She just nodded each time, looking more and more tired as Apollo and Boomer kept dropping hints about the send off.

"Jolly found a deck of marked cards, so expect to lose several hands before the night is through," Apollo jibed, "and no, you can't have my secton's pay for the chancery."

"I heard that he will be too drunk to walk to the chancery. Everyone has a drinking game of their own they want to play," Boomer added.

"And which one of you is carrying me down the aisle tomorrow? Have you worked that out?" Starbuck joked. "Make sure I seal with the right gal and not one of you."

"Me, oh seal with me. We make a cute couple," Crius joined in as his wife playfully smacked him.

"You're taken, remember that tonight, but Apollo's single," she gave Starbuck a small smile that left him a little stunned as he'd never heard Lizbet joke before.

Rene spoke up before they had finished dessert that they needed to hurry up, the puppet show would begin filming in a few centons down in the studio the IFB had set up on the Rising Star. Before Starbuck could ask what else they had planned, Rene was placing a kiss on his cheek and telling him to have fun before she turned and left with her children. Jake and Nik had joined her, with Starbuck calling out that they were welcome to come to the party.

"You should show up later, I mean it!"

Both young men ignored him and Sheba excused herself as well. "I was going to help them set up the reception lounge, and they said I could use their bathing tubs." Sheba grinned. "It's been ages since I saw a tub."

Apollo wished her a good evening, and then the dining lounge was down to just Starbuck and those whom were his original family, his fellow warriors.

He pulled out a fumarello and lit it, inhaling the fine tobac that Rene had stolen from Caprica. He enjoyed the moment of peace, one of the few of the day, and probably one of the last before the festivities.

"I still can't believe your sealed," Apollo said. "I mean, I've seen it. Get to see it twice, but it still is unbelievable how you have taken to this."

Starbuck shrugged before looking away from his friend to Boomer. In many ways Boomer understood him better than the friend who was like the other half of his soul, the good half.

"I can believe it," Boomer answered for him. "Why do think he dated your sister? And Aurora? And, what was the name of that girl from the first yahren at the academy?"

Starbuck thought back to the pretty redhead he'd met there. "Be damned if I can remember," he said.

"Yes, you do, don't pretend you don't. She broke your heart, that's what you blubbered to me," Apollo said. "I think that's what made you determined to break everyone else's heart. You've kept yourself distant until now. What changed?"

"Now son," Adama said trying to come to Starbuck's rescue, "we don't want to analyze the transformation that was overdue."

"It's alright Commander. I can answer it." Starbuck took another puff off his fumarello before using it to illustrate his point, blowing a smoke ring. "Zero changes. I always wanted a family, it's just no one else thought I could pull it off, being committed I mean. They gave me zero chances to prove them wrong. I damn near stayed on Atilla with Miri. It was tempting to have someone who believed in me. Maybe," he took another puff and attempted another ring, that never quite formed before it disappeared, "It's that Rene doesn't trust anyone or anything. She begins each day at zero and that leaves a lot of room for improvement. It doesn't take much for her to be impressed. A little kindness, a small modicum of fidelity, and I'm the hero."

"I wouldn't sell yourself short, Starbuck. You've done a lot for the Copper Squadron," Boomer added.

"They've done a lot for me," Starbuck said already missing the cheerful noise of the kids.

"Indeed, they have," Adama added. "They have reminded me of what I lost many yahrens ago, an innocent hope for the future."

"You've never given up hope, father," Apollo argued. "You've always believed we would survive and find earth."

"Yes, but," the commander shook his head, "I don't think I really invested in my own dream until now. I've led with my head and not my heart. You have been an inspiration. Starbuck. Thank you."

"Here here," Boomer seconded raising his glass as did Apollo. The Commander joined in and Starbuck grinned.

"I didn't do anything. I just lived my life," Starbuck said somewhat embarrassed by the praise.

"A lesson for us all," Adama said. "To living our lives to the fullest."

Their glasses met and they all drank. He felt a warmth in his chest begin to grow from more than the ambrosia.


	92. Chapter 92

They took their time finishing their ambrosia before Boomer announced it was time to head to the party.

"I was liking this party." Starbuck sighed taking a last drag of his fumarello, a fine one stolen from one of the best smoke shops on Caprica. It was going to be hard to go back to the cheap alternatives to be found within the fleet. He might have to actually give up the habit now that he was going to be a father.

Apollo laughed. "I never thought I'd see the day that Starbuck didn't want to attend a party thrown in his honor. Maybe we should take you by the Life Center and get you checked out. The radion has addled you."

"Ha ha, you're not the one everyone wants to Starbuck. You are coming, right Commander?" he asked looking for a glimmer of hope that Adama could keep the shenanigans to a minimum.

"I'm sorry, but no. Not really my place, besides I am meeting Siress Tinia for a drink."

"A date?" The blush of Adama's cheeks made Starbuck chuckle. "So will we be planning another sealing?"

"Wow, look at the time. We have to go," Apollo interrupted. Starbuck laughed even harder, clutching at his gut. His muscles were still sore from their abuse on Caprica.

"You alright, Bucko," Boomer asked, not missing anything.

"Yeah, I'm fine. Just been awhile since I had a good laugh"

"Let's go have a few more," Boomer said placing an arm around his buddy, guiding him out of his chair and what Starbuck felt was to his doom. Usually he was the one on the planning side for send-off parties. He had been creative in the past. His pranks were legendary. His favorite was what he had planned for Apollo but never was able to pull off. He had planned to get his friend good and drunk, then they would strike, all of Blue Squadron stripping the Captain into just his briefs. Then the scavenger hunt would begin where he would have to track down his uniform in just his skivvies by visiting very public areas of the Battlestar. Only he wouldn't be given his uniform, just more pieces of the costume. The hunt would have terminated with Apollo being delivered to his bride dressed as an ape in a dress. It would have been hilarious and yet still somewhat approved by the super stern Colonel Tigh.

This party wouldn't be overseen by the Command staff of the Galactica. Worse, it was planned by the Command staff of the Zakar so all the normal restraints were removed. Starbuck would have drooled at the opportunity, letting his wicked mind have free reign. His buddies could be just as creative. He had to be honest with himself, he was a bit terrified, especially with the thought of the whole fleet being able to witness the aftermath on live vidfeed the next day.

"So really, what's planned? Spill buddy." Starbuck asked as they headed down the corridor towards the Astral Lounge.

"You have somewhere else to be? You really into the Squiggles? By all means, don't let us keep you," Boomer joked.

"Lords no, but Jason and Cain mentioned something about Junior League triad and…Look, I have to be on the vids tomorrow, so whatever you do, not the face. Leave my looks alone, alright?"

Apollo wrapped his arms around him. "I owe you this. Don't worry, we couldn't find the ape costume. No, it won't be as good as the send-off you had planned for me."

"Lords I hope not. Never been so sick in my life," Boomer added. "Almost threw up in my helmet rescuing you two. Tonight, it's your turn to throw up in your helmet."

He sighed heavily again as they came to the door of the lounge. Fun, this will be fun, he reminded himself. He could be a good sport and he knew he was due some relaxation. The drinks would be very welcome as they would help chase away the frightening visions he couldn't shake, like the one he was having now, restrained by his friends as he stared into his own reflection in the shiny metal doors to the lounge. Lords he was pale, his bruises still vivid.

"Frak it. Let's do this," he mumbled appalled with himself. He pulled away from Apollo and Boomer before they could notice his shoulders trembling.

The doors parted as he loudly announced, "Starbuck has arrived! Let's get this party started! Someone buy me a drink!"

The cheer that went up from his friends was deafening. As he predicted, there were numerous hard slaps to his back as he made his way to the bar. He gritted his teeth and practiced dodging away. All of Blue Squadron had to crowd around, pressing him towards the bar. He choked down the desire to push them away. He resolved his panic by hauling himself up to sit on the bar, grabbing one of the shots that was lined up there, before coming to his feet standing on the bar.

"First toast of the night is mine. To good friends, good booze, pretty girls and dead cylons!" He downed the shot as another was handed up to him. Giles climbed up on the bar beside him.

"To Starbuck, the man who saved our astrums, right after he got us into trouble!" The cheer for that one was louder than the first when he walked in the door, and he felt the second drink begin to loosen him up. Yeah, this could be a fun evening. He was surrounded by friends and had a soft bed waiting for him when this was all over. Quite a bit different from his other parties when he'd have to convince some pretty girl to take him home. He had a pretty girl already waiting.

Giles was pulled down from the bar as Greenbean pulled himself up. "Starbuck, you always gave good advice. I think the best was that it was better to have loved and lost than to marry and be bossed. To no longer being the boss!"

Another shot was shoved in Starbuck's hand and he drained it down noting it was something a bit stronger than the other two. Greenbean was pulled down by Jolly who rolled his bulk onto the bar before standing up. Starbuck felt something give under his feet as both he and Jolly wobbled. "Whoa there," they said in unison and began laughing. They were both handed mugs which the two pushed together, half the contents spilling out on the impact causing them to laugh harder as another cheer went up.

"Quiet down you animals!" Jolly yelled, his voice carrying across the room before he turned back to Starbuck. "You are the closest thing I have to a kinsmen. I have some words for you before the rest have at you. Drink, for who knows when Cupid's arrow keen, shall strike us and no more we'll here be seen. Take a last look at your friend, because these wild times will come to an end. We know we are all out of luck when love captures our friend Starbuck."

Another wild cheer went up as he looked to Jolly shocked at the man's words. "To Jolly the poet!"

Jolly bowed to the applause before he began to fight off the hands that were trying to pull him down from the bar. It was Apollo that reached up to pull Starbuck down. "Get down before you both fall down."

Apollo guided him around the room as his friends all came up and clinked their mugs with his. By the time Starbuck went to take a drink, there was nothing left in the tankard. It was quickly remedied as someone replaced his mug with another. He was jostled and almost half the contents spilled out as someone hollered, "Alcohol abuse!" Prompting him to drain the mug before anymore was lost to the floor and his tunic. He was finally guided towards a table where a bottle was waiting for him, along with a fumarello ready to be lit. He took the seat willingly as his back was starting to ache. He reached for the bottle and paused in shock. It was one of the bottles from the Proteus prison.

He looked to Apollo in awe. "Where did you find this? I thought they were all gone?"

Apollo grinned as he waved someone over. Robber came up and extended his hand to Starbuck. "My gift to you for all you've done for us."

"I didn't do anything to deserve this!" Starbuck stood to clasp the man's hand.

"Well, we all chipped in, Forger and Adulterer, oh and Assault Nine, and aye, you did do a lot. You let me steal your ship and still got us off world. Oh, and Apollo here, he's found a place for me and my family on the Zakar. He says he's got a use for my skills as a vinter and a mechanic, and my wife will be needed in the child care center. It will be much better than the Colonial Movers for our daughter."

Starbuck looked to Apollo, impressed that his friend had found the time to look up Robber and his family. "Yeah, I think it will be. I'll make sure of that. We've got plans on how to make it better for everyone apparently."

"Just following your lead," Apollo said to him reaching for the bottle. "I'm going to stow this behind the bar for later, when you can appreciate it."

He nearly stopped his friend. He would love to have another taste of the fine ambrosia, but Apollo had a point. He wasn't tasting much of what was poured into his mug. In this crowd it might just get spilled all over the floor. Better to save it for a special occasion, like a honeymoon.

"It was good to catch up with you Starbuck, but I have to go. My wife would kill me if I stayed," Robber said patting Starbuck lightly on the shoulder. "We can talk more when we're neighbors."

Starbuck didn't get the chance to tell him he was really looking forward to that as they were interrupted by Crius and Bojay, both carrying two shots each.

"Bottoms up, Bucko," Crius said handing the shot to him, and the two downed the potent contents. Starbuck found himself coughing on the taste of pure wood grain alcohol.

"What the frak was that?" he asked as Crius grinned at him.

"Specialty from the agro ship. They use it to kill parasites."

Starbuck reached for the extra shot in Bojay's hand, but he pulled it back. "Nuh uh. These are both mine. Athena doesn't know I'm here and when she finds out, well I want to be feeling no pain when she hits me. Apollo's trying to get the card games organized, but I think everyone is too busy drinking to want to play. Besides, Greenbean has a surprise for you later."

Jolly came up to join them, handing Starbuck a mug of something a bit tamer, just grog. Starbuck took a sip as he scanned the room, counting the warriors that were there, all of Blue Squadron plus most of Silver Spar, minus the women. Across the room he saw a group of people he didn't know, except for Pallus who seemed to be commanding the group's attention.

"Who invited him?" he asked, but it was Apollo that answered over his shoulder.

"I did. This is about forging bonds and learning how to work together. I couldn't think of a better way than to invite them to a party."

Crius growled under his breath for only Starbuck to hear, "He never misses a party."

"It better not turn into that kind of party," Starbuck whispered back before addressing Apollo. "You think that's such a good idea? You do know he and I got into a fight the last time we were here."

"Yes, but this time, you're surrounded by friends, and you're not that drunk, not yet anyway. I will see what I can do about that," Apollo said to him winking as he strode away back to the bar, stopping to take orders on his way, acting as host for the party.

"I wasn't drunk then either. Is Apollo looking for trouble?" Starbuck winced as he noticed that Pallus was headed his way with a large man he didn't recognize.

"Just walk away," Crius said pushing at Starbuck to turn away and go join another group of his friends. Instead Starbuck downed the grog and waited for Pallus. Crius cursed under his breath before muttering, "The sealing can't happen if you're in the brig."

"It can if you are though. You've got my back, right?" He grinned at his new wingmate, before looking to Bojay. "You met the guy, right? He's trouble."

"Yeah I know. He made a pass at Sheba, after he found out who her father was," Bojay replied.

"And he's still alive?" Starbuck raised an eyebrow in surprise.

"She said something about acting civilized. I on the other hand am a bit of Boray according to your girlfriend. We've got your back and besides, at least the brig will be a quiet place to sleep off this hangover and my wife."

Crius shook his head cursing again. "Yeah, but I was looking forward to actually enjoying this evening. But what the frack, Lizbet will just beat me up when she finds out what Greenbean has planned. Might as well get a few licks in now while I can." He turned, flashing a fake smile at Pallus before greeting the man with him. "Mars, long time, no see, buddy. Can't say that I missed your ugly face."

"Sleeping your way to the top again I see Crius. You always did like the blondes," Mars said amiably while extending his hand in greeting first to Bojay, then to Jolly and finishing with Starbuck. "We have yet to meet Lt. Starbuck, but I think we have a lot in common."

"How's that," Starbuck asked taking the man's hand in a tight grip as he set his drink down on the table so his hand was free just in case he needed to make a fist. He had remembered Boomer's description of the Captain, competent but eyeing the Galactica like some day it would be his own vessel.

It was Pallus that provided the punchline to the joke. "We all seem to have the same taste in entertainment and in women. She do that thing yet that she does with her tongue? Drives you over the edge real fast."

Starbuck felt his jaw tighten and began to take the step forward, but Jolly had a grip on his right arm holding him back. "Ignore them. They're just borays."

"Of course she has," Mars added as if they were holding a conversation about the weather or battle tactics. "Or he wouldn't be sealing with her. She's a good choice, as good as any. Glad we were talked into taking her off Caprica. She can fly, but more importantly she's fertile and obeys when given the right motivation. Congratulations on adding to the population and mixing up the gene pool," Mars said as Starbuck tried to figure out if the man was being insulting or crudely complimentary. He had his answer as the man leaned forward speaking low, "I taught her that thing she does. She's a quick learner, just ask Crius."

Jolly may have had a hold on his right arm, but he didn't have his left. Starbuck thought he had made a fist, but as his hand shot out, he landed something that more resembled a slap than a punch before Jolly pulled him back and Crius got between them. Starbuck growled as Mars just laughed.

"And we both like fighting. How about we have a go. Pallus, get the tables arranged and take the bets."

Apollo had made it through the crowd that was gathering as Starbuck was shouting at Jolly to let him go. Pallus was indeed moving tables around while Jolly was hauling Starbuck back. Crius's voice joined in as he was proclaiming he'd be the first to go in the makeshift ring.

"You and me Pallus! I will take you down like I did before."

"What the frack is going on?" Apollo shouted in his commanding voice that didn't seem to have any effect. "Stand down now, or I call security!" Those words seemed to hold more weight as Mars backed off with hands up.

"I just thought we might have a little fun, for the honor of the Shiva, the Zakar and the Galactica. Just a friendly boxing match, right Starbuck? A bit of a tradition on the Zakar to fight for the woman you want to have. He's game, aren't you? Winner takes the girl. Oh wait, I've already had her," Mars said with a leer.

Starbuck lunged for Mars, but Jolly hauled him back a few more feet as Crius took a step forward into the gap, ready to take a swing at Mars. Apollo stepped between Crius and the Zakar Captain shoving Crius back.

"Enough! I won't stand for you disrespecting other warriors who just happen to be female," Apollo shouted. Apollo's eyes flashed to Starbuck, looking dangerous before his friend began to strip off his jacket, flinging it to the floor. Apollo brought his fists up as he took a menacing step towards Mars. "You want a fight, you fight me."

"Make room!" Bojay yelled as the crowd complied without needing the prompting, people shoving the tables back and making a makeshift ring with their bodies.

"Colonel," Starbuck found himself warning his friend. "This is crazy! Let me take him. They can't bust me any lower, and besides, I was thinking of leaving the service anyway."

Apollo looked to him for just a moment, his fists remaining up and ready. "No Starbuck. This one's mine. Tradition, right? Besides, we don't want to mess up the face, remember?" Apollo turned his attention to Captain Mars. "Just between us, no charges laid despite the outcome, deal?"

"Deal. One you will regret," Mars said. He slowly stripped off his jacket handing it to Pallus before beginning to circle Apollo with his fists up. Starbuck decided he was far drunker than he thought he was as Apollo was about to fight a man that outweighed him by a good four stone and stood at least a head taller. Apollo wasn't backing down.

"Apollo, use your head. He's just baiting you," Starbuck started to warn again, but his buddy wasn't listening. Jolly let go of Starbuck's arm to cheer their friend on. Boomer came out of nowhere and was on Starbuck's other side.

"This got out of control fast," Boomer said.

"Aren't you going to do something? That guy is going to murder him!" Starbuck appealed to his friend, usually the steadying force of the trio. "From the stories I've heard Mars has way more experience at this I'm betting."

"I have five cubits on Apollo. I think he can take him in under two centons," Boomer replied to Starbuck's shocked look. "You didn't even want to come. This will end the party sooner for sure."

Boomer had a point, but Starbuck didn't want to get out of the party at the expense of his best friend's face, or his life. This guy was huge with a nose that looked like it had been broken more than once. He was about to call out another warning, but he didn't have time as Mars reached out a feint in Apollo's direction. Apollo easily batted it away as he took his own jab at the man. It had little effect as the two began to circle each other again. Mars took another punch at Apollo, a one two combo, landing a blow to Apollo's face that brought groans to those from Blue Squadron.

Apollo backed away shaking off the hit, his fists still up in defence. Mars took the advantage throwing two more blows, one that landed in Apollo's gut and the other that was headed for his chin that Apollo deflected with his own fist. Mars reached out taking another shot at Apollo's chin, connecting with a sharp rap.

The blows seemed to be the signal that unleashed Apollo's fury. His fists flew swiftly and accurately; several blows in succession to Mars midsection dropping the man down to a crouch before Apollo put all his might into an uppercut. The force of the hit took Mars off his feet and onto his back on the floor. He landed hard rattling the floor beneath their feet. Mars shook his head, but remained on the deck. The roar of the crowd was deafening as Apollo stepped over the man, fists at the ready.

"Had enough or want more?" Apollo taunted.

Mars laughed from the floor, shaking his head and pretending like this was what he had planned from the beginning. He held up his hands in surrender. "You win. Starbuck can have the girl we've all had."

At the comment, Apollo pulled back to punch the man while he was on the ground, but several hands shot forward pulling him back, both Galactica crew and Dilmun warriors.

"Easy there, buddy, it's okay. He's just trying to get to you," Starbuck said reaching for his friend as others tried to hold him back. "Get your drinks and your friend and get out." Starbuck directed his words to Pallus who glowered at him.

"Thought we were all friends now. Or do you and I need to go a round?" Pallus taunted as he reached for Mars to help the man to his feet.

"You'll fight me first," Crius said trying to get into the makeshift ring, but Boomer held him back.

"Calm down," Pallus called out to Crius and to the crowd. "Just a tradition. No harm meant. Good luck Starbuck, you're going to need it. Come on, let's go." Pallus gestured to those of his group and they headed for the door.

Mars hung back for a moment before turning and reaching out his open hand to Apollo. "You won this round."

Apollo hesitated before taking the man's hand. "Another time, in the proper place, say an actual boxing ring, we'll see who takes the next round."

"Plan on it. You free in a four cycles? I'll meet you in the Zakar gym. Just know, you won't win this battle," Mars said before dropping Apollo's hand.

Apollo nodded in agreement. "I'll see you then, now get out."

Mars chuckled evilly. "Seems it's not my kind of party after all." He followed his friends out the door.

"Oh man, that was epic!" Greenbean crowed as the others erupted into cheers. "I knew this party would be legendary! Get Apollo a drink!"

Starbuck shook his head at his friend. "Do you think that was wise?"

Apollo grinned at him. "You've been avoiding Dante's warriors. I've been getting to know them." Apollo took the drink he was offered, downing the shot. "You're not the only one that can throw a punch you know."

"Yeah, and I almost got busted out of the service for it. Apparently with the new troop acquisitions, they can do without a hot pilot or two. This gets back to your father and we are dead meat." He reached for the other drink that was being offered to Apollo, downing it himself as he grabbed his friend's arm and led him over to one of the tables that was being hauled back to its proper place.

Apollo shook his head at him as he took a seat. "No Starbuck, Mars is right, this is a bit of a tradition. When they have grievances, they fight them out in the ring with at least some semblance of rules. If it's not done there, well, that's when it gets out of control. Your Copper Squadron weren't seen as equals, but we are. Mars will honor the deal and in time, that deal will include accepting your family as the Warriors they are. You'll see."

Starbuck shook his head, half in admiration, half in doubt. "You're playing with solenite, you know that right? These guys had no problem with killing Colonial Commanders of ships they wanted. Something tells me they still think the Zakar is theirs."

"And now they know it's not. Or at least that I'm not going down without a fight. Rene is right, you worry too much Starbuck. You're not in this fight alone, buddy." Apollo reached out a hand and Starbuck took it in the traditional warrior handshake as Boomer added his hand, then Crius and Jolly, followed by Bojay.

Starbuck sighed dramatically. "Yeah well with friends like you, who needs enemies?"

"The night's young," Boomer replied with a wicked grin.


	93. Chapter 93

The party seemed to go into full swing as the jokes began to be told, followed by several stories of Starbuck's antics in the past. He had to correct several of the stories as they had obviously grown in their telling over the yahrens.

"I didn't sleep with the Commander of the Academy's daughter, she was just the flight instructor's niece, get it right, guys."

Each correction just brought more laughter and another story that had been blown out of proportion. "I didn't steal his hovermobile, just borrowed it and parked it back in the same spot. Heck, it was even cleaner than when I found it . . . after driving through the river! And they weren't twins, just looked like they were."

It didn't matter how much he protested the stories were falsehoods, his friends had bought into the fairytales and Crius ate them up. It left him thankful that his wife avoided spending time with his Colonial Warrior friends. She would kill him if she knew even half of these fabrications, especially the stories they began to tell of his few times he was able to hit a decent chancery. Apparently, there was nothing funnier than when he won at the tables and chose to share his winnings with any and all pretty ladies he would invite to the party. Bojay recounted the tale at the Piscera chancery that ended with him sucking drinks out the waitress's navels. That one was mostly truthful, only it was just three waitresses, not twenty.

Starbuck began his own tale about the one time he and Apollo had snuck out of the academy, when he realized he might actually be a bit drunk as he forgot some of the details of that escapade, just remembering the twist of the story that had his friend passed out drunk with three ladies, all of them of the larger size that most men preferred. Apollo corrected him on a few details, but Starbuck insisted, "You were naked! I know because I had your wallet and your pants. Don't try to pretend you didn't do the walk of shame."

"Actually Starbuck, those ladies were very pretty despite their size, and they were kind enough to loan me some pants. You were doing the walk of shame that night, only," Apollo almost couldn't get the words out around his laughter, "Only you strutted if I recall, everything out for the guards to see as you came onto the Academy grounds. No shame on your face, oh no."

Crius nearly snorted ambrosia out his nose as Boomer added, "So there he was, naked as the day he was born and he still had his wallet with his ID. Pretended to pull it out of his back pocket, and asked the guards with a straight face, 'What's wrong? Am I out of uniform?' You should have seen their faces as they just shook their heads. So he keeps walking, goes straight to the mess hall like nothing is wrong, gets a tray and proceeds to sit down, like a normal day. Eats and goes to class, still naked. Actually argued with our drill sergeant when questioned that he was wearing his Colonial issue uniform. Fed him some line like, 'I was born to be in the service. I was issued my uniform the day I was born.' And the sergeant just laughed and told him to stop showing off his Colonial issued gun as he was making the other recruits feel inferior. Oh man, I will never forget that day!"

"Well it's true, all of it." Starbuck winked at Crius, "I do make others feel inferior. Especially in my drinking abilities. Come on guys, what kind of sendoff is this, I'm not even drunk yet."

"Alright, pipe down Sire Superior," Apollo said with a smirk as he got up to get the table another round of drinks.

"So Crius, what did Mars mean by that comment that I should ask you about my wife?" Starbuck knew he should have left it alone, but it had not passed his notice and was now simmering on the flame of pride and jealousy.

"Uh, well, I've been meaning to tell you, just never found the right time." Crius looked around the table embarrassed for a moment before meeting his eyes and dropping his country boy twang. "Things were, well, different on the Zakar right after Caprica. You have to understand that. We thought…well we all thought we were going to die any moment so that kind of lowers some inhibitions, you know?"

His words had Starbuck's full attention. "Yeah," he said slowly, "I think I can appreciate that. So his crack was true?"

Crius winced as he reached up and rubbed at the back of his neck. "I've been meaning to tell you, to just you know, get it out there so you don't hear it from somebody else. It's not a big deal really. It's not like I was the only one at the hoedown. I wasn't seeing straight then, blind as a newborn felix and as dumb as one too and…"

Starbuck stared him down, trying to keep the anger contained. "Just spit it out, country boy. You slept with my wife?"

Crius sucked in a deep breath, "Doesn't sound so good when you put it like that. And she wasn't your wife then. She was, well, she was looking to avoid the parties and the passing around. She's pretty and I asked, she offered. Was just a couple of times, and we mostly played cards, I mean after. She moved on as I didn't really have the rank she was looking for, and besides, Lisbet and I..." Crius shrugged and Starbuck looked away trying to hide his disgust. He was sick of the shrug for answers. He didn't blame Rene, nor Crius. The man was right, things were dire and desperate and he had his own mistakes he'd made as Bojay chimed in to remind him.

"Starbuck went nuts after the destruction. He actually asked Athena to seal with him and then jumped naked into a launch tube with Cassiopeia the next day."

Boomer added to the discussion, "He wasn't the only one trying to make sense of it all. Apollo found love with Serina in like a micron. We all dealt with the death of our worlds in our own ways."

"We had it a bit different on the Pegasus," Bojay continued. "Commander Cain had us working out our fear and frustrations in the skies and in the simulators. We went head to head, winner take all and worked on killing as many tin heads as we humanly could. Here on the Galactica I heard they just worked everyone to death trying to get the derelict ships pieced together to hold more survivors."

"It was tough but we survived," Starbuck said, still trying to suck down the burning in his chest. "Yeah, we worked hard and we tried to hang on to each other. I didn't go nuts, I just knew we needed to stick together, you know, find those we could love and hang on. Try to stay human to make it."

Crius chuckled nervously, "All we need is love? I didn't peg you as a counter culture follower Starbuck, but yeah kind of like that. Nights get cold when you realize you're all there is in the black. Like I said, saved her from a few borays. It was over three yahrens ago and on a desperate night or two. I'm not a complete horndaggit, you know that, Buckaroo."

"Yeah, I know," he conceded as Apollo handed him a drink that he downed in one draft hoping it would quench the burn of jealousy and shame. He knew Rene had others before him, knew he'd had more than a few random romps himself, but it was hard to leave things in the past when it was sitting right in front of you sharing a drink, and would be in the viper beside you on the next patrol.

"What has everyone so somber all of a sudden?" Apollo asked having missed the conversation.

"Nothing important," Starbuck answered for all of them, trying to make it true with the words.

"I think now is a good time for Greenbean to spring that surprise," Boomer suggested sending Apollo off again to find their friend.

"I thought we were going to be playing some pyramid, maybe hit the chancery?" Starbuck asked hoping to avoid whatever prank his squadron had planned for him.

"You don't get off that easy, Starbuck. Not after what you pulled at my send-off," Bojay replied. "It took me a secton to get the ink off me."

Starbuck chuckled remembering how they had actually pooled all their drinks so Bojay could get roaring drunk, then stripped him and used glow in the dark paint someone had found to write all kinds of foul messages on his face and body that suddenly appeared in the darkness of the candle lit sealing. Even Adama had cracked a smile in the middle of the ceremony. The best part, Bojay was completely clueless why everyone was laughing. It took well over a sectar for Athena to forgive them. She still gave them icy stares when anyone mentioned their sealing.

"Just try to remember, there are innocent women and children on this ship," Starbuck warned. "You don't want me strutting the corridors naked do you?"

"I hear Siress Belloby is on board. She might like that." Boomer leered at him over his mug.

"You wouldn't!" Starbuck tried to keep his face stern as Boomer related the tale of their visit to Serenity for Crius who got a hoot out of the story of the elderly woman whom Adama was supposed to be wooing hitting on Starbuck.

In the midst of their laughter the lights in the lounge dimmed as Greenbean approached Starbuck, a large handkerchief in his hand.

"Time for a little game. In honor of all the ladies you have liplocked, we call this one 'Kiss the Hero'. Line up guys and you get to kiss the hero of the fleet." Greenbean grinned at him dangling the cloth in front of him. "You get to guess who laid one on you. Guess wrong, and you lose an article of clothing. Get it right and you get to drink."

"Oh no you don't!" Starbuck started to get up from his chair, but Jolly and Giles were ready for him, pushing him down. "I like girls in case anyone was asking," he protested, but to no avail as Greenbean wound the blindfold around his head, tugging it hard to make sure it stayed in place.

"Come on, be a good sport, Starbuck," Jolly said in his ear. "I'll give you some clues. First one is up. He's big and dark and your bunkmate for years."

Starbuck braced himself for whatever surprise they had for him, trying to contain his panic. He tried to remind himself that this was all in good fun, but he had never enjoyed anything that made him blind and contained. It brought back far too many memories of his days in the orphanage when the larger kids preyed on the smaller and weaker. Starbuck had always been a small kid. He thought it was just not enough food or fresh air, but now having met his real father, it was likely just genetics. Small and thin, he'd spent more than his fair share in closets and footlockers, wrestled in against his will. He'd had to learn how to be smart early on. His mouth got him in and out of trouble more times than he could count, his smart remarks giving him at least a fifty fifty toss of the cubit at avoiding abuse. He utilized that skill now in an effort to quiet the terror threatening to come out of its cage.

"This should be easy. He's dreamed of kissing me nearly every night, isn't that right, Boomer?" The crowd laughed and he thought he might get out of this one, when something solid hit him on the cheek. "What the frak?" He reached to yank off the blindfold to see Greenbean grinning at him, a standard issue pair of rolled up socks in his hand.

"No fair cheating! That will cost you a boot."

Giles grabbed his right foot yanking off his boot while Jolly kept him pushed into his chair and another pair of hands pushed the blindfold back in place.

"Next, the one who you spent most of your days of the academy with."

He braced himself for the next blow, at least somewhat relieved it wouldn't be one of his buddies kissing him. Something slimy and wet slapped him on the cheek.

"Okay, I get the game now. That's a mop." The crowd cheered as he guessed correctly. A glass was pressed to his lips and he tried to reach up a hand to hold it, but they were yanked down as the glass tipped. He had no choice but to open his mouth or else wear the alcohol it contained.

"You're cheating again, aren't you?" Greenbean said, checking to see that the blindfold was in place. "Next up, your first girlfriend." Starbuck felt his own hand lifted to slap himself in the face.

"Ha ha, very funny, my hand." His friends cheered as another glass was brought up to his lips.

"Oh you are good at this game. Now for your first love," Greenbean said as Starbuck wondered what in hades they could be suggesting for that one. He had no clue what it was that tapped him on the cheek, but it was solid and at least dry.

"Okay, you got me on that one. No clue." Jolly lifted his blindfold as Greenbean waved in his face an academy issue flight manual.

"Hand over the jacket, Starbuck."

He had to concede that one. It could have been much worse, and he was helped by Giles in stripping off his jacket. Not so bad so far. Two drinks and just a boot and a jacket. His friends weren't clever enough to think up much more. He should be able to keep most of his clothes, or at least his skivvies.

"Next up, your wildest fantasies."

He braced himself again and this time was hit with many things, all light and he would have been clueless, but there was no mistaking the sound of gambling chits hitting the floor.

"Cards and chits!" he called out to his friend's delight. Another glass was put to his lips and he swallowed something foul. "Hey, I won that one!" he groused to laughter.

"Okay, next up, only in your wildest dreams."

He had barely braced himself when he heard his friends oohing and ahhing. This would be a good one and he expected a blow of some kind when he smelled perfume. "What the…" it was as far as he got before lips were pressed to his own, soft and warm. He was hesitant to kiss them back, sure this was one of his buddies who was bolder than the others and willing to take one for the squadron to continue the prank, but the lips were too soft, the kiss tantalizing as a tongue slipped expertly into his mouth. If this was one of the guys, he was one hell of a kisser and did a good imitation of a woman's sigh. "What the frak," he thought, "A good kiss is a good kiss. I'll give them something to laugh about." He gave in to that tongue, adding his own back deepening the kiss before the lips were pulled away to laughter.

He reached up to yank off the blindfold, expecting to see maybe Giles or Greenbean himself. Instead he found in front of him a woman, blonde and scantily clad in sheer scarves, giving him a sweet smile.

"What the frak? I said no girls!" he sputtered as his friends laughed as if it was the funniest joke ever.

The woman smiled at him seductively as she said with a wink, "Let's make the best of a bad situation, flyboy."

The words pierced through his fog as they were an echo of a few nights before in the OC, words of warning from Max. Rene and the Rats had made the most of a bad situation. He was the best of the bad situation, that's all he was. Just an escape, someone to offer security from the borays of the fleet. His mind reeled off on its own inebriated flight as the woman smiled at him coyly. She placed a hand on his chest, leaning forward to kiss him again before pulling back and beginning to lower herself to her knees, her other hand reaching for his belt.

He jolted in shock. He knew that move, and knew where Rene might have learned it. Did all girls learn that move in some secret school of seduction? Did they all learn how to play a man and make the best of a bad situation?

His body took over and he bolted to his feet, kicking back his chair with the one booted foot while he shook off Jolly's hands. He twisted easily away from Giles as he turned for the door.

He wasn't sure where he was headed when he hit the bright lights of the corridor, spinning in circles expecting someone or something to detain him. No, he had to find her. He had to get to her before they did anything else to her. He had to find out, was this real or just…he swallowed back bile as the realization bloomed in his chest like the grenade had in Ari's. She didn't love him, she just used him.

"She doesn't know how to have a relationship," Gage had said right in front of his friends and the Commander one dinner. Gage wouldn't lie. All the signs were there, even Crius and Max had tried to warn him. "Don't get between the two of them, you'll lose that choice," Crius had told him repeatedly. How many nights had Jake spent in their quarters?

The doors to the lounge opened and Apollo was there with his friend Boomer and he didn't want to be dragged back in there to whatever torture they had planned. The joke was over and he didn't find it funny. He took off headed for the private rooms of the ship. He had to find her. He had to know before this went too far. The joke was over.

Apollo caught up to him at the lift, grabbing him by the arm. "Starbuck? What's wrong, buddy?"

He jerked away from his friend, embarrassment making his face burn. "You know what's wrong!"

Boomer came up to his other side and the panic broke free as he pushed his friend back. "Whoa there, Starbuck. I know you said no girls, but it's just one and she can leave if you want."

He breathed hard wishing the lift would hurry the frak up. Apollo reached out for him again, gentler this time, his voice soft and steady. "Starbuck calm down. What's wrong?"

"You know what's wrong. Or you should, I should. What the frak was I thinking? Who was I kidding? She doesn't want me." He looked into his friend's eyes, but he didn't find the pity he was expecting, just confusion. He took a deep breath. Of course his friend wouldn't understand. Apollo was clueless when it came to women. "She doesn't want me. I'm just convenient. I can get her favors. Frak, I'm surprised she didn't go for you."

Apollo shook his head and looked even more lost. "What are you talking about?"

"I think he's had a few too many," Boomer added for reference.

"I'm not that drunk, or maybe just drunk enough to see what's on my scanner. She doesn't want me!" Starbuck shouted, his voice ringing down the corridor.

"The dancing girl?" Boomer asked perplexed.

Starbuck shook his head looking between his friends. "No, Rene! She doesn't want me. I'm just the best of a bad situation. I'm just…I was just. I have to find her. I have to end this."

Apollo finally grasped what he was saying, reaching out a comforting hand to his shoulder. "Starbuck, I think you're misunderstanding the situation. You've had a few too many. How about we go hit the chancery and maybe grab some water or some java."

"NO!" he shouted in exasperation. "No, I have to find her. I have to end this before it goes too far. It's probably not even my kid."

"Okay, okay, let's go find her and clear this up, okay? You're not thinking straight." Apollo gave his shoulder a squeeze and Starbuck winced at the pressure.

"The hades I'm not. I'm thinking right for the first time. I started this. I have to end this."

"Starbuck, that's just the booze talking. I've seen her with you. She loves you."

He snorted in derision. "Does a good job acting doesn't she. Lies all the fraking time."

The lift arrived, but Boomer reached out a hand to pull him back. "She's not in the suite. She and the others were going to set up the reception room. Said something about kicking back with some music. She's down the corridor."

"Boomer," Apollo hissed at him, "that's not a good idea, not in the state he's in."

"I'm pretty sure she's seen worse," Boomer added, but Starbuck ignored both his friends, striding down the corridor in determination. He had to walk nearly the whole ship to get from the astral lounge at the front to the reception hall in the rear and by then, his anger had cooled down to remorse and self-pity. Like usual he'd jumped into this relationship too fast. He'd just given her his heart and let everyone in and they were all probably laughing at him right now, a good joke. They pulled one over on the stupid Colonial Warrior. She'd read him like a data pad and used her whole arsenal against him, seduction and deception, and then using the kids to secure the deal. Had she gotten pregnant on purpose? It was low, but it wasn't the first time he'd heard of a girl doing that to snag a warrior. He'd seen it happen to more than a few of his friends before the destruction, an easy guarantee of a consistent income. The service paid extra to a warrior with kids.

He paused for just a micron outside of the doors to the hall, mostly to let his friends catch up. He wasn't sure he could do this alone, but it had to be done. He entered the hall to find the Rats around a table, cards in their hands. Music was blaring and there were more than a few ambrosia bottles. They were laughing at something as Rene laid down her hand, removing the fumarello from her mouth as she said, "Read 'em and weep, boys."

Starbuck's heart did a somersault diving straight into his gut as he saw the smile on her face as she looked to her friend Jake. No, not a friend, a father to her children and a former lover, who she should really be with. He choked down something resembling a sob as her gaze landed on him and her smile slipped from her face as her lips moved over the words, "Oh frak."

Starbuck shook his head convulsively as he turned to leave the room, but Apollo had a hold of him.

"Starbuck, talk to her."

He shook his head again, unable to form words around the rock sitting cold in his chest. He was suddenly conscious he had only one boot on, his other foot feeling cold and heavy as lead on the smooth tile floor. He couldn't move as he watched her set down the fumarello and get up from her chair to come to him.

"Hey, uh, it was just one fumarello and I wasn't drinking, I swear," she said to him. The lie helped to dislodge the boulder in his chest.

"Do you ever tell the truth?" He hurled the slurred words at her. It had the right effect as she snapped back in confusion and shock before looking to Apollo.

Starbuck didn't wait for Apollo to explain or for Rene to speak. He unloaded the words that had been burning like bile in his stomach. "Was this all just a game to you? You wanted a way off Dilmun, so you just used me and now that you're here, you just deceive me and use me. Just quit lying and tell me the truth. Did you even love me or am I just useful to you and the family? Do you even really want me?"

At first her eyes went wide, then she narrowed them looking at him warily before she directed her words to Apollo. "How many drinks has he had because at three he gets jealous, and by five he's insecure, but by seven or eight he tends to let it go and go back to being happy."

"This isn't the alcohol talking," he slurred as the floor seemed to slip under his barefoot. Boomer caught him, but he shook the hand off, tilting to the other side where Apollo gave him some support. "Just answer me! Do you even want me or would you rather be with Jake or Gage or…or.."

He stopped speaking as Rene shot him an evil look before asking Apollo again. "More than eight? So we are at irrational."

"He's pretty drunk," Boomer supplied the truth.

"You don't know how many drinks I've had and I'm not so drunk I don't know I've been lied to and played like a fool! You just want the rank and what I can do for you. You've slept with half the Zakar, and you don't want me. You don't know how many drinks it takes to make me see the facts in the lies!" he shouted guessing that most of the words were in the right order and made some sense, but all Rene did was shake her head and look him dead in the eye.

"Starbuck, it means I know you. I...KNOW...you, and if you knew me you would know that I never did those things willingly for the bastards on the Zakar. They had to make me, Starbuck, they all did." She stepped towards him, and he met her, glaring down at her.

"Alright, hot shot. Believe it or not, I love you."

"I don't believe you." Apollo gripped his arm hard and started to apologize for him, but he yelled at his friend to shut up. "This is between me and her. Prove that you love me because I know you don't."

She laughed evilly shaking her head. "You want some proof? I've got it for you." She held up her hand in front of his face, the ring glinting in the lights. "You gave this to me. I didn't ask. I told you it was too soon, too much, and you insisted, not me."

"Just proof I was ssstupid," the word slipped from his mouth twisting up his tongue and his guts.

"Oh, I see. You pushed and I just let you?" She sneered the words.

"Yeah, just like you let half of the Zakar frak you. You learned the moves just like that girl and you used them on me. You seduced me like she was doing and…" The words were harsh even to his own ears and he cringed with a premonition that he would regret those in the morning, but it wasn't morning and to hades with the consequences.

"What the frak is he talking about?" she asked Apollo, but it was Boomer that answered.

"Greenbean got a socialator. We pulled a prank on him and the girl, well she…"

Starbuck interrupted, "She did just what you do. She used your tricks the Zakar pilots taught you and you used me, got me to do what you wanted, to give you that ring and to…to…all of it." He threw his hands up in the air and was caught again by Apollo, but he brushed him off, glaring into Rene's eyes.

She looked away for a moment and he knew she was crafting her fairy tales.

"You can keep it!" he shouted, "You can keep everything. I just want the truth for once."

He heard Apollo admonish him. "Starbuck, I think that's enough. You don't mean that."

"Yeah I do," but he choked on the rest of the words as Rene's hand shot forward grabbing onto his belt as she pulled him a little closer to her.

Her voice low and soft. "Yeah, I was forced to sleep with a lot of men on the Zakar, but when it was done, I left, as quickly as I could. When I do those things with you, do you have to fight me or coerce me to do it?

He blinked as he hadn't expected her to be truthful. He was too stunned for a moment to answer, but when he did, his voice low and ominous, "No. I don't do that to women."

"No, you don't. You have never forced me to do anything, have you?"

He was confused for a moment where she was headed, but the words were accurate. "No, I haven't."

She nodded at him. "And when we are…done, who decides we're done?"

"Uh..." he stammered not really sure of the right answer, "I do?"

"When we are in the dome, who has to make me get up and leave?"

He thought for a moment, his own argument unravelling and he couldn't quite grasp the threads of it. "I do."

Rene leaned up on the toes of her boots, coming nose to nose with him. It brought her into focus and he felt himself sway. She reached out a hand to his face steadying him. "In our quarters, who has to make me get out of bed?"

"I do." He swallowed, already beginning to miss the mornings they shared, the quiet moments between the chiming of their alarm and the warmth of their bed where he felt safe and welcomed.

"Who is usually telling me that I need to slow down and maybe we should take a break? Who usually tells me no?"

"I do...but..."

Her eyes were boring into him and her glare that stung like acid had him suddenly questioning why he was here. "When I was on the Zakar, I learned those tricks you accuse me of doing so I could get it over with as fast as I could, and once done, I was out of there before the guy came to his senses. I don't do that with you, do I? A one and done? That sound like you and me?"

He shook his head, "No, but…"

"But what, Starbuck? Who initiates half the time? Who complains about having to leave our bed? Who is the one asking for more?"

"You do but…but you do it to manipulate me." He tossed out the accusation, but it sounded more like a question to his own ears and he found himself looking away, noticing that most of the family was watching the exchange, including the kids who looked up to him, Jason and Cain. Even Lara was listening to them arguing about the intimate details of what they did in their quarters.

Rene patted the side of his face to get his attention and keep his gaze on her. "If I am manipulating you, what am I getting out of it that I couldn't get myself?"

He thought for a moment. The only thing he could think of was the Council Chambers, but when he really thought about it, Crius and Nik's quarters were more spacious and luxurious than his and Rene's and it was the Commander who had technically assigned the large room to the whole family.

"Keep thinking, Bucko," she said, her grin turning soft and sweet.

He knew he was in trouble when she used the nickname many in blue squadron had given him, but he couldn't think of anything he had acquired for her other than the council chambers. He knew sometimes she did...things...to cool his anger, but it didn't really work, just got him to be a bit calmer when talking to her.

"You do things sometimes when I'm mad to distract me."

She nodded looking down for a moment before meeting his eyes. "Okay, right, and why is that?"

She didn't give him time to answer, "It's because I am scared you'll leave me. I love you so damn much that it terrifies me that you may walk out on me, so I do things you like so you'll stay. If that's manipulation, well, I'm going to keep doing it because I don't want to be without you. It's not because you do things for me, except you do, but it's not what you think. And... well frak Starbuck, if I wanted a husband to help me move up in the world, why in frak's sake would I set my sights on a Lieutenant? You don't even outrank me! Believe it or not, I love you and tomorrow I am going to show the whole fleet that I do. And you think I would go through all this to get bigger quarters?"

He hung his head and sighed, "No."

With a soft touch, she to guided his eyes back to her, "I love you because you are the sweetest kindest funniest man I have ever known. I love you despite the fact that you are a pretty boy." The smile she gave him was genuine and true and he wanted to drown in her eyes. She leaned up to kiss him, her lips soft and sweeter than any he had tasted before. She pulled back and he swayed again as his doubts left him.

"And, you can ask me anytime. I will tell you again, and again and again, okay? Proof enough?"

He nodded, feeling the tight bands around his heart loosen and let go. Then she kissed him deeply and he melted into the kiss. When she pulled away she was still smiling.

"Better?"

He nodded several times feeling like his head had come loose from his body.

She laughed shaking her head at him. "Okay, now you need to do something for me, since I'm manipulating you and all."

He growled a little, "I'm going to regret this aren't I?"

"I will only tease you a little, I promise. Now you need to go back and buy that girl a drink. You sit down and ask her about her kids because I'm betting you five cubits she's got some, and she dances so she can make money to buy them what they need and want. You pay her, and then you make sure she gets tipped well. You thank her, tell her she did a great job, and you send her home, you got that, Bucko?"

She jerked him by his belt in warning. "That's all you do. I can get jealous too."

"Yes Ma'am."

She kissed him again and the power of it made his knees weak. He reached to pull her into his arms and stumbled, nearly tumbling the two of them to the floor before Apollo could get a grip on him.

"Sorry," Apollo apologized for him and he echoed the words feeling like a little kid.

"Yeah, uh, sorry. I…you sure you want to seal with me and not Jake?" He had to ask and her laughter sounded so sweet to his ears.

"Yes. I am sure." She turned to Apollo, "You might want to just put him to bed."

"No, he promised me cards. I have to fleece them all," he said, turning away to head out the door.

"Wait for us, Bucko," Boomer said, tossing over his shoulder, "We'll keep him out of trouble. He'll show up on time tomorrow."

"He'd better!" she shouted after them, "Or I'll trade him for a higher rank."

"I'm going to regret that, aren't I?" he turned to ask Apollo who was suddenly there at his side guiding him in the right direction.

"Not as much as you're going to regret the headache you're going to have tomorrow. Come on, let's get you some water to drink."

"Then cards, right?" he said, turning towards the flashing lights of the chancery.

"This way, Bucko," Boomer said turning him back towards the Astral Lounge.

There was a cheering and clapping when he entered the room and he saw they had cleared a ring in the room again, only this time instead of a fight, there was a girl twirling with scarves dancing in her hands. Apollo deposited him on a stool near the bar as he asked the bartender for a glass of water. He downed it and Boomer handed him a mug of grog to sip. Food appeared in front of him, crackers and cheeses that he reached for not really tasting them. He must have lost track of things for a few microns because unexpectedly there was the pretty girl sitting next to him, all her scarves in all the right places. He thanked her for the kiss and found himself flirting with her, no harm in that was there?

Rene was right, the pretty socialator had kids, two of them and she showed him pictures of two adorable little girls. Starbuck dug out the printout of the scan of the baby Cassiopeia had taken for him and he wished he had a picture of Leia, Kalea and Kiff, but he had one of him with Jason and Cain.

The pretty lady kissed him on the cheek and told him he was sweet. He bought her a drink and handed her more than a few cubits he had on him. She thanked him for the tip and gave one of her own, to never agree to be blindfolded again. Well, it hadn't turned out so bad, he reasoned. Only a mop to the face before a decent kiss. Once she left, Crius took up residence at the bar with him before they were both collected for the promised game of pyramid.

He didn't remember much of the game, only that when a hand was lost, so was an article of clothing and he vaguely recalled gambling away his insignia. What he did remember is they were all laughing and having a good time.

And then he was woken by a rattling of buckets as someone shook him awake.

"What are you doing in here?" a custodian asked.

Starbuck groaned at the bright lights that flicked on, gleaming and glittering off the trappings of the Rising Star Chancery.

"Oh lords," he moaned. "Shut those fraking lights off will ya? Oh the son of Sagan, what the hades took up residence in my mouth?"

"Uh sir," the custodian handed him a dirty rag. "You might need this."

"Why in hades would I need that?" He sat up and felt a chill as he shivered. He was in the middle of a seven-eleven table, naked as the day he was born. "On second thought, I'll take that. Thanks."

The rag barely went around his waist, and he had to hold it in place with one hand. He looked around still wincing at the bright lights to see he wasn't alone. Apollo was slumped in a chair shirtless and Boomer was curled up on the floor in just his briefs. His friends hadn't abandoned him. He still had his chrono and he brought it to his face, blinking a few times to clear his vision. It was mid-morning, closer to midday meal than breakfast. The ship's corridors would be full of people. He looked around the chancery for more articles of clothing. There was nothing.

"Oh frak." He tried to recall the quickest route to the honeymoon suite, then it came back to him, all the nasty things he'd accused his wife of doing. "Oh double frak."

He hopped down off the table, groaning at the effort and grabbing his head to make sure it didn't roll off his shoulders. He kicked Apollo lightly with a bare foot. His friend jolted awake reaching for a weapon he didn't have.

"Where in the hades are my clothes?" Starbuck asked.

"Huh? Oh, um," Apollo blearily looked around the room. "Crius has them. Wanted to fight me to see who was the best wingmate. He won I think." Apollo rubbed at his face and Starbuck saw the blooming purple of a bruise on his best friend's cheek.

Starbuck had to kick Boomer twice to get him to wake up. At first he just rolled over and mumbled to leave him alone, but a third kick to his astrum got him to rise to consciousness.

"Come on," Starbuck encouraged, "We have a walk of shame this morning and then I have to go grovel to my wife and see if she's still talking to me. I have a big apology to deliver."

"Already got you covered," Boomer said as he pulled himself up to his feet.

"Say what?" Starbuck asked wondering where his cubits wound up, hopefully still in his pants, although he had a vague recollection of handing them all to some pretty girl.

Apollo put an arm around him. "Took care of it last night before the card game. Sent her flowers in your name."

"Flowers? How the hades did you afford that?" Starbuck asked knowing first hand how rare a commodity flowers were in a fleet that could barely feed itself.

"We all chipped in, well mostly Greenbean. The socialator was his idea." Boomer added.

"Oh," he said, rubbing at his face trying to clear the gunk from his eyes. "Think I still need to see her."

Apollo laughed. "Why don't you clean up first. Not sure she should see you like that."

Starbuck groaned as he looked around the room for a mirror. "Please tell me you didn't shave off an eyebrow." He reached up checking his face, then his hair. All still there, then he looked down at his body, lipstick kisses all over his chest.

"What the frak happened? Rene is going to kill me."

Boomer laughed. "You don't remember?"

"I think I would remember this, at least I would hope so since it's what's going to get me killed." Starbuck looked up to the heavens hoping for a Cylon attack. It would be a quicker death than what Rene might do.

"No worries, Starbuck," Apollo said stripping off his pants to his briefs, handing Starbuck the clothing. "Crius did those. Said something about fraking with you instead of Rene. Not sure what he meant but, it's just lipstick. It will wash off."

"Thanks," he said taking the pants and slipping them on. "Alright, time to strut boys."

Thankfully it was a short walk to the lift, and no one was in the corridors for the private rooms. He headed towards the honeymoon suite, but Boomer reminded him that he might want to get the lipstick kisses off his chest and the ambrosia off his breath before apologizing to his wife, but he could feel the regret of his words beginning to compound by the centon.


	94. Chapter 94

Rene had stuck to her vow that all of this, the IFB and the Rising Star, wasn't just about her and Starbuck. She made sure the evening offered something for all the kids, dropping Cain, Jason and Lara by the triad courts before visiting the filming of the two kid shows that played every afternoon on the IFB. The first show was truly lame by pre-destruction standards, just a couple of guys using socks as puppets, or worse yet, miming that an insect was in the room or that gravity had been shut off and the ship turned upside down. The kids thought they were hilarious with their imaginary friends that no one could see. Rene could appreciate that they were making kids laugh with literally nothing, but the show also made her sad. That's what they had been reduced to as a race, sock puppets and pantomime.

The next was the Squiggles, a show she completely despised as the tunes were simple chords with simple words. The actors had decent voices and the show contained some music education. She was surprised to find her opinion changing as they sat through the taping. The four singers involved her kids in the taping giving the IFB the shots of the family that they had wanted without Rene realizing what was going on. The singers were so good with kids that they won her over. Lords help her, she became a fan especially when the actors after the show came to talk with the family and they got to talking about music. All four men had been involved in the music industry before the destruction. They knew some of the people Jake had been playing with in his studio days.

That wasn't the only surprise of the evening. She knew Nik, Max and Jake plus the rest of the guys were going to go to the kids shows with her, Lisbet and Dara to help with the kids, but after that they still opted out of Starbuck's send off. She kept telling Jake it was okay, he needed to get in some guy time and get to know the pilots, but he just shook his head and mumbled something about making up for the mistakes he'd made.

"That was a long time ago," she had replied, but he just shrugged and they both pretended that nothing had been said. If she was honest with herself, he'd made up for anything he'd done wrong when he helped deliver Kalea. They had been on their own in their rustic cabin with little in the way of medical supplies. The doctor was too busy with real injuries, stuck in surgery and couldn't spare the time for a complicated birth of a girl child. Rene had been in labor for over twenty-four hours and they were both worried he was going to have to do something drastic. In between contractions, Jake read up on what to do. They both thanked the lords it didn't come down to a crude surgery in conditions far from clean when he was able to finally pull Kalea out. He then took her patrols and his for the next secton while she got back on her feet.

Jake's help more than made up for any mistakes he'd made, but she appreciated that he wasn't going to poke the old wound by trying to join in with the pilots. The real question was, why was he trying to be good now? Did he still want her, or was it just the thought that he might have lost her forever that had him making the effort? She wasn't going to look at it too closely. She just wanted to enjoy a night being herself with her friends.

After the kid's shows, they headed to check out the reception hall and get the instruments set up and ready to go. The kids were wound up and the space was large. A game of tag broke out that led to more games as Cain and Jason ran the toddlers ragged. Jake and Nik got things set up and they practiced a few songs, toying around with some new ones they working on. They got Cain on the drums and Jason on bass guitar for a few songs. They were awful, but they had fun being bad.

They played the kind of music they liked, loud and raw. With no one around to judge, Rene belted out more than a few songs, screaming out her rage at the errors she had made on Caprica. It felt great to share that emotion with people who understood. They eventually took a break and brought out the ambrosia and the cards. Jake poured her a glass and she didn't think twice about taking the drink. It was probably the only chance she was going to get before the cameras were on her all the next day. She could do this, she told herself, she was tough. Actually, this wasn't so bad as she laid down her cards, "Read them and weep, boys," she said as Jake looked to her, an evil grin on his face.

"Smile at me like you love me," he said and she did, wondering at the mischievous look that flashed in Jake's eyes. "Busted," he said motioning over his shoulder with his chin.

There was Starbuck looking dishevelled and angry.

"Oh frak." Her words just made her friends laugh.

Starbuck had been jealous, irrational and drunk. Normally that might be a recipe for disaster, but she was able to get him calmed down and back on his way to what was going to turn out to be an evening he probably wouldn't remember, but she was sure no one would let him forget.

Once the doors closed behind Apollo and Boomer's apologies, she let out the breath she'd been holding and felt her shoulders sag. Starbuck's words had hit a sore spot and she certainly wasn't pleased to find out that his friends had bought him a girl. He knew what she had been through, and tried to remember the socialator wasn't his idea. He didn't need to buy girls, there were more than a few willing to be with Starbuck.

She knew his reputation when she first started flirting with him just by how willingly he flirted back. Then there had been the moment she had found him with Cassiopeia and the warnings from Sheba. Rene hadn't boasted with Sheba. She could deal with the competition. It was Starbuck that couldn't take finding out that he might have a rival or two, but she had thought they were at least past him being jealous of Jake. Now he was blaming her for men she didn't even want to sleep with, opening up a wound that hadn't healed yet. Dante's words whispered in her ear, "You deserve what you get. You made me do this." She shivered trying to shake his voice from her head.

She flinched as Jake came up putting his arms around her shoulders. "So, you actually believe all that felgercarb you just blew up his tail pipe?"

She shook her head and pulled away from him. "Frak you." She started to head for the door, but Jake reached out grabbing her by the arm.

"I'm just kidding. Don't go."

She turned on him angrily, but the mirth had left his eyes and for just a moment he looked scared. She sighed heavily. "Don't frak with me, okay. You know how I feel about him and it doesn't change what we have."

"I know." He held tight. "Stay. I'll let you win."

"I don't want to win, I just want to not have to watch my back for ten centons, okay?"

"Deal. I'll behave."

She shook off his grip. "It's not me you need to be nice to. Cut him some slack!" She pointed towards the door and Starbuck's retreat. "He's never done this before."

"He did a couple of sectons ago," Jake quipped.

"You know what I mean! You and I, we had it different. We had siblings and parents and we've had each other. He's had nothing for a long time, and what friends he does have, he treats more like heroes, places them above himself and he doesn't measure up! Just because you didn't appreciate what you had doesn't mean you get to frak it up for him." She hissed the last sentence low for only his ears.

"So how did this turn into my fault?" Jake said backing up.

She crinkled her nose as she rubbed at her temple. "It's not. I just…we just…we need to…" She didn't know how to put into words what the two of them needed to do to make this easier for all of them.

"We? I'm trying to make this a we, but he's looking for just a you."

Rene shook her head to his words. "No, he's not or he wouldn't let Cain and Jason call him Dad or you call him brother. Just…lay off the gold cluster comments, okay?" She shook her head, going back to the table and taking her seat. "Turn up the music and let's play before I have to go and become the dancing bear for this circus."

Cain reached for the cards, his face worried as he surveyed those around the table. Jason clapped him on the back to let him know everything was okay. "I think Starbuck might have a new nickname."

"He gets mad when we call him 'old man'," Cain said as he shuffled the cards.

"Naw, he said it himself. He's stupid. So, are we still having a sealing tomorrow?" Jason asked.

"Yes," Rene barked, "and you are all going to do what you're told. That includes haircuts for all of you tomorrow. Now shut up and deal."

She tried to get back into the happy banter of her friends, but Starbuck's interruption had shattered the fragile illusion of hope and happiness she'd been trying to create. The headache began to grow and she couldn't concentrate on the cards, forgetting what went where. She didn't notice when they stopped dealing cards and instead just sat around the table drinking and smoking.

"Sorry," she muttered realizing she'd gotten lost somewhere.

They all said it was okay, and agreed they should probably get some sleep as they all had a lot to do the next day. Jake and Lisbet gathered all the kids as it had been agreed at some point earlier in the evening to give Nik and Dara a night to enjoy their fancy suite on their own. Rene considered letting them have the honeymoon suite, but knew that would be really interesting if Starbuck chose to wind up there that evening.

After they helped to get all the kids to the Honeymoon suite, Max, Alex and Jonas headed down to the chancery. She knew they were probably headed to the send off. Boomer might need the help to keep Starbuck out of trouble.

Once in the suite, Jake tried to gather the kids up for a bath.

"Come on, my little monsters," Jake shouted as Kiff squealed and ran at his cue. "I'm going to get you!"

Rene smiled as she watched Jake chase down his son, not needing to chase down Kalea as she followed in her father's footsteps. Now that Leia was crawling, she tried to follow but got tangled up with Nik's kids and Lisbet's. Jake ended up on the floor tickling the kids while they tickled him. Rene felt something come loose in her chest and she could finally draw a full breath, surprised at how good it felt. She joined them, and Jason and Lara wound up on the floor with them, with Cain standing awkwardly beside the pile.

"Let's get him!" Jake said when they all paused to notice Cain's hesitance. They reached for the tall kid who was shocked at first, then gave in to the hands tugging him down, laughing as everyone joined in to tickle him.

"I'm too big for this!" he protested. "I'm a cadet!" But the words had no effect and he dissolved into laughter and peals of "No, let me up!"

They finally relented when the young man claimed he couldn't breathe, mostly because none of them could around the laughter.

Lisbet discovered the televid had recorded movies available. Jason and Cain loaded up an action flick and settled in with mushies Lisbet and Lara had liberated from the minibar. Jason had Zak almost rocked to sleep while Jake started getting the kids ready for a bath and Rene focused on Leia. Jake whistled when he saw the bathing tub, then proceeded to strip off his own uniform. "You joining us?"

They both stripped down to their underwear and got all the kids into the tub. It was a good time splashing with Kiff and Calliope pretending that he could actually swim. They taught Leia how to blow bubbles in the water while Kalea and Daniel practiced jumps from the side. There were enough towels for everyone and ten more people if necessary. Rene sighed in ecstasy at the softness of the robe, reminding Jake that the other one was Starbuck's.

Jake raised an eyebrow as he dropped his wet boxers and wrapped a towel around his waist but left the robe alone. They got the kids dressed and settled down in the main room on the various couches. Cain didn't complain as he was handed Leia with a bottle. Kalea, Neri and Calliope snuggled in with Jason while Kiff and Daniel sprawled on the floor with Lisbet. Jake took up one of the other couches, throwing his arm wide beckoning Rene to his side. He hadn't bothered to get dressed himself, still sporting his towel and bare chest. She gave it a moment's thought as she was just in the robe and nothing else. She knew what this would look like if Starbuck walked in and then said "frak it." After his accusations, the known womanizer could stew in his own jealousy for the night. She settled in beside Jake letting him pull her in as he kissed the top of her head.

"That was a good day," he said wistfully. "I didn't think it would be or I would have tried to enjoy it more. Do you remember the last good day?"

She felt something inside snap and the memory burst forth, the night in the orchard as they all looked at the stars, Ari and his wife still alive. "Yeah, I remember. Those apples were sweet."

"Yeah they were," Jake answered kissing her head again. "Want to talk about it?"

She wasn't sure what he was referring to, whether it was the loss of Ari or Starbuck's words, but she didn't want to talk about either. "I just want to enjoy being on top for a change. Try to soak it up before we have to go back to the grey of the Galactica."

"The grey's not so bad. You can at least count on it to be the same every day. Kind of nice to know what to expect." She looked up at him in surprise. It was high praise for Jake. "Maybe I could learn to lean into it for a while," he replied to her surprised gaze.

"Lean in? I can't do this without you, you know that right? All or nothing. We dive in."

He shrugged, but the grin that he tried to hide made him look so much younger. "Don't worry, I'll be around when he screws this up. He's not all hero according to the rumors."

Before she could reply, the door to the suite chimed.

"Probably Starbuck. Forgot his key and ready to sleep it off," she said disengaging herself from Jake and getting to the door before anyone else.

She was surprised to find it was not Starbuck at the door, but Gage.

"What are you doing here?" she blurted out before realizing it had to be something that had gone wrong.

He read the fear in her eyes before he reached out a hand touching her shoulder, something he had not done since Dixon and Caprica.

"Nothing is wrong. I just have a favor to ask you." Gage's voice was steady, but his face flushed.

"Should I be concerned?" Rene asked taking a step back in shock wondering if the man had been drinking. He didn't imbibe often, but when he did, he took it seriously, making sure he was good and wasted.

"No, I just needed to talk to you before the sealing. It's just about you and me." His face flushed even deeper, but there was no familiar scent of ambrosia coming from him.

She looked back into the room and her family sprawled all around. At one time in the not so recent past, it was Gage that was looking out for all of them, making sure the kids stayed safe and out of Dante's wrath. He'd seen that they had what they needed, from food and clothing to medical care and child care. Gage had been close, but in the last few sectons he had been away on the Zakar helping out Apollo.

But it was more than just that. Since the first sectons on the Galactica, he'd been pulling away. She had thought that was maybe for the best, but then she'd melted down in front of too many important people. Dixon had become involved, and so had Gage, removing any doubt she had about the Colonel's intentions with her and the family. He still saw himself as their guardian and was willing to break a few rules to accomplish that goal.

She'd not had a chance to talk with him since Caprica, but for him to show up now had her worried. Jake started to get up, seeing the concern in her eyes, but she waved him off before facing Gage again. "Everyone's asleep. Let's talk in the corridor," she said as he backed up, allowing her to shut the door behind her. That was a mistake as once in the bright lights of the hallway she was conscious of the robe and not much else she was wearing. The gossip mongers were everywhere in the fleet and news travelled faster than vipers.

"Gage, what are you doing here? I thought you were going to the send off? If Starbuck or his friends see you here, he's going to go ballistic." She scanned the corridor around them assuring that they were alone before turning back to her friend, sometimes lover, always a colonial Colonel.

"Who's walking you down the aisle?"

She physically jerked at the question before scanning the corridor again and sighing. "Gage, this isn't your concern right now. I think maybe we need to talk about…"

He cut her off. "Who? Just tell me."

She shook her head knowing that she should have talked with him sooner, drew the line and set the boundaries. "Not that it should matter to you, but Cain is. It seemed the safest choice at the time for the cameras."

Gage shook his head. "I want to walk you down the aisle."

She nearly growled in anger as her nose crinkled. This talk was long overdue, which meant it could wait even longer. "You think that's such a good idea? You told everybody about us. Not sure that makes you a good candidate for even being at the sealing. Starbuck's a jealous man."

Gage winced before levelling his eyes upon her with an authoritative look. "I didn't tell everybody, I told command who needed to know what they were dealing with."

"Which is everybody. There are no secrets on that Battlestar. Everyone knows everything about everybody," Rene snapped not intimidated by his attempt at being commanding. "What they were dealing with could stay back on Dilmun. You made that clear." She turned to head back into the room but his hand on her shoulder pulled her back as he stepped closer, his other hand reaching for her. The flash of anger in her eyes only made him step even closer, his voice suddenly raspy.

"I had to explain why I was asking so many questions about Starbuck, especially if it was a good idea for him to be with you. And…" Gage sucked in a breath pausing, "and I asked if the rules had changed here as they did in Dante's fleet, if you and I could be…"

His words faltered but she didn't miss the ragged breathing.

"Could be what Gage?" It came out harsh, almost a snarl as the feelings of betrayal rose in her chest.

He ignored the words as he tried to go forward, "I found out they had not, and that Starbuck is apparently a somewhat decent officer. He could be…so I…"

He pulled in a deep breath as if trying to calm himself and she wondered again at how much he'd had to drink that night, his eyes wide and his pulse pounding in his neck. She ventured the question again, softer this time.

"Could be what, Gage? What was I ever to you but convenient? You didn't want me. You were always regretful afterwards. You wanted…" She shook her head not really knowing what the man wanted. He wasn't unwilling, but he also didn't seek her out like others had.

That night on Dilmun when she found him in the back of the tavern some of the enlisted had created, a place to avoid officers and to find a mug of homebrewed ale and a fast meal, he looked so lost. He shouldn't have been there, but no one else was brave enough to tell him so. He was drunk and stumbling, looking like he was about to cry in his ale. She knew that look too well and it didn't lead to good things. She needed Gage alive in her world, needed the protection he provided. She offered a hand to let him know he wasn't alone. That's all Jake needed sometimes, just a touch to feel like he was needed in this life.

When she could convince the man to head back to his recently built home, she had intended to just get him to bed to sleep it off. She couldn't remember what made her kiss him, but the memory was clear enough that she knew it had been her that started it. But he had taken it from there, suddenly far more able and sober than she first thought.

He'd avoided her for the next secton and that was fine. She figured he had gotten what he needed, but he kept showing up at the tavern, then at her home. It always took a few drinks before he suggested he should go home. He never asked her to go with him and many nights he just left and that was that. Some nights, she walked him home and stayed. Then there came the nights, she knocked on his door and he didn't turn her away despite the shame he would feel the next morning.

But he never asked. They both knew it was her that was hunting him. He just fell for the trap.

"I wanted you." His voice was a husky whisper. She barely caught the words as she shook her head. They sounded like the truth but she knew that words meant nothing.

He hesitated looking down for a moment before looking back up into her eyes. "It was more than convenience, Rene. You're beautiful and so full of life. We could have been…more. Had I been braver…stronger. Before the Galactica I had so little to offer you. And once we were here, I didn't pursue it because Starbuck seemed to genuinely care for you. He knows you are using him and he doesn't mind. He gives you what you want and more."

"I'm not using him," Rene said softly. Gage quirked an eyebrow at her, an acknowledgment that he thought she was lying, but he let the statement go by.

"He thinks the child is his and hasn't asked about anyone else has he?"

She looked away. Gage was playing serious triad tonight, no feints or fake throws, straight for the goal and he was right, Starbuck hadn't asked. He assumed the child was his and if he had doubts, he suspected it might be Jake or Dante who was the father. Both she and Gage knew full well it was neither of them. She had been careful with Dante, even more so with Jake. But with Gage, she'd been doing the complete opposite, making sure she found him alone on just the right days, actively trying to carry his child in the hopes that he would finally commit to protecting her and the family from Dante and his lackeys. Gage was right, the odds were better the child was his rather than Starbuck's.

He reached for her chin, gently guiding her eyes back to his as he asked the question again, "He hasn't asked, has he, even though he knows about you and me?"

She sighed heavily. "No, he hasn't asked. I don't think it's yours."

He nodded looking deeply into her eyes. "Maybe I want it to be. Had the Galactica not come along, I would have…" He paused again.

"So what was stopping you?" she asked sarcastically. This talk was so long overdue that it was almost ridiculous. He was there when she sealed with Starbuck a few sectons ago, the real sealing. He'd said nothing then, nothing since. What had happened to make him initiate the conversation now?

"Seriously you have to ask?" he replied gently stroking her jaw line with his thumb, something that never failed to send a shiver down her spine.

"Starbuck is nearly as old, and it hasn't stopped him."

"Maybe it should have," he argued but his thumb still lightly stroked her face. "But no, it was more than that. You're closer to my daughter's age than my own and you're nothing like my wife."

"She's dead Gage." His thumb froze and she regretted the words.

"I know. It's not what stopped me from being with you. I was ashamed. I still am."

"I was an adult, Gage. Plus I know a thing or two more than people twice my age."

He shook his head, remorse sagging his shoulders, but he kept the grip on her chin. "No, it wasn't the age difference or even the rank. We both know I didn't take advantage of you. You used me. I couldn't say no, you didn't give me a chance to. I'm not ashamed of that. I can't forgive myself for the fact I should have done more. I didn't act. I didn't do what I should have, for you and for…for so many others. It took me a while to understand. I was in survival mode on Dilmun, half dead on the Zakar. It's taken me a while to wake up. You helped to make me feel alive when I didn't want to be. Everything I had once loved was dead and the future seemed like a dangerous thing until the Galactica arrived. You gave me hope and all I had to give was a few nights free from abuse that I should have stopped."

She shivered as his fingers began to stroke her jaw line, but it was more than the touch that had her shaking. "He would have killed you. You did what you could and…" She quelled the memories threatening to come to her. "He spilled so much blood as it was. Without you it would have been more and you would have just been another drop in the flood."

His other hand came up like he wanted to pull her close, but she tensed and he dropped his arm back to his side, but his gaze intensified. "You are stronger than I am. You lost so much, and you never gave up. You were still fighting Dante and it was ludicrous that you were looking at me for protection. I'm a weak man. I'm not sure I could have given you the safety you were looking for."

She looked away again, jerking her chin out of his grip. "You did. You could have…" She shrugged before looking back to him.

He nodded his head shakily. "I would like to think I would have, but the truth was, you saved me. I was almost done when you found me, and I know you realize that. You knew when I was close to losing my grip. You offered hope and it was so damn sweet that I couldn't take it. I owed you more than I gave. You gave me so much. You reminded me that maybe I am worth saving."

He reached for her again, a hesitant finger lightly stroked her face. "I hope it's his, and if not, that it's mine. It would an honor to have Starbuck raising my child. He will do a better job than I could."

She closed her eyes, afraid of the swell of emotion that was rising within her. If he took his life, his death would be on her hands. She felt responsible for Gage but what could she do for him now? Nothing that Starbuck would understand. Her body was his now and she didn't know what else she could offer. She opened her eyes to find his were still upon her, guilt in his gaze.

"You sound like you're giving up now. Warriors don't give up." She tasted betrayal in her mouth as she tossed out the accusation.

"On you, yes. On this life, no. You and Starbuck, you've shown me the way forward. I will follow you just like I did to Caprica and back. So, grant me this honor. Let me give you away to the better man."

It was a compelling reason and she nodded leaning into his touch. She couldn't deny him and wondered if he asked for more if she would give it to him? But he wouldn't ask, he was too honorable a man for that.

"I wish you could see yourself the way I see you." She reached for the hand at his side, gripping it tight. "I need you."

She felt him tremble as he swallowed hard. He leaned towards her, his body tense with the fight he was waging. For a moment she was afraid that he would step closer and actually kiss her. She was even more scared about what she would do, kiss him or push him away. It was a coin toss which it would be or maybe both, but he read the conflict in her and held his position.

She decided to end the battle letting go of his hand and stepping back. "Alright, you can give me away, but you get to explain to him why."

"Understood. I will before the ceremony. He owes me."

She nodded. "He owes me too. You hear about the send-off?"

Gage nodded. "The rumors were flying before the party even began. I'm actually shocked you allowed it to happen."

She shrugged again. "Not sure I could stop it. At least here the girls have agreed to it and get paid. If that's how she wants to make her living, who am I to judge? I fraked Colonels to get ahead."

The words hit their target as Gage winced and backed away. She hated doing it, but he had made his choice back on Dilmun. He'd have to live with his lost chances just like she had to live with all her own poor decisions.

"Try not to forget, I'm on your side," he said as he turned away.

It was her turn to feel ashamed. She watched his back until he disappeared around the turn of the corridor before heading back in. Jake beckoned her back to his side and knew he would want to know what had happened, but this had nothing to do with him. She headed past him to the turbo needing something to quiet the voices that were beginning to shout in her head. "He couldn't do anything because he agreed with me," Dante whispered, "you're nothing but a pretty face. Do what you're told and maybe you'll become something useful. Your body might be good for something."

She stared at herself in the large mirror for a moment knowing the voice was true. She hadn't been enough for Gage to act, wasn't good enough now. Just a pretty face, nothing more. She looked away and began to rummage in the drawers of the vanity searching through the small bottles of shampoo and soap. The razor she found wasn't going to do much damage, a cheap disposable. She wondered if she could get it apart, was prying at the plastic, slicing a finger when his voice cut above the others rising in her head screaming out her faults and weaknesses.

"Rene, don't!" His arms were around her, pulling her hands away. He held on tight as the panic rose, irrational and unreasonable as the ILs and their devices and wires. Her breath caught on something and pulled from her while she struggled to get air into her lungs, her knees buckling. He followed her down to the floor, his voice warning and reassuring. "Don't. The kids are here. We're all here. Don't do this. Hold it in. Come on, baby."

The cool of the floor and the warmth of his chest helped as he held her repeating the words over and over. "Come on baby, pull it together." It was his warm kiss to her neck that finally worked to get her to breathe, his lips brushing her ear helped the shattered pieces to fit back together, his whispered words tickling. "That's it, shove it down." She swallowed hard consuming the emotions.

He kept kissing her neck and nuzzling her ear, his body pressing into hers until she could stop shaking. His hands moved from their tight hold, beginning to stroke and caress her arms, reaching to push aside the robe. "Stop it. We can't," she was finally able to choke out.

"He won't know. Kind of deserves it." His teeth nibbled her ear and she tried to pull away.

"Stop it!" She fought his hold and he eased up, his lips pulling away from her neck. They lay there like that for a few centons, both of them motionless except for their breathing that soon fell into sync. She became conscious of the cold floor contacting her skin, his warmth against her as he shivered.

Abruptly he got to his feet and pulled her up.

"Fine," he said angrily reaching for the discarded towel to wrap back around his waist, "but if you're going to fall apart, then what the frak does it matter? We go down, we go down together."

"Jake," she hissed in warning, but he took hold of her hand leading her back out to the main room, pulling her down to the sofa as if nothing had just happened. They sat there stiff and awkwardly until the vid ended. Cain loaded up another one and Jake kissed the top of her head.

"Get some sleep," he said softly and she knew he was right. She was fine, she was. She could do this. She could keep going in these grey ships and try to make something resembling a life. She could give all of herself away. She could be better or at least pretend to be. She shut her eyes and tried to shut her ears to the voices as they mumbled, one voice calling louder than the others, the melodious voice beckoning. "Give me what I want and I can give you so much more. Follow me and I will be all that you want." She snuggled into Jake's chest, felt his arms around her. She forced the voices away, willing the other voices to her ears, the chatter of the comm. "There it is. What my father always searched for…Earth."


	95. Chapter 95

They strode down the corridors of the Rising Star trying to at least keep their backs straight to maintain some dignity in their state of undress.

"If the IFB finds me, I will never live this down. What time is it?" Starbuck muttered.

"You're the one wearing the chrono. Don't worry, we're taking the service lift," Boomer answered him as he steered them away from the main corridors of the luxury liner. Thankfully they only encountered a couple of maids, and no one else. Once in the room assigned to Apollo, they all sagged in unison.

"Your head pounding as much as mine?" Starbuck asked Boomer who just nodded and groaned his answer.

"What time is it?" Apollo asked remembering how even in his inebriated state, as they stripped him down Starbuck insisted they leave his chrono alone. He tried to not laugh too hard as Starbuck squinted and tried to read the numbers.

"Midmorning. We slept late. I need to go see Rene."

"Not until we clean you up. A turbo, some food, dress uniform, then we'll go find her together. I owe her an apology more than you do. It wasn't your fault. I knew the squadron had some pranks planned," Apollo said.

Before his friend could reach for a comm to order some breakfast to be sent up, the door chimed and Crius walked in, already washed up, sporting a fresh haircut.

"You're alive. So the rumors you died were exaggerated?"

"I'm alive. Just barely, but I won't be for long if I don't get these kisses off me. Tell me you at least respect me now that it's morning," Starbuck jibed.

"I still respect you. Breakfast is on the way. My tried and true hangover cure." Crius handed him the garment bag in his hands. "I got your dress uniform pressed, your boots shined and the gold clusters gleaming. I wouldn't let you down, Buckaroo." Crius grinned, laughing as Starbuck eyed him sceptically.

"So, it wasn't you pouring all those shots of engine cleaner down my throat?" Starbuck's remark earned him a hard slap on his bare back as he groaned.

"You can have the turbo first, Starbuck. Try to leave some warm water for me and Boomer," Apollo said reaching for his own luggage.

"I suggest you three hurry it up. The IFB is starting pictures in a centaur. Adama said something about an interview and you being an announcer for a junior triad game?" Crius added.

"Oh frak, I forgot. I need to talk to Rene. You went by there to get the uniform. How mad is she?"

Crius shook his head. "Don't know. Didn't see her. Talked with my wife. She said they all crashed and watched vids. Why, what did you do?"

"What didn't he do?" Boomer remarked.

Starbuck shot him an exasperated look before turning back to Crius. "I screwed up, let's leave it at that. Can you track her down while I get ready? I need to apologize, but first I need to erase the damage you did." He pointed to the large red mark just over his heart.

"Yeah, about that," Crius smirked, "Don't scrub too hard because that's not going anywhere. Reacts to water and trust me, it will burn."

"Are you fraking kidding me? This just gets better and better," he mumbled as he turned away from his supposed friends heading for the turbo. He took the time to hang up the garment bag, opening it to ensure it really did contain his dress uniform and not a clown suit as another prank. The door to the small room opened abruptly. He spun too fast and pain exploded in his head, a good reminder not to shout too loudly at whoever had barged in.

"Java," Apollo said handing him the mug.

"Is it really java or did the squadron lace it with laxatives?" Starbuck eyed the mug warily looking through the open doorway to Crius who was grinning.

Apollo activated the door to close before turning to him. "Hey, you know I wouldn't do that to you. I owe you for getting sealed without you. I know what they used and can at least keep it from branding you for life." Apollo opened a jar from the counter, smearing liberally some type of jelly on the marks on his chest before reaching in and turning on the water for him. "Get cleaned up. I'll keep breakfast warm for you."

Starbuck took a long turbo, trying to wake up and chase away the aching in his back. He looked down at the marks on his chest wishing he could get them off, but as he wiped away the jelly from one of them, it actually sparked like it was going to explode. He left them alone and worked on his hair before taking the time to utilize the mirror in the turbo to shave. He was out of the turbo and wrapped in a towel when Apollo barged in again, another cup of java in his hand and several pills.

"The infamous Starbuck's hangover cure, or so you always said, painkillers and stimulants. I think this will work better than the greasy breakfast Crius ordered." Starbuck felt his stomach turn just at the thought of food, let alone anything heavy or greasy. Starbuck downed the pills and the java before turning back to survey the damage in the mirror.

"Thanks for leaving the face alone," he grumbled.

"I owed it to you. I'll help you with the cape and the medals later. You never can get them to hang right. Could you hurry it up? We're running late. Adama messaged that he's waiting."

Starbuck just grunted as he went to work on brushing out whatever hairy beast had taken up residence in his mouth, noting that Apollo didn't wait for him to vacate the turbo before stepping in to wash up. Yahrens of communal living had made the two used to such intrusions on their privacy, but it was in stark contrast to who was usually barging into the turbo in the past few sectons, a pretty blonde that would take the time to kiss him and call him handsome even when bleary eyed and half awake.

"So how big are the quarters on the Zakar?" he asked his friend who simply replied that they were running late and could talk later. Starbuck got dressed, working on the cape and medals on his own, but Apollo was right. He never could seem to get everything in the right place. "I think I get why Cain just went with the epaulets. Hey, you have your own ship now. You could do away with these archaic capes. Pretty sure we could put all the extra fabric to some sort of good use."

Apollo stepped out of the turbo toweling off before reaching for his own uniform. "Oh, I don't know, I kind of like the capes. I get to pretend I'm an epic hero from the stories of old Caprica or someone from Kobol."

"You would. You're stuck in the past." Starbuck fumbled with the gold cluster, his hands not quite able to manage the intricacies of the clasp.

"Here let me," Apollo said taking the medal from his hand. "They still a little numb? How's the tingling?"

He found himself shrugging, a bad habit from the Rats rubbing off on him.

"You sure it's a good idea for you to be back on flight status? What if you have to deal with your ship's electronics or anything else that might require a light touch?" Apollo asked, repositioning the clasps for the cape.

"That's what we have technicians for and I've been assured I won't see a cockpit for at least three cycles. I earned a honeymoon."

"That you did." Apollo kept his eyes on the task of positioning the medals while he spoke. "I read Dixon's report. He has some concerns about how you're dealing with what happened on Caprica."

"Huh," Starbuck grunted, feeling his irritation prickle at his nerves as he clenched and unclenched his hands. "He told me that would be confidential."

"Perks of being in command. I get to read confidential things. He claims you'll deal with it in time, but not to expect you to say anything about it if it becomes a problem. Sounded like he got to know you pretty well in a short conversation." Apollo pinned down the breast plate so it didn't move, a secret that Apollo claimed he learned from his father, before stepping back. "There. You look somewhat presentable. Now you owe me. If it becomes a problem, you come talk to me, understood? You may be getting sealed, again, but I am still your friend."

"Understood," Starbuck said letting his momentary pulse of anger fade away. "I'm fine, really."

"Of course you are. You've got it locked down so tight I couldn't even get you to talk about it when you were drunk swaying your feet. You may look the hero in this cape, but you don't have to be all the time. You know that right? You can trust me."

"I don't know. You're in command now, and you never were for this sealing." Starbuck jibed before instantly regretting it as a look of annoyance followed by concern passed over Apollo's features. His friend stepped back further.

"I know." Apollo looked away and Starbuck could swear he looked ashamed for a moment before he turned back. "I was concerned about the speed of events and her age. You have to remember, I knew her before and then I got to know who she's become. I was worried she was taking advantage of you and you like to play the epic hero of old as well. Makes you a bit blind when it comes to being conned. Remember Chameleon?"

It was Starbuck's turn to look away, remembering how his friend had tried to warn him that the old gambler might be using him. Lady luck had a strange sense of humor as evidenced by the twist of fate that the conman really was his father. "Yeah, I remember. You're not subtle in voicing your opinions."

"Not when it comes to my friend's well-being. I was just looking out for you, but then Athena reminded me of my own sealing."

"The one you had without me." Starbuck couldn't hold back the sting of betrayal in his words.

"The one I had because of you. I would have waited but…" Apollo hesitated.

"But didn't want me to mess up your perfect holo pic with my dishevelled dress uniform?" Starbuck tried to lighten the mood that had become far more serious than he could handle with a hangover.

"I thought you were dead. We all thought you were dead," Apollo proceeded ignoring his attempt at a joke. "And Serina argued for our sealing right then and there by using your logic. She Starbucked me when she said that she just wanted every moment we had left before she lost me, that we shouldn't wait for a tomorrow that may never come. She was right. I'm sorry I forgot that. You deserve every moment you have left to be with the ones you love even if it is reckless and foolhardy."

"Those are the best kinds of moments," Starbuck said reaching out a hand to his friend's shoulder. "You left the face alone, so I forgive you. Come on, we're running late." He turned towards the door, finding it hard to deal with the moment.

"One more thing."

Starbuck sighed and turned back towards his friend. "Look, we have a busy day and…"

"I read Dixon's report on Rene as well. She's not okay."

Starbuck nodded as he flipped through a hundred smart remarks, settling for a less caustic approach. "I know. It's why your father got Dixon involved and you wrestled her into Dante's office against her will. But then again, are any of us okay? Our worlds were destroyed right before our eyes and we lost a whole war in a day. I think it might be asking too much for us to be emotionally stable after all that."

Apollo just nodded, seeming to ignore all the words as he asked, "Have you given her the coordinates to earth?"

Starbuck sighed heavily as he leaned against the counter shaking his head. "No, I haven't. I can't decide if it's a good idea, but I don't think it matters. Pretty sure she already knows."

"What makes you say that? Has she said anything?"

Starbuck scanned the eagerness in Apollo's eyes. He was worse than Adama with his mysticism as Apollo had faith wrapped up with the science and astrophysics offered by Peryton.

"Just a hunch," he answered hardly believing it himself that he was going to default on the side of the mystery of the Lords. "If she doesn't know it, she'll search for it and she has a way around passwords and security. She's not asking me anymore or digging for information, so I'm pretty sure she knows what she wants to know. If we let her near a viper, well…" Starbuck left unsaid what he thought would happen.

Apollo nodded, agreeing to the unspoken assessment. "We need her to be okay before that happens."

"Been working on it."

"And how are you going to fix her when you're dealing with the same thing?"

Starbuck nodded looking away, seeing where his friend was headed on his trajectory. "I'm fine."

"Good. I need you to be before we move the Copper Squadron to the Zakar because I know they won't be fine, not at first. I need them to be…better…for the proposal I am going to make to my father and the Council of Twelve."

Starbuck turned back to scan his friend again. Apollo often came up with plans more hare-brained and daring than his own, like infiltrating a Basestar with just one raider. "Go on, I'm listening."

Apollo's evil grin confirmed Starbuck's suspicions. "The Zakar will be fully operational soon, and with the new mines and their defensive capabilities, plus with the support of the other ships we have gained, the fleet doesn't need the Zakar. I think we can afford to do a little scouting ahead or to look for more survivors of our worlds behind us."

"Form our own fleet?"

"Something like that, yes. Cain and Dante both had a good point. Military ships are capable of far faster speeds than the old civilian vessels. Look at the distance Dante was able to achieve in just one yahren, and that was with battle damage. With maximum propulsion and weapons fully charged we could get twice as far."

Starbuck shook his head again. "I can't believe I have to say this to you of all people, but at what cost? He left a lot of people to die."

Apollo held up his hand forestalling Starbuck's criticisms. "I am not suggesting we leave anyone behind, only that we scout ahead or search behind and we can go a lot further using Rene's abilities."

"Oh." Starbuck was stunned speechless for a moment at the thought of the possibilities and the realization of what Apollo had been trying the other day with the guns from the Galactica and the device Rene used. "So just the Zakar?"

"For now, until we understand more of what she can do and what lies out there waiting for us. But…" Apollo locked eyes with him, "It needs to be a group effort for the right reasons. I need her to be emotionally stable and ready. I need this to not become …" It was Apollo's turn to leave unstated what could happen.

"Understood," Starbuck answered not wanting to delve too deep into all the ways this could go wrong. It wouldn't. He'd make sure it didn't. "I can do that, or at least try. If she'll let me," he added wondering again at just what exactly he had said when he confronted her the night before. He nodded again, saying mostly to himself, "Understood. I need to go fix this. You and your father are right, there's a lot riding on this sealing."

Apollo reached out a hand halting him.

"No, Starbuck, I didn't tell you all this to add more pressure. That wasn't my point. It was to let you know you have my support and anything you need. I wanted you to be able to let Rene know that she has control of her life and her abilities. The Zakar can act alone with willing volunteers. I want Rene to not feel pressured or like she has to carry the weight of the whole fleet on her shoulders. She can have all the time she needs to adjust to her new life and a decent command, and when she is ready, she can have free reign over how we move forward. That's what I'm trying to say."

"Oh." He found himself nodding several times, left astonished once again by the future full of possibilities that lay before them. The Lords were smiling on them for once.

Before he had a chance to voice his appreciation, Boomer was pounding on the door. "Guys, save me some hot water!"

Apollo turned to key open the door and Boomer entered grumbling, "We're running late. The IFB is looking for you."

"We can talk later," Apollo said putting his arm around Starbuck's shoulders. "Your public awaits."

Jason and Cain were in the room, both wearing new clothes that closely resembled cadet uniforms and shorter hair. They were devouring the meal Crius had ordered up which was probably for the best as the fowl ovum looked disgusting, but Starbuck did reach for the fried porcine slices.

"Hey Stupid," Jason greeted him while Cain grinned around a mouthful of waffles.

"Yeah that's me. How mad is she?" Starbuck asked.

Jason and Cain shared an evil look before Jason replied, "Mad? Why would Rene be mad?"

"The socialator," Cain tossed out reaching for a fried porcine strip.

"Oh yeah, that," Jason parried back. "So Stupid, did you cheat on my mom?"

Starbuck wanted to toss back that she wasn't his mom, not really seeing as she was just five or six yahrens older than Jason, but he bit back the words answering instead, "No I didn't. It wasn't my idea and all the gal did was dance. So how mad is Rene?"

Jason just grinned as he stuffed more food in his mouth. It was Cain that took some pity on him.

"I don't think she's mad. She spent half the night in turbo and the other half on the couch watching vids not saying much."

"Frak," he muttered to himself knowing silence from Rene meant she was worse than angry, she was constructing more barricades to keep herself safe.

"Oh, and Gage stopped by," Jason added.

"Colonel Gage? Why? What's wrong?" Starbuck hadn't seen much of Gage since the dinner in Adama's chambers that ended with Rene melting down and Gage wrestling her into therapy.

"Nothing, I think. He didn't come in. They talked for a long time in the corridor. All I know is that Cain is out as protector today." Jason replied.

"What? Why? Where is she?" He was done with the pranks and shenanigans. He knew the only way to solve this was to face it head on, the sooner the better.

He made it out the door as Apollo called to his retreating back to wait for him, but Adama was coming down the corridor, an IFB commentator with him. Starbuck was snared and he put on his public face, trying to be cheerful, but he was pulled away from his objective as they were joined by Jason, Cain, Crius, Apollo and Boomer. He was led off to the triad courts where he gave the promised interview in the commentator's area, answering questions mostly about triad and his career. He pulled Jason and Cain into the conversation, remembering what Max had said about Rene and her recruiting of teens from the Orphan ship. Cain had squared his shoulders and looked the epitome of an Academy Cadet as he confidently answered the questions about how he had become part of the family. Both Starbuck and Cain were taken aback when the announcer summarized the kid's words.

"And that is how you became Starbuck's son, or will be after today's ceremony?"

Cain blushed and sputtered as Starbuck tried to blink away whatever had landed in his eye. It was Jason who answered for them, "Yes sir. He's been acting like a father to all of us."

The commentator turned back to Starbuck asking a question that had to be one provided to the IFB by Adama, "So what do you think it takes in today's fleet to become a good father?"

"Paperwork," he answered with the first words that came to his mind.

The reporter chuckled and asked, "Seriously Lieutenant, with your busy work schedule and duties, what have you found to be the biggest obstacle to parenthood?"

"In all honesty, the paperwork. It doesn't require a lot to be a parent. I learned in my own days in an orphanage that anyone has the capability to take in an orphan and we don't require much, just someone willing to be patient and to be there." He looked to Adama who was waiting off to the side. He nodded in approval.

"Yes, it reads here in the fleet records that you and your betrothed have that in common, time spent in the Caprican care as war orphans, her mother having died when she was two yahrens old from an accident and seven yahrens later, her father unable to cope after the loss of his wife having taken his own life. Would you say that's why you have both taken the time to reach out to the Orphan ship on numerous occasions, you know what it's like to be an orphan?"

"What?" Starbuck was confused by the information supplied by the commentator. It didn't match what Rene had told him. "I'm sorry, her father died in battle."

The commentator looked off to the side to Adama before looking down to the data pad in his hand. "No actually fleet records indicate that shortly after Rene's older brother died in a training accident at the Academy her father took his own life. There was a suicide note left behind detailing how he had suffered and felt it was best for everyone. Tragic I know, not a choice anyone should make. As you say, it doesn't take much to be a good parent, just time and patience, and let's not forget the paperwork." The reporter chuckled and nodded at him encouraging Starbuck to go forward with the real intent of the interview.

"Can I see that?" he asked instead and the reporter handed off the data pad as he directed a question back to Jason and Cain about what it must be like preparing to enter the new fleet academy. Starbuck read the file that was on the pad, Rene's own file from the Caprican Orphanage system. It read clearly that her mother had died in an accident in their home, a broken neck from falling down stairs, and her father's death certificate attached as well, cause of death listed as suicide. Starbuck keyed up the certificate reading the exact details. The man had slit his own throat in bed, a note left behind. In the record it stated that it was Rene that had found the body.

None of the information matched what Rene had revealed to him, but he didn't deny the veracity of the official report. Rene had not spoken often about her childhood, even less about her time before entering the care of the Caprican state. She was known for twisting tales to hide facts she didn't want to face. But he was left wondering why. What would matter about the details contained in her record?

He handed the data pad back to the commentator and didn't have time to pull apart the tangled web of truth from lies as the game had begun and his job was to be the announcer for the game. He did a decent job of it, with a little help from Jason feeding him information about the players and past games. It seemed the junior league had just as strong a following as the upper division that he, Apollo and Boomer played in, maybe even stronger as evidenced by the cheers, loud chanting and singing from the stands.

"Each ship has their own youth sports club," the commentator provided for him and the audience as well as information on how a parent could sign their child up for the activities that would help in their children's education and health. "Each court is lit with UV lighting, so children can at least feel what the sun was like in our worlds as they exercise their growing bodies."

Starbuck tried to pay attention and keep up, but the chanting of the crowd, the bright lights from the court, his own pounding head and thoughts whirling in his mind made it hard to track the game. He completely gave up when he spotted Rene and Jake across the gallery, arriving with the kids who she handed off to Crius, Nik and Max.

"Jason, take over." Starbuck got up, pulling Jason into his seat as he waved to get Rene's attention. He felt elated when he was able to catch her eye and she nodded waiting for him to wade across the gallery of fans, many stopping him to shake his hand and speak with him as he tried to hurry. He was out of breath by the time he made it to her.

The first words out of his mouth before she could speak were "I'm sorry. I didn't mean anything I said. I was drunk and I was out of my head. I didn't know they were going to do that and…"

Rene held up her hand cutting him off as Crius chuckled.

"Slow down, hot shot. We have a hundred eyes on us and I have places I have to be." She almost had to shout to be heard over the crowd as another goal was made.

"Come on, let's get out of here." He grabbed her hand dragging her towards the exit.

They made it to the quiet of the corridor where he couldn't help himself as he pulled her into his arms. She went stiff in surprise before melting just a little. He held on tight as he whispered to her, "I'm sorry. I didn't mean what I said."

He felt her sigh deeply and shake her head. "Starbuck, I…

"No. Don't say anything, just listen. I was drunk and I don't know half of what I said, just that it was bad and I'm sorry. I love you and…"

A loud clearing of a throat interrupted him. He pulled back to see the IFB reporter Zara waiting on Rene. Starbuck looked down into Rene's face for some sign that he'd been forgiven. She was almost unreadable, only a small flash of irritation in her eyes before her walls came up to block out any emotion she might show. She leaned in whispering to him, "Your drunken performance is the least of my concerns today."

She looked over her shoulder as Zara scolded, "It's bad luck to see the bride before the wedding."

"My good luck will override that stupid tradition," Starbuck said pulling Rene a step further away from the reporter. "You can give us a centon."

Rene allowed him to pull her a few more steps down the corridor before she began to protest, "Starbuck, I have to go. I have to get ready and…"

"Please forgive me." He found himself begging and wanting to curse as well. It was an old pattern for him, one he knew well, frak up and beg for redemption. "No," he vowed, "I promised this would be different."

"It's okay, handsome. You weren't in charge last night. Just tell me this, did I win the bet?" She smiled at him, and it looked a bit too much like her evil grin of victory.

"What bet? I don't know what…"

She cut him off, whispering low, "The socialator? Did she have kids?"

It came back to him, buying the woman a drink, listening to her as she talked and the large tip he gave her. He shook his head ruefully. "Yeah you did. She has two. Showed me holos and I didn't have any to show back. That's all I want from today, you and maybe a picture of the kids I can show people."

Rene smiled softly. "You got it, flyboy."

She leaned up to kiss him, not pulling away until Zara cleared her throat again in a loud, "Ahem!"

"You better be there when I get down that aisle, and sober!" Rene said in mock anger lightly slapping his arm.

"Yes, my pretty lady,

" he said, feeling a thousand times lighter as she shook her head but was smiling, a grin that even seemed to reach her guarded eyes. Rene leaned up to kiss him again before she turned away to join the IFB.

The kiss wasn't much, but it was enough to remind him that at the end of this day he'd have several days alone with Rene in the honeymoon suite. He braced himself for the whirlwind of events, only to find out that after the triad games, there wasn't much planned. His day for the most part consisted of waiting.

Boomer tried to keep him distracted as Apollo was called off to handle some of the guests that were arriving and meeting with his father to discuss affairs of the fleet.

"Feels like waiting for a mission," he commented to his friend over an ambrosia in the astral lounge as he wondered what Rene was doing at that moment.

"So, marriage is a lot like a battle? Good to know. Maybe I'll hold off on asking Dietra to seal." Boomer smirked at him.

"Well, not the being wedded part, maybe the being bedded part. Definitely the kids' part. I should go help with them." He tried to get up to leave, but Boomer waved him back down.

"I have one job today. That's to get you to the chapel on time. You don't get out of my sight, understood?"

Starbuck sighed. "Understood." He settled in to wait checking his chrono. Just two more centaurs to go.


	96. Chapter 96

Rene hated to admit it, but the IFB delivered on their promises. Rene had concede defeat, the IFB had won, but other than Zara's annoying glow of victory, they hadn't rubbed it in her face, not yet. Instead they had treated her like a princess. Rene was worried at first as Zara seemed to scold her, glowering and tsking like an old lady when Jake came out of the turbowash, fully dressed and ready for the day. The reporter's frown fled once she realized that Lisbet was in the turbo giving all the boys haircuts.

"Oh, no no no, that just won't do," Zara said snapping her fingers while her team jumped into action. Lisbet was pushed aside as another woman stepped forward to finish off Crius's haircut and then Nik was ushered into the chair. It was worth Lisbet's huff of jealousy to see the results on Nik. For the first time since the destruction he looked like his old self. Who would have thought all it took was a little hair gel and a dryer to bring Nik back to life?

"Maybe it's the cape?" Rene mused to Lisbet. Dante had never given them dress uniforms, and probably never would have. They weren't real warriors, not to Dante and his followers, therefore the Sewer Rats hadn't earned the privilege of the cape. It wasn't just the haircut that had brought some spark back to her friend. It was the respect afforded him for the first time since the Cylons killed almost everyone he knew. If the IFB could make them look respectable, then maybe others might see them as more than just Sewer Rats? Rene was beginning to like the IFB attention now that it might be benefitting all of them

But then Rene found herself frowning after they were done with Jason and Cain. The boys both looked older and ready for the academy. The realization that too soon she would be losing both of them to the Colonial Service sent a chill down her spine. How long would it be before the two outranked her? Once done, Crius took them off to find Starbuck and get to the triad courts.

"Don't tease him too much," Rene called after them. "What happened is mostly your fault," she directed a glare at Crius who just laughed.

"Don't worry Mom," Jason winked at her, using the label he knew she didn't like. She wasn't his mom, not really as he acted more mature than her most days. "We'll be sure to let him know that he admitted he was stupid."

Before she could admonish them further, they were gone and the room was back in motion getting everyone but her ready for the day. The hairdresser sweet talked Kiff and Daniel with the promise of sweets to sit still to get their hair styled while Rene and Lisbet helped the girls into their new dresses. Calliope had ripped her tights before they were even on and Rene had to warn one of the IFB staff to make sure they had another dress ready to go before the ceremony. Calliope had always been hard on clothes in her efforts to keep up with Daniel and Kiff.

When the child minder arrived, a woman she had never met, Rene spoke up insisting that it wasn't needed. She would take the kids to their father's and people they knew.

"It won't take long," Rene had assured Zara and her staff, yet it took nearly half a centaur just to gather up all the kids. Once she finally made it out of the room, Rene jumped in shock when she saw Jake just outside the door waiting in the corridor.

"Didn't want to abandon you to that," he said reaching for Leia.

"It's not so bad," she said waving her hand in Nik's direction as she enjoyed the appreciative glance Jake gave his friend.

"Guess I should have let them have at me then. We can take it from here." He reached for Kalea's hand, but Rene kept a hold of Kiff.

"I need to see Starbuck," she said in reply to Jake's raised eyebrow.

"I'm pretty sure they left his pretty face alone. You'll be seeing him soon enough."

"I know. I just…" She left the words unsaid as she changed topics. "I'm not having Cain act as protector."

Jake just nodded. "Who then? Crius?"

"No, he's up there with you, Apollo and Boomer. Don't worry about it. It will be fine."

She tried to ignore the worried glance Jake cast her before he looked away.

"If only he were here. You sure we couldn't have saved him?" His voice was so soft she barely heard him. She didn't need to ask who he meant. Ari's absence hung between them like her rift taking them both far away from each other.

"I tried," she breathed out the words feeling the weight of the unsaid, "if only I had gotten there sooner," settle on her shoulders pulling her down. Neither of them said anything more as they walked the corridors of the nicest ship in the fleet. The plush décor was a sharp contrast to the life they had lived for the past three yahrens, trying to build a home out of trees and mud. Jake had once wanted all of this way back on Caprica when gigs and parties were their way of life. Omit"

"I could get us a cushy job playing for some second-rate band on a luxury liner or a chancery, just until I, we hit it big." If she had a cubit for every time he had said that, she could have bought her own cruise ship. Looking at the faded luxury, she thought she preferred the dirty fields and forests to this opulence. But she knew Jake still longed for the high life. She could give it to him for at least a day or two and afterwards, she would let him go so he could find it on his own.

Once at the Triad courts she saw that Starbuck was in his element. He wore the glow of a hero, cape and all. Crius had done a great job shining up his medals, and other than the tired look in his eyes, Starbuck looked good. More than good. He was the stuff of dreams and she felt the splash of cold water to the face. Who was she to deserve this? She was nothing. She looked down to her hand holding Kiff's noting the ragged nails she chewed and the callouses from the yahrens of hard labor. The marks she had given herself to count her kills looked ugly and crude in the harsh light of the gallery. For just a moment she missed her sun-washed clear skin she had before the destruction and Dante. She turned her wrist over checking on the bruise left by the Cylon's restraints. It hadn't faded much, still a dark purple line encircling her arm. She had pulled so hard when she was conscious that she had almost broke her own hand to get free. Doctor Paye said she'd be wearing that bruise for a while with the after effects of the radion poisoning. The marks would go away eventually, but would the nightmares?

That wasn't the worst part. She had dragged Starbuck into hades on Caprica. He cleaned up well on the outside, but inside he was more bruised and battered than she was and it was all her fault.

She could barely look at him knowing she was making a mistake today. He deserved so much better than what she could give him. She nearly bolted when he waved at her, signaling for her to stay and wait for him. She would have fled if she could have, but she was dazed by the sight of Starbuck working his way through the crowd of his admirers. She wondered what would it be like to know almost everyone you met liked you and wished you well. She would never trust a stranger to ever have her best interests at heart, but Starbuck took it for granted. That kind of hope was intoxicating, addictive, and potentially deadly.

He finally made it to her, out of breath and apologizing. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean anything by it. I was drunk."

She held up her hand to stop him. Crius was enjoying Starbuck's disgrace a little too much, and the gallery of the triad court was packed. These were the fans that revered Starbuck. They didn't need to know what he had done. Plus, it was ridiculous. She should be the one apologizing as she knew Crius and the squadron intended to prank him. He had no control over what had happened.

"Slow down, hot shot. We have a hundred eyes on us and I have places I have to be." She almost had to shout to be heard over the crowd as another goal was made.

She was shocked when Starbuck grabbed her hand dragging her out into the corridor before pulling her into his arms. He smelled as good as he looked. He deserved so much more than her sewer stink. She needed to stop this now.

"Starbuck, I…"

His words were urgent and insistent as he stopped her. "No. Don't say anything, just listen. I was drunk and I don't know half of what I said, just that it was bad and I'm sorry. I love you and…"

Her heart thumped hard and she tried not to reach up to rub at her chest. Then there was a throat clearing that halted Starbuck's words. She closed her eyes for a micron wishing the world would go away and she could just be here in his arms. She opened them realizing she'd have to go through with the day, perform for the fleet and finish this sealing, but tomorrow she would set him free. He deserved more. She leaned in whispering to him, "Your drunken performance is the least of my concerns today."

"Lieutenants! You can't be seen together. It's tradition and, besides that, people will talk. You Rene can't just run away. You promised you would cooperate. If you can't be expected to behave properly, you certainly can't expect us to live up to our end of the bargain. Now you get right back there where you belong!" Zara pointed her finger at the two of them before waggling it and then motioning down the corridor back to the private suites.

Rene wanted to deck her. Starbuck must have noticed as he pulled her a few steps down the corridor. She knew what he was trying to do, but there was no escape from the IFB. They had made that clear with their constant hounding of her and Starbuck. She was committed to them for this day and she just wanted to get this debt over and paid.

"Starbuck, I have to go. I have to get ready and…"

Starbuck's look of despair chased away her words.

"Please forgive me."

She thought he was going to drop to his knees. Even if she had been mad, she would have abandoned her anger at his submission. She couldn't bear to see him so forlorn, especially on this day, his public sealing where the fleet could finally see what she and her family had discovered, Starbuck was the most caring man in the whole universe.

She reached to stroke his gorgeous face. "It's okay, handsome. You weren't in charge last night. Just tell me this, did I win the bet?" The words worked to distract him from apologizing again. She had to remind him of the girl at the party, "Did she have kids?"

He looked perplexed for a moment before he nodded his head admitting Rene had been right. Then he pulled a manoeuvre worthy of another medal. Her resolve to set him free melted as he said, "All I want from today is a picture of the kids so I can show people my family." She couldn't deny his request, or the impulse to kiss him.

The cursed IFB reporter interrupted one of the best kisses of her life and she wanted to kill the woman. If only she had brought her blaster. She found herself shifting her irritation to Starbuck. "You better be there when I get down that aisle, and sober!"

The anger must have been just what Starbuck needed to feel forgiven as his smile widened and his eyes sparkled.

"Yes, my pretty lady."

She shook her head in disbelief. That smile of his could dissolve even her cold stone heart. No wonder so women had fallen for his charm. But then there was the special emphasis he put on the word "my" while purring out the pretty. She needed that smile and those words right now before she entered the fighting pits of Scorpius with her opponents being the beautiful reporter Zara, her even more gorgeous counterpart Vanna, and all the other stunning women Starbuck had dated. Rene knew she couldn't measure up and didn't feel very pretty right now with the greenish pallor of radion poisoning and bruises from the restraints for contrast. How did he always know the right things to say? Was it just luck or was he just that good? Lords he deserved so much more than her. "Tomorrow," she thought. "I will set him free tomorrow. I just have to get through today."

Her own resolution made it easier to walk away from him and let the IFB take over. They had promised to make her beautiful, and like a drug, she swallowed it down and let it take over. The Rising Star had a fully equipped luxury spa, making do with what they could find in the fleet. They started with a soaking tub filled with flowers and oils, and then a steam bath, followed by a pedicure and a manicure. That was just the first two centaurs which was followed up by a light lunch of fresh greens and actual citrus fruit. Over the glass of bubbly vino, Lisbet sighed as Dara beamed. Maia looked like she was dreaming.

It was Sheba, the outsider, who Rene found herself most puzzled by. Because she was Starbuck's friend and dating Apollo, Rene had felt obligated to ask her to be a maid at the sealing. If Rene didn't consider her a friend, she did respect Sheba's abilities as a warrior and even more so her connection to Commander Cain and Commander Adama. What intrigued Rene though was that the pilot and War Daggit's daughter seemed right at home in the spa, as if used to the luxury and the womanly pursuits. Rene wondered how she did it, working in a man's career while still being very much a woman to admire.

Rene didn't measure up and wasn't sure if she ever could. Starbuck deserved a woman like Sheba, not a gutter snipe who no matter how many rose petals baths she took was going to stink of the sewer.

Sheba interrupted her thoughts, reaching over with a glass of vino, tapping Rene's. "Now this is living, isn't it, girls? Thank you for inviting me."

Rene shrugged and found herself looking away, blinking at the sting in her eyes. She just wanted to enjoy this, and began to wonder if that was even possible for her. Would she always be looking for the hidden daggers and feeling like she wasn't worth anything good? "Frak that," she mumbled to herself downing the vino the IFB didn't know she wasn't supposed to have.

"Having fun, ladies?" Zara said with Vanna at her side.

"Yes, we are," Dara answered for them.

"Oh good. We wanted to show you the dresses we have picked out for you and the sealing dress!" Vanna actually jumped up and down clapping her hands like a little child.

Lisbet shared a wary look with Rene, "But I thought…"

Rene nodded and spoke up, "I have a dress."

Zara shook her head. "I'm sure you have a uniform or something you've borrowed from here in the fleet, but what we have is so much better."

Rene chuckled. "I really doubt that. You haven't seen my dress."

"You haven't seen ours," Zara replied to the challenge.

"I'll go get it," Dara said as she left the room. It didn't take her long to return and she laughed out loud when she entered seeing Vanna displaying a faded monstrosity with a flowery print in golds and pinks that in the hundred yahrens or so ago when it was first worn would have been glaring and garish. If that wasn't bad enough, there were huge bows like you might find on a yule present on the shoulders and across the small of the back.

"Where's my laser. We need to put that thing out of its misery," Sheba quipped. Rene felt her herself relax a little. She'd brought along the right back up for this mission.

"So someone actually saved this from the Colonies? Why in the Lords' names why?" Sheba reached out a tentative hand like the dress might actually be dangerous and poked at one of the bows.

"It is quite stylish," Vanna said defensively. "The Rising Star had dresses you could rent for destination sealings. This came from Virgon."

"Stylish? Yeah maybe for one of the women from the senior ship for her eighth husband. Or maybe when my grandma met my grandpa at the military ball and danced a Gemon reel or Libran waltz. Look at that neckline, I mean look at it. It goes above the chin." Sheba picked at the lace collar.

"Ugh," Lisbet said.

"It harkens back to the days of old and speaks of tradition," Zara added trying to justify Vanna's choice.

"That's an accurate assessment, old, like really old." Sheba shook her head. "I'd rather walk down the aisle in my flight suit than this sad thing."

"We can make some alterations. We have time." Vanna pouted

"Or. . ." Dara spread the alternative big white bundle on their recently cleared table and undid the fastenings on the bag.

Vanna gasped as the delicate layers of silk began to spill out as if the dress came to life. Zara moved forward to help Dara unpack the ruffles and the veil with its small tiara. The crystals and embroidered flowers sparkled in the light as if they were stars in the sky.

"Where did you get this?" Zara asked sounding like the investigative reporter that she really was.

Vanna reached for the tags hanging from the dress and gasped again, a hand to her chest indicating that she was truly unable to breathe.

"Where did you get this?!" Zara spun on Dara, but Rene stepped forward.

"I took it from Caprica when we were rescued." She was vague enough that she hoped Zara would think it was rescued along with them after the destruction versus a secton or two ago on covert mission.

"Do you know what this is?" Vanna squealed having finally found air to speak.

"A dress?" Rene replied.

"You don't know what you have," Zara stated. "It's wasted on her Vanna, she has no idea."

Rene flipped between the two of them, glaring. Vanna's awestruck gaze turned to pity as she said, "Oh honey. It's a Versace. A real Versace, signed by his own hand. In the colonies this dress was worth thousands."

"A thousand cubits?" Lisbet said trying to understand the reaction of the IFB ladies.

"Oh no honey, thousands. At least five or six, but now, oh my, now it's priceless!"

"She can't wear this," Zara said reaching out a tentative hand to run it along the fabric, fingering a delicate silk flower.

"The hades I can't. I risked my life for this dress. It's mine!" Rene reached for the veil in Zara's hand.

"Maybe for the ceremony, but it's too priceless for the celebration. A real Versace!" Zara was now the one gasping in awe. "It's exquisite."

"And it's mine. I'm wearing it for as long as I want," Rene said, before adding, "I brought dresses for the others too."

"Oh it's too much!" Vanna said swooning as she fell into a chair. "Are they Versace too?"

Rene looked to Maia and Dara who would know better than her what kind of dresses they were. It was Dara that answered. "I think so. They're from the same store. Let's find out." She headed back to get the other bags, the other dresses were in far smaller bundles than the first. Rene wasn't even sure what sizes or even how many she had, having just grabbed as many as she could in her arms in colors that she liked.

Rene thought she was going to have to find smelling salts to revive Vanna as they discovered the dresses were by someone called Dior. Apparently it was a designer just as notorious as the Versace, or at least that's what Rene gathered from the woman's squeals. Vanna recovered quickly clapping her hands again in glee. "We have so many to choose from! I have an idea, we could auction one off, the cubits going to charity of course. Oh my, this is just too much. I could die happy right now!"

"Who's sealing is this, Rene or yours?" Sheba said shooting a look at the woman.

"Oh yes, of course." Vanna drew her eyes away from the pile of dresses. "Time for hair and makeup! I cannot wait for photos. They are going to be glorious! Have no fear, Ladies, we will make you beautiful!"

"I thought I already was." Sheba elbowed Rene.

The IFB staff spent nearly a centaur curling her hair and fussing over just how she should wear it. Sheba oversaw the whole operation, commenting occasionally.

"No, we aren't going for poofy toy daggit. More like the wind flowing in a Piscerian breeze."

They finally opted for a half up, half down combination with the tiara holding her hair up as one side trailed down. Rene tried to see the final results in the mirror, but Sheba kept her turned away. "Wait for the final reveal. It will be worth it, trust me."

While Sheba could be just as devious as a Rat and would love to prank Starbuck, Rene trusted her. She couldn't say why she had faith in the warrior and not other colonials, other than because Sheba was with Apollo, she had to be a decent person. Rene released the nervous butterflies in her stomach letting them fly away.

The makeup artist took over and it felt like she took just as long as the hairdresser. Rene kept sneezing from the feel of the brushes and the powder while the woman told her to sit still.

"Remember gals, we are going for sophisticated, not high end socialator like Starbuck's previous girlfriend, nor two-bit tramp like the ones before." Sheba tossed out another sarcastic quip that had Rene grinning evilly. She liked Cassie, but couldn't deny the jealousy she harbored for the woman who looked gorgeous even in medical contamination gear. It was nice to know that maybe Sheba was jealous of the woman too.

Rene tried to sneak a peek when Sheba declared the makeup to be just right, but Sheba stood in the way of the mirror as she pointed in command towards the dress that was now hanging up on display. "Not until we are suited up and ready for launch."

Rene slid herself into the dress with its silk flowers and flowing crystals. The spiderweb thin sleeves did a wonderful job of blending with her marks and tattoos, the small flowers at the wrist hiding the bruises left behind by restraints. They had a bit of a challenge getting the zipper up at first, but Sheba pushed aside Vanna. She tugged the dress a little higher over Rene's hips, telling her to suck it in before she zipped it up and then gently tugged the fabric around, positioning ruffles and flowers to hide the growing baby.

"Nice," Sheba said before gently spinning her around to let her have her first look.

It was Rene's turn to gasp. She almost didn't recognize herself.

"I'm pretty," she said softly.

"No, you're gorgeous. Starbuck is going to go weak at the knees and not be able to say his vows. The rest of the squadrons are going to eat their hearts out. You are going to silence anyone who had any doubts about you and Starbuck."

"Thanks." Rene started to say that Sheba didn't have to do all this, but Sheba interrupted her.

"No, thank you. He's always been a nice guy, but not many people saw that. Now they won't have a choice but to see. It will be broadcast in their face. Mission accomplished. Now go get some holos taken while we get dressed. I'll make sure we look perfectly hideous compared to you."

Rene admired her image feeling for the first time that maybe she looked good enough to be with Starbuck. It only took about four centaurs to pull it off, but she thought she could face the fleet with at least a shred of confidence.

Taking pictures with the IFB crew ripped that single shred of self esteem to confetti and tossed it into space. They pushed, prodded and posed her, then added in the other gals. Her cheeks ached from faking a smile and she was going to punch Vanna if she said one more time, "Look relaxed. This is the best day of your life!"

"This is going to be the last day of her life if she keeps going," Sheba whispered.

"That's it!" Vanna said as Rene laughed at Sheba's jibe.

It was Zara that finally put an end to the photo shoot letting Vanna know it was time to greet guests and take some shots of the men before they began to broadcast live. They hustled Rene and her friends off to a room near the front doors of the chapel to wait.

"Stay standing or you'll crush your dress," Vanna admonished before disappearing to go torture Starbuck and his buddies.

"Have a seat," Sheba offered, "No one is going to notice a crushed ruffle or two, they'll be too busy being captivated by Starbuck's good looks to notice."

Rene sighed as she flopped into one of the chairs wishing like hades she could talk to Starbuck one last time before facing the firing squad of the fleet. "He is going to hate this. What was I thinking?" she mumbled.

"Too late to back out now," Maia said rubbing her hand over her own belly that was beginning to show.

"No, it's not." Sheba replied. "We could go right now, just strut on down to the shuttle transfer hub, catch a ride to the Galactica and say to hades with all of them. It would be the best prank ever, leaving Starbuck there waiting at the altar. Serves him right actually. Let's go girls."

Sheba started to get up, but the image of Starbuck standing in that chapel, expectantly waiting for someone who was never going to show, sobered Rene. Sheba didn't really know him or she would have understood how cruel that would be for Starbuck, to be abandoned once again. The deepest cut would be that it was in front of everyone with his humiliation and weakness on display for the whole fleet. Her chest ached just from the idea of Starbuck standing there alone, fidgeting and trying to make jokes to cover up how much it hurt.

"Sit down!" Rene snapped, immediately cringing at her own harsh tone. "Sorry, just…" she took a deep breath. "Let's get this over with so we can get to the party, okay?"

Sheba nodded before pulling out the bottle of Ambrosia she had somehow stashed in the room. "A shot of liquid courage?"

"Do the Cylon's leak hydraulic fluid? Yes, of course!" Rene took the bottle from Sheba wishing she had time to go and grab something more potent from her stash of pills hidden in her luggage. This would have to do, she thought uncorking and taking a swig before handing it back. It didn't take long for all the girls to drain the bottle, leaving Rene feeling more relaxed as Sheba told some story of one of her disastrous dates before the destruction. Not having heard the story, Dara gasped in shock when Sheba revealed that the jerk whom they had been laughing at was none other than their old Commander Dante.

"And then, he had the gall to tell my father he would be asking for me to be sealed. It had been one date! My father laughed in his face and told him he'd see him busted to ensign if he thought he could use me like that to further his own ambitions, then made sure he was transferred far away from the fifth fleet."

"And that's how we wound up with him," Rene added the caustic punchline. "Had you just sealed with Dante, we could have been spared a lot of hardship."

"Oh no, I'm not altruistic. Besides, at least he saved you from Caprica. I'm glad he did," Sheba held up the empty bottle toasting her. "It brought you to Starbuck and he needs you."

"Yeah, like a hole in his head," Rene said looking to door. The ambrosia had just given her enough liquid courage to maybe make an escape, go find Starbuck, explain it to him, and the two of them could get out of this somehow.

"No seriously. With you he has a purpose. Before he was just going through the motions of living. Now he has a real life," Sheba said.

Rene's reply was just to shrug. She tried to think of a way to explain to Sheba that all she had brought thus far into his life was noise and chaos, and eventually heartache. Before she could say anything there was a knock on the door and Gage entered. He made it two steps into the room, the door closing behind him before he froze. A look crossed his face of such pure sadness, it forced Rene to her feet in alarm.

"What's wrong? What's happened?"

He shook his head rapidly his eyes still locked on her. "Nothing. You just…" he hesitated as his eyes traveled up and down her body, "you stunned me. You're beautiful."

"Took four centaurs to pull it off." She shrugged.

Gage shook his head. "No you always were, I just…You're glowing."

"It's the crystals," Rene said fluffing a ruffle.

"Yes, no." Gage cleared his throat pulling his eyes away. "They're almost ready for us."

"He's walking you down the aisle?" Dara said. "Him?"

"He asked," Rene answered giving another shrug realizing she might have to add more to the explanation she'd have to eventually give to Starbuck. "He saved our kids on Dilmun. He's as much a part of the Rats as Max or Crius."

"Copper Squadron," Gage corrected her. "Now let's go and show them how we shine."

He smiled as he held out his arm to her. She shook her head as she took it, but she felt a smile tug at her that she couldn't seem to chase away. Gage leaned down and whispered in her ear, "I was a fool to let you go. He is a lucky man."

Sucking in a deep breath she knew Gage was right. Starbuck was lucky and maybe by chance he could help deal them a winning hand. She let the breath out slowly. "Okay, let's do this."


	97. Chapter 97

The pain meds were beginning to wear off as his head pounded. He tugged at his collar again, wondering what made it get tighter and tighter as the day wore on choking him.

"Whose brilliant idea was this to wait until so late in the day? I just want to get this over with and actually go and enjoy the plushest suite on the Rising Star." He turned to Apollo as the IFB crew snapped another holo.

"Blame your bride," Crius grumbled pulling at his own collar while he shrugged the cape out of the way. "I just want to get to the party. I need a little hair of the daggit that bit me last night."

"I need more than the hair. I want to bite that daggit back," Boomer added making Apollo chuckle.

"We're almost there," Apollo said looking to Jake who had been quiet since joining the others in the Astral Lounge before they were found by the IFB. "I heard you have a good party planned with some of the best Ambrosia that could be found before the destruction."

Jake's lips didn't part to utter a reply as he stiffly nodded.

"You okay?" Starbuck asked the young man. "You get drunk last night too?"

Thus far Jake had been tight-lipped about where he had been and what the Rats had been up to. He hadn't even offered any clues as to the party that lay ahead for them. Jake shook his head no to Starbuck's question, looked as if he was going to offer up more than the gesture, but then shrugged as the IFB approached to arrange them in a different pose.

"Starbuck, why don't you put an arm around your new brother-in-law," the photographer suggested.

Starbuck obliged and felt Jake go stiff as he mumbled low, "I'm not her brother."

"Then what are you," Starbuck said low. It came out harsher than he meant, and Jake pulled away. "Get back here," Starbuck commanded before turning to the photographer. "I need a centon. We're taking a break." He chased after Jake and threw his arm back around the young man, guiding him away from the steps leading up to the altar. "I think we need to talk."

"About what?" Jake muttered, the longest sentence he'd said since joining them.

Starbuck looked over to Apollo, Boomer and Crius, taking note of their concern about Jake as well. Apollo nodded to him encouragingly before Starbuck turned back to his new family member.

"Maybe this wasn't a good idea," he said taking in Jake's hooded eyes and scowl.

"What, the sealing? You back out now and I'll kill you and leave the rest for Rene to rip apart."

Starbuck flinched at the words. It wasn't what he expected. "I meant you being up there with me. So, you're not upset that I'm sealing with her? Then what is it that has you acting like you swallowed Borellian Nomen mong?"

Jake looked away, his lips going even tighter before he waved a hand at the room. "This. Here. Him." He gestured to Pallus who was speaking to Gage who had shown up to help Adama before the actual event began. "Everything."

Starbuck sighed. Communication with any of the Rats was as tricky as trying to sneak past a platoon of Centurions and as dangerous as defusing a bomb. "Just ignore him." Jake glared and grunted. "I think you are going to have to give me more than that, Jake. You can do it in hand signs if you want, I don't care, just tell me so I can fix it."

Jake jerked away from him. "Fix this? How are you going to fix this, Starbuck? You think you're a god now that you've got another gold cluster? You can bring the dead back to life and snap your fingers and make the journey to Earth be over?"

"Oh, this really isn't about me, is it?" Starbuck reached out to guide Jake even farther away from the others in the room.

"You really are an equine's astrum, aren't you?"

Starbuck recognized the angry look that Jake gave him. He knew that the words the young man uttered were meant to make Starbuck back away. He knew because it was what he had done himself a thousand times in the past, pushed away anyone who got too close because if he let them in, they were just going to hurt him and leave again. He and Jake shared the same wound, let down several times too many by the people they needed the most. It was easier to push everyone away rather than face that pain again. And today, Jake had to face that Ari wasn't going to be walking Rene down the aisle, nor would he be playing in the band at the celebration.

Starbuck slowly spun Jake so he could look him in the eye. "She tried to save Ari, we all did. We just got there too late and it's my fault. I should have done more. I'm sorry. If I could bring him back, I would." Starbuck's shot in the dark found its mark as Jake looked away blinking hard. "I know this isn't what you and Rene wanted, the fleet I mean. But I don't think what she had planned is what you wanted either."

Jake didn't look up, just froze in place when Starbuck reached out a hand to his shoulder, gripping him tight. "I couldn't have made that choice either. Just the two of you, or maybe the family, alone on a strange world with nothing but what you had with you. There'd be too many risks even for me. I'd rather face the whole Cylon empire than wind up marooned somewhere, and we both know that's what would have happened eventually without enough fuel or firepower to get away. You made the right choice to stay, I'm just sorry it didn't work out the way you wanted. The cards don't always fall in our favor, but you're still in the game, brother."

He felt Jake relax a little under his hand and he slid it up to the back of the man's neck. He was surprised that Jake let him tighten his hold.

"You're not at the table alone. Rene can dump me tomorrow, and you'll still be my brother, you got that?"

Jake nodded, his eyes still riveted on some point off to the side. Starbuck pulled him in, the same move he'd seen the Rats use with each other, no choice but to be eye to eye. Jake looked up, surprised at the contact as Starbuck leaned his forehead into the younger man's. "We go down, we go down together and we'll have a huge party in hades. You can teach me guitar. That will be Sagan's torture for you as it might take eternity to make me a decent musician."

Starbuck felt relieved when Jake snorted, not quite a laugh but close enough.

"Now don't make me face this felgercarb alone. We have only a few centons we have to get through, and then we can drink all that good ambrosia and fall down drunk. Deal?"

"Don't expect me to enjoy this," Jake said pulling back, his eyes going to those who were watching them.

"I wasn't. Besides, this is all about me, remember? You can enjoy them torturing me. That might get you to laugh a little." Starbuck slowly let go of his hold on Jake, feeling the man's shoulders drop almost an inch as he relaxed.

"It might," he tossed back. "Looks like it might be show time. Did you shine up your clown shoes?"

He didn't get a chance to utter a witty retort as Adama tapped him on the shoulder. "It's time, son. The guests will be ushered in and the broadcast is about to begin. Ready?"

He squared his shoulders, adjusted his cape and turned to the Commander. "Yes, sir. Ready to fly."

From there it became a blur of shaking hands of the arriving guests and being directed by the IFB. He was relieved when he saw Chameleon in the crowd, bringing Siress Blassie as his date. Starbuck excused himself from the group of Council members he was greeting to wade into the throng to be at his father's side. He was still getting used to idea of having a dad, but today he'd be doing more than getting sealed. He'd be announcing to the whole fleet that he was no longer an orphan.

"You made it!" he said as he awkwardly reached out his hand for a handshake, but Chameleon reached out an arm for a hug. Starbuck shifted for the hug, while Chameleon pulled back for the handshake.

"We'll figure this out eventually," Chameleon laughed as they hugged and shook hands at the same time.

"I have a seat for you up front," Starbuck said guiding Chameleon past the other guests. "At the party, there's a place for you at the family table too." Starbuck felt himself swell with pride as Chameleon said he didn't have to do all this just for him. "But you're my Dad," Starbuck answered and excused himself pretending not to notice Chameleon wiping at his eyes.

Starbuck had moved over to the front row where the Rat's kids were being corralled by Max, Nik, Jonas, Giles and Alex, with Cain and Jason trying to entertain the older ones. Lara rocked baby Zac in her arms.

"You look so handsome," Lara said and Starbuck found himself blushing a little.

"This old rag pales in comparison to your dress. You are going to break men's hearts." He reached to undo one of his insignia's reaching forward to pin it to Lara's dress. "There, now everyone knows you're mine and I will break their legs if they break your heart. Save a dance for me."

He felt a hand to his shoulder. "We're about to begin," Apollo said guiding Starbuck to the back of the chapel. "You ready?"

Starbuck looked out at the crowded sea of faces turned his way, then wistfully back at the doors to the room.

"Not thinking of bolting are you? It's a bit too late for that, Daddy," Boomer teased.

"No, I just would like to talk to her one more time, and see how she's holding up."

"Last I heard, she'll be joining you up there." Apollo pointed up the aisle to the altar.

"You sure about that? She's been known to run away," Jake teased.

"I think we would have been informed if she had," Adama stated coming to join them, followed by the IFB reporter who normally announced triad games and occasionally the evening news.

"We are a go in two centons," he said directing his audio receiver to Starbuck. "Any last words before you break the hearts of every woman in the fleet?"

"I'm no catch. Find yourself a better man and give Rene your condolences for getting stuck with my sorry self."

"You're a hero, Lieutenant," the announcer countered.

"Yeah, well then why do I suddenly feel so afraid?" His quip earned him a laugh from everyone around him.

"This is a true life and death mission, sealed for eternity" Adama joked back before he turned away and walked up the aisle beginning the ceremony.

Starbuck shivered at the thought of eternity. "One day at a time, one problem at a time," he mumbled to himself.

"Your turn." Crius nudged Jake who swallowed hard, squared his shoulders and began to walk.

"He looks more frightened than I am," Starbuck mused as Crius and Boomer fell in behind.

"You've got this," Apollo said before he turned and walked away. Starbuck made to follow but the reporter held him back.

"Not so fast. We need you to go slower so the camera gets a good solo shot of you."

Solo, that's how he'd be flying this mission, on his own with no intel and little backup. "You've already done this," he mumbled to himself. "This is just for show so let's go." He waited for the reporter to tell him when to go and then followed the man's advice as best he could, trying not to sprint up to the altar. Once in his place, Adama smiled his way and nodding that it was time for him to turn and face the aisle.

He counted down the microns that began to extend as he held his breath and the room waited. The music that he hadn't noticed until it changed, rose in volume as everyone in the room came to their feet. The crowd blocked his view and he craned his neck to see, taking a side step so he had a direct view of the doors. They parted and before him was a vision in white, stars twinkling almost blinding him, and a woman he thought he might recognize. He audibly gasped as he realized it was Rene, looking lovelier than he had ever imagined. She glowed like the dawn of a new day that he was anxious to begin. Instinctually he started down the steps to meet her but Adama reached out a hand to stay him. He held his position, mesmerized by the sight of her. His eyes took in the vision in white, that is until the commotion off to his side drew his attention away.

A voice shouted, "No fraking way!"

"Jake, stay here. Don't do it!" Crius was struggling with the young man, a hand to his chest trying to get him to hold his position, but Jake broke free and was dashing down the stairs, shrugging off Crius's hold.

Boomer hissed at him, "Where are you going?"

Conscious of the crowd, and his commander's hand holding him back, Starbuck could only stand and watch as Jake stalked down the aisle, blocking the view of his bride. The young man halted in front of Rene, reaching for her arm. Starbuck looked back to Adama, seeking permission to go find out what was going on, but Adama shook his head and appeared just as bewildered. Starbuck shifted his gaze to Apollo in confusion, wondering what he should do. Apollo nodded to him, took a step down the altar stairs to head down the aisle and deal with the problem for his friend, then halted. His friend poised there, a hand held out to Starbuck to wait.

Starbuck stared back down the aisle to the scene that was playing out in front of all of the fleet and his friends. Jake was going to steal Rene away from him and he wasn't going to be able to do anything about it, not here and now anyway. There were too many eyes viewing the scene as the cameras were focused on Rene.

"I may have screwed up last night, but she's still mine, isn't she?" Starbuck wasn't ready to just give up. This would be a fight, and an ugly one. The scrawny street rat might win. Not only did he not fight fair but Jake probably felt he had more rights to Rene. He had known her longer and Rene had her children with him, maybe even the one she was still carrying. It would motivate the young warrior to really show how capable he truly was to win. If Jake could bring down the big lummox Avery in a move or two, unarmed he might be able to wipe the floor with Starbuck.

"Why couldn't he have done this earlier when the cameras weren't on," he whispered to Apollo, but his friend shook his head not knowing the answer. Starbuck cursed under his breath as he wished Jake had acted before Starbuck had grown attached to Rene and the idea of being a father. "He knows we have to get unsealed first doesn't he?" Starbuck mused to himself.

He shifted his gaze to Rene, wondering what she would do, whose side would she choose? The old voice from his childhood whispered maliciously in his ear, "No one really wants you. You knew she'd abandon you eventually. Do you really think you deserved the happy ending?"

Their eyes met for a moment and he tried not to convey all the hurt and anger he felt inside as she looked to him in sorrow then turned away, her gaze focused on the man who was escorting her. It wasn't until that moment that Starbuck noticed it was Gage who was walking her down the aisle as Jake physically shoved the Colonel.

"Frak this," Starbuck said aloud pulling away from the Commander and descending the stairs. He hissed a warning to Apollo, "This is going to be a fight. A big one."

Apollo held out his hand, stalling Starbuck from going down the aisle to do something that might get him tossed in the brig or out of the service. Apollo whispered, "Easy Starbuck, he'll handle it," showing more faith in Gage that he could solve this without violence. Starbuck turned back to the commotion to find Rene's eyes searching for his. He tried to communicate with her the best strategy to defuse the situation, except he had nothing to offer. Rene read something in his face as she gently let go of Gage's arm and reached for Jake's. Soft word's passed between the two before the young warrior turned and surveyed the crowd and the distance up the aisle to Starbuck. Jake grinned in victory and the young man squared his shoulders to reposition the chip he carried there.

Starbuck sighed in resignation. The two wouldn't be sneaking out the back of the chapel leaving him stranded to deal with the IFB and the crowd. Jake was bringing the fight to him. "If that's how he wants it, that's what he's going to get," Starbuck thought as he prepared himself for the show down. His sight was drawn back to Rene. She was so damn lovely. How could anyone think she was a Sewer Rat? She was a beautiful woman, glowing like a beacon in the dark. His heart thumped hard just before it broke into a thousand pieces.

Rene and Jake halted at the bottom of the stairs to the altar. Starbuck wondered if they were waiting for him to relinquish his spot, but that wasn't going to happen. The moment grew long and tense as Jake met his angry glare. A wicked smirk spread Jake's grin wider as he nodded to Starbuck, then looked up to Adama. "As Protector, I relinquish my responsibility to Starbuck."

Starbuck jerked as if waking up from a nightmare, looking to Adama in confusion. The Commander seemed nearly as disoriented as he asked the words by rote, "Who here gives this woman away as protector?"

"I do," Jake said. "I just did, in fact."

"It's traditional to await the official question, but I'm heartened to see your enthusiasm," Adama replied with a paternal smile. "Will the Protector of Rene accept relinquishing his responsibilities to Starbuck, the man to whom she has consented to marry?"

"Yes," Jake answered then took the stairs bringing Rene up to Starbuck, placing her hand in his as Jake laid his own hand above theirs. Starbuck looked to Jake in confusion until the young man leaned closer to him and whispered quietly, "We all go down together." Jake turned to Rene, kissing her on the cheek and before moving back to his spot in the line of groomsmen.

"Really? Me not him?" Starbuck looked to Rene, hope pulling together the pieces of his heart.

Rene nodded, a ghost of a sarcastic smirk on her lips as she whispered, "Did you think I would do that to you? You have that little trust in me, in us?"

He shook his head unable to admit the truth to her. "You look beautiful," he blurted out. Adama cleared his throat to silence him. Starbuck ignored Adama as the Commander began to give his speech about the joining of two worlds, the coming together of forces to fight together for success. It was a long speech.

"You doing okay?" Starbuck whispered to her.

She nodded smiling. "Yeah. This isn't so bad so far."

"Well it's not over yet," he said as Adama indicated with a small cough that the two of them should be paying attention to the ceremony and their guests, not just to each other.

Rene took a quick peek at the crowd and fear clouded her eyes before Starbuck squeezed her hands twice. "Just you and me. Ignore them. This is about us."

He felt the cracks in his heart heal as she locked her deep blue eyes on his, begging him to rescue her. "I've got this, he said nodding down to his medals and feeling like he could fly without a viper when she nodded to him smiling.

"Do you, Starbuck, take this woman to be your mate for life," Adama commanded rather than asked, trying to let him know that this was serious and to stop making a mockery of all this.

A thousand sarcastic quips ran through his mind but under the circumstances he decided to settle for the traditional answer. "I do."

Rene was asked the same questions, even the honor and obey, and answered with a hopeful gleam. "I do."

Adama took their hands and wrapped the official medallion around them, binding them together, but Starbuck knew he had been bound to her by a tether far stronger than any chain since the first moment he gazed into her eyes.

"The words I am about to speak are the most important in the universe. It seals a union between this man and this woman for all of the eternities. Starbuck and Rene and I proclaim you sealed."

Starbuck quirked his eyebrows before challenging Rene, "Ready?" Her smile broadened in agreement. He stepped forward, taking her in his arms, dipping her down as he planted one of the best kisses of his life on her. The crowd gasped at the maneuver before breaking out in loud applause, and still he kept kissing her, waiting for his squadron to whoop in approval as his cue to end the kiss.

Carefully he brought Rene back to her feet before beginning the procession back down the aisle, to walk under the arms of their attendants, and then the arms of blue squadron. They were laughing by the time they were through as their friends pushed and jostled them forward. Starbuck tried to play the good host and greet everyone as they left the hall to head for the celebration, but he couldn't take his eyes away from Rene who glowed with happiness. He would willingly drown in her eyes right now. He hadn't seen her this happy in a long time and he wanted it to last forever.

"Oh that was just lovely! Time for some pictures to capture the moment." Vanna clapped and guided the two of them back into the chapel. He hardly noticed how long it took to take the holos, one after another, his focus was on Rene and he couldn't help himself from kissing her over and over again. Delightfully, she laughed each time and he tried not to wonder at the worried look just behind the smile.

He got a mumbled apology from Jake, but the little vermin moved away from him before he could ask what the frak he had meant by replacing Gage. Instead he remained determined to get the holo he wanted of him with all of Rene's kids, Jason and Cain beaming while Starbuck let go of Rene for the first time so he could hold Kalea, Leia and even Kiff in his arms. He didn't realize it had been almost a centaur of photos when Zara scolded Vanna.

"The guests are waiting and the ice sculptures are melting. Are you done yet?"

"Yes, I guess we are," Vanna pouted.

They entered the celebration to cheers and were escorted straight to the cake. "What no dinner?" Starbuck asked, before realizing their guests had already eaten while they were busy with the IFB.

"So, cake first, alright. I could get used to this," he said taking the plate handed him, about to take a bite when Vanna almost yanked it out of his hand.

"You feed it to her."

"Oh, yeah," he grinned mischievously remembering that at many celebrations this is where the bride and groom mash each other's face in the icing.

"We spent a lot of time on the makeup and hair and have a lot of filming still to do. Don't you dare!" Zara warned him. "You stand here and go first." Zara moved Rene to her spot handing her a plate.

Rene ran her fingers through the icing before offering it up to Starbuck, her eyebrow raised in a challenge. He took that gamble and sucked her finger into his mouth making a show of licking all the icing off, before running his own finger through his icing. He offered it to Rene, but before she could lick his finger, he reached forward and dabbed just a little on her nose as she laughed in surprise. Then he leaned forward to kiss it off before offering her the icing.

"Are you sure you aren't willing to do a weekly show on the IFB, you're a natural," Zara said guiding the two of them towards the dance floor.

"This is a one-time performance," he said keeping his eyes on the beautiful sight before him. The dress fit Rene's every curve. She seemed to be floating amongst the stars. He took her in his arms as the music began. It was a slow song and surprisingly, Jake did know a love song.

"So, is this what you stole from Caprica along with my heart?" Starbuck asked.

"You don't have to feed me lines. You already hooked me," Rene replied. "And yes. Once I saw it, I knew I had to have it." She smiled at her own double meaning.

"I'm all yours," he said, giving her a twirl before dipping her to the floor, then pulling her back up into his arms. He was glad he had paid attention to the dance lessons given at the Academy before their first military ball as the crowd applauded.

Another song began, but Starbuck wasn't ready to give up their first private moment in the last couple of cycles. He held her and their position on the dance floor as others joined them.

"How much longer until they go away," she said looking toward Vanna who was trying to frantically wave them over in another direction for the cameras.

Starbuck consulted his chrono, "Just one more centaur I think. Then we can disappear to that honeymoon suite. I've never slept in a bed that big."

"You won't be sleeping." Rene winked and it was his turn to laugh.

"Oh, what will I be doing, playing pyramid?" he teased.

"Building blanket forts with the kids," she teased back.

"Then I will lock us both up in the turbo and we can try out that tub."

They couldn't delay any longer when the song ended as Vanna came and hauled them from the dance floor to officially begin the feast and take their seats at the head table. There was a prayer and then speeches and toasts. Starbuck wanted to remember them all, especially when the Commander called him son before he gave his toast welcoming Rene and her family into his family. He would never forget when Chameleon rose to his feet, announced he was Starbuck's long-lost father, before he choked up and thanked Rene and him for letting an old conman into their lives.

Starbuck would be asking the IFB for a copy of the vid of Apollo's speech to use as blackmail against him in the coming yahrens. Apollo had come to his feet, swaying a little before Boomer had to prop him up. He slurred Starbuck's name at first, before beginning again.

"Starbuck, I guess it's official. Hades must have frozen over." The crowd laughed, some politely, others uproariously. "Folks, over the yahrens Starbuck has been a great friend, a great warrior and the best viper pilot in the fleet." He hesitated as he took another swig of his drink. "Just ask him."

"It has been a long strange quest that we are on, and we have a longer journey before us full of danger and the unknown. With you, Starbuck, I know it won't be boring, and you always seem to find a pretty girl to save." He paused. "Or maybe this time she saved you, buddy. It gives me hope to see you going forward . . . and growing up . . . " A few women tittered. "I meant old actually . . . really I did . . ." More laughter and a few jeers were offered. "With someone as brave and smart . . . and strong and brave . . . and brave and beautiful . . . as Rene the Brave."

Once again the pilots exploded into laughter. Rene leaned towards Starbuck asking in a low voice, "Is he drunk?"

Starbuck chuckled. "Yeah, he is. Shhh, let him finish. This ought to be good."

"The IFB is going to kill him," she said but he shushed her.

"You have created a family in this ragtag fleet, and then adopted even more family along the way, and soon will be adding even more to our fleet. Family, that's what you are all about, what you have made all of us into against the odds despite our hang-ups, faults and differences. You bring us together, making us stronger than we were before . . . even if it is just to drink your ambrosia and admire your ability to cheat at cards . . ." More laughter and jeers. " I meant cheat the odds, really I did. As you launch into this new adventure together, even more sealed than you were before, may you continue to swindle Sagan . . . and your squadron mates . . . even while your wife tries to rein in your roguish ways— a little half-heartedly, I might add— while the other half of the time she one-ups you." Apollo paused and raised a glass to Rene. "Never before have I met two people more perfectly suited for each other, and I mean that sincerely, it's not just the ambrosia talking. Good luck and may the blessing of the Lords of Kobol be upon you both." Apollo lifted his glass then clinked it against Starbuck's. "Oh, and I'll see you both back at your desks at the dawn of the next cycle."

Starbuck laughed at the joke, and wanted to threaten his friend that he would get back at him, but he was too busy enjoying the lovely lady beside him. Rene was gorgeous in the dress with the plunging neckline and gems sparkling.

He could have sat there all night holding Rene's hand, but Zara pulled the two from their chairs, guiding them around the room to speak to their honored guests, the cameras broadcasting the party for all the fleet. Zara had to introduce many of them to Starbuck while he pretended to know the Sires and Siresses who he had only met in passing on a few occasions, usually when Apollo was busy defying them with his friends as back up.

Starbuck sighed heavily as they were guided away from Robber and his wife to another Sire and Siress he barely knew. He wanted to spend more time with the family from Proteus as Robber had hit it off with Rene, the two laughing and joking like old friends. It warmed Starbuck's heart when Robber said he would help with their move over to the Zakar and offered to cook the family their first meal once settled. It was an important step in the right direction when Rene accepted, but then Zara was there pulling them away. Starbuck checked his chrono as Rene faked pleasantries with another respected member of the fleet. Just a little longer and then they could disappear and he could have his wife all to himself.


	98. Chapter 98

When Rene plunked the two bottles of very fine vintage ambrosia in front of him, he knew that he had a task to do, the only one that had been assigned to him actually, so he couldn't avoid it or delegate as he might like. Besides, he owed her this much. She had smiled and been charming giving the IFB every shot they wanted. She played the shy blushing bride even though she clung to his arm a bit too tight. They both knew it was all an act, but that act was buying them a big party and the nice big honeymoon suite on the Rising Star for the next three cycles. She had been pretty convincing in all that sparkle and fluff. He could surely manage this for her benefit.

He'd tried to do one more thing for her beyond his required task. Once he learned of the bets laid on him about how far into the party it would be before he was drunk, he'd vowed to limit himself to just a few drinks, well three to be exact knowing that he'd probably consume more than that, but it left a wide margin of error. Even if he doubled his self-imposed limit, it would still be far below what he knew he could consume and keep his wits. It seemed only fair since Rene could not have any, certainly not while the cameras were on. How she was getting through this totally sober was a true testament to her "I'm tough. I can take it," attitude. He'd definitely would not be doubting her in the future, but with the gifting of the two bottles and her soft words in his ear, "Don't make me lose the bet. I have your back, you can get drunk," he knew he couldn't let her down.

He tapped his glass with a spoon to give what he hoped would be the last toast of the evening. The wording had been crafted in Adama's office and that only seemed fair as well since the Commander was right, this wasn't a ceremony for him but rather for the whole fleet to welcome into the family the warriors from Dilmun. It was a time for celebration so he left the wording up to the old man and vowed he could pull it off like it was his own.

"Ladies and Gentleman, and all you borays I call my friends, I want to thank you for coming and taking part in the most important day of my life. I know many thought it would never happen. Neither did I. I guess it just took the right lady with good aim. She shot me in the heart and then gave me a reason to live She has given me the greatest gift, a family."

"But it is now time for my new family to celebrate in a more private setting. Thank for sharing in my happiness. May you all find the kind of love I have, one that makes you feel as if you are part of something important." He lifted his glass and then lowered it to Rene's before taking only a small sip before proffering it to her. She sighed before drinking and he hoped it was a good sigh.

"Sit tight, I'll make sure they leave," he whispered to her and plastered on his public smile as he approached the camera crew from the IFB. He smiled ingratiatingly as he gathered up the pretty blonde announcer, guiding her to the door. He knew he'd been watched the whole time like the lone cylon raider on the edge of scanner because once the IFB was gone, Jake got up on the stage again, saying loudly into the microphone, "Let the party begin!"

The band began to play loud upbeat music and it was Apollo that met him at the door and guided him over to a table full of his friends with a, "You did a good thing here. The fleet will appreciate it. We appreciate it."

His friend held up his glass and Starbuck thought he might actually be very drunk, and why shouldn't he be? Rene had negotiated not only this room and the food, but rooms for most of his friends for the evening. She had out "Starbucked" the IFB and that was something to toast. He let his friend slide a drink over to him as he said again, his words slurring, "Ya done good, Bucko."

"Thanks," he said aloud, but inside he thought something else, as he cast a glance over to his wife who looked tired and drained. "It doesn't feel like I did something good here," he mumbled, but Apollo couldn't hear him over the music, so he spoke louder. "I need to get her some food. I'll be right back." He excused himself knowing if he was going to be draining those two bottles, he'd need some food in himself as well.

By the time he made it to the buffet table and back, Rene had disappeared. He looked around finding no sign of the sparkles and ruffles that should have made her easy to spot in a room full of brown and blue dress uniforms. He didn't see Lisbet or Maia either so he figured the girls were doing whatever girls do, and let Boomer wave him over, still saving the plate full of food for her. His friends welcomed him with another round of drinks and a cheer. He couldn't turn that down, now could he?

He was deep into a conversation about Peryton's vipers and some of the man's ideas when he felt a tap on his shoulder. It was Crius who leaned down to shout in his ear, "Having fun?"

He looked up to his new wing mate and pointing out a chair for him to join them, but Crius had a funny look on his face, almost concerned. Before Starbuck could wonder what had gone wrong, Crius was whispering in his ear, "You need to see to your wife." Starbuck craned his head to find just where she had gone off to, finding the room hard to scan, but that could be the half bottle of ambrosia he had already gone through. He expected to find Rene dancing with the girls or flirting it up with one of his friends and that Crius was giving Starbuck a chance to run interference, but she wasn't on the dance floor.

"What? Where?" he questioned, but Crius tilted his head and crooked a finger asking Starbuck to follow. Grabbing his two bottles, much to the chagrin of his friends who were calling him back, he announced he had a woman to go claim. It elicited a cheer from the table followed by several "Go get her!" and a couple of crude comments. He tried to laugh at the jokes, but Crius was pulling at his arm. It wasn't a friendly tug and Starbuck began to wonder where they were going, when Crius led him out to the hallway. The IFB was still there, doing some sort of after party wrap up and he almost was snagged to say something, but he just smiled and waved at the camera while Crius dragged him away. He started to assume the man was leading him towards the honeymoon suite where Rene might have a surprise for him, a present to unwrap under all those sparkles and ribbons. He gave Crius an evil grin, but the man didn't smile back as he pulled him past the lift that led up to the rooms.

"Wait…what's wrong?" Klaxons had finally begun to ring in his head when Crius pulled him around a corner and stopped in front of the turbo wash room for the ladies. Crius pointed towards the door as if it explained everything.

"I can't go in there, not with the IFB broadcasting down the hallway."

Crius nodded somewhat reassuring him. "Ya need too. We have a bit of a melt down situation. I expected it sooner, so there's that. Lisbet's in with her but…" Crius hesitated for a moment before reaching out for the bottles in Starbuck's hand. "Let me hang onto these for ya. You can have them back when you get her back to the party. Your Commander said something about another toast and making an announcement. We need to get her back out there. Consider these your reward if you can get the job done. I'm going to see if I can find something to help."

Before Starbuck could ask for more details, Crius had backed his way into the room, calling loudly and cheerfully, "Reinforcements have arrived!"

Dara was there guarding the door, hissing at them, "Stow it will you. Not everyone needs to know and that isn't going to help." She said pointing at the bottles and then at Starbuck.

"I know what I'm doing. Where is she?" Crius asked, but Starbuck figured out the directions to the stall by the sounds of retching, only it had the tone and tenor of dry heaves versus the productive kind of being sick. His heart broke at the noise of gagging. Starbuck had understood that Rene hadn't done all this Sealing planning on her own. They all had contributed for his benefit, including his new wingman. He was touched, wanted to say so, but the gals were all glaring at him. He suddenly understood that while the others had helped, Rene had borne the brunt of this on her own. She had negotiated and entertained this day, and he'd been a selfish boray, actually believing that he should let Rene plan all this on her own. He thought that was what she wanted, but the sounds of heaving coming from the turbos told a different tale. He chastised himself and offered his apologies to Dara and Maia as he headed for the stall.

It was not a pretty sight. Lisbet was trying in vain to hold back all the curls that were now in disarray on Rene's head. Starbuck had a hard time wading through the dress, trying to be careful not to step on something that might be important. He nodded to Lisbet, taking over the task of holding Rene's hair as he kneeled over the turbo beside his wife. Her shoulders were heaving and he began to rub her back to soothe her. He felt fortunate when it seemed to work and the retching slowed.

She came up for air looking done in, but she didn't move into his arms as he held them out, shifting instead to sit against the wall on the other side of the stall. He reached out to flush the turbo, but doubted there was anything in there to dispose. She hadn't eaten all day from what he had witnessed.

"You alright?" he asked, wanting to touch her, but she pulled away and he settled for sliding down the wall to sit opposite of her. "You okay?"

She closed her eyes at his words and uttered a scornful, "Yeah, do I look it?"

"No." He struggled for the right words to say, but Lisbet and Maia glaring down at him didn't help. "Can you gals give us some privacy?"

Maia began to protest, but Lisbet gently led her away casting Starbuck an apologetic smile. He waited until he heard the door shut before he tried to speak again.

"You didn't have to do this you know." He realized too late that the words rang close to the "I told you so" he had warned that this all could become when it was first suggested in the Commander's office.

The rueful snort from Rene said otherwise before she shrugged and opened her eyes to look at him. "Yeah I did. I damn near killed Boomer and…and you. Apollo hiked over half of Caprica for two days. Everyone deserved a party."

"You do to." She shrugged to his words closing her eyes again. He tried not to leap across that small stall to pull her to him. She looked like she needed the space and the time to collect herself. "You did a good thing you know," he said softly, his words echoing Apollo's and referring to more than just the sealing and letting the IFB broadcast it for the whole fleet.

"Yeah," she said shrugging again. "I'll be fine in a few centons." But her words sounded flat and hollow and he was unsure what to do. His natural inclination was to crack a joke, and there were plenty to tell about that dress and how it filled up the stall in its excess, not just in volume but in sparkles and gems. Something told him this might not be the time for his flippant remarks. He wished his head were clearer so he could say the right thing, but opted for fluffing the ruffles that separated them, trying to find her hand.

He heard the door open again and wanted to call out that they weren't done, but it was Crius who busted into the stall nearly hitting him with the door before he shut it, latched it and slid down to sit by Starbuck.

"So," he drawled drunkenly with an exaggerated cheerfulness, "We've moved the party in here, have we?"

Rene shook her head at him, muttering low, "Cut it out Crius."

But the country boy wasn't listening as he drawled out, "I've got friends in low places and I've been to some dives, but this one is definitely the stinkiest and the smallest. Little too tight for dancing, not that I like to do that anyway. I always look like a prancing porcine. I think I found something that will help get this party started." He pulled out of his jacket pocket a small fumarello that looked hand rolled. Before Starbuck could ask if it was what he thought it was, Crius spoke up, "Your gold clusters hero husband is not going to have a problem with this. You've done everything by the regs and rules, so I'm pretty sure you're allowed to break a few. Besides, no one is letting either of you near a cockpit, shuttle or viper, for at least three cycles so…" He put the fumarello to his lips, lighting it up as the sickly sweet aroma of plant vapors wafted from the end. He handed the smoldering stick to Rene who did not hesitate to take it, pulling it to her lips as she closed her eyes inhaling deeply, holding it in. She coughed lightly as she exhaled, but Starbuck thought her shoulders dropped at least a notch or two down and the tightness around her eyes softened.

"Not bad, huh? You can thank Jake for it. We'll deal with him later, but for now…" Crius let her take another long puff before he took it from her hand and took one of his own before proffering it back to her. She pulled another long drag, opening her eyes and smiling at him when she exhaled. Starbuck reached for the fumarello, taking a long puff himself, inhaling just enough to be part of the fun and perhaps burn up what was left before his wife might do damage to their unborn child. The readings had still been inconclusive on how the radion poisoning from their little visit to Caprica and the hospitality of the Cylons might affect the baby. Plus, she didn't need to be tripping off any blood tests Salik might choose to run in the future. He handed the smoldering weed back to Crius who pulled in a long drag before he passed it to Rene. She took a longer pull on the fumarello that Starbuck let her finish before he took it from her hand. He gave his wing mate an appreciative grin, before letting it turn wicked as he tossed the fumarello into the turbo.

Crius chuckled at him. "Oh, so you think you might actually get that promotion to Captain do you? Not when they find what is hiding up in your quarters. Besides, Captains fly a desk more often than a viper."

Before Starbuck could rise to the taunt, Crius turned back to Rene. "Better?"

Her voice was soft and dreamy as she replied, "Yeah."

"We need to get you back to your adoring public. You have a husband to get drunk and then scold. I know how much you gals like the scolding and the nagging. I have a wing mate to get plastered and then help haul to his rooms and you have that…" Crius fluffed at the ruffles, "that thing to deal with that has swallowed one of the best pilots I know. How could you have let that happen? You couldn't find something simple and slinky? I like you in slinky."

"That's my wife, Crius," Starbuck warned.

"What, you don't like slinky? You like this, this, lords what do you call this thing? It ain't a dress, that's for sure. You look like you were swallowed by a flock of avians that just feasted on butterflies then puked you back out into a mound of wildflowers. I can't even look at you."

Crius got the chuckle Starbuck wanted to elicit as she reached down to fluff some of the ruffles. "I'm resisting the urge to destroy it. I thought it was a good idea at the time, but after more than two centaurs in this thing," she shook her head. "Don't let me near a knife or I am going to slice off a layer or two."

"I think that's my job," Starbuck joked, "destroying it I mean to get it off you. I liked it. You look pretty."

"I look…less pregnant than before. That was a plus."

"Well yeah, you could hide a whole battle cruiser in that thing," Crius laughed. "You don't plan on wearing it again, do you? You gotta warn us not to smoke around it. Damn, we just took your life in our hands there. All that fluff has to be flammable."

The words did not get a laugh, instead Rene choked on a sob, hands coming up to her mouth in shock and in an attempt to hold it in.

"Oh hey, I'm just kidding ya, kid," Crius said, as he reached out a hand, not to Rene, but to Starbuck's chest to hold him back from going to her.

Rene flapped a hand at her face in an effort to dry the tears that threatened to flow and smear her makeup. "I know…I know…it's just…I burned his dress. It went up so fast. I…just couldn't bear the idea of someone wearing it for someone else. I made it for Kenan and …" she hesitated and swallowed hard, her hand still fanning her face. "I loved him. I really did. And I love you, Starbuck, I do. Frak…I'm a mess. I'm sorry Starbuck. I just wanted it to be perfect for you and I didn't mean to…, it's just, the damn IFB and they were outside the room still broadcasting and I just wanted to make it to the turbo, and they were critiquing everything, they were judging our sealing and then they asked me about the dress and…" She halted, looking up to the ceiling and trying to take deep breaths. Starbuck regretted tossing the fumarello as she could use a puff right now, and so could he.

"And?" Crius prompted. He waited only a beat or two before he added, "Kenan was a good guy. He'd understand. He'd want you to be happy. He would have liked Starbuck."

She let out a deep breath in a sigh. "It's not that. Or, it is…it's…they had a picture of my brothers. Where the frak did they get that? I don't even have that. I just forgot how much they looked alike, you know, and Ari looked even more like him and…I didn't remember that Ari looked a lot like Daniel until I saw that holo. I don't even really remember what Ari looked like in real life and I don't remember how he died, but I guess that's a good thing. They asked if he would have walked me down the aisle and If that's what Jake did when he…I didn't know he was going to do that, Starbuck. I didn't I swear. It was supposed to be just Cain, and then Gage asked and then Jake was walking up the aisle and pushing at Gage and…." She paused, taking another deep breath.

Crius pulled another fumarello from out of his jacket, lighting it up. This one smelled more like the normal variety and while probably still not good for her, Starbuck wasn't going to object to anything that would get her through the rest of this day. He found the words coming to his tongue, "I'm sorry," but Crius's hand shot out, practically slamming his medallions into Starbuck's skin in warning. Starbuck wasn't sure what he was being warned to do or not do and looked to his wing mate, beginning to realize that Crius had more of a role as guardian in the Rat's family than he previously thought. Crius eased up his hold on Starbuck, handing him the fumarello instead of to Rene. Starbuck read the meaning of the gesture. He was to follow the advice Crius gave him often, keep his mouth shut and listen.

"It will come back to you in time. Nobody is upset about what Jake did. No one can blame you either," Crius added, not removing his hand from Starbuck's chest. "He's pretty damn close to you and you probably should have asked him to do it in the first place in Ari's stead. But it got handled. This isn't life and death Rene, it's just a damn sealing. You can break it off tomorrow and do it with someone else next secton."

She gave another snort, "Yeah, right. It's Starbuck. This is pretty damn epic."

"Well, yeah, about that," Crius drawled. "Like you said, it's Starbuck so nobody is expecting it to work out. You know that's why they're making a big deal about it, right? This has nothing to do with you."

Starbuck ignored the pressure of Crius's hand, deciding that maybe he might be able to help this situation. "Actually, it has everything to do with her."

Crius shook his head at him, but Starbuck didn't let it deter him. "Rene, I never saw myself sealed until you came along. It's not you that's going to screw this up, it's me. And…" Crius had eased up on his chest so he kept on wading deeper into those dangerous ruffles. "I know what you sacrificed to get here. I wish I was admiring Kenan's pretty wife, but he didn't make it and I…I got lucky instead and you're my pretty wife. I wish Ari was here. I really would have liked to have gotten to know my brother in law. It was my fault. I was too damn reckless and…"

"It's not your fault!" she shouted.

He let the words echo off the tile walls and fade before he replied softly, "It's not yours either, nor what happened on Caprica. You didn't know Avery was going to be an astrum and that the Cylons would be waiting for your return. Boomer didn't turn the right direction and a raider got him, but you are the one who got him down alive. You don't have to keep punishing yourself for Caprica," he paused wondering if he should keep going, but since he had waded in, he thought maybe he should go the distance, "or for Ari, or anyone else you couldn't save. You did your best and sometimes the enemy is just too strong. But that doesn't mean you have to take on the weight of the world."

She stared up at the ceiling for a few moments before fixing her gaze on him. He handed her the fumarello and forged forward. "I'm no expert, but I think that's what being sealed means, not being alone. We help each other bear the burden and sometimes we watch the other's back so we can let loose and have some fun. You didn't have to do this, but everyone seems to be having a good time. I've got a plate of food waiting for you and your friends would like to enjoy your company. What do you say we get out of here? Or you don't have to go back to the party, we could just go up to that suite and have our own party."

She sighed and took a drag from the fumarello before handing it back to him. Crius broke the long silence. "Come on, that dress is worth more than all our sectar's pay put together. You can't let it go to waste in a dive like this."

She nodded, and reached out a hand to Starbuck. "I do have a bet to win. I have two more bottles set aside just for you."

He laughed. "I suppose I could make the sacrifice for you. Only if you make one for me."

She quirked her eyebrows at him.

"When you ditch me in a secton, don't wear that dress for anyone else, just for me."

She nodded and he got to his feet reaching a hand down for his wife, and one for his wing mate.


	99. Chapter 99

Once in the corridor, Starbuck told his wife and his wing mate to just head into the party, he'd provide cover and take care of the IFB. He rounded the corner first, putting on his most disarming smile.

"Zara, long time, no see. So, Beautiful, I was wondering if you could do me a favor?"

"We will be leaving soon," she said defensively, noticing Rene and Crius sneaking back into the party. Starbuck's charm never seemed to work on her, and the other commentator just liked to talk Triad. Starbuck lowered the voltage on his smile.

"Oh good, but actually I was thinking about something else. My wife said you had a picture of her brothers. I was wondering if I could see it?"

Zara's features softened. "Of course."

Her fingers flew across a handheld view screen, then she handed it to him. It was the traditional family photo taken at an Academy induction ceremony. The older young man he guessed was her brother Daniel. Rene was right, Ari looked a lot like him, but even more shocking was a much younger Rene in the holo. She and her older brother shared the same eyes as well as the same little quirk to their grins. Rene had to be younger than twelve as puberty hadn't caught up to her yet, but Ari was sporting a few blemishes, as well as some features like his ears and his nose looking more adult compared to his eyes and his chin. Starbuck wondered briefly who had taken the holo as their father had died long before this moment. Was it Adama's brother, the one who had fostered the children, or was it some other random guardian?

"Can I get a copy of this?" he asked.

"Of course. I can send you all the holos we have as we pulled them from fleet records." Zara took note of his observations of the image. "I believe this was about three yahrens before her older brother perished in an academy training accident. Our records indicate a change in the information and images beyond his death. We chose not to show the images taken by the local authorities as they logged her arrests, just as we did not show yours."

"That was uncharacteristically decent of you," Starbuck quipped before handing her back the view screen fighting down the annoyance that this reporter knew more than he did about Rene's past. "But they can be found in the fleet records?"

"Yes, I can show you a few if you like."

He hesitated, but Zara had the photos brought up on the view screen before he could make the decision.

"You both had your first run in with the law at thirteen, but your crimes were a bit different and less frequent. Hers are mostly for theft and breaking and entering. There are numerous reports of her being reported as a runaway, almost weekly once she reaches fourteen. I assume when she was older she became better at evading the authorities."

Starbuck didn't correct the reporter about his own record. He had several run ins before he entered secondary school, but several yahrens ago Adama had used his connections to expunge those records as an academy graduation gift. He wasn't able to eliminate them all, just the ones that might be embarrassing to the record of an officer. Rene didn't have those kinds of connections and he suspected Dante didn't care about the records of the Rats or didn't have access to them on the Zakar.

Starbuck looked at the young face, seeing the hints of the woman she would become. She looked frightened in her first couple of arrests, but as the yahrens proceeded, she perfected her surly sneer. The last one in the long procession went back to her looking more frightened than rebellious.

"What is this arrest for?" he asked betting that Zara would know.

"That one? Drug trafficking. She was caught as a stowaway on a freighter returning from Aquarius. However, she was not prosecuted. The charges were dropped due to a technicality. She seems to have avoided consequences from then on for her brushes with the law. There are records indicating she was picked up often, but not booked on charges, avoiding arrests."

"Huh." He wondered why, but he had a sneaky suspicion he knew how Rene talked her way out of any charges placed upon her. She was adept at blackmail, and when that didn't work, she had other resources available, made evident by the revealing outfit she was wearing in the last holo.

As he analysed her face and the fear in her eyes, he realized Zara was accurate in her assessment, Rene and Starbuck had far more in common than others had previously thought. Not only were their crimes similar, but also their luck in avoiding hard time. Their techniques might be a little different however, or were they? In her younger pictures, and even now, Rene had a beauty that bordered on the girl next door with her splash of freckles across her nose, the sun streaks of gold in her hair and the warmth of her skin. She wasn't voluptuous or overtly seductive, but the subtle hint of athleticism, mixed with a youthful glow were more than enough to draw a man's attention. It had drawn his, but she also had a boldness to her. From the look in her eyes in the younger pictures, maybe she had been even brazen back then. But audacious enough to talk her way out of charges? No, that was Starbuck's specialty.

He thought back to the multiple times he was brought in for offenses, some minor, some more serious. Looking back now with the wisdom of the yahrens, he'd been more than a little scared most of the times, but had relied on his skill at appearing insouciant. He had joked with the booking agents, chatted amiably with the officers. He had avoided being brought in on numerous occasions just by being friendly with the officers when they nabbed him. One time on the drive in to the station he'd talked the officers into pulling him over and letting him go. If they brought him in, once at the station it was his same personality that would bring more help, either a guardian or a friend of a friend who had more than a passing interest in him who could talk the officials out of charging him. If not for that, the record Adama would have had to expunge would have filled a data pad.

And much like Rene, he kept that information to himself. He realized looking at the holos of Rene's past record, he hadn't shared much with his wife about his life before he became a warrior. He'd talked about being an orphan, discussed his various foster homes, but his descriptions had been succinct and vague. Holding this view screen in his hand, he had more information on Rene than she had about him. He wanted to laugh at the irony. Here he'd been lecturing her about trusting others, and he hadn't shown much faith in her.

The double edge of that ironic sword was that knowing her checkered past had made it easier for him to be with her. She had matured beyond her years in the same streets he had roamed getting into the same mischief and mayhem. Despite how beautiful and mysterious she could be; he knew she had flaws that made it easier for him to show her his own failings.

Zara interrupted his thoughts. "She did graduate from secondary school. I think we have that holo somewhere here, and she did apply for the academy. It was rejected due to her arrest record and her scores weren't exceptional, not like yours where the academy chose to overlook your previous offenses."

"Well, I had some help." Starbuck alluded vaguely to his friendship with Apollo and his association with wealthy sponsors.

"You did know about all this before you asked her to seal with you, didn't you?" Zara asked, pretending to be looking down at the view screen as she probed for information.

"I would really appreciate the holo, just the one with her brothers. Thanks for the help. I'd stay and chat, but I have a party to get back to."

He didn't wait for Zara to confirm that she would be sending him the images. He walked away while she called his name. He had already given the IFB reporter far too much information. He was pretty sure that by next secton, the shine would wear off this sealing and Zara would be back to dishing dirt on him and Rene.

When he entered the reception room, he actually looked to see if there was a way to lock the door, but he couldn't locate it. He'd have to hope that Zara would honor their agreement and leave them be for the rest of the evening.

Scanning the room, he located Rene sitting with Sheba and Apollo back up at the main table for the wedding party. He took a seat by Rene, noting that she was trying to eat something and helping Sheba to get Apollo to eat.

"Sstarbuck, Bucko, old Buddy," his friend greeted him.

"He has severely underestimated the quality and potency of the ambrosia being served," Sheba offered in the way of an apology.

"It's okay, he's earned a good drunk," Starbuck said reaching for Rene's hand. She cast him a dreamy smile. She looked much better and he vowed he would deal with Salik if the plant vapors showed up on any tests he might run. He would argue their necessity in helping with the stress and keeping her heart rate down.

He searched her face for hints of the young woman he had seen in the holos. It wasn't hard to find, there weren't that many yahrens in between, but there was little trace of the fear and more hints of the rebel with the surly sneer. He wondered briefly what changes others might see in him from his arrest record holos? He was certain that they would find more fear in his eyes now than they had back then. He'd been so green and naïve, thinking the worst thing in life was time in a detention cell. Now he knew there were fates graver than imprisonment as the vision swam before his eyes of Rene strapped to a table, her and his child about to be subjected to Cylon torture, and all he could do was hang in the clutches of two centurions and listen to her scream.

He turned away, reaching for a glass, any glass, not caring what it might contain. He got lucky as the liquor was strong, and he let it burn away the image before he turned back to fix his eyes upon Rene again, holding on to that lovely smile hoping to the Lords this wasn't all a dream. He took another drink. He'd earned a good drunk too and Apollo was ahead of him.

Rene read his mind, squeezing his hand twice before whispering, "Pace yourself, I have a bet to win."

"Oh no you don't," Sheba said reaching for the bottle on the table and pouring the rest of it in her own glass. "Odds are in my favor, and I already lost the one on Apollo, but I think I might break even with the bet I have on Giles." Sheba gestured across the room to their friend at the bar. "I think he is about to do it. You need to throw the bouquet," Sheba prompted Rene.

"Oh yeah. Get the girls all together," Rene replied.

"What's going on?" Starbuck asked, reaching for the ambrosia glass in front of Apollo. Draining the contents seemed to be the best assistance he could provide to the situation.

"Giles is going to propose to Maia. I think he's just trying to work up the courage," Sheba said pointing to their friend who was downing a shot of some confidence, and then another.

"Okay, you get the girls. Split your cubits with me and I'll get the lucky sap. I don't want to be the only married guy in the squadron." Starbuck got up, reaching into his pocket, finding the ring Rene had given him from her old boyfriend. He hadn't found time to give it to Crius so his wing mate could figure the best solution that would honor Kenan. It had followed Starbuck from pants pocket to pants pocket, haunting him like the ghost of the man shadowing his relationship. Starbuck and Rene had enough former lovers in their marriage, he didn't need dead men joining the crowd. He could fight the living. The ring had been forgotten in the chaos of the sendoff and the sealing. Now he might have a solution on his own for freeing the phantom.

He brushed past many of his friends to reach Giles. He put an arm around his friend. "So I heard you're going to do it, make it legal with Maia," he began without preamble.

"Yeah, I mean, if you can do it, I can right? Besides, the Commander says I have to go back to barracks here soon and…" Giles shrugged, looking as green and nervous as a raw recruit.

"You got this. She's crazy about you," Starbuck reassured him.

"She's so gorgeous. She could have anyone. She was a cheerleader for the Caprica City Triad Team, did you know that? She was famous. I'm just a guy from a Caprican city far from anywhere." Giles wiped his brow having broken out in a cold sweat.

"Calm down. She likes you. You make her laugh. I always told you, get them laughing and you can get them." Starbuck ignored the glare Giles gave him. "Do you have a ring?"

"Lords, no. I've been spending all my cubits taking her out and trying to show her a good time. She deserves it after what she's been through. I figured maybe I could borrow some money from Greenbean, or maybe Jolly."

Starbuck pulled the ring from his pocket. "Give this to her. She won't be able to say no."

"Really? Are you sure?" Giles looked at the ring in wonder. "She loves purple. This is perfect, but how…how did you know? You can afford this and…"

Starbuck cut him off, putting his arm around him again and beginning to guide him towards the group of women that were gathering. "I've got you covered. You're family. Let's go make it official."

He enjoyed the show Rene put on teasing that she was going to throw her bouquet to the crowd, but then switched up her over the shoulder toss, instead turning around and lobbing the handful of flowers to Maia while the other gals showered her with petals.

"Go get her!" Starbuck pushed Giles in Maia's direction. The man stumbled, tripping to both his knees at Maia's feet, holding the ring up in the process.

"Will you marry me?" He blurted it out so fast, he had to repeat it for her to understand. Maia's squeal nearly burst the eardrums of everyone in the room before she broke into happy tears as she nodded her head several times. "Yes? You're saying yes?" Giles gave a loud whoop as he stood up and took the gal into his arms, pulling back just long enough to slip the ring on her finger. It was a perfect fit.

Maia spun around to show the ring to the women around her. Starbuck watched as Rene admired the ring, a hand going to her mouth. Starbuck was afraid he'd made a mistake, but then Rene dropped her hand, nodding to Maia, before stepping towards him, stopping just out of his reach. He couldn't read her emotions as she looked down for a moment, then looked back up wiping at one of her eyes.

"Thank you," she said softly.

He had a thousand things to say to her, but Jake had struck up the band, another loud love song. Starbuck reached for her hand, pulling her to him. She felt so good as she melted into his arms.

"Have I told you yet how beautiful you are?" he whispered and felt her shiver.

She pulled back, gazing lovingly up at him and he thought his heart was going to bust through his uniform and destroy his medals. "I'm glad they left your face alone last night. There was talk of shaving eyebrows. Have I told you how handsome you are?"

"No as a matter of fact, you have not given me my daily dose of compliments. You may have to make up for it later, alone, in that big bed waiting for us." He teased her, enjoying the rise he got out of her as her eyes sparked nearly as bright as the gems on her dress.

"Mmm, tempting, but so is this." She laid her head upon his chest, swaying along to the music. If only he could freeze time, he could live in this moment forever. He closed his eyes and tried to make it so.

But the music changed, and Max tapped him on the shoulder cutting in to dance a livelier tune with Rene. Starbuck went looking for Lara, giving her the dance he had promised. The tune ended, but Jake was far from done, beginning a song that most of those from Dilmun seemed to recognize as they poured onto the dance floor. He pulled Rene out of Max's arms into his own, only to be tapped on the shoulder by Apollo.

"My turn," he said, but Starbuck spun Rene away.

"Go get your own girl. I rescued this one fair and square. You were going to leave us with the Cylons."

He regretted the joke as Apollo's smile fell and he looked like he might burst into tears. He was saved from having to apologize by Sheba who came up to have Apollo dance with her.

He didn't know how many songs they danced to as in the end it just turned into all of them on the dance floor singing at the top of their lungs and passing drinks around. He had to give the Rats some credit, they threw a good party.

Once the music took its turn from classic tunes to more modern songs, Adama escorted out the last of the Sires and Siresses. It was time for the family to have the celebration they deserved. Adama finally was able to sit down, his duties completed. He took a seat, not at the head table in front of the room, but one at a table hidden in the corner behind the band, avoiding the worst of the decibels of the angry music that had risen in tempo and volume. He brought the glass of ambrosia to his lips, a fine blend with a hint of citrus. He recognized the maker on the label, a distillery near where he used to vacation with his wife and family, and he remembered back to the times when he and Ila would watch the children play in the waning light of a tropical sunset.

"Ila, if only," he mused wistfully as he observed his remaining children and their families. Adama had been skeptical of Athena and Bojay's union. Both had approached their dating and their union more like a political alliance, more practical than romantic. He reasoned at the time that maybe Athena's many failed attempts with the overly romantic infamous Starbuck had soured her on dramatic overtures. She had put aside her childish dreams for adult realities. But watching her and Bojay now sharing a drink and talking at their table as if they were the only two in the room gave him hope that maybe they just appeared sedate in public, but in private they shared something more. Athena caught him watching her, and held up a glass to him in acknowledgement, not only that she noticed his gaze, but the event had turned out better than expected.

Yes, this had turned out well despite its inauspicious beginnings. Surprisingly, Rene and her family had kept their issues and squabbles to the Galactica. Any drama had come from Starbuck, but Adama suspected that was more the fault of Blue Squadron than the Lieutenant's unruly life. The Lieutenant had been nearly stoic at the ceremony, that is until the kiss, and he was properly entertaining at the reception. Maybe it was time to promote the hot headed pilot. If he could control this family and his own emotions, he might be able to manage a squadron and perhaps even a command of his own.

His eye was drawn to the gems and sparkles that easily identified the happy couple. They were locked in each other's arms pretending to dance, lost in their own world while the party swirled around them. He was looking forward to watching their world grow with the addition of Starbuck's child. Fatherhood might just be the element many others had sought to temper the wild young man. If nothing else, the family had provided him enough scuffles and scrapes to prevent him from creating ones of his own. He had held them together and attempted to fix their problems. Adama focused on Rene, noting that despite the glow on her face, there was a darkness to the young woman that reminded him not every problem could be washed away with loud music and ambrosia.

Would he always have to coerce her into proper behavior? Would she ever trust him and his presence in her life? He had agreed to his son's proposal that the family move to the Zakar despite his own misgivings. He knew the move would delay Rene's ability to integrate into the fleet and Adama's command. It would isolate the copper squadron once again, but he suspected that the distance might help give all of them more time to find their way. He knew it would help Rene to begin to process the abuses she suffered while on the Zakar, and encourage her to view life differently with a different command.

He would miss the squadron, despite the headaches and sleepless nights they had brought to his life. They had also brought many elements that he had not realized that, like his own daughter, he had left behind as childish and impractical. They brought the ideals of family, accepting each other despite their faults and differences. The Rats fought hard to hang onto their joy. They fiercely protected their children and the hope for the future they represented. Despite his belief in the fleet's course and the eventuality of finding the Thirteenth tribe and Earth, he now needed those visual reminders of hope. The birth of little Ila had helped to bring the small flame of hope to life, but the child was so like her own mother, quiet and calm. Something about the happy chaos of the Copper Squadron had breathed life and color into the small light turning it into a beacon that could guide him.

He knew it was also true for his own son. Apollo had dimmed over the years, ground down by his duty and demands of the fleet. It had begun with the death of his wife, and while Starbuck had tried to keep his friend's spirits up, it seemed to be a task that Starbuck could not accomplish alone.

Finding other survivors from the Colonies had lit a flame of hope for the Galactica. Their number of pilots had grown and with it a sense of security in the increased fighting force. This sealing had been scheduled to highlight that fact for the rest of the fleet, to sway their skepticism so that they could see what Adama had witnessed. The added population and this union would move them into a brighter future. At the very least, the sealing gave the fleet a reason to celebrate and feel a bit of joy if only for one evening.

It was too early to know if the broadcast of the sealing and the reception had achieved Adama's goal, but It had relaxed Apollo enough to where he could finally lower his inhibitions. Maybe it was the refocus of the public eye upon Starbuck versus the newly promoted Colonel, but Apollo had allowed himself to feast, drink and enjoy himself. His son had taken to the dance floor with Sheba, joining his former wing mate and forever friend as the two attempted to keep up with the timing of the music. Not well, he noted, but he thought their laughter and happy banter probably made up for any toe stomping. Sheba had thrown back her head numerous times in laughter. She was good for his son. He just wished his eldest would realize that before it was too late.

The thought made him turn to his own date for the evening. Siress Tinia was not nearly as lovely as Ila had been in her youth, but then again, Adama was no longer a young man either. The council woman was far different from his previous wife, and maybe that was the attraction. Much like his own daughter, it was probably a relationship born of practicality, but that was enough for now.

Tinia raised her glass to him. "This has been successful. I think it would have been better to include the older children in the ceremony, especially those that come from the fleet, such as the tall blonde and Apollo's son. It would encourage more citizens of the fleet to step forward to take in the orphans. Starbuck's bride is right; a whole ship of orphans is a disgrace to the fleet."

"I was of the same mind, but it was not my choice. Rene was quite clear that the children are her wards to command, not mine. She thought to protect the children and not to scare away any others that may join the family."

"Yet you have not followed her suggestions about the orphans." Tinia looked away to the dance floor for a micron to soften her criticism before turning back to him. "I have decided to follow her example. Despite my busy schedule, I am sponsoring an adolescent from the orphan ship."

Adama was taken aback. As far as he was aware, before the destruction Tinia had focused on her career and had not chosen to have children.

He found himself asking, "Are you sure? This is not like taking in children before the exodus. They…" He paused, unable to express the horrors many of the children had witnessed and how lacking the fleet had been in resources to help. Everyone was dealing with a loss of a family member and their home.

"I know it will be challenging, but I had hoped you might offer some assistance and your wisdom." Tinia smiled at him and it spoke of a commitment to a future together.

"Of course," he said, hating how distant the words sounded even to his own ears. He needed to follow the hopeful path he wished for his own children. "I mean, yes, I would like that very much." He raised his glass to her to seal the bargain. "What I would like even more is for a dance with you."

"Oh my, I don't think this music is quite my style." She laughed and he admired the lines around her eyes that spoke of past laughter.

"I think I can remedy that. I know someone in the band." Adama winked as he got to his feet. He stepped onto the stage, waited for the song to end before approaching Nik.

"I would like to request a song, something by the Monarch if you would. Something I can dance to." He tried not to laugh out loud at Nik's look of shock.

"The Monarch?" Nik followed Adama's gaze to Tinia before giving him a knowing grin. "I know just the one."

"I knew you would." Adama patted the young man on the back before Nik turned away to speak with Jake. It was a short moment later when the notes began to play,

"Would you grant me this dance?"

Tinia looked yahrens younger as she gracefully took his hand. Much to Adama's surprise it was Nik's voice that crooned the words.

"I love you because you understand dear, every single thing I try to do. You're always there to lend a helping hand, dear. I love you most of all because you're you."

It was the perfect song he thought to himself. All of this, it was perfect and he moved himself and Tinia closer to Rene and Starbuck, jostling the Lieutenant to get his attention before mouthing to him his appreciation. "Thank you, son."

Starbuck nodded in acceptance with a knowing smirk. "You're next," the pilot mouthed to him before moving away laughing.

He might be, but it would be a private affair. He would let Starbuck and Rene keep the spotlight. It was where they belonged as they basked in the light of their newfound love.

The band finally quit playing, and Starbuck thought it was their cue to head off to the honeymoon suite, but instead Nik put on some recorded music, songs Starbuck didn't remember, and the dancing and the drinking continued until he finally was able to drag Rene from the dance floor. She and most of her friends found chairs to collapse into, reaching for food and drink to sustain them for another round. Starbuck surveyed the room, taking in the view of all his friends and family enjoying themselves. It wasn't until he laid his eyes upon Jake with some gal on his lap that Starbuck thought he remembered from the Eaglebash, that he began to notice those who were missing from the party.

Cassiopeia wasn't here, or Jake wouldn't be nuzzling the neck of the pretty brunette. In fact, Starbuck couldn't recall having seen Cassiopeia at all. He scanned the room and his memory for any hint that she might have been at the ceremony or the celebration. No, he didn't remember seeing her and for some stupid reason that made him sad that she hadn't come to wish him well. He thought that they were at least friends now, that she understood that he hadn't meant to hurt her. But he wasn't so drunk that he didn't recognize that the proposal had begun a swift end to their relationship. Maybe she needed more time. He certainly hadn't given her that, but life was short and he wasn't willing to give anything time. As he looked around the room, he realized he had gotten exactly what he had wanted out of the offer he had made Cassie, just with a different woman. Had it been that bad with Cassie and he hadn't noticed? Even in his ambrosia soaked brain, he knew that wasn't true either.

He shook off the maudlin mood and counted the friends who had come, all of blue squadron, most of silver spar, as well as friends he had made around the fleet. Robber and his wife were still there, chatting with the Commander who had lingered. Chameleon was also still here, sharing a story with Apollo and Sheba.

He'd remembered seeing Avery and his wife at the ceremony, plus Wyatt, or was it Wylie? He couldn't remember the guy's name, just that he was a decent fellow compared to the rest of Avery's people, but he hadn't seen them at the celebration after the dancing and the toasts. He recognized some of the faces from the Eaglebash. He wasn't sure if he had seen them at the ceremony, but they had definitely shown up to the party and were keeping it going strong. He found himself counting, as if he was in battle, dividing up the members on his side and Rene's side. At this point in the late evening, Rene's were nearly double his. Only, there seemed to be important people missing besides Cassie. Doctor Salik had been invited, but didn't attend for some reason, and the thought made him look again for the other Doctor prominent in their lives.

He leaned over and tried to speak with Rene over the music. "Didn't you invite Dixon?"

She nodded and leaned in closer so he could hear her. "Long story. He said…," she hesitated and he motioned for her to go on. "He said that I already have a problem with getting too close to some people and that he should keep his distance. Not sure what he meant, but he didn't come."

The explanation was a bit odd, but then again, made some sense. The man did know a lot about Rene, spent time with her alone. She was a beautiful woman, and the association might raise questions with others, but it didn't with him. Dixon was probably the one man in the whole fleet Rene wouldn't try to flirt with simply because he did know too much.

He was drunk enough to not blame anyone who flirted with Rene. She was stunning in that dress with the plunging neckline that showed off nicely the ways she had matured. The sparkles and fluff fit her mood, and she glowed with happiness. He leaned back in his chair, enjoying the moment. He never wanted the party to end. But then again, he wanted her all to himself, alone where she would let down her defenses and bring him in behind her walls where it was warm and inviting.

He checked his chrono, surprised to find it was late in the cycle, almost curfew if he were back on the Galactica and still living in the barracks. He looked back to Rene thinking of the many times when he first met her that she had broken that curfew, all to get her family here. She had sacrificed so much to make this all happen.

He raised his glass to her. "You did it. I promise not to doubt you again."

"Did what? Got rid of the alcohol and got your friends drunk?" she teased back as she reached for his glass that he was about to put to his lips, instead winking at him and draining it herself. She sighed. "Damn, that's good. You sure you won't let me take another trip back?"

"How about we take a little trip up to our suite and we can take a different kind of journey." He put on his most seductive smile.

Rene sighed again. "How the hades did I get so lucky?"

He laughed. "No, with you it was hard work. I would know. So, make this easy on me and say yes."

She scanned the room first, taking in her friends sprawled around the room. She turned back to him and his heart lurched, cracking open to reveal a new depth to his love. She was making sure that everyone was accounted for and provided for before agreeing to go and it made him love her all the more. He opened his mouth to tell her she didn't have to do it all alone, she had help now in keeping everyone safe, but she squeezed his hand twice.

"Yes. Let's go. Should we tell them good-bye?"

"Naw, let's be a Rat and sneak out while we can." He pulled her to her feet before reaching for the bottle of ambrosia on the table. "To keep the party going," he said and they danced their way to the door.

Once in the corridor she was giggling that no one noticed. Starbuck thanked lady luck that the IFB had finally packed up and left. They made it to the lift, and once the doors closed, he pulled her into his arms, his lips needing to taste all of her right then, right there.


	100. Chapter 100

R rated chapter…be aware…you have been warned. This is a honeymoon after all, with Starbuck…did you think it was going to be just a bunch of sleeping?

Intent on kissing Rene's neck while his hands tried to find her through all the ruffles, and not drop the open ambrosia bottle, he barely noticed when the lift doors opened.

"Starbuck," Rene purred, "this is our floor."

"Uh huh," he mumbled into her neck, "You even smell good."

He felt her gently push at his chest, propelling him backwards out of the lift as he stumbled over his own feet trying to keep his lips in contact with her neck.

"Come on, Loverboy. You have the key?"

He broke contact as he patted himself down, fumbling to pull the key out of his pocket, and finally keying the door open. He reached for her again, pulling her into his arms with a long kiss, her lips tasting sweeter than ambrosia, before reaching an arm down and lifting her up into his arms spilling most of the bottle in his hands in the process. She gasped in surprise at his move, and he wondered briefly if he would drop her. He was just drunk enough to where he wasn't steady on his feet, but brave enough to try carrying her across the threshold.

His reflexes didn't fail him as he was able to traverse the main room without letting her fall, but far more importantly, without having to break the contact of his lips with hers. He found the bed by bumping into it, too intent on the kiss to bother looking for it. He tried to lay her gently on the bed, but it was more accurate to say they tumbled onto it as he let go of the ambrosia bottle. He groaned in defeat as his lips lost touch with hers.

She laughed at his failure to be graceful. "So that's how that phrase got started," she said but could not say any more as his lips found hers again. His hands searched through the ruffles to find her. He had the odd sensation of flying through the cloud cover of his home world, breaking through the mist to find Caprica City gleaming in the daylight.

"Home," he muttered breathlessly against her lips, before losing himself in the sensation again. His hands searched for her under all that fluff.

"Starbuck," she brought a soft hand up to stroke his face. "Handsome, it's going to take some effort to get me out of this dress."

"Mmm," he murmured into her lips before trailing kisses down to her neck, purring in her ear, "I like a challenge." His thumb snagged on a something, and a gem bit into his hand. He shook it free of the layer of silk. He reached around to her back, searching for the buttons or hooks while his lips pursued her pulse. He tried kissing in time to the beats while his hand fumbled for the lacings on the dress. His fingers couldn't quite grasp anything amongst the silk and stones.

He gave up trying to find the fastenings in the back as his lips followed down her collar bone, to the hollow of her neck and the path it led into that plunging neckline. He'd been dying all night to follow the invitation that neckline offered. He lingered there and she let him, sighing in pleasure as her own hands came up to run through his hair. He loved the feel of her skin and got his fill before dragging his lips away to retrace his path up to the hollow or her neck, then back to her lips.

Her voice was low as she grumbled, "There's too many clothes in the way. We have to stop, at least to get all this off before we ruin it."

"So what if we do?" he mused, leaving her lips to find the one spot just below her ear he knew would make her purr in contentment. He found it and felt her lose herself to the moment, arching her neck as she melted. He whispered, feeling her tremble at the breath in her ear, "Are you planning to wear it again?"

Her answer was a soft moan, "No."

She sighed as he kissed the spot again, before he hummed softly in her ear, "I'll just rip it off you."

"Starbuck," she sighed plaintively. "The IFB will kill me if we wreck this dress."

"I'll keep you safe from the IFB, from everyone," he murmured feeling her tremble at the veracity in his words. "You're all mine now and no one can hurt you."

Her hands left his hair to wrap around his neck tightly. She seemed to be hanging on for dear life as he felt the wave of emotion engulf her. He remained firm in his purpose, his lips softly kissing the spot where she was most vulnerable.

"I love you," he said, feeling the emotion sweep him into its whirlpool, pulling him down into depths he didn't want to escape. He felt her shiver before she held on even tighter. "It's alright, I'm not going anywhere without you," he murmured reassuringly.

He pulled back, knowing he was pushing her over an edge that would shatter her defenses and she might need time to regroup or she might bring up her walls and shut him out. He wanted to go over that wall with her. He reached a hand up to her cheek, gazing deeply in her eyes. A storm raged there, waves of trepidation and hope crashing together as she tried to ride through it.

"I love you," he said again trying to chase away the fear in her eyes. "You and me, we can do anything."

He saw the daybreak of optimism shine in her eyes before she closed them tight as if to hold it in and not lose it.

"I promise," he said, not totally sure what it was he was promising her, only that she needed to hear it. He kissed her and she didn't respond at first before melting into his arms. He needed her now more than ever. His hands searched again for the fastening to the dress, swift and sure as he found them, a lace binding, a hook, a button. It was a fortress maze back there. He was unsure what to do, keep kissing her or concede the loss and just rip the dress off her.

Her mumbled, "Ouch," into his lips as his medals raked across the exposed skin of her chest settled the debate. He rolled away.

"Frack, I give. How the hades do I get you out of that thing before those jewels slice me to shreds?"

"Very carefully. Apparently, I have good taste. This dress is worth thousands. Help me up, I can barely move in this thing."

He forced himself to his feet and reached out a hand hauling her up. She spun around, pulling her hair out of the way so he could make out how the dress closures worked.

"Okay, okay, I see now," he said, reaching for the lacings, but they were tied tight in a knot he couldn't get his half numb fumbling fingers around. He gave up and reached for the hook at the top hoping that would work. He was able to get it only by pulling so tight that Rene gasped. Next were the buttons, tiny things through fabric loops that his fingers just slid over. "Frak. I think I need some help here."

"I can't reach. You're going to have to…"

He ripped at the cord, breaking it where the knot held the strands together.

"Starbuck!" She spun looking at him in shock. "Thousands. Did I mention thousands of cubits?"

"I am not getting someone to help me get my own wife out of her wedding dress," he grumbled. "Now turn around." He spun her and reached for both sides of her dress, pulling hard in a swift movement as buttons sprayed him. "There," he proclaimed before reaching for his own tunic, not bothering to remove the medals or the cape, just yanking at the fastening at the neck and dragging the whole mess over his head as Rene slithered out of the confines of the dress. He reached out a hand to the marks the dress had left on her skin.

"They had it laced up too tight," he admonished.

"I'm a little bigger than when I first picked it up," she explained. "You're answering to Vanna about this."

"We can space the dress. You're never wearing it again, and Kalea, or Leia or Lara won't need a sealing dress. I'll have murdered all the boys interested in them." He sat down on the bed to undo his boots, watching as Rene shimmied out of her undergarments. She kicked at the mess of clothing before turning back to him, her skin glowing in the soft light of the suite. He reached out for her, his hands on her hips as he pulled her close, kissing her belly that was beginning to grow.

"I love you too," he said to the child within, "but close your eyes. You aren't going to want to see what I do to your mama."

"Ugh, don't call me that. You're killing the mood."

"Call you what? You are a mama, one hot mama." He kissed her belly again.

Rene laughed and shook her head. He thrilled at the sound wrapping his arms around her. He pulled her with him as he crawled his way back up the bed.

"Handsome, you still have pants on, and socks," she teased and he let go of her long enough to shed them, tossing the socks dramatically from the bed and letting them land where they may before wriggling out of his pants, kicking them off the bed.

"Now that's more like it," she purred.

"Yes, it is," he said pulling her to him, rolling over so she was beneath him. "And we have nothing but time to enjoy it. You earned this."

She laughed. "And what did I do to earn this treasure? Get us almost killed and a cylon torture session for good measure?"

The image of Rene struggling in the centurion's grasp slammed into him, knocking the air from his lungs as something crawled up his throat. He swallowed it down as the hard shiver shuddered up his spine. "Don't!" He growled around the cold lump of fear in his chest.

"I'm sorry," she whispered. A dark cloud rose up in her eyes and he felt the sharp pang of regret jab hard as he tried to catch his breath. He closed his eyes but that was no better as the image remained of her small body struggling against the shiny metal dragging her and strapping her down.

He jerked, opening his eyes at the soft touch on his cheek.

"Starbuck?"

"I don't want to talk about Caprica, not here, not ever."

The darkness in her eyes deepened as a wave of sorrow rose in them.

He shook his head, his own regret rising up. "I…I couldn't save you then and it kills me to think about it. I didn't care what they did to me. If you had…I don't know what I would do."

She tried to say something, probably to reassure him, but he didn't want to hear her words. They didn't help. He leaned down and cut off the words with a hard kiss, driving the fear from him, replacing it with the reality of her presence. They had lived, and they were here, in this moment together. This was real, he thought as her lips drove any thoughts from his head.

She dove into the wave of passion with him, one hand gripping his arm as another went around his neck pulling him into her. He let the ardor take over, the same wild impulse that once had him almost taking her on a beach in the middle of an operation to get water, or in the dome when afforded a centaur or two before a mission. He tried to focus on those memories, forcing out the others of her limp form at the bottom of a cliff, covered in dirt and rocks, her breath not moving her chest.

She was breathing hard now, and he trailed his lips down to her neck to feel her pulse pounding, music to his ears. The only fight now was the one he was having over whether to leave his lips on her neck feeling her pulse or to go back to her sweet lips. Her own lips pressed to his cheek, her breath in his ear resolved his dilemma as he settled into the familiar patterns of pleasure. He nuzzled into the hollow of her neck as his hands tried to touch all of her. His body took over and he was surprised to find himself inside her, gasping in unison with her at the sensation.

He let his instincts take the lead and he followed willingly, groaning as he threw his head back, engrossed in the feelings of pleasure that coursed through him. Her kisses on his neck seared away any visions he might have, replacing them with the haze of their combined heat. Her hands felt like the sparks from the wildfire they had run through to find safety. He gave in to that fire, letting it consume him as he moved within her

He didn't know how long he'd been lost when Rene's cries of passion brought him back to the present joining her cries with those of his own before he collapsed into her arms. He was suddenly bone weary tired. He softly kissed her neck, tamping down the flames of passion as Rene caught her breath. She still held on tight and he liked the feeling of her there, a part of him. He found himself murmuring, "I love you," over and over as his eyes closed, too heavy to stay open. He felt her shift beneath him, and tried to open his eyes to see what might be the problem, but then he felt the covers shift as she tried to toss them over his shoulders. He reached for them absently, rolling to wrap the two of them up together against the cold of the world before he gave in to his body's desires once again.

He didn't know how long he had slept when he woke, insanely thirsty. Rene was still in his arms, nestled into his chest like she had been made to be there. Had he been missing a part of himself for yahrens and just didn't know it? Well he had her now. He held her there for a few more moments until the thirst demanded he find something to drink or he might die. "Not a bad way to go, but today I have something to live for," he mused as he tried to gently extricate himself from the covers so he wouldn't wake his wife. They were both so wrapped up it was nearly impossible and he had to roll away from Rene, but she just sighed and nestled in deeper not waking.

He tripped over the sealing dress as he headed for the turbo, his feet slipping on the small buttons on the floor as he chuckled at the ruin of it. "Can't wait for Vanna to see." He imagined just leaving the dress here for the cleaning staff to find instead of the IFB. "Would serve her right."

He took care of his body's insistent needs in the turbo before wrapping the robe around himself. He still wore his chrono, and he checked the time seeing that it was fairly late in the morning. They had slept long and hard, which would explain why his stomach was now grumbling. He walked softly to the main room of the suite, searching for a communicator to order up some food. He admired the rooms again as he searched. Rene had really won the pot on this one. Well worth the trade of having to put up with the IFB and the fleet to get a few days alone in the lap of luxury.

He found the communicator console near the door and ordered up a large breakfast, with a whole pot of java and asked if they could send up some painkillers as well. He considered the opulent sofas and waiting here for the food to arrive, but as luxurious as they looked, he would rather enjoy the warmth of the large bed and the wonders it held. He kept the robe on as he tried to slip back under the covers, pulling Rene to him. She was warm and compliant in her slumber and he breathed in the lovely scent of her as he trailed soft fingers up her arm, tracing the names she had inked on her arm.

His fingers found the small indentation of where the Cylon port had been. The doc said it would fill in and fade in time but it had cut out a portion of the name of her older brother, eliminating the N and the I of Daniel, sown together now as Dael. His own scar itched as if in sympathy with hers. It was one of the few times that he'd been able to go first, to pave the way and help make things easier for her. They had done a better job removing Rene's implants, learning from the mistakes they made with him. The doctors hadn't admitted that outright, Paye being just as cryptic as Salik, but Cassie had shared the truth, knowing Starbuck well enough that he would rather face the odds than be deceived.

"The sensation may never come back fully in your hands. It damaged your nerves and sometimes they regenerate with the treatments and sometimes they don't."

The numbness and tingling left him a little clumsy, but he figured that just took his excellent coordination down to average. It was a trade he didn't regret if it meant that Rene was alive and doing better than himself. He didn't notice it much anymore, until moments like this when he wanted to feel something delicate like Rene's skin.

While he waited for breakfast, he traced the names on her arm, realizing he knew about most of the stories of how they had died and what they had meant to Rene. He lingered for a moment on the name of Rene's old beau. It was inked in red that unlike the others had not faded. She must have etched the name more than a few times to make it as bright and bold as it was.

He wondered briefly if Rene had fit into the man's arms as nicely as she fit in his? The thought made him realize he didn't know what the man had looked like. He could picture all the others, even though he'd only seen holos of a few, and met only one of them. But Kenan was a mystery. Was he tall and dark like Nik, or short and fair like Jake? What world did he come from? Rene had spoken little of him and Starbuck hadn't wanted to ask. He was jealous of the man. He wanted to be sorry the guy was dead, but he wasn't. Kenan's death led to Rene being with Starbuck. "Sorry mate, but the girl's mine now," he thought, but added to assuage his guilt, "I'll take good care of her for you."

He forced his fingers away from the name to the bare patches of skin. Where would his name go when he didn't return from a patrol or another suicidal mission he and Apollo dreamed up to save the fleet? It was a morbid thought, but also a possible reality. In a weird way, he hoped that's how he would go, saving the fleet and his family. He wanted Rene to outlive him because at this moment, he couldn't imagine his life without her. If she went first, he would be the one coming up with a suicidal mission, and he always succeeded in his objectives.

It made him pause and consider Apollo and those horrible sectons after Serina's death. Boxey was the only thing that could bring any life to his friend's eyes and stir him out of his solitude of mourning. When he did come back to life a little, Apollo wasn't the same as before. He took the most dangerous missions and shouldered all the risk. Starbuck had been shocked when Cassie shouted at him before they snuck onto the base star, "Why does it always have to be you?" He had thought she understood. It had to be him or else Apollo wouldn't return. Starbuck represented the fate Apollo would be assigning to Boxey without his father, just another orphan in the system that might turn out just as reprehensible as Starbuck. He had to be there to help Apollo remember that fact and make sure he returned.

If Rene went first, would Rene's kids be enough to make Starbuck want to come back? He doubted that they would be. Each kid had multiple guardians assigned to prevent them having to be sent over to the Orphan ship. They didn't need him like Boxey had needed Apollo. Plus, Starbuck wasn't sure he could be around Rene's kids without looking them in the eye. It was hard even now sometimes to look at Kiff, his features so like their old sadistic commander, but with eyes identical to Rene's. Without her, Starbuck wouldn't be able to do it. No, he had to go first or else join her shortly after on that voyage into the unknown.

He stepped away from that thought, focusing instead on choosing where he would like his name to go. Near her wrist for all to see next to Ari's name or on the soft skin inside her upper arm so he would rest next to her heart? He traced his name on both places, trying it on for size. Next to Ari seemed logical as he had been there when he died. It was his fault actually. But Rene shivered next to him when he tickled the sensitive skin inside her arm, and she moved away a little. "So right there then," he thought smiling, imagining him tickling her even after he was gone. He swept his fingers over the spot again, and in her sleep, she sighed in irritation.

The chiming of the door brought her all the way awake as she looked around in confusion.

"Shhh," he soothed her. "It's just breakfast. I'll go get it. You stay here."

She mumbled agreement, running a hand over her face.

The old man nearly leered at him as he wheeled the cart in. Starbuck recognized him as the host for the Astral Lounge.

"I hope your night went well," the older man said and held out his hand for a tip, before eyeing the robe and dropping his hand for the data pad. "If you could just sign here."

"The IFB is paying for this," Starbuck said not taking the pad.

"So, it seems," the man lingered for a moment before Starbuck nodded his head to the door.

"Honeymoon suite," Starbuck said in the way of explanation.

"Yes, right. We don't have many of those anymore, not like before. If you'll excuse me."

Starbuck waited until the man was out the door before he removed the covers to keep the food warm. He was getting used to the good life, courtesy of Rene's shopping excursions and the Copper Squadron's hydroponics endeavors, but this was an unexpected treat. Fresh ovums, fried over easy, with a bovine steak on the side seared to perfection. Various jams and something that looked like honey for the toast, and the best part, waffles. He remembered back to Peryton's mountain home and the only time on Caprica that Jake came close to cracking a smile, when he found the makings for them. "The best days start with waffles."

"Yes they do little brother," he said to himself as he wheeled the cart into the bedroom. Rene was still curled up in bed, trying to hang on to sleep. He sighed in contentment. When he had first met her, she ate little, slept even less, and the only thing she did in abundance was drink, swear and issue surly "yes sirs". He'd vowed to change all that. Mission accomplished. She kept mostly regular hours including a decent amount of sleep, ate almost as much as she should, and only swore occasionally and when needed, like now, as she grumbled at being woken when he fluffed up a pillow and then placed a plate upon the bed.

"Frak, what time is it? What are you doing?" she mumbled sleepily.

"I've only done this once before and I really liked it. I intend to do this for the three days we are here."

"Do what?" she cracked her eyes open, and her nose followed the smell of food.

"Breakfast in bed, courtesy of the IFB." He placed another plate on the bed, handing her a fork as she tried to pull herself to a sitting position in her tangle of covers and curls. She brushed back at her hair absently as she took the fork, diving in before he was back under the covers.

"Java?" she mumbled around a mouthful of toast.

"A whole pot." He went to get up to bring her some, but she waved him down and slid out of her tangle of sheets to find the pot. He enjoyed the sight of watching her stand there nude pouring two cups.

"I have a plan for the next three days," he said, "and it entails not wearing any clothes."

"Oh really," she smiled at him dreamily as she handed him his own mug of java.

"Really." He smiled in satisfaction. "Did you have other arrangements made? You had better cancel your plans. You are all mine."

"I don't think we can sit at the chancery tables naked," she said as she slid gingerly back under the covers trying not to spill her Java.

"I thought we could gamble another time." He took a sip of the fresh brewed java, letting it warm him up.

He looked to see Rene staring at him.

"What?"

"Who are you and what did you do with my husband the infamous Starbuck, King of the Chancery and Wearer of Gold Clusters?"

"He has the only prize he needs right here." He held up his mug to her before taking another drink. Yes, he could get used to living the good life.


	101. Chapter 101

Another R rated chapter…don't read if you don't like romance in the extreme.

That satisfied smile was addictive. It spoke of victory and defeating the odds. She admired the sight of Starbuck lounging in the large bed in the soft gold robe with a breakfast fit for a king arranged around him. "Is this what heaven will be like, because this would be what I would wish for," she mused. The only sign that he might be a little hung over was the full mug of java he chugged down, and that he actually left some of the ovums behind once the runny yolks had bled yellow all over the rest of the plate.

Famished from not eating much the day before, she tried to keep up with him, but it didn't take much to fill her up, and the plates had been overflowing. She concentrated on the waffles, wondering when she might be able to have them again. The ingredients were hard to get. The Galactica mess tried to make something that resembled waffles, but the mess was notorious for food that appeared to be real while still tasting like ashes mixed with oil. Ironically, it was representative of most of her life. It looked like something good, but then wasn't real or lasting.

Closing her eyes around a bite of waffle with honey and jam, she prayed, "Please. I know I don't deserve this, but don't take it away so quickly this time. Just a yahren, that's all I'm asking. More would be nice, but I won't be greedy. Just a yahren, please." She blinked back a tear as she tried to let the moment loosen the tightness in her chest.

"You okay?" Starbuck asked. She opened her eyes and tried to nod without looking at him. He was too good at reading her and she wanted him to enjoy his rewards for surviving Caprica.

"Hey, look at me."

She would have fled to the turbo making some excuse if she could, but the plates all around the bed made that next to impossible without breaking something. She didn't want to ruin this for him. He deserved to be the hero today, so she blinked hard trying to clear her eyes. Before she could, his finger was under her chin, lifting her face so he could get a look.

"Good days start with waffles," he said trying to turn up the voltage of his smile.

She nodded and tried to smile back.

"What's wrong? You don't like the ovums? I like mine over hard, but…" He paused, then dropped his attempt at being cheerful. "Talk to me so I don't think you're regretting sealing with a bad bet."

"Oh, no, nothing like that," she said as something cracked inside her chest spilling out its contents and choking her. She shrugged and tried to find the words to tell him she wasn't used to something as simple as happiness. The feeling never stayed long. Any good times were so quickly followed by crisis and heartache. She opened her lips to speak, but she couldn't find her voice, and then he was leaning towards her, softly kissing her, his fingers gently stroking her jawline.

He pulled back and her heart crackled like it was ice breaking.

"No worrying today, okay?" He read her thoughts once again and she marveled at how he did that. "It was a good party and everyone enjoyed themselves. The kids are happy and safe and even Jake had a good time. I think I saw the kid actually smile, and Nik," Starbuck nodded his head as if in wonder. "Nik held a conversation that was about something other than music. Apollo was drunk. Do you have any idea how hard that is to accomplish?"

She shook her head. That had been oddly strange and a bit unnerving to see the serious Colonel, telling stupid jokes, slurring his words and stumbling on the dance floor. He had looked younger than when he was the overly responsible solemn teen she had known on Caprica.

Starbuck continued, his voice tinged with awe. "Damn near impossible. It only happens when I trick him, or everything is going really right, as in duties finished, the populace fed, and the skies clear of the enemy kind of right. If he can give in to a little fun, then you can too."

He was right and she tried to swallow down the relief that instead of making her feel joy, for some reason made her want to cry.

"Hey, come here." He moved the plates that were between them off to the table beside the bed, then reached to pull her into his arms. She laid her head on his chest and tried to let the sense of security envelop her.

"I know," he said stroking her back and resting his chin on her head. "You've carried a lot. You don't have to carry it alone. I'm here."

His chest felt safe and warm, and she tried to speak to make him understand. She looked up to him as the line from an old poem she learned in school came to mind and she quoted, "Nothing gold can stay."

She regretted the words as soon as they left her lips. Starbuck closed his eyes and sighed, his smile fading. He nodded before he looked down on her. "So, we enjoy it while it's here and we try to make it stay for as long as we can, okay? No need to rush into the darkness, it comes for us soon enough. Let's try to stay in the light."

Sighing and trying to let it go, she allowed his golden goodness to surround her, offering up a kiss to seal the deal. He took the agreement and turned it into something more. She let him distract her from her worries as her hands explored his chest, loving the feel of the hard muscles, the defined edges to him, the solidness of his arms and his ribs. This was real and here and now. Then there was the slight shiver that traveled up his chest that was followed by a light gasp of surprise when she touched him. It reminded her to go slow and soft. He wasn't used to being touched and the slight ripple of the hairs on his arms reassured her that he did understand. Like for her, touch had not always been pleasant. He had to let his defenses down before he could give in to the sensation, but when he surrendered to it, it was a complete retreat of his wariness. He gave in to her touch, and soon Starbuck was rolling her to her back and taking over. His kisses deepened, hoping to send them both into a moment of desire when the door chimed.

He groaned as they tried to ignore it. It rang again, but she had no intention of answering the door for fear it might be the IFB. Starbuck was determined not to let it distract him, but then the chime rang in a rhythmic pattern she thought she recognized.

Starbuck pulled back rolling his eyes as he groaned softly, "It's Apollo."

"Better answer it then," she said knowing it was probably the only person that would make Starbuck change his trajectory of the course he was plotting.

"Yeah, might be important." He pulled his robe back closed before he dragged himself from the covers and headed for the door. "Don't go anywhere," he said to her.

She nodded, but at soon as she heard the door open and Apollo's voice as he entered the suite, she headed for the turbo to clean up at least a little and find her own robe. She just couldn't take the idea of being naked in a chamber that held Apollo, even if the sheets covered her up. Even the robe felt too exposed, especially as she took a look at herself and the smeared mascara and tangle of curls telling the tale of how she had spent her night. She washed her face and found a brush to run through her hair, getting the curls in some semblance of order before she came out and headed for the main room as she heard the two talking.

Starbuck held out his arm beckoning her to his side, offering the protection he sensed she needed.

"He brought us the Proteus ambrosia Robber gifted me at my send off."

"And to thank you for a wonderful party. I had a little too much fun," Apollo said, glancing up at the lights of the chamber and wincing. "We're all headed back and I just wanted to let you know that Jason and Cain are coming over to the Zakar with me for a few cycles. Boxey invited them and Lara wanted to come, but I thought the boys needed some time to get settled and be boys. The Zakar has a triad court that needs refurbishing, and I thought they could help to set up some of the chambers for your family."

"I thought we were waiting until after Cain's in the training program. That's about two or three sectons away." She looked up to Starbuck for confirmation.

"No harm in getting things set up before, is there? It would make it easier on the kids if we have it ready for them, right?" He looked excited at the prospect and she nodded, not wanting to take that away from him. She was already dreading being in the smaller corridors and tighter compartments of the battle cruiser, especially that ship. She had seen too many bunks on the Zakar, hid in too many corners and fought in too many corridors. A stray thought ricocheted in her mind, who would take Dante's chambers? She couldn't stand the thought of Apollo in Dante's bed, as if the evil would ooze all over the kind man as he slept. It was the stuff of horror vids. But if anyone could fight off that malicious ghost, it was Apollo.

"My father said to enjoy yourselves, you've earned it. The IFB is still streaming vid of the sealing and the party and he's declared a celebration this evening. Kind of a fleet wide honeymoon. So, if you two could let the IFB get a holo of…"

Starbuck cut him off curtly, "Nope."

"I think they are just looking for a shot of you two at dinner or…"

"Nope. Not going to happen." Starbuck tightened his grip on her as Apollo tried to plead the IFB's case.

"For the fleet, nothing too staged, just you enjoying the chancery or…"

"Nope," Starbuck said again.

"I'm sure you could work out a deal beneficial to you. The IFB has coin and…"

"Not for all the cubits in the fleet," Starbuck stated gruffly before softening, "and besides, I'm not sure it would be wholesome family entertainment to see us enjoying that meal naked in bed. The desert might get us all in trouble, am I right, buddy?"

Apollo sighed. "Starbuck, I swear. I thought marriage might mellow you out a little, but you are as incorrigible as ever."

"And don't you forget it." Starbuck swept his hand to indicate the door. "Unless you would like to see how we eat breakfast in bed, minus our robes, I suggest you go."

Apollo shook his head. "I had to try for my father's sake. Sorry I intruded," he said to Rene, then turned to Starbuck. "Don't break anything and get it out of your system. I don't want to come around corners on my own ship and find you…well…being you. We eat meals on the Zakar fully clothed."

"One of the first things I'll change once I'm Strike Wing Captain."

"Sorry I gave you ideas," Apollo said as he winked at Rene. "Have fun. See you in a few cycles."

Once the door closed behind him, she relaxed and let out the breath she'd been holding. "Thank you."

"No problem. You worked out a deal, and you honored it. I think it's the first time you haven't cheated, am I right?" he teased.

She shook her head. "It doesn't count as cheating if I don't get caught."

"I know a few people who might disagree with you. I'm not one of them, but…" He turned them back taking a few steps towards the bed chamber. "Wow, we made a mess."

"You mean you did. You're the one who was flinging clothes everywhere," she teased back.

"No worries of that today. There won't be any clothes. Strip pyramid will be a short game, just a robe to wager. Shall we finish breakfast? And then we'll move on to lunch, then dinner." He pulled her around in front of him, leaning down to kiss her as his hands deftly slid the robe from her shoulders. "Mmm, delicious."

He dropped his own robe and she couldn't resist sliding her hands up his chest as her eyes traveled down his body. "Damn tasty," she purred and almost yelped as he reached to pick her up in his arms, wrapping her legs around him.

"The bed is that way," she tilted her head towards it but Starbuck just growled as he settled her on him in his arms.

"Who needs a bed," he stated into her neck as she gasped, feeling strangely embarrassed for a moment as she realized just behind his back had been where Apollo stood. It felt oddly wrong, as if Starbuck's friend was watching. She had fracked too many times that way, someone else in the room enjoying the entertainment. The memories threatened to intrude upon what was happening there with Starbuck and she held on, leaning into him, letting his golden goodness chase the evil thoughts away.

"You are so light," he said, as if concern and craving were warring together in his words as he held her there easily while he tried something new. She held on, forcing herself to give in to the carnal desire. He was strong and barely struggled to shift her how he wanted. It didn't take long for him to collapse on to the bed with her, but it barely halted his attempt at finding his gratification. Once she felt the bed safely at her back, she forgot to be shy, lending her support to his aims. She reached the point of pleasure before him, unable to hold back and it drove them both to cry out.

He was panting hard once they were done. "So that was my exercise for the day," he quipped.

It made her laugh. "I thought we were relaxing today?"

"Yeah, so did I."

The door chimed again, and Starbuck groaned loudly before shouting, "Go away!"

"Housekeeping," a voice answered.

"Is there anywhere in this fleet where we won't be interrupted?" he grumbled.

"We should clean up a little. I'm still covered in glitter." Starbuck actually rolled his eyes in exasperation, but she sweetened the pot. "There is that bathing tub you haven't tried out yet."

It was obvious with his grudging acceptance that he intended to be a spoiled child today insisting things go his way. "Fine. They should get the dishes I guess, but if that door chimes again and it's not food or drink, I am going to go ballistic. This is my honeymoon too and I intend to spend it in that bed doing things I have only dreamed of."

He planted a kiss on her cheek before pulling away, getting to his feet, stalking a few steps to find his robe, jabbing his arms into it and angrily tossing his robe closed. Rene was impressed that despite all the alcohol he'd had in the last couple of cycles and the stress of the sealing, he was still thinking they could do more than sleep the day away.

She quickly got up, scrambling for her robe, afraid he'd let the staff in before she'd disappeared into the turbo. She just had time to check the temperature of the tub and get the water jets going before the door opened to Starbuck coming in with clean towels in his hand.

"I gave them fifteen centons and made them show me how to turn off the door chime. I told them to send up some ambrosia and they'd better have more when they knock on the door again," he growled, tossing the towels on the counter before dropping his robe again.

She shook her head at his petulant mood, noting that he and Kiff had a lot in common. They both liked to throw a fit when things didn't go their way. Starbuck turned to get a look at himself in the mirror rubbing at his face, his daily check if he actually needed to shave. There had to be Pisceron in his bloodline somewhere as he wasn't as hairy as the typical Caprican. He seemed to decide against meeting the Colonial requirement today, turning away to look to her.

Her eyes appraised his body, a little on the lean side of Warrior requirements that spoke of yahrens of getting just enough to survive, and not much more. She hoped to change that in the future. With the Galactica's database of planets on their route that had supplies, added with the knowledge that she could now get shuttles and tankers through her rift with enough energy, she should be able to find enough food. They could keep the fleet going for yahrens, or better yet, finish this pointless voyage with a planetary system with enough supplies to make them all fat and happy. She tried to imagine Starbuck with a bit more meat on his bones.

"My eyes are up here, darlin'," he teased with that half smile he got before he did something dangerous.

"Well if you insist on being naked, don't expect me to ignore the view," she joked back.

"And what do I get in return for you taking liberties?"

"A warm bath and a fresh towel. Now let's try to get off those kisses Crius left on your chest."

Starbuck looked down, having forgotten the evidence of his send off shenanigans. Rene had not mentioned them before, so he assumed they had faded, but they were just as bold as before.

"Please tell me they are not permanent. I have a triad competition coming up."

"They'll be there a while I'm afraid, but we can hurry up the process with the right chemicals, but your skin will peel and I'm not sure the viewers on the IFB would like that any better."

"Oh great. I'm going to kill him."

Rene softened the anger that was growing by standing up and dropping her own robe to the floor before stepping into the warm tub. "Joining me?"

"Now how can I turn down such a gorgeous invitation? Just let me enjoy the view for a moment." He leaned back against the counter and his eyes turning dark and deep as his mind seemed to go elsewhere. He'd been doing that a lot lately, ever since Caprica, replaying some horror vid that was only in his head. She knew it had to be more than what had happened to him with the Cylons, or what had happened to her. He'd been avoiding the kids ever since he laid eyes upon that slave camp. She didn't remember going back into the corridors of the torture facility, but Jake had told her she did, that it was her that pulled five other children from the building. Jake was convinced that seeing the kids in that cell had broken something inside Starbuck.

"He just stood there for a centon staring. He was seeing them, but seeing something else too. Then it was like he was hit by a bolt of electricity and he was moving, but his mind wasn't engaged. He was somewhere else," Jake had explained.

She suspected that moment tapped something in his memory from his childhood and the thorn forest of Umbra. He'd not been the same since before that slave camp and she wondered when he would come back to himself. How much ambrosia would it take? Would she be able to slip away so she could go back and get more?

"Starbuck, the water's going to get cold." She prompted him to move with the lie, but she had to say it twice before he pulled himself away from the counter and climbed into the tub, reaching for her. It was his reaction each time his eyes went dark, to need to reach out and hold her to remind himself this wasn't a dream.

He remained quiet and she wished they had brought a bottle with them into the bath to help chase away these new demons with some of his old ones he had wrestled with before. She thought to leave him in his silence, but it was unnatural and unnerving from the normally talkative man she knew. She struggled to think of a topic to discuss that might entice him back to his happy go lucky self. She didn't want to talk about the Zakar or their upcoming move. Maybe triad or maybe the baby?

"So, are you still insisting on the name Adama for the baby?" she asked hoping to break his reverie. "It's going to be a funny name for a girl."

"Is it a girl?" he asked, leaning down to rest his lips on the nape of her neck.

"I'm just saying if it is a girl, you might need another name."

"Addie then, but you know what it is, don't you?" He began to hum into her neck.

Her shoulders relaxed as she sensed he was losing himself back into another one of his other obsessions, lust. It was a demon they were both friends with, not a bad one to have around sometimes.

"No," she lied. "And if I did, I'm not telling. You deserve a surprise."

"Oh, you are full of surprises. I think I have had more than my fair share with you. I think you surprised us all by getting me to seal with you." He continued to give her neck soft little kisses.

"That was all you, handsome. This wasn't my idea." She tilted her head to let him have easier access to her most vulnerable spots, giving in to the gentleness that was so new and intoxicating.

"Oh, and do you want out now?" She knew he was teasing, but it still sent a shiver of dread through her.

"No," she said softly, not sure how much more she could take, but knowing that when Starbuck was intent on a mission of subtle seduction, it was best to let him lead or she might chase him away back into the dark thoughts that haunted him. She reached a hand to lightly stroke the arm that was around her. "Never."

"You sure," he left a tantalizing kiss on her pulse, nipping lightly at it as it jumped.

"Yes," she sighed the word, while telling her brain to go take a smoke break somewhere else.

"For how long?" He laid a hot trail of deep kisses up her neck to her ear.

"As long as you want." She gave the scripted answer before amending it. "I'm not letting you go. Ever."

"What's it going to be like?" he purred and she guessed what he was after. Like the children, he liked to hear the fairy tale of the happily ever after. That was okay because she liked to tell it, hoping like hades she could make it happen for all of them. The dream gave them all something to cling to on the cold nights in space.

"Lazy secton end days laying in the sun. A home by a lake with fish and birds. The mountains in the background and a wide-open sky."

"How many more?" He kissed the spot behind her ear that always made her shiver.

"Lots of days until you die of old age from smoking too many fumarellos on the front porch." She smiled at the image of Starbuck as a crusty old man still chasing after kids and flirting with young women.

"How many more children?" he clarified his statement and she wondered about telling him the truth, that she wanted to be done having kids. She had fulfilled her quota to add to the survival of the human race, but she knew Starbuck wanted to be in the fantasy, not the truth.

"Five or six. Seven maybe. More than you can handle. Girls to drive you crazy when they start to date, and boys to wear you out with all their energy and mischief."

"Mmm," he purred in satisfaction and she told the story of their future home in some far-off mythical place known as Earth. Sometimes she wanted to curse Adama for having created the fable to keep the human race together. He'd sold most of the Galactica warriors on it, but the fantasy didn't work as well on those from Dante's fleet. She had lived the reality for a few yahrens of the tale. No one really talked about the nitty gritty realities of starting over. The story usually just ended with finding Earth, as if everything would be set up ready and waiting for them.

What was left out were the cold nights in tents while they worked from sun up to sun down trying to build homes from raw materials, rough hewn logs and mud for walls, and forays into a dangerous forest to cut firewood to heat those shoddy homes. Then there were the days slogging in the mud to put in crops that often failed as they were unfamiliar with the seasons and not having the time to wait with a populace to feed. On top of that, the endless patrols to keep the Cylons off their backs and their home safe while they were exposed on the ground setting up defenses. Then came the search for more resources, the digging into the ground for ores, the processing that was tedious and terrifying. The days of lounging in the sun were few and far between.

But she would still take all that in trade and give up the cold confines of ships in space, so she told the tale, pretending to buy in to Adama's fable. She gave into it because it worked. It kept away the harsh reality that none of them may ever see Earth. It chased away the darkness in Starbuck's eyes so that a new dawn of hope could rise. That was the fairy tale she could believe in, his eyes.

She had seen them in her dreams. Even when with Keenan, his golden-brown eyes would suddenly turn sparkling blue and she would pull back in surprise only to find them brown again. In her dreams, she'd find herself looking up to someone, and the blue eyes would be there, shining like beacons in the sky guiding her. When she found Kobol, it was his blue eyes that had pointed the way, and when they came upon Dilmun, the blue of the first few planets of the system were his eyes shining. Now they were hers, to gaze upon anytime she wished. She was going to hold onto them and make them shine if she could.

"And we'll make our own ambrosia and grow our own tabbac. You can roll your own fumarellos and feast on fresh fruit every morning. We'll make a tub like this one that we can lounge in every night before going to bed in our own home, with a window in the roof looking up on the stars, and fire in the hearth crackling."

"Mmmm," he murmured into her neck as his hands began to explore the feel of her in the water.

He was unmindful that there were people in the other room as he made love to her, spilling water everywhere. She laughed at each splash and he interpreted her laughter as encouragement to continue.

After, he lingered there in the tub and she wondered if he had fallen asleep as he leaned back with his eyes closed. She tried not to disturb him as she ducked under the water, getting her hair wet and to begin washing away the curls. Her hair had gotten long in the past sectars and she hadn't seen a reason to cut it since the Galactica was lax on the military requirements Dante had demanded, making her wonder if he had crafted those pages of the manual to fit his tastes. She could see where long hair might be a safety hazard, but nothing that couldn't be fixed with a braid. She intended to follow Sheba's example and keep it growing, just to see if she could. She startled when she felt Starbuck's fingers trail down her shoulder, and turned back to him.

"I liked the curls," he said wistfully.

"I can put them in again. They took a while though. Not practical."

He merely grunted at her words while he lazily trailed his fingers on her skin, before he too slid under the water, coming up and flipping his wet hair back. He held out his hand for the soap and she gave it to him, watching him as he washed up his own hair before dipping under again to rinse it, then settling back again and reaching for her to bring her into his arms.

They stayed that way until a knock on the door followed by a soft "We're done," let them know the cleaning staff was leaving. Starbuck shouted, "Thank you. Lock the door on your way out."

"We should get out before you get all wrinkly," she said but made no move to leave his arms.

"Not yet. There's no hurry, and you lied. The water doesn't get cold."

She didn't reply, just let him hold her and tried not to wonder when they might get to experience this again, if ever. It was hers for now and that was enough.


	102. Chapter 102

Adama's Journals –

The sealing was a success with only a few minor hiccups, fortunately many of those not seen by the whole fleet as the IFB demonstrated some discretion. I suspect that may have been my threat of cutting off their transmission if anything was viewed that might put any Colonial Warriors in a bad light. Or perhaps it was the blessing of the members of the Council of Twelve to the whole affair as they were looking for a reason to celebrate and to be seen by the fleet.

Not surprising, the biggest incident was caused by Rene's close friend, a tense moment when many thought the young man might be stealing away the bride, at least that was my concern. I had witnessed Starbuck trying to confer with Rene's friend before the ceremony. Jake had a scowl on his features for most of the day. It occurred to me that I have not seen a smile on the young man's face except when he was in the Officer's Club playing his guitar, or while interacting with his own children or adopted teens. Otherwise he is a closed off individual, not prone to displays of emotion except where Rene may be concerned.

Starbuck has made an effort to draw out all of the Copper Squadron to great success. In his absence on Caprica, I attempted to follow his lead, and while not as productive as Starbuck's efforts, I have been rewarded with a better understanding of his new family. Several have become more relaxed in my presence and are more engaging with the warriors from the Galactica, but there is more progress to be made. Starbuck has put in extra effort to gain Jake's trust since Caprica, taking to calling the young warrior his brother.

So we all watched with mixed emotions as Jake bolted down the aisle towards Rene. It was a mystery to many what was going to occur, but thankfully it was merely a dramatic gesture for Starbuck's benefit, making a show of giving Rene away to her new husband.

The celebration after was a roaring success and I must reassess my opinions of many of the Copper Squadron. They were gracious hosts making sure all their guest's needs were satisfied before their own. They have made their own alliances among the populace of our fleet.

Everyone was enjoying themselves when the Groom and his bride snuck away. I had thought to speak to Starbuck before he made his escape, if nothing else to express how proud I am of him and his new maturity. He seems to have finally found his place in the universe, a purpose he had not perhaps considered before that suits him well. But Siress Tinia suggested I save my words for another time and let the happy couple make their exit. She was correct, they have done enough for everyone else's benefit. It was their time to enjoy their well earned rewards.

As the fleet recovers from the miracle of a rogue hot shot pilot choosing the steady path of monogamy, I have carved time for all of us to reflect back on our journey and the one that is ahead of us. We move forward with more, not only with the added members to our fleets, but more added to our hearts. It is what makes us human. Though the enemy may challenge us and diminish our numbers, they can not extinguish our spirit. In the words of the Fabulon Four, love is all we need.

No, I am not so addled as to think that is all we need to survive, but it is a beginning. Peryton has been researching Rene's abilities with some assurances that what she accomplishes is based in scientific fact not fiction. In time, we may be able to replicate her abilities. However, it brings up many questions of the ethical nature. Will the Cylons continue to follow us no matter how far we go? Would we be bringing danger down upon other worlds? And what is out there waiting for us? Will there be another enemy stronger than the Cylons, or will we find a civilization capable of protecting our people?

Far too many questions. For now, we take the journey one step at a time, united as one fleet with the hope for a better future. We have come full circle from the hopes of our ancestors who scribed the book of the word. We go forward into the stars with the mandate to increase and multiply.

At the sealing celebration, Apollo shared with me his plan for bringing the Copper Squadron over to the Zakar and his proposal he will be making to the Council, that he and his crew be allowed to begin exploring the route ahead of the fleet, paving a safer path for our people. I know what he really desires, to use Rene's ability to shorten the journey, but I suspect that once we reach our destination, Apollo's thirst for uncharted space will drive him beyond Earth. While I recognize it is also what makes us human, the curiosity that must be fulfilled, I am becoming an old man and wish to keep my children close. But I suppose children must grow up and move away in time.

I am tempted to demand the Copper Squadron remain on the Galactica. I have come to cherish the children and the chaotic mess they bring to our corridors. I remind myself that they will only be a ship away, at least for a time, and while I will miss Starbuck's new family, they move forward with my blessing. May they find a home and a happy future, one in which we all may join.


End file.
